1

Sounds familiar?

 

2 Snap, is he using negro dialect yo?

3 High Speed Rail is your only hope.

4 Take a a 10 grand loan so you can invest in a 2000 dollar suit and rent a Lexus for a month. It will pretty much pay for itself during future job interviews, cause you know what they say you dress for the job you want not the job you have. Fuck it go buy a real live astronaut suit and aplly to Nasa.

5 You forgot about making critical investments into your high-tech communication capabilities by hacking into your neighbor's wireless router with the login "root" and password "admin".

6 Winner!

7 4 He could just wear a burkha.

8 No Valu-Rite or pudding subsidies? These are the truly important things that you don't want to lose sight of.

9 Sounds like a winner.

Let me know how that works out for you.

10 I think you should cut these plans by 10%, and have a press conference wherein you thrash the Republican party for not being sufficiently aware of budgetary savings.

11

I s there a new Bond for PS3 that I don't know about?

12 Winnah here!

But where's the investment in high-speed rail?

13 I would add hanging out waiting for free food samples at BJs, Costco, etc. as revenue enhancers.

14 I really wish my dream for restoring fiscal sanity was at all realistic:

Everyone who makes more than 50K/yr just refuse to pay taxes for 2 (or 3) years.

It would take everyone, and it would have to be more than one year.  But if that happened (shaa, right) I bet Washington would finally sit up and notice.

15 Don't forget to freeze spending at levels 40% above your income, so you can tell yourself you're being fiscally sound.  Increased self-esteem and reality-aversion are key ingredients to a return to fiscal sanity.

16

Actually shouldn't be "Ace to the Top."

 

17 Isn't "Race to the Top" the sequel to the "To Serve Man" episode of Twilight Zone?

18 I would also freeze booze and smokes spending at curtain levels by bumming them off of friends.

Remember when they used to pass out free cigarette sample boxes.  It used to be every opening day at Yankee Stadium you could get a whole mess of of 5 Cig sample boxed that were being passed out on your way to the stadium.

19 This plan's so crazy, it just might work!

Also, don't forget that the Keynesian multiplier applies to all of that spending investment, so you'll be saving or creating jobs like a muthafucka!

20

 I really wish my dream for restoring fiscal sanity was at all realistic:

On a similar bent, I always dreamed of a year where all taxpayers put their taxes into an escrow account with the Federal Gov't as the recipient after filing to have the progressive tax code overturned.

21 Part 4: ???

Part 5: Profit!

22 So basically you're going to become Palin Steele?

23 Can't you pimp out Wicket?  That's got to be worth a good fifty a week.  Shadow economy, baby.

24 This shows the deftness of Ace's political savvy.

25 This plan is doomed to fail unless it includes provisions for increased investment in hookers and blow.

26 Wait till all these investments on high-speed trolleys start reaping benefits. Our country will be awash in cash then.

27 You forgot to confiscate my wealth. I'm not paying enough.

28 Ha.. you musta had help putting this together.. I'm thinking it was Marty Blum the accountant from the movie Dave..

29 Proverbs 31:6-7

After last night, I will say that we are well and truly .... 



... pretty much for all time. 

30 Posted by: garrett at January 26, 2011 12:25 PM (6ZLpV)

No more withholding and all taxes due (no deferments or extensions) on Nov 1.

31 30 I'll drink to that.

32 For some reason this reminds me of Red Mage from 8-Bit Theater.

33 It's official...Obama is using troll economics.

34 You just need to copy and paste that as your SF86A and your as good as hired into the Obama administration.

35 Super high speed rail gun trains.

36 Ok, that's it, I'm reporting this website's phone number to flag@whitehouse.com

37 Mr. Spades, just think how much smarter your plan would be if your selfish parents had paid taxes sufficient to spend $20k more per year per pupil on your education.

38 Don't forget to BUY GOLD!!111!!!

39 Posted by: Holger at January 26, 2011 12:30 PM (YxGud)

In fairness, Red Mage's plans would have worked if they'd been tried.

40 You people don't get it. It didn't work in 2009-10 because I didn't speak slowly enough for you wingnuts.

So, the plan for 2011 - I am going to take more of your money, and keep giving it to my friends. I won't call you racists, often, while doing this, so you can thank me.

That is all.

41 I don't know, ace. I've invested here before and all it seems to return is ghey-ass ABBA videos. There is less Warriors content, still no hobocentric Fish and Game report, and I can't remember the last time I saw a busty Japanese girl squeezing herself through a tiny door jamb. I'm going to have to see some financials if you want further funding.

42 On Monday, I spent time discussing the importance of saving money with my 4 year old.

When he asked why I had to save money, I told him that some things are expensive, like cars, and you have to save money so you can pay for one when your old one breaks down.

He said, "But you could just get more money from the bank."

I replied, "The bank doesn't give you free money. The only way to get money is to earn it by working."

He said, "But you could use your credit card if you needed money."

I responded that this was only borrowed money and that you'd still need to pay it back.

So he thought for a bit, then said, "Well. you could just ask the neighbors to give you money."

I told him that they had their own things to pay for and that they probably didn't want to give me their money that they worked hard for.

So he thought some more and said, "They could just give you some of their money, Dad."

And there you have it--left wingers have the mentalities of 4 year olds.

I'll have mine straightened out in a year or two. But liberals? They'll go to their deaths thinking this way,

43 Why are Liberals always fixated on high-speed rail? Because it's popular in Europe, and Europe is "cool"? I'd rather drive myself to my destination.

