Ace of Spades HQ

November 07, 2011

WARNING: My Foot in Your Ass Might Cause Painful Irritation & Rectal Bleeding
— Russ from Winterset

Is nothing sacred? A guy can't even enjoy processed pork products in the comfort of his own home without some bunch of scowling asshats trying to lecture him about the dangers of anything even remotely pleasant.

An anti-bacon billboard in Des Moines, IA? What's next? Conservative billboards in Berkley, CA? Virulently anti-smoking ads in Cigar Aficionado magazine? Socialist street theatre & demands for "free stuff" on Wall Street.........oh, yeah. Well, you know what I'm sayin' here.

Some things are sacred, dammit.

If you already know what the "Castle Doctrine" is, you might appreciate my new proposal: "The White Castle Doctrine". Simply put, if you stick your nose in my business, I have the right to stick MY foot in YOUR ass.

Posted by: Russ from Winterset at 05:41 PM | Comments (62)
Post contains 147 words, total size 1 kb.

1 That reminds me. I forgot to cook the bacon this morning.

Posted by: fluffy at November 07, 2011 05:54 PM (4Kl5M)

2 On the bacon thing...
Go fuck yourself....

Posted by: Portnoy at November 07, 2011 05:54 PM (JJwLo)

3 As a New Yorker, I really have no idea what this post is about, but it seems like it might be entertaining.

Posted by: ParisParamus at November 07, 2011 05:54 PM (dij/b)

4 Right ... is this a big f'n deal or not?

Posted by: Uncle Joey B Biden at November 07, 2011 05:54 PM (Dgy3m)

5 Finally, a thread suitable for AoSHQ.

But still no football.

Posted by: Y-not at November 07, 2011 05:56 PM (5H6zj)

6 Seriously...go ahead and eat your bacon. It really doesn't matter.

Posted by: New Madrid Fault at November 07, 2011 05:57 PM (yhp6s)

7 But it says PCRM right on the billboard which is like putting a big "NOT!" after everything. Keep nibbling on your celery sticks, fairies, and keep the demand on my bacon low.

Posted by: t-bird at November 07, 2011 05:57 PM (FcR7P)

8 How gig is your friggin foot?

Posted by: Uncle Joey B Biden at November 07, 2011 05:57 PM (Dgy3m)

9 Like the stupid sh*ts putting up an anti-milk billboard in the heart of Wisconsin last year? Like THOSE asshats? I say, bury them in cow crap and leave them to thaw out of the pile in the spring.

Posted by: tcn at November 07, 2011 05:58 PM (hQX3k)

10 Bacon is the fruit of the sty.

Posted by: toby928© is a sad panda at November 07, 2011 05:59 PM (GTbGH)

11 I just had some really good bacon from a place called Neuskes. Really good stuff. We had a coupon. Normally, we only buy the cheap stuff.

Posted by: Y-not at November 07, 2011 05:59 PM (5H6zj)

12 That reminds me. I forgot to cook the bacon this morning. Posted by: fluffy at November 07, 2011 09:54 PM

And yet it was STILL good, amiright?

Posted by: Mmmmm...Bacon at November 07, 2011 05:59 PM (yhp6s)

13 Footballs are made from pigskin...

Posted by: Y-not at November 07, 2011 06:00 PM (5H6zj)

14 Two strips of bacon per day results in 21% greater risk of colon cancer ? Correlation does not equal causation FAIL.

Posted by: deadrody at November 07, 2011 06:00 PM (eOvu0)

15 ...and Australia passes its Carbon Tax. "It's about time we started doing something about climate change.", said some spokeswoman.

Posted by: t-bird at November 07, 2011 06:02 PM (FcR7P)

16 Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: steevy at November 07, 2011 06:03 PM (7WJOC)

17 Bacon is good for me.

Posted by: Yojimbo at November 07, 2011 06:04 PM (akKXh)

18 Two strips of bacon per day results in 21% greater risk of colon cancer ? That's why I go with three. Having just two strips seems so dangerous!

