April 18, 2012
— LauraW Drew and BenK are the real chefs of this post.
I think that means they volunteer to be judges, right? Eh? No? OK, I'll do it.
So let's go:
Any short poetry, doesn't have to be a traditional AOSHQ haiku thing. All current events are in play. Though dogmeat seems to be the Chef's Choice this morning.
so much depends
upon
a leg of Irish Setter
glazed with honey mustard
beside the three-bean salad
Contest Prizes:
1) Glory, hearty slaps on the back, and the adoration of tens of Morons
2) Imaginary Merchandise We'll Make Up Later
Posted by: LauraW at
06:33 AM
| Comments (306)
Post contains 105 words, total size 1 kb.
lissen up
your all stupid if u think
dogs arent tasty
why do you think franks are called
HOT DOGS yeah cuase their sexy too
#JusticeForTeflon
Posted by: Jose Canshihtzu at April 18, 2012 06:40 AM (jm/9g)
Setters are Red
Tick hounds are blue
The poodle looks great,
I think I'll have two!
Posted by: Lincolntf at April 18, 2012 06:41 AM (HethX)
Posted by: William Hussein Williams at April 18, 2012 06:41 AM (SAYgH)
Posted by: B. Obama at April 18, 2012 06:41 AM (5H6zj)
Posted by: Darth Chipmunk at April 18, 2012 06:42 AM (0tRzD)
Posted by: S. Chu at April 18, 2012 06:42 AM (5H6zj)
Puppies are the scrummiest!
SCOAMF is the SCOAMFiest!
Everywhere I go...♪♫
Posted by: Radish A. Radish at April 18, 2012 06:43 AM (/kI1Q)
Posted by: B. Obama at April 18, 2012 06:44 AM (5H6zj)
Posted by: willow at April 18, 2012 06:44 AM (TomZ9)
in the morning amidst the mist and shadows
bleeds into the dark tendrils of red
moving slowly but surely across the sky
red
seeping
streaming
oozing out
from where my boot
presses on ozfic's throat
Posted by: alexthechick at April 18, 2012 06:44 AM (VtjlW)
I bait with Valu-rite
I scope for a keeper
Ah ha, in the cardboard box
Now in my gun sight..
Posted by: Run Hobo Run at April 18, 2012 06:45 AM (JIDLg)
Posted by: willow at April 18, 2012 06:45 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: MaxMBJ at April 18, 2012 06:46 AM (deaac)
Posted by: Barry O. at April 18, 2012 06:46 AM (5H6zj)
Posted by: Jordan at April 18, 2012 06:47 AM (WdFq3)
Posted by: George Traylor at April 18, 2012 06:47 AM (TAKdF)
Posted by: krak_t at April 18, 2012 06:47 AM (yC8lY)
Posted by: willow at April 18, 2012 06:47 AM (TomZ9)
If you had told me
That the fact that I had 3 dogs
Would make me a rancher
In
The
Obama Economy
I wouldn't have believed you
F' SCOAMF
Anyone but Obama
Posted by: Lemmenkainen at April 18, 2012 06:47 AM (ZWvOb)
bleeds into the dark tendrils of red
moving slowly but surely across the sky
red
seeping
streaming
oozing out
from where my boot
presses on ozfic's throat
Posted by: alexthechick at April 18, 2012 10:44 AM (VtjlW
*standing applause*
Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 18, 2012 06:47 AM (UOM48)
Would you eat dog with a white mouse?
I would not, could not in the White House
I would not, could not with a white mouse
Posted by: HeatherRadish™ at April 18, 2012 06:47 AM (/kI1Q)
Posted by: John Hussein Keats at April 18, 2012 06:48 AM (SAYgH)
Value-rite hangs in the air like a wretched abattoir
That dog looks tasty
Posted by: Darth Chipmunk at April 18, 2012 06:48 AM (niW49)
Posted by: phoenixgirl secretary and now walmart checker!! at April 18, 2012 06:49 AM (Ho2rs)
Posted by: George Traylor at April 18, 2012 06:49 AM (TAKdF)
Posted by: toby928 at April 18, 2012 06:50 AM (evdj2)
Obama is to
the media as Zed was
to the fucking gimp
Posted by: AndrewR at April 18, 2012 06:50 AM (8bsRB)
Posted by: Michelle Obama at April 18, 2012 06:50 AM (5H6zj)
Posted by: TheQuietMan at April 18, 2012 06:50 AM (1Jaio)
Good Gawd. Why can't I just eat my dog?
Posted by: Carolyn at April 18, 2012 06:50 AM (9h1Fe)
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) SMOD 2012 at April 18, 2012 06:51 AM (8y9MW)
` tonights special 38.99 for two.
Posted by: willow at April 18, 2012 06:51 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: TheQuietMan at April 18, 2012 10:50 AM (1Jaio)
choked on coffee.
