Ace of Spades HQ

May 27, 2012

Eurovision: Humperdinck Wuz Robbed
— rdbrewer

Sweden won the Eurovision song contest, a yearly competition held among member countries of the European Broadcasting Union. You can see why in the opening paragraph of this Reuters report.

Sweden's Loreen won the Eurovision Song Contest in Azerbaijan on Sunday before an international TV audience of 100 million, days after angering Azeri authorities by meeting rights activists critical of the host country's human rights record.

(Emphasis added.) You see, Azerbaijan is a hellhole, and some genius decided the contest should be held there. So a performer had to be a triple threat to win: singing, dancing, and acting like you knew about the poor and downtrodden in Azerbaijan before you arrived there a few days ago.

Loreen Doing Her Spooky Halloween Sweat Act

Lucky for Loreen, she got a heads up, after 76 year old Englebert Humperdinck was mauled on the street by a crusading reporter. The reporter wanted to know how Humperdinck could possibly be performing in Eurovision when Azerbaijan has such a miserable human rights record.

Eurovision hopeful Engelbert Humperdinck was left furious after being confronted about host nation AzerbaijanÂ’s shameful human rights record.
Panorama reporter Paul Kenyon stunned the British entrant when he approached him and asked him why he was taking part in this weekendÂ’s competition, screened by the BBC.
The 76-year-old singer stayed calm and smiled throughout the incident but he and his entourage were said to be fuming. The scene will be shown on the BBC documentary tonight, despite pleas from within the organisation to drop it.

It's almost as if Humperdinck chose the venue. So this hero reporter decides to ambush an old man on the street and damage his prospects... to enhance his own. What a douche. Humperdinck was there to sing, not fight evil.

So Englebert came in 25th. The online poll at that link indicates a majority of people in the UK think it's all about politics, not Humperdinck's age or talent. Some in the UK are wondering whether they should simply withdraw from all future Eurovision contests.

And when another suggested we needed Robbie Williams to fly the flag for us to give us a chance, the This Morning presenter replied: "Not even Robbie could win it for us, it's too political."
Commenting on Mirror Online, reader Beryl Douglas agreed. She wrote: "It's time to end the farce which is called 'Eurovision Song Contest', it's out of date now.
"The voting is political and has nothing to do with the artist, the voice or the song.

I think the UK should send Englebert Humperdinck back every year. Stick it to 'em. He's perfect for it, anyway. There is no better showman or voice. According to my mom, that man can croon.

All he has to do next time is identify the oppressed people and check the concern box.

Let me propose a new name for the contest: the Eurozone Political Posturing & Primitive Display Contest.

(Inspired by mom.)

Follow me on Twitter.

Posted by: rdbrewer at 10:30 AM | Comments (75)
Post contains 502 words, total size 4 kb.

1 Was that Ace who was caught naked and eating a naked dead man's face?

Posted by: SMOD the Liberator at May 27, 2012 10:12 AM (NaPMx)

2 He wouldn't be eating his face....

Posted by: Say What? at May 27, 2012 10:13 AM (b7L99)

3 Isn't everything in the world completely political now? I mean, here in the West. Most Westerners have traded in any sense of truth, dignity, taste, ethics and discrimination for a sense of political correctness. We've disarmed ourselves unilaterally in every field of endeavor.

Posted by: Truman North, iPhone snob at May 27, 2012 10:13 AM (I2LwF)

4 He didn't win because a. he has talent and b. he didn't perform while dressed in latex and/or attempting to open a portal to Hell. From what I've seen of Eurovision over the years, those are disqualifying actions.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD 2012 at May 27, 2012 10:13 AM (Gk3SS)

lol

Posted by: SMOD the Liberator at May 27, 2012 10:14 AM (NaPMx)

6 Engelbert should have just eaten a dead naked dude's face = Grand Prize

Posted by: SMOD the Liberator at May 27, 2012 10:15 AM (NaPMx)

7 Tom Jones wasn't available?

Posted by: toby928© at May 27, 2012 10:17 AM (NG097)

8 You can't blame Humperdink for being unprepared for the interview. He's got his wedding to arrange, his wife to murder and Eurovision to frame for it; he's swamped.

