Ace of Spades HQ

July 24, 2012

Weird News Links
— LauraW

Chinese police rescue a woman from a river in China. The victim was (and still is) unresponsive but is now back to work after being patched up at a local bike shop.

Almost all the David Hasselhoff cutouts used by Cumberland Farms to advertise a new coffee drink have been stolen.

Ngo said the chain will keep sending signs to stores that need them until the campaign ends in August. She wouldn't share how much they've spent on replacements.
The company will use its Facebook page to ask people to stop taking the signs. It also has a request for anyone who already has one.
"We want to know at least the Hasselhoff is safe and he's being taken care of," Ngo said.

*sigh* ...okay.

He's safe.
And he makes a mighty fine scarecrow.

Evidence of persecution and intolerance in ancient Europe.

Thanks to Slublog for that last one.
Special treat below the fold.

Thirsty?

Posted by: LauraW at 07:48 AM | Comments (108)
Post contains 161 words, total size 1 kb.

1 oh fick me with teh gay pic

Posted by: soothsayer at July 24, 2012 07:49 AM (9Q2PJ)

2 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

What has been seen cannot be un-seen.

Posted by: DRH at July 24, 2012 07:49 AM (xFoDt)

3 come on now that aint right it aint right

Posted by: soothsayer at July 24, 2012 07:50 AM (F/kuF)

4 Elly! Been looking for you.

Posted by: Feck at July 24, 2012 07:51 AM (2jQGY)

5 This must be the "social media" I hear so much about! Suddenly I'm all a-twitter!

Posted by: Eleanor's Clit at July 24, 2012 07:51 AM (msPO3)

6 Where is the Kate Upton pic to counter the Hoff?

Posted by: Truck Monkey at July 24, 2012 07:51 AM (jucos)

IS THIS WEDNESDAY? NO.

IS THIS H2? NO.

YOU ARE NO LONGER MY FAVORITE PERSON, LAURA.

Posted by: reason at July 24, 2012 07:52 AM (kZVsz)

8 OMG. Where's PETA when you need them?!?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at July 24, 2012 07:52 AM (UOM48)

9 scruples, lauraw lacks them

Posted by: soothsayer at July 24, 2012 07:53 AM (g8WYH)

10 This gets reported as a "hate crime" but other feral teen attacks don't. It happened Sunday night in Northeast DC

Yoga Instructor Hospitalized After Gay Couple Attacked

http://tinyurl.com/bt3aypz

Posted by: kbdabear at July 24, 2012 07:53 AM (Y7XKa)

11 The cutouts of David are safe.

Sticky, but safe.

Posted by: Clutch Cargo at July 24, 2012 07:53 AM (Qxdfp)

12 THE PAWS ON DAT GUY!

Posted by: reason at July 24, 2012 07:53 AM (kZVsz)

13 Der Hoff? Guten tag to all those lurking from Deutschland

Posted by: kbdabear at July 24, 2012 07:54 AM (Y7XKa)

Woah. Hasselhoff has really small feet.

Posted by: wheatie at July 24, 2012 07:54 AM (MbB0O)

15 Meh. Hasselhoff never did anything for me. Something's off with his proportions. And look at that picture. He has freakishly small feet. Good morning, morons! Today is Pioneer Day so we Utahns have the day off. Envy me! ;-)

Posted by: Y-not at July 24, 2012 07:55 AM (5H6zj)

>>>Woah. Hasselhoff has really small feet.

But pointy kneecaps!

Posted by: Lurking Canuck at July 24, 2012 07:56 AM (BrQrN)

17 @14 Jinx!

Posted by: Y-not at July 24, 2012 07:56 AM (5H6zj)

18 Imma have to paint some damn happy trees to get over this.

Posted by: eleven at July 24, 2012 07:56 AM (KXm42)

19 All the Hasselhoff cutouts were stolen by expatriate Germans.

The vampire thingie? Early Twilight fans. They had time machines.

The semi-nude picture? Woman, it's near lunch. That's just not right.

Posted by: joncelli, heartless Con and all around unpleasant guy at July 24, 2012 07:56 AM (RD7QR)

20 I posted this in the thread below. Brits selling bags "I leased my flat to a fat American family" at the Olympics.

http://tinyurl.com/bwokesw

Posted by: Jane D'oh at July 24, 2012 07:57 AM (UOM48)

21 Can a cob-logger be banned? LauraW is really pushing the limits of bad taste.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at July 24, 2012 07:58 AM (EQpRL)

My eyes! The goggles - they do nothing!

MENDOOOOOOOZAAAAAA!!!

