July 15, 2011
— DrewM From fellow moron and the first recipient of a Project Valour-IT laptop, Chuck Ziegenfuss (He might not like this but as the guys at Blackfive say, he's someone you should know).
You are an Army of Davids Morons.Friends, Let me be clearÂ…
Okay, I shouldnÂ’t have started that way so early in the morning.
Let me try again.
Thank you. At about 9:AM yesterday, the VALOur-IT fund drive had collected over $39,000 in donations—after thirteen days of blegging. After Drew posted about our efforts, the MoronMenagerie™ took a break from opening hobos, kvetching about the excesses and inadequacies of our Government, preparing for our eventual DOOM! and opened their hearts and wallets instead.
Thanks to your efforts and generosity, our drive took off—like John Edwards after an ambulance. I watched, stunned, as our totals started climbing. My email was exploding with notifications of donations like… like something that explodes. And by explodes, I mean blows up. And by blows up, I mean inflates. And by inflates, I mean taking a point and beating it to death.
Okay, the Valu-rite is wearing off now. The hockey-stick graph (below) showing your altruism wouldÂ’ve made Al Gore add a new wing to his house, and heat it by burning unicorns.
You Morons made this happen—138 service members will get their adaptive laptops now, not “when funds become available.” We didn’t make our $100,000 goal (but the links are still open…) however we should have enough funds to carry us through to our normal November fundraiser. (Think about that—we’ve had so many wounded in the last seven months that we went through an entire year’s budget.) Because of You Morons, they will get that same sense of being able to do one thing that they used to do, to help them feel a little bit normal. I can’t stress enough how much of an impact that has had on me and on others—imagine you couldn’t get your morning dose of DOOM! or find out how Chemjeff has been scoring at the Applebee’s in the ONT—because you lacked the ability to use a mouse or keyboard. AoSHQ withdrawal isn’t pretty; It’d make an Ewok lose its fur.
Again, from the bottom of my heart, and for all those who you have and will help, Thank you.
Chuck Ziegenfuss
Let me just add my thanks to Maetenloch who jumped right in when I asked him to include it in the ONT on Wednesday night and Gabe who pushed it on his highly read Twitter feed. A lot of credit of course goes to Ace, who built this crazy place and then decided to let a bunch of people post pretty much whatever they want here. I've joked before that if Ace ever figures how to revoke my password, I hope he'd at least let me write the occasional piece pointing to the amazing things our military does around the world.
And you guys...the comment section here is always opinionated, occasionally obnoxious but when push comes to shove, always caring. We've seen it time and time again. It's a strange world when there's a direct link between smart political analysis, Ewok masturbation jokes and helping wounded warriors but there you have it.
Of course the biggest thanks goes to the men and women who voluntarily serve their country and their families who support them.
Finally, if a picture is worth a thousand words, than a chart of donations is worth life changing equipment for 138 wounded American heroes.
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That's what you morons did. Be proud of it.
*Just a note, the graph says the 13th and we did our post on the 14th. I emailed Chuck and he said it's just a labeling issue and that reflects the "Moron Effect"(tm).
Posted by: DrewM at
09:14 AM
| Comments (75)
Post contains 640 words, total size 4 kb.
Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 15, 2011 09:19 AM (pLTLS)
Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 15, 2011 01:19 PM (pLTLS)
You take that back...right now!
Posted by: Tami at July 15, 2011 09:19 AM (X6akg)
'Course we are, but we're generous degenerate assholes.
Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at July 15, 2011 09:20 AM (Bul24)
Please put the link up for the next fundraiser.
Thank you to all our brave servicemen/women.
Posted by: mpfs at July 15, 2011 09:20 AM (iYbLN)
Posted by: Nickie Goomba at July 15, 2011 09:22 AM (jeLTI)
Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 15, 2011 01:21 PM (pLTLS)
I'm gettin' there....thanks for checking!
Posted by: Tami at July 15, 2011 09:23 AM (X6akg)
Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at July 15, 2011 09:23 AM (GRGKo)
"Occasionally"? Man we're really losing our edge.
Posted by: chemjeff at July 15, 2011 09:24 AM (czcue)
Yes, we are. That doesn't mean we don't step up when it counts.
Posted by: mpurinTexas supports Rick Perry, bitch at July 15, 2011 09:25 AM (OonVm)
Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 15, 2011 01:19 PM (pLTLS)
All that work...wasted!
Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at July 15, 2011 09:29 AM (jx2j9)
Posted by: President Awesome at July 15, 2011 09:30 AM (zgZzy)
You sent them five bucks? Are you crazy? They might buy FOOD with that!
