Ace of Spades HQ

June 19, 2012

Researchers In Search Of A Problem
— LauraW

This study purports to show that "scared" herbivores carb-load and this causes them to decompose in a less environmentally-helpful way, after they die.

No, not kidding.

Observe the scientific technique:

They placed cages in areas of natural vegetation and allowed some grasshoppers to be alone while others were placed in cages with a spider. They glued the mouths of the spiders shut in order to make sure that the grasshoppers experienced pure fear, but were not actually killed by the predators.
Previous research has shown that grasshoppers, which normally consume nitrogen-rich grass, move to a diet of carbohydrate-rich grass to cope with stress.

This replicates that state of nature where grasshoppers and spiders are in contact with each other for extended periods of time, the grasshopper never gets away, and the spider constantly menaces but never catches its prey. Also; 'previous research?' That leads me to believe these researchers never bothered to replicate those results in this experiment.

But, let's give it to them. Let's say that animals that die after hitting the potato chips, decompose very differently from how they do after a salad. We will agree for the sake of getting along, that the relative paucity of nitrogen in these nervous, pasta-bingeing grasshoppers produces a less beneficial effect on soil flora (if they had a *more* beneficial effect, this data would be very inconvenient).

Naturally, the conclusion to be drawn here is that these processes affect the climate! OK, they don't actually say that, but carbon is so often cited as a catalyst for The Villainous Warmening, that the words 'global carbon balance' and 'climate' are virtually interchangeable in articles devoted to the subject.

They found the grass decomposed between 60 per cent and 200 per cent faster in soil containing stress-free grasshoppers compared to the stressed grasshoppers, a result they say is "huge."
--------snip-----------
"This shows that animals could potentially have huge effects on the global carbon balance because they're changing the way microbes respire organic matter."

It shows no such thing (if this article is accurate about the research)! At most, it shows that soil nitrogen speeds up composting. That's about it. We already knew that. There's nothing here that suggests these researchers have reason to extrapolate that herbivore mood affects the carbon balance of the globe.

I mean...just...damn. Please. Please, people. This nonsense has to stop.

Oh, no, but never mind. The evidence for a phony chain of events is being manufactured, so let's go on and jump ahead a few bricks: stressed animals contribute to Global Climate Change. You heard it here first. And you should all stay out of the woods, lest you startle some chipmunks and magically convert them into pollutants. One can only look forward with delight to what the carbon-obsessed EPA will do with further studies like this.

Killer poison ivy, dinosaur flatulence and terrified crickets. They're really grasping for straws.

Posted by: LauraW at 08:58 AM | Comments (116)
Post contains 493 words, total size 3 kb.

1 OK, let's slow down the content here. First too much...then too little.

When do we get "just right"

Posted by: Goldilocks at June 19, 2012 09:00 AM (sbV1u)

2 Sooo, what if decomposing slower is actually better for the soil/environment in the long run? They are always wrong.

Posted by: bad cop at June 19, 2012 09:03 AM (HOOye)

3
Did the study also show that they will resort to homosexual sex?

Posted by: soothsayer at June 19, 2012 09:03 AM (9Q7Nu)

4 Is that Australian science?

Posted by: Jean, team dagny at June 19, 2012 09:03 AM (WkuV6)

5 They are always wrong. Posted by: bad cop at June 19, 2012 01:03 PM (HOOye)

It's who they are....it's what they do.

Posted by: Sean Bannion at June 19, 2012 09:04 AM (sbV1u)

6 Obumbles ate a dog.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at June 19, 2012 09:04 AM (wtvvX)

7 Ya just can't make this shit up. Wait...

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at June 19, 2012 09:04 AM (d0Tfm)

Is it possible that a landslide Obama loss will send these extreme leftard cretins back into their caves for another 30 years? Or is it too far gone and the best thing to do is pray for the SMOD?

My liver can't handle another 4 years of this bullcrap.

