May 24, 2011

Special Guest Commentary (Bumped)
— Ace

All under the fold. I can't believe I got this guy to guest-post.

The most important intellectual in France (which is longhand for "still not important"), Bernard Henri-Levy, has taken to defending his very good friend, the indicted rapist Dominque Strauss-Khan, in a series of essays at the Daily Beast, protesting the assault on his friend's dignity.

This was a "I am intrigued by your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter" situation, but I got better than that: I got him to write for me.


Bernard Henri-Levy
Philosopher, Frog

My Good Friend Dominique Strauss-Kahn Has Forcibly Sodomized Me On Any Number Of Occasions And I Never Got All Crankypants About It

I speak in defense of my good friend and esteemed sodomaniac Dominque Strauss-Kahn.

The charge levied is preposterous: That talented overseer of the world financial system Dominque Strauss-Kahn raped a immigrant woman in a hotel room.

The defense is simple: Dominique Strauss-Kahn rapes everybody. Literally, everybody. Two days ago I was pleasantly surprised to receive a phone call from my most excellent companion.

"Hollah! What up, playah?," I greeted.

"Rape," was the singular reply, playful and piquant.

"Fo' shizzle?" I asked, wide-eyed and incredulous.

I knew Dommy to be a saucy fellow, full of jest and jape, so I could never be quite certain: Was he, in fact, fo' shizzle?

"For shizzle," Dogg SK confirmed. In background, I now heard the unmistakable creaking of a ligature being tightened around the wrists of terrified co-ed.

But this demonstrates the man's commitment to egalitarianism, as well as his irrepressible life-force, and by "life-force," I mean "ether bottle."

We live in a gray age, of weak shadows and indistinct reflections, of washed-out colors and blurry lines. Striding boldly across this dreary landscape of diminished ambitions and counterfeited intent is the vital power of Dominique Strauss-Kahn, a man who lives life to the fullest, a true bon vivant ne plus ultra, and when I say bon vivant ne plus ultra, I mean he rapes strangers.

And colleagues. And loyal friends. Essentially he's just a one-man rape machine, an indefatigable Terminator, except instead of being a futuristic war machine built upon a polyalloy battle-chasis, he rapes people.

In an age when so many are ennervated by the leveling effect of a drably corporate world culture, homogenized, bland, and empty, Dominique Strauss-Kahn embraces the world in a great bearish hug of vim, and bonhommie, and a contact erection, which is usually fair warning that the raping is about to commence.

My very good friend Dominique Strauss-Kahn will not take "No" for an answer from our colorless prison of a world.

He will also not take "You're hurting me," for an answer, nor "Stop or I will call the police," nor even "Rape! Violeur!"

Actually, I must confess, it is a little off-putting when he gets like that. He gets a glazed, empty look in his eyes, glossy and vacant, like the eyes of a demonic fortune-telling automaton in some forsaken carnival of sexual evil, filling you with a sense of dread, and also, filling you with his penis, because, just like that, with a click and whir, you're getting raped.


Shortly after my fourth rape at the hands of
Dominique Strauss-Kahn. I got over it. It's no big deal.
Why is everybody being such babies?

What can be said of a man who refuses to accept anything less than life's full measure of passion, of a man who lives boldly and outrageously, of a man who has diligently built up a tolerance to pepper-spray and chemical mace, as well as to blows to his genitals, so that he simply cannot be deterred from rape?

Well, you can call him a rapist, I suppose. If your mind is possessed of a crudité.

Or you can call him what I call him: My beloved friend. My lively comrade. My trusted confidante.

And also: My frequent rapist.

I first met this affable cyclone of aggravated sexual assault at a book party hosted by the always ebullient Mme. Simplesse-Callie, in her delightful Alice In Wonderland themed topiary garden. He was resplendent in a closely-tailored suit by Vivienne Westwood, which was all the rage that wine-soaked summer, and carrying an elegant rape-kit, especially designed for him by Louis Vitton, which, as I would find out later, was not merely an affectation, because he had handcuffs and a cattle prod in there, in the handcuff compartment and cattle-prod convenience pouch.

From almost the moment I saw him, I was arrested by his eyes, his manner, his undeniable intellect; I was also arrested by his brutish arms and iron grip, because within moments, I was up against the March Hare, being raped.

So, he raped me. Film at eleven! LOL. No big deal.

It happens. Let us have some perspective here. I have been raped numerous times in my life. Granted, these rapes were all at the hands of Dominique Strauss-Kahn, but I'm sure if he didn't rape me someone else would have, because, frankly, I'm asking for it.

I mean, look at me.


Directly after my seventh rape by Dominique Strauss-Kahn.
As you can see, it's just a "Here we go again" thing at this point.

Shit, I'd rape me if I saw myself trying to pull that unbuttoned shirt look off. And not even because I look hot. Just because it looks like I need an attitude adjustment, post-haste and on the snap.

As a philosopher, I live life by several dicta. Carpe diem is not just some cheap doggerel to be found on a poster in the room of a college freshman, who, according to the statistics, is probably being raped by my good friend Dominique Strauss-Kahn.

No, it is moral imperative, a Commandment superior to any of the expressions of petit bourgeios restraints as concocted by superstitious Jews 3000 years ago. It is not a slogan; it is a manifesto.

And a legal defense to rape.

And it stands, singularly, as the summa of human philosophy, along with its perfect corollary, the irrefutable axiom that keeps our society tolerable:

Snitches get stitches.

Snitches get stitches. We all know this, implicitly, as we have always known it, since it was first elucidated by Immanuel Kant in 1802, and first foreshadowed by Jean-Jacques Rousseau thirty years prior.

So who is the "victim" here?

The actual victim, you reply?

Well, uh, okay, that's a pretty good answer and I see where you're going with that, but let us also keep in mind that sometimes things get weird, and shit happens, and.... Who ya gonna call?

That's a Ghostbusters reference. I was told that would fly with an American audience.

"He slimed me"? No? Nothing?

"Don't cross the streams?" Is that something? I was told that was something.

Okay, look, fine. "Be that way," I believe the expression goes.

There's no arguing with you. Be a little bitch if you want.

It's no big deal. Seriously. After eight or nine times you barely even notice anymore.

By the way, is Ghostbusters any good? It is? All right, I'll Netflix it. Now that Dominique's under house arrest I have a bit of extra time.


Posted by: Ace at 01:52 PM | Comments (317)
Post contains 1202 words, total size 8 kb.

1 yess. I've been waiting for something like this.

Posted by: Ben at May 24, 2011 09:40 AM (wuv1c)

2 Does that guy look a little like Sean Penn?
Not associating that with anything but...does he?

Posted by: De' Debil Hisself at May 24, 2011 09:42 AM (H+LJc)

3 Penetrating Ace insight with a twist of Iowa Hawk, for the reach-around.

But it's not rape/rape.  It's satire.

Posted by: Chants at May 24, 2011 09:44 AM (Ym+AS)

4 ACE!!! ftw!!

Posted by: Beckster at May 24, 2011 09:44 AM (VjJAc)

5 Does that guy look a little like Sean Penn?
Not associating that with anything but...does he?

Posted by: De' Debil Hisself

 

1. Yes.

2. Associate away.

Posted by: Blue Hen at May 24, 2011 09:44 AM (Gzv/o)

6 It is a wonder to behold. Snark with 99.99999% purity.

Posted by: CAC at May 24, 2011 09:44 AM (JEVge)

7 Mon Dieu!

Posted by: Jane D'oh at May 24, 2011 09:45 AM (UOM48)

8

Smarmy fella, with a big bung hole I'm sure.

Joe Biden's long lost European brother. 

 

Posted by: dananjcon at May 24, 2011 09:46 AM (pr+up)

9

OT - from HA

Leftist deity turns back time to happier times, erasing much of screwed up leftist history in this country.

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at May 24, 2011 09:46 AM (jx2j9)

10

Ace - have you seen The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo?  If you have you know why I mention it here.  If you have not seen it check it out.  It's the frist part of a the Millenium Trilogy - the whole thing is excellent.

 

Posted by: Roadking at May 24, 2011 09:46 AM (8EgKt)

11 Brilliant, fo shizzle.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 24, 2011 09:46 AM (TMB3S)

12 Holy shit, rape CAN be funny!

Posted by: EC at May 24, 2011 09:46 AM (GQ8sn)

13 Strauss-Kahn raped me and I didn't even noticed he was so professional about it. What's up with you Americans, anyway? Pussies!

Posted by: Gordon Brown at May 24, 2011 09:46 AM (qBKEb)

14 Are you talkin' to me?  Are you talkin' to me?

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at May 24, 2011 09:46 AM (jx2j9)

15 2 Does that guy look a little like Sean Penn?
Not associating that with anything but...does he?

Posted by: De' Debil Hisself at May 24, 2011 01:42 PM (H+LJc)


If he looks like he just smelled a fart then, yes.


Posted by: Barbarian at May 24, 2011 09:47 AM (EL+OC)

16

It's no big deal. Seriously. After eight or nine times you barely even notice anymore.

I'm guessing stretch factor?

Posted by: eleven at May 24, 2011 09:47 AM (7DB+a)

17 There's no Leftist like a rich French Leftist.......

Posted by: SantaRosaStan, a Leading Indicator at May 24, 2011 09:47 AM (UqKQV)

18 Why, we should all want to be raped by Dominique Strauss-Kahn.  Since when do the ordinary proles get to experience that kind of intimate proximity to power and to the unerring moral rectitude one finds in the international set?

So I say, "Rape, Dominique, rape us all, for through your rapes we become a part of the international socialist movement and experience what it truly means for all of us!"

Posted by: AmishDude at May 24, 2011 09:47 AM (T0NGe)

19 For some reason, my submission was rejected. I can't understand this, since I have a unique prespective to offer, as well as appeal to the youth market; I'm able to captivate them.

Posted by: Roman Polanski at May 24, 2011 09:48 AM (Gzv/o)

20 Can an anus give a Gallic shrug? Bernard Henri-Levy's can.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at May 24, 2011 09:48 AM (OW0nw)

21

Leftist deity turns back time to happier times, erasing much of screwed up leftist history in this country.

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at May 24, 2011 01:46 PM (jx2j9)

OK, forgive me for being all Freudian, but does his (obviously practiced from childhood) signature look an awful lot like boobies?

Posted by: AmishDude at May 24, 2011 09:48 AM (T0NGe)

22

You said rectitude...

That dude's got a serious rectitude.

