February 02, 2011
— Ace Ever watch a crime show where they endlessly enhance and/or filter and/or apply Zapruder Algorithms to mine additional visual information?
Ever wonder, as I do, that if all these ordinary crap cameras are capable of displaying that level of fine detail, how come they don't, you know, display that level of fine detail when you take a picture?
Anyway, here's a parody of the Enhance and Zoomify thing you have probably seen too much of on cop shows. Mild language warning for a few f-bombs and such.
From Gizmodo, thanks to gg.
Posted by: Ace at
10:14 AM
| Comments (174)
Post contains 98 words, total size 1 kb.
Posted by: Sponge © at January 31, 2011 11:20 AM (UK9cE)
Posted by: Methos at January 31, 2011 11:23 AM (Ew1k4)
Posted by: Andy at January 31, 2011 11:25 AM (5Rurq)
Posted by: t-bird at January 31, 2011 11:25 AM (FcR7P)
Posted by: The Fifteeth Poster to Mention the Text Alignment at January 31, 2011 11:29 AM (BP6Z1)
Posted by: Barack Obama at January 31, 2011 11:30 AM (iWZN8)
Posted by: Some debonair guy at January 31, 2011 11:30 AM (3YYhR)
Posted by: brak at January 31, 2011 11:30 AM (nIoiW)
Posted by: Ah Ha! at January 31, 2011 03:26 PM (ZHsNw)
I believe that was Steelers Wheel........Ah Ha! did that silly cartoon song 'Take On Me' or whatever that the literal version on YouTube was MUCH better.
Posted by: Sponge © at January 31, 2011 11:31 AM (UK9cE)
Posted by: t-bird at January 31, 2011 11:31 AM (FcR7P)
Posted by: BumperStickerist at January 31, 2011 11:31 AM (h6mPj)
Posted by: every heterosexual man at January 31, 2011 11:32 AM (AXHCj)
Posted by: Lemon Kitten at January 31, 2011 03:30 PM (0fzsA)
I think that's the point.........
Posted by: Sponge © at January 31, 2011 11:33 AM (UK9cE)
Posted by: Lemon Kitten at January 31, 2011 11:33 AM (0fzsA)
Posted by: Megyn Kelly's Clitoris at January 31, 2011 03:29 PM (ZHsNw)
Let me help you out
Posted by: every heterosexual man at January 31, 2011 03:32 PM (AXHCj)
Thankfully I wasn't asked to help.
Posted by: Miss Barney Fag, D-Cocksucking at January 31, 2011 11:33 AM (ZHsNw)
Posted by: Vic at January 31, 2011 11:33 AM (M9Ie6)
Posted by: Quilly Mammoth at January 31, 2011 11:35 AM (Eqd2L)
Posted by: Vic at January 31, 2011 03:33 PM (M9Ie6)
Realtime, with no delay and can accurately track movements down to the .00000001th of a second........
Posted by: Sponge © at January 31, 2011 11:36 AM (UK9cE)
IOW, par for the course here.
Posted by: logprof at January 31, 2011 11:37 AM (BP6Z1)
Posted by: rdbrewer at January 31, 2011 03:36 PM (EOXA1)
But, they need to put the first part back in the center, otherwise everyone will think we're nutz!!!
Posted by: Sponge © at January 31, 2011 11:37 AM (UK9cE)
Posted by: Julie Banderas Nipples at January 31, 2011 03:35 PM (ZHsNw)
Luckily, I can multitask - let me help YOU out as well.
Posted by: every heterosexual man at January 31, 2011 11:37 AM (AXHCj)
IOW, par for the course here.
Posted by: logprof at January 31, 2011 03:37 PM (BP6Z1)
We COULD turn it into a flamewar, sizzlechest........
Posted by: Sponge © at January 31, 2011 11:38 AM (UK9cE)
Good vid. I clicked on another one of theirs and produced several tears of laughter:
* You have to appreciate bits that make the stupidity go on for a long long time.
Posted by: CJ at January 31, 2011 11:38 AM (9KqcB)
Posted by: Sponge © at January 31, 2011 11:40 AM (UK9cE)
Posted by: t-bird at January 31, 2011 11:46 AM (FcR7P)
Posted by: Caboose OM at January 31, 2011 11:47 AM (0HwSE)
Posted by: Palerider at January 31, 2011 11:49 AM (dkExz)
Posted by: The Q at January 31, 2011 11:53 AM (AXHCj)
Posted by: cranky-d at January 31, 2011 11:57 AM (mfszm)
Posted by: Dan Dan Dan Dan, Mittens is my man! at January 31, 2011 11:59 AM (lT0LC)
I think borked the blog. It was a nice blog you had. Sorry.
