January 21, 2011
— Ace
Keith has to start updating his resume.
SKILLS:
* MSWord
* Light Excel
* Good At Comparing Random Things to Nazi Germany
* Snorts Like a Crazed Bull
* Can Use Finger To Type Special Comments and/or Bring a Woman Halfway To Climax
* Will Fight Death For Food
Posted by: Ace at
04:45 PM
| Comments (320)
Post contains 57 words, total size 1 kb.
Posted by: Rick at January 21, 2011 05:53 PM (j3pEj)
Posted by: 18-1 at January 21, 2011 05:53 PM (bgcml)
Posted by: Wyatt Earp at January 21, 2011 05:54 PM (WZBuM)
Posted by: ace at January 21, 2011 05:55 PM (nj1bB)
(from the POV of that distraught Kos poster)
"Wind Whistling Through Cedars"
Angrily I fap
Where is the outrage? Why go?
I need my True North
Posted by: Jeff B. at January 21, 2011 05:55 PM (NjYDy)
All roads lead to lies
Betrayed by the G.E. Judas
Time to sell my blender.
Posted by: Jeff B. at January 21, 2011 05:55 PM (NjYDy)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 21, 2011 05:56 PM (TMB3S)
Posted by: ace at January 21, 2011 05:56 PM (nj1bB)
Posted by: Wyatt Earp at January 21, 2011 05:56 PM (WZBuM)
1975-1979 -- Cornell, and by that Cornell I mean the Ivy League Cornell and NOT the Agricultural-college Cornell; I HAVE AN IVY LEAGUE EDUCATION BECAUSE MY RESUME SAYS "CORNELL" RIGHT FUCKING HERE SO STOP LAUGHING
196771-1975 -- The Worst High School in the World
1965ish -- Remedial Preschool
Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at January 21, 2011 05:56 PM (amnHQ)
Posted by: curious at January 21, 2011 05:56 PM (p302b)
The NY Times:
"Keith Olbermann, the highest-rated host on MSNBC...."
Isn't that sort of like claiming to be the tallest Welsh Corgi in the pack?
Posted by: Lazarus Long at January 21, 2011 05:57 PM (Pmc9i)
Posted by: Wyatt Earp at January 21, 2011 05:57 PM (WZBuM)
Isn't that sort of like claiming to be the tallest Welsh Corgi in the pack?
Poor Welsh Corgi - they will be the target of Kweef's vitriol in his new dig as Westchester Dog Show host.
Posted by: Dr. Who at January 21, 2011 05:59 PM (f4XUa)
Posted by: Dan at January 21, 2011 05:59 PM (mXBxH)
Posted by: Eric in Chicago at January 21, 2011 05:59 PM (PET8M)
Posted by: Wyatt Earp at January 21, 2011 05:59 PM (WZBuM)
Posted by: CAC at January 21, 2011 06:00 PM (Gr1V1)
Posted by: Keith Olbermann at January 21, 2011 06:00 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: Wyatt Earp at January 21, 2011 06:00 PM (WZBuM)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 21, 2011 06:00 PM (TMB3S)
Posted by: Dan at January 21, 2011 06:01 PM (mXBxH)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 21, 2011 06:01 PM (UOM48)
Posted by: CAC at January 21, 2011 06:01 PM (Gr1V1)
Posted by: Rachel Maddow at January 21, 2011 06:01 PM (WZBuM)
Posted by: Ron Burgundy, offering advice and scotch but mostly scotch to Keith Olbermann at January 21, 2011 06:02 PM (nj1bB)
Posted by: Keith at January 21, 2011 06:02 PM (JpFM9)
Posted by: Mr. Spades at January 21, 2011 06:02 PM (SmU4r)
Posted by: fluffy at January 21, 2011 06:03 PM (4Kl5M)
Posted by: Gran at January 21, 2011 06:03 PM (kmmbv)
Posted by: pst314 at January 21, 2011 06:03 PM (wKfRY)
Posted by: Chrissy Matthews at January 21, 2011 06:04 PM (WZBuM)
Posted by: laceyunderalls at January 21, 2011 06:04 PM (BKQBl)
auto eroticaly
asphyxiated
Jack and Coke tastes good
But not on a monitor
Where mine just landed
Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at January 21, 2011 06:04 PM (amnHQ)
Posted by: Eric in Chicago at January 21, 2011 06:05 PM (PET8M)
Posted by: Chrissy Matthews at January 21, 2011 06:05 PM (WZBuM)
Posted by: The Mega Independent at January 21, 2011 06:05 PM (5I0Yr)
You smart morons need to take some of these haiku over to Kos. I understand that liberals great patrons and admirers of the arts.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at January 21, 2011 06:05 PM (TAjuH)
Mr. Olbermann
He is gone gone gone gone gone
Gone gone gone gone gone
Posted by: rdbrewer at January 21, 2011 06:05 PM (SmU4r)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 21, 2011 06:06 PM (TMB3S)
Posted by: Rajiv Vindaloo at January 21, 2011 06:06 PM (BZ2Bm)
Posted by: Chrissy Matthews at January 21, 2011 06:06 PM (WZBuM)
Posted by: The Mega Independent at January 21, 2011 06:07 PM (5I0Yr)
Posted by: fluffy at January 21, 2011 06:07 PM (4Kl5M)
Gone gone gone gone gone
Gone gone gone gone gone gone gone
Gone gone gone gone gone
Posted by: rdbrewer at January 21, 2011 06:07 PM (SmU4r)
Posted by: Keith Olbermann at January 21, 2011 06:07 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: Jade East Tennessee at January 21, 2011 06:08 PM (0Eywp)
Posted by: Gran at January 21, 2011 06:08 PM (kmmbv)
Posted by: Dan Rather at January 21, 2011 06:08 PM (WZBuM)
Mr. Olbermann did not discuss any future plans, but NBC executives said one term of his settlement will keep him from moving to another network for an extended period of time
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
This is just effin delicious!
