July 19, 2012
— Gabriel Malor Inevitable, wasn't it? First you put Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy up against zombies. Then you start to think wouldn't it sell more books if they just boned a lot?
Clandestine Classics is making all the implied sex in such classics as Jane Eyre, Pride & Prejudice and, yes, Sherlock Holmes explicit.The publisher touts: “The old-fashioned pleasantries and timidity have all been stripped away, quite literally. You didn’t really think that these much-loved characters only held hands and pecked cheeks, did you? Come with us as we embark on a breathtaking experience — behind the closed bedroom doors of our favorite, most-beloved British characters. Learn what Sherlock really thought of Watson, what Mr. Darcy really wanted to do to Miss Elizabeth Bennet, and unveil the sexy escapades of Mr. Rochester and Jane Eyre. We’ll show you the scenes that you always wanted to see but were never allowed.”
The company is releasing reworked versions of five classic novels as ebooks on July 30: Pride & Prejudice, Jane Eyre, Sherlock Holmes: A Study in Scarlet, Northanger Abbey and 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (who knew that needed to be sexed up?).
Honestly, that's what Kindle is good for. You can read all the trash you want, pretty much wherever you want, and nobody will ever know. And, yes, I'm guilty too.
Posted by: Gabriel Malor at
07:35 AM
| Comments (349)
Post contains 233 words, total size 2 kb.
Posted by: lorien1973 at July 19, 2012 07:38 AM (0tkqC)
So this is the literary equivalent of porn films that parody hit movie titles?
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at July 19, 2012 07:38 AM (4df7R)
Tentacles!
When are they going to hit all the implied sex in Shadow Over Innsmouth?
Posted by: Silky Pony at July 19, 2012 07:39 AM (0q2P7)
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 07:40 AM (hbrUV)
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 07:41 AM (hbrUV)
Posted by: MikeTheMoose Lite! 98% Anger Free! at July 19, 2012 07:42 AM (0q2P7)
Forget that. Professor Dyer can make his tongue sing "tekeli-li"
Posted by: grognard at July 19, 2012 07:42 AM (NS2Mo)
Posted by: SFGoth at July 19, 2012 07:42 AM (dZ756)
Posted by: grognard at July 19, 2012 07:43 AM (NS2Mo)
Posted by: Charles Dick-Ins at July 19, 2012 07:44 AM (54vf8)
Posted by: SpongeBob Saget at July 19, 2012 07:44 AM (SDkq3)
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 07:44 AM (hbrUV)
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at July 19, 2012 07:44 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 07:45 AM (hbrUV)
Posted by: WalrusRex at July 19, 2012 07:45 AM (Hx5uv)
Posted by: polynikes at July 19, 2012 07:46 AM (x1L8S)
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 07:46 AM (hbrUV)
Maybe, but who's going to shoot (or watch) an 84 hour long porno flick?
Posted by: Hollowpoint at July 19, 2012 07:46 AM (SY2Kh)
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 11:45 AM (hbrUV)
You know what's sad? A lot of schoolkids today have no idea that what they're reading in the Canterbury Tales is FULL of sex and violence, because they have no frigging idea what words mean. To them, your comment would be, "Yeah? Cool."
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at July 19, 2012 07:47 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: MikeTheMoose Lite! 98% Anger Free! at July 19, 2012 07:47 AM (0q2P7)
Sad isn't it?
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 07:48 AM (hbrUV)
Posted by: Mark Twain at July 19, 2012 07:48 AM (tqqhi)
Posted by: Thomas Pynch-Ass at July 19, 2012 07:48 AM (54vf8)
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at July 19, 2012 07:48 AM (8y9MW)
Maybe, but who's going to shoot (or watch) an 84 hour long porno flick?
If Milady deWinter = Rebecca DeMornay in her prime, then sign me up.
Posted by: grognard at July 19, 2012 07:48 AM (NS2Mo)
Posted by: Captain Ahab at July 19, 2012 07:49 AM (SDkq3)
Posted by: Chicago Voter at July 19, 2012 07:49 AM (qZb8X)
Posted by: soothsayer at July 19, 2012 07:49 AM (+wb5e)
Posted by: WalrusRex at July 19, 2012 07:49 AM (Hx5uv)
Posted by: Captain Ahab at July 19, 2012 11:49 AM (SDkq3)
Holy shit, I LOLed.
Posted by: grognard at July 19, 2012 07:50 AM (NS2Mo)
Honestly, that's what Kindle is good for. You can read all the trash you want, pretty much wherever you want, and nobody will ever know.
---------
However, it's hard to be discreet when your Kindle spontaneously combusts.
Not that I would know. That's what they tell me. You know, those guys.