No, not really.
Dammit, Pixy, we need full power now!
Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie © at January 31, 2011 12:00 PM (1hM1d)
Posted by: tmitsss at February 02, 2011 10:16 AM (V4Pya)
Marty, I told you to stop fucking around with the DeLorean.
Posted by: Doc Brown at February 02, 2011 10:18 AM (3YYhR)
Why don't we just go straight to getting Andie McDowell in the sack and skip the rest?
Posted by: MrScribbler© at February 02, 2011 10:21 AM (Ulu3i)
Ideas, intriguing, newsletter.
Posted by: Weatherdude Phil at February 02, 2011 10:25 AM (3YYhR)
[Hey! My disembodied, Spaceballs ref., post made it.]
All aboard the Zoomify Express!
High Speed Civility is no longer a Dream.
The Future is Here!
I don't want to declare Victory, but...
We One!
Posted by: Barack Hussein Obama at February 02, 2011 10:25 AM (3lx5O)
Actually, Ace, I never wonder about this because I know that it is complete bullshit. Prime example in point: Blade Runner.
That's what having undertaken a science-based education and earning degrees therein provided to me.
Posted by: ya2daup at February 02, 2011 10:25 AM (7GfKM)
Posted by: Sheila Jackson Lee, D-Moonbattery at January 31, 2011 03:28 PM (ZHsNw)
I would have sworn that SJL was D-Olympus Mons
Posted by: ya2daup at February 02, 2011 10:27 AM (7GfKM)
Posted by: USS Nimitz, after a brief trip to 1941 at February 02, 2011 10:28 AM (3YYhR)
go straight to getting Andie McDowell in the sack and skip the rest?
Ride her rough for my buddy. She ran over his dog.
Scrunt.
Posted by: garrett at February 02, 2011 10:29 AM (22GlG)
If you bang on the keyboard enough, anything is possible
Posted by: brak at January 31, 2011 03:30 PM (nIoiW)
As a colleague of mine so aptly put it, "Data will confess to anything under sufficient torture."
Posted by: ya2daup at February 02, 2011 10:29 AM (7GfKM)
Posted by: maddogg at February 02, 2011 10:29 AM (OlN4e)
Posted by: Ben at February 02, 2011 10:30 AM (wuv1c)
Posted by: Ben at February 02, 2011 10:30 AM (wuv1c)
In fact, I have yesterday's version in a tab right now. Perhaps it was only me that saw it though.
Cue twilight zone music
Posted by: cranky-d at February 02, 2011 10:31 AM (mfszm)
Posted by: Guy with misaligned blood vessels wandering around in New Mexico at February 02, 2011 10:31 AM (3YYhR)
Posted by: maddogg at February 02, 2011 10:33 AM (OlN4e)
Posted by: Burn the Witch at February 02, 2011 10:34 AM (A/oSU)
Posted by: robtr at February 02, 2011 10:34 AM (hVDig)
Posted by: cranky-d at February 02, 2011 10:35 AM (mfszm)
Wow! posted tomorrow and comments from two days in the past. Awesome!
When will then be now?
Soon.
Posted by: Dark Helmet at February 02, 2011 10:36 AM (b6qrg)
And if you would be so kind, please provide us with an update on the kukri-wielding Ghurka with brass stones. It's been so long since we heard anything about this.
Posted by: ya2daup at February 02, 2011 10:38 AM (7GfKM)
Posted by: AngelEm, freezing her ass off in N. TX at February 02, 2011 10:38 AM (18RR9)
Posted by: ya2daup at February 02, 2011 02:25 PM (7GfKM)
Gahh. Major pet peeve of mine. One of the things that chapped me about Blade Runner.
You CANNOT resolve detail where there is NO detail -- out of enlarged pixels. You can average their color values or use some algorithm to change them (think Photoshop filters), but it will not ADD detail.
(Even the "sharpen" filter in Photoshop doesn't add detail, but tweaks the contrast between adjacent pixels.)
With enlarging, you just get bigger squares of different color. Or film grain if you're enlarging a photo print.
/rant
Posted by: Dr. Varno at February 02, 2011 10:39 AM (QMtmy)
Posted by: Matt at February 02, 2011 10:40 AM (ecpMe)
Posted by: Some guy in a Gold Shirt at February 02, 2011 10:41 AM (AdK6a)
Posted by: soothsayer deeds done dirt cheap at February 02, 2011 10:42 AM (t2wZz)
Such a groundbreaking show!