Posted by: willow at April 18, 2012 06:52 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: George Traylor at April 18, 2012 06:53 AM (TAKdF)
Posted by: Milesdei at April 18, 2012 06:53 AM (d3mlu)
Outside of a dog, a cookbook is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog there's a meat thermometer and some grasshopper and oyster stuffing.
* with apologies to Groucho Marx
Posted by: Dave in Texas at April 18, 2012 06:54 AM (WvXvd)
I starve him a week
Feed him tangy spiced rice and crunchy figs
And the side dish gets baked-in
Just like Grandma use to make
Posted by: Fritz at April 18, 2012 06:54 AM (/ZZCn)
Posted by: jakeman at April 18, 2012 06:54 AM (96M6e)
Posted by: the pink cracker formerly known as the hobbit Donna at April 18, 2012 06:54 AM (ZHge+)
Posted by: supercore23 at April 18, 2012 06:55 AM (bwV72)
Posted by: minutemen for Mitt (formerly trainer) until the JEF is gone at April 18, 2012 06:55 AM (Rojyk)
Posted by: Barack Obama, campaigner in chief at April 18, 2012 06:55 AM (5H6zj)
On tastier than Husky pup
Braised, with sauce of Kerry Beagle
It's better still than fried Bald Eagle
Posted by: Waterhouse at April 18, 2012 06:55 AM (rND5e)
Posted by: tedtam at April 18, 2012 06:55 AM (HWss9)
Its hour come round again,
Slouches toward Washington
To golf some more?
Winner.
Posted by: terce at April 18, 2012 06:56 AM (BoE3Z)
Let 'em have it.
http://blog.epa.gov/blog/2012/04/sixwords/
Posted by: huerfano at April 18, 2012 06:56 AM (bAGA/)
man's best friend,
faithful companion
and trusted confidant.
Lean close, friend, and I will
tell you a secret:
I am like the praying mantis.
Think about it.
Posted by: AndrewR at April 18, 2012 06:56 AM (8bsRB)
Posted by: TheQuietMan at April 18, 2012 06:57 AM (1Jaio)
Posted by: George Traylor at April 18, 2012 06:58 AM (TAKdF)
Posted by: Jimmah at April 18, 2012 06:59 AM (UpwlP)
Tis midnight when I twitter take
A Hawt Dawg sent--a big mistake!
A weenie roast doth then ensue!
My Congress job, I bid adieu!
Posted by: Anthony Weiner at April 18, 2012 06:59 AM (vJ9tV)
Posted by: jakeman Plover at April 18, 2012 06:59 AM (96M6e)
Posted by: Michele Obama at April 18, 2012 07:01 AM (XBdI0)
Filled with dogs
That eat meat
Stepping through the office
Where the dogs
Live, they bark
The dogs howl and bare
Their muscles, which
Fried in a pan
With onions
Carmelized flesh
Glistening on my plate
Posted by: Slublog at April 18, 2012 07:02 AM (0nqdj)
Posted by: TheQuietMan at April 18, 2012 07:02 AM (1Jaio)
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) SMOD 2012 at April 18, 2012 07:02 AM (8y9MW)
Posted by: Ted Nugent:Shit Stirrer at April 18, 2012 07:03 AM (c3mby)
You are what you eat. I'm dog meat now.
The Polls, the polls.
Sinking now to new lows.
All dogs go to heaven.
Posted by: Cicero Kid. at April 18, 2012 07:03 AM (JaDq0)
Really misses the point,
It isn't that I ate it,
It's that it wasn't tender enough.
-Barry
Posted by: grognard, SMOD-Squad at April 18, 2012 07:04 AM (NS2Mo)
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: a waste of trillions of dollars by a SCOAMF;
By his side a shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun, Is moving its slow thighs in yet another luxury vacation to Spain or Hawaii clad in designer duds, while all about it wind shadows of the indignant taxpayers.
Posted by: Moochelle "Wagu - Hey, is that a kind of Dog?" Obama at April 18, 2012 07:04 AM (SAYgH)
Here I sit all broken hearted,
All I touch and do seems to end a fuck-up,
So, on some tasty dog did I sup,
Now my tummy hurts, even a burn in my heart,
Aww shit, I just let a shart
Posted by: fastfreefall at April 18, 2012 07:04 AM (timQz)
woof woof woof woof -woof woof
woof woof wooof woof wooof -woof.
woof wooof wooof wooof wooof wooooooooff -woof woof woof woof ,to me.
sigh of relief
Posted by: willow at April 18, 2012 07:04 AM (TomZ9)
Hey, Bulldog
Hey, Bulldog
Hey, Bulldog
Hey, Bulldog
Hey man
Whats that boy?
Woof
Whaddaya say?
I say, "Rroof"
You got any more?
Rrrrrowerra! Aaaaaaaaaah hah hah!
You got it! that's right! yeah.
