Ace of Spades HQ

June 11, 2011

Important Things Learned From Watching Movies
— CAC

Talking during horse-head bookends is never acceptable.

If you are going to build your house over a graveyard, for God's sakes, move the bodies too, not just the headstones. Or at least smash all the TV's in your house.

Clanking empty bottles together out of an old beater while calling out your rival gang's name is a great form of intimidation.

Swedish bookshops have dogs that walk backwards.

Every time you drive a car off a cliff, it will explode.

You can outrun a massive bomb despite incredibly dense foliage.

If you can't outrun it, find a fridge.

If someone asks if you are a god, you say yes.

Lisa apparently enjoys tearing bad actors (and directors, writers, editors, advertisers and producers) apart. Or should I say, apaahht.

The most important thing I learned?

When interviewing someone about a crime, look at the bottom of your damn coffee mug first.

So, what valuable life lessons have you gathered from cinema?

Posted by: CAC at 07:51 AM | Comments (517)
Post contains 172 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Just build something, somebody is bound to show up.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 07:53 AM (HjxoE)

2 Virgins live. Sluts die.

Posted by: SierraSpartan at June 11, 2011 07:55 AM (LXrGH)

3
Never close a bathroom mirror slowly; this will summon the bad guy, reflected right behind your shoulder.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 07:55 AM (eNx0o)

4 Well from TV, I learned that the parts of atoms are rival gangs.

Posted by: Jeff Weimer at June 11, 2011 07:55 AM (L+hh6)

5
It will take at least five gunfights for the sights in any automatic weapon to work properly. Until then, people can run across football fields in broad daylight and survive a hail of machine-gun fire.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 07:56 AM (eNx0o)

6
Beware people who appear to walk in slo-mo. They're vampires.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 07:57 AM (eNx0o)

7 If you have big tits and your friend doesn't. Don't go camping. The big tittied woman always die.

Posted by: momma at June 11, 2011 07:58 AM (nWikJ)

8 If you find an alien, hide him in your bike's basket.

Posted by: momma at June 11, 2011 07:59 AM (nWikJ)

9 A "student bodies" reference! A great, but obscure, reference.

Posted by: Ddbb at June 11, 2011 07:59 AM (SzlX6)

Over-confidence will nullify any advantage, no matter how extreme. Therefore, one should never stop to gloat, nor underestimate any potential threat. Otherwise, the next thing you know some hot shot pilot drops a torpedo down some improbable design flaw in your battle station and BOOOOM!

Posted by: Reactionary at June 11, 2011 07:59 AM (4nbyM)

11 Always cut the blue wire on a time-bomb.

or, is it the red one?

Posted by: franksalterego at June 11, 2011 08:00 AM (7/sDI)

12
And if you haven't yet, check out The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:00 AM (eNx0o)

13 When people are being murdered, don't go outside to investigate when you hear a noise at night.

Posted by: mike at June 11, 2011 08:01 AM (eZ5Jk)

14 A coke bottle can start many fights in the desert.

Posted by: momma at June 11, 2011 08:01 AM (nWikJ)

15 I learned that the Blue Oyster Bar doesn't serve seafood.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at June 11, 2011 08:02 AM (y/+eD)

16
If you see a gaggle of pudgy brunettes, look inside; there you will find a smart, ambitious, slender blonde who is determined to delay marriage for the sake of her career. (Hint: she's deluding herself.)

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:03 AM (eNx0o)

17 When your DeLorean hits eighty-eight miles per hour... you see some serious shit.

Posted by: Emmet Brown at June 11, 2011 08:04 AM (BkQvr)

I have learned that it is okay to french kiss your sister if both of you are twins and you don't know you're related except through a mysterious "force".

I have learned that "yippee - ky - yay motherfucker" is always an appropriate exclamation in any circumstance.

Nazis are both flammable and meltable.

Posted by: Inspector Asshole at June 11, 2011 08:04 AM (T4flg)

19 Whores have hearts of gold.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:04 AM (FDWZY)

20 If you're being chased, for the love of God, don't run upstairs. Your choices are being hacked to pieces or jumping out of a window.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at June 11, 2011 08:04 AM (bawkB)

21 You can blow up a killer shark with one shot, even though you can't see a thing and don't know how to shoot a rifle, and you know it is going to eat you if you miss.

Posted by: rockmom at June 11, 2011 08:04 AM (mBDmf)

22
American high school students appear to be in their late 20s.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:04 AM (eNx0o)

23 When you squish a mosquito that's sitting on the face of your caveman friend, it will make one hell of a mess.

Posted by: momma at June 11, 2011 08:05 AM (nWikJ)

24 The phone call is coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:05 AM (FDWZY)

What I've learned from Turner Classic Movies

Those old actresses whose names you know, but wouldn't recognize if they bumped into you? They're all smoking hot.

Driving an automobile indicates wealth and social status.

There's always a horse around, always.

Everyone in the world is a truly gifted dancer, just waiting for the right song to bring it out.

Priests have Irish accents.

If you don't wind up before you throw a punch, it will have zero effect on your target.

Posted by: Lincolntf at June 11, 2011 08:05 AM (Z05lF)

26 If a man says don't say what again, he means it.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 08:05 AM (HjxoE)

27 Don't stare up at spaceships or you will get a really bad sunburn

Posted by: Ace Tomato at June 11, 2011 08:05 AM (23p1u)

28 Don't fuck with Grampa when he's drunk.

Wait, I might have learned that somewhere else.

Posted by: lowandslow at June 11, 2011 08:06 AM (GZitp)

29 The killer is never dead,no matter how many times you shot him.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:07 AM (FDWZY)

30 I have learned that it is okay to french kiss your sister if both of you are twins and you don't know you're related except through a mysterious "force".

This twin sister, just how old is she?

Posted by: Anthony Weiner at June 11, 2011 08:07 AM (6TB1Z)

31 Zombies can climb chain-link fences, but they can't climb a ladder.

I learned that from TV movie.

Posted by: franksalterego at June 11, 2011 08:07 AM (7/sDI)

32 Never bet against Clint Eastwood.

Posted by: momma at June 11, 2011 08:07 AM (nWikJ)

Never trust a robot with movable eyebrows - they will always switch to "angry eyebrows" when your back is turned and they will then kill humanity.

Fat people are never smart.

Puppets are humanity's most deadly enemy.

Posted by: Inspector Asshole at June 11, 2011 08:07 AM (T4flg)

34
98-pound girls with minimal training can win swordfights against gnarly pirates.

White guys can study martial arts for a few months and start defeating 8th-degree blackbelts. (But they have to train to music.)

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:07 AM (eNx0o)

35 If you are in the woods and have no bars on your cellphone you are fucked.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:08 AM (FDWZY)

36 I feel like a lucky punk.

Posted by: Lemon Kitten at June 11, 2011 08:08 AM (0fzsA)

37
Whores are happy.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:09 AM (eNx0o)

38 Don't feed a hairy midget after midnight or Phoebe Cates will put on a really ugly seater vest. Or something.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at June 11, 2011 08:09 AM (y/+eD)

39 When a noise scares you but it turns out to be nothing...fucking run!

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:09 AM (FDWZY)

Don't ever kick the map into the river.

Posted by: Lemon Kitten at June 11, 2011 08:09 AM (0fzsA)

41 Saturday detention can be a blast.

Posted by: momma at June 11, 2011 08:09 AM (nWikJ)

42
Being homeless is like going to camp.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:10 AM (eNx0o)

43 38 LOL

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:10 AM (FDWZY)

44 For some reason, humans keep creating viruses that are supposed to be beneficial, but always, always end up turning everyone into flesh-eating zombies. You'd think they would learn not to do that.

Posted by: pep at June 11, 2011 08:10 AM (6TB1Z)

45 Don't go to scary places with stupid people. Evah.

Posted by: Menacing Music Hater at June 11, 2011 08:10 AM (dh5Eu)

46 Never trust the nanny.

Posted by: momma at June 11, 2011 08:10 AM (nWikJ)

47 Low-level bad guys care no more about dying than ants do. Their "order of battle" is modelled on the British at the Somme. They will not seek cover, nor care that you have easily massacred 100 attackers exactly like them; they'll still attack in a frontal assault with no attempt at stealth or using cover.

Because although they may be evil riff-raff scum, their espirit de corps is such that their individual death is well spent as long as it weakens you good guys in some way.

Perhaps no more than causing you to expend ammunition or sufficient calories to swing your light sabre.

Posted by: Nicholas Kronos at June 11, 2011 08:11 AM (ak08F)

48 Black guys are tremendous sources of world wise wisdom.So are retards.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:11 AM (FDWZY)

Talking during horse-head bookends is never acceptable.

On what planet does this sentence make sense?

Posted by: spongeworthy at June 11, 2011 08:11 AM (rplL3)

50 Nothing is better than a good blaster at your side.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at June 11, 2011 08:11 AM (d0Tfm)

51
If you're making your escape, don't chase the cat into some bung-hole to save it. Just get the hell out.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:12 AM (eNx0o)

52 This is from TV, never invite Angela Lansbury to your home or a relative will die.

Posted by: madamex at June 11, 2011 08:12 AM (1zsKV)

53 Underdogs almost always win.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:12 AM (FDWZY)

54 52 Or the Hart's.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:13 AM (FDWZY)

55 pizza delivery guys get a lot of ass

when working late, there is always a hot girl at the photocopier willing to drop her pants

pool parties always turn into orgies

Posted by: nine coconuts at June 11, 2011 08:13 AM (uz3hs)

56 When you're on a beach and the tide recedes drastically RUN.......

Posted by: Donna at June 11, 2011 08:13 AM (bdE9c)

People who work for companies with less than a 10 million or so market capitalization are virtuous and good. But as soon as market cap hits 11 million, all those people turn instantly into evil exploiters of the planet and the workers.

Posted by: Reactionary at June 11, 2011 08:13 AM (4nbyM)

58 55 Lessons learned from porn.If you are cutting the grass always go inside to drink a glass of water.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:14 AM (FDWZY)

59 Oh, and don't send pron pics to anyone who has "Sleepless" in the name.

Posted by: Menacing Music Hater at June 11, 2011 08:14 AM (dh5Eu)

60
Black guys are tremendous sources of world wise wisdom.So are retards.
Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 12:11 PM

Oh yeah, the retards. They're also morally superior and never dangerous or messy.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:14 AM (eNx0o)

61 Not mine, but funny:

1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St PatrickÂ’s Day parade Â– at any time of the year.

2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off Â– even while scuba diving.

Posted by: momma at June 11, 2011 08:14 AM (nWikJ)

62 Always take the red pill.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at June 11, 2011 08:14 AM (d0Tfm)

63 Homely girls with glasses and their hair in a bun are gorgeous once they lose the glasses, let down the hair, and unbutton a button or two on the blouse.