44 It's a shame about Vanna White, huh?

45 You also need to invest in unreliable expensive power. Buy an Austin-Healey 100, run it on a mixture of walnut oil and toluene, hook it up to a generator, and power your apartment with it.

46
The only thing that's missing is sacrifices.

You know, sacrifices, as in spending freezes.

47 If we had public transportation I could got to the unemployment commission bombed.

48
Spending Freeze = continue the current level debt-spending.

Am I right or wrong?

49 36 Super high speed rail gun trains. Posted by: Buzzsaw at January 26, 2011 12:31 PM (tf9Ne) WOOT!

50

Obamacare must be dismantled and de-funded. Repealed.

Obama conceded that the 1099 book-keeping part of the 2000+ page disaster is a disaster.  But the dems will refuse to budge on any other issue. That's where we must not let up.

the dems want to force insurance companies to provide health care for uninsured - those who have not paid anything so that the rest of us pay more. This is not a sustainable business plan and the dems know it.  They want the private insurance industy to collapse. & the system will collapse. Then, we will be forced into the left's single payer government run system.  ThatÂ’s the leftÂ’s goal – always will be, that will never change.

51 Can we haz medicinal marihucchi yet?

52 You forgot the most important part.  Assemble a bunch of newspaper, some crayons, and your (blunt) scissors, and commence with the quantitative easing.

53 You could also remove all the security features on your web site's "donate" button.  That way you could get unlimited donations in smaller untraceable amounts. 

54 Begin applying for every welfare subsidy in existence so the government will be made aware that I am ready to be invested in and willing -- nay, eager -- to experience my own personal Sputnik Moment.

That may work ace but the Dems have shifted all of that over to the "for the children" campaign so they can say that welfare has been ended.

So you will have t come up with some phony ewok children. Hey you can even take pictures of them so you can claim "disability" and collect from SS as well.

Hell, maybe you can score 80K a year like that woman form Detroit.

55 Sounds like Rush really, really enjoyed Barky's speech last night.

56 Posted by: Warden at January 26, 2011 12:33 PM (V6HDd)

Not to brag (okay, bragging a little), but my 3 yr old already mostly gets it.

He "earns" a quarter for helping us with various tasks (ad hoc, at the moment, when he turns 4 he'll have a list of "chores" for which he'll get "paid").  Not too long ago, he took some of his money to the toy store to buy a toy.  He looked at some puzzle or something that would have cost him almost all of his money, and then looked at a something else where he could get 3 toys and still have money left.

He picked the 3 toys.

He talks about counting his money fairly regularly, and its one of his favorite pass-times.  It warms my cold, capitalist heart.

Posted by: Train Misunderstander at January 26, 2011 12:34 PM (cv5Iw)

Actually, as someone who hates the drive from here to Abilene, I'd like regional (read: funded privately) high-speed rail.  The one in Japan can go nearly over 100 mph (I want to say about 200 mph, but I don't remember the official numbers).  That would shave significant time from going to see my parents, and I wouldn't have to drive.

Nation-wide, federally subsidized rail?  Bad idea.  Think Amtrak at 120 mph.

57 Sputnik sucks.

58

Ace, have you ran any of those great ideas past the Monty?

59 Budget $500 in "stimulus" for "stripper night," then decide instead to return the money to your checking account. Next, invite your mom to a press conference and complain that this "tax cut" hasn't been paid for and is bankrupting you.

Say the words "shovel ready" and "green jobs." Increase stripper night spending to $800 and pat yourself on the back for 73 jobs saved or created.

60 We're bored.

61 The scary part is the people making actual decisions for us wouldn't see the parody.

62 I don't sputnik as quite as readily as I did when I was younger.

63 Sputnik!!!!

64 When odumbass said "May God Bless the United States of America", he said it as an after thought, POS!!!!


Hi guys,

65 Your investments are phony, I see no union jobs saved or created by your investment.

Further, I see your plan will fail because you have neglected the tried and true "spend your way out of bankruptcy."

66 MARCO RUBIO

I SPUTNIKED IN YOUR GARBAGE

67

Sell your Hobo Gall Bladders to Chinese Medicinal Herb Shops.   They love that shit.

68 High speed stagecoaches would create more jobs. More employees per passenger=more jobs.

69 Hi, 'Nam!  Did Barry's speechifying make you feel all warm and tingly last night?  And what are you cooking tonight?

70 Yeah, I wouldn't have minded a high-speed rail system when I was in B'ham so I could shuttle to Montgomery frequently and with less hassle.  More time with friends and family, less time in a crime-ridden sinkhole of a wasteland.

Eventually I finished school and just moved back.  But it would be cool if there were private rail links for these things.  (And to be honest, I'm starting to suspect it's a matter of time before somebody tries it, just to give the craptastic cartel that is the airline industry a thumb in the eye...)

71

Actually, as someone who hates the drive from here to Abilene

But then you wouldn't have your car when you got there. Unless Abilene has a great public transportation of which I am unaware, it would be a pain or expensive.

Oh, I know, we need to invest in Prius rental agencies at train stations. And Jaws of Life for what will happen when they meet up with all the SUVs and pick-ups...

72 No, seriously, that would work. That right there would increase my monies by 50%.

Not really. The taped together smaller halves would have different serial numbers so the bill is not valid. Now you just learned why the serial number is listed twice a bill.

73

Heh!  Funny stuff.

