Ace of Spades HQ

May 27, 2011

By The Way: Christina Hendricks Is Hot
— Ace

I guess I didn't telegraph this enough, but I was kidding when I said I might not "hit" Christina Hendricks.

It looks like two polar bears in a Greco-Roman wrestling match.

I didn't have an "I'd hit that like..." joke so I went the other way and pretended she wasn't hot. I thought it would be obvious I was kidding.

I've written fan fic for an attempted Firefly spin-off series I call Saffron: Intergalactic Space Whore (Moderate Content Warning).

I know I didn't telegraph this because people are still asking, "Dude, do you not think she's hot?" So it's on me.

So, for the record: She's hot.

I'd hit that with the berserker fury of a dozen Norsemen. I'd hit that so hard she'd sing the aaa-aaa chorus of The Immigrant Song.

I'd hit that I like I turned a Bag of Holding inside-out and dropped it into a Portable Hole.

Hitting that would fill me with such transcendental bliss the final three seasons of Lost would seem like time well spent.

I'd hit that so hard Disney would make an amusement ride out of it, and then, 20 years later, they'd make a series of four increasingly-tedious films about it starring whoever plays Johnny Depp in the year 2031.

I'd hit that so hard Dominique Strauss-Kahn would turn to me and say, "That was completely out of line." I'd hit that so hard Bernard Henry-Levi would convince Barack Obama to launch a limited kinetic action against my nards.

Posted by: Ace at 08:48 PM | Comments (574)
Post contains 266 words, total size 2 kb.

1 I am so disappoint.

Christina Hendricks is nasty.

Posted by: pirate of the perineum at May 27, 2011 08:50 PM (6yMUJ)

2 the hopper likes the ginger...

Posted by: D. Hopper at May 27, 2011 08:50 PM (66Dby)

3 WTF does Christina Hendricks have to do with Jeff Conaway being dead?

Loose change on teh linky.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 08:51 PM (/U/Mr)

4 Did you also have a crush on Jeff Conway ? 'Coz that's where the first link goes.

Posted by: MetaThought at May 27, 2011 08:51 PM (KEzkT)

Yes. She is.

But a dead Jeff Conaway, not so much.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at May 27, 2011 08:51 PM (Wh0W+)

6 3 WTF does Christina Hendricks have to do with Jeff Conaway being dead?

Loose change on teh linky.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 28, 2011 12:51 AM

Maybe he died of suffocation

Posted by: kbdabear at May 27, 2011 08:52 PM (vdfwz)

7 I'm a little less sanguine about the italics tho...

Posted by: D. Hopper at May 27, 2011 08:53 PM (66Dby)

8 Lay off the Valu-Rite for minute to fix the link Ace.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 08:53 PM (/U/Mr)

9 THERE ya go.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at May 27, 2011 08:53 PM (Wh0W+)

10 I don't think she's so great. I'll bet those things are fake.

Posted by: Kay Parker at May 27, 2011 08:55 PM (uaEZS)

11 TITTIES!

Posted by: 15 year old boys everywhere at May 27, 2011 08:56 PM (hF6Nm)

12 Oh, Susanna Hoffs and now this Big Fake Boobed Ginger???

You cheating bastard, you just wanted me for my money, not my mind!!!!

I thought you were being like considerate and all, you know, like not asking me like silly stuff about HER ...

You were like all quiet, I was just like getting the really hawt stuff on, and like Allah was like right when he said like, if you were quiet it was because you like passed out or something

Posted by: Meghan McCain at May 27, 2011 08:56 PM (vdfwz)

13 Did I just get jeff conaway-rolled?

Posted by: D. Hopper at May 27, 2011 08:56 PM (66Dby)

14 but would you hit it?

Posted by: ParanoidWorkingGirlinSeattle at May 27, 2011 08:56 PM (RZ8pf)

15 Link all good. Squibob happy.

She's the kinda of woman that, if you got her pregnant, would still look hot. And grown men would shake your hand.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 08:56 PM (/U/Mr)

16 I guess I didn't telegraph this enough, but I was kidding when I said I might not "hit" Christina Hendricks.

The He-Man Morons Club will now meet to decide if the motion to suspend Ace's Man Card will be withdrawn

Posted by: Spanky at May 27, 2011 08:58 PM (vdfwz)

17 the jeff conaway thing was a mistake, not rick-roll. His RIP is in the sidebar.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 08:58 PM (nj1bB)

18 Yeah, the polar bears are nice, but how about that clueless innocent doe eyed look?

Yes, Christina, we're only going to my place to check out my record collection. I promise.

Posted by: FUBAR at May 27, 2011 09:00 PM (1fanL)

19 I could never understand that anyone thought you were being serious.

Posted by: buzzion at May 27, 2011 09:00 PM (oVQFe)

20 Christina Hendricks is a pale, fat cow.

Posted by: pirate of the perineum at May 27, 2011 09:00 PM (6yMUJ)

21 I'd hit it so hard old men not yet conceived would weep at the sound of my name.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 09:01 PM (/U/Mr)

22 I saw an old friend yesterday, a funny guy (boston irish), and he asked, "Do you really not like Christina Hendricks?" So I guess it wasn't obvious.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 09:01 PM (nj1bB)

23 I've never seen Firefly, didn't know who was in it. Now I understand its popularity.

Posted by: FUBAR at May 27, 2011 09:02 PM (1fanL)

24 20 Christina Hendricks is a pale, fat cow.

Um, wut are you smoking? .

/I could never "hit it" as she reminds me of my sister a bit.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at May 27, 2011 09:02 PM (stuuM)

25 I'd hit that so hard Barack Obama would produce his birth certificate again, just out of reflex.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 09:03 PM (nj1bB)

26 I'd hit it so hard tsunami alerts would go off at Japanese nuclear reactors and earth's axis would tilt.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 09:03 PM (/U/Mr)

27 over 100 fanfic scripts! and here I was thinking ace wasn't a real writer!

I'll bet they are all original, concise and witty as hell (just like all fan fiction)

Posted by: docweasel at May 27, 2011 09:03 PM (G92eR)

28 I'd hit that so hard Marines would sing my theme song.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 09:04 PM (2dbd9)

29 /I could never "hit it" as she reminds me of my sister a bit.

Can I hit your sister?

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 09:04 PM (/U/Mr)

30 Yeah, they're pretty good, docweasel. Actually, some day I'd like to get your opinion on them. They need a little work, I admit. But I think they're okay.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 09:04 PM (nj1bB)

31 24:

When we getting together for the family reunion, old Buddy?

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 09:04 PM (2dbd9)

32 I'd hit that with the force of Thor's hammer.

/just saw thor
/always late to the party

Posted by: MetaThought at May 27, 2011 09:05 PM (KEzkT)

33 Kratos, I both admire and pity you so much more now...

Posted by: tmi3rd at May 27, 2011 09:05 PM (WRtsc)

34 we'd like to see your brilliant work weasel; anytime.

Posted by: D. Hopper at May 27, 2011 09:05 PM (66Dby)

35 MetaThought, just saw it myself. I concur with your assessment.

Posted by: tmi3rd at May 27, 2011 09:05 PM (WRtsc)

36 I'd hit it so hard worms deep in the Spice Planet in Dune would come to the surface.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 09:05 PM (/U/Mr)

37 Hey Ace, you wanna post the fanfic on there or what ?

Posted by: MetaThought at May 27, 2011 09:05 PM (KEzkT)

38 _{Unless you actually want to get paid or something.}

Posted by: MetaThought at May 27, 2011 09:06 PM (KEzkT)

39 30:

Prolly better than all the shit Hollywood is pumping out.

I mean, shit, they made Priest.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 09:06 PM (2dbd9)

40 She's so cute. I love her. I would risk arrest and life imprisonment just to stick my head up her skirt and sniff her day old panties.

But I won't, cause I'm lazy.

Posted by: Robert at May 27, 2011 09:06 PM (4ixH5)

41 "Christina Hendricks is a pale, fat cow."

Amen!

Posted by: Candy Samples at May 27, 2011 09:07 PM (uaEZS)

42 I'd hit that so hard I'd create a "pocket universe" where all the supervillains are superheroes and all the superheroes have goatees.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 09:07 PM (nj1bB)

43 I'd hit it so hard Dick Cheney and Dick Cheney's cock would blush.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 09:07 PM (/U/Mr)

44 Christina Hendricks is a pale, fat cow.

Posted by: pirate of the perineum at May 28, 2011 01:00 AM (6yMUJ)

I'd love to nibble on her udders.

Posted by: Robert at May 27, 2011 09:08 PM (4ixH5)

45 I'll be in my bunk. Seriously I'd hit it like a club-wielding Scandi surrounded by baby harp seals.

Posted by: Insomniac at May 27, 2011 09:08 PM (7KkLl)

46 I'd hit that so hard that Pat Caddell would nod approvingly to me.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 09:08 PM (nj1bB)

47 Can I hit your sister?

No! My sister's happily married.

33 Kratos, I both admire and pity you so much more now...

lol, thank you very much.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at May 27, 2011 09:09 PM (stuuM)

48 Coulda sworn I saw Christina in some teen series where she was well-favored but not busting out all glory and thunder.

So methinks "enhancement".

Then again, in the old piece where I saw her she did not have today's pile drivin' ass.

Maybe she just bulked up.

Posted by: Jim Sonweed at May 27, 2011 09:09 PM (FVhEi)

I can't believe this hasn't been said yet over the past couple of days.

I'd hit that so hard whoever pulled me out would be crowned king of England

Posted by: buzzion at May 27, 2011 09:09 PM (oVQFe)

50 Like the fist of an angry god!

And then I'd go back for seconds.

Posted by: Uncle Mikey at May 27, 2011 09:10 PM (umot9)

51 I'd hit it so hard the oceans would recede and the Earth would begin to heal itself.

Take that Barack.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 09:10 PM (/U/Mr)

52 I'd hit that with the power of 1.21 gigawatts.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 09:10 PM (nj1bB)

53 1.21 gigawatts?!! Great Scott!!

Posted by: Doc Brown at May 27, 2011 09:11 PM (nj1bB)

54 24 20 Christina Hendricks is a pale, fat cow.

Um, wut are you smoking? .

/I could never "hit it" as she reminds me of my sister a bit.

---
She's wearing a corset in every one of those glamor pictures. And most of her hot pictures are from the boobs up. Sure she has huge tits, but they also come with an obese abdomen and chunky white thighs.

Posted by: pirate of the perineum at May 27, 2011 09:11 PM (6yMUJ)

55 I'd hit that so hard Micahel Bay would retire in shame.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 09:11 PM (2dbd9)

56 How does Saffron rise to the rank of Science Officer in each episode? Is there a demotion at the end of each one?

Posted by: Waterhouse is clearly not a writer at May 27, 2011 09:12 PM (YUfdS)

57 54:

You are high.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 09:12 PM (2dbd9)

58 I'd hit that so hard that people would say, "God! Damn! He hit that really hard!" Yeah, got nothin'. She is cute, tho'. I did not think it was possible for real breasts to ride up the chest like that, however.

Posted by: moviegique at May 27, 2011 09:13 PM (Cepxj)

59 pirate, I don't think you actually know what "obese" means. It's not just another way of saying "fat," and there's nothing obese about Christina Hendricks.

Dude.

Posted by: Kensington at May 27, 2011 09:13 PM (uaEZS)

60 Yeah, got nothin'. She is cute, tho'. I did not think it was possible for real breasts to ride up the chest like that, however.

Cantilever brassiere

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 09:14 PM (/U/Mr)

61 Posted by: pirate of the perineum at May 28, 2011 01:11 AM (6yMUJ)

Nothin' wrong with a meaty woman.

Especially this woman.

This woman whom I love.

Posted by: Robert at May 27, 2011 09:14 PM (4ixH5)

62 I'd hit that so hard, and so many times, that Rick Dees would do a countdown show about it.

Posted by: Kensington at May 27, 2011 09:15 PM (uaEZS)

63 I'd hit that so hard Tiger Woods would ask for lessons.

Posted by: MetaThought at May 27, 2011 09:16 PM (KEzkT)

64 I'd hit that so hard that every dinosaur fossil in the Smithsonian would yell "Oh no, not again!".

Posted by: Hollowpoint at May 27, 2011 09:16 PM (WRW1S)

65 60-- If only physics and engineering classes were that captivating. And, yeah, she ain't skinny. She's probably got chunky thighs and a round belly. I'm sure Geoffrey Arend doesn't care. I know I wouldn't.

Posted by: moviegique at May 27, 2011 09:16 PM (Cepxj)

66 I'd hit that so hard that Don King would promote it under the title The Cyclone in the Strike-Zone.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 09:17 PM (nj1bB)

67 The classic:

I would hit that so hard the next person to pull me out would be crowned King of England.

