April 30, 2012
— Ace And he's... suing them?
I've got a good solution: BMW can pay him off, but on the condition he appears in ads. "BMW gave me a two year erection!" Writes itself.
Henry Wolf of California is suing BMW America and aftermarket seatmaker Corbin-Pacific claiming his issue began after a four-hour ride on his 1993 BMW motorcycle, with a ridge like seat. Wolf is seeking compensation for lost wages, medical expenses, emotional distress and what he calls “general damage.”He said he’s had the erection non-stop for 20 months. And it comes with another side effect: The lawsuit says Wolf is “now is unable to engage in sexual activity, which is causing him substantial emotional and mental anguish.”
Okay, leave that last part out of the ad.
Posted by: Ace at
07:13 AM
| Comments (152)
Post contains 138 words, total size 1 kb.
Posted by: A Chink In The Armor at April 30, 2012 07:19 AM (QKKT0)
Posted by: Suddenly Only 100 Dalmatians at April 30, 2012 07:19 AM (IJUs7)
Posted by: mark x at April 30, 2012 07:20 AM (bPKsO)
Posted by: Insomniac at April 30, 2012 07:21 AM (DrWcr)
Posted by: you know... at April 30, 2012 07:21 AM (i0vqi)
Posted by: real joe at April 30, 2012 07:23 AM (lgANn)
Posted by: dfbaskwill at April 30, 2012 07:23 AM (71LDo)
I mean, "contact a physician after four hours" is practically a meme anymore. Two years?? o_O
Posted by: Kinley Ardal at April 30, 2012 07:23 AM (MqNsE)
Posted by: joe 'super genius' biden at April 30, 2012 07:24 AM (nU/dt)
Posted by: Bultaco Corporate Communications Dept. at April 30, 2012 07:24 AM (QKKT0)
Posted by: Havedash at April 30, 2012 07:24 AM (F0WNa)
Posted by: willow at April 30, 2012 07:24 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: Tex Lovera at April 30, 2012 07:25 AM (wtvvX)
Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie © at April 30, 2012 07:26 AM (1hM1d)
Posted by: mark x at April 30, 2012 07:26 AM (bPKsO)
Posted by: The littl shyning man at April 30, 2012 07:26 AM (ybkwK)
The reason they tell you to seek medical attention is that after 4 hours you can suffer permanent tissue damage.
...
I heard.
Posted by: Dave in Texas at April 30, 2012 07:26 AM (WvXvd)
Posted by: willow at April 30, 2012 07:27 AM (TomZ9)
This is an epidemic of huge proportions! What will it take before the government finally steps in to prevent all these raging boners from riding a Beemer?
This is an outrage, I say! An outrage! I'm outrageously outraged at this...oh what, Honey? Time for your nooner? OK, be right there...
Posted by: BackwardsBoy after "riding" a BMW at April 30, 2012 07:28 AM (d0Tfm)
"WARNING: Riding a BMW can cause an erection."
Insert your favorite dong-pic here...
Posted by: Tex Lovera at April 30, 2012 07:28 AM (wtvvX)
It's low hanging fruit, as it were.
Posted by: toby928© at April 30, 2012 07:28 AM (NG097)
Posted by: General Motors at April 30, 2012 07:31 AM (/ZZCn)
Posted by: Vashta Nerada at April 30, 2012 07:31 AM (3zV6k)
If he replaced the stock seat, why does he think BMW is responsible?
It's called joint and severable for a reason, 'rons and 'ettes.
Posted by: John P. Squibob at April 30, 2012 07:31 AM (kqqGm)
After 4 hours, the blood begins to coagulate, basically turning his erection into a gigantic scab.
Posted by: Islamic Rage Boy at April 30, 2012 07:32 AM (e8kgV)
Posted by: willow at April 30, 2012 07:32 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: Darth Chipmunk at April 30, 2012 07:32 AM (pVvkk)
Posted by: Tex Lovera at April 30, 2012 07:32 AM (wtvvX)
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) SMOD 2012 at April 30, 2012 07:34 AM (8y9MW)
Posted by: willow at April 30, 2012 07:34 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: willow
I wonder if BMW will now come out with a new paint color
Viagra Blue Pearl Coat.