Posted by: Michelle at July 15, 2011 09:31 AM (Bul24)
Posted by: Mama AJ at July 15, 2011 09:31 AM (XdlcF)
Posted by: President Awesome at July 15, 2011 01:30 PM (zgZzy)
Hillary and I sent them some used underwear.
Posted by: Bill Clinton at July 15, 2011 09:32 AM (BP6Z1)
Posted by: Andrew Breitbart at July 15, 2011 09:32 AM (nj1bB)
You sent them five bucks? Are you crazy? They might buy FOOD with that!
Not after my food tax goes into effect.
Posted by: President Awesome at July 15, 2011 09:32 AM (zgZzy)
the comment section here is always opinionated, occasionally obnoxious
Occasionally? Are you reading the same comments section that I read every day?
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at July 15, 2011 09:35 AM (71Fka)
Occasionally? Are you reading the same comments section that I read every day?
What's that supposed to mean? You trying to start something? Huh?
Posted by: Mama AJ at July 15, 2011 09:37 AM (XdlcF)
And if you set the homepage on those laptops to AOSHQ before you hand them out we'll do even better in November.
Posted by: Retread at July 15, 2011 09:37 AM (G+7cD)
Posted by: Guy Who Always Strikes Out At Applebees at July 15, 2011 09:38 AM (bzC6w)
Posted by: My Sharia Moor at July 15, 2011 09:39 AM (BWccY)
This is not only a testimony to the wonderful-snarky-perverted spirit of the Moron-Nation......but also to the private sector, when not forced to by the government, that gives so freely and with such generous spirit.
Our men and women warriors are truly amazing. I work in a VA and see these amazing folks every day. Many struggle with not only physical wounds but the emotional wounds that are even harder to heal. Never once, no matter how bad the injury, have I ever greeted a wounded warrior without getting a smile and courteous reply back. The hacks we have in our government should kiss the ground these women and men walk on - they are not worthy in their presence.
Posted by: Cheri at July 15, 2011 09:39 AM (oiNtH)
Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at July 15, 2011 09:40 AM (GRGKo)
*sniff* We done good. *sniff*
You know, I may have to reallocate some of the stompy boot fund into a regular donation.
Posted by: alexthechick at July 15, 2011 09:42 AM (VtjlW)
Posted by: Guy Who Always Strikes Out At Applebees
In a manner of speaking. Have you ever seen the movie 'American Pie'?
Posted by: Blue Hen at July 15, 2011 09:42 AM (6rX0K)
Posted by: Wyatt Earp at July 15, 2011 09:44 AM (zgZzy)
You know how the morons are still giving? By the names on the donation scroll: The Ghost of the Pirate Blackjack...The Ghost of Chesty Puller...
Yep. Has moron written all over it.
Posted by: As If.... at July 15, 2011 09:44 AM (LyOUH)
Posted by: joncelli at July 15, 2011 09:45 AM (RD7QR)
If you wanna hit a home run at Applebee's upgrade your ride from a Civic to a Camaro
Posted by: Went Home With the Waitress at July 15, 2011 09:45 AM (136wp)
Posted by: Wyatt Earp at July 15, 2011 09:46 AM (zgZzy)
My God bless every one of these guys and gals.
Posted by: beedubya at July 15, 2011 09:46 AM (AnTyA)
I gave up a weeks worth of hookers and Val-U-Rite. I figure it's worth it, while waiting for the other DOOM to drop.
Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie © at July 15, 2011 09:48 AM (1hM1d)
Damn I didn't know that. Hang in there. I'm not too far from you - if you need anything, just holla at me.
Posted by: laceyunderalls at July 15, 2011 09:48 AM (pLTLS)
Posted by: Bob Saget at July 15, 2011 09:49 AM (F/4zf)
He created nomex condoms.
Awesome. Where can I get some? I'll need a couple of cases to go with my hookers & Val-U-Rite lifestyle.
Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie © at July 15, 2011 09:50 AM (1hM1d)
Thanks for putting that thread up. I donated in the afternoon, and the army was over their goal (31k), the Marines were close to their coal (23k), but the AF and Navy were waay low (only 7k's a piece).
I put the donation link on my FB thread and hoped that people saw it. I wish I would have known about it earlier so I could have pimped it like Huggy Bear on a street corner.