Posted by: rdbrewer at May 27, 2011 09:18 PM (d2qtQ)

68 So...have any of you ever slept with a woman? (What's it like?)

Posted by: Say No More at May 27, 2011 09:19 PM (Cepxj)

69 I'd hit that so hard that Bing Crosby's kids would call me "daddy."

Posted by: Kensington at May 27, 2011 09:19 PM (uaEZS)

70 I'd hit that so hard that the theory of dark matter would be disproven.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at May 27, 2011 09:20 PM (WRW1S)

71 59 pirate, I don't think you actually know what "obese" means. It's not just another way of saying "fat," and there's nothing obese about Christina Hendricks.

Dude.
---
I know what obese means. She is pretty damn close to a 30 BMI.

Posted by: pirate of the perineum at May 27, 2011 09:20 PM (6yMUJ)

72 Renaissance Festival girls are famous for boobs like that. They just don't quite measure up to the Hendricks.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 09:20 PM (2dbd9)

73 I'd hit it so hard Michelle would bitch slap Barack.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 09:20 PM (/U/Mr)

74 56 How does Saffron rise to the rank of Science Officer in each episode? Is there a demotion at the end of each one?

Posted by: Waterhouse is clearly not a writer at May 28, 2011 01:12 AM (YUfdS)

That's why ace is a writer, not an editor.

Posted by: buzzion at May 27, 2011 09:21 PM (oVQFe)

75 Not saying that I'd hit it hard, but they'd start calling me Mr. L. Hadron.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 09:21 PM (2dbd9)

76 I'd hit it so hard Britney Spears would sing "Don't hit me baby any more times."

Posted by: rdbrewer at May 27, 2011 09:22 PM (d2qtQ)

77 I'd hit that so hard that Tina Turner would have to play her in the movie.

Posted by: Kensington at May 27, 2011 09:23 PM (uaEZS)

78 Ace is drunkblogging.

I endorse this

Posted by: Zakn at May 27, 2011 09:23 PM (zyaZ1)

79 I'd hit that so hard that, after the ensuing apocalypse, a group of feral children living in a desert oasis paradise would construct a fractured mythology about me, calling me "The Titty Pilot."

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 09:23 PM (nj1bB)

80 The term for this post would be overcompensation. Ace, having put his hetero cred into doubt with his previous post on the buxom Miss Hendricks, now acts as though any of the physical feats he describes are even on the menu. Poor Christina will go home just as disappointed as any conservative counting on his support (Nikki Haley is still sobbing, wondering how ace could leave her for that bitch Will Folks).

Posted by: somebody else, not me at May 27, 2011 09:24 PM (7EV/g)

81 I'd hit that so hard time and space would fold back on itself to the time I hit her. It would keep doing it again, and again, and again, and again. I hope that 20 minutes is a good one for everyone else cuz they're gonna last a looooooooooong time

Posted by: Stark at May 27, 2011 09:24 PM (6Lx5N)

82 pirate, BMI isn't much of an indicator of anything. But I doubt she's 200 pounds, which is what she'd have to be to have a 30 BMI.

Posted by: Say No More at May 27, 2011 09:25 PM (Cepxj)

83 I'd hit that so hard that, after the ensuing apocalypse, a group of feral children living in a desert oasis paradise would construct a fractured mythology about me, calling me "The Titty Pilot."

And lactation would be more valuable than gasoline.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 09:25 PM (/U/Mr)

84 I'd hit that so hard they'd deflate

Thereby defeating the whole point of hitting that

Posted by: Stark at May 27, 2011 09:26 PM (6Lx5N)

85 56 How does Saffron rise to the rank of Science Officer in each episode? Is there a demotion at the end of each one?

Posted by: Waterhouse is clearly not a writer at May 28, 2011 01:12 AM (YUfdS)

She sleeps her way to the top of course.

Posted by: MetaThought at May 27, 2011 09:27 PM (KEzkT)

86 I'd hit that so hard you'd have to read the second incantation from the Necronomicon to close the gate.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 09:28 PM (nj1bB)

87 82 pirate,

BMI isn't much of an indicator of anything.

But I doubt she's 200 pounds, which is what she'd have to be to have a 30 BMI.
---
I know botox, fake tits and too many cupcakes are an indicator of a fat unattractive cow.

Posted by: pirate of the perineum at May 27, 2011 09:29 PM (6yMUJ)

88 84 I'd hit that so hard they'd deflate

Thereby defeating the whole point of hitting that

Posted by: Stark at May 28, 2011 01:26 AM (6Lx5N)\

It would be more fun trying to reinflate them.

Posted by: MetaThought at May 27, 2011 09:29 PM (KEzkT)

89 I'd hit that so hard that so hard she'd spend the next two days pulling artificial diamonds out of her vagina.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at May 27, 2011 09:29 PM (WRW1S)

90 This thread so deserves to be on twitter

Posted by: MetaThought at May 27, 2011 09:30 PM (KEzkT)

91 I'm so old I'd fall asleep. But with an erection.

Posted by: De' Debil Hisself at May 27, 2011 09:30 PM (H+LJc)

I know botox, fake tits and too many cupcakes are an indicator of a fat unattractive cow.

I know your teh ghey.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at May 27, 2011 09:31 PM (WRW1S)

93 I'd hit so hard zombie hobos would rise out of their shallow graves, eat Ewoks and piss Valu-Rite vodka.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 09:31 PM (/U/Mr)

94 I'd hit that so hard Whitney Houston would marry me.

Posted by: rdbrewer at May 27, 2011 09:32 PM (d2qtQ)

95 When I look at that picture I become a Tex Avery cartoon wolf with a painful stress-boner.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 09:32 PM (nj1bB)

96 She is so fine, I'd suck her daddy's dick.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 09:34 PM (/U/Mr)

97 I'd hit that so hard that...eh...that I'd...er...maybe something about Baracky not being able to stutter for a while...nah, I got nothin'. But it would be the greatest 5 seconds of my entire life, I can tell you that for sure.
And holy crap at the uber-feministas who think all sex is rape. I've never understood those people at all, I guess all their menfolks are tied down to chairs to service them whenever they grudgingly accept the human race must be propagated or something.

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde at May 27, 2011 09:34 PM (f4gk9)

98 She's so hot I'd cohabitate with her for 20 years then have sex with our adopted daughter.

Posted by: Woody Allen at May 27, 2011 09:35 PM (nj1bB)

99 She is so fine, I'd suck her daddy's dick.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 28, 2011 01:34 AM (/U/Mr)

What is said cannot be unsaid.

Posted by: Robert at May 27, 2011 09:35 PM (4ixH5)

100 98 Threadwinner

Posted by: De' Debil Hisself at May 27, 2011 09:36 PM (H+LJc)

101 She's so hot I'd cohabitate with her for 20 years then adopt an Asian daughter and then have sex with my daughter.

Woody, you already did that. You forgot to cross it off your bucket list.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 09:36 PM (/U/Mr)

102 I'd hit that so hard, my bicycle helmet would fall off.

Posted by: Barry O at May 27, 2011 09:36 PM (FcR7P)

103 I'd hit that so hard that this "butt-pirate of the perineum" character would become heterosexual.

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde at May 27, 2011 09:37 PM (f4gk9)

104 I missed one of the most memorable MNF games.

10/23/2000, Jets losing to the Dolphins 30-7 in the 4th quarter.

Turned it off early as Vinnie was looking totally inept.

Next day, read about The Monday Night Miracle which was actually overshadowed by the Mets-Yankees World Series

Posted by: kbdabear at May 27, 2011 09:37 PM (vdfwz)

105 Yeah I know it's your sock puppet.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 09:37 PM (/U/Mr)

106 I'd hit that so hard that so hard Chris Tucker and Ice Cube would be summoned across the country by Zeus just to say "DAYMMMM!"

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 09:37 PM (gQ374)

107 104 - oops, wrong tab, wrong thread, 1:35 AM

Posted by: kbdabear at May 27, 2011 09:38 PM (vdfwz)

108 I'd hit that so hard Andrea Dworkin would rise from the grave and announce that that made her moist.

Posted by: Robert at May 27, 2011 09:38 PM (4ixH5)

109 I'd hit that so hard, I'd spooge all over Johnstown.

Posted by: That Weatherman with a Cock from Texas to PA at May 27, 2011 09:38 PM (FcR7P)

110 I'd hit that so hard I'd be back on television for a few weeks.

Posted by: Jarles Chonson at May 27, 2011 09:39 PM (nj1bB)

111 About that post where I reminded you of your "Saffron: Intergalactic Space Whore" thing..... You're welcome.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 27, 2011 09:39 PM (9Lm5R)

112 I'd hit that so hard you could see the resulting wet spot from orbit.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at May 27, 2011 09:39 PM (WRW1S)

113 ...so hard the Hadron Collider would weep.

Posted by: Supervisor 194 at May 27, 2011 09:39 PM (qpstS)

114
I'd hit that so hard you could hook a winch handle to my ass and raise the Titanic.

Posted by: De' Debil Hisself at May 27, 2011 09:40 PM (H+LJc)

115 thanks, cur. I thought it was buzzion? Maybe both. I dunno.

Posted by: Jarles Chonson at May 27, 2011 09:40 PM (nj1bB)

116 I'd hit that so hard Andrea Dworkin would rise from the grave and announce that that made her moist.

I just got a little flaccid.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 09:40 PM (/U/Mr)

117

Cur reminded you. I linked it.

Posted by: buzzion at May 27, 2011 09:42 PM (oVQFe)

118 Not quite Rushuna Tendo sized...

Posted by: Blacque Jacques Shellacque at May 27, 2011 09:42 PM (TG5lG)

119 I'd hit that so hard NORAD would issue an alert.

Posted by: MetaThought at May 27, 2011 09:43 PM (KEzkT)

120 I'd ice skate uphill to hit that like a boss.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 09:43 PM (2dbd9)

121 I'd hit it so hard Pons and Fleischmann would be vindicated.

Posted by: Waterhouse at May 27, 2011 09:44 PM (YUfdS)

122 I like the daddy's dick one. Who's the from? That sounds like a black comic.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 09:45 PM (nj1bB)

123 Posted by: buzzion at May 28, 2011 01:42 AM (oVQFe) At the time, it seemed kind of like a neat throwaway joke from King Ewok, but it's grown on me. I still giggle damn near every time I say the phrase.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 27, 2011 09:45 PM (9Lm5R)

124 Can't take credit for this, but a moron once said "I'd hit that so hard, whoever pulled me out would become the King of England"

Posted by: kbdabear at May 27, 2011 09:45 PM (vdfwz)

125 ...that you'd have to peel her up with a putty knife.

Posted by: Rosie O at May 27, 2011 09:46 PM (FcR7P)

126 I'd hit that so hard that so hard Charles Johnson would apologize for being such an insufferable prick and turn into a true conservative.

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 09:46 PM (gQ374)

127 I like the daddy's dick one. Who's the from? That sounds like a black comic.

Me.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 09:46 PM (/U/Mr)

128 I'd hit that so hard Darth Vader would say "Your skills are complete."

Posted by: rdbrewer at May 27, 2011 09:46 PM (d2qtQ)

129 http://tinyurl.com/3g3kz3n

Posted by: red headed step child at May 27, 2011 09:46 PM (wOaLi)

130 I'd hit that so hard that God would have to start the rapture early.

Posted by: Lc Scott at May 27, 2011 09:48 PM (J/RRH)

131 I'd hit that so hard that so hard Charles Johnson would apologize for being such an insufferable prick and turn into a true conservative.

Sorry, even Jesus couldn't hit it that hard.

Dick Cheney on the other hand...

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 09:48 PM (/U/Mr)

132 I'd be in her like a fat kid lookin for the last McNugget on Earth.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 09:48 PM (2dbd9)

133 I'd hit that so hard that so hard birds would fly south and bears would hibernate.....in the summer

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 09:48 PM (gQ374)

134 I'd hit that so hard Gary Sinise would have to climb inside the simulator to figure out a way to get me back out.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 09:48 PM (nj1bB)

135 I'd hit that so hard it would be like something that was hard hit.

Posted by: Comrade Red Eye at May 27, 2011 09:49 PM (KE+Ya)

136 good one then, Squibob. Takes it to the next level.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 09:49 PM (nj1bB)

137 After I hit that, Picket's Charge would seem like a bunch of pussies out for a stroll at the mall.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 09:50 PM (2dbd9)

138 124 Can't take credit for this, but a moron once said "I'd hit that so hard, whoever pulled me out would become the King of England"

Posted by: kbdabear at May 28, 2011 01:45 AM (vdfwz)

Already mentioned it above thread. I figured that one had been well enough known that someone else would have said it in the last Hendricks thread.