Posted by: eleven at May 24, 2011 09:50 AM (7DB+a)

23 His hair is so sassy.  And he has sassy clothes.  And a sassy look on his face.  He's sassy!

Posted by: rdbrewer at May 24, 2011 09:50 AM (37rl4)

24 "Sodomaniac"? You're gonna get Jean "I Am So Really A Man, No Really" Crowden all giddy with anticipation of tonight's activities at the Men's Center For Non-Reproductive Ass Sex, and Coffee Bar.

Posted by: Unclefacts Luxury-Yacht at May 24, 2011 09:50 AM (6IReR)

25 Can an anus give a Gallic shrug?

Bernard Henri-Levy's can.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff

 

Also known as a sign of surrender. In more than one way obviously.

Posted by: Blue Hen at May 24, 2011 09:50 AM (Gzv/o)

26 We laugh, here at the Finance Department, the irony of Strauss-Kahn's actual rape being what brought him down. Hahaha. The metaphorical rape we performed on the nations of the west during the great "Life as you know it will end if we don't rape all the taxpayers of the world" went down so smoothly even the "victims" bought it. Except for those damn tea partiers. Who could figured a bunch of racist no-brains would realize we were raping them? Will wonders never cease.

Posted by: Timothy Geitner at May 24, 2011 09:50 AM (qBKEb)

27 Does that guy look a little like Sean Penn?
Not associating that with anything but...does he?

Posted by: De' Debil Hisself at May 24, 2011 01:42 PM (H+LJc)



Well, they both DO take it in the ass, apparently.

 

Posted by: © Sponge at May 24, 2011 09:50 AM (UK9cE)

28 Did you see DSK's friends flew to Africa and offered her family a 7 figure settlement? These people make about $50 a year.

The defense has sequestered the victim in a bid to keep these offers away.

I bet the charges are eventually dropped.

Posted by: Marcus at May 24, 2011 09:50 AM (CHrmZ)

29 In France it's not legally rape if you yell, "quelle surprise!" before doing it. A lot of people don't know that.

Posted by: Ted Kennedy's Gristle Encased Head at May 24, 2011 09:50 AM (+lsX1)

30 You should keep his sassy face above the fold with his sassy headline.

Posted by: rdbrewer at May 24, 2011 09:50 AM (37rl4)

31 21

Leftist deity turns back time to happier times, erasing much of screwed up leftist history in this country.

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at May 24, 2011 01:46 PM (jx2j9)

2008??? wtf?

Posted by: Beckster at May 24, 2011 09:51 AM (VjJAc)

32 Tres bien!

Posted by: Y-not at May 24, 2011 09:51 AM (pW2o8)

33 And Dominique Strauss-Kahn was on the fast track to be France's next President. Well qualified with a well buttered baguette I'm sure.

Posted by: Speller at May 24, 2011 09:51 AM (J74Py)

34 2008??? wtf?

Posted by: Beckster at May 24, 2011 01:51 PM (VjJAc)


Cocaine's a hell of a drug.

Posted by: Unclefacts Luxury-Yacht at May 24, 2011 09:51 AM (6IReR)

35 Baliff, whack his pee pee

Posted by: Justice Cheech at May 24, 2011 09:52 AM (Fr8N6)

36 Did you see DSK's friends flew to Africa and offered her family a 7 figure settlement? These people make about $50 a year.

Posted by: Marcus

 

And that wouldn't be racism...how?

Posted by: Blue Hen at May 24, 2011 09:52 AM (Gzv/o)

37 And Dominique Strauss-Kahn was on the fast track to be France's next President. Well qualified with a well buttered baguette I'm sure.

Posted by: Speller

 

If only I was afforded such consideration.

Posted by: The Chicken at May 24, 2011 09:52 AM (Gzv/o)

38 ------- ACE ------- YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD. You have a typo that affects the comedic value. "Rape," was the singular replay, playful and piquant. reply, not replay. It kills the rhythm you're building. -----------

Posted by: BumperStickerist at May 24, 2011 09:52 AM (h6mPj)

39 What exactly is BHL's contribution to philosphy?

Posted by: Ben at May 24, 2011 09:53 AM (wuv1c)

40 We have no comment on this matter. This woman, though of color, must have been asking for it.

Posted by: NCAAP at May 24, 2011 09:53 AM (qBKEb)

41

What's to stop her from taking the money and just saying "whoopsie, I forgot you bribed me." 

Is a bribe a legally binding contract?

Posted by: eleven at May 24, 2011 09:53 AM (7DB+a)

42 21 OK, forgive me for being all Freudian, but does his (obviously practiced from childhood) signature look an awful lot like boobies?
______

No.

Posted by: Anachronda at May 24, 2011 09:53 AM (NmR1a)

43 Nice work, Ace.

Posted by: mrp at May 24, 2011 09:53 AM (HjPtV)

44

Leftist deity turns back time to happier times, erasing much of screwed up leftist history in this country.

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at May 24, 2011 01:46 PM (jx2j9)

You have no idea exactly how fucking hysterical that is.

The smartest guy in the room thinks there are 58 states or whatever and is stuck in 2008.

Next thing you know, he'll be partying like its 1999 or something.

What an embarrassing clown he is.


Posted by: © Sponge at May 24, 2011 09:53 AM (UK9cE)

45 lansing quaker called to say : DSK? Yeah, tiny penis.

Posted by: Dr Spank at May 24, 2011 09:54 AM (1fB+3)

46 I went to France.  I lived in France.  I know France.  The United State is the world's only hope.

Posted by: ParisParamus at May 24, 2011 09:54 AM (bN5ZU)

47 Posted by: NCAAP at May 24, 2011 01:53 PM (qBKEb)

National Coalition of Anal Aimed Penises?

Posted by: Buzzsaw at May 24, 2011 09:55 AM (tf9Ne)

48 Wow, and I thought I was good with the stealth Bufu...

Posted by: Needledick, the Bug Fucker at May 24, 2011 09:55 AM (Zi+FQ)

49 I bet the charges are eventually dropped. It's not up to the victim. The state can decline to prosecute, but my understanding is that there is enough physical evidence to put this effete French fuckmonkey in prison without her testimony. Where he will have no trouble adjusting, as the International Language of Rape is also spoken there.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at May 24, 2011 09:55 AM (TATbF)

50 Ace ... home run! You have done for rape what Vegas did for gambling.

Posted by: MaxMBJ at May 24, 2011 09:56 AM (qBKEb)

51

And that wouldn't be racism...how?

Posted by: Blue Hen at May 24, 2011 01:52 PM (Gzv/o)

Don't you American fools understand? We are trying to help the poor, benighted buggers.  Their miserable lives would be nothing without their European betters cradling their little heads in our arms.

Posted by: Partie Socialiste de France at May 24, 2011 09:56 AM (T0NGe)

52 I can smell this fool's B.O. through the internet. Or is it the extreme gingivitis; seemingly Bernard has no teeth, but this might be a desirable trait ....

And the (recycled?) motor oil in his hair? The quality it gives him, urbane or urban ... but I suppose it depends more on the clothes he wears than the grade of oil; "fresh from the thrift shop" has apparently more than one meaning now. Perhaps 10W40 hides certain smells?

Remind me, please, just exactly what, beyond the hyphen, qualifies B. Henry-Levy as an intellectual?

Posted by: Arbalest at May 24, 2011 09:56 AM (BqSr3)

53 Is it rape if you cant hit the target?

A sperm is a terrible thing to waste.

Posted by: Cherry π at May 24, 2011 09:57 AM (+sBB4)

54

Remind me, please, just exactly what, beyond the hyphen, qualifies B. Henry-Levy as an intellectual?

His stench.

Posted by: Sean Bannion at May 24, 2011 09:58 AM (sbV1u)

55 A sperm is a terrible thing to waste.

You must be Catholic.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose✡ at May 24, 2011 09:58 AM (0q2P7)

56 ACE! WHAT PURE GLORY (hole)! You should receive a PULLitzer for this! Harelquin Romance writers could learn a thing or three from you, brah.

Posted by: rightzilla at May 24, 2011 09:58 AM (SPVfc)

57 You sure Iowahawk didn't write that?

Posted by: Jeffrey at May 24, 2011 09:58 AM (qBgtG)

58

And that wouldn't be racism...how?

Posted by: Blue Hen at May 24, 2011 01:52 PM (Gzv/o)

Don't you American fools understand? We are trying to help the poor, benighted buggers.  Their miserable lives would be nothing without their European betters cradling their little heads in our arms.

Posted by: Partie Socialiste de France

 

How does one say, "white man's burden' in French?

Posted by: Manifest Destiny at May 24, 2011 09:58 AM (Gzv/o)

59

Freaking.  CLASSIC.

One of your best, Ace.  Seriously.  Top of the line.

Posted by: kent at May 24, 2011 09:59 AM (h3f66)

60 Remind me, please, just exactly what, beyond the hyphen, qualifies B. Henry-Levy as an intellectual?

Bien pensant.

Posted by: AmishDude at May 24, 2011 09:59 AM (T0NGe)

61 There's altogether too much rapin' goin' on heyah!

Posted by: zombie Fritz Hollings at May 24, 2011 09:59 AM (0AClR)

62 When living in France the only people I met that respected our country were people in rural areas that still had some memory of the war. Sometimes they would take me out on their land to show me where skirmishes were fought and soldiers were hastily buried. That's it.

Otherwise, as an American I was verbally sodomized everywhere else I traveled. Unless they wanted to sell me something, of course.

Posted by: Marcus at May 24, 2011 09:59 AM (CHrmZ)

63 Remind me, please, just exactly what, beyond the hyphen, qualifies B. Henry-Levy as an intellectual?



Much like Canadians and Hockey, it's a birthright to the Fwench.

Posted by: © Sponge at May 24, 2011 09:59 AM (UK9cE)

64 Also, is he wearing a wig or is that his hair on top?

Posted by: Ben at May 24, 2011 09:59 AM (wuv1c)

65 Sarkozy even warn him to keep his pants zipped in America.

Posted by: Tough US Immigration Policies at May 24, 2011 10:00 AM (zL6Hj)

66

How does one say, "white man's burden' in French?

Posted by: Manifest Destiny at May 24, 2011 01:58 PM (Gzv/o)

Hell, Kipling wasn't condescending as this bunch.

