September 13, 2011
— Russ from Winterset Today begins the 72-hour observance of the Climate Reality Project's "24 hours of reality" info-event on the so-called "climate crisis" on Facebook and Twitter. I know, I know. Why call it "24 hours of reality" when you're going to spend 72 hours doing it? Because SHUT UP YOU DENIALIST NAZI SYMPATHIZER!
I'm not on Twitter, but let me share what I've communicated to my friends on Facebook:
If ANYONE allows that fat bastard access to their Facebook account in order to spam me with their "THE SKY IS FALLING AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, WINGNUTZ" crap; not only will I de-friend you and refuse to speak to your dumb ass strictly out of principle, I solemnly vow that I will mail a LIVE OPOSSUM to your house in a big box full of styrofoam peanuts.
LIVE. OPOSSUM.
Please don't test me. I'm serious here. Much like me, live opossums don't care about fake science. They're more interested in breaking stuff and having panicked bowel movements on the top shelf of your china hutch*. Now dead opossums? All they're worried about is "Why couldn't I make it across that road?" I figure that since I've got less than 200 friends on The Book, it would only take me 2 years to make good on my threat if EVERYONE spams me with Gore's crap (catching & mailing 2 opossums a week isn't unreasonable, if I get serious with the live trapping).
And family? Not exempt from this rule. I've got a LOT of extended family, so one or two of you won't be missed. (Plus, my father isn't on the internet yet, so I'm pretty safe making that threat).
*Despite the inference, I do NOT want to take a dump in your china hutch. First, that's just wrong. Second, have you ever squatted halfway up a ladder with your pants around your ankles? Not an easy task. No, I'll just let my opossum minions do all my dirty work for me. And trust me, they relish that sort of thing.
Posted by: Russ from Winterset at
05:45 AM
| Comments (93)
Post contains 352 words, total size 2 kb.
Posted by: phoenixgirl at September 13, 2011 05:50 AM (eOXTH)
Posted by: phoenixgirl at September 13, 2011 05:51 AM (eOXTH)
Posted by: Rectus Maximus at September 13, 2011 05:53 AM (OlN4e)
Free live opossum. Facebook Russ a 100 word paragraph on why global warming is true and get yours now!
Posted by: Johnny at September 13, 2011 05:57 AM (jTasq)
Posted by: Ben at September 13, 2011 05:58 AM (wuv1c)
Posted by: Blacksheep at September 13, 2011 05:58 AM (zbfjD)
Posted by: twolaneflash at September 13, 2011 05:58 AM (vWPhU)
Posted by: Alamo at September 13, 2011 05:58 AM (m/tN9)
Posted by: Gregory of Yardale at September 13, 2011 05:59 AM (PLvLS)
Maybe you should mail live honey badgers to AlGoreJr and Keeffums? that would be really entertaining, especially if they opened the boxes live, on camera.
Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie © at September 13, 2011 06:00 AM (1hM1d)
Posted by: Bevel Lemelisk at September 13, 2011 06:00 AM (FkKjr)
Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at September 13, 2011 06:01 AM (jx2j9)
Posted by: dagny at September 13, 2011 06:01 AM (cdzG0)
Posted by: Sub-Tard at September 13, 2011 06:01 AM (0M3AQ)
It's not the end of the world, but you can see it from here.
Posted by: EC at September 13, 2011 06:02 AM (GQ8sn)
Promise?
Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at September 13, 2011 06:06 AM (9hSKh)
Posted by: Max Power at September 13, 2011 06:06 AM (+wxCD)
That's yankee for possum, dags.
My husband is from NYC. When we were first married and living in a townhouse and he was still in law school I opened the front door late at night here in Virginia and there was a possum on the porch. I called him over to see it. He slammed the door, eyes wide, and said, OMG, that's the biggest rat I've ever seen!
I've never laughed that long or that uproariously.
My grandparents would eat rabbit and they ate squirrel during the depression but they sent the possum across the back field to OlMan Willis--he'd eat it cuz they were too uppity.
Posted by: dagny at September 13, 2011 06:13 AM (cdzG0)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at September 13, 2011 06:14 AM (UOM48)
Ok! I'll give that to you. Yankee or worse. Happy?
Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at September 13, 2011 06:15 AM (jx2j9)
With fifty, this American marsupial has the most teeth of any mammal.