Posted by: Anachronda at July 19, 2012 07:50 AM (NmR1a)
I'll nominate And Then There Were None (or Ten Little Indians if you want to be un-PC; Ten Little Ni***rs if you want to go for the incredibly un-PC original title) for the sexification treatment. A bunch of people trapped on an island, being killed off one by one in diabolical ways... Oh, and they're all uptight and British. That's just BEGGING for alleviation of sexual tension.
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at July 19, 2012 07:50 AM (4df7R)
"Good Lord, Captain Nemo! A gigantic squid has attached itself to the Nautilus! And it's...it's...say, what is it doing?"
"............."
"Captain? I asked, what is it...oh. Oh. Ooooh."
Posted by: Family Jewels Verne at July 19, 2012 07:50 AM (0pNdu)
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 07:50 AM (hbrUV)
Posted by: reason at July 19, 2012 07:50 AM (kZVsz)
Posted by: Vic at July 19, 2012 07:50 AM (YdQQY)
Posted by: Hermangina Melville at July 19, 2012 07:51 AM (54vf8)
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at July 19, 2012 07:51 AM (4df7R)
Sad isn't it?
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 11:48 AM (hbrUV)
Sad indeed. *SIGH*
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at July 19, 2012 07:52 AM (4df7R)
Maybe, but who's going to shoot (or watch) an 84 hour long porno flick?
Posted by: Hollowpoint at July 19, 2012 11:46 AM (SY2Kh)
They're trying to corner the market on fast-forward-button repair.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at July 19, 2012 07:53 AM (TIIx5)
Posted by: reason at July 19, 2012 07:53 AM (kZVsz)
Posted by: Family Jewels Verne at July 19, 2012 07:53 AM (0pNdu)
Posted by: Chicago Voter at July 19, 2012 07:53 AM (qZb8X)
Posted by: garrett at July 19, 2012 11:53 AM (tqqhi)
...I don't know if the double entendre there was intentional or just fortuitous.
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at July 19, 2012 07:54 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: Lemmenkainen at July 19, 2012 07:54 AM (ZWvOb)
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (who knew that needed to be sexed up?).
It's for the Japanese market.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at July 19, 2012 07:54 AM (TIIx5)
Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at July 19, 2012 07:55 AM (f9c2L)
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at July 19, 2012 07:55 AM (4df7R)
quoi quoi au le cul
Posted by: Emma Bovary realizing the marquis is misdirected at July 19, 2012 07:55 AM (jm/9g)
Posted by: Nevergiveup at July 19, 2012 07:55 AM (05RcU)
Posted by: Otis Criblecoblis at July 19, 2012 07:56 AM (IlZPo)
http://tinyurl.com/7umsc9l
Posted by: SpongeBob Saget at July 19, 2012 07:56 AM (SDkq3)
Posted by: Waterhouse at July 19, 2012 07:56 AM (j071L)
Posted by: Tiberius Kirk at July 19, 2012 07:56 AM (/ZZCn)
Sherlock Holmes will never be better than it is right now, with Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law.
They have raised the bar, and it can never be lowered.
Posted by: reason at July 19, 2012 07:57 AM (kZVsz)
I remember cracking up in 7th grade when I hit that line.
I'm still laughing at 'Man-Stopper' from the Bond Thread the other day.
Posted by: garrett at July 19, 2012 07:57 AM (tqqhi)
Posted by: Dr. Mr. Badman at July 19, 2012 07:57 AM (D8pR3)
Having Holmes analytically describe what Watson and Hudson should be doing to each other fills the bill.
Posted by: John P. Squibob at July 19, 2012 07:57 AM (kqqGm)
Posted by: SpongeBob Saget at July 19, 2012 07:58 AM (SDkq3)
Posted by: Truman North, iPhone snob at July 19, 2012 07:58 AM (I2LwF)
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 07:58 AM (hbrUV)
Posted by: Pip at July 19, 2012 07:59 AM (+yL85)
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at July 19, 2012 07:59 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: Ian S. at July 19, 2012 07:59 AM (tqwMN)
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 07:59 AM (hbrUV)
Posted by: Chicago Voter at July 19, 2012 08:00 AM (qZb8X)
Posted by: Pip at July 19, 2012 11:59 AM (+yL85)
Dear Lord, not on the cake!
Posted by: grognard at July 19, 2012 08:00 AM (NS2Mo)
Posted by: Sherlock "Bell" Holmes at July 19, 2012 08:00 AM (136wp)
Posted by: Dr. Mr. Badman at July 19, 2012 08:00 AM (D8pR3)
Posted by: Pip at July 19, 2012 11:59 AM (+yL85)
Would you like me to seduce you? Is that what you're trying to tell me?
Posted by: Miss Havisham at July 19, 2012 08:01 AM (4df7R)
The best part was lending the Kindle to my wife for a business trip, and listening to her complain!
The hack trashed the software eventually, and I had to reload everything, but it was worth it!