Posted by: Damn Sockpuppet at June 19, 2012 09:05 AM (YmPwQ)

9 SCIENCE!

Posted by: garrett at June 19, 2012 09:05 AM (X49XP)

10 The start of some of the most outrageous lies in history always begin with the words "studies show...".

And usually the tax payer funds these studies.

Posted by: Vic at June 19, 2012 09:05 AM (YdQQY)

11 They glued the mouths of the spiders shut

For some reason I find this a very disturbing image.

Posted by: LIGuy at June 19, 2012 09:07 AM (+usC4)

12 Is it possible that a landslide Obama loss will send these extreme leftardcretins back into their caves for another 30 years

No, it is not. Because if you've ever seen a full-on frothing at the mouth liberal rant in person, it's something to behold. It will also provide a justification for target practice.

"Officer, I was in fear for my life!"

Posted by: Sean Bannion at June 19, 2012 09:07 AM (sbV1u)

13 A simple solution is to kill the stressed herbivore and eat it.

Posted by: garrett at June 19, 2012 09:07 AM (X49XP)

14 So there"s an over abundance of mouth-less scary spiders suddenly? Since that what the study is about right.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at June 19, 2012 09:08 AM (tf9Ne)

15 You know what, I sense fear as well, the fear of funding loss.

Posted by: Jean, team dagny at June 19, 2012 09:08 AM (WkuV6)

16 Okay, somebody ate the undervote post.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo (NJConservative) at June 19, 2012 09:09 AM (nEUpB)

17 Cicadas serve a purpose.
Researchers like this do not.

Posted by: Anna Puma at June 19, 2012 09:09 AM (k4Ari)

18 The speed of these posts...we've gone PLAID!

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at June 19, 2012 09:09 AM (d0Tfm)

19 Okay so if you glue a spiders mouth shut it has no other way of at least killing the grasshopper?

Posted by: Adam Smith's Invisible Pimp Hand at June 19, 2012 09:09 AM (tKFT6)

20 Don't give the libs any new ideas...

Posted by: alinsky tactics 2.0 at June 19, 2012 09:10 AM (HOOye)

21 I commented on a "PA is in play" post, and then the post disappeared

chilling

Posted by: Jones in CO at June 19, 2012 09:10 AM (8sCoq)

22 Okay, somebody ate the undervote post.

Probably Ace giving this post time to breathe, like a fine wine.

Posted by: Dave Bowman at June 19, 2012 09:11 AM (GnKed)

Ahhh... but you miss the End Game of this study.

If stressed animals cause global warming, and people are animals, then we must, for the sake of earth, create a nanny state... because we all know that having to make decisions is stressful.... and Freedom is hugely stressful...

And of course, those evil Republicans cause stress to those who have the proper thinking patterns.... so....

EPA, for the Health of the Earth, will soon regulate Thought...

Posted by: Romeo13 at June 19, 2012 09:11 AM (lZBBB)

24 So we can save the planet by not gluing spider mouths shut? Consider it done.

Posted by: blaster at June 19, 2012 09:11 AM (HR5x9)

25 Begone, astronaut sock!

Posted by: Waterhouse at June 19, 2012 09:11 AM (GnKed)

26 BTW did anyone see on pjmedia, Occupy Oakland protesting at the Anti-Child Sex Trafficking conference?

Posted by: Adam Smith's Invisible Pimp Hand at June 19, 2012 09:11 AM (tKFT6)

27 Can we glue shut some of the more offensive orifices in the MFM pantheon?

Posted by: model_1066 at June 19, 2012 09:12 AM (YbQJm)

28 And btw did these researchers study the effect on the spiders when their mouths were cruelly taped shut, denying them their natural response to grasshoppers - eat? Where is PETA?

Posted by: Anna Puma at June 19, 2012 09:12 AM (k4Ari)

29 If stressed animals cause global warming, and people are animals, then we must, for the sake of earth, create a nanny state... because we all know that having to make decisions is stressful.... and Freedom is hugely stressful... Really, what could go wrong?

