Ace of Spades HQ

September 28, 2011

On The Art Of Seduction
— LauraW

Ladies, are your love lives rote and spiritless?

Do you complain that your partner doesn't romance you anymore?

When enticement alone no longer brings the man, one must turn to 'persuasion.' You can sit around and complain, or you can take responsibility and communicate to your lover that you still desire him. A lot.

A lot-lot.

Â“All I want is a piece of ass, is that too much to ask for?Â” Minarsich asked the police.
Minarsich is accused of hitting her boyfriend a few times without injury and ripping the storm door off the house.

Hawt.

Mugshot of the alluring siren at the link. Not bad. I don't understand how this approach didn't work out for her.

Thanks to Russ in Winterset, and I hope his bruises heal up real soon.

Posted by: LauraW at 10:43 AM | Comments (153)
Post contains 141 words, total size 1 kb.

1
You had me at spiritless.

Posted by: Soothsayer at September 28, 2011 10:44 AM (sqkOB)

2 She looks mean! (And sort of mannish).

Posted by: runningrn at September 28, 2011 10:45 AM (0fUOB)

3
Wait.

Did you say ladies? Nevermind.

Posted by: Soothsayer at September 28, 2011 10:45 AM (sqkOB)

4 Wait, they closed comments at the newspaper? Good Lord, why? This is reporting gold.

Posted by: Ella at September 28, 2011 10:45 AM (DmnMk)

5 Well she's not the smelly WV knife lady. So she's got that going for her.

Posted by: lu at September 28, 2011 10:45 AM (pLTLS)

Weapons-grade crazy.

Of course my wife says I married her because she's the first I met who only had one snake in her head.

Posted by: Scott J at September 28, 2011 10:46 AM (/bVuS)

7
there's an Iowa City in Iowa?

how original

Posted by: Soothsayer at September 28, 2011 10:46 AM (sqkOB)

8 Just another meth skank.

Posted by: Law Enforcement at September 28, 2011 10:47 AM (Xm1aB)

9 Not bad? Oh, Laura...

Posted by: Joejm65 at September 28, 2011 10:47 AM (tpK0A)

10 Barack Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure (this comment is never off topic).

And, considering that mug shots are actually specifically designed to make one unattractive- that's not a bad picture (presuming it's from a mug shot, anyway).

Also- how messed up did she have to be that her boyfriend refused sex? Really?

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) is tired beyond tired of the trolls at September 28, 2011 10:47 AM (8y9MW)

11 Is Minarsich a long-lost relative to Melissa Lee Williams?

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at September 28, 2011 10:47 AM (9hSKh)

12 Not bad? WTF?

Posted by: Dave at September 28, 2011 10:48 AM (Xm1aB)

13 Should have gone downtown. She could have gotten laid AND paid.

Posted by: huerfano at September 28, 2011 10:48 AM (263hv)

"Minarsich, who smelled strongly of alcohol and had slurred speech..."

Otherwise known as Wednesday at AoS.

Posted by: Soothsayer at September 28, 2011 10:48 AM (sqkOB)

15 @14 Wednesday morning.....

Posted by: Dave at September 28, 2011 10:48 AM (Xm1aB)

16 Â“All I want is a piece of Joo Janitor ass, is that too much to ask for?Â”

Posted by: SCOAMF at September 28, 2011 10:49 AM (0fUOB)

17 "You're crazy bitch, but you fuck so good I'm on top of it..."

Posted by: EC at September 28, 2011 10:49 AM (GQ8sn)

And she has an 8 month old son with the boyfriend, too.

This woman has bred.

God save us all.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit at September 28, 2011 10:49 AM (4df7R)

19 I wouldn't hit that with Dave's fist.

Guh....she's as good lookin as my bunghole.

Posted by: © Sponge at September 28, 2011 10:49 AM (UK9cE)

20 In America, everyone has the right to a piece of ass. It's in the Commerce Clause.

Posted by: al-Cicero, Tea Party Jihadist at September 28, 2011 10:50 AM (QKKT0)

21 Otherwise known as Wednesday at AoS.

Or Tuesday. Or Thursday. Or Friday. Or... well, really I expect the only day that doesn't smell strongly of Alcohol around here is Monday, and that's only because the Morons finally passed out on Sunday.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) is tired beyond tired of the trolls at September 28, 2011 10:50 AM (8y9MW)

22 Otherwise known as Wednesday at AoS.

Wednesday morning.....

