March 30, 2012
— DrewM Well, that's the 30 year payout, the cash option is $462 million (before federal and state taxes).
Alexthechick suggested a "What would you do with the money" thread, so here you go.
Posted by: DrewM at
09:06 AM
| Comments (535)
Post contains 44 words, total size 1 kb.
Posted by: mbruce at March 30, 2012 09:08 AM (Fr8N6)
Posted by: h00v3r at March 30, 2012 09:08 AM (PzaNL)
Posted by: Roy at March 30, 2012 09:08 AM (VndSC)
Posted by: jewells45 at March 30, 2012 09:09 AM (l/N7H)
Posted by: traye at March 30, 2012 09:09 AM (bnA/s)
Posted by: Roy at March 30, 2012 09:09 AM (VndSC)
First, I would take a full page ad in every major newspaper in the country and a 60-second commercial on every national network to list everyone who can Kiss My Ass.
After that, lots to various charities and building/stocking my doomsday bunker.
Posted by: Country Singer at March 30, 2012 09:09 AM (L8r/r)
Posted by: nnptcgrad at March 30, 2012 09:09 AM (Opyrm)
Posted by: Mob at March 30, 2012 09:10 AM (mefTt)
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) SMOD 2012 at March 30, 2012 09:10 AM (8y9MW)
Posted by: jocon307 at March 30, 2012 09:10 AM (QDPDH)
Posted by: willow at March 30, 2012 09:10 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: Gregory of Yardale at March 30, 2012 09:11 AM (gPDxp)
You can't win if you don't play. You also don't lose any money if you don't play, so it more-or-less balances out.
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) SMOD 2012 at March 30, 2012 09:11 AM (8y9MW)
Posted by: mer at March 30, 2012 09:11 AM (pFW9F)
Posted by: willow at March 30, 2012 09:12 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 09:12 AM (wtvvX)
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 30, 2012 09:12 AM (/3OmY)
and build a giant zoo for the bears
so they would be safe from global warming
also would get a bently
#JusticeForFlavon
Posted by: Jose Canseco's Gristle Encased Head at March 30, 2012 09:12 AM (+lsX1)
Posted by: willow at March 30, 2012 09:13 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: Truman North at March 30, 2012 09:13 AM (I2LwF)
Posted by: Lawrence at March 30, 2012 09:13 AM (bwV72)
Posted by: Jimmah at March 30, 2012 09:13 AM (UpwlP)
Posted by: Lauren at March 30, 2012 09:13 AM (C0m/g)
Posted by: Jumbo Jogging Shrimp at March 30, 2012 09:13 AM (DGIjM)
Posted by: Jon at March 30, 2012 09:13 AM (hn68z)
Posted by: Dr Spank at March 30, 2012 09:13 AM (KNvk+)
Or maybe take over a small, oil rich country in the ME and declare it a islamic democracy.
Posted by: Lord Monochromicorn at March 30, 2012 09:14 AM (FvbE9)
Build a windmill farm in Hyannisport.
Build a nuclear power plant in downtown San Francisco.
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 09:14 AM (wtvvX)
Posted by: cthulhu at March 30, 2012 09:14 AM (kaalw)
Posted by: Virginia SoCon at March 30, 2012 09:15 AM (+/C3g)
Here is my list:
1 million dollars into the college funds of my five nephews and nieces.
Offer to buy my siblings a home of their choice, up to one million dollars and pay the taxes for the next 10 years
Buy my father and mother anything they wanted wanted.
Donate the maximum to my favored Republican candidates in this election.
I'd then probably by myself a slightly larger house.(I actually don't want a big house)
I'd buy a lot of land in Pennsylvania, hopefully along one of our rivers. I'd have a cabin built so that I could vacation there.
I would then fly to Europe and visit all the WW1 and WW2 cites in Germany, France, Poland, Belgium, Netherlands, but not Russia.
I'd keep my job too.
Posted by: Ben at March 30, 2012 09:15 AM (wuv1c)
Posted by: whiskey tango at March 30, 2012 09:15 AM (JvP2I)
Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 09:16 AM (MMC8r)
I never buy lottery tickets, except I will today.
Mostly just so that in the event that I win I can be different and say "Hell no, I'm not going back to that sh*tty job!"
Posted by: Wodeshed at March 30, 2012 09:16 AM (K6sn/)
then a thousand to how many he could knock out in 6-7 hours.
Posted by: willow at March 30, 2012 09:16 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: myYbj at March 30, 2012 09:16 AM (myYbj)
Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] at March 30, 2012 09:16 AM (JEpGb)
Posted by: Cheese Head at March 30, 2012 01:10 PM
Yes, please.
Posted by: Pelosi at March 30, 2012 09:16 AM (RzLbD)
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 09:17 AM (wtvvX)
31 Buy Morgan Freeman. He can narrate everything I do.
I'd rather buy Sam Eliot....or Tom Selleck. ....*wiggles eyebrows up and down*
Posted by: wheatie at March 30, 2012 09:17 AM (dEMjC)
Posted by: zeera at March 30, 2012 09:17 AM (wwuGd)
Posted by: Laughing in Texas at March 30, 2012 09:17 AM (dL9LY)
Posted by: Max Wedge at March 30, 2012 09:17 AM (6DDE+)
Honestly, I don't know what I'd do with millions of dollars. A lesson my father taught me was that in this world, nothing's guaranteed. No amount of money will make a possession safe, no amount of money will keep you clear when things hit the fan.
I'd buy a couple of nice swords, I guess, and a house out in western Nebraska in some nice patch of woods. And then I'd buy Square-Enix and fix the hell out of that company, quick sharp.
Posted by: Kinley Ardal at March 30, 2012 09:18 AM (znwIS)
I've started to pay a little attention to where these large multi-state lotto pay outs end up. Virginia, Washington DC.
Posted by: rectal exam at March 30, 2012 09:18 AM (O7ksG)
----------
If no one's going to be able to find you, you might want to disappear *before* paying off the taxes.
Just sayin'.
Posted by: Anachronda at March 30, 2012 09:19 AM (6fER6)
Srsly though, first I'd pay off the house. A lot of it would go to Mum [ampersand] Dad, and some to the cousins in the UK and Israel. Tip jars would be hit around the internet. Some investments for retirement would be made.
Posted by: Boulder Toilet Hobo at March 30, 2012 09:19 AM (QTHTd)
Also, buy a presidential election solely for the purpose of installing Jose Canseco as our poet laureate.
Posted by: Virginia SoCon at March 30, 2012 09:19 AM (+/C3g)
Posted by: Taro Tsujimoto at March 30, 2012 09:19 AM (celt+)
2. Pay everything off...maybe get Ace into a real house, not the cardboard one
3. Ammo
4. MRE's
5. Pron
6. Hobo hunting gear
Posted by: Satan's Barbed WeeWee at March 30, 2012 09:19 AM (Jls4P)
Posted by: real joe at March 30, 2012 09:19 AM (aZYcK)
Posted by: Buzzsaw at March 30, 2012 09:20 AM (tf9Ne)
Posted by: phoenixgirl at work at March 30, 2012 09:20 AM (h8UT+)
Posted by: Rusty at March 30, 2012 09:20 AM (Uf9TE)
Posted by: supercore23 at March 30, 2012 09:20 AM (bwV72)
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; 'cause chicks dig dudes with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well, the type of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.
Posted by: steve_in_hb at March 30, 2012 09:21 AM (qCxHk)
Posted by: BeckoningChasm at March 30, 2012 09:21 AM (P7hip)
Posted by: EC at March 30, 2012 09:21 AM (GQ8sn)
Posted by: Jumbo Jogging Shrimp at March 30, 2012 09:21 AM (DGIjM)
Posted by: t-bird at March 30, 2012 09:21 AM (m0BOo)
Posted by: Dr Spank at March 30, 2012 09:21 AM (KNvk+)
And then NOT buy the NYT. It would be tempting, though, to buy it and turn it into a real newspaper.
Posted by: Retread at March 30, 2012 09:21 AM (joSBv)
Posted by: Hedgehog at March 30, 2012 09:22 AM (8gkx6)
Posted by: Chariman Mow at March 30, 2012 09:22 AM (ih+cL)
Posted by: EC at March 30, 2012 09:22 AM (GQ8sn)
Posted by: Taro Tsujimoto at March 30, 2012 01:19 PM (celt+)
Why not divide it up equally among family and friends. After all, 10 million is enough.
Posted by: Jack at March 30, 2012 09:23 AM (zKFOT)
Posted by: Jimmah at March 30, 2012 09:23 AM (UpwlP)
First thing I'd do is get a really really expensive (i.e. good) accountant.
