January 10, 2011
— SPADES-OF: ACE Two weeks ago I witnessed a crime in progress. That crime was plagiarism, and the culprits were Natalie Portman and David Aronofsky. I was aghast as I witnessed a nearly shot-for-shot swipe of another, better movie, and one beloved by me.
Here's the plot of Black Swan: A performer/athlete is technically gifted, beautiful in movement, and virtuous -- and virginal -- in personal character. This Black Swan must compete for top honors with a "Black Swan," who represents the dark side of humanity, the id, the demiurge, the primal and the sexual, and whose style of performance is more free-flowing, unrestrained, and, ultimately, better appreciated.
The "White Swan" ultimately finds that triumph cannot come by beating the "Black Swan," but only by fusing with the "Black Swan," synthesizing control and abandon, caution and recklessness, order and chaos, and sexual restraint and a hungry, all-devouring sexual urge. The climax comes in the film's final moments, which featrures, in rapid succession, a shocking crime, a tour de force maneuver involving tight spinning, representing the ultimate fusion of super-ego and id , and, after this moment of triumph, the true triumph-- that of escape.
Does any of this sound vaguely familiar? Of course it does.

Blades of Glory (2007), the mind-bending psycho-sexual thriller by Josh Gordon and Bill Speck, explored the duality and dilemma of human nature, the dark and the light, in the context of the high-stress world of competitive figure skating. The auteurs Gordon/Speck explored the ice-cold, ice-hard world of figure skating, going beyond the pretty image presented to the public, to reveal the dark heart of the sport and the hidden turmoils within those who practice it.

Chazz Michael-Michaels, the first and only "Black Swan."
The Black Swan script does not even attempt to hide the cinematic crime it's committing. Compare the following text from Black Swan, in which the cruel director Tomas inquires about Nina/the White Swan's sexual inexperience...
Thomas Leroy: So, you got a boyfriend?
Nina: No.
Thomas Leroy: And you've had many in the past?
Nina: A few but no one serious.
Thomas Leroy: You're not a virgin are you?
Nina: [nervously] No.
Thomas Leroy: So there is nothing to be embarrassed about.
...with this virtually beat-for-beat identical passage from Blades of Glory, in which Chazz, the Black Swan, mocks Jimmy for not understanding the sexual nature of his (Chazz's) technique:
Jimmy: That was disgusting.Chazz: THAT, young man, is how babies are made.
Both Blades of Glory and its imitator Black Swan flirt with the idea of homosexual attraction between competitors. Compare:
Lily: Wait, did you have some sort of lezzy wet dream about me?
Nina: [whispers] Stop it.
Lily: Oh my God? Oh my God! You did! You fantasized about me!
Nina: Shut up!
Lily: [gasps] Was I good?
with:
Coach: What do you two have that other skaters don't?Chazz (raising hand, confidently): Twin dongs.
Coach: Exactly.
Both films underline the physical hardship of top-level competition, and feature the presence of a domineering, driven parent -- in Black Swan, Nina's mother pushes her into isolation, and there is a nasty, and somewhat gory, shot of Nina's foot breaking under the strain of placing her full weight upon a single toe. Whereas Blades of Glory features this stronger, more compelling revelation about the perils of having a stage-parent:
Jimmy: When I was eight, my dad had me get a circumcision to minimalize air resistance.

The triumphant fusion of Bacchanalian revel
with Apollonian discipline -- done right the first time.
Both films are about the duality of the human nature, and the need to balance the super-ego with the vital id. Compare Black Swan:
Coach: The truth is when I look at you all I see is the white swan. Yes you're beautiful, fearful, and fragile. Ideal casting. But the black swan? It's a hard fucking job to dance both.
Nina: I can dance the black swan, too.
Coach: Really? In 4 years every time you dance I see you obsessed getting each and every move perfectly right but I never see you lose yourself. Ever! All that discipline for what?
With the superior treatment in Blades of Glory...
Coach: Chazz, you can't go it alone! No lone wolf out there! And Jimmy, don't be afraid to improvise!
