Ace of Spades HQ

April 05, 2012

Tornado on Mars
— rdbrewer

This dust devil is 12 miles high and about a hundred yards across.

What a picture. From Universe Today:

The Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter has now spotted a gigantic Martian dust devil roughly 20 kilometers (12 miles) high, churning through the Amazonis Planitia region of northern Mars. The HiRISE camera (High Resolution Imaging Science Experiment) captured the event on March 14, 2012. Scientists say that despite its height, the plume is just 70 meters (70 yards) wide.

Also, kind of science-y, the Russians are trying to close the exotic weapons gap. But their microwave heat ray doesn't penetrate only the top 1/16th inch layer of skin, like our hi-tech, non-lethal weapon does. Our heat ray creates the sensation of heat without doing real damage. Theirs actually cooks people. Apparently they didn't get the memo on non-lethality.

High doses of microwaves can damage the functioning of internal organs, control behaviour or even drive victims to suicide.
Â‘When it was used for dispersing a crowd and it was focused on a man, his body temperature went up immediately as if he was thrown into a hot frying pan.

Note to Russia: It's not hi-tech if it's what I have in my kitchen.

Follow me on Twitter.

Posted by: rdbrewer at 03:37 PM | Comments (83)
Post contains 209 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Proof of life. Trailer parks on Mars.

Posted by: Bob Undead Saget at April 05, 2012 03:39 PM (dBvlk)

2 First person to quote any line, ANY line, from the Wizard of Oz gets banned.

Posted by: Dang at April 05, 2012 03:41 PM (BbX1b)

3 Global warming is now so bad it's causing extreme weather on Mars.

Posted by: Heorot at April 05, 2012 03:41 PM (Y06m6)

4

Can anybody see the American flag planted by NASA in the photo?

Posted by: Sheila Jackson Lee, D-Moonbattery at April 05, 2012 03:41 PM (TkGkA)

5 1970 technology IS high tech to a Russian.

Posted by: Jimmah at April 05, 2012 03:42 PM (UpwlP)

6 In Soviet Russia, pig cook you.

Posted by: Yakov Smirnoff at April 05, 2012 03:42 PM (QKKT0)

7 Dust Devil: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULwGalWwqBc

NSFW, goes to 11

Posted by: Butthole Surfers at April 05, 2012 03:43 PM (z9HTb)

8

Is the moon crawler still on Mars, or has it tipped over?

Posted by: Hank Johnson, D-GA at April 05, 2012 03:43 PM (TkGkA)

9 Global Warming!!!1111eleventy!!!111!!!!

Clearly their population was wiped out by SUVs and greedy capitalists!

Posted by: Weather Channel and MSNBC loons at April 05, 2012 03:43 PM (UOM48)

10 Mayor Bloomberg immediately issued a new fatwa banning smoking anywhere in the solar system.

Posted by: pep at April 05, 2012 03:43 PM (6TB1Z)

11 This dust devil is 12 miles high and about a hundred yards across.

You're not laughing at my Bold Plan to set up windmill farms on Mars now, are you punks?

Posted by: Newt Gingrich at April 05, 2012 03:44 PM (SY2Kh)

12 I see it more as a giant Martian sperm cell, searching for my cooter.

Posted by: Sandra Fluke at April 05, 2012 03:44 PM (QKKT0)

13 Only their microwave heat ray doesn't penetrate only the top 1/16th inch layer of skin, like our hi-tech, non-lethal weapon. Our heat ray creates the sensation of heat without doing real damage. Theirs actually cooks people. Apparently they didn't get the memo on non-lethality.[/]

I'm gonna have to go with the Russkie heat ray on this. Cooking the crowd is safer. Less bacteria.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at April 05, 2012 03:44 PM (X3lox)

14 Looks like a close-up photo of my aunt Doris exhaling through her tracheostomy.

Posted by: Dang at April 05, 2012 03:45 PM (BbX1b)

15
It's very clear to me, and will be visible to others if you look closely for the rocks arranged to say Fuck Bush!

Posted by: Al Sharkton, MSNBZ Naval Pontificator at April 05, 2012 03:45 PM (TkGkA)