Posted by: The Alliance at June 19, 2012 09:13 AM (HR5x9)

30 Molon labe, assholes.

Posted by: Shelob at June 19, 2012 09:13 AM (GnKed)

31 Why are the mean spiders bullying and terrorizing the cute grasshoppers?

Posted by: Purp (@PurpAv) at June 19, 2012 09:13 AM (TxShx)

32 I guess I can't get too outraged until I know the funding source. Lead scientist is in Israel. US scientist may have been brought on purely for technical expertise.

Posted by: Y-not at June 19, 2012 09:13 AM (5H6zj)

33 So they're saying that insects are animals? NO, chipmunks, and kittehs, and cows are animals, insects are NOT ANIMALS. And Obama ate a dog, THAT'S an animal!

Posted by: bigmike at June 19, 2012 09:14 AM (720QK)

EPA, for the Health of the Earth, will soon regulate Thought...

Soma and Moloka for all!

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at June 19, 2012 09:14 AM (d0Tfm)

35 Spiders, like muslims, can't be trusted.

Posted by: garrett at June 19, 2012 09:15 AM (X49XP)

Sandra-Dee Flukenfluffer needs to have something glued shut, that's for sure.

Posted by: model_1066 at June 19, 2012 09:15 AM (YbQJm)

37 Reminds me of the "scientist" who caught a jar of some crustaceans and brought them home to the lab. Noticed that they had thinner shells and immediately started yelping about higher co2 levels thinning the shells. It turns out that swimming in their own piss in the jar for 2 weeks did the shell thinning. As you can tell by the vernacular, I'm also no scientist.

Posted by: Up, Up With People at June 19, 2012 09:15 AM (iYvMQ)

38
How many times have you heard "analysts say housing market data show signs of improvement" since 2009?

Posted by: soothsayer at June 19, 2012 09:15 AM (9Q7Nu)

39 Can we glue shut some of the more offensive orifices in the MFM pantheon?>>

Yes we must do this because they stress me. Which causes me to drink potato vodka. That's loaded with carbs isn't it?

Posted by: Buzzsaw at June 19, 2012 09:15 AM (tf9Ne)

40 "In the South Seas there is a cargo cult of people. During the war they saw airplanes land with lots of good materials, and they want the same thing to happen now. So they've arranged to imitate things like runways, to put fires along the sides of the runways, to make a wooden hut for a man to sit in, with two wooden pieces on his head like headphones and bars of bamboo sticking out like antennas--he's the controller--and they wait for the airplanes to land. They're doing everything right. The form is perfect. It looks exactly the way it looked before. But it doesn't work. No airplanes land."

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at June 19, 2012 09:15 AM (famk3)

41 I bet Obama ate insects too...fried crickets are popular in Indonesia I hear.

Posted by: model_1066 at June 19, 2012 09:16 AM (YbQJm)

42 Translation: "improvement" == catatonic paralysis

Posted by: Purp (@PurpAv) at June 19, 2012 09:16 AM (TxShx)

43 Tell me how they controlled for the number of microbes and fungi in the soil.
Tell me how they controlled for the prior diet of the grasshoppers.
Tell me how they did a chemical breakdown of all grasshoppers to identify if there was an actual difference chemically.
Tell me how they controlled for the possible preference of grasshoppers for certain types of grass.
Tell me how they controlled for weather, heat, humidity, temperature, wind, pollen, grasshopper age, sexual maturity, spider type, whether that spider was actually a predator of grasshoppers, whether the grasshoppers ever became accustomed to the spiders and ignored them after a spell, etc., etc.

IN short, tell me again about all those factors that could very likely be the reason for the change in diet that you dismissed as not needing to be controlled because you already had you conclusion before you even planned your "study."