Posted by: TheQuietMan at April 18, 2012 07:04 AM (1Jaio)
Posted by: Infidelswine at April 18, 2012 07:05 AM (lI6So)
Posted by: Bill Murray in Stripes at April 18, 2012 07:06 AM (96M6e)
Evelyn, a dog, having undergone
Further modification
Pondered the
significance of short-person behavior
In pedal-depressed panchromatic
resonance
And other highly ambient domains...
Arf she said
recognize?
Posted by: MountainMonkey at April 18, 2012 07:06 AM (cgxNI)
Abandoned by my father, I lived on dog & rice,
Now I'm on the public's dime, and life is really nice,
Waffles in the morning, Kobe beef at night,
Moochelle has endangered the lobster, put the species at risk alright.
We are now in a gastronome's heaven, thanks to you benighted souls,
Remember we deserve this when you go to the polls.
--B.H. Obama
Posted by: Alamo at April 18, 2012 07:07 AM (m/tN9)
Just let me eat my Whippet
At least it's not french fries, right?
Posted by: Lizzy at April 18, 2012 07:07 AM (4Uq9X)
Posted by: the pink cracker formerly known as the hobbit Donna at April 18, 2012 07:07 AM (ZHge+)
Posted by: Jordan at April 18, 2012 07:07 AM (WdFq3)
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
FIGHT THE MAN AND ALL THAT HE STANDS FOR
KILL KILL KILL!
KILL THE OPPRESSORS AND THEIR FAMILIES
PEACE PEACE PEACE!
PEACE BECAUSE WAR IS WRONG
Posted by: The Mega Independent at April 18, 2012 07:07 AM (ZGREa)
If canine be the food of love, play on,
Give me excess of it; that surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.
Posted by: toby928 at April 18, 2012 07:07 AM (evdj2)
Posted by: eleven at April 18, 2012 07:07 AM (KXm42)
There once was a man from Chicago
Who ate schnauzer to cure his lumbago
It tickled his noodle
To switch over to poodle
On advice of a buddy named Blago
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 18, 2012 07:08 AM (tQoT4)
Posted by: Lincolntf at April 18, 2012 07:08 AM (HethX)
You say tomato, I say tomahto
You say Malvinas, I say Maldives
Tomato, tomahto;
Malvinas, Maldives;
Let's call the whole thing off!
Posted by: Barack Obama, Cosmopolitan Metrosexual at April 18, 2012 07:08 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: the pink cracker formerly known as the hobbit Donna at April 18, 2012 07:08 AM (ZHge+)
How could you be so mean?
Wouldn't you be sorry
You invented that machine?
All the Democrats and long-tailed Rats
They never more be seen
For you grind them up to Doggy meat
In Dunnderbox machine.
Posted by: Pecos, at April 18, 2012 07:09 AM (2Gb0y)
Oh, Columbia
Advance detail
Pricy whiskey
Marching powder
Top level tush
Heaven. Until...
$47 cheapskate
Drunk, hysterical whore
Local policia
Hell follows.
Posted by: eureka! at April 18, 2012 07:09 AM (81yf8)
And Caesar's spirit, raging for revenge,
With Ate by his side come hot from hell,
Shall in these confines with a monarch's voice
Cry "Havoc!" and let slip the dogs of war,
beer-battered and with honey mustard dressed
and served with fries or jalapeno poppers.
Posted by: AndrewR at April 18, 2012 07:09 AM (8bsRB)
And I did my best to ignore,
That it had just licked my face,
Only the day before
-Barry
Posted by: grognard, SMOD-Squad at April 18, 2012 07:10 AM (NS2Mo)
Posted by: Cruella DeVille at April 18, 2012 07:10 AM (qoviL)
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at April 18, 2012 07:10 AM (4df7R)
Dark and lonely on a summer's night.
Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord.
Watchdog barking. Do he bite?
Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord.
Slip in his window. Break his neck.
Then his house I start to wreck.
Got no reason. What the heck?
Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord.
C-I-L my land lord!
Posted by: Tyrone Green at April 18, 2012 07:11 AM (MMC8r)
The shorn hump glistens in the
morning sun as it sears my
yellow eyes. Struggling to free myself from
the pudding-hard carpet
I rise.
Posted by: BackwardsBoy at April 18, 2012 07:11 AM (d0Tfm)
by Bo
Take this slobber upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow--
Serve me with salad, and chianti
Or perhaps with asti spumanti
I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Stuffed potatoes, a little too bland
O God! can you not save
A bit of me for a midnight snack?
For all to you that I gave
Am I but a snack within a snack?
Posted by: Bo at April 18, 2012 07:11 AM (VE1KN)
Posted by: Infidelswine at April 18, 2012 07:12 AM (lI6So)
SCOAMF is still a-flying
Secret Service getting lucky to-day
Taxpayers are a-buying
Posted by: HeatherRadish™ at April 18, 2012 07:12 AM (/kI1Q)
Posted by: MJ at April 18, 2012 07:12 AM (/x4oj)
Posted by: PETA at April 18, 2012 07:12 AM (cqZXM)
on my pallet
I hear tip-toeing
of tranny nanny
We snuggle
and giggle
and share cold dog sandwich
Posted by: Little Barry at April 18, 2012 07:13 AM (UOM48)
Contest Prizes:
1) Glory, hearty slaps on the back, and the adoration of tens of Morons
2) Imaginary Merchandise We'll Make Up Later
3) You're fired.
