April 21, 2011
— Ace Just a head's up, I'll be off the internet tonight. If anyone wants to do a little open-blogging past 5, it would be swell.
Dude, I'll totally trade you my Hawkmaster Bey Blade
for that sweet-ass chicken and broccoli Hot Pocket
DOCTOR: I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, Mr. Stuef. Your blood tests actually show you're 37% retarded yourself.
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: You're heavy around the neck and jowls.
Picture of Jack Stuef found at Hillbuzz, who aren't fans.
Or How About This One? The old "second opinion" joke is a classic for a reason. You can almost do no wrong with it.
DOCTOR: I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, Mr. Stuef. Your blood tests actually show you're 37% retarded yourself.
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: Face: 3, Tits: 8.
Bonus: More Pics! What up?
I'm titling this one "Candid Neckfat."
Now that I get a look at this kid, I'm sort of willing to give him a pass. This kinda fat, ugly, chumpy loser... life's hard on the soft.
I call this one "Desperate Cry for Help, with Neckfat." This is a prime example of a an emotional depressive disorder that psychiatrists call "Suicidal Thoughts and Morbid Dementia Masked By Advanced Zany Affect" complex.
Thanks to AA for those.
Posted by: Ace at
11:47 AM
| Comments (361)
Post contains 239 words, total size 2 kb.
Posted by: Flapjackmaka at April 21, 2011 11:49 AM (QFDy/)
Posted by: AE at April 21, 2011 11:52 AM (JO2wS)
Posted by: Dr Spank at April 21, 2011 11:53 AM (GC5/b)
I'm, uh, um, available. I've got nothing going on on Facebook later, so, ah, er, call me.
Posted by: B. Hussein Obama at April 21, 2011 11:55 AM (ayAt4)
Posted by: not really ace at April 21, 2011 11:55 AM (FD7Ct)
The bad news? It's damaged beyond repair and she has to save for a new one.
Posted by: laceyunderalls at April 21, 2011 11:57 AM (7dkEj)
Huckabee Slams Beck, Calls Him ‘Inept’ In Response To Michelle Obama Comments (UPDATE)Two days ago on his radio show, Glenn Beck called Mike Huckabee a “progressive,” a word which, in certain circles, carries the same stigma as “serial killer,” “rapist,” and “zombie Dracula” all combined in one (UPDATE on this point at bottom). Huckabee has responded with a blistering message on his website entitled, simply, “RESPONSE TO GLENN BECK.” While the title is plain and basic sounding, the response itself is overflowing in its critique of Beck, with Huckabee instructing him to ” to clean his gun and point it more carefully lest it blow up in his face like it did this time.”
...
UPDATE: A closer listen, brought on by some helpful readers (thanks!), makes it clear that Beck never specifically called Huckabee a “progressive” exactly. He did say he was “perfect for progressives.”
Posted by: momma at April 21, 2011 11:58 AM (penCf)
Donald Trump: So are we doing a radio show?
Meghan McCain: No, this is an interview for The Daily Beast.
Donald: Oh, OK, good. I like you. I see you a lot on television. I like you and I like your father, IÂ’ll tell you. And I like your mother. I like your whole family. Hey look, I supported your family, right?
Meghan: I’m at home in Arizona right now, and I told my mom I was interviewing you, and she was like, “I think he can really do this.”
Donald: Your mom is great. And your fatherÂ’s great. To be honest with you, Bush made it so bad that Abraham Lincoln couldnÂ’t have beaten Obama. The world was crashing! If you remember six months before, your father was way up. But when the world crashed, nobody as a Republican could have done it.
Meghan: This morning, the front page of the Drudge Report had Obama at 49 percent and youÂ’re at 34 percent, and you havenÂ’t even announced. Why do you think youÂ’ve made such an impact already? Why do you think youÂ’re catching on in a way that Mitt Romney and Tim Pawlenty really arenÂ’t?
Donald: Well, the polls have been very gratifying. One of the pollsters actually said to me that my numbers would be better—and I’m leading in just about every poll—if people thought I was going to run, because a lot of people don’t think I’m going to run, and they think it’s because of The Apprentice. And I say, give me a break! The Apprentice has very high ratings. I don’t need this to get ratings. It’s already the top show on NBC. You understand that. So I think I resonate because I do get along really well with people. For instance, I spoke in front of the Tea Party over the weekend in Boca Raton, Florida, and they were expecting 250 people, and when it was announced that I was going to speak they had 6,000 people. I think the reason that it’s resonating is because I say it like it is. China is ripping off this country to the tune of $300 billion this year! They don’t build product as good as we build it, but their currency is so manipulated that it’s very hard for our companies to compete. The OPEC nations—nobody is fighting OPEC. Yesterday Saudi Arabia said they’re going to reduce the outflow of oil! And that’s going to drive up prices even further! Iran is going to take over Iraq the minute we leave, and I say if that’s going to happen, all of those soldiers will have died in vain, and we will have spent $1.5 trillion that we could have used in this country. It wouldn’t happen under my watch.
Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 21, 2011 11:58 AM (UOM48)
my eczematic, test-icular. skin
has done, gone.and. flared up, again.
perhaps, I. should not, let. that. ewok
do those, things. to my, un-wrapped. cock?