Posted by: RoyalOil at June 19, 2012 09:17 AM (kSaUf)

44 My favorite is still the global warming affects black hole size study from a few weeks ago. http://bit.ly/KlzQn4

Posted by: onlyme at June 19, 2012 09:17 AM (J4kQ3)

45 Says a lot about the state of education in the world.
Anyone else here read The Marching Morons?

Posted by: pat at June 19, 2012 09:17 AM (UFxap)

Hmmm.... actualy... according to this study, our own Government is causing Global warming...

Because our own Government is causing HUGE amounts of Stress to the electorate right now.

Ergo, the EPA needs to Regulate the Obama Administration???

/brain.... hurts....

Posted by: Romeo13 at June 19, 2012 09:18 AM (lZBBB)

47 IN short, tell me again about all those factors that could very likely be the reason for the change in diet that you dismissed as not needing to be controlled because you already had you conclusion before you even planned your "study."

Posted by: RoyalOil at June 19, 2012 01:17 PM (kSaUf)

But first you will blow me give me more grant money. \

-joe researcher

Posted by: model_1066 at June 19, 2012 09:18 AM (YbQJm)

48 They glued the mouths of the spiders shut in order to make sure that the grasshoppers experienced pure fear, but were not actually killed by the predators.

See, man is to blame! I knew it would be in there somewhere. And it's a well know fact that renegade humans have been gluing spider mouths shut since caveman days so we can now explain how humans caused those spikes in the data before the Industrial Revolution. It's a twofer. These guys are geniuses, throw some more grant money at them.

Posted by: Retread at June 19, 2012 09:18 AM (I2fq9)

49 shucks, fail on the strikethrough.

Posted by: model_1066 at June 19, 2012 09:18 AM (YbQJm)

50 There was a deer in my backyard on Sunday and I snapped a picture of it and the clouds have been crying here in the Seattle area ever since. Sorry Mother Earth.

Posted by: AndrewsDad at June 19, 2012 09:19 AM (C2//T)

51 insects are NOT ANIMALS.

100% true!

Posted by: PolitiFact at June 19, 2012 09:19 AM (GnKed)

52 Pure fear for the grasshopper? Whadda ya think the spider feels about having its mouth glued shut? WTF, over.

Posted by: dogfish at June 19, 2012 09:19 AM (N2yhW)

What a great career - having to glue the mouths of spiders shut. Has PETA heard about this and how the hell do you do that in the first place?

I hate these people. This was said with soft anger.

Posted by: Cheri at June 19, 2012 09:20 AM (G+Wff)

54 Sorry for the O/T but this hackery needs its own post

Posted by: laceyunderalls at June 19, 2012 09:20 AM (pLTLS)

12..Sean, I live in Philly. I see full on frothing libtard rages every day, and on visits to my brother's house. Why do I stay here?

The serious extereme libtards won't go away, of course, but I'm hoping for mere marginalization at this point. They are actually able to achieve many of their twisted goals under this regime.

Posted by: Damn Sockpuppet at June 19, 2012 09:20 AM (YmPwQ)

O/T -

Trandrea Mitchell is claiming she ran the chopshop Romney Wawa clip because she didn't have time to run the full speech.

Posted by: kallisto at June 19, 2012 09:20 AM (jm/9g)

Posted by: model_1066 at June 19, 2012 01:16 PM (YbQJm)

Under water grottos, caverns
Filled with apes
That eat crabs.
Stepping on the crabs
That the apes
Eat, they crunch.
The apes howl, bare
Their fangs, dance,
Tiny combs.
Rushing water,
Musty, wet pelts
Glistening with little blue crabs.

Posted by: Barakhenaten I -Warrior Poet King at June 19, 2012 09:21 AM (X49XP)

58

I've got 99 problems but a spider with his mouth glued shut ain't one

Posted by: The Grasshopper

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at June 19, 2012 09:22 AM (kdS6q)

59 "Holy shit! Someone glued those spiders' mouths shut. Just what the hell is going on here?"