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo (NJConservative) at July 19, 2012 08:01 AM (nEUpB)
Posted by: WalrusRex at July 19, 2012 08:01 AM (Hx5uv)
Posted by: Abel Magwitch at July 19, 2012 08:01 AM (/ZZCn)
Posted by: toby928© at July 19, 2012 08:02 AM (QupBk)
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 08:02 AM (hbrUV)
Posted by: Pious Agnostic at July 19, 2012 08:02 AM (PiESu)
I thought Mr Hyde finished all the Doc's hand jobs or DINSWYDT.
Posted by: DaveA at July 19, 2012 08:02 AM (yVsIQ)
Posted by: WalrusRex at July 19, 2012 08:03 AM (Hx5uv)
Posted by: WalrusRex at July 19, 2012 12:01 PM (Hx5uv)
The ONLY thing I hope for is that they DON'T mess with things like Alice or Peter Pan, because UGH. Child porn anyone?
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at July 19, 2012 08:03 AM (4df7R)
I thought Mr Hyde finished all the Doc's hand jobs or DINSWYDT.
I heard it gave him hairy palms.
Posted by: grognard at July 19, 2012 08:03 AM (NS2Mo)
Posted by: Chicago Voter at July 19, 2012 08:04 AM (qZb8X)
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 12:02 PM (hbrUV)
Eris was a complete bitch, but she WAS Discord, so I guess we can't blame her. Now Hera and Athena, on the other hand, should have known better than to squabble with a bubblehead like Aphrodite over who was prettiest. Just tell her SHE'S the prettiest and make exagerrated jerk-off motions behind her back everytime she giggles.
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at July 19, 2012 08:05 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: Hollowpoint at July 19, 2012 08:05 AM (SY2Kh)
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at July 19, 2012 08:06 AM (oZdGp)
They have raised the bar, and it can never be lowered.
* * *
ahem
Posted by: corpses of Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce at July 19, 2012 08:06 AM (mV5Rx)
Posted by: Hollowpoint at July 19, 2012 12:05 PM (SY2Kh)
Laughing. So. Hard. Can't. Breathe...!
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at July 19, 2012 08:06 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: Matt Yglesias at July 19, 2012 08:06 AM (Kr9yc)
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 08:07 AM (hbrUV)
I feel so much better knowing people agree with me about that.
Frankly, I've never successfully finished any of Jules Vern's books. They read like a science text book for the first 200 pages. By the time you get to any good parts (assuming there are any, I never got that far) you've fallen into a coma.
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at July 19, 2012 08:08 AM (8y9MW)
Posted by: Dr. Mr. Badman at July 19, 2012 11:57 AM (D8pR3)
I'm pretty sure that version was already filmed. You can find it in Michael Jackson's private collection.
Posted by: Hollowpoint at July 19, 2012 08:08 AM (SY2Kh)
Posted by: H.G. Wells, as intended at July 19, 2012 08:09 AM (+yL85)
Olympus Uncensored coming to a theatre near you. For those who miss American Pie.
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 12:07 PM (hbrUV)
*cackle!*
It really WOULD make a perfect raunchy comedy/porn film, wouldn't it? I'm kind of surprised the Japanese haven't already made a manga of it.
...They haven't have they? Oh God, I bet they have.
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at July 19, 2012 08:09 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 08:09 AM (hbrUV)
Posted by: Cricket at July 19, 2012 08:10 AM (DrC22)
Posted by: Ed Wood vs Godzilla at July 19, 2012 08:10 AM (/w0Ry)
Great. Now they're publishing 'slash' fan fiction, written by people who need to expropriate other writer's characters just to get anyone to pay attention to their dreck, even despite being the obviously crowd-pleasing, lowest common denominator aimed, sex dreck.
Way to go, culture.
Posted by: entropy at July 19, 2012 08:10 AM (TULs6)
Posted by: Fred Willard at July 19, 2012 08:10 AM (5H6zj)
Posted by: mugiwara at July 19, 2012 08:11 AM (vbo/N)
@120 - what if they're all mermaids?
The Darryl Hannah type. Not the Discovery Channel type.
BAZINGA!
Posted by: reason at July 19, 2012 08:11 AM (F26eZ)
****
No. Just no.
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at July 19, 2012 08:11 AM (piMMO)
Posted by: WalrusRex at July 19, 2012 08:11 AM (Hx5uv)
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 08:11 AM (hbrUV)
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at July 19, 2012 08:11 AM (8y9MW)
Posted by: The Huggable Robot Devil at July 19, 2012 08:12 AM (136wp)
Posted by: logprof at July 19, 2012 08:13 AM (8Uija)
Posted by: Gran at July 19, 2012 08:13 AM (p8FXV)
"...They haven't have they? Oh God, I bet they have. "
When it comes to Japanese anime, only one rule applies.
