Ace of Spades HQ

October 03, 2012

My Belated Advice For Mitt Romney
— Ace

Turn your biggest stumbling block into an advantage by admitting it directly. In the opening prepared remark:

"Hello, and thank you for watching at home, and thanks to all those in attendance here in Denver.

"I've learned a lot in my last several years of campaigning. I've met a lot of my fellow Americans, and I've heard their concerns and their aspirations.

"I've also learned a little about myself. As many of you know -- and my legions of critics in the media are quick to tell you -- I'm not a very natural politician. It's a strange skill, an odd talent to be able to walk into very unnatural circumstances -- like this one, standing at a podium, debating a rival, while being watched by 50 million citizens, and behave as if you're just sitting around the kitchen table with your family, talking about stuff.

"Now, I've thrown myself at a lot of challenges in my life. I've been successful at most of them -- I turned Bain Capital from a start-up into one of the most successful venture capital firms in the world. I walked into an area I had no previous experience in -- the Winter Olympics -- and turned a failing enterprise, riddled with corruption and debt, into a sterling exhibition.

"But one thing I still can't master -- and I try -- is pretending that highly unnatural or at least unusual situations are just part of my normal schedule. Like standing up in front of 50 million people, on television, making a case for my candidacy for the office of President of the United States, and trying to come across like I'm just talking to my friends or my sons or my wife.

"I've tried. I'm still trying. But it's a tough skill to master. As they say in Hollywood, you either have It or you don't. I seem to be one of the 99% of the population that doesn't have It. I'm still not sure what It is.

"So what I'm going to do tonight is just tell you what I think the problems in America are. How I would fix them as president. How I think the man currently in office has gone wrong, so many times, and made them worse.

"I'm just going to tell you what I think. I might not come off as a Television Star, I might not have that screen presence that makes you a millionaire in Hollywood, but I am a guy who's spent all of his life solving problems, and particularly problems with enterprises that, while once thriving, have gone badly off-track and are now close to bankruptcy.

"I hope you'll evaluate me based on my achievements and my plans -- and hopes -- for this country. While my critics judge me on acting talent and ability to "emote," I trust citizens to remember what the critics don't -- that, at the end of the day, this is America we are talking about here, not American Idol. Thank you for listening, and I hope I can win your vote."

I'm sure that could use a good edit and compression down to 2/3rds that length.

As O'Reilly says: Now where am I going wrong?

Here's Where I'm Going Wrong: @tsrblke says there are no opening statements this year.

Seven years of college down the f***ing drain.

Posted by: Ace at 11:46 AM | Comments (244)
Post contains 571 words, total size 3 kb.

1 Hi, I'm Mitt Romney and you're not.

Posted by: EC at October 03, 2012 11:48 AM (GQ8sn)

2 Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: steevy at October 03, 2012 11:48 AM (6o4Fb)

3 This is what Obama is trying to do for his appearance tonight.

Posted by: Jay in Ames at October 03, 2012 11:49 AM (i2Lsf)

4 A Man With A Plan. That's what voters want.

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 03, 2012 11:49 AM (jUytm)

5 [turns to Obama]:

That said, you will now blow me.

Posted by: Professional Master Debater at October 03, 2012 11:50 AM (ay6+/)

6 Barky sucks.

Posted by: Killerdog at October 03, 2012 11:50 AM (kBOpM)

7 That's not bad, I wonder if there's time to get that into the new Mittbot firmware. Not too O/T but I am sick (and tired) of hearing about how important it is that politicians seem like they care about us. The last thing in the world I want is for a politician to care about me. Hell, I would be happier if the government didn't know I existed. I don't want politicians who care, I want politicians who think. Unless Paul Ryan or Mia Love wants to be all hey girl to me in which case I reserve the right to change my position on that whole caring about me as a person thing.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD the revelator at October 03, 2012 11:50 AM (VtjlW)

8 OT Althouse calls us all racists.What a stupid cunt.

Posted by: steevy at October 03, 2012 11:52 AM (6o4Fb)

9 Ace, it's good to see you looking out for the folks.

Posted by: The Q at October 03, 2012 11:52 AM (B/yDO)

What this guy said is bullshit!

Who around here is acting like a celebrity??

**scratches nose with middle finger**

Posted by: Barky O'Nicfit at October 03, 2012 11:52 AM (O6q63)

11 Romney doesn't have to say these things - they are obvious. Also, given the state of the economy and the fact that the world is falling apart, all he has to do is appear sane to be seen as the far better choice.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at October 03, 2012 11:52 AM (qGu2j)

12 No. Always walk onstage like you've been there before, particularly if you haven't.

Posted by: joncelli at October 03, 2012 11:52 AM (RD7QR)

13 I would definitely mention being governor of Mass.

Posted by: Sgt. York at October 03, 2012 11:52 AM (FqBlL)

14 That sounds pretty good. Lets Mitt come across as human or Jack Ryan. Not as a lead-footed tanned Messiah flim-flam artist.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at October 03, 2012 11:53 AM (UYZgt)

"I'm sure that could use a good edit and compression down to 2/3rds that length."

Make that 1/10, and you might have a good idea there.

Posted by: Optimizer at October 03, 2012 11:53 AM (As94z)

I'm willing to bet that the first question Romney gets is some variation of "What about your gaffes?" and Barry's is either softball, brown-nosing, or both.

So, yeah, Mitt kind of needs to just ignore what the MSM questions and just talk to the American people and hope that enough of them aren't total idealogues. rent-seekers, or brain-dead.

Posted by: Lance McCormick at October 03, 2012 11:53 AM (zgHLA)

17 So the whole look at him, look at the crowd.

"You know who the worst president ever is? TFG!"

And jerk a thumb point towards him,
is out?

Posted by: DaveA at October 03, 2012 11:54 AM (wcjj2)

18 >>> Romney doesn't have to say these things - they are obvious. I don't know. As I wrote it, there is a subtext of "This other guy is a lightweight Hollywood prettyboy."

Posted by: ace at October 03, 2012 11:54 AM (LCRYB)

19 IF the moderators start out with the gaffes, perfect opportunity for Romney to prove he was more on the ball with Benghazi than Obama was who skipped all his intel briefings the week leading up to 9/11/12.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at October 03, 2012 11:54 AM (UYZgt)

Unless Paul Ryan or Mia Love wants to be all hey girl to me in which case I reserve the right to change my position on that whole caring about me as a person thing.

OK, that's going to keep commenting slow for a while.

Posted by: fluffy at October 03, 2012 11:54 AM (O6q63)

21 Because of Obama's failed policies we're headed towards rough and uncertain times. But under my plan, we'll not only get through the rough patch ahead, we'll emerge better off than we are now.

Posted by: Soothsayer as Mitt Romney at October 03, 2012 11:55 AM (jUytm)

22 To all you ladyparts voters

Hi I'm Mitt Romney I've got more proof me and the wife fuck than the other guy has and I'm proud of the results of that fucking and the results of my sons fucking too.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at October 03, 2012 11:55 AM (8wH5z)

23 Aargh, tagfail. I keep forgetting what I'm supposed to use. Greater-than/less-than brackets > and < don't work, right?

Posted by: Lance McCormick at October 03, 2012 11:55 AM (zgHLA)

24 I think it's terrible, and I'm usually a big fan of your writing. Perhaps biting satire doesn't prepare one for speechwriting. While I don't like it overall (the same point could be made in one or, at most, two paragraphs), this is an example of where it becomes truly terrible: "you either have It or you don't. I seem to be one of the 99% of the population that doesn't have It. I'm still not sure what It is." So he's saying he doesn't have "It", which is just asking for sound bites to be created against him. Then he's turning around and saying, "Most people watching me, and probably YOU, don't have 'It' either (but by extension, my goodness, Obama does, doesn't he?), and, now listen to me brag about all the things I'm better at than you, who I basically referred to and named above." No. I don't like it at all.

Posted by: Random at October 03, 2012 11:55 AM (u8eBQ)

25 Hey Barry. You are a lot shorter than you seem on TV.
Hey. Have you gained some weight?
With all the gold you play, have you finally gotten your handicap to single digits?

Posted by: CUS at October 03, 2012 11:56 AM (84pE9)

26 Good thoughts, but I think it's pretty much not going to matter what Romney says tonight. The stories have already be written. Obama wins!.. I know, I sound like ans Eeyore, but all this "Romneys only chance in this race is this debate.", is getting to me...

Posted by: Hello, it's just me Donna at October 03, 2012 11:56 AM (9+ccr)

27 The idea I've heard recently that really resonates with me is that the country has to be looking at the economic situation, and seeing the "new normal", seeing that nothing is really getting better, despite the empty claims to the contrary, and just need Romney to stand up and say - in no uncertain terms - that IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS.

