1
Fuck it.

2 This might be a good thread for 'Stupidest thing I ever did while inebriated' stories.

I got married, but I was high, not drunk.  Does that count?

3
You know what else is funny?

Snowmobile deaths.

The important thing is that they die while doing what they loved to do.

4

This might be a good thread for 'Stupidest thing I ever did while inebriated' stories.

You wanna?

Not enough space on the interwebz.....

5 There's not enough time in the day to list the stupidist things I've done while inebriated, besides I'm sure the morons here have got me topped in that catagory.

6
Oil is -$2

US markets are treading water-positive gains, Europe and Asia are taking moderate losses.

7 I'm sensing an air of defeatism.

8

"A shamefaced Mr Kawolski later told local media: "Well, I won't be doing that again."

Crap thats funny.

9

OT:  Yay, more Hollywood propaganda!  I know, what else is new?

(Link to Big Hollywood)

WARNING - MAJOR spoilers at the link for the upcoming Jake "Wish I Could Quit You" Gyllenhal movie Source Code.

10

...and THEN they started laughing so hard they could barely breathe, probably.

Men. Guys.

FIFY.

11 Dumbest thing I ever did while drunk?
Drink more.

12 This might be a good thread for 'Stupidest thing I ever did while inebriated' stories. Pump jack rodeo.

13
"I spent my whole life trying not to be careless. Women and children can afford to be careless, but not men."
--Don Vito Corleone

14 8 I'm sensing an air of defeatism.

Posted by: lauraw at March 11, 2011 11:53 AM (m7Ho5)

I think we're all so absorbed by the Japan footage.  It's hard to be jovial.   But I'm sure we can try!

15 "We dared him to do it and it seemed like a good idea after a few hours of drinking," said one friend.

What doesn't seem like a good idea after a few hours of drinking?

At least this man survived this bout of insanity.  Take heed though - life isn't always that forgiving.

16

Not enough space on the interwebz.....

Posted by: laceyunderalls recovering lush

 

You wouldn't happen to have pics for the morons. for um, research purposes would you?

*cough*

17 What idea doesn't seem good after several hours of drinking?

18 Kratos, get outta my head.

19 There are no tides in the Baltic Sea ( factoid ) but apparently there are 'powerful currents' which sweep Drunk Pollacken away on ice floes

very cold in northeastern Europe in March, it is

20 When I was young and dumb (as opposed to just dumb), I attended a friend's family reunion in the middle of nowhere, Illinois.

When we got there, everybody else was buzzed and happy.  I decided that I wanted to get buzzed, too, as quickly as possible.  So I took a Big Gulp sized glass, filled it to the brim with Ouzo, and drank it down in one swallow.

I was bombed by the time I set the glass down.  I could actually feel my body become immediately intoxicated.

21 There should be a few Darwins awarded on the West Coast after today.

Redneck's last words,  "Hey, guys, watch this!!"

22 Pump jack rodeo.

Posted by: MMW at March 11, 2011 11:55 AM (kt/h1)

How the hell did you get on it in the first place?

23 Warehouse pumpjacks or construction pumpjacks?

24 Mmmm...Ouzo...well there is this one time.....

25 Photos of the devastation - incredible ..

26 Oil is -$2

US markets are treading water-positive gains, Europe and Asia are taking moderate losses.

You forgot to mention that Barky would rather be a dictator in China.

27

WARNING - MAJOR spoilers at the link for the upcoming Jake "Wish I Could Quit You" Gyllenhal movie Source Code.

This is my surprised face.

Remember that CBS show, "Jericho"?  The one where a young man comes home to his smalltown in Colorado and then sees a mushroom over Denver and other major cities?  Remember how everyone was speculating who bombed the US, and their motives for doing so?

Well Source Code ripped off Jericho.

28 25 - How the hell did you get on it in the first place? That's part of the sport, you see. I'm amazed to this day that we all made it trough high school.

29

The idea that you should STOP drinking............