Take the date you first thought of "TOPIC."
Subtract five years from that date.
That was when they first made an anime depicting "TOPIC."
Posted by: reason at July 19, 2012 08:13 AM (F26eZ)
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at July 19, 2012 12:06 PM (oZdGp)
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at July 19, 2012 12:08 PM (8y9MW)
Oh thank God, I'm not alone!
I've always meant to investigate if Verne was one of those authors who, like Dickens, was paid by the word. If he wasn't then he was the most masochistic (or rather, sadistic) author of the 19th century.
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at July 19, 2012 08:13 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: Hrothgar (CJSC Designated Serf) at July 19, 2012 08:14 AM (Cnqmv)
>>Honestly, that's what Kindle is good for. You can read all the trash you want, pretty much wherever you want, and nobody will ever know.<<
And God knows this qualifies as trash.
Next stop: leave out all the rest of the plot, and just cut to the banging. It's literature!
Posted by: Jay Guevara at July 19, 2012 08:15 AM (nIVac)
Posted by: Mary Shelly, blushing and giggling at July 19, 2012 08:15 AM (mV5Rx)
Take the date you first thought of "TOPIC."
Subtract five years from that date.
That was when they first made an anime depicting "TOPIC."
Posted by: reason at July 19, 2012 12:13 PM (F26eZ)
*weeping* It's so true.
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at July 19, 2012 08:15 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: Y-not at July 19, 2012 08:15 AM (5H6zj)
Posted by: joncelli, heartless Con and all around unpleasant guy at July 19, 2012 08:15 AM (RD7QR)
It is not safe for work. You have been warned.
http://youtu.be/Sljsfkuojns
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 08:15 AM (hbrUV)
Posted by: willow at July 19, 2012 08:15 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: taylork at July 19, 2012 08:15 AM (ppNDn)
Posted by: jewells45 at July 19, 2012 08:16 AM (l/N7H)
Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at July 19, 2012 08:16 AM (Kr9yc)
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at July 19, 2012 08:16 AM (4df7R)
"Beuford, must you really, right now !"
"well yes , you must help me with my throbbing member post haste?"
Posted by: willow at July 19, 2012 08:17 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: The Huggable Robot Devil at July 19, 2012 08:17 AM (136wp)
Posted by: ChampionCapua at July 19, 2012 08:17 AM (KZi9D)
On a serious critical note, an interesting relationship is the one between Charles Ryder and Sebastian Flyte in Brideshead Revisited. Are they ghey for each other? Just bromosexual platonic best friends? Waugh quite deliberately makes it vague and open to interpretation, and even the TV miniseries adheres to the ambiguity.
Posted by: logprof at July 19, 2012 08:18 AM (8Uija)
Posted by: WalrusRex at July 19, 2012 08:18 AM (Hx5uv)
Posted by: phoenixgirl at work, team dagny at July 19, 2012 08:18 AM (NZF8l)
anyway, Can't they write their own histroical novels , than ruin those already written.
clinging to my old ideas!
Posted by: willow at July 19, 2012 08:18 AM (TomZ9)
He carries her up the stairs romantically in both arms, not over the shoulder paddling her ass all the way up the stairs. What movie did you see?
Posted by: Paladin at July 19, 2012 08:19 AM (lP8dE)
Right. And the "they" you're talking about is called "Hollywood".
Posted by: Hollowpoint at July 19, 2012 08:19 AM (SY2Kh)
Posted by: willow at July 19, 2012 08:19 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: Lovin' the irony at July 19, 2012 08:20 AM (mV5Rx)
Posted by: phoenixgirl at work, team dagny at July 19, 2012 08:20 AM (NZF8l)
Hah! I'm rereading Moby Dick. If that wasn't a contract work with a bonus for extra words, then Melville's editor was a lunatic.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo (NJConservative) at July 19, 2012 08:20 AM (nEUpB)
>>No one would have believed, in the early years of the twenty-first century, that human affairs were being watched keenly and closely by intelligences greater than man's (yes!) and yet as mortal as his own; that as men busied themselves about their affairs they were scrutinized and studied, perhaps almost as narrowly as a man with a microscope might scrutinize the transient creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. Yet, across the gulf of space, minds that are to our minds as ours are to those of the beasts that perish, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic, regarded this earth with disgust, and slowly and surely extended a twitching index finger toward the red button that would excise this galactic embarrassment.
Posted by: Jay Guevara at July 19, 2012 08:20 AM (nIVac)
Posted by: TheQuietMan at July 19, 2012 08:21 AM (1Jaio)
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at July 19, 2012 08:21 AM (oZdGp)
>>However, I do not know what would be worse. Winnie the Pooh - sex or Winnie the Pooh - environmental warrior.<<
Winnie the Pooh - forest organizer.
