Ace of Spades HQ

May 05, 2011

Report: Bin Laden Died A Coward
— DrewM

There was always talk that bin Laden would have his guards kill him or kill himself before the filthy infidels could kill or capture him. He certainly had plenty of time to do it once the raid started it. Well turns out Mr. Tough Guy who had no problem killing or sending others to their death wasn't so tough after all.

Sources involved in the operation that took down Usama bin Laden told Fox News the terrorist leader acted "scared" and "completely confused" in his final moments, "shoving his wife" at the Navy SEAL who ultimately shot him.
The information helps clarify the conflicting details about what exactly happened toward the end of the 40-minute raid on bin Laden's northern Pakistan compound. Sources who were part of the mission said bin Laden acted in a "cowardly manner" when confronted.

Via Melisa Clouthier's Twitter feed.

If there's video of this it needs to be released. Now. Let the cannon fodder of the Islamic world see what there leader is like when confronted not with the idea of killing unarmed civilians but warriors. I like to think the bastard shit his pants.

Of course the problem is....this is like the 231st story coming out of this administration, so it makes people less likely to believe it. If Team ~~America~~ Obama didn't have to have the spotlight, they could have waited and told one, correct and definitive story.

Ensuring the world knows and believes that bin Laden died a coward would be a major communications victory. It may not have the impact because Obama wanted to play tough guy.

Think that's unfair? Tell it to Obama for America.

Posted by: DrewM at 11:55 AM | Comments (161)
Post contains 287 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Bin Laden Died A CowardThere's alot of that going around.

Posted by: zombie che guevara at May 05, 2011 11:57 AM (Y1DZt)

2 And we need to see his favorite goat in the background.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at May 05, 2011 11:57 AM (UOM48)

3 Now. I like to think the bastard shit his pants.

More than likely he did....maybe before but definitely after.

Posted by: Tami at May 05, 2011 11:57 AM (VuLos)

I was thinking of suggesting a pool, to guess the date when the story would stop changing, but I suppose that would be impractical.

Sounds like this is being leaked by the guys themselves, so we won't hold our breath for the WH to say it anyway. But how do we know the source is legit?

Posted by: Optimizer at May 05, 2011 11:58 AM (F56VB)

5 This is story number...what? Four? I see no reason the story won't get changed again.

Let the cannon fodder of the Islamic world see what there leader is like when confronted not with the idea of killing unarmed civilians but warriors.

This. Unfortunately it won't happen. Pretty soon troops in Afghanistan won't be allowed to disparage "The Martyr."

Posted by: Bevel Lemelisk at May 05, 2011 11:59 AM (FkKjr)

6 Cowardly? Throwing a mere woman at them was a brilliant use of an otherwise worthless creature!

Posted by: Bin Laden in Hell at May 05, 2011 11:59 AM (c45xH)

7 This is like the 9th version of what happened, and I have no reason to believe it is correct either. I don't really need to know if he resisted, if he pulled out a gun, had a gun handy, hid behind his wife, pushed his wife at a SEAL or whatever.

I do know that he heard helicopters and then he had SEALs in his house. He knew who and what got him. That is the only detail that matters.

Posted by: DM! at May 05, 2011 11:59 AM (XNLXh)

You know who else is a coward?

Our President.

Posted by: garrett at May 05, 2011 12:01 PM (mWqL/)

9 He threw his goat? Odd.

Posted by: dogfish at May 05, 2011 12:01 PM (N2yhW)

10 Amen.

Posted by: catmman at May 05, 2011 12:01 PM (DTzwU)

I'm guessing the next story they release has him caught whacking it to goat porn when they found him

Posted by: Ben at May 05, 2011 12:02 PM (wuv1c)

12 Islamophobe!

Posted by: booger at May 05, 2011 12:02 PM (9RFH1)

13 Let the cannon fodder of the Islamic world see what there leader is like when confronted not with the idea of killing unarmed civilians but warriors.

*Gasp!*

Posted by: Guy who gasps at misuse of there/their/they're at May 05, 2011 12:04 PM (CzAkh)

I don't even want them to release the video because it would be f'ing awesome, i want them to release it so we can finally find out what happened.

This is getting ridiculous.

Can we have a seal who was there interviews via phone and voice modulator?

I'm getting sick of the story changing every 6 hours.

I'm hearing rumors Osama used his anal beads as nunchucks in a last ditch attempt to fight off the SEALS.

Posted by: Ben at May 05, 2011 12:04 PM (wuv1c)

So the guy who, after 16 hours of 11-dimension thinking, pounded on the desk saying its a go (surprised he didnt steal Todd Beamer's 'Let's Roll' line), can't even get the same story from his people 2 days in a row. Panetta says definitely yes on photos, same day Ã˜ tells CBS no. Looks like he'll fuck up this easy win yet and end up negative points.