So Ben Stein (who once was mildly funny) and was pimping Barry just a few days ago, was disappointed with our Reverse Jesus's speech last night:

 

It is sadly true. This was painfully apparent in tonight’s speech. It was as if the Bodysnatchers had gotten hold of Mr. Obama and put a sixth grader’s brain in him. There were only a few glimpses of Obama the “intellectual” socialist on display tonight. Mostly, his speech sounded as if it could have been given by any 1958 Republican elementary school student. The problem is that this is not 1958 America…

When Mr. Obama talks about reducing the deficit, it’s almost comical. The changes he proposes are so minuscule in terms of their effect on the budget that it’s as if he is saying he can throw a rock to the moon. This country’s deficit is spectacularly beyond his control. Only really painful surgery — drastic, draconian cuts in Social Security and in Medicare, and wildly higher taxes on upper income people — will come even close to fixing the problem…

One final note: in its lack of eloquence, its complete absence of high points, its elementary school pedagogy, its complete absence of any interesting or memorable phrases, it was possibly the lamest SOTU speech I have ever heard.

 

Bwhahaha!  Buehler?  Buehler?

74 Please note, of course, I'm not fool enough not to know why they don't already exist.  But if current trends continue, someone's bound to make a run at it.  Though my hopes of success of such are minimal.

75
He talks about counting his money fairly regularly, and its one of his favorite pass-times.  It warms my cold, capitalist heart.

That's great. I think that one of the best things a parent can do for his/her kid is to teach him the ins and outs of finance.

And not just balancing checkbooks--stuff like how the stock market works, what bonds are, different types of mutual funds, etc...

If you don't understand this stuff, you're gonna get taken for a ride.It's baffling to me that people I work with will spend hours talking about the most trivial shit, but not spend more than a few minutes figuring out their different 401k options.

I bet not one in 30 people where I work even look at the expense ratios of the different 401k funds available to them, much less what they are and the differences between them.

When I started working a "real" job. my accountant father sat down with me and showed me how dropping $2,000 a year into a Roth IRA at 9% interest compounded annually would grow into more than a million bucks by the time I retired.

That was one of the most valuable lessons he ever taught me. Two bad you can't expect anywhere near that return these days.

76 Oh, I know, we need to invest in Prius rental agencies at train stations.

The eco-fascists and health nazis will team up to make those bicycle rental agencies.

77 Can you say rocket powered rickshaws?

78 70,

I just returned from the coast (38 miles) and bought 40lbs of fresh shrimp off the boat, so it's surf & turf tonight with a nice salad and a 6-pk of tallboys.

79 I wouldn't mind high-speed rail capable of carrying automobiles, between Savannah and Atlanta.  I freakin' hate the ordeal of driving up there and back.  Between Savannah and Macon, it's just mind-numbingly boring.  After Macon, you risk life and limb on the race track into Atlanta.  So there's that.

80 Actually, I have a great idea on how to make high-speed rail a reality.

Make gambling legal in rail cars while in transit.

81

Ace, what about appropriating your neighbor's mail?  Or better yet, go to a better neighborhood than the one you live in, and steal their mail.  It's not like they need the money, after all they're "rich". 

Check washing is a cheap and effective way to make some cash quickly.  All you need is hairspray/alcohol to erase the ink. 

I realize that more people are paying bills online, but old people hate technology.  You just need to find some old, rich people. 

82

Can you say rocket powered rickshaws?

What about the Homeless?

83 I'm going to 'Nam's for dinner tonight. 

84 It is sadly true. This was painfully apparent in tonightÂ’s speech. It was as if the Bodysnatchers had gotten hold of Mr. Obama and put a sixth graderÂ’s brain in him.

Funny, Obama sounded the same as he always has to me.  Not sure who Ben was listening to before.

85

I just returned from the coast (38 miles) and bought 40lbs of fresh shrimp off the boat, so it's surf & turf tonight with a nice salad and a 6-pk of tallboys.

 

Holy cow!  40 lbs!  Nam, how many people are you feeding?

86 I haven't made any plans for dinner. Just sayin.

87 c. Invest in my continuing education in Doctor Who. Since Season Five is available on Amazon at the super-discounted price of $53 and change, I'm almost losing money if I don't buy it. See, again, a., supra.

I can save you some money there.  Just DVR it on BBC America over the next couple of weeks.  Don't have a DVR?  Invest in a dish or cable system for the low price of $100 a month (minimum two year contract). 

88 High-speed rail carrying electric cars from city to city.

If you ignore the fact that this could be catastrophic to places between, that's almost a good idea.  Probably not within a thousand miles of economic feasibility, but hey...

89

Holy cow!  40 lbs!

I hope you are going to make a stock out of all those shells and tails, Nam.

 

90 The Chunnel carries cars.  Just sayin'.

91 Posted by: Mama AJ at January 26, 2011 12:47 PM (XdlcF)

You missed the part where I was visiting my parents.
Since there's not actually anything to do in Abilene, it's not that big a deal to have them pick me up and then just not go anywhere that isn't their house.

I think they'd take the trade for getting to see their grand-kids more often.

Posted by: Warden at January 26, 2011 12:49 PM (V6HDd)

Actually, if you find the right Mutual Funds, you can expect 12 - 15%  It takes some research, but they're still out there.  And, always, look for ones that have met that (or near that) goal for at least the last 15 - 20 years (again, they exist, you just have to search).

