Ace of Spades HQ

December 28, 2011

Kinda Funny: "WTF? I Wanted An iPhone!"
— Ace

Lots of cursing in this song, but it's funny.

A comedy writer, who tweets at @fart, noticed a lot of griping on Christmas about gifts. So he collected up a lot of spolied-brat-type Tweets and wrote song about the Most Mistreated People In The History of Earth, Ever.

Also please use the thread to document your own Worst Gifts Ever.

Thanks to the U. Family (of AndyU. fame).

Posted by: Ace at 12:33 PM | Comments (243)
Post contains 82 words, total size 1 kb.

1 So....

Did your pc just vomit up these posts or did the dr. prescribe some meth for you?

Posted by: laceyunderalls at December 28, 2011 12:35 PM (UeXjs)

2 sometimes I think every post has to be left at the top for a while, like it's a Major Thing, and then other times I think, "Why not just do quick things like Instapundit?" I don't know. A lot of this crap isn't major. What dictates the rate of posting is chiefly how interested I get in the comments of threads.

Posted by: ace at December 28, 2011 12:37 PM (nj1bB)

3 Wow.

Posted by: Alex at December 28, 2011 12:37 PM (doww8)

4 Future Occupoopers, every one!

Posted by: Dastardly Dan at December 28, 2011 12:38 PM (yrgrl)

5 Ace,

Why not do a morning and afternoon dump thread for stuff like this? That way conversations aren't skipping from thread to thread.

Posted by: Alex at December 28, 2011 12:39 PM (doww8)

6 Where's the En Fuego guy?...cause Ace is En Fuego!

Posted by: billygoat at December 28, 2011 12:40 PM (6DDE+)

7 What?! You're reading the comments?

*puts pants on*

Posted by: toby928© at December 28, 2011 12:40 PM (GTbGH)

8 I got a tarpaulin and some bungee cords for Christmas. I did get one nice gift, but this year was really for the kids. Which is fine.

Posted by: Truman North at December 28, 2011 12:41 PM (I2LwF)

9
Best gift ever: Televised colonoscopy

Worst gift ever: Autographed copy of Valley Forge by Newt Gingrich

Posted by: Katie Couric at December 28, 2011 12:41 PM (TkGkA)

Ace is a completist when it comes to front page postings

(No, it doesn't make sense, but I'm trying to engage Ace in the comments here.)

Posted by: Randy M at December 28, 2011 12:41 PM (vI8R6)

11 A toilet seat cover.

Posted by: NCC at December 28, 2011 12:41 PM (lDsmT)

12 That's our future. Those people.

Now I'm depressed.

Posted by: eleven at December 28, 2011 12:41 PM (lU2av)

13 god these entitled brats made me sick

I was at a party on Christmas Day and all of the kids at the party got free unlocked Nooks (so, basically, an Android tablet) from their rich uncle

sheesh

Posted by: chemjeff at December 28, 2011 12:42 PM (s7mIC)

14 Manic Phase. Go, Ace, go! (but please, no movie reviews)

Posted by: USA at December 28, 2011 12:42 PM (6Cjut)

15 I got a bust of an unknown women (unknown to me at least), and bathrobe, and a well drilling rig.

So, I'm handy as well as sophisticated.

Posted by: toby928© at December 28, 2011 12:42 PM (GTbGH)

16 I have two bad gift stories, involving my beloved mom. One was totally my own selfish fault. One Easter I got it into my head that we should have big gifts for easter, just like at Christmas. And what I wanted was a bike. So my mom went along with the gift part. They were surprise gifts. And I tried to find out what the gift was. She wouldn't tell me, but I did get her to begin offering hints. I asked her what color it was. Well, it was orange, with some blue. Wow! An orange and blue bike! Not really the colors I would have picked but imagining it in my head, it seemed pretty awesome. And my brother's gift? Well, yellow, and some black, and some red. Okay, well, that cinches it! It's two bikes. I'm getting the orange and blue one, and my dumb brother is getting the lame yellow one, which totally fits, because he's so lame. Yeah he's got some red and black in there too but "yellow" is mentioned prominently. Which is so perfect for him. So not only am I getting a bike, but my brother is getting the stupid-looking bike that'll make him look like a little baby, which is almost better than just getting a bike. So on Easter Sunday, I woke up not thinking about anything except my new freakin' bike. And then I saw the wrapped gifts, which were far too small to be bikes. But maybe they were bike HELMETS, and the actual bikes were outside. Well, unwrapping, my gift was a piggy bank shaped like Pinnochio's bust (orange cap, with blue feather) and my brother got a Mickey Mouse bank. I cried like a bitch and proclaimed this to be the worst Easter in the history of world, and that i had been tricked, TRICKED!, into expecting a bike. Oh man, I still feel bad about that. My mom must have just felt awful.

Posted by: ace at December 28, 2011 12:42 PM (nj1bB)

17 A Pet Rock, because they now have USB Pet Rocks. I was swindled!

Posted by: dfbaskwill at December 28, 2011 12:43 PM (71LDo)

Sounds like Greenies, trying to drum up an alternative use for coal - namely, for in their stockings.

See you in an OWS camp, you little s**ts!

Posted by: Optimizer at December 28, 2011 12:43 PM (As94z)

19 I once gave out cigars that made all the recipients puke. The F'ers inhaled.

Posted by: tasker at December 28, 2011 12:43 PM (r2PLg)

20 Ace has a brother. And he used to like fresh air.

Posted by: Truman North at December 28, 2011 12:43 PM (I2LwF)

My worst gift? I got my late wife a matched twin pearl and gold ring for our anniversary. What did she give me? A mall cookie. Then, after observing the look of shear delight on my face she asked: "Do you think my gift is tacky?"

Heh.

Posted by: maddogg at December 28, 2011 12:44 PM (OlN4e)

22 Best gift ever: A RUBBER DUCKY

Posted by: Queef Olberdouche at December 28, 2011 12:44 PM (s7mIC)

23 I don't own an iPod, iPad, iPhone, or, for that matter, any Apple device. How the fuck am I even surviving?...Hell; how am I even alive???

Posted by: billygoat at December 28, 2011 12:44 PM (6DDE+)

I have no respect for the passion of equality, which seems to me merely idealizing envy.

Posted by: Oliver Wendell Homes at December 28, 2011 12:44 PM (4pSIn)

25
Twitter.

It's like having a keyboard hooked up to your Id.

Posted by: soothsayer at December 28, 2011 12:44 PM (sqkOB)

26 9 What?! You're reading the comments?

*puts pants on*

Posted by: toby928Â© at December 28, 2011 04:40 PM (GTbGH)

Really? Then I guess I will too, no fun with just the two of us.

Posted by: Weiner at December 28, 2011 12:44 PM (vI8R6)

27 I really don't understand these people. I don't care about getting gifts at Christmas. It's nice but not necessary and I tell my family every year not to worry about it. I'm proud that I can afford to buy the nice things that I want, and that I don't have to pin all my hopes on getting them for Christmas. I wanted an Xbox 360 and Skyrim, so I bought it. If I don't have the cash, then I don't buy it and life goes on.

Amazing.

Posted by: Alex at December 28, 2011 12:44 PM (doww8)

28 I got many things I did not know I wanted, but I'm thankful for every single thing I ever got. Whatever asshole has a problem with that can go f*uck his/her/its/self...

Posted by: M. Murcek at December 28, 2011 12:45 PM (ToZXn)

29 oh, I was 22. I should add that for context. no just kidding of course. I was like 6 or 7.

Posted by: ace at December 28, 2011 12:45 PM (nj1bB)

30 I got a few handfuls of nothin' special, but I don't really need anything.

I'm just always glad when Christmas is finished.

Posted by: nickless at December 28, 2011 12:45 PM (MMC8r)

31 Occupy Wall Street: The Musical

Posted by: Andy Bernard at December 28, 2011 12:45 PM (DVYq+)

32 14 That's our future. Those people.

Now I'm depressed.

Posted by: eleven at December 28, 2011 04:41 PM (lU2av)

Yep...new thread please...this one sucks.