Posted by: crickets in the study [/i] [/b] at June 19, 2012 09:22 AM (famk3)

60 how do they know that grasshoppers have emotions, particularly fear? Do they measure its heart rate or something? What a load of bullshit. Who's paying for this? I'm not doubting the validity, as I've heard of even more ridiculous 'studies' that are at best a waste of money, but not a ecotard propaganda piece such as this.

Posted by: model_1066 at June 19, 2012 09:22 AM (YbQJm)

61 41. A popular food in Jakarta Indonesia is torpedo, goat penis, advertised all over and available from Cumi's Torpedo. Yeah, an entire Indonesian style fast food place specializing in goat genitals.

Posted by: onlyme at June 19, 2012 09:22 AM (J4kQ3)

62 Headline at the Daily Mail: There was ZERO sleep': Rielle Hunter on her first time with John Edwards and 'surrendering to the most extraordinary night of her life' yelch.

Posted by: Sarah Jessica Parker at June 19, 2012 09:22 AM (r2PLg)

63 Tell me how they controlled for..

That science became obsolete 20 years ago. We're on Science v2.0 now and things are much improved. No tedious research and data collection needed, no stodgy and exacting statistical analysis needed. With the new and improved Science v2.0, you just make shit up and publish it right away.

Science v2.0 is revolutionizing the world in a million different ways! Get you new and improved Science v2.0 today!

Science v2.0 is available at fine universities all over the country at very reasonable prices.

Posted by: Purp (@PurpAv) at June 19, 2012 09:23 AM (TxShx)

64 30 Molon labe, assholes. Posted by: Shelob at June 19, 2012 01:13 PM (GnKed) HAH!

Posted by: lauraw at June 19, 2012 09:23 AM (D8m2H)

65 ". . . dinosaur flatulence and terrified crickets" No, the very study you cite employed GRASSHOPPERS, which have a significantly larger carbon footprint -- not to mention that grasshoppers also have SIX feet. Typical counter-factual rightwing reality-denial.

Posted by: Greg at June 19, 2012 09:23 AM (2Y56z)

66 Scared organisms cause global warming, so we have to scare you wingnuts into socialism. It's SCIENCE, you bible thumping racists !!

Posted by: Dr Charles Johnson, Scienceologist at June 19, 2012 09:23 AM (Y+DPZ)

67
Here's something to research:

Candidate A is running on Jobs, jobs, jobs.

Candidate B is running on Vagina, vagina, vagina, gay, gay, gay, illegal dreamers, illegal dreamers, illegal dreamers.

Who wins?

Posted by: soothsayer at June 19, 2012 09:24 AM (9Q7Nu)

68 IÂ’m not suggesting that President Obama has eaten a human penis, because, if he had, heÂ’d almost certainly have boasted about it to the impressionable NPR ninnies who gobbled up his memoirs.

Posted by: Mark Steyn at June 19, 2012 09:24 AM (HR5x9)

69 43, see there you go again, thats BigOil science, where they expect results

Posted by: Jean, team dagny at June 19, 2012 09:25 AM (WkuV6)

70 If stressed animals cause global warming, and people are animals, then we must, for the sake of earth, create a nanny state... because we all know that having to make decisions is stressful.... and Freedom is hugely stressful...

------------------------

Why else were the Russians such alcoholics? It can't possibly be because life was barely worth living under the jackboot of a commie gov't.

Posted by: Lady in Black at June 19, 2012 09:25 AM (vOMX+)

71 68 IÂ’m not suggesting that President Obama has eaten a human penis, because, if he had, heÂ’d almost certainly have boasted about it to the impressionable NPR ninnies who gobbled up his memoirs.

Posted by: Mark Steyn at June 19, 2012 01:24 PM (HR5x9)

I see what you did there.

Posted by: model_1066 at June 19, 2012 09:26 AM (YbQJm)

72 Why else were the Russians such alcoholics? It can't possibly be because life was barely worth living under the jackboot of a commie gov't.