Posted by: Schwalbe : The © at May 05, 2011 12:04 PM (UU0OF)

16 But Osama can't be dead! He hasn't shit himself yet!

Oh. Never mind.

Posted by: eric cartman at May 05, 2011 12:05 PM (Y1DZt)

17 There's no kill video. That picture you keep seeing? Yeah, they're watching Glee. That's why Obama is looking so intently at the screen. Fierce, bitches, fierce!

Posted by: laceyunderalls at May 05, 2011 12:05 PM (pLTLS)

18 Funny. First reports was OBL fought to the end. I'll wager that came from WH. Now sources say he was a punk bitch. I'll wager that came from intel or military sources.

We should've said he acted like a bitch from the get go EVEN if it wasn't true. In war deception is an enormous weapon. We are being "led" by idiots.

Posted by: Lou at May 05, 2011 12:05 PM (cyFjC)

19 But all those videotaped messages from remote caves means he lived like a hero!

Posted by: The Mega Independent at May 05, 2011 12:05 PM (agiz7)

20 I've also noticed that the jihadi leaders never seem to volunteer to wear suicide vests either. Go figure.

Posted by: GnuBreed at May 05, 2011 12:06 PM (ENKCw)

As if hiding like a pussy for the last 10 years was not telling enough.....

Lived like a coward, died like a coward.

Stop and think about this - can you imagine being the guy/guy's who actually pulled the trigger on this piece of shit? Pretty heavy.

Posted by: Roadking at May 05, 2011 12:06 PM (N5Jl+)

22 "That picture you keep seeing?"

Ha, they are being forced to watch reruns of Obama's speeches. Now look at Hillary's face.

Posted by: Cherry π at May 05, 2011 12:07 PM (+sBB4)

That sounds like a great title for a song.

And thanks again, everybody, for the prayers for my friend. I talked to his wife and all we can do is wait for a liver donor and hope he gets it in time. I'm going to see him this evening.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at May 05, 2011 12:08 PM (d0Tfm)

24 Yeah. Very brave when it comes to child rape and performing involuntary clitorectomies. We should have shoved a flaming bacon-wrapped Koran sideways up his filthy cornhole.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 05, 2011 12:08 PM (UlUS4)

25 He died as he lived.

Posted by: Tom In Korea at May 05, 2011 12:08 PM (ZCWKn)

26 I thought those SEAL dudes were jackin' me up. I thought they said give me your money or your wife!

Oh, and "Death to America!!

Posted by: Big O, Chillaxin in the Hot Room at May 05, 2011 12:09 PM (MWXXs)

27 I'm inclined to believe Bin Laden died a confused coward, but I simply don't trust all these sources and the storytelling. Too many versions and too much "telephone" going on.

Bin Laden was killed. He was killed by exceptional men following a doctrine set up long ago in much more confusing times by George Bush, Dick Cheney, and Donald Rumsfeld who had the foresight and logic to enact that which protects America. Those are the indisputable facts that matter. Other facts: we have a hyper-partisan administration that opposed pretty much every policy required to access, interdict, and kill a historic enemy. While the administration spins minutia, history will remember the big theme and a compelling success from the Bush years.

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at May 05, 2011 12:09 PM (k8LtX)

28 I think it's probably unlikely that a culture that beats its women as a form of punishment for them being raped by their own cousins cares much that he shoved his wife at the soldier. It's akin to throwing another chair in the way, I'd suppose.

Posted by: Paul Kroenke at May 05, 2011 12:10 PM (VF+Fe)

29
I've also noticed that the jihadi leaders never seem to volunteer to wear suicide vests either.

Yup. And their preferred instruments of death are impressionable teenagers and pliable mentally handicapped people.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 05, 2011 12:11 PM (7YzRS)

30 Maybe the seals were ordered to bring him in alive and that arm of the government is black mailing the the oval office. Or somebody in the military turned a practiced mission into a hot mission on their own with out prior knowledge from the oval office. No one in government is giving the whole story.

Posted by: humphreyrobot at May 05, 2011 12:11 PM (EiH7n)

I'm inclined to believe Bin Laden died a confused coward, but I simply don't trust all these sources and the storytelling. Too many versions and too much "telephone" going on.

Here's what I heard about the raid:

Purple Monkey Dishwasher

Posted by: Ben at May 05, 2011 12:11 PM (wuv1c)

32 If there's video of this it needs to be released. Now. I like to think the bastard shit his pants.

I can guarantee there was shit in his pants at some point that night.