Posted by: Jake (guest) at May 27, 2012 10:18 AM (7iwwv)

9 Excuse me, Sir Thomas John Woodward.

Posted by: toby928© at May 27, 2012 10:18 AM (NG097)

10 This is like a beauty contest among House Democrats-- it's hard to care.

Posted by: nickless at May 27, 2012 10:18 AM (MMC8r)

11 Damned scandi snow-back ice-wops.

Posted by: The Atom Bomb of Loving Kindness at May 27, 2012 10:19 AM (jqHOY)

12 Too bad we couldn't send Mooch over there. She says her dream job would be to be Beyonce.

Read this and enjoy the comment about being "tucked" by Barky:

Who would Michelle Obama be if she could be anyone? Beyonce.

Â“It looks like musicians just have the most fun,Â” Mrs. Obama explains in an interview with People magazine.

She admitted, though, that thereÂ’s one thing sheÂ’s lacking Â— being musically gifted.

The first lady also dished about a bedtime ritual with her husband, the president: He tucks her in at night.

Â“IÂ’m usually in bed before anybody,Â” the first lady said. Â“HeÂ’ll come and turn the lights out and give me a kiss, and weÂ’ll talk. HeÂ’s like, Â‘Ready to be tucked?Â’ IÂ’m like, Â‘Yes, I am.Â’Â”

The interview appears in the June 4 issue of People. Mrs. Obama did the interview in connection with the release next week of her new gardening book: American Grown.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at May 27, 2012 10:19 AM (UOM48)

13 He's got his wedding to arrange, his wife to murder and Eurovision to frame for it; he's swamped.

You have no idea how jealous I am that I didn't post that first.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD 2012 at May 27, 2012 10:19 AM (Gk3SS)

14 Humperdinck, Humperdinck, Humperdinck!

Posted by: nickless at May 27, 2012 10:19 AM (MMC8r)

15 The Greek performer hit up the German guy for cab money.

Posted by: eman at May 27, 2012 10:20 AM (XrDou)

16 Englebert Humperdinck? I thought he fell into a glacier.

Posted by: eman at May 27, 2012 10:23 AM (XrDou)

17 Hey....wher'd everybody go?

Posted by: Say What? at May 27, 2012 10:24 AM (b7L99)

18 I heard a story about the history of the Eurovision Song Contest on NPR many years ago. I wish I recorded it. It had me laughing uncontrollably. Apparently, one year, due to attempts to overcome language barriers, the finalists were songs entitled "Do Do Do" and "Da Da Da".

Posted by: rickl at May 27, 2012 10:24 AM (sdi6R)

19 So you're saying my time spent avoiding any and all 'talent' game shows was well spent?

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at May 27, 2012 10:24 AM (akXk+)

20 Englebert Humperdinck, now that's a name I have not heard for many years.

Posted by: Zombie Claude Debussey at May 27, 2012 10:25 AM (O3R/2)

21 Get it straight people. The face eater was naked and was shot to death by police. The guy that got his face eaten was clothed and is still alive at the hospital (likely a homeless guy sleeping on the ground). One naked face-eating dead guy. One still-alive clothed sleeping homeless guy with face eaten.

Posted by: elizabethe at May 27, 2012 10:26 AM (nHtaS)

22 Engelbert Humperdinck. Now's that's a name I have not heard for years.

Posted by: Zombie Claude Debussey at May 27, 2012 10:26 AM (O3R/2)

23 Humperdinck was there to sing, not fight evil. Sad but it's true. Englebert Humperdinck's days as a superhero are finished. Maybe someday the story of how a military brat from Madras, India was exposed to an ancient secret that forever changed him from Gerry Dorsey to Englebert Humperdinck. Sadly, those records are sealed.

Posted by: SHIELD at May 27, 2012 10:30 AM (qZb8X)

24 Ah!

It was only mostly dead!