In far fewer words but infinitely more dramatic depth, Blades of Glory summarizes the key thematic opposition of Black Swan.
But the similarities are not constrained to mere plot and dialogue -- no, the key visuals of Blades of Glory are shamelessly appropriated for the thief-film Black Swan. Both films play with the idea of apotheosis into a great bird pregnant with symbolic heft. Black Swan of course fixates on the image of the swan, whereas Jimmy McElroy begins the film as a peacock:

The Black Swan can only build to the
mindblowing imagery Blades of Glory assumes from the outset.
While some praise Aronofsky for his "inventiveness" in the swan motif, few seem to remember the unbridled joy they first felt upon seeing Jimmy McElroy's "galloping peacock."
Having watched both films recently, virtually identical in all respects, I confess that at this point have trouble distinguishing between them. I cannot remember from which movie comes the line "You all have had the chance and the privilege to be enchanted, transported, and even sometimes devastated by the performances of this true artist of our company," and from which comes "Great! That'll give me time to wax my jugs!"
Or which film featured an Ecstacy-fueled debauch, and which featured a man vomiting inside a wizard costume, or which an ice princess, and which an "ice-devouring sex-tornado."
Or which film contained the bloodcurling cry, upon seeing a beloved sports mascot wounded by a crossbow bolt: "Snowflake!!!"
It is shocking in this day and age that such shameless stealing can pass not only unremarked by the critical audience, but in fact be rewarded. Or that the true innovator should be shunned as inferior while its imitator receives the accolades.
While some ineffectual, arch dialogue about sexuality is cause for critical celebration in Black Swan, true insights about the Demiurge of sexuality are entirely ignored from Blades of Glory. Savage, sudden bursts of true insight like this:
Chazz: I was just trying to find some peace. A haven, a place where I could feel safe... she was my yoga instructor. So I know she was limber. [H]er friend, a massage therapist walked in the door naked... With a big bottle of canola oil and a monkey who was trained to work on a video camera.And she rocked my world.
Black Swan may rack up the awards, but Blades of Glory will always have something its pale imitation does not: A monkey trained to work on a video camera.
Funny: "Boner-killing!," rave the reviewers.
Posted by: SPADES-OF: ACE at
06:32 PM
| Comments (137)
Post contains 1137 words, total size 8 kb.
Posted by: Banjo at January 10, 2011 06:38 PM (nnZ5F)
Posted by: steevy at January 10, 2011 06:39 PM (4Ue2R)
After watching Blades of Glory, the best you can hope for is making yourself some microwave Mac-and-cheese.
Posted by: Waterhouse at January 10, 2011 06:40 PM (yMONZ)
Seriously though, what did you think of Black Swan? Neither my girlfriend nor I were that impressed with it at the end. The cinematography was pretty marvelous, but ultimately it played out as a ridiculously screechy (and thoroughly implausible) melodrama. Most overrated movie of the year, IMO.
Both of us are also getting pretty fucking tired of the Grand Meaninglessness of these sorts of movies, too.
By the way, you want to know what the most shockingly, unexpectedly entertaining movie of the year was? You'll never guess. It was a documentary. Joan River: A Piece Of Work.
Totally. Not. Joking. It turns out that she's an outrageously funny comedian, a complete exception to the normally ironclad rule that Women Aren't Funny.
Again, I shit you not. And as a student of comedy, Ace, I think you'll be particularly interested.
Posted by: Jeff B. at January 10, 2011 06:43 PM (NjYDy)
Speaking of Bill Fichtner and his awesomeness, I cannot wait to see him in this.
Posted by: alexthechick at January 10, 2011 06:44 PM (bQ5xy)
Dude, did you actually see this with a girlfriend/wife? Let me tell you, sex is the LAST thing she's going to feel like when it's over. All the softcore lesbian stuff is kinda-sorta cancelled out by the intensely upsetting Cronenberg-esque body horror.