92 Stop paying my wasteful, unnecessary, and duplicative cable bill. When they call to terminate my service, I will tell them that "China has my float."

*Note to self-read the whole thing first*

93 84,

All of you are welcome at Chez 'Nam for a meal and drinks when you are in my AO for sure, even Ace himself since he's doing budget cutting.

94 If we already had high speed rails, we could all go to Nam's for dinner. 

95

After Macon, you risk life and limb on the race track into Atlanta. 

I've been out of the big city for too long. Atlanta's freeways scared the heck out of me. The lanes are sooo narrow and the trucks...aren't.

96 "Investments in Competitive Edge aka Ace's "Win the Future" Initiative."

Tell me more about this WTF Initiative.

97 I have got to drag myself out of the house and get all my errands done.  The batteries in my car's key fob died on me the other day.  Had to open the door with the car key, setting off the car alarm.  Hilarity ensued, all the way home.

98 90,

When you buy jumbo's 40 lbs is not like you think, but I will freeze 20lbs and boil the rest.

99 I ride the MARTA  with all the smelly working slobs when I am in the ATL.

100

'Nam Grunt

Good to see you here.

In other news, Charles Johnson is still an insufferable cockholster.

101

There are two reasons that there is limited high speed rail in america.  Population Density, across the board, is low.  Freedom. 

 Trains are terribly inconvenient even when they run on time. 

I believe that the Dems want more public transportation so that the Unions will gain even greater power.  Ever seen France during a Railworkers Strike? 

The entire country grounds to a halt until the Gov't and Union convive and reward eachother for their contrived grievences.

]

102 100,

Must be the same bunch that visits DC in the summer that hag pelosi talks about.

103 Those are all nice ideas ace but I'm just going to ride the high speed trains to easy street.

104 No, seriously, that would work.

Except for the part where the serial numbers on the two "49%" bills wouldn't match.

There's a reason you have to have more than half of the bill, and it isn't 51%.  You have to have all of one serial number and part of the other one.

Other than that, yeah, that would work.

105

b. Set up a "Race to the Top Fund" for my wealthier friends to invest in my continued excellence and competitiveness.

It about time!

Geez louise, I'm glad someone figured out that Ponzi Schemes don't work and that the only reliable path to prosperity is the good old-fashioned Pyramid Scheme.

106 All Roads lead to Nam Grunts BBQ Pit.

107 You'd have to take the two 51% to the bank for the exchange to 100%ers.

The 98%er would have to be given to someone else, since each 49%er would have different serial numbers.  This was commonly known as "pass the queer" since it's nothing more than counterfeiting.

Since I used the word "queer" in this posting I have exposed myself as homophobic.  I hereby ban myself for the next 0.0309 seconds, with an additional 0.0061 seconds involving 15 inquiries.

108 I used to ride MARTA all the time to work (the train, not the dreadful buses).  Also, parking near our house (we lived inside the Perimeter) and taking the train to the airport was a breeze.

Don't miss living in ATL at all, however.  No in-laws in Savannah.

109 Where's the Boone & Crockett Scoring Guidebook, Charts, and Calculator for Trophy Hobos?

You could finance your pron requirements with that alone.

110 Hey, Nam Grunt. I want to buy you a drink someday.

111 101,

Aaaand lover of sucking said cock!

112 111,

This lovable package is 2 drink minimum.

113 We need to arrange a moron meet-up at 'Nam Grunt's.  We all chip in and pay for the food and drink, and take a cooking class from 'Nam.

114

 Make continued necessary investments in my health, to wit, protein incorporation via Five Guys

Oh MY.

 

115 New deficit prediction for 2011 .. $1.6 trillion. Economy meet cliff.

116 A bunch of drunk morons learning to cook.  What could go wrong?

117 114,

Lord knows I have the room and 2 grills, 1 gas 1 wood.

118

There are two reasons that there is limited high speed rail in america.  Population Density, across the board, is low.  Freedom. 

 Trains are terribly inconvenient even when they run on time. 

I believe that the Dems want more public transportation so that the Unions will gain even greater power.  Ever seen France during a Railworkers Strike? 

 

I think I read somewhere that there are only 2 high speed rail systems in the world that aren't in the red.  One in Germany and one in Japan. 

One of the reasons libtards looove trains--they're inefficient and they hemorrhage money.  Oh, and they employ lots of Union workers.

119

Oh MY.

^{Posted by: dananjcon at January 26, 2011 01:04 PM (pr+up)}

^{Yeah, I saw that too.} 

120 Posted by: garrett at January 26, 2011 12:59 PM (6ZLpV)

High-Speed Trains are not the problem.  Government run high-speed trains are the problem.  Also, the implicit requirement to give up your own car.

I've used DART (light rail) here in Dallas, and it's not bad.  When you happen to be going somewhere along the light rail line (and they're expanding) it's faster than traffic and you don't have to worry about finding a parking place in some of the more densely populated commercial areas.

Where it becomes a problem is when people rely solely on DART (the rail and buses) for their transportation.  They're the ones who get screwed if DART fails.  The same would be true of high-speed rail.  Currently, it doesn't work too well over long distances, so it's not going to replace your Trans-continental flight from NYC to LAX, but for shorter distances (say, Houston to Dallas, or Dallas to OKC) it would work pretty well.

If you're going on business, it would make sense to do that and rent a car- you'd get their faster and you could use your company credit-card (presuming you have such a thing) for the Car rental, so your expense report is easier to file.

