March 28, 2012
— Ace Jose Canseco has a twitter feed now. Isn't that marvelous?
Well, he was babbling nonsensically today. But then I realized he was actually writing some sort of postmodernist poem.
I've added some formatting -- I've made it a "concrete" poem, as I think it should be, by adding white space and a visual motif to it. I added some punctuation and italics and boldface. All the correct punctuation is mind; the lack of punctuation, and the Section 8 period use, is per Canseco's original.
Otherwise, this is work of poetry is entirely Jose Canseco.
It's called "how do we stop global warming"
how do we stop global warmingreduce
reuse
recycle
morons
class in session
i complete you
of to practice for my playboy celebrity golf tournament
1 more stop
global warming tip
.turn your home heat all
off at nite .
saves $ an energy
and lowers your body temp
so
u will L I V E
20% longer
flanel pajamas moronsshare body heat
like the pioneers did
(even in snow...)
hole familiesused to sleep
in one big bed
and produce no waste
how did we go from their
to killing polar bears
in
100 years...
al gore wasa head of his time .
i miss him
rest in peace buddy
hug
for
u
-- Jose Canseco, 2012
Posted by: Ace at
03:32 PM
| Comments (227)
Post contains 232 words, total size 1 kb.
Posted by: Barry Obama at March 28, 2012 03:35 PM (bAGA/)
Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, TX at March 28, 2012 03:35 PM (0xqzf)
Posted by: filbert at March 28, 2012 03:36 PM (smvTK)
Posted by: Little Miss Spellcheck at March 28, 2012 03:36 PM (a5ljo)
Posted by: nightfly at March 28, 2012 03:36 PM (PhumN)
It does have that wall-eyed, paste eating quality to it, doesn't it?
Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] at March 28, 2012 03:36 PM (qOfw/)
Posted by: huerfano at March 28, 2012 03:36 PM (bAGA/)
Posted by: the hobbit fomerly known as Donna at March 28, 2012 03:37 PM (ZHge+)
Posted by: Hidajunshin at March 28, 2012 03:37 PM (VWlmO)
Posted by: mike at March 28, 2012 03:37 PM (RIT3J)
Posted by: buzzion at March 28, 2012 03:37 PM (GULKT)
Which one of these threads are we s'posed to be funny in?
I thought there wasn't supposed to be any math.....
Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, TX at March 28, 2012 03:38 PM (0xqzf)
Posted by: Dr Spank at March 28, 2012 03:38 PM (KNvk+)
Posted by: filbert at March 28, 2012 03:38 PM (smvTK)
Posted by: logprof at March 28, 2012 03:39 PM (ykSKg)
The stuff people put on twitter. If you're going to call people idiots, make sure your post is PERFECT. Jose, you hath failed.
Posted by: Alan Grayson at March 28, 2012 03:39 PM (V/gLb)
Posted by: some moron at March 28, 2012 03:39 PM (PJ+vx)
Posted by: fixerupper at March 28, 2012 03:39 PM (ffV1/)
Posted by: Nancy Pelosi at March 28, 2012 03:39 PM (niZvt)
Posted by: Hole Families at March 28, 2012 03:40 PM (6c7LS)
Posted by: W. C. Fields at March 28, 2012 03:40 PM (e8kgV)
Posted by: Cicero at March 28, 2012 03:41 PM (QKKT0)
Posted by: ace at March 28, 2012 03:41 PM (nj1bB)
Well, he was babbling nonsensically today.
Maybe he took another fly ball off the dome, and made it into a home run.
Posted by: Jay Guevara at March 28, 2012 03:42 PM (S9ctq)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 28, 2012 03:42 PM (PJ+vx)
Posted by: zombie knut at March 28, 2012 03:42 PM (6RnvM)
Posted by: Some retarded scandis at March 28, 2012 03:42 PM (8LsJa)
Posted by: Pornoy at March 28, 2012 03:42 PM (6c7LS)
Posted by: USCitizen at March 28, 2012 03:42 PM (gnSAD)
Posted by: bill clinton at March 28, 2012 03:43 PM (6RnvM)
His is all that maniac random-period stuff. Space before the period? Okay, whatever.