Posted by: Soothsayer at April 18, 2012 07:13 AM (G/zuv)
poor Teddy starts cryin',
mmm, rice and canine,
it's the sweetest, most divine,
like the sound of morning whine
calling to prayer, all the taqiyya lyin'
while the cat lovers are smilin'.
Posted by: Carolyn at April 18, 2012 07:14 AM (9h1Fe)
Bitch is the new Wagyu beef
Doggone your PETA piety for man's tastiest, I mean best friend
Posted by: Lizzy at April 18, 2012 07:14 AM (4Uq9X)
A stately pleasure dorm decree
Of nubile thighs, and wanton cans
And caverns measureless to man
If only condoms were free
Posted by: Waterhouse at April 18, 2012 07:14 AM (rND5e)
By the vain and idle audacity of the countenance he wore,
'Though thy gross be clipped and cropped, thou,' we said, 'art still with power,'
Divest of six thine Marxist comrades, fellow travelers thirteen, twoscore,
Tell me when thy stately minds might yet turn to budgetary mores!
Quoth the Senate, 'Nevermore.'
Posted by: Edgar Allen Poe wants a damn budget passed at April 18, 2012 07:14 AM (Kdb8Y)
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at April 18, 2012 07:14 AM (4df7R)
When I look across America, I see all of you:
Oh ye spaniels, ye poodles, ye setters, ye labs; oh ye brittanies, ye beagles, ye black and tan hounds will big floppy ears and a howl when you tree your raccoon.
Oh ye barkers, ye sniffers, ye diggers of bones, ye yelpers, ye lap sitters, ye wet nosed mutts; oh ye bird dogs, ye rat terriers, ye yo quiero taco bells...
Ye good with paprika and garlic, and ye good tenderized and braised,
Ye good with yukon potatoes and a nice honey glaze.
Posted by: Lee (in KY) chanelling Whitman at April 18, 2012 07:15 AM (jgXna)
Posted by: willow at April 18, 2012 07:15 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: President Algae O'Teleprompter at April 18, 2012 07:17 AM (XBdI0)
Some say chilled on ice.
From what IÂ’ve tasted of hound meat
I hold with those who favor heat.
But if it had to partake twice,
I think I know enough of collie
To say that for leg of cur ice
Is quite jolly
And would suffice.
Posted by: red sweater at April 18, 2012 07:17 AM (Xwgt3)
and carries with it his song
to vote for the black man,
and punish the ancestors
who did us all wrong
The canary flies
and makes his way to the booth
to vote for the black man,
and triumph for justice,
righteousness and truth
The canary cries
for a great loss has come to be
he couldn't vote for the black man,
for intelligence and eloquence.
He had to show ID
Posted by: Mega Angelou at April 18, 2012 07:18 AM (ZGREa)
Oh, what a waste! My furry friend I mourned
I could have cooked it better myself
Posted by: Lizzy at April 18, 2012 07:19 AM (4Uq9X)
It was many and many a year ago
on an island in the sea
Lolo shared green peppers
and poodle frickasee
Posted by: Dave in Texas at April 18, 2012 07:19 AM (WvXvd)
The Village Idiot Stands
The Idiot, a skinny man is he,
with large and sinewy hands.
The muscles on his scrawny arms
are like little rubber bands
His hair is crisp and black and short
He dyes it to match a meme
His brow is wet with golfer's sweat;
He earns nothing but takes what he can,
He looks the whole world in the face
and lies to every man
Week in, week out from late morn till night
You can hear his minions roar,
You can see him swing his mighty club,
with measured beat and slow
Like a Wasserman-Shultz annoying screed
as the sun sinks low
Toiling--never soiling-- his soft as eider hands
He contemplates his appetite as facing the days demands
Shall he have wagyu, a lobster, arugala or roe?
He looks askance at his rug and settles on Bo.
Posted by: Dagny, Warrior Queen at April 18, 2012 07:20 AM (4yXmp)
Terrier is kind of tough,
But Michelle, she likes it "ruff".
There's nothing like a fresh Schnoodle
And for dessert, a Setter Strudel.
I prefer my Pointer raw,
The kids like to snack on paw
Labs taste great when they're braised
And I like my dachsunds glazed!
Posted by: Percy Byshe Scoamf at April 18, 2012 07:20 AM (vJ9tV)
Close the contest.
Dagny wins the imaginary prize.
Posted by: jwb7605 at April 18, 2012 07:22 AM (Qxe/p)
The ship has weatherÂ’d every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But YES! YES! YES!
O's thin blue lip quivers
As he tells his final lies,
In electoral defeat.
