March 09, 2014
— Open Blogger
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I am doing double-duty as cook and nurse -- there is flu in Chez Dildo! (I rock the outfit however, so there is that silver lining. You know how much white stockings cost in my size?). But I haven't been able to poke around the cooking section of my local bookstore, looking for inspiration, or just something to plagiarize.

In my experience, the venerable (hah) NY Times food section recipes are often just rough guides, and occasionally will be off significantly. A year or so ago they had a recipe for sourdough rye bread that was missing a few cups of liquid. And that's were an understanding of technique would help. But most people reflexively assume that if it's published then it's going to work as described. And yes, I made that mistake, and had to add more and more starter liquid and water until it looked like a manageable dough. Had I been firmly grounded in baking technique, my first reading of the recipe would have yielded a snort, a laugh, and a loud, "Ah, the idiots are at it again!"
Technique is nothing more than a general understanding of what happens to ingredients when they are treated a particular way. Most of us are reasonably proficient in grilling technique -- what happens to a piece of steak of x thickness on a fire of y temperature over z time. No recipe can cover all of the variables, but with that simple technique, we can grill anything.
The trick is to find good recipes, and divine the underlying technique. And once you know the technique, you really don't need a recipe. And then you will be a real cook.
This was really driven home to me by a friend of mine who is a superb bartender. I won't call him a mixologist because he thinks that's an asshole term, to be used only to describe pompous hipsters with delusions of grandeur. And if I called him one he might stop making me smoked bourbon old-fashioneds, and that would ruin my life.
But...he once explained that there are some basic ratios (basic technique) for cocktails, and if you stick them you'll be okay. And bartending is just cooking, but (mostly) without heat.

3 oz. Evan Williams Bourbon (Or any reasonable quality bourbon)
½ oz. Dry Vermouth
½ oz. Sweet Vermouth
3 dashes Angostura Bitters
½ oz. Cointreau
Stir in lots of ice
Strain into cocktail or lowball glass
Garnish with a twist of lemon
This, as the name suggests, is not a Manhattan, but itÂ’s damned close, as well as being damned good.
Try it with Rye Whiskey for a spicier, slightly less sweet drink.
Posted by: Open Blogger at
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Posted by: Adriane... at March 09, 2014 01:07 PM (qoKTg)
Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 01:08 PM (zDsvJ)
The Iowa State Fair offers cookbooks of the prize winners, and I swear half of them intentionally leave something out or use a wrong measurement so no one else can ever make it as good as they did. Sometimes I think the fundraising cookbooks by churches and women's groups are the same way. "Finally! Mrs. Backpfeifengesicht's Smurf Pie recipe! Wait....five tablespoons of Tabasco? I always thought that was curacao..."
Posted by: HR at March 09, 2014 01:09 PM (hO8IJ)
Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 01:13 PM (zDsvJ)
My boss asked his s-i-l for her mac and cheese recipe so he could make it over the holidays. She said, 'no, but I'll make it for you.'
Posted by: Retread at March 09, 2014 01:19 PM (cHwk5)
Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, TX (@Teresa_Koch) at March 09, 2014 01:21 PM (PZ6/M)
Posted by: Lincolntf at March 09, 2014 01:21 PM (ZshNr)
Posted by: Retread at March 09, 2014 01:21 PM (cHwk5)
Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 01:23 PM (zDsvJ)
Posted by: Tonestaple at March 09, 2014 01:25 PM (B7YN4)
Posted by: Retread at March 09, 2014 01:25 PM (cHwk5)
"natural bakers" are amazing.
I have some skill and talent for cooking, but baking? I am at the mercy of the recipe.
And the technique is just weird.
Why is it that I can mix my pizza dough for five minutes, and it comes out amazingly tender and puffy, but if I mix biscuit dough for more than it takes to incorporate the ingredients they have the consistency of hockey pucks?
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at March 09, 2014 01:25 PM (QFxY5)
Posted by: Daily Reminder Guy at March 09, 2014 01:26 PM (6j8ke)
Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 01:27 PM (zDsvJ)
Posted by: Lincolntf at March 09, 2014 01:28 PM (ZshNr)
Just leave it in cool water, and make sure it is submerged.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at March 09, 2014 01:30 PM (QFxY5)
Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 01:31 PM (zDsvJ)
Of course the first thing to blame is the Jooos, but I'm one of them, and as far as I recall there was no discussion of this during the Zionist Occupation Government seminars.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at March 09, 2014 01:32 PM (QFxY5)
Posted by: Retread at March 09, 2014 01:32 PM (cHwk5)
Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 01:34 PM (zDsvJ)
Posted by: DaveA[/i][/b][/s] at March 09, 2014 01:37 PM (DL2i+)
I have no doubt Louise Fletcher is a sweet woman -- why does she play so many evil, horrible women?
Posted by: acethepug at March 09, 2014 01:37 PM (KB+BG)
Posted by: nerdygirl at March 09, 2014 01:39 PM (k2GaM)
My mother always doubled everything but the chocolate chips, which she halved. O_o I was well into adulthood before I realized there was supposed to be more than two chips in each cookie.