Posted by: Otis Criblecoblis at February 02, 2011 10:42 AM (fjoLg)
Posted by: toby928™: optimist at February 02, 2011 10:43 AM (GTbGH)
Posted by: andycanuck at February 02, 2011 10:44 AM (2rOwc)
BUT THERE WASN'T ENOUGH THYME!!!!
Posted by: Jack Bauer at February 02, 2011 10:44 AM (EW49d)
a single life form ...
on an entire planet ...
in the hemisphere ...
opposite the one ...
above which they currently orbit.
And what's with this crap about every one of them being able to figure out how to reconfigure their propulsion and/or weapons systems on the freakin' fly and NOT have the whole fiasco cause their ship (and them) go "kablooie!"?
Willing suspension of disbelief is NOT my strong point.
(Jeebus, I'm beginning to sound like deety.)
Posted by: ya2daup at February 02, 2011 10:46 AM (7GfKM)
You CANNOT resolve detail where there is NO detail -- out of enlarged pixels. You can average their color values or use some algorithm to change them (think Photoshop filters), but it will not ADD detail.
Posted by: Dr. Varno at February 02, 2011 02:39 PM (QMtmy)
You're just not using your moral imagination. Pixels are not just little boxes of one color. They have feelings. They are complex.
This is why smart people only send 10x10 images. Saves a ton on bandwidth and the information ... it's in there! I usually just send single pixel images, but that's showing off.
Posted by: iknowtheleft at February 02, 2011 10:46 AM (N49h9)
anybody? bueller? bueller?
Posted by: elspeth at February 02, 2011 10:46 AM (0AkWH)
Posted by: The Gurkhas at February 02, 2011 10:47 AM (QKKT0)
As a colleague of mine so aptly put it, "Data will confess to anything under sufficient torture."
Health care reform will save trillions of dollars!
Posted by: Obama at February 02, 2011 10:47 AM (uIYDE)
As a colleague of mine so aptly put it, "Data will confess to anything under sufficient torture."
And there are 57 states!
Posted by: Obama at February 02, 2011 10:48 AM (uIYDE)
Posted by: Cherry π at February 02, 2011 10:48 AM (+sBB4)
Posted by: toby928™: optimist at February 02, 2011 02:43 PM (GTbGH)
I always liked the computer program in WarGames, Joshua, searching for the launch code - being able to hit on one symbol at a time. How long does it take to run through 26 letters (maybe it was 52, with capitals) and 10 digits? I guess it would have killed the suspense if Joshua had to hit on the whole code at once ... Poetic license, I figured - but they could have figured out some less retarded way to do it.
Posted by: iknowtheleft at February 02, 2011 10:50 AM (N49h9)
The one my buddy was describing had the cops working from real cc cameras like in 7-11s and asking their IT geeks to do all the fancy stuff and being told, "no, we can't zoom in; it's a fixed camera," "no, we can't enhance the picture; it's a piece of crap," etc.
Posted by: andycanuck at February 02, 2011 10:50 AM (2rOwc)
Posted by: Ellie Light at February 02, 2011 10:52 AM (QKKT0)
So you're saying that Ace can't just wave a magic wand and get a better class of customers?
Posted by: toby928™: optimist at February 02, 2011 10:53 AM (GTbGH)
Posted by: soothsayerwing plover at February 02, 2011 10:54 AM (t2wZz)
I always liked the computer program in WarGames, Joshua, searching for the launch code - being able to hit on one symbol at a time.
That was before I caught the Equine Fever!
Posted by: Matthew Broderick at February 02, 2011 10:54 AM (3lx5O)
And I'm still banned, Ace. 99.174.64.43...call me!
Posted by: nickless at February 02, 2011 10:55 AM (qdtoY)
Posted by: iknowtheleft at February 02, 2011 10:55 AM (N49h9)
Posted by: cranky-d at February 02, 2011 10:55 AM (mfszm)
The one my buddy was describing had the cops working from real cc cameras like in 7-11s and asking their IT geeks to do all the fancy stuff and being told, "no, we can't zoom in; it's a fixed camera," "no, we can't enhance the picture; it's a piece of crap," etc.
Hey, I've seen CCTV footage on the news before...are you trying to tell me the one frame per second B&W analog image from a camera built in 1992 doesn't preserve infinate detail? LIES!
Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at February 02, 2011 10:55 AM (uIYDE)
The one my buddy was describing had the cops working from real cc cameras like in 7-11s and asking their IT geeks to do all the fancy stuff and being told, "no, we can't zoom in; it's a fixed camera," "no, we can't enhance the picture; it's a piece of crap," etc.