It's funny cuz it's true.

Posted by: lu at September 28, 2011 10:50 AM (pLTLS)

23 NC Gov reports that Minarsich was clearly joking.

Posted by: cherry pi, terrorist hostage taking SOB at September 28, 2011 10:50 AM (OhYCU)

24 @19 Don't even think about it.

Posted by: Dave's fist at September 28, 2011 10:50 AM (Xm1aB)

25 I have never heard a woman refer to it as "a piece of ass".. oh well.. ya live long enough, you'll hear just about everything.

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at September 28, 2011 10:53 AM (f9c2L)

In America, everyone has the right to a piece of ass. It's in the Commerce Clause.

Yup. Section XIV in the Bill of Tights.

Posted by: SCOAMF, Constitutional Scholar at September 28, 2011 10:53 AM (0fUOB)

27 Minarsich is accused of hitting her boyfriend a few times without injury and ripping the storm door off the house.

Piker.

Posted by: Katrina at September 28, 2011 10:53 AM (tyKY7)

Apparently this isn't her first attempt to coerce her lover into conjugal relations:

She was convicted of domestic assault in Iowa in 2009, according to records.

What's her excuse this time? That she didn't hear her lover say the "safe word"?

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at September 28, 2011 10:53 AM (9hSKh)

29 Ripped the storm door off the house huh? That seems like a reasonable reaction to sexual rejection.

For a pitbull.

Posted by: Heralder at September 28, 2011 10:54 AM (/Mxso)

30 28, her choice of phrase threw me a bit too.

Posted by: Scott J at September 28, 2011 10:54 AM (/bVuS)

31 Well, you guys always say you want your women to initiate "romance." This is what you get.

/also, who hasn't ripped off a screen door a few times in their life? sheesh, people are so harsh and judgemental!

Posted by: shibumi at September 28, 2011 10:54 AM (z63Tr)

32 I'd hit it. I'd hit it hard. But, I don't want to go to jail on an assault rap.

Posted by: The Robot Devil at September 28, 2011 10:54 AM (136wp)

With her ability to rip a storm door off it's hinges, I bet she has some fabulously toned arms.

Posted by: runningrn at September 28, 2011 10:54 AM (0fUOB)

34 Maybe if she had smelt of sandwiches and laundry instead of alcohol and punching, her man would have rewarded her with a boning. Just a lesson for all you ladies out there to consider.

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at September 28, 2011 10:54 AM (+lsX1)

Minarsich is accused of hitting her boyfriend a few times without injury and ripping the storm door off the house.

Evidently this constitutes foreplay in Iowa.

Posted by: Chuck E. Cheese at September 28, 2011 10:54 AM (sbV1u)

36 Man if I had a dime for every time a chick destroyed my home because I wouldn't put out. I fake it a lot too. They never catch on.

Posted by: Stud at September 28, 2011 10:55 AM (CFhHo)

37 Yes morons, give it to your wife good and hard or you will end up at the Home Depot buying a new screen door.

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at September 28, 2011 10:55 AM (jiVmv)

38 28 I have never heard a woman refer to it as "a piece of ass".. oh well.. ya live long enough, you'll hear just about everything.

Even things you don't want to hear...

Posted by: The Robot Devil at September 28, 2011 10:55 AM (136wp)

39 Wow! Heralder and Shibumi--we are all on the same mindthoughts page!

Posted by: runningrn at September 28, 2011 10:55 AM (0fUOB)

40 I have never heard a woman refer to it as "a piece of ass".. oh well.. ya live long enough, you'll hear just about everything.

Me too. I've heard skank-nasty women talk about getting laid, but I cannot ever recall them referring to a guy as "a piece of ass". It's like calling a woman an "asshole". Unheard of.