Posted by: FUBAR at May 05, 2011 12:12 PM (1fanL)

33 Now I'd like to see a video of that ....

Posted by: HoneyBadger at May 05, 2011 12:12 PM (GvYeG)

34 You had me at "Died"

Posted by: Cherry π at May 05, 2011 12:12 PM (+sBB4)

35 another conflict with Feinstein's obvious lie that he was reaching for a gun. but hey, the fraud's not even eligible for the office so why complain? Birther now, Birther forever! Not 'natural born'

Posted by: ccruse456 at May 05, 2011 12:13 PM (yNoT1)

36 Muslim sensitivities demand we not release footage of OBL acting like a coward. That would be embarrassing. Like seeing the Commander-in-Chief kibitzing some military operation in golf togs after smoking a fistful of Kools.

Posted by: George Orwell at May 05, 2011 12:13 PM (IZTTb)

37 Juan Williams just called him Obama Bin Laden on Hannity...Heh.

Posted by: Hedgehog at May 05, 2011 12:13 PM (Rn2kl)

38 Version 13: He was reaching for a sock filled with quarters

Posted by: Ben at May 05, 2011 12:14 PM (wuv1c)

39 There is no truth to the rumor that OBL was wearing a suicide diaper.

Posted by: CAIR at May 05, 2011 12:14 PM (IZTTb)

40 Dear Mr. Zombie Goat Fucker Osama,

I thought you might like to read about a real hero:

BATH, Maine Â– Engaged in a frenzied firefight and outnumbered by the Taliban, Navy Lt. Michael Murphy made a desperate decision as he and three fellow SEALs fought for their lives on a rocky mountainside in Afghanistan's Kunar Province in 2005.

In a last-ditch effort to save his team, Murphy pulled out his satellite phone, walked into a clearing to get reception and called for reinforcements as a fusillade of bullets ricocheted around him. One of the bullets hit him, but he finished the call and even signed off, "Thank you."

Then he continued the battle.

Thank you for service and sacrifice Lt. Murphy.

Posted by: GnuBreed at May 05, 2011 12:14 PM (ENKCw)

41
Which is why photos of his dead ass should be released.

If Al Qaeda is stupid enough to use the photos of a dead bin Laden as a recruiting device, let them.

Wow, what a role model. Look at the holes in his head! Woo hoo, I wanna be Al Qaeda too!!

Posted by: Soothsayer at May 05, 2011 12:15 PM (uFokq)

And thanks again, everybody, for the prayers for my friend. I talked to his wife and all we can do is wait for a liver donor and hope he gets it in time. I'm going to see him this evening.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at May 05, 2011 04:08 PM (d0Tfm)

What happened to your friend?

Posted by: momma at May 05, 2011 12:15 PM (penCf)

43 Version 14: He was reaching for a tray of poisoned dates and rancid honey.

Posted by: George Orwell at May 05, 2011 12:15 PM (IZTTb)

44 Version 14: He was reaching for a ninja star

Posted by: Ben at May 05, 2011 12:15 PM (wuv1c)

45 Version 17: He was going for his whiffle ball bat.

Posted by: Ben at May 05, 2011 12:16 PM (wuv1c)

46 Juan Williams just called him Obama Bin Laden on Hannity...Heh.

Posted by: Hedgehog at May 05, 2011 04:13 PM (Rn2kl)

We already know Juan is a raacist, remember?

Posted by: FUBAR at May 05, 2011 12:16 PM (1fanL)

47 Where's the photo of dead Hitler? There isn't one. That's why there were rumors of him living in South America circulating for three decades after WWII ended.

Posted by: Dang at May 05, 2011 12:16 PM (TXKVh)

48 Someone should be buying air time on Al Jazeera and airing the Chinese CG of Osama shitting his panties as he gets a double tap. Heh.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 05, 2011 12:16 PM (UlUS4)

49 Sounds like we could have easily detained him, but shot him anyway. I am shocked that the President authorized this, clearly, excessive use of... AWESOMENESS.

Posted by: JCred at May 05, 2011 12:16 PM (Wn+9y)

50 The version I heard was they shot OBL as he was drawing back the string on his longbow.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at May 05, 2011 12:17 PM (tf9Ne)

51 Version 21: He was reaching for his blaster.

HAN SHOT FIRST!

Posted by: FUBAR at May 05, 2011 12:17 PM (1fanL)

52 20 There's no kill video. That picture you keep seeing? Yeah, they're watching Glee. That's why Obama is looking so intently at the screen. Fierce, bitches, fierce!

Posted by: laceyunderalls at May 05, 2011 04:05 PM (pLTLS)

I still say they're all gathered breathlessly around the latest episode of Jersey Shore. It's the Situation Room, right? (Hillary's his biggest fan)

Posted by: MWR at May 05, 2011 12:17 PM (4df7R)

53 Presadent Obama got bin Laden in 2 years where Bush had 8 years. So who is incompetent and who is not?????

Posted by: Mary Clogginstein from Brattlebror, VT at May 05, 2011 12:18 PM (48wze)

54 Version 21 : We caught him on the john reading the New York Times Sunday edition

Posted by: Ben at May 05, 2011 12:18 PM (wuv1c)

55 Ben: "Purple Monkey Dishwasher"

That's exactly what I'm talking about. And if you think about it, who washes his purple monkey dish? Makes no sense.