Posted by: Steph at January 21, 2011 06:09 PM (AkdC5)
The cold weather
Had me f'n depressed
Keith's demise - brings me peace
* Qualifier and by demise I mean his job at MSNBC - I am not a hater!
Posted by: Dr. Who at January 21, 2011 06:09 PM (f4XUa)
Posted by: stuiec at January 21, 2011 06:10 PM (EjyHt)
Posted by: stuiec at January 21, 2011 06:10 PM (EjyHt)
Posted by: stuiec at January 21, 2011 06:11 PM (EjyHt)
Posted by: stuiec at January 21, 2011 06:11 PM (EjyHt)
Posted by: The Mega Independent at January 21, 2011 06:12 PM (5I0Yr)
Posted by: stuiec at January 21, 2011 06:12 PM (EjyHt)
Mr. Olbermann did not discuss any future plans, but NBC executives said one term of his settlement will keep him from moving to another network for an extended period of time
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
This is just effin delicious!
Posted by: Steph at January 21, 2011 10:09 PM (AkdC5)
Bush had Snow, Obama will have Olbermann. I like it- matching syllables.
Posted by: Museisluse at January 21, 2011 06:12 PM (kb7mQ)
Posted by: Chris Matthews at January 21, 2011 06:12 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: stuiec at January 21, 2011 06:12 PM (EjyHt)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 21, 2011 06:12 PM (TMB3S)
Posted by: USS Diversity at January 21, 2011 06:12 PM (DLxD/)
Posted by: stuiec at January 21, 2011 06:12 PM (EjyHt)
Posted by: stuiec at January 21, 2011 06:13 PM (EjyHt)
Posted by: stuiec at January 21, 2011 06:13 PM (EjyHt)
Posted by: Jade East Tennessee at January 21, 2011 06:13 PM (0Eywp)
Posted by: stuiec at January 21, 2011 06:13 PM (EjyHt)
sometimes "cutting our losses"
means cutting losers
Posted by: stuiec at January 21, 2011 10:08 PM (EjyHt)
From teh other thread. I say AWESOME!
What's the equivalent for Pulitzerin Haiku? Damn - there are so many good ones tonight. I fell giddy. That might even have been a tingle I felt in my leg. Kinda like the night Scott Brown with the itty bitty "R" beat Marcia Coakley. (unfortunately that didn't last very long - so I'm gonna savor it)
Posted by: Tom Who at January 21, 2011 06:14 PM (f4XUa)
Posted by: The Mega Independent at January 21, 2011 06:14 PM (5I0Yr)
Posted by: Jeff B. at January 21, 2011 06:15 PM (NjYDy)
Suck it, you effeminate bitch.
Posted by: President George W. Bush at January 21, 2011 06:15 PM (PET8M)
Crazy Keith was there top ratings getter at MSLSD gets dumped but yet there still keeping all the other bottom feeders.
Posted by: YIKES! at January 21, 2011 06:17 PM (8/QZP)
Posted by: Jade East Tennessee at January 21, 2011 06:18 PM (0Eywp)
Posted by: Kevin in ABQ at January 21, 2011 06:18 PM (x81hH)
Posted by: The Mega Independent at January 21, 2011 06:18 PM (5I0Yr)
I may not know who the "Worst Person in the World" is, but I sure as shit know who's the latest assclown to lose his fucking job.