Posted by: Rainier Wolfcastle at July 24, 2012 07:58 AM (zF6Iw)

23 Haaa ha ha haaa. I love tweaking me some Morons.

Posted by: lauraw at July 24, 2012 07:58 AM (SkOar)

24 This place is getting too giney.

Posted by: eleven at July 24, 2012 07:58 AM (KXm42)

25 Ewwwww, that's a not right!

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at July 24, 2012 07:58 AM (zqMtk)

26 Mr Y-not mentioned there'd been some suspicious packages and bomb threat delivered somewhere (university? school?) that might have been connected to Aurora. Did anyone read/see that? PS: Quit yer whining, morons. We moronettes have to look at boobehs practically every day around here!

Posted by: Y-not at July 24, 2012 07:59 AM (5H6zj)

27 Is a nekkid man with bulldog puppies sexy? He does have nice legs.

Posted by: kallisto at July 24, 2012 07:59 AM (jm/9g)

28 Hasselhoff looks like he's fucking that dog.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at July 24, 2012 07:59 AM (EQpRL)

I did know about the Hasselhoff thefts. It's all they could talk about at the two Cumby's I go to a couple weeks ago.

Posted by: Truman North at July 24, 2012 07:59 AM (I2LwF)

30 EoJ, I really enjoyed your picket line posts. Hilarious.

Posted by: lauraw at July 24, 2012 08:00 AM (SkOar)

31 Ace didn't want anybody to know this, but apparently every summer he works as a counselor at a camp for abused children. I think that's commendable.

http://bit.ly/MZrPia

Posted by: Clutch Cargo at July 24, 2012 08:00 AM (Qxdfp)

32 21 I posted this in the thread below. Brits selling bags "I leased my flat to a fat American family" at the Olympics. ---- It's time to retaliate with novelty toothbrushes. I actually get along great with Brits when they are away from home, but even good friends of mine behave a little differently when they're back amongst their kind. I think their preoccupation with social strata warps the shit out of them.

Posted by: Y-not at July 24, 2012 08:00 AM (5H6zj)

33 those are shar pei puppies what barry O calls "stewers"

Posted by: BlackOrchidPinesForDagny at July 24, 2012 08:01 AM (J6kXj)

34 @24 - feel free to post more male skin pics. We need something to balance out all the cheerleader jpegs.

Posted by: kallisto at July 24, 2012 08:01 AM (jm/9g)

35 Jebus Cripes. Thats about the most unmanly, turd tamping gay pose you could ever dream up. No wonder the bastard is drunking himself to death.

Posted by: maddogg at July 24, 2012 08:01 AM (OlN4e)

36 Let's see....Ace is on vacay and the Gotham Princess is absent. Coincidink?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at July 24, 2012 08:01 AM (UOM48)

37 At some point, you've had enough Hasselhoff.

Posted by: WalrusRex at July 24, 2012 08:01 AM (Hx5uv)

38 I love tweaking me some Morons. May your hump become scaly!!!!

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at July 24, 2012 08:02 AM (zqMtk)

39 Posted by: Truck Monkey at July 24, 2012 11:51 AM (jucos)

Great minds think alike:

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo (NJConservative) at July 24, 2012 08:02 AM (nEUpB)

40 32 Ace didn't want anybody to know this, but apparently every summer he works as a counselor at a camp for abused children. I think that's commendable.

http://bit.ly/MZrPia

Posted by: Clutch Cargo at July 24, 2012 12:00 PM (Qxdfp)

You're as bad as lauraw! [whimpering]

Posted by: joncelli, heartless Con and all around unpleasant guy at July 24, 2012 08:03 AM (RD7QR)

Oh my.

I can't find the "unsee" button.

Posted by: Mama AJ at July 24, 2012 08:04 AM (SUKHu)

42 I'd kick sand onto his blanket and take his lunch money. Guy needs to read the back of the comic book!

Posted by: and irresolute at July 24, 2012 08:04 AM (Q492A)

Heh. ....From that Chinese Sex Doll story:

"Embarrassed mothers reportedly covered their children's faces and hurried them away from the scene before they could ask awkward questions.

Mommy, why does that big doll have a big hole in it's crotch?

And I notice that the only comment on that story has been...."removed for violations of our Terms and Conditions".

Posted by: wheatie at July 24, 2012 08:04 AM (MbB0O)

44 mmmm.....::save picture as::............

Posted by: eleven at July 24, 2012 08:04 AM (KXm42)

45 We've been Hoff rolled.

Posted by: Tami at July 24, 2012 08:05 AM (X6akg)

46 those aren't shar peis... that's Hasselhoff's ballbag

Posted by: soothsayer at July 24, 2012 08:05 AM (uff2W)

@31,

Thanks, it's been fun living them. For me, not them. For me, not these retards. Word is starting to spread, I think, because nobody tried to stop me this morning.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at July 24, 2012 08:06 AM (EQpRL)

48 Are those scientists crazy? They've dug up a vampire skeleton? Don't they know that the first intern to get a paper cut and drip some blood on those old bones will reanimate them and we'll be plagued by the nefarious night dealings of one of the undead!?!