Posted by: Jeff B. at January 10, 2011 06:45 PM (NjYDy)
Posted by: Orson Welles at January 10, 2011 06:47 PM (5qJM5)
Posted by: eman at January 10, 2011 06:47 PM (0aJSF)
Awesome. Absolutely spot-on with that fake ad. Pretty much exactly what I thought throughout the movie myself.
Posted by: Jeff B. at January 10, 2011 06:49 PM (NjYDy)
She has the emotional range of a comatose patient.
Posted by: Rocks at January 10, 2011 06:51 PM (WxagK)
Posted by: eman at January 10, 2011 06:53 PM (0aJSF)
Posted by: alexthechick at January 10, 2011 06:54 PM (bQ5xy)
Posted by: Guy Fawkes at January 10, 2011 06:54 PM (xQAv5)
What?!
What about her earthshaking portrayal of Padme in the Prequels?
She acted her ass off!
"Pwincesses down't wike weapons! Ewww."
Posted by: ¤§EZB§¤ at January 10, 2011 06:56 PM (fa9yq)
Posted by: humphreyrobot at January 10, 2011 06:57 PM (EiH7n)
Posted by: eman at January 10, 2011 10:53 PM (0aJSF)
That would be about right as she has no ass....or tits for that matter.
Posted by: Rocks at January 10, 2011 06:57 PM (WxagK)
I showed Blades of Glory to my wife last month, who had never seen it. She was laughing so hard it was truly a treat to see her reactions.
My favorite part is the "man on the street" reactions to a male-male couples team and the hot dog vendor holds up a bun with two weiners inside it: "Does that look right to you?"
She about pissed herself at the North Korean lopping the head off his partner doing the Iron Lotus.
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at January 10, 2011 06:58 PM (lGFXF)
Posted by: Shoppy at January 10, 2011 06:59 PM (Z12xM)
Posted by: Guy Fawkes at January 10, 2011 06:59 PM (xQAv5)
"I don't ever think I've experienced the sensation of blood rushing out of my penis and back up into my body before."
Priceless!
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at January 10, 2011 07:01 PM (lGFXF)
The Hobo liver that inspired this must have been potent.
It might be best to dry the leftover bits and keep them for special occasions.
Posted by: garrett at January 10, 2011 07:02 PM (lB6Z2)
Blades did have cute costumes though!
Posted by: ¤§EZB§¤ at January 10, 2011 07:02 PM (fa9yq)
She acted her ass off!
Posted by: eman at January 10, 2011 10:53 PM (0aJSF)
Honestly? She was probably the best actor in the prequels.
I mean, watching Liam Neeson, was like watching Lebron James playing wheelchair basketball, but still...
Posted by: AmishDude at January 10, 2011 07:03 PM (BvBKY)
Posted by: Jar-Jar at January 10, 2011 07:06 PM (0aJSF)
Posted by: humphreyrobot at January 10, 2011 07:06 PM (EiH7n)
Posted by: Quote from the wrong movie guy at January 10, 2011 07:06 PM (xQAv5)
Posted by: humphreyrobot at January 10, 2011 07:08 PM (EiH7n)
Posted by: rdbrewer at January 10, 2011 07:09 PM (ypYKp)
Posted by: Anakin Skywalker at January 10, 2011 07:10 PM (lGFXF)
If Ace gives a really, really, really long review of Black Swan by comparing it, dialogue-by-dialogue excerpt, to a Will Ferrell movie, then Ace has lost it.
Ace gave a really, really, really long review of Black Swan by comparing it, dialogue-by-dialogue excerpt, to a Will Ferrell movie.
Therefore, Ace has lost it.
Posted by: Randall Hoven at January 10, 2011 07:11 PM (zQupx)
Posted by: Shoppy at January 10, 2011 07:12 PM (Z12xM)
I'm terrified of my dream that Padme will die. I'll do anything to prevent that, up to and including CHOKING HER TO DEATH MYSELF.
Holy SHIT George Lucas is one underappreciated genius.