Posted by: t-bird at November 07, 2011 06:05 PM (FcR7P)

19 Herman Cain fingered my bacon in the back of a cab in 1997. I am here today to report that fact.

Posted by: Some random broad at November 07, 2011 06:06 PM (akKXh)

"It's about time we started doing something about climate change.", said some spokeswoman

ha, ha - we should all eat as much beef as possible to stop those damn cows from fartin 'n shit.

Now beef is good and I love me a good new york strip as much as the next occupy wall streeter but

what about the bacon? how much am I contributin to the fight against global warmin with my bacon consumption? (notice my use of Obama diction ? ie - stop complainin,stop grumblin, stop cryin) I need to make sure I max out on my carbon credits when I file my taxes next year!

Posted by: Uncle Joey B Biden at November 07, 2011 06:07 PM (Dgy3m)

21 I like makin' bacon.

Posted by: Count de Monet at November 07, 2011 06:10 PM (4q5tP)

22 21
The only bad thing about bacon is running out.

Posted by: YIKES! at November 07, 2011 10:08 PM (70TBD)

That, and its price.

Posted by: Grey Fox at November 07, 2011 06:10 PM (MSCON)

23 Most conservatives and especially libertarians would never go for the white castle doctrine. They think the individual should be able to pretty do as they please without consequence, unless the other person can show his limited constitutional rights have been abridged, and then only through the government being the one allowed to act.

Posted by: astonerii at November 07, 2011 06:11 PM (NBcgu)

24 20 "It's about time we started doing something about climate change.", said some spokeswoman I wish some enterprising young lad in the audience asserted that queefs were known to reduce CO2 in the atmosphere and asked her to put it to the test.

Posted by: CoolCzech at November 07, 2011 06:12 PM (niZvt)

25 To be honest, I prefer fried ham to bacon.

Posted by: Grey Fox at November 07, 2011 06:12 PM (MSCON)

26 If I knew for a fact that someone had eaten at White Castle there is no way I would put my foot anywhere near their ass.

Posted by: Picric at November 07, 2011 06:12 PM (ybMs0)

27 The pig is an entire food group - and the best one at that. It's right up there with my other fav food group - sugar and flour. nuf said.

Posted by: Racist, Right-Wing Terrorist...or Tea Party Member for short at November 07, 2011 06:12 PM (jp8Yt)

28 I am seven degrees from Herman Cain.

Posted by: Kevin Bacon at November 07, 2011 06:12 PM (akKXh)

29 26 To be honest, I prefer fried ham to bacon.
----
That's OK, you're still in the bible.

Posted by: Racist, Right-Wing Terrorist...or Tea Party Member for short at November 07, 2011 06:13 PM (jp8Yt)

30 BACON!

Posted by: Genetic Tunder at November 07, 2011 06:14 PM (vQfJ3)

31 29 I am seven degrees from Herman Cain.

Posted by: Kevin Bacon at November 07, 2011 10:12 PM (akKXh)

Coordinates or compass heading?

Posted by: Grey Fox at November 07, 2011 06:14 PM (MSCON)

32 Breitbart is gonna make a sammich out of this .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at November 07, 2011 06:14 PM (npr0X)

33 26To be honest, I prefer fried ham to bacon.

Posted by: Grey Fox at November 07, 2011 10:12 PM (MSCON)

I'd love to argue with you on this issue, but since we're both devotees of the Holy Swine, I think it's just "six of one, half dozen of another". Fried ham is damn good eating.

Posted by: Russ from Winterset at November 07, 2011 06:14 PM (/MEFr)

34 bacon bacon

Posted by: Genetic Tunder at November 07, 2011 06:15 PM (vQfJ3)

35 Bacon? BACON!

Posted by: Genetic Tunder at November 07, 2011 06:15 PM (vQfJ3)

36 Count, did you ever play a dice game called Makin' Bacon? Lots of fun. The die are little pigs, and you score with how they land when you roll.

Posted by: Theresa--SCOAMF is 1 and done! at November 07, 2011 06:16 PM (Zgfnd)

37 The same group of busybodies put up a billboard in Green Bay decrying cheese..

Posted by: Cheesehead at November 07, 2011 06:16 PM (2gNDg)

38 #37: I've played that one; it's fun! Too bad the piggies aren't made out of bacon, though, like real pigs. BACON!