16 It's the vortex of suck unleashed by the "John Carter" movie.

Posted by: gebrauchshund at April 05, 2012 03:45 PM (iYwUw)

17 The Martian weather Gods are not happy with John Carter's box office numbers.

Posted by: lowandslow at April 05, 2012 03:46 PM (GZitp)

18
Looks like my dick after I finished with Ashley Dupre.

Posted by: Eliot Spitzer, Client #9 at April 05, 2012 03:46 PM (TkGkA)

19 Anti-Putin journalists found dead from "suicide" committed by means of internally cooking themselves to death in 3...2...

Posted by: Hollowpoint at April 05, 2012 03:46 PM (SY2Kh)

20 Holy crap, I hope it doesn't knock over the American flag.

Posted by: Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D) Dumbfuckistan at April 05, 2012 03:47 PM (QKKT0)

This dust devil is 12 miles high and about a hundred yards across.

-------

When does it stop being a dust devil and start being a tornado?

Posted by: Anachronda at April 05, 2012 03:47 PM (IrbU4)

22 Is our Flag ok?

Posted by: Sheila Jackson Lee at April 05, 2012 03:47 PM (FZO+I)

23 Global Warming!!!1111eleventy!!!111!!!!

The oceans rose so much, they actually fell off the planet!

Posted by: Heorot at April 05, 2012 03:48 PM (Y06m6)

24 Russian military just invented a high tech recording device with a foil strip that kicks the recording and playback head over one track at the end of the tape. They've managed to pack eight tracks onto one single tape. It promises to extend record time by a factor of 4.

Posted by: Jimmah at April 05, 2012 03:48 PM (UpwlP)

25

Looks like my missing 8-ball baby!

Posted by: J Jackson, Jr. at April 05, 2012 03:48 PM (TkGkA)

26 24 It promises to extend record time by a factor of 4. -------- In Soviet Russia, stere owes you!

Posted by: Yakov Smirnoff at April 05, 2012 03:49 PM (IrbU4)

Damn, I gotta lay off the Rufinol.

I've been in here at least twice, already!?

Posted by: Sheila Jackson Lee at April 05, 2012 03:49 PM (FZO+I)

28
I could colonize Mars in six months and build Trump Towers!

Posted by: D. Trump, Pontificating Asshole at April 05, 2012 03:51 PM (TkGkA)

29 On twitter,

Behold this byproduct of leftists who lectures everyone on civility and tolerance. @MittReagan

Posted by: Shiggz RocketSurgeon at April 05, 2012 03:52 PM (RfvTE)

30 Wizard of Oz gets banned.

In Soviet Russia musical sock bans you!

Posted by: Dideet dideet didee dee at April 05, 2012 03:53 PM (onSRg)

31 If you are needing a proper leftist to picture to to motivate wanting to, if nothing else, shove a vote in their face... he will do nicely.

https://twitter.com/#!/MittReagan

Also that racist leftist jackass Time magazine lady from the Nicki Hailey article here:

https://twitter.com/#!/youseless

Posted by: Shiggz RocketSurgeon at April 05, 2012 03:54 PM (RfvTE)

32 First person to quote any line, ANY line, from the Wizard of Oz gets banned.

Does that include the title?

Posted by: Heorot at April 05, 2012 03:55 PM (Y06m6)

33 My prayers go out to Mars (+ a 'Like') , would be a typical facebook reply. Just saying.

Posted by: Jimmah at April 05, 2012 03:55 PM (UpwlP)

34 Most heat rays only go up to 10. Ours goes to 11. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and...

Posted by: Comrade Tufnel at April 05, 2012 03:56 PM (QKKT0)

35 My prayers go out to Mars (+ a 'Like') , would be a typical facebook reply. Just saying.

Serves them right. They're a "red" planet you know.

Posted by: Heorot at April 05, 2012 03:56 PM (Y06m6)

36 I worked with a really cool Russian guy who told me the joke (of sorts) about how NASA spent millions of dollars to make a pen that would operate in zero g conditions, whereas the cosmonauts just used a pencil.