Posted by: Lady in Black at June 19, 2012 01:25 PM (vOMX+)

Because vodka is the one thing the Russkies did get right? Liquor up the proles and you can grind them under your boot for quite a long time.

Posted by: model_1066 at June 19, 2012 09:27 AM (YbQJm)

73 #45 Says a lot about the state of education in the world. Anyone else here read The Marching Morons? Posted by: pat at June 19, 2012 01:17 PM (UFxap)

Oh yeah. As I recall, if you had any smarts at all, that was a real horror story.

Posted by: jwpaine at June 19, 2012 09:27 AM (FUozQ)

74 I can only imagine the damage done to the environment by the body of the kid who died after receiving the terrifying hack-job haircut from Romney's homophobic mob.

Posted by: Greg at June 19, 2012 09:28 AM (2Y56z)

75 I kind of favor a study that puts socialists in cages and glues MSM "reporters" mouths shut.

Posted by: Mr_Write at June 19, 2012 09:29 AM (VJUQK)

76 >>>insects are NOT ANIMALS

Just what I would expect from a racist fur skin.

They are Animalia Arthropoda Hexapoda Insecta don't let me catching you using that racist pejorative again oppressor.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Lite! 98% Anger Free! at June 19, 2012 09:30 AM (0q2P7)

Arrrrggggh. Arrrrrgggghh. Arrrrggggghhh. Can't sleep, spiders with their mouths taped shut will still somehow try to eat me.

Also, just how much do you have to have pissed off your advisor to be given the job of spider mouth taping shutter?

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD 2012 at June 19, 2012 09:30 AM (VtjlW)

78 How long before they ban cremation?

Posted by: The Mega Independent at June 19, 2012 09:31 AM (ZzzNj)

79
I love the smell of Lysenkoism in the morning.

Posted by: Rev Dr E Buzz Bunny at June 19, 2012 09:31 AM (tcSZb)

80 A mnemonic device I still remember from biology: Kings Play Chess On Fine Green Sand : kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, species.

Posted by: model_1066 at June 19, 2012 09:31 AM (YbQJm)

81 >>>surrendering to the

I just puked some in my mouth.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Lite! 98% Anger Free! at June 19, 2012 09:32 AM (0q2P7)

82 Also, just how much do you have to have pissed off your advisor to be given the job of spider mouth taping shutter? Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD 2012 at June 19, 2012 01:30 PM

If it was an Aussie funnel web, I'd quit before doing that job

Posted by: kbdabear at June 19, 2012 09:34 AM (Y+DPZ)

83 78 How long before they ban cremation?
Posted by: The Mega Independent at June 19, 2012 01:31 PM

I double-dog ban you!!

Posted by: Michael Bloomberg at age 10 at June 19, 2012 09:35 AM (Y+DPZ)

84 I am an engineer, so consider me pro-science. But think about this: When Leeuvenhoek or however you spell it invented the microscope, one of the first things he looked at was his own sperm.

Posted by: Mark Steyn at June 19, 2012 09:36 AM (HR5x9)

85 Gah, Steyn sock.

Posted by: blaster at June 19, 2012 09:36 AM (HR5x9)

86 Gawd I wish someone would glue my mouth shut.
best diet plan.......EVAHR!!!!

Posted by: pajama momma at June 19, 2012 09:36 AM (kld87)

87 Paying for stupid studies like this stresses me out. Lets glue their mouths shut and see if I feel better after six months or so.

Posted by: Oldcat at June 19, 2012 09:36 AM (z1N6a)

88 I just hope that austerity doesn't impact the guy who glues spiders' mouths shut. That would be worse than losing the cowboy poetry festival.

Posted by: somebody else, not me at June 19, 2012 09:37 AM (nZvGM)

89 why didn't I ever think of gluing their mouths shut? It would have finally kept them quiet...

Posted by: Amy Winehouse at June 19, 2012 09:38 AM (27KAF)

90 I just hope that austerity doesn't impact the guy who glues spiders' mouths shut. That would be worse than losing the cowboy poetry festival.