Then I'd partition off 2 packages around $10 mil a piece as charitable trusts that my wife and I would control independently of each other (we have conflicting world views sometimes so if I want to do anything good with this, I'll need some wiggle room.)
The rest would be split into various investments, buy a house (nothing too big though.)
I'd buy some hunting land too. Lots of it! Acres! Oh and a house, nothing to big. And a decent car.
Posted by: tsrblke at March 30, 2012 09:23 AM (SYrwI)
Poor people who are insane, are just crazy.
Rich Insane People are 'Ecentric"!
I would be Ecentric!
Posted by: Romeo13 at March 30, 2012 09:24 AM (lZBBB)
Posted by: Waterhouse at March 30, 2012 09:24 AM (w/anX)
A thank you card for me for letting you keep that much would be appreciated.
Posted by: King Barry the Generous at March 30, 2012 09:24 AM (Y+DPZ)
Posted by: EC at March 30, 2012 09:24 AM (GQ8sn)
Me, I'd call the DOD and ask how much they want for the USS Iowa rusting up in Susin Bay.
Posted by: calcajun at March 30, 2012 09:25 AM (vjyZP)
Posted by: Ben at March 30, 2012 09:25 AM (wuv1c)
Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 09:25 AM (MMC8r)
Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 09:26 AM (MMC8r)
Posted by: The Mega Independent at March 30, 2012 09:26 AM (gGfQF)
Bonus: It would drive my life coach s-i-l, who is always bragging about the one her latest husband, The Wallet, is going to buy her some day, bat shit crazy.
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 30, 2012 09:26 AM (PJ+vx)
Posted by: Roy at March 30, 2012 09:26 AM (VndSC)
Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 09:26 AM (5wsU9)
I will buy a hospital and not treat any trial lawyers or illegal aliens or Democratic politicians, and I will require everyone to pay cash and discount rates by 50%.
Posted by: rockmom at March 30, 2012 09:26 AM (aBlZ1)
Posted by: Little Miss Spellcheck at March 30, 2012 09:26 AM (a5ljo)
After the pay off my debts, my brother's mortgage, give money to family members, pay for the whole new wing for the church (and demand that they name it the Mothra Wing), after all that?
alextopia here we come! No, seriously, I could totally buy a town out West somewhere and set myself up as Queen and Ruler of All.
Also I'd start a think tank to work on matters close to the Horde's heart, like just how awesome is Christina's rack. dpud is going to be Head Minion.
Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD 2012 at March 30, 2012 09:27 AM (VtjlW)
Posted by: PJ at March 30, 2012 09:27 AM (DQHjw)
Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 09:27 AM (MMC8r)
Posted by: Romeo13 at March 30, 2012 09:27 AM (lZBBB)
Posted by: TC at March 30, 2012 09:27 AM (vYB+W)
Posted by: PJ at March 30, 2012 01:27 PM (DQHjw)
Nice! I can see the payoff in about 2 generations.
Posted by: EC at March 30, 2012 09:28 AM (GQ8sn)
Posted by: Ben at March 30, 2012 09:29 AM (wuv1c)
And a gun collection to make the USMC jealous.
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) SMOD 2012 at March 30, 2012 09:29 AM (8y9MW)
Posted by: Dr. Science at March 30, 2012 09:29 AM (8Yc/9)
Posted by: Jumbo Jogging Shrimp at March 30, 2012 09:29 AM (DGIjM)
Posted by: mike at March 30, 2012 09:29 AM (s6QDI)
Posted by: Mr_Write at March 30, 2012 09:29 AM (VJUQK)
Posted by: Cicero at March 30, 2012 09:29 AM (QKKT0)
Hire the following:
Peaches, to serve as my personal shopper.
Buzzion, to follow me around and verbally
Velociman, to compile a"Best of the Blogs" book as only he could and to manage the logistics of moving my entourage all about the world.
Gabe, to keep my rear-end out of trouble.
Tami, to tell me like it iswhen others are kissing my rich fat ass.
Delta, to serve as the angel on my shoulder.
Start my own radio network and unleash Ace and the cobblogers on an unsuspecting world.
Throw a few hellacious blogfests.
With the remaining hundreds of millions, I'd buy a tiny house for each of you!
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 30, 2012 09:30 AM (piMMO)
a concert for people giving mony to bear forests and such
and would give some mony to poor kids for health care
for when those idiots at the surpeme court take it away
also pay off my net jets card so could get a new one
#JusticeForDelvon
Posted by: Jose Canseco's Gristle Encased Head at March 30, 2012 09:30 AM (+lsX1)
Posted by: Mr. Rate at March 30, 2012 09:30 AM (e8kgV)
Ever notice when you're listening to the goddamned Public Radio, that all the programs are financed by "The John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation" or "The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation"? The specificity bugs me -- and provides an opportunity for mischief. With a huge sum of money I would establish several foundations:
• The John L. and Catherine "Boom-Boom" MacArthur Foundation
• The John-no-middle-initial and Catherine F.X. MacArthur Foundation
• The John B., Catherine T., and Motherfucking DOUGLAS MacArthur Foundation
• The John E., John H., John K., John N., John Q., John V., Catherine W., Catherine O., Catherine P., Catherine C., and Catherine A. MacArthur Foundation
• The John D. and Catherine T. EISENHOWER Foundation
• The Arthur D. and Catherine T. MacJohn Foundation
Each one would donate heavily to goddamned Public Radio, and the goddamned Public Radio announcers would have to read all of those foundation names at every program break. And I would laugh maniacally.
Posted by: Trimegistus at March 30, 2012 09:30 AM (UswFM)
Posted by: kbdabear at March 30, 2012 01:30 PM (Y+DPZ)
Jesus, that's a lot of blow!
Posted by: EC at March 30, 2012 09:30 AM (GQ8sn)
Posted by: The Mega Independent at March 30, 2012 09:30 AM (gGfQF)
Posted by: FPW at March 30, 2012 09:31 AM (BDNF5)
*****
I might do the same for San Diego.
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 30, 2012 09:31 AM (piMMO)
Posted by: Jumbo Jogging Shrimp at March 30, 2012 09:31 AM (DGIjM)
Posted by: JWF at March 30, 2012 09:31 AM (1l37M)
Posted by: Stark Dickflüssig at March 30, 2012 09:32 AM (+6ZZN)
Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 09:32 AM (MMC8r)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 30, 2012 09:32 AM (PJ+vx)
Posted by: Meghan McCain at March 30, 2012 09:32 AM (Y+DPZ)
Oh yes. I'd pull a Concorde out of retirement and use it as my personal jet. Mila Kunis and Blake Lively will be the first stewardess team.
Posted by: Waterhouse at March 30, 2012 09:32 AM (w/anX)
I could spend that much just on cars.
Posted by: cranky-d at March 30, 2012 09:32 AM (9vcWv)
1. Pay off debt
2. Give what few family I have left enough to be comfortable
3. Give to Charity
4. Buy arable, but defensible land
5. Buy tons of food
6. Buy tons of guns 'n ammo
7. Buy precious metals along with other precious commodities
8. Build large house with big basement and tons of secret passage, because secret passages are cool
9. Invest the rest in extremely diverse portfolio (real estate, securities, foreign currency, start angel investing)
10. Christina Hendricks
Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 30, 2012 09:32 AM (rX1N2)
Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 09:32 AM (MMC8r)
---------
Yes. One hot dog.
Posted by: real joe at March 30, 2012 09:32 AM (aZYcK)
Posted by: rockmom at March 30, 2012 09:32 AM (NYnoe)
Posted by: Rufus T. Firefly at March 30, 2012 09:32 AM (QKKT0)
***
Dude! You're a multi-millionaire! Splurge on tickets for a winning team fer chrissakes!
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 30, 2012 09:32 AM (piMMO)
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 01:08 PM (wtvvX)
Posted by: Chewbacca at March 30, 2012 09:32 AM (e8kgV)
Posted by: Dr Spank at March 30, 2012 09:33 AM (KNvk+)
Posted by: mike at March 30, 2012 09:33 AM (s6QDI)
Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 30, 2012 09:33 AM (Af3Wg)
Posted by: MostlyRight at March 30, 2012 09:33 AM (ZG8Ti)
Posted by: willow at March 30, 2012 09:33 AM (TomZ9)
New homes for folks and in-laws. Lots to the Salvation Army, church, and other charities. Pay for kids' college. Some cash to close relatives -- but absolutely NONE to my lib relatives. In fact, I'll hand out the checks to the others right in front of them and say that their portion went to pay for taxes, gas, and free birth control.
Then I'll laugh maniacally and retire to my heavily protected private island.