Posted by: Anakin Skywalker at January 10, 2011 07:12 PM (lGFXF)
Posted by: Caiwyn at January 10, 2011 07:12 PM (pjDQX)
A finer example of damning with faint praise I have not seen in ages...
Posted by: Additional Blond Agent at January 10, 2011 07:13 PM (SHKl9)
You're new here, aren't you?
Posted by: Jeff B. at January 10, 2011 07:14 PM (NjYDy)
If Ace gives a really, really, really long review of Black Swan by comparing it, dialogue-by-dialogue excerpt, to a Will Ferrell movie, then Ace has lost it.
You're new here, aren't you?
The only thing that would have made this post better is if it was a double. Heh!
Posted by: runningrn at January 10, 2011 07:16 PM (ihSHD)
My sincerest contrafibbularities on the state of your cromulosity...
Posted by: Edmund Blackadder at January 10, 2011 07:16 PM (SHKl9)
back from Tucson - into a snowstorm!
man I wish I was back in Arizona
heh liked your review of Black Swan
actually, wasn't there an SNL skit somewhat like this on Saturday?
Posted by: chemjeff at January 10, 2011 07:17 PM (PaSAU)
The prequels had pretty much no redeeming qualities, but I'd actually have to say that the guy who played Palpatine was the best actor in any of the prequels. At the very least, he was the only one who seemed to be having any fun.
Posted by: Jeff B. at January 10, 2011 07:17 PM (NjYDy)
Posted by: OF-SPADES: ACE at January 10, 2011 07:19 PM (nj1bB)
okay, but were there (a) boobies, and/or (b) shit getting blown up?
Posted by: chemjeff at January 10, 2011 07:21 PM (PaSAU)
Blades of Glory, however, was fucking hilarious. I had a good giggle, learned nothing, and walked away. Rather like every other Will Ferrell movie...
Posted by: specious at January 10, 2011 07:22 PM (KV25a)
WTF is wrong with you??? For shame!!
Posted by: Portnoy at January 10, 2011 07:22 PM (azgo2)
Posted by: humphreyrobot at January 10, 2011 07:22 PM (EiH7n)
Posted by: alexthechick at January 10, 2011 07:23 PM (bQ5xy)
Posted by: Quote from Ice Castles at January 10, 2011 07:23 PM (xQAv5)
Posted by: OF-SPADES: ACE at January 10, 2011 07:24 PM (nj1bB)
Posted by: humphreyrobot at January 10, 2011 07:26 PM (EiH7n)
Seriously, her point was well taken - she's a very arty person herself, very interested in the sorts of intellectual concepts addressed in the film, and yet she couldn't connect at all with it precisely because it rang so goddamn false from a female perspective. In her words, "this is a guy pretending to know what would motivate a woman in this situation." All the lesbian sexual motifs, the body-horror stuff...it's a set of uniquely masculine obsessions, not the sorts of stuff that a ballet dancer (or any stressed/psychotic/delusional female artist) would actually be driven by. Therefore, at the end of the movie, she was left with nastily counterfeit taste in her mouth.
Posted by: Jeff B. at January 10, 2011 07:27 PM (NjYDy)
Posted by: humphreyrobot at January 10, 2011 07:29 PM (EiH7n)
Actually, wait, that was me.
Sorry, I couldn't help it, I realize I'd set that one up unintentionally.
Posted by: Jeff B. at January 10, 2011 07:29 PM (NjYDy)
Posted by: OF-SPADES: ACE at January 10, 2011 07:30 PM (nj1bB)
Thank goodness it's not just me. I really liked it, mainly because they actually went through with the logical conclusion of the story.
Posted by: alexthechick at January 10, 2011 07:32 PM (bQ5xy)
Posted by: Sheriff Pudlick at January 10, 2011 07:32 PM (ypYKp)
Have you seen Bad Lieutenant II: Port Of Call New Orleans? Because that is right up your fucking alley in a major way. I absolutely adored it, and it's Cage at his most inspiredly batshit-loony. Maybe even better than Vampire's Kiss, which is another ridiculously underrated Nicholas Cage movie.