Posted by: EC at September 28, 2011 10:55 AM (GQ8sn)

41 What's a girl gotta do to get a dry Donkey Punch in this place?

Posted by: Ms. Minarsich at September 28, 2011 10:56 AM (npBW1)

42 Proud Day for me!

Posted by: Minarsich's Mom at September 28, 2011 10:56 AM (VxqUc)

43 Oh and FTR I like it when the woman initiates things sometimes but there are limits.

Posted by: Scott J at September 28, 2011 10:56 AM (/bVuS)

Simple rule...

Never stick your dick in crazy.

Posted by: Kotter at September 28, 2011 10:56 AM (hocCa)

45 "Maybe if she had smelt of sandwiches and laundry instead of alcohol and punching, her man would have rewarded her with a boning. Just a lesson for all you ladies out there to consider."

Someone who has never been to a bar I see. Or for that matter been around men.
( How the fuck do you smell of punching?)

Posted by: Stud at September 28, 2011 10:56 AM (CFhHo)

46 Me too. I've heard skank-nasty women talk about getting laid, but I cannot ever recall them referring to a guy as "a piece of ass". It's like calling a woman an "asshole". Unheard of.

Come to DC

Posted by: Generic Bwarny Fwank Reply at September 28, 2011 10:56 AM (136wp)

47 Evidently this constitutes foreplay in Iowa.
Posted by: Chuck E. Cheese

Okay... this juxtaposition is Just. Not. Right.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) is tired beyond tired of the trolls at September 28, 2011 10:56 AM (8y9MW)

48 Trust me, not unheard of.

Posted by: Women who have been called assholes at September 28, 2011 10:56 AM (Xm1aB)

Maybe if she had smelt of sandwiches and laundry instead of alcohol and punching, her man would have rewarded her with a boning. Just a lesson for all you ladies out there to consider.

I get the feeling that the boyfriend is the one who makes and fetches the sammies.

Posted by: runningrn at September 28, 2011 10:57 AM (0fUOB)

50 Evidently this constitutes foreplay in Iowa.
Posted by: Chuck E. Cheese
.........
That, and cow tipping.

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at September 28, 2011 10:57 AM (f9c2L)

51 I'd felate it!

Posted by: Proudly Punched by Donkeys at September 28, 2011 10:57 AM (npBW1)

Okay... this juxtaposition is Just. Not. Right.

OK, OK. Off damn sock!

Posted by: Sean Bannion at September 28, 2011 10:57 AM (sbV1u)

Is that a tornado approaching, or is my girlfriend out there?

Toto!!!!

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at September 28, 2011 10:58 AM (ItDg4)

54 All we want is a piece of the pie. Is that too much to ask?

Posted by: The "distribution class" at September 28, 2011 10:58 AM (7UHMz)

55 I have never heard a woman refer to it as "a piece of ass".. oh well.. ya live long enough, you'll hear just about everything.

Maybe she is a strap-on wearer, being the reason he refused.

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at September 28, 2011 10:58 AM (jiVmv)

56 Usually they rip the storm door off trying to leave. I must be doing something wrong.

Posted by: The Mega Independent at September 28, 2011 10:58 AM (tyKY7)

57 I'm thinking ace needs to get out more.

Posted by: Dave's fist at September 28, 2011 10:58 AM (Xm1aB)

58 Trust me, not unheard of.

Posted by: Women who have been called assholes at September 28, 2011 02:56 PM (Xm1aB)

Well you got me, cause I've never heard that. Men and women don't usually refer to other women as assholes. That epithet is reserved for men only.

Posted by: EC at September 28, 2011 10:59 AM (GQ8sn)

Her name surprises me. With that face and temper, I'm thinking she's more like a "Brandine" or maybe a "Sammi Jeff"

Posted by: Sean Bannion at September 28, 2011 10:59 AM (sbV1u)

60 I don't understand. Men are always saying women can always get laid anytime, anyplace. She just wanted some sweet lovin' guys! Help a girl out.

Posted by: Ms Choksondik at September 28, 2011 10:59 AM (nxptv)

61 @62 Well, maybe it's just my dickhead husband.

