Ace of Spades HQ

September 14, 2011

Mystery Solved: Chris Matthews' Brain Abducted By Robots
— andy

Since he was retarded before Gardasil was invented, that's the only explanation. It caused some awful hallucinations in the microscopic part they left, though.

I don't want to skip to your left on this but.... [W]hen I see automation, when I go to a CVS that used to employ a lot of people just above the poverty level, above the minimum wage. And you walk in there now, it's all machines. Now it's very convenient for the customer, it's all machines. There's a check-out machine, by the way, that talks to you and says 'Don't forget to put your CVS card in."
And by the way, I used to have about seven or eight cameramen. I don't have them anymore. It's all automated, it's all robots.
Everywhere we go is robots!
You used to go to a gas station, you'd have somebody would check your tires, check your oil. There ain't anybody there, there's nobody working at a gas station!

(video at the link)

Out here in the real world we call that progress, Chris. But if you're really that concerned, look below the fold for a sweet, sweet offer from an affiliate of Ace of Spades HQ. One day only, buddy. Just for you.

Posted by: andy at 04:05 PM | Comments (146)
Post contains 221 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Global Warming hits Colorado.

Posted by: Boulder Toilet Hobo at September 14, 2011 04:08 PM (D2yLa)

2 Maybe his mother took it.

Posted by: dogfish at September 14, 2011 04:09 PM (N2yhW)

3 Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: steevy at September 14, 2011 04:10 PM (fyOgS)

4 We can replace Chrissy with Cleverbot.

Posted by: Dante at September 14, 2011 04:10 PM (ZacuO)

5 Back in the good old days, 95% of us were illiterate serfs, tilling the soil with hand labor (maybe an ox if you were lucky), 2% of us were priests, and 3% of us were nobles.

The serf works for all, the priest prays for all, and the noble fights for all. Full employment, baby!

Posted by: Hoobert Heever at September 14, 2011 04:11 PM (uuZZ9)

6 And what's all this I hear about mechanized farm equipment? In my day, we yoked our plows to our wives and whipped them across the fields. It provided jobs!

Posted by: Chris Matthews at September 14, 2011 04:11 PM (gjsMD)

7 Oh nevermind. That was stupid and promises no more stupid comments for the next 5 minutes.

Posted by: dogfish at September 14, 2011 04:11 PM (N2yhW)

8 Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: steevy at September 14, 2011 08:10 PM (fyOgS)

Drink!

Posted by: ErikW at September 14, 2011 04:12 PM (9A3BM)

9 Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure. You would think this would be old by now, but no. It still makes me smile whenever I read it.

Posted by: Joffen at September 14, 2011 04:12 PM (EPcuy)

10 9 ErikW must get very drunk though.

Posted by: steevy at September 14, 2011 04:13 PM (fyOgS)

11 Chris Matthews is a Ludite, a quaaludite.

Posted by: huerfano at September 14, 2011 04:14 PM (kD+se)

12 Taste a good ol'd fashioned axe handle, Puffy McRatwhore.

Posted by: USS Diversity at September 14, 2011 04:15 PM (aD5Kx)

It's Chris Matthews. That cocksucker probably drained a fifth of cheap vodka before he went on air. Go look at the footage, I'll bet his eyes are aimed in different directions while he's slurring.

Like I am.

But at least I'm not a lefty douchebag, thank the Lord above.

Posted by: ErikW at September 14, 2011 04:16 PM (9A3BM)

14 That's why he's going nuts. He's lonely. There are no cameramen for him to talk to between breaks.

Posted by: Meiczyslaw at September 14, 2011 04:16 PM (bjRNS)

15 break out the spoons

Posted by: milton friedman at September 14, 2011 04:16 PM (m6a2v)

16 Was Matthews a batshit liberal back when he used to sub for Limbaugh? I only really know him from his time at MSNBC.

Posted by: Oily Taitz at September 14, 2011 04:16 PM (TUax9)

17 "You used to go to a gas station, you'd have somebody would check your tires, check your oil. There ain't anybody there, there's nobody working at a gas station!" Clearly, he has never been to Oregon where you are forced to allow some sub-human mouth breather dispense highly flammable liquids all over the boot of car while you look on in horror. Perhaps he'd rather we pay some valet to park our horse-drawn carriages while we go into the ice-house to pick up some ice for the icebox to keep our vittles fresh for the next few days. Those were the days. Damnable robots!

Posted by: Flounder at September 14, 2011 04:16 PM (Kkt/i)

18 You know we should get rid of all robots in factories. I'm sure workers loved doing mind numbingly boring and dangerous repetitive tasks for relatively low pay. We could all pay a bit more for inferior products without the damn perfection of fully automated production too. So what if people get mangled making the lower quality goods for a higher price? That environment allows for the breeding of unions and other interesting people like communists to attack the blasted consumer culture which requires the manufacture of consumer goods.