I pretty much love anything he does. Whenever he wants to sell his special brand of ultra-committed crazy, I'm in line for buyin'.
Posted by: Jeff B. at January 10, 2011 07:34 PM (NjYDy)
Posted by: eman at January 10, 2011 07:35 PM (0aJSF)
Can do without the over pretentious Black Swan.
Posted by: shibumi at January 10, 2011 07:35 PM (OKZrE)
Posted by: Dr Spank at January 10, 2011 07:36 PM (1fB+3)
But on the other hand, Raising Arizona is probably one of the 10 best movies ever made.
Posted by: Portnoy at January 10, 2011 07:38 PM (azgo2)
Posted by: EmilyM. at January 10, 2011 07:38 PM (zH0Mn)
Posted by: Portnoy at January 10, 2011 07:40 PM (azgo2)
This thread is a great way to blow off some steam after all the bullshit in the media today, BTW. Much better than another stupid ONT.
Posted by: Jeff B. at January 10, 2011 07:41 PM (NjYDy)
Posted by: OF-SPADES: ACE at January 10, 2011 07:43 PM (nj1bB)
That Rose Byrne chick, who is
cute, seems to flip out and cause mayhem in every movie she's in. She
damn near destroyed the solar system in Sunshine (which was a really
great movie about why liberals should never be taken on critical
missions).
Posted by: Leftard at January 10, 2011 11:38 PM (G/MYk)
Wow, someone mentioned Sunshine, it's one of my favs and just about the best space movie I've seen.
Posted by: KG at January 10, 2011 07:43 PM (1qER1)
Posted by: ThePaganTemple at January 10, 2011 07:46 PM (g/sVL)
I also love the whole relationship with Chris Evans where Evans' character pretty much despises Murphy's but push come to shove he'll save him first because that's what has to be done.
Dark City is a masterpiece.
Posted by: alexthechick at January 10, 2011 07:48 PM (bQ5xy)
Posted by: Dr Spank at January 10, 2011 07:49 PM (1fB+3)
There's a guy in it with bees on his face going OH GOD NOT THE BEES AGAIN so you'll know it's the bees again, in case you can't see them in the giant fucking close-up of his bee-covered face. And there's not enough beer on the beer planet Planet Beer to make that OK.
I like Nicolas Cage. He's in a lot of bad movies. That one's the worst one.
Posted by: oblig. at January 10, 2011 07:51 PM (x7Ao8)
Posted by: OF-SPADES: ACE at January 10, 2011 07:52 PM (nj1bB)
Yeah, and Roger Ebert gets a lifetime pass from me, no matter how douchey his politics, for being the guy who turned me on that film. Never would have discovered it had it not been for his major advocacy on its behalf.
If you haven't seen it before, PLEASE watch the Director's Cut instead of the original version. It makes one very, very crucial change in the beginning that vastly increases your enjoyment of the film.
Posted by: Jeff B. at January 10, 2011 07:53 PM (NjYDy)
He also punches a girl in the face while in a bear suit. Come on, that's awesome.
Posted by: alexthechick at January 10, 2011 07:54 PM (bQ5xy)
This comment is better than an entire good movie. Thank you.
Posted by: thisheavenlyhell at January 10, 2011 07:55 PM (8uDC8)
Posted by: DavidJ at January 10, 2011 07:55 PM (I75AE)
Oh man, you're gonna LOVE this movie then. It's much more on the "way out there" awesome fun side of things than the "dark serious" side. I can't wait for your review...and I get the feeling you'll want to write a review.
Seriously, it's SO MUCH FUCKING FUN.
Posted by: Jeff B. at January 10, 2011 07:55 PM (NjYDy)
Posted by: OF-SPADES: ACE at January 10, 2011 07:55 PM (nj1bB)
sometimes the Shep must be watched; watching the Shep is part of life, etc
Posted by: UNIT-DESIGNATE: SantaRosaStan at January 10, 2011 07:56 PM (UqKQV)
And it was directed by Werner Herzog.