Posted by: Hoplite Housewife at March 30, 2012 09:34 AM (kvDix)
Posted by: Trimegistus at March 30, 2012 01:30 PM (UswFM)
What?? No Mike Hunt Womens Study Foundation?
No Ima Douche For Social Justice League?
Posted by: Romeo13 at March 30, 2012 09:34 AM (lZBBB)
Get a customized, 40 foot long, stretch Chevy Volt ... with a hoodie.
Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 30, 2012 09:34 AM (X3lox)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 30, 2012 09:34 AM (PJ+vx)
Posted by: long island at March 30, 2012 09:34 AM (kzp9t)
Posted by: EC at March 30, 2012 09:34 AM (GQ8sn)
Posted by: Max Power at March 30, 2012 09:34 AM (q177U)
You're welcome, Warren.
Posted by: Cicero at March 30, 2012 09:34 AM (QKKT0)
Posted by: Stark Dickflüssig at March 30, 2012 09:35 AM (+6ZZN)
Yeah, I could live OK on that...
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 09:35 AM (wtvvX)
Plus, with my vast wealth secret, I wouldn't be constantly worrying that my friends are just trying to cadge some bucks.
I'd use some of it to improve my life, including some business ventures I've always wanted to try. But the real fun would be anonymously dropping huge moneybombs on charities and political candidates that strike my fancy.
Posted by: Trimegistus at March 30, 2012 09:35 AM (UswFM)
Posted by: Cicero at March 30, 2012 09:35 AM (QKKT0)
There's one thing I forgot to mention:
If you chip in to support the campaign before the big deadline tomorrow, you'll also be automatically entered to have dinner with my husband.
I had the chance to go to one of these "Dinners with Barack" just a few weeks back -- and trust me, you don't want to miss out on it.
Make a donation of $3 or whatever you can here:
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 30, 2012 09:35 AM (piMMO)
Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 09:35 AM (MMC8r)
"Build your own Silver Line....BITCHES !"
Posted by: Loudoun County Virginia at March 30, 2012 09:35 AM (ih+cL)
Posted by: TOTUS at March 30, 2012 09:35 AM (RCwVo)
Posted by: mike at March 30, 2012 09:36 AM (s6QDI)
Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 09:36 AM (5wsU9)
Posted by: The Mega Independent at March 30, 2012 09:36 AM (gGfQF)
Maybe he went to the first available showing of Wrath of the Titans, and he's preparing an Epic Movie Review.
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) SMOD 2012 at March 30, 2012 09:36 AM (8y9MW)
With that kind of money you wouldn't need one, but you could probably rent any one you wanted.
Posted by: Retread at March 30, 2012 09:37 AM (joSBv)
Posted by: MikeTheMoose finally remembers why he's here at March 30, 2012 09:37 AM (0q2P7)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 30, 2012 09:37 AM (PJ+vx)
Posted by: willow at March 30, 2012 09:37 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: BlackOrchid at March 30, 2012 09:38 AM (SB0V2)
Posted by: YIKES! at March 30, 2012 09:38 AM (RXcjt)
Oh, I forgot... there are no hot women on this blog...
Posted by: Satan's Barbed WeeWee at March 30, 2012 09:38 AM (Jls4P)
Posted by: Dr Spank at March 30, 2012 01:33 PM
An Ace review of The Hunger Games?
Posted by: kbdabear at March 30, 2012 09:38 AM (Y+DPZ)
Open a Bar with an in house Dating Website... where your primary picture would HAVE to be one taken by the Staff (and have a profesional photog on staff to due so). Have TWO Soundproofed Music areas... one Trendy... one mixed Old School (Rock, disco, country, Oldies, each with their own night).
The Franchise it nationwide....
Posted by: Romeo13 at March 30, 2012 09:38 AM (lZBBB)
Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 09:38 AM (MMC8r)
*****
Hire NASA engineers to develop a way to drop a giant steel plate over the region and bolt it to the earth.
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 30, 2012 09:39 AM (piMMO)
With that kind of money you wouldn't need one, but you could probably rent any one you wanted.
Recently I find that I have some open time slots available on my calendar. And by recently, I mean the past 15 years.
Posted by: Fabio at March 30, 2012 09:39 AM (QKKT0)
Posted by: President Obama at March 30, 2012 09:39 AM (RCwVo)
Would you at least spring for formatting and hyper-links?
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) SMOD 2012 at March 30, 2012 09:39 AM (8y9MW)
First, I'd buy a Maserati. Then I'd build some Doomsday Bunkers in various locations. Then I'd set about trying to save as many hobos from Ace's stew pot as I could. Some of them could just end up earning PhD's in bioengineering.
When that got boring, I'd start focusing on putting a dent in sex slavery right here in the USA. I'd free as many people from that nightmare as I could.
Then I'd hire some mercenaries and start planning a way to make a real difference in Darfur and Somalia. That is one ugly and heartbreaking situation over there and I wish our Great Country could legally insert her military influence into helping those truly misfortunate people. Perhaps I'd start by dropping flyers informing them that, if they really really really want to, they can move. That would hopefully lower the number of people my team would have to protect.
Then I'd commision Lee Child to help me write a book about all of it, 'cuz I'd probably be running a bit low on cash.
Posted by: Sandra Fluke at March 30, 2012 09:39 AM (nBE5A)
Posted by: rockmom at March 30, 2012 09:39 AM (qE3AR)
Posted by: BlackOrchid at March 30, 2012 09:40 AM (SB0V2)
Posted by: SFGoth at March 30, 2012 01:30 PM
We would appreciate it. It would take inflation back to yesterday's level. Maybe even the day before!
Posted by: irright at March 30, 2012 09:40 AM (RzLbD)
Posted by: Cicero at March 30, 2012 09:40 AM (QKKT0)
Posted by: Preznit Barakabama at March 30, 2012 09:40 AM (MMC8r)
Posted by: ozfic at March 30, 2012 09:40 AM (h8UT+)
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 09:40 AM (wtvvX)
Posted by: phoenixgirl at work at March 30, 2012 01:20 PM (h8UT+)
As I am a benevolent overlord, for certain definitions of benevolent, I shall graciously accept your petition.
Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD 2012 at March 30, 2012 09:40 AM (VtjlW)
Posted by: Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain at March 30, 2012 09:41 AM (bj+Nc)
I'd buy a Chevy Volt.
I'd buy another Chevy Volt so I can get to where I want to go.
I'd buy two more Chevy Volts so I can get back from where I went.
I'd buy a fire truck to put out the Chevy Volts as the inevitable burst into flames..
I'd buy a tractor trailer to carry the Chevy Volts and the fire truck.
I'd buy a wrecker to haul away the smoldering hulks of the Chevy Volts.
I'd buy a law firm to sue the shit out of Chevy for making this piece of shit.
Then I'd go buy a Tesla...
Posted by: Max Entropy at March 30, 2012 09:41 AM (ONGk1)
Posted by: garrett at March 30, 2012 09:42 AM (vWPHv)
Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 09:42 AM (5wsU9)
Posted by: Cicero at March 30, 2012 09:42 AM (QKKT0)
Posted by: Pyrocles at March 30, 2012 09:42 AM (cv5Iw)
Posted by: FPW at March 30, 2012 09:42 AM (BDNF5)
Have it crewed by Victoria's Secret supermodels.
Posted by: EC at March 30, 2012 09:42 AM (GQ8sn)
Cash it out and burn it all.
Posted by: SFGoth at March 30, 2012 01:30 PM
We would appreciate it. It would take inflation back to yesterday's level. Maybe even the day before!"
And just think of the carbon output of your bonfire...it would drive the tree-huggers crazy! Oops. Too late.
Posted by: Mr_Write at March 30, 2012 09:42 AM (VJUQK)
Posted by: The Jackhole at March 30, 2012 09:42 AM (nTgAI)
Geez. You don't want much, do you? Who do I look like, John Rockefeller?
Posted by: The Mega Independent at March 30, 2012 09:42 AM (gGfQF)
Posted by: jewells45 at March 30, 2012 09:43 AM (l/N7H)
Then get wasted & blow shit up all day, everyday.
Posted by: bad guy at March 30, 2012 09:43 AM (ligUZ)
Posted by: km at March 30, 2012 09:43 AM (iFQkz)
Posted by: rdbrewer at March 30, 2012 09:43 AM (Iyg03)
Posted by: Bluedog803 at March 30, 2012 09:43 AM (RCwVo)
I'd buy a Chevy Volt.
I'd buy another Chevy Volt so I can get to where I want to go.
I'd buy two more Chevy Volts so I can get back from where I went.
I'd buy a fire truck to put out the Chevy Volts as the inevitable burst into flames..