Posted by: ace at March 28, 2012 07:41 PM (nj1bB)
Yes, but you still can't spell Canseco 
Posted by: buzzion at March 28, 2012 03:43 PM (GULKT)
Aww, that gives my 2nd chakra a warm, tingly feeling.
>>>i miss him / / rest in peace buddy
Er, what? **Neptune's boner dissolves**
Posted by: Algore at March 28, 2012 03:43 PM (JWkYB)
Posted by: CoolCzech at March 28, 2012 03:43 PM (niZvt)
Posted by: Jay Guevara at March 28, 2012 03:43 PM (S9ctq)
Posted by: sTevo at March 28, 2012 03:43 PM (VMcEw)
Cowboy poetry is a form of poetry which grew out of a tradition of extemporaneous composition carried on by workers on cattle drives and ranches.
Wait, that's not what this is!?
Posted by: Soledad O'Brian's magical earpiece at March 28, 2012 03:43 PM (/E3ql)
Posted by: Boulder Toilet Hobo at March 28, 2012 03:43 PM (QTHTd)
Posted by: hueydiamondpooty at March 28, 2012 03:44 PM (YhZFe)
Not more than one hole. Just one. Recycling, duh.
Posted by: vermin at March 28, 2012 03:45 PM (2csLb)
Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD 2012 at March 28, 2012 03:45 PM (Gk3SS)
I knew the Hole family. I served with them in Congressman. Let me tell you something, sir...you are definitely a Hole.
Posted by: Lloyd Bentsen at March 28, 2012 03:45 PM (K6sn/)
Posted by: thirtyandseven at March 28, 2012 03:45 PM (jW2TM)
Posted by: mama winger at March 28, 2012 03:46 PM (P6QsQ)
Posted by: Jay Guevara at March 28, 2012 03:46 PM (S9ctq)
Posted by: willow at March 28, 2012 07:43 PM (TomZ9)
Apparently his head is in the future though....
al gore was
a head of his time .
Wait...does that mean his head is still here???
Posted by: Pornoy at March 28, 2012 03:46 PM (6c7LS)
Posted by: Lazrtx at March 28, 2012 03:46 PM (bK81x)
Posted by: Joe from Cármenes in León at March 28, 2012 03:47 PM (vep0U)
Posted by: Truman North at March 28, 2012 03:47 PM (I2LwF)
Posted by: mama winger at March 28, 2012 07:46 PM (P6QsQ)
That's nothing. Have you seen me chew my kid's food and spit it into his mouth?
Posted by: Alicia Silverstone at March 28, 2012 03:47 PM (PJ+vx)
Posted by: sTevo at March 28, 2012 03:48 PM (VMcEw)
Posted by: Yoshi, Aggrieved Victim of the White Man at March 28, 2012 03:48 PM (8LsJa)
Posted by: Pooter Hound at March 28, 2012 03:48 PM (0TdUk)
Posted by: andycanuck at March 28, 2012 03:48 PM (6RnvM)
I did not know Al had passed on. Who is sharing his body heat and releasing his 7th chakra now?
Posted by: ChristyBlinky: ABO 2012 at March 28, 2012 03:49 PM (baL2B)
Posted by: vermin at March 28, 2012 03:49 PM (2csLb)
Posted by: Jay Bee at March 28, 2012 03:49 PM (Xwgt3)
Posted by: mama winger at March 28, 2012 03:49 PM (P6QsQ)
Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at March 28, 2012 03:50 PM (eHIJJ)
Posted by: Yoshi, Aggrieved Victim of the White Man at March 28, 2012 03:50 PM (8LsJa)
Posted by: Progressive at March 28, 2012 03:50 PM (l4aoe)
That's nothing. Have you seen me chew my kid's food and spit it into his mouth?