Posted by: zmdavid at September 13, 2011 06:15 AM (1xGtg)
Posted by: Al Gore, A Man of the Cloth at September 13, 2011 06:17 AM (SYrAh)
Posted by: GMan at September 13, 2011 06:17 AM (sxq57)
Posted by: Jean at September 13, 2011 06:18 AM (WkuV6)
Creepy.
Posted by: lu at September 13, 2011 06:19 AM (pLTLS)
Posted by: Jean at September 13, 2011 06:19 AM (WkuV6)
See. Because of me now there's a warning.
Posted by: homer simpson at September 13, 2011 06:20 AM (Ou4YC)
Posted by: smaulz at September 13, 2011 06:23 AM (XB6o8)
Posted by: That Oppossum He's Talking About at September 13, 2011 06:23 AM (71LDo)
Probably neither, as both still post here; the lifespan of a person peeping at women sporting M-16s can be measured in seconds.
Back on topic, giving anybody, particularly people you don't know and thus have absolutely no control over, access to any of your online accounts is a double-plus ungood idea. Lord only knows how many ways that can go terribly wrong, especially when this idea is being orchestrated by a known liar and charlatan.
Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at September 13, 2011 06:25 AM (9hSKh)
I heard this on the radio so I can't link it but some moron yesterday got out of his truck and because he was drunk forgot to put it in park. The truck started driving around in circles and the drunk moron chased it. He tripped and was hit by the truck. He's in the hospital. Anybody know who's missing?
No mention of possums.
Posted by: dagny at September 13, 2011 06:27 AM (cdzG0)
Posted by: Jean at September 13, 2011 06:27 AM (WkuV6)
Old family recipe for baked Possom:
1. Obtain one reasonably fresh Possom carcass (road kill will do).
2. Skin and gut the nasty rat like little bastard. Wear rubber gloves you toothless ridgerunning fool!
3. Obtain one freshly milled White Oak plank. It must be unseasoned and approximately 12x16 inches in dimension and 1inch (25.4 mm) thick.
4. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. (180 C. for the eurotrash).
5. Season your Posson to taste and place on your White Oak plank.
6. Bake your Possom for 1 hour and 45 minutes until done. Cover in foil if it starts to brown too much. Remember, Possom should have a core temperature of at least 160 degrees F. to be safe to eat (safe if gross).
7. Remove the mess from the oven and rake the Posson off into the trash.
8. Eat the plank.
Bon appetit!
Posted by: Rectus Maximus at September 13, 2011 06:28 AM (OlN4e)
Posted by: Errol at September 13, 2011 06:30 AM (vewos)
Posted by: jeannebodine, sum b*tch at September 13, 2011 06:30 AM (nvlAW)
Posted by: dagny at September 13, 2011 06:32 AM (cdzG0)
alright Russ, you owe me a keyboard and screen clean up there fella
You DO know that you're supposed to lede with a coffee spew warning before posting stuff like this don't you? The mental picture of a possum with a loose sphincter in/on the china cabinet was just tres, tres, funny at this time of the morning.
I declare this the winning thread of the day.
Posted by: chuck in st paul at September 13, 2011 06:34 AM (EhYdw)
Posted by: Y-not at September 13, 2011 06:35 AM (5H6zj)
Posted by: dogfish at September 13, 2011 06:35 AM (NuPNl)
Posted by: DarkLord© sez Obama is a stuttering clusterf--- of a miserable failure
Oh, and F--- Nevada! at September 13, 2011 06:36 AM (GBXon)
My last two encounters with an opossum have to do with laundry. Really.
Had an opossum up and die in the laundry room off of our unattached garage. Unfortunately, everyone was out of town at the time so I didn't find him until he was at the WORST state of decomp. To this day, I associate the smell of scented dryer sheets with death, makes me gag every time.
Another time, I left the back door open while taking laundry out, and an opossum decided to walk into the house. Didn't realize it until I went to bed.....and he started thrashing about under my desk at the other end of the bedroom.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at September 13, 2011 06:37 AM (wPbwV)
Posted by: Steve the Pirate's Wife at September 13, 2011 06:38 AM (B0893)
Posted by: Ron Paul at September 13, 2011 06:42 AM (GvYeG)
Posted by: The Armadillo Trying to Cross the Road at September 13, 2011 06:45 AM (84pE9)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KU-_y7GYGO0
Posted by: KG at September 13, 2011 06:46 AM (Hu5B6)
Posted by: mastour at September 13, 2011 06:49 AM (eDzDs)
What's the big deal-i-o, everyone knows the JOOOOOOOOS cause global warming. It's the kippah ...