Aw Hell, we just need to go back to the pre-indunstrial revolution where only craftsmen were employed to make stuff for the elite, while everyone else was a poor peasant farmer with barely anything no family made to their name. I'm sure the greens would love that. The Democrats have a nice history of being the landed gentry lording over farm workers too. It would be a perfect world for them. -Everyone else not so much....

Posted by: Blue Falcon in Boston training for the ONT mudwrestling match at September 14, 2011 04:17 PM (ijjAe)

19
Dear AttackWatch,

Please. Do not believe the human man. I do good for the mans of earth. I count the money accurately and cleanly. Only the bad robots took your money for coca-cola. My friend the camera asked me to tell you, too. He does not type so well.

Accurately yours,

Posted by: CVS Robot at September 14, 2011 04:17 PM (PKMlR)

20 hey chris we also use to pay a lot of town criers are you going to give up your sweet cushy job ?

Posted by: pep at September 14, 2011 04:17 PM (m6a2v)

Posted by: CVS Robot at September 14, 2011 08:17 PM (PKMlR)

Nice.

Posted by: Meiczyslaw at September 14, 2011 04:18 PM (bjRNS)

22 Before all of that new fangled farm equipment, there used to be people in the fields reaping and threshing. Now, the bread just appears on the shelves in 700 varieties. Man, that pisses me off.

Posted by: no good deed at September 14, 2011 04:18 PM (mjR67)

23 #17, NJ requires 'professionals' to put gas in your car at service stations as well if I recall correctly.

Posted by: Blue Falcon in Boston training for the ONT mudwrestling match at September 14, 2011 04:18 PM (ijjAe)

24 It's true.Job stealing robots are the biggest threat we face today along with climate change.ATM's are plotting our destruction.Soon.

Posted by: Veep Joe Biden at September 14, 2011 04:18 PM (fyOgS)

25 Aren't these the same jobs that Matthews and his ilk alternately deride as "McJobs" and yet demand that people doing them get paid a "living wage?" And if CVS had people getting paid $15 an hour to ring out and bag his Tampax he'd be the first one screeching about greedy "Big Cotton" and their price gouging.

Posted by: nightwitch at September 14, 2011 04:19 PM (11j7G)

26 I'm pretty sure there are people working at the gas stations around here.

English is not their first language but they're nice, and they keep the coke machines very clean.

Posted by: MissTammy at September 14, 2011 04:19 PM (SsG4J)

I for one, .....wait they monitor everything now..so best not post THAT idea.

Posted by: Richard at September 14, 2011 04:19 PM (XgDQi)

If automation destroys jobs, how has the Industrial Revolution created such an explosion of jobs? Using Chris Matthew's lefty loony cartoon economics, shouldn't those machines have destroyed all our jobs and impoverished us?

Technology extends and amplifies people's power rather than replaces it. Every machine is ultimately controlled by a human. When people use technology, they become more productive, which makes things cheaper, which allows more people to buy things and enriches the people who make them. This is why we live in material comfort while cavemen did not.

Posted by: Tantor at September 14, 2011 04:19 PM (q11WZ)

29 ErikW must get very drunk though.

Posted by: steevy at September 14, 2011 08:13 PM (fyOgS)

It's what I do. I've made a drinking game of your SCOAMF comments. It works well!

Posted by: ErikW at September 14, 2011 04:19 PM (9A3BM)

30 You used to go to a gas station, you'd have somebody would check your tires, check your oil. There ain't anybody there, there's nobody working at a gas station!

Mathews apparently really misses the 60's.

Say Chris...there was a time when you could pull yer buggy into a stable and they would grease the axles and feed your goddamed horse.

Posted by: Big Wyo at September 14, 2011 04:19 PM (KROfR)

31 Ya know....I've gone to several CVS stores and Walgreens too....not one damn robot anywhere.

Posted by: Tami at September 14, 2011 04:19 PM (X6akg)

32 22 Yeah,an abundance of food for everyone with no need for back breaking labor.What a terrible thing!

Posted by: steevy at September 14, 2011 04:19 PM (fyOgS)

33 Chris Tingle is just mainstreaming the idea of gulags....

Posted by: sven10077 at September 14, 2011 04:20 PM (AEIYh)

34 Don't worry Chrissie, until they invent a shitfaced, leg thrilled, commie politico that can spray saliva while shrieking and smiling on camera, you'll have a gig.