Posted by: billygoat at December 28, 2011 12:45 PM (6DDE+)

33 17 Manic Phase. Go, Ace, go!
(but please, no movie reviews)

Posted by: USA at December 28, 2011 04:42 PM (6Cjut)

Eh, you just know that the long-awaited Captain America movie review is coming up next

Posted by: chemjeff at December 28, 2011 12:46 PM (s7mIC)

34 As a child, Ace thought his mom had wrapped up a bicycle helmet. Bike helmet? That means Ace must be younger than any of my socks.

Posted by: USA at December 28, 2011 12:46 PM (6Cjut)

35 That video is both hilarious and sad. Little brats.

My family was pretty straightforward about Christmas when I was growing up. My parents would ask us what we wanted, we'd tell them and they'd usually buy it if the request was reasonable. Worked for us.

Posted by: Slublog at December 28, 2011 12:46 PM (0nqdj)

36 Worst Gift Ever?
A box of tampons from an ex-boyfriend. The drugstore was the only thing open on Christmas Eve.

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 12:47 PM (iYbLN)

37 My brother got me a cuzie cooler (WTF is that?) and also gave me his opinion that I'm the asshole instead of my wife in the ongoing war of the roses. Yeah, great Christmas.

Posted by: Dave at December 28, 2011 12:47 PM (Xm1aB)

38 Ace is older than 22.

Posted by: Truman North at December 28, 2011 12:47 PM (I2LwF)

39 >>>As a child, Ace thought his mom had wrapped up a bicycle helmet. Bike helmet? That means Ace must be younger than any of my socks. no we had bike helmets back then, they just weren't mandatory. Actually it looked kind of butch, the helmet and elbow pads and knee pads. I'm pretty sure they sold those for kids, and I wanted them, because that's what a Daredevil would wear, because he'd be doing some serious shit on that bike.

Posted by: ace at December 28, 2011 12:48 PM (nj1bB)

40 Worst gift ever? Kinda like this year, a glass nick-knak to collect dust on a shelf somewhere.

Followed closely from last year by a suck BluRay I already had on DVD that I wished I had not bought in the $5 stack at WalMart.

Posted by: This Horse at December 28, 2011 12:48 PM (YdQQY)

41 Think about those tweets and the entitlement mentality displayed.

I think we're through the looking glass too far to survive as a free society when I see stuff like that.

Posted by: Scott J at December 28, 2011 12:48 PM (KC2BE)

42 They are the nintey-whine percent

Posted by: Dastardly Dan at December 28, 2011 12:48 PM (yrgrl)

43 no we had bike helmets back then

And probably resembled batting helmets more than the things we see today.

Posted by: Scott J at December 28, 2011 12:50 PM (KC2BE)

44 The worst gift ever? Most of the clothing that my moderately colorblind Dad picked out when I was a teenager.

"No, Dad, that is not a green jacket. It's baby blue. Yes, really. I know it looks green to you. Because you're colorblind."

Posted by: Hollowpoint at December 28, 2011 12:50 PM (SY2Kh)

45 Posted by: ace at December 28, 2011 04:48 PM (nj1bB)

From this comment, I'd guess Ace to be <45 years old...and I've no idea how old Ace is.

Posted by: billygoat at December 28, 2011 12:50 PM (6DDE+)

no we had bike helmets back then, they just weren't mandatory. Actually it looked kind of butch, the helmet and elbow pads and knee pads. I'm pretty sure they sold those for kids, and I wanted them, because that's what a Daredevil would wear, because he'd be doing some serious shit on that bike.

Okay, but you're younger than 35. Nobody my age would be caught dead wearing a helmet on his bike unless he was a BMX racer or some shit.

Posted by: Truman North at December 28, 2011 12:50 PM (I2LwF)

47 >>>And probably resembled batting helmets more than the things we see today. yeah, round.

Posted by: ace at December 28, 2011 12:51 PM (nj1bB)

48 All kidding aside, Ace is the best! I'd buy you a damn bike, but I would be afraid you might turn into another Chuckles!

Posted by: USA at December 28, 2011 12:51 PM (6Cjut)

49 I came down one year to find coal in my (and only in my) stocking. We had this neighbor that liked to pull pranks on me (he stuck nails in a 3 Musketeers one year for Halloween).

I don't know. That was kind of eff'd up. I was only about five and didn't get the "joke". I still give my parents shit for letting him do that.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at December 28, 2011 12:51 PM (UeXjs)

50
Just remember, for future Christmas gift giving, you can never go wrong with fruitcake.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at December 28, 2011 12:52 PM (TkGkA)

51 I was 17 years old, and my then boyfriend gave me a Christmas card on Christmas Eve and wrote in it that he was breaking up with me. Fun times! At least I found out what an absolute jerk he was. Sometimes that's what it takes.

Except for that, I've never really had a rotten Christmas as far as gifts.

Posted by: Theresa at December 28, 2011 12:52 PM (ejSrN)

52 I cried like a bitch and proclaimed this to be the worst Easter in the history of world, and that i had been tricked, TRICKED!, into expecting a bike. ****** It was Christmas morning and I rush to see what is under the tree-and what do I find? There was Uncle Alfresco on the floor,shot in the back of the head- dead, PLUS no bicycle! Steve Martin My Blue Heaven. http://tinyurl.com/cupksd8

Posted by: tasker at December 28, 2011 12:52 PM (r2PLg)

53 Now we know why ace is an agnostic.

Posted by: Dr Spank at December 28, 2011 12:52 PM (lVGED)

54 Whats with the fucking Iphone? I hate cellphones in general. I'd just as soon have a railroad spike driven up my ass with a 9 pound hammer as an Iphone.

Posted by: maddogg at December 28, 2011 12:52 PM (OlN4e)

OT: Boy, if this is true Gingrich is dropping like a rock, behind Santorum.

In Iowa, both Romney and Paul are each up five points among likely caucus goers from a CNN/Time/ORC poll conducted at the start of December. The new survey indicates that Santorum, the former senator from Pennsylvania, is at 16% support, up 11 points from the beginning of the month, with Gingrich at 14%, down from 33% in the previous poll.

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 28, 2011 12:53 PM (jUZRg)

56 I'd just as soon have a railroad spike driven up my ass with a 9 pound hammer as an Iphone.

Go on...

Posted by: Anthony Weiner at December 28, 2011 12:53 PM (0nqdj)

57 52 All kidding aside, Ace is the best! I'd buy you a damn bike, but I would be afraid you might turn into another Chuckles!

Posted by: USA at December 28, 2011 04:51 PM (6Cjut)

Don't forget to hit the tip jar!

Posted by: Chuckie at December 28, 2011 12:53 PM (6DDE+)

58
I'd just as soon have a railroad spike driven up my ass

Posted by: maddogg at December 28, 2011 04:52 PM (OlN4e)

You rang sir?

Posted by: Conductor Barney Frank at December 28, 2011 12:54 PM (TkGkA)

59 "Speaking of Twitter, I only wanted one thing for Christmas, and that was for a beautiful girl I know to wish me a Merry Christmas. " Heh. I had a beautiful girl text me Merry Christmas. The wife didn't even mind.

Posted by: Wyatt's Torch at December 28, 2011 12:54 PM (zxrQh)

60 60 I'd just as soon have a railroad spike driven up my ass with a 9 pound hammer as an Iphone.

Go on...

Posted by: Anthony Weiner at December 28, 2011 04:53 PM (0nqdj)

...yes, yes...and then???!!!

Posted by: Bawney Fwank at December 28, 2011 12:54 PM (6DDE+)

61 I've seen the question asked and answered at least a dozen times and still don't have a fucking clue...If I go right now to Amazon through the Ace link and put something in my Cart, does Ace automatically get the micro-shekels when I click Purchase? Separate related query, if I go to Amazon right now from the Ace link and "Favorite" it to replace my current Amazon link, does that make it permanent? I'm not buying anything big anytime soon, but I'm always buying small shit, including about three things right now.

Posted by: Lincolntf at December 28, 2011 12:54 PM (Qjh0I)

62 Well, I gotta tell you, I was due for an upgrade on my phone. A few weeks back, my partner showed me his iphone that he had gotten through an upgrade. So, while I was in the verizon store ordering my son's iphone for Christmas, I upgraded to an iphone. It is pretty cool I must say.