Posted by: Jay Guevara at July 19, 2012 08:22 AM (nIVac)
Posted by: toby928© at July 19, 2012 08:22 AM (QupBk)
In our take on Pinnochio, we have the denziens of dancing marionettes BEGGING him to "whisper sweet nothings..."
Posted by: Clandestine Classics at July 19, 2012 08:22 AM (F26eZ)
Posted by: Time Travelling Flaneur at July 19, 2012 08:22 AM (ay6+/)
Posted by: Irene Adler at July 19, 2012 08:23 AM (GBXon)
Posted by: Lord Alfred Douglas at July 19, 2012 08:23 AM (136wp)
Posted by: Hollowpoint at July 19, 2012 08:23 AM (SY2Kh)
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo (NJConservative) at July 19, 2012 12:20 PM (nEUpB)
Which is exactly why Dostoevsky, compulsive gambler, wrote everything to be 800 pages long, minimum. About 1/2 of The Brothers Karamazov (or The Brothers Carry Moss Off, to stay with the theme) could have hit the cutting floor without any loss of meaning.
Posted by: joncelli, heartless Con and all around unpleasant guy at July 19, 2012 08:24 AM (RD7QR)
Posted by: someone who watched too many cartoons as a kid at July 19, 2012 08:24 AM (F26eZ)
Posted by: phoenixgirl at work, team dagny at July 19, 2012 08:24 AM (NZF8l)
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 08:24 AM (hbrUV)
Posted by: gwelf at July 19, 2012 08:24 AM (nyxv/)
High Ho doesn't mean what you think it means!
Posted by: Hrothgar (CJSC Designated Serf) at July 19, 2012 08:25 AM (Cnqmv)
Posted by: Chicago Voter at July 19, 2012 08:25 AM (qZb8X)
Posted by: Brother Cavil presents "Whore and Peace" at July 19, 2012 08:25 AM (GBXon)
Matthews, a Republican who served as a county commissioner from 2000 to 2012, was also placed on probation and ordered to pay court costs and make a mandatory donation to an area charity.
A grand jury spent 18 months investigating allegations Matthews used campaign contributions to pay for personal expenses, steered county contracts to friends and conducted county business in secrecy. Matthews was arrested in December 2011, but the most serious charges against him were dismissed last year by a judge.
Chester County Senior Judge Ronald C. Nagle granted a motion Tuesday that places Matthews on probation for one year and enrolls him into the ARD program. Matthews was also ordered to pay costs of prosecution and make a $12,000 donation to the Freedoms Foundation of Valley Forge, a nonprofit corporation aimed at helping students gain a greater appreciation of the principles of a free and democratic society.
Assuming he complies with all the conditions of the order, including successfully completing the terms of the Montgomery CountyÂ’s Accelerated Rehabilitative Disposition program, MatthewsÂ’ record will be expunged after one year, according to Judge Nagle, who was brought in to preside over the case to avoid any conflict with judges presiding in Montgomery County.
Matthews, 62, a one-time rising star in county and state politics, is the brother of Chris Matthews, host of “Hardball” on MSNBC.
Posted by: Madcow at July 19, 2012 08:25 AM (e8kgV)
*cue suspenseful music* The Amazon Knows.
Remember the heartache over the Patriot Act letting the government snoop through your library records? Did they ever expand that to cover your Amazon Kindle purchases?
Posted by: Retread at July 19, 2012 08:25 AM (I2fq9)
Posted by: phoenixgirl at work, team dagny at July 19, 2012 08:25 AM (NZF8l)
Posted by: willow at July 19, 2012 08:26 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: Lurk Ness Monster at July 19, 2012 08:26 AM (owtTW)
Posted by: phoenixgirl at work, team dagny at July 19, 2012 08:26 AM (NZF8l)
Catch-69.
Call of the Wild Side
The Pitcher and Catcher in the Rye
A Windward Passage to India
Lord of the Open Flies
Animal Farm: Enumclaw
Posted by: Jay Guevara at July 19, 2012 08:27 AM (nIVac)
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 08:27 AM (hbrUV)
Posted by: George Oral at July 19, 2012 08:27 AM (54vf8)
Posted by: The Huggable Robot Devil at July 19, 2012 08:28 AM (136wp)
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at July 19, 2012 08:28 AM (8y9MW)
phoenix, i do remember it being brought up.
i wish i remembered the context.
he is hillarious he either causes a gasp of pain , or choking laughter.
Posted by: willow at July 19, 2012 08:28 AM (TomZ9)
Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at July 19, 2012 08:29 AM (Kr9yc)
Posted by: WalrusRex at July 19, 2012 08:30 AM (Hx5uv)
he either causes a gasp of pain , or choking laughter.<<<<
Can't we do both?