Posted by: Jessie Jackson at April 21, 2011 11:59 AM (9ZHgM)
CBS also reports ryan was greeted warmly at another town hall. Of course think progress wont report it. They wont even show the whole video of ryan's townhall. F those bastids.
Going back to the beach. See ya!
Posted by: Flapjackmaka at April 21, 2011 11:59 AM (QFDy/)
well, I'll take this opportunity to write a quick review of BURIED starring Ryan Reynolds.
Stay away. Stay far away.
I can't say much more because I'll be giving it all away. Just don't watch it unless you enjoy feeling like crap.
Posted by: Soothsayer 6 of 8 at April 21, 2011 12:00 PM (uFokq)
Posted by: ace at April 21, 2011 12:01 PM (nj1bB)
Posted by: blaster at April 21, 2011 12:03 PM (l5dj7)
Posted by: Oldsailor's poet at April 21, 2011 12:03 PM (cDRYC)
Posted by: humphreyrobot at April 21, 2011 12:03 PM (EiH7n)
Posted by: © Sponge at April 21, 2011 12:04 PM (UK9cE)
Posted by: Dr Spank at April 21, 2011 12:05 PM (GC5/b)
Posted by: blaster at April 21, 2011 12:06 PM (l5dj7)
Posted by: phoenixgirl at April 21, 2011 12:06 PM (Cm66w)
Has anyone figured out whose war this is yet? I mean it can't be Bush's too. That'd be silly. It can't be Barry's. He has made any mistakes.
I'm confused. It must be the sound of all of those anti-war demonstrations.
Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at April 21, 2011 12:07 PM (jx2j9)
Posted by: weew at April 21, 2011 12:07 PM (mS1ai)
Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at April 21, 2011 12:07 PM (9hSKh)
But, sacred honor compels me to also admit that I honestly thought his name was a joke. You know, like Biggus Dickus.
I mean, seriously? Jack Stuff?? Seriously???
Posted by: Will Folks at April 21, 2011 12:08 PM (3Okgs)
I believe that's a Klingon communication device of some kind, they sell them at Walmart.
Posted by: Dr Spank at April 21, 2011 12:08 PM (GC5/b)
Posted by: nevergiveup at April 21, 2011 12:08 PM (0GFWk)
Posted by: phoenixgirl at April 21, 2011 04:06 PM (Cm66w)
Yes, it's his Speed Racer Decoder Watch.
Posted by: Quilly Mammoth at April 21, 2011 12:08 PM (FD7Ct)
Posted by: Oldsailor's poet at April 21, 2011 12:08 PM (cDRYC)
Posted by: joncelli at April 21, 2011 12:09 PM (RD7QR)
Posted by: Penfold at April 21, 2011 12:09 PM (1PeEC)
Posted by: nevergiveup at April 21, 2011 12:09 PM (0GFWk)
all the girls laugh before walking away.....
( who wants to be a Reverse Beard for a pudgy ill-manner Homo ? )
Posted by: SantaRosaStan, looking south at April 21, 2011 12:10 PM (UqKQV)
Posted by: wiserbud at April 21, 2011 12:10 PM (3Okgs)
Posted by: toby928™ at April 21, 2011 12:10 PM (GTbGH)
Oh my #wonkette has no banner ads. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Totally gone. The power of the decent triumphs over a vile snark factory
Posted by: laceyunderalls at April 21, 2011 12:10 PM (7dkEj)
Posted by: ace at April 21, 2011 12:11 PM (nj1bB)
Posted by: jewells45 at April 21, 2011 12:12 PM (l/N7H)
Just looking at him, you can tell.... there is definitely something funny about him....
Posted by: wiserbud at April 21, 2011 12:12 PM (3Okgs)
About 20-22 years old. Doesn't know shit. Repeats what his poli-sci prof or his womyn studies prof told him. Probably hasn't worked a whole lot in his life yet. Holds a grudge against prettier and more successful young people for being prettier and more successful.
Posted by: Sphynx at April 21, 2011 12:12 PM (fEmj2)
Posted by: Quilly Mammoth at April 21, 2011 12:12 PM (FD7Ct)
Posted by: Crow, trying to figure out a mood at April 21, 2011 12:13 PM (RD7QR)
And he wonders why just one of his armpits is orange and smells like cheese.
Posted by: CUS at April 21, 2011 12:13 PM (wOGfT)
Posted by: maddogg at April 21, 2011 12:14 PM (OlN4e)
Posted by: Ginormous Freud at April 21, 2011 12:14 PM (Q5+Og)
Posted by: toby928™ at April 21, 2011 04:10 PM (GTbGH)
That's mah sexay look. I get sooooo much retarded toddler tail with this one!
Posted by: Jack Stuef at April 21, 2011 12:15 PM (c45xH)
Posted by: Phelps at April 21, 2011 12:15 PM (0WBM9)
Posted by: Oldsailor's poet at April 21, 2011 12:15 PM (cDRYC)
Posted by: toby928™ at April 21, 2011 04:10 PM (GTbGH)
I took it as "Dammit! I just sharted, so hurry up and take this damn photo so I can crab-walk to the bathroom before too much shit runs down my legs" look.