I'd buy a tractor trailer to carry the Chevy Volts and the fire truck.
I'd buy a wrecker to haul away the smoldering hulks of the Chevy Volts.
I'd buy a law firm to sue the shit out of Chevy for making this piece of shit.
Then I'd go buy a Tesla...
Posted by: Max Entropy at March 30, 2012 01:41 PM (ONGk1)
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: EC at March 30, 2012 09:43 AM (GQ8sn)
Posted by: steevy at March 30, 2012 09:43 AM (vd4t0)
Posted by: bad guy at March 30, 2012 09:44 AM (ligUZ)
Posted by: Preznit Barakabama at March 30, 2012 01:40 PM (MMC8r)
-----------------
We are talking about using our own money, not taxpayer money, you dopey bastard.
Posted by: real joe at March 30, 2012 09:44 AM (aZYcK)
Posted by: Jumbo Jogging Shrimp at March 30, 2012 09:44 AM (DGIjM)
Posted by: Riding... at March 30, 2012 09:44 AM (se+z+)
Posted by: Meg Whitman at March 30, 2012 09:44 AM (+XVQe)
Posted by: MacGruber at March 30, 2012 09:44 AM (sWgE+)
Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 09:44 AM (5wsU9)
Posted by: the hobbit fomerly known as Donna at March 30, 2012 09:45 AM (ZHge+)
Posted by: Alex at March 30, 2012 09:45 AM (tlK1P)
Posted by: Hydrocarbon Liberation Front at March 30, 2012 09:45 AM (NVu2l)
Posted by: major major major major at March 30, 2012 09:45 AM (utCAk)
Posted by: Dr. Science at March 30, 2012 09:45 AM (8Yc/9)
2. Give what few family I have left enough to be comfortable
3. Give to Charity
4. Buy arable, but defensibleland
5. Buy tons of food
6. Buy tons of guns 'n ammo
7. Buy precious metals along with other precious commodities
8. Build large house with big basement and tons of secret passage, because secret passages are cool
9. Invest the rest in extremely diverse portfolio (real estate, securities, foreign currency, start angel investing)
10. Christina Hendricks
Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 30, 2012 01:32 PM (rX1N2)
Get out of my head. RIGHT NOW.
Posted by: joncelli, heartless Con and all around unpleasant guy at March 30, 2012 09:45 AM (RD7QR)
Posted by: Roy at March 30, 2012 09:46 AM (VndSC)
that commentator almost made me choke to death on laughter the last time live blogging occured.
Posted by: willow at March 30, 2012 09:46 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 09:46 AM (5wsU9)
Posted by: Jumbo Jogging Shrimp at March 30, 2012 09:46 AM (DGIjM)
I'm Batman
Hey, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, Ph.D. is right, all you need is sufficient venture capital to be Batman.
Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD 2012 at March 30, 2012 09:46 AM (VtjlW)
Posted by: mike at March 30, 2012 09:46 AM (s6QDI)
Posted by: Ben at March 30, 2012 09:46 AM (wuv1c)
I'd like to be a part of this dream.
I'll be in my bunk.
Posted by: Jerry Sandusky at March 30, 2012 09:46 AM (QKKT0)
and keep them company
Heck, you could afford to teach them to sing too.
Posted by: Roy at March 30, 2012 09:47 AM (VndSC)
Posted by: willow at March 30, 2012 09:47 AM (TomZ9)
2 mil to each family member and the rest to fund a teen and young adult cancer treatment center at UTSW Med Ctr. I bought 1 ticket, I do not feel lucky but you never know.
Posted by: snowcrash at March 30, 2012 09:47 AM (t2NQr)
Posted by: Jim Treacher at March 30, 2012 09:47 AM (X3KAb)
Posted by: Arms Merchant at March 30, 2012 09:47 AM (+XVQe)
Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 09:47 AM (MMC8r)
Posted by: DaveA (singing keys to her Ferrari) at March 30, 2012 09:47 AM (wwFlb)
Posted by: Jypsea Rose~AoSHQ Graveyard Shift at March 30, 2012 09:47 AM (digkk)
Posted by: NukemHill at March 30, 2012 09:47 AM (7WLzC)
Posted by: Jumbo Jogging Shrimp at March 30, 2012 09:48 AM (DGIjM)
Posted by: Hydrocarbon Liberation Front at March 30, 2012 09:48 AM (NVu2l)
Posted by: Roy at March 30, 2012 09:48 AM (VndSC)
I would also fix up my childhood home. My deadbeat older brother is living in it now and it is falling apart. It's an architectural landmark in my hometown. I would buy him a trailer outside of town and anew pickup truck so he can live like proper trailer trash. If I give him money he will blow it at the racetrack.
Posted by: rockmom at March 30, 2012 09:49 AM (qE3AR)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 30, 2012 09:49 AM (PJ+vx)
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 09:50 AM (wtvvX)
Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 09:50 AM (5wsU9)
Posted by: Max Entropy at March 30, 2012 09:50 AM (ONGk1)
Fine idea but you'd have to put it all on a 50-1 shot.
Posted by: DaveA at March 30, 2012 09:50 AM (wwFlb)
Posted by: Jumbo Jogging Shrimp at March 30, 2012 09:50 AM (DGIjM)
Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 01:44 PM
Put it on the ground, take a dump on it, then back away and watch them fight over it.
Posted by: irright at March 30, 2012 09:50 AM (RzLbD)
Posted by: nerdygirl at March 30, 2012 09:51 AM (Fow2f)
Posted by: Jaws at March 30, 2012 09:51 AM (4I3Uo)
Posted by: Dr Spank at March 30, 2012 09:51 AM (KNvk+)
>>Buy an evening with Hayden Panettiere
Dude, you could probably afford that now.
I rememeber reading that Lohan was whoring herself for a reasonable price(low thousands I think)
Posted by: Ben at March 30, 2012 09:51 AM (wuv1c)
Posted by: keninnorcal at March 30, 2012 09:51 AM (MZxBc)
Posted by: Sphynx at March 30, 2012 01:50 PM (fEmj2)
Which package would you like? Economy, Elite, or VIP?
Posted by: Hayden Panettiere parents at March 30, 2012 09:51 AM (GQ8sn)
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 09:51 AM (wtvvX)
Posted by: Derak at March 30, 2012 09:51 AM (VEhDR)
Second: New car. Nothing super-fancy, just one I like.
Third: That squealing noise you hear is my tires as I take off from this pesthole (Loozyana) and look for a better place to live. As I said on another thread, New Zealand is not out of the question, if they'll let me in.
Definitely do some traveling. EnZed, Britain, Norway/Sweden/Denmark.
Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at March 30, 2012 09:51 AM (exvgC)
Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 09:51 AM (MMC8r)
Nobody has mentioned this one yet:
Buy the New York Times from Carlos Slim, make Ann Coulter the editor, and tuen it into a conservative paper.
Posted by: rockmom at March 30, 2012 09:51 AM (NYnoe)
Posted by: Mr Wolf at March 30, 2012 09:51 AM (Tv41j)
Posted by: Dr Spank
BUY ALL THE BLOGS! oops, MemeBase leakage
Posted by: DaveA at March 30, 2012 09:52 AM (wwFlb)
Posted by: S Daniel at March 30, 2012 01:50 PM (BVkEs)
By back the last three minutes so my post comes first
Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 09:52 AM (5wsU9)
^This
Posted by: Arms Merchant at March 30, 2012 09:52 AM (+XVQe)
Posted by: notropis at March 30, 2012 09:52 AM (cjcCc)
Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at March 30, 2012 09:53 AM (exvgC)
Pay off a variety of bills for myself and my family (mortgages, cars, etc.)
Buy a house in or near Traverse City, MI (it would be rented out most of the year)
Rebuild the house on the family farm, and put in the needed improvements to make the farm functional again.
Set up small but significant trusts for my children.
Give very large sums to a few select charities.
Invest the rest.
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) SMOD 2012 at March 30, 2012 09:53 AM (8y9MW)
Posted by: derit at March 30, 2012 09:53 AM (FQlFL)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 30, 2012 09:53 AM (PJ+vx)
Tell you one thing. You win that kind of money, you wouldn't sleep well for a month...
Hell, I won $5000 in the first month that California started the lottery. And this was a scratch ticket. I probably should have called in sick to work when I won it, as I'm not sure I was exactly sober when I showed up to work that night.
It was nice and all, paid for me to fly to Germany and visit my sister. But I have rarely ever bought another ticket. I just figure I got lucky once, so why keep doing it?
That being said, good luck to the rest of you!