Posted by: Optimizer at October 03, 2012 11:56 AM (As94z)

28 I'm on Team Random.

Posted by: Team Random at October 03, 2012 11:56 AM (FJhdv)

Not bad advice Ace

I agree with AtC I prefer politicians not care at all about me in particular the country in general is the idea.

And I have dibs on Mia Love by the way

Posted by: Finn McCool at October 03, 2012 11:56 AM (R/8dI)

30
O/T..... but Drudge has a linky that shows Akin closing to within 4 of McCaskill in Missourah.

Posted by: fixerupper at October 03, 2012 11:56 AM (C8hzL)

31 you think it's a problem to confess to not having the skill of bamboozling?

Posted by: ace at October 03, 2012 11:56 AM (LCRYB)

32 ace: A little of what you're saying would be okay, but only a little--because what you have him call strange and admit to be awkward at...most people think is an important part of the job.

This, okay:

Not this:

Cut it.

Posted by: Nicholas Kronos at October 03, 2012 11:56 AM (M2x4y)

33 People who fall for the sizzle instead of the steak have already chosen the SCOAMF - and those that fell off the wagon since 2008 don't need convincing to stay home, they just need policy details to go all the way to voting Romney.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at October 03, 2012 11:56 AM (qGu2j)

34 That was beautiful Ace. If he says anything even close to that it'll be a 50 state blow out. I mean that, too. Romney is going to win in a landslide. How big is the only mystery.

Posted by: Jaynie59 at October 03, 2012 11:57 AM (4zKCA)

35 Oh, and yeah, Althouse's moronic insistence on being a Democrat needs a post. The H2 can back you up on that, if you need it, Ace..

Posted by: Lance McCormick at October 03, 2012 11:57 AM (zgHLA)

36 OT Althouse calls us all racists. Classic case of transference. Althouse is disgusted by urban Black people and just can handle that ugly truth.

Posted by: soothsayer at October 03, 2012 11:57 AM (jUytm)

37 Mitt has a good story to tell. He's just got to relax a bit and not come off as so robotic.

Posted by: Mr. Lincoln, Disneyland at October 03, 2012 11:57 AM (QKKT0)

38 Nice, Ace. He just needs to be honest. And, for the love of God, few if any zingers -- unless it naturally fits.

Posted by: truth at October 03, 2012 11:58 AM (LpQbZ)

39 Barack Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable tyrant.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at October 03, 2012 11:58 AM (8y9MW)

40 You forgot to mention the part where he looks at the audience, squints, and says "and just what the heck were you 52% smoking when you voted for that guy?".

Posted by: pep at October 03, 2012 11:58 AM (YXmuI)

41 ace.. if he came out and said that I think it would be the closet I would ever come to having an orgasm without having sex.

Posted by: jewells45 says Romney wins in a landslide at October 03, 2012 11:58 AM (l/N7H)

42 Optimizer-- I love that theme too. That, and: "This may be the best Obama can do, but it's not the best America can do." And: "When, as a nation, did we decide to settle for a diminished future?"

Posted by: ace at October 03, 2012 11:58 AM (LCRYB)

Public speaking? You're saying his weakness is not coming across naturally in a public forum??

I don't see it.

Posted by: BurtTC at October 03, 2012 11:58 AM (TOk1P)

hi i'm mitt romney and that clusterfuck to my right isn't

Posted by: kj at October 03, 2012 11:58 AM (zYYbU)

Lance:

[ i ] [ /i ]

[ u ] [ /u ]

[ s ] [ /s ]

[ b] [ /b ]

Close 'em up.

[ br ] Line break

Posted by: fluffy at October 03, 2012 11:58 AM (O6q63)

46 Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD the revelator at October 03, 2012 03:50 PM (VtjlW)

Well said...for a chick.

That is a sort of corollary to the joke about the Quakers going to Hawaii to do good, and ending up doing quite well.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at October 03, 2012 11:58 AM (2b4yb)

47 What about being a MORMON ?

Posted by: The Jackhole at October 03, 2012 11:58 AM (nTgAI)

48 Tell them that it isn't what dependency on government gives you, it's what it takes from you - dignity, opportunity and in the end, any significance a life might have had, had it been lived in independence.

Posted by: HtP at October 03, 2012 11:58 AM (jx2j9)

49 closet = closest. damn fingers.

Posted by: jewells45 says Romney wins in a landslide at October 03, 2012 11:58 AM (l/N7H)

The other thing is the talk of "zingers".

Now Romney is a well-behaved, pretty polite guy. So he's not a great guy to go to for that sort of stuff.

HOWEVER! With the topic being the economy, and with Obama's abyssmal record, zingers PRACTICALLY WRITE THEMSELVES. One might go so far as to suggest that it would be almost impossible to debate Obama without ending up with a few decent ones.

Posted by: Optimizer at October 03, 2012 11:59 AM (As94z)

51 I want politicians who think.

I'd prefer ones who are so right wing they don't have to think.

Cut that.
No.
Kill him.

Are all complete sentences.

Posted by: DaveA at October 03, 2012 11:59 AM (wcjj2)

52 Honestly, whenever I hear Romney talk, I'm okay with it. When I hear Obama talk, I hear smarminess and lies. And an inflated ego.

Posted by: truth at October 03, 2012 11:59 AM (LpQbZ)

As O'Reilly says: Now where am I going wrong?

By quoting O'Reilly. Jeez

Posted by: Travis at October 03, 2012 11:59 AM (W2qJe)

54 As O'Reilly says: Now where am I going wrong?

Per the debate committed (via sometime commenter tsrblke): There are no opening statements.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at October 03, 2012 11:59 AM (8y9MW)

55 I like it ace.

Posted by: Bosk at October 03, 2012 11:59 AM (n2K+4)

56 Maybe acknowledge this in a self-deprecating way in 3 sentences or less. Spending this much time on it would be an insane waste of precious time where he needs to be driving the conversation where he needs it to go.

Posted by: Matt at October 03, 2012 12:00 PM (ljiM/)

57 you think it's a problem to confess to not having the skill of bamboozling? Ace, it's more like Mitt Romney should be able to convey his sincerity without a 5 minute speech about his own sincerity. If Mitt is sincere and honest, people will pick up on it.

Posted by: soothsayer at October 03, 2012 12:00 PM (jUytm)

58 That sounded pretty good to me.

I would add that the media and obama are going to try to trap me into responding the way they want tonight. I'm not going to allow that to happen and may instead speak past them and talk directly to the people of the country.

Posted by: Does this leg smell gammy? at October 03, 2012 12:00 PM (vndQB)

59 It's a gaaaaaffe!!!

Posted by: The Palace Guard Press at October 03, 2012 12:00 PM (l3vZN)

60 Ace, you magnificent bastard, I read your book!

Posted by: guywhomythicallybangsMeganFox at October 03, 2012 12:00 PM (uEm7J)

61 I used to be with it, but then they changed what "it" was. Now, what I'm with isn't it, and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me.

Posted by: Grandpa Simpson at October 03, 2012 12:00 PM (vjyZP)

62 Not a good idea to apologize for yourself and your demeanor, especially when no one has asked you to apologize. Not sure why saying, in effect, "Sorry I'm not as glib and smooth as the other guy" buys you any voters.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows poor people don't know how to dress themselves at October 03, 2012 12:01 PM (AZGON)

63 Romney should start with a joke...like this : "You know you are from Colorado when North means "mountains to the left;" South is "mountains to the right;" and east and west are where all those damned liberals keep moving in from"...

Posted by: runner at October 03, 2012 12:01 PM (WR5xI)

64 Mr. TFG you were not qualified in 2008 and you are still not qualified in 2012. Now, get out off the stage .. I will take it from here and take Smokin Joe with you on your way out. JayZ has your limo ready. /dreaming

Posted by: osu at October 03, 2012 12:01 PM (vgMWF)

65 Hey Barak. All those zingers you just practiced for? Ain't gonna happen. I will just keep reciting your sterling record of fail.

Posted by: CUS at October 03, 2012 12:01 PM (84pE9)

66 No where. That was good Ace, good job. Clear, concise, articulate. No edit. It would take 1 minutes tops if he says it right. Fax that over to those contacts you're always talking about, and do it like, yesterday. Hope you don't mind, but I am so going to post that for the Yahoo! idiots. Even if Romney doesn't say anything close to that people should read it like he did..

Posted by: halodoc at October 03, 2012 12:01 PM (Fun8n)

Oh and Ace regarding the zingers post....

I don't think one can practice and hone that shit, do you?

I defer to your judgement on this because I can rarely slice like a effen hammer if I have time to think about it.

Zingers by nature, to me anyway, have to be spontaneous.

Posted by: Finn McCool at October 03, 2012 12:01 PM (R/8dI)

68 No no no no no....

Wrong.

"...one thing I still can't master -- and I try -- is pretending that highly unnatural or at least unusual situations are just part of my normal schedule."

Left talking heads: So you are clearly not ready for that 3 AM phone call. Not ready to lead in unnatural or unusual situations.