Posted by: jimmuy at April 21, 2011 12:15 PM (4bA7z)
how does this help michelle's fight against obesity?
Posted by: phoenixgirl at April 21, 2011 12:15 PM (Cm66w)
Posted by: joncelli at April 21, 2011 12:15 PM (RD7QR)
Stuff like "asshole" is abstract. It rolls off your back. It doesn't mean nothin'.
It's the true details that sting.
Posted by: ace at April 21, 2011 04:11 PM (nj1bB)
How about, 'After studying the x-rays of your skull, we have good news. We now know the primary cause of your erectile dysfunction.'
Posted by: momma at April 21, 2011 12:16 PM (penCf)
About 20-22 years old. Doesn't know shit. Repeats what his poli-sci prof or his womyn studies prof told him. Probably hasn't worked a whole lot in his life yet. Holds a grudge against prettier and more successful young people for being prettier and more successful.
Posted by: Sphynx at April 21, 2011 04:12 PM (fEmj2)
fuck off wingnut
Posted by: palin steele at April 21, 2011 12:16 PM (BP6Z1)
Posted by: ace at April 21, 2011 12:17 PM (nj1bB)
Posted by: marcus at April 21, 2011 12:17 PM (7TwHV)
48 What is that look intended to convey? Seriously, he's posing.
Posted by: toby928™ at April 21, 2011 04:10 PM (GTbGH)
Hungry? Angry? Insouciant? Horny? What!?
Incontinent.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 21, 2011 12:17 PM (7YzRS)
He's holding his breath until mommy says he doesn't have to eat his broccoli
Posted by: wiserbud at April 21, 2011 12:17 PM (3Okgs)
Posted by: nevergiveup at April 21, 2011 12:18 PM (0GFWk)
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 12:18 PM (+cmP9)
Posted by: nevergiveup at April 21, 2011 12:19 PM (0GFWk)
Posted by: ergie at April 21, 2011 12:19 PM (BP6Z1)
Elton John + Philip Seymour Hoffman = stuef
Posted by: Dr. Varno at April 21, 2011 12:19 PM (QMtmy)
DOCTOR: I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, Mr. Stuef. Your blood tests actually show you're 37% retarded yourself.
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: You're penis is smaller than your mother's.
Posted by: Dr Spank at April 21, 2011 12:19 PM (GC5/b)
Posted by: maddogg at April 21, 2011 12:19 PM (OlN4e)
And if you want to hit him where it hurts, just keep posting his picture.
His own inadequacies should be reason enough to make him weep when he wakes up in the morning and before he goes to sleep at night.
Posted by: laceyunderalls at April 21, 2011 12:20 PM (7dkEj)
Posted by: humphreyrobot at April 21, 2011 12:20 PM (EiH7n)
Posted by: momma at April 21, 2011 12:20 PM (penCf)
I can understand that. You ever see her face?
yikes.
Posted by: wiserbud at April 21, 2011 04:19 PM (3Okgs)
In my experience, most guys prefer the back side of a woman.
Posted by: Meredith Palmer at April 21, 2011 12:21 PM (BP6Z1)
Posted by: Harry S. Plinkett at April 21, 2011 12:22 PM (f1L/Z)
Posted by: ace at April 21, 2011 12:22 PM (nj1bB)
"his arse waxed. Police were called and the beaten man could not give much of a description of who beat him. When they canvassed the station and spoke to the large crowd that had gathered around, no one seemed to remember anything about what had happened.
Rankin County handled this thing perfectly. There were many things that were put into place that most will never know about and at great expense to the county.
Most of the morons never made it out of their hotel parking lot. It seems that certain Rankin county pickup trucks were parked directly behind any car that had Kansas plates in the hotel parking lot and the drivers mysteriously disappeared until after the funeral was over. Police were called but their wrecker service was running behind and it was going to be a few hours before they could tow the trucks so the Kansas plated cars could get out.
A few made it to the funeral but were ushered away to be questioned about a crime they might have possibly been involved in. Turns out, after a few hours of questioning, that they were not involved and they were allowed to go on about their business."
Posted by: Quilly Mammoth at April 21, 2011 12:22 PM (FD7Ct)
I think you're trying to be clever when what is called for is being MEAN.
Posted by: ace at April 21, 2011 04:17 PM (nj1bB)
They understand mean. But, they are too stupid to understand clever.
Posted by: momma at April 21, 2011 12:22 PM (penCf)
your scruffy neck. it chafes, my. thigh
it is made. worse. by the tears, you. cry
I must, now nut. up. on, your. chin
my lotion, you. will. rubs it, in.
Posted by: Jessie Jackson at April 21, 2011 12:22 PM (9ZHgM)
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at April 21, 2011 12:22 PM (W7Ddq)
Posted by: maddogg at April 21, 2011 12:22 PM (OlN4e)
Posted by: ace at April 21, 2011 12:22 PM (nj1bB)
I laughed out loud, again.
Posted by: toby928™ at April 21, 2011 04:16 PM (GTbGH)
SPOT ON !
Posted by: Jackhole at April 21, 2011 12:23 PM (+qHxi)
Way to live the big life there, bud. Soros cock checks ain't all they cracked up to be, eh?
