Ace of Spades HQ

April 14, 2011

CAC's Bacon Review: Denny's Maple Bacon Sundae
— CAC

Perhaps a break from the aneurysm-inducing budget nonsense, eh?

I appreciate great works of art. Be it Picasso's Guernica, Goya's Saturn Eating His Children, or Duchamp's toilets.

I am also a bacon afficiando, embarking on my own bacon experiment combining espresso (my fourth greatest love) and bacon which was documented here.

So, when I saw this Denny's ad:

I had to indulge in a potential American post-minimalist masterpiece.
But what bacony item to partake in? Bacon pancakes, while intriguing, are already a novelty I have indulged in. Same goes for the meatloaf (a better version of which is the Bacon Explosion, more accurately described as a loaf of bacon and heart attacks). A BBBLT? I make those on a regular basis, except without the lettuce or tomato (and come to think of it without the bread or the plate it is supposed to rest on).

So I set my sights on the Maple Bacon Sundae:

I have always been a fan of bacon-in-dessert items. Chocolate covered bacon, Chocolate-and-bacon-covered Oreos. Any combination of batter, chocolate, sugar and bacon I can find at the L.A. County Fair.

Upon first inspection, my bacon sundae comes in layers, which is always a plus and really an obvious characteristic of any good sundae. Dessert items promising "layers of flavor" as the Denny's employee assured me need to deliver, otherwise you end up with a garbled mess. Since I had to order this to go (I had critical sketching, painting, and heavy drinking I need to do before work), I was pleasantly surprised that it stayed structurally intact in my 11Â¢ styrofoam cup:

I may be a pig, but I do have some particulars about my bacon. Bacon prepped improperly leaves it flaccid, greasy and fatty much like Kratos on date night.
With any bacon novelty item, it is also very easy for the natural saltiness of bacon to become overwhelming, turning the item into soggy bacon + gross gout-triggering mess (also known as "Arbying" the dish).

Knowing the above pitfalls could befall the sundae, I was weary of taking my first bite. What if this sucks? What if I just wasted money and gas to indulge in foolishness? What if my colon reacts badly?

Ignoring the whatiffs, I took my first bite, and was not disappointed.

(Yeah, I didn't even wait until I got home. Bacon has that effect on me.)
The ingredients are painfully simple- chopped cooked bacon (obviously left to cool otherwise it would melt the ice cream), vanilla ice cream, maple syrup. The trick to any bacon novelty is this very simplicity, because when you add more flavors to "balance" the salty-sweet-crunch-chewy all-at-once-ness of bacon, it gets messy and off-balance. The bacon, though cold, wasn't too chewy or too crispy so its texture worked well with the smooth ice cream. They also went light on the maple syrup, allowing for the saltiness of the pork product to trickle through between pops of sweet.

Pros: Simple, balanced, delicious.
Cons: Too small for the price, need moar.

My recommendation: get it while you can, or you are worse than Hitler.

Next week: The Breakfast Cupcake at MyDelight Cupcakery in Upland, California:

Posted by: CAC at 10:42 AM | Comments (69)
Post contains 541 words, total size 4 kb.

1 After it turns my blood into peanut butter can I still get cash for a pint?

Posted by: ontherocks at April 14, 2011 10:45 AM (HBqDo)

2 I love bacon, but a bacon sundae? Damn.
Not sure if want.

Posted by: fb at April 14, 2011 10:46 AM (G60Nl)

3 Goddamn, that looks pretty good!!!

Posted by: EC at April 14, 2011 10:47 AM (GQ8sn)

4 Dear Lord. I feel my arteries clogging just looking at that.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 14, 2011 10:47 AM (UOM48)

5 I guess I'm worse than Hitler- I don't eat bacon (or any meat). But I used to eat bacon and that sundae looks pretty good. I'd prefer it with butter pecan syrup though.

Posted by: Ms Choksondik at April 14, 2011 10:47 AM (vIWL2)

Nice plaid shorts CAC. NOT!!!!! Bwwwaaahhhhhhhhh

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at April 14, 2011 10:48 AM (cniXs)

7
IHOP > Denny's > Waffle House

Posted by: Soothsayer, Republican Whip at April 14, 2011 10:48 AM (uFokq)

8 I may be a pig, but I do have some particulars about my bacon.

Is this the cannibalism thread?