Posted by: Genetic Tunder at November 07, 2011 06:17 PM (vQfJ3)

39 Any number raised to the power of bacon is greater than infinity. Word.

Posted by: USA at November 07, 2011 06:18 PM (6Cjut)

40 #38: Ooh, cheese... Cheese and bacon! Bacon and cheese... and jalapenoes!

Posted by: Genetic Tunder at November 07, 2011 06:20 PM (vQfJ3)

41 BRB, ordering a bacon and jalapeno pizza...

Posted by: Genetic Tunder at November 07, 2011 06:20 PM (vQfJ3)

42 We need more grievances so that everybody can have their very own and start a special interest group around it.

Posted by: Doom am I, full-ripe, dealing death to the worlds, engaged in devouring mankind. at November 07, 2011 06:22 PM (hKV3u)

43 Count, did you ever play a dice game called Makin' Bacon? Lots of fun. The die are little pigs, and you score with how they land when you roll.

Posted by: Theresa--SCOAMF is 1 and done! at November 07, 2011 10:16 PM (Zgfnd)

Nope, never heard of it.

btw - don't make bacon nekkid.

Posted by: Count de Monet at November 07, 2011 06:25 PM (4q5tP)

Canadian Bacon: Is it really bacon, or even Canadian?

Discuss.

Posted by: toby928© Perrykrishna with tattooed knuckles at November 07, 2011 06:42 PM (GTbGH)

45 Eating bacon causes rectal cancer? Ummm, I think you are doing it wrong.

Posted by: no good deed at November 07, 2011 06:43 PM (mjR67)

46 I only read Little Green Footballs for the Co-loggers now...

Posted by: Charles Johnston at November 07, 2011 06:44 PM (7MFxV)

47 Bacon goes well with crumbled sausage on a pizza.
I will propose a Bacon Amendment !

Posted by: Herman Cain at November 07, 2011 07:19 PM (EL+OC)

"...asserts that eating the equivalent of two strips of bacon can raise the chances of cancer by 20 percent, according to studies by the American Institute for Cancer research."

I've long beleived that the correct amount of any food consumed makes a difference. So...with bacon, you can eat one strip safely, and three strips or more is fine. I suppose those of you that may have eaten two strips can compesate by eat mass quantities of bacon for a few weeks...just to be safe.

Posted by: Tantorus Maximus at November 07, 2011 07:42 PM (glzhZ)

49 Worlds BEST Bacon? Mahogany smoked from Meadow Farm in Bishop Calif.. They are not allowed to ship it out of state anymore(damned bureaucrats) so I have to have it sent to a friend who forwards it on. Start cooking and every dog on the block starts to howl.

Posted by: jeff talbut at November 07, 2011 08:06 PM (HQi+b)

50 I'm of the mind that you should generally eat what you're craving. Your body knows what nutrients it needs, and it'll tell you. Now, your body acts on a primal level, so it might not always be totally efficient in telling you what to eat. For example, if you're craving ice cream, a little bit of chocolate milk will probably satisfy that with fewer calories. And I'm not sure what pregnant women should eat when they crave dirt, but there's probably a more conventional food that suffices. Potatoes, maybe? They have everything but a full protein.

Posted by: Genetic Tunder at November 07, 2011 09:02 PM (vQfJ3)

51 Look at it this way: some idiot is wasting lots of dough to say stupid shit that will alter nobody's habits. Might as well put up a billboard in Georgia that says "Jesus really doesn't give a shit".

Posted by: model_1066 at November 07, 2011 09:26 PM (CMYJa)

52 Concern trolling via billboard. Interesting concept. Twits.

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Posted by: doumaduo at November 08, 2011 03:23 AM (9gc9r)

RE: Comment #64

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Posted by: Russ from Winterset at November 08, 2011 04:45 AM (/MEFr)

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http://bit.ly/u8NZTb

PCRM is a group of vegan busybodies of whom only 5-10% are actual physicians. They have financial ties to PETA, and a former board member was an ALF activist/terrorist.

Buncha frickin' Commie bastages.

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