Posted by: Dave's Wife at September 28, 2011 11:00 AM (Xm1aB)

62 PMS?

Posted by: nerdygirl at September 28, 2011 11:00 AM (ZuP96)

63 64. I was WONDERING where you were, Ms Choksondik! This thread was MADE for you. btw thanks for the funny guys! I'm crying over here!

Posted by: HeartlessBlackOrchid at September 28, 2011 11:01 AM (SB0V2)

64 I'm tellin you, dig a little deeper and there's got to be meth and a trailer involved.

Posted by: Dave at September 28, 2011 11:01 AM (Xm1aB)

65 That b*tch ain't got sh*t in the violence OR looks department.

Posted by: Tonya Harding at September 28, 2011 11:02 AM (VxqUc)

66 She just wanted some sweet lovin' guys! Help a girl out.

You dropped your g-spot.

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at September 28, 2011 11:02 AM (jiVmv)

I've actually refused a couple of girlfriends sex once and they pretty much lost their shit. Not "beat me, rip the storm door off" shit, but it wasn't pretty.

Women: "Can't live with em; pass the beer nuts"

Posted by: Murphy Bush at September 28, 2011 11:03 AM (CHeFd)

68 Why is it all the good one's already have boyfriends?

Posted by: polynikes - Texan for Romney at September 28, 2011 11:03 AM (tX5RN)

69 27 All I want is a restraining order that will keep that damn ewok looking from humping my trash can.....is that too much to ask?

Posted by: Marco Rubio at September 28, 2011 02:53 PM (OWjjx)

It's humpday Marco. Time to start your VP 'outreach' IYKWIMAIKTYD.

Posted by: Ms Choksondik at September 28, 2011 11:03 AM (nxptv)

Silly Biped.

Just get him in the shallows and rape him.

Posted by: HornyFemaleDolphin at September 28, 2011 11:03 AM (npBW1)

Additionally, she should stay deprived and get a job in demolition. Transform some of that ovum angst to cash.

Posted by: Heralder at September 28, 2011 11:03 AM (/Mxso)

72 I'm going to take a wild guess that she doesn't vote Republican.

Posted by: BuddyPC at September 28, 2011 11:04 AM (nSkOL)

73 On the Night of the Sodomizing Cougar-Man, one woman was able to turn the tables, armed with nothing but crafty wiles and a storm door.

Posted by: Facts About Melissa Minarsch at September 28, 2011 11:05 AM (tyKY7)

It's Lawrence O'Donnel in a Wig, Baby!

Has the same manic look in "his" eye on TV as in the photo, too.

Posted by: CoolCzech at September 28, 2011 11:05 AM (Iaxlk)

75 This reminds me of the show Breaking Bad for some reason.

Can't put my finger on it.

What is red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint. And stop huffing.

Posted by: Dustin at September 28, 2011 11:05 AM (fF625)

76 You dropped your g-spot.

Posted by: Guy Fawkes at September 28, 2011 03:02 PM (jiVmv)

I denounce myself.

Posted by: Ms Choksondik at September 28, 2011 11:05 AM (nxptv)

77 You wingers are a bunch of heartless buffoons. Obviously, this woman finally snapped because of the oppression she has lived under in this racist, Christian, patriarchal society. She has been subjugated, humiliated and been nothing but chattle for years. Tearing the screen door from it's hinges is a metaphor for ripping the veil of tyranny and abuse that women have suffered since the sexist, racist inception our forefathers founded this country on. This brave young woman should be applauded for her moment of empowerment and for breaking the shackles that have enslaved women for years.

Posted by: Marv Cloggenstein, Professor of Womyn's Studies at September 28, 2011 11:05 AM (0fUOB)

78 By the way, that skank shouldn't be allowed near that 8 month old child. Think of all the childless couples who would love to adopt that baby. What are the odds she's receiving government handouts, I mean benefits.

Posted by: nerdygirl at September 28, 2011 11:06 AM (ZuP96)

79 77 On the Night of the Sodomizing Cougar-Man, one woman was able to turn the tables, armed with nothing but crafty wiles and a storm door VERY stinky Vajajay.