Why give them that talking point??? "I'm Mitt Romney and I admit I'm not ready to be president."

Posted by: Jahiliyya at October 03, 2012 12:01 PM (Jauav)

' 42 Optimizer-- I love that theme too.

That, and: "This may be the best Obama can do, but it's not the best America can do."

And: "When, as a nation, did we decide to settle for a diminished future?" '

There you go! While I was writing a comment saying that zingers practically write themselves, you already came up with the proof!

Posted by: Optimizer at October 03, 2012 12:01 PM (As94z)

70 Not so much a skill as an indication the your personal boundary and give-a-fuck-ometer is seriously broken. No wonder they call politics "showbiz for ugly people".

Posted by: naturalfake at October 03, 2012 12:02 PM (54vf8)

71 A good start. Now if the rest of the right-media/blogs will stop being distracted by that SQUIRREL!-video, we can get this campaign back on track.

Posted by: Tonic Dog at October 03, 2012 12:02 PM (X/+QT)

Ace,

as I read the debate comission website, there are no opening statements this year, are you proposing he put this in the inevitable "gaffe" question (which BTW should result in Leher being pulled off stage with a hook. We've got bigger problems.)

Posted by: tsrblke (Work) at October 03, 2012 12:02 PM (weUz9)

73 It's OK. Some of it sounds a little desperate, but I don't know how otherwise you call attention to the fact that this isn't American Idol, it's an election for the highest executive office on the planet, without explicitly spelling it out and beating Low Information Voter over the head with it.

Posted by: Waterhouse at October 03, 2012 12:02 PM (POGCP)

74 I don't think he has to be too self-deprecating, he's not a stumbling dunderhead fuck like 99% of us would be on that stage. He may not be The One but he is after all tied or leading him. A little humility is nice, too much is too much. He's auditioning for the job of Leader of the Free World which is kind of a big deal from where I come and he doesn't need to be seen as a toe shuffling aw shucks goof. After 4 years of blistering incompetence and nauseating self indulgence, a leader who portrays quiet strength, confidence and intelligence looks pretty damn good to me.

Posted by: JackStraw at October 03, 2012 12:02 PM (2EOKC)

75 As they say in Hollywood, you either have It or you don't. I seem to be one of the 99% of the population that doesn't have It. I'm still not sure what It is. That's punching down, Ace. You never punch fucking down!

Posted by: Ed Anger at October 03, 2012 12:02 PM (tOkJB)

76 41 ace.. if he came out and said that I think it would be the closet I would ever come to having an orgasm without having sex.

So... he would sound like a dildo.

Posted by: Some jackass at October 03, 2012 12:02 PM (vjyZP)

77 8 OT Althouse calls us all racists.What a stupid cunt.
Posted by: steevy at October 03, 2012 03:52 PM

Just her excuse for doing what she always intended to do, vote for the SCOAMF.

Posted by: kbdabear at October 03, 2012 12:02 PM (wwsoB)

78 I think he needs to systematically dismantle the bullshit idea that "no one could have done better".Not sure the format will allow him to do that but as much as it does he should go for it.

Posted by: steevy at October 03, 2012 12:03 PM (6o4Fb)

51 -

I don't think.

Posted by: T. Akin at October 03, 2012 12:03 PM (TOk1P)

80 Why give them that talking point??? "I'm Mitt Romney and I admit I'm not ready to be president." Agree. To begin by pleading a case that you're really, really earnest and sincere, rather smacks of insincerity.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows poor people don't know how to dress themselves at October 03, 2012 12:03 PM (AZGON)

If he doesn't screw up. The debate is probably a net plus for him. Just the exposure and contrast to TFG will be good. I saw him get pretty tough in the primaries.

Contrast Mitt to: Uhh, Uhhh, Uhh, Uhh, let be be clear, Uhh, Uhh, Uhh

Posted by: The Jackhole at October 03, 2012 12:03 PM (nTgAI)

82 77 And give him a sloppy BeeJer,but mostly give him a sloppy BeeJer.

Posted by: steevy at October 03, 2012 12:03 PM (6o4Fb)

83 I can hear the media clacking away on their keyboards right now. Typing about how 'presidential' Obama looked tonight, and how Obama 'grew into the role of the office so easily.'

Posted by: soothsayer at October 03, 2012 12:04 PM (jUytm)

84 it turns out there aren't any opening statements. So, what a waste of your time (and mine). Still, this is now moot but I will argue in favor of it anyway: People don't like being bullshitted and they don't like politicians and the point of my opening statement is to "confess" to not being a good bullshitter or a good politician. Those who say "you're giving the left a talking point" -- what talking point? That Obama's better at conning people? I think we can safely concede that point.

Posted by: ace at October 03, 2012 12:04 PM (LCRYB)

85 So, there's no opening statements. Can this be considered one of those "time fucks" you were trying to rid your life of, then?

Posted by: © Sponge at October 03, 2012 12:04 PM (UK9cE)

31 you think it's a problem to confess to not having the skill of bamboozling?

No, Ace...not a problem.

But it needs to be delivered in a 'short but sweet' knockout.

Something like:

"Being a good Actor is a gift...one that I do not possess. So I applaud my opponent for having this skill.

My skillset has been in the area of solving problems. ...Which is what this country needs right now."

Posted by: wheatie at October 03, 2012 12:04 PM (l5RhJ)

87 Dave_in_Fla @Dave_in_Fla 30m 3 month Rasmussen Party ID average becomes MORE Republican at D/R/I of 33.8/36.4/29.8 ... D+3 turnout assumptions hardest hit.

Posted by: Evilpens at October 03, 2012 12:04 PM (ck76k)

88 I think he needs to systematically dismantle the bullshit idea that "no one could have done better".Not sure the format will allow him to do that but as much as it does he should go for it.

Posted by: steevy at October 03, 2012 04:03 PM (6o4Fb)

That's easy, Reagan did.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at October 03, 2012 12:04 PM (qGu2j)

89 Hello, I'm Mitt Romney. A one percenter and a racist! I denounce myself and my campaign and fully support Barky McFuckstick to be President for life. Thank you and goodnight.

Posted by: wierd flunky at October 03, 2012 12:04 PM (X+nFp)

90 Pretty good, I would just add an "unlike my opponent" in there somewhere.

Posted by: Hillary the sad Clinton at October 03, 2012 12:04 PM (PHb2k)

91 Dumb question, I've been in a self imposed break from the intertubes, who's "moderating" this homage to the great God King anyway?

Posted by: Finn McCool at October 03, 2012 12:04 PM (R/8dI)

92 Obama has already won the debate and polls will show a runaway tomorrow morning. Then I will come here and make doo-doo's all over your blog

Posted by: rent-a-jon at October 03, 2012 12:05 PM (wwsoB)

93 hey kdbabear, some minor new stuff over at Kirk's place

Posted by: George Orwell what knows poor people don't know how to dress themselves at October 03, 2012 12:05 PM (AZGON)

94 Ladies and gentlemen, as a robot I am incapable of human emotion. Please vote for me anyway, and I promise I won't steal your medicine.

Posted by: Shorter Version for Romney at October 03, 2012 12:05 PM (vjyZP)

95 I bet when Mitt smiles they will transpose little sparkling dollar signs off his teeth

Posted by: The Jackhole at October 03, 2012 12:05 PM (nTgAI)

"...I've tried. I'm still trying. But it's a tough skill to master. As they say in Hollywood, you either have It or you don't. I seem to be one of the 99% of the population that doesn't have It. I'm still not sure what It is...."

That line is a campaign cyanide capsule. Being somewhat persuasive is part of the job, and Romney is persuasive enough. Throwing himself on the floor and declaring "I'm a hopeless mess at this stuff!" would be as innacuarate as it is strategically blind.

Posted by: Lincolntf at October 03, 2012 12:05 PM (HethX)

97 91 Jim Lehrer.

Posted by: steevy at October 03, 2012 12:05 PM (6o4Fb)

98 Number one, there's no opening statement. And even if there were this would be a huge loser. Never concede the other side's talking points. Mitt needs to concentrate on being what he is, a smart, sincere guy.

Posted by: joncelli at October 03, 2012 12:05 PM (RD7QR)

Similar to Clint's spiel...but really hit it home.

I'd like him to say if you hired someone to do a job they said they were capable of doing and almost 4 years later things had gotten worse why continue?

Then go into specifics. His family, His accomplishments, and how at this time in history America needs someone with his capabilities to get us out of this mess.

Posted by: concrete girl at October 03, 2012 12:05 PM (y2Ojs)

100 BTW, I will vote for any candidate that does NOT give those annoying, demeaning, f'ing first-person testimonials. "I talked to Ted down at the bait shop and he said we need to adjust capital gains taxes by 0.4% to achieve GDP pairity between the traunches of soverign debt held at the municipal level here in Chayoogha County...."