Posted by: HH at March 30, 2012 09:53 AM (KB0hv)
Buy a Chevy Volt. Throw out the baterry drive and put a 6.7 Liter Power Stroke Turbo Diesel in it. Oh and a periscope to see over the motor when I drive it.
Posted by: Buzzsaw at March 30, 2012 09:53 AM (tf9Ne)
Have I got a deal for you.
Posted by: Newsweek at March 30, 2012 09:53 AM (QKKT0)
A big-ass SUV.
An American Express card.
An account to pay the bill every month.
A new laptop (mine's five years old this month) so I can post pictures of my three-year cross-country beer binge to Flickr.
After that, farm near one of Great Lakes. Then I can cash in on farm subsidies to pay for all my living and business expenses. Suckas.
Posted by: HeatherRadish™ at March 30, 2012 09:53 AM (ZKzrr)
Posted by: ProperDrunk at March 30, 2012 09:53 AM (EffI7)
Posted by: Jumbo Jogging Shrimp at March 30, 2012 09:53 AM (DGIjM)
Posted by: Max Entropy at March 30, 2012 09:54 AM (ONGk1)
Posted by: Sean Fisher at March 30, 2012 09:55 AM (hKyl0)
It's gonna take the rest of my stash to buy the gasoline needed to motor about, buckeroos!
Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at March 30, 2012 09:55 AM (7GfKM)
Posted by: Ben at March 30, 2012 09:55 AM (wuv1c)
If a Republican (other than Romney) wins, I'm investing in the stock market, starting my own business, and hiring some employees!
Posted by: Norcross at March 30, 2012 09:55 AM (RM0br)
Has that mosque plan gone bankrupt yet? Or is Obama's stimulus contribution keeping it on life support?
Posted by: Little Miss Spellcheck at March 30, 2012 09:55 AM (a5ljo)
Move to mountains either Montana, Wyoming, NV, or NC. Build big house with backup 2500KW generator and 10,000 gal fuel oil tank. Fill house with survival food and arms. Make sure house is designed to shed at least a 155mm round. Have hidden bunker away from house underground and IR disguised.
Do not let anyone know where I live. Convert rest of the money to gold and silver.
Posted by: Vic at March 30, 2012 09:55 AM (YdQQY)
Posted by: Dr. Varno at March 30, 2012 09:56 AM (FjlRV)
Posted by: Ben at March 30, 2012 09:56 AM (wuv1c)
Posted by: Max Entropy at March 30, 2012 09:56 AM (ONGk1)
Posted by: AndrewsDad at March 30, 2012 09:56 AM (C2//T)
Posted by: President Skroob at March 30, 2012 09:56 AM (MMC8r)
Posted by: Lincolntf at March 30, 2012 09:56 AM (HethX)
Posted by: Hydrocarbon Liberation Front at March 30, 2012 09:56 AM (NVu2l)
Posted by: Theresa at March 30, 2012 09:57 AM (rKcyp)
Posted by: Dr Spank at March 30, 2012 09:57 AM (KNvk+)
Posted by: HeatherRadish™ at March 30, 2012 09:57 AM (ZKzrr)
Then open Kbdabear's Bunny Hunting Ranch>>
Are you the bunny guy from Thunderbolt and Lightfoot?
http://tinyurl.com/ctbjyw2
Posted by: Buzzsaw at March 30, 2012 09:57 AM (tf9Ne)
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 30, 2012 09:58 AM (/3OmY)
Posted by: supercore23 at March 30, 2012 09:58 AM (bwV72)
Yup. You want my money, you gotta milk my cows.
Posted by: HeatherRadish™ at March 30, 2012 09:58 AM (ZKzrr)
Posted by: AndrewsDad at March 30, 2012 09:58 AM (C2//T)
Posted by: Cicero at March 30, 2012 09:58 AM (QKKT0)
Has that mosque plan gone bankrupt yet? Or is Obama's stimulus contribution keeping it on life support?
------------------
Last I heard they are trying to raise money. I predict that it will very quietly be subsidized by the taxpayers.
Posted by: real joe at March 30, 2012 09:58 AM (aZYcK)
Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 09:58 AM (5wsU9)
Posted by: Vic at March 30, 2012 09:58 AM (YdQQY)
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 09:59 AM (wtvvX)
Posted by: nerdygirl at March 30, 2012 09:59 AM (Fow2f)
Posted by: MJ at March 30, 2012 10:00 AM (/x4oj)
Posted by: bad guy at March 30, 2012 10:00 AM (ligUZ)
Posted by: X at March 30, 2012 10:00 AM (8Yc/9)
Posted by: Jack Reacher at March 30, 2012 10:00 AM (nBE5A)
Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at March 30, 2012 10:01 AM (7GfKM)
Posted by: MikeTheMoose finally remembers why he's here at March 30, 2012 10:01 AM (0q2P7)
Posted by: Ben at March 30, 2012 10:01 AM (wuv1c)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 30, 2012 01:53 PM
It takes 100 shitloads to make a boatload you know
Posted by: Justice Kagan at March 30, 2012 10:01 AM (Y+DPZ)
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 10:01 AM (wtvvX)
I would be more than willing to provide some seed money for legit business ideas for those who I think have something on the ball and are willing to work hard to make a go of it.
People I know and relatives I rarely see who come to me with a hand out...
Not. A. Chance.
Posted by: AndrewsDad at March 30, 2012 10:01 AM (C2//T)
Posted by: HeatherRadish™ at March 30, 2012 01:58 PM
That's what you're calling them now?
Posted by: irright at March 30, 2012 10:02 AM (RzLbD)
Posted by: ARL at March 30, 2012 10:02 AM (X4Pz8)
Money for friends and family
Get a bit nicer house, couple decent cars
Give a bunch to my church, other charities
Give Ace a large enough shot to the tip jar so that he could hunt hobos for sport only, instead of as a food source
After that I dunno
Posted by: Lemmenkainen at March 30, 2012 10:02 AM (ZWvOb)
Posted by: infidelphia at March 30, 2012 10:03 AM (YJdgp)
Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 10:03 AM (MMC8r)
***
Is he single?
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse, formerly known as 'As If' at March 30, 2012 10:03 AM (piMMO)
Posted by: Roy at March 30, 2012 01:09 PM (VndSC)
The odds that I see a return on Social Security are only slightly better than the odds that I hit the jackpot tonight.
Posted by: Broseidon, Lord of the Brocean at March 30, 2012 10:03 AM (XwdrA)
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 10:04 AM (wtvvX)
Posted by: Owen Kellogg at March 30, 2012 10:04 AM (7DNe4)
Posted by: DaveA at March 30, 2012 01:50 PM (wwFlb)
Sure, if I did it legally.
Legally is for poor people.
Posted by: Nighthawk at March 30, 2012 10:05 AM (RSqz2)
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 10:05 AM (wtvvX)
Money for friends and family
Posted by: Lemmenkainen at March 30, 2012 02:02 PM (ZWvOb) Let me know how that works for you when those friends and family members come crawling back asking for more after they have blown it all on crap. Because every single one of them will.
Posted by: AndrewsDad at March 30, 2012 10:06 AM (C2//T)
Then I'd fill the lake with pirhannas and take out ads in every medium insulting the Occupoopers complete with the address where I can be "spoken to"
I'd have some fellow morons over to watch the pirhannas devour the encroaching hippies.
I'd have it live streamed for the rest of you of course. I'm generous that way
Posted by: kbdabear at March 30, 2012 10:06 AM (Y+DPZ)
Posted by: MathMom at March 30, 2012 10:06 AM (JGVrO)
Sorry if this was said before - didn't read all 289 posts first.
Easy peasy what I'd do with all that money.
I would start a private school and attract disaffected conservative teachers. Develope a curriculum that provides top notch results in actually knowing subjects like math, logic, science, real history but also add classes that teach how to make it in the world. Like a practical class being a small business run from the room. Also, a class or two to be set up so the lessons are automatic in their results where the folly of leftism gets exposed for what it is.
Maybe something like that professor story that went around - "All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A."
Maybe experiencing one student being declared dictator ove the others for things they normally have control over by themselves.
Treating the money everyone brings to class as "taxable". See how many bring anything after that!
I don't know about those specifically but I would want a board of conservative minded people to be forming all this.
If the kids don't turn out to be stellar graduates and well balanced individuals then it's a failure and needs tweaking.
Posted by: Dadof3 at March 30, 2012 10:06 AM (grYyd)
Posted by: paul anka's bandleader at March 30, 2012 10:06 AM (9sUlj)
Well, I'm already financially secure, so I guess I'd have to take it to the next level.
I think I'd buy a town. Own everything, including the sheriff. Like Brad Wesley in "Roadhouse."