It would have the virtue of being easily recognizable by a...ahem....certain demographic.
Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 30, 2012 07:34 AM (sbV1u)
Is this similar to how bicycle seats will do really really not so good things to private bits?
Posted by: alexthechick at April 30, 2012 07:35 AM (VtjlW)
Posted by: Tex Lovera at April 30, 2012 07:35 AM (wtvvX)
Well, as long as the little guy is awake, you may as well take him for a ride.
I'm guessing he'd enjoy it.
Posted by: BackwardsBoy at April 30, 2012 07:35 AM (d0Tfm)
It would have the virtue of being easily recognizable by a...ahem....certain demographic.
Posted by: Sean Bannion
uh hmm. or 'they will be known by their bike seats'
run ,women !
Posted by: willow at April 30, 2012 07:37 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: real joe at April 30, 2012 07:37 AM (lgANn)
Posted by: real joe at April 30, 2012 07:37 AM (lgANn)
Posted by: willow at April 30, 2012 07:37 AM (TomZ9)
Eh.....how is going to be able to prove that it's BMW's fault?
If this condition has only happened to him....then, I don't see how he's got a case against BMW.
Posted by: wheatie at April 30, 2012 07:39 AM (cB+Hn)
Posted by: garrett at April 30, 2012 07:39 AM (kZta5)
I used to bicycle a lot in Northern California. I had a female riding partner who bought a new seat, but swapped it after a few weeks of riding. Apparently the design was such that on certain roads (specific steepness and bumpiness) she would have frequent orgasms if she was sitting down (instead of standing and peddling).
It sounds great, but she said it was actually unpleasant.
Weird.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo (NJConservative) at April 30, 2012 07:39 AM (nEUpB)
Posted by: willow at April 30, 2012 07:40 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: Clown Boxer at April 30, 2012 07:40 AM (kZta5)
I can just hear the judge now...
"So let me get this straight. You have a two-year hard-on and you're just suing now??? What happened, it got better?
Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 30, 2012 07:40 AM (sbV1u)
He was on an after-market seat, which start at about $200. People generally buy them to make the ride more comfortable.
The just write themselves, the jokes.
Posted by: John P. Squibob at April 30, 2012 07:41 AM (kqqGm)
You wouldn't happen to have her phone number, would you?
Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 30, 2012 07:42 AM (sbV1u)
Posted by: joncelli, too stressed by half at April 30, 2012 07:42 AM (RD7QR)
Posted by: real joe at April 30, 2012 07:43 AM (lgANn)
Actually, its called "joint and several." The concept has nothing to do with saying who is liable. It only says that all parties who are liable are each individually subject to a judgment for the entire amount of the damages. With a joint and several judgment against multiple defendants, the plaintiff may collect the entire amount from any one of the defendants. This is handy when one defendant has deep pockets. That defendant is then left to obtain reimbursement (indemnity) from the other liable defendants.
From the blurb in the article, I don't see any way that BMW could be responsible for an "injury" that was caused by an aftermarket product it didn't manufacture unless maybe it distributed the seat. There must be more to the story.
Posted by: Cicero at April 30, 2012 07:43 AM (QKKT0)
Like the guy failed to mention he regularly freebases Cialis.
Posted by: grognard, SMOD-Squad at April 30, 2012 07:43 AM (NS2Mo)
Posted by: willow at April 30, 2012 07:43 AM (TomZ9)
And he was riding a 1993 model BMW bike. .....A nineteen year old bike, with an aftermarket seat.
If the judge doesn't throw this out....then he's a bigger moron than the guy with the 20-month hard-on.
Posted by: wheatie at April 30, 2012 07:45 AM (cB+Hn)
Surgeon General's warnings to follow...
