Ace of Spades HQ

December 15, 2011

Herman Cain Wants To Be Secretary of Defense
— Ace

He didn't seem to be very interested in military and foreign affairs as a candidate, but says he'd be the one to build the military the right way. I suppose his organizational experience would make him semi-qualified for that.

Still, I wonder if it's just so he can unveil his new plan:

Nine Armies! Nine Fleets! Nine Strategic Air Wings!

I should mention "Nine Expeditionary Forces" but that's four nines so I can't.

Posted by: Ace at 09:57 AM | Comments (85)
Post contains 89 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Hows his fundraising? Not so well? Sorry, that post is reserved for big bundlers.

Posted by: Bob Saget at December 15, 2011 09:59 AM (SDkq3)

2 I ain't buying it. He would not be good in that position.

Posted by: Ronster at December 15, 2011 09:59 AM (JGYCE)

3
Secretary of Triple-D-fense, you mean.

Posted by: soothsayer at December 15, 2011 09:59 AM (sqkOB)

4
Secretary of Romance

Posted by: soothsayer at December 15, 2011 09:59 AM (sqkOB)

5 Nine double whiskey sours! _urp

Posted by: Diane Sawyer at December 15, 2011 10:00 AM (+NSCE)

6 _ Fly! Fight! Win! a delicious fresh baked pizza. Check your online receipt for details _

Posted by: Herman Cain at December 15, 2011 10:00 AM (h6mPj)

7 Lack of military experience would be a gigantic negative here.
The military is its own unique bureaucracy, to put it mildly, and experience matters.
Sorry, Cain can get back in line with the rest of the other Republican wannabes.

Posted by: looking closely at December 15, 2011 10:01 AM (PwGfd)

8
He could be the Czar of 'Za.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at December 15, 2011 10:02 AM (QMtmy)

9 Um......No.

Posted by: © Sponge at December 15, 2011 10:02 AM (UK9cE)

10 Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: steevy at December 15, 2011 10:02 AM (7WJOC)

11 Nine mistresses!

Posted by: EC at December 15, 2011 10:02 AM (GQ8sn)

12 OT
Reading that drudge linked wapo article caught this gem.

This is how they think of and present themselves

The Simon Wiesenthal Center since its founding in 1977 has always been a mainstream institution. It has never endorsed a political candidate or party in the United States, or anywhere else. It has adhered to the bipartisan consensus that the U.S

Few paragraphs later in a carefully worded piece they cant help but slip this in.

...calling him Â“a Nazi,Â” we condemned that odious label when it was applied to former President George W. Bush by extreme leftists, the same way we have condemned its application to President Obama by the rightist lunatic fringe.

Posted by: Shiggz - Newt (Warp 7) at December 15, 2011 10:02 AM (RfvTE)

13
Nine Tailhooks.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at December 15, 2011 10:02 AM (JYheX)

14 Barack Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) says 'No' to RINO Romney at December 15, 2011 10:03 AM (8y9MW)

15 When did this runner-up booby prize thing start up again?

Picking a runner up as Veep has been fairly common, but besides Shillary, what other primary loser has received a cabinet seat in the last 30 years?

Posted by: weft cut-loop at December 15, 2011 10:03 AM (mIucK)

16 He could be the Czar of 'Za.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at December 15, 2011 02:02 PM (QMtmy)

Judging by what derailed his candidacy, he could be the Czar of Layin' Pipe.

Posted by: © Sponge at December 15, 2011 10:03 AM (UK9cE)

17 The only person worse than Cain for that job would be Barack Obama

Posted by: BumperStickerist at December 15, 2011 10:03 AM (h6mPj)

18 And since I obviously posted it just before the last thread died:

Watergate did not have a body count.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) says 'No' to RINO Romney at December 15, 2011 10:03 AM (8y9MW)

19 I guess they haven't compared the footage of the tea party to the footage of OWS. Because at least for now the sides are not equal and they are seeing it backwards. But then we always see the fouls of the other team don't we.

Posted by: Shiggz - Newt (Warp 7) at December 15, 2011 10:04 AM (RfvTE)

The only person worse than Cain for that job would be Barack Obama

Any Kardashian.