***wets eyebrow with tip of tongue****
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at July 19, 2012 08:31 AM (oZdGp)
Posted by: The Huggable Robot Devil at July 19, 2012 08:31 AM (136wp)
The butthurt makes me crave their milkshakes. That's gotta be the best free advertising ever.
Posted by: HeatherRadish™ at July 19, 2012 08:31 AM (ZKzrr)
I use hotmail, when I log out I get their faux news of the left everyday its about celebreity BS news of (drug dealing/fight starting etc) "saint skittles" or some fake romney outrage of the day on their MSN page, but during the email page they have been running constant pictures of Michelle O asking "Are you in?"
My shadenfreude each days is choosing which insult to choose when I click their ad feedback button.
-seems broken or isnt working as expected
-seems misleading/untrustworthy
-image is offensive or ugly (knowing this plays into the lefts racist martyr complex I dont choose this one)
Posted by: Shiggz RocketSurgeon at July 19, 2012 08:31 AM (RfvTE)
I find the mainstreaming of fanfic to be totally hilarious.
Posted by: alexthechick SMOD. Our only hope. at July 19, 2012 08:32 AM (VtjlW)
They were gonna start with Brave New World, but really...where can you go with that one...?
Posted by: reason at July 19, 2012 08:32 AM (F26eZ)
Posted by: SpongeBob Saget at July 19, 2012 08:32 AM (SDkq3)
Posted by: logprof at July 19, 2012 08:32 AM (8Uija)
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 08:33 AM (hbrUV)
>>They were gonna start with Brave New World, but really...where can you go with that one...?<<
Brave Nude World.
Posted by: Jay Guevara at July 19, 2012 08:33 AM (nIVac)
I love Chick-fil-A and we don't have any here. It is the nicest fast food place around. Great food and every Chick-fil-A I have been has been spotless with polite workers. Have a sandwich for me!
Posted by: Long Island at July 19, 2012 08:34 AM (kzp9t)
Posted by: Cricket at July 19, 2012 08:35 AM (DrC22)
"OT - Apparently LGBT are offended (again) by Chick-fil-A. Guess I know where I'm going for lunch. "
Word up. All the reason I need to order a catering-platter of Chicken Minis for lunch today!
...to share with my friends...totally... No way would I eat all those on my own...
>_>
<_<
Posted by: reason at July 19, 2012 08:35 AM (F26eZ)
Posted by: phoenixgirl at work, team dagny at July 19, 2012 08:37 AM (NZF8l)
"I love Chick-fil-A and we don't have any here"
This is where I whine about how there's one directly across the street from my church. It's *mean*.
Part of me is tempted to get a "Faggot for 'Fil-A" shirt made and then go there every day for lunch. Because I don't do that now. Three times a week is not every day.
Posted by: alexthechick SMOD. Our only hope. at July 19, 2012 08:37 AM (VtjlW)
The curvy superstar is set to pocket a record-breaking $20 million to reprise her comic-book heroine role in an “Avengers” sequel, according to a published report yesterday.
Her Black Widow was such a hit, “Avengers” producers are willing to break the bank, Britain’s Sun reported.
The most ridiculous thing about all of the reports of this rumor is the reminder that Angelina Jolie got $19 million for The Tourist to become the highest paid actress in Hollywood. THE TOURIST! Good lord, that movie was a diaper left in a Florida car.
Posted by: Madcow at July 19, 2012 08:37 AM (e8kgV)
Posted by: Romeo13 at July 19, 2012 08:37 AM (lZBBB)
Posted by: Ed Wood vs Godzilla at July 19, 2012 08:37 AM (/w0Ry)
Posted by: Clandestine Classics, Publishers at July 19, 2012 08:37 AM (owtTW)
Posted by: reason at July 19, 2012 08:37 AM (F26eZ)
Posted by: logprof at July 19, 2012 08:38 AM (8Uija)
"This is where I whine about how there's one directly across the street from my church. It's *mean*. "
If anyone ever doubted the existence of Satan...
Posted by: reason at July 19, 2012 08:39 AM (F26eZ)
Posted by: Eric Holder at July 19, 2012 08:39 AM (136wp)
I got a chick fil-a about 15 minutes away, guess my good deed for the day is gonna be hitting their drive through for lunch. Its a sacrifice I make for my country.
Posted by: Shiggz RocketSurgeon at July 19, 2012 08:39 AM (RfvTE)
Not that it was very hard to do with a Chick-Fil-A between me and them.
Posted by: HeatherRadish™ at July 19, 2012 08:39 AM (ZKzrr)
Posted by: Romeo13 at July 19, 2012 12:37 PM (lZBBB)
Yet another reason to execute them all on the battlefield.
Posted by: joncelli, heartless Con and all around unpleasant guy at July 19, 2012 08:40 AM (RD7QR)
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at July 19, 2012 12:28 PM (8y9MW)
On Twitter: @ChickfilA Our mission is to create raving fans; we plan to leave the policy debate over same-sex marriage to the political arena.