Posted by: buzzion at May 27, 2011 09:51 PM (oVQFe)

139 I'd hit it with so much energy, the concepts of anal, oral and vaginal would merge.

Posted by: jmt at May 27, 2011 09:52 PM (3PUWe)

140 Seeing as how CH is a regular reader of this blog, I hope she doesn't see these comments.

Posted by: Comrade Arthur at May 27, 2011 09:52 PM (KE+Ya)

141 Seeing as how CH is a regular reader of this blog, I hope she doesn't see these comments. Psych!

Posted by: Comrade Arthur at May 27, 2011 09:52 PM (KE+Ya)

142 Seeing as how CH is a regular reader of this blog, I hope she doesn't see these comments.

How do we know she's not posting under a sock?

That would be kinky.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 09:54 PM (/U/Mr)

143 I'd hit that so hard that France wouldn't surrender. Or something.... Meh..

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 09:54 PM (gQ374)

144 I'd hit that so hard Jor-El would pop up to yell at me about crap.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 09:54 PM (nj1bB)

145 Were the lovely Ms. Hendricks to read this, I'm sure she would appreciate the adoration. And you can be sure that the Dark Lord himself read the Fun Facts about Dick Cheney thread.

Posted by: tmi3rd at May 27, 2011 09:56 PM (WRtsc)

146 I'd hit that so hard George Lucas couldn't fuck up the movie about it.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 09:57 PM (2dbd9)

147 I'd hit that so hard that Spock would have to sacrifice himself to warp the Enterprise out of there

Posted by: James T Kirk at May 27, 2011 09:57 PM (vdfwz)

148 Ace, STEP AWAY FROM THE EWOK NIP!!!!!!

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at May 27, 2011 09:57 PM (JNVE5)

149 I'd hit that so fast, my dick would be ten years older than my body.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at May 27, 2011 09:57 PM (WRW1S)

150 I'd hit it so hard, the cloud of pheromones released would cause a 3% reduction in porn industry revenues.

Posted by: jmt at May 27, 2011 09:58 PM (3PUWe)

151 I'd hit that so hard that it would make the Mt. Vesuvius eruption seem like baking soda & vinegar.
/science nerd

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 09:59 PM (gQ374)

152 I would hit that

I would hit that for 1000 years.

In 10,000 years from now when little green alien archaeologists find my mummy dick buried somewhere in her sun bleached ribcage, they're gonna say "no shit, this dude must have hit that for 1000 years".

Posted by: Berserker at May 27, 2011 09:59 PM (FMbng)

153

I'd hit that so deep, Palin's new motto would be Hollowpoint baby Hollowpoint.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at May 27, 2011 10:00 PM (WRW1S)

154 I'd hit that so hard there'd be tsunami warnings;

In Chicago

Posted by: kbdabear at May 27, 2011 10:00 PM (vdfwz)

155 I'd hit it like Honey Badger at Snake World.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 10:00 PM (2dbd9)

156 I'd hit that so hard George Lucas couldn't fuck up the movie about it.

Oh, shit! This one killed me. Hahahaha!!

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 10:01 PM (gQ374)

157 I'd hit it so hard, George Thorogood would refuse to sing Bad to the Bone anymore.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 10:02 PM (/U/Mr)

158

I'd hit that so hard I'd discover time travel...which would explain the Big Bang.

Btw, Kudos to ace giving even more cred to the red with the bed-sized bosoms.

Posted by: CAC at May 27, 2011 10:02 PM (Y1Fyp)

159 I'd hit that so hard that when the cops showed up to inspect the wreckage, the rookie cop would vomit in the corner, and then one detective would turn to the other and say, "No one deserves to go out like this."

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 10:03 PM (nj1bB)

160 Ron Jeremy would join my fan club, I'd hit that so hard.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 10:03 PM (2dbd9)

161 Bruce Willis would come back in time to warn me about hitting that so hard.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 10:04 PM (2dbd9)

162 I'd hit it so hard, your Momma would slap your Daddy.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 10:04 PM (/U/Mr)

163 I'd hit that so hard it would cause the heat death of the universe.

Posted by: CanaDave at May 27, 2011 10:04 PM (E8taz)

164 I'd hit that like Lady Gaga with a $50 gift certificate to Hot Topix.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 10:04 PM (nj1bB)

165 I'd hit that so hard Captain Picard would immediately sprout a full head of hair.

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 10:06 PM (gQ374)

166 ugh I want that one back. I think I'm out.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 10:06 PM (nj1bB)

167 ...wasn't that bad...the one with the rookie cop was better though...

Posted by: CanaDave at May 27, 2011 10:07 PM (E8taz)

168 I came

Posted by: guy who always comes at May 27, 2011 10:07 PM (iGvSp)

169 I'd hit it so hard I'd cause a Great Disturbance in The Force, as if millions of people had suddenly cried out, and been silenced.

This would ripple backward in time, causing heart palpitations in a grizzled Jedi aboard a smuggler's craft.

Posted by: Waterhouse at May 27, 2011 10:08 PM (YUfdS)

170 I'd hit that like Lady Gaga Rosie O'Donnell with a $50 gift certificate to Hot Topix Cold Stone Cremery.

FIFY Ace.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 10:09 PM (/U/Mr)

171 Roland Emmerich and Sam Peckinpah Present:

Did You Guys See How Hard Sifty Hit That Shit!?

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 10:09 PM (2dbd9)

172 "I would hit it so hard that any man whosoever should draw me forth from it, he would be the true King of England."

Posted by: Alec Leamas at May 27, 2011 10:10 PM (W0TZi)

173 Roland Emmerich and Sam Peckinpah Present:

Did You Guys See How Hard Sifty Hit That Shit!?

With multiple camera shots in slow motion no less.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 10:10 PM (/U/Mr)

174 166 ugh I want that one back.

I think I'm out. Posted by: ace at May 28, 2011 02:06 AM

I don't give a shit if it's your blog, you've got to live with your embarrassments like the rest of us. Elitist!!!

Posted by: kbdabear at May 27, 2011 10:11 PM (vdfwz)

175 Yeah - that's what women used to look like - before they were trying to attract fegs.

Posted by: Alec Leamas at May 27, 2011 10:11 PM (W0TZi)

176 With multiple camera shots in slow motion no less.

We need Michael Bay on board for that.

And John Woo if scattering doves are involved.

Posted by: Waterhouse at May 27, 2011 10:12 PM (YUfdS)

177 R O B E R T L U D L U M T H E H E N D R I C K S C O N J U G A T I O N

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 10:12 PM (nj1bB)

178 I'd hit that so hard, Peter North's new nickname would be ...

Nah, ain't goin' there ...

Posted by: kbdabear at May 27, 2011 10:12 PM (vdfwz)

179 Damn, her imdb even says she wears glasses. Something about glasses...

...so hard her vision would be corrected to perfect 20/10.

Posted by: AlexC at May 27, 2011 10:13 PM (356VQ)

180 S T E V E N K I N G T H E N I P P L E S

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 10:13 PM (nj1bB)

181 I'd hit that so hard Dominique Strauss-Kahn would turn to me and say, "That was completely out of line." Late to the party, but damn that was awesome. There's some epicness up there. Personally, I'd hit so hard the cockroaches would go extinct.

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 10:13 PM (TRTwr)

182

I'd hit it so hard, she'd get a diamond necklace.

Posted by: CAC at May 27, 2011 10:14 PM (Y1Fyp)

183 Christina Hendricks is Christina Hendricks in:

Sifty Ruined Me for All Others or Dude, I Need to Be Able to Walk Tomorrow

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 10:14 PM (2dbd9)

184

Steven Spielberg presents

Close Encounters of the Polar Bear Kind

Posted by: CanaDave at May 27, 2011 10:14 PM (E8taz)

185 I'd hit that so hard, her eyes would bulge.

Posted by: butch at May 27, 2011 10:14 PM (UIbD4)

186 I'd hit that so hard her grandmother would smile ear to ear.

Posted by: Lc Scott at May 27, 2011 10:15 PM (J/RRH)

187 Damn, her imdb even says she wears glasses. Something about glasses...

You know what they say:

Men don't make passes at girls who don't screw.

Or something like that.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 10:15 PM (/U/Mr)

188 I'd hit that so hard that Thor would throw away his hammer, cut off my dick and use it instead.

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 10:16 PM (gQ374)

189 I'd hit it so hard, her mom would walk bowlegged

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 10:16 PM (TRTwr)

190 Epilectics shouldn't watch when I hit it.

Posted by: CAC at May 27, 2011 10:16 PM (Y1Fyp)

191 I'd hit that so hard her sister would fart.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 10:17 PM (nj1bB)

192 I originally heard it using a different word.

But then Ace is still up and I fear the ban hammer.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 10:17 PM (/U/Mr)

193 I'd hit it so hard the star wars prequels wouldn't suck

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 10:17 PM (TRTwr)

194

I actually did hit it once.

Some people call it "the Big Bang."

Posted by: John F Kerry at May 27, 2011 10:18 PM (W0TZi)

195 Posted by: John F Kerry at May 28, 2011 02:18 AM (W0TZi)

Dick Cheney would have been better

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 10:19 PM (/U/Mr)

196 But then Ace is still up and I fear the ban hammer.
Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 28, 2011 02:17 AM

And I heard on another browser tab, he's watching Judge Dredd

Posted by: kbdabear at May 27, 2011 10:20 PM (vdfwz)

197 I'd hit that so hard her sister would fart. So THAT's why I had that super bad gas when Dr Oz was on the View!

Posted by: Whoopi at May 27, 2011 10:20 PM (JNVE5)

198

#196,

well, he is the law.

Posted by: CAC at May 27, 2011 10:20 PM (Y1Fyp)

199 I'd hit it so hard Pluto would be a planet again

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 10:20 PM (TRTwr)

200 George RR Martin
proudly presents

         A
   H U M P
       o f
L E G E N D

Posted by: Waterhouse at May 27, 2011 10:20 PM (YUfdS)

201 I'd hit that so hard Carrot Top would be funny.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 10:21 PM (2dbd9)

202 I'd hit it so hard that unicorns would finally start shitting Skittles.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 10:22 PM (/U/Mr)

203 I'd hit it so hard Lt. Dan could walk

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 10:23 PM (TRTwr)

204 I'd hit that so hard there'd be a nuclear winter

Posted by: kbdabear at May 27, 2011 10:23 PM (vdfwz)

205 I'd hit it so hard, I'd wash my Ferrari with a bucket of Don Draper's tears.

Posted by: Alec Leamas at May 27, 2011 10:23 PM (W0TZi)

206 I'd hit that so hard the guys would get shirts, with my picture on them.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 10:24 PM (2dbd9)

207

I'd hit them so hard her tit sweat would turn plasma.

Posted by: CAC at May 27, 2011 10:24 PM (Y1Fyp)

208 I'd hit that so hard that a future civilization of peace and order would be based on the philosophical precepts of my dick, "The Lawbringer."

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 10:26 PM (nj1bB)

209 I'd hit that so hard that she wouldn't want out of the well in the basement.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 10:26 PM (2dbd9)

210 I'd hit that so hard the impact would destroy all life on the planet and would cause a new moon to form from the debris sent into space.

Posted by: buzzion at May 27, 2011 10:26 PM (oVQFe)

211 I like the daddy's dick one. Who's the from? That sounds like a black comic.

Richard Pryor.

"Bitch was so fine, I wanted to suck her daddy's dick."

Posted by: Blacque Jacques Shellacque at May 27, 2011 10:26 PM (TG5lG)

212 It hit it so hard Obama would release his long form birth certificate... Wait what?

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 10:26 PM (TRTwr)

213

#209

I'd hit that so hard, there isn't enough lotion in the world to put on the skin.

Posted by: CAC at May 27, 2011 10:27 PM (Y1Fyp)

214 Like John Daly teeing off.

Posted by: Count de Monet at May 27, 2011 10:27 PM (XBM1t)

215

I'd hit that so hard that when the cops showed up to inspect the wreckage, the rookie cop would vomit in the corner, and then one detective would turn to the other and say, "No one deserves to go out like this."

Fucking hell, I keep trying to think of something funny and all I can come up with is science shit.

Then Ace shows up with a funny comment and I feel like a nerd.

Ace. Making someone- anyone- feeling like a nerd.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at May 27, 2011 10:27 PM (WRW1S)

216 I'd probably just bring her some flowers, chocolate and read her some Byron poetry. Before I hit it so hard the superheated lust collapsed in on itself and formed a singularity.

Posted by: alexthedude is mobile at May 27, 2011 10:27 PM (SvEXB)

217 squibob... I thought it sounded like Pryor.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 10:27 PM (nj1bB)

218 I'd hit it so hard, the Rolling Stones next tour would be a tribute to my cock.

Posted by: Alec Leamas at May 27, 2011 10:27 PM (W0TZi)

219 I'd hit is so hard I'd convince alien life forms not fuck with Earth.

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 10:27 PM (QU+WE)

220 I'd hit that so hard that Poseidon would command me to stop waking him up.

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 10:28 PM (gQ374)

221 I'd hit that so hard that seismographs would record it ..

On Saturn ..