Posted by: pep at June 11, 2011 08:14 AM (6TB1Z)

Never make friends with a waitress if a psychopath is chasing you. She will die a terrible death because you are a pussy and won't kill the psychopath. But then again, if you kill the psychopath, she'll die in exactly the same manner, just 10 seconds earlier.

All cops hate FBI agents who say the word "jurisdiction".

All villains are smokers.

Every minority talks with a sterotypical accent. Especially the Irish.

Posted by: Inspector Asshole at June 11, 2011 08:14 AM (T4flg)

65 "Oh magic gun, open any lock".

Posted by: hackedweiner at June 11, 2011 08:15 AM (TWEtT)

66 Also, if you ever find yourself in summer camp, and it turns out that some psychopathic murderer is killing the campers one by one, the best thing to do, instead of running away or calling the police, is to find a hot girl to make out with.

Posted by: OregonMuse at June 11, 2011 08:15 AM (a+MmI)

67 If the car wont fucking start after 2 tries just run already!

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:16 AM (FDWZY)

68 ---A non-drinker's first taste of alcohol will be as strong as gasoline, causing them to cough, gag, and sputter. Give them 5 minutes and the bottle will be empty. ---It's fun to sit on a bench outside a dressing room. You must shake your head "no" to the first 25 outfits your friend tries on. After the happy, bouncy song is almost done, give a big thumbs up and smile. THAT'S the outfit that will get your friend the job/laid. ---Greek goddesses will leave their eternal lives and supernatural powers behind to be the girlfriend of a roller disco owner.

Posted by: arealmother at June 11, 2011 08:16 AM (vf1kk)

69 If you are severely allergic to water, do not invade a planet on which the surface is approximately 70% water.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at June 11, 2011 08:16 AM (qaU+h)

70 Jumping out of a moving car is fun and not at all painful.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:16 AM (FDWZY)

71
The old grandma will be the first to say "fuck."

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:17 AM (eNx0o)

72 George Lucas is the best filmmaker in the history of the world.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at June 11, 2011 08:17 AM (d0Tfm)

73 From TV: If you are a weiner, never try to be SuperWeiner.

Posted by: Menacing Music Hater at June 11, 2011 08:18 AM (dh5Eu)

74 Sometimes,if you try really hard, it's possible to get 8, 9, 10, or even more shots out of a 6-shot revolver.

Posted by: OregonMuse at June 11, 2011 08:18 AM (a+MmI)

75 Explosions create a slow moving wave of fire that can be avoided with a little difficulty.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:18 AM (FDWZY)

76 "Talking during horse-head bookends is never acceptable."

Student Bodies? Loved that movie. I like how the phone, if unanswered, rang "harder".

Posted by: crosspatch at June 11, 2011 08:18 AM (ZbLJZ)

77 The Swedish bookstore scene is perhaps the finest single scene ever.

Posted by: JGriff at June 11, 2011 08:18 AM (jrACv)

78 ALWAYS take the blue pill.... "Remember whereever you go, there you are" If your station wagon breaks down in the middle of rainstorm, and you see a castle up ahead and you are in Denton Texas, you know a narrator with no neck is going to be following your story (okay, who knows the movie??)

Posted by: Catlady at June 11, 2011 08:18 AM (ZBLlY)

79
All prophecies come true.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:18 AM (eNx0o)

80 ....never go to camp... ..never investigate night time noises... animals CAN talk....

Posted by: phoenixgirl at June 11, 2011 08:18 AM (eOXTH)

81 Sean Penn is a dick.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 08:19 AM (HjxoE)

82 If you have a Chief Communications Officer, the chief thing that she will not be able to do, is communicate.

Posted by: Tutu at June 11, 2011 08:19 AM (O6j1h)

83 Rear ending a parked flatbed truck will always launch your car to safety.

Always insure plate glass before carrying it through an intersection.

Posted by: Jimmah at June 11, 2011 08:19 AM (BZ3K2)

84 I learned that orphans are really fucking talented.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at June 11, 2011 08:19 AM (y/+eD)

85 Your gun will jam when you really need it to fire and it's a good idea to throw it instead of clearing the jam.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:19 AM (FDWZY)

86 You can overfill the magazine on a 9mm H&K to hold 500 rounds.

Posted by: Breitbart Wins at June 11, 2011 08:19 AM (lT0LC)

87 ..never take candy from the creepy man with the candy cart...and if you take the candy..at least don't get in the cart.......

Posted by: phoenixgirl at June 11, 2011 08:20 AM (eOXTH)

88 Bring a bigger boat.

Posted by: mikeyboss at June 11, 2011 08:20 AM (MX5qJ)

89 Never bet against a blind guy with a cane sword.

Posted by: GT 5.0 at June 11, 2011 08:20 AM (3W1+C)

90 always bet on black

Posted by: A.G. at June 11, 2011 08:20 AM (r1N2K)

The French do not exist.

If the French are actually real, they all wear berets and are all mimes.

In movies, hippies do not stink of filth.

All college girls are promiscuous or lesbians.

Every inhabitant of Japan is a martial arts expert. Especially the old guys.

China is chock full of kung fu.

Cuba is intent on conquering Colorado.

Posted by: Inspector Asshole at June 11, 2011 08:21 AM (T4flg)

The effects of head trauma never lasts longer than three minutes, if there are any effects at all.

Same with gunshot wounds.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at June 11, 2011 08:21 AM (d0Tfm)

93 Girls aren't interested in status, or money, or power. Only love
(but it helps to be "hollywood ugly" -- that is really good looking with a bad haircut and glasses that can be fixed in the third act.)

Posted by: nine coconuts at June 11, 2011 08:21 AM (uz3hs)

94 You can take a blow to the head so severe that you will be unconscious for hours, and when you wake up, there will be no ill effects and you'll be perfectly fine.

Posted by: OregonMuse at June 11, 2011 08:21 AM (a+MmI)

95 That I will never set foot in an Applebee's, TGI Fridays, Bennigan's, or any casual restaurant chain store ever again.

Posted by: Jeff Weimer at June 11, 2011 08:21 AM (L+hh6)

96 You can drive on the sidewalk in heavily populated cities without hurting anyone.There are always fruit stands though.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:21 AM (FDWZY)

97 police in the small towns smash your headlights so they can write you a ticket.....

Posted by: phoenixgirl at June 11, 2011 08:21 AM (eOXTH)

98 Cutting the correct wire on the digital timer of time bomb will stop the timer from counting down while still suppling power to display the three seconds you had to spare.

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at June 11, 2011 08:21 AM (KGD+C)

99 revolvers have unlimited bullets until you are safe from opposing gunfire and can refill it.

Posted by: A.G. at June 11, 2011 08:21 AM (r1N2K)

100
Any assertion you make about your life plans is about to be overturned by an attractive stranger.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:21 AM (eNx0o)

101 94 Yes,and this can happen multiple times.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:22 AM (FDWZY)

102 Lesbians are always young, slim, and beautiful.

Posted by: OregonMuse at June 11, 2011 08:22 AM (a+MmI)

103 frodo is sooooo gay

Posted by: A.G. at June 11, 2011 08:22 AM (r1N2K)

104 If your plane is crashing, jumping out of it in an inflatable raft will save your life.

Posted by: Unclefacts Luxury-Yacht at June 11, 2011 08:23 AM (6IReR)

105 If a house is big and lovely and deeply discounted because a murder took place there, don't buy it.

If you're a female being chased by a crazed killer do not run. You will fall.

Geeky loners who live in the basement and have no social skills are the ones who will save the earth in event of any type of disaster.

Posted by: shibumi at June 11, 2011 08:23 AM (eeGvE)

106 Building a smart robot never ends well.

Posted by: Gorgo at June 11, 2011 08:23 AM (25vin)

107 Villains like to explain their entire nefarious plan to you than before ordering your death.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:23 AM (FDWZY)

108 81 Sean Penn is a dick.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 12:19 PM (HjxoE)

Didn't really need the movies to establish that fact.

Posted by: Unclefacts Luxury-Yacht at June 11, 2011 08:24 AM (6IReR)

109 They're called creepy old houses for good reason.
Mass murderers love campgrounds.
Gee, I never thought those flying/karate/computer/survival/army sniper skills would come in handy.
Radios and televisions always broadcast exactly what a character , or the plot, needs to know or do the moment they're turned on.

Posted by: spice at June 11, 2011 08:24 AM (8PqRA)

110 Don't expose your dick in front of Miss Ballbricker if it has a mole on it....

Posted by: Donna at June 11, 2011 08:24 AM (bdE9c)

111 When you lose the girl, just wait 1-6 months and she will come back.

Posted by: Jimmah at June 11, 2011 08:24 AM (BZ3K2)

112 Always cut the blue wire on a time-bomb.

or, is it the red one?

But the "real" wire will be covered with putty that a crow must peck away to get too it.

Posted by: Vic at June 11, 2011 08:24 AM (M9Ie6)

113 108 - True, no point stating the obvious.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 08:25 AM (HjxoE)

114 Strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

Posted by: Monty at June 11, 2011 08:25 AM (BkQvr)

115
Posted by: Jimmah at June 11, 2011 12:19 PM

Ha.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:25 AM (eNx0o)

116 Never hunt vampires right before sunset.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:25 AM (FDWZY)

117 You can always tell good guys from bad by their response to being shot. Bad guys die, usually immediately, (butt sometimes after a delayed reaction) no matter where they are hit. Good guys keep fighting, sometimes developing a limp, even after multiple shots to the core.

Posted by: nine coconuts at June 11, 2011 08:26 AM (uz3hs)

118 ...there's a man behind the curtain......

Posted by: phoenixgirl at June 11, 2011 08:26 AM (eOXTH)

119 If it bleeds you can kill it.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:26 AM (FDWZY)

120 Dry-humping a mannequin will get you promoted to company VP.

Posted by: Joanie (Oven Gloves) at June 11, 2011 08:26 AM (y/+eD)

121
People with southern accents are stupid or simple.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:27 AM (eNx0o)

122 Coffee is for closers.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 08:27 AM (HjxoE)

123 You need an old priest, and a young priest.

Posted by: mikeyboss at June 11, 2011 08:27 AM (MX5qJ)

124

Never name your child Garp.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at June 11, 2011 08:27 AM (d0Tfm)

125 aliens dont need food. they survive on the gore of ripping your body apart and hatefucking your mouth

Posted by: A.G. at June 11, 2011 08:27 AM (r1N2K)

126 For God's sake, don't insist upon yourself.

Posted by: mikeyboss at June 11, 2011 08:28 AM (MX5qJ)

127 you can drag a dead person around and no one will notice

Posted by: phoenixgirl at June 11, 2011 08:28 AM (eOXTH)

128 #76 - Student Bodies was a high school cult classic for us. We'd burn the shit out of that movie.