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at July 24, 2012 08:06 AM (4df7R)

49 That was for ---->http://is.gd/5d3TqG<------------ not the hoff.

Fuckin Lauraw got me in CYA mode now.

Posted by: eleven at July 24, 2012 08:06 AM (KXm42)

18@14
Jinx!

Posted by: Y-not at July 24, 2012 11:56 AM (5H6zj)

Heh.

Yet another example of moronette mind-sync.

Posted by: wheatie at July 24, 2012 08:07 AM (MbB0O)

51 That sex doll picture looks like it would be perfect fodder for a David Lynch movie.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter at July 24, 2012 08:07 AM (4df7R)

52 Chart at zerohedge suggests payroll numbers heading negative this week. Big negative.

(as always, do not, under any circumstance, read the comments)

Big negative print in the middle of summer is a big gash in the side of SS Oblama.

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at July 24, 2012 08:07 AM (mIoJ0)

53 Heh. Barry tells his stupid minions "I'm term-limited after this."

Well, Oakland, this is my last political campaign. It is -- no, itÂ’s -- I promise you, IÂ’m term-limited after this. (Laughter.) And because this is my last political campaign, itÂ’s had me thinking these days -- you get a little nostalgic, and you start thinking about your first political campaigns -- when I was running as a state senator in Illinois, and had to Xerox my own flyers, go to KinkoÂ’s. (Laughter.) And then Michelle would go out, and weÂ’d be knocking on doors on a Saturday morning. And then, when I ran for the United States Senate, IÂ’d drive all across Illinois, which isnÂ’t quite as big as California, but is a big state. And you didnÂ’t have GPS back then, and I didnÂ’t have Marine One -- (laughter) -- so IÂ’d be driving myself.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at July 24, 2012 08:07 AM (UOM48)

54 Arrrrggg, back to old thread.

Posted by: Vic at July 24, 2012 08:08 AM (YdQQY)

55 The sex doll picture is fucking hilarious BTW.

Too bad about the hasselhoff picture after.

Posted by: eleven at July 24, 2012 08:08 AM (KXm42)

LauraW, we demand you immediately post a pic of Kate Upton.

Pretty please?

Really, any other Generic Hot Hollywood Starlet with a Bunkability Factor of 7.45 (out of a possible 10.0000) will do.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at July 24, 2012 08:10 AM (d0Tfm)

>>>Woah. Hasselhoff has really small feet.

Well you know what they say--

Big Hands...

Big Feet...

Well, two out of three ain't bad...

Posted by: runningrn at July 24, 2012 08:10 AM (WGmy2)

it's always hump-day when lauraw is in the house!

Posted by: garrett at July 24, 2012 08:11 AM (k49gO)

"Unresponsive."

Mine too. The bitch.

Posted by: West at July 24, 2012 08:12 AM (1Rgee)

60 BREAKING NEWS -----

President Obama, discussing his economic policies during a fundraiser in California, told supporters last night that Â“we tried our plan Â— and it workedÂ” as he explained why they should reelect him.

Posted by: Obama 2012 at July 24, 2012 08:13 AM (e8kgV)

61 42 Oh my. I can't find the "unsee" button. Posted by: Mama AJ at July 24, 2012 12:04 PM (SUKHu) Replace with an awesome baby pic: http://tinyurl.com/c6qu3aa

Posted by: The Huggable Robot Devil at July 24, 2012 08:13 AM (136wp)

62 61 BREAKING NEWS -----

President Obama, discussing his economic policies during a fundraiser in
California, told supporters last night that Â“we tried our plan Â— and it
workedÂ” as he explained why they should reelect him.

Oh jeez. The attack ads write themselves.

Posted by: joncelli, heartless Con and all around unpleasant guy at July 24, 2012 08:14 AM (RD7QR)

63 Don't Hassle the Hoff.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ at July 24, 2012 08:14 AM (ZKzrr)

64 Looks like Ace has been spotted out in Norwalk. FOX is covering the chase.

Posted by: Hal Burton at July 24, 2012 08:14 AM (iYvMQ)

65 62 42 Oh my. I can't find the "unsee" button. Posted by: Mama AJ at July 24, 2012 12:04 PM (SUKHu) Replace with an awesome baby pic: http://tinyurl.com/c6qu3aa Posted by: The Huggable Robot Devil at July 24, 2012 12:13 PM (136wp) or this one: http://tinyurl.com/cjjx6pg

Posted by: The Huggable Robot Devil at July 24, 2012 08:14 AM (136wp)

66 Ugh. Carriage return fail.

Posted by: joncelli, heartless Con and all around unpleasant guy at July 24, 2012 08:14 AM (RD7QR)

So do you think Kay in Maine is one of the people who stole The Hoff? It may be the first time in years she's had a man in her bedroom.