It's not a panacea, and anyone who says otherwise is smoking something.  But it would be convenient.  I just also think it is not financially feasible, at least, not currently.

121 Bring sleeping bags I can put about 40 inside comfortably and 50 more under the stars. LOL

122 65 When odumbass said "May God Bless the United States of America", he said it as an after thought, POS!!!!

And the way he said it was disjointed too, as if he really didn't believe what he was saying. 

Rush just mentioned that Obama said "the state of our Union is strong" at the end of the SOTU address, while that statement is traditionally stated at the beginning of the speech - as if to not rouse the lib-tards who don't want our union to be strong. 

Greetings, 'Nam.   

123

Oh, and they employ lots of Union workers.

UNITE!

 

124

Posted by: 'Nam Grunt at January 26, 2011 01:02 PM (UE56Z)

Holy shit balls! Nam! where ya been??

 

125

We need to arrange a moron meet-up at 'Nam Grunt's.  We all chip in and pay for the food and drink, and take a cooking class from 'Nam.

 

Heck yeah!  Nam, we'd keep you supplied with beer for a year if you host us all!

126 Since 'Nam is now a naturalized Coonass, he ain't that fur from me anymore.

127 You might want to dial down your expectations before making that ?investment? in Dr Who Series 5. It?s really kind of bad? unfortunately. I never thought that I would agree with the critics who complained that the new Doctor was too young? but it turns out that he does? in fact? seem to be lacking a certain sense of gravitas that probably comes with age. Also, the new girl, despite being ridiculously hot, is annoyig. Imagine that! Uforgivable.

128

You guys are missing out on the bonanza that is volunteering. Remember, you are not being paid so nobody expects you to really work. And there's free stuff everywhere.

I work in a soup kitchen one day a week--free food just lying around and if they catch you eating just tell them you're hungry and this soup kitchen thing is for the hungry. Infallible logic, no?

I do chores for old people one day a week. They leave all kinds of things lying around and they don't really know what their stuff is worth. So even if you aren't comfortable actually stealing things, you can just offer to buy shit cheap. The best is widows with tools--the old man's dead and they haven't a clue what that lathe in the basement is worth.

So give a little of yourselves, why don't you?

 

 

129 125,

Lurking mostly, but fishing and hunting mostly (well I'm the cook at deer camp)

130 Posted by: Kensington at January 26, 2011 01:09 PM (mEyVv)

You sent that from your smart-phone, didn't you?

131 Pork bellies.

132 128 Spellcheck?

133

Also, the implicit requirement to give up your own car.

This is the problem.  Americans, as a whole, won't give up the freedom of movement afforded by the automobile.

Also, it's a lot easier to keep tabs on a populus that can only move through Gov't Sanctioned hubs.  It plays into the 'If only I were a benevolent Dictator' meme that Obama couldn't help but allude to last night.

Look to the future. 

The future is CHINA.

134 My husband has a hilarious, disgusting, yet true story of a coonass client down in LA.  The guy invited D'oh to his house to see his pet coon that he had raised from a baby.  Said he even taught it to poop.  D'oh, recovering his composure, asked him how he accomplished that.  The coonass said, "You have to lick them."  D'oh, picking his jaw up, asked, "Lick them, errrrr, where?"  And the coonass client said, "On their belllies."

D'oh declined the invitation to the dude's house.

135

A bunch of drunk morons learning to cook.  What could go wrong?

 

What are we cooking?  Shish-ke-bobs on swords?  Or anything set on fire with alcohol, like Bananas Foster?  There's a website for that, Flambe and Flaming Recipes, A Guide to Cooking for the Chef/Arsonist.......

136 130 125,

Lurking mostly, but fishing and hunting mostly (well I'm the cook at deer camp)

Posted by: 'Nam Grunt at January 26, 2011 01:09 PM (UE56Z)

Good to hear ya doin well.

 

137 ace, I skimmed the post but, bottom line, if you were educated in the US, then I'm sorry buddy, you just can't do anything, you are just well, compared to the world, severely undereducated, so really don't set any goals cause you will disappoint us and yourself.

138 According to Rush, Obama is stuck on Sputnik. He apparently mentioned it again when he was in Wisconsin. The President just can't let go of his metaphors.

139 kensington.... uh......5 is the best season ever.....and the new dr who.... awesome ....i don't know what you are talking about.......

140

We tried to take MARTA to downtown Atlanta, but couldn't find any parking in or near the station.

So we drove around the station for 10 minutes and then had to drive downtown. Yea environment.

141 141 I fly in, so parking is not an issue.

142 New Doctor Who sucks.

143

The President just can't let go of his metaphors.

He's not only retarded at bowling. 

 I'd love to hear him explain how to score a strike in the 10th frame.

144 At lunch today my WS friend said "why do you guys think China is building all those cities?  They are for people who are fairly wealthy to flee too if they can't stand living in their countries anymore".....the intimation was the US but it wasn't said....I was gobsmacked.

145 I think he mentioned sputnik because he was trying to suck up to his Russian friends. POS!|

146 Also, Social Security is now officially broke.

147

So give a little of yourselves, why don't you?

Posted by: spongeworthy
--------
That was downright heart rending.. *sniff* *sniff*

148 Sputnik is the new car in the ditch.

149 Funny thing, since they expanded the light rail in Portland, OR (The Max) and extended it to the suburbs, crime in the suburbs has increased quite signficantly.  People are getting robbed while they're at work (the thieves take the light rail to their nice homes in the burbs).  Heh!  Unintended consequences and all.