Malvert brings keys, and CHEESE!

I'm sure it's not nearly as funny as I remember. Good times, though. Good times.

Posted by: 2549 at June 11, 2011 08:28 AM (kvxPn)

129 Your friends will wait to the last possible second to save you.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:28 AM (FDWZY)

130 The promise, "I will never die", will always result in a good time.

Posted by: Cyn at June 11, 2011 08:28 AM (18WU4)

131 people always explain what they are thinking. Either to a friend, or a diary, or sometimes just to themselves while doing something else. People are actually very transparent if you listen to them.

Posted by: nine coconuts at June 11, 2011 08:28 AM (uz3hs)

132 Don't go into a restaurant 15 minutes before closing.

Posted by: Jeff Weimer at June 11, 2011 08:29 AM (L+hh6)

133 Homeless people are not crazy drug-addicts.

Posted by: OregonMuse at June 11, 2011 08:29 AM (a+MmI)

134 Don't eat the fruit.

Posted by: Montenegro at June 11, 2011 08:29 AM (AZGON)

135
Any crowd that's trapped or taken hostage will include a mild-mannered priest or a nun. This person will wind up punching someone in the nose or yelling "Shut the hell up!"

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:29 AM (eNx0o)

136 If you're stuck in the Antarctic and one of your colleagues has a heart attack, don't try to revive them.

Posted by: naturalfake at June 11, 2011 08:29 AM (I49Jm)

137 ..if someone tells you not to worry....run away

Posted by: phoenixgirl at June 11, 2011 08:29 AM (eOXTH)

138 No premature mutual fellatio.

Posted by: mikeyboss at June 11, 2011 08:29 AM (MX5qJ)

139 If you are about to retire from the police,use your saved up vacation time.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:29 AM (FDWZY)

140 vampires exist.....

Posted by: phoenixgirl at June 11, 2011 08:29 AM (eOXTH)

141 Homely girls with glasses and their hair in a bun are gorgeous once they lose the glasses, let down the hair, and unbutton a button or two on the blouse. Posted by: pep

You forgot the montage sequence in the boutique with the ostentatiously ghey best friend panning 5 outfits before giving the 6th dress gleeful applause.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at June 11, 2011 08:30 AM (qaU+h)

142
You can achieve anything as long as there's background music.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:31 AM (eNx0o)

143 The violent criminal will be an excellent companion after the apocalypse.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:31 AM (FDWZY)

144 All street-gangs are interracial.

Posted by: OregonMuse at June 11, 2011 08:31 AM (a+MmI)

145 That you can't kill no Tiger Tanks with Negative waves... Moriarity...

Posted by: Romeo13 at June 11, 2011 08:31 AM (NtXW4)

146 I learned from the movies that you can hack into any database by typing OVERRIDE on a Unix command line

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 08:31 AM (so1xa)

147
You forgot the montage sequence in the boutique with the ostentatiously ghey best friend panning 5 outfits before giving the 6th dress gleeful applause.

See #68.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:32 AM (eNx0o)

148 Never locate your hideout near a wood chipper.

And undercoating is NEVER free.

Posted by: Chariots of Toast at June 11, 2011 08:32 AM (XyjRQ)

149 Everyone thinks Snake Plisken is dead.

Posted by: naturalfake at June 11, 2011 08:32 AM (I49Jm)

150 old buildings were always old, but old cars were always new. If you go back 100 years, there will be no new buildings. Mining towns built in one season are made out of 200 year old wood with faded paint. Go to a city in 1920, and all even new buildings are old and worn, but the cars all look like they just drove off the lot.

Posted by: nine coconuts at June 11, 2011 08:32 AM (uz3hs)

151 If someone asks you if you're a god, you say yes.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 08:32 AM (HjxoE)

152 The bomb ALWAYS stops with 1 second left...

Posted by: Romeo13 at June 11, 2011 08:32 AM (NtXW4)

153
Bad guys from ancient empires speak with upper-class British accents.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:33 AM (eNx0o)

154 Imperial Stormtroopers are a really, really lousy shot.

Posted by: George Orwell at June 11, 2011 08:33 AM (AZGON)

155 Homeless people also manage to be clean and have clipped toenails. (Have you REALLY every seen the feet of a homeless person??)

Posted by: Catlady at June 11, 2011 08:33 AM (ZBLlY)

156 I can become a Jedi master in, what, a few weeks with Yoda?

Posted by: OregonMuse at June 11, 2011 08:33 AM (a+MmI)

157 Keep your glasses off

Posted by: Moe Green at June 11, 2011 08:33 AM (so1xa)

158

Ewoks love a good story.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at June 11, 2011 08:34 AM (d0Tfm)

159 The chick who hates you and who you clash with constantly will be banging you like a drum inside of 2 hours.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:34 AM (FDWZY)

160

1. Nevr get out of the boat, man! Never get out of the boat!

2. Charlie didn't get much U.S.O.

3. Charlie don't surf.

4. Never get sent as an errand boy collecting a bill for grocers.

The horror! The horror!

Posted by: JC at June 11, 2011 08:34 AM (Mnxnf)

161 For the most part, con artists, grifters and thieves are really fascinating complex people with remarkable insights on life and love.

Posted by: George Orwell at June 11, 2011 08:34 AM (AZGON)

162 It's never okay to swim in the ocean. Never.

Posted by: Cyn at June 11, 2011 08:34 AM (18WU4)

163 Some asshole's going to drink your milkshake.

Posted by: naturalfake at June 11, 2011 08:35 AM (I49Jm)

164
you can hack into any database by typing OVERRIDE on a Unix command line

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 12:31 PM

Oh yeah, the technology! Any Joe Blow can also jump into the cockpit of a never-before seen warship and win a dogfight.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:35 AM (eNx0o)

165 Conservatives and or Christians are always hypocrites.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:35 AM (FDWZY)

166 @160 For your sins, you get a mission!

Posted by: naturalfake at June 11, 2011 08:36 AM (I49Jm)

167 Lawyers always save the day.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:36 AM (FDWZY)

168 I've learned that terrorists used to be Middle Eastern, but now they're blonde haired former STASI agents working for a rogue multinational conglomerate

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 08:36 AM (so1xa)

169 Conservatives and or Christians are always hypocrites.

And in mysteries, ALWAYS the villains.

Posted by: Chariots of Toast at June 11, 2011 08:36 AM (XyjRQ)

170 Lawyers always save the day.

And the corollary: reporters are honest, hardworking souls whose only concern is that they get the story.

Posted by: pep at June 11, 2011 08:37 AM (6TB1Z)

171 If a cyborg corners you and says "I want more life, fucker" just say "Okay, come back at 9 AM and we'll set it up. On the house."

Posted by: George Orwell at June 11, 2011 08:37 AM (AZGON)

172 People with southern accents are stupid or simple.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 12:27 PM (eNx0o)

All people from the South are stupid AND simple, unless they are an ACLU lawyer fighting for "civil rights" for oppressed blacks, which all blacks in the South are oppressed.

FTFY

Posted by: Vic at June 11, 2011 08:37 AM (M9Ie6)

173 Priests or Christian clergy are always really bad people,especially priests.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:37 AM (FDWZY)

174 Although to be fair, that particular pantload has taken a bit of a beating lately.

Posted by: pep at June 11, 2011 08:38 AM (6TB1Z)

175 A hot girl has to implement a complicated and precarious scheme in order to get a guy to sleep with her. She cannot just go up and ask him.

Posted by: OregonMuse at June 11, 2011 08:38 AM (a+MmI)

176 No matter how big the city or what time of day, a car chase will never encounter a traffic jam, even on the main freeways or downtown boulevards

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 08:38 AM (so1xa)

177 Moses had fabulous hair!

Posted by: naturalfake at June 11, 2011 08:38 AM (I49Jm)

178 171 Ha!

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:38 AM (FDWZY)

179 parents care about their kids.

people try to do the right thing

intelligence and hard work always gets you ahead

evil people always get their due.

Posted by: nine coconuts at June 11, 2011 08:39 AM (uz3hs)

180 Don't get into the boat.

Never leave the boat.

We need a bigger boat.

Posted by: JavaJoe at June 11, 2011 08:39 AM (e9JZd)

181
con artists, grifters and thieves are really fascinating complex people with remarkable insights on life and love.
Posted by: George Orwell at June 11, 2011 12:34 PM

And if you're gullible and needy (in other words the perfect mark), instead of ripping you off they'll use their skillz to help avenge you.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:40 AM (eNx0o)

182 If your neighbor is a vampire don't spy on him.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:40 AM (FDWZY)

183 Alec Baldwin should not use a pistol in a submarine, but only Alec Baldwin.

Posted by: George Orwell at June 11, 2011 08:41 AM (AZGON)

184 The CIA is really competent but evil.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:41 AM (FDWZY)

185 Gasoline can always be lit by dropping a cigarette.

Posted by: West at June 11, 2011 08:41 AM (l7djG)

186 Professional assassins who can take out their target from half mile away with an ACP will miss the hero at point blank range

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 08:41 AM (so1xa)

187 Crossing the streams really is OK.

The rabbit really is a killer.

Posted by: JavaJoe at June 11, 2011 08:42 AM (e9JZd)

188 Have the exterminator fog your lab before personally testing out your matter transportation device.

Posted by: naturalfake at June 11, 2011 08:42 AM (I49Jm)

189 Don't piss off a Spartan if you're standing by a well.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 08:43 AM (HjxoE)

190 Don't stop at the toll booth.

Posted by: JavaJoe at June 11, 2011 08:43 AM (e9JZd)

191 Nobody ever bleeds to death after being shot

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 08:43 AM (so1xa)

192 I've learned that terrorists used to be Middle Eastern, but now they're blonde haired former STASI agents working for a rogue multinational conglomerate

And the axiom from which this derives: the most evil entities that are responsible for the most death and destruction on this planet are not governments; no, rather, they're large multinational corporations.

Posted by: OregonMuse at June 11, 2011 08:43 AM (a+MmI)

193 The hero(lawyer,reporter,shmo) will defeat the trained killer in hand to hand combat.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:43 AM (FDWZY)

194 Charlie Brewster is cool.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 08:43 AM (HjxoE)

195 That there are two types of people in this world: those with loaded guns, and those who dig.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at June 11, 2011 08:44 AM (7o9oJ)

196 No matter how big the city or what time of day, a car chase will never encounter a traffic jam, even on the main freeways or downtown boulevards

Another corollary: A speeding car can jump an open bridge or a really hilly street such as Lombard St., hit the ground almost vertically, and keep on going with no apparent damage to the suspension or the passengers.