Posted by: AmishDude at May 24, 2011 10:00 AM (T0NGe)

67 What. in the metric, olive-oil covered, feathered fuck is this post about, again?

Posted by: tangonine at May 24, 2011 10:00 AM (x3YFz)

68 Loving it ace!!

Posted by: jewells45 at May 24, 2011 10:00 AM (l/N7H)

69 Best. Ace. Post. Evar.

Posted by: Ian S. at May 24, 2011 10:00 AM (tqwMN)

70 We're offended that Ace didn't ask us for our input on this story.

Posted by: The Chicken Coop at May 24, 2011 10:01 AM (UK9cE)

71 21 OK, forgive me for being all Freudian, but does his (obviously practiced from childhood) signature look an awful lot like boobies? ______ No. Posted by: Anachronda at May 24, 2011 01:53 PM (NmR1a) I shall, of course, be the judge on this, as the foremost authority. The one on the right, certainly looks like a large breast. Makes sense since a boob wrote it.

Posted by: CAC at May 24, 2011 10:01 AM (JEVge)

72 58
How does one say, "white man's burden' in French?
Posted by: Manifest Destiny at May 24, 2011 01:58 PM (Gzv/o)

Release my second chakra!

Posted by: babelfish (you're welcome) at May 24, 2011 10:01 AM (0AClR)

73 BRILLIANT

Posted by: Cricket at May 24, 2011 10:02 AM (w/dFN)

74 Put wee-wee in poo-poo. It's that simple.

Posted by: Marcel at May 24, 2011 10:02 AM (CHrmZ)

75 66

How does one say, "white man's burden' in French?

Posted by: Manifest Destiny at May 24, 2011 01:58 PM (Gzv/o)

Hell, Kipling wasn't condescending as this bunch.

Posted by: AmishDude at May 24, 2011 02:00 PM (T0NGe)

You gotta wear a helmet here. 

Posted by: tangonine at May 24, 2011 10:02 AM (x3YFz)

76 I'm glad you're all having a laugh here, but you shouldn't have to be reminded that rape isn't funny. Maybe it's a little bit funny if you are being raped by a clown or a hilarious midget, but otherwise, not funny at all.

Posted by: Ted Kennedy's Gristle Encased Head at May 24, 2011 10:02 AM (+lsX1)

77 Hilarious!

Don't mock the unbuttoned shirt--in a socialist state, they are probably having a button shortage.

Posted by: PJ at May 24, 2011 10:03 AM (tybhV)

78 "When living in France the only people I met that respected our country were people in rural areas that still had some memory of the war. Sometimes they would take me out on their land to show me where skirmishes were fought and soldiers were hastily buried. That's it." You're right. There is an organization that adopts American graves and makes sure that there are flowers on each one every D-Day or as they call it, J-Jour. The rest of the country can go fuck themselves. It is fun having them angry at us, c'est pas?

Posted by: Tough US Immigration Policies at May 24, 2011 10:03 AM (zL6Hj)

79 Magnifique!

Posted by: Paper at May 24, 2011 10:03 AM (VoSja)

80

"[...] like the eyes of a priapic fortune-telling machine in some abandoned carnival of evil, filling you with a sense of dread, and also, filling you with his penis, because he rapes people."

Again:  CLASSIC.

Posted by: kent at May 24, 2011 10:03 AM (h3f66)

81 You're sick. <3

Posted by: Dakota crank at May 24, 2011 10:03 AM (AoNux)

82 We the undersigned are outraged the way the press has convicted this poor man before a single fact came out! No one should ever jump to conclusions before all the facts are in! [Now could you lacrosse guys please drop your lawsuits?]

Posted by: Gang of 88 Duke Professors at May 24, 2011 10:04 AM (qBKEb)

83 Men don't rape women, penises rape women.

We need penis control laws! stricter licensing, longer waiting periods.stiffer fines.

Repeal concealed carry laws.

Posted by: confused frog at May 24, 2011 10:04 AM (uz3hs)

84

Quaaludes and booze make it A-ok too!  If a 13 year old is so wasted she can't speak, she can't say no and voila- it's consensual.

Posted by: Roman Polanski at May 24, 2011 10:05 AM (UciSl)

85 "....who, according to the statistics, is probably being raped by my good friend Dominique Strauss-Kahn." hahahaha

Posted by: mare at May 24, 2011 10:05 AM (A98Xu)

86

What an embarrassing clown he is.

Posted by: © Sponge at May 24, 2011 01:53 PM (UK9cE)

That's 'professorial clown' to you.

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at May 24, 2011 10:05 AM (jx2j9)

87 Ace,
I keep waiting for "froggy went a courting" youtube link.
Your missing a golden opportunity here

Posted by: nine c at May 24, 2011 10:06 AM (uz3hs)

88 21
OK, forgive me for being all Freudian, but does his (obviously practiced from childhood) signature look an awful lot like boobies?
Posted by: AmishDude at May 24, 2011 01:48 PM (T0NGe)

No, it looks like a pompadoured head of Elvis (the putative "Barack" part) playing a violin (the putative "Obama" part).

Posted by: ya2daup at May 24, 2011 10:06 AM (0AClR)

89

"The defense is simple: Dominique Strauss-Kahn rapes everybody. Literally, everybody. Two days ago I was pleasantly surprised to receive a phone call from this stalwart.

Holla! What up, playah?, I greeted."


I had to step away and fucking lmao.  That was funny, don't care who you are.

Posted by: tangonine at May 24, 2011 10:06 AM (x3YFz)

90 Scoop of the century, bro.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2011 10:06 AM (UlUS4)

91

Posted by: Tough US Immigration Policies at May 24, 2011 02:03 PM (zL6Hj)

These fine Frenchman would tend ti the graves themselves. Often they told stories how they were pretty sure the Germans would have killed them or their families if the American's didn't come. They were extraordinarily grateful.

Just so folks know that all Frenchman are not shitbags.

Posted by: Marcus at May 24, 2011 10:06 AM (CHrmZ)

92 Repeal concealed carry laws.

Posted by: confused frog at May 24, 2011 02:04 PM (uz3hs)

Yikes.  lol

Posted by: blue star at May 24, 2011 10:06 AM (LkWf0)

93

OT: Smartest President Evah gets date wrong by 3 years when signing the guest book at Westminister Abby.

http://tinyurl.com/3sb8trc

 

Posted by: robtr at May 24, 2011 10:07 AM (MtwBb)

94 83 "...stiffer fines. Repeal concealed carry laws. Posted by: confused frog at May 24, 2011 02:04 PM (uz3hs) Heh!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at May 24, 2011 10:07 AM (UlUS4)

95 If Dominque Strauss-Kahn is guilty of anything, it's loving too much.

Posted by: Ms Choksondik at May 24, 2011 10:07 AM (UciSl)

Posted by: nine c at May 24, 2011 10:07 AM (uz3hs)

97 I'm glad you're all having a laugh here, but you shouldn't have to be reminded that rape isn't funny. Maybe it's a little bit funny if you are being raped by a clown or a hilarious midget, but otherwise, not funny at all.

Posted by: Ted Kennedy's Gristle Encased Head

True, except this is aimed at the rapists' defenders, and this isn't comedy; it's ridicule.

Posted by: Manifest Destiny at May 24, 2011 10:08 AM (Gzv/o)

98 People of the Midwest, I'm here for you. In London. I'm here for you.

Posted by: El JEFe at May 24, 2011 10:08 AM (FcR7P)

99 These comments were so funny I actually went back and read the post. Amazing! Who is this "Ace" character, anyway? He has a few funny lines in there.

Posted by: Andrew Brietbart at May 24, 2011 10:08 AM (qBKEb)

100 I'm glad you're all having a laugh here, but you shouldn't have to be reminded that rape isn't funny. Maybe it's a little bit funny if you are being raped by a clown or a hilarious midget, but otherwise, not funny at all.

Posted by: Ted Kennedy's Gristle Encased Head at May 24, 2011 02:02 PM (+lsX1)



But murder on the other hand.....

Right Teddy?

Posted by: © Sponge at May 24, 2011 10:09 AM (UK9cE)

101 En Fuego!

Posted by: that guy that shouts en fuego! at May 24, 2011 10:09 AM (GTbGH)

102 Listen, when it some to  Dominque Strauss-Kahn and an ass he wishes to sodomize there's no extradition treaty. He will go in and stay in until he chooses to leave. Roll with it baby.

Posted by: Bernard Henri-Levy at May 24, 2011 10:09 AM (Q1lie)

103

Only on the eigth attempt should the master yield.

Posted by: Saad Amos Me at May 24, 2011 10:10 AM (qITbz)

104 Eh, vhy is everyone so oui, oui'ed up?

Posted by: Bernard Henri-Obama at May 24, 2011 10:10 AM (TMB3S)

105 Jesus Christ! Whats with the hair? It looks like he got it off a muppet he slipped roofies to and gang raped.

Posted by: Donald Trump at May 24, 2011 10:10 AM (NCw5u)

106 Kind of like Charles Krauthammer, only he can ejaculate semen when responding to sexual stimuli and doesn't have to pee into a rubber tube draining into a transparent plastic sack.

Levy is erg?  That explains much.

Posted by: toby928✡ at May 24, 2011 10:10 AM (GTbGH)

107 Posted by: valery giscard d'estaing at May 24, 2011 02:09 PM (BRDoH)

Nice. Pick on the handicap. Asshole.

This guy  is a piece of shit. Just like DSK.

Posted by: Marcus at May 24, 2011 10:11 AM (CHrmZ)

108 Ace, for a moron you sure know a lot of foreign words. Bonhommie? You're scaring me.

Posted by: MaxMBJ at May 24, 2011 10:11 AM (qBKEb)

109 Outré

Posted by: dagny at May 24, 2011 10:12 AM (6AwJh)

110 RELATED: Dominique Strass-Kahn to play role of "New Fish" in the Riker's Island Repertory Theater production of "BrownEye's Wide Open."

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at May 24, 2011 10:13 AM (+61wI)

111 The frog can visit DSK at Rikers. I am sure he will feel right at home. It's kinda like rape heave...or was it purgatory.

Anyway, there is a heavy smell of ass in the air.

Posted by: Marcus at May 24, 2011 10:13 AM (CHrmZ)

112

Nice. Pick on the handicap. Asshole.

Don't be too hard on him, he was just being compassionate and loving humanity.  That's what libs do - just like DSK.

They're gonna love humanity good and hard, whether they like it or not.

Posted by: Sean Bannion at May 24, 2011 10:13 AM (sbV1u)

113 Ace, for a moron you sure know a lot of foreign words. Bonhommie? You're scaring me.

Posted by: MaxMBJ

 

This impresses you? I know that too. It's a kind of soap. I know Irish Spring too.