Posted by: Dave at December 28, 2011 12:54 PM (Xm1aB)

63 >>>I've seen the question asked and answered at least a dozen times and still don't have a fucking clue...If I go right now to Amazon through the Ace link and put something in my Cart, does Ace automatically get the micro-shekels when I click Purchase? I think so. I'm not really completely sure how it all works but AndyU. (who know stuff) says it all works that way.

Posted by: ace at December 28, 2011 12:55 PM (nj1bB)

64 Also please use the thread to document your own Worst Gifts Ever.

A "Men's Toiletry Bag with Mirror and Shoulder Strap".

Yep my aunt bought me a purse for Christmas like 7 years ago.

Posted by: gekkobear at December 28, 2011 12:55 PM (X0NX1)

65 It was a disappointing Christmas on many levels..

Posted by: tasker at December 28, 2011 12:56 PM (r2PLg)

66 and thanks for buying stuff through there-- it's a nice bit of money.

Posted by: ace at December 28, 2011 12:56 PM (nj1bB)

67 What do the iPhone wanters say when you tell them the gravy train crashed against Rhode Island Tony's hunger for Portuguese whores and new Cadillacs? And Massachusetts Vinnie's hunger for pretty much the same? Anf Caliphornia Harry's need for good imported weed? Hey, a mail man / garbage man / code officer has to unwind after a tough day keeping civilization toghther...

Posted by: M. Murcek at December 28, 2011 12:56 PM (ToZXn)

68 I'd just as soon have a railroad spike driven up my ass Posted by: maddogg at December 28, 2011 04:52 PM At yahw sewice! Here, hold my stool!

Posted by: Barney Frank at December 28, 2011 12:56 PM (niZvt)

69 My worst Christmas gift ever? World Peace. Shit, that didn't last.

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 28, 2011 12:57 PM (jUZRg)

70 46 They are the nintey-whine percent

Posted by: Dastardly Dan at December 28, 2011 04:48 PM (yrgrl)

I like this, but I'm calling it backwards.

Whiny Nine Percent...

Which clarifies they're a drastic minority, whiny, and it's close to what they call themselves.

Posted by: gekkobear at December 28, 2011 12:57 PM (X0NX1)

71 My worst gift is anything I have to put together, like a small little dresser that fits in my closet I got last year. It had 23 different fasteners and 20 different wood shelves and shit. Took me 3 hours to put together, but it is nice.

Posted by: Dr Spank at December 28, 2011 12:57 PM (lVGED)

72 The worst gift I got?Forgiveness of my sins from that lil' hey-Zeus twerp. I ain't got me no sins that need forgivin' what I got is a rod that needs strokin'

Posted by: Trip at December 28, 2011 12:57 PM (xHenH)

73 When I was twelve I got a Remington BDL in .243 with a weaver 3X9 Scope. A real, honest to God, deer rifle. The best Christmas ever. Yep I peaked out early at 12 but I still have the rifle and it still is the best gift ever.

Posted by: Sgt. Fury at December 28, 2011 12:57 PM (BupRb)

74 Also please use the thread to document your own Worst Gifts Ever. Soap on a Rope.

Posted by: USA at December 28, 2011 12:58 PM (6Cjut)

75 Worst gift ever?

A donation in our name to the Human Fund.

Posted by: Associations of George Costanza at December 28, 2011 12:58 PM (UeXjs)

76 I've never received a bad gift.

Truth.

Posted by: toby928© at December 28, 2011 12:58 PM (GTbGH)

77

Soap on a Rope.

Posted by: USA at December 28, 2011 04:58 PM (6Cjut)

Hmmm.....

Posted by: Bwaney Fwank at December 28, 2011 12:58 PM (TkGkA)

78 Worst gift ever?

Greenbacks.

Posted by: Ron Paul! at December 28, 2011 12:59 PM (lVGED)

When I was four, my mom and grandmother put 14 rocks in my stocking.

Yes, I remember to this day exactly how many there were.

But I got the joke, and I thought it was pretty funny.

I did however grow up to be a real bastard anyway.

Posted by: Truman North at December 28, 2011 12:59 PM (I2LwF)

Posted by: Sgt. Fury at December 28, 2011 04:57 PM (BupRb)

Yeah, when I was 13 my Dad gave me a Winchester model 70 in .270 with a variable scope for Christman. I still have it. Best Christmas gift I ever got.

Posted by: maddogg at December 28, 2011 01:00 PM (OlN4e)

81
My best gift ever? A six month supply of coupons for McDonald's fries and large Coke's.

Posted by: Meggy McCain, Daddy's Little Girl at December 28, 2011 01:00 PM (TkGkA)

82 When my husband and I first began dating we were in a shopping mall in Denver when I noticed in a kiosk a set of what had to be the UGLIEST pigs - piggy banks - in the world. I made the mistake of pointing them out to him and just couldn't believe anyone would make a pig that hideous.

This somehow translated to associating me with pigs,and then, in his easily confused brain, to the idea that I LIKE pigs or have strong feelings about them. Then he told his mom (who is a real gem and we adore each other) that I COLLECT pigs.

Our first Christmas together everyone gave me pig figurines. I had no idea why.. I thought they were trying to ward me off lol.

When they found out I don't like pigs at all they all called me, upset about what i must be thinking.

Posted by: acetomato777 at December 28, 2011 01:00 PM (7p/J4)

craftsman lawnmower for my 13th birthday.

"Now the lawn is your problem. Happy Birthday."

Posted by: garrett at December 28, 2011 01:01 PM (dR2lC)

Posted by: maddogg at December 28, 2011 05:00 PM (OlN4e)

That is all the rifle you'll ever need. Barring FEMA Camp pick up day.

Posted by: Sgt. Fury at December 28, 2011 01:01 PM (BupRb)

85 reminds me of the news story last night with folks whining about their gifts that they ordered a whole 5 days before Christmas and paid 2-day shipping for didn't get there until yesterday and UPS is not offering them refunds or settlements. Their holidays was ruined Eleventy! Bunch of crybabies.

Posted by: palerider at December 28, 2011 01:01 PM (dkExz)

86

As a child, I preferred the heavy earth moving toys.

Posted by: Zombie Rachel Corrie at December 28, 2011 01:01 PM (TkGkA)

87 A "Men's Toiletry Bag with Mirror and Shoulder Strap".

Yep my aunt bought me a purse for Christmas like 7 years ago.

heh

Posted by: eleven at December 28, 2011 01:02 PM (lU2av)

88 The other thing my mom got was this odd t-shirt. She got me a bunch of practical gifts for a birthday, i think. All stuff you need. Socks, undies, t-shirts, sweatshirt. All good stuff. Nothin' wrong with it and spared me the trip. But one thing she got me was this t-shirt with this picture of a dumb, goofy-looking cartoon dinosaur, who was wearing a chef's apron, grilling on a stand-up barbeque, with the big slogan "Dinosaur Bar-Be-Que." I tried to find it online and can't -- there is now a company calling itself Dinosaur Barbeque which I guess sells bbq supplies, but it wasn't that. It was like a jokey cartoon thing, like Barney the Dinosaur grilling meat. Now, I was like 26. That's not a joke. I was an adult. I also did not bbq at that point. So I said.... uh... hey mom, this is all good, but what's this t-shirt about? And she said, "Well, you wear a t-shirt with a batman logo so I thought you liked cartoons." Okay, I did have two t-shirts, one with a batman logo, one with the black-suit spiderman logo. But just because I wear ONE black shirt with a batman log and ONE other black shirt with the spiderman logo doesn't mean I'm just into goofy cartoons of all types. This t-shirt really looked like what you'd see a mentally-challenged adult wearing. I was sort of wondering what my mom thought of me. She thought I was brain-damaged or something. Anyway, no more superhero-logo t-shirts for me after that. It taught me a lesson: Grow up and stop wearing the batman t-shirt, even to bed.

Posted by: ace at December 28, 2011 01:02 PM (nj1bB)

89 87, saved in the "ways to warp my boy in 5 years" file.