Posted by: kbdabear at May 27, 2011 10:29 PM (vdfwz)

222 I'd hit is so hard Atlas could shrug.

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 10:29 PM (QU+WE)

223 I'd hit that so hard she'd sing the aaa-aaa chorus of The Immigrant Song..

That Sir, is one of the funniest things you've written in a while

Posted by: TimB52 at May 27, 2011 10:29 PM (EbROD)

224

#221.

Amateur.

Posted by: CAC, who constructed seissmometers on Pluto for a damn good reason at May 27, 2011 10:30 PM (Y1Fyp)

225 I'd hit that so hard she'd give birth to a fucking robot.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 10:30 PM (nj1bB)

226 The Kraaken would have to send letters out saying, "Wasn't me. I was at home all night."

I'd hit that so hard.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 10:30 PM (2dbd9)

227 thanks tim.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 10:31 PM (nj1bB)

228 I'd hit that so hard that Caltech would have to revise the Richter Scale

Posted by: kbdabear at May 27, 2011 10:31 PM (vdfwz)

229

I'd hit that so hard that seismographs would record it

I'd hit it so hard the seismographs would be the naked eye on Earth.

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 10:31 PM (QU+WE)

230 I'd hit it so hard eagles would fall from the sky and a previously unknown tribe in the amazon would build a primitive obelisk based on their new fertility god (my cock) which would be found by an alien race 10,000 years from now who came to investigate a mysterious rhythmic pulsation that reverberated through their galaxy at which point they would conclude "holy shit he hit that hard"

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 10:31 PM (TRTwr)

231 I would hit that so hard Zeus would be looking at his wine glass rattling on the table and say "Oh , that motherfucker again?"

Posted by: Berserker at May 27, 2011 10:32 PM (FMbng)

232 Like Frank Howard of the Washington Senators launching one into the centerfield upper deck at RFK stadium, circa 1969.

Posted by: Count de Monet at May 27, 2011 10:32 PM (XBM1t)

233 I'd hit it hard enough to solve our domestic energy needs, all the while to a chorus of she-Palins chanting "drill baby, drill,"

Posted by: Alec Leamas at May 27, 2011 10:32 PM (W0TZi)

234 I'd hit that so hard it would make all the Indians cry.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 10:32 PM (nj1bB)

235 I'd plug that hole so good that BP would send engineers to study it

Posted by: kbdabear at May 27, 2011 10:33 PM (vdfwz)

236 Marvel would write an entire crossover series called The Infinity Condom I'd hit that so hard.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 10:33 PM (2dbd9)

237 I'd hit that so hard the TSA would grope me out of reverence.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at May 27, 2011 10:33 PM (WRW1S)

238 I'd hit that so hard, Kim Jong il would grow 6 inches.

Posted by: Lc Scott at May 27, 2011 10:33 PM (J/RRH)

239 I'd hit that so hard I'd get arrested for a hate crime against tang.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 10:33 PM (nj1bB)

240 We were saying it in high school, while you were still a twinkle in your mother's little ewok eye.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 10:34 PM (/U/Mr)

241 I'd hit is so hard the Glomar Explorer would have to rescue me.

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 10:34 PM (QU+WE)

242 I'd hit that so deep it would knock her ancestors teeth out from behind.

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 10:34 PM (gQ374)

243 I'd hit it so hard she'd be blonde

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 10:34 PM (TRTwr)

244 I'd hit that so hard it would bring piece to the Middle East.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 10:34 PM (2dbd9)

245 234 I'd hit that so hard it would make all the Indians cry. Posted by: ace at May 28, 2011 02:32 AM

I'd hit that so hard they'd write about it on the Mayan temples

Posted by: kbdabear at May 27, 2011 10:34 PM (vdfwz)

246 okay we'll call it "multiple authors."

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 10:35 PM (nj1bB)

247 I'd hit it so hard diamonds would go, "Damn!"

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 10:35 PM (QU+WE)

248 I'd hit that so hard that even Hans blix would be forced to declare he had discovered a weapon of mass destruction.

Posted by: alexthedude is mobile at May 27, 2011 10:35 PM (SvEXB)

249 I'd hit that so hard I'd be a new Japanese game show.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at May 27, 2011 10:35 PM (WRW1S)

250 I'd hit it so hard Cthulhu would start a cult based on Thrusting Demon.

Posted by: Waterhouse at May 27, 2011 10:35 PM (YUfdS)

251 I'd hit that so hard they'd have to send Chilean mining engineers to get me out

Posted by: kbdabear at May 27, 2011 10:36 PM (vdfwz)

252 I'd hit is so hard I'd need reconstructive surgery afterwards.

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 10:36 PM (QU+WE)

253 I'd hit that so hard Ike Turner would tell me to lay off.

Posted by: MrCaniac at May 27, 2011 10:37 PM (eKuOw)

254 I'd hit it so deep they'd have to send Dr. Ballard and Alvin to bring me back up

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 10:37 PM (TRTwr)

255 I'd bang on that like Neil Peart playing in an earthquake.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 10:37 PM (2dbd9)

256 I would hit it so hard that Eric Clapton would write one of the greatest rock songs of all time to steal it away from me, but it would dutifully come back to be regularly hit by me again.

Posted by: Alec Leamas at May 27, 2011 10:37 PM (W0TZi)

257 Well good night/morning M&Ms. Getting up early tomorrow with a bunch of Boy Scouts to place flags on the graves of our honored dead at Ft. Rosecrans.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 10:38 PM (/U/Mr)

258 I would do things to her they don't even have words for yet. They'd have to make up new ones. I would flunt her so fucking hard her fucking stane would shimble.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 10:38 PM (nj1bB)

259 I'd hit it so hard I'd cultivate a new breed of super mosquito.

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 10:38 PM (QU+WE)

260 RECENTLY, I WAS APPROACHED BY QUITE A LUCIOUS LOOKING LADY PERSON. HER BINDING BUST FIGURE IMMEDIATLY FORCED MY TWITCHING GARGANTUAN MAN CANNON TO RAPIDLY EXPAND TO DIVINE ELEPHANTINE DIMENSIONS. THE LADY IN QUESTION, WHO'S BEAUTY WAS ONLY MATCHED BY THAT OF MY COLLOSSAL DOWNSTAIRS DOWEL, WAS ASTOUNDED AND THUS PROCEEDED TO STARE INTENTLY AT MY INTENSIFYINGLY TITANTIC LUST LOG OF INFINITE SEXUAL DESIRE AS IT OBILTERATED MY FINE UNDERWEAR AND TROUSERS CUNNINGLY CONSTRUCTED BY MY DIGNIFIED CHAIN OF RETAILERS. SHE WAS SO FLABBERGASTED AT THE SHEER SYMBOLIC SIZE AND MAGNITUDE OF THE MAGNIFICENT AND IMPRESSIVE BATON THAT I UNDRESSED HER FINE SKIRT AND UNDERWEAR GARMENTS WITH MY PSYCOKINETIC EYES AND SLAMMED MY GIANT OMINOUS VEINY WHALE INTO THE CREVACE OF HER ORIFICE AND DISCHARGED AN ARMY OF MINITURE DAPPER ALBINO BOSNIANS TO COAT THE INSIDES OF HER ANAL CAVITY WITH ONLY THE FINEST SMELLING PROTEIN PACKED PENILE PRODUCE. ONCE I HAD FINISHED WITH THE PLEASANT PUPPYLIKE WHORE, I STAMPED MY NOW ALMOST FLACID STOPCOCK OF JOY AGAINST THE GROUND AND CHARGED INTO THE NIGHT SKY WITH THE ROCKET FUEL OF A THOUSAND GODS TO CONTINUE MY CRUSADES OF MEAT CLOBBERING.

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 10:38 PM (gQ374)

261 I'd hit that so hard that a refridgerator couldn't save Indiana Jones from the shockwave.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at May 27, 2011 10:39 PM (WRW1S)

262 I'd hit that like Jack Tatum on Darryl Stingley.

Posted by: MrCaniac at May 27, 2011 10:39 PM (eKuOw)

263 Lol glomar explorer

Posted by: alexthedude is mobile at May 27, 2011 10:39 PM (SvEXB)

264 I'd hit it so hard I'd bring back the 12th imam

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 10:40 PM (TRTwr)

265 I'd hit it so hard Marines won't need the XM-25.

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 10:40 PM (QU+WE)

266 I'd hit it so hard tourists would take monorails to view the crater.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 10:40 PM (2dbd9)

267 Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 28, 2011 02:38 AM (gQ374)

What!? No BLOOD ENGORGED ZEPPELIN?

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 10:40 PM (/U/Mr)

268 Like a rookie driver at the BrickYard, flying into Turn 1.

Posted by: Count de Monet at May 27, 2011 10:42 PM (XBM1t)

269 I would hit that so hard it would make the pistons of a locomotive look like a bicycle pump.

Posted by: Berserker at May 27, 2011 10:42 PM (FMbng)

270 I'd hit that so hard Africanized Honeybeeys would go home.

Posted by: alexthedude is mobile at May 27, 2011 10:42 PM (SvEXB)

271

I'd hit it so hard I'd need to attach a red strobe so airplanes don't hit it.

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 10:42 PM (QU+WE)

272 I'd hit it so hard, they'd re-dedicate Memorial Day to honor Christina Hendricks' fallen snatch.

Feddle Holiday, bitches.

Posted by: Alec Leamas at May 27, 2011 10:42 PM (W0TZi)

273

I'd hit it so hard I'd need to attach a red strobe so airplanes don't hit it.

Actually, that donesn't make sense.

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 10:42 PM (QU+WE)

274 I'd hit it so hard that the word "hard" would have to be dropped from the English dictionary for all else would pale in comparison. As a result, Bruce willis' next movie will simply be called "Die 5" and jolly ranchers will just be called candy.

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 10:42 PM (TRTwr)

275 I'd hit it so hard I'd have to call my doctor after 4 hours.

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 10:44 PM (QU+WE)

276 I would hit that so hard that twelve people around the world -- with no connection and no communication between them -- would simultaneously commit suicide in the exact same way, each leaving behind a cryptic one-word note: "PENIS."

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 10:45 PM (nj1bB)

277 I'd hit it so hard my doctor would call me after four hours and ask for me to keep the noise down.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 10:46 PM (2dbd9)

278 I'd hit it so hard that the Oxford English Dictionary would put a picture of me next to the word hard.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 10:46 PM (/U/Mr)

279 I'd hit that so hard the commenters on this thread would get punch drunk

Posted by: alexthedude is mobile at May 27, 2011 10:47 PM (SvEXB)

280 I would flunt her so fucking hard her fucking stane would shimble. Posted by: ace at May 28, 2011 02:38 AM

Hahy, yuh botch yuh mouz, mithduh

Posted by: Marlee Matlin at May 27, 2011 10:47 PM (vdfwz)

281 Instead of the Urban Dictionary, the internet would just say "Ask Sifty, he prolly knows", I'd hit that so hard.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 10:47 PM (2dbd9)

282

"PENIS."

ah, german for "revenge"

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 10:47 PM (QU+WE)

283 I'd hit that so hard, afterwards I'd get an email reply of "showboater" from Mt. Vesuvius.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at May 27, 2011 10:47 PM (WRW1S)

284 I'd hit it so hard I'd have to call my doctor after 4 hours.

I'd hit it so hard my doctor would call me after four hours and ask for me to keep the noise down.

I'd hit so hard she'd have to call the doctor after four hours.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 10:47 PM (/U/Mr)

285 Posted by: ace at May 28, 2011 02:45 AM (nj1bB) I think that's the plot for the next M Night Shamalyan movie actually. I'd hit it so hard the one with the water fairies would make sense.

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 10:47 PM (TRTwr)

286 I'd hit it so hard she'd be launched to the Moon.

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 10:48 PM (QU+WE)

287 I'd hit that so hard Obama would speak clearly without a teleprompter.

I'd hit that so hard Obama would actually obey the Constitution

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 10:48 PM (gQ374)

288 Sea sponges would migrate farther than one foot.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 10:48 PM (2dbd9)

289 I'd hit it so hard, the Boston Braves would inexplicably trade me to the New York Yankees, after which time I would continue a hall of fame career of hitting it.

Posted by: Alec Leamas at May 27, 2011 10:48 PM (W0TZi)

290 I'd hit that so hard there'd be conspiracy theories about a "Second Shooter."

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 10:49 PM (nj1bB)

291 I'd hit it so hard that Gondwanaland would re-unite from the shock waves...

Posted by: Adriane at May 27, 2011 10:49 PM (L9W0l)

292 In Russia, it hits YOU

Posted by: Yakov Smirnoff at May 27, 2011 10:49 PM (vdfwz)

293 I'd hit that so hard I'd be charged with gang rape.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 10:49 PM (2dbd9)

294 I'd hit that so hard she'd shit a fawn.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 10:50 PM (nj1bB)

295 I'd hit it so hard China would begin floating their currency so that I don't hit it again.

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 10:50 PM (QU+WE)

296 I'd hit that so hard, Pawlenty would come to my house and campaign opposing large breasted women.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at May 27, 2011 10:50 PM (WRW1S)

297 I'd hit it so hard that while I was hitting it shed choke on my cock

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 10:50 PM (TRTwr)

298 I'd hit it so hard, the Russian and French judges would refuse to conspire against giving it's proper score, out of a sense of honor.