Posted by: Facts About Melissa Minarsch at September 28, 2011 03:05 PM (tyKY7)

FTFY

Posted by: CoolCzech at September 28, 2011 11:06 AM (Iaxlk)

80 I never liked that screen door anyway. It squeaked.

Posted by: Melissa Minarsich at September 28, 2011 11:06 AM (jiVmv)

Posted by: Marv Cloggenstein, Professor of Womyn's Studies at September 28, 2011 03:05 PM (0fUOB)

If it's one thing hate, it's uppity Womynettes.

Posted by: CoolCzech at September 28, 2011 11:07 AM (Iaxlk)

82 This reminds me of the show Breaking Bad for some reason.

OMG, fantastic season so far. Started slow, now it's crazy insane things happening in the last 2 eps, and still another 2 eps left to go!!!

Posted by: EC at September 28, 2011 11:08 AM (GQ8sn)

83 Hawt. Yep. That's the best-looking woman who's ever demanded "ass."

Which I have heard before. It's always "piece a ass," though.

It's like calling a woman an "asshole". Unheard of

Nope. I always use "asshole," "dick," "cock," or "fuck" on a bitch. Cuz a bitch'll always think she "wins" if you use a special for-the-bitches term on a bitch. And the bitch has a point. A dude calling a bitch "bitch" is some kinda bitch, at least at the moment he does it.

Posted by: oblig., bitch at September 28, 2011 11:08 AM (xvZW9)

84 Boyfriend making up to girlfriend. "I'm going to bang you harder than a screendoor we used to have, in a hurricane."

Posted by: polynikes - Texan for Romney at September 28, 2011 11:08 AM (tX5RN)

85 Linky no worky for me. (Maybe my laptop is trying to protect itself.)

Posted by: Jane D'oh at September 28, 2011 11:09 AM (UOM48)

86 "Melissa B. Minarsich"..Pronounced ..."Men R Sik"

Posted by: jeff talbut at September 28, 2011 11:09 AM (FY7aO)

"Banging him like a screen door" was not meant to be taken literally.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at September 28, 2011 11:09 AM (ItDg4)

88 Believe me, I can relate. I went through the same thing.

Posted by: Glen Rice at September 28, 2011 11:10 AM (tpK0A)

89 Really have enjoyed Laura's recent posts, a nomination for cob logger of the year is in order.

Posted by: Bob Saget at September 28, 2011 11:10 AM (F/4zf)

Not bad....not quite as good as the woman who was demanding oral satisfaction at knifepoint.

She was a classy bitch.

'I don't care who it is, but one of you is gonna eat my pu$$y!', was the money quote in that one, iirc.

Posted by: garrett at September 28, 2011 11:10 AM (npBW1)

91 Pshaw! Ripping off a screen door is for sissies. A real lady goes through a plate glass window.

Posted by: Y-not at September 28, 2011 11:11 AM (5H6zj)

92 Looks like some dude on Texas death row.

Posted by: King Scoamf at September 28, 2011 11:11 AM (L+jqr)

93 Huh. Alcohol was involved. Well, reportedly: "Minarsich . . . smelled strongly of alcohol and had slurred speech. . . ."

Posted by: m at September 28, 2011 11:12 AM (peKjw)

I wonder if this woman will be able to score a commercial. I see her as this generation's "Enjoli Woman"--I can bring home the bacon, and hit him upside the head with the pan...

Posted by: runningrn at September 28, 2011 11:12 AM (0fUOB)

95 Posted by: jeff talbut at September 28, 2011 03:09 PM (FY7aO)

Heh.

Posted by: The Mega Independent at September 28, 2011 11:12 AM (tyKY7)

96 If rippin' a storm door off for love is wrong, then I don't wanna be right!

Posted by: ed at September 28, 2011 11:12 AM (Y2WVW)

Oops, I just dated myself with that last comment!

Posted by: runningrn at September 28, 2011 11:12 AM (0fUOB)

98 She never had that problem with me, IYKWIMAITTYD.

Posted by: Will Folks at September 28, 2011 11:16 AM (vYB+W)

Pshaw! Ripping off a screen door is for sissies. A real lady goes through a plate glass window.

After ripping down the ceiling fan with her thighs and de-tiling the kitchen counter with her bare hands.