Posted by: Mallamutt at March 11, 2011 11:58 AM (OWjjx)

Some ideas just don't occur to drunks.

30 My best drunken exploits always started with, "Let me put my beer down and show you what i am talking about".

31

Crapola!

That link is going to take you to The Slimes - sorry - I forgot the warning.

32 26 - Warehouse pumpjacks or construction pumpjacks? Oilfield.

33

I think we're all so absorbed by the Japan footage.

We can haz new thread for those of us wallowing? I'm talking to myself on the Headline thread.

34
Jericho was canceled because, I suspect, it wasn't Blame America First enough.

But the show's producers managed to convince CBS? to let them wrap up the series.

Guess who the hero was in the end?

TEXAS.

woot

35 Basketball game after bourbon shots. As in, carried bodily out of a basketball game after shots of bourbon. By security. Did I mention that the game was televised?

36

We can haz new thread for those of us wallowing? I'm talking to myself on the Headline thread.

Posted by: Mama AJ at March 11, 2011 12:03 PM (XdlcF)

I'm following it too, I just don't know what to say.

37 Remember that CBS show, "Jericho"?  The one where a young man comes home to his smalltown in Colorado and then sees a mushroom over Denver and other major cities?  Remember how everyone was speculating who bombed the US, and their motives for doing so?

Yes.  I was so pissed at that show because I thought the few 2 episodes were good and they hooked me in, but then when they started to reveal who the perpetrators behind the attacks were...ugh.  

/If Jericho was produced today, they'd come right out and say it was the "teabaggers" who were behind it.

38 OT:  From Governor Walker's FB page.  LOL!

The budget repair allows us to save 1,500 state jobs. I notified the unions of the good news this morning.

39
heh, check out this NYT spin:

"With the spread of antigovernment protests from North Africa to the strategic, oil-rich Persian Gulf, President Obama has adopted a policy of restraint."

Restraint = do-nothingism and mis-handling, apparently.

40 did you all hear about the high school kid who was on a field trip in san francisco? his group was walking across the golden gate bridge...his classmate dared him to jump....he did to the cheers of his other classmates and he lived!!!!! he jumped from 220 ft...not the highest point of the bridge 250....but still....i don't know if he's the bravest or stupidest kid in the world......

41 Here's one from our President of the United States:

“Mr. Obama has told people that it would be so much easier to be the president of China. As one official put it, ‘No one is scrutinizing Hu Jintao’s words in Tahrir Square.’”

This man is an ASS and is a menace to the country formerly known as The United States of America.

42 Netflix has been offering Jericho on its streaming service.  I'd been thinking about checking it out.

Now I won't bother.

43 Here's a conversation that took place one night as me and some friends were 4 wheeling in a 75 Honda  civic down a logging trail in the middle of the night.

Man it sure is bright out tonight

Oh shit the cars on fire everybody bail.

A stump had knocked off the muffler and punctured the gas tank. While trying to get the car unstuck a backfire ignited the leaking gas. Man that was an awkward story to tell my parents.

44 Somebody should tell Obama that he'd have to actually learn Chinese.  Just being a devoted Communist won't be enough to get the job done.

45 I'd be afraid to write down many of the things I did while drinking.  Seeing them in the same place would be scary.  And Penfold, many of mine started with "wouldn't it be cool if we went _________..."

46

Somebody should tell Obama that he'd have to actually learn Chinese.  Just being a devoted Communist won't be enough to get the job done.

It's okay. They also speak Austrian there. He's covered.

47 If Jericho was produced today, they'd come right out and say it was the "teabaggers" who were behind it.

Sarah Palin herself pushed the button!  She's hiding out in Alaska waiting for the dust to settle and then repopulate the US.

"One ticket to Alaska, please."

48
Oilfield.

Oh shit!

49 44 did you all hear about the high school kid who was on a field trip in san francisco? his group was walking across the golden gate bridge...his classmate dared him to jump....he did to the cheers of his other classmates and he lived!!!!! he jumped from 220 ft...not the highest point of the bridge 250....but still....i don't know if he's the bravest or stupidest kid in the world......