Posted by: Alex at May 27, 2011 10:51 PM (J2ejK)

299 I'd hit it so hard, Pfizer would be trying to put me in a bottle.

Posted by: Alec Leamas at May 27, 2011 10:51 PM (W0TZi)

300

this might be pushing it too far, so i'll truncate it

McDonald's

lifetime supply

special sauce.

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 10:51 PM (QU+WE)

301 I'd hit that so hard Helen Keller would know what happened.

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 10:52 PM (gQ374)

302 I'd hit it so hard Timmy Geithner could figure out his own taxes ... correctly!

Posted by: Adriane at May 27, 2011 10:52 PM (L9W0l)

303 She has the shape that stimulates my biological imperative to hit it until my body melts like a nazi opening the Ark of the Covenant.

Posted by: Count de Monet at May 27, 2011 10:52 PM (XBM1t)

304 I'd hit it so hard, Democrats and the MSM (BIRM) would be saying that I was trying to kill large breasted women.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 10:53 PM (/U/Mr)

305 I'd hit that so hard she'd cough out an eagle.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 10:53 PM (nj1bB)

306 I's still be hitting that when Social Security turned a profit.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 10:54 PM (2dbd9)

307 I'd hit it so hard the Pyramids would tip over.

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 10:54 PM (QU+WE)

308 I'd hit it so hard Clint Eastwood would openly weep

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 10:54 PM (TRTwr)

309 I'd hit it so hard, Uncle Ben would say "With great power comes that guy's ejaculate".

Posted by: Waterhouse at May 27, 2011 10:54 PM (YUfdS)

310 I'd hit it so hard, her new nickname would be "clitnose."

Posted by: Alec Leamas at May 27, 2011 10:54 PM (W0TZi)

311 I'd also hit it so hard Gaum would tip over.

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 10:54 PM (QU+WE)

312 I would hit that so hard Krakatoa would be a mouse fart.

Posted by: Berserker at May 27, 2011 10:55 PM (FMbng)

313 I'd hit that so hard Jimmy Hoffa's body would surface.

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 10:55 PM (gQ374)

314 I'd hit that so hard Fight Club would talk about me.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 10:55 PM (2dbd9)

315 I'd hit it so hard Columbo wouldn't have any more questions

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 10:55 PM (TRTwr)

316 I'd hit it so hard a moat would be created and fill with aligators.

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 10:56 PM (QU+WE)

317 I'd hit that so hard Dick Cheney would get a nose bleed.

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 10:57 PM (gQ374)

318 I'd hit it so hard, any could understand James Joyce' Ulysses.

Posted by: Adriane at May 27, 2011 10:57 PM (L9W0l)

319 I'd hit it so hard Miles Davis would rename his album "Kind of dudeinsantacruz".

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 10:58 PM (QU+WE)

320 I'd hit it so hard feminists would take hammers to their vibrators in disgust.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 10:58 PM (/U/Mr)

321 I'd hit it so hard, all new hammers manufactured in the U.S. would be shaped like me.

Posted by: Alec Leamas at May 27, 2011 10:58 PM (W0TZi)

322 I'd hit it so hard Ellen Degeneres would line up and take a number.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 10:59 PM (2dbd9)

323 My hitting of it would be such a colossal event that Caesar would feel it through time, change his mind and decide to cross the Rubicon after all.

Posted by: jmt at May 27, 2011 10:59 PM (3PUWe)

324 I'd hit it so hard Disney would try to copyright it

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 10:59 PM (TRTwr)

325 I'd hit it so hard, my balls would sniff her dog's ass.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at May 27, 2011 10:59 PM (WRW1S)

326 I'd hit that so hard Leonidas would surrender.

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 10:59 PM (gQ374)

327 I'd hit it so hard, all women in a three block area would become satisfied.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 11:00 PM (/U/Mr)

328 Leonidas would scream"This is SIFTY!!" when he pushed people down a well.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:00 PM (2dbd9)

329 I'd hit that so hard it would kill an angel.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 11:00 PM (nj1bB)

330 I'd hit it so hard, Mythbusters couldn't create a simulation that even came close ...

Posted by: Adriane at May 27, 2011 11:00 PM (L9W0l)

331 I'd hit it so no one would need to ask me if I was a god.

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 11:01 PM (QU+WE)

332 I'd hit that so hard that fracking would become a sexual term

Posted by: kbdabear at May 27, 2011 11:01 PM (vdfwz)

333 I'd hit that so hard drill instructors would stop yelling at recruits. They will hold up a picture of me hitting that and say, "don't let this happen to you."

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:01 PM (2dbd9)

334 I'd hit that so hard the Alps would collapse on Hannibal.

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 11:02 PM (gQ374)

335 I'd hit it so hard from then on sex would be known as Jollyrogering

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 11:02 PM (TRTwr)

336 I'd hit it so hard I'd talk afterwards.

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 11:02 PM (QU+WE)

337 I'd hit that so hard the townspeople wouldn't even be capable of discussing it. They would all just shift uncomfortably and refer vaguely to "the incident."

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 11:02 PM (nj1bB)

338 I'd hit it so hard, Ripley could hear the scream ... in space ...

Posted by: Adriane at May 27, 2011 11:03 PM (L9W0l)

339 Clint Eastwood will make a western movie about me hitting that called The Unfuckingbelievable.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:03 PM (2dbd9)

340 I'd hit that so hard all links on the Internet would come to my site.

And I don't have a site.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 27, 2011 11:04 PM (/U/Mr)

341 I'd hit it so hard I'd leave this thread and go to sleep to read it in the morning.

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 11:04 PM (QU+WE)

342 I'd hit it so hard Greedo would shoot first

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 11:04 PM (TRTwr)

343 After I hit that, I will release a role playing game about it. There will be only one class.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:04 PM (2dbd9)

344 I'd hit that so hard Excalibur would shatter.

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 11:04 PM (gQ374)

345 I'd hit it so hard no one would ever know about it, because the planet's orbit would shift and kill everything

Posted by: kbdabear at May 27, 2011 11:04 PM (vdfwz)

346 I'd hit it so hard, Darth Vader would say 'She is my Father!'

Posted by: Adriane at May 27, 2011 11:05 PM (L9W0l)

347 I'd hit it so hard Andi Sullavan would become bi-curious.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:05 PM (2dbd9)

348

one more

I'd hit it so good
The Chicken would not say stop
sexy haiku time

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at May 27, 2011 11:06 PM (QU+WE)

349 I'd hit it so hard the entire Milky Way would tilt 15 degrees off axis.

Posted by: Count de Monet at May 27, 2011 11:06 PM (XBM1t)

350 I'd hit that so hard, sex would be explained to kids talking about the birds and the my dick.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at May 27, 2011 11:07 PM (WRW1S)

351 I'd hit it so hard her mom would set me on fire in a bar seven years ago

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 11:07 PM (TRTwr)

352 I'd hit it hard enough to affect putting on the PGA tour - so much so that they'd re-name a Mulligan "a Leamas."

Posted by: Alec Leamas at May 27, 2011 11:08 PM (W0TZi)

353 I'd hit that so hard it would free the People In The Walls.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 11:08 PM (nj1bB)

354 Seal Team 6 would watch training films of me hitting that.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:08 PM (2dbd9)

355 I'd hit it so hard, the Yellowstone Caldera would subside in shriveled embarrassment.

Posted by: Waterhouse at May 27, 2011 11:08 PM (YUfdS)

356 I'd hit it so hard that Algore would have to change his movie title to "An Irrelevant Truth"

Posted by: kbdabear at May 27, 2011 11:09 PM (vdfwz)

357 I'd hit it so hard, no one would ever say again, 'hey, I'd hit it'

Posted by: Adriane at May 27, 2011 11:09 PM (L9W0l)

358 353 I'd hit that so hard it would free the People In The Walls. Posted by: ace at May 28, 2011 03:08 AM (nj1bB) That a Mario Galaxy reference?

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 11:09 PM (TRTwr)

359 I'd hit it so hard TV producers would finally stop making sitcoms about the sexual tension between shitheads living in neighboring apartments.

Posted by: jmt at May 27, 2011 11:09 PM (3PUWe)

360 I'd hit that, and then Barack Obama would give a speech saying "We hit that."

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 11:09 PM (nj1bB)

361 I'd hit it so hard an American President would forget about 3 entire years.

Posted by: Waterhouse at May 27, 2011 11:10 PM (YUfdS)

362 I'd hit that so hard, horses wouldn't be used to describe a car engines power, but rather my dickpower.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at May 27, 2011 11:10 PM (WRW1S)

363 Sacred Honor keeps me from telling the world how hard I'd hit that

Posted by: Will Folks at May 27, 2011 11:11 PM (vdfwz)

364 jolly, no, it's an attempt to reference some kind of weird horror movie that I just made up, where there are strange people who live in the walls, watching us, and they're set free by the dark magic of my pounding Christina Hendricks' love muffin. Gee, no one got all that from my stupid ten word sentence? Eh it's late, it made sense in my head. There was a whole plot going.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 11:11 PM (nj1bB)

365 I'd hit it so hard, the body count pulled from the rubble in India would number in the tens of thousands.

Posted by: Alec Leamas at May 27, 2011 11:11 PM (W0TZi)

366 Whoopie Goldberg would say that I hit-hit it.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:12 PM (2dbd9)

367 I'd hit it so hard that life as we know it stops instantaneously and every molecule in her body explodes at the speed of light.

Posted by: Count de Monet at May 27, 2011 11:12 PM (XBM1t)

368 People In The Walls

I thought it was an indie band that I haven't heard of yet ...

Posted by: Adriane at May 27, 2011 11:12 PM (L9W0l)

369 Ceiling cat would look away and emo kids would get happy I'd hit that so hard.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:13 PM (2dbd9)

370 I'd hit it so hard the princess I was looking for would be in that castle All her base would belong to me Megaman would have the my cock arm cannon attack

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 11:13 PM (TRTwr)

371 I'd hit that so hard, little old ladies would give up their seat on the bus. For my dick.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at May 27, 2011 11:13 PM (WRW1S)

372 Motivational posters would go up in every workplace of me hitting that.

Word at bottom:

Hitting

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:14 PM (2dbd9)

373 I'd hit it so hard, Doc Brown would need my dick to get back to 1985.

Posted by: Alec Leamas at May 27, 2011 11:14 PM (W0TZi)

374 I'd hit it so hard, gentlemen in England now a-bed shall think themselves accursed and hold their manhoods cheap

Posted by: jmt at May 27, 2011 11:15 PM (3PUWe)

375 I'd hit it so hard you could cross the streams.

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 11:15 PM (TRTwr)

376 KISS will ask for my autograph I'll hit that so hard.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:16 PM (2dbd9)

377 Not sure why posting hyperlinked that...

Posted by: jmt at May 27, 2011 11:16 PM (3PUWe)

378 "OH, THE HUMANITY!!!"

Live news coverage of me hitting that

Posted by: kbdabear at May 27, 2011 11:17 PM (vdfwz)

379 Posted by: ace at May 28, 2011 03:11 AM (nj1bB) Sorry Ace, I just read some article on Cracked about creepy video game codes and that was one. I'd hit it so hard Johnny would like jazz

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 11:18 PM (TRTwr)

380 I'd hit it so hard, the Japanese would create a post-apocalyptic anime universe based upon the catastrophic event of me having hit it.

Posted by: Alec Leamas at May 27, 2011 11:18 PM (W0TZi)

381 "OH, THE HUGE MANATEE!!!"

Live news coverage of me hitting that...

Posted by: Adriane at May 27, 2011 11:18 PM (L9W0l)

382 I'd hit it so hard my latex condom would vulcanize

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 11:19 PM (TRTwr)

383 my new schtick is to reference movies that don't exist, but could. I would hit that so hard a single mom is elected President of the United States.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 11:19 PM (nj1bB)

384 Out of sexual frustration, Papa Smurf would finally give the nod to family style on Smurfette.

Posted by: jmt at May 27, 2011 11:19 PM (3PUWe)

385 I'd hit that so hard it would become the next WoW Expansion.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:19 PM (2dbd9)

386 I'd hit it so hard Robert Oppenheimer would call me death, destroyer of worlds

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 11:19 PM (TRTwr)

387 364 jolly, no, it's an attempt to reference some kind of weird horror movie that I just made up, where there are strange people who live in the walls, watching us, and they're set free by the dark magic of my pounding Christina Hendricks' love muffin.