Posted by: Tonic Dog at October 03, 2012 12:05 PM (X/+QT)

101 To begin by pleading a case that you're really, really earnest and sincere, rather smacks of insincerity.

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.

Posted by: Jean Giraudoux at October 03, 2012 12:05 PM (QKKT0)

102 I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam.

Posted by: Mitt Rombley at October 03, 2012 12:06 PM (QupBk)

103

Mitt will never have the chance to even say one sentence of your elegant soliloquy, Ace, with the moderaters that we have.

First question: Gov. Romney, why do you hate women? (Or a reasonable facsimilie thereof)

Posted by: Soona at October 03, 2012 12:06 PM (GkhJB)

104 Agree. To begin by pleading a case that you're really, really earnest and sincere, rather smacks of insincerity.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows poor people don't know how to dress themselves at October 03, 2012 04:03 PM (AZGON)

"Sincerity is key. If you can fake that, you've got it made." - W.C. Fields

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at October 03, 2012 12:06 PM (qGu2j)

105 The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made. Damn straight.

Posted by: B. Hussein Obama at October 03, 2012 12:06 PM (AZGON)

106 Obama , I saw that video yesterday, a lot of gaaaaffes. Just say'n. Punk.

Posted by: RR Romney at October 03, 2012 12:06 PM (AWmfW)

107 also being clacked away right now on keyboards: Obama Gets Post Debate Bounce!

Posted by: soothsayer at October 03, 2012 12:07 PM (jUytm)

108 @97 Just Lehrer?

Posted by: Finn McCool at October 03, 2012 12:07 PM (R/8dI)

109 Now where am I going wrong?
============
Well, when you tried giving the cashmere sweater to the janitor girl at work after you had sex with her, for one.

Two, you're saying Romney the Robot can pull off the "I'm a real ordinary guy not a phony ordinary guy like those other politicians" trick.

That's a tall order, I don't care who you are.

Just like you can't out-pander a Democrat, you can't out--pretend-to-be-ordinary a Dem.

Be it, don't say it.

I'd suggest not giving a "I'm just like you" speech. Not so obviously, at least.

Posted by: RoyalOil at October 03, 2012 12:07 PM (imtbm)

110 Are you sure there are no opening statements? I watched Special Report last night and Brett said Obama won the coin toss on the opening statement and would speak first, and that Romney won on the closing so would speak last.

Posted by: Jaynie59 at October 03, 2012 12:07 PM (4zKCA)

111 I like it, but agree with others that saying he doesn't have "it" is asking for trouble.

Posted by: edj at October 03, 2012 12:07 PM (+QKfp)

112 Off the top of my head: "It's widely known that I'm not a natural or gifted politician. My wife is my biggest supporter, and even she's chuckled a few times about this at my expense. "However -- and I certainly agree with my wife about that -- what I am is an accomplished problem solver. For example (list relevant examples succinctly). "America is facing huge problems and ...." (One could leave off the gimmick about Ann Romney, which would shorten it further. Brief is good here. It's like at a job interview where you admit your faults, but you don't dwell on them and expand on them. You say something like, "Not being naturally a charismatic gladhander, I've had to work very hard to accomplish things. But with the help of a fine family in a country that still offers wonderful opportunity, I've accomplished a lot, for which I'm grateful and humbled. And I'll be able to do similar things for your company, Mr. Jones, such as ...."

Posted by: Random at October 03, 2012 12:07 PM (u8eBQ)

113 92 hey kdbabear, some minor new stuff over at Kirk's place Posted by: George Orwell what knows poor people don't know how to dress themselves at October 03, 2012 04:05 PM

Saw them, pretty cool. Waiting for the next summary of Jimbo's excursions. You wouldn't want Scotty getting the last word, right?

Posted by: rent-a-jon at October 03, 2012 12:07 PM (wwsoB)

114 "This may be the best Obama can do, but it's not the best America can do." Zing, zang, zung.

Posted by: Flip at October 03, 2012 12:07 PM (eN66l)

115 The thing is I don't think that many people really watch the debates. This year might be different. That being said the average brain dead voter gets their news from the MSM. Whatever they say about tonight is what they will believe...

Posted by: Hello, it's just me Donna at October 03, 2012 12:07 PM (9+ccr)

116 OT Althouse calls us all racists.

I liked Insty's update.
http://pjmedia.com/instapundit/152536/

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ at October 03, 2012 12:07 PM (/kI1Q)

117 Posted by: Finn McCool at October 03, 2012 04:07 PM (R/8dI)

Chavez is busy in Venezuela.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at October 03, 2012 12:08 PM (2b4yb)

118 Said with a wry smile in the direction of Obama: "I guess my problem is, I never managed to pick up the skill of bamboozling the public like most politicians seem to know how to do."

Posted by: Truman North, iPhone homey at October 03, 2012 12:08 PM (I2LwF)

119

"there are no opening statements"

Since when have the "rules" in a Presidential debate mattered?

Posted by: Jaws at October 03, 2012 12:08 PM (4I3Uo)

120 You've been bamboozled, flim-flammed, given the old okey-dokey. Run amok!

Posted by: Mitt Rombley at October 03, 2012 12:08 PM (QupBk)

121 Now where am I going wrong? It began with Pamela Gellar and a rack like a Peterbilt.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows poor people don't know how to dress themselves at October 03, 2012 12:08 PM (AZGON)

122 http://tinyurl.com/8lylgke Jesse Ventura, CastroÂ’s man of courage

Posted by: Evilpens at October 03, 2012 12:08 PM (ck76k)

123 too bad Romney's never debated before.

Posted by: joeindc44 found the last comment to be vile, particularly vile at October 03, 2012 12:08 PM (QxSug)

124 I agree with those who say the spirit of the comments is right, but it needs some tweaking.

Admitting to awkwardness is not a good idea for someone who's seeking a job that requires him not to be awkward.

Let his words carry the sentiment without ever carrying the explicit message.

"Hi, I'm Mitt Romney. I've tackled a lot of challenges in my life, and I've been successful when I've done so. Now I feel called to tackle the challenges that face us as a nation.

My opponent is going to do everything he can to make you believe two things. First, that I'm some evil capitalist who doesn't care about people. Second, that he hasn't been President for four years.

Regarding the latter, there is nothing I can do but trust that you will remember who was in total control of Washington from January 20, 2009 through the same date in 2010.

Regarding the former, I do care. I care so much that I want to help you achieve success, not mere survival. I despise poverty, privation, and dependence, and I want to do everything I can to make sure fewer people are impoverished, deprived, or dependent."

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at October 03, 2012 12:09 PM (8y9MW)

125 So there's aces whole speech in a five seeing hits. I fucking do this for a living. Sit down, son.

Posted by: Truman North, iPhone homey at October 03, 2012 12:09 PM (I2LwF)

126

How about Romney says:

"Hey Barky where is your hokey preacher accent tonight "?

Posted by: The Jackhole at October 03, 2012 12:09 PM (nTgAI)

127 I liked Insty's update.
http://pjmedia.com/instapundit/152536/

Posted by: HeatherRadishÂ™ at October 03, 2012 04:07 PM (/kI1Q)

Perfect!

Posted by: Hello, it's just me Donna at October 03, 2012 12:09 PM (9+ccr)

128 So with a tweet, it's his closing statement.

Posted by: gonzotx at October 03, 2012 12:09 PM (4CQjf)

129 Since when have the "rules" in a Presidential debate mattered?

/crosses fingers for folding-chair mayhem

Posted by: Waterhouse at October 03, 2012 12:09 PM (POGCP)

130

regular guys get ambassadors killed

Posted by: kj at October 03, 2012 12:09 PM (zYYbU)

131 Advice to Mitt?: Don't say "Who am I? Why am I here?"

Posted by: Craig Poe at October 03, 2012 12:10 PM (BVkEs)

132

118 -

Not bad. Followed by directly staring at the moderators and saying "nor have I quite figured out how to counteract a situation where 90% of the media outlets are actively campaigning for my opponent, free of charge."

Posted by: BurtTC at October 03, 2012 12:10 PM (TOk1P)

133 In all sincerity, I tried this tactic when I was interviewing for jobs out of law school. Cut straight to the point, and say essentially "I won't bullshit you". I definitely stood out from the rest of the crowd. 60% of the time, it worked every time.

But for presidentin' you need to have the social skills.

Posted by: wooga at October 03, 2012 12:10 PM (vjyZP)

134 still a very good idea Ace...

Posted by: ziggyelman at October 03, 2012 12:11 PM (AsMdZ)

135 So there's aces whole speech in a five seeing hits.

I'm assuming there's some Apple-is-smarter-than-you autocorrect going on here, but I can't figure it out.