Posted by: jimmuy at April 21, 2011 12:23 PM (4bA7z)
Posted by: ace at April 21, 2011 12:23 PM (nj1bB)
He wants the nurse to think he swallowed his medicine, but he's just gonna spit it out later during recess.
Posted by: wiserbud at April 21, 2011 12:23 PM (3Okgs)
Posted by: Dean Vernon Wormer at April 21, 2011 12:24 PM (j84s0)
Posted by: Jack Stuef at April 21, 2011 12:24 PM (ZBbts)
Posted by: ace at April 21, 2011 12:24 PM (nj1bB)
Posted by: Jack Stuef at April 21, 2011 12:25 PM (c45xH)
Posted by: Samir Patel, Spelling Bee Champion, Age 6 at April 21, 2011 12:26 PM (JKe0g)
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at April 21, 2011 12:26 PM (W7Ddq)
Christianity has a story where all Christians disappear. Is that only in certain places?
Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at April 21, 2011 12:27 PM (jx2j9)
Posted by: Jack Stuef at April 21, 2011 12:27 PM (ZBbts)
Posted by: humphreyrobot at April 21, 2011 12:27 PM (EiH7n)
It looks like he's holding a buddy's deposit to the sperm bank.
Posted by: Buzzsaw at April 21, 2011 12:27 PM (tf9Ne)
Jack-Jack went boom-boom and he isn't going to let you change him because he likes the smell. So there.
Posted by: wiserbud at April 21, 2011 12:28 PM (3Okgs)
Posted by: Anna Puma at April 21, 2011 12:28 PM (caQ0a)
JACK STUEF: The bad news.
PSYCHIATRIST: You're retarded.
JACK STUEF: What's the good news?
PSYCHIATRIST : You're check didn't bounce.
Posted by: Dr Spank at April 21, 2011 12:29 PM (GC5/b)
Posted by: marcus at April 21, 2011 12:29 PM (7TwHV)
He just finished masturbating and he's thinking about doing it again.
Posted by: wiserbud at April 21, 2011 12:30 PM (3Okgs)
Posted by: Hank Hill at April 21, 2011 12:30 PM (QMtmy)
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at April 21, 2011 12:30 PM (W7Ddq)
Posted by: blaster at April 21, 2011 12:31 PM (l5dj7)
Posted by: Soona at April 21, 2011 12:31 PM (QLZYU)
Posted by: ace at April 21, 2011 12:31 PM (nj1bB)
Against:
1. Supercuts
2. Lenscrafters
3. Housing Authority
4. Replica Watches
5. Curves
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 12:31 PM (+cmP9)
Posted by: Oldsailor's poet at April 21, 2011 12:32 PM (cDRYC)
Posted by: Guy with Old Jokes at April 21, 2011 12:33 PM (j84s0)
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at April 21, 2011 12:33 PM (W7Ddq)
Posted by: madamex at April 21, 2011 12:33 PM (ice9D)
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: Your hymen is still intact.
Posted by: Dr Spank at April 21, 2011 12:33 PM (GC5/b)
Posted by: maddogg at April 21, 2011 12:34 PM (OlN4e)
DOCTOR: I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, Mr. Stuef. Your blood tests actually show you're 37% retarded yourself.
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR:Your pap smear came back positive.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 21, 2011 12:35 PM (7YzRS)
Posted by: Ken at April 21, 2011 12:35 PM (ZBbts)
I was the towel boy!
Posted by: Jack Stuef at April 21, 2011 12:36 PM (3Okgs)
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 12:36 PM (+cmP9)
DOCTOR: I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, Mr. Stuef. Your blood tests actually show you're 37% retarded yourself you're not ready for a slice of Leroy Jenkins.
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: You're wearing a calculator watch.
Posted by: Arbalest at April 21, 2011 12:36 PM (KGxUH)
Posted by: weew at April 21, 2011 12:36 PM (mS1ai)
Posted by: mallfly at April 21, 2011 12:37 PM (bJm7W)
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at April 21, 2011 12:38 PM (W7Ddq)
Posted by: marcus at April 21, 2011 12:38 PM (7TwHV)
Posted by: Meggy Dick at April 21, 2011 12:40 PM (BP6Z1)
For some reason I'm thinking Ralph Malph...
That's a name I haven't thought of in like 20 years...
Posted by: Canadian Infidel at April 21, 2011 12:40 PM (GKQDR)
Posted by: madamex at April 21, 2011 12:40 PM (ice9D)
Posted by: Jack Steuf at April 21, 2011 12:40 PM (wOGfT)
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: When you post pictures of yourself on 4chan, they're not laughing with you.
Posted by: Achmed at April 21, 2011 12:41 PM (c45xH)
Posted by: Oldsailor's poet at April 21, 2011 12:41 PM (cDRYC)
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at April 21, 2011 12:42 PM (W7Ddq)
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 12:43 PM (+cmP9)
Posted by: Ken at April 21, 2011 12:43 PM (ZBbts)
Posted by: weew at April 21, 2011 04:36 PM (mS1ai)
I hate to tell all of you. That's really not a pic of Jack. It's his mother.
Posted by: Soona at April 21, 2011 12:43 PM (QLZYU)
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: We cannot do the sex change operation you are requesting, as we are not sure which way to go with it.