****
That is not interest me. Can I watch you change his diaper?
Posted by: Jose Cansecooooo at March 28, 2012 03:50 PM (K6sn/)
Posted by: filbert at March 28, 2012 03:50 PM (smvTK)
Posted by: calcajun at March 28, 2012 03:50 PM (S1pQi)
Posted by: willow at March 28, 2012 03:51 PM (TomZ9)
"All I can think about is all the people that have banged Madonna. Jose pitching in a major league game. And heading a ball over the fence for a homerun."
He played his AA ball stint in Huntsville Al for the Stars. They called him "Jose Parkway" due to the way the field was pointed, towards the main drag in town, Memorial Parkway. When he sailed one over the fence (which was quite often), we'd joke about whose windshield he just broke.
Good times. As oppposed to whatever this is that he wrote.
Posted by: BackwardsBoy at March 28, 2012 03:52 PM (d0Tfm)
Everyone knows about Let Me Tweet That For You, right? It's a website that lets you send out fake tweets from b-list celebrity tweet-a-like accounts.
Link in my sig
Posted by: Truman North at March 28, 2012 03:52 PM (I2LwF)
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO supporter at March 28, 2012 03:52 PM (CA2NO)
Posted by: willow at March 28, 2012 03:53 PM (TomZ9)
Mother Nature has been trying to kill us since the beginning of time. Now that the tables have turned, she wants a truce?
Hard cheese, Sister!
Posted by: Monty Burns at March 28, 2012 03:53 PM (3SvjA)
Posted by: ChristyBlinky: ABO 2012 at March 28, 2012 03:54 PM (baL2B)
Posted by: Progressive at March 28, 2012 03:54 PM (l4aoe)
although perhaps the tea is spiked
because i cannot understand poetry today.
Mmmmm spiked team, thank you willow.
Trust me, you don't understand it because there's nothing to understand.
I must say, I do not want Jose Canseco to put his poems in me.
Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD 2012 at March 28, 2012 03:55 PM (Gk3SS)
I have a better idea. An artificial life form that would breath in CO2 and split off the oxygen into the atmosphere while using the carbon to grow more of itself.
It's only a dream. Nothing like that could exist in nature.
Posted by: epobirs at March 28, 2012 03:55 PM (kcfmt)
Posted by: Progressive at March 28, 2012 03:55 PM (l4aoe)
me-or anything else for that matter.
Posted by: willow at March 28, 2012 03:56 PM (TomZ9)
Posted by: Progressive at March 28, 2012 03:56 PM (l4aoe)
All I want to know was who was the lady in the pink glitter cowboy hat seated to her right?
Waas it me?
Posted by: Sheila Jackson Lee at March 28, 2012 03:56 PM (3SvjA)
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO supporter at March 28, 2012 03:57 PM (CA2NO)
Under water grottos, caverns
Filled with apes
That eat figs.
Stepping on the figs
That the apes
Eat, they crunch.
The apes howl, bare
Their fangs, dance,
Tumble in the
Rushing water,
Musty, wet pelts
Glistening in the blue.
Posted by: Hedgehog at March 28, 2012 03:57 PM (3jGS1)
abort
tax
regulate
stupid conssssss
class in session
i complete you
of to masturbate for my online amateur atheist chat room
1 more stop
stop consssss tip
.use your condoms all
at nite .
saves $ an my taxes
and lowers your population
so
i will L I V E
20% longer
diaphragms morons
share birf controll
like the pioneers did
(even in snow...)
hole families
used to be
one big person
and produce no con spawn
how did we go from their
to killing atheists
in
100 years...
madge sanger was
a head of her time .
i miss her
rest in peace babe
hug
for
u
-- raykon, 2012
Posted by: raykon at March 28, 2012 03:57 PM (ykSKg)
Posted by: Progressive at March 28, 2012 03:59 PM (l4aoe)
'Cause he's a genius science, computer guy.