Posted by: Contemplative Lobster at May 27, 2012 10:33 AM (dKWiU)

25 Humperdinck harshes our buzz. Is the Indy 500 on yet?

Posted by: WH Choom Gang at May 27, 2012 10:34 AM (c3mby)

26 It was only mostly dead! Posted by: Contemplative Lobster at May 27, 2012 02:33 PM (dKWiU) lol!

Posted by: elizabethe at May 27, 2012 10:35 AM (nHtaS)

27 There was a time when conflicts like this would plunge Europe into vicious bloody war rather than pop music contests. How far they've fallen.

Posted by: nickless at May 27, 2012 10:36 AM (MMC8r)

28 This site has the power to make you start drinking or stop drinking.

Posted by: eman at May 27, 2012 10:36 AM (XrDou)

One naked face-eating dead guy.

Perhaps he was an exchange student from Madagascar?

Posted by: Cultural Relativist at May 27, 2012 10:37 AM (NFZHg)

30 Hey guys, Mooch has a gardening book, "American Grown" at Amazon.

I just love this:

Now, in her first-ever book, American Grown, Mrs. Obama invites you inside the White House Kitchen Garden and shares its inspiring story, from the first planting to the latest harvest. Hear about her worries as a novice gardener Â– would the new plants even grow? Learn about her struggles and her joys as lettuce, corn, tomatoes, collards and kale, sweet potatoes and rhubarb flourished in the freshly tilled soil. Get an unprecedented behind-the-scenes look at every season of the gardenÂ’s growth, with striking original photographs that bring its story to life. Try the unique recipes created by White House chefs and made with ingredients just picked from the White House garden. And learn from the White House Garden team about how you can help plant your own backyard, school or community garden.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at May 27, 2012 10:37 AM (UOM48)

31 Behold the power of Humperdinck!

Posted by: eman at May 27, 2012 10:38 AM (XrDou)

32 Urinevision? WTF?

Posted by: CoolCzech at May 27, 2012 10:39 AM (niZvt)

33 Posted by: Jane D'oh at May 27, 2012 02:37 PM (UOM4

Like she raised one finger that wasn't for a photo-op to work in the garden. What a joke.

Posted by: elizabethe at May 27, 2012 10:40 AM (nHtaS)

34 Apparently, one year, due to attempts to overcome language barriers, the finalists were songs entitled "Do Do Do" and "Da Da Da". The Police? De do do do, de da da da Is all I want to say to you De do do do, de da da da Their innocence will pull me through De do do do, de da da da Is all I want to say to you De do do do, de da da da They're meaningless and all that's true

Posted by: toby928© at May 27, 2012 10:40 AM (NG097)

Mooch has a gardening book, "American Grown" at Amazon.

and the Amazon Reviews should be awesome.

Posted by: garrett at May 27, 2012 10:40 AM (NFZHg)

36 23 Humperdinck was there to sing, not fight evil. Sad but it's true. Englebert Humperdinck's days as a superhero are finished. Maybe someday the story of how a military brat from Madras, India was exposed to an ancient secret that forever changed him from Gerry Dorsey to Englebert Humperdinck. Sadly, those records are sealed. Posted by: SHIELD at May 27, 2012 02:30 PM (qZb8X) Indiana Jones and the Humper of Dinck?

Posted by: CoolCzech at May 27, 2012 10:41 AM (niZvt)

37 and the Amazon Reviews should be awesome. Posted by: garrett at May 27, 2012 02:40 PM (NFZHg) How did mooch keep Sarah Jessica Parker from eating the lettuce?

Posted by: eman at May 27, 2012 10:43 AM (XrDou)

38 35
Mooch has a gardening book, "American Grown" at Amazon.

and the Amazon Reviews should be awesome.