Posted by: andycanuck at February 02, 2011 02:50 PM (2rOwc)
Oh, you can use the security cameras from Dunkin Donuts and 7-11s alright ... but every perp will turn out to be an Indian. IÂ’m not joking.
Posted by: Sheriff Joe Biden, Ace CSI investigator - deluxe at February 02, 2011 10:56 AM (7GfKM)
I usually just send single pixel images, but that's showing off.
Heh. Reminds me of a cartoon (that I can't find):
An account guy walks up to a designer and says he has some client art. He provides an image. The designer says the image resolution is too low. The account guy says, "Can't you PhotoShop it?". The designer hold up the picture-- it's just a black square and a white square and says, "It's only two pixels". The account guy storms off in a fury shouting, "Doesn't anyone around here know PhotoShop?"
Posted by: Dr. Varno at February 02, 2011 10:58 AM (QMtmy)
After reading the comments to this point, I want my 5 minutes back. Can I sue for that?
Posted by: Dax at February 02, 2011 10:59 AM (Y09F8)
Posted by: soothsayerwing plover at February 02, 2011 10:59 AM (t2wZz)
Posted by: Count de Monet at February 02, 2011 10:59 AM (XBM1t)
That would have ID'ed him in seconds flat. 'Cause that's just how long takes to find a fingerprint match in a database that holds a couple of million images.
Posted by: wiserbud at February 02, 2011 10:59 AM (EW49d)
Posted by: phoenixgirl at February 02, 2011 11:00 AM (eOXTH)
Perprietor? Thank you Morons and Moronettes, I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your Ewoks.
Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at February 02, 2011 11:00 AM (uIYDE)
Posted by: Dr. Varno at February 02, 2011 02:58 PM (QMtmy)
I have to agree with the account guy. Reuters could have gotten a full Israeli air assault on women and children out of that image.
Posted by: iknowtheleft at February 02, 2011 11:01 AM (N49h9)
I never had the heart to tell her that Bufurbian quantum mechanistic transillations was actually a flawed theorem.
Posted by: jwb7605 at February 02, 2011 11:01 AM (Qxe/p)
And I'm still banned, Ace. 99.174.64.43...call me!
Posted by: nickless at February 02, 2011 02:55 PM (qdtoY)
Hey, Tommy, you know that new song you're trying to write? Take a listen to this!
Posted by: Tommy Tutone's Agent, trapped in Ace's Back to the Future meme at February 02, 2011 11:02 AM (7GfKM)
My wife used to be addicted to "Numb3rs".
I never had the heart to tell her that Bufurbian quantum mechanistic transillations was actually a flawed theorem.
Posted by: jwb7605 at February 02, 2011 03:01 PM (Qxe/p)
You're such a giver ... to let her keep her dream.
Posted by: A non-h8ing libtard at February 02, 2011 11:05 AM (7GfKM)
Posted by: soothsayerwing plover at February 02, 2011 02:54 PM (t2wZz)
Hey, all of you laugh. But that's a pre-existing condition under ObamaCare.
Posted by: Kelly-never giving up at February 02, 2011 11:05 AM (jHv0E)
You mean...... *snicker...... She didn't know that already? *snort.....
Dude, I hope your wife's pretty, 'cause..... *snicker... She doesn't sound too bright.... *snortsnickersnort
Posted by: wisernerd at February 02, 2011 11:07 AM (EW49d)
Posted by: soothsayerwing plover at February 02, 2011 03:05 PM
I had a girlfriend who had that condition, ..... or was it crabs....
Posted by: Truck Monkey at February 02, 2011 11:07 AM (yQWNf)
Posted by: BackwardsBoy at February 02, 2011 11:08 AM (b6qrg)
Posted by: Dave C at February 02, 2011 11:09 AM (SSfDu)
Posted by: Cherry π at February 02, 2011 11:10 AM (+sBB4)
Posted by: Al Gore Rhythm at February 02, 2011 11:12 AM (yQWNf)
Posted by: rachel maddow's other middle finger at February 02, 2011 11:13 AM (2rOwc)
Posted by: Iblis at February 02, 2011 11:13 AM (9221z)
Good luck with that. If the caliber of jokes runs along the lines of the centering 'commentary', the flamewar will consist of two retards flicking unlit Diamond matches at each other...
Posted by: Additional Blond Agent at February 02, 2011 11:14 AM (SHKl9)
Posted by: Ned Ryerson. I used to bone your sister at February 02, 2011 11:14 AM (V6CZ8)
'Together We Incite' : Featuring the Hit Single - 'Locomote(the Future is Now)'
available on itunes and select Borders Bookstores starting Today.