Posted by: nickless at March 28, 2012 03:59 PM (MMC8r)
Posted by: Gmac at March 28, 2012 03:59 PM (HPjDI)
Next time there's a Haiku throwdown here someone should invite Jose. Tell him that they aren't too fanatic about teh syllable count ...
Posted by: Uncle Joe at March 28, 2012 03:59 PM (ssVeC)
Posted by: Truck Monkey at March 28, 2012 03:59 PM (jucos)
Good on you, Al. RIP
Posted by: Minuteman (aka trainer) until Juggy is Gone at March 28, 2012 03:59 PM (DGxyd)
Posted by: Truck Monkey at March 28, 2012 04:01 PM (jucos)
Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD 2012 at March 28, 2012 07:45 PM (Gk3SS)
He went straight to undead. Easy to miss.
Posted by: Hydrocarbon Liberation Front at March 28, 2012 04:01 PM (NVu2l)
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO supporter at March 28, 2012 07:57 PM (CA2NO)
Speechless. I don't know how I missed her all of my life. I will have to start watching out for her.
Posted by: ChristyBlinky: ABO 2012 at March 28, 2012 04:01 PM (baL2B)
"Next time there's a Haiku throwdown here someone should invite Jose. Tell him that they aren't too fanatic about teh syllable count ..."
Actually, that was a haiku from Jose.
Posted by: BackwardsBoy at March 28, 2012 04:02 PM (d0Tfm)
Posted by: Progressive at March 28, 2012 04:04 PM (l4aoe)
Posted by: mallfly at March 28, 2012 04:04 PM (bJm7W)
Posted by: Truck Monkey at March 28, 2012 04:05 PM (jucos)
Posted by: Jose "Chips" Canseco at March 28, 2012 04:05 PM (r2PLg)
Posted by: AMartel at March 28, 2012 04:05 PM (1Bqk7)
Posted by: t-bird at March 28, 2012 04:06 PM (FcR7P)
Posted by: Truck Monkey at March 28, 2012 08:05 PM (jucos)
--Linkies?
Posted by: logprof at March 28, 2012 04:07 PM (ykSKg)
Posted by: Baraka O at March 28, 2012 04:08 PM (FcR7P)
Posted by: BackwardsBoy at March 28, 2012 04:08 PM (d0Tfm)
Posted by: Progressive at March 28, 2012 07:54 PM (l4aoe)
They are..now GFY. and DIAF.....
Posted by: Portnoy at March 28, 2012 04:10 PM (6c7LS)
Posted by: Rep. Frederica Wilson at March 28, 2012 04:11 PM (0TdUk)
Posted by: Shepard Smith at March 28, 2012 04:12 PM (Q5fHc)
Posted by: MaxMBJ at March 28, 2012 04:12 PM (deaac)
Posted by: Jose at March 28, 2012 04:13 PM (r2PLg)
Posted by: BackwardsBoy at March 28, 2012 08:08 PM (d0Tfm)
You'll get straight ascii and you'll like it!
Just be grateful pixy still allows you to use lowercase letters.
Posted by: Mætenloch at March 28, 2012 04:13 PM (pAlYe)
Posted by: ManBearPig at March 28, 2012 04:14 PM (fYOZx)
Posted by: BackwardsBoy at March 28, 2012 04:14 PM (d0Tfm)
Posted by: willow at March 28, 2012 04:15 PM (TomZ9)
There's a chick on O'Reilly talking about Trayvon Martin and she's wearing a hoodie over her head. Face palm.
Posted by: Ms Choksondik at March 28, 2012 04:15 PM (fYOZx)
Posted by: Truck Monkey at March 28, 2012 04:16 PM (jucos)
Posted by: MaxMBJ at March 28, 2012 04:16 PM (deaac)
Remember the dead Ted Kennedy knobfest? We got OblablaCare dedications and a $20 million memorial outhouse out of that one.
Stay healthy Mr. Gore.
Posted by: GnuBreed at March 28, 2012 04:19 PM (ccXZP)
No Jose, he's not dead. That was just his second chakra. Calm down, man.