Posted by: BackwardsBoy at April 30, 2012 07:45 AM (d0Tfm)
Posted by: grognard, SMOD-Squad at April 30, 2012 07:45 AM (NS2Mo)
I had a female riding partner who bought a new seat, but swapped it after a few weeks of riding. Apparently the design was such that on certain roads (specific steepness and bumpiness) she would have frequent orgasms if she was sitting down (instead of standing and peddling).
It sounds great, but she said it was actually unpleasant.
Actually, I wasn't joking about the bike seat thing. There's an issue with both men and women developing neuropathy and I believe there's an issue with men having other boy type problems (as you can see, I don't even play a doctor on the internets) from certain seat designs.
Posted by: alexthechick at April 30, 2012 07:46 AM (VtjlW)
Don't ride more than 3 hours
Posted by: willow at April 30, 2012 07:47 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: real joe at April 30, 2012 07:48 AM (lgANn)
Posted by: Cahrles Jhonson at April 30, 2012 07:48 AM (QKKT0)
Posted by: And Irresolute at April 30, 2012 07:48 AM (RC3M9)
My BF Barry always had me at full salute!
Posted by: Reggie Love:Body Man at April 30, 2012 07:50 AM (c3mby)
Oh it's a serious issue alright. I rode pretty seriously for a while and seat fit is a big deal.
I also found that the people who really had a problem with neuropathy weren't riding correctly in the first place. Only about 20% of your body weight should be on the seat, 10% on the arms, the rest on your legs.
This is why you really need to be in shape to be a cyclist.
This is also why I am no longer a cyclist...
Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 30, 2012 07:50 AM (sbV1u)
His joint was severable?!?!?
Was this some kind of John Wayne Bobbit situation?
Still don't see how that implicates BMW.
Posted by: gebrauchshund at April 30, 2012 07:50 AM (iYwUw)
Posted by: grognard, SMOD-Squad at April 30, 2012 07:51 AM (NS2Mo)
If you maintain an erection for that long the blood is no longer oxygenated; and an area not getting oxygenated blood tends to die... and fall off.
So by (at the latest) the 6 month date his penis would most likely have fallen off like he'd put a tourniquet on it. Or more likely, as mentioned above, it would have simply killed him.
Maybe you could still call it an erection after that; but I'm not sure that would quality.
Posted by: gekkobear at April 30, 2012 07:51 AM (X0NX1)
Helen Thomas is still the ultimate boner killer. I'd do Linda Hunt before that thing.
Posted by: toby928© at April 30, 2012 07:51 AM (NG097)
Maybe BMW was offering the aftermarket product at their dealerships as an upgrade or something? Lacking that, any judge, even a crazy one would probably dismiss the case against BMW.
Posted by: Purple Avenger at April 30, 2012 07:51 AM (dtD3y)
Posted by: real joe at April 30, 2012 07:52 AM (lgANn)
Wonder how this relates...Posted by: Dastardly Dan
I've found that's very true of 5 and 7 series BMW drivers.
I usually have no problem with the 3 series drivers.
I wonder why that is?
Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 30, 2012 07:53 AM (sbV1u)
Zombie. Boner.
Posted by: Purple Avenger at April 30, 2012 07:53 AM (dtD3y)
Posted by: grognard, SMOD-Squad at April 30, 2012 07:53 AM (NS2Mo)
It's absolutely true (I realize you weren't joking). That's why the aftermarket business for bicycle seats is enormous. I had numbness after long rides ocassionally, and it once lasted into the evening. I bought a new seat the next day. There are reports of nerve damage and impotence too.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo (NJConservative) at April 30, 2012 07:53 AM (nEUpB)
Posted by: And Irresolute at April 30, 2012 07:54 AM (RC3M9)
The engineers should really fix that.
Posted by: Dastardly Dan at April 30, 2012 07:54 AM (rvLeh)
Posted by: Purple Avenger at April 30, 2012 07:55 AM (dtD3y)
Hah!