Posted by: wiserbud at April 21, 2011 12:44 PM (3Okgs)
Like the ugly skank at the party who laughs the loudest and curses the most. (See: ette, Wonk)
Posted by: Michael Moore at April 21, 2011 12:45 PM (BP6Z1)
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at April 21, 2011 12:45 PM (W7Ddq)
Posted by: Fat Fat the Water Rat at April 21, 2011 12:45 PM (nj1bB)
Posted by: garrett at April 21, 2011 12:46 PM (9ZHgM)
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 12:46 PM (+cmP9)
Posted by: Ms Choksondik at April 21, 2011 12:46 PM (UciSl)
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: No, you don't look like Eli from Stargate: Universe.
Posted by: Canadian Infidel at April 21, 2011 12:47 PM (GKQDR)
The old second opinion joke is a classic.
Speaking of classics, anyone remember this one.
A young Indian boy asks his father how their names are determined.
The father says, “On the day of your birth, we throw open the flap of the teepee and whatever we see becomes your name. That is why your brother is called “running wolf” and your sister is known as “dancing bear”.
Why do you ask, “Two dogs fucking”?
Posted by: clonefan at April 21, 2011 12:47 PM (ZYgfW)
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: That ring of neckfat there is actually unswallowed semen.
Posted by: wiserbud at April 21, 2011 12:48 PM (3Okgs)
That's Will Folks fantasy girl. He might even get lucky with that... thing.
Posted by: Ms Choksondik at April 21, 2011 12:48 PM (UciSl)
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at April 21, 2011 12:48 PM (W7Ddq)
Oh, wait.
Posted by: Leo Ladenson at April 21, 2011 12:48 PM (mAm+G)
He's rockin' the froggy George Lucas neckfat look, with considerable success.
Bruce Vilanch is understandably envious.
Posted by: Dr. Varno at April 21, 2011 12:48 PM (QMtmy)
Posted by: Ken at April 21, 2011 12:49 PM (ZBbts)
i wonder how long fatboy would last if he met todd palin face to face?
probally as long as a dime bag of weed in east st louis
i wonder who i could ask how long that would take? hmmmmm (i kied, i kied)
Posted by: navycopjoe aka peroni beer czar at April 21, 2011 12:50 PM (EOu3d)
Posted by: Ms Choksondik at April 21, 2011 12:50 PM (UciSl)
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at April 21, 2011 12:50 PM (W7Ddq)
DOCTOR: I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, Mr. Stuef. Your blood tests actually show you're 37% retarded yourself.
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: Breastfeeding at your age is considered 'peculiar'.
Posted by: Canadian Infidel at April 21, 2011 12:52 PM (GKQDR)
DOCTOR: I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, Mr. Stuef. Your blood tests actually show you're 37% retarded yourself.
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: The proctologist down the hall thinks you need a face lift.
Posted by: Soona at April 21, 2011 12:52 PM (QLZYU)
Posted by: Thomas at April 21, 2011 12:52 PM (4BYS6)
Posted by: marcus at April 21, 2011 12:53 PM (5UcDQ)
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR:You need to cut down on the masturbation.
JACK STUEF: Why, am I hurting something?
DOCTOR: No, it's just really distracting.
Posted by: wiserbud at April 21, 2011 12:53 PM (3Okgs)
Posted by: lauren at April 21, 2011 12:53 PM (2kaVc)
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 12:53 PM (+cmP9)
*wondering if Jack will see some of the abuse here*
Can I get Jack Stuef in a death pool?
Posted by: Abe Vigoda at April 21, 2011 12:54 PM (ayAt4)
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: Following your own logic, you should be aborted.
Posted by: Jack Stuef at April 21, 2011 12:54 PM (c45xH)
What would you do for a Klondike bar?
Eat the asshole out of a dead rhinoceros.
No, I'm serious.
Posted by: Jack Stuef at April 21, 2011 12:54 PM (NQmAk)
Posted by: Ken at April 21, 2011 12:54 PM (ZBbts)
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 12:55 PM (+cmP9)
DOCTOR: We spayed and / or neutered you.
Posted by: garrett at April 21, 2011 12:56 PM (Tz0Rl)
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: The other 63% ain't so bright, either.
Posted by: AoSHQ's worst commenter, DarkLord© at April 21, 2011 12:56 PM (GBXon)
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at April 21, 2011 12:56 PM (W7Ddq)
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: Obamacare doesn't allow one.
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 12:57 PM (+cmP9)
Last year they were $4.15. Today it was $5.95. But we don't have any inflation.
Posted by: Vic at April 21, 2011 12:57 PM (M9Ie6)
Posted by: maddogg at April 21, 2011 12:57 PM (OlN4e)
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 12:58 PM (+cmP9)
Last year they were $4.15. Today it was $5.95. But we don't have any inflation.
Posted by: Vic at April 21, 2011 04:57 PM (M9Ie6)
Sugar has gone up 50% here and yesterday I noticed tomato paste had trippled from a few months ago. I cook and bake a lot so I notice this stuff. It's getting really expensive to eat.
Posted by: Ms Choksondik at April 21, 2011 12:58 PM (UciSl)
Posted by: polynikes at April 21, 2011 12:59 PM (IEZ0J)
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: You're fatter than Richard Trumka?