Posted by: runningrn at July 15, 2011 09:50 AM (ihSHD)
If you wanna hit a home run at Applebee's upgrade your ride from a Civic to a Camaro
Now if at TGIFriday's it's a Mustang...but it was sure a surreal feeling seeing high school yearbooks dated 200x-200x on her shelf while mine we something in the range of 198x to 198x. But I digress.
Posted by: Joe McGinniss at July 15, 2011 09:50 AM (oW269)
Posted by: Cu'Chulainn at July 15, 2011 09:52 AM (oW269)
That's okay; we can still use this gate thingy in Cheyenne Mountain to hit up neighboring solar systems.
Posted by: The Air Force at July 15, 2011 09:54 AM (Bul24)
To all of the "morons" out there, thank you very much for your generosity, and helping to change people's lives.
Sincerely,
Richard P. Lowe, occaisonal commenter, AOSHQ moron, and member of the Board of Trustees of Soldiers Angels
Posted by: RPL at July 15, 2011 09:57 AM (R4zoY)
Awesome. Where can I get some? I'll need a couple of cases to go with my hookers & Val-U-Rite lifestyle.
I think chemjeff has a site up. Google "Banging Mexican Food With Nomex" 
Posted by: Wyatt Earp at July 15, 2011 09:57 AM (zgZzy)
Posted by: EM August at July 15, 2011 09:58 AM (zeBNm)
I gave up a weeks worth of hookers and Val-U-Rite. I figure it's worth it, while waiting for the other DOOM to drop.
Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie © at July 15, 2011 01:48 PM (1hM1d)
So, like 10 bucks? At least you still had hobo hunting to keep your spirits up.
Posted by: The Robot Devil at July 15, 2011 09:59 AM (136wp)
Posted by: Retread at July 15, 2011 09:59 AM (G+7cD)
Unfortunately, all I can do now is offer a token of my appreciation.
Posted by: beedubya at July 15, 2011 10:08 AM (AnTyA)
And, it's not because it starts at the top of my list alphabetically.
Posted by: franksalterego at July 15, 2011 10:16 AM (7/sDI)
No problem, that kind of stuff happens all the time.
Posted by: Michael Mann at July 15, 2011 10:16 AM (XIXhw)
Posted by: Marcus at July 15, 2011 11:32 AM (LgEs1)
Posted by: DefendUSA at July 15, 2011 11:56 AM (c81D+)
Drew
It's the least any of us could do for our brothers and sisters who pay the rent on our freedom.
Posted by: cowboyup at July 15, 2011 12:19 PM (9oNaP)
Posted by: Marcus
Got you covered. I donated one to the people of Iraq back in 05. On the plus side, my pants are much roomier now. And I get to wear this:
Posted by: Chuck Z at July 15, 2011 03:10 PM (qXWUM)
Posted by: Chuck Z at July 15, 2011 03:11 PM (qXWUM)
Brother I hope that isn't true. Otherwise I apologize.
I knew you took a major hit for the team sir, but suddenly I don't see the humor.
RLTW
Posted by: Marcus at July 15, 2011 04:10 PM (If4k0)
Posted by: Mark Billingham Bloodline Audiobook at July 15, 2011 07:25 PM (UuWFL)
I get to have at my annual physical though, when I look at the doc and say "whatya mean there's on missing!"
And I cried a little bit when they renamed uniball stadium in Phoenix.
When I crawled/was pulled out of the canal, I looked at my XO, and said "Am I still pretty? Do I still have my junk?" (Of course, my eardrums were ruptured, and he was only about 10 meters away from the blast, so it probably came out like Marlee Maitlin--"Um eye stih pwiddy? Du ah stih hab muh jun?"
At the time, everything that wasn't covered in body armor was pouring blood--and the groin flap on my IBA was shredded--and the look I got in response to my question was enough.
That was a pretty shitty day. When the doc in Landshtul told me about the extent of my injuries and what all they had to cut away (and in some cases, reattach) all I asked was "will it still work?"
He said yes and I said "well, that's good" and passed back out.
In the big scheme of things, and after visiting with guys and gals who've lost far more than me, I got off light.
Posted by: Chuck Z at July 15, 2011 08:09 PM (qXWUM)
A perfect example of how you take a horrifying experience and use humor to get through it...other than those bastards in Phoenix. I smell a boycott!
And what's up with the IBA ball flap? They should take a look at your SIT and see if they can improve that part.
Yeah and I still won this week's contest to wear the "I am a Ginormous Dickhead" button.
Posted by: Marcus at July 16, 2011 05:51 AM (aqKGQ)
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Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at July 15, 2011 09:17 AM (jx2j9)