So after some business owner complains that the law did nothing after I burned down his building, some old timer will scoff and say, "Law? Huh. There ain't no law in this town but Jeff's Law."
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at March 30, 2012 10:06 AM (4ZNCv)
Simon, of course, must die as the last obstacle between Kaylee and Inara.
Posted by: Little Miss Spellcheck at March 30, 2012 10:07 AM (a5ljo)
There'd be enough leftover to fund Alextopia as a tax shelter.
Posted by: DaveA at March 30, 2012 10:08 AM (wwFlb)
Posted by: nerdygirl at March 30, 2012 10:08 AM (Fow2f)
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 10:08 AM (wtvvX)
Posted by: MJ at March 30, 2012 10:08 AM (/x4oj)
Posted by: nerdygirl at March 30, 2012 10:09 AM (Fow2f)
Posted by: irright at March 30, 2012 10:09 AM (RzLbD)
Posted by: ObjectionSustained at March 30, 2012 10:09 AM (Yaj4M)
Posted by: somebody else, not me at March 30, 2012 10:09 AM (nZvGM)
I know, but what the hell am I gonna do with all of it? Maybe make an annuity for all those people so they can only blow it a little at a time, unless they see a JG Wentworth commercial.
Posted by: Lemmenkainen at March 30, 2012 10:09 AM (ZWvOb)
Posted by: Bob Hostetler at March 30, 2012 10:10 AM (ixTOg)
Posted by: Tonic Dog at March 30, 2012 10:11 AM (X/+QT)
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 10:11 AM (wtvvX)
Posted by: Penfold at March 30, 2012 10:11 AM (1PeEC)
Posted by: Sticky Wicket at March 30, 2012 10:12 AM (L7hol)
1. 10% to church off the top - hard to face God later not tithing out of this one... Plus I'll need the deduction.
2. Massively diversified portfolio managed by no less than 3 Jews.
3. Set up 5-10 million dollar trust funds for all loved ones, and build my own custom subdivision where they would all live around me. Friends would be essentially "paid" from those trusts to serve as my entourage. My favorite at any given time would have honor of carrying the boom box.
4. Magnificently stunning Vicky's Secret-grade mistresses. At least 2 of them.
5. 10 million dollar "moron trust" to pay to keep this blog up and running properly.
6. 1 million dollar annual award to be paid to the Right Winger the Left hates the most.
Posted by: Reactionary at March 30, 2012 10:12 AM (xUM1Q)
Posted by: Lemmenkainen at March 30, 2012 10:12 AM (ZWvOb)
Posted by: nerdygirl's beagle at March 30, 2012 10:13 AM (Fow2f)
Posted by: MathMom at March 30, 2012 10:14 AM (JGVrO)
Posted by: mike at March 30, 2012 10:15 AM (s6QDI)
Posted by: toby928© at March 30, 2012 10:15 AM (GTbGH)
Of course the sad thing that huge jackpot would only run the Federal government for like 10 minutes.
Posted by: Lemmenkainen at March 30, 2012 10:17 AM (ZWvOb)
Posted by: The Regular Guy at March 30, 2012 10:18 AM (qHCyt)
Posted by: Bosk at March 30, 2012 10:18 AM (n2K+4)
Wait until the money was in-hand and then....
Show up to work as usual in order to throw the boss off the scent of financial freedom.
Second week: Start coming in about an hour late and claim we were car-pooling to save gas. (It would have been about a 60 mile loop around town.) Leave early to avoid rush-hour traffic.
Third week: Really long lunches. Start developing physical tics while in meetings.
Fourth week: Really long drunken lunches. Stop referring to any other co-workers by name: Substitute nicknames like buttercup, my Lord, and, for the real SOBs, custom names based upon their worst traits.
Fifth week: Disappear from sight.
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse, formerly known as 'As If' at March 30, 2012 10:19 AM (piMMO)
*****
Pam Bondy needs to show up in Sanford and personally deliver the warrant for their arrests.
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse, formerly known as 'As If' at March 30, 2012 10:20 AM (piMMO)
Well you did say bankrupt. Fund a Malay snatch team would be cheaper.
Posted by: DaveA at March 30, 2012 10:23 AM (wwFlb)
"Most of the states do not levy state taxes on top of the winnings. Only federal."
Ohio not only has state income tax on lottery winnings but most cities do too. Both the city where you live and the city (if different) where you bought the ticket usaully will tax it at 1 to 2% each.
Posted by: Bob from Ohio at March 30, 2012 10:25 AM (ROFkf)
Posted by: sad sack at March 30, 2012 10:26 AM (oZfic)
Posted by: Cnovenience Store Clerk at March 30, 2012 10:27 AM (HjPtV)
Posted by: DaveA at March 30, 2012 10:28 AM (wwFlb)
Posted by: mrdisco at March 30, 2012 10:29 AM (gT3Lg)
Posted by: toby928© at March 30, 2012 10:30 AM (GTbGH)
1. Buy Tom Pendergast's old house on Ward Parkway in KC.
2. Buy a jet, just because JEF hates people with jets.
3. Sailboat, big mf'er too.
4. Max out on donations to various candidates of my choosing, starting with Scott Walker.
5. Form my own SuperPAC.
Basically my goal would be to spend it all creating awesome experiences for my family and friends before I die. You can't take it with you and if you leave it to your kids it only fucks them up.
Posted by: DanInMN at March 30, 2012 10:32 AM (XqeyF)
"The lottery is a tax for people who are bad at math, and/or failed statistics.
Posted by: Roy"
Sure. I like to call it voluntary regressive taxation.
But buying a ticket once or twice a week doesn't hurt anything for most people.
Its the idiots who spend $10-20 or more every day when they can't afford it that are hurt by it.
Posted by: Bob from Ohio at March 30, 2012 10:33 AM (ROFkf)
Re-side the house and get the driveway paved. Pay somebody else to mow the lawn. Buy shit for my freinds and relatives (within reason). Set up a trust and leave most the rest of it for my kids.
Oh, yeah,
I'd buy lots and lots of motorcycles & become freinds with Jay Leno.
Posted by: West at March 30, 2012 10:34 AM (1Rgee)
Posted by: Chris at March 30, 2012 10:37 AM (gI9Bk)
Posted by: Bob Saget at March 30, 2012 10:38 AM (SDkq3)
Establish "The Good Guy Lottery" where I give $1 million to a different good person each year.
Legality and selection process as yet to be determined.
Posted by: Cash at March 30, 2012 10:40 AM (L/oEo)
****
I walked into the convenience store across the street from the hospital where my mother was staying and heard as I walked towards the counter, "Would you like to buy a $30 scratch-off ticket?"
I guffawed. Loudly.
The clerk just stood there, unfazed, waiting for an answer. A second clerk spoke up and said "I think she already answered that question."
That's when I realized he was serious. Really? A $30 scratch-off ticket?!
Yep. He said they sell them all day long.
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse, formerly known as 'As If' at March 30, 2012 10:41 AM (piMMO)
Posted by: DanInMN at March 30, 2012 10:43 AM (XqeyF)
No one will ever find me.
Posted by: Hobbitopoly at March 30, 2012 10:44 AM (Sp/7Y)
Posted by: morigu at March 30, 2012 10:46 AM (QXzRP)
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 02:05 PM (wtvvX)
That is a damn fine idea. Isn't Washinton D.C. on what was formerly a swamp?
If I am elected emperor....er...president, I promise to put those wetlands back to their pristine, malarial condition.
Posted by: Hydrocarbon Liberation Front at March 30, 2012 10:47 AM (NVu2l)
Buy a nice, comfortable house, and then a retreat somewhere that isn't easy to find.
I'd learn guitar and relearn drums.
I'd volunteer more.
I'd homeschool my girls and make sure they live like normal kids. In short, I don't want them to know about the money.
I'd take care of family members who needed it, and expose those who didn't.
I'd investigate fraud and abuse of taxpayer money and publicize it.
Posted by: grognard, SMOD-Squad at March 30, 2012 10:48 AM (NS2Mo)
Posted by: grognard, SMOD-Squad at March 30, 2012 10:50 AM (NS2Mo)
Well run for president and blow it all on advertising how much better off the country would be with me in charge. I certainly can't be worse than the SCOAMF that is their now.
Posted by: morigu at March 30, 2012 10:51 AM (QXzRP)
Posted by: PDFers at March 30, 2012 10:51 AM (OhYCU)
Posted by: MathMom at March 30, 2012 10:52 AM (JGVrO)
Posted by: Hobbitopoly at March 30, 2012 10:53 AM (Sp/7Y)
Posted by: chief cherry at March 30, 2012 10:55 AM (OhYCU)
That way, my elected president might like me again.