Posted by: Ron Paul at September 13, 2011 06:51 AM (GvYeG)
Posted by: tasker at September 13, 2011 07:01 AM (brQV4)
Posted by: Deety at September 13, 2011 07:01 AM (zybIv)
Posted by: Ron Paul at September 13, 2011 07:03 AM (GvYeG)
Dear Sirs;
This is a legal notification declaring our intent to sue under the Animal Cruelty laws, if you persue this course of Action.
Sending any live Animal to live with someone as Brain Dead and Insane as to allow Al Gore to have access to their information, would be extremly cruel to the animal.
Please, even opposoms deserve the right to live unmolested.
Thankyou.
Posted by: Sierra Club at September 13, 2011 07:07 AM (NtXW4)
This is why I fear for this country. People have forgotten what "24 hours a day" even means.
In Call of Duty: Black Ops, they have a playlist once a month called "Nuketown 24/7". They run it for 5 days. I guess they forgot 24/7 refers to the phrase 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Idiots.
Posted by: Cheesecake at September 13, 2011 07:07 AM (V/gLb)
Posted by: Ron Paul at September 13, 2011 11:03 AM (GvYeG)
Location location location...
Posted by: Romeo13 at September 13, 2011 07:08 AM (NtXW4)
Posted by: dagny at September 13, 2011 10:27 AM (cdzG0)
I'd say it was erg, but it's a well-known fact that its vehicle of choice is a Barbie Power Wheels.
Posted by: No Whining at September 13, 2011 07:17 AM (UzjcV)
Ned a few feral cats for the mission? They poop too and are a hell of a lot faster than possums.
Meaner too.
Posted by: Clueless at September 13, 2011 07:20 AM (LyOUH)
Posted by: DarkLord© sez Obama is a stuttering clusterf--- of a miserable failure Oh, and F--- Nevada! at September 13, 2011 10:36 AM (GBXon)
Okay, that's the cue to link to Jerry Clower's A Coon Huntin' Story
Just shoot up in here amongst us - one of us has got to get some relief!
Posted by: No Whining at September 13, 2011 07:29 AM (UzjcV)
Posted by: San Antonio Rose at September 13, 2011 07:47 AM (UKUzB)
Posted by: San Antonio Rose at September 13, 2011 07:48 AM (UKUzB)
16 and 55.
- Great plans but you need some really bad-a$& boxes and a lot of soundproofing. Otherwise you end up with a box that sounds like its' got an Evinrude running at 6K and/or some seriously damaged postal workers.
Posted by: styrgwillidar at September 13, 2011 07:54 AM (xGZ+b)
That reminds me of the recipe for Al Gore soup:
1. Put 32 cans of Momma's Best chicken stock in a VERY LARGE pot
2. Peel and add 32 russet potatoes and red onions
3. Add 1 Al Gore
Boil hard for 3 days, then throw the Al Gore away.
Posted by: Cricket at September 13, 2011 08:15 AM (DrC22)
_________
Possum, opossum
Lying bloated in the road
Possum, oh, possum!
Posted by: Anachronda at September 13, 2011 08:26 AM (FzhYM)
Posted by: zmdavid at September 13, 2011 09:03 AM (1xGtg)
Posted by: Algore Disciple at September 13, 2011 09:23 AM (tS+ss)
Posted by: George Jones at September 13, 2011 11:15 AM (kULNj)
I can tell you for sure that one of us almost had a "panicked bowel movement" on the spot.
Posted by: Nice DEb at September 13, 2011 11:23 AM (jC/23)
Posted by: Jim Oberg at September 13, 2011 11:51 AM (x1cuw)
Posted by: J. Felton at September 13, 2011 12:51 PM (sSh6S)
Posted by: Oil Field Trash at September 13, 2011 01:10 PM (1fjNy)
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Posted by: christine at September 13, 2011 08:46 PM (RkJ5/)
Oh sure! Carrying out your threat is as likely as a Catholic Republican winning a congressional seat in a heavily Jewish district in New York City!
Oh, wait...
Posted by: Rockyspoon at September 14, 2011 03:16 AM (1FeLD)
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OH...and Obama is a SCOAMF.
Posted by: Honey Badger at September 13, 2011 05:48 AM (HpT9p)