Posted by: model_1066 at April 05, 2012 03:56 PM (PWwbk)

37 Where do I contribute to help the tornado survivors on Mars?

Posted by: Cicero at April 05, 2012 03:56 PM (QKKT0)

38 where's the men!?

Posted by: willow at April 05, 2012 03:57 PM (TomZ9)

39 An off-earth test of the bushcheney weather machine.

Posted by: EROWMER at April 05, 2012 03:57 PM (sIm3i)

40 If I had a planet, it would look like Mars.

Posted by: model_1066 at April 05, 2012 03:57 PM (PWwbk)

41 Global warming is to blame! Ice melting! Mountains crumbling! Al Gore's hemorrhoids exploding!

Posted by: Anson Mitchell at April 05, 2012 03:58 PM (IhUxK)

42 37Where do I contribute to help the tornado survivors on Mars?

Posted by: Cicero at April 05, 2012 07:56 PM (QKKT0)

----

Already on it. Money demand has been transmitted to congress.

Posted by: SCoaMF at April 05, 2012 03:58 PM (UpwlP)

43
Yeah, I went to Mars on the last Soviet mission, and it was spectacular.

Posted by: Dennis Kucinich, Moon Traveler at April 05, 2012 03:58 PM (TkGkA)

44 'we're off to see the blizzards' really doesn't fit in any way.

Posted by: willow at April 05, 2012 03:58 PM (TomZ9)

This dust devil is 12 miles high and about a hundred yards across.

-------------------------------------

That's it? It looks bigger in toto.

Posted by: Soona at April 05, 2012 03:58 PM (KhmDD)

46 Eric Holder said in a letter today that of course "President Obama respects the US Supreme Court and its ability to strike down laws as unconstitutional." But, he warned, "If the Court strikes down the Health Care Law which is so popular, we are gonna take down the Justices and pop a few in their fucking heads."

Posted by: Anson Mitchell at April 05, 2012 04:00 PM (IhUxK)

Global warming is to blame!

-----------------------------------------------

Sure. Sure. When monkeys fly.

Posted by: Soona at April 05, 2012 04:01 PM (KhmDD)

48 That's it? It looks bigger in toto.

Yeah, I thought so too. It must be arrow-straight.

Posted by: rdbrewer at April 05, 2012 04:01 PM (Iyg03)

49 I have a hankering for a Mars bar right about now.

Posted by: Mr. Mars Man, or Something Like That at April 05, 2012 04:01 PM (IhUxK)

50 Actually that's just a picture I took while trying to blow smoke rings in the Batcave.

Posted by: Batman at April 05, 2012 04:02 PM (GZitp)

51 46 Eric Holder said in a letter today that of course "President Obama respects the US Supreme Court and its ability to strike down laws as unconstitutional."

But, he warned, "If the Court strikes down the Health Care Law which is so popular, we are gonna take down the Justices and pop a few in their fucking heads."

Posted by: Anson Mitchell at April 05, 2012 08:00 PM (IhUxK)

...

and their little dog, too.....

Posted by: model_1066 at April 05, 2012 04:02 PM (PWwbk)

52 Dennis Kucinich? He is my bitch right about now.

Posted by: Fudgy O'Fartsmeller at April 05, 2012 04:02 PM (IhUxK)

53 The city of Sanford is preparing for the outcome of the special prosecutor's decision about George Zimmerman, the neighborhood watchman who shot and killed 17-year-old Trayvon Martin but has not been charged.

Sanford Mayor Jeff Triplett said on Thursday that the city's emergency management team has met regularly with the U.S Department of Justice to construct a plan. Officials said extra police officers and fire department officials are on standby. Neighboring agencies have also been asked to assist, if needed.

----

So, if they have to put riot cops on the streets, I don't suppose the answer will sit well with the lynch mobs and their president.