Posted by: Jeff B. at January 10, 2011 07:57 PM (NjYDy)
Posted by: OF-SPADES: ACE at January 10, 2011 07:58 PM (nj1bB)
Posted by: CrustyB at January 10, 2011 07:58 PM (qzgbP)
You're gonna love it.
Posted by: Jeff B. at January 10, 2011 07:59 PM (NjYDy)
Posted by: eman at January 10, 2011 07:59 PM (0aJSF)
Posted by: garrett at January 10, 2011 08:01 PM (lB6Z2)
Posted by: Jeff B. at January 10, 2011 08:01 PM (NjYDy)
.....except Valley Girl & Matchstick Men
Posted by: UNIT-DESIGNATE: SantaRosaStan at January 10, 2011 08:01 PM (UqKQV)
Posted by: Dr Spank at January 10, 2011 08:01 PM (1fB+3)
( not the members of the cast, but the actors; use math to discern the difference )
Posted by: UNIT-DESIGNATE: SantaRosaStan at January 10, 2011 08:04 PM (UqKQV)
Steve Buscemi in the Lecter cage will never not be faboo.
Posted by: alexthechick at January 10, 2011 08:07 PM (bQ5xy)
Posted by: OF-SPADES: ACE at January 10, 2011 08:07 PM (nj1bB)
Posted by: eman at January 10, 2011 08:12 PM (0aJSF)
Posted by: OF-SPADES: ACE at January 10, 2011 08:21 PM (nj1bB)
Posted by: Waterhouse at January 10, 2011 08:27 PM (yMONZ)
Posted by: eman at January 10, 2011 08:31 PM (0aJSF)
Posted by: Shoppy at January 10, 2011 08:33 PM (Z12xM)
Posted by: eman at January 10, 2011 08:46 PM (0aJSF)
Posted by: rdbrewer at January 10, 2011 08:46 PM (ypYKp)
Posted by: Fallen Sparrow at January 10, 2011 08:47 PM (l48cv)
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at January 10, 2011 09:05 PM (se1K4)
Posted by: Dave C at January 10, 2011 09:29 PM (p13tD)
Posted by: eman at January 10, 2011 09:38 PM (0aJSF)
Posted by: TexasJew
Well, rats do give a ratfuck. That's how they make more little rats. Those rats.
Posted by: Reader C. J. Burch writes... at January 10, 2011 10:35 PM (sJTmU)
Posted by: drunken dialer at January 11, 2011 12:23 AM (SwkdU)
Posted by: CAC at January 11, 2011 12:27 AM (lV4Fs)
Posted by: goldbricker esq at January 11, 2011 12:34 AM (h2t8r)
Posted by: whatever at January 11, 2011 12:57 AM (oqAsw)
Posted by: Sock Puppet 5000 at January 11, 2011 01:01 AM (W58PC)
You laugh,
But I can testify, I cut 3/10ths of a second in the quarter-mile, simply by circumcising my '54 Chevy.
Posted by: franksalterego at January 11, 2011 02:46 AM (qvaB9)
Posted by: Brian at January 11, 2011 03:28 AM (sYrWB)
Posted by: RM at January 11, 2011 03:52 AM (GkYyh)
Posted by: curious at January 11, 2011 05:05 AM (p302b)
Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at January 11, 2011 06:03 AM (IoUF1)
Posted by: shillelagh at January 11, 2011 06:22 AM (Oz4Bj)
Posted by: Doctor Simplicity at January 11, 2011 06:24 AM (Fs5+k)
Posted by: moviegique at January 11, 2011 09:07 AM (1y5Vr)
Ace, you da man! I haven't laughed this hard in days.
And yeah, I own "Blades of Glory" and have watched it more times than I care to admit.
Posted by: Kathy from Kansas at January 11, 2011 09:35 AM (yJlU8)
Posted by: Tibia at January 11, 2011 12:14 PM (R/42U)
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Posted by: China-store at January 10, 2011 06:36 PM (y4983)