Posted by: My Sharia Moor at March 30, 2012 10:56 AM (PET8M)
Posted by: EvilMonk at March 30, 2012 10:57 AM (9hZA2)
1. Buy a small country
2. Stage 'death to america' rallies
3. Wait for some of those sweet Soros $millions to roll in
4. Funnel the money back to conservative candidates
5. ???
6. Profit!!!
Posted by: chief cherry at March 30, 2012 10:58 AM (OhYCU)
http://blogs.indystar.com/varvelblog/
"The largest jackpot ever would be spent by the Feds in 95 minutes"
Posted by: 2nd Amendment Mother at March 30, 2012 11:11 AM (L4CWX)
Posted by: Contributor X at March 30, 2012 11:13 AM (jPQ8A)
A little late to the party here, but it has been fun reading the responses. I haven't bought a ticket (yet). I might later this evening after my son's baseball practice.
I noticed that several of you have mentioned that you would donate some to your church. At my church, my pastor has expressly stated that he would not accept an offering or tithe given from lottery money. He says that it is the same thing as gambling and Christians should not be doing that.
Posted by: DaveinNC at March 30, 2012 11:14 AM (boNGU)
Posted by: mina at March 30, 2012 11:15 AM (DjGly)
First I would buy and train a polar bear. I'd give enough money to the RNC so that I'd get an invite to speak at the convention and I would ride my polar bear to the speaker's podium. Astride my bear, I would give a short speech; "Alright you worthless sacks of shit, the country can't afford anymore of your RINO bullshit. You have a job to do, don't fuck it up. I'm looking at you, Mitt."
Second I'd hire all the dwarfs I could find and send them around the country to harass Obama at every campaign stop he made. I'd have them yell "You Stuttering Cluster Fuck of a Miserable Failure" every time he opened his mouth.
Third I'd hire Alexthechick to defend me from the legion of lawsuits my actions would incur.
Posted by: Larsen E. Whipsnade at March 30, 2012 11:18 AM (6BgmB)
Yeah, my old pastor said the same thing. The Church Council reminded him that he was just an employee.
Posted by: toby928© at March 30, 2012 11:24 AM (GTbGH)
Posted by: Sandra Fluke at March 30, 2012 11:28 AM (C9bRU)
Posted by: model_1066 at March 30, 2012 11:29 AM (YbQJm)
I have a son who is an active duty Marine, so I'd do something for the Corps. Say a preloaded Kindle Fire for every Marine, that'd come in close to $2,000,000. Or say 3 mil for the entire Marine Corps Reading List and some other things I'd sneak in (Heinlein's Starship Troopers). And a $100 credit per reader for other purchases.
Posted by: TANSTAAFL at March 30, 2012 11:30 AM (iaOP0)
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 30, 2012 11:31 AM (/3OmY)
Posted by: ObamaSux at March 30, 2012 11:34 AM (gKz+d)
Posted by: model_1066 at March 30, 2012 11:36 AM (YbQJm)
Unleash O'Keefe & gang to wreak as much liberal havoc as possible.
Posted by: WH2012 at March 30, 2012 11:37 AM (gKz+d)
Posted by: Max Entropy at March 30, 2012 11:37 AM (ONGk1)
Posted by: Jack Reacher at March 30, 2012 11:37 AM (nBE5A)
Posted by: ShitGetsReal at March 30, 2012 11:39 AM (gKz+d)
Posted by: model_1066 at March 30, 2012 11:39 AM (YbQJm)
I'd be patriotic and give it all to Uncle Sam paying down the national debt by 0.003%.
Not really. I'd sock it away in the Caymans.
Posted by: Warren Buffett at March 30, 2012 11:41 AM (jtTKf)
Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2012 11:42 AM (8Tjk8)
Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2012 11:43 AM (8Tjk8)
Posted by: And Irresolute at March 30, 2012 11:45 AM (RC3M9)
Posted by: And Irresolute at March 30, 2012 03:45 PM (RC3M9)
The Family Guy "cowboy-astronaut-millionaire" approach, in a way...
Posted by: model_1066 at March 30, 2012 11:47 AM (YbQJm)
Posted by: jimmytheclaw at March 30, 2012 11:52 AM (TyaeD)
The Lord works in mysterious ways, like, you know, he kills babies and stuff and everything happens for a reason or something. But lottery money is of the devil. Don't give me any of that hellspawn.
Posted by: a foolish pastor that specializes in children's funerals at March 30, 2012 11:55 AM (nBE5A)
Posted by: model_1066 at March 30, 2012 12:02 PM (YbQJm)
Posted by: Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, and Patriotic Millionaires at March 30, 2012 12:03 PM (x7g7t)
Posted by: Schnarf at March 30, 2012 12:04 PM (ipirO)
Posted by: model_1066 at March 30, 2012 12:04 PM (YbQJm)
Posted by: And Irresolute at March 30, 2012 12:05 PM (RC3M9)
Posted by: model_1066 at March 30, 2012 12:06 PM (YbQJm)
1. Call everyone I know and ask/leave a message - if I could borrow $5,000. People who don't return the call get their numbers blocked when I go public.
2. Get a 1st rate accountant, lawyer & tax attorney, shelter as much as I can.
3. Get an unlisted phone # & keep the current one...just to hear the begging.
4. Get some medical attention for some chronic problems I have.
5. Tell off every single jerkoff client I've ever had and retire.
6. Wipeout everything about me online - every reference, picture, email, whatever.
7. Ditch this rent stabilized top floor walkup, put my valuables in storage, sell the rest and get a hotel room.
8. Get a hotshot makeup artist to completely change how I look for the inevitable photo opp when I pickup the cash.
9. Buy a place in Hawaii and move there.
10. Buy a house for my brother and set him up so he can retire, but figure out a way to require his ungrateful, manipulative phony-ass wife and disrespectful daughter to kiss his ass hourly for every dime.
10. Buy a house for my cousin and fix her medical issues.
11. Pay whatever it costs to fix my mom's failing eyesight.
12. Pay off - at minimum wage - the relatives who have been looking out for my 95 year old mom a four hour drive away from me, and who have been whining and complaining to her about it the whole time and suggesting I give up my life and move there to care for her.
13. A month at a top notch spa would be nice, with a little plastic surgery.
14. Get a car and driver.
Posted by: vivi at March 30, 2012 12:15 PM (uCx2P)
Have a tattoo of a more attractive man applied over my entire body.
Start a blog.
Hire some really hawt stalkers.
Buy my kid the best classical education tutoring you can find in a 6' tall blond Viking broad wearing next to nothing.
Have a really nice English-style garden. With real Ents.
Probably put a roll bar and some KC lights on my truck.
Posted by: sifty at March 30, 2012 12:22 PM (uGQ4X)
Do the Montgomery Burns thing....nuke plant and all....and have the Rolling Stones killed.
Posted by: model_1066 at March 30, 2012 12:24 PM (YbQJm)
Me, I'd enjoy the rest of my life trying to give away every damn nickel. Not a day would go by that I didn't feel great about what I was doing.
Posted by: David Duke at March 30, 2012 12:31 PM (LLToD)
Initiate an all cash hostile take over of a Mexican or Columbian cartel.
I'm talking growing operations, labs, warehouses, safehouses, distribution channels, marketing rights, dope planes, submarines, runners, flunkies, hit squads, corrupt politicians & police officials. The works.
Go to the source and get a private army in the process.
Posted by: Old Texas Turkey at March 30, 2012 12:33 PM (bSxaZ)
Posted by: Dumb Ass Liberal From Vermont at March 30, 2012 12:35 PM (Te1S8)
Posted by: Yip in Texas at March 30, 2012 12:35 PM (Mrdk1)
Posted by: Old Texas Turkey at March 30, 2012 12:35 PM (bSxaZ)
1. Pay off debt.
2. Make a list of 100 worthwhile charities and give each of 'em a mil. That list would probably include my local church/food pantry, the Catholic school my kids' friends attend, and the place we go for gym day. I'd also include lifetime memberships for all of our local attractions--we've got young kids.
3. Pay off the mortgages, credit cards, and other debts of certain family and friends. Not all cuz some are just slackers.
4. A new vehicle big enough to shuttle all the little Pirates around. And a driver.
5. Build our dream home wherever the hell we wanted.
6. Invest what's left and live of the 8%. Just like Dave Ramsey says.
Posted by: Steve the Pirate's Wife at March 30, 2012 12:37 PM (B0893)
Posted by: Old Texas Turkey at March 30, 2012 12:41 PM (bSxaZ)
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 30, 2012 12:44 PM (/3OmY)
#2 Hire accountants and attorneys to make sure money is protected and tax liability is minimum.