Posted by: somebody else, not me at June 19, 2012 01:37 PM (nZvGM)

Taping arachnid mouths shut is one of those jobs Americans WONT DO

Posted by: Oldcat at June 19, 2012 09:38 AM (z1N6a)

91 84 I am an engineer, so consider me pro-science. But think about this:

When Leeuvenhoek or however you spell it invented the microscope, one of the first things he looked at was his own sperm.

Posted by: Mark Steyn at June 19, 2012 01:36 PM (HR5x9

Was he supposed to look at someone else's sperm?

Posted by: model_1066 at June 19, 2012 09:38 AM (YbQJm)

91 84 I am an engineer, so consider me pro-science. But think about this: When Leeuvenhoek or however you spell it invented the microscope, one of the first things he looked at was his own sperm.
Posted by: Mark Steyn at June 19, 2012 01:36 PM (HR5x9

He had help from his assistant, Five Fingered Mary

Posted by: model_1066 at June 19, 2012 09:40 AM (YbQJm)

93 When Leeuvenhoek or however you spell it invented the microscope, one of the first things he looked at was his own sperm.>>

What can I say it was handy.

Posted by: Leeuvenhoek at June 19, 2012 09:41 AM (tf9Ne)

94 >>>I can only imagine

oh gregiiie!!!

Armed with bad logic and anecdotes!!!

Tell me gregie since you're an obvious expert; Compared to insects how large is mankind's carbon footprint? I'm looking for a ratio, feel free to express as a decimal for accuracy.

It must be like 10x right? 100x? 1000x?

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Lite! 98% Anger Free! at June 19, 2012 09:41 AM (0q2P7)

95 94 >>>I can only imagine

oh gregiiie!!!

Armed with bad logic and anecdotes!!!

Tell me gregie since you're an obvious expert; Compared to insects how large is mankind's carbon footprint? I'm looking for a ratio, feel free to express as a decimal for accuracy.

It must be like 10x right? 100x? 1000x?

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Lite! 98% Anger Free! at June 19, 2012 01:41 PM (0q2P7)

Insects have tiny feet, duh.

Posted by: model_1066 at June 19, 2012 09:43 AM (YbQJm)

96
insects are NOT ANIMALS.
Posted by: bigmike

Insect is a racist term. We prefer to be called Arthropod-Americans.
Posted by: The Grasshopper

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at June 19, 2012 09:44 AM (kdS6q)

97 Insect is a racist term. We prefer to be called Arthropod-Americans.
Posted by: The Grasshopper

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at June 19, 2012 01:44 PM (kdS6q)

If it ain't a vertebrate, I've never heard of it.

Posted by: model_1066 at June 19, 2012 09:47 AM (YbQJm)

98 Must have been the female spiders

Posted by: Cricket at June 19, 2012 09:49 AM (DrC22)

99 >>>who died after

All the events in his life that occurred prior to death including birth, oh and contracting liver cancer.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Lite! 98% Anger Free! at June 19, 2012 09:53 AM (0q2P7)

100 This study seems to argue that non-biodegradable waste is superior to easily biodegradable (in their twisted logic), because of the difference in carbon (CO₂) production.

Following that logic, then we should all do our best to toss plastic wrappers and styrofoam containers out car windows as often as possible. If we litter the ground with relatively inert trash, then oxidation of dead grasshoppers and such is slowed to a crawl.

We just have the crying Indians to deal with.

Posted by: Sphynx at June 19, 2012 09:58 AM (fEmj2)

101 you can just hear the grasshoppers thinking, "holy shit! those spiders have their mouths glued shut!"

Posted by: Cricket at June 19, 2012 09:59 AM (DrC22)

102 More composting grasshoppers posts!

Posted by: Uncledave at June 19, 2012 10:02 AM (nJ32z)

103 CO2 is plant food.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at June 19, 2012 10:15 AM (bxiXv)

104

So, who the bloody hell paid for this crap?