Free Form - forgive the 5 =7 =5 transgressions
A Water Carrier
I was. For teh great pretender
My job saved or created?
Not so Much.
Posted by: Tom Who at January 21, 2011 06:19 PM (f4XUa)
Posted by: Keith Olbermann at January 21, 2011 06:20 PM (kmmbv)
Posted by: Some Dude at January 21, 2011 06:21 PM (xBAn+)
There once was a Prez named Obama
With skills to save jobs saved or created
Except mine ...
Keith
Posted by: Tom Who at January 21, 2011 06:21 PM (f4XUa)
Posted by: Countdown staff at January 21, 2011 06:21 PM (MLQL2)
Posted by: not the droid you seek at January 21, 2011 06:23 PM (h35AH)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 21, 2011 06:25 PM (TMB3S)
Posted by: Kevin in ABQ at January 21, 2011 06:25 PM (x81hH)
Posted by: Buck O. Phive at January 21, 2011 06:28 PM (HwIdb)
didn't matter
too repulsive for the tv
haiku not a strong suit- is it obvious?
Posted by: Museisluse at January 21, 2011 06:29 PM (kb7mQ)
Posted by: JudyM at January 21, 2011 06:29 PM (nfilJ)
5/7/5, but when it doubt just let it roll. We're not picky.
Posted by: Jeff B. at January 21, 2011 06:30 PM (NjYDy)
Posted by: The Mega Independent at January 21, 2011 06:31 PM (5I0Yr)
Word. I've been counting the plural-s on some. You have to read it as a extra hiss.
Posted by: dick cheese at January 21, 2011 06:31 PM (S5YRY)
Not a fan of Olbermann but many of these comments are at the same low, desperate, hate-filled level of what I expect from Keith. Knock it off. Jeesh - he's gone, be happy......
Judy, Judy, Judy
The buzzkill at the party
Who invited you?
Posted by: Tom Who at January 21, 2011 06:32 PM (f4XUa)
haiku is 5 first
7 Syllables is next
The last line is 5.
who gives a shit a
bout syllables when something
this funny happens
Posted by: The Mega Independent at January 21, 2011 06:32 PM (5I0Yr)
Not a fan of Olbermann but many of these comments are at the same low, desperate, hate-filled level of what I expect from Keith. Knock it off. Jeesh - he's gone, be happy
Lighten up Judy!
If you don't like this thread leave.
We're just having fun.
Posted by: runningrn at January 21, 2011 06:32 PM (ihSHD)
And I'm like, FUCK YOU!
Oo, oo, ooo!
I guess a third of O'Reilly's share just wasn't enough
And I'm like, FUCK YOU
And FUCK HIM too!
I guess you will be richer
now that I won't be wit'cha
Now, ain't that some shit?
And the drain goes glub as I sit in this tub,
Hey, Comcast! FUCK YOU!
Oo, oo, ooh
Now was it a failin' to name Bristol Palin
The Worst Person in the World?
You want Edward R. Murrow, but I'm more of a psycho,
Targeting a teenage girl
I pity the fool who gets hired by you
(Oh shit Jeff Zucker's gone)
Well
(Now they don't want me on)
Ooo
I got some news for you
Yeah run and tell your Rachel and Ed
I see you hosting my slot with the viewers I love
And I'm like, FUCK YOU!
Oo, oo, ooo!
I guess a third of O'Reilly's share just wasn't enough
And I'm like, FUCK YOU
And FUCK HIM too!
I guess you will be richer
now that I won't be wit'cha
Now, ain't that some shit?
And the drain goes glub as I sit in this tub,
Hey, Comcast! FUCK YOU!
Oo, oo, ooh
I had a knack for hooking the viewers
With a dramatic turn of my head
Flashing my glasses, flaring my nostrils
So why's my career as TV pundit dead?
I pity the fool who gets hired by you
(Oh shit Jeff Zucker's gone)
Well
(Now they don't want me on)
Ooo
I got some news for you
Yeah run and tell your Rachel and Ed
Now you Comcast shareholders, why you wanna hurt me so bad?
(So bad, so bad, so bad)
My ratings sucked but they were the best my network had
(They had, they had, they had)
Uh! Whyyyy? Uh! Whyyy?!?
Uh! Whyyyy, people?!?!?
Ooo, Good night and -- oh! -- good fuckin' luck!!!
OOOOO!
I see you hosting my slot with the viewers I love
And I'm like, FUCK YOU!
Oo, oo, ooo!