#3 Figure out a disguise for TV appearance so strangers won't be able to recognize me on the street.
#4 After claiming prize, get my husband home from Ghana.
#5. Equal amounts to siblings and siblings-in-law, who can parcel out as they see fit. Trusts for grandchildren.
#6. Endowment for my church for whatever they feel necessary.
#7 Scholarship funds based on merit first, plus need. Work at job in summer required.
#8. Buy Current TV and fire every idiot on there. Install my own staff, with control of editorial content.
#9 Private island with unlisted phone number.
Posted by: Miss Marple at March 30, 2012 12:52 PM (GoIUi)
They did move to a slightly better home in a school district that had more opportunities.
They have one child, an adopted son. He was diagnosed with severe autism when he was 3.
So they put most of their winnings into a trust for him, so that he will always have care.
The lottery bought them piece of mind. And the move was to a district that had comprehensive special ed resources.
Posted by: Miss Marple at March 30, 2012 01:01 PM (GoIUi)
vivi--1. Call everyone I know and ask/leave a message - if I could borrow $5,000. People who don't return the call get their numbers blocked when I go public.--
Super idea to weed out the false fuckers!
After giving away half then I buy a redone mercury-cyclone and drive by people I dont like and spit on them then get drunk.
Posted by: rik santo at March 30, 2012 01:02 PM (z6ohx)
I'd get Nirvana back together again.
Actually I'd make the largest LEGAL donation I could to anybody that opposed Obama in November. Then I'd buy commercial time just to remind people just how much of a miserable failure that piece of crap has been for the last 3 1/2 years.
Posted by: digitalbrownshirt at March 30, 2012 01:10 PM (eHwT1)
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 30, 2012 01:11 PM (/3OmY)
I would build a time machine and travel back to the year 30 AD, and find Jesus and his disciples. I would follow them at a relative distance and listen to everything they said and watch everything that they did, and at the end of His ministry, I would kneel at the feet of his cross and thank Him for dying for me.
Then I would come home and not say a word to anyone about where I had been, and live the rest of my life a heck of a lot better than I had been living it up until now.
PS: Before I left, I would turn 100 million of it into gold coins with Tiberius Caesar Augustus's face on them, and take them with me, and ould find a place to bury these safely in "palestine." Then in the present, I would travel back there, unexpectedly "find" them, and then donate them all (which would now be worth uncounted billions) to children's hospitals around the world.
Posted by: Sharkman at March 30, 2012 01:12 PM (RtpCp)
Posted by: toby928© at March 30, 2012 01:18 PM (GTbGH)
Posted by: Flipper at March 30, 2012 01:24 PM (dmEoV)
I'd buy a 1992 Lincoln Mark VII LSC and drop the 5.0 V8 from the 2013 Mustang GT500 into it, and if I like it enough, I'd do it again and give one to my mom (she always wanted that car).
I'd buy all the remaining McDonnell Douglas DC-10s I could get my hands on, and get them in flying order. I'd upgrade them to MD-10s, add the additional fuel tanks from the KC-10, add winglets, replace the GE CF6-50 engines with brand-new CF6-80 engines, and outfit them with new interiors. Then I'd fly them all over the world and produce as much CO2 as I could.
I'd give at least 10% to the church, or at least to individual churches... (I'm not terribly pleased with my national church body right now).
I'd buy back FM 99.1 in St. Louis from the people who bought it, and turn it back into a classical music station of the highest quality.
I'd start a conservatory of music in downtown St. Louis near the up-and-coming loft district.
I'd buy a bunch of grand old houses in the blighted areas of north St. Louis and start renovating them. Maybe I'd even live there, who knows?
If I could, I'd buy a controlling interest in f*%#ing InBev and relocate their world HQ to St. Louis.
I'd give a ton of money to the St. Louis Art Museum, the St. Louis Zoo, and the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra. I'd buy control of Opera Theater St. Louis and start producing real operas in the original languages.
I'd give a set amount of money to each of my siblings, nieces, and nephews--for my nieces and nephews, it would be held in trust until they turn 30. I'd also match whatever amount the earn in a year--if they earn $72,000, I'd match that. If they earn $10,000, I'd match that. If they earn $0, I'd match that. I would also match whatever my nieces and nephews save towards college.
Posted by: TSUGambler at March 30, 2012 01:41 PM (fQjba)
Posted by: RockHammer at March 30, 2012 02:36 PM (abltB)
Posted by: Enkidu at March 30, 2012 03:28 PM (Wcbt8)
Posted by: Biden at March 30, 2012 03:47 PM (CcDg1)
Then... while I don't believe in tithing either, I think 10% is a good starting point to give back... I'd give to the church I attend now, the inner-city mission church I attend as well, the church I went to growing up, the summer camps I went to as a kid and the camp I went to with my kids when I worked at the children's home as well as the children's home itself.
And I'd completely renovate the children's home I used to work at, make it a more home like environment for the kids instead of looking like it's all donated, old stuff (which it is) in crummy dorms and set up a fund to buy all the kids new clothes and shoes, that they get to pick, when they come from their crackwhore mothers with nothing and create a school on campus with conservative teachers that would be open to the people who live in the area, not just the kids who live at the home. I'd also set up a vacation bonus for the employees at the home. Finally, I'd set up a college fund for the kids there (both as residents and children of the houseparents) who make the grades, who have the drive to be better and who would succeed at college and name it in memory of my parents, who both were very successful, in part I'm sure, because of their awful backgrounds.
I'd donate to the nursing home that took such great care of my grandmother when she had Alzheimer's. And to hospice for the amazing work they do.
I'd create a trust for military families to go on epic vacations of their choosing when their service member is home on leave -- if they haven't earned it, I don't know who has...
I'd pay Little Rock to name the new walking bridge "The Little Darn Bridge" since the other one is called "The Big Dam Bridge". And not name the airport after the Clintons. Only seems right.
I'd buy the house of the neighbor's behind me so I can kick them out and tear down the dratted security light and I won't have to hear their mastiff barking all night any more. Let it be a place missionaries visiting stateside can stay or families who have a kid at the Children's Hospital or a loved one at the cancer hospital.
I'd pay off the mortgages and student loans of my best friends and favorite relatives and create college funds for their kids.
I'd learn how to fly a helicopter.
I'd buy a Chevy SSR -- I just love those things. Hardtop convertible and a pickup truck... can't beat that.
I'd buy a small place by the sea in Nevis or Belize so I could go scuba diving any time I felt like it.
I'd go back home to Alaska every year for Fur Rondy and attend the Miners & Trapper's Ball.
I'd give my hippy brother-in-law and my sister a million a piece to shut up about the way I recycle. Or the lightbulbs I use. Or how stupid, evil and racist Christians and Conservatives are. I love my nephews too much to constantly be arguing with their parents.
I'd leave amazing tips for waitresses and other people who work hard all day with a smile on their faces.
I'd buy a couple million in gold and stash it away for a rainy day. Along with a gun or 12.
And probably most important, I'd pay for my personal hero, my favorite Airborne Ranger and my best friend, to get the best medical and psychiatric care possible so he can start sleeping again at night without heavy psychotropic drugs. Or at least get him on the right ones so he doesn't need as many. And pay for a chiropractor to un-kink him after all those jumps out of planes.
I'd do everything in my power to spend or donate every dime the first year. I'm already back in school working on a degree in a field I love. I like the work, I like the people I work with. And I'm just much, much happier when I'm working. I get too lazy and self-involved otherwise. And I don't want people to start mistaking me for a liberal.
Ooh... and I'd see if Adam Baldwin was available for a date.
Posted by: Oil Field Trash at March 30, 2012 04:24 PM (oZ6Js)
Posted by: Bildo at March 30, 2012 04:29 PM (eToum)
Posted by: letitbeme at March 30, 2012 04:53 PM (4uDUj)
Posted by: disa at March 30, 2012 05:17 PM (v7+7U)
Posted by: letitbeme at March 30, 2012 05:35 PM (4uDUj)
Posted by: sistrum at March 30, 2012 06:01 PM (AyryN)
Posted by: SamIam at March 30, 2012 06:33 PM (BBm11)
Posted by: Goatweed at March 30, 2012 08:24 PM (qiC+m)
Posted by: Some guy that just might lose it if he wins the mega lotto at March 31, 2012 02:10 AM (K7o2m)
Posted by: Ballzdeep at March 31, 2012 04:05 AM (nnju6)
Hide Comments | Add Comment | Refresh | Top
64 queries taking 0.2655 seconds, 663 records returned.
Powered by Minx 1.1.6c-pink.
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 09:08 AM (wtvvX)