150  ^{They are for people who are fairly wealthy to flee too if they can't stand living in their countries anymore".....the intimation was the US but it wasn't said....I was gobsmacked.}

^{Posted by: curious at January 26, 2011 01:16 PM (p302b)}

Bad Investment.

Liquidity. It's your only answer.

151 The forced austerity of this plan of targeted investments cannot be delayed.  The Chinese guy that lives behind the Circle K has been a reliable buyer of ace's IOUs, but what happens if he gets sick or loses his other foot?  A spending freeze accompanied by a shitload of investments is the only rational way forward.

152

I think I read somewhere that there are only 2 high speed rail systems in the world that aren't in the red.  One in Germany and one in Japan. 

Question, and this is genuine:  how much bank does the Japanese rail system make/lose from so-called "densha otakus" (aka "train geeks")?  I know they swarm all over REGULAR trains in Japan, taking pictures, buying souvenirs (and getting in the way and being train snobs, but any clique'll do that).  Maybe we could pitch our idyllic high speed rail as a series of tourist attractions for the train geeks.  Then maybe we could make a little money.  Not a lot, mind you.  But if we're talking about government-run rail service, making ANY money would be a fricking miracle.

Of course, to that end we could probably pitch our failing post offices as tourist attractions to stamp collectors worldwide, and I don't think that would ever turn a profit.

153

Sputnik is the new car in the ditch.

Tang Slurpees for everyone!

154 Moving people at high speed from city to city?  GREAT IDEA!

155

^{Posted by: runningrn at January 26, 2011 01:19 PM (ihSHD)}

This happened all over the East Coast.  I noticed it a lot before I went west.

Best case of it was a Mono-Rail! from downtown Newark to the Newark Int'l Airport.  For like .75 it would drop you off at the Long-Term Parking Lot. 

Newark was the car theft capital of the East Coast within 6 months of completion.

156 Are the high-speeds in Japan the packed ones where you get to grope? Could account for some revenue.

157

Tang Borscht Slurpees for everyone!

_{fify, comrade}

158

 I'd love to hear him explain how to score a strike in the 10th frame.

Posted by: garrett at January 26, 2011 01:15 PM (6ZLpV)

Like this...

http://tinyurl.com/4zkvl5d

 

159 I didn't watch the speech but all I got was, TRAINS, Sputnik, more TRAINS, spending, cutting spending...blah, blah, blah.

That about right?

160 140 kensington....

uh......5 is the best season ever.....and the new dr who.... awesome ....i don't know what you are talking about.......


I'm obviously not Kensington, but I will say that I prefer Tennant's Doctor to Smith's. Of the two, Tennant is the better actor and he also portrayed the Doctor as being unique instead of an amalgamation of older portrayals. So, his Doctor is more distinct from past Doctors and he also is more well-rounded when it comes to displaying emotions. His only real flaws were that he could sometimes be too shouty and preachy. As for Matt, he still needs time to "come into his own", but I'm sure he can do it. He doesn't have as wide a range as an actor, but he's still good. 

161 He must have received a train set for Xmas.

162 The forced austerity of this plan of targeted investments cannot be delayed.  The Chinese guy that lives behind the Circle K has been a reliable buyer of ace's IOUs, but what happens if he gets sick or loses his other foot?  A spending freeze accompanied by a shitload of investments is the only rational way forward.
Posted by: Ted Kennedy's Gristle Encased Head

Harvest his organs.
Profit!

163 160 I didn't watch the speech but all I got was, TRAINS, Sputnik, more TRAINS, spending, cutting spending...blah, blah, blah.

That about right?


Plus clean energy and "winning the future".  Otherwise, it was incredibly dull and the applause mostly tepid. One of the worst SOTUs in years.

164 Highspeed rail, because what the nation's 60 million unemployed need most is inefficient government transportation.

165 "Expand investments in my scientific research into human sexual diversity -- How do fuckin' busty lesbians work?" As I remember, you have already gathered quite a bit of photo research on the subject.

166 We'll do your taxes for the next 20 years for half price of our competition!

167 The rain beats down on a small Irish town. The streets are deserted. Times are tough. Everyone is in debt and living on credit. A rich German arrives at the local hotel, asks to view its rooms, and puts on the desk a €100 note. The owner gives him a bunch of keys and he goes off for an inspection.

As soon as he has gone upstairs, the hotelier grabs the note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher hurries down the street to pay what he owes to his feed merchant. The merchant heads for the pub and uses the note to pay his bar bill. The publican slips the note to the local hooker who's been offering her services on credit. She rushes to the hotel to pay what she owes for room hire. As she puts the €100 note on the counter, the German appears, says the rooms are unsuitable, picks up his €100 note and leaves town.

No one did any work. No one earned anything. Everyone is out of debt. Everyone is feeling better. And that is how a bail-out works.

168

160  oh, and a bit of "civility"!!!( "eleven" and that trademark thing-y)

Sputnik moment = we'll be subsisting on MREs and iron rations once all our food has gone to the making of ethanol fuel for the not so high speed trains. 

169 I prefer PJ O'Rourke's plan to build a scenic highway with no speed limit just for car freaks.  It's a hell of a lot more practical than high speed rail bull.

170

My 11 year old was eating dinner with the SOTU on in the background and he stated, "I would never vote for that man..... and it is not because he is black."