Posted by: rdbrewer at April 21, 2011 01:00 PM (7a1y5)
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at April 21, 2011 01:00 PM (W7Ddq)
A: When we pry Todd Palin's fingers from around his cold, dead neck.
Posted by: Leo Ladenson at April 21, 2011 01:00 PM (mAm+G)
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 01:00 PM (+cmP9)
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: When I said, "Cough", you moaned.
Posted by: garrett at April 21, 2011 01:01 PM (Tz0Rl)
Posted by: marcus at April 21, 2011 01:03 PM (5UcDQ)
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: You make Richard Trumka look good.
Posted by: rdbrewer at April 21, 2011 01:03 PM (7a1y5)
Posted by: Ace Tomato at April 21, 2011 01:04 PM (23p1u)
Posted by: Ken at April 21, 2011 01:05 PM (ZBbts)
Posted by: irongrampa at April 21, 2011 01:05 PM (ud5dN)
Milk hasn't exploded so bad here. The last price I logged was Nov 2008 and it was 2.08 for a half gal of 2% at WalMart. Today it was 2.45. That's about 10% a year which is what that Shadow site says we are having.
Posted by: Vic at April 21, 2011 01:07 PM (M9Ie6)
Posted by: polynikes at April 21, 2011 01:07 PM (IEZ0J)
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 01:08 PM (+cmP9)
Posted by: Ken at April 21, 2011 01:09 PM (ZBbts)
Posted by: Geronimo at April 21, 2011 01:09 PM (KVI8B)
Posted by: Leo Ladenson at April 21, 2011 01:10 PM (mAm+G)
Posted by: lauren at April 21, 2011 01:11 PM (2kaVc)
Posted by: willow at April 21, 2011 01:11 PM (h+qn8)
Posted by: Andy at April 21, 2011 01:11 PM (5Rurq)
Posted by: Leo Ladenson at April 21, 2011 01:11 PM (mAm+G)
Posted by: Ken at April 21, 2011 01:13 PM (ZBbts)
Posted by: Vic at April 21, 2011 01:14 PM (M9Ie6)
DOCTOR: I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, Mr. Stuef. Your blood tests actually show you're 37% retarded yourself.
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: If you learn to listen, your stomach will actually tell you when it's full.
DOCTOR: I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, Mr. Stuef. Your blood tests actually show you're 37% retarded yourself.
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: Ok let's talk cholesterol.
Posted by: Dave in Texas at April 21, 2011 01:14 PM (WvXvd)
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 01:16 PM (+cmP9)
Court documents quote them as saying, "That guy is fuckin disgusting. Ew."
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 01:17 PM (+cmP9)
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 01:21 PM (+cmP9)
Posted by: Michael Moore at April 21, 2011 01:21 PM (AnTyA)
Posted by: mallfly at April 21, 2011 01:21 PM (bJm7W)
Posted by: pep at April 21, 2011 01:23 PM (gmlb7)
Posted by: Berserker at April 21, 2011 01:24 PM (FMbng)
I think this photo best represents the awesomeness that is Jack Steuf
He looks like Mikey Teutul with a haircut.Posted by: CUS at April 21, 2011 01:25 PM (wOGfT)
Posted by: irongrampa at April 21, 2011 01:27 PM (ud5dN)
46 year old,
hah, If you have to write a report on this perp, that you haven't yet caught, but caught a glimpse of wouldn't you estimate This Stuefs age at around middle to late teens? overweight , 5'0 pubescent boy/ girl.
alright i'd fail at trying to nail a criminal.
Posted by: willow at April 21, 2011 01:28 PM (h+qn8)
JACK STUEF" *gulp* *gulp*...Yikes, doc that tasted like shit
DOCTOR: yeah I know, you were a quart low.
Posted by: Berserker at April 21, 2011 01:28 PM (FMbng)
@44 "If it goes tits up, he'll blame Cameron and/or Sarkozy. I mean, hey, they're just a couple white guys.
Posted by: joncelli at April 21, 2011 04:09 PM (RD7QR)
And one is part jewish to boot
Reminds me of one of my new favorite sayings (not sure which moron it was):
"When all you have is an oven, all your problems look like jews"
Posted by: TheThinManReturns at April 21, 2011 01:29 PM (X6O1T)
"Why do we always get stuck with these stupid muthafuckas?" a Hufflepuff lawyer was heard to mutter in an elevator.
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 01:29 PM (+cmP9)
Posted by: mpfs at April 21, 2011 01:29 PM (iYbLN)
Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at April 21, 2011 01:30 PM (c0A3e)
Posted by: Random Sock at April 21, 2011 01:31 PM (1AnjV)
Posted by: Leo Ladenson at April 21, 2011 01:32 PM (mAm+G)
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 01:33 PM (+cmP9)
I think this photo best represents the awesomeness that is Jack Steuf
....¡que macho!
Posted by: beedubya at April 21, 2011 05:18 PM (AnTyA)
Puerco gordo, wey.
Posted by: ErikW, polishing up his Spanish lingo at April 21, 2011 01:33 PM (NQmAk)
Looks like the gadgetron Douche-o-Meter from the Ratchet and clank games. I bet his goes through batteries pretty fast.