Posted by: Blue Hen at May 24, 2011 10:13 AM (Gzv/o)

114 Hey guys this isn't satire - Bernard Henri-Levy really did write this.

If you doubt me, just go read his spirited defense of the rape-artist Roman Polanski here and here.

Posted by: Mætenloch at May 24, 2011 10:14 AM (pAlYe)

115 Kind of like Charles Krauthammer, only he can ejaculate semen when responding to sexual stimuli and doesn't have to pee into a rubber tube draining into a transparent plastic sack.

Posted by: valery giscard d'estaing at May 24, 2011 02:09 PM (BRDoH)



And you're aware because you're Charles's wet nurse?

 

Posted by: © Sponge at May 24, 2011 10:14 AM (UK9cE)

116 That was just awesome.

Posted by: Keyser Soze at May 24, 2011 10:14 AM (vndQB)

117 We need penis control laws! stricter licensing, longer waiting periods.stiffer fines.

Repeal concealed carry laws.

Posted by: confused frog at May 24, 2011 02:04 PM (uz3hs)

How about open carry?  And I boy do I mean carry

Posted by: Will Folks at May 24, 2011 10:14 AM (FIDMq)

118 Maybe it's a little bit funny if you are being raped by a clown

I'm outraged.  I was raped by a clown once.  You have no idea what they can do with those juggle balls.  Stop clowning around. Please.

Posted by: Cherry π at May 24, 2011 10:14 AM (+sBB4)

119 Obama thinks it's still 2008?

Posted by: dagny at May 24, 2011 10:15 AM (6AwJh)

120

I was raped by a clown once. 

Ummm....uhhh....got any video?

Posted by: Sean Bannion at May 24, 2011 10:15 AM (sbV1u)

121 Maybe it's a little bit funny if you are being raped by a clown

I'm outraged.  I was raped by a clown once.  You have no idea what they can do with those juggle balls.  Stop clowning around. Please.

Posted by: Cherry ð

 

You were asking for it. You got into their car. What were you thinking!?!

Posted by: Blue Hen at May 24, 2011 10:16 AM (Gzv/o)

122

The argument for Imperative Rape?

Posted by: Immanuel Kant at May 24, 2011 10:16 AM (hW57F)

123 Posted by: Mætenloch at May 24, 2011 02:14 PM (pAlYe)


1. The "illegal sexual intercourse" that Roman Polanski acknowledged he was guilty of 32 years ago is not, for all that, the deadly crime, even crime against humanity, that the avengers hot on his heels have been denouncing for the past 10 days. Yes, it is a crime. But there are degrees in the scale of crimes. And it is an insult to good sense, an assault on reason, a door left open to all kinds of confusion, to muddle everything, to try to make everyone believe that a rape is a crime of the same nature as, for example, the one his wife Sharon Tate was a victim of, eviscerated several years earlier, to risk, in other words, because that's what we're really talking about, seeing Polanski join Charles Manson in the penitentiary where, starting January 1, 2010, he will have the possibility of parole.


So, in other words.....It wasn't RAPE rape.

Posted by: © Sponge at May 24, 2011 10:17 AM (UK9cE)

124 This is a weird day.

Rape and Chinese War and Tornados.

sheesh.

The nightmares used to stop when I got out of bed in the morning.

Posted by: sifty at May 24, 2011 10:18 AM (2dbd9)

125 Now there's some sad things known to man
But ain't too much sadder than
The rape by a clown

Posted by: Cherry π at May 24, 2011 10:19 AM (+sBB4)

126 Again, can anyone tell me what BHL's contributions to philosophy are?

Posted by: Ben at May 24, 2011 10:20 AM (wuv1c)

127 The nightmares used to stop when I got out of bed in the morning.

Change!11!!

Posted by: Barak H Obama at May 24, 2011 10:20 AM (tf9Ne)

128 The penis is good.

Posted by: Bernard Henri-Zardoz at May 24, 2011 10:20 AM (GTbGH)

129

@125.

Dammit you beat me to it. 

Posted by: Sean Bannion at May 24, 2011 10:21 AM (sbV1u)

130

It's the frist part of a the Millenium Trilogy - the whole thing is excellent.

Ugh. Worst shit I've ever read. Except for Searching for Fatima but that was palistinian propaganda. Hated those books and had to abandon the last one as it was too awful to read. It does have everything for the lefties though--socialism, homosexuality, arrogance, bad translation, eurotrash....

Posted by: dagny at May 24, 2011 10:21 AM (6AwJh)

131
bidets in Europe hardest hit

Posted by: Soothsayer at May 24, 2011 10:21 AM (gM4zK)

132

In NHL's second defense of DSK he talks about how Justice is based on innocent until proven guilty.

I am unfamiliar with France's justice system, but I know much of Europe is guilty until proven innocent, does france fall into that category?

Posted by: Ben at May 24, 2011 10:22 AM (wuv1c)

133

Alright hoard...lets not let Ace think he can have his way with us. All the accolades can give the guy a big head IYKWIMAITYD.

Run away-Run away!

 

 

Posted by: dananjcon at May 24, 2011 10:22 AM (pr+up)

134

Again, can anyone tell me what BHL's contributions to philosophy are?

A defense of moral equivalance - in three part harmony.

Posted by: Sean Bannion at May 24, 2011 10:22 AM (sbV1u)

135 I would have thought a French Philosopher would have been less of a determinist about the philosophy of rape. 

Posted by: garrett at May 24, 2011 10:22 AM (cQaKF)

136 The hair says Wolverine, while the open shirt is reminescant of Fabio or an earlier Antonio Banderas if you will. And while some of the ladies might have pined for such a masculine fusion on paper, I think we can all agree the actual outcome screams "little bitch"

Posted by: Jollyroger at May 24, 2011 10:23 AM (NCw5u)

137

It's a kind of soap. I know Irish Spring too.

Smells waaaay better than arab spring.

Posted by: dagny at May 24, 2011 10:23 AM (6AwJh)

138 I bet the 12th Imama will not smell too good after being in that well for 1000 years.

Posted by: Cherry π at May 24, 2011 10:25 AM (+sBB4)

139 this is why I come to the HQ.  for the rape humor.

Posted by: chemjeff at May 24, 2011 10:25 AM (7mSYS)

140

Again, can anyone tell me what BHL's contributions to philosophy are?

He blogs.  He has no use for four buttons to the collar.

Do you need more?

Posted by: wtfci at May 24, 2011 10:25 AM (qITbz)

141 So you guys know the President is either on drugs or losing his mind, right??
(someone may have pointed this out - haven't read the comments yet!)

Posted by: laceyunderalls at May 24, 2011 10:26 AM (pLTLS)

142 Gal in shipping just said.....
"The penis is a sentient being parasitically attached to an animal host."

Posted by: De' Debil Hisself at May 24, 2011 10:26 AM (H+LJc)

143 What they don't understand is that most normal americans don't want the french to like us, in fact, we would prefer that they don't.

Posted by: dagny at May 24, 2011 10:26 AM (6AwJh)

144 125 Now there's some sad things known to man
But ain't too much sadder than
The rape by a clown

Posted by: Cherry π at May 24, 2011 02:19 PM (+sBB4)

Come on - is anyone really surprised that men who wear disguises and like to hang out with kids aren't in it purely for playing mumbley-peg? Rape is the raison d'être of clowning. Well that and balloon tricks.

Posted by: Mætenloch at May 24, 2011 10:26 AM (pAlYe)

145 this is why I come to the HQ.  for the rape humor.

Posted by: chemjeff

 

You could come over to my place

Posted by: TurboTax Timmy at May 24, 2011 10:26 AM (Gzv/o)

146 I was raped by a clown once.

Are you speaking literally or figuratively?   Because most of America has gotten a figurative clown-raping these past three years.   

Posted by: RightWingProf at May 24, 2011 10:27 AM (UOcNk)

147 If anyone remembers PattyAnn, she has suffered a ruptured artery from a graft, and the prognosis isn't good. She went into emergency surgery, nothing else is known yet. Send her your thoughts, if you are so inclined.

Posted by: Jay in Ames at May 24, 2011 10:27 AM (UEEex)

148 "The penis is a sentient being parasitically attached to an animal host."

Posted by: De' Debil Hisself at May 24, 2011 02:26 PM (H+LJc)

I think that's a greater contribution to philosophy than we've ever seen from the whole of French intelligencia.

Posted by: AmishDude at May 24, 2011 10:28 AM (T0NGe)

149 You know this is an interesting case under Shariah Law. Normally the woman would be punished because she doesn't have 4 witnesses to the rape. But the perp is a non-Muslim. I know a Muslim woman's testimony is like 1/4 value of a Muslim man's or something like that. But is hers weighted more than a infidels? 

Posted by: Rocks at May 24, 2011 10:28 AM (Q1lie)

150 138 I bet the 12th Imama will not smell too good after being in that well for 1000 years.

Posted by: Cherry ð at May 24, 2011 02:25 PM (+sBB4)

A WELL?  I thought it was just a deeep pit toilet...damn, damn,damn! Im f'd!

Posted by: Iranian sheep herder/molester at May 24, 2011 10:29 AM (FIDMq)

151 141 Read the comments on that site. Hysterical. The best: Bammy's "O" looks like  the moment of conception.

Posted by: dagny at May 24, 2011 10:29 AM (6AwJh)

152 Bitch comes in my room; my penis goes in her womb.

Words to live by.

Posted by: Dominique Strauss-Kahn at May 24, 2011 10:30 AM (usXZy)

153 HAHAHAHAHAHA, this is classic, Ace.

Posted by: Caiwyn at May 24, 2011 10:30 AM (ttktr)

154

"The penis is a sentient being parasitically attached to an animal host."

Posted by: De' Debil Hisself

I think that's a greater contribution to philosophy than we've ever seen from the whole of French intelligencia.

That may be because so many of them had their heads lopped off.

Posted by: Speller at May 24, 2011 10:30 AM (J74Py)

155

Hide yo' children, hide yo' wives, hide yo' husbands, cuz them Frenchies be rapin' evrybody out here!

Posted by: Antoine Dodson at May 24, 2011 10:32 AM (DrWcr)

156 Just because you are identified by a three-letter initial doesn't mean you are an asshole, it just means you are probably an asshole: DSK, BHL, OBL, BTK, FDR, etc.