He probably wasn't drinking.  Proof that you don't need alcohol to do silly things.  He might have used up all his chits with karma/life/God/whatever with that stunt, so he should tread lightly from now on. 

50
Obama knows *exactly* what happens to govt critics at the squares of Red China.

51 Yep, guns, forbidden alcohol and camels. That's how I became the devil's bitch.

52 I remember waking up on the floor- one of my friends kicking me, "Come on, get up. The marathon starts in 20 minutes."

53 Posted by: laceyunderalls at March 11, 2011 12:01 PM (pLTLS)


I didn't see you beat me to it before I posted.  Touche!!!

54
btw, from now I refer to China as Red China, just like President Eisenhower used to do.

55 A MASSIVE earthquake, 20 countries on tsunami watch, and people still want to act that global warming isn't real? It's just the beginning.

So I guess he hasn't heard about SUPERMOON?

56 I've never done remarkably stupid under the influence.

57 i went (multiple times) on one of those merry-go rounds like at playgrounds. i'm sure some of y'all have as well. great fun.

58 I was on a dock in Seward, middle of the night with some friends drunk off my ass. I mistook a sea otter for a puppy and was calling to it, here puppy, here puppy and tried to pet it. I'm lucky I still have my fingers.

59 fox was talking about the saudi day of rage....everyday since 091101 has been a day of rage for me.....if you aren't angry...then you have forgotten and if you have forgotten shame on you......

60 In high school, I mooned another car on the freeway.


While driving. After drinking Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.

61 I ended up going to a strip club in the middle of backwoods, somewhere Ohio, with a bunch of male co-workers and a virgin co-worker (geeky, wimpy dude).

The guy felt his first tit and I was offered a job!

The only part that made me nervous was the 3/4 mile walk, in the dark, in a field that you had to walk to get to the joint.

62
A MASSIVE earthquake, 20 countries on tsunami watch, and people still want to act that global warming isn't real? It's just the beginning.

Where's this from?

63 Wasn't that one of the extremely endangered two-legged polar bears pictured on that rapidly-shrinking ice floe? Oh, the horror!

64 After drinking Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.

* points and laughs *

65 holy crap kidney.....i must be the supermoon!

66

Most dangerous phrase in the world: "watch this" (usually spoken by a man)

Second most dangerous phrase: "let me try that again" (usually spoken by a man)

**although women have also been guilty -- they seem not so much to declare it out loud, but they're still living it

67 Anyway, on topic: If I remembered, I'd tell you.

68 37 OT, but THIS may be the greatest thing I have ever read.

Posted by: With the trolls, baby at March 11, 2011 12:03 PM (lT0LC)

Oh dear sweet Jesus. Climate change affects tectonic plates.

Yeah, so I have to login on Twitter now and mock this pinhead.

69 The guy felt his first tit and I was offered a job!
Posted by: momma at March 11, 2011 12:13 PM (penCf)

Is that how you land jobs?

70 Rush is talking about Obama's China comment now.

When is Obama going to hire Tom Friedman as his China Czar?

71


Also at the link:

EGGS HARDBOILED IN BOYS' URINE

Ahhh, ancient Chinese delicacy

(note, none of this post is ironic or incorrect)

72 @hedgehog, yeah, i may have used that phrase on occasion while inebriated, right before doing something i don't fully recall.

73 fox was talking about the saudi day of rage....everyday since 091101 has been a day of rage for me.....if you aren't angry...then you have forgotten and if you have forgotten shame on you......

That was my reaction as well. I was pissed that the press coverage was mournful. I was pissed that the Congress sang God Bless America instead of The Battle Hymn of The Republic.

I'm still pissed. Rage is the only proper response to the murder of so many of MY PEOPLE.

74 Sarah Palin herself pushed the button!  She's hiding out in Alaska waiting for the dust to settle and then repopulate the US.