Posted by: Berserker at April 21, 2011 01:33 PM (FMbng)
If you're still wearing a college sweatshirt at 46, your life is a miserable failure.
Trig has far more upside potential than this douche.
Posted by: pep at April 21, 2011 01:34 PM (gmlb7)
Posted by: willow at April 21, 2011 01:34 PM (h+qn8)
Posted by: Jock Stuff at April 21, 2011 01:35 PM (+cmP9)
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: Your DNA indicates we should construct you some male genitalia.
Wait...
That can't be right...
Posted by: bonhomme at April 21, 2011 01:35 PM (cFBux)
I think this photo best represents the awesomeness that is Jack Steuf
....¡que macho!
Posted by: beedubya at April 21, 2011 05:18 PM (AnTyA)
The comments are priceless.
"Fukkin' Jonah Hill-impersonting, Down's Syndrome-hating pussy. Corky would unleash the fury on your sorry ass if you ever said such chicken shit tripe to his face. Loser."
"Georgetown called - they want their
sweatshirt back ...
so they can burn it."
Posted by: Geronimo at April 21, 2011 01:35 PM (KVI8B)
Posted by: andycanuck at April 21, 2011 01:37 PM (Y1DZt)
Posted by: jewells45 at April 21, 2011 01:37 PM (Z71Vg)
The fat bottomed girls video really cuts to the bone (as if Fat Jacqueline has any bones anymore, that is)
Jeff, the butterfat in teh urine crack has to be one of the funniest things I've seen in some time. Ace, you did a great job with this post. It's cutting, juvenile, and pitch perfect. But the butterfat line is simply sublime.
Can someone tell me when homos started getting all fat and flabby? I thought about the only thing going for the fairer half-gender was the muscles. It's got to be insulting for the gays who work out and such to be represented by tubs of lard like Jackie and Perez.
Posted by: s'moron at April 21, 2011 01:37 PM (UaxA0)
anyway now I am concerned Stueif is himself a wee lad and cannot find it in me to insult him.
who knew political blogs hired teens to represent their opinions?
Posted by: willow at April 21, 2011 01:39 PM (h+qn8)
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 01:39 PM (+cmP9)
Dozen eggs: .49
Sadly, their ground sirloin has jumped about .30 a lb over the last two weeks.
Posted by: Lizbth at April 21, 2011 01:40 PM (JZBti)
Let this blow your mind:
Arriannaaaa Huffington made $300 million off of people just like Jack Stuef writing their bullshit for free on her interwebz.
Fuckin ponderous.
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 01:41 PM (+cmP9)
Posted by: Leo Ladenson at April 21, 2011 01:41 PM (mAm+G)
It doesn't grow there; The pubic hair gets stuck on his chin and replenished from all the times he puts his head up his ass.
Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at April 21, 2011 01:43 PM (c0A3e)
Meanwhile Ace made $2.48 last month from lace wig and fake Nike shoe royalties.
We need blog revenue redistribution!!11!eleventy!
Posted by: Andy at April 21, 2011 01:43 PM (5Rurq)
Didn't you watch men in black? He's a ballchinian.
Posted by: Berserker at April 21, 2011 01:44 PM (FMbng)
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: Massingel called. They want you to be their next spokesman..
Posted by: Bosk at April 21, 2011 01:44 PM (pUO5u)
That's just begging for a PhotoShop.
Posted by: Andy at April 21, 2011 01:45 PM (5Rurq)
Watch out! says that douche.
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 01:46 PM (+cmP9)
Obviously that started happening right after he was accidentally decapitated and they replaced his head with an elephant's testicle.
That's also about the time his IQ shot went up 20 points.
Ace keeps calling that stuff underneath his chin "neck fat." It's not. It's actually where the loose ball sac skin has settled.
Posted by: wiserbud at April 21, 2011 01:46 PM (3Okgs)
Posted by: randall* at April 21, 2011 01:47 PM (+cmP9)
Posted by: Michael Moore at April 21, 2011 01:48 PM (dhz9q)
Posted by: willow at April 21, 2011 01:50 PM (h+qn8)
But tomorrow's Friday. I wonder whose day *that* will be?
Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at April 21, 2011 02:00 PM (bxiXv)
Posted by: Clutch Cargo at April 21, 2011 02:01 PM (p+mzQ)
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 02:05 PM (+cmP9)
Posted by: Jack at April 21, 2011 02:06 PM (kCT7A)
Posted by: Doc at April 21, 2011 02:06 PM (SM2zt)
Posted by: Doc at April 21, 2011 02:07 PM (SM2zt)
Posted by: beedubya at April 21, 2011 02:07 PM (AnTyA)
Heh, even the local radio sports guys said that Darcy Olsen of the Goldwater Institute is "smokin'."
Sorry libtards, but set aside the actresses and (some of) the singers, and you're full of fugly.
/lurk on
Posted by: logprof at April 21, 2011 02:12 PM (BP6Z1)
Posted by: beedubya at April 21, 2011 02:13 PM (AnTyA)
But tomorrow's Friday. I wonder whose day *that* will be?
Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at April 21, 2011 06:00 PM (bxiXv)
Now this is the kind of forward thinking, goal oriented, optimistic outlook that we should all embrace.