Posted by: HeatherRadish™ at April 18, 2012 07:23 AM (/kI1Q)
the White House chef,
Dragging themselves through arugula and Belgian endive,
angry about being fixed,
Angelheaded collies burning for the ancient heavenly
soup bone in the machinery of the night
Posted by: Bo the FDOTUS Howls at April 18, 2012 07:23 AM (RD7QR)
Posted by: MaxMBJ at April 18, 2012 07:24 AM (deaac)
Mystery no more
Well fed commies smile in secret delight
Puppy Jesus wept in his box atop a Rhino car
Posted by: Foz at April 18, 2012 07:25 AM (H4pxQ)
See spot run.
Go spot go!
Spot wasn't fast enough.
See spot go well with arugula.
Posted by: Dr. Suess at April 18, 2012 10:39 AM (K55Vw)
click my signature for the link to the photoshop
Posted by: Foole In The Rain at April 18, 2012 07:25 AM (aQ3++)
Posted by: Albert Butler Gore at April 18, 2012 07:26 AM (JjjnQ)
Bo heaved a sigh of relief.
Posted by: willow at April 18, 2012 07:27 AM (TomZ9)
When I sent that email to the White House titled "Bite Me", I didn't expect him to take it literally.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 18, 2012 07:28 AM (tQoT4)
Little cute doggie
Wagged his tail
But BHO had compassion fail
He bashed its poor head
Until it was dead
And served up its flesh
on rice as a bed.
Posted by: Hydrocarbon Liberation Front at April 18, 2012 07:29 AM (NVu2l)
For sophisticated dinners and date nights
PETA shall provide mutts in bulk for my larger events
And lower their trash removal costs.
Oh, how we'll eat!
Posted by: Uncledave at April 18, 2012 07:30 AM (nJ32z)
Who punched above his weight
one time too many
Tonight we dine
At the animal shelter
Posted by: Fritz at April 18, 2012 07:31 AM (/ZZCn)
bleeds into the dark tendrils of red
moving slowly but surely across the sky
red
seeping
streaming
oozing out
from where my boot
presses on ozfic's throat
<<< I am so attracted to you right now.
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at April 18, 2012 07:32 AM (+JIjV)
Barry had a little lamb
He had a puppy too
But when to Indonisia he went
He ate him some doggy stew
Posted by: chicken thief at April 18, 2012 07:32 AM (Q0lfL)
I knew Bo was going to get it, I knew!
When Michelle's Manolo squished his poo.
Oh well, I'm excited the boss invited me
To his fancy White House dinner party
Anyways, I knew Bo would meet his fate!
Dinner's served! What's on my plate?
Posted by: Joe Biden at April 18, 2012 07:33 AM (vJ9tV)
Posted by: Dagny, Warrior Queen at April 18, 2012 11:20 AM (4yXmp)
This needs to be put on a bumper sticker. o.o A very large bumper sticker.
Posted by: Kinley Ardal at April 18, 2012 07:33 AM (Kdb8Y)
Who voted for Ofucknugget
He said with a pain I shouldva voted McCain
He would never have eated my puppah!
Posted by: Dagny, Warrior Queen at April 18, 2012 07:33 AM (4yXmp)
I don't want to offend
Why shouldn't Barry eat his dog?
They are man's best tasting friend
Posted by: Emperor Barkymus at April 18, 2012 07:35 AM (aQ3++)
Why Barak ate a Kesshond Dear,
Did He saute it in butter with salt,
NO! They cried that wouldn't be right!
Because salt is bad, we have heard it said. but to eat Fido isn't half as bad.
Posted by: willow at April 18, 2012 07:35 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: Man's Country at April 18, 2012 07:36 AM (c3mby)
Very nice
Posted by: Dagny, Warrior Queen at April 18, 2012 07:37 AM (4yXmp)
The cute little doggie
protested with whines and a yammer
So Barry just grabbed
A bigger hammer.
Posted by: Hydrocarbon Liberation Front at April 18, 2012 07:38 AM (NVu2l)
Posted by: Nora at April 18, 2012 07:39 AM (VxqUc)
Posted by: Crabby Bitch at April 18, 2012 07:40 AM (suyPF)
Posted by: chicken thief at April 18, 2012 07:40 AM (Q0lfL)
empty bowl mocks me
a lone package of noodles
alas, no meat
barking
a poodle?
victory! A bowl of poodle noodles
Posted by: mpfs at April 18, 2012 07:40 AM (iYbLN)
Big for me because I'm short.
And yes, I like my Yorkshire Terrier pudding
When partnered with a vintage port.
For my poor hardened arteries,
But see my point of view,
Please Michelle if you please,
A Salad makes me spew!
I'd rather eat a bowl of air
Than crunch away on greens;
Drink water from the toilet bowl
Or nibble on my jeans!
Posted by: rdbrewer at April 18, 2012 07:40 AM (Iyg03)
Posted by: Monty at April 18, 2012 07:41 AM (/0a60)
Posted by: toby928 at April 18, 2012 07:41 AM (evdj2)
It is a jug-eared imbecile,
And he stoppeth one of three.