Posted by: 66chevelle at March 28, 2012 04:20 PM (QjSgY)
Posted by: Bat boy at March 28, 2012 04:21 PM (WvS06)
Have a poetry fest like Cowboy Poetry ala Reid. What should we call it?
Posted by: mpfs at March 28, 2012 04:22 PM (TlwCF)
I know
the way to enlightenment
HGH in a needle
needle in my butt
makes my body efficient
and makes me green
Mark McGwire copied me
he's a pure whitey
not a white hisp like me
Posted by: NO LIMIT CANSECO at March 28, 2012 04:23 PM (LJ9nk)
Mark McGwire copied me
he's a pure whitey
not a white hisp like me
Hey Ted Kennedy said his name was MIKE McGuire.
And what about Sammy SOOZER (as Ted would say) - is he a white Hispanic?
Posted by: Uncle Joe at March 28, 2012 04:25 PM (ssVeC)
Posted by: BackwardsBoy at March 28, 2012 04:26 PM (d0Tfm)
Like everyone else, I was disappointed with the ending, though since I had heard about it beforehand, I didn't have full-on nerd rage from it.
Posted by: Hoss Fuentes at March 28, 2012 04:30 PM (kt+R2)
Posted by: Hoss Fuentes at March 28, 2012 08:30 PM (kt+R2)
That will come a few days after you think about it. And I never heard any additional lyrics to Scientist Salarian. He does a variation on the "Pirate King" song called "Krogan Queen" but I'm pretty sure all the Scientist Salarian lyrics he sings are in ME2
Posted by: buzzion at March 28, 2012 04:34 PM (GULKT)
Jose Canseco
Here's your fucking haiku, bitch
Now get off my lawn
Stolen. The last two lines, mostly.
Posted by: fluffy at March 28, 2012 04:34 PM (3SvjA)
Posted by: buzzion at March 28, 2012 08:34 PM (GULKT)
There's a line about lactose-intolerant vorcha-asari hybrids or some such and then he starts humming. That was good enough for me. Blasto was better, though. I may want to start every sentence with the preface "Badassfully" from now on.
As for the ending, I figure the good stuff in the 100+ hours of the series that outweighs the last ten minutes of stupid ghost kid. Honestly, I was more disappointed by the ending for Fallout 3 (prior to Broken Steel) than this one.
Posted by: Hoss Fuentes at March 28, 2012 04:39 PM (kt+R2)
Posted by: MoeMoe at March 28, 2012 04:39 PM (cey9b)
Jose, you and algore are invited to dinner tonight on the iceberg. Don't be late as you guys are the main course. Love, hungry ass polar bear.
Posted by: af767 at March 28, 2012 04:41 PM (gmGvW)
Posted by: That's Dr. Pecker to you, Biden... at March 28, 2012 04:43 PM (ZEzII)
Posted by: Hoss Fuentes at March 28, 2012 08:39 PM (kt+R2)
I would argue that the ending of Fallout 3 originally is sort of fitting to the game. And well, you do actually get a real choice there. And just think about the end of ME3. Is there any real emotional weight to what happens? Compare that to the "good" deaths that occur during the game. Hell go online and watch some of the "bad" deaths you can end up getting. There's more emotion in them than than the ultimate fate of the galaxy.
Posted by: buzzion at March 28, 2012 04:47 PM (GULKT)
I took
(allegedly)
have messed
my mind
so fulgidly.
Stars, stars
twinkle bright.
I'm so high
I've lost
the light.
Burma Shave.
Posted by: Inspired by disgust at March 28, 2012 04:47 PM (CP+yl)
Posted by: buzzion at March 28, 2012 04:49 PM (GULKT)
I would argue that the ending of Fallout 3 originally is sort of fitting to the game. And well, you do actually get a real choice there. And just think about the end of ME3. Is there any real emotional weight to what happens? Compare that to the "good" deaths that occur during the game. Hell go online and watch some of the "bad" deaths you can end up getting. There's more emotion in them than than the ultimate fate of the galaxy.