Posted by: alexthechick at December 15, 2011 10:04 AM (VtjlW)

21 @20 - Gotta disagree. At least with a Kadashian, there's a good chance the military will be well accessorized.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) says 'No' to RINO Romney at December 15, 2011 10:05 AM (8y9MW)

22 Sigh. *Kardashian* Obviously, I can't type this afternoon.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) says 'No' to RINO Romney at December 15, 2011 10:06 AM (8y9MW)

23 Well, like Adam said to Eve, 'Cain isn't able.'

Posted by: nickless will probably get accidentally banned again soon at December 15, 2011 10:06 AM (MMC8r)

Any Kardashian.

Posted by: alexthechick at December 15, 2011 02:04 PM (VtjlW)

Nope...I think there'd be a close tie there. The Kardashian's would be distract-able with any Gucci product, Senior Jughead would actually approach the position like he knew what he was doing....kinda like his presidency.

Posted by: © Sponge at December 15, 2011 10:07 AM (UK9cE)

25 What the hell? He's totally unqualified. Why would he want it? Is the DoD chock full of easy women or something?

Posted by: Wyatt's Torch at December 15, 2011 10:07 AM (LUmK6)

26 Herman Cain is not the least bit intimidating.

Posted by: M80B at December 15, 2011 10:07 AM (d6QMz)

27
Calls for a Nine Inch Nails video.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at December 15, 2011 10:07 AM (JYheX)

28 He would want to invade Alaska.

Posted by: dan in michigan at December 15, 2011 10:07 AM (ursg4)

29 He's more delussional than I thought

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 15, 2011 10:07 AM (i6RpT)

30 Sigh. *Kardashian* Obviously, I can't type this afternoon.

Could've been worse. You could have spelled it Kardassian, and then we'd all go off topic again.

Posted by: Meiczyslaw at December 15, 2011 10:08 AM (bjRNS)

31 Seriously, any residue from a Babwa Wawa interview needs to be wiped up immediately and put in the container at the end of the driveway.

Posted by: ontherocks at December 15, 2011 10:08 AM (HBqDo)

32 NEIN! NEIN!! NEIN!!!

Posted by: Nancy Pelosi at December 15, 2011 10:08 AM (GrCp5)

33 He'd be better than Leon Panetta, but that's not saying much.

Cain could be Secretary of Deconstruction - overseeing orderly shutdown of departments. that's it.

Posted by: grognard at December 15, 2011 10:08 AM (NS2Mo)

34 God, what a tool.

Posted by: Joffen at December 15, 2011 10:08 AM (zLeKL)

At least with a Kadashian, there's a good chance the military will be well accessorized.

An order to 'retreat to the rear' would be quickly honored, from the top down, I assure you.

Posted by: Herman Cain at December 15, 2011 10:08 AM (lGj2f)

36 Bring back Condi, back then I didn't read any conservative news just daily kos, daily show, and cnn and while they ranted often about her I don't recall any serious flaws on her end other then she didn't play hardball like a Mustache Bolton would.

Posted by: Shiggz - Newt (Warp 7) at December 15, 2011 10:09 AM (RfvTE)

Cain worked in defense early in his career. I am not sure that makes him an expert on defense strategy and what defense posture the US Armed Forces need to adopt to meet our needs going forward, but then we've had SecDefs before who were a lot less capable.

Posted by: stuiec at December 15, 2011 10:09 AM (Di3Im)

Any Kardashian.

Posted by: alexthechick at December 15, 2011 02:04 PM (VtjlW)

Doh. I thought that said AMY Kardashian, and I had my hopes up there was a 4th sister that wasn't a complete waste of oxygen.

Oh well.

Posted by: grognard at December 15, 2011 10:09 AM (NS2Mo)

39 Could've been worse. You could have spelled it Kardassian, and then we'd all go off topic again.

Posted by: Meiczyslaw at December 15, 2011 02:08 PM (bjRNS)

Or Junkindatrunk for those eubonics speakers in the audience.

Posted by: © Sponge at December 15, 2011 10:09 AM (UK9cE)

40 Your bunker-buster on target in 30 minutes or it's free!

Posted by: SecDef Cain at December 15, 2011 10:09 AM (RD7QR)

41 He couldn't do this job, it takes years of military experience.

Posted by: Leon Panetta at December 15, 2011 10:10 AM (QPNW7)

42 20

The only person worse than Cain for that job would be Barack Obama

Any Kardashian.

Justin Bieber.