Posted by: Ted Kennedy's Gristle Encased Head at May 24, 2011 10:32 AM (+lsX1)

157 "If anyone remembers PattyAnn, she has suffered a ruptured artery from a graft, and the prognosis isn't good. She went into emergency surgery, nothing else is known yet. " I remember PattyAnn. I'm so sorry to hear this. Please keep us informed regarding her condition. Again, so sad...

Posted by: Tough US Immigration Policies at May 24, 2011 10:33 AM (zL6Hj)

158 Geez, y'mean that was a spoof piece? Seemed real enough, with the guy's picture and all. 

Posted by: long toss at May 24, 2011 10:33 AM (unjjV)

159 124 This is a weird day.

Rape and Chinese War and Tornados.

sheesh.

The nightmares used to stop when I got out of bed in the morning.
___________

The day is young. We might be able to work in the rest of the horsement of the apocalypse before nightfall.

Posted by: Anachronda at May 24, 2011 10:33 AM (FzhYM)

160 How delightfully serendipitous.

Posted by: john at May 24, 2011 10:33 AM (FEFQO)

161 Actually, I don't disagree with this guy's daily beast essay. He's right.

Posted by: dagny at May 24, 2011 10:34 AM (6AwJh)

162 He wasn't raping the maid, he was penis fishing in her forbidden pond.

Posted by: Ben at May 24, 2011 10:34 AM (wuv1c)

163 Now there's some sad things known to man But ain't too much sadder than The tears of a clown frog, when there's no one around Bubba wants to snog Uh hum, oh yeah baby

Posted by: joncelli at May 24, 2011 10:34 AM (RD7QR)

164 That may be because so many of them had their heads lopped off.

That Mohel probably drinks too much

Posted by: De' Debil Hisself at May 24, 2011 10:34 AM (H+LJc)

165 Holy shit:http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0511/55546.html

Posted by: Dakota crank at May 24, 2011 10:34 AM (AoNux)

166 This been news for about a week, correct? Long enough for the Feminist Movement Bloggers to weigh in? Help a moron out. What the 411 on from the hairy-legged? They with this guy or against him?

Posted by: Asscheeks of Saturn at May 24, 2011 10:34 AM (le5qc)

167 Look at the guy. I mean, seriously. Look at that fucking dude. Words fail me. The total lack of self-awareness to sport that look in conjunction with the elitist, condescending attitude is breath taking. That's the real Levy and yet it looks like something the Onion would dig out of stock photos to illustrate pure arrogant douchbaggery.

Posted by: Fred at May 24, 2011 10:34 AM (xWGQr)

168 like the eyes of a priapic fortune-telling machine in some abandoned carnival of evil,

heh  good stuff

Posted by: The Great Satan's Ghost at May 24, 2011 10:35 AM (UrPTC)

169 that was good. i lol'd.

Posted by: twig at May 24, 2011 10:35 AM (w9N0m)

170
Dominque Strauss-Kahn tired to put his leetle weenie in me some time ago, but I managed to overpower zee leetle prick and escape to safety.  Dom is not an animal because that is an insult to all the lovely dogs and cats in the world.  He is how you say, bastard. 

Posted by: Brigitte Bardot at May 24, 2011 10:35 AM (cwFVA)

171 147 157 You never know what's waiting. Live like it matters.

Posted by: De' Debil Hisself at May 24, 2011 10:35 AM (H+LJc)

172 Posted by: chemjeff at May 24, 2011 02:25 PM (7mSYS)

Where is Empire of Jeff when you need him.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo (NJConservative) at May 24, 2011 10:36 AM (LH6ir)

173

Ya see!! I told ya's so. This is just the beginning!!

 

Posted by: Ray Lewis at May 24, 2011 10:36 AM (pr+up)

174 Ben #132 asked if France was innocent until proven guilty and the answer is generally not the way systems springing out of English common law do. Napoleonic code and all that. However, the EU has established that everyone is innocent until proven guilty, so that is now the de jure standard in France, too.

Posted by: The Atom Bomb of Loving Kindness at May 24, 2011 10:37 AM (jqHOY)

175 Just because you are identified by a three-letter initial doesn't mean you are an asshole

Try being George Allen Yoblonsky for a day

Posted by: Cherry π at May 24, 2011 10:37 AM (+sBB4)

176

I think that's a greater contribution to philosophy than we've ever seen from the whole of French intelligencia.

 

The last great intellectual the French had to offer was probably Alexis de Tocqueville. 

Posted by: Insomniac at May 24, 2011 10:38 AM (v+QvA)

177 Who does he think he is?  Ben Stein?

Posted by: dfbaskwill at May 24, 2011 10:38 AM (71LDo)

178

Well, that's where we go a-ridin' into town, a-whompin' and a-whumpin' every livin' thing that moves within an inch of its life. Except the women folks, of course.

You spare the women?

Naw, we rape the shit out of them at the Number Six Dance later on.

Posted by: Sheriff Dominque Strauss-Kahn at May 24, 2011 10:38 AM (sbV1u)

179

Anyone want to be reminded of how fucking sick PETA is?  Sure you do.  Just heard it on the radio.  In Ohio and Dayton specifically there has been a Microwaved Baby case where the mom did well you can figure that out, and she just got life in prison.  Well PETA wanted to put up a billboard in Dayton  And this is what they wanted on it. The billboard was to feature two images: a mother pig nuzzling her piglet and a person about to place a pork chop in a microwave oven. The text reads “EverybodyÂ’s SomebodyÂ’s Baby. Go Vegan.”

Luckily they didn't get it approved.

Posted by: buzzion at May 24, 2011 10:38 AM (oVQFe)

180 Even when criminals are proven guilty, the euroweenies claim they are innocent. They have never met a rapist/murderer of American citizens they didn't love....

Posted by: Tough US Immigration Policies at May 24, 2011 10:38 AM (zL6Hj)

181

Thanks The Atom Bomb of Loving Kindness.

I wasn't sure what the EU's policy was.

Posted by: Ben at May 24, 2011 10:38 AM (wuv1c)

182 I'm sure the eurotrash guys is an asshole, in fact I'm sure that he's an arrogant asshole who is most likely guilty. However, I do think that we are not very good about reserving judgement and I don't know how that clouds the process.

Posted by: dagny at May 24, 2011 10:39 AM (6AwJh)

183

The last great intellectual the French had to offer was probably Alexis de Tocqueville. 

I"m in the process of re-reading Democracy in America. It's tough to read and think of what we have become.

Posted by: Ben at May 24, 2011 10:40 AM (wuv1c)

184 What the 411 on from the hairy-legged? They with this guy or against him?

They have officially designated a small band of crickets to be their spokesmen on the issue.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose✡ at May 24, 2011 10:40 AM (0q2P7)

185 that is sad news about PattyAnn

Posted by: chemjeff at May 24, 2011 10:40 AM (7mSYS)

186 I do think that we are not very good about reserving judgement and I don't know how that clouds the process.

Posted by: dagny

 

Weeeeeeeelll, if anyone allows one of us morons on a jury, then truly Lady Justice has no morals....hmmm....bunk

 

Posted by: TurboTax Timmy at May 24, 2011 10:41 AM (Gzv/o)

187 So, what I take away from this is that that Bernard frog actually sits in public with his shirt half unbuttoned. What the hell kind of self esteem problems lead to that pathetic display?

Posted by: nerdygirl at May 24, 2011 10:41 AM (1ckSh)

188 179:

Can't wait to chow down on some corn-fed vegan after the Apoxyclips.

Slow, stupid, gullible, weak, and self-righteous is just how I like my game.

Once we figure out how to get the patchouli funk off them.

Posted by: sifty at May 24, 2011 10:42 AM (2dbd9)

189

Leftist deity turns back time to happier times, erasing much of screwed up leftist history in this country.

Now that's leading from behind. Like three years behind. Classic.

Posted by: Chariots of Toast at May 24, 2011 10:42 AM (XyjRQ)

190
So what everyone's saying is......the Frog tried to jump her bones.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 24, 2011 10:42 AM (7YzRS)

191 You can't have sex with lady justice, er, I don't think. Since she's already blindfolded and wearing a toga, I guess you can try. Watch out for the scale.

Posted by: dagny at May 24, 2011 10:42 AM (6AwJh)

192 that Bernard frog actually sits in public with his shirt half unbuttoned.

So....he was askin' for it.

Posted by: De' Debil Hisself at May 24, 2011 10:42 AM (H+LJc)

193 182 I'm sure the eurotrash guys is an asshole, in fact I'm sure that he's an arrogant asshole who is most likely guilty. However, I do think that we are not very good about reserving judgement and I don't know how that clouds the process.

Posted by: dagny at May 24, 2011 02:39 PM (6AwJh)

Why should we reserve judgment? We're not on the jury or in the courtroom so why shouldn't we use our reason and judgment like we do in every other aspect of life?

Posted by: Mætenloch at May 24, 2011 10:43 AM (pAlYe)

194 Now I don't have to tell you good folks what's been happening in our beloved little town. Sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped.

Posted by: Reverend Johnson at May 24, 2011 10:44 AM (GTbGH)

195

So, what I take away from this is that that Bernard frog actually sits in public with his shirt half unbuttoned. What the hell kind of self esteem problems lead to that pathetic display?

Have you happened on male eurotrash in a bathing suit (bikin)? The shirt is nothing. It's quite disgusting.

Posted by: dagny at May 24, 2011 10:44 AM (6AwJh)

196 The guy is guilty.

Feed him to the pigs, Errol.


Posted by: sifty at May 24, 2011 10:44 AM (2dbd9)

197 I hate to break it to ya Ace but that's Tim Roth and he's lying like that cheap rug on his head.

Posted by: ontherocks at May 24, 2011 10:45 AM (HBqDo)

198 194:

In my defense, that was one sexy cow. And I did call her a cab afterward.


Posted by: sifty at May 24, 2011 10:46 AM (2dbd9)

199 Do I need to?

Posted by: That Guy Who Reminds Us That Rape Jokes Are Never Funny. at May 24, 2011 10:47 AM (JVEmw)

200 195:

It is interesting in a car-crash sort of way to observe the European male culture. An entire area of the world without shame or decency makes for good ant-farm viewing.

Six-ton wine and cheese gut and sporting a tiny banana-hammock in broad daylight.

Ack.

Posted by: sifty at May 24, 2011 10:48 AM (2dbd9)

201 @193 Why should we reserve judgment? We're not on the jury or in the courtroom so why shouldn't we use our reason and judgment like we do in every other aspect of life?