/rhetorical question.

Posted by: katya, the designated driver at June 19, 2012 10:20 AM (bMLFV)

105 Were the spiders experiencing fear in having their mouths glued shut?

Posted by: Evi L. Bloggerlady at June 19, 2012 10:21 AM (IgakF)

106 How does one glue a spider's mouth shut? I wanna see that.

Posted by: katya, the designated driver at June 19, 2012 10:22 AM (bMLFV)

107 As long as my tax dollars don't fund this "work", I couldn't care less what these dumbasses study.

Posted by: Blacque Jacques Shellacque at June 19, 2012 10:26 AM (4s7w4)

108 I, for one, welcome our new glue-sniffing spider overlords.

Posted by: Secundus at June 19, 2012 10:37 AM (2mq8Z)

109 WHY DO YOU HATE SCIENCE!!!!!

Posted by: fb at June 19, 2012 11:11 AM (JVEmw)

110 I wonder how they would have prevented the carb-rich grass from decomposing, if the terrified grasshoppers hadn't been introduced. Or does that not shiv Gaia in the same way?

Posted by: Feynmangroupie at June 19, 2012 11:13 AM (oI744)

111 What's so wrong about this study? It's WELL-ACCEPTED that stress behaviour changed eating patterns in mammals and most especially humans, who have been perhaps MOST studied in regard to ice cream binges after the boyf dumps us, or whatever. Are we supposed to hate this study because it makes ONE statement, in the admitted "potential", about global carbon balance -- a statement that really isn't that controversial at all? Yes, indeed, less nitrogenous organic waste (e.g., carb-loaded grasshopper corpses) is understood to affect microbial respiratory processes. Did you science hostiles think it was JESUS-MAGIC breaking down those bodies? :/ There's some reason to be alarmed, because the timing if these results comes very close to a recently-released study about bird communication in nests subjected to excessive human noise. Taken together, the studies may herald an enviro-science onslaught against human disturbance of natural animal habitats, which would be an o erog ambitious charge indeed, but as the study is presented, it doesn't provide conservative science sceptics any reason for a knee-jerk rejection of anything mentioning "carbon balance". Kind of reminds me of all the Christians who fought against big bang cosmology tooth-and-nail until the realised (read: we're told by their pastors) that t=0 is the best scientific corroboration of Creation currently accepted by mainstream science. It really DOES make us look "anti-science" when our mos important blogs post rejections of perfectly innocuous science pursuant to AGW paranoia. I dig REAL science -- I'm HARDLY a friend of envirosci in most cases and I almost always agree that the pseudoscience profiled on this blog is fucking absurd -- and this just happens to appear to be real science, whether they had to sneak in a single "potential"-qualified statement about carbon balance to have it seriously considered for peer-review publication given the state of professional envirosci in 2012? Indeed, that's probably a better discussion hereÂ…did the authors have to sneak in a climate change tag to get published?

Posted by: Jimi Ray at June 19, 2012 11:28 AM (FcOR4)

112 Jimi--I sense your concern. Your very deep and religiously hostile concern.

Posted by: Klawnet at June 19, 2012 12:44 PM (a/VXa)

113 Dear Jimi,

Have a wank and a nap. Then you won't be stressed by our anit-science mindset and find yourself giving in to carbs.

Posted by: Sphynx at June 19, 2012 12:52 PM (fEmj2)

114 Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: steevy at June 19, 2012 04:21 PM (Xb3hu)

115 Ah, but a global flatulence opposing stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: Dirty Old Man at June 19, 2012 05:40 PM (J+v7r)

116 What a rotten thing to do. Deliberately trying to cause prolonged terror in any living creature, even a grasshopper, is just sociopathic.

Posted by: littlemary at June 19, 2012 10:12 PM (LVnau)

Hide Comments | Add Comment | Refresh | Top