Posted by: Jimmah at April 05, 2012 04:03 PM (UpwlP)

54 Howard Dean: Proof Positive That Birth Control, when used Incorrectly, Causes Some Terrible Things to Happen

Posted by: Anson Mitchell at April 05, 2012 04:03 PM (IhUxK)

Eric Holder said in a letter today that of course "President Obama
respects the US Supreme Court and its ability to strike down laws as
unconstitutional."

----------------------------------------

It's a start. They need to learn that they're not in Kansas anymore.

Posted by: Soona at April 05, 2012 04:05 PM (KhmDD)

56 "So, if they have to put riot cops on the streets, I don't suppose the answer will sit well with the lynch mobs and their president." Eric Holder will indict on civil rights violations if the state, as I predict, does not prosecute. They have to give Al Sharpton the legal masturbation that that fucking anti-Semitic racist piece of shit wants.

Posted by: Anson Mitchell at April 05, 2012 04:05 PM (IhUxK)

57 OK, so, that's like, totally cool and shit.

Posted by: Contemplative Lobster at April 05, 2012 04:05 PM (ay6+/)

58 "It's a start." If Bush had said this, the media would have gone apeshit demanding that the Democrats hold impeachment hearings immediately.

Posted by: Anson Mitchell at April 05, 2012 04:06 PM (IhUxK)

59 Tornado on Mars: women and minorities hardest hit.

Posted by: model_1066 at April 05, 2012 04:06 PM (PWwbk)

60 1 Proof of life. Trailer parks on Mars. ------- You'd think NASA would spread the rovers out so there aren't enough in any one place to attract a tornado.

Posted by: Anachronda at April 05, 2012 04:07 PM (FzhYM)

61 I want justice...I want I.T. and skillets because some black boy done got shot by a Jew, er, a white man, er, a white-Hispanic, a Hispanic...uh, some guy who hates African-Americans because it is obvious that he used the word "coon" and shot this boy down like a rabid dog, like the way Emmet Till was shot. Oh, wait, Emmet Till wasn't shot. Forget that.

Posted by: Al Sharpton's Asshole, Acting as Al Sharpton, Asshole Du Jour at April 05, 2012 04:08 PM (IhUxK)

62 If Obama gets a second term, he will physically use the US Constitution as his own personal toilet paper.

Posted by: Anson Mitchell at April 05, 2012 04:09 PM (IhUxK)

63 22 Is our Flag ok?

Posted by: Sheila Jackson Lee at April 05, 2012 07:47 PM (FZO+I)

Chicken dinner.

Posted by: Bang Out Of Order at April 05, 2012 04:09 PM (1H47k)

That is some impressive resolution in that tornado photo.

It umm....makes me wonder if the satelites looking down on us, have that same level of resolution.

Posted by: wheatie at April 05, 2012 04:10 PM (+5U+B)

65 61 I want justice...I want I.T. and skillets because some black boy done got shot by a Jew, er, a white man, er, a white-Hispanic, a Hispanic...uh, some guy who hates African-Americans because it is obvious that he used the word "coon" and shot this boy down like a rabid dog, like the way Emmet Till was shot. Oh, wait, Emmet Till wasn't shot. Forget that.

Posted by: Al Sharpton's Asshole, Acting as Al Sharpton, Asshole Du Jour at April 05, 2012 08:08 PM (IhUxK)

...

If you only had a brain.....

Posted by: model_1066 at April 05, 2012 04:10 PM (PWwbk)

66
It umm....makes me wonder if the satelites looking down on us, have that same level of resolution.

Posted by: wheatie at April 05, 2012 08:10 PM (+5U+B)

----------------------------------

Trust me. It would boggle your mind.

Posted by: Soona at April 05, 2012 04:14 PM (KhmDD)

67 You know who this benefits, don't you?

Posted by: Hugh Hewitt at April 05, 2012 04:15 PM (7+pP9)

68 66 It umm....makes me wonder if the satelites looking down on us, have that same level of resolution.
Posted by: wheatie at April 05, 2012 08:10 PM (+5U+B)

----------------------------------

Trust me. It would boggle your mind.

...

They could probably discern the color of your eyes....which is why I wear a hoodie!