To any Euroweenie who says we should reserve judgment:

Would you let your daughter spend the day with this man? 

(I might, but she knows how to give a proper kick where it would do the most good, choke someone out, and snap an arm.  I'd tell her "think of it as a practice run for when you get your hobo-hunting license, but without weapons")

Posted by: RightWingProf at May 24, 2011 10:49 AM (UOcNk)

202
If DSK is convicted of forcible sodomy and sent to prison in New York, there's a reasonable chance he will dance with Big Bubba,  and find our that butt fucking isn't as much fun except when you're the fuckee and not the fuckor.

Posted by: Fish the Impaler at May 24, 2011 10:49 AM (cwFVA)

203

Why should we reserve judgment? We're not on the jury or in the courtroom so why shouldn't we use our reason and judgment like we do in every other aspect of life?

Because it does cloud the process. The public opinion and the fame or infame of the players shouldn't affect the law. Do you think that if this woman went back to her slum and was raped in the hallway that the DNA, blood tests, et al would even be processed yet? Would they make the news? I doubt there would have been a spectacular arrest or even much interest by the NYPD if this guy weren't famous. It's not equal justice under the law. I see the cops ignoring the illegals. I've changed a lot of my opinions post duke lax case. I don't think this guy is innocent but he is being displayed as if he were already convicted.

Posted by: dagny at May 24, 2011 10:50 AM (6AwJh)

204 @202 I know it's wrong of me, but the thought of this Eurotwit having to catch from Bubba instead of pitch just makes me smile.

Posted by: RightWingProf at May 24, 2011 10:51 AM (UOcNk)

205 I'm speechless. Because I cannot stop laughing.

Posted by: George Orwell at May 24, 2011 10:52 AM (AZGON)

206 Strauss-Khan, you bloodcocksucker , you're going to have to do your own dirty work now!! Do you hear me!!

Posted by: Admiral James T Kirk at May 24, 2011 10:52 AM (vdfwz)

207 It's interesting that the deafening silence from the feminist left is in stark contrast to the immediate calls for castration and imprisonment for every lacrosse player in the nation after Crystal Mangum, the stripper/whore, lied about the Duke students.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo (NJConservative) at May 24, 2011 10:53 AM (LH6ir)

208

Wait just a goddamned minute now.

 

Who the hell microwaves a pork chop?

Posted by: Dave in Texas at May 24, 2011 10:53 AM (WvXvd)

209

Who the hell microwaves a pork chop?

That's the real crime.

Posted by: dagny at May 24, 2011 10:54 AM (6AwJh)

210 205 I'm speechless. Because I cannot stop laughing. Posted by: George Orwell at May 24, 2011 02:52 PM

"Superior intellects" are fun to laugh at

Posted by: Admiral James T Kirk at May 24, 2011 10:54 AM (vdfwz)

211

I doubt there would have been a spectacular arrest or even much interest by the NYPD if this guy weren't famous. It's not equal justice under the law

 

Agreed. In the case of celebrities, things seem to veer from one extreme to another. If anything is dodgy, we watch them walk. In some cases, the weight of evidence combines with celebrity watching to produce witch hunt like results. Except in these cases, they often are witches. And remember the celebrities like this half baked croissant or Whoopy do who excuse what would get you or I thrown into county lockup without question.

Posted by: Joe Biden at May 24, 2011 10:54 AM (Gzv/o)

212 He is so fabulous I bet his ass could smoke those fancy french cigarettes...and blow smoke rings.

Posted by: mpfs at May 24, 2011 10:55 AM (Yg+D8)

213 Dr. Henri-Levy: [handing Strauss-Khan a birthday gift, after Strauss-Khan hands him the spiked bordeaux] Now you open this one. Strauss-Khan: [taking gift] I'm almost afraid to. What is it, French aphrodisiacs? Dr. Henri-Levi: No. More arrest warrants for your collection.

Posted by: James Tiberius Kirk at May 24, 2011 10:56 AM (AZGON)

214 In NHL's second defense of DSK

Hey, leave us out of this shit!

Posted by: some hoser puck jockeys at May 24, 2011 10:56 AM (jPPat)

215 Because it does cloud the process. The public opinion and the fame or infame of the players shouldn't affect the law. Do you think that if this woman went back to her slum and was raped in the hallway that the DNA, blood tests, et al would even be processed yet? Would they make the news? I doubt there would have been a spectacular arrest or even much interest by the NYPD if this guy weren't famous. It's not equal justice under the law. I see the cops ignoring the illegals. I've changed a lot of my opinions post duke lax case. I don't think this guy is innocent but he is being displayed as if he were already convicted.

Posted by: dagny at May 24, 2011 02:50 PM (6AwJh)

Well you're arguing something different here. I'm no fan of the perp walk but that seems to be the standard procedure for the NYPD. It's just that 98% of the time no one in the media pays any attention to it.

Now explain to me again why *I* shouldn't form a judgment in this case based on the details made public so far. Is there any other area in life where we're expected to 'play dumb' and disregard any information we may have?

Posted by: Mætenloch at May 24, 2011 10:56 AM (pAlYe)

216

The duke 88 still maintain that their "worldview" was correct. This incident should fit their worldview of the oppressed minority being "raped" by the rich and callous. The difference here is that he's a socialist. I guess their world view is less about status and their form of fake justice than socialism vs capitalism. In the end, everybody is stalin.

Posted by: dagny at May 24, 2011 10:57 AM (6AwJh)

217 I've changed a lot of my opinions post duke lax case. I don't think this guy is innocent but he is being displayed as if he were already convicted.

Posted by: dagny

 

One problem with your point; these guys were NOT celebrities. These were not even a high profile team. It was proven that the largely black basketball team had also hired strippers, and no one questioned that. That case involved race baiting and a craven prosecutor. The fact that 'woman's and racial advocates spoke up then and not now is telling. They were tempted to crucify seemingly easy targets, but fall silent when big name celebrities do worse (Roman Polanski).

Posted by: Blue Hen at May 24, 2011 10:59 AM (Gzv/o)

218 @179 PETA vs. SCLC. I'm rooting for injuries. @188 I worried about the cost of a new smoker big enough to handle the longer bones until I realized I could get a second-hand bandsaw and rig it for pedal power.

Posted by: FRONT TOWARD LEFT at May 24, 2011 10:59 AM (Pzf4N)

219

Now explain to me again why I shouldn't form a judgment in this case based on the details made public so far. Is there any other area in life where we're expected to 'play dumb' and disregard any information we may have?

I'm suggesting that we can no longer trust the details because they are filtered through the govt and the media a la Mike Nifong and the Durham Police Force and a feminist nurse at Duke hospital.

If I saw the actual film, the dna results in the lab, heard the testimony and saw the victim, then I could form an educated opinion. I can't and will have to allow a jury to form that opinion for me. But I DO NOT trust the papers, the other media, the police, or the prosecutors. They all have a feduciary interest in his guilt.

Posted by: dagny at May 24, 2011 11:00 AM (6AwJh)

220 "Because it does cloud the process. " Independent thinking clouds the process? What fucking process? This is pure gibberish, Dagny. I'm surprised by you. "The public opinion and the fame or infame of the players shouldn't affect the law." Neither public opinion, fame, or infamy is having a negative affect on the defense of DSK. "Do you think that if this woman went back to her slum and was raped in the hallway that the DNA, blood tests, et al would even be processed yet?" Blame the defendant and his pals for this, not that a speedy trial is a negative - in fact, it is a right. They want to whine that he is important and being treated unfairly. The DA has an interest in proceeding quickly and proving that he is not.

Posted by: Tough US Immigration Policies at May 24, 2011 11:02 AM (zL6Hj)

221 188 179:

Can't wait to chow down on some corn-fed vegan after the Apoxyclips.

Slow, stupid, gullible, weak, and self-righteous is just how I like my game.

Once we figure out how to get the patchouli funk off them.

Posted by: sifty at May 24, 2011 02:42 PM (2dbd9)

You have to brine them for at least three days, then soak a couple of days in fresh water.  Change the water freqently.   

Posted by: Insomniac at May 24, 2011 11:02 AM (DrWcr)

222 I'm suggesting that we can no longer trust the details because they are filtered through the govt and the media a la Mike Nifong and the Durham Police Force and a feminist nurse at Duke hospital.

If I saw the actual film, the dna results in the lab, heard the testimony and saw the victim, then I could form an educated opinion. I can't and will have to allow a jury to form that opinion for me. But I DO NOT trust the papers, the other media, the police, or the prosecutors. They all have a feduciary interest in his guilt.

Posted by: dagny at May 24, 2011 03:00 PM (6AwJh)

Okay then say that *you* will reserve judgment in this case because you don't trust the media. But don't tell the rest of us that we can't judge.

Me - I judge. I judge a lot. But I also change my judgment based on any new information that comes out. And right now I judge that DSK is probably guilty as hell.

Posted by: Mætenloch at May 24, 2011 11:05 AM (pAlYe)

223 I always thought when the French talked about "force feeding the goose," they actually meant "force feeding the goose." Silly me.

Posted by: George Orwell at May 24, 2011 11:07 AM (AZGON)

224
  Had to do a double read on the Huffpo piece before realizing it was "humor". That's out of my concept of funny.
  There never has been ANY justification OR excuse for rape,imho. Having two daughters makes contemplation of that act very uncomfortable, speaking strictly from a personal viewpoint. I have to trust such will never occur to either of my kids, the response would be quick,  brutal., and final.

 

Posted by: irongrampa at May 24, 2011 11:10 AM (ud5dN)

225 Did he get the full Country and Western raping ?

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at May 24, 2011 11:11 AM (npr0X)

226 Friggin' hilarious.

And I mean that in a ha-ha way.

Posted by: Sgt. York at May 24, 2011 11:12 AM (uLilQ)

227 The penis is good. Posted by: Bernard Henri-Zardoz Red diapers and a ponytail, on the other hand, didn't quite help my career.

Posted by: Sean Connery at May 24, 2011 11:12 AM (AZGON)

228 Would you like a nice glass of 1947 Château Cheval Blanc to go with this rape, or would you prefer the Burgundy?

Posted by: Fritz at May 24, 2011 11:13 AM (AN8d5)

229
Too long, as usual. Like a Saturday Night Live skit, going on and on, beating a premise into the dust. And in the end it still sounds like the guy who calls himself Ace. Iowahawk, you're not.

Crickets. Crickets.