Posted by: pep at June 11, 2011 08:44 AM (6TB1Z)

197

Double-tap (just in case)

Wear your seatbelt

Beware of bathrooms

Posted by: Ima Wurdibitsch at June 11, 2011 08:44 AM (otfJ1)

198 The military are blood thirsty and incompetent.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:44 AM (FDWZY)

199
Your reluctant lab partner is your future mate.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:44 AM (eNx0o)

200 An assassin has detailed files on his laptop, but somehow can't use Mapquest or Google maps to find his way around L.A.

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 08:45 AM (so1xa)

201 If your life is full of danger and excitement you will never have to take a dump.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at June 11, 2011 08:45 AM (qaU+h)

202 Offering to perform lewd acts on your cast mates will not get you untied any faster.

Posted by: Cyn at June 11, 2011 08:45 AM (18WU4)

203 when an email or instant message arrives at your computer, it will fill the whole screen in large letters and appear as if being typed directly.

Posted by: nine coconuts at June 11, 2011 08:46 AM (uz3hs)

204 Russians don't take a dump without a plan.

Posted by: George Orwell at June 11, 2011 08:46 AM (AZGON)

205
Kids are nice to each other.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:46 AM (eNx0o)

206 When one fails to mark it zero, one will be entering a world of pain. Also, failing to rub the lotion on one's skin will result in getting the hose again from a freak who dances around to Goodbye Horses with his junk tucked between his legs.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at June 11, 2011 08:47 AM (7o9oJ)

207 Run up to the roof of a tall building to make a successful escape.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:47 AM (FDWZY)

208
Computer keyboards click when you type.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 08:48 AM (eNx0o)

209 Every weapon has a visible laser pointer,which warns you to take cover.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:48 AM (FDWZY)

210 Experienced veteran agents or detectives cannot find a serial killer or terrorist, but a trainee or cadet can

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 08:48 AM (so1xa)

211 Those really aren't tremors.

Posted by: Cyn at June 11, 2011 08:49 AM (18WU4)

212 Cruise ships are sometimes equipped with a chainsaw.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at June 11, 2011 08:49 AM (7o9oJ)

213 Any fruit cart gets toppled. Any nazi motorcyclist with a companion in a sidecar gets separated. Any smart boy who saves the day in the novel becomes a girl in the movie. The Jewish character in the book becomes a gentile in the movie

Posted by: Susan Estrich at June 11, 2011 08:49 AM (qMmqw)

214 You can make a crucifix out of anything; candlesticks, index fingers, Q-tips.

Posted by: George Orwell at June 11, 2011 08:49 AM (AZGON)

215 @78 RHPS.

And excellent Student Bodies references. He should have killed the kid with the gum first...

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at June 11, 2011 08:50 AM (mFrh/)

216 they mostly come out at night

mostly

Posted by: nine coconuts at June 11, 2011 08:50 AM (uz3hs)

217 In the middle of a shitstorm battle with all hell breaking loose, one of the characters has a shitload of funny one liners handy

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 08:50 AM (so1xa)

218 all you need to perform surgery is whiskey and a sharp knife....

Posted by: phoenixgirl at June 11, 2011 08:50 AM (eOXTH)

219 A confederate soldier can develop the Stockholm syndrome.

Posted by: sTevo at June 11, 2011 08:51 AM (zPfoL)

220 It wasn't over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor.

Posted by: John Blutarsky at June 11, 2011 08:51 AM (BkQvr)

221 214 But if it is a Blade movie.Crosses don't do shit.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:51 AM (FDWZY)

222 Almost every KIA on Omaha Beach was hit in the head.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:52 AM (FDWZY)

223 Drainage in an oil-bearing rock formation is analogous to drinking up somebody else's milkshake with a long straw.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at June 11, 2011 08:52 AM (7o9oJ)

224 Leprechauns and clowns aren't all happy or funny.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at June 11, 2011 08:52 AM (d0Tfm)

225 If you use advanced weapon tech and sound tactics, you're doomed to defeat.

Posted by: Trimegistus at June 11, 2011 08:52 AM (gR+B6)

226 Duct tape really does work for so many applications.

Posted by: Cyn at June 11, 2011 08:53 AM (18WU4)

227 Snipers always shoot other snipers right through their scopes.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:53 AM (FDWZY)

228 always. be. closing.

don't say anything, just hand them the pen.

don't let them walk out the showroom door

Posted by: nine coconuts at June 11, 2011 08:53 AM (uz3hs)

229 If they told you that you were mad, mad I say, yeah you probably are.

Posted by: naturalfake at June 11, 2011 08:53 AM (I49Jm)

230 Biting on anything takes away pain.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at June 11, 2011 08:53 AM (d0Tfm)

231 Don't f*ck with Brian Dennehy.

(Unless you are a homeless Vietnam veteran).

Posted by: Gabriel Syme at June 11, 2011 08:54 AM (DbNWD)

232 If you find a puzzle-box made by a medieval Italian toymaker, DO NOT FUCK WITH IT.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at June 11, 2011 08:54 AM (7o9oJ)

233 Getting stabbed one time with a tiny pickle fork results in instant death.

Posted by: Gabriel Syme at June 11, 2011 08:55 AM (DbNWD)

234 No matter how big the city or what time of day, a car chase will never encounter a traffic jam, even on the main freeways or downtown boulevards

Also, you can always find a parking spot right in front of the building you have business in, even if it's downtown Manhattan at midday.

Posted by: OregonMuse at June 11, 2011 08:55 AM (a+MmI)

235 It's ok to fool around, but never with somebodies daughter

(challenge - name the flick)

Posted by: nine coconuts at June 11, 2011 08:55 AM (uz3hs)

236 If you were in Vietnam you were a good guy if you smoked alot of weed.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:55 AM (FDWZY)

237 All ancient holy books are filled with unreadable codes foretelling mind-blowing conspiracies.

Posted by: Gabriel Syme at June 11, 2011 08:55 AM (DbNWD)

238 Every romantic comedy must use "What I Like About You" for the trailer music

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 08:56 AM (so1xa)

239 Getting shot in the arm or shoulder is no big deal; you'll be OK in a few days or weeks.

Posted by: OregonMuse at June 11, 2011 08:56 AM (a+MmI)

240 237 Almost always disproving the tenets of organized religions.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:56 AM (FDWZY)

241 The Declaration of Independence has a hidden map on it and is watched over by hawt German chicks.

Posted by: Vic at June 11, 2011 08:57 AM (M9Ie6)

242 The Catholic church has assassins to keep the "true" story of Jesus secret.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:57 AM (FDWZY)

243 All gay guys are incredibly wise, and are so grounded and secure that they are the envy of their straight friends.

Posted by: Gabriel Syme at June 11, 2011 08:57 AM (DbNWD)

244 You need a montage! I'm so ronery.

Posted by: moviegique at June 11, 2011 08:57 AM (Cepxj)

245 If the killer is a Japanese businessman in the novel, the movie will make him a blond WASP

Posted by: Susan Estrich at June 11, 2011 08:57 AM (qMmqw)

246 239 If you are a good guy it is always "just a flesh wound".

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:58 AM (FDWZY)

247 Animals can really talk. Hilarity ensues.

Posted by: Gabriel Syme at June 11, 2011 08:58 AM (DbNWD)

248 If you are an all-powerful super being with tons of awesome kickass nemises and villains, they will make real estate movies about you.

Posted by: naturalfake at June 11, 2011 08:58 AM (I49Jm)

249 It's ok to fool around, but never with somebodies daughter

(challenge - name the flick)
Posted by: nine coconuts at June 11, 2011 12:55 PM

The ever so awful, Blame It on Rio.

Posted by: huerfano at June 11, 2011 08:58 AM (izDdO)

250 Particle beam weapons in the future shoot so slowly you can actually see individual bursts move across the sky, while you cannot see bullets.

Posted by: George Orwell at June 11, 2011 08:59 AM (AZGON)

251 Islam is totally peaceful.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 08:59 AM (FDWZY)

252 The most poignant and relevant conversations always happen in a grocery store parking lot.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at June 11, 2011 08:59 AM (d0Tfm)

253 1) Always count bullets.
2) Never split up "To cover more ground"
3) Never get into a land war in Asia.
4) Steel plates under the poncho rock.
5) Steve Martin is a funny guy.
6) That's not the Jackel.
7) Don't make your mansion's hallways big enough for a mini.

Detectives are easily shocked.
9) Movies of classic SF are probably going to appall you.
10) Logan's Run is a documentary.
11) At least -start- the movie with a bug-out bag.
12) Duct tapes sticks to sweaty, explosives-and-blood-coated skin just fine.
13) Evil Overlords can not shut up.

Posted by: Al at June 11, 2011 08:59 AM (MzQOZ)

254 Being married and having kids is drudgery. Much better to ditch that nonsense to "find yourself" through sex or travel.

Posted by: Gabriel Syme at June 11, 2011 08:59 AM (DbNWD)

255 In a deep space battle, there will somehow be external footage of the ships for review later

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 08:59 AM (so1xa)

256 So, what valuable life lessons have you gathered from cinema?

Trying to escape mutated killer cockroaches by climbing into an abandoned car is unwise.

A car will still work properly even after repeated jumps over dtiches, creeks, or other obstacles.

Hitting a vehicle in the rear corner with the front corner of your vehicle will cause your vehicle to launch itself and flip over in the process.

In the future, all spaceships will have the means to generate artificial gravity without needing to have a section that spins in place.

Posted by: Blacque Jacques Shellacque at June 11, 2011 09:00 AM (VZS83)

257 East German Olympic sharpshooters can't hit aging British agents 20 feet away

Posted by: Susan Estrich at June 11, 2011 09:01 AM (qMmqw)

258 Be considerate, because not everyone rolls on Shabbos.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 09:01 AM (HjxoE)

259 249 It's ok to fool around, but never with somebodies daughter

(challenge - name the flick)

I was thinking "the wanderers", it's an almost quote

Posted by: nine coconuts at June 11, 2011 09:01 AM (uz3hs)

260 If you took a leak in a cargo container on the shuttle bay, the Enterprise has close up and clear footage of it on the ship's computers.

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 09:02 AM (so1xa)

261 259 My cousin was an extra in a gang fight scene in that movie when he was about 18.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 09:02 AM (FDWZY)

262 Success does not come from hard work over many months and years. Rather, inspiring music and four minutes is more than enough to exceed your goals and win the fight/race.

Posted by: Gabriel Syme at June 11, 2011 09:02 AM (DbNWD)

263 Hot chicks will totally fall for geeky douches almost every time.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 09:03 AM (FDWZY)

264 Psychos will ALWAYS scream and shatter a mirror after seeing themselves in it

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 09:04 AM (so1xa)

265

It really is a flesh wound.

Like there's another kind?