Posted by: Heralder at September 28, 2011 11:17 AM (/Mxso)

100 She wants a "piece of ass"?

Honestly, what does she plan to do with it?

Posted by: Bevel Lemelisk at September 28, 2011 11:18 AM (FkKjr)

101

Oops, I just dated myself with that last comment!

Posted by: runningrn at September 28, 2011 03:12 PM (0fUOB)

Don't worry. We date ourselves all the time.

Posted by: The Morons at September 28, 2011 11:19 AM (tyKY7)

102 I should have just ripped off his meat whistle and beaten him to death with it.

Posted by: Melissa B. Minarsich at September 28, 2011 11:19 AM (vYB+W)

103 19 I wouldn't hit that with Dave's fist.

Looks like someone beat you to it anyway.

Posted by: Roy at September 28, 2011 11:20 AM (VndSC)

104 I kinda like the idea of a woman who speaks of "wanting a piece of ass".

Posted by: tsj017 at September 28, 2011 11:23 AM (4YUWF)

105 Not even all the peanut butter in the world would make me even want to be in the same room.

Posted by: Toby the Beagle at September 28, 2011 11:23 AM (eKuOw)

106 89 Linky no worky for me. (Maybe my laptop is trying to protect itself.)

Actually, it's not that bad.

Generic brunette with long straight hair, a bit too much eye liner, ruddy complexion and a heading towards Ted Kennedy territory nose.

She's not child molesting teacher pretty, but she's not WV ugly either.

Posted by: shibumi at September 28, 2011 11:24 AM (z63Tr)

107
Remember HAPPY DAYS when they'd be at ARNOLD'S they'd stand on the table and say, "Attention, everyone. I have an announcement to make."

They must have done that a dozen times during the series.

(yep. these are thoughts running through my birdbrain right now)

Posted by: soothsayerwing plover at September 28, 2011 11:24 AM (sqkOB)

108
Really have enjoyed Laura's recent posts, a nomination for cob logger of the year is in order.

I'm sure that the trophy will balance well on the hump.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at September 28, 2011 11:25 AM (6BvaE)

109 95 Pshaw! Ripping off a screen door is for sissies. A real lady goes through a plate glass window drugs his ass, cuts off his junk, and puts it in a blender.

On a side note, when googling "penis blender" for this sock, urban dictionary defines penis blender as a prostitute with crooked teeth.

Posted by: Catherine Kieu at September 28, 2011 11:25 AM (Kkt/i)

110 Seriously though, Melissa Lee Williams, and Melissa Minarsich. DO NOT NAME YOUR DAUGHTER "MELISSA".

Posted by: nerdygirl at September 28, 2011 11:25 AM (ZuP96)

111 Hark! What shrike my screen door window breaks?

Posted by: ronsfi at September 28, 2011 11:25 AM (yNRZ9)

112 This is a sex story!!!! I thought this was a conservative website. Conservatives do not need to be talking about things like this and worshiping Dennis Hopper.

Posted by: MrPaulRevere at September 28, 2011 11:29 AM (eKuOw)

113 Hick lip. Getcha-sum.

Posted by: Dang at September 28, 2011 11:30 AM (TXKVh)

114

****Beefy Meatball at September 28, 2011 03:28 PM (bZ8J6) ****

Spoken like an all-American horndog.

I salute you sir.

Posted by: ed at September 28, 2011 11:35 AM (Y2WVW)

115 ^{116
I'm calling bullshit on everyone who's claimed they wouldn't tap that.
What- you're all at home, and the old lady is looking over your
shoulder? You guys make me ashamed to be a moron.}

^{Posted by: Beefy Meatball at September 28, 2011 03:28 PM (bZ8J6)}

Thinking back to my college days and some of what I hooked up with. Yeah, I probably would have hit it.

Posted by: MrCaniac embarassed at September 28, 2011 11:40 AM (eKuOw)

116 I'm calling bullshit on everyone who's claimed they wouldn't tap that. What- you're all at home, and the old lady is looking over your shoulder? You guys make me ashamed to be a moron. Posted by: Beefy Meatball

Dude. She has that kind of face that looks like she has pimples on her butt.