Posted by: Barack Obama and the Muslim Brothers from the 'hood at February 02, 2011 11:15 AM (3lx5O)
The magical zoom is purely a cop-show problem. And it's Dragnet's fault. That's the first fictional world in which the Law inhabited a godly meta-world where all your secrets were visible to it—if you got its attention and give it a reason to look at your life.
People who write TV shows are dumber now, so rather than having Santa Claus-like powers of observation, the gummint has fuckin' magic cameras.
It's a tiny but deeply revealing example of how we're boned. (Is that ironic?)
Posted by: oblig. at February 02, 2011 11:16 AM (xvZW9)
Posted by: Cherry π at February 02, 2011 11:16 AM (+sBB4)
Posted by: Dave C at February 02, 2011 11:16 AM (SSfDu)
HEY! You almost hit me in the eye with that! S'good thing it wasn't lit!
Posted by: wiserbud at February 02, 2011 11:17 AM (EW49d)
Posted by: Cherry π at February 02, 2011 11:20 AM (+sBB4)
Posted by: Cherry π at February 02, 2011 11:21 AM (+sBB4)
People who write TV shows are dumber now...
Or they think we're dumber.
Or both.
Posted by: Dr. Varno at February 02, 2011 03:18 PM (QMtmy)
Kind of like what we're getting from Sheppy right now.
Posted by: Soona at February 02, 2011 11:21 AM (jHv0E)
Posted by: moi at February 02, 2011 11:25 AM (Ez4Ql)
The people on TV, Billy. They lied to you.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooOOOOOOOOoooooOOoOOOOooo000ooo!!!!!!"
Posted by: Merovign, Bond Villain at February 02, 2011 11:26 AM (bxiXv)
Posted by: Merovign, Bond Villain at February 02, 2011 11:26 AM (bxiXv)
Posted by: Merovign, Bond Villain at February 02, 2011 11:27 AM (bxiXv)
Posted by: Merovign, Bond Villain at February 02, 2011 03:27 PM (bxiXv)
I (not "it") additiated the string for you, so the zeroes disappeared. You should be thanking me.
Posted by: I (not "it") at February 02, 2011 11:30 AM (N49h9)
Posted by: Ian S. at February 02, 2011 11:40 AM (p05LM)
105 The Red Dwarf version is better and did it first.
"Uncrop!" (It'd be nice if we could actually do that...)
Posted by: Golem14 at February 02, 2011 12:18 PM (2X8VA)
Of course they had some hot women on the show that helped you to forget their 'Enhance and Zoomify' aspects.. So it was a wash..
Posted by: Dave C at February 02, 2011 03:09 PM (SSfDu)
Now don't try to con us into believing that you didn't know that many of those hot women had substantial investments in "Enhance" aspects.
Posted by: ya2daup at February 02, 2011 12:24 PM (7GfKM)
I (not "it") additiated the string for you, so the zeroes disappeared. You should be thanking me.
Posted by: I (not "it") at February 02, 2011 03:30 PM (N49h9)
Well, POP/IKTL, I suppose thanks are in order, though I must admit the first thought that came to my mind is "why"?
Followed by "how" as the item posted seconds after I hit "post". Thus the assumption that the edit was automated.
Posted by: Merovign, Bond Villain at February 02, 2011 12:33 PM (bxiXv)
Posted by: Herr Blücher at February 02, 2011 01:05 PM (5DwhA)
Posted by: Aurelius at February 02, 2011 01:18 PM (K/2Tn)
Well, POP/IKTL,
Posted by: Merovign, Bond Villain at February 02, 2011 04:33 PM (bxiXv)
You're good.
Posted by: iknowtheleft at February 02, 2011 01:28 PM (N49h9)
Ace! Ace! Save us!
The theory of Thread Entropic Ennui is in LARGE play here. The theory states that sometime along the thread sequence the seriosity level degenerates and the postings get less organized and/or related to the original idea of the thread. The deviance (no, no... devianTS are who post here) is easily measured on the Bufoonimetric Scale, which was originally proposed by Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff.
I suggest it happened around posting #77. Things have just degraded geometrically after that. [by the way, just what the heck WAS this thread about anyway??]
[exits somewhat unsteadily towards the kitchen seeking a refill of adult beverage and popcorn...]
Posted by: chuck in st paul at February 02, 2011 08:07 PM (3Ux8E)
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Posted by: Sponge © at January 31, 2011 11:19 AM (UK9cE)