 

I thought it was sad that an 11 year old realizes the need to counter the "you just hate him because he is black" mentatlity.

171

I didn't watch the speech but all I got was, TRAINS, Sputnik, more TRAINS, spending, cutting spending...blah, blah, blah.

Something about Salmon on a Train, I think.

172 143 New Doctor Who sucks.

Posted by: nickless at January 26, 2011 01:15 PM (MMC8r)

Is he the new headliner for Lang Lang?

173 73 Not really. The taped together smaller halves would have different serial numbers so the bill is not valid. Now you just learned why the serial number is listed twice a bill.
_______

Ah, but you only need 3% of one of the smaller bills. So you find 3% that doesn't have the serial number on it.

174 e. Impose additional taxes on my money-grubbing neighbor's supply of gasoline via siphoning.

a.k.a.: An Oklahoma credit card

175 Oooh, Harry Reid is ticked about Obama's SOTU and the way Obama interfered with the business of Congress.

176 I highly recommend the BBC One 3 episode Sherlock set in modern day London. They will be coming out with another 3 episodes in the Fall. It's very good.

177 I truly wanted to like Matt Smith, but by the end of the season I just had to fess up that he was not doing it for me. Now when I see previews for Series 6 I just get mildly depressed. Also, come on! That WWII Dalek episode sucked monkey dick! Finally, I'm sending this from my PS3, not a smartphone. ;-)

178 According to Rush, Obama is stuck on Sputnik. He apparently mentioned it again when he was in Wisconsin.

Cut him a break. He learned a new historical fact and he's really proud of it.

179 Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at January 26, 2011 01:26 PM (sZ+lP)

well and also the word change.  We no longer use the word "spending" it's so last year, we now use only the word "investment". 

180 Sputniks:  How do THEY work?

181 153 I know they swarm all over REGULAR trains in Japan, taking pictures, buying souvenirs (and getting in the way and being train snobs, but any clique'll do that).
__________

Oh, really?

182 Anthony Weiner's comments about SOTU rebuttals pretty much what you would expect: http://tinyurl.com/4wf4web

I think Weiner would find that it was Obama's speech that made people drink/want to drink. The mothership comment was also classless.

183 176 Oooh, Harry Reid is ticked about Obama's SOTU and the way Obama interfered with the business of Congress.

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at January 26, 2011 01:37 PM (sZ+lP)

He was probably listening to coast to coast last night then.  One of the two guys he had on to discuss the SOTU, the two guys, were they in the same room, who would surely have to have been pulled apart.  Anyways the guy said "everyone missed this little nuance" but the reason they weren't clappin and jumpin was that he was skillfully pinning all future problems with the country on then, sort of saying, "if things go wrong henceforth, it's not my fault, it's your fault"

184 Pay 9 bucks for megavideo and download all the Doctor Who you want. Later, you can purchase or rent the dvds if you want the extras and commentaries.

185 Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at January 26, 2011 01:44 PM (sZ+lP)

I know a lot of peter king's constituents.  Last night they considered it strike three when he went to the prom with weiner.  I think he's going to have a tough time being elected the next go round.  Maybe he said he wouldn't run for the senate cause his polling said he wouldn't win.

186 Pay 9 bucks for megavideo and download all the Doctor Who you want.

Netflix, and rip 'em.

But that would be wrong.

187 I know a lot of peter king's constituents.  Last night they considered it strike three when he went to the prom with weiner.

Boy, I bet Andi Sullivan would kill for an invite to the Weiner-King wedding.

188 188 I know a lot of peter king's constituents.  Last night they considered it strike three when he went to the prom with weiner.

Boy, I bet Andi Sullivan would kill for an invite to the Weiner-King wedding.

Posted by: nickless at January 26, 2011 01:47 PM (MMC8r)

especially if chuckie is "matron of honor"

189 I heard something very odd yesterday.  One of my friends seems to think ol Kristen G is going to be our first woman president.  When I asked about Sarah P and Michelle B and even Hill C....he said "nope it will be Kristen G cause Hill C is out, so yesterday's news"

he's gay so I really trust what he says.....but this one, this is a stretch

190 187 Netflix, and rip 'em.

But that would be wrong.


Or the other hundreds of sites where you can just stream one after another, and the quality is just as good.

191 the shorts are all over netflix today

192 The Republicans are all holding Committee meetings today. Seen a video-or-two, but I'd like to hear more about the subjects of the hearings.

193

ace: Add This: A reader said this was like "Troll Science," a site I'd never heard of, which is pretty funny.

Amidst the funny stuff, I saw this one, which actually could work.

No, seriously, that would work. That right there would increase my monies by 50%.

Uh, you might want to review comments 73 and 105 for some unpleasant reality.  Or you could disregard that and just take the word of comment 174, which lives in an alternate universe with a different space time continum.

Seriously #174...how would that work?  Explain that using diagrams, charts and / or paper mache puppets...

Of course, if your method ends with ace screaming with rage, shaking several scraps of $20 dollar bills at an obstinate elderly Korean lady named Mrs. Kim, who finally sprays him with something that is either pepper spray, mace, or Binaca breath spray, well then you may just have the beginning of a great story.

In which case, carry on.

194 You can't be THAT serious, you've passed up two cases of free Valu Rite.

195 Youtube says...

"No video results for “Can you say rocket powered rickshaws?”

Niche market available.