Eh it's late, it made sense in my head. There was a whole plot going.

Posted by: ace at May 28, 2011 03:11 AM

Call me, I think you've got a winner there!

Posted by: Roger Corman at May 27, 2011 11:20 PM (vdfwz)

388 Like a crazed sex poodle manbearpig seeking release of its second chakra.

Posted by: Count de Monet at May 27, 2011 11:20 PM (XBM1t)

389 I'd hit it so hard, her coochie could vote straight Republican for the next 20 years and Obama would still be willing to designate it a federal disaster area.

Posted by: Alex at May 27, 2011 11:20 PM (J2ejK)

390 Moses didn't part the red sea. My penultimate perfunctory shockwave of salaciously satisfying hard-hittingness traveled back in time and saved the Jews from Egypt.

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 11:20 PM (gQ374)

391 I'd hit it so hard, when I pulled my cock out, helicopters would be dumping cold sea water on my rod to prevent a systemic meltdown.

Posted by: Alec Leamas at May 27, 2011 11:20 PM (W0TZi)

392 I'd hit it so hard I'd knock up Schwartzenagers maid

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 11:20 PM (TRTwr)

393 I would hit that so hard a monkey wins the lottery.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 11:20 PM (nj1bB)

394 I'd hit it so hard, Mikey Mann's Hockey Stick would shatter.

Posted by: Adriane at May 27, 2011 11:21 PM (L9W0l)

395 I'd hit that like in Betelgeuse 2.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:21 PM (2dbd9)

396 I'd hit that so hard, Truthers would claim that I knocked down the World Trade Center AND WTC 7

Posted by: kbdabear at May 27, 2011 11:22 PM (vdfwz)

397 I would hit that so hard a socially awkward, overeducated female physics professor takes a trip to Florence and finally *learns to live.*

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 11:23 PM (nj1bB)

398 I'd hit it so hard, my techniques will be taught in hidden buddhist monastaries centuries from now.

Posted by: Alex at May 27, 2011 11:23 PM (J2ejK)

399 I'd hit it so hard, 1960s NASA would retire the Saturn V.

Posted by: Adriane at May 27, 2011 11:23 PM (L9W0l)

400 I'd hit that so hard tiny Japanese women would climb out of a picnic basket and sing to my cock.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:23 PM (2dbd9)

401 I'd hit it so hard, straight, and long, Callaway would patent my cock.

Posted by: Alec Leamas at May 27, 2011 11:24 PM (W0TZi)

402 jolly, no, it's an attempt to reference some kind of weird horror movie that I just made up, where there are strange people who live in the walls, watching us, and they're set free by the dark magic of my pounding Christina Hendricks' love muffin.
Posted by: ace at May 28, 2011 03:11 AM

And they said you couldn't actually make a movie out of the ONT

Posted by: kbdabear at May 27, 2011 11:24 PM (vdfwz)

403 I'd hit it so hard the next big Japanese disaster movie would be my cock vs. mecha my cock

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 11:25 PM (TRTwr)

404 The polar ice caps are melting because she sits on them after I hit that.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:25 PM (2dbd9)

405 I'd hit it so hard Paris Hilton would join a nunnery.

Posted by: jmt at May 27, 2011 11:25 PM (3PUWe)

406 I'd hit that so hard a shy, bullied teenager discovers he has the Power of the Fane.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 11:25 PM (nj1bB)

407 I'd hit it so hard, everyone would wear a normal hat to the Royal Wedding.

Posted by: Adriane at May 27, 2011 11:25 PM (L9W0l)

408 I'd hit that so hard that Truman would've dropped my dick on Japan.

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 11:26 PM (gQ374)

409 I'd hit it so hard Paris Hilton would join a nunnery.

Whoa! That's pretty hard,

Posted by: Alec Leamas at May 27, 2011 11:26 PM (W0TZi)

410 My hitting that would create it's own time zone, called It's Fuckin Time.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:26 PM (2dbd9)

411 I'd hit that so hard that Nic Cage has 24 hours to steal the world's nine most precious gems or a rogue government agency will kill his daughter.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 11:28 PM (nj1bB)

412 I'd hit that so hard Scarface would go to AA.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:28 PM (2dbd9)

413 I'd hit hat so hard I'd become The Human Torch

Posted by: kbdabear at May 27, 2011 11:28 PM (vdfwz)

414 How could anyone make a movie of hitting that? The special effects depicting it can't be done

Posted by: James Fuckin' Cameron at May 27, 2011 11:31 PM (vdfwz)

415 I'd hit it so hard they'd make a sequel to Pluto Nash

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 11:31 PM (TRTwr)

416 I'd hit it so hard, salmon would swim downstream to spawn at my dick.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at May 27, 2011 11:31 PM (WRW1S)

417 I'd hit that so hard the cascading meth lab explosions would keep America high for two decades.

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 11:31 PM (gQ374)

418 okay I'm out, night. I'd hit that so hard that brilliant but distant father Russel Crowe injects himself with an "empathy booster" and becomes Mommy Daddy.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 11:32 PM (nj1bB)

419 I'd hit it so hard, Ben Franklin's key on a kite string would have never stopped sparking.

Posted by: Adriane at May 27, 2011 11:33 PM (L9W0l)

420 I'd hit that so hard Mr. Lahey would let the boys live rent free for six years.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:33 PM (2dbd9)

421 415 I'd hit it so hard they'd make a sequel to Pluto Nash

TOO FUCKING HARD, DIAL IT BACK A BIT!

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 11:33 PM (gQ374)

422 I'd hit that so hard, Steven King would write a novel not based in Maine.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at May 27, 2011 11:33 PM (WRW1S)

423 I'd bang her like an epileptic carpenter.

Posted by: Joe R. at May 27, 2011 11:35 PM (9v8Zy)

424 Night Ace, I think I'm out after this one. I'd hit it so hard, Pippa Middletons ass would slap me

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 27, 2011 11:36 PM (TRTwr)

425 I'd hit that so hard Jenny would learn how to be a good person and love Forrest and not be such a sick scrunt.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:36 PM (2dbd9)

426 I'd hit that so hard that nobody in Inception would wake up.

Posted by: Kilgenthal77 at May 27, 2011 11:39 PM (gQ374)

427 I'd hit it so hard, school girl outfits would disappear from Japanese porn.

Posted by: jmt at May 27, 2011 11:39 PM (3PUWe)

428 I'd hit that hard enough to melt steel.

Posted by: too soon at May 27, 2011 11:42 PM (G7Jng)

429 I'd hit that so hard that on an alien planet 100,000 light-years away, life would evolve, and a civilization would arise, and 100,000 years later, the planet's High Psionic would nod approvingly and say, "Niiiiice."

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2011 11:47 PM (nj1bB)

430 I'd hit that so hard the God-Emperor of the Imperium would fall off his throne.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:48 PM (2dbd9)

431

Just one of those things that when its in your head you can't go to sleep with it still in there huh ace.

Posted by: buzzion at May 27, 2011 11:48 PM (oVQFe)

432 I'd hit that hard enough to revive Gloria Stuart's career.

Posted by: mrobvious at May 27, 2011 11:48 PM (G7Jng)

433 New class in Dungeons and Dragons:

Dude who hit it.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:52 PM (2dbd9)

434 I'd hit it so hard, directors of English gangster movies would forget that Pulp Fiction was ever made.

Posted by: jmt at May 27, 2011 11:53 PM (3PUWe)

435 I'd hit it so hard they'd change the Oscar statue to a statue of me hitting it.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:56 PM (2dbd9)

436 I'd hit that so hard they would change the entire Walk of Fame to parking for my cock.

Posted by: sifty at May 27, 2011 11:58 PM (2dbd9)

437 I would hit that so hard, after drinks, that things would happen.

Posted by: Larry Marchant at May 27, 2011 11:58 PM (aI+Fw)

438 I'd hit it so hard that news anchors would refer to it in multiples of the Hiroshima bomb.

Posted by: Doofus at May 27, 2011 11:58 PM (5hgSJ)

439 I'd hit it so hard that megatons would hereafter be referred to as GGE's. (shameless rip-off of post 43

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde at May 28, 2011 12:00 AM (f4gk9)

440 I'd hit that so hard John Henry'd just shake his head, sit down on a rock, and start crying in shame.

Posted by: JFirch at May 28, 2011 12:02 AM (rp3Xo)

441 I'd hit it so hard there would be Chernobyl, Fukushima, and Christina's bedroom.

Posted by: Doofus at May 28, 2011 12:07 AM (5hgSJ)

442 I'd hit that so hard Ace would go back to real cigarettes.

Posted by: mrobvious at May 28, 2011 12:07 AM (G7Jng)

443 But not in a ghey way.

Posted by: mrobvious at May 28, 2011 12:09 AM (G7Jng)

444 I'd hit that so hard that the next time ace did an I'd hit that so hard post one of them would be I'd hit that so hard it would be called a buzzion.

Posted by: buzzion at May 28, 2011 12:10 AM (oVQFe)

445 I'd hit that hard enough that spammers would appear.

Posted by: mrobvious at May 28, 2011 12:11 AM (G7Jng)

446 I'd hit it so hard it would knock the earth out of its orbit, sending the planet spiraling into the sun.

Posted by: Doofus at May 28, 2011 12:11 AM (5hgSJ)

447

I'd hit that hard enough to dry the wet spot.

Posted by: mrobvious at May 28, 2011 12:12 AM (G7Jng)

448

So. When did ace start doing humour?

...again.

Posted by: davisbr at May 28, 2011 12:14 AM (zoeEh)

449 I'd hit it so hard they'd /wish/ they had put a nuke in the center of it before impact.

Posted by: JFirch at May 28, 2011 12:16 AM (rp3Xo)

450 I'd hit that so hard it would result in a mass extinction event.

Posted by: sandbagger at May 28, 2011 12:17 AM (VA2Ko)

451 I'd hit that so hard that people would think the Earth was spiraling into the sun when really it was spiralling away.

Posted by: mrobvious at May 28, 2011 12:18 AM (G7Jng)

452 I'd hit that so hard that the blisters on my hand would finally have time to heal.

Posted by: mrobvious at May 28, 2011 12:19 AM (G7Jng)

453 I'd hit that so hard it would trigger a second Big Bang.

Posted by: sandbagger at May 28, 2011 12:22 AM (VA2Ko)

454 I'd hit it so perfunctorily I wouldn't think to call her afterward and if she called me I wouldn't answer and she wouldn't leave a message and we'd soon almost never think of each other.

Posted by: oblig. at May 28, 2011 12:40 AM (xvZW9)

455 I'd hit it so hard that Helen Thomas would Smile.

Posted by: Lc Scott at May 28, 2011 12:44 AM (J/RRH)

456 I'd hit that so hard it would generate the god particle.

Posted by: Stephen Hawking at May 28, 2011 12:52 AM (TrAxp)

457 433 New class in Dungeons and Dragons:

Dude who hit it.

Posted by: sifty at May 28, 2011 03:52 AM (2dbd9)

Now that's just mean.

I like the humor Ace, loose and confident is the way to head into an election season.

Posted by: Jean at May 28, 2011 12:56 AM (7P7Ij)

458 And you bagged on the "Sugar Tits" guy.

Posted by: Aunt Cranky at May 28, 2011 01:00 AM (aibIg)

459 If Palin make Meghan "lose the mood", does Hendricks make her cry

Posted by: Jean at May 28, 2011 01:07 AM (7P7Ij)

460 Wyatt Earp's going to be pissed he slept thru this thread.

Posted by: Jean at May 28, 2011 01:07 AM (7P7Ij)

461 So, to be perfectly clear, Ace: you WOULD hit on the lovely Ms. Hendricks? Because you haven't made your views on the matter known sufficiently clearly, y'know.

Posted by: Captain Obvious, doin' what he does best at May 28, 2011 01:20 AM (XHhkx)

462 I could never "hit it" as she reminds me of my sister a bit.

------------------------

Hey, nobody's saying you gotta marry her.

Posted by: Taro Tsujimoto at May 28, 2011 01:57 AM (M+lbD)

463 I'd hit that like Rocky Balboa hits a large side of beef. From a cow. A big, fat cow.

Posted by: Taro Tsujimoto at May 28, 2011 02:05 AM (M+lbD)

464 I'd hit that so hard it would knock the spam out of here.

Posted by: Vic at May 28, 2011 02:32 AM (M9Ie6)

465 That first Firefly episode she was in, Our Mrs. Reynolds, was built for Freudian explication: First, the ship, Serenity, is obviously shaped like a penis--because the show is, essentially, Mal Reynolds Swaggering Dick in Space. Saffron uses her feminine power to defeat Mal and other crew members. She tries to seduce Mal, and when he eventually gives in, she knocks him out with a poison kiss. Saffron disables the ship and sets it on a course to pass through a large gate or orifice, a figurative vagina, that will kill everyone inside, and she escapes. Saffron wins that round. But Mal and the crew win round two, partially because Saffron's feminine power is useless against Inara, who also has feminine power.