“With thy flapping ears and beady eyes,
It is the SCOAMT I see!
“I have my taxes paid in full,
Unlike your buddy Tim.
My business barely pays the rent,
No thanks to you or him.”
He holds him with his creepy hand.
“Green energy,” quoth he.
“Shut up!" I shriek. "I do not chat
With clusterfuckery!”
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at April 18, 2012 07:42 AM (4df7R)
Was Obama's reasoning.
But at least THEY didn't talk
About the proper seasoning.
Posted by: sistrum at April 18, 2012 07:42 AM (AyryN)
Posted by: Nora at April 18, 2012 07:43 AM (VxqUc)
Posted by: The Chap in the Deerstalker Cap at April 18, 2012 07:43 AM (qndXR)
Chicken bone
Why has thou forsaken me?
First you choked my puppy
And now you've hemorrhaged me.
Posted by: Fritz at April 18, 2012 07:44 AM (/ZZCn)
Posted by: Nora at April 18, 2012 07:44 AM (VxqUc)
"Voltron"
cut down like a dog by The Man
Skittles fall from lifeless hand
tasty like a mothafucka
but the rainbow ends for you, sucka
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at April 18, 2012 07:46 AM (+JIjV)
gather round
an elegant table
State dinner, welcome guests
Michelle looks beautiful as
Chef fetches a baked apple from upon silver plate
Roast Bo, a great dog
Served best with Shiraz
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at April 18, 2012 07:47 AM (piMMO)
i could not see it in the park,
it barked aloud in sputtering attempts
to draw my attention from my bed.
i looked and looked and there it was with nary a wimper i took off it's head.
Posted by: willow at April 18, 2012 07:48 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: Blackburnsghost at April 18, 2012 07:48 AM (ttwxj)
From men and women to fill our day;
And when we are certain of sorrow in store,
Why do we always arrange for more?
Brothers and Sisters, I bid you beware
Of giving Obama a dog to tear.
Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at April 18, 2012 07:49 AM (QEJkx)
Posted by: Monty at April 18, 2012 07:50 AM (/0a60)
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over
Rover took over
For he had a bone of his own.
Posted by: Is this the Doggerel Thread? at April 18, 2012 07:52 AM (evdj2)
My knees are all a quiver, vibrating in my pants,
Now that I've heard that he eats dog I might really have a chance.
Damn that McGlaughlin! He's denied my dream.
Explained I'm not the dog they're speaking of,
Must wipe away the cream.
--Eleanor Clift
Posted by: Alamo at April 18, 2012 07:52 AM (m/tN9)
Posted by: President Golfy O'SoftServe at April 18, 2012 07:55 AM (XBdI0)
In Martha's Vineyard
I came upon a clusterfuck
Mom-jean'd, stuttering
Who, straddling a LadyComfort bike
Held a dog in his hand
And ate of it.
"Is it good, dummy?" I asked
"It is umm...uhh....ahhh...It's-"
"Oh, just shut the fuck up before you have a seizure or something, asshole. You're getting fired in November asshole, so pack your shit. YOUR shit only, fucker. Tell Mooch to keep her filthy dickskinners off the taxpayers' silverware."
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at April 18, 2012 07:56 AM (+JIjV)
One dog, two dog
Red dog, blue dog
Black dog, blue dog
Old dog, new dog
This one has a little star, this one has a little car
Say! What a banquet of dogs they be!
Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at April 18, 2012 07:59 AM (lce0m)
DREAMS FROM MY FATHER
Here is some advice my father gave me
Many years ago. Son,
Remember the hair of the dog.
It will redeem you on many blaring mornings
As it has redeemed me,
After I ran away from the pink woman
And I discovered my Crown.
He did not know about dog
Fried, baked or fricasseed,
Dog from the pound or by it.
I have traveled the world.
Posted by: Cricket at April 18, 2012 08:00 AM (DrC22)
I no longer feel a frisson eating dog souffle, not even when it's a bichon frise;
for let's face it, the moment I turn out the light, Michelle makes me eat dog every night.
Posted by: Uncle Jefe at April 18, 2012 08:03 AM (+3fAP)
Clever wit
Man named James
Pimps and thugs and a dad called Rocky
The life of a P.I. who's a bit too cocky
Thirty years later
A resurrection is in order
Vince Fucking Vaughn!
Are you kidding me?!
http://huff.to/HNXt5l
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at April 18, 2012 08:03 AM (piMMO)
Posted by: What is little Barry made of?Thread? at April 18, 2012 08:04 AM (evdj2)
Oh, I've et every breed man,
Fried them up with Spam, man.
Slathered in mustard and jam, man.
I've et every breed...
Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at April 18, 2012 08:05 AM (lce0m)
Your words roll like honey, through the smoke between my ears.
You sooth me, I decide to trust you, I put a chain upon my fears.
Then the turning point comes nearer, no time left to run or prepare.