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at June 11, 2011 09:04 AM (d0Tfm)

266 Fat meathead truck drivers can be counted on to know the order of the Presidents.

Posted by: Gabriel Syme at June 11, 2011 09:05 AM (DbNWD)

267 Today's candidate eval (Herman Cain) up on the open thread now.

Posted by: Vic at June 11, 2011 09:05 AM (M9Ie6)

268 265 It really is a flesh wound. Like there's another kind? Posted by: BackwardsBoy at June 11, 2011 01:04 PM (d0Tfm) Well YEAH...

Posted by: John Bobbit at June 11, 2011 09:06 AM (kUaEF)

269 It's pleasant to smell napalm upon waking.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 09:06 AM (HjxoE)

270 #48 We KNEW it!!

Posted by: a zillion liberals at June 11, 2011 09:06 AM (xVoHK)

271 Precocious children are charming and funny. And no one ever tells them to shut the hell up.

Posted by: Gabriel Syme at June 11, 2011 09:07 AM (DbNWD)

272

Bad guys always have the coolest spacecraft.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at June 11, 2011 09:07 AM (d0Tfm)

273 Aerodynamic surfaces will still work in a vacuum.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at June 11, 2011 09:09 AM (d0Tfm)

274 268 A flesh wound means there is no bone involvement.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 09:10 AM (FDWZY)

275 1. Cardio
2. Double tap
3. Beware of bathrooms
4. Seatbelts
17. Don't be a hero (until later, then be a hero)
18. Limber up
22. When in doubt, know your way out
32. Enjoy the little things

Posted by: paranoidpyro at June 11, 2011 09:11 AM (zvvNX)

276 If you see a campfire and hear kettle drums, you're about to be captured from behind.

Posted by: Jimmah at June 11, 2011 09:11 AM (BZ3K2)

277 I'm not really shocked, shocked to find gambling going on here. Rosebud isn't want you think it is. I can't handle the truth. The boogie man is real.

Posted by: moviegique at June 11, 2011 09:11 AM (Cepxj)

278 It's always someone within our own side.

Posted by: Trimegistus at June 11, 2011 09:11 AM (gR+B6)

279 Nerds really have the biggest equipment and are breathtakingly good in bed.

Posted by: Lewis Skolnick and the other nerds....and Anthony Weiner at June 11, 2011 09:11 AM (6TB1Z)

280 Amazon women who would have lived extremely hard lives scratching out a living on the steppes of Asia Minor were always incredibly hot, and went to war in skimpy costumes that offered minimal protection against arrows and edged weapons.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at June 11, 2011 09:12 AM (7o9oJ)

281 You can walk through the worst neighborhood in NY or LA and not get robbed, but if you step out of a restaurant in the best part of town, some thug will point a gun or knife at you and demand your wallet

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 09:13 AM (so1xa)

282 Always hold a top secret meeting in a parking garage

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 09:14 AM (so1xa)

283 Whenever someone enters a bar, and the bartender asks what'll you have?, the person replies a beer--not a specific brand, just a beer....and the bartender goes and gets it.

Posted by: Vic at June 11, 2011 09:15 AM (M9Ie6)

284 That the chair is against the wall, and that John has a long mustache.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at June 11, 2011 09:15 AM (7o9oJ)

285 The bad guy who got away will ALWAYS come back to kill your best friend or a member of your family

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 09:16 AM (so1xa)

286
When answering a knock on the door.
Pay attention to the type of music playing.

Posted by: YIKES! at June 11, 2011 09:18 AM (6B+2e)

287 283 Whenever someone enters a bar, and the bartender asks what'll you have?, the person replies a beer--not a specific brand, just a beer....and the bartender goes and gets it. Posted by: Vic at June 11, 2011 01:15 PM

Also, if you walk into a biker or redneck bar, the patrons will eye you suspiciously and one of them will start a fight with you.

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 09:18 AM (so1xa)

288 Asteroids travel through space making a noise like a powerful engine.

Posted by: Vic at June 11, 2011 09:19 AM (M9Ie6)

289 1 - Keep your friends close but your enemies closer 2 - These Nazi's ain't kosher.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at June 11, 2011 09:19 AM (UlUS4)

290 No overzealous FBI agent bothers to investigate the rash of murders that seem to follow Angela Lansbury

Posted by: Susan Estrich at June 11, 2011 09:20 AM (qMmqw)

291 Scientists are almost always really hot chicks.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 09:22 AM (FDWZY)

292 #78 I think that's the same movie where I learned if invited to dinner with a transvestite alien, just stick with a salad.

Posted by: a zillion liberals at June 11, 2011 09:23 AM (xVoHK)

293
You can get at least ten seconds of air time while firing two 45 ACP.

Posted by: YIKES! at June 11, 2011 09:23 AM (6B+2e)

294 After all the elaborate methods to hide a conspiracy or diabolical plan, the villain will always tell the hero everything about it, figuring the hero has NO chance

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 09:25 AM (so1xa)

295 The police never believe you if you are being chased by cyborgs or vampires.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 09:25 AM (FDWZY)

296
English actors make the best Romans.

Posted by: YIKES! at June 11, 2011 09:25 AM (6B+2e)

297 That it wasn't personal...it was just business.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at June 11, 2011 09:26 AM (mFrh/)

298 The right rug can really tie a room together and is worth any amount of effort to obtain.

Posted by: vivi at June 11, 2011 09:26 AM (xVoHK)

299 Leave the gun, take the cannoli.

Posted by: vivi at June 11, 2011 09:26 AM (xVoHK)

300 Don't call the FBI to rescue you from NAZI thugs only to hang up on the call for help.

Rocketeer

Posted by: maverick muse at June 11, 2011 09:26 AM (H+LJc)

301 Things I learned from the movies

Ace will write a review of it longer than the script

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 09:26 AM (so1xa)

302 293 You can also fire more accurately while in the air than the guys in proper shooting stances.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 09:26 AM (FDWZY)

303 When your friends are being stalked and killed one at a time, never gather in a group for mutual self protection. Also, there needs to be one screaming female who runs into the woods causing one of the boys to follow her and be killed trying to catch her.

Posted by: TimothyJ at June 11, 2011 09:27 AM (w7YPP)

304
NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!

Posted by: YIKES! at June 11, 2011 09:29 AM (6B+2e)

305 If they attack the car, save the radio.

Posted by: Ken at June 11, 2011 09:30 AM (fFh95)

306 Battles in deep space are as noisy as a game arcade -- even though sound doesn't travel in a vacuum.

If your hot fighter has a backseat, the backseat guy will be (a) not as good looking as the pilot, and (b) soon be dead.

Villains shot at close range aren't thrown back by the bullet's huge momentum. They simply look down at their chests with astonishment and slump to the floor. (happened in The Mentalist's finale just two weeks ago).

Dying German soldiers scream Arrrrggghhhh!! Dying Japanese soldiers scream Aiiieeeee!!!!

Paris sidewalks never have dogshit on them. Streets in Old West towns are always swept clean of horseshit.

Honking car horns on New York City and Paris streets always come with built-in Doppler effects.

Posted by: Jim Sonweed at June 11, 2011 09:30 AM (FVhEi)

307 A woman who never fired a weapon before can become better than trained troops and single handedly wipe out the alien horde.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 09:30 AM (FDWZY)

308 I learned that Jack Bauer can fight his way out of a firefight surrounded by 12 assassins with Uzis and AK's with just a Beretta on no sleep.

And there's NEVER any time

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 09:31 AM (so1xa)

309 It was Barzini all along.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at June 11, 2011 09:32 AM (UlUS4)

310 I've got vision and the rest of the world wears bifocals.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at June 11, 2011 09:32 AM (UlUS4)

311 No matter where you are in the galaxy, someone knows how to speak English

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 09:33 AM (so1xa)

312 If the killer is a Japanese businessman in the novel, the movie will make him a blond WASP

Corollary: if the bad guys in the novel are Arab terrorists, the movie will cast them as American neo-nazis.

_{^{(I'd say name that movie, but everyone here probably already knows)}}

Posted by: OregonMuse at June 11, 2011 09:33 AM (a+MmI)

313 Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 01:33 PM (so1xa)

Chances are they also have an English accent.

Posted by: YIKES! at June 11, 2011 09:35 AM (6B+2e)

314 Incredibly, James West is not plausible as a black man. Furthermore, Darth Vader's early life is a story best left untold.

Posted by: George Orwell at June 11, 2011 09:35 AM (AZGON)

315 In ancient cultures, bears were considered equal with men.

Posted by: Beto at June 11, 2011 09:37 AM (H+LJc)

316 Fibrillation is a flat line on an EKG.

Posted by: Doc Martin at June 11, 2011 09:38 AM (ZtMvh)

317 Gordon's alive!!!

Posted by: George Orwell at June 11, 2011 09:38 AM (AZGON)

318 All hot chicks in action movies are 5th degree Black Belts

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 09:38 AM (so1xa)

319 Meditation on inevitable death should be performed daily.

Posted by: Beto at June 11, 2011 09:38 AM (H+LJc)

320

Sleeping with the fishes may not be a good thing.

Posted by: YIKES! at June 11, 2011 09:39 AM (6B+2e)

321 If you shoot a gun at someone, they will die instantly.

Posted by: Beto at June 11, 2011 09:39 AM (H+LJc)

322

If you are a man of steel you can let bullets bounce off his chest but always duck when a gun is thrown at you.

WW2 movies will have a ton of bombed out buildings but no bodies.

If you have sex with smoking hot chicks in a run down house you are going to die.

The most importabnt rule of sequels is dont fuck with the orignal.

If the movie is gaurenteed to make a ton of money at the movies the critics will all love it no matter how bad it is.

If you are 4 feet tall and have big hairy feet dont pick up any jewelry you find in caves.

Posted by: retired military at June 11, 2011 09:39 AM (kZW4U)

323 Frenchmen are lazy, arrogant, and treacherous ...

Sometimes the movies get it right

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 09:40 AM (so1xa)

324 McCoy doesn't prescribe Retinox-5 for aging horndog line officers with potbellies and toupÃ©es from the Starbase PX.

Posted by: George Orwell at June 11, 2011 09:40 AM (AZGON)

325 You can knock someone out with just one shot to the jaw

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 09:41 AM (so1xa)

326 All mass killing must be done to heavy metal music.

Posted by: Rodent Liberation Front at June 11, 2011 09:41 AM (lgw0N)

327

Always be kind to the geeky loner in high school - s/he either winds up a genius millionaire or a homicidal maniac.