While the ship is coasting toward the gate, they hatch a plan to disable the gate with a huge rifle (another phallic symbol). Jayne shoots the gate at the last second--shooting the rifle from waist level, like a large penis. The gate is disabled, and the ship is able to pass through unharmed. The people in charge of the gate die instead. There is a long shot of the ship passing through the gate.

So the ship's predicament is mirrored by the conflict within the ship--but with a different outcome.

In round three, Mal catches up with her. She immediately tries to seduce him again, but he has learned about her power and punches her in the face to knock her out.

Posted by: rdbrewer at May 28, 2011 02:34 AM (aSGPn)

466 This TestacleFree Cat would hit Ms. Hendricks so hard, LauraW's Hump would deflate, and straighten out ALL the quirks in DaveinTexas' DNA...

Hey, iffin' we are gonna go overboard...

Posted by: Sox at May 28, 2011 02:36 AM (IR0R1)

467 I'd hit that like... something that hits things... in a big way... a lot.

Posted by: rdbrewer at May 28, 2011 02:45 AM (aSGPn)

468 I'd hit that so hard that my equalizer would be worn down to a nubbin. Like Andy Dufresne's rock hammer.

Posted by: Little Miss Spellcheck at May 28, 2011 02:50 AM (a5ljo)

469 This is interesting. Hendricks was named "the sexiest woman in the world" in a poll of female readers taken by Esquire magazine.

Posted by: rdbrewer at May 28, 2011 03:14 AM (aSGPn)

470
I'd hit that so hard Mel Gibson would say (with move accent), "I'm the Beaver ... control yourself..."

Posted by: Martin Riggs at May 28, 2011 03:17 AM (u+8qs)

471 428 I'd hit that hard enough to melt steel.

Posted by: too soon at May 28, 2011 03:42 AM (G7Jng)

Yeah. Like steel can melt. [/sarcasm off]

Posted by: Rosie O'Donnell at May 28, 2011 03:22 AM (u+8qs)

472 You all know before you even saw nipple you'd release the hasty pudding so fast in your tighty whities that it would make Barry's timing in toasting the queen seem appropriate. Then, after you recovered, you'd give her the most disappointing 30 seconds of her life.

Posted by: Ms Choksondik at May 28, 2011 03:23 AM (UciSl)

473 It took Ace until May 28, 2011 to notice Christine Hendricks has tits??

Posted by: CoolCzech at May 28, 2011 03:26 AM (kUaEF)

474 475 This is interesting. Hendricks was named "the sexiest woman in the world" in a poll of female readers taken by Esquire magazine. Posted by: rdbrewer at May 28, 2011 07:14 AM (aSGPn) That's because it's a well established fact that all hawt women have latent lesbian fantasies, that usually only manifest themselves in health club showers and when we men are not around.

Posted by: CoolCzech at May 28, 2011 03:30 AM (kUaEF)

475 Ace is part of the "25%" , just sayin. NTTIAWWT..

Posted by: Temper Tantrum at May 28, 2011 03:33 AM (bAL0J)

476
I'd hit that so hard that gentlemen in England now-a-bed
    Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
    And hold their manhoods cheap whilst any speaks
    That .... hit upon Christina...

Posted by: Francis Bacon at May 28, 2011 03:34 AM (u+8qs)

477 That's because it's a well established fact that all hawt women have latent lesbian fantasies, that usually only manifest themselves in health club showers and when we men are not around.

Heh. Hence, statements like this, "I'd hit that so hard that my equalizer would be worn down to a nubbin," and this, "You all know before you even saw nipple you'd release the hasty pudding so fast . . . ." I kind of like the way chix appreciate her beauty.

Let's hear about it, moronettes. You'd hit it too.

Posted by: rdbrewer at May 28, 2011 03:35 AM (aSGPn)

478 When Ace "joked" about not finding her attractive I just assumed he was part of the 25%.

Posted by: digitalbrownshirt at May 28, 2011 03:35 AM (C6OjH)

479 Yes, OF COURSE I'm a fan.

Posted by: XBradTC at May 28, 2011 03:41 AM (0xrtx)

480 She could use a few pounds.

Posted by: Chris Christie at May 28, 2011 03:41 AM (FcaG3)

481 I'm stickin' with dogs...
( at least, for now... )

Posted by: backhoe at May 28, 2011 03:42 AM (0bk6W)

482 That's because it's a well established fact that all hawt women have latent lesbian fantasies, that usually only manifest themselves in health club showers and when we men are not around. Posted by: CoolCzech at May 28, 2011 07:30 AM (kUaEF) It's all true.

Posted by: Rosie O'Donnell & Margaret Cho at May 28, 2011 03:43 AM (UciSl)

483 Time for the morning walk. Hopefully when I get back there will be an open thread up for the morning news.

Posted by: Vic at May 28, 2011 03:43 AM (M9Ie6)

484 I'd hit that so hard that .........

Hey, watch this swing!!

Posted by: Barky O'Golfclub at May 28, 2011 03:47 AM (FcaG3)

485 Let's hear about it, moronettes. You'd hit it too. Posted by: rdbrewer at May 28, 2011 07:35 AM (aSGPn) First we'd brush each other's hair and try on each other's nighties, followed by a playful a pillow fight in which her nightie accidentally falls off. Then unlike you cretins, I'd hit it low and slow. When I woke up, she'd have written me a sonnet AND made me pancakes. But I'm not changing my name to Ms Choksonpoon for anyone so I'd have to cut her loose and she'd be ruined for men forever.

Posted by: Ms Choksondik at May 28, 2011 03:52 AM (UciSl)

486 I'd hit at it, and miss. The resulting tsunami from striking the earth would wash mountain climbers off the peak of Everest.

Posted by: MarkD at May 28, 2011 03:53 AM (6CLxP)

487 403 I'd hit it so hard the next big Japanese disaster movie would be my cock vs. mecha my cock Posted by: Jollyroger at May 28, 2011 03:25 AM (TRTwr) Mechacock won that battle a long time ago, Dear. IYKWIM.

Posted by: Mrs. Jollyroger at May 28, 2011 04:00 AM (kUaEF)

488 Posted by: Ms Choksondik at May 28, 2011 07:52 AM (UciSl) Not bad. But you left out the part about helping to shave each other's Precious in the morning.

Posted by: CoolCzech at May 28, 2011 04:07 AM (kUaEF)

489 Bitch ain't got shit on my toned arms.

Posted by: Moochelle at May 28, 2011 04:08 AM (FcaG3)

490 I could hit that so hard that Timothy Geithner would take notice and then pay his taxes.

Posted by: sTevo at May 28, 2011 04:14 AM (VMcEw)

491 I'd hit that so hard that when I was finished, she'd open her eyes and say: "Dick? Dick Cheney?"

Posted by: Sharkman at May 28, 2011 04:15 AM (Orc9J)

492

I applaud the ground-breaking interracial blowjob scene.

BTW everyone knows that they're fake, right?

Posted by: Crusty at May 28, 2011 04:16 AM (qzgbP)

493 Honest 'Chelle....I hit the link by mistake!!
She ain't got nothing on you.

Posted by: Barry "I wear the pants in this family" at May 28, 2011 04:18 AM (FcaG3)

494 I'd hit it so fast she wouldn't know what happened.

Posted by: NEW Ronco Supercavitating Mantool at May 28, 2011 04:23 AM (VXBR1)

495 I would hit that so hard the positive waves generated by the climax would cause Hamas to recognize Israel's right to exist.

Posted by: sandbagger at May 28, 2011 04:24 AM (VA2Ko)

496 Looks like someone needs a lesson on "Hittiing it"
*Where'd I leave my damn lightning bolts*

Posted by: Zeus, trying to sleep in on a Saturday morning at May 28, 2011 04:26 AM (FcaG3)

497 I'd hit it so hard, the public contracting laws of my state would require four surly union members to stand around at the site in fluorescent orange vests.

Posted by: Alec Leamas at May 28, 2011 04:27 AM (W0TZi)

498 I'd hit that so hard, the boobquake would cause a tsunami in Japan.

Posted by: CoolCzech at May 28, 2011 04:43 AM (kUaEF)

499 "She" is not really that hot.

Posted by: Lovin' My Scare Quotes at May 28, 2011 04:43 AM (4sQwu)

500 I'd hit that so hard the two 4" pine trees that I just cut down for my neighbor would have cut themselves.

And yes, she is a young blond gal with "big-uns" and single. But alas, I am not.

Posted by: Vic at May 28, 2011 04:46 AM (M9Ie6)

501 505 "She" is not really that hot. Posted by: Lovin' My Scare Quotes at May 28, 2011 08:43 AM (4sQwu) Are you insinuating Christina has a nasty surprise rolled up in her panties?

Posted by: CoolCzech at May 28, 2011 04:48 AM (kUaEF)

502 I'd hit it so hard that her great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, grandmother would swoon!

Posted by: Methuselah at May 28, 2011 04:51 AM (TrAxp)

503 Boob-on dot com.

Meanwhile...

Almost 300 people in northern Germany are in hospital and around 500 more are being tested for the infection.

I'm not saying that no one got sick from eating Spanish cukes.

I wouldn't doubt that on any given day, 300 people would routinely be hospitalized for something in Germany.

I WOULD DOUBT that 500 additional Germans are actually being TESTED for the cuke's E.Coli infection given precedence how the Flu is actually diagnosed only by symptoms which apply across the board to many different infectious diseases besides the flu, while the media hypes "TESTING" that actually costs money to perform and hence never occurs except in propaganda stories.

Sounds like the cucumber bug scare is Germany's economic warfare against Spain's agribusiness.

I hate it when a man is kicked while he's down. Especially when the kick off is meant to instigate a "spontaneous revolution".

Don't tell me... Given their high unemployment rate especially amongst youth, Spain hires immigrants to do the jobs that Spaniards won't do.

Posted by: by any other name at May 28, 2011 04:51 AM (H+LJc)

504 Really, Ace? Really? http://tinyurl.com/3f4j2xb

Posted by: mare at May 28, 2011 04:52 AM (A98Xu)

505 I'd hit it so hard that Richard Dawkins would be crying for God to make it stop.

Posted by: Pipe Barackage at May 28, 2011 04:53 AM (4WbQ8)

506 If satan comes to earth he will take that form.

Posted by: Oldsailor's poet at May 28, 2011 04:57 AM (NtTkA)

507 I could hit that so hard that all the sour grapes would ferment themselves in to sweet wine.

Posted by: sTevo at May 28, 2011 04:57 AM (q1Tbv)

508 Pipe Barackage

That conjures Barry doing Dawkins instead of the broad.

Raum's jealous.

Posted by: by any other name at May 28, 2011 04:58 AM (H+LJc)

509 Almost 300 people in northern Germany are in hospital and around 500 more are being tested for the infection. Yeast?

Posted by: CoolCzech at May 28, 2011 05:00 AM (kUaEF)

510 All this "hittin" on Hendricks reminds me of a young petite girl we used to have for a clerk where I used to work. She was only about 4'10" and her waist was probably only about 20". But Lordy Lordy her bust was out there probably in the 35 DD range and they were all natural.

So who did she get the most shit from at work? Her women coworkers who complained to management incessantly about her "provocative" clothes. (They were not)

And after months of complaint she did the greatest sin of them all, she went in for "reduction" surgery. Morons all over town were crying in their beer that night.

Posted by: Vic at May 28, 2011 05:00 AM (M9Ie6)

511 And after months of complaint she did the greatest sin of them all, she went in for "reduction" surgery. Morons all over town were crying in their beer that night. Posted by: Vic at May 28, 2011 09:00 AM (M9Ie6) That's a crying shame. I wonder what became of the leftover mammalia? I'd try planting them in my garden, to see if they'd propagate.

Posted by: CoolCzech at May 28, 2011 05:02 AM (kUaEF)

512 515 E.Coli

Posted by: De' Debil Hisself at May 28, 2011 05:03 AM (H+LJc)

513

Almost 300 people in northern Germany are in hospital and around 500 more are being tested for the infection.

Yeast?

e coli , i just got a phone call from the grocery store telling me they are recalling the cucumbers i bought.

Posted by: Ben at May 28, 2011 05:06 AM (DKV43)

514 The best asset to Ms Hendricks' breasts is her supports bras and how well they behave inside them. The have to be exceedingly firm.

Posted by: De' Debil Hisself at May 28, 2011 05:07 AM (H+LJc)

515 Why does anyone "buy" cucumbers? In a short while they will be ready for picking in the local gardens and the free giveaway market will be swamped?

Posted by: Vic at May 28, 2011 05:08 AM (M9Ie6)

516

Why does anyone "buy" cucumbers? In a short while they will be ready for picking in the local gardens and the free giveaway market will be swamped?