Posted by: model_1066 at April 05, 2012 04:16 PM (PWwbk)

69 You know who this benefits, don't you?

Posted by: Hugh Hewitt at April 05, 2012 08:15 PM (7+pP9)

--------------------------------------

Jim Cantore?

Posted by: Soona at April 05, 2012 04:17 PM (KhmDD)

70
They could probably discern the color of your eyes....which is why I wear a hoodie!

Posted by: model_1066 at April 05, 2012 08:16 PM (PWwbk)

-----------------------------------------

They could probably discern cuts on the back of your head.

Posted by: Soona at April 05, 2012 04:19 PM (KhmDD)

71 "You know who this benefits, don't you?" Lou Diamond Phillips?

Posted by: Anson Mitchell at April 05, 2012 04:21 PM (IhUxK)

Sounds like Martian Tornados needs a round of "A leftist spins the Â“wheel of blame.Â”"

The wheel can land on any of the below:

*Racism
*corporations
*conservatives
*non-dem Religious people

....(spins wheel)...

Corporations! You see our corporations pollute our air then those pollutants and toxins travel through through space as "marxicon" particles and arrive on mars and are distorting their natural environmental balances! Think of the martian polar bears!

Join me next time for another game of "A Lefty Spins the Wheeell offfff Blaaaaaaaame!"

Posted by: Shiggz RocketSurgeon at April 05, 2012 04:22 PM (RfvTE)

73 "You know who this benefits, don't you?"

GWAR?

Posted by: model_1066 at April 05, 2012 04:22 PM (PWwbk)

74 My neighbors will probably start wondering now, why I am walking out of my house and shooting the middle finger at the sky.

Posted by: wheatie at April 05, 2012 04:23 PM (+5U+B)

75
That is some impressive resolution in that tornado photo.

It umm....makes me wonder if the satelites looking down on us, have that same level of resolution.

Posted by: wheatie at April 05, 2012 08:10 PM (+5U+B)

Since Mars doesn't have an atmosphere and has less gravity (satellites can orbit closer to the planet), the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter has advantages over earth surveillance satellites. But if you were to find out the resolution of our spy satellites you would end up on the messy side of some wet work.

Unless you were a muzzie or Bradley Manning, of course.

Posted by: Ed Anger - Certified Kos Kid at April 05, 2012 04:24 PM (7+pP9)

76 "My neighbors will probably start wondering now, why I am walking out of my house and shooting the middlefinger at the sky." My neighbors may be slightly alarmed because I walked out of my house with an M-16 and shot a dozen fucking holes into my neighbor's Cadillac.

Posted by: Anson Mitchell at April 05, 2012 04:30 PM (IhUxK)

77 Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: steevy at April 05, 2012 04:49 PM (7W3wI)

78 75 Since Mars doesn't have an atmosphere...

-------

Ummm.... if Mars doesn't have an atmosphere, what is blowing the dust around in that picture up there?

Posted by: Anachronda at April 05, 2012 05:00 PM (6fER6)

79 Mars has an atmosphere, but since it's pretty much CO2 and CO2 is a pollutant, that doesn't count.

Posted by: DRH at April 05, 2012 05:02 PM (xFoDt)

80 The best part of this movie was that Tim Robbins was already flash frozen by this point.

Posted by: toby928© at April 05, 2012 05:56 PM (GTbGH)

81
I kinda like Russian crowd control.
We should invite them to do OWS.

Posted by: RayJ at April 06, 2012 06:28 AM (pI/IV)

82 It's Bush's fault

Posted by: B. Obama, Esq., Constitututional Law Expert at April 06, 2012 06:41 AM (le6gW)

83 Must be due to man-made global warming, just like in Texas. Why else would tornadoes exist? If it's not man-made, then there must be something to affect not only Earth, but Mars as well. Even Jupiter has a new, smaller Red Spot. To affect all these planets, maybe more, there must be something going on, some object of great proportions, something perhaps as big as the Sun. Nah, that's just science fiction. Nothing is really that big, right?

/sarcasm

Posted by: hadsil at April 06, 2012 08:54 AM (HYDTz)

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