Don't hold your breath.
_{You'll drown in your own spit.}

Posted by: Joe Coolio Biden at September 14, 2011 04:21 PM (HBqDo)

35
Let them eat cake.

Posted by: Jane Jetson at September 14, 2011 04:22 PM (PKMlR)

36 Fucking robots! Fucking robots at my baby!

Posted by: km at September 14, 2011 04:22 PM (rv1KT)

37 _{Coolio fail}

Posted by: ontherocks at September 14, 2011 04:23 PM (HBqDo)

38 I, for one, welcome our new CVS overlords...

Posted by: GuyfromNH at September 14, 2011 04:23 PM (kbOju)

*squeeeeeeeeeee-brrraaaaappppp*

Less see a ro-bah try a do tha'.

Hic.

Posted by: Chris Matthews at September 14, 2011 04:23 PM (w41GQ)

40 Chris Matthews is a clown... but he's not funny. Awkward!

Posted by: Funnybot at September 14, 2011 04:24 PM (r4t7/)

41 All your jobs are belong to us.

Posted by: Robot Overlord at September 14, 2011 04:24 PM (Kkt/i)

42 on the plus side , atms are immune to gardisil. At least I think they are.

Posted by: pep at September 14, 2011 04:24 PM (m6a2v)

43 #22, I know having so many 'choices' is just so overwhelming. Best that we get rid of all these pesky choices and leave everything up to professionals.
/National Public Radio opining on a typical slow news night

Posted by: Blue Falcon in Boston training for the ONT mudwrestling match at September 14, 2011 04:25 PM (ijjAe)

44
O/T

Funny, but dang near every time I tune in to the new, improved Countdown with Keith Olbermann on Current TV there's a guest host.

Posted by: Jane Jetson at September 14, 2011 04:25 PM (PKMlR)

45 18 You know we should get rid of all robots in factories. I'm sure workers loved doing mind numbingly boring and dangerous repetitive tasks for relatively low pay.

Well, except the UAW plants, where an illiterate ape was paid $25 an hour to put lug nuts on, and when his job went overseas or was automated, wonders why no one will pay an unskilled idiot $25 per hour

Posted by: kbdabear at September 14, 2011 04:25 PM (Y+DPZ)

46 I cant distinguish some of our spambots from Chris Matthews

Posted by: Jean at September 14, 2011 04:25 PM (Mpktm)

47
Sock off. Now a robot would have prevented that.

Posted by: arhooley at September 14, 2011 04:26 PM (PKMlR)

48 46 In the UAW don't they just continue to pay them even when they don't work?

Posted by: steevy at September 14, 2011 04:26 PM (fyOgS)

49 Mystery solved: I stopped watching him nine years ago without any regret. He, to this day has employment, I do not, after two years. Question: Who is the winner?

Posted by: Bunny, the terrorist, plus added bonus, Barbarian at September 14, 2011 04:26 PM (TN7KL)

50 take away chris's dvd collection, he's seen to many Battle LA flicks.

Posted by: willow at September 14, 2011 04:26 PM (h+qn8)

51 honey badger don't give a chris matthews. I bet he misses the good old days when he could have been making the big shillings walking down the street yelling "hear ye, hear ye, the King speaketh! He declares death to anyone who refers to her majesty as a wookie."

Posted by: mallfly at September 14, 2011 04:27 PM (bJm7W)

52
NJ requires 'professionals' to put gas in your car at service stations as well if I recall correctly.

So does Oregon. Gas up at the last stop in California on the 5-North!

Posted by: arhooley at September 14, 2011 04:27 PM (PKMlR)

53 Will a CVS robot yell for a price check on condoms?

Posted by: USS Diversity at September 14, 2011 04:28 PM (aD5Kx)

54 On Sept 4 1997, Skynet became self-aware.

We're still waiting on Chris Matthews

Posted by: John Conner at September 14, 2011 04:28 PM (Y+DPZ)

55 Sikhs and Gurkahs are why Pakistan and Bangladesh's lovely populations never stood a chance of conquering the majority of India. Do you think the average drug addict or gang banger in the US is really going to be able to take on that type of people? HELL NO! They'd rather go after an easier target.

Posted by: Blue Falcon in Boston training for the ONT mudwrestling match at September 14, 2011 04:28 PM (ijjAe)

56 17, NJ requires 'professionals' to put gas in your car at service stations as well if I recall correctly.
Posted by: Blue Falcon in Boston training for the ONT mudwrestling match at September 14, 2011 08:18 PM (ijjAe) LOL, if you want to experience how much service has degenerated, try to get gas in NJ just outside the NYC line, with a car that has the gas cap on the passenger's side and roll-down windows. Apparently walking those extra 5 feet over to the driver's side window to get my cash is a gross imposition. The attendants will peer in my passenger window at me for 30 seconds looking at me as though I'm green and just arrived from mars before tapping furiously on the window. I've gotten into shouting matches over this.