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at April 14, 2011 10:49 AM (Z1jiu)

9 Man I would love to get my hands on that cupcake...........I would mess that thing up.

Posted by: Roadking at April 14, 2011 10:49 AM (IEK6Y)

10
I don't know what's more disturbing, plaid shorts, pasty white-boy legs or that you drive a Volvo.

Full disclosure: I also possess pasty white-boy legs.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 14, 2011 10:49 AM (sBoN3)

11 Mmmmmmmm .... bacon!

Posted by: Andy at April 14, 2011 10:49 AM (iV1Yy)

12 Maybe someone can overdub Monty Python's Spam skit by substituting "bacon" for "spam".

Posted by: John P. Squibob at April 14, 2011 10:51 AM (/U/Mr)

Nice plaid shorts CAC. NOT!!!!! Bwwwaaahhhhhhhhh

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at April 14, 2011 02:48 PM (cniXs)

Give CAC a break, they come with the volvo

Posted by: robtr at April 14, 2011 10:51 AM (MtwBb)

14
No better post-bar hopping food than a short stack and a side of thick-sliced bacon. Yum.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 14, 2011 10:51 AM (sBoN3)

15 You keep a real fork in your car?

Posted by: Tami at April 14, 2011 10:51 AM (VuLos)

16 Other desserts waiting to be made:
Meatsicle
Beefshake
Rootbeer steak & icecream float
Chocolate dipped bacon strips
Mars Bar Bacon & Caramel
Whipped Cream and Beef Broth
Chicken-flavoured icecream
Lamb's blood hard candy

Posted by: fb at April 14, 2011 10:51 AM (G60Nl)

17 15 You keep a real fork in your car?

You mean Denny's doesn't let you keep them?

Posted by: fb at April 14, 2011 10:52 AM (G60Nl)

18 I smell bacon! bacon..bacon..bacon..BACON!

Posted by: that dog from that commercial at April 14, 2011 10:52 AM (Z1jiu)

#16

Chocolate dipped bacon strips are readily available.

Strong's Candy in LA has been selling it for half a decade.

Posted by: CAC at April 14, 2011 10:53 AM (JEVge)

20
You keep a real fork in your car?

Probably liberated from the Denny's.

Flatware thievery would help compensate for those shorts.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 14, 2011 10:53 AM (sBoN3)

21 For Christmas I got a bar of Vosges bacon chocolate.
Quite excellent.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at April 14, 2011 10:53 AM (QMtmy)

>>> I don't know what's more disturbing, plaid shorts, pasty white-boy legs or that you drive a Volvo.

Man Card revocation?

Your pushing it my friend.

Posted by: Roadking at April 14, 2011 10:55 AM (IEK6Y)

23 You drive a Volvo and like bacon? Not possible.

When worlds collide.

Posted by: mpfs at April 14, 2011 10:55 AM (iYbLN)

<<<<Joe's Sentient Fromunda Cheese>>>>> Which one of you revolutionary pigthumpers is going to be the first to raise a fork? Which ones of you will be the first to go to the restaurant? Which ones of you will be the first to be tickled in your special place without squirming under the Ewok Act? My "educated" guess is that none of you will, especially the ones who speak of bacon and ice cream at length. My "experience" is that those who eat unhealthy desserts are the ones that piss their pants and diet after the first love handle is pinched.

Posted by: uneducated joe at April 14, 2011 10:55 AM (fb52c)

Also good is that bacon vodka, but only if you shoot it with salt & lemon.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at April 14, 2011 10:55 AM (QMtmy)

Man: You sit here, dear.

Wife: All right.

Man: Morning!

Waitress: Morning!

Man: Well, what've you got?

Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and bacon; egg bacon and bacon; egg bacon sausage and bacon; bacon bacon sausage and bacon; bacon egg bacon bacon bacon and bacon; bacon sausage bacon bacon bacon bacon tomato and bacon;

Vikings: Bacon bacon bacon bacon...