When I make cookies for work I double the recipe and use one bag of semi-sweet and one bag of dark chocolate.
Posted by: HR at March 09, 2014 01:41 PM (hO8IJ)
Posted by: Yoshi, Aggrieved Victim of the White Man at March 09, 2014 01:42 PM (OzZJn)
Posted by: Lincolntf at March 09, 2014 01:45 PM (ZshNr)
Posted by: Lincolntf at March 09, 2014 01:46 PM (ZshNr)
Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 01:46 PM (zDsvJ)
Posted by: Retread at March 09, 2014 01:46 PM (cHwk5)
Posted by: Y-not's husband (B.S. in physics, magna cum laude) at March 09, 2014 01:48 PM (zDsvJ)
Posted by: Lincolntf at March 09, 2014 01:49 PM (ZshNr)
Posted by: Lincolntf at March 09, 2014 05:21 PM (ZshNr)
If you leave it in warm water, you actually start the cooking process (a "watered down" form of sous-vide cooking, so to speak), so that's not a good idea. The quickest water-based thawing method is under cold running water. Some people will use the microwave (although that also jump starts the cooking process). If I only have a short period of time, I will sometimes use this method, but at a setting designed for half the weight of what I am defrosting, and then letting the residual warmth from the center thaw the steak the rest of the way, usually over the rest of an hour.
Of course, there is only 13 minutes left before your 6pm deadline, but hopefully this info will be useful in future such emergencies.
Posted by: CQD at March 09, 2014 01:50 PM (4iOIE)
Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 09, 2014 01:50 PM (olDqf)
You know those baked snacks made with shredded cheddar cheese, flour, and sticks of butter? They're either called cheese dollars are cheese straws. I think they may be the most addictive food on earth. Pure concentrated cholesterol.
Posted by: Reggie1971 at March 09, 2014 01:51 PM (S11Oq)
Posted by: Retread at March 09, 2014 01:52 PM (cHwk5)
Posted by: Lincolntf at March 09, 2014 01:52 PM (ZshNr)
All eight days. But I love it....I am one of seven humans who like matzoh.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at March 09, 2014 01:54 PM (QFxY5)
Posted by: Retread at March 09, 2014 05:52 PM (cHwk5)
Retread, has Crisco changed since the late 70s / early 80s ? I have a great snickerdoodles recipe from that era that, back then, tasted great. Now, not so much.
Posted by: Steck at March 09, 2014 01:55 PM (5i94q)
Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 01:55 PM (zDsvJ)
It's ALL physics!
Posted by: Y-not's husband (B.S. in physics, magna cum laude) at March 09, 2014 05:48 PM (zDsvJ)
Well, in my experience it is closer to astrology than physics.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at March 09, 2014 01:56 PM (QFxY5)
You mean the blood of Palestinian infants?
Posted by: pep at March 09, 2014 01:57 PM (6TB1Z)
Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 01:57 PM (zDsvJ)
Close, but no. That honor goes to Cheetohs.
Posted by: pep at March 09, 2014 01:58 PM (6TB1Z)
Posted by: tms at March 09, 2014 01:59 PM (7ub16)
Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 02:00 PM (zDsvJ)
Posted by: nerdygirl at March 09, 2014 02:01 PM (k2GaM)
Posted by: Retread at March 09, 2014 02:01 PM (cHwk5)
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at March 09, 2014 02:02 PM (QFxY5)
Posted by: taylork at March 09, 2014 02:03 PM (9bPUR)
Excellent point.
We'll start next week on Hollandaise!
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at March 09, 2014 02:04 PM (QFxY5)
Posted by: Lincolntf at March 09, 2014 05:46 PM (ZshNr)
If you are worried about the steak picking up a funny flavor from having been frozen for a couple of months, that should not be a problem as long as you haven't had any extended power outages and partial thawing in that period of time. The best way to freeze meat, however, is to make sure it is wrapped tightly, to prevent exposure to air that will cause freezer burn. When freezing steaks, I always wrap them in plastic and squeeze out all the air before then putting them in a freezer bag and squeezing out all the air again.
On a somewhat related note, I just thawed and cooked a turkey that I had in a coffin freezer for 15 months. It came out fine, which I attribute to the fact that it was in a standalone freezer, and also to the tight wrapping that all frozen turkeys come in.
Posted by: CQD at March 09, 2014 02:05 PM (4iOIE)
Posted by: concrete girl at March 09, 2014 02:06 PM (l9vxU)
http://lowcarbdiets.about.com/od/snacks/r/cheesecrisps.htm
-----
Brilliant! And easy peasy to make.