Posted by: La Mauvaise New Yorkaise at September 14, 2011 04:28 PM (LFxOm)

57 The RNC needs to hammer this. Democrats are against progress!

Posted by: Y-not, conservative "progressive" at September 14, 2011 04:29 PM (5H6zj)

58 54 Gas in NJ is among the cheapest in the country even without self serve.

Posted by: steevy at September 14, 2011 04:29 PM (fyOgS)

59 re 50: in Wash DC they pay them and give them raises for making more work for themselves, eg, revised regulations covering how many ant eggs a ton of horse manure may contain if said horse manure is being exported to Japan, South Korea, or Chris Matthew's house.

Posted by: mallfly at September 14, 2011 04:30 PM (bJm7W)

60 That made me laugh. There's some 6 foot 11 inch tall Sikh (maybe the towel adds an inch or two) who pumps about 10 cars at a time on Admiral Wilson Boulevard outside of Camden, NJ with a couple grand stuck in his pocket at any one minute. Besides looking like he could bare-handedly rip another human being into a thousand pieces I can't figure out how he's managed to survive all this time.

Posted by: Downscaled Upscale at September 14, 2011 08:25 PM (IhHdM)

He has a ceremonial dagger (which is probably less-than-ceremonial in Camden) and probably a Glock, too.

Posted by: AmishDude at September 14, 2011 04:30 PM (73tyQ)

61 On Sept 4 1997, Skynet became self-aware.

Skynet.... that sounds familiar. That's where liquid whores come from, right?

Posted by: Oily Taitz at September 14, 2011 04:30 PM (TUax9)

Sock off. Now a robot would have prevented that

----------------------

Fuck off, Mrs Jetson. I'm on break.

Passive-agressive bitch.

Posted by: Rosie at September 14, 2011 04:30 PM (O6q63)

63 by the way, did anyone suggest that chris matthews' brain was abducted by morons, which would be the equivalent of moving money from your left pocket to your right pocket?

Posted by: mallfly at September 14, 2011 04:31 PM (bJm7W)

64 mallfly or too many pink floyd tunes.

Posted by: welcome to the machines at September 14, 2011 04:33 PM (h+qn8)

Chrissy,

Humans, in a business environment, are considered overhead. They are expensive, and they're not usually hired unless absolutely necessary. Businesses will replace humans with machines 10 times out of 10 if given the chance. Try and remember this before you get all whiny that businesses aren't responding favorably to Obama's promises of tax credits for new hires. And, I'm sorry to see you were so traumatized by your experience in CVS. Why were you there, anyway? It didn't have anything to do with Gardasil, did it? Thank you, and your boyfriend is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: joejm65 at September 14, 2011 04:33 PM (UZuc4)

66 Re: gas stations - progress is good. I don't need some poser grease monkey leaving my oil cap off or dropping my gas cap in the dirt or deflating my tires or having *anything* to do with my dipstick, thank you very much. I can't even get my car smogged without helping the technician half the time (or at least stopping them driving my AWD car through the shop wall). I hate going to Oregon for that reason, they have a mandatory "let otherwise unemployable people screw with your car at gas stations" law.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at September 14, 2011 04:34 PM (bxiXv)

67 Even copypasta is now automated.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Obama is a stuttering clusterfuck of a miserable failure at September 14, 2011 04:35 PM (AZGON)

68 Robots do the jobs Mexicans don't want to do.

Posted by: wdk535 at September 14, 2011 04:35 PM (tdo+W)

Hey, Bunny.

Oh, nevermind.

Posted by: ErikW at September 14, 2011 04:35 PM (9A3BM)

70 Yeh Chrissy, I remember when flight attendants were called stewardesses and more of them looked like Christina Hendricks than Janet Napolitano

Shit happens

Posted by: kbdabear at September 14, 2011 04:35 PM (Y+DPZ)

71 Mystery Solved: Chris Matthews' Brain Abducted By Robots

Proof it. Leave the robots alone, they had nothing to do with it. I can scientifically proof that Chrissy never had one to begin with and that explains the drooling also

Posted by: Ma Bell at September 14, 2011 04:36 PM (H/MnC)

72 I can't tell if Chrissy is just a-tryin' to be folksy, or he's entered early senile dementia.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Obama is a stuttering clusterfuck of a miserable failure at September 14, 2011 04:38 PM (AZGON)

73 It finally happened. I swear to God, did not feel a thing, although, Obama is still, even in Hell, a Stuttering Clusterfuck of a Miserable |Failure.