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at May 05, 2011 12:18 PM (k8LtX)

56 Version 23: He was unsheathing his nerf sabre.

Posted by: George Orwell at May 05, 2011 12:18 PM (IZTTb)

The administration's actions in this matter, as usual, are typical, "By Committee," actions rather than through actual leadership.

All in an effort to make Obama look good.

Thus the lapdog media pushing "Obama's Leadership!"

Posted by: davidt at May 05, 2011 12:18 PM (GfhFm)

58 Version 24: he was reaching for his slicing hammer

Posted by: Ben at May 05, 2011 12:19 PM (wuv1c)

I still say they're all gathered breathlessly around the latest episode of Jersey Shore. It's the Situation Room, right? (Hillary's his biggest fan)

Posted by: MWR at May 05, 2011 04:17 PM (4df7R)

It was Michelle's prostate exam.

Posted by: FUBAR at May 05, 2011 12:19 PM (1fanL)

60 Someone should be buying air time on Al Jazeera and airing the Chinese CG of Osama shitting his panties as he gets a double tap. Heh. Posted by: J.J. Sefton Maybe they were Taiwanese, not Chinese.

Posted by: humphreyrobot at May 05, 2011 12:19 PM (EiH7n)

61 Yup. And their preferred instruments of death are impressionable teenagers and pliable mentally handicapped people.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 05, 2011 04:11 PM (7YzRS)

Which one could argue is a description of at least 3/4 of the Islamic world.

Posted by: MWR at May 05, 2011 12:19 PM (4df7R)

In war deception is an enormous weapon.

Given all of the misinformation and confusion O has sewn in the past few days, it's as if the American people are his enemy.

Posted by: Mayday at May 05, 2011 12:20 PM (TRgli)

63 Hedgehog: "Juan Williams just called him Obama Bin Laden on Hannity...Heh."

The gift that keeps giving. I've lost count of the pundits and talking heads who've conflated the two.

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at May 05, 2011 12:20 PM (k8LtX)

64 Version 25: He was snatching a pair of child-safe scissors in green plastic.

Posted by: George Orwell at May 05, 2011 12:20 PM (IZTTb)

65 I would like to give everyone of those brave seals a big hug. Yessiree, a big big hug, that lasts a long time.

Posted by: dagny at May 05, 2011 04:18 PM (xFzMV)

Just spitballin' here, but...a naked hug?

Posted by: FUBAR at May 05, 2011 12:21 PM (1fanL)

66 Version #666 = He was reaching for his Scooby Snacks

Posted by: momma at May 05, 2011 12:21 PM (penCf)

Given all of the misinformation and confusion O has sewn in the past few days, it's as if the American people are his enemy.

Posted by: Mayday at May 05, 2011 04:20 PM (TRgli)

Was there ever any doubt??

Posted by: Hedgehog at May 05, 2011 12:21 PM (Rn2kl)

68
From the story:

an AK-47 and a Makarov handgun that are now in U.S. custody.

Woo! Put them on display, like the Bonnie and Clyde Death Car.

Posted by: arhooley at May 05, 2011 12:21 PM (WGB5q)

69 I would like to give everyone of those brave seals a big hug. Yessiree, a big big hug, that lasts a long time. Posted by: dagny at May 05, 2011 04:18 PM (xFzMV)

Screw the hug, I have another small cave they can explore.

Posted by: momma at May 05, 2011 12:22 PM (penCf)

Please tell me this is a sock.

Posted by: buzzion at May 05, 2011 04:21 PM

It's a very oft-seen sock. Smile and take a sip of tea.

Posted by: arhooley at May 05, 2011 12:22 PM (WGB5q)

71 He was reaching for a copy of Star Wars III

Posted by: Ben at May 05, 2011 12:23 PM (wuv1c)

72 He was commenting on DailyKos

Posted by: Cherry π at May 05, 2011 12:23 PM (+sBB4)

73 Anyone else find themselves wishing that the SEAL who killed bin Laden did so while giving a speech like Frank White gave to/over Arty Clay...and punctuating it the same way?

Posted by: Fa Cube Itches at May 05, 2011 12:23 PM (xy9wk)

74 Version 25: He was brandishing his Soviet-era nail clippers.

Posted by: George Orwell at May 05, 2011 12:23 PM (IZTTb)

Version 14: He was reaching for a tray of poisoned dates and rancid honey.

14b: It was only after he noted the unusual 'Curnchiness' of said Poisoned Dates, did we know that we needed to go 'All In' with a frontal assault.

Truly, it was the President's reflexes that saved the operation.