Posted by: Retread at March 09, 2014 02:06 PM (cHwk5)
Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 02:06 PM (zDsvJ)
Posted by: Steck at March 09, 2014 02:07 PM (5i94q)
Posted by: Lincolntf at March 09, 2014 02:07 PM (ZshNr)
Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 02:08 PM (zDsvJ)
Posted by: garrett at March 09, 2014 02:09 PM (kBAHu)
Posted by: Lincolntf at March 09, 2014 02:09 PM (ZshNr)
Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 02:10 PM (zDsvJ)
Posted by: nerdygirl at March 09, 2014 02:10 PM (k2GaM)
Posted by: taylork at March 09, 2014 02:12 PM (9bPUR)
Posted by: garrett at March 09, 2014 02:13 PM (kBAHu)
Posted by: Lincolntf at March 09, 2014 02:14 PM (ZshNr)
Posted by: nerdygirl at March 09, 2014 02:17 PM (k2GaM)
Posted by: taylork at March 09, 2014 02:17 PM (9bPUR)
Posted by: Lincolntf at March 09, 2014 02:18 PM (ZshNr)
Posted by: nerdygirl at March 09, 2014 02:19 PM (k2GaM)
Posted by: garrett at March 09, 2014 02:19 PM (kBAHu)
Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 06:10 PM (zDsvJ)
I have seen those advertised for years, and am always tempted, but (1) I don't have room for another appliance and (2) I have no idea how long machines like that are intended to last. How long have you had yours?
Costco steaks are excellent, although around here QFC (a chain that was acquired by Kroger years ago) still sells choice beef and has a friendly butcher's department that will cut steaks to order. I wait until they are on sale and then buy a bunch...some to freeze and some to eat right away (well, after a bit of dry-aging in the refrigerator). Even though dry-aging is not supposed to be done on already-cut steaks, it works well enough. All I'm really trying to do is remove a bit of the moisture, after all...I'm not going for the 72-day, blue mold on the outside of the cut of beef effect.
Posted by: CQD at March 09, 2014 02:21 PM (4iOIE)
Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 02:21 PM (zDsvJ)
Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 02:22 PM (zDsvJ)
Posted by: taylork at March 09, 2014 06:21 PM (9bPUR)
Absolutely. The bacon doesn't curl, there's no splatter, and it is possible to control the done-ness to a very accurate degree, as long as you keep your eye on it at the end of the cooking process.
Posted by: CQD at March 09, 2014 02:25 PM (4iOIE)
Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 02:28 PM (zDsvJ)
I don't think Gold Medal All-Purpose has changed, but over the years Gold Medal has added varieties such as no-sift and unbleached. As far back as I can remember there was always all-purpose and cake flour but with the advent of bread machines more varieties appeared on the shelves. And then there are the other brand-names that didn't used to be so common. The flour section is very much bigger than it was thirty years ago. Through being in a hurry and not paying close enough attention, I almost bought the wrong stuff during the cookie making season and since I dump it in a canister and toss the bag I nearly had a head-scratcher on my hands trying to figure out why a recipe I'd made for years didn't work this time.
Posted by: Retread at March 09, 2014 02:31 PM (cHwk5)
Posted by: taylork at March 09, 2014 02:32 PM (9bPUR)
Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 02:32 PM (zDsvJ)
Posted by: taylork at March 09, 2014 02:33 PM (9bPUR)
Posted by: taylork at March 09, 2014 02:35 PM (9bPUR)
Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 02:38 PM (zDsvJ)
You mean like these bad boys? *leans over*
Posted by: Giada at March 09, 2014 02:39 PM (6TB1Z)
Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 02:43 PM (zDsvJ)
Posted by: taylork at March 09, 2014 06:33 PM (9bPUR)
I don't know if he's in Jacques Pepin territory, but Chef John from foodwishes dot com has a lot of interesting video recipes, and I've liked everything that I've tried so far.
Posted by: CQD at March 09, 2014 02:43 PM (4iOIE)
Posted by: Retread at March 09, 2014 02:45 PM (cHwk5)
Posted by: Steck at March 09, 2014 02:45 PM (5i94q)
Posted by: concrete girl at March 09, 2014 02:53 PM (l9vxU)
Posted by: garrett at March 09, 2014 02:53 PM (pVEY3)
Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 03:00 PM (zDsvJ)
Posted by: lindafell at March 09, 2014 03:04 PM (PGO8C)
Posted by: ChristyBlinky, Redneck Queen at March 09, 2014 03:54 PM (baL2B)
Posted by: SusanamanthaPdmimiPdmimi at March 09, 2014 04:54 PM (J0VjC)
I must be one of the other seven. But I like them spread with soft butter and lightly sprinked with salt, or used as a cracker for little Norwegian sardines.
Best brand I've found is Yehuda, but it doesn't turn up much.
Posted by: Splunge at March 09, 2014 05:02 PM (qyomX)
Cream cheese, but the soft kind.
And of course I make matzoh brei (sp) every day of Passover.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at March 09, 2014 05:04 PM (QFxY5)
If I put cream cheese on them, I'd want Nova on the cream cheese, and then I would wish they were a bagel. Or maybe not -- I'll have to give this a try. But soft cream cheese seems to not be much of a thing in Northern CA.
Posted by: Splunge at March 09, 2014 05:08 PM (qyomX)
Posted by: Horny uncle al at March 09, 2014 09:04 PM (Lr0UN)
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Posted by: Y-not at March 09, 2014 01:06 PM (zDsvJ)