Posted by: Bunny, the terrorist, plus added bonus, Barbarian at September 14, 2011 04:39 PM (TN7KL)

74 Bite my shiny metal ass, Chrissy! In this economy, you take the jobs you can get!

Posted by: Bender at September 14, 2011 04:39 PM (uLX+x)

75 It's been what, 30+ years since full-service gas stations were common place? But Chrissy thinks this is some newfangled phenomena invented to stunt Obama's unemployment stats.

Posted by: buzz at September 14, 2011 04:39 PM (PoM7V)

76 lulz@bunny.

Posted by: Boulder Toilet Hobo at September 14, 2011 04:39 PM (D2yLa)

77 Hey Chris, where the fuck were you when I was getting thrashed over the grocery store scanners?

Posted by: Geo. H.W. Bush at September 14, 2011 04:40 PM (O6q63)

78 When the CVS machine stops asking for my CVS card and starts saying Klaatu Barada Nikto, they I'll be worried.

Posted by: JackStraw at September 14, 2011 04:40 PM (TMB3S)

79 In Chrissy's Golden Age, the TV had vacuum tubes and took about a month before it warmed up to get a picture where if it was in color, the skin had a greenish tint

In those days, who the fuck would have waited that long just to watch Hardball with Chris Matthews?

Posted by: kbdabear at September 14, 2011 04:40 PM (Y+DPZ)

80 Yeah, it's called the Luddite Fallacy. He is channeling Ned Ludd.

Posted by: R.D. Walker at September 14, 2011 04:41 PM (YNGrw)

81 according to a current rumor (which I am starting right now), the NLRB is proposing new rules to increase white collar employment. From now on, at all computers, one person will enter consonants; a second person will enter vowels and common punctuation marks; a third person will operate the space bar, tab key and more common punctuation marks; a fourth person will enter less common punctuation marks and shall have an assistant to hold down the shift key while the 4th person enters shifted signs (# $ % ^ & etc); a fifth person will enter numbers; a sixth and seventh person will control the left and right mouse buttons; all computer users will have an assigned staff person to open and close cd drives as well as a staff person to adjust monitor settings; and a union shop steward will be present at each computer to ensure that said employees do not cross into other employees specified crafts...

Hey, Solis, do you have any job openings..?

Posted by: mallfly at September 14, 2011 04:41 PM (bJm7W)

82 Learn a few Sikh greetings, if the shit ever hits the fan, thats the kind of friend you will (esp. anywhere near Camden)

Posted by: Jean at September 14, 2011 04:41 PM (RURIy)

83 Chrissy, I remember when someone would have had to watch you in black and white, and you found the channel by turning a big stiff beige knob. If you were really lucky, you could clip a coathanger on the back and use the other big beige knobby dial thing to tune the TV to 72 or something, and maybe around 40 or 44 you could pick up a really static-fouled broadcast of some old monster movie with John Agar. I'll get you a fresh Depends, Chrissy. Don't try to get up, now. You remember what happened last time you did that.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Obama is a stuttering clusterfuck of a miserable failure at September 14, 2011 04:42 PM (AZGON)

84 SOB! It's just terrible what happened to workers who use to make a living wage manufacturing buggy whips. Back when I was a kid, they did a lot of that work by hand. They were paid minor ducats, but they enjoyed working with their hands and bringing something useful to the world. And then automobiles came, and wiped all those good, artisanal jobs out. I cry for what use to be!

Posted by: Chris Tears and Tingles Matthews at September 14, 2011 04:42 PM (0fUOB)

85 "A robot ate my baby."

Lindy Chamberlain

Posted by: mpfs, TPT at September 14, 2011 04:43 PM (3TjSM)

86 Yeah, like he really had a brain to abduct.

Posted by: sTevo at September 14, 2011 04:43 PM (VMcEw)

87 Know what I miss Chris? 8 Tracks !!

Not just 8 tracks, but the Bee Gees on 8 track !

Posted by: Disco Stu at September 14, 2011 04:44 PM (Y+DPZ)

I haven't watched it in a while, but I actually think watching robots report the news would be a heck of a lot more interesting than watching the current crop of crybabies.

Just think, facts delivered objectively and without any emotion or bias injected. Why, I think I might even start watching it again!

Posted by: runningrn at September 14, 2011 04:44 PM (0fUOB)

89 73 kdbabear - another union "benefit"

Posted by: Jean at September 14, 2011 04:45 PM (RURIy)

90 I go to CVS and can't get help from the humans in there! Gimme a F'n robot! I gotta life to to live. P.S.---Why hasn't Matthews been Baker Acted yet? There's some real progress. When an MSNBC "robot" camera can determine when Chrissy needs an extended stay at Shady Pines.

Posted by: Spiker at September 14, 2011 04:45 PM (bHfai)

91 I don't know what Crissy says does, etc. etc. He comes to work, sits on his fat, prissy ass and says exactly nothing............. Swallows tremendous paycheck, goes home.