Posted by: Scott J at December 28, 2011 01:02 PM (KC2BE)

90 Not sure if this was brought up in ace's whirlwind of posts, but has anyone read this yet? Try to supress the laughter and/or righteous indignation. I swear, it's like reading Hitler's opinion of U.S. foreign policy after WWII.

Posted by: Joffen at December 28, 2011 01:02 PM (zLeKL)

91 I don't really remember any bad Christmas presents. There were times I didn't get everything on my wish list, but so what? If I didn't get it, I don't need it and/or can buy it myself if I want it badly enough. Best Christmas present? When Christmas is over and I can have my house back with a reasonable certainty that random (mostly thoughtless) relatives will not show up and expect me to feed them. YAY!!

Posted by: AngelEm at December 28, 2011 01:02 PM (94jbd)

92 Best and Worst: WHITEHOUSE, Texas A Christmas card that crisscrossed the country as part of an old joke between two Texas men will rest this holiday for the first time in 61 years.Acker Hanks mailed the card to his former neighbor Lee Kelley in 1950. Kelley, a prankster, mailed it back a year later.The two continued sending the card back and forth, and when Kelley died, his widow mailed the tattered message for over a decade. Last year, it returned to Hanks unread. He believes Kelley's widow moved to a nursing home. A list of dates and places in the worn card documents its journey. Hanks plans to frame it."I always looked forward to getting the card," he told the Tyler Morning Telegraph (http://bit.ly/vbaPyB). "I don't think it'll ever leave me now."

Posted by: USA at December 28, 2011 01:03 PM (6Cjut)

This t-shirt really looked like what you'd see a mentally-challenged adult wearing. I was sort of wondering what my mom thought of me. She thought I was brain-damaged or something.

26 you say?

I'm sure with your barneyQ t-shirt and helmet on you looked just precious!

Posted by: garrett at December 28, 2011 01:04 PM (dR2lC)

94 Whats with the fucking Iphone? I hate cellphones in general. I'd just as soon have a railroad spike driven up my ass with a 9 pound hammer as an Iphone.

It would allow you to check the TV schedule for Matlock and Wheel of Fortune reruns on the go.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at December 28, 2011 01:04 PM (SY2Kh)

That is all the rifle you'll ever need. Barring FEMA Camp pick up day.

Posted by: Sgt. Fury at December 28, 2011 05:01 PM (BupRb)

Yeah, but I have a shitload more anyway. You just can't have too many guns. In fact, my cousin just called to tell me he found a great deal on a S&W .38 revolver and he picked it up for me for 250 bucks. Stainless steel, 4" bbl. Top shape. Not too shabby.

Posted by: maddogg at December 28, 2011 01:05 PM (OlN4e)

And she said, "Well, you wear a t-shirt with a batman logo so I thought you liked cartoons."

Okay, that's a priceless mother thing to say. Also, Ace is older than 26.

Posted by: Truman North at December 28, 2011 01:05 PM (I2LwF)

97 I asked for a "The Who" album. My mom got me a "The Guess Who" album. That was fun. _

Posted by: BumperStickerist at December 28, 2011 01:05 PM (h6mPj)

98 "This t-shirt really looked like what you'd see a mentally-challenged adult wearing. I was sort of wondering what my mom thought of me. She thought I was brain-damaged or something." I'm sure she wouldn't use those words, ace. She would say you're "special".

Posted by: Wyatt's Torch at December 28, 2011 01:05 PM (zxrQh)

99 I worked for a company as a 'long term' temp once when I was a kid. Paid almost nothing. Come Christmas and we have a secret santa program only it is not really secret at all. About two days before we are to open our gifts I realize I only have $5 to spend ($20 limit). Literally only 5 bucks. I don't know what to get my guy so on the way home I stop at the used book store. I'd heard him mention a singer I was not familiar with so I buy a used CD of her's for $5 and the next day drop it under the tree at work. About 15 minutes before we meet to open presents I'm in the supervisor's office and my guy is talking with our boss about how much he despises the singer I bought for him. During the gift exchange I attempted to will myself into an alternate dimension but it didn't work.

Posted by: er at December 28, 2011 01:05 PM (n+kUs)

100 One of the funniest cards I ever got was from a friend who just took an old, old child's birthday card he'd gotten at age 10 -- with like a baseball bat on it and all that kid stuff -- and he crossed out the "Dear George" part and wrote my name over it crudely, and crossed out the "From Aunt Mable" and put "From your friend george." It was so funny that I've given like four people the same card, but faking it, getting the card new and then writing in a fake original addressee and crossing it out. If you're ever in a pinch, try it, it's funny. Always gets a laugh.

Posted by: ace at December 28, 2011 01:06 PM (nj1bB)

101 As for bad gifts I don't really remember any. My thing was my mom would substitute.

I wanted a Sony Walkman. Got whatever Sanyo was competing against it with (twice as big and heavy).

Wanted an IBM XT. Got a Vic 20.

That sort of thing for years and years.

Posted by: Scott J at December 28, 2011 01:07 PM (KC2BE)

102 Worst gift ever? My favorite smart military blog gave me another thread about Anthony Weiner.

Posted by: cicerokid at December 28, 2011 01:07 PM (boLoz)

103 My Best gift?

The talents God gave me to lead this great country.

Posted by: Barack Hussein Obama at December 28, 2011 01:08 PM (lVGED)

104 Weirdest/funniest Christmas gift I ever got was from the ex wife's great grandmother. She sewed all the adult males a grilling apron made from boxers and when you whipped the unit out there was a bottle opener sewn in the end. She was about 90 at the time and funnier than hell.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at December 28, 2011 01:08 PM (tf9Ne)

105 Is anyone else old enough to remember getting a Life Saver box set at school from a beautiful girl in grade school? Old enough to enjoy sucking the cherry red treats. Innocent enough not to know why.

Posted by: USA at December 28, 2011 01:08 PM (6Cjut)

106 bucks. Stainless steel, 4" bbl. Top shape. Not too shabby.

Posted by: maddogg at December 28, 2011 05:05 PM (OlN4e)

I am in your camp. I don't really know the exact number of firearms I have. I think my boy is hoping I get into an accident since I told him recently they would all be going to him. I need to start checking under my truck before firing it up.

Posted by: Sgt. Fury at December 28, 2011 01:08 PM (BupRb)

107 Ace? Whenever you relate details of your real life, I get so jealous. Not because of your awesome real life, but rather because you and I are so alike, and you're a success and I'm not.

Posted by: Truman North at December 28, 2011 01:09 PM (I2LwF)

108

kids are always like this until they grow up and learn that the world isn't here to cater to their whims and desires.

some never learn that lesson, I call them liberals/progressives/Dems.

Posted by: The DOOM!® you didn't see coming! at December 28, 2011 01:09 PM (jdOk/)

109 "It taught me a lesson: Grow up and stop wearing the batman t-shirt, even to bed. " Which doesn't explain the Batman-themed bedsheets. and Gotham Avenger wall decals.

Posted by: BumperStickerist at December 28, 2011 01:09 PM (h6mPj)

110

Okay, but you're younger than 35. Nobody my age would be caught dead wearing a helmet on his bike unless he was a BMX racer or some shit.

Posted by: Truman North at December 28, 2011 04:50 PM (I2LwF)

When I was a kid, no one wore a bike helmet even when we were doing BMX equivalent stunts. If we fell off or wrecked, everyone would gather around to watch you bleed.

Posted by: Soona at December 28, 2011 01:09 PM (Lf3dT)

111

Posted by: ace at December 28, 2011 05:06 PM (nj1bB)

This is my standard policy on greeting cards.

Posted by: garrett at December 28, 2011 01:10 PM (dR2lC)

112 Worst ever: An Obama chia head... WTF? This year. From someone who has absolutely no reason to believe that I would want, enjoy, smash, or have any inkling of this (not that there's anyone who would). Is this some kind of gag gift? That's the only thing I can conceive of. Yeah. An Obama chia head. W. T. F.

Posted by: d1 at December 28, 2011 01:10 PM (GNXm0)

113

Worst gift ever was "gifts"....