Posted by: Waterhouse at October 03, 2012 12:11 PM (POGCP)

136 Just a question on this. Have you all had bosses that were a little non social but good bosses? And 2 have you had bosses that were really social that stabbed you in the back every chance they had? Not sure how this helps or hurts Romney after the last four years of back stabbing the social guy has had.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at October 03, 2012 12:11 PM (8wH5z)

137 The point is ladies and gentlemen that greed, for lack of a better word, is good.

Posted by: RR Romney at October 03, 2012 12:11 PM (AWmfW)

138 The thing is I don't think that many people really watch the debates.

And most of the people watching are rooting for one side.

(I haven't seen anything about "Obama watching parties" this year, but possibly because I'm actively avoiding known proggbots for health reasons.)

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ at October 03, 2012 12:11 PM (/kI1Q)

139

How am I sure there's no opening statements. From www.debates.org (under format)

All debates will be moderated by a single individual and will take place from 9:00-10:30 p.m. Eastern Time. There will be no opening statements and two-minute closing statements in all the debates. In all the debates except town meeting, the CPD recommends that the candidates be seated at a table with the moderator

Posted by: tsrblke (Work) at October 03, 2012 12:11 PM (weUz9)

140

sorry i should say regular guys in the oval office get ambassadors killed

Posted by: kj at October 03, 2012 12:11 PM (zYYbU)

141 All good sentiments but the MSM will go wild with it, tearing into him as having "begged for a break" and "using a crutch" before the debate even began. Trust me, if they can find a way to spin a positive and a negative, they'll do it. And they still have enough sway over the Stupids out there for that to matter.

Posted by: Dirt McGirt at October 03, 2012 12:11 PM (tUg3e)

142 I was thinking about the *zings* at SCOAMF. At every turn they're available. From taxes, like repealing hollywood tax cuts, getting Buffet to actually pay taxes for realz, and getting the cabinet to pay theirs. Any budget issue ... must mention complete miserable failure of not forcing Senate to pass budget, where's the leadership? Brother's keeper, invisible garbageman, etc. :"how's your brother" "I believe in women's right to ...." You believe in post birth abortions, to how many trimesters???

Posted by: joeindc44 found the last comment to be vile, particularly vile at October 03, 2012 12:11 PM (QxSug)

143

"Now where am I going wrong?"

Almost perfect - but dial back the apologies for not being a Hollywood type a little bit, and finish up by reminding us that you have the expertise to turn things around, and you have proven it over XX number of years in private and public business for, and in government. Then stop talking, and keep looking at the camera while that sinks in.

That should do it.

Posted by: sherlock at October 03, 2012 12:11 PM (H9eC4)

144 also, romney should totally bet Obama $10K every time obama lies

Posted by: joeindc44 found the last comment to be vile, particularly vile at October 03, 2012 12:12 PM (QxSug)

145
Rumor going around that Mitt Romney will touch his nose each time Obama tells a mistrust.

President Obama has earned much deserved acclaim as an affable, glib orator on the stump. He has also gained a reputation for stretching the truth to make his point. The fact is that just about every time he makes a public appearance the Washington Post, which is supposedly pro-Obama, awards him a few more of its dubious Â‘Pinocchio AwardsÂ’ for telling fibs. So, I guess it would be okay for Mitt Romney to borrow the newspaperÂ’s euphemism to silently call the president out during the debates.

He canÂ’t blithely suggest that 90 percent of the current deficit Â‘is as a consequenceÂ’ of his predecessorÂ’s policies -and not his own.

Posted by: sickinmass at October 03, 2012 12:12 PM (CFi9O)

146 No opening statement?! how am I supposed to know who is who then, huh ??

Posted by: 47%-er at October 03, 2012 12:12 PM (WR5xI)

147 /crosses fingers for folding-chair mayhem

Posted by: Waterhouse at October 03, 2012 04:09 PM (POGCP)

I love his "Bully Beatdown" show. Makes me wish he was around when I was a youth.

Posted by: © Sponge at October 03, 2012 12:13 PM (UK9cE)

148 Yeah. I typed "five second bit."

Posted by: Truman North, iPhone homey at October 03, 2012 12:13 PM (I2LwF)

149 114. This may be the best Obama can do but it's not the best America can do. Proof that the msm has not been covering this campaign. Romney has been using that devastating line since the primaries and I would 98% of the public outside those who really followed the primaries closely know it.

Posted by: JackStraw at October 03, 2012 12:13 PM (2EOKC)

150

You never punch fucking down!

Ehem.

Posted by: Donkey at October 03, 2012 12:13 PM (IOuIz)

151 MY advice (which I have sent to two Twitter accounts for the campaign) is this:

HAVE YOUR OWN MAKE-UP GAL AND LIGHTING GUY! Do not trust the networks!!

Posted by: Miss Marple at October 03, 2012 12:13 PM (GoIUi)

152 "This guy over here is a lying, racist SCOAMF...and tonight I'm gonna tell you why. Thank you. I'm Mitt Romney."

Short, to the point and effective.

Posted by: rukiddingme? at October 03, 2012 12:13 PM (MbeEN)

153 All Mitt needs to do is wait until da Zero if blowing a Zepplin full of hot gas (that won't be a very long wait) shove an index finger up his nose to say, the second knuckle, dig out some nose gold, roll it up until it forms a nice round yet supple projectile, and casually flick it into Zero's open maw.......

Posted by: maddogg at October 03, 2012 12:14 PM (OlN4e)

154 Jesus. What I just wrote is as good as when Reagan said e wouldn't hold mondale's youth and I experience against him Turns a negative into a positive in one line.

Posted by: Truman North, iPhone homey at October 03, 2012 12:14 PM (I2LwF)

155 Romney's going to have an easy time because TFG can't lie his ass off about how conservatively he's going to govern this time. Also, the easiest zing is this, "oh you promise to do whatever in your next term, then why have you waited so long to do it?"

Posted by: joeindc44 found the last comment to be vile, particularly vile at October 03, 2012 12:14 PM (QxSug)

156 "I'm Mitt Romney, and I must break you."

Always stick with the classics.

Posted by: joncelli at October 03, 2012 12:15 PM (RD7QR)

157

Hi. I'm Mitt. I'm running for President, not buddy in chief.

Posted by: chitown jerry at October 03, 2012 12:15 PM (7kgDk)

158 Fucking autocorrect

Posted by: Truman North, iPhone homey at October 03, 2012 12:15 PM (I2LwF)

159

Add in:

"I don't know many hollywood clebrities, talk show hosts, or rock stars. I'm not sure I'd fit in all that well with that crowd, or that doing so is an appropriate qualification for the presidency."

and

"43 months of over 8% unemployment, record deficits, and a dead ambasador. The Democrats and Presdient Obama say no one could have done better. I guess we will just have to agree to disagree about that."

Posted by: Mr. Sheep at October 03, 2012 12:15 PM (PPcR4)

160 *Romney lifts his middle finger at Obama* "I'm Mitt Romney, and I approve this message."

Posted by: George Orwell what knows poor people don't know how to dress themselves at October 03, 2012 12:15 PM (AZGON)

161 151

+10027dl295 and then some!

Posted by: Tonic Dog at October 03, 2012 12:16 PM (X/+QT)

162 151: this. Hollywood will fuck republicans every single time.

Posted by: Truman North, iPhone homey at October 03, 2012 12:16 PM (I2LwF)

163 153 All Mitt needs to do is wait until da Zero if blowing a Zepplin full of hot gas (that won't be a very long wait) shove an index finger up his nose to say, the second knuckle, dig out some nose gold, roll it up until it forms a nice round yet supple projectile, and casually flick it into Zero's open maw.......

Posted by: maddogg at October 03, 2012 04:14 PM (OlN4e)

Yes, he'd definitely sew up the 6-year-old boy demographic that way.

Posted by: joncelli at October 03, 2012 12:16 PM (RD7QR)

164

Cavuto just mentioned...that the crowd tonight is 'forbidden' to clap, cheer or make noise, while the Debate is going on.

Yeah.

That'll work.

Posted by: wheatie at October 03, 2012 12:17 PM (l5RhJ)

165 Definite Headline Zinger: "Mr. President, did you, or did you not, get your tallywacker sucked by Larry Sinclair in a limo in 1999, while you smoked crack? It's a yes or no question."

Posted by: Craig Poe at October 03, 2012 12:17 PM (BVkEs)

166 164, Butt I had tacos for lunch!

Posted by: Tonic Dog at October 03, 2012 12:17 PM (X/+QT)

167 the crowd tonight is 'forbidden' to clap, cheer or make noise Except for the Code Pink crashers Obama bussed in.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows poor people don't know how to dress themselves at October 03, 2012 12:18 PM (AZGON)

168 "I'm actively avoiding known proggbots for health reasons.)

Posted by: HeatherRadishÂ™ at October 03, 2012 04:11 PM (/kI1Q)

Use your elbow or the heel of your hand. Everyone knows that knuckles take forever to heal!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at October 03, 2012 12:18 PM (2b4yb)

169 Regardless of whether there are opening statements, this post is gold. Ace, you should be a highly paid advisor to someone.