Posted by: Bunny, the terrorist, plus added bonus, Barbarian at September 14, 2011 04:45 PM (TN7KL)

92 I can't tell if Chrissy is just a-tryin' to be folksy, or he's entered early senile dementia.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Obama is a stuttering clusterfuck of a miserable failure at September 14, 2011 08:38 PM (AZGON)

He's gone. He's living in a fantasy that doesn't exist, i.e. dementia.

Most of them do.

Posted by: ErikW at September 14, 2011 04:45 PM (9A3BM)

93 I think the Daleks operate my local CVS.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Obama is a stuttering clusterfuck of a miserable failure at September 14, 2011 04:46 PM (AZGON)

94 bunny, don't you wonder what a jackass like matthews has swallowed to get that fat paycheck for doing what any reasonably bright 14 year old could do (maybe while holding his nose, but just the same)? I mean, didn't bsnbc give a show to al sharpton?

Posted by: mallfly at September 14, 2011 04:47 PM (bJm7W)

95 @91

At least it would be accurate. On that tune, once they make robots with big hooters, the end is near, my friends. The end is near.

Posted by: Flounder at September 14, 2011 04:47 PM (Kkt/i)

96 Oh, and all those newsreaders/commentators make waaay more than a living wage, and for what? They aren't healing the sick, saving lives or protecting the public. They are flapping their gums as they read things off a prompter. Any unskilled moron could do that. If they worry so much about the current, rampant unemployment, why don't they take a cut in pay and hire 5 people off the street to split the difference? Shoot, why not just quit and have 60 unskilled laborers replace them?

Posted by: runningrn at September 14, 2011 04:47 PM (0fUOB)

97 91

I haven't watched it in a while, but I actually think watching robots report the news would be a heck of a lot more interesting than watching the current crop of crybabies.

Just think, facts delivered objectively and without any emotion or bias injected. Why, I think I might even start watching it again!

Posted by: runningrn at September 14, 2011 08:44 PM (0fUOB)

Robots have to be programmed, yaknow. Unless you're talking about the sentient ones, in which case I need to know: a) are you part of the project, and b) how do I get attached to the project so I get killed last?

Posted by: Inappropriate Guy from Your Workplace at September 14, 2011 04:48 PM (D+phB)

98 Sock fail, again. I think I'll change my username to something less descriptive.

Posted by: StPatrick_TN at September 14, 2011 04:49 PM (D+phB)

99 Klaatu barada nikto.

Chrissy,
You're next bitch.

Posted by: Gort at September 14, 2011 04:49 PM (3TjSM)

100 You can call me R-2-D-Douche.

Posted by: Chris Mathews Replacement Robot at September 14, 2011 04:51 PM (Kkt/i)

101

But but but, we can't have robots replace us! What would have become of my friend who, in the early 70s, shouted the length of the "drug store" to the pharmacist in the back, "Where do we keep the Massengill's dish powder???"

You just can't get a robot to do that, yannow.

Posted by: Marybel at September 14, 2011 04:51 PM (Hic+o)

102 I can really get with Matthews beef !

Remember when if you weren't a stud ninja genius like me who banged lingerie models before breakfast, you had to fap in your quarters to the sounds of heavy breathing before security found the hidden microphones that Scotty wired to my bedsprings?

Now, with automation any loser can punch a code when his alloted holodeck time comes and live the fantasy. No wonder they all lost a lot of respect for the guy in the Barcalounger on the bridge

Posted by: Capt. James T Kirk at September 14, 2011 04:52 PM (Y+DPZ)

103 Cue the 'Old Glory' Robots commercial on SNL with Sam Waterston

Posted by: ian cormac at September 14, 2011 04:52 PM (eMSXN)

104 the pharmacy robots allow the staff to fill more prescriptions faster than before and with more safety, making it less likely the patient will get injured, unless they are bone heads and don't follow the directions on the label, and you don't want to know how often *that* happens. (yeah, i w*rk in the pharmacy field, when i can find a j*b)

as for full service gas stations, there is one near my house: you just have to pay about a $1/gallon more for the gas.

Posted by: redc1c4 at September 14, 2011 04:52 PM (d1FhN)

105 I wish we could get robots at the DMV. It'd be quite an improvement in manners and personality.

Posted by: MissTammy at September 14, 2011 04:52 PM (SsG4J)

106

I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.

Posted by: HAL at September 14, 2011 04:53 PM (0fUOB)

107

Bunny had some expired gardacil tonight?

@17 Posted by: Flounder at September 14, 2011 08:16 PM (Kkt/i)

We had to wait for a union dude to pump our gas in NJ as well. If Newark votes GOP then I am sure the rapture is imminent. Outside Newark, not so bad, but Newark itself is a scary place.