For 14 consecutive years starting at the age of 35 my mother would send me either a sweater or sweat sack as a Christmas present. Size XL. Problem is, I havn't worn a size XL since junior year in high school. I hit 2XL as a Junior and never looked back. I lost 85 lbs once and actually fit rather tightly into a stretched out XL one time, until it was washed. You can lose weight, you can't reduce your bone structure. Every year I'd "remind her" and she'd tell me to take it back....except she was in Florida, I'm in Indiana, and I didn't have any receipts to take it back anywhere.

Thing is, after the 3rd or 4th year, the idea that it doesn't matter enough to her to learn actually gets rather insulting. From. my. own. mother.

Posted by: MrObvious at December 28, 2011 01:10 PM (t4++D)

114 91 A "Men's Toiletry Bag with Mirror and Shoulder Strap".

Yep my aunt bought me a purse for Christmas like 7 years ago.

It's not a purse. It's a European carryall.

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 01:11 PM (iYbLN)

115 Dude! I so wanted someone to get me a Barry Chia Head. I even hinted but no joy. I was going to put it in the Reagan Shrine, for the irony.

Posted by: toby928© at December 28, 2011 01:12 PM (GTbGH)

116 I gave an Obama Chia Head to the FIL last year as a gag gift. He got a chuckle out of it as it whizzed past me to shatter on the back patio. I also got a bottle of his favorite booze, so it was all good.

Posted by: Wyatt's Torch at December 28, 2011 01:12 PM (zxrQh)

117 That's got to be some kind of campaign motto- Stop Wearing the Batman Shirt! You Ron Paul idiots-grow up!

Posted by: tasker at December 28, 2011 01:12 PM (r2PLg)

118

I hit 2XL as a Junior and never looked back.

How could you? All that neck fat.

Posted by: Truman North, who gained 10 lbs in 2011 at December 28, 2011 01:12 PM (I2LwF)

119 I'm always happy when I get guns for Christmas, and even happier when I get to use them on people.

Posted by: Dick Fucking Cheney at December 28, 2011 01:13 PM (lVGED)

120 I am in your camp. I don't really know the exact number of firearms I have

That reminds me I need to take inventory.

In fact with the 1911 I got for Christmas the handgun side of my collection is now out of balance with more semi-autos than revolvers.

This just won't do for someone who spent the first 8 years of his guncrankery as a dedicated wheelgunner.

Posted by: Scott J at December 28, 2011 01:13 PM (KC2BE)

121 It's not a purse. It's a European carryall.

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 05:11 PM (iYbLN)

Same damn thing. Sorta like when my late wife got me the French jockeys. Why do I call them French? No fly.

Posted by: maddogg at December 28, 2011 01:14 PM (OlN4e)

122 I don't remember the details, but I seem to remember a story about two guys who, as a prank, would send the same thing (a fruitcake IIRC) back and forth. I can't find the story now.

It reached the point where they'd do stuff like encase it in concrete to make it that much more challenging to send back.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at December 28, 2011 01:14 PM (SY2Kh)

123 Who are we kidding? Best gift ever? When we found our pocket pistols and learned how to fire them. And it was there all along!

Posted by: USA at December 28, 2011 01:15 PM (6Cjut)

124 Stop Piercing Your Spare Body Parts! and vote normal or something...

Posted by: tasker at December 28, 2011 01:15 PM (r2PLg)

125 Worst ever: An Obama chia head... WTF? This year. From someone who has absolutely no reason to believe that I would want, enjoy, smash, or have any inkling of this (not that there's anyone who would). Is this some kind of gag gift? That's the only thing I can conceive of.

Yeah. An Obama chia head. W. T. F.

Posted by: d1 at December 28, 2011 05:10 PM (GNXm0)

I had an ex-girlfriend that sent me a penis pump for Christmas. I opened it in front of a group of people and, without doubt, it was the worst and most humiliating gift I had ever recieved. 30 years later, however........

Posted by: Soona at December 28, 2011 01:15 PM (Lf3dT)

126 So, Soona, did it work?

Posted by: Truman North, at December 28, 2011 01:16 PM (I2LwF)

127 The UFOs Aren't Coming Till Next Decade Vote NOT Ron Paul!

Posted by: tasker at December 28, 2011 01:17 PM (r2PLg)

128 Worst Christmas gift? Dad and Mom got me one of those old-time cassette tape players with a handle that you could carry around and with a microphone that you could plug in. My parents made me play the tape inside of the player when I opened it. It was one of the poorest renditions of Santa telling me what a good boy I had been.....a rendition I immediately knew was being pitifully performed by my Dad. I think I was old enough already to realize Santa was fiction.....but, then again maybe not since I turned out the way I did.

Posted by: Dave at December 28, 2011 01:18 PM (Xm1aB)

129

Posted by: Soona at December 28, 2011 05:15 PM (Lf3dT)

Did you send her a box of alum?

Posted by: cicerokid at December 28, 2011 01:18 PM (boLoz)

130 So, Soona, did it work?

Posted by: Truman North, at December 28, 2011 05:16 PM (I2LwF)

Don't know, never tried it.

.........brb. Going to the attic to take a looksee.

Posted by: Soona at December 28, 2011 01:19 PM (Lf3dT)

131 I won't post mine. It's not strictly in the formulation in play, and too much a downer for the spirit of the thread.

Suffice it to say, stocking stuffers aside, I got two gifts this year, and a decent amount of time with family I don't see very often. On account of the family part, I consider myself fully satisfied with the season.

^{The Kindle Fire didn't hurt, but was frankly optional.}

Posted by: DarkLord©says Ia! C'thulu ftaghn! at December 28, 2011 01:19 PM (GBXon)

132 Yeah. I would never buy a penis pump, but as long as I had one lying around, I'd totally try it.

Posted by: Truman North, at December 28, 2011 01:20 PM (I2LwF)

133 Yeah, I had an ex-girlfriend pulled that penis-pump-gift-thingy. It was too small.

Posted by: Dave at December 28, 2011 01:20 PM (Xm1aB)

134 Sean Bielat is on Talk 1200 Boston right now

Posted by: Truman North, at December 28, 2011 01:20 PM (I2LwF)

135 I see in the other thread that Anthony Wiener is "wide open sexually." That's quite the mental image. Thanks, Ace. Does that mean his seat is wide open? Maybe we should shine some light down that path before plunging in?

Posted by: Barney Frank at December 28, 2011 01:21 PM (niZvt)

136 Best gift I got this year?

My mom is still alive. I thought I was going to lose her in February. I could care less if I got any gifts. My 14 year old niece was pissed because she didn't get...lets all say it together...a fucking iPhone.

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 01:22 PM (iYbLN)

137

They work great if you get a large boil on your ass.

Or, as we like to call them, a "Michael Moore"

Posted by: Truman North, at December 28, 2011 01:22 PM (I2LwF)

138 In other good news ...

The Unites States Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) has removed the name of Afghan Taliban supreme commander Mullah Muhammad Omar from its list of Â“most wanted terroristsÂ”.

Posted by: Neo at December 28, 2011 01:23 PM (e8kgV)

139 A penis pump? Ain't that called a wife?

Posted by: CoolCzech at December 28, 2011 01:23 PM (niZvt)

140 It was too small.

What, so the pump couldn't make a seal around the base?

Posted by: Buzzsaw at December 28, 2011 01:23 PM (tf9Ne)

141 @146 Dude, you ever been married?

Posted by: Dave at December 28, 2011 01:23 PM (Xm1aB)

142 Easy one, guard duty, Pinder Barracks W. Germany '79.

Posted by: ontherocks at December 28, 2011 01:24 PM (HBqDo)

143 My wife has an iPhone. My 2 kids will be getting iPhones this summer when their contracts are up and I get the best present of all: THE BILL Oh yeah, I do have an iPhone

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 28, 2011 01:24 PM (eCnLg)

144 Yeah. wife BJs? Pass.

Posted by: Truman North, at December 28, 2011 01:24 PM (I2LwF)

145 138 Yeah. I would never buy a penis pump, but as long as I had one lying around, I'd totally try it. Posted by: Truman North

That's what I love about you Truman you are open to new things.

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 01:24 PM (iYbLN)

146

They work great if you get a large boil on your ass.