Posted by: Travis at October 03, 2012 12:18 PM (/gUgY)

170

Mitt will be fine. I'm not really worried. Of course the MFM is going to say the SCOAMT won, no matter how he may stumble and bluster. It's what they've always done and they'll do it again. So expect it.

IMHO, the debates aren't what is being said, but if the candidate can take this pressure and still act presidential. And this is where Baraka has his weakness.

Posted by: Soona at October 03, 2012 12:18 PM (GkhJB)

171

153 -

No no no! Tomorrow's headline: "ROMNEY FULL OF BOOGERS!"

Break out a can of peas, open it with a p-38, then casually flick them in the general direction of said gaping maw.

Posted by: BurtTC at October 03, 2012 12:18 PM (TOk1P)

172 Romney's going to have an easy time because TFG can't lie his ass off about how conservatively he's going to govern this time.

Sure he can. That's all he knows.

("It takes two to lie, Marge. One to lie and one to listen.")

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ at October 03, 2012 12:19 PM (/kI1Q)

173

Posted by: joncelli at October 03, 2012 04:16 PM (RD7QR)

Hey it is just as good advise as the rest, and just as useful.

Posted by: maddogg at October 03, 2012 12:19 PM (OlN4e)

174 Mr. Obama, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no credit, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Posted by: RR Romney at October 03, 2012 12:19 PM (AWmfW)

175 I was hoping for "Hi ... I'm RMoney bitches..."

Posted by: Honey Badger at October 03, 2012 12:19 PM (GvYeG)

176

The meme 'Romney is a robot' is a mob psychosis. Its been said so much that people who have never watched Romney will swear that he is uncharismatic and robot because they just know. Just like people swear that Obama is a great orator. Ridiculous.

I know that ace saw one speech at CPAC that he didn't like and ever since he has raised this meme repeatedly. To each his own. Though I would not consider him Rock Knute inspirational, who very few are, I've never considered Romney stiff or robotic.

Posted by: polynikes at October 03, 2012 12:19 PM (m2CN7)

177 I don't get it. The guy was in a million goddamn debates during the primary and more than held his own. His skill as a debater is in no way a stumbling block.

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at October 03, 2012 12:20 PM (+lsX1)

178

Radish, I love the comment GR updated with from Althouse's blog.

I doubt she read it. Prolly some Moron wandered in there un-detected and tried to drop some effen knowledge on good ol Ann.

I can't fucking tolerate supposed people on the right wringing their hands over Romney and the state of the campaign. I had to turn Laura Ingram off the other day and will never listen to her again. HEAR THAT LAURA LOST A LISTENER FOREVER.

If you don't want to vote out the SCOAMF with every fiber of your being you not only aren't a conservative you're a fucking clueless shitstain and we don't need you cluttering up the conversation.

Help us win or just go vote for Obama and hope the crash doesn't hit you in your fat latte drinking ass.

Posted by: Finn McCool at October 03, 2012 12:20 PM (R/8dI)

179 AllenG, 4:09 - Awesome. Also, I'd really like it if Romney would, at some point tonight, say this: "My policies will get us on the right track. And I'll make you this pledge: If they don't, you will not hear a word from me about all the problems he [inclines head toward president] left me. Because I know what our problems are, I want to make things better, and if I don't, you shouldn't reelect me."

Posted by: JPS at October 03, 2012 12:20 PM (y+gat)

180 But, eloquent and spot on Ace, nonetheless.

Posted by: Nick Shaw at October 03, 2012 12:21 PM (7NMb6)

181 Cavuto just mentioned...that the crowd tonight is 'forbidden' to clap, cheer or make noise, while the Debate is going on.

Yeah.
That'll work.

Posted by: wheatie at October 03, 2012 04:17 PM (l5RhJ)

-------------------------------------------------

Heh. Didn't they try that during one of the repub primary debates? No worky.

Posted by: Soona at October 03, 2012 12:21 PM (GkhJB)

182 Rock Knute?

Posted by: wierd flunky at October 03, 2012 12:22 PM (X+nFp)

183 176 The meme 'Romney is a robot' is a mob psychosis. Its been said so much that people who have never watched Romney will swear that he is uncharismatic and robot because they just know. Just like people swear that Obama is a great orator. Ridiculous. Truth in this. To have Romney declare that he believes he has a handicapped public persona only confirms the leftard spin. Then to say, "overlook how uncool I am because I'm so earnest?" Sounds weak.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows poor people don't know how to dress themselves at October 03, 2012 12:22 PM (AZGON)

184 I like the line, "If Obama couldn't handle the mess Bush left, how can he handle the mess we're in NOW?!"

Posted by: Tonic Dog at October 03, 2012 12:23 PM (X/+QT)

185 EDIT:

"Hello, and thank you for watching at home, and thanks to all those in attendance here in Denver.

"I've learned a lot in my last several years of campaigning. I've met a lot of my fellow Americans, and I've heard their concerns and their aspirations.

"I've also learned a little about myself. As many of you know -- and my Â… critics in the media are quick to tell you -- I'm not a Â… natural politician. It's Â… an odd talent to be able to walk into Â… circumstances -- like this one, standing at a podium, Â… being watched by 50 million Americans, and behave as if you're ... sitting around the kitchen table with your family, talking about things that matter.

"Now, I've thrown myself at a lot of challenges in my life. Â… I turned Bain Capital from a start-up into one of the most successful venture capital firms in the world. I walked into an area I had no previous experience in -- the Winter Olympics -- and turned a failing enterprise, riddled with corruption and debt, into something to be proud of.

"So what I'm going to do tonight is just tell you what I think the problems in America are. How I would fix them as president. How I think the man currently in office has gone wrong ... and made them worse.

"Â…I won't come off as a Television Star, Â… but I am a guy who's spent all of his life solving problems, and particularly problems with enterprises that Â… have gone badly off-track and are now close to bankruptcy.

"I'm sorry to say that 'off-track and close to bankruptcy' now describes the United States, the country that all of us love.

"So I hope you'll evaluate me based on my achievements and my plans -- and hopes -- for this country. Judge how much I care not by how much I say I care, but by how many Americans I can help get off of welfare and into good-paying jobs. Â…At the end of the day, this is America we are talking about here, not American Idol. Thank you for listening, and I hope I can win your vote."

Posted by: edj at October 03, 2012 12:23 PM (+QKfp)

186 I hate they do this on a College Campus

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 03, 2012 12:23 PM (j1gX1)

187 182 Rock Knute?

Posted by: wierd flunky at October 03, 2012 04:22 PM (X+nFp)

Yeah my brain got twisted. Common occurrence.

Posted by: polynikes at October 03, 2012 12:24 PM (m2CN7)

188 Everyone needs to watch for this. The SCOAMT bowing to the moderaters.

Posted by: Soona at October 03, 2012 12:24 PM (GkhJB)

189 I hate they do this on a College Campus It's for the free t-shirts. There's gonna be t-shirts, right?

Posted by: George Orwell what knows poor people don't know how to dress themselves at October 03, 2012 12:25 PM (AZGON)

190 Good thoughts Ace but not sure it's wise to apologize for your performance right off the bat. How about something like this:

"What you'll get with me is NOT the flashiest guy to occupy the White House. But you'll get a workhorse. Throughout my life, I've applied a good old fashioned work ethic to every challenge I've faced. And I have a record of turning lemons into lemonaid. I've done it in business by helping to turn around ailing companies. I did it as Governor of Massachusetts by reducing unemployment 4.7%. I did it for the Olympics when it was suffering from managerial neglect. And I am confident that I can now lead America back to prosperity and greatness."

He should reiterate this workhorse theme throughout the debate and draw a contrast to Barry the Celebrity President. He needs to be seen as the serious alternative, imho.

Posted by: TD at October 03, 2012 12:25 PM (DQMcq)

191 It sounds like an admission that you are nervous. The first rule of public speaking is to never admit you're terrified to be there.

I'd pull out a note card and read TFG's bitter clinger remarks:

You go into these small towns in Pennsylvania and, like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing's replaced them. And they fell through the Clinton administration, and the Bush administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate and they have not.

And it's not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy toward people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.

Then I'd lay into him for his divisive, elitist views.

I might also point out that TFG just visited the Boulder Dam and described it as beautiful. It is. And it would be impossible for America to build that dam today. The lawsuits alone would block it for 50 years.

Posted by: GnuBreed at October 03, 2012 12:25 PM (ccXZP)

192 The line I'd like to see him use tonight:

"Mr. Obama campaigned on the notion that he would lead a post-partisan Washington... that Democrats and Republicans would finally set partisanship aside under his leadership, and work together to come to a common understanding.