I guess a third of O'Reilly's share just wasn't enough
And I'm like, FUCK YOU
And FUCK HIM too!
I guess you will be richer
now that I won't be wit'cha
Now, ain't that some shit?
And the drain goes glub as I sit in this tub,
Hey, Comcast! FUCK YOU!
Oo, oo, ooh
Posted by: stuiec at January 21, 2011 06:34 PM (EjyHt)
Posted by: JudyM at January 21, 2011 10:29 PM (nfilJ)
Vaginal discharge
shouldn't smell that bad, really
get that Checked Out Stat
Posted by: garrett at January 21, 2011 06:35 PM (L0a7g)
Brickbats and bat shit
Duodenal cannon flies
hey Keef nice tie
Posted by: Buck O. Phive at January 21, 2011 06:36 PM (HwIdb)
Posted by: Gran at January 21, 2011 06:36 PM (kmmbv)
Posted by: JudyM at January 21, 2011 10:29 PM (nfilJ)
Have you no shame, sir?
Turns head slow to face Judy
Have you no shame? (nfilJ)?
Posted by: The Mega Independent at January 21, 2011 06:36 PM (5I0Yr)
Posted by: The Mega Independent at January 21, 2011 06:38 PM (5I0Yr)
Posted by: Jeff at January 21, 2011 06:38 PM (H1MSq)
Hey - when is Stuiec's single (above) being released? You have a gift.
Posted by: Tom Who at January 21, 2011 06:40 PM (f4XUa)
Hey Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song, and make it...
Nah -- suck on my nuts.
Posted by: Jeff B. at January 21, 2011 06:40 PM (NjYDy)
With rage he was paid to uncork.
In comes the new brass
To can his fat ass
He sobs in the tub like a dork
Posted by: chemjeff at January 21, 2011 06:41 PM (PaSAU)
Posted by: stuiec at January 21, 2011 06:41 PM (EjyHt)
Posted by: Judy M aka Chris Crocker at January 21, 2011 06:42 PM (PaSAU)
Keith blows through his stash,
Ends up homeless on the streets.
Lives in GE Box.
I had to fix it! I typed so fast, I missed my 7th syllable!
Posted by: runningrn at January 21, 2011 06:43 PM (ihSHD)
Posted by: Peaches at January 21, 2011 06:45 PM (zxpIo)
Maybe Keefums can take over from Maher when Maher gets busted for his inevitable statutory rape charge. (Watch Maher for 5 minutes and don't tell me he hasn't Polanski'd a 15 year old girl or two.)
It'll be a long hot bath for Keefums and the cat tonight.
Posted by: bobbo at January 21, 2011 06:45 PM (QcFbt)
Posted by: Rodent at January 21, 2011 06:46 PM (1UCCk)
Posted by: Jeff B. at January 21, 2011 06:50 PM (NjYDy)
Keith and the 30 million
left on his contract at MSNBC
can't make up for lost
public stature -
who listens to a pundit in a bathtub?
Posted by: Tom Who at January 21, 2011 06:50 PM (f4XUa)
Aw man...this thread is just like old times. Amen & thanks for the memories
They say cons are the
stupid Neanderthals
but libs can't do haiku
Posted by: Tank at January 21, 2011 06:52 PM (f4XUa)
Posted by: Gran at January 21, 2011 06:53 PM (kmmbv)
Posted by: Rodent at January 21, 2011 06:53 PM (1UCCk)
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
Sit eight lonely viewers, waiting for Maddow to come on.
Posted by: Cicero at January 21, 2011 06:54 PM (Ys0KI)
Posted by: The Mega Independent at January 21, 2011 06:54 PM (5I0Yr)
Posted by: George Orwell at January 21, 2011 06:57 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: The Mega Independent at January 21, 2011 06:58 PM (5I0Yr)
Posted by: James Tiberius Kirk at January 21, 2011 07:01 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: Rodent at January 21, 2011 07:02 PM (1UCCk)
But they'll promote Schultz to prime and not Matthews.
Oh the anguish in the halls of MSNBC!
Fill the bathtub and die
Posted by: Iblis at January 21, 2011 07:03 PM (7IdP1)
Posted by: George Orwell at January 21, 2011 07:05 PM (AZGON)
Keith being fired
Pushes Tod's affair with
Alaskan masseuse whore
off of the front page?
Is this still haiku?