Posted by: Michael Moore at December 28, 2011 05:21 PM (yn6XZ)

I think, at the time, I saw the potential of it being a great gas siphon. It was at the time the arabs cut off our oil.

Posted by: Soona at December 28, 2011 01:24 PM (Lf3dT)

147 148, 16 years this Friday and I can't complain.

There were some periods too infrequent for my taste early on but they were short lived.

I've told her she's not allowed to die on me. I don't want to ever be single again.

Posted by: Scott J at December 28, 2011 01:26 PM (KC2BE)

148 A woman I was dating about 15 years ago went to that goofy Nature Store and bought me some geodes. Geodes are basically rocks. They were pretty, and probably expensive, but the last thing I would buy for myself is expensive rocks.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at December 28, 2011 01:26 PM (w67cw)

149 152 138 Yeah.Â Â "I would never buy a penis pump, but as long as I had one lying around, I'd totally try it." Posted by: Truman North That's what I love about you Truman you are open to new things. Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 05:24 PM (iYbLN) Like me!

Posted by: Anthony Wiener at December 28, 2011 01:26 PM (niZvt)

150 Mpfs, the thing I love the most about you besdes your passionate defense of the Jewish people, is your mercurial and euphemistical support of my bizarre lifestyle yearnings.

Posted by: Truman North, at December 28, 2011 01:26 PM (I2LwF)

151
Really?

We're gonna do lines from Breakfast Club now?

Posted by: soothsayer at December 28, 2011 01:28 PM (sqkOB)

152

I don't want to ever be single again.

Ah yes. We in the corrections profession sometimes come across this sad level of institutionalization.

Posted by: Truman North at December 28, 2011 01:28 PM (I2LwF)

153 They were pretty, and probably expensive, but the last thing I would buy for myself is expensive rocks.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at December 28, 2011 05:26 PM (w67cw)

There is the difference. Women are totally into expensive rocks.

Posted by: maddogg at December 28, 2011 01:28 PM (OlN4e)

154

Ace,

What was the second bad gift story?

Posted by: Brother Bawapitis at December 28, 2011 01:28 PM (2Ynt1)

155 @155 Good for you, and her. Let's just say in my present circumstances, being single again sounds like blissful peace on high.

Posted by: Dave at December 28, 2011 01:28 PM (Xm1aB)

156 @160 lol

Posted by: Dave at December 28, 2011 01:29 PM (Xm1aB)

157 What do you like about ME most, Truman? Besides Cyclops, here...

Posted by: Anthony Wiener at December 28, 2011 01:29 PM (niZvt)

158 Mpfs, the thing I love the most about you besdes your passionate defense of the Jewish people, is your mercurial and euphemistical support of my bizarre lifestyle yearnings. Posted by: Truman North

Kindred spirits I suppose. Hey, I just bought a pink Thumper at the Adult Super Store in Vegas. I figured, why not? It's quiet the diversity of perversity in that place minus the sticky floors.

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 01:30 PM (iYbLN)

159 Anthony, the other thing I like the most about you is that my penis is bigger than yours. And that makes me happy.

Posted by: Truman North at December 28, 2011 01:30 PM (I2LwF)

160

@146

Dude, you ever been married?

Posted by: Dave at December 28, 2011 05:23 PM (Xm1aB)

Heh. That was my first thought.

Posted by: Soona at December 28, 2011 01:30 PM (Lf3dT)

161 Who else, motherfuckers?

Posted by: Truman North at December 28, 2011 01:30 PM (I2LwF)

162 Well, if she'd hit me with a 10lb uncut diamond, that might have been different. I would have sold it though.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at December 28, 2011 01:30 PM (w67cw)

163 My step-grandmother lived in another city and saw us kids about once a year. She never had kids of her own, so she had absolutely no idea what an appropriate gift was. At about age 8 she gave me a set of magnetic letters and numbers; the kind of thing you use when you're maybe 4 years old and learning to read. I was a bit insulted (8-year-olds have powerful egos), but shrugged it off.

The next year she gave me a 35mm single-lens reflex konica camera. The kind of thing an adult would use. I understood enough to understand that I should put it away carefully for about five years, at which point I had a great camera and could use it.

Posted by: Trimegistus at December 28, 2011 01:30 PM (rCEvh)

164 Grandma, thanks so much for the Soap-on-a-Rope and socks.

Yeah, I get it you old hag.

I love you too.

Now, if you will smooth down those whiskers a bit, I'll give you a peck on the cheek in thanks.

Posted by: GnuBreed at December 28, 2011 01:31 PM (ENKCw)

165 Is anyone else old enough to remember getting a Life Saver box set at school from a beautiful girl in grade school?

You know, I think I would love to be able to go back and live through my entire childhood and adolescence just to see what I missed at the time. I already realize I could have done a lot better with girls if I'd only known what was going on.

Posted by: nickless at December 28, 2011 01:31 PM (MMC8r)

166 Aw Beefy, here's a hanky.

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 01:31 PM (iYbLN)

167 Let's just say in my present circumstances, being single again sounds like blissful peace on high

My heart goes out to you. I've been in some bad relationships prior to marrying and have witnessed many friends through the years go through hell.

I really wish we humans did a better job at selecting our mates.

I'm convinced meeting mine was divine providence.

Posted by: Scott J at December 28, 2011 01:32 PM (KC2BE)

168 I am not really one who cares about gifts in general. I don't have anything I need and I'm not a gadget person or anything, so there's usually not anything I really want either. So when I do get gifts, I'm usually just grateful that whoever the gift giver is thought about me. One of my favorite gifts is sweater socks. Seriously. They're very nice to wear on my tile floors- which are always cold even in the middle of the summer. So about a month before Christmas I find out I have allergic asthma and so does one of my children. One of the things that sets my allergies off- and always has- and sends me into an asthma attack is really strong perfume and cologne. So, what does my uncle get me? Obsession for women. I really want to be happy that he thought of me at all, because honestly I don't need any gifts. But I kinda wish he hadn't even bothered. I mean, the man knows I'm allergic to this stuff AND he knows my toddler daughter and I both have asthma. I just don't get the thought process there. I'm not pissed or anything. Just kind of flabbergasted. Like, what the hell was he thinking? And now I feel like and ungrateful bitch. Ugh.

Posted by: Mandy P. is hoping for a Texas miracle at December 28, 2011 01:33 PM (qFpRI)

169 One of my aunts got me a set of bagpipes when I was about 4. Of course I had no clue how to play them, and for weeks just made noise akin to cats being tortured. One day my parents just made them disapear.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at December 28, 2011 01:34 PM (w67cw)

170 179 176 Aw Beefy, here's a hanky.

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 05:31 PM (iYbLN)

Eeeeeew, it's all stiff and crunchy!

Posted by: Beefy Meatball

Don't blame me! I got it from Truman.

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 01:34 PM (iYbLN)

171 Oh, hey, here's a question. When picking out a vibrator, do you go by size? My wife has a vibrator that's twelve inches long if it's an inch. Intimidating, honestly.

Posted by: Truman North at December 28, 2011 01:34 PM (I2LwF)

172

Eeeeeew, it's all stiff and crunchy!

Does it have leg holes? I think that's mine...

Posted by: Anthony Weiner at December 28, 2011 01:35 PM (dR2lC)

173 182 Oh, hey, here's a question. When picking out a vibrator, do you go by size? My wife has a vibrator that's twelve inches long if it's an inch. Intimidating, honestly. Posted by: Truman North

It's not length my dear, it's power and girth IYKWIM.

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 01:35 PM (iYbLN)

174

When picking out a vibrator, do you go by size?

Most definitely.

Posted by: Barney Frank at December 28, 2011 01:36 PM (dR2lC)

175 182

It's a plus if it looks like Rick Perry.

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 01:36 PM (iYbLN)

176 No bad gifts. It's a GIFT. If you don't want it, quietly get rid of it later. Someone spent their hard-earned money on YOU - be it 5 cents or 5 thou. I was grateful for everything, and am truly appalled at all those "fuck mom/fuck dad" tweets. Thank God I didn't give birth to a pack of parasites.

Posted by: kathysaysso at December 28, 2011 01:36 PM (ZtwUX)

177 I'm not pissed or anything. Just kind of flabbergasted. Like, what the hell was he thinking? And now I feel like and ungrateful bitch. Ugh.