I've checked, and I have to congratulate him. I did find an example where both parties set aside their differences based on his input. When he submitted what he called a 'budget' this year, the Democratically-led Senate and the Republican-led House came together in perfect unity: Not a single person from EITHER party voted in favor of it. His 'leadership' resulted in every single vote in Congress being AGAINST what he proposed.

But I'm sure it's a fluke that no one in his own party was willing to vote for his budget. Oh wait... the Democratically-led Senate did the same thing last year, too.

This is Mr. Obama's idea of economic leadership? Proposing budgets that absolutely no one is willing to vote for?"

Posted by: VekTor at October 03, 2012 12:26 PM (N7DZ0)

193 I don't think he needs to belabor the point. He just needs to say, "I'll admit it: I'm not the guy with the hippest personality, but I get results. Do you want a president who can charm talk show hosts, or do you want a president who can reassure our allies under siege? Do you want a president whose only experience in job creation is increasing the size of government, or do you want a president who knows first-hand what it takes to create jobs in the private sector? Our country is in crisis. We are facing the worst economy since the Great Depression. Terrorists are attacking our embassies and murdering our citizens. Now is not the time for 'hip' and 'cool.' Now is the time for serious and effective leadership."

Just some thoughts from a middle class mom. If any Romney writers are reading this, feel free to use it.

Posted by: not the mama at October 03, 2012 12:26 PM (kzCIn)

194 Advice to Mitt?: Don't come out doing a robot dance, and then laugh hysterically, before looking serious.

Posted by: Craig Poe at October 03, 2012 12:26 PM (BVkEs)

195 FBI agents have still not been granted permission to visit the consulate building where the American ambassador to Libya was killed, three weeks after the attack by militants in the eastern city of Benghazi. An FBI team was dispatched to Libya within days of the attack, in which three other Americans died. But they have been forced to remain in Tripoli as American and Libyan officials argue over the terms under which the two sides will co-operate in the investigation. The consulate building itself and the accommodation annexe which also came under attack have been left largely unsecured. Â“We are getting ready for the FBI team to go to Benghazi and meet with our team, start joint investigationsÂ”, the deputy foreign minister, Mohammed Abdel Aziz, said on Tuesday. Might as well try to find out who killed OJ's wife?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 03, 2012 12:27 PM (j1gX1)

196 That line is a campaign cyanide capsule. Being somewhat persuasive is part of the job, and Romney is persuasive enough. Throwing himself on the floor and declaring "I'm a hopeless mess at this stuff!" would be as innacuarate as it is strategically blind.

I agree. It's conceding way too much to the false MSM narrative, that Romney is a totally unlikable unpersuasive gaffe machine. That's a lie; why act as if it's true? And besides, persuasion *is* an important part of the job of POTUS.

A dash of self-deprecation is good. And I get that here it's meant more as a knock on his opponent, and I like that idea. But too much self-deprecation, over the top self-deprecation sounds weak, insecure, too self-conscious. Apologizing to the audience for your performance, making excuses for your performance, before your performance, doesn't look good on a leader. It would make him look like he's too worried about how he "looks" instead of having his eye on the ball, the actual content of the debate, the issues at hand.

What you're trying to convey here could be captured in a casual line or two, and that would be great. But a long spiel like this is trying too hard. The politician doth protest too much.

Posted by: lael at October 03, 2012 12:27 PM (QSB5R)

197 Advice to Mitt?: Don't come out doing a robot dance, and then laugh hysterically, before looking serious. Forget it then. I ain't watching.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows poor people don't know how to dress themselves at October 03, 2012 12:27 PM (AZGON)

198 Recovery? Recovery!?

Jesus, if this guy owned a funeral parlor nobody would die!

Posted by: RR Romney at October 03, 2012 12:28 PM (AWmfW)

199 From Michelle Malkin, seems Obama's Twitter is following some pr0n.
http://twitchy.com/2012/10/03/barackobama-is-following-a-porn-feed/

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at October 03, 2012 12:28 PM (UYZgt)

200 Radish, the watch parties are being organized by OFA this year. I got a bunch of reminders in the Ames area.

Posted by: Jay in Ames at October 03, 2012 12:28 PM (i2Lsf)

201 Definite Headline Zinger: "According to your vice-president, the middle class is shovel-ready."

Posted by: Craig Poe at October 03, 2012 12:28 PM (BVkEs)

202 187 Yeah polynikes, I think I like Rock Knute better anyway.

Posted by: wierd flunky at October 03, 2012 12:29 PM (X+nFp)

203 How will Romney be racist tonight?

Will he be a racist by calling "Barack" by his first name, thus not giving him the respect he deserves?

Or will he be a racist by calling him "President Obama," thus characterizing him as a distant, "uppity negro"?

Tough choice, but the media is waiting to find out.

Posted by: edj at October 03, 2012 12:29 PM (+QKfp)

204 From Michelle Malkin, seems Obama's Twitter is following some pr0n. Gonna have to reconsider my vote.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows poor people don't know how to dress themselves at October 03, 2012 12:29 PM (AZGON)

205 Advice to Mitt: Don't constantly stare and drool over the nice tits you see sitting on the first row.

Posted by: Soona at October 03, 2012 12:30 PM (GkhJB)

206 Fucking autocorrect

Too short Truman but I like it.

Posted by: DaveA at October 03, 2012 12:30 PM (wcjj2)

207 @201 That's actually very good.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows poor people don't know how to dress themselves at October 03, 2012 12:31 PM (AZGON)

208 Last surviving Navy doctor on Omaha Beach dies The Associated Press Posted : Wednesday Oct 3, 2012 15:25:56 EDT GREENSBORO, Ga. Â— The last surviving Navy doctor who landed on Omaha Beach at Normandy during the D-Day Invasion of World War II has died, according to a funeral director and a researcher. Dr. Joseph Lee Parker Jr., of the northeast Georgia town of Greensboro, died Sept. 27 at St. MaryÂ’s Good Samaritan Hospital in Greensboro. He was 95. Kenneth Davey, who has done extensive research of military records associated with the Allied invasion, said the Waycross native was the last surviving Navy physician on Omaha Beach. Davey said Parker was a member of the 6th Naval Beach Battalion. ParkerÂ’s obituary from McCommons Funeral Home states that he treated the wounded, including Allied and German troops, for 21 days on the beach. Services were held Sunday in Greensboro.

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 03, 2012 12:32 PM (j1gX1)

209 Barry Soetoro: Why'd you leave? Why'd you walk away like that? Axelrod: Life's too short, kid. Barry Soetoro: Where you goin? Axelrod: Im goin on a permanent vacation. Barry Soetoro: What are you talkin about? We got another debate. Axelrod: No, no, not me, you. Barry Soetoro: Why you doin this? [Axelrod doesnt answer] I said why you doin this? Axelrod: Because you can't win, Barack! This guy'll kill you to death inside of three questions! Barry Soetoro: You're crazy! Axelrod: What else is new? Barry Soetoro: He's just another politician! Axelrod: No he ain't just another politician. This guy is a wrecking machine and he's hungry! Hell, you ain't been hungry since you won that State Senate seat! Barry Soetoro: Aw, what are you talking about I've had 3 more campaigns? Axelrod: That was easy! Barry Soetoro: What do you mean easy? Axelrod: They was hand picked! Barry Soetoro: Set ups? Axelrod: Nah they wasnt set ups! They was good politicians but they wasnt killers like this guy. He'll knock you to tomorrow, Barack! Barry Soetoro: Jeez, Dave. Why'd you do it? Axelrod: Because the beating that you got from Bobby Rush shouldve killed you, kid. It didnt. It was my job to keep you winning and to keep you healthy. Barry Soetoro: You really don't think I got nothing left do you? Axelrod: Well, Barack, let's put it this way. Now, three years ago you was supernatural. You was hard and you was nasty and you had media on your side but then the worst thing happened to you, that could happen to any politician. You got responsibility. But dont worry kid. You know, horses retire, Man-o-war retired. They put him out to stud. Thats what you should've done, retired. Barry Soetoro: I can't retire knowing all this, Dave.

Posted by: Mitt Rombley at October 03, 2012 12:32 PM (QupBk)

210 From Michelle Malkin, seems Obama's Twitter is following some pr0n. MINORITIES ALL GIT Â‘BAMA TITS!

Posted by: George Orwell what knows poor people don't know how to dress themselves at October 03, 2012 12:33 PM (AZGON)

211 42 Optimizer-- I love that theme too. That, and: "This may be the best Obama can do, but it's not the best America can do." And: "When, as a nation, did we decide to settle for a diminished future?" 155 Romney's going to have an easy time because TFG can't lie his ass off about how conservatively he's going to govern this time. Also, the easiest zing is this, "oh you promise to do whatever in your next term, then why have you waited so long to do it?" Ace that line up there is the zinger we have been waiting for. And the second post is the closer

Posted by: Sunny at October 03, 2012 12:33 PM (yeX72)

212 no applause or whatever allowed? So, does this mean that they're not going to let Code Pink crash the party?