Posted by: Dang at September 28, 2011 11:40 AM (TXKVh)

117 You can't fool me - that's L'il Debbie Washerwoman Scruntz, DNC Chairentity!

Posted by: No Whining at September 28, 2011 11:41 AM (0AClR)

118 I wouldn't hit that with Chaz Bono's new dick.

Posted by: proudvastrightwingconspirator at September 28, 2011 11:41 AM (hyRD4)

119 I wouldn't hit that with Chaz Bono's new dick.
Posted by: proudvastrightwingconspirator

Neither would I.

Posted by: Chaz Bono at September 28, 2011 11:43 AM (TXKVh)

120 Also, she wanted a piece of ass? If that's what these two lovebirds were into, how'd they ever make a baby?

Posted by: Dang at September 28, 2011 11:44 AM (TXKVh)

121 Just goes to prove: If sex is a pain in the ass, you're probably doing it wrong,......

Posted by: proudvastrightwingconspirator at September 28, 2011 11:45 AM (hyRD4)

122
Minarsich was being held in the Johnson County Jail on $5,000 cash bond.

BRB - got to stop by the bank....

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at September 28, 2011 11:47 AM (EeYDk)

123

Minarsich was being held in the Johnson County Jail on $5,000 cash bond.

-but ripped the cell door off and is now at large.

Posted by: Heralder at September 28, 2011 11:48 AM (/Mxso)

124 Tearing the screen door from it's hinges is a metaphor for ripping the veil of tyranny ...

... and here I thought it was a metaphor for popping her lost, long lost cherry.

Posted by: No Whining at September 28, 2011 11:49 AM (0AClR)

125 Â“All I want is my job's bill to pass, is that too much to ask for?Â” Preznint Whiny Bitch asked his hordes of zombie supporters.

Posted by: No Whining at September 28, 2011 11:51 AM (0AClR)

126 Come on, Morons. Which of you was the alleged boyfriend in this story. Come Clean.

Posted by: Bev 'Chavez' Perdue at September 28, 2011 11:54 AM (3Uns6)

127

Mugshot of the alluring siren at the link.

Are the New Bohemians in the klink, too?

Posted by: FireHorse at September 28, 2011 11:56 AM (F5OMl)

128 110
She's not child molesting teacher pretty, but she's not WV ugly either.
Posted by: shibumi at September 28, 2011 03:24 PM (z63Tr)

Remember that test about a week ago in the ONT where we were asked to arrange shades of color in order from one extreme to another?

I'm thinking that a similar test is in order, only here we'd be asked to put in order a series of phrases that the describe the degree of attractiveness (or lack thereof) of a potential { fill in your favorite, and most likely in poor taste, sexual descriptor here ).

The extremes could be "Christina Hendricks, nude and anxious to get things going" and "Helen Thomas, in full daylight and you without a welder's mask, nude and anxious to get things started". "Child molesting teacher pretty" and "WV ugly" would be among the descriptors to be arranged to fill in the span.

Posted by: No Whining at September 28, 2011 12:03 PM (0AClR)

129 She has a Facebook page if anyone wants to drop her a line or offer up your services.

Posted by: Evil Libertarian at September 28, 2011 12:05 PM (8z8uV)

130 Minarsich was being held in the Johnson County Jail on $5,000 cash bond.

So this is a life sentence for her?

Posted by: MrCaniac at September 28, 2011 12:06 PM (eKuOw)

131 You guys make me ashamed to be a moron. Posted by: Beefy Meatball

Dude. She has that kind of face that looks like she has pimples on her butt.

Posted by: Dang at September 28, 2011 03:40 PM (TXKVh)

She is "The Untappable."

Of course a paper bag and a reasonable 8000cc's of silicone impla...Nah.

Untappable.

Posted by: CAC at September 28, 2011 12:06 PM (JEVge)

132 19 I wouldn't hit that with Dave's fist.

Guh....she's as good lookin as my bunghole.

You've actually seen it? How...and why?

Cordially...

Posted by: Rick at September 28, 2011 12:08 PM (HbWhE)

133 Away foul Chavez/Perdue sock!

Posted by: blindside at September 28, 2011 12:11 PM (x7g7t)

134

"Thinking back to my college days and some of what I hooked up with. Yeah, I probably would have hit it."