Politically free chicken, what a concept. Better than the free-range stuff the hippies try to push.
Posted by: Retread at July 19, 2012 08:41 AM (I2fq9)
"If they don;t like the politics CFA espouses, they can stuff it and eat shit at Arby's."
SOMEONE LEAKED THE SECRET RECIPE FOR ARBY-SAUCE!
Posted by: Francis K. Arby III at July 19, 2012 08:41 AM (F26eZ)
Posted by: phoenixgirl at work, team dagny at July 19, 2012 08:41 AM (NZF8l)
I wish I did, just so I could buy something there. The LGBTBBQ gestapo pisses me off as badly as the NAACP and NOW.Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at July 19, 2012 08:42 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: The Huggable Robot Devil at July 19, 2012 08:43 AM (136wp)
Posted by: phoenixgirl at work, team dagny at July 19, 2012 08:44 AM (NZF8l)
Posted by: Y-not at July 19, 2012 08:44 AM (5H6zj)
Posted by: Retread at July 19, 2012 08:44 AM (I2fq9)
Posted by: Shiggz RocketSurgeon at July 19, 2012 08:44 AM (RfvTE)
Posted by: phoenixgirl at work, team dagny at July 19, 2012 08:45 AM (NZF8l)
Posted by: HeatherRadish™ at July 19, 2012 08:45 AM (ZKzrr)
>>"OT - Apparently LGBT are offended (again) by Chick-fil-A. Guess I know where I'm going for lunch. "<<
They should branch out and start a Pork-fil-A. Might as well piss off the Muzzies too, and make it a damned fine place to dine.
Posted by: Jay Guevara at July 19, 2012 08:46 AM (nIVac)
Posted by: Gran at July 19, 2012 08:46 AM (p8FXV)
From their website, it looks like most of their stores are located in the central / mountain states between MN and TX. Not exactly strongholds of LGBT cultural and political influence.
Posted by: Hollowpoint at July 19, 2012 08:46 AM (SY2Kh)
So instead of "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" we'll have "Pride and Prejudice and Naughty Catholic Schoolgirls Who Need to be Taught a Lesson"? I'm down for that.
Posted by: CMS2004 at July 19, 2012 08:46 AM (arttL)
Posted by: keninnorcal at July 19, 2012 08:46 AM (MZxBc)
Posted by: phoenixgirl at work, team dagny at July 19, 2012 08:47 AM (NZF8l)
Posted by: Redd at July 19, 2012 08:47 AM (ZuD3o)
Since we're talking about Chick-Fil-A, as we should, let me just say how much I love the one by work. Last week I stopped in at lunch and I got there just as a group of 6th-7th grade boys who apparently were a golf team got there. They were polite but still, herd of teenage boys. The manager took one look at this and very politely asked them to let the nice young lady go first so she could get back to work. Further ways I can tell I'm down South now, the response of the kids was not "fuck you" but was "Oh! We're sorry ma'am, can we help you with anything?"
Crappity now I really want a peach shake.
Posted by: alexthechick SMOD. Our only hope. at July 19, 2012 08:48 AM (VtjlW)
Posted by: The Huggable Robot Devil at July 19, 2012 08:48 AM (136wp)
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 08:49 AM (hbrUV)
They could redo Shakespeare while they're at it:
A Midsummer's Night Wet Dream
As You Like It
Hamlet, Queen of Denmark
And include a redo of Barry's autobiography:
Much Ado About Nothing.
Posted by: Jay Guevara at July 19, 2012 08:49 AM (nIVac)
------------------------------
Things are better. My sores have subsided, my nose is intact and my penis is ...mostly still there.
Posted by: Time Travelling Flaneur at July 19, 2012 08:50 AM (ay6+/)
Posted by: Ken, puritan warrior at July 19, 2012 08:50 AM (SY2Kh)
Posted by: willow at July 19, 2012 08:50 AM (TomZ9)
"They should branch out and start a Pork-fil-A. Might as well piss off the Muzzies too, and make it a damned fine place to dine."
My stomach will be in it's bunk.
Posted by: reason at July 19, 2012 08:51 AM (sPO/s)
Posted by: phoenixgirl at work, team dagny at July 19, 2012 08:52 AM (NZF8l)
Posted by: Cricket at July 19, 2012 08:52 AM (DrC22)
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at July 19, 2012 11:50 AM (4df7R)
Remington Steele, the TV show in the 80s, already did that. The island was a hideaway for a porn magazine magnate.
Posted by: Oldcat at July 19, 2012 08:52 AM (z1N6a)
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 08:52 AM (hbrUV)
Posted by: The Checkered Demon at July 19, 2012 08:53 AM (7+pP9)
The last time I went to one, the waitress looked like she'd just finished filming a rap video and put on a Waffle House apron.