Posted by: joeindc44 found the last comment to be vile, particularly vile at October 03, 2012 12:33 PM (QxSug)

213 I actually LIKE Romney's personality. He has a pleasant baritone voice which has a lot of warmth in it. Go listen to some of his ads and speeches.

He's not a hipster, he's a 65-year old grandfather who looks great for his age. I sort of like his goofy "gee whiz" way of expressing himself, like it's 1959. And I find it charming that he likes what Paul Ryan called "elevator music."

I like that he's generous with his time and money and does not put his wife down in public. I like how he is HUMBLE, something which Barack Obama cannot comprehend.

And more important, he sounds and looks like he knows what he's doing.

Posted by: Miss Marple at October 03, 2012 12:34 PM (GoIUi)

214 http://tinyurl.com/96l4o5x Obama Hoping Jim Lehrer Doesn't Bring Up U.S. Economy HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Posted by: Evilpens at October 03, 2012 12:34 PM (ck76k)

215 Ashton Kutcher just got swatted: http://www.tmz.com/2012/10/03/ashton-kutcher-home-invasion-swatting-prank/

Posted by: jille at October 03, 2012 12:36 PM (dOFfJ)

216 207 @201

That's actually very good.

Thank you sir.

Posted by: Craig Poe at October 03, 2012 12:36 PM (BVkEs)

217 Miss Marple @213, I agree.

Posted by: lael at October 03, 2012 12:36 PM (QSB5R)

218 How about

"Who has two thumbs and actually cares about this country?"

Posted by: Bruce at October 03, 2012 12:38 PM (JI+T4)

219 174 Mr. Obama, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no credit, and may God have mercy on your soul. Posted by: RR Romney at October 03, 2012 04:19 PM (AWmfW) Lol.

Posted by: Sunny at October 03, 2012 12:39 PM (yeX72)

220 I'm Mitt Romney and I don't drink beer. I do, however, fix shit that pretty much nobody else can and make people very wealthy. If you want someone to have a beer with, pick Dumbo. But make sure he's buying because most of you are broke. If you like prosperity and would like to be able to buy your own beer, I'm your Huckleberry. Good night and God Bless America.

Posted by: JackStraw at October 03, 2012 12:40 PM (2EOKC)

221 213. Concur- I hope he doesn't try to reinvent himself tonight.

Posted by: jjshaka at October 03, 2012 12:40 PM (Wx+us)

222 Personally, I like it but it comes off a little like that kid running for Student Body President and opens with, "This race is not a popularity contest..."

Posted by: Beanerschnitzel at October 03, 2012 12:41 PM (8d63Z)

223 I'm just hoping the Mitt v6.01beta firmware is everything I heard that it is.

Posted by: toby928© for TB at October 03, 2012 12:42 PM (QupBk)

224 Mitt is Ossum!

Posted by: Blackface Portman at October 03, 2012 12:48 PM (2ZE+B)

225 you will not hear a word from me about all the problems he [inclines head toward president] left me. This ^ 1000. I'm so sick of the word 'inherited.' How this country can accept the constant blame-dodging SCOAMF is beyond me. Patton would be ashamed.

Posted by: Schwalbe: The Me-262© at October 03, 2012 12:50 PM (UU0OF)

226 I think Romney's only hope to break out from the he's too rich, white, competent, and robotic but really too white to connect with voters issue being pushed by brain dead lefties to go full Poochy. http://youtu.be/8wZzoeI1pKE

Posted by: joeindc44 found the last comment to be vile, particularly vile at October 03, 2012 12:53 PM (QxSug)

227 not the other planet part but being all highly test marketed bad boy vibing and shit.

Posted by: joeindc44 found the last comment to be vile, particularly vile at October 03, 2012 12:54 PM (QxSug)

228 The good news for Romney in this debate is that polls are showing that a much greater % of people expect Obama to win the debate. That means expectations are low for Romney and he has a lot to gain, while Obama has nothing to gain and everything to lose.

Posted by: Colonel Pooteh at October 03, 2012 12:57 PM (FM+HG)

229 Any live blog tonight? I'm going to need me some "Moron Snark" for me to stomach hearing Comrade Obama's droning.

Posted by: GenghisJohn at October 03, 2012 12:57 PM (npX7n)

230 Any live blog tonight?

Man, I hope so.

Posted by: Colonel Pooteh at October 03, 2012 01:04 PM (FM+HG)

231 Seven years of college down the f***ing drain.

Fat, drunk and celibate is no way to go through life, son...

Posted by: Dean Wormer at October 03, 2012 01:06 PM (PMGbu)

232 Meh.

Dont care for it much. Its too self deprecating.

What I would do if I were Mitt is walk over to shake his hand, sucker punch obama and lay his lying ass out on the floor.

Then I would proceed with a series of kicks to the head with statements:

(Kick to the head) This is for bowing to foreign dictators...
(Kick to the head) This is for tanking the economy and giving our kids a massive debt burden...
(Kick to the head) This is for destroying what little respect we had left in the world...
(Kick to the Head) This is for turning this country into a divided nation with your race baiting...
(Kick to the groin) This is for our dead ambassador and Navy Seals

Then I would pull out my dick and piss on him and say
And This is for having no respect for our constitution and the American Way, tell your buddy Bill Ayers I am coming to chicago for him later..

I would finish with one good American History X style Curb Stomp to the head and say:
And thats for all the lies and failures you Stuttering Clusterfuck of a Miserable lying Failure.

And then i would return to the podium and turn to the cocksucking media moderators and say:

I am ready for the first question from the Obama cocksucking Media sycophants, who wants to go first?

Posted by: jeremiah Gosh Darn Amerikkka wright at October 03, 2012 01:07 PM (ovpNn)

233 LET'S SEE SOME FUCKING MURDER!!

Posted by: skinnydipinacid at October 03, 2012 01:14 PM (dt2qx)

234 Is Ace the Jon Cryer character on 2 1/2 men incarnate? First instinct seems to be retreat. I disagree with the post.

Posted by: nip at October 03, 2012 01:21 PM (11Tdq)

235 I hope all believers who care about the future of this country will pray for Romney. He needs our support, and our country needs to be rid of the blight that is Obama.

Posted by: Observer at October 03, 2012 01:31 PM (/sohm)

236 Oh, don't be too hard on yourself about the 7 years, Ace. I mean, it could have been 15 years, amirite?

Posted by: Andy at October 03, 2012 01:33 PM (iTwmT)

237 By the way, I agree with skinnydipinacid #234. I wanna see Romney just mop the floor with Obama tonight. Not so much the skinny dipping in acid, I'll let him (or her?) go first.

Posted by: Andy at October 03, 2012 01:34 PM (iTwmT)

238

Romney should give Obama the ole stink-eye and ask him: "Son, you're probably wondering - is he 5 times or 6 times as smart as I am. Heck, I sort of forgot myself. So, you feeling lucky, punk? Well, are you?"

And after he finishes mopping teh floor with Obama's flaccid corpse, Romney should look the audience in the eye and ask: "So how many of you want to blow me right here and now?"

Then out of decency they could cut away to live video of the bodies splattering on the sidewalk in front of the MSNBC building.

Now THAT would be a fucking debate!

Posted by: sherlock at October 03, 2012 01:34 PM (JYBAr)

239 How about opening with "My name is Willard Romney. I'm rich, I am a born member of a creepy cultlike church with racist roots, and I am attempting to unseat the first black President of the United States because I cannot stand to see an African-American man of multiracial wisdom in the so-called 'White' House."

THAT WOULD BE ACCURATE, YOU HATERS!

Posted by: Mary Cloggenstein from Brattleboro, VT at October 03, 2012 01:36 PM (wyUSq)

240 I want a repeat of the GOP Florida debate where he firmly and with a smile smacked the shit out of the others - here it would be O. I hope he doesn't try any gimmicks (zingers, facial expressions, etc) as they usually backfire. Just show up and mnake it clear the adults are here to fix the mess Barry made

Posted by: NoBama12 at October 03, 2012 01:37 PM (ykY2u)

241 It's a lectern, not a podium.

Posted by: TH at October 03, 2012 01:40 PM (lshDc)

242 Your speech is racist, Ace. Why mention American Idol? Because Obama is black? This is racism straight up.

Posted by: Daryl Herbert at October 03, 2012 03:05 PM (CREnC)

243 I'm looking forward to seeing Romney speak tonight. I hope for a substantive debate, not platitudes and pre-packaged campaign prose. Hopefully no gaffes on either side that will distract from the content. When does this thing start?

Posted by: Jordan at October 03, 2012 03:12 PM (RSG1I)

244 This would be fantastic. And it's exactly what I was hoping he'd do at the Republican convention.

Posted by: Book at October 03, 2012 03:40 PM (CaeOR)

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