Posted by: buzzion at March 28, 2012 08:47 PM (GULKT)
Again, I think because I got some forewarning (maybe actually from you a couple weeks ago), the disappointment was blunted. Not anger, just soul-sucking disappointment.
Posted by: Hoss Fuentes at March 28, 2012 04:51 PM (kt+R2)
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 28, 2012 04:54 PM (piMMO)
Posted by: Hoss Fuentes at March 28, 2012 04:55 PM (kt+R2)
Posted by: model_1066 at March 28, 2012 04:55 PM (PWwbk)
Posted by: That's Dr. Pecker to you, Biden... at March 28, 2012 04:59 PM (ZEzII)
are brown
and the sky
is grey
bloated al gore
hopes to get his day
tipper rejoices
sex crazed poodles pay
Posted by: ChristyBlinky: ABO 2012 at March 28, 2012 05:00 PM (baL2B)
Mass Effect 3's ending was more like when your parents tell you that they aren't mad, they're disappointed.
Posted by: Hoss Fuentes at March 28, 2012 05:06 PM (kt+R2)
well , perhaps pitchers don't catch much of anything.
Posted by: willow at March 28, 2012 07:53 PM (TomZ9)
If Canseco was banging Madonna, I'm thinking that he caught EVERYTHING.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 28, 2012 05:09 PM (tQoT4)
Posted by: Alabama Mike at March 28, 2012 05:14 PM (Id+yE)
Posted by: Hoss Fuentes at March 28, 2012 09:06 PM (kt+R2)
Yeah I can see that. I mean when a game runs 60/40 on a favorable unfavorable scale or anywhere within that range you have a controversial ending. When a game is running 90/10 for an unfavorable ending, you done fucked up.
Posted by: buzzion at March 28, 2012 05:23 PM (GULKT)
I r smarts!
U beleeve no glowball warmings!
U R incurrect!
Stoopid peeple!
Glowball warmings is reel!
Why r U so stoopid? I wunder!
Posted by: Warden at March 28, 2012 05:24 PM (o8HwV)
I began to read
screaming
my own
stopped me as
mai brainz escapped my eerz
*ksjfkdjflhsdkfls
Posted by: Where's my pressie? at March 28, 2012 05:29 PM (X5Hwz)
Posted by: steevy at March 28, 2012 06:10 PM (7W3wI)
used to sleep
in one big bed
and produce no waste
how did we go from their
to killing polar bears
in
100 years..."
Yeah, and people use to play for the love of the game, but I guess some of the old ways are expendable.
Posted by: somebody else, not me at March 28, 2012 07:09 PM (nZvGM)
Dark and lonely on the summer night.
Kill my landlord, kill my landlord.
Watchdog barking - Do he bite?
Kill my landlord, kill my landlord.
Slip in his window,
Break his neck!
Then his house
I start to wreck!
Got no reason --
What the heck!
Kill my landlord, kill my landlord.
C-I-L-L ...
My land - lord ...
Def!
Posted by: Tyrone Greene at March 28, 2012 07:17 PM (e8kgV)
Posted by: Ebony Chunky Love at March 28, 2012 07:20 PM (e8kgV)
Posted by: MostlyRight at March 28, 2012 08:45 PM (ZG8Ti)
Posted by: Aslan's Girl at March 28, 2012 09:41 PM (KL49F)
Posted by: Aslan's Girl at March 28, 2012 09:41 PM (KL49F)
Posted by: Aslan's Girl at March 28, 2012 09:43 PM (KL49F)
Is this the same Jose "I'm cheating on my wife with Gabby Reese and Tony LaRussa is about to put his boot up my ass but I'd rather juice" Conseco?
Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie © at March 29, 2012 05:06 AM (1hM1d)
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Rest in piece Al!
Posted by: Dustin at March 28, 2012 03:35 PM (z36s0)