Posted by: geeky loner in high school at June 11, 2011 09:41 AM (xVoHK)

328 Never trust a sequel titled "Return To (original title here)"

Posted by: Beto at June 11, 2011 09:42 AM (H+LJc)

329 Any movie set in San Francisco will always involve walking near the bridge at Golden Gate Park

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 09:43 AM (so1xa)

330
You can still shoot a gun even with a head shot.

Posted by: YIKES! at June 11, 2011 09:43 AM (6B+2e)

331

1. If you are in trouble four floors above ground, jump into the dumpster below - they are invariably filled with discarded pillows, not scrap metal

2. If there is an explosion behind you, walk away slowly with a grim look on your face

Posted by: Erik Larsen at June 11, 2011 09:44 AM (GHvcJ)

332 Buckshot fired from a shotgun will not maintain any sort of pattern at close range, and will instead form a fifty-foot wide cone-o'-death that can take out a half-dozen antagonists with one shot.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at June 11, 2011 09:44 AM (7o9oJ)

333 When ya hang a man, make sure you do it right.

Posted by: moviegique at June 11, 2011 09:45 AM (Cepxj)

334 "Swedish bookshops have dogs that walk backwards."

Actually, that dog walked forward, and the entire scene in the bookshop was filmed backwar-

Oh...I see I've been baited.

Posted by: Sgt. York at June 11, 2011 09:45 AM (doQNd)

335 Wolfbane is readily available at local florists.

Posted by: George Orwell at June 11, 2011 09:46 AM (AZGON)

336 I suspect, '57 Plymouth Furies are malicious.

Posted by: franksalterego at June 11, 2011 09:46 AM (7/sDI)

337 Any movie set in L.A. will have at least one scene Downtown, and hardly anyone is around.

Which is actually very realistic

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 09:46 AM (so1xa)

338 Buzzards gotta eat, same as worms.

Posted by: Mr. Dave at June 11, 2011 09:46 AM (dDG+l)

339 Let the wookie win

Posted by: Jollyroger at June 11, 2011 09:46 AM (KLnPr)

340 250-pound men can punch each other in the face with bare fists hundreds of times without being knocked unconscious.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at June 11, 2011 09:47 AM (7o9oJ)

341 If the movie didn't have a plot, just say you were at the library.

Posted by: Bugler at June 11, 2011 09:47 AM (VXBR1)

342 "2.Â If there is an explosion behind you, walk away slowly with a grim look on your face" Plus, dangle a cigarette from your mouth while doing it.

Posted by: George Orwell at June 11, 2011 09:47 AM (AZGON)

343
Sweden is a boring place.

Posted by: YIKES! at June 11, 2011 09:48 AM (6B+2e)

344 Looking at the date your old favorite movies were made will make you feel old.

Posted by: Rodent Liberation Front at June 11, 2011 09:49 AM (lgw0N)

345

The room revolves 360 degrees around anyone who is realizing or announcing an important discovery.

Posted by: vivi at June 11, 2011 09:49 AM (xVoHK)

346 In any movie set in New York, only a few cabbies, some cops, and the garbage men have the Noo Yawk accents

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 09:49 AM (so1xa)

347 Gunshots always sound a deep boom, even if in a small space. And silencers always sound like a fart.

Posted by: George Orwell at June 11, 2011 09:49 AM (AZGON)

348
And finally . . .

The grislier the death, the slower the camera.

Posted by: arhooley at June 11, 2011 09:49 AM (eNx0o)

349 I learned to follow the yellow-brick road.

Posted by: elspeth at June 11, 2011 09:50 AM (Z8oEZ)

350 If only one of a group of characters has a Southern accent, he's either the bad guy or he's retarded.

Posted by: Bugler at June 11, 2011 09:50 AM (VXBR1)

351
You have a grandpa or uncle who is a quite hero.

Posted by: YIKES! at June 11, 2011 09:51 AM (6B+2e)

352 In a movie set in any city, the cabbies, some cops, and the garbage men have the Noo Yawk accents

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 01:49 PM

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 09:51 AM (so1xa)

353 In a pinch, curtains make a lovely evening gown.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 09:51 AM (HjxoE)

354 ...and that there is no place like home.

Posted by: elspeth at June 11, 2011 09:51 AM (Z8oEZ)

355 To save the environment from an evil oil company blow up their oil rig

Brilliant!

Posted by: Mike at June 11, 2011 09:51 AM (dmGc7)

356 When trying to escape a cybernetic organism that is pursuing you, the Honda CR-125 you're riding has at least a 12-speed transmission. And the average Harley-Davidson has a metal pipe welded to the frame that a sawed-off twelve gage fits in perfectly.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at June 11, 2011 09:51 AM (7o9oJ)

357 347 Gunshots always sound a deep boom, even if in a small space. And silencers always sound like a fart. Posted by: George Orwell at June 11, 2011 01:49 PM

Tires will squeal, even on dirt or wet pavement

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 09:52 AM (so1xa)

358 Real sureshot criminals shoot pistols sideways.

Posted by: George Orwell at June 11, 2011 09:53 AM (AZGON)

359
You can drive a car over 100 mph, fly through the air land and keep on going.

Posted by: YIKES! at June 11, 2011 09:53 AM (6B+2e)

360

The MOST important thing is:

If it bleeds we can kill it.

Posted by: Harrison at June 11, 2011 09:53 AM (u6sXQ)

361 Gun shops in LA don't sell phased plasma rifles in the 75 watt range

Posted by: Mike at June 11, 2011 09:53 AM (dmGc7)

362 Human liver goes well with fava beans and nice chianti.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 09:54 AM (HjxoE)

363 350 If only one of a group of characters has a Southern accent, he's either the bad guy or he's retarded.
Posted by: Bugler at June 11, 2011 01:50 PM (VXBR1)

Or he's Billy Bob Thornton.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at June 11, 2011 09:54 AM (7o9oJ)

364 Homeless people in urban areas are always friendly, harmless neighborhood fixtures who keep tabs on everybody for purely unselfish reasons.

Posted by: vivi at June 11, 2011 09:54 AM (xVoHK)

365 The Appalachians are full of ugly, very aggressive homos.

Posted by: Bugler at June 11, 2011 09:54 AM (VXBR1)

366 ll hot chicks in action movies are 5th degree Black Belts

Except the ones playing parts in medieval times. They swing 20 pound swords with abandon and kickthe shit out of 250 pound bad guys in hand-to-hand

Posted by: Vic at June 11, 2011 09:54 AM (M9Ie6)

367 Punching a movie character in the face sounds strangely like hitting a stalk of celery with a stick.

Posted by: Rodent Liberation Front at June 11, 2011 09:54 AM (lgw0N)

368 Badges aren't needed.

Posted by: elspeth at June 11, 2011 09:55 AM (Z8oEZ)

369
Nobody goes there anymore.

Posted by: YIKES! at June 11, 2011 09:56 AM (6B+2e)

370 #368. Nice!

Posted by: vivi at June 11, 2011 09:57 AM (xVoHK)

371 A Mini-Cooper can be modified to carry two tons of gold, and still handle like a Ferrari.

Posted by: franksalterego at June 11, 2011 09:58 AM (7/sDI)

372 Some nights are bumpy, best to buckle your seatbelts.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 09:59 AM (HjxoE)

373 WW II companies will have at least one of the following;

An Irishman, Italian, Pole, Jew, Hillbilly, Texan, and a guy called "Chicago"

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 10:00 AM (so1xa)

374 Lets NOT forget that keeping wildlifeÂ…an amphibious rodentÂ…for domesticÂ…within the city limits. That ain't legal either.

Posted by: moviegique at June 11, 2011 10:00 AM (Cepxj)

375 372 Some nights are bumpy, best to buckle your seatbelts.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 01:59 PM (HjxoE)

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damm.

Posted by: YIKES! at June 11, 2011 10:01 AM (6B+2e)

376 373 WW II companies will have at least one of the following;

An Irishman, Italian, Pole, Jew, Hillbilly, Texan, and a guy called "Chicago"

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 02:00 PM

PS, and a Mexican whose name is always Ramirez

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 10:01 AM (so1xa)

377 Martinis should be shaken not stirred.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 10:02 AM (HjxoE)

378 #376 and 373 A guy named "Brooklyn' is also acceptable.

Posted by: vivi at June 11, 2011 10:03 AM (xVoHK)

379 375 - ha! that was going to be my next one.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 10:03 AM (HjxoE)

380 Most people who go to church harbor dark, evil secrets.

Posted by: Bugler at June 11, 2011 10:04 AM (VXBR1)

381 Any music played anywhere outdoors will have recording studio quality to it

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 10:04 AM (so1xa)

382 A silencer attached to a high-powered rifle will make the weapon almost completely silent, eliminating even the noise caused by the bullet breaking the speed of sound.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at June 11, 2011 10:04 AM (7o9oJ)

383
If you need to toss a grenade, find the guy who was a big league pitcher.

Posted by: YIKES! at June 11, 2011 10:04 AM (6B+2e)

384 How could we forget?American Indians were peaceful,spritual,wonderful and brilliant people until the white man came.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 10:05 AM (FDWZY)

385 There is no crying in baseball.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 10:06 AM (HjxoE)

386 378 The guy from NY or Brooklyn is often also a Jew.

Posted by: steevy at June 11, 2011 10:06 AM (FDWZY)

387 Trust me - don't eat the Soylent Green

Posted by: Campesino at June 11, 2011 10:06 AM (3f2nG)

388 Teflon-coated bullets will defeat even the most advanced body-armor.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at June 11, 2011 10:06 AM (7o9oJ)

389 There is no fighting allowed in War Rooms.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 10:07 AM (HjxoE)

390 Amish women are good-looking, but they really make you work for it.

Posted by: Bugler at June 11, 2011 10:08 AM (VXBR1)

391

It's always the Republican/right wing politicians who are sexual predators, thieves, hypocrites and cynical opportunists. Oh, wait, is this the movie thread? I thought it was the MSM thread.