Posted by: Joe 'I'm De-Briefed!' Biden at May 05, 2011 12:23 PM (mWqL/)

76 Version 25: He kept demanding his guys get shirts. SEALs didn't have any.

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at May 05, 2011 12:24 PM (k8LtX)

77
Screw the hug, I have another small cave they can explore.

Posted by: momma at May 05, 2011 04:22 PM (penCf)

Close down the thread and move this comment to the AoSHQ Comment Hall of Fame.

Posted by: FUBAR at May 05, 2011 12:24 PM (1fanL)

78 Version 21 : We caught him on the john reading writing the New York Times Sunday edition

Posted by: Ben at May 05, 2011 04:18 PM (wuv1c)

FIFY

Posted by: Pipboy 3000 at May 05, 2011 12:25 PM (c45xH)

79 Hey A United States Navy Seal shot the fucker in the chest and Head. The rest of the crap is Obama Admin bullshit. Lets separate the two.

Posted by: nevergiveup at May 05, 2011 12:25 PM (i6RpT)

80 Version 26: He was threatening with the stick pin of a Bush/Cheney 2000 campaign button.

Posted by: George Orwell at May 05, 2011 12:26 PM (IZTTb)

81
Obama lied, bin Laden died.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie © at May 05, 2011 12:26 PM (1hM1d)

Of course the problem is....this is like the 231st story coming out of this administration, so it makes people less likely to believe it.

....and then he fell straight to the floor still clutching his penis enlargement device.

Posted by: Soona at May 05, 2011 12:27 PM (SpBc2)

83 Version 84: He was reaching for his commemorative Royal Wedding cruet set.

Posted by: MWR at May 05, 2011 12:27 PM (4df7R)

84 versioon #423: He tried to act like it was a no-knock drug raid, and told the SEALs that the "drug dealer actually lived two doors down".

Posted by: The Manufactured Messiah at May 05, 2011 12:28 PM (326rv)

85 Rush says that the NYT magazine section is doing/did a huge article on how insane and violent the military is. Nice.

Posted by: dagny at May 05, 2011 04:28 PM (xFzMV)

Yeah, there's a picture of the cover somewhere. Taranto, maybe? Epic FAIL!

Posted by: FUBAR at May 05, 2011 12:29 PM (1fanL)

86 ...and why not? He lived as one.

Posted by: Sgt. York at May 05, 2011 12:30 PM (LJBsr)

87 Version 84: He was shoving Jehovah's Witnesses pamphlets at the SEALs.

Posted by: George Orwell at May 05, 2011 12:30 PM (IZTTb)

88 version #424: He was receiving for the squit gun, which was filled with AcmeÂ© brand disintegrator fluid. Which ate through the bottom of the squirt gun.

Posted by: The Manufactured Messiah at May 05, 2011 12:31 PM (Gzv/o)

89 The story makes sense when you know that Osama thought the guy in fatigues was the male prostitute he ordered earlier.

Posted by: FUBAR at May 05, 2011 12:31 PM (1fanL)

90 Version #425: Would you believe......?

Posted by: Agent Maxwell Smart at May 05, 2011 12:31 PM (Gzv/o)

91 I'm not sure that using your wife as a shield is considered cowardly in Islamic tradition.

Posted by: toby928™ at May 05, 2011 12:32 PM (GTbGH)

92 Version 89: He was demonstrating the Tuzla Dash, aggressively.

Posted by: George Orwell at May 05, 2011 12:32 PM (IZTTb)

As for the part about Osama having "weapons within reach," who gives a shit?

I don't care if he was cuddling his pet bunny.

Posted by: ErikW at May 05, 2011 12:34 PM (NW5yo)

94 Asked why they had not checked out a building so close a major military facility the ISI said that the compound had actually been raided when the house was under construction in 2003 when the authorities believed an Al Qaeda operative Abu Faraj Al Libbi was there. On that occasion he escaped.

From 2002 to 2005, said Abu Faraj al-Libbi, was al Qaeda's No. 3 man. He is now a resident of Club Gitmo.

Posted by: Islamic Rage Boy at May 05, 2011 12:34 PM (tvs2p)

95 Version 91: He was re-enacting the final play of Superbowl XX without the explicit written permission of the NFL and its licensors.

Posted by: George Orwell at May 05, 2011 12:34 PM (IZTTb)

96 Why kill the mastermind who knows everything without interrogating him?

Obama acted stupidly.

Posted by: Beto at May 05, 2011 12:35 PM (j5CHE)

97 47 Version 14 15: He was reaching for a tray of poisoned dates crunchy figs and rancid honey.
________

FIFY

Posted by: Anachronda at May 05, 2011 12:35 PM (FzhYM)

98 Agent Maxwell Smart: "Version #425: Would you believe......?"

Heh.

Posted by: The World According to TV When It Was Funny at May 05, 2011 12:36 PM (k8LtX)

99 Rush says that the NYT magazine section is doing/did a huge article on how insane and violent the military is. Nice. That's what Obammy thinks as well, surprised he didn't shit himself watching the real thing.