"One ticket to Alaska, please."
Posted by: EC at March 11, 2011 12:09 PM

Sarah Palin was born Feb 1964, then Alaska was hit by a huge earthquake March of 1964

Sarah Palin is the Devil is what I'm saying ..

75 10 Re: Hollywood Propaganda Don't want to bother with the link, but let me guess, one of the following: Evil army officer Evil U. S. Government Official Evil corporate executive or Evil CIA What won't be in the movie: Evil Islamic Terrorist, because as we all know, they only exist in the minds of the Islamaphobes.

76 After drinking Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.


Na.  Good times.  Boone's Farm and Mad dog 20/20 and natural light and old Milwaukee light and Tuaca and slippery nipples and peach schnapps and jagermeister (which I hated but drank like a fish)

77 Sarah Palin was born Feb 1964

What a coincidence!  My wife was also born Feb 1964.  She's devil alright!

78 Don't want to bother with the link, but let me guess, one of the following:
Evil army officer
Evil U. S. Government Official
Evil corporate executive or
Evil CIA

Close.

79

81 you forgot "all of the above" -- oh, and "evil redneck/hillbilly/bible thumper"

Always choose the perfecta of evil if you're going to choose at all.

80 Stupidest thing I've done, what was her name ....

81

@48:  ". . .now can you turn the ballgame on and grab me another beer."

What, no "but first, you will blow me!"?  Geez, Mallamutt, do we have to yank your AoS Lifestyle^TM card?

82 82 Boone's and MD are the vehicles to a different dimension of perception, an expanded reality of inner universe...or at least waking up in your truck wearing boxer shorts instead of your own, more feminine undergarments.

83 A shamefaced Mr Kawolski later told local media:

Shame must be Polish for shit. I feel smarter already today!

84 77 @hedgehog, yeah, i may have used that phrase on occasion while inebriated, right before doing something i don't fully recall.

Posted by: Penfold at March 11, 2011 12:18 PM (1PeEC)

I can think of a couple others.  "Did I ever tell you about the Japanese machine gun my dad keeps hidden under the sofa"  Tracers in the night while completely hammered.  Good times, good times.

I think I'll end here.  That night scared the shit out of me.

85 Oh dear sweet Jesus. Climate change affects tectonic plates.

Yeah, so I have to login on Twitter now and mock this pinhead.

Posted by: lauraw at March 11, 2011 12:15 PM (m7Ho5)

Smack him around with a Cluebat.  A big one.  Heavy.

86 Is that how you land jobs?

Posted by: EC at March 11, 2011 12:15 PM (GQ8sn)

Damn.  After I hit post I reread what I wrote and just knew I had set myself up for that

My virgin co-worker was 25 and had never even see a half naked lady in person.

There's no way I could put myself on a stage clothed, let alone naked.  Hell, I've only worn make-up (anything more than powder), a few times in my life.

I hate attention.  Think that's why I always hung out with the guys.  They didn't thrive on drama and attention.

87 ...AND im pissed that the Pres. didn't go all space race on the rebuilding of the twin towers, declaring the day after the attack, that in one year the towers would rise again as a sign to the attackers that they could never win.

Ideally the towers would be10 stories higher with a new sculpture to top them off. A hand shaped in such a way that  one specific digit pointed defiantly skyward and oriented toward Mecca.

88 BTW


Ohio State game on ESPN.

89 Damn.  After I hit post I reread what I wrote and just knew I had set myself up for that

Hehe.  Momma knows how this world works!

90 There's a great Pollack joke somewhere in here waiting to come out.

91

Well, I borrowed my grandfather's truck, and took it cruisin'.   The next morning I was awakened by him asking me where the hell his truck was.   Being still drunk on my ass, I didn't know.   He found it.   In the middle of his corn field.   Big damn corn field.   Pretty much smack dab in the middle of it.

Don't ask.  I can't tell you.   I still have no freakin' idea.

92 Well, there was the time my buddy and I had been drinking at a bar one Sunday afternoon a few towns over, until our girlfriends showed up and suggested we come home, as they had more beer there.