Posted by: vivi at June 11, 2011 10:09 AM (xVoHK)

392 Don't go near the red door.

Posted by: Rodent Liberation Front at June 11, 2011 10:09 AM (lgw0N)

393
Don't cross the streams.

Posted by: YIKES! at June 11, 2011 10:09 AM (6B+2e)

394 Chanting about distinctive roman clothing at frat parties is fun.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 10:09 AM (HjxoE)

395 Baby doesn't like corners.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 10:11 AM (HjxoE)

396 Handicapped people are better than ordinary people. So are homosexuals.

Posted by: Bugler at June 11, 2011 10:12 AM (VXBR1)

397
People never stop sweating in the south.

Posted by: YIKES! at June 11, 2011 10:13 AM (6B+2e)

398 Explosive ordnance always creates a massive fireball when detonated.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at June 11, 2011 10:14 AM (7o9oJ)

399 Black people are magic!

Posted by: moviegique at June 11, 2011 10:14 AM (Cepxj)

400 You can outrun your pursuer in reverse even while they are chasing you in drive.

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 10:14 AM (so1xa)

401 Sound travels in space, and Ace can defeat the Galactic Empire.

Posted by: MM at June 11, 2011 10:14 AM (Yjztc)

402 If you're on foot and being chased by a car, always stay on the street.

Posted by: Bugler at June 11, 2011 10:14 AM (VXBR1)

403 Don't take Vincent's briefcase!

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 10:16 AM (so1xa)

404 During any disaster, you will find that one of the random strangers near you is a former special forces operator.

Posted by: Rodent Liberation Front at June 11, 2011 10:16 AM (lgw0N)

405 Nobody else on the planet can look as pissed off as Clint Eastwood

Posted by: Campesino at June 11, 2011 10:17 AM (3f2nG)

406 Cool people drink a lot without getting drunk.

Posted by: Bugler at June 11, 2011 10:17 AM (VXBR1)

407 Karate men bleed on the inside.

Posted by: Rodent Liberation Front at June 11, 2011 10:18 AM (lgw0N)

408 Plus 1 billion for the student bodies ref.

Posted by: Ugrev at June 11, 2011 10:18 AM (e7hF+)

409 Evil doings go on in abandoned mansions, always known as "The Old xxxxxxxx Place".

Posted by: Jim Sonweed at June 11, 2011 10:19 AM (FVhEi)

410 Nobody ever has a decent flashlight when the alien monster is around.

Posted by: Bugler at June 11, 2011 10:19 AM (VXBR1)

411 That life is best turned up to 11.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 10:19 AM (HjxoE)

412 If you are in a fire fight and don't have hand grenades, you can improvise by throwing sticks of dynamite at your foes and shooting them in mid-air to make them explode

Posted by: Campesino at June 11, 2011 10:20 AM (3f2nG)

413 When a ship is being tossed around by storm or battle, the dishes and glasses will stay on the table

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 10:21 AM (so1xa)

414 If you fall down a well, you can rely on your dog to promptly summon help

Posted by: Campesino at June 11, 2011 10:22 AM (3f2nG)

415 In any Special Ops team, one member must be female. She can be really butch, though.

Posted by: Bugler at June 11, 2011 10:22 AM (VXBR1)

416 The guy on death row is always innocent of the crime

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 10:23 AM (so1xa)

417
The last match turns the tide.

Posted by: YIKES! at June 11, 2011 10:23 AM (6B+2e)

418 A car will stall on the railroad tracks but will miraculously start just seconds before the speeding train gets there. The train will also blast the whistle but never engage the brakes

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 10:24 AM (so1xa)

419 Badges? We don't need no steekin' badges!

Posted by: Campesino at June 11, 2011 10:25 AM (3f2nG)

420 Movie gun facts: An M60 machinegun will never jam and neither will semiautomatic pistols (when fired by the hero). Bad guys can't shoot for shit unless they're shooting at the hero's girlfriend, various family members, or beloved father-figure mentor. It is also necessary to rack the slide or the pump before a gunfight so the gratifying *ratchet-click* sound can be heard. Safeties are for wussies.

Posted by: troyriser at June 11, 2011 10:25 AM (mU1zA)

421 Winners get laid by prom queens.

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at June 11, 2011 10:25 AM (HjxoE)

422 When being chased by a monster or someone with super human strength, always leave the gun or other weapon lying on the ground and run away.

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at June 11, 2011 10:26 AM (ldUCK)

423 Combat androids posses great philosophical insight.

Posted by: Roy Batty at June 11, 2011 10:27 AM (Vui52)

424 Every road trip goes from east to west

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 10:29 AM (so1xa)

425 Real men can operate any vehicle under any conditions without training.

Posted by: Bugler at June 11, 2011 10:29 AM (VXBR1)

426 When driving from NY to CA, always go through Alabama or Mississippi even if it's hundreds of miles out of your way. Also go through Vegas even if it's hundreds of miles out of your way

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 10:30 AM (so1xa)

427 There's always snow at Christmas

Posted by: Campesino at June 11, 2011 10:31 AM (3f2nG)

428 silencers on revolvers

Posted by: Vic at June 11, 2011 10:32 AM (M9Ie6)

429 When a chase moves to a runway at a major airport, the planes will continue taxiing, takeoffs and landings as usual.

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 10:32 AM (so1xa)

430 Never turn your back on the dead defeated bad guy, he's faking it.

Empty your gun at him, cut off his head; embalm, cremate, and bury. Take no chances

Posted by: snookered at June 11, 2011 10:33 AM (jchJh)

431 Cowboys in the American West only ate beans and only drank whisky

Posted by: Campesino at June 11, 2011 10:34 AM (3f2nG)

432 Debris from an explosion in space will always slow and fall

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 10:34 AM (so1xa)

433

Killer whales, sharks and snakes understand the concept of payback.

Posted by: Rodent Liberation Front at June 11, 2011 10:36 AM (lgw0N)

434 When your pursuers know you're in an elevator, lie on the floor. All elevators have a special armored plate around the bottom just for occasions like this

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 10:36 AM (so1xa)

435 -That the life of a repo man is always intense -That John Wayne was a fag, and once came to the door of his Brentwood pad in a dress -When asked if you want to make ten bucks, the proper response is "fuck you, queer" -only an asshole gets killed for a car

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at June 11, 2011 10:37 AM (7o9oJ)

436 If you are on a train and someone is chasing you, always go outside and run along the roofs of the cars. If you eventually have to jump off, don't worry, it won't hurt

Posted by: Campesino at June 11, 2011 10:38 AM (3f2nG)

437 For some reason, Indians never figured out the whole "box canyon" thing.

Posted by: Bugler at June 11, 2011 10:39 AM (VXBR1)

438 If you're in hot pursuit in L.A. and you can't possibly get to the bad guys in time, don't worry, LAPD always has a helicopter warmed up and ready for you within a minute

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 10:39 AM (so1xa)

439 A '66 Ford Thunderbird can be driven off a cliff at high speed, and not go end over end.

Posted by: franksalterego at June 11, 2011 10:39 AM (7/sDI)

440 MATT DAMON!!!

Posted by: MATT DAMON!!! at June 11, 2011 10:40 AM (iYwUw)

441

When your pursuers know you're in an elevator, lie on the floor. All elevators have a special armored plate around the bottom just for occasions like this

=======================================

No, no, no!

You are supposed to go up though that little hatch in the ceiling of the elevator car and ride on the outside. The bad guys can NEVER figure out where you went

Posted by: Campesino at June 11, 2011 10:41 AM (3f2nG)

442 The female PhD needed to save the world is always a hottie.

Posted by: Rodent Liberation Front at June 11, 2011 10:42 AM (lgw0N)

443 The getaway car ALWAYS has a full tank of gas, even if it was stolen

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 10:43 AM (so1xa)

444 If you find a key, it'll fit a locker at a bus station somewhere.

Posted by: Bugler at June 11, 2011 10:43 AM (VXBR1)

445 Never trust a non-pink alien.

Posted by: Rodent Liberation Front at June 11, 2011 10:44 AM (lgw0N)

446
Japanese schoolgirls if denied male companionship will sprout penises and do perverted things to one another.

Maybe that wasn't a real movie.

Posted by: Whatdayisthis at June 11, 2011 10:46 AM (UFJvm)

447 Two former buddies become enemies, but in the heat of battle will resolve their differences to defeat the common enemy. One of them will die in battle.

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 10:47 AM (so1xa)

448
Cars always start on the first turn of the key unless you are being pursued. The invention of electronic fuel injection did not change this fact.

Posted by: Ronsonic at June 11, 2011 10:47 AM (UFJvm)

449 Tentacles are not an acceptable substitute for a penis.

Posted by: Rodent Liberation Front at June 11, 2011 10:48 AM (lgw0N)

450 When a comet or asteroid dooms the earth, the President will give a televised speech 5 minutes before the moment of doom

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 10:49 AM (so1xa)

451 In Middle Earth, there are orthodontists everywhere.

Posted by: baldilocks at June 11, 2011 10:51 AM (T2/zQ)

452 The military and intelligence agencies are not to be trusted, but the rest of the Federal government is wonderful. They're just underfunded.

Posted by: Bugler at June 11, 2011 10:51 AM (VXBR1)

453 That life moves pretty fast....

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at June 11, 2011 10:52 AM (mFrh/)

454

Mutant making toxic stuff is always stored in 55 gallon drums.

Posted by: Rodent Liberation Front at June 11, 2011 10:54 AM (lgw0N)

455 And that the world needs ditch diggers, too...

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at June 11, 2011 10:54 AM (mFrh/)

456 Never rub another man's rhubarb.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at June 11, 2011 10:54 AM (UUfHw)

457 Gotta love the resilience of Angelinos. If a there's a terrorist attack, alien invasion, major shootout on the streets, or a loner whose blown a fuse, they'll still go shopping, clubbing, or to the beach.

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 10:57 AM (so1xa)

458 @457 Or looting....

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at June 11, 2011 10:58 AM (mFrh/)

459 Lawyers spend their time in high drama in the courtroom, or are getting laid in the office

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 10:59 AM (so1xa)

460 Tornado special effects have not improved since The Wizard of Oz

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 11:00 AM (so1xa)

461 There are no poor or homeless in Europe.

Posted by: Rodent Liberation Front at June 11, 2011 11:00 AM (lgw0N)

462 If you're in your truck and the tornado is on you, just shout LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT! and you'll be OK

Posted by: kbdabear at June 11, 2011 11:01 AM (so1xa)

463 Young kids are always smarter than adults.

Posted by: Vic at June 11, 2011 11:05 AM (M9Ie6)

464 Many a caper would have been successful, if not for those meddling kids.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at June 11, 2011 11:07 AM (mFrh/)

465 Pain don't hurt.

Posted by: Gabriel Syme at June 11, 2011 11:12 AM (DbNWD)

466 If you need tools, that high school kid's dad has the ultimate set.

Posted by: Gabriel Syme at June 11, 2011 11:13 AM (DbNWD)

467

If you've knocked the psycho killer on his ass and have him at your mercy...

FINISH HIM !!!

Posted by: gebrauchshund at June 11, 2011 11:15 AM (iYwUw)

468 The Muslim guy didn't do it; rather, it was the large corporation/government/white supremacist

Posted by: Guy who went to Manila at June 11, 2011 11:16 AM (GHvcJ)

469 I know it was you, Fredo.

Posted by: JC at June 11, 2011 11:17 AM (Mnxnf)

470 Say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, but at least it's an ethos.

Posted by: JC at June 11, 2011 11:18 AM (Mnxnf)

471 it's only an island if you look at it from the water

Posted by: brasspair at June 11, 2011 11:24 AM (18WU4)

472 Everyone is an expert in cracking computer passwords and unscrambling coded files.

Posted by: Vic at June 11, 2011 11:25 AM (M9Ie6)

473 It's only natural and expected that young hotties will immediately fall in love with the aging wrinkled male actor

Posted by: Guy who went to Manila at June 11, 2011 11:30 AM (GHvcJ)

474 Detailed blueprints for every building in North America exist on a network somewhere

Posted by: Guy who went to Manila at June 11, 2011 11:31 AM (GHvcJ)

475 If you murder someone and the detective's name is Poiroit you're screwed.

Posted by: Helen A Hanbasquet at June 11, 2011 11:38 AM (Ztbqa)

476 I have learned that God is an astronaut, Oz is over the rainbow, and Midian is where the monsters live.

Posted by: NR Pax at June 11, 2011 11:43 AM (ggFzL)

477 If you jump off a bridge, a boozy-looking angel will guilt-trip you about all the guys who died on a troop transport because you weren't there to save your brother from falling through ice in a lake.