Posted by: Mr. Obvious at December 15, 2011 10:10 AM (2uovW)

43 If Cain were to become the SecDef (God help us all), we should hope that his advisers would be smart enough to realize that China is already a nuclear nation.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at December 15, 2011 10:10 AM (9hSKh)

44 Also if this was the 90's I might be willing to flirt with the idea of Cain as secdef.... but in this world? We need someone to hold that line until the Cheney clones are ready.

Posted by: Shiggz - Newt (Warp 7) at December 15, 2011 10:10 AM (RfvTE)

45 Justin Bieber.

I don't think Canadians are eligible.

Posted by: Meiczyslaw at December 15, 2011 10:10 AM (bjRNS)

46 Aw come on now. Somebody just Mr. Cain his 7th place participation trophy and lets be done with him.

Posted by: GMB curmudgeon-in-training and 7 time ONT killer at December 15, 2011 10:10 AM (wY55N)

47 Or should I have said 9th place?

Posted by: GMB curmudgeon-in-training and 7 time ONT killer at December 15, 2011 10:11 AM (wY55N)

Go write a book, Herman. Collect your speaking fees. We're trying to save the country here.

Posted by: CJ at December 15, 2011 10:11 AM (9KqcB)

49 He wants to deliver pizza to the whole world.

Posted by: rdbrewer at December 15, 2011 10:11 AM (ouW/g)

50 Well I'll say this, with all the COs relieved of Command this year in the Navy for Sexual Reasons and Conduct Unbecoming, I guess old Herman might just fit in?

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 15, 2011 10:11 AM (i6RpT)

51 I don't think Canadians are eligible. ---- Bullshit! Really? Your loss, America.

Posted by: Joffen at December 15, 2011 10:12 AM (zLeKL)

52
He'll make a fantastic Secretary of Defense on Ron Paul's cabinet.
Barney the Dinosaur is going to be pretty bitter about the whole thing.

Posted by: Clutch Cargo at December 15, 2011 10:12 AM (Qxdfp)

53 The Secretary of Defense. The mind boggles. Well, the Obama Doctrine clearly states that you don't have to know jack-shit about the job you apply for. So he's got that going for him.

Posted by: t-bird at December 15, 2011 10:12 AM (FcR7P)

54 Herman Cain is a conservative. Ignore his shambolic retard cluelessness.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at December 15, 2011 10:12 AM (0yt4x)

55 Justin Bieber.

I don't think Canadians are eligible.

Posted by: Meiczyslaw at December 15, 2011 02:10 PM (bjRNS)

Not only that, imagine the Teleprompter with the AutoTune plugin installed....

Posted by: © Sponge at December 15, 2011 10:13 AM (UK9cE)

56 He heard Christine O'Donnell was angling for Secretary of Education, and thinks this is his chance.

Posted by: Mr. Lurky McLurkington, Esq. at December 15, 2011 10:13 AM (9ks0K)

57 Here's a defense-related research story (and it's kinda cool to boot) -

Darpa: Use Tobacco To Save Soldiers From Nerve Gas

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at December 15, 2011 10:14 AM (9hSKh)

58 How about Commerce Secretary? If he promises to cut the dept. budget by 99%...

Posted by: Mama AJ at December 15, 2011 10:15 AM (XdlcF)

59 Report: F & F was to be used for gun regulation.

Posted by: Joffen at December 15, 2011 10:16 AM (zLeKL)

60 50 He wants to deliver pizza to the whole world.

In a B-2!
The fucking Iranians will be clueless until the Peperoni is falling on their heads.

Posted by: Clutch Cargo at December 15, 2011 10:16 AM (Qxdfp)

61 You misunderstand me: Secretary of "De fun-bags".

Posted by: Herman Cain at December 15, 2011 10:16 AM (FcR7P)

62 Justin Bieber can be SecDef. He just won't be in the Presidential line of succession.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at December 15, 2011 10:17 AM (vzFJV)

63 He would keep Iran in check by surrounding the country by placing our torpedos in Wales, The Seychelles, and Romania.

Posted by: Truck Monkey at December 15, 2011 10:18 AM (jucos)

he can be in charge of sending pizza to the troops.

friggin eff Cain.

Posted by: newguy at December 15, 2011 10:19 AM (kduZC)

65 I think Hitler, on the last thread had more insight to the current political climate, that Cain's Babwa interview.
NRO is now jumping the shark on a daily basis.
WTF?