196 High speed trains mean high speed hobos. That means that hobo hunters are going to be in an arms race. Development of the weaponry necessary to track and kill swift hobos will stimulate the economy more than a two-for-one sale on Valu-Rite Vodka.

197 Sorry to be so late to the party, but I slept in 'cause the gobment already supports me in a comfortable lifestyle.  Anyhoo, wouldn't your income be increased by 1/3?  Sorry if somebody pointed it out before, but you can't expect us gobment recipients to read the whole thread, can you?

198

Posted by: The Robot Devil at January 26, 2011 01:26 PM (LdYLm)

 

Well, except for the Hotel that gave the hooker a free room, so all she showed was PROFIT, and that is free enterprise.

199 I liked this one - Infinite Highlander Way of Life. Especially the bro-tip on how to get anti-magnets.

http://trollscience.com/troll/view/2469

200

Since ObiteMe is comparing the U.S. to China it should be known that China has High Speed Rail service that can reach 220 mph and one line to Shanghai can reach speeds of 268 mph.

I wouldn't want to be on a 220 mph train(20-30 tons per empty car) when it derails or has one of those regrettable 'Jihadi' moments.

201 Just had an exchange with Matt Yglesias on Twitter.

He believes that we don't understand that the money supply is infinite.

I cannot deal with this degree of stupid,  so I simply told him that if it's infinite,  then it's worth as much as a grain of sand.

202 High speed rail is fine as far as it goes, but what will really save us is high speed boat service between NY and LA, via the Panama Canal.  We can get that trip down to 3 days flat!  This will be known as "aquatic quantitative easing."

203

 Invest in additional skill-building PS3 games I want, like the well-received James Bond title Blood Stone

You might be onto something with this one. I recently met some kid who made over $100k as a 17 year old from professional video game tournaments 

...now I tell the kids to put down those damned schoolbooks and get their asses back to the basement and onto the Playstation...NOW!!!

204 51

Obamacare must be dismantled and de-funded. Repealed.

Posted by: Lemon Kitten at January 26, 2011 12:37 PM (0fzsA)

Know what I hate about all this?  The Republicans are talking about repealing and replacing.  It shouldn't be replaced with a Republican version at all, seeing as Obacare is all about socialism.  We don't need socialism-lite.  They should pass some simple things such as opening up insurance across state lines and tort reform.  Nothing beyond that and nothing forcing people to buy something they don't want.

205 194 Seriously #174...how would that work? Explain that using diagrams, charts and / or paper mache puppets...
_________

Same way the main scheme works, and uses the same assumption.

You only need 51% of a bill to be valid. You cut two bills into 49/51 chunks, then use the 51% chunks as money, leaving you with two 49% chunks.

Instead of taking the two 49% chunks to make a new 98% bill, you take one 49% chunk with a 3%-non-serial-number-containing chunk from the other 49% chunk to make a new 51% chunk with only one serial number. Then you use that just as you used the other 51% chunks.

206 Gee, I'd love to share that "troll science" page with friends and co-workers. Too bad they managed to work the word "fag" into almost every page there.

It doesn't even make sense in most cases, they just like "poison pilling" their own pages.

"Fag fag fag fag fag."
"No thanks, I don't smoke."

207 One thing many people overlook is to  make sure they write off their investments come tax time.  And with the higher tax refund they get, there is yet more money available to invest!

208 Tell the kid you keep beating up for 5 dollars of his lunch money that you'll now be demanding 7 dollars. When he whines that he can only give you the 5 bucks you've been getting, tell him that you can't afford to pay for his tax cut

209

Spectacular ideas, just one thing missing. You need to designate a spectacular and high cliff to jump off of when everything crashes around you and the bills come due. Wearing some long and colorful streaming ribbons on your limbs as you drop would be a nice touch, and maybe some fireworks if you can work those in.

I'm there for you when the time comes, believe that.

210 ...and a laser on your head.

211
You know, I don't see an earmark for my continued studies of moronettes, hookers and Val-U-Rite. I'm afraid I'm going to have to oppose you budget as delineated above.

212

Anachronda at January 26, 2011 03:08 PM (xGZ+b)

Heh.  So your method still ends with ace screaming with rage, shaking several scraps of mismatched $20 dollar bills at an obstinate elderly Korean lady named Mrs. Kim, who finally sprays him with something that is either pepper spray, mace, or Binaca breath spray...

213

@73 Not really. The taped together smaller halves would have different serial numbers so the bill is not valid.

You just don't understand Keynesian economics. 

214

You seem to have missed the signature part of the Winning the Future plan - High Speed Rail.  You need to buy a train set for the Enterprise Zone in the basement.  Not just any train set, but a High Speed kickass mondo WTF train set (with "WTF" logos on the sides!).  After making the infrastructure investment (with Mom's Enterprise Zone funding) you can watch the train go around in a circle with noone on it.  Then, we will all be rich!

Yeah, okay, there's a missing step in there somewhere.  But this has to work - I heard all about it on TV!

 

215 One way to "Win The Future" is to vote all of the politicians out of office who caused the problems.  That would be all of them.  Did one politician say that the Social Security tax money should go into a separate account and be used JUST FOR RETIREMENT of those WHO PAID INTO IT?  You could have a long list of things the politicians have spent OUR money on just for their own purposes or for their friends and political contributors.

It's just like a lot of thing we try to do or make in our lifetimes.  Sometimes we have to chuck the whole thing and start over.  If we chucked all the members of congress, it couldn't get any worse than it is now.