Posted by: railwriter at June 11, 2011 11:48 AM (m4hn1)

478 Even if you're fucking her harder, she'll still say "fuck me harder."

Posted by: railwriter at June 11, 2011 11:49 AM (m4hn1)

479 The ice...is gonna...break.

Posted by: railwriter at June 11, 2011 11:51 AM (m4hn1)

480 The leads are not weak.

Posted by: railwriter at June 11, 2011 11:57 AM (m4hn1)

481 Butch did, in fact, use enough dynamite...perhaps too much.

Posted by: Sundance Kid at June 11, 2011 12:06 PM (RA6iU)

482 Computers never make misteaks.

Posted by: 2SoonOld2LateSmart at June 11, 2011 12:08 PM (h/OxL)

483 Is this where I say "Oh no's"?

Posted by: Sundance Kid at June 11, 2011 12:11 PM (RA6iU)

484 slave masters on alien planets will pay the orthodonture bills of their slaves.

Posted by: av at June 11, 2011 12:14 PM (XgePz)

485 white males thugs from Michigan have Southern Accents

Posted by: av at June 11, 2011 12:15 PM (XgePz)

486 there were no brand names of whiskey in the western US during the second half of the 19th century

Posted by: av at June 11, 2011 12:17 PM (XgePz)

487 Man stupid. Woman smart and sensitive.

Posted by: NICKIE GOOMBA at June 11, 2011 12:18 PM (jeLTI)

488 Guys can fight, repeatedly bashing each other in the face with massive blows, or hitting each other with chairs, sticks, refrigerators, whatever -- and they go one doing this, sometimes for minutes at a time.

And never ever bleed.

Posted by: Vic at June 11, 2011 12:28 PM (M9Ie6)

489 If the old man is dying, and you have his enemy's child growing in your body, you should tell him about it.

It's probably best to make sure he is going to die.

Posted by: elspeth at June 11, 2011 12:40 PM (Z8oEZ)

490 What I learned is that Rose McGowan owes us a serious gratuitous nude scene for the one missing from Scream. A movie about the rules violated possibly the most important one.

Posted by: epobirs at June 11, 2011 12:43 PM (kcfmt)

491

White men can't jump.

Muskets can hit their targets at 400 yards.

Nazis had MP40s in the early '30s.

You can run a bad guy down escaping in a car on foot if you're carrying an MP5.

If a rattler bites you someone can make an X on the bite and suck the venom out.

Never bury you dead cat or son in a Pet Cemetary.

Never cross a Gypsy.

Pirates are mostly fun guys with scruples.

Posted by: Speller at June 11, 2011 12:52 PM (J74Py)

492 Marine Corps pilots can hop into an alien spacecraft and immediately be able to fly it into deep space

Posted by: Vic at June 11, 2011 12:56 PM (M9Ie6)

493 When in a gunfight, ALWAYS count the number of times they shoot...unless you feel lucky...PUNK!

Posted by: Red Shirt at June 11, 2011 12:57 PM (FIDMq)

494 I learned who Keyser Soze is.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at June 11, 2011 01:09 PM (mFrh/)

495 I learned that scary looking biker types are really teddy bears who look after hapless mothers and their horribly disfigured child.

Posted by: kdny at June 11, 2011 01:14 PM (ZYKiK)

496 Patrick Swayze can pull a chunk of a guys throat out, toss him in a lake, yell at the house owner and tell him what he did, and the police or the family of the man killed aren't all that interested.

Posted by: Lowell Mather at June 11, 2011 01:29 PM (Cqwtt)

497

I learned that this babe is teh hawt

Posted by: Vic at June 11, 2011 01:33 PM (M9Ie6)

498

Gary Owen!

Which is a great song, btw.

[sorry, I re-watched "We Were Soldiers" last night.]

Posted by: TANSTAAFL at June 11, 2011 02:14 PM (KVi4X)

499

That "clusterfuck" can be edited into "clusterflop".

Which irritates my son, Matt the Marine, no end.

Posted by: TANSTAAFL at June 11, 2011 02:15 PM (KVi4X)

500 [sorry, I re-watched "We Were Soldiers" last night.]

I watched that Friday. It is my favorite movie about the Vietnam war.

Posted by: Vic at June 11, 2011 02:18 PM (M9Ie6)

501 1. Aliens want our planet for our water... or our women. 2. If you're a computer programmer, you're needed as saviour for people living in some kind of virtual prison where your hacking and computer skills will NEVER be required. 3. If the producer want the heros to have the best looking ship even though that makes no sense in the context of the story, just call it a heap of junk and move on. 4. Conversely, if your spaceship is brand new and shiny, it will suffer from some kind of breakdown. 5. You can dodge energy weapons that fire at the speed of light. 6. Money isn't used in the future even though everyone gambles and there's always a sleazy bar where some kind of trading is going on. 7. Vampires are effeminate wimps and werewolves are crybabies with temper tantrums. 8. Houses can fly if you attach enough balloons to them. 9. If the boat you're on is called Titanic, it will sink. Don't expect different. 10. If by some technicality, you're removed from a space mission, it's foreshadowing that the mission will go critically wrong and you should be happy to have stayed behind.

Posted by: Vorlath at June 11, 2011 02:22 PM (FRsmr)

502 I learned that if you "accidently" blast some poor guys brains out all over the insides of your car in Los Angeles, you better get said car off the road in a hurry and make it disappear. I also learned that there are guys (sometimes named after a fierce predator) who can do that for you, as long as you say "please".

Posted by: Travis at June 11, 2011 02:28 PM (62ss4)

503 1. Never, ever split up to search that spooky mansion/warehouse/spaceship.

2. Automatic guns never run out of ammo but every third shot is a riccochet.

3. Never show anyone a picture of your loved ones in your wallet if you want to stay alive.

Posted by: Clive at June 11, 2011 04:50 PM (IVA63)

504 Always remember that if you do not kill the German he will return in 30 minutes to kill Mellish.

Posted by: Jaclyn at June 11, 2011 05:22 PM (HV1jm)

505

#435: the more you drive the less intelligent you are.

The Martians invented TV.

Posted by: vivi at June 11, 2011 06:08 PM (xVoHK)

506

If a woman ever asks "Are you a god?"

You say "Yes!!"

Posted by: ErnieHudson'sFutureEulogy at June 11, 2011 06:40 PM (dxOpY)

507 Sometimes, there just aren't enough rocks. In any military situation, the tough as nails NCO and whiny guy are both doomed. Contact with a supernatural being will leave you looking like the target of a bad porno.

Posted by: DaddyBear at June 11, 2011 06:50 PM (7xi7X)

508 Holding and firing a handgun sideways is much more intimidating.

Posted by: Lowell Mather at June 11, 2011 07:55 PM (Cqwtt)

509 NORAD happens to have the same text-to-speech synthesizer on its super computer as the hacker kid's homemade computer who used it to start the countdown to WWIII.

Posted by: mikey at June 12, 2011 05:29 AM (hlNxi)

510 Sparrows will come down your chimney and into the the room through the fireplace santa cluase style,some sharks are bullet proof bust still can be blown to smitherinies with a rifle and a scubatank in its mouth,early humans and dinosours lived at the same time,seagulls attack in huge flocks and so do crows,villians lose in the end,

Posted by: Spurwing Plover at June 12, 2011 07:08 AM (vA9ld)

511 i have liked this site too much i need more informative and helpful and nice topics here ...
thanks for having nice time

Posted by: urdu tutorial at June 12, 2011 07:11 AM (e4WFu)

512 Instinctively, an action hero is skilled enough to drive 18-wheelers, tanks, buses, tractors, trains, speed boats, subways, cruise ships, construction equipment and motorcycles. In addition, they can fly jets, helicopters and every variety of space vehicle. No one can ever hold onto their keys and get them into the locks/ignition in a scary/suspense flick.

Posted by: ConservativeBelle at June 12, 2011 07:49 AM (MqLH6)

513 Captive parrots cant fly until something happens to his mate,some jungle guy weaing a animal skin loincloth do a lot of screaming,to destroy german tiger tanks roll some fuel drums down on their then ignite a fire witha flare,if you stay and the bates motel dont use the shower,civil was amputations were painful and horrific,female gorrilas will atopt a orphaned human child,every monster has its achelies heel,EVEN A MAN WHO IS FAIR OF HEART AND SAYS HIS PRAYERS BY NIGHT MAY BECOME A WOLF WHEN THE WOLFBANE BLOOMS AND THE MOON IS SHINNING BRIGHT,you can make a makeshift cross using candlesticks

Posted by: Spurwing Plover at June 12, 2011 04:36 PM (vA9ld)

514 It's just a jump to the leftÂ…

Posted by: BK at June 12, 2011 05:22 PM (nffrt)

515

His name is Kevin.

You really don't want to go on the cart.

It's just a flesh wound.

Coconuts don't migrate.

Camalot is a silly place.

The number of the counting is Three. AND

Don't mess with the rabit.

Now go away or I will taunt you a second time.

Posted by: Jay at June 12, 2011 05:26 PM (wBcFQ)

516

a witch will melt if you throw water on her,Everytime a bell ring a angele gets his wings,old empty houses are full of cobwebs furnature covered with sheets and are dusty,even theres no air in space a fire can still eurpt Penguins love to surf,Martians die when the catch a cold,

Posted by: Spurwing Plover at June 18, 2011 10:12 PM (vA9ld)

517 SOME CARTOON VILLIANS HAVE A DRAMATIC WAY TO DIE COKATOOS USE MONKEYS TO DO THEIR DIRTY WORK FOR THEM,ANY SILVER ITEM WILL KILL A WEREWOLF,IN SPACE NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM,HORSES CAN MAKE CLIP-CLOPING SOUNDS IN THE DESERT,IF SOMEONE THROWS A METAL RIMED DERBY AT YOU AND IT STICKS INTO SOME METAL ITEM USE A LIVE ELECTIC CABLE TO FRY HIM,SOME GIANT BIRDS ARE NOTHING BUT PUPETS

Posted by: Spurwing Plover at July 04, 2011 05:18 PM (vA9ld)

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