But she brought me coffee and refills and didn't try to talk to me about anything but food, so she's very clearly a good person. :-D
Posted by: HeatherRadish™ at July 19, 2012 08:53 AM (ZKzrr)
"Doesn't the TSA re-enact this pretty regularly."
We aren't allowed to assign ownership to the item. We can only refer to it as "the." As opposed to "her," or, "your."
Posted by: reason at July 19, 2012 08:53 AM (sPO/s)
Posted by: Y-not at July 19, 2012 08:53 AM (5H6zj)
Got a sick kitten being kept isolated but he is being such an angel. Curled up sleeping and not trying to sample my lunch.
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 08:54 AM (hbrUV)
OK... but until they start doing.... Fantasy Island???
"Boss, Boss!... da plane!"... no wonder Tatoo was so excited!
Posted by: Romeo13 at July 19, 2012 08:55 AM (lZBBB)
Posted by: Ian S. at July 19, 2012 08:55 AM (9YUug)
Posted by: Dr. Varno at July 19, 2012 08:55 AM (ryyVW)
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 08:56 AM (hbrUV)
Little Women was just asking for it. Oh, wait, you can't say that.
Posted by: Sam In VA at July 19, 2012 08:56 AM (rFiOs)
Man, I always come in late to the best threads.
I can think of at least one book where you wouldn't have to change the title - Charles Kingsley's Westward Ho!
Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at July 19, 2012 08:57 AM (zF6Iw)
Hmmm. I'm trying to find a literary agent, for real, to represent my contemporary novel. Feels like I missed the trend. Sexed up 19th century storylines are in!
Maybe I should just send a polite note, on a nice piece of parchment, featuring flowered up language and pleasantries, all but basically asking "Would you like to have sex with me in exchange for helping me get my book published?"
Posted by: Unruly at July 19, 2012 08:58 AM (KzL4K)
Posted by: phoenixgirl at work, team dagny at July 19, 2012 08:58 AM (NZF8l)
Posted by: RWC at July 19, 2012 08:58 AM (fWAjv)
Charlie Chapins, 'making a living'
a look at the oldest professions, starring debbie from dallas
Posted by: willow at July 19, 2012 08:59 AM (TomZ9)
Maybe I should just send a polite note, on a nice piece of parchment, featuring flowered up languageand pleasantries, all but basically asking "Would you like to have sex with me in exchange for helping me get my book published?"
Posted by: Unruly at July 19, 2012 12:58 PM (KzL4K)
Just tell the agent that your book IS a sexed up 19th century classic. You think the guy has read that stuff?
Posted by: Oldcat at July 19, 2012 09:00 AM (z1N6a)
318...Posted by: Y-not at July 19, 2012 12:53 PM (5H6zj)
Both Portman and Pawlenty have been squishy on Cap and Trade.
I don't want either one of them for VP.
Posted by: wheatie at July 19, 2012 09:01 AM (MbB0O)
Posted by: Leo Tolstoy, keepin' it real at July 19, 2012 09:02 AM (zF6Iw)
I'm unsure if the hilarity is due more from the funny comments for the Lysol fumes getting to me, really... maybe both?
Posted by: CMS2004 at July 19, 2012 09:02 AM (arttL)
Posted by: Leo Tolstoy, keepin' it real at July 19, 2012 09:04 AM (zF6Iw)
Anybody remember the old Tom Lehrer song "Smut?"
When correctly viewed,
Everything is lewd -
I could tell you stories about Peter Pan;
And the Wizard of Oz - there's a dirty old man!
Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at July 19, 2012 09:07 AM (zF6Iw)
Nope. Rule 34. There are no exceptions.
Posted by: Hollowpoint at July 19, 2012 09:08 AM (SY2Kh)
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 19, 2012 09:09 AM (hbrUV)
Posted by: Professor Marius Von Totenkopf at July 19, 2012 09:11 AM (i0aP7)
Posted by: wankette at July 19, 2012 09:19 AM (qNhTJ)
I read a lot of history, biographies and science but nothing beats reading a real good shagging.
Posted by: mpfs at July 19, 2012 09:23 AM (iYbLN)
Except a real good shagging.
Posted by: grognard at July 19, 2012 09:27 AM (NS2Mo)
Posted by: Redd at July 19, 2012 09:30 AM (ZuD3o)
Posted by: LeacherousOldFool at July 19, 2012 10:05 AM (yVuTC)
Posted by: Jean Luc Dichard at July 19, 2012 10:30 AM (qYvEa)
Posted by: steevy at July 19, 2012 11:03 AM (6o4Fb)
Posted by: Christopher Taylor at July 19, 2012 01:19 PM (r4wIV)
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Posted by: Captain Hate (dagny solidarity) at July 19, 2012 07:37 AM (fXpFo)