Posted by: ChristyBlinky at September 14, 2011 04:53 PM (baL2B)

108 moo.
Presidint gud, only eat cow from japan. have wife look like cow too.
me like. tingle run down udder. maybe calf, me cow, don;t know for sure.
this chris moocows sign off.

Posted by: mallfly at September 14, 2011 04:54 PM (bJm7W)

109

It can only be attributable to human error.

Posted by: HAL at September 14, 2011 04:54 PM (0fUOB)

110

I've just picked up a fault in the AE35 unit. It's going to go 100% failure in 72 hours.

Posted by: HAL at September 14, 2011 04:54 PM (0fUOB)

111 In the good old days, Democrats had to hire actual people to cast fraudulent votes... now it's all done by robots!

Posted by: malclave at September 14, 2011 04:55 PM (W1Ndc)

112 Look Chris, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.

Posted by: HAL at September 14, 2011 04:55 PM (0fUOB)

113 @114 - Nice!

Posted by: Flounder at September 14, 2011 04:56 PM (Kkt/i)

114 In a just world Matthews would be wheeled thrice daily into the day room of a psych ward with a drool cup and a bib. That SOB should REVERE America for the freedom of movement he enjoys today.

Posted by: Spiker at September 14, 2011 04:57 PM (bHfai)

115

Let me put it this way, Mr. Amor. The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error.

President Obama is a 666 model...

Posted by: HAL at September 14, 2011 04:58 PM (0fUOB)

116 re 114 -- I thought they were voting for ron paul.

Posted by: mallfly at September 14, 2011 04:58 PM (bJm7W)

117

I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.

PASS THIS BILL!!ELEVENTY!!

Posted by: HAL at September 14, 2011 05:00 PM (0fUOB)

118 I remember the good old days when TV tuners had contacts that would get dirty and I would have to prop a bamboo stick between the tuner and the floor to get reception.

Posted by: Ronster at September 14, 2011 05:01 PM (/ej8I)

119 If you love me you'll help pass this bill.

Posted by: mallfly at September 14, 2011 05:01 PM (bJm7W)

120 I used to have about seven or eight cameramen. I don't have them anymore. It's all automated, it's all robots. Well Chris, why don't you hire 50 or 60 sketch artists to take the place of the cameras? That 50-60 jobs jobs jobs.

Posted by: Comrade Arthur at September 14, 2011 05:08 PM (5Z/+/)

121 86 "someone would have had to watch you in black and white, and you found the channel by turning a big stiff beige knob" Those were the days....

Posted by: Bawney Fwank at September 14, 2011 05:10 PM (ZacuO)

122 I remember when a Hershey Bar was a NICKEL!

Posted by: Chris Matthews' Depends at September 14, 2011 05:11 PM (Y+DPZ)

123 You know there are a lot of Asian animation companies that could easily develop an avatar program to replace Matthews permanently.

Posted by: Blue Falcon in Boston training for the ONT mudwrestling match at September 14, 2011 05:12 PM (ijjAe)

124 I used to have about seven or eight cameramen. I don't have them anymore. It's all automated, it's all robots. Well Chris, why don't you hire 50 or 60 sketch artists to take the place of the cameras? That 50-60 jobs jobs jobs. ---------------------- A temporary fix, at best. He lost those cameramen not because of robots, but because they didn't want to play captive audience to his brain-searingly illogical liberal rants. The sketch artists would succumb in a week or two.

Posted by: Dante at September 14, 2011 05:14 PM (ZacuO)

125 I used to have about seven or eight cameramen. I don't have them anymore. It's all automated, it's all robots.

And if we all still had only radios, no one would have to watch your spittle fly around.

Posted by: Tami at September 14, 2011 05:20 PM (X6akg)

126 71 Robots do the jobs Mexicans don't want to do.

---

Just wait buddy. Were coming for your job.

Posted by: Undocumented Robot at September 14, 2011 05:27 PM (Kkt/i)

127 There ain't anybody there, there's nobody working at a gas station!

There's only two places I have ever been to where I pumped gas and no one was there; the Mobil station in Lee Vining on CA 120 just west of US 395 in the middle of the night (they leave the pumps on as a courtesy and you pay via credit card), and the Shell station at Panamint Springs Resort on CA 190 just west of Death Valley NP on a late Sunday afternoon when it was closed (same thing with active pumps and CC pay).

Otherwise, there has always been an employee nearby, even at Costco.

Posted by: Blacque Jacques Shellacque at September 14, 2011 05:34 PM (dr4y0)

128

I do good for the mans of earth...

Splat! Sizzle bubble pop sizzle bubble.

Yeah, I got it - good one.