Waitress: ...bacon bacon bacon egg and bacon; bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon baked beans bacon bacon bacon...

Vikings: Bacon! Lovely bacon! Lovely bacon!

Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and bacon.

Wife: Have you got anything without bacon?

Waitress: Well, there's bacon egg sausage and bacon, that's not got much bacon in it.

Wife: I don't want ANY bacon!

Man: Why can't she have egg bacon bacon and sausage?

Wife: THAT'S got bacon in it!

Man: Hasn't got as much bacon in it as bacon egg sausage and bacon, has it?

Vikings: Bacon bacon bacon bacon... (Crescendo through next few lines...)

Wife: Could you do the egg bacon bacon and sausage without the bacon then?

Waitress: Urgghh!

Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like bacon!

Vikings: Lovely bacon! Wonderful bacon!

Waitress: Shut up!

Vikings: Lovely bacon! Wonderful bacon!

Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon bacon and sausage without the bacon.

Wife: I don't like bacon!

Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your bacon. I love it. I'm having bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon beaked beans bacon bacon bacon and bacon!

Vikings: Bacon bacon bacon bacon. Lovely bacon! Wonderful bacon!

Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.

Man: Well could I have her bacon instead of the baked beans then?

Waitress: You mean bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)

Vikings: (Singing elaborately...) Bacon bacon bacon bacon. Lovely bacon! Wonderful bacon! Bacon spa-a-a-a-a-am bacon spa-a-a-a-a-am bacon. Lovely bacon! Lovely bacon! Lovely bacon! Lovely bacon! Lovely bacon! Bacon bacon bacon bacon!

Posted by: John P. Squibob at April 14, 2011 10:56 AM (/U/Mr)

27 Mindful of the current dire circumstances I am willing to consider suicide by bacon.
......back off arhooley!

_{Just kidding Tami}

Posted by: ontherocks at April 14, 2011 10:57 AM (HBqDo)

28 Thick-sliced bacon sprinkled with cayenne and brown sugar, baked in the oven. Yum.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 14, 2011 10:57 AM (UOM48)

29 Bacon will be our next currency

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at April 14, 2011 10:57 AM (pdRb1)

30 Who eats a sundae with a fork? A spork I understand but this? I'm confusicated.

Posted by: mpfs at April 14, 2011 10:57 AM (iYbLN)

31 Do you guys think that this may be Denny's marketing ploy to attract Muslim customers?

Posted by: kathysaysso at April 14, 2011 10:58 AM (ZtwUX)

32 I take it from the photos that the item served to customers actually resembles the images shown in the advertising unlike the KFC double down or anything served by Taco Bell. Denny's should get the Nobel prize for that alone.

Posted by: Snorting the NPR butt hash so you won't have to at April 14, 2011 10:59 AM (F/4zf)

In the department of Disasterous Breakfast Format Executions, I have a press kit from these folks:

"It's Â‘IncrEdible' Â— Portable Scrambled Eggs, Mac & Cheese in Â‘Push Up' Packaging"

http://tinyurl.com/3tx5zqy

Posted by: Dr. Varno at April 14, 2011 10:59 AM (QMtmy)

34 Dude. A Volvo? [Shakes head] You're gonna have to chase down a rhino and kill it with your teeth to compensate for that mancard violation. 7 IHOP > Denny's > Waffle House Posted by: Soothsayer, Republican Whip at April 14, 2011 02:48 PM (uFokq) My first date with my future wife was at an IHOP. That should have been a clue for her but she married me anyway.

Posted by: joncelli at April 14, 2011 10:59 AM (RD7QR)

35
CAC needs a titanium apocalypse spork to man-up that Volvo.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 14, 2011 11:01 AM (sBoN3)

36 Well the bill just passed in the house. Not unpredicted.

Posted by: Dick Morris at April 14, 2011 11:01 AM (ihSHD)

Stinky sock!

Now it's on to the Senate. I want to go lie down and curl up in a fetal ball.

Posted by: runningrn at April 14, 2011 11:02 AM (ihSHD)

38 Heh, another Volvo Victim.

Guessing from the picture, 60/70/90-series, 95-2000, no TRACS so probably not AWD. Sunroof.