I realize far too late, far too late, that the honey was only hot air.
You all seemed so certain, so bold, yet full of care.
But the I found you lacking, falling short, when you couldn't explain E=MC squared.
Posted by: And Irresolute at April 18, 2012 08:06 AM (RC3M9)
Posted by: B Hussein at April 18, 2012 08:08 AM (MJ76f)
Posted by: andycanuck at April 18, 2012 08:09 AM (n6JNN)
Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at April 18, 2012 08:10 AM (QEJkx)
So Barry ole boy,
What do you say?
Shall we go all veggie,
Or fillet of shar pei?
A side of tofu?
Yes! I think that'll do.
And--for your thirst to slake,
A touch of scotch with the blood of a snake.
Posted by: rld77 en SA at April 18, 2012 08:19 AM (gObCt)
And so I came to see him and eat for a while.
And there he was this young barry, a stranger to my eyes.
I felt all flushed with ecoli, embarrassed by the puppy chow,
I prayed that he would finish but he just kept eating on.
Stirring my pain with his cooking,
filling my belly with his dog,
killing me softly with his entree,
killing me softly with this meal.
Posted by: Rob Flack at April 18, 2012 08:20 AM (h6XiD)
in his nightly wanders
how he might serve his (god) for man
and finds it quite proper
for President and pauper
tauseed, with noonis, in a pan
fin
Posted by: flashbazzbo, s.e. at April 18, 2012 08:22 AM (i0rVe)
"...doesn't have to be a traditional AOSHQ haiku thing."
Where else on the interwebz will you find this phrase?
Posted by: RushBabe, Pink Person at April 18, 2012 08:22 AM (tQHzJ)
Posted by: Killjoy at April 18, 2012 08:22 AM (UF4HH)
Posted by: Nora at April 18, 2012 11:43 AM (VxqUc)
Thanks. Feedback is always welcome. Especialy positive feedback.
Posted by: Hydrocarbon Liberation Front at April 18, 2012 08:24 AM (NVu2l)
to Prayer is
the most beautiful sound
on Earth"
While eating doggies
This may end
badly for
Bo
Posted by: ChristyBlinky ABO 2012 at April 18, 2012 08:30 AM (baL2B)
proves he's no muslim
proves he's a dirty foreigner
...
thank you, thank you!
Posted by: HoboJerky, profit of DOOM! at April 18, 2012 08:30 AM (xAtAj)
Shot of Seagrams, neat,
another filet of cat, sweet, and asks
What to do with me, a retarded, green young pussy
of a man ...
who looks tastier than the alley cat filet,
Who fails to consider that the cat is just not filling ...
The cat filets ... they crunch like grapes.
Posted by: King Barry at April 18, 2012 08:31 AM (X3lox)
Whose mutt that is I think I know.
He lives in 10B down below;
He's let out oft to piss and bark
And leave his shit all through the park.
My hungry kids must think it queer
When I put on my ninja gear
And set the oven temp to "bake"
Then slip out with my fishing spear.
He gives his rabies tag a shake
And doesn't know my smile is fake.
I'm close enough, he makes no peep
I'm pretty sure his name was "Jake."
With game bag full, back home I creep.
To call it "steak" would be a leap,
But the price of beef is rather steep,
The price of beef is rather steep.
Posted by: skinbad at April 18, 2012 08:32 AM (4h0g8)
Posted by: skinbad at April 18, 2012 08:34 AM (4h0g8)
Election will be fine
I will finally get mine.
Because I never dine
On local canine.
--Willard M. Romney
Posted by: RushBabe, Pink Person at April 18, 2012 08:36 AM (tQHzJ)
but I never took that animal comment as a rebuke.
I thought the billy goat was just offering me some of his own food,
so I went ahead and ate the puke.
It was tough, but spicy.
Pregraded: B+
Posted by: King Barry at April 18, 2012 08:37 AM (X3lox)
This dog is not for eating, he moves before the team. He warns us, he hides us, without him we would dream.
His sleep is often restless, damp-hot against my legs. And when its time for rations, he never has to beg.
No truer friend will ever be found, in this life or the next, a guardian of liberty, with an affinity for ticks.
Posted by: And Irresolute at April 18, 2012 08:42 AM (RC3M9)
Posted by: Some old Poet at April 18, 2012 08:43 AM (KbqSK)
Please, doggeh, listen. Listen and hear.
It looked like Mooch was the one to fear.
But, no.
Run, Bo!
Posted by: RushBabe, Pink Person at April 18, 2012 08:44 AM (tQHzJ)
White House Menu:
For the children - Oodles of Poodles
For Barry and Mooch: Bo, wrapped in phyllo dough.
Posted by: RushBabe, Pink Person at April 18, 2012 08:48 AM (tQHzJ)
Posted by: King Barry at April 18, 2012 08:56 AM (X3lox)
Posted by: troyriser at April 18, 2012 08:59 AM (vtiE6)
In the failing light it slid, as swift and silent as the sundown. I had no time to reach for knife, or any weapon of protection, but from the corner of my eye, I saw a blur, heading in my direction.