You answered the question yourself because they aren't ready for picking yet and I'm hungry for them now

Besides 3 large salad cucumbers for 1.98 seemed like a great deal.

I eat cukes like they were potato chips, so i grow/buy a lot of them

Posted by: Ben at May 28, 2011 05:09 AM (DKV43)

517 After careful consideration, and in consultation with our allies, I have determined that, despite the risk of genocide, it the policy of the the United States not to hit that.

Posted by: barack hussein obama at May 28, 2011 05:12 AM (GTbGH)

518 Well, since we are not going to get an "open thread" this morning time for the non-tit news.

The Mediscare/Ryan Budget meme continues

The reporters continue carrying the Dem water for them. As you can see, even the squishes are not getting a pass this time.

Romney was asked by a reporter during a stop in a Des Moines suburb whether he would sign the Republican plan if he were president. But the former Massachusetts governor declined to answer.

"That's the kind of speculation that is getting the cart ahead of the horse," he said.

So how does Romney answer? He pulls a semi-Newt.

Romney emphasized that he supports the goals of the Republican plan, offered by House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan, but that he would offer his own proposal for reducing spending and cutting the federal deficit.

They are worried. Perhaps barky is being perceived as Â“unelectableÂ”.

Posted by: Vic at May 28, 2011 05:14 AM (M9Ie6)

519 I'll put one up.

Posted by: rdbrewer at May 28, 2011 05:14 AM (aSGPn)

520

And speaking of Romney, when in Iowa he supports the BS ethanol boondoggle

I will give T-paw points for that.

Posted by: Vic at May 28, 2011 05:14 AM (M9Ie6)

521 Thanks

Posted by: Vic at May 28, 2011 05:15 AM (M9Ie6)

522 You had me then you lost me until that funny line by the French IMF rapist - that's comedy.

Posted by: Mac Gootbone at May 28, 2011 05:28 AM (9KBWp)

523 I'd hit that so hard, all the world's currencies would bear my likeness.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at May 28, 2011 05:30 AM (d0Tfm)

524 I'd hit that so hard, candidate Obama would have been properly vetted.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at May 28, 2011 05:31 AM (d0Tfm)

525 I'd hit that so hard, Dr. Stephen Hawking would believe there's a Heaven.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at May 28, 2011 05:32 AM (d0Tfm)

526 I'd hit that so hard, Keefums would become a conservative and end his show every night with a salute to me, sir.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at May 28, 2011 05:33 AM (d0Tfm)

527 Rick Steeves and National Geographic have teamed up with IMAX for an upcoming exploration project.

Nat Geo says; the shear vastness and glorious wonder of this region compels us to explore and share with the world.
Rick Steves says; I left my family behind on this one so as to not be distracted while learning and enjoying the many twists and turns of the deep crevasses. And I'll be sure to use my rail pass. The milky splendors will sure to please all travelers.
IMAX producers say; we can only imagine what the nipple region will be like, we have high hopes for an outrageously large diameter. And plenty of quality optics and film.

Posted by: melvin at May 28, 2011 05:35 AM (3OCZw)

528 I'd hit that so hard that the awe and positive vibrations generated thereby would cause the entire nation ... including Obama ... to demand ... DEMAND ... the Paul Ryan be made President immediately by acclamation and that he be granted Emergency Powers of Adult Responsibility to fix Medicare ... appoint replacement justices for Ginsberg and Breyer ... and .... wait ... which fantasies are we about in this thread?

Posted by: DearPenthouse at May 28, 2011 05:40 AM (u+8qs)

529 I'd hit that so hard the Japanese would name the next tsunami after me.

Posted by: Full Moon at May 28, 2011 05:47 AM (m75CK)

530 Ace, I love you. Your writing touches me. Cheers!

Posted by: Lova at May 28, 2011 05:55 AM (PLJnI)

531

i'd hit that so hard Mike Tyson would get a tatoo on his forehead that says. Damn, I thought I could hit hard.

Posted by: Racefan at May 28, 2011 06:02 AM (k8Joc)

532 moo

Posted by: Chuckit at May 28, 2011 06:05 AM (kF79y)

533 I'd hit that so hard that her nighties would end up in tatters and she'd have to replace them by buying her sexy lingerie wholesale.

Posted by: FireHorse at May 28, 2011 06:13 AM (Rq1/g)

534

I'd hit th-- -- ...

... actually, I wouldn't. For some reason, I'd start singing "Did It in a Minute" by Hall and Oates, and she'd leave the room laughing so hard she'd bust out of her corset.

Posted by: FireHorse at May 28, 2011 06:18 AM (Rq1/g)

535 (We're still talking about taking Christina Hendricks out for ice cream, right?)

Posted by: FireHorse at May 28, 2011 06:29 AM (Rq1/g)

536 I'd like to take Christina out to dinner at a fine restaraunt.A movie too,if she wanted.I'd hit it if she asked me nicely.

Posted by: steevy at May 28, 2011 06:38 AM (/jEs5)

537 I'd hit that like a cobra with my paw! I'm into redheads.

Posted by: I'm the Honey Badger, BITCH! at May 28, 2011 07:01 AM (fJhBR)

538 Blouse puppies. mmm...

Posted by: TomJW at May 28, 2011 07:03 AM (Li2G9)

539 I'd hit that like Barry Bonds on a hanging curve ball.

Posted by: todler at May 28, 2011 07:09 AM (OluE0)

540 I would have a lingerie pillowfight with that SO HARD...

Posted by: lauraw at May 28, 2011 07:13 AM (a9QKg)

541 I'd hit that so hard it would be patented as a new method hydraulic fracturing.

Posted by: sandbagger at May 28, 2011 07:15 AM (VA2Ko)

542 In Soviet Russia, Christina Hendricks hits you!

Posted by: Tom at May 28, 2011 07:15 AM (nQR0p)

543 Funny funny stuff last night. Sifty slew.

Posted by: lauraw at May 28, 2011 07:17 AM (a9QKg)

544 http://tinyurl.com/3b9oomp

Posted by: Freedomplow at May 28, 2011 07:22 AM (GLP9X)

545 The collective pounding suggested herein just might jostle moronic brains enough into understanding the use of possessive gerunds.

Posted by: Granny Grammarian at May 28, 2011 07:37 AM (wOaLi)

546 many married women complain that they have issues communicating with their spouses. That they can't comprehend what men really think as they are not forthcoming with sensitive one on ones.

they need to come here to gander. and to be astounded at how verbose (yet shallow ) they really are.

that's why i come here to try to figure out mens brains.
tee hee

Posted by: willow at May 28, 2011 07:52 AM (h+qn8)

547 seriously, you guys cause me shudders, raised eye brows, hysterical laughter, and sometimes fear of your thoughts!
good g-d

Posted by: willow at May 28, 2011 07:54 AM (h+qn8)

548 I've hit that 3 times since this thread started...

Posted by: moemo at May 28, 2011 08:21 AM (jYoCE)

549 Well blow me down. The boobies were spinach fed 12 years ago.

Posted by: Popeye at May 28, 2011 08:24 AM (wOaLi)

550 I'd hit that so hard that ABC would forever cancel DWTS and put our Tittie Tango and Bosom Boogie on it's own endlessly looping cable channel.

Posted by: Fritz at May 28, 2011 08:35 AM (AN8d5)

551 Of course women like Christina Hendricks. She gives them yet more permission to be fat.

Posted by: Taro Tsujimoto at May 28, 2011 08:44 AM (M+lbD)

552 mare, ouch, she's pretty fat there. I was at a dinner in NYC one time and at the next table was Aiden Quinn, Steve Buscemi, and Stanley Tucci. I always refer to this as the night I sat next to two celebrities and Stanley Tucci. Anyway, the point is, Aiden Quinn was noticably fat. Not super-fat, but not like you're used to seeing him. Pretty fat. Point I'm making is that between projects some of these guys put on weight. And then lose it (usually) when they work again. They're not all metabolic superstars; some of them have to work for it.

Posted by: ace at May 28, 2011 08:46 AM (nj1bB)

553 I would hit that so hard that whoever pulled me out would be king of England.

Posted by: Frank at May 28, 2011 08:48 AM (2ZjfV)

554

I was at a dinner in NYC one time and at the next table was Aiden Quinn, Steve Buscemi, and Stanley Tucci. I always refer to this as the night I sat next to two celebrities and Stanley Tucci.

Stanley Tucci remembers it as the night the guy at the next table kept yelling "Tristan! I can't see!" during the main course.

Posted by: FireHorse at May 28, 2011 08:58 AM (Rq1/g)

555 I would hit that so hard my penis would enter her vagina, then exit her vagina then re-enter her vagina, like heterosexual men do with women. (I know it sounds icky but it's totally not)

Posted by: Larry Merchant at May 28, 2011 09:06 AM (1fB+3)

556

I would hit that so hard, Peter North would start calling me for pointers. I'd let them go to voicemail.

Posted by: mark c at May 28, 2011 09:08 AM (SBIko)

557 This has to be followed by an Anthony Weiner post.

Posted by: Dr Spank at May 28, 2011 09:16 AM (1fB+3)

558 e coli , i just got a phone call from the grocery store telling me they are recalling the cucumbers i bought.

Toxic German cucumbers? Is this the Anthony Weiner thread?

Posted by: Sorry, just woke up at May 28, 2011 09:44 AM (JEvSn)

559 "I'd hit that so hard..." Are you kidding me? She'd break you like a gelding, and then laugh at your tears. Which would be the greatest experience EVER!

Posted by: JohnW at May 28, 2011 10:42 AM (c45mq)

560

She was only about 4'10" and her waist was probably only about 20". But Lordy Lordy her bust was out there probably in the 35 DD range and they were all natural.

And after months of complaint she did the greatest sin of them all, she went in for "reduction" surgery.

God almighty girls like that are super hot. But they tend to have medical problems hauling those things around long-term -- chronic back pain in particular is quite common-- so it's not surprising that they often get them reduced. Fortunately most aren't overly drastic with the surgery and they are still hot afterwards.

Posted by: JPS at May 28, 2011 10:58 AM (wS6Sf)

561 http://tinyurl.com/3ncb8ja

Posted by: Chairman LMAO at May 28, 2011 11:00 AM (yJyNa)

562

She's fat ... moooo.

I'd hit that if she did a season of Survivor: Ethiopia first.

http://tinyurl.com/3cep6rv

Posted by: Mark at May 28, 2011 01:24 PM (gW6e2)

563 I'd hit that so hard that I would cause a tsunami that would wipe out Cuba.

Posted by: knockin' the bottom out at May 28, 2011 04:12 PM (/8PLP)

564 I'd hit that so hard I'd be late to every thread and also not type/speak good.

Posted by: Lance McCormick at May 28, 2011 04:17 PM (/D8ux)

565 It's a well known fact that even 98% of straight women would hit that.

Posted by: Scarlet at May 28, 2011 05:12 PM (B68FX)

566 Anyone for some swimsuit photos?

Posted by: Gran at May 28, 2011 05:23 PM (kmmbv)

567 I would hit that so hard that it would be declared a Federal Disaster Area, with damage reports estimated in the hundreds of dollars alone for steaks, condoms, coke, midget rental, ball-gags and bourbon--prompting Anderson Cooper to intone that the major lip areas seems to be unscathed, while we can finally confirm that the drapes do, in fact, match the carpet.

Posted by: LexisTexas at May 28, 2011 10:26 PM (Cn396)

568 I'd hit it so hard, Linda Rondstat would turn skinny and attractive again........Nah...

Posted by: jasonj at May 29, 2011 02:39 PM (rlvr/)

569 I'd hit that so hard I could open a brothel in Mecca

Posted by: theworldisnotenough at May 29, 2011 04:12 PM (hpcHa)

570 I'd hit that so hard Megatron would respect the human race

Posted by: theworldisnotenough at May 29, 2011 04:20 PM (hpcHa)

571 337 I'd hit that so hard the townspeople wouldn't even be capable of discussing it. They would all just shift uncomfortably and refer vaguely to "the incident."

Posted by: ace at May 28, 2011 03:02 AM (nj1bB)

BWAHAHA.

Posted by: theworldisnotenough at May 29, 2011 04:27 PM (hpcHa)

572 I'd hit that so hard Helen Thomas would blow Netanyahu.

Posted by: theworldisnotenough at May 29, 2011 04:29 PM (hpcHa)

573 373 I'd hit it so hard, Doc Brown would need my dick to get back to 1985.

Posted by: Alec Leamas at May 28, 2011 03:14 AM (W0TZi)

BWAHAHAHA, cough, HAHAHAHAHA.

Posted by: theworldisnotenough at May 29, 2011 04:34 PM (hpcHa)

574
I'd hit that so hard Genette Nicole Cordova would start following me.

Posted by: theworldisnotenough at May 29, 2011 04:57 PM (hpcHa)

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