Posted by: Tom Who at January 21, 2011 07:08 PM (f4XUa)
Posted by: Keith Olbermann at January 21, 2011 07:09 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: Sheriff Dupnik at January 21, 2011 07:13 PM (AZGON)
Posted by: Idesign at January 21, 2011 07:15 PM (aBPeb)
Posted by: Sarah Palin at January 21, 2011 07:17 PM (kmmbv)
Posted by: JackStraw at January 21, 2011 07:18 PM (TMB3S)
Now if there's a smile on my face
It's only there til my sign-off's over
But I can't tell you on the air
About how Comcast bent me over
But don't let my calm demeanor
Make you think I'm not a wiener
Really I'm mad, oh I'm madder than mad
They cancelled the show that I had
My three viewers must be feeling bad
{CHORUS:}
I ask, Sir, have you no shame
To assign the poor ratings blame
To the rants of a clown, with a show called "Countdown"?
Uh hum, oh yeah baby
I know I appeared to be insane
As I sent flying flecks of spittle
But it was the wingnuts that caused my brain
To become unhinged by just a little
But you let my outrage scare you
And I can't believe you'd dare to
Require me to go, oh I hate you so
I'm hurt and I want you to know
You're losing a modern Murrow, ooh yeah
{repeat CHORUS}
Jeff Immelt who sold NBC -
The Worst Person in the World to me
Smiling in the public eye
But in my lonely tub I cry
The rants of a clown
With a show called "Countdown', oh yeah, baby baby
Now if there's a smile on my face
Don't let my calm demeanor
Make you think I'm not a wiener
Don't let my throbbing vein
Make you think that I'm insane
My viewers are sad -- all three of them feel so bad
Posted by: stuiec at January 21, 2011 07:22 PM (EjyHt)
Not a fan of Olbermann but many of these comments are at the same low, desperate, hate-filled level of what I expect expectED from Keith. Knock it off. Jeesh - he's gone, be happy......
One last correction
Before I leave for slumber
And dream of myKeith
Keith OlberWham? ever heard of him - Charlie Gibson
Posted by: Tom Who at January 21, 2011 07:30 PM (f4XUa)
Posted by: Gran at January 21, 2011 07:34 PM (kmmbv)
Posted by: gringocachingo at January 21, 2011 07:56 PM (quS7w)
The last train leaves clown town
Farewell countdown...
Engines on:
Ein zwei drei vier fumfermann Splat!
Missed the platform
Hit the third rail.
Should've kept your glasses on.
Posted by: Keifferman Goebbels at January 21, 2011 08:10 PM (kb0wl)
Posted by: Ruttling Orange Peel at January 21, 2011 08:24 PM (dXGAR)
Posted by: The Q at January 21, 2011 08:57 PM (AXHCj)
Posted by: Donna V. at January 21, 2011 09:08 PM (0IpHG)
Posted by: Ellie Light at January 21, 2011 09:15 PM (PTpqi)
Posted by: Olberman's bathtub at January 21, 2011 09:17 PM (0IpHG)
Ace, after all these years reading your blog, you still crack me the fuck up!
Posted by: Squatch at January 21, 2011 09:22 PM (D9pKF)
Posted by: Olbermann's bed at January 21, 2011 09:25 PM (0IpHG)
Posted by: Olbermann's fine china at January 21, 2011 09:31 PM (0IpHG)
Posted by: Olbermann's dog at January 21, 2011 09:35 PM (0IpHG)
Posted by: Olbermann's maid at January 21, 2011 09:41 PM (0IpHG)
Posted by: The Chap in the Deerstalker Cap at January 22, 2011 03:38 AM (wb/re)
Countdown with Keith, "nazi*"
Worst Person in the World, "bush*"
Big head, small head, "me*"
*a "Brick Heck" whisper...
Posted by: Brick Heck at January 22, 2011 08:32 AM (iEGw7)
Posted by: bestie1 at January 22, 2011 07:44 PM (JnYmy)
Are you going to Scarborough Fair? Parsley sage rosemary and thyme. Remember me to one who lives there. She once was a true love of mine. Tell her to make me a cambric shirt. Parsley sage rosemary and thyme. Without no seams nor needle work. Then she will be a true love of mine. On the side of hill in the deep forest green, Tracing of sparrow on snow crested brown. Blankets and bed clothers the child of maintain Sleeps unaware of the clarion call. Tell her to find me an acre of land. Parsley sage rosemary and thyme. Between the salt water and the sea strand, Then she will be a true love of mine. On the side of hill a sprinkling of leaves Washes the grave with slivery tears. A soldier cleans and polishes a gun. Sleeps unaware of the clarion call. Tell her to reap it with a sickle of leather.moncler jacket
Posted by: Denise at January 24, 2011 04:29 PM (xOYue)
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Hey, I do a heckuva NAZI salute too.
Posted by: Keefums at January 21, 2011 05:52 PM (bgcml)