Ah yes, the old Two-O'Clock Club (as in 2 am). You knew the lights in the bar were about to turn up to get people to go home and you hit on any chick regardless of beauty just so you didn't go home alone. When your buddies asked you the next day how you scored and your response was "she was a two-o'clock clubber" everyone understood..............

Posted by: ken at September 28, 2011 12:16 PM (w6Cbj)

135 strong odor.... of alcohol.

Yeah, that.

Posted by: LFMayor at September 28, 2011 12:24 PM (qL20/)

136

If he wanted to fend off her sexual advances, he could have just slipped a wedding band on her finger - works every time...

This also gives me a chance to trot out my one Iowa joke:

Why do they always leave a sack of shit lying next to the altar at weddings in Iowa?

Answer: To keep the flies off the bride.

Posted by: MM at September 28, 2011 12:26 PM (ZMhO7)

137 "Helen Thomas, in full daylight and you without a welder's mask, nude and anxious to get things started".

Holy shit, thats fucking nasty, that sea hag can make a freight train take a dirt road.

I think you found the antidote for viagra..

Posted by: Berserker at September 28, 2011 12:41 PM (FMbng)

138 Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: steevy at September 28, 2011 12:42 PM (fyOgS)

139 But was it domestic abuse assault-assault? I say NO!

Posted by: WhoopieG at September 28, 2011 12:47 PM (pKm8H)

140 Her eyes are flashing the word "Meth!" over and over.

Posted by: Errol at September 28, 2011 01:08 PM (vewos)

141 "Don't make me horny. You wouldn't like me when I'm horny."

Posted by: grognard at September 28, 2011 01:19 PM (NS2Mo)

142 I thought you were supposed to bang like a screen door, not rip it off its hinges. I'll try greeting Mr F. with a lovin' headbutt tonight, will let you morons know how it goes.

Posted by: Fortunata at September 28, 2011 01:20 PM (90H1N)

143 Maybe it's a "feminine hygiene" issue. And I do mean ISSUE.
As in discharge.

Going forth.
The act or an instance of flowing, passing, or giving out.
Something produced
Something proceeding from a specified source
A matter of public concern
A personal problem
A place of egress
an outlet

Posted by: New Sock same as the Old Sock at September 28, 2011 01:26 PM (cA6/i)

144 Good idea, Fortunata, I'm going to overturn a bureau and slap the shit outta hubby tonight. Wish me luck!

Posted by: lauraw at September 28, 2011 01:36 PM (hmqZX)

145 Good luck, slappers!

Posted by: Fortunata at September 28, 2011 01:43 PM (90H1N)

146
She's in Iowa. I feel a definte Iowahawk Hoosegow Honey listing coming up for this young woman.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie © at September 28, 2011 01:48 PM (1hM1d)

147
Of course my wife says I married her because she's the first I met who only had one snake in her head.

Wait...your wife is a goa'uld? You may want to make sure your zat'ni'katel is in good working order.

Just in case.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie © at September 28, 2011 01:56 PM (1hM1d)

148

I think you found the antidote for viagra..

"If you experience an erection lasting more than four hours, picture Helen Thomas, in full daylight and you without a welder's mask, nude and anxious to get things started..."

Yeah, I think that would work every time.

Posted by: Steve the Pirate at September 28, 2011 02:22 PM (W54Uh)

149 Hey, she hit him a few times "without injury". That has to count for something. She could have gone after him with the storm door, after all.

Posted by: SparcVark at September 28, 2011 03:23 PM (MVGSS)

150 I'd be hit by that.

Posted by: Will Up North at September 28, 2011 03:58 PM (H7fKd)

151 Guh....she's as good lookin as my bunghole.

I'd hit that.

Posted by: Barney F. at September 28, 2011 05:07 PM (le790)

152 Lost Memory of Skin? WTF kind of spam name is that?!?

Posted by: Jon at September 29, 2011 10:34 AM (YE6k9)

153 I once dated a multi personality alcoholic that had that exact glint in her eyes.

Posted by: Mark Reardon at September 29, 2011 10:57 AM (W0Dby)