So they got in their car and we hopped on our motorcycles and off we went.

And now the stupid part:

As we were traveling at around 70mph down the highway, no helmets on, I moved over close to the car that our girlfriends were in and my gf handed me a beer so I could take a huge chug.

And yet, I am still alive today.

93 Wasn't it another Pollack that got drunk and jumped off a diving board in Egypt and killed that man eating shark?

94 Or the time I let my brother build a fire-pit in my backyard....

wiserbride - "Bob....... what are you doing???"

95 I was wrong, it was a Serb.

http://tinyurl.com/35wycxz

96 "Netflix has been offering Jericho on its streaming service.  I'd been thinking about checking it out.

Now I won't bother"

If it makes you feel any better, Iran and North Korea get nuked.

97 I've done *stupid* things when soused, but not *dangerous* things. Except drive, but thank goodness those days are behind me and no one got hurt.

98 Boone's and MD are the vehicles to a different dimension of perception, an expanded reality of inner universe...or at least waking up in your truck wearing boxer shorts instead of your own, more feminine undergarments.

Posted by: unknown jane

 

Thats it, i'm buying a case of boones rigth now. lol

Mines a toss up between getting drunk in tiauajana and sneaking back across the border with a buddy who was a SEAL, and the midnight drive to nowhere so we could take a friends boat out while in HS.

99 Craziest thing done drunk? Kinda lame, but, once, at a buddy's wedding reception, I did a shoulder spin.

100

"With the spread of antigovernment protests from North Africa to the strategic, oil-rich Persian Gulf, President Obama has adopted a policy of restraint."

I'm going to use that on my liberal leaning wife during the summer.

"Honey, with the spread of crabgrass and weeds from the front lawn to the back, I have adopted a policy of restraint just like President Obama......now, can you turn the ballgame back on and grab me another beer."

And make me a sammich.

101 37 OT, but THIS may be the greatest thing I have ever read.

My reply: How the hell does a change in atmospheric temperature cause an earthquake? #youfailscienceforever

102 "If it makes you feel any better, Iran and North Korea get nuked."

That does give me tingles, but I'm still going to pass on Jericho.

103 Oh, btw, I believe Gdansk is above the Mason-Dixon line so FAYTWTI!

104 My reply: How the hell does a change in atmospheric temperature cause an earthquake? #youfailscienceforever

Posted by: Joanna at March 11, 2011 01:01 PM (HaYO4)

Don't concede the GW temp change.  Don't accept the premise.

105 "This might be a good thread for 'Stupidest thing I ever did while inebriated' stories."

Went and saw Inception. Shit was all too real

106

Playing chicken with an oncoming train; standing up in between two jeeps going at excessive speed; riding my horse across the campus golf course at 1 a.m. (the ground was wet too...ouch) -- and also up the steps and through the main admin building (after picking the lock so as to get in); freeing all the lab rats and disection frogs; setting off flash bangs in XO's quarters (which was a bad thing...you can ruin a person's hearing, did you know that?); painting slogans on the town water tower; creating minor international incidents and border jumping (Mounties often don't have a good sense of humor, not like the federales, did you know that?); kidnapping a band member and a "little person" (they had a sense of humor, thankfully)...

and then there is waking up in the wrong undies (which is worse for men, so there's that)

 

All these I owe to Boone's, MD, and Nighttrain (with liberal amounts of Everclear, Old Crow, and Cuervo)...but I did resist getting the tattoo in SC.

107 111 My reply: How the hell does a change in atmospheric temperature cause an earthquake? #youfailscienceforever

Posted by: Joanna at March 11, 2011 01:01 PM (HaYO4)

Don't concede the GW temp change.  Don't accept the premise.

Eh. The temp changes are there, just not to the scale and not for the reasons the AGWs claim. Baby steps, babe. Baby steps.