Upscale interior, possibly a turbo. Woody trim around controls next to steering wheel, base models had plastic trim.

If I get one of those (the sundae), I will ask for extra maple. Because maple/bacon is just plain awesome.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at April 14, 2011 11:04 AM (bxiXv)

39 Mindful of the current dire circumstances I am willing to consider suicide by bacon.
......back off arhooley!

_{Just kidding Tami}

Posted by: ontherocks at April 14, 2011 02:57 PM (HBqDo)

Suicide by bacon? I don't think anyone would try to stop you and a few of us might join you.

Posted by: Tami at April 14, 2011 11:05 AM (VuLos)

40
IHOP > Denny's > Waffle House

Maybe. At least at WH you get your food in a reasonable amount of time. I've always - every single time - wondered if the Denny's kitchen boys where out back milking cows, gathering eggs, slaughtering hogs prior to making my freakin' food.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie © at April 14, 2011 11:06 AM (1hM1d)

41 Bacon could come in handy as weaponry when our Muslim overlords take over.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 14, 2011 11:07 AM (UOM48)

42 For all of you dissing Volvos as being incompatible with Bacon, I got a Volvo Wagon so I could carry more Bacon.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at April 14, 2011 11:07 AM (bxiXv)

All hail the state of Iowa! Suck it, Illinois!

WHEREAS, the people of Maine have lobster, the people of Idaho grow great potatoes, and the folks of Texas make great chili, we Iowans have bacon Â—Â— natureÂ’s perfect food; and

WHEREAS, whether plain or apple-wood smoked, whether store-bought or artisan-made, bacon is a meat for any meal; and

WHEREAS, as AmericaÂ’s top pork producer, Iowa stands tall as the nationÂ’s source of high-quality bacon; and

WHEREAS, the 4th annual Blue Ribbon Bacon Festival is set for Saturday, February 26, 2011, from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., in Des Moines;

NOW THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED BY THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, That the House of Representatives recognizes February 26, 2011, as Iowa Bacon Day and invites all Iowans to take part in the festival and to celebrate bacon.

Posted by: joefrog at April 14, 2011 11:08 AM (vKUhG)

Give CAC a break, they come with the volvo Posted by: robtr

ONLY if the volvo refuses to start without them. Kinda like those breathylizer ignition deals.

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at April 14, 2011 11:08 AM (cniXs)

All hail the state of Iowa! Suck it, Illinois!

WHEREAS, the people of Maine have lobster, the people of Idaho grow great potatoes, and the folks of Texas make great chili, we Iowans have bacon Â—Â— natureÂ’s perfect food; and

That reminds me....what ever happened to Russ of Winterset? And wasn't he in a bacon eating contest in Iowa?

Posted by: Tami at April 14, 2011 11:09 AM (VuLos)

46 ARGH! How can the italics be there before I post and gone after I post?

Posted by: Tami at April 14, 2011 11:10 AM (VuLos)

47 41 Bacon could come in handy as weaponry when our Muslim overlords take over.
Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 14, 2011 03:07 PM (UOM4

Also handy are rolls of toilet paper, the muzzies react to 'em like Dracula to a crucifix.

You can launch them with a large slingshot and they run like hell.

Posted by: ontherocks at April 14, 2011 11:13 AM (HBqDo)

48
ONLY if the volvo refuses to start without them. Kinda like those breathylizer ignition deals.

Heh. OT: here at the shop, one of our neighbors calibrates those breathalyzer interlock systems, which require constant attention. So we get lots of traffic in & out of the parking lot, including parking in front of my roll-up door. Shooed an older guy away from my door this morning, asked him to pull forward so he wasn't blocking it. Dude had an attitude problem, but he moved.

He really got pissed when a buddy of mine parked right in my door and we had coffee while petting the dogs and sitting in lawn chairs. Fuck you, asshole, my door, my rules.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 14, 2011 11:20 AM (sBoN3)

49 ARGH! How can the italics be there before I post and gone after I post?
Posted by: Tami at April 14, 2011 03:10 PM (VuLos)

_{They did the same damn thing in WWII.}

Posted by: ontherocks at April 14, 2011 11:20 AM (HBqDo)

50 I was weary of taking my first bite.

You tire too easily.