Posted by: winged hussar at May 24, 2011 11:13 AM (O4OC0)

230

They all have a feduciary interest in his guilt public trial.

I corrected your spelling error.

I am with you though.  I really don't buy any of what the media is selling.  Doesn't mean I'm hitting the snooze button on sticking a stick in ole BHL's spokes.

Posted by: wtfci at May 24, 2011 11:13 AM (qITbz)

231 Did he get the full Country and Western raping ? Je ne peux pas te quitter.

Posted by: Le Mont de Brokeback at May 24, 2011 11:14 AM (AZGON)

232

Finally got around to reading this- awesome funny, Ace.

I also read the frog's Daily Beast article, and it was disgusting.  They hypocrisy, arrogance and willfull blindness is so thick a diamond tipped drill couldn't pierce it.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at May 24, 2011 11:16 AM (SY2Kh)

233 ugh. For actual humor and the premise done sooner and funnier, go to iowahawk. Jesus ace.

Posted by: docweasel at May 24, 2011 11:17 AM (G92eR)

234

Too long, as usual. Like a Saturday Night Live skit, going on and on, beating a premise into the dust. And in the end it still sounds like the guy who calls himself Ace. Iowahawk, you're not.

Crickets. Crickets.

Stick to your comic books then, douche. 

Posted by: Hollowpoint at May 24, 2011 11:18 AM (SY2Kh)

235 228:

Show us some of your best stuff, ya bag o'dicks.

Posted by: sifty , 2008 at May 24, 2011 11:19 AM (2dbd9)

236 Dagny makes an excellent point. I may choose to believe what the MFM report about this cocksucker because it confirms what I think of collectivist douchebags, but I will never forget that anything coming from the MSM or through prosecutors' offices is suspect because those organs are infested with lying leftards. Fuck hypocrisy. I'll never again hand that hammer to a leftard so he can beat me with it. The collectivists are using our tendency to trust in our institutions very effectively against us. While I am not quite ready to undermine that trust unconditionally, I see no value in lifting a finger to perpetuate it.

Posted by: FRONT TOWARD LEFT at May 24, 2011 11:19 AM (Pzf4N)

237 Maybe all of this has something to do with facility with the French tongue?

A Winnipeg man on trial for rape claims he was forced to have anal sex with his alleged victim against his will, accusing her of stealing his sperm so she could have a mixed-race baby.

When asked by the Crown whether he thought pregnancy could result from anal sex, the man replied: “I’m not in the medical profession.” (…)

However, while testifying in French at his trial Tuesday, Ndyat claimed it was the woman who forced herself on him and that he didnÂ’t resist because women are revered in his culture and he didnÂ’t know how to react to her advances.

Posted by: andycanuck at May 24, 2011 11:21 AM (wPxqH)

238 He's already guilty of being French and running the IMF.

It's a pattern.

Posted by: sifty , 2008 at May 24, 2011 11:21 AM (2dbd9)

239 Sigh... he hit me, too.

Posted by: Fatty Fat Fatso at May 24, 2011 11:21 AM (wOaLi)

240 This shall henceforth be known as the Epic Fwench Rape Thread.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at May 24, 2011 11:26 AM (UOM48)

241 This needs to go in the Greatest Hits sidebar.

Posted by: George Orwell at May 24, 2011 11:37 AM (AZGON)

242 doc, as I always note, you really must be sitting on one hell of a stack of awesome stuff to be so arrogant in offering your always-offered criticism. When do you think we might see that, do you imagine?

Posted by: ace at May 24, 2011 11:38 AM (nj1bB)

243 Thank you, ace, for Bringing Rape Back.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at May 24, 2011 11:47 AM (U9jjw)

244 Uhm excuse me..did i just see the words   Rape...Bung Hole ....Bag O' Dicks and Tongue on ONE page ?  Fan-F*cking-Tastic!

Posted by: kris at May 24, 2011 11:47 AM (KvWGq)

245 Empire, don't hate me, it was topicality-justified.

Posted by: ace at May 24, 2011 11:48 AM (nj1bB)

246 oh and thanks George, and everyone else, for the atta-boys. I appreciate it. It makes me happy. You know what else would make me happy? Finally getting a look-see at that awesome pile of funny docweasel is hoarding away from the world.

Posted by: ace at May 24, 2011 11:49 AM (nj1bB)

247   125 Now there's some sad things known to man
But ain't too much sadder than
The rape by a clown

Posted by: Cherry ð at May 24, 2011 02:19 PM (+sBB4)

Except perhaps the rape OF a clown?

Posted by: rightzilla at May 24, 2011 11:53 AM (SPVfc)

248 After reading this I feel my eye-holes have been word-raped by your itinerant cock of mosaic prose. Your globular, pearlescent stream of satirical despoilment leaves me reeling...

Posted by: catmman at May 24, 2011 11:54 AM (DTzwU)

249 246 oh and thanks George, and everyone else, for the atta-boys. I appreciate it. It makes me happy.

You know what else would make me happy?

Finally getting a look-see at that awesome pile of funny docweasel is hoarding away from the world.

Posted by: ace at May 24, 2011 03:49 PM (nj1bB)

he is sitting on my flacid weeeeenie.

Posted by: Obama-clit at May 24, 2011 11:55 AM (SPVfc)

250

As a philosopher, I live life by several dicta. Carpe diem is not just some cheap doggerel to be found on a poster in the room of

Carpe feminam, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper. 

Posted by: Bernard Henri-Levy at May 24, 2011 12:00 PM (37rl4)

251 I wave my private parts at your auntie.

Posted by: Bernard Henri-Levy at May 24, 2011 12:03 PM (37rl4)

252

Except perhaps the rape OF a clown?

Posted by: rightzilla at May 24, 2011 03:53 PM (SPVfc)

Wasn't that a Smokey Robinson song?

Posted by: Insomniac at May 24, 2011 12:04 PM (v+QvA)

253
After reading this I feel my eye-holes have been word-raped by your itinerant cock of mosaic prose.

Your globular, pearlescent stream of satirical despoilment leaves me reeling...

Posted by: catmman at May 24, 2011 03:54 PM (DTzwU)




Someone's been reading Steven Weber's Magical Thesarus.


Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 24, 2011 12:05 PM (7YzRS)

254 "The defense is simple: Dominique Strauss-Kahn rapes everybody. Literally, everybody."

This is no doubt true,but he has been doing it in France where the rules are different

Posted by: Daniel Shays at May 24, 2011 12:05 PM (r/tJd)

255 Kudos Ace! I busted a gut, and think you busted his hyphen. (For full effect, I recommend reading it while listening to this).

Posted by: iowahawk at May 24, 2011 12:09 PM (veL4N)

256 I really want to thank Iowahawk for doing me a solid and playing Marshall MacLuhan for me.

Posted by: ace at May 24, 2011 12:13 PM (nj1bB)

257 I read this asshats book Left in Dark Times. Actually it was quite good. It was a total take down of the lefts moral equivalence to terrorism and Islamist fundamentalists. He'll he even trashed the burka. But then I read his article at Big Hollywood defending Polanksi when he was nabbedblast year ... Now this. Question do I take the book off my shelf at home. I like it there so my squishy leftist friends see I give everyone a chance.

Posted by: Formula92 at May 24, 2011 12:17 PM (L9eRX)

258 PS - everybody's got their own taste in humor, but WTF? If you can't get a snort out of this piece you're either a sourass or an IMF official.

Posted by: iowahawk at May 24, 2011 12:21 PM (veL4N)

259 Question do I take the book off my shelf at home. I like it there so my squishy leftist friends see I give everyone a chance. You must let me have a crack at you, monsieur.

Posted by: Dominique Strauss-Kahn at May 24, 2011 12:28 PM (AZGON)

260 I nice port perhaps with Kahn as he looks through my library... Ahh my good friend Levy on ur bottom shelf. Would you be so kind as to bend over and fetch it for me my good man. KAHN!!!!!!!

Posted by: Formula92 at May 24, 2011 12:32 PM (L9eRX)

261 iowa, docweasel shows up whenever I write a funny piece to tell me it's too long and isn't funny. I have no idea who this person is. Just shows up to say UR DOING IT WRONG.

Posted by: ace at May 24, 2011 12:44 PM (nj1bB)

262 Iowahawk is massaging Ace's medium?

Posted by: andycanuck at May 24, 2011 01:15 PM (wPxqH)

263 Sorry; "messaging".

Posted by: andycanuck at May 24, 2011 01:15 PM (wPxqH)

264 Saving this for future lulz the next time I see Mrs. Bammy's hair lofting in the wind....

Posted by: NYCRetired at May 24, 2011 01:39 PM (WNuCa)

265 Am I hellucinating or is this an old thread?

Posted by: nevergiveup at May 24, 2011 01:57 PM (i6RpT)

266 UR DOING IT WRONG ..... Country or Western ?

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at May 24, 2011 01:57 PM (npr0X)

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at May 24, 2011 01:57 PM (pdRb1)

268

Just shows up to say UR DOING IT WRONG.

 

That's funny.  But not funny-funny.

Posted by: Whoopi Goldberg at May 24, 2011 01:57 PM (cQaKF)

269 Is he related to Chakka Kahn

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at May 24, 2011 01:57 PM (pdRb1)

270
262 Iowahawk is massaging Ace's medium?

Posted by: andycanuck at May 24, 2011 05:15 PM (wPxqH)

263 Sorry; "messaging".

Posted by: andycanuck at May 24, 2011 05:15 PM (wPxqH)




Freud must have left a banana peel on andycanuck's livingroom floor......


Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 24, 2011 01:58 PM (7YzRS)

271 Netanyahu/West 2012

Posted by: sonnyspats at May 24, 2011 01:58 PM (oNphh)

272 Great minds think similarly.... Le Romance Apache Though not the same. You really bring the funny on this one, Ace.

Posted by: naturalfake at May 24, 2011 01:58 PM (jkSbV)

273 "Iowahawk is massaging Ace's medium?" Oh, shit! I misread this and thought you had written "massaging Ace's rectum." And I laughed, too.

Posted by: Tough US Immigration Policies at May 24, 2011 01:59 PM (zL6Hj)

274 265 Am I hellucinating or is this an old thread?

"hell"uncinating?  No, you're not in hell, but this is a bumped-up thread.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at May 24, 2011 02:00 PM (c0A3e)

275
Ribbit.......Ribbit

Posted by: Bernard Henri-Levy at May 24, 2011 02:01 PM (7YzRS)

276 254 "The defense is simple: Dominique Strauss-Kahn rapes everybody. Literally, everybody."