Posted by: garrett at May 27, 2012 02:40 PM (NFZHg

They're not up yet. Believe me, I can't wait. I'm sure the horde will have an epic "review" or two.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at May 27, 2012 10:43 AM (UOM48)

39 This world has no appreciation for true artists.

Posted by: Yoko Ono at May 27, 2012 10:43 AM (IoNBC)

40 Eurovision 2006 winner Lordi (from Finland) http://tinyurl.com/cma9plj

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 27, 2012 10:45 AM (Rhie+)

41 Step 1: Order an aide to go outside and find some dirt.

Posted by: FLOTUS Gardening Book at May 27, 2012 10:45 AM (XrDou)

42 See my post at 12. Mooch wants to be Beyonce, except she has no talent.

And she says she's the first to go to bed every night, and Barky tucks her in.

Don't most mothers tuck their children in before going to bed? Or was that just me?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at May 27, 2012 10:45 AM (UOM48)

43
I have the feeling that even after I figure out what this "Eurovision" is I won't give a damn.

Posted by: the new, improved arhooley -- now with 10% more cynicism! at May 27, 2012 10:46 AM (0kd9k)

44 So this post isn't about The Princess Bride?

Posted by: Z Ryan at May 27, 2012 10:46 AM (tsC/8)

45 Step 2: have some hoes flown in from Norway.

Posted by: FLOTUS Gardening Book at May 27, 2012 10:46 AM (XrDou)

46 I can't figure out how these shows get viewers. There's so many of them and they all make me run for an axe. It must be chick viewers, but I can't stand them.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 27, 2012 10:47 AM (r4wIV)

47 40 Is that Spinal Tap on acid?

Posted by: rickl at May 27, 2012 10:47 AM (sdi6R)

48 Slingin' it here, Boss!

Posted by: Jackson Pollack, True Artist at May 27, 2012 10:48 AM (IoNBC)

49 47 40 Is that Spinal Tap on acid? Posted by: rickl at May 27, 2012 02:47 PM (sdi6R) GWAR--

Posted by: Underground Vulgarian at May 27, 2012 10:49 AM (oipCQ)

50 I wonder if the gardening book includes the part about how the vegetables grown in the White House garden couldn't be eaten due to the soil contamination from construction in the Clinton era? Just wondering about that.

There was a time when conflicts like this would plunge Europe into vicious bloody war

Oh, I'm reasonably confident that Europe is going to return to form in dealing with it's current pesky problems. I, for one, do not welcome our new Euro-Muslim overlords.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD 2012 at May 27, 2012 10:50 AM (Gk3SS)

51 47 40 Is that Spinal Tap on acid? Oh, wow. I posted that before his bat wings opened.

Posted by: rickl at May 27, 2012 10:50 AM (sdi6R)

This site has the power to make you start drinking or stop drinking.

Posted by: eman at May 27, 2012 02:36 PM (XrDou)

Or if you're already a drunkard, to make you drink more.

Posted by: ErikW at May 27, 2012 10:51 AM (XCoF0)

GWAR--

The Greatest Roack and Roll Band in the Universe!

Posted by: garrett at May 27, 2012 10:52 AM (NFZHg)

54
I can't figure out how these shows get viewers.
--------------------

European Broadcasting Union

Has a closed, musty scent that appeals to continentals.

Posted by: the new, improved arhooley -- now with 10% more cynicism! at May 27, 2012 10:53 AM (0kd9k)

55 The vaginal juices Once a torrent Are now But a fleeting memory OOOWWWEEEEWWWWOOOO!!!!!

Posted by: Yoko Ono at May 27, 2012 10:53 AM (IoNBC)

56 I can't worry about Englebert, that mensa president Chris Mathews is clarifying his horse's ass claim to be thrilled not tingled.

Posted by: the smug is strong with this one at May 27, 2012 10:54 AM (oa7AI)

57 I remember seeing a show where John Lennon and Yoko Ono performed. She was in a bag on stage and he kicked the bag periodically. I think he was trying to make some statement about feminism and patriarchy but I just thought it was a great idea. Unfortunately the show didn't end with her being tossed in a river.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 27, 2012 10:56 AM (r4wIV)

58 He should have claimed to have been 1/32 Azeri.

Posted by: Voluble at May 27, 2012 10:56 AM (c8WV/)

59 John and I revolutionized the world of art when we wore used tampons on our heads. John was so spiritual.

Posted by: Yoko Ono at May 27, 2012 10:59 AM (IoNBC)