108 44 did you all hear about the high school kid who was on a field trip in san francisco? his group was walking across the golden gate bridge...his classmate dared him to jump....he did to the cheers of his other classmates and he lived!!!!! he jumped from 220 ft...not the highest point of the bridge 250....but still....i don't know if he's the bravest or stupidest kid in the world......

Posted by: phoenixgirl at March 11, 2011 12:07 PM (eOXTH)

Either he never got the "if your friends told you to jump off a bridge" talk from his mother, or he answered, "yes".

Idiot.  I weep for our youth.

109 In college, we piled 15 guys into a subcompact car to go buy a $4.99 convenient store pizza.  No one trusted anyone to come back with the pizza intact, so everyone went to guard it.  The $4.99 was scraped up from pocket change and couch cushions.  The driver was a kid who had an expired learner's permit.

Good times.  Pretty much Moron Lifestyle 101.

110 Dumbest thing i ever did drunk? I was at a keg party and someone called in a noise complaint, the police came out to tell us to keep it down and a few of us continued to be loud given that we were completely shitfaced. Anyhoo, one of the cops came up to me and the others who were still yukking it up and asked us if we wanted to go to jail, the other guys said no sir but being the genius i am i said yeah, i wanna go to jail and guess what? He took me to jail. That's when i learned that the police aren't the joking type.


I also woke up underneath a pool table at a club once, apparently i had passed out there and everyone just decided to leave me there when the club closed.

111 Eh. The temp changes are there, just not to the scale and not for the reasons the AGWs claim. Baby steps, babe. Baby steps.

Posted by: Joanna at March 11, 2011 01:14 PM (HaYO4)

Temp changes are always there.  By referencing them in relation to the tweet, you're conceding AGW in their mind.

Although, responding is probably a waste of time anyway.  The tweet itself indicates they're beyond reason.

112 I don't think I've ever actually been drunk.

Yeah, what a downer.

113 Stupidest thing I did drunk was the blonde down the street.

114 "Can I hold your gun, officer?"

115

I don't think I've ever actually been drunk.

Perhaps this will help:

TiberiusÂ’ Dream

In a milkshake tumbler:

2 shots Kahlua (or BaileyÂ’s or combo)
2 shots CremeÂ’ de Cacao
2-4 shots Mozart (or other) Chocolate Liqueur
2-4 scoops Chocolate Premium/Fudge Ice Cream
Fill to line with chocolate milk and blend/mix

Add ice and serve.

For an added kick, feel free to add 1-2 shots of vanilla vodka

116 Posted by: Mama AJ at March 11, 2011 01:34 PM (XdlcF)

Sounds good.  I'd have to leave out the dairy, though.

Probably fall asleep after the first couple sips. 

117

Probably fall asleep after the first couple sips.

Since I eat almost no sugar any more, I'm twitching just reading about it!

118 Jumped out of a small boat for a swim while the owner went to get gas, in the middle of the Allegheny River.

119
This might be a good thread for 'Stupidest thing I ever did while inebriated' stories.

Are you sure?

To my shame: I humped LauraW's humps whilst inebriated.

120

Since I eat almost no sugar any more, I'm twitching just reading about it!

Posted by: Mama AJ at March 11, 2011 01:49 PM (XdlcF)

I'm a chocolate hound, but too much is too much!  I think that drink would put anyone into overload by decadent smell alone.

PF Chang's has a great Plum Collins, though.  A little tart and a little sweet.  Much better than Long Island Iced Tea, which, as far as I am concerned, is made of pure gasoline.

121

Once when I was drunk

I misspelled "lose" with two o's.

Boy, was I ashamed!

122 Lake with hundreds of stumps?  Check.  Powerful ski boat?  Check.  Moonless night?  Check.  Q-beams and ski's?  Check.  Turn off the Q-beam randomly and listen to buddy scream?  Check.  Throw up french fries out your nose?  Yeah, he did. 

123 Drove a motorcycle through a house. Through the front door, up and down the stairs; around the second floor; wheelie in the living room. Wasn't my house though....

124 Last words before he got on the floe: "Hey ya'll, watch this!"