Posted by: Chak, A Wary at April 14, 2011 11:21 AM (W5ilH)

51
Also handy are rolls of toilet paper, the muzzies react to 'em like Dracula to a crucifix.

Oh, like hippys and soap.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 14, 2011 11:21 AM (sBoN3)

52 Oh, like hippys and soap.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 14, 2011 03:21 PM (sBoN3)

_{Yeah except the hippies don't briefly contemplate 72 virgins when confronted with soap.}

Posted by: ontherocks at April 14, 2011 11:24 AM (HBqDo)

53 A Volvo? Really?

Posted by: g at April 14, 2011 11:26 AM (LJBsr)

Gee, thank God you morons didn't see my hat.

Posted by: CAC at April 14, 2011 11:39 AM (JEVge)

55 Forget the bacon. Let's talk about those sexy, sexy legs. And am I the first to have assumed that Joncelli was a girl?

Posted by: Jade Sea at April 14, 2011 11:41 AM (Ltm3F)

56
Gee, thank God you morons didn't see my hat.

Propeller beanie, Jughead or solar-powered pith helmet?

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 14, 2011 11:43 AM (sBoN3)

57 I was wondering when someone would notice the Baconalia commercials. Sounds delicious, but a Volvo, really? Isn't their logo like the female symbol or Prince's symbol?

Posted by: Schwalbe : The © at April 14, 2011 11:44 AM (UU0OF)

58 Ok, now we need to see the hat. And everybody hit that titanium spork link at #3 by IllTemperedCur. That dude has some NICE stuff, and his sporks are bigger than the ones from Think Geek.

Posted by: Mitchell at April 14, 2011 11:44 AM (Ct9yl)

59 Heh. White socks, black shoes.

No, CAC, there is no escape.

At least I didn't bash you for the Volvo (how could I?).

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at April 14, 2011 11:47 AM (bxiXv)

60
Heh. White socks, black shoes.

No, CAC, there is no escape.

Could have been worse. I half expected to see sock garters.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 14, 2011 11:51 AM (sBoN3)

61 I figured you for a Volt guy.

Posted by: Unf-ingbelievable at April 14, 2011 12:05 PM (EXsuU)

62 "What if my colon reacts badly?" Isn't that the whole point of going to Denny's?

Posted by: HeftyJo at April 14, 2011 12:28 PM (Wv4lq)

63 I'm just impressed that the ad execs felt enough people would get the "Bacchanalia" reference...

That sundae looks just delicious -- I hope they keep it around for another six weeks or so. It's on my list of "things I will most certainly devour once I deliver this baby and are free from the gestational diabetes leash."

Posted by: CMS2004 at April 14, 2011 12:30 PM (Zxivg)

64 45

All hail the state of Iowa! Suck it, Illinois!

WHEREAS, the people of Maine have lobster, the people of Idaho grow great potatoes, and the folks of Texas make great chili, we Iowans have bacon Â—Â— natureÂ’s perfect food; and

That reminds me....what ever happened to Russ of Winterset? And wasn't he in a bacon eating contest in Iowa?

Posted by: Tami at April 14, 2011 03:09 PM (VuLos)

Don't know. He posted the eagles' nest recently here I believe. Other than that, he has been pretty quiet. It is spring, so he could be getting in some tractor time.

I am here though. And I am pretty cool.

Posted by: joefrog at April 14, 2011 12:42 PM (vKUhG)

65 sweet shorts man.

Posted by: TheJane at April 14, 2011 01:26 PM (Km/Pn)

66 Mmm.

Posted by: rdbrewer at April 14, 2011 02:16 PM (YdNuP)

67 I mean... Beautiful!

Posted by: rdbrewer at April 14, 2011 02:16 PM (YdNuP)

68 CAC's posts no longer mean shit now that we know he's a cock who drives a vulva.

Posted by: Dick at April 14, 2011 02:24 PM (KVI8B)

69 I wonder when the MSM is gonna jump on this as being "insennnnnsitive" to "moooooosleems"....

Posted by: Jester at April 14, 2011 03:15 PM (1alrV)