Maybe the perfume counter was by the door and he was thinking "Get me the fuck outta here". Most men hate to shop and the need to be done just overpowered the want to be thoughtful.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at December 28, 2011 01:37 PM (tf9Ne)

178

When picking out a vibrator, do you go by size?

...it's power and girth

Circumference we much!

Posted by: Al Sharpton at December 28, 2011 01:37 PM (dR2lC)

179 On the flip side one of the BEST gifts I ever got was an iPaq way back in 2001.

I'd wanted one all year and just resigned myself it wasn't in the budget.

Then wifey hands me her present and I unwrap to find it. She'd managed somehow to get the thing without me getting a clue. We don't normally do big purchases without consulting one another and doing much planning.

I finally got around to one-upping that with a three stone diamond ring at our 15 year anniversary last year.

Posted by: Scott J at December 28, 2011 01:37 PM (KC2BE)

180 Obsession is a most powerful perfume. When I smell it I just start sneezing at can't stop. I can't stand the stuff. I worked with someone who practically bathed in it.

I'm a Chanel No. 5 kinda gal. Always have been.

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 01:38 PM (iYbLN)

181 One of my aunts got me a set of bagpipes when I was about 4. Of course I had no clue how to play them, and for weeks just made noise akin to cats being tortured.

One day my parents just made them disapear.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at December 28, 2011 05:34 PM (w67cw)

Did you keep the plaid skirt?

Posted by: Soona at December 28, 2011 01:38 PM (Lf3dT)

182 I have a weird gift in my mouth right now...uneasy pause...it's a "D-Day Caramel". Tourist trap candy sold in tins around Normandy. Wife picked up a tin as a stocking stuffer. Creepy, but nice texture.

Posted by: Lincolntf at December 28, 2011 01:39 PM (Qjh0I)

183 Posted by: Buzzsaw at December 28, 2011 05:37 PM (tf9Ne) That is probably the most likely scenario.

Posted by: Mandy P. is hoping for a Texas miracle at December 28, 2011 01:39 PM (qFpRI)

184

When picking out a vibrator, do you go by size?

Horsepower.

Posted by: Sarah Jessica Parker at December 28, 2011 01:40 PM (MMC8r)

185 I'm a Chanel No. 5 kinda gal. Always have been.

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 05:38 PM (iYbLN)

Thumper + Chanel No. 5 = High Maintenance.

Posted by: Soona at December 28, 2011 01:40 PM (Lf3dT)

186 190 On the flip side one of the BEST gifts I ever got was an iPaq way back in 2001.

Hate to tell you, I think it's a Chinese knock-off.

Posted by: Weiner at December 28, 2011 01:41 PM (vI8R6)

187 195, if somewhere private look up f*ckingmachines .com

Posted by: Scott J at December 28, 2011 01:41 PM (KC2BE)

188 Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 05:38 PM (iYbLN) I have a hard time with scents. I'm ok with most deodorants that are lightly scented. But I can't wear perfume at all. It sends me into wheezing fits. The worst scents are the ones that have the tree oils in them. Those do some serious damage to my sinuses.

Posted by: Mandy P. is hoping for a Texas miracle at December 28, 2011 01:42 PM (qFpRI)

189

Thumper + Chanel No. 5 = High Maintenance.

Posted by: Soona

But worth the effort

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 01:42 PM (iYbLN)

190 197, how do you knock off something assembled by slave labor over there anyway?

Posted by: Scott J at December 28, 2011 01:42 PM (KC2BE)

191 I'm not going to ask what a pink thumper is. Nope. Not gonna ask.

Posted by: maddogg at December 28, 2011 01:42 PM (OlN4e)

192 198 195, if somewhere private look up f*ckingmachines .com
Posted by: Scott J

WHAT?

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 01:43 PM (iYbLN)

193 I'm not going to ask what a pink thumper is. Nope. Not gonna ask.

Silly. Thumper was in Bambi.

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 01:44 PM (iYbLN)

194 I have a hard time with scents

Don't ever take a job in banking. Seems that there's some requirement that anyone of rank who is female must marinate in perfume.

Posted by: Scott J at December 28, 2011 01:44 PM (KC2BE)

195 I can't stand women who seem like they've been dipped in perfume. Its like...are they trying to hide the stench from some weird asian coochie rot or something?

Posted by: Purple Avenger at December 28, 2011 01:44 PM (w67cw)

196 I'm not going to ask what a pink thumper is. Nope. Not gonna ask.

Posted by: maddogg at December 28, 2011 05:42 PM (OlN4e)

Google it. She made the rest of us do it.

Posted by: Soona at December 28, 2011 01:44 PM (Lf3dT)

197 I'm not going to ask what a pink thumper is. Nope. Not gonna ask.

Since you won't ask I will. Is it like the energizer bunny but pink?

Posted by: Buzzsaw at December 28, 2011 01:44 PM (tf9Ne)

198 208
You're getting close.

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 01:45 PM (iYbLN)

199 alexthechick would know. I'd bet money on it.

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 01:45 PM (iYbLN)

200 MPFS @203, think pink thumper mounted on the mechanism of a sawzall.

Posted by: Scott J at December 28, 2011 01:45 PM (KC2BE)

201 211

Holy shit!!!

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 01:46 PM (iYbLN)

202 I think it's a Chinese knock-off. Posted by: Weiner at December 28, 2011 05:41 PM (vI8R6) Chinese knock-offs? Better get used to them. I think ron paul is one

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 28, 2011 01:46 PM (eCnLg)

203 Silly. Thumper was in Bambi.

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 05:44 PM (iYbLN)

Really? Well I've shot and gutted many a Bambi but I never came across one....

Posted by: maddogg at December 28, 2011 01:46 PM (OlN4e)

204 You're getting close.

So it either uses batteries or is a Stuffed pink bunny?

Posted by: Buzzsaw at December 28, 2011 01:46 PM (tf9Ne)

205 214 Silly. Thumper was in Bambi.

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 05:44 PM (iYbLN)

Really? Well I've shot and gutted many a Bambi but I never came across one....

Posted by: maddogg

I just reread my post. That didn't come out right....

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 01:47 PM (iYbLN)

206 Maybe DeWalt needs to get into the sex toys business. Those sales would probably overtake any construction tool business.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at December 28, 2011 01:48 PM (w67cw)

207 212, running to Lowe's I take it?

Posted by: Scott J at December 28, 2011 01:48 PM (KC2BE)

208 2 cans of peanut brittle from my sister, who knows damn well that I am diabetic...

Posted by: navybrat at December 28, 2011 01:48 PM (B3So2)

209 218 212, running to Lowe's I take it?
Posted by: Scott J

No way!

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 01:49 PM (iYbLN)

210 So it either uses batteries or is a Stuffed pink bunny?

Posted by: Buzzsaw at December 28, 2011 05:46 PM (tf9Ne)

Look into her eyes. Let your mind go.

Posted by: Quatro at December 28, 2011 01:49 PM (Lf3dT)

211 2 cans of peanut brittle from my sister, who knows damn well that I am diabetic... Posted by: navybrat at December 28, 2011 05:48 PM (B3So2) My sister told me she is depressed and the only reason she does not put a bullet thru her head is because she does not want me to get all my mother's money. Oh she's a compassionate liberal also

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 28, 2011 01:51 PM (eCnLg)

212 Chia Obama Fro.

Posted by: giftogab at December 28, 2011 01:53 PM (SPVfc)

213 198 195, if somewhere private look up f*ckingmachines .com Posted by: Scott J at December 28, 2011 05:41 PM (KC2BE) I can only assume it's a Dodge dealership site...(?)

Posted by: Anthony Wiener at December 28, 2011 01:53 PM (niZvt)

214 Well it wasn't a Christmas gift, but it was a graduation gift:
When I graduated from college (the second time), I received from my grandma a nice embroidered blanket with my name on it and my class year.
Except my name was spelled wrong.

Posted by: chemjeff at December 28, 2011 01:53 PM (s7mIC)

215 @222 I guess some people need something to live for.