The danger there, eight feet long and deadly as a bullet, was soon dispatched with a vicious shake and a little sniffing action. I patted his head and whispered my love. He smiled into my eyes and his big wet nose nudged my toilet paper. God must have built him so that he could press his memories down.
Posted by: And Irresolute at April 18, 2012 08:59 AM (RC3M9)
Posted by: George Traylor at April 18, 2012 09:53 AM (TAKdF)
that canine should be treated as parcel
One mouth berates for treating friend this way,
other feasts on him as tender morsel.
Posted by: DrMrBadman at April 18, 2012 09:54 AM (D8pR3)
Posted by: steevy at April 18, 2012 10:14 AM (7W3wI)
Posted by: leucanthemum b at April 18, 2012 10:18 AM (0sC5r)
Posted by: Barry Soetoro at April 18, 2012 10:44 AM (SiXlX)
He surveyed
from atop his Chevy Volt
The wind ruffled the fur of the Retriever
as soft as the dying sigh
issued forth
when the minion pulled the arrow from its
chest
The pack paced restlessly at a safe distance
mourning the death of its fallen comrade
Until a distant trumpeting called them
away from their vigil
He smiled
Commanded
the minion to follow the pack
A good size elephant meant
place settings fit for a
Dear Leader
Posted by: Feynmangroupie at April 18, 2012 11:25 AM (oI744)
Wake! For the son that scatters in the park
The dogs before him from the fields of Djkart.
Drives them along from the jungles and serves
A family of four with delicious hors d'ouerves.
Posted by: Grant S at April 18, 2012 11:28 AM (dsCnE)
Posted by: Damon Bailey at April 18, 2012 11:44 AM (c0e0q)
Posted by: Damon Bailey at April 18, 2012 11:44 AM (c0e0q)
Posted by: Damon Bailey at April 18, 2012 11:49 AM (c0e0q)
Posted by: thefedupamerican.com at April 18, 2012 12:43 PM (ARKVE)
On the 18th of April in two thousand twelve,
Swiftly I try to dig and delve
To bury the less-than-flattering-stories in here.
Posted by: Preznit OBumbles at April 18, 2012 12:58 PM (W3dax)
Posted by: where are my ping pong balls at April 18, 2012 01:08 PM (lDUEX)
Posted by: MM at April 18, 2012 01:40 PM (P+0Lv)
Posted by: Mitt Better Pander a Little to the Base. at April 18, 2012 01:40 PM (CP+yl)
Posted by: phlegn at April 18, 2012 02:16 PM (i4inS)
Posted by: phlegn at April 18, 2012 02:17 PM (i4inS)
I have never met a puppy, though I'm sure that some exist, whose soft little feet I didn't want to bite, and make them whimper a bit. They growl, they yip, they twist, they turn, but when you bites them on the feets, they always seems to return.
Posted by: And Irresolute at April 18, 2012 03:48 PM (RC3M9)
Posted by: DanlBoone at April 18, 2012 03:51 PM (Vdgz+)
Posted by: DanlBoone at April 18, 2012 04:34 PM (Vdgz+)
Posted by: 66chevelle at April 19, 2012 04:39 AM (QjSgY)
Thuggery
weÂ’re all wrapped up in thuggery
thuggery
caught in the webs
of downright muggery
thugs to the left of me
and thugs to the right
a thuggish apogee
with no end in sight
a broken jaw
a promise never kept
intentions of greed
whoÂ’s law?
everyone wept
we bleed
thuggery
you can shrug it off
and try to deny it
but it all comes down to thuggery
in the middle of the night
in broad daylight
with angel faces
in sacred places
for godÂ’s sake
its all gone down to thuggery
weÂ’re all wrapped up in thuggery
a broken law
a death not wept
the deception of creed
itÂ’s not just Crenshaw
nobody slept
we all need
its all gone down to thuggery
its all wrapped up in thuggery
so its all up to us
you, Bugsy, Mugger and me...
to stop this wretched thuggery
hear a philosophy in a brand new key
with a different set of imagery
no more thuggery
no more thugs
time to take control
and pull the plugs
no more thuggery
no more isms
no more cul de sacs
and no more prisons
thuggery
on our knees to thuggery
time to stand up
and take the bully down
a vote wonÂ’t help you
thatÂ’s just illusion
right is right
and wrong is wrong
you donÂ’t win by confusion
or distorion
or contortion
or misfortune
or fear or might
time to bring the bullies down
thuggery
it just ainÂ’t right
Posted by: Jack at April 19, 2012 04:47 AM (6e6gE)
Posted by: matt at April 19, 2012 06:14 PM (tVRNc)
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See spot.
See spot run.
Go spot go!
Spot wasn't fast enough.
See spot go well with arugula.
Posted by: Dr. Suess at April 18, 2012 06:39 AM (K55Vw)