This is no doubt true,but he has been doing it in France where the rules are different

Posted by: Daniel Shays at May 24, 2011 04:05 PM (r/tJd)


France, come for the snobbiness....stay for the rape.

Posted by: French Tourism Board at May 24, 2011 02:02 PM (pdRb1)

277 .......but this is a bumped-up thread..... Should read bummed up thread .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at May 24, 2011 02:02 PM (npr0X)

278

We interrupt "Rape For Fun and Profit" to bring you this special commercial announcement!

Thanks to the miracle of “Hope and Change”, even you could now be a criminal and not even know it!  Yes ladies and gentlemen, thanks to BarryÂ’s patented Snake Shit Socialism, you could be ruined for doing shit would have never dreamed as being something worthy of the grand governmental sanctions.

Trillions of dollars have been literally flushed down the shitter to bring you this exciting offer.  Yes thanks to the demigod of the left, your very existence is now potentially forfeit without warning.

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at May 24, 2011 02:02 PM (jx2j9)

279 I busted a gut, and think you busted his hyphen

Leave me out of this
- Hyman Cain

Posted by: Cherry π at May 24, 2011 02:02 PM (+sBB4)

280 265 Am I hellucinating or is this an old thread?

Posted by: nevergiveup at May 24, 2011 05:57 PM (i6RpT)


Please explain this concept of hellucinating.  It sounds kind of awesome.

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at May 24, 2011 02:04 PM (pdRb1)

281

Leave me out of this
- Hyman Cain

 

Hymen, like Pizza and Palestinians, can not be returned.

No Refunds. 

No Store Credit.

Posted by: the Herminator at May 24, 2011 02:05 PM (cQaKF)

282 261 iowa,

docweasel shows up whenever I write a funny piece to tell me it's too long and isn't funny.

I have no idea who this person is. Just shows up to say UR DOING IT WRONG.

Posted by: ace at May 24, 2011 04:44 PM (nj1bB)

Well ace you banned a docweasel one time remember?  Then they had some post on that shitty site about how you've gone off the deep end.  And in the post was some idiocy about how there is actually a group of "docweasels" out there all posting on different forum with the name Docweasel, but the one posting here was sort of breaking their protocol by using "ms. docweasel" when you banned their annoying ass.

Posted by: buzzion at May 24, 2011 02:05 PM (oVQFe)

283 "hell"uncinating? No, you're not in hell, but this is a bumped-up thread. Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at May 24, 2011 06:00 PM (c0A3e) With obama in the White House, are you so sure we are not in hell?

Posted by: nevergiveup at May 24, 2011 02:06 PM (i6RpT)

284 O/T:  Is the Atlantic wire a big deal?  Looks like they've decided to run with it.  link

Posted by: curious at May 24, 2011 02:08 PM (k1rwm)

285 No wonder that this guy is so full of crap. Read this article about him: http://goo.gl/73QS5

Posted by: Tough US Immigration Policies at May 24, 2011 02:10 PM (zL6Hj)

286 I know that's going to be a rick-roll.

Posted by: Ace's Penis at May 24, 2011 02:12 PM (nj1bB)

287 oh it wasn't.

Posted by: ace at May 24, 2011 02:13 PM (nj1bB)

288 From Wiki: Some have attributed to Lévy a reputation for narcissism.[28] One article about him coined the dictum, "God is dead but my hair is perfect."[29] He once said that the discovery of a new shade of grey left him "ecstatic."[28] He is a regular victim of the "pie thrower" Noël Godin,[28] who describes Lévy as "a vain, pontificating dandy".

Posted by: Tough US Immigration Policies at May 24, 2011 02:13 PM (zL6Hj)

289

En francais, Ace, en francais!  No points awarded!

 

 

Posted by: Your French Teacher at May 24, 2011 02:44 PM (ocHBO)

290 I remember a simpler time where rape was encouraged, even rewarded. Now? You need an alibi or shit can get real. That's why my victims, the ones that survive, know to keep their mouths shut or Pat Caddell gets real, and by real I mean the murder stick comes out.

The sad thing is that I've tried to change with the times by raping victims of both sexes, not just dudes who were slow with my change or something, but the world is, apparently, not ready for Pat Caddell and his rape rooms, rape recliners and rape rugs for my Muslim victims. Now Pat Caddell has to get real a lot more often and I'm starting to really like it.

Posted by: Pat Fucking Caddell at May 24, 2011 02:45 PM (kaZUb)

291 This is the best DSK/BHL mocking I've read. I'm glad you've decided against restricting yourself to writing headlines.

Posted by: LC Bennett at May 24, 2011 02:45 PM (WbW8F)

292 C'est bon! 

Posted by: East Bay Jacque at May 24, 2011 02:51 PM (ocHBO)

293 285 O/T:  Is the Atlantic wire a big deal?  Looks like they've decided to run with it.  link

Posted by: curious at May 24, 2011 06:08 PM (k1rwm)

Elspeth Reeve is the wife/girlfriend/fiance of Thomas Beauchamp the phony Baghdad Diarist.  He is of "mindthoughts" fame. She's a nasty, partisan piece of work.

And no, the Atlantic wire is not a big deal.

Posted by: AmishDude at May 24, 2011 02:54 PM (73tyQ)

294 Dictum? I nearly fuckin' killed 'im!

Posted by: andi sullivan at May 24, 2011 02:55 PM (wPxqH)

295 Freud must have left a banana peel on andycanuck's living room floor..
Hey. Sometimes a banana peel is just a phallic symbol.

Posted by: andycanuck at May 24, 2011 02:57 PM (wPxqH)

296 Hey. Sometimes a banana peel is just a phallic symbol.

Posted by: andycanuck at May 24, 2011 06:57 PM (wPxqH)

I believe a banana peel is a Jooooooish phallic symbol, if you know what I mean.

Posted by: San Francisco anti-circumcision activists at May 24, 2011 02:59 PM (73tyQ)

297 If anyone is looking for an update for PattyAnn, who is having a horrible time with a ruptured artery, and it going through surgery, go here, very long story. Not good news, and she can use all the good mojo anyone can muster. http://tinyurl.com/3rhvy7w Sorry to threadjack a bit, wanted to let anyone know that wanted the info.

Posted by: Jay in Ames at May 24, 2011 03:01 PM (p76FT)

298 Oh that's terrible. Thank you for the information.

Posted by: ace at May 24, 2011 03:02 PM (nj1bB)

299 Funny post.

Posted by: Dr Spank at May 24, 2011 03:10 PM (kaZUb)

300 thanks, spank. and thanks, LC.

Posted by: ace at May 24, 2011 03:21 PM (nj1bB)

301 Thanks, Jay. Thinking of PattyAnn and sending her good thoughts and prayers.

Posted by: Tough US Immigration Policies at May 24, 2011 03:23 PM (zL6Hj)

302 I love that first photo of HBL with the caption: Philospher, frog. LOL!

Posted by: Tough US Immigration Policies at May 24, 2011 03:27 PM (zL6Hj)

303 Worthy of Iowahawk, the highest compliment I can give.

Posted by: troyriser at May 24, 2011 03:36 PM (mU1zA)

304 Bitch, meet slap.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at May 24, 2011 03:41 PM (bxiXv)

305 Love it- this has almost everything, except a sniffy comment about "American reductionism". Attaboy!

Posted by: Museisluse at May 24, 2011 04:12 PM (a8aqn)

306 Great stuff Ace, there's a weeks worth of laughs here, the noisy kind.

Posted by: ontherocks at May 24, 2011 04:45 PM (HBqDo)

307 Had I never read a single (actual) word the bastard had written, all I would need is to see those three pics to know all I need to know about him.

Yes. I am judging a book by its cover.

Wanna make something of it?

Posted by: Clueless at May 24, 2011 04:53 PM (piMMO)

308 Way down in the comments, so nobody gives a shit.  Everyone reading down this far is just looking for deals on lace wigs and stuff.
Still, this is fucking epic. It's the "Citizen Kane" of Frenchy rape-apology posts.

Posted by: Stewed Hamm at May 24, 2011 08:18 PM (NvAgg)

309 Awesome, Ace.  Hall of fame.

Posted by: theCork at May 24, 2011 11:57 PM (aIj35)

310 "228
Too long, as usual"

I've tried to tell him the same thing, and he just gets whiny. Read some good writers. Let a friend you respect edit you. Apparently you aspire to getting hired and actually paid for all this "output" (nicest word I can use) but you won't unless you get beyond your current level, and you write far too long for your current level of writing ability.

Unlike ace, I write, humor, reviews, original non-fiction articles as well as fiction, and I used to do professional political writing as well as advertising, and I get paid for it, have since before the 'net revolution.

Posted by: docweasel at May 25, 2011 07:54 AM (G92eR)

311 "246 You know what else would make me happy? Finally getting a look-see at that awesome pile of funny docweasel is hoarding away from the world. " Can't do it, because unlike you, I work in the for-profit region of the internet, and I actually have a job to protect. Contrary to your pseudonym, which just serves to protect you from ridicule in meat-world, I presume.

Posted by: docweasel at May 25, 2011 08:00 AM (G92eR)

312 So let me get this straight: 1. You have all this amazing shit that proves what a stellar writer you are, but it's all secret, and strangely, not a single bit of "good stuff" has made it to your stupid T&A asshole-blog. 2. Everyone else who thought this was funny is deluded, including your own gold standard of Iowahawk, but you know better, because, all of this amazing shit you have that's secret. I have a theory, docweasel. Want to hear it? Like many other people you have Why Hasn't Anyone Discovered Me Yet disease. This makes you bitchy and resentful and always jealous of attention being paid to anyone else. Because no one has yet discovered how fucking awesome you are, you are required periodically to troll on the blog of someone simply better than you and explain how awesome you really, really are. What do you think of that theory, docweasel? I think it is pretty comprehensive and explains most of the known facts. Here's a little evidence for my theory. See if you can fill in the blanks: docweasel seems to read ____ all the time, but ____ never reads docweasel. I'll give you a hint: the blank is a three letter word beginning with a and ending with e. Oh and the middle letter is c.

Posted by: ace at May 25, 2011 10:07 AM (nj1bB)

313 Damnit, my timing is so off with this blog. I'm never online or anywhere near a computer when the really good stuff gets posted, so I'm always late to threads. This is really good stuff, Ace. It made me laugh like hell.

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