Posted by: Dave at December 28, 2011 01:53 PM (Xm1aB)

216 Posted by: Sarah Jessica Parker at December 28, 2011 05:40 PM (MMC8r)
Does the charger require 220 Vac?

Posted by: Hrothgar at December 28, 2011 01:54 PM (i3+c5)

217 My sister told me she is depressed and the only reason she does not put a bullet thru her head is because she does not want me to get all my mother's money.

Tell her you feel her pain and it makes you smile.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at December 28, 2011 01:56 PM (tf9Ne)

218 My sister told me she is depressed and the only reason she does not put a bullet thru her head is because she does not want me to get all my mother's money. Tell her you feel her pain and it makes you smile. Posted by: Buzzsaw at December 28, 2011 05:56 PM (tf9Ne) I was thinking of buying her a gun

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 28, 2011 01:57 PM (eCnLg)

219 Off, Wiener sock.

Posted by: CoolCzech at December 28, 2011 01:57 PM (niZvt)

220 My sister once got my sister-in-law a "shelf" for christmas. By that I mean a 2*4. Same sister got married a few years ago, and didn't invite any of the immediate family (well, she called me a week before and asked if I'd travel 1000 miles to attend). But gave my brother/sister-in-law, parents, and me the same framed photo of the wedding party for Xmas. When I saw what was happening, I didn't unwrap mine, and just retagged it and gave it back to her the next year.

Posted by: Doc at December 28, 2011 01:57 PM (XECOp)

221 Quite a while ago a friend gave me an electronic tabletop game from Radioshack. Something to do with submarine battles - intended for kids 8 and above. I was over 30 at the time. The unopened box remains in a closet. I still don't know wtf he was thinking.

Posted by: Comrade Arthur at December 28, 2011 02:06 PM (CLIf7)

222 214 Silly. Thumper was in Bambi.

Posted by: mpfs at December 28, 2011 05:44 PM (iYbLN)

Really? Well I've shot and gutted many a Bambi but I never came across one....

Posted by: maddogg at December 28, 2011 05:46 PM (OlN4e)

No dumbass, you don't shoot Bambi!

You shoot Bambi's mother.

Posted by: buzzion at December 28, 2011 02:08 PM (GULKT)

223 This Christmas I got a DVD called CAROL CHRISTMAS. It stars Tory Spelling, Gary Coleman and William Shatner. It is a remake of The Christmas Carol. It is SOOOOOO bad that you gotta watch it. Tory plays herself (a bitch) and Shat ner is the ghost of Christmas Present. He rocks. It is a must see train wreck.

Posted by: giftogab at December 28, 2011 02:09 PM (SPVfc)

224 I have a weird gift in my mouth right now...

Posted by: Lincolntf at December 28, 2011 05:39 PM (Qjh0I)

Wow...can't believe no one picked up on this and ran with it.

Posted by: Hoss Fuentes at December 28, 2011 02:12 PM (zpgiG)

225 I once got a backpack that was a Sesame Street Elmo stuffed animal. I took it to a white elephant after Christmas party and it was the hit of the party. One man's trash.... .

Posted by: snowcrash at December 28, 2011 02:21 PM (w3YD7)

226

235

You can lead a Hoss to water, but you can't make him quip.

Posted by: Lincolntf at December 28, 2011 02:23 PM (Qjh0I)

227 How about gifts that you gave someone that were a much bigger hit than you expected them to be?

I came across a great deal on a WWII silk escape map of Italy and gave it to my sil whose father was a bombardier in B17s over Europe. She was still thanking me three months later.

Posted by: Retread at December 28, 2011 02:25 PM (joSBv)

228 I have a magic perfume that seems to put people in a good mood. And I catch people sidling up to me. It's very odd. I save it for when I need to manipulate an outcome.

Posted by: SarahW at December 28, 2011 02:36 PM (LYwCh)

229 Say, I'm kinda new to this, and I love reading all the comments, very funny, but by the time I get to the post and then read them all, it seems like things are just winding down and everyone is getting tired and stuff.

It's like going to a party and by the time I get there, everyone is already drunk.

Do you guys have jobs?

Posted by: Greg at December 28, 2011 02:49 PM (MDQQ7)

230 I once got an orange for christmas from my folks. we were poor.

Posted by: Mina at December 28, 2011 02:55 PM (Q1YZK)

231 Do you guys have jobs?

Posted by: Greg

hahahahahahaha

Posted by: the Butcher at December 28, 2011 03:18 PM (8g9qq)

232 More tragic than funny.

Posted by: sTevo at December 28, 2011 03:31 PM (wQffG)

233 Don't remember getting bad gifts but have given some really bad ones. Gave my Mom a Deep Purple album, because I wanted it. Later gave her a can opener, which she still complains about. Gave my older brother a biography of Tolstoy, and he doesn't even read. Have no idea what I was thinking with that one.

Posted by: waelse1 at December 28, 2011 04:10 PM (1M81x)

234 This is not the worst Christmas present, because I can't think of any bad gifts, but...when I was in my early 20's & home for Thanksgiving my took me shopping and asked me to point out a pair of earrings I liked (she prefers input over getting an unwanted gift). So I pointed out my choice and then helped her select another pair for my older sister. On Christmas morning we opened our gifts and I discovered that mom had mixed up the gifts. Not wanting to offend my mom, I discretely mentioned the mix-up to my sister and asked her if she would trade. Not only did she refuse, she complained about all of the times I've gotten "better" gifts and the times I was more favored by my mother (it was scary how far back her memory of perceived slights extended). I learned my lesson - never, ever do anything but accept a gift graciously.

Posted by: Liz at December 28, 2011 04:51 PM (4Z5WH)

235 Nice commentary. last thirty days I uncovered this internet site and desired to permit you be conscious that iÂ’ve been gratified, heading via your siteÂ’s posts. I should certainly be signing equally as much as the RSS feed and can wait around for another post.

Posted by: Finding Your Way in a Wild New World ePub at December 28, 2011 06:21 PM (ZNTwe)

236 I don't get bad gifts, I give them. In fact I pride myself on giving the tackiest gift to cousin Pete every year. This year I gave him an autographed copy of Jerry Sandusky's autobiography, entitled "Touched." No joke. You should've seen his face. It was awesome.

Posted by: Average Jen at December 28, 2011 06:40 PM (LnCi3)

237

Worst gift I didn't get. I have three older brothers and for Christmas one year my dad got them a second hand, huge slot car track and about a dozen slot cars. It was for the boys. They went crazy and I was left with a fucking Barbie Doll case or something. I felt so hurt and left out. Cry for me.

That felt good. Thanks!

Posted by: starlj at December 28, 2011 06:45 PM (JIQli)

238

Last! I should know not to bare my heart after the spam starts.

Well...maybe that's not so bad.

Posted by: starlj at December 28, 2011 06:55 PM (JIQli)

239 December 28, 1971, a day that shall live in infamy, Bride and I eloped to LV to get married. Best gift ever. I give her all my money, I get everything I want.

I wanted a Ruger 22/45 for Christmas this year, went to the LGS, bought it. Threaded 4 1/4" barrel. Son number last and I will take it, the Ruger Standard, the MK II, maybe the Buckmark, and the S&W M17 to the range Saturday.

Tonight, Bride and I celebrated in a hi-dollar resturant* at the John Wayne Marina. To my eyes, she was the hottest babe in the place. A gift, if you will, that keeps on giving.

*can never spell that word right. who cares, right?

Posted by: The guy who doesn't know his nic at December 28, 2011 08:48 PM (Onw8c)

240 A friend gave me a copy of "The Big Necessity: The Unmentionable World of Human Waste and Why It Matters". It wasn't a gag gift. * shrugs *

Posted by: Mrs. Crankipants at December 29, 2011 04:54 AM (GHQBY)

241

Tie:

When I was about 8 I got "The Best of Bread" album.

More recently, a boxed set of Oprah dvds...which I promptly returned.

Posted by: Concrete Girl at December 29, 2011 08:27 AM (YuRd6)

242 All I got this year was a Nancy Pelosi BJ...

Posted by: B.H. Obama at December 29, 2011 08:31 AM (CRDXw)

243

www.genset-china.com