Bringing Commie cocksuckers DOWN!
Posted by: ErikW at April 21, 2011 02:14 PM (NQmAk)
Posted by: Jack Spaulding Steuf at April 21, 2011 02:14 PM (AnTyA)
Posted by: Jack Stuef's Retarded Mother at April 21, 2011 02:16 PM (6PIv/)
Posted by: Andy at April 21, 2011 02:17 PM (k7ewz)
Posted by: Bosk at April 21, 2011 02:18 PM (pUO5u)
Posted by: Krazy Kat at April 21, 2011 02:19 PM (oNphh)
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 02:23 PM (+cmP9)
http://tinyurl.com/4xwztov
Posted by: sifty at April 21, 2011 02:26 PM (+cmP9)
Wait!!
Are we sure that Jack Steuf is not just a fakey made-up name...and that Ana Marie Cox really never left the blog??
Holy Crap!! It looks like she picked up a serious cheezburger addiction
Posted by: beedubya at April 21, 2011 02:27 PM (AnTyA)
Posted by: Herr Blücher at April 21, 2011 02:29 PM (r3bZe)
Posted by: Bosk at April 21, 2011 02:29 PM (pUO5u)
That is interesting, isn't it? Is Stuef out or did Layne just out him?
Posted by: wiserbud at April 21, 2011 02:31 PM (3Okgs)
Posted by: Bosk at April 21, 2011 06:29 PM (pUO5u)
--Damn, you beat me to it!
Posted by: logprof vows to lur for realz this time at April 21, 2011 02:31 PM (BP6Z1)
Posted by: Philip Eatmore Hoffman at April 21, 2011 02:33 PM (BP6Z1)
it rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.
Posted by: jame gumb at April 21, 2011 02:42 PM (VGNmR)
Posted by: wildwood at April 21, 2011 02:53 PM (VSWPU)
But tomorrow's Friday. I wonder whose day *that* will be?
Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at April 21, 2011 06:00 PM (bxiXv)
Release the Honey Badgers.
Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 21, 2011 02:56 PM (UOM48)
Posted by: steevy at April 21, 2011 03:24 PM (0XJkt)
Posted by: elaine benes at April 21, 2011 03:26 PM (Y1DZt)
Posted by: demoncrat at April 21, 2011 03:31 PM (1kwr2)
This kinda fat, ugly, chumpy loser... life's hard on the soft.
Time hasn't been kind to Dexter... he was never the same after Dee Dee blew up his laboratory.
Posted by: Golem14 at April 21, 2011 03:33 PM (2X8VA)
Posted by: JR at April 21, 2011 03:37 PM (u/+WC)
Posted by: Ken at April 21, 2011 03:42 PM (ZBbts)
There is an ancient Internet meme, "20 reasons you should never post your picture on the Internet"
Apparently, Jack Stuef is about to learn why that statement is so true.
Posted by: Warthog at April 21, 2011 03:55 PM (o+195)
DOCTOR: I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, Mr. Stuef. Your blood tests actually show you're 37% retarded yourself.
JACK STUEF: Doctor, can you stick two fingers in my ass?
Posted by: demoncrat at April 21, 2011 03:55 PM (1kwr2)
Posted by: Shoey at April 21, 2011 04:24 PM (m6OUa)
Posted by: sTevo at April 21, 2011 04:36 PM (VMcEw)
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: Remember when I told you not to brush your teeth with Nair?
Posted by: Hell in Thomasville at April 21, 2011 05:24 PM (0It32)
Posted by: Dodd at April 21, 2011 05:29 PM (ipxVy)
DOCTOR: I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, Mr. Stuef. Your blood tests actually show you're 37% retarded yourself.
JACK STUEF: I'd like a second opinion.
DOCTOR: (sigh) yeah...I found that Snickers you were hiding in your fat rolls.
Posted by: LexisTexas at April 21, 2011 08:30 PM (Cn396)
Can I haz cheezz burger?!?!?
Dear Journal,
I finally had 20 comments today on a post of mine; I might be on to something. Should I dare emerge from my parent's basement today to celebrate?
Posted by: Jack at April 22, 2011 09:30 AM (Ed/A4)
Lads, I think we've been threadjacked. When I type a comment in this box and hit POST, I get whisked to royalmewigs stupid site.
Pixy! He'p! he'p!
Posted by: Stoop Davy Dave at April 23, 2011 03:40 AM (o3Cs5)
And a self loathing one too i bet. He takes out his homo anger against himself for being a slovenly porcine sorry excuse for a meatbag out on others. Its their fault that he cant shut his pie hole and eat less so that he doesn't have to hang out in dark alleys and knock out unsuspecting victims to engage in cork soaking. If he took better care of himself, he would have less time to be so hateful since he could cork soak more.
Posted by: Jeremiah God Damn America Wright at April 23, 2011 12:04 PM (rVYV5)
Posted by: lyslvbags at April 27, 2011 12:25 AM (OXLKf)
Posted by: lyslvbags at April 27, 2011 09:59 PM (Fgs+w)
Posted by: DM500HD at May 02, 2011 09:37 PM (cRNIC)
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In Old English?
Posted by: Rocks at April 21, 2011 11:49 AM (Q1lie)