Posted by: dagny at May 05, 2011 04:28 PM (xFzMV)

What makes you think he didn't? The picture does show him hunkering down on the periphery with a look that says: I hope nobody notices the smell or asks me if I've popped a steamer into my man-pants.

Posted by: Soona at May 05, 2011 12:37 PM (SpBc2)

100
From the story:

an AK-47 and a Makarov handgun that are now in U.S. custody.

Woo! Put them on display, like the Bonnie and Clyde Death Car.

That P226 needs to go to the Smithsonian. Or possibly Annapolis (depending on whether the shooter was a Canoe-U grad or not). Either way, it's a national treasure.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 05, 2011 12:38 PM (7YzRS)

101 Using your wife as a shield while you piss all over yourself isn't cowardly. Wearing body armor and going in at night in stealth copters, now that's cowardly.

Posted by: Bill Maher at May 05, 2011 12:38 PM (saRwI)

102 Version 108: He was downloading a bittorrent file of "Avatar."

Posted by: George Orwell at May 05, 2011 12:38 PM (IZTTb)

103 I like to think the bastard shit his pants.

That, yes indeed--we can verify--is true. Yuck.

Posted by: Crabs at the bottom of Martyr Sea at May 05, 2011 12:38 PM (wOGfT)

104 Although to be fair, cutting your golf game in half so you can order some other guys to go in with body armor and stealth helicopters, that's pretty brave.

Posted by: Bill Maher at May 05, 2011 12:39 PM (saRwI)

105 I want to know if it was true what the wife said about the Seals taking one of his sons alive from the scene.

Posted by: Robin at May 05, 2011 12:40 PM (VY112)

106 Posted by: Bill Maher at May 05, 2011 04:38 PM (saRwI)

What's courageous is intentionally attracting attention to yourself when you're a 5'4" homunculus. Kudos.

Posted by: FUBAR at May 05, 2011 12:40 PM (1fanL)

107 06 Version 91: He was re-enacting the final play of Superbowl XX without the explicit written permission of the NFL and its licensors.

Posted by: George Orwell at May 05, 2011 04:34 PM (IZTTb)

*iced tea spit take!*

Posted by: MWR at May 05, 2011 12:40 PM (4df7R)

108 That picture you keep seeing? Yeah, they're watching Glee.

Nah. The feed from PokEEmahnEEstan went out, so the IT guys put in a scene from The Great Raid. No one knew the difference.

Posted by: CUS at May 05, 2011 12:41 PM (wOGfT)

109 Version 127: He was reaching for a light in a no-smoking multiresidence building.

Posted by: George Orwell at May 05, 2011 12:41 PM (IZTTb)

110 Uhm, Drew I can't believe I am doing this. Detroit public school graduate that I am. I am probably wrong but shouldn't "Let the cannon fodder of the Islamic world see what 'there' leader is like when confronted not with the idea of killing unarmed civilians but warriors." have been "their"? I am shocked that I noticed.

Posted by: Locus Ceruleus at May 05, 2011 12:42 PM (HLFty)

111 115 Although to be fair, cutting your golf game in half so you can order some other guys to go in with body armor and stealth helicopters, that's pretty brave a pretty gutsy call.

Posted by: Bill Maher at May 05, 2011 04:39 PM (saRwI)
__________

Dude. Get with the program.

Posted by: Journolist at May 05, 2011 12:42 PM (xGZ+b)

112 As others have stated, it makes no difference whether this version of events is true. It's enough to know that the last thing he saw was a U.S. service member pointing a rifle at him.

Posted by: Suburban Scarecrow at May 05, 2011 12:42 PM (Fg6yR)

113 I'm sure he died in the grand tradition of Che Guevarra, whimpering like a bitch.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 05, 2011 12:42 PM (61b7k)

114 Sorry, don't believe it. What we're hearing is the Thursday story. We'll hear quite a few more before they're all polled. The one that polls highest will become the official history of the demise of OBL. Anyone else think that we shot this turd in his sleep and dragged him to the floor to bleed out so the photo would illustrate more of a battle? Just wondering...

Posted by: Joejm65 at May 05, 2011 12:42 PM (BDB5n)

115 Version 73: He was doing the poco poco.

Posted by: MWR at May 05, 2011 12:42 PM (4df7R)

116 I heard that Ole Binny removed a mattress tag under penalty of US Military Law.

Splatt

Posted by: mpfs at May 05, 2011 12:44 PM (iYbLN)

117

They won't show you the pictures because by the time the SEALs got there, I had already butted Osama to death. There's a visible difference between a bullet wound and a goat-butting. COVER-UP!