Posted by: ontherocks at December 15, 2011 10:21 AM (HBqDo)

66 61 50 He wants to deliver pizza to the whole world.

In a B-2!
The fucking Iranians will be clueless until the Peperoni is falling on their heads.
<researching PORK pepperoni....>

Posted by: Mr. Obvious at December 15, 2011 10:22 AM (2uovW)

67 I could see him as Secretary of The Inferior.

Posted by: GnuBreed at December 15, 2011 10:24 AM (ENKCw)

68 The fact that he even thinks he's qualified for this shows how unqualified he was for the Presidency.

Posted by: Random at December 15, 2011 10:24 AM (YiE0S)

69 67

Can always resort to Hawaiian style pizza (canadian ham and pineapple).

Posted by: Clutch Cargo at December 15, 2011 10:25 AM (Qxdfp)

70 Herman Cain's defense policy: Let's build a large fleet of expensive Aegis ships, screw providing carrier protection, and station them around Iran indefinitely.

Posted by: Random at December 15, 2011 10:26 AM (YiE0S)

71 The bombing starts in 9 minutes.

Posted by: Emperor of Icecream, Cultist for Jesus at December 15, 2011 10:26 AM (epBek)

True comedy. And let's not forget that only a few weeks ago this guy was the leading candidate for y'all's nomination. How pray tell does it feel to be saddled with a bloc of rubes for fellow voters who are that numbingly dumb? No, seriously, how does it feel? FYI, even our useful idiots are operating at a much higher level. It's not as if Kucinich ever lead a primary on our side. It's got to be disheartening for some of you. You want to unseat Barack and save democracy and capitalism, but you've got a bunch of lead weight anchors who couldn't grasp political realities if you stapled them to their heads. Heh.

Posted by: David Axelrod at December 15, 2011 10:40 AM (f8XyF)

73 68 I could see him as Secretary of The Inferior Posterior.

FIFY

Posted by: Shiggz - Newt (Warp 7) at December 15, 2011 10:46 AM (RfvTE)

74 After Cain's serial displays of ignorance in the Foreign Affairs and National Defense field I'd --at best--appoint him Secretary of Pizza.

Posted by: Seth at December 15, 2011 10:53 AM (xjmh9)

75 Cain wants to be secretary of defense? For who?

Posted by: Crazy Bald Guy at December 15, 2011 11:00 AM (E7I0g)

76 He's got his own missile!

Posted by: Cricket at December 15, 2011 11:15 AM (DrC22)

77 How about we just ask Dick Cheney to saddle up again for the job?

Posted by: Purple Avenger at December 15, 2011 11:21 AM (DzIiI)

78 He needs to run for Gov of GA.

Posted by: Vic at December 15, 2011 11:22 AM (YdQQY)

79 Cain is a consummate imbecile and should go back to wherever he came from. Georgia I think.

Posted by: Barbarian-Heartless Paul Supporter at December 15, 2011 11:27 AM (EL+OC)

80 Perhaps he misunderstood LoTR and believes there are 9 nazgul threatening the U.S. or something.

Posted by: Y-not, still for Perry at December 15, 2011 12:55 PM (5H6zj)

81 He is delusional.

Posted by: ChristyBlinky at December 15, 2011 12:58 PM (baL2B)

82 9 Nukes dropped on 9 cities a day for 9 days

Posted by: Evan at December 15, 2011 02:12 PM (O3OlP)

83 No don't let Cain anywhere near a secretary. He has a bad track record.

Posted by: befuddled at December 15, 2011 02:32 PM (xJU23)

84 I just cant stop reading this. Its so cool, so full of information that I just didnt know. Im glad to see that people are actually writing about this issue in such a smart way, showing us all different sides to it. Youre a great blogger. Please keep it up. I cant wait to read whats next.

Posted by: Why We Broke Up iBooks at December 15, 2011 06:07 PM (pokdj)

85 Vote someone out of office. I don't know who. Don't elect anyone. HIRE someone, so we can FIRE his/her ass without waiting years if they muckup. All the repub candidates are delusional, dishonest a-wipes. Why do you want them? They are going to guarantee Obama is Barack in the saddle again. I don't want him either. Who? Where do we turn? Help. Robert Redford for Prez.

Posted by: Despararee at December 15, 2011 08:15 PM (+TJ9v)

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