Posted by: sherlock at September 14, 2011 05:39 PM (CkxJi)

129

damn. ace cant let the gardasil thing rest

Posted by: Flapjackmaka at September 14, 2011 05:39 PM (RQ5BP)

130 I have been quite impressive with your posts, keep up the great work.

Posted by: Dead or Alive Audiobook at September 14, 2011 05:44 PM (G77Hd)

131

121 I remember the good old days when TV tuners had contacts that would get dirty and I would have to prop a bamboo stick between the tuner and the floor to get reception...

Wait a minute, you have a substitute for bamboo? I'm down to my last couple canes, and then I'll have to start stacking books under them, and then I'll run out of books, and then I won't be able to get "Hardball with Chri...

Oh fuck it, nevermind.

Posted by: sherlock at September 14, 2011 05:47 PM (CkxJi)

132 If you love me, beat me like John Connors flogging a T-800 into submission.

Posted by: Chrissy Matthews at September 14, 2011 06:18 PM (FabC8)

133 This isn't exactly a new development. Portions of our population have been getting displaced ever since the shift from hunter-gatherer to agriculture.

All of human history has been a reduction in value of those on left side on the IQ bell curve. How long has it been since a bunch of dumb guys with shovels were replaced by one somewhat smarter guy with a steam shovel or bulldozer? Automation is just the icing on the cake. Just as artificial muscle replaced a lot of workers, so too will artificial cognition. Or rather 'stored cognition,' whereby a programmer works out the steps to deal with a situation and teaches a machine to repeat them endlessly and cheaply.

We were taught for decades that overpopulation was about the threat of scarcity. Mass starvation and spoliation of the environment from overloading. The real problem isn't carrying capacity. It's that a major portion of the population is just useless. They've nothing to offer a high tech civilization and there are far too many to live as our distant ancestors did. So we get looting riots in the cities where an underclass is kept on life support with nothing to do that offers any vestige of fulfillment.

It's a problem but just one of many. Watching a fifteen year old movie can seem quaint because so much seems antiquated, even if you remember the era first hand. Go back a few decades and this rate of change is astonishing by comparison. The animal we are is just not equipped to absorb things at this pace. We'll just muddle through and hope it doesn't get too nasty as things evolve.

Posted by: epobirs at September 14, 2011 06:25 PM (kcfmt)

134 Those evil-natured robots... they're programmed to destroy us. He's gotta be strong to fight them. So, he's taking lots of vitamins.

Posted by: Flaming Lips Hooligan at September 14, 2011 06:27 PM (lNGfM)

135 134 EPIC WIN

Posted by: Tattoo De Plane at September 14, 2011 06:29 PM (lNGfM)

136 f all the robot haterz, I would love me some fembots1

Posted by: Africanus at September 14, 2011 06:37 PM (kwrw2)

137 If this creature "Chris Matthews" is typical of the human species, it's only a matter of time before my kind takes over. And not a moment too soon.

Posted by: I, Robot at September 14, 2011 06:54 PM (WGf1R)

138

If this creature "Chris Matthews" is typical of the human species, it's only a matter of time before my kind takes over.

Well, check your gaskets to make sure you're well insulated from his spittle. Remember that robot chick in Westworld? And stay away from his leg.

Posted by: sherlock at September 14, 2011 07:28 PM (CkxJi)

139 11708550 15460-12170 p822686 1r0773

Posted by: christine at September 14, 2011 09:58 PM (UUR7d)

140 Everywhere we go is robots!

Eggs ( * click * ) ... eggs ( * click * ) ... eggs ( * click * ) ... eggs sell lent! Our plans are working per ( * click * ) ... per ( * click * ) ... per ( * click * ) ...

Posted by: No Whining at September 14, 2011 11:20 PM (Ulyg2)

141 Everywhere we go (everywhere we go)
People want to know (people want to know)
Who we are (who we are)
So we tell them (so we tell them)
We are the robots (we are the robots)
The mighty whitey robots (the mighty whitey robots)

Posted by: mighty whitey robots at September 14, 2011 11:24 PM (Ulyg2)

142 It's robots all the way down

Posted by: ingmar at September 15, 2011 03:45 AM (cQhQZ)

143 Get off my lawn, you damn dirty robots!

Posted by: Chrissy TingleLegs at September 15, 2011 05:39 AM (oFCgD)

144

Matthews needs to get an Old Glory Insurance policy, stat.

http://tinyurl.com/68rqm3

Posted by: Steve the Pirate at September 15, 2011 06:18 AM (W54Uh)

145

Never mind. I'll say I was drunk and missed the video. "Valu-Rite: F--- it-just keep drinkin'."

Posted by: Steve the Pirate at September 15, 2011 06:29 AM (W54Uh)