Posted by: Osama's Abused Goat at May 05, 2011 12:44 PM (c45xH)

118 What the hell?!? This is a squirt gun!

Posted by: osama bin laden at May 05, 2011 12:46 PM (GTbGH)

119

Stop and think about this - can you imagine being the guy/guy's who actually pulled the trigger on this piece of shit? Pretty heavy.

Posted by: Roadking at May 05, 2011 04:06 PM (N5Jl+)

I've stepped on a cockroach before, and its not so big a deal.

Posted by: Oldcat at May 05, 2011 12:46 PM (z1N6a)

120 Who wouldn't beg for death after before forced to listen to Bab Streisand's "A Star is Born" album over and over and over.

Posted by: mpfs at May 05, 2011 12:47 PM (iYbLN)

121 129 What the hell?!? This is a squirt gun!
Posted by: osama bin laden at May 05, 2011 04:46 PM (GTbGH)
___________

Gotcha!

Posted by: Osama's brother, a practical joker at May 05, 2011 12:48 PM (xGZ+b)

122 Version #128 - Stares down the SEAL with the gun and says 'Now who approached you, Tataglia or Barzini?'

Posted by: Joejm65 at May 05, 2011 12:49 PM (BDB5n)

123 version #437: He attempted to explain a conspiracy theory on AosHQ using his PTP internet connection.

Posted by: Blue Hen at May 05, 2011 12:49 PM (Gzv/o)

124 I heard that Ole Binny removed a mattress tag under penalty of US Military Law.

Splatt

Posted by: mpfs at May 05, 2011 04:44 PM (iYbLN)

I love the 1970s cover to National Lampoon's "Crime" issue showing a sinister figure doing that.

Posted by: Oldcat at May 05, 2011 12:51 PM (z1N6a)

125 Very funny guys,. The 'Dress Up like a SEAL Bonga Bonga Party' was last week.

Posted by: Last words of Obama bin Ladin at May 05, 2011 12:53 PM (wOGfT)

126 Version #438: He was trying to enforce Arizona's immigration law

Posted by: Blue Hen at May 05, 2011 12:55 PM (Gzv/o)

127 112 Daring to wear armor, helmets, and wielding anything more dangerous than bows and arrows: cowardly!

Posted by: Internet Tough Guy Who'd Still Be Upset If Bin Laden Was Strangled With Bare Hands at May 05, 2011 12:57 PM (JVEmw)

128

@52: "Where's the photo of dead Hitler? There isn't one. That's why there were rumors of him living in South America circulating for three decades after WWII ended."

Even better, DNA testing showed the physical evidence to be wrong - it was a woman's skull. Maybe Hellboy had it right....

Posted by: Fa Cube Itches at May 05, 2011 01:00 PM (xy9wk)

129

Posted by: Last words of Obama bin Ladin

Charades? I love charades. Let's see. Three words. First word, rhymes with high.......sky,ply,nigh,dye,,,dye!

second word..rhymes with oat...and it eats oats? stoat? Goat..Goat!! I got game today.

okey-fine, third word. two syllable word, rhymes with lollipop, warm, candy, colder? Hmmm... sucker! This is a toughie. Trucker? plucker? fucker? Fucker.

dye goat fucker! What do I wi.........

Posted by: Blue Hen at May 05, 2011 01:01 PM (326rv)

130 version #948: tried discussing longbows in yet another thread

Posted by: Blue Hen at May 05, 2011 01:02 PM (Gzv/o)

131 Osama should have read the sign: 10 Items or less line ONLY.

Those item counter Nazis go ballistic and no the same item multiple times does not count as one.

Never go to the line where a SEAL is the check out clerk.

Posted by: mpfs at May 05, 2011 01:03 PM (iYbLN)

132 version #949: incurred severe penalty for early withdrawal

Posted by: Blue Hen at May 05, 2011 01:04 PM (Gzv/o)

133 He heard the shooting going on. He was in an upper floor bedroom. He had guns. But, instead of going down fighting, he didn't pick up his weapons, betting that the Seals would take him alive. Well, he bet wrong.

Posted by: Any Topic But the Huckster, Please! at May 05, 2011 01:05 PM (x/4B/)

134 "The information helps clarify the conflicting details about what exactly happened toward the end of the 40-minute raid...." ------------------------------------------- Actually, this info. doesn't clarify anything since it is the 5th or 6th revision as to how bin Laden was killed. Not a clarification. Just the latest revision.

Posted by: Carnoustie at May 05, 2011 01:07 PM (CDtZU)

135 version #950: the wind just changed direction. So too, the story must change.

Posted by: Blue Hen at May 05, 2011 01:08 PM (Gzv/o)

136 version #951: he was attempting to cross the train tracks without looking both ways, and was struck by a high speed train. Driven by SEALS. (we put out this version for the VP. Please go along with it. It'll only be out there for about 10min anyway.

Posted by: Blue Hen at May 05, 2011 01:10 PM (326rv)

137 version #952: Osama bin Laden was struck down by an obesity-related malady, while being attended by Obamacare medical trainees. Who arrived by helo. With guns. (Fair's fair. FLOTUS wanted one too).