I rode for years, and was in great shape (Berkeley and Oakland Hills are pretty much straight up and down). I tried riding a few times recently and it was not quite the same.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo (NJConservative) at April 30, 2012 07:56 AM (nEUpB)
Posted by: Frankenstein Government at April 30, 2012 07:56 AM (GOG1H)
Cases like this kill a legal system. You cannot entertain idiocy like this and maintain any sort of integrity in imprtant judicial rulings.
Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at April 30, 2012 07:58 AM (X3lox)
I don't know what a sybian is, and I think that I will try to keep it that way.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo (NJConservative) at April 30, 2012 07:59 AM (nEUpB)
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) SMOD 2012 at April 30, 2012 07:59 AM (8y9MW)
Posted by: rdbrewer at April 30, 2012 07:59 AM (Iyg03)
Posted by: jakeman at April 30, 2012 07:59 AM (96M6e)
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) SMOD 2012 at April 30, 2012 08:00 AM (8y9MW)
I can just hear the judge now...
"So let me get this straight. You have a two-year hard-on and you're just suing now??? What happened, it got better?
Posted by: Sean Bannion
Yeah, exactly. ....Even if it's true that he had the problem for that long....he waited way too long to file a suit about it.
....BMW can say that it could've been caused by any number of other things during that time. ....Or that his continued silence about it constitutes a 'quiet enjoyment of his property'.
Posted by: wheatie at April 30, 2012 08:00 AM (cB+Hn)
Posted by: Jimmah at April 30, 2012 08:02 AM (UpwlP)
Maybe he wasn't aware of the "other damage" until much more recently?
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) SMOD 2012 at April 30, 2012 08:02 AM (8y9MW)
Even if everything the lying sack of shit said was true and was caused by the seat, the guy STILL has no reasonable basis for a suit. NONE.
Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at April 30, 2012 08:02 AM (X3lox)
Posted by: X at April 30, 2012 08:02 AM (KHo8t)
I almost took a sip of soda before I read that comment. Glad I didn't.
I LOL'd. Seriously.
Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 30, 2012 08:03 AM (sbV1u)
Posted by: Jimmah at April 30, 2012 08:06 AM (UpwlP)
Haven't read the comments, but wonder if the rider ever thought of changing the seat back to the original seat or buy a replacement?
I think a lot of these goofy lawsuits are to gain attention for the product rather than being real lawsuits.
Posted by: Ammo Dump at April 30, 2012 08:06 AM (YYyqq)
Posted by: garrett at April 30, 2012 08:08 AM (kZta5)
Posted by: Mace at April 30, 2012 08:08 AM (opfWD)
It's not called a Milwaukee Vibrator for nothing.
Posted by: real joe at April 30, 2012 08:12 AM (lgANn)
Posted by: Pecohn at April 30, 2012 08:27 AM (0KQXN)
Posted by: The Polisher at April 30, 2012 08:44 AM (8esUD)
Posted by: Californication Poster Boy at April 30, 2012 10:07 AM (lpWVn)
Posted by: Californication Poster Boy at April 30, 2012 10:09 AM (lpWVn)
Posted by: Roy at April 30, 2012 10:17 AM (VndSC)
Posted by: bverwey at April 30, 2012 10:40 AM (StSqv)
VW/Audi is bidding about a billion for Ducati, because they're afraid of BMW having that profit centre all to themselves. Second thoughts?
In 1968, Triumph offered a book rack on the tank. A hapless rider hit something, was propelled forward, and had his penis "degloved" by wedging it between the chrome-plated heavy gauge wire and the tank.
And, Corbin's best-known model seat is called the "Gunslinger."
Posted by: Comatus at April 30, 2012 10:50 AM (ZOlM3)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2012 01:43 PM (7W3wI)
Posted by: Kristin Cashore Bitterblue ePub at May 03, 2012 05:01 PM (dgVis)
Posted by: Born of Silence ePub at May 03, 2012 05:56 PM (SqHXv)
Posted by: Skinnydipping iBooks at May 03, 2012 06:28 PM (uu8nX)
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Posted by: Cicero at April 30, 2012 07:15 AM (QKKT0)