60 I've worked for Engelbert, and in less than a year more than 36 musicians and crew members came and went. Some fired, some quit, some got better gigs. Engelbert is particularly vicious to his monitor engineers, and berates them and says awful things to them in front of the crowd during his shows. Some of the most experienced monitor engineers in the world. Ask anyone who works for one of the venues where he has performed lately. Embarrassing to say the least. If you ask any sound company about him they'll probably have plenty of stories to tell. Just recently the sound company he has been using came and took back their gear. His account must be in very bad shape for that to happen. He and his management (His son Scott Dorsey) were hoping to win this contest in order to get more bookings. An amazing career, a great voice, and millions of loving fans. Not a nice person to be around. Sad.

Posted by: Arnold George Dorsey at May 27, 2012 11:13 AM (mQFcT)

61 Missing in this post is the maybe too obvious point that the winning song is excruciating.

Posted by: Free2Smooze at May 27, 2012 11:15 AM (A5AX5)

62 Along with Mario Lanza and Dean Martin Engelbert was right up there in our house.

Posted by: sonnyspats at May 27, 2012 11:18 AM (Qr9Rc)

63 Yeah, it's so much more courageous to go after a 76-year old Brit than the shit stains who make the place a hellhole. Speaking truth to power, ya know.

Posted by: butch at May 27, 2012 11:58 AM (nK2Sx)

I'm surprised he got no credit for having sung "Lesbian Seagull" for the final credits of "Beavis and Butthead Do America".

Posted by: Purity Of Essence at May 27, 2012 12:09 PM (2EdUM)

65 Engelbert Humperdinck. Now's that's a name I have not heard for years. That's 'cause he's been going under Slut Bam Walla for the past 30 years.

Posted by: Sweet Meteor of Death at May 27, 2012 12:12 PM (Y8jxy)

66 The Eddie Izzard bit, http://youtu.be/ckGmMO0zbJo.

Posted by: BishopWash at May 27, 2012 12:16 PM (+eFQu)

67 Have you actually seen an Englebert Humperdinck song video, his voice it so good it is ridiculous.

Posted by: Village Idiot at May 27, 2012 01:34 PM (utXSy)

68 Monty Python was making fun of Eurovision songs forty years ago. Surprised there still is a contest.

Posted by: Oldcat at May 27, 2012 03:20 PM (TJHom)

69 Engelbert Humperdinck is a singer, not a crooner! He can hit the notes, he doesn't have to fake it.

And he is the real deal as a performer. His old-fashioned, un-controversial and simple style shouldn't detract from appreciating that he's good at what he's there to do.

In other words, he's the opposite of this contest, which has become all about the pose not the performance.

Posted by: Engelbert Humperdinck fan at May 27, 2012 04:35 PM (iI8IQ)

70 All those guys back then had real pipes, even guys like Perry Como and Eddy Arnold. They might have sung some boring cheesy songs but they had serious talent.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 27, 2012 06:34 PM (r4wIV)

71 Still a world record-holder for "Dumbest Stage Name"

Posted by: mojo at May 27, 2012 06:37 PM (d/67n)

72 The Panorama show similarly shot down England's world cup 2018 bid by promising to expose Fifas corruption then just repeated old ineffective findings nobody cared about on the eve of the vote. Predictably there was voting backlash.

Posted by: Marco at May 27, 2012 07:46 PM (YzKiC)

73 A song contest should hinge on whether you sang a good song well, not whether Loreen is a cooler stage name than Englebert Humperdinck, or whether you have politically correct (or any) views on social justice in Azerbaijan.

Posted by: Engelbert Humperdinck fan at May 27, 2012 07:49 PM (iI8IQ)

74 Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: steevy at May 27, 2012 07:59 PM (7W3wI)

75 "Somebody decided" the contest should be held in Azerbaijan? Come on, the contest is automatically held in the country of the previous year's winner. That's been the rule for decades. So if you don't want a given country to host the contest, you need to bar them from participating...

Posted by: john at May 28, 2012 01:08 AM (tQ91Q)

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