Posted by: Blue Hen at May 05, 2011 01:11 PM (326rv)

138 Never mind. That wasn't Osama, it was a statue of Kareem Abdul Jabbar. Those Arab names are soooo confusing!

Posted by: Barack Hussein Obama at May 05, 2011 01:12 PM (c45xH)

139 He was reaching for a salad shooter.

Posted by: Deety at May 05, 2011 01:20 PM (mMv0h)

140 He was reaching for the last slice of pizza.

Posted by: Deety at May 05, 2011 01:21 PM (mMv0h)

141 He was reaching to tear the tag off his mattress.

Posted by: Deety at May 05, 2011 01:23 PM (mMv0h)

142 So he looked a bit like Dickie did last night when Raylen was gonna watch him get shot?

Posted by: Pomeroy on Palouse at May 05, 2011 01:25 PM (9K2zV)

143 Candygram for Mongo!

Posted by: The last words Osama heard at May 05, 2011 01:29 PM (61b7k)

144 DevGru 1, Obama 0.

fuck off.

Posted by: tangonine at May 05, 2011 01:30 PM (x3YFz)

145 Landshark.

Posted by: toby928™ at May 05, 2011 01:39 PM (GTbGH)

146 Version 95 1/2: He was attempting to argue against an invasive search from a TSA employee ...

Posted by: Adriane at May 05, 2011 01:58 PM (L9W0l)

147 Only thing is, I've heard so many different stories now about what supposedly happened, I'm not sure I believe any of them. It seems clear to me the commandos we sent in knew their mission was to blow away Osama, and they did. In the end, that is all that matters. On the other hand, the inability of this WH to get its story straight bespeaks their amateurism and will no doubt fuel various conspiracy theories for years to come, including potentially the most damaging one: that we really didn't get Osama, after all. Speaking of which, if I had been in Osama's shoes, I would have made a video years ago "proving" that I was still alive despite the stories from the US government that it had killed me. In fact, I would have made several, to fit whatever scenario ultimately played out.

Posted by: CoolCzech at May 05, 2011 02:09 PM (kUaEF)

148

in his final moments, "shoving his wife" at the Navy SEAL who ultimately shot him.

Take my wife, please.(bin Laden's last words)

And I thought guys like him had a problem with other men even looking at their wives.

Posted by: Speller at May 05, 2011 02:10 PM (J74Py)

149 He just farted in the airlock.

Posted by: CoolCzech at May 05, 2011 02:12 PM (kUaEF)

150 I bet he had goat porn on his hard drive!

Posted by: CoolCzech at May 05, 2011 02:13 PM (kUaEF)

151 63 I would like to give everyone of those brave seals a big hug. Yessiree, a big big hug, that lasts a long time.

Posted by: dagny at May 05, 2011 04:18 PM (xFzMV)

Get in line, hussy. I was there first.

Posted by: Museisluse at May 05, 2011 02:18 PM (a8aqn)

152 I think all we can count on from Obama is that we are being bullshitted.

Caller to Levin last night talked a lot about the liklihood that Obama was taken out by his bodyguard. Seems to make the most sense.

Posted by: Harry Tuttle at May 05, 2011 02:52 PM (zx/9J)

153 He was reaching for the last slice of pizza.
Mmm. Death slice.

Posted by: homer simpson at May 05, 2011 02:55 PM (Y1DZt)

154 Obama Osama was taken out by his bodyguard.
That's what Arafat said!

Posted by: michael scott at May 05, 2011 02:57 PM (Y1DZt)

155
Version #482: He was expecting the Spanish Inquisition.

But he was wrong.

Posted by: Golem14 at May 05, 2011 03:09 PM (2X8VA)

156 We had good intel that he was using the fiber optic cable internet connection to violate the DMCA and we could NOT let that go without taking action!

Posted by: Eric H at May 05, 2011 03:34 PM (yrGif)

157 I prefer to describe it as "Going out like a bitch"

Posted by: Diddy at May 05, 2011 05:25 PM (htQPz)

158 Darn, I thought he would pull a scarface. "Say hello to my little friend

Posted by: cvb at May 05, 2011 09:45 PM (eq7X6)

159 so basically.... we captured the most valued intel target in the world and then assassinated him..... It's almost like we don't want to win the war on terror... much less end it. roflmao

Posted by: don abernathy at May 06, 2011 03:05 AM (V7zNr)

160 HE,S DEAD JIM

Posted by: Spurwing Plover at May 06, 2011 02:42 PM (vA9ld)

161

Rado, an replica automatic watch taking an icon into a new dimension, with a beautiful rubber watch bracelet and high-tech ceramics.

Posted by: goodwatch at May 08, 2011 11:47 PM (Cm06g)

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