Posted by: runningrn at July 24, 2012 08:15 AM (WGmy2)

68 My greatest joy is to crush your businesses, to see them driven before me, and to hear the lamentations of their employees.

Posted by: Lizzie Warren at July 24, 2012 08:16 AM (Hx5uv)

69 18 cops to rescue an inflatable sex toy. It looks like they sent out the entire Gang Bang Unit.

Posted by: runningrn at July 24, 2012 08:16 AM (WGmy2)

70 And you didnÂ’t have GPS back then, and I didnÂ’t
have Marine One -- (laughter) -- so IÂ’d be driving myself.

He's just begging someone to develop a fixation with Taxi Driver, isn't he?

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ at July 24, 2012 08:16 AM (ZKzrr)

Oh, newish posts up at my little slice of Intarwebz Heaven.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at July 24, 2012 08:16 AM (d0Tfm)

72 you get a little nostalgic, and you start thinking about
your first political campaigns -- when I was running as a state senator in Illinois, and had to Xerox my own flyers, go to KinkoÂ’s. (Laughter.) And then Michelle would go out, and weÂ’d be knocking on doors on a Saturday morning. And then, when I ran for the United States Senate, IÂ’d drive all across Illinois, which isnÂ’t quite as big as California, but is a big state. And you didnÂ’t have GPS back then, and I didnÂ’t have Marine One -- (laughter) -- so IÂ’d be driving myself.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at July 24, 2012 12:07 PM

I guess the part about having a crooked judge throw out the petitions of his state senate primary opponents, and another crooked judge opening Jack Ryan's sealed divorce records late in his US Senate campaign wouldn't sound so inspiring to the cultist worshippers

Posted by: kbdabear at July 24, 2012 08:17 AM (Y7XKa)

73 We want to know at least the Hasselhoff is safe and he's being taken care of They're right next to some styrofoam columns.

Posted by: t-bird at July 24, 2012 08:17 AM (FcR7P)

74 So Laura you make a recent investment in brain bleach futures?

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Lite! 98% Anger Free! at July 24, 2012 08:19 AM (0q2P7)

Posted by: kbdabear at July 24, 2012 11:54 AM (Y7XKa)

==================

guten tag

Hoff ain't so hot in deutschland anymore. i never really understood the craze 25 years ago, either

Posted by: eurw at July 24, 2012 08:19 AM (KS0+a)

76 We want to know at least the Hasselhoff is safe and he's being taken care of

Every hipster college kid in a ten mile radius has one in his dorm room now.

Posted by: eleven at July 24, 2012 08:20 AM (KXm42)

77 And were starting the day with another Dow Jones triple digit dive. Third in a row, but who's counting?

Posted by: WalrusRex at July 24, 2012 08:20 AM (Hx5uv)

78 Wha? Whare?
Hey I just got this letter from myself.

Don't be afraid Moose. I can't tell you why, but know this. I choose to forget. Don't look up at thread.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Lite! 98% Anger Free! at July 24, 2012 08:21 AM (0q2P7)

79 EU Woes!

Posted by: soothsayer at July 24, 2012 08:21 AM (FP2oA)

80 Posted by: BackwardsBoy at July 24, 2012 12:10 PM (d0Tfm)

Way ahead of you.

See #40

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo (NJConservative) at July 24, 2012 08:21 AM (nEUpB)

81 Speaking of news of the weird, did you see Bloomberg's latest psychotic break from reality? He says the cops ought to go on strike until we get us some serious gun control laws.

Yeah, that'll work out well.

Posted by: WalrusRex at July 24, 2012 08:22 AM (Hx5uv)

82 Big deal, it's a nice summer day, a guy gets a little worked up and decides to do some "rafting" with his inflatable gal. I think we've all been there.

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at July 24, 2012 08:22 AM (+lsX1)

83 Hoff ain't so hot in deutschland anymore. i never really understood the craze 25 years ago, either

From what I understand, he just happened to come out with some gaywad song right when the wall was coming down and it was kismet.

Posted by: eleven at July 24, 2012 08:23 AM (KXm42)

84 Big deal, it's a nice summer day, a guy gets a little worked up and decides to do some "rafting" with his inflatable gal. I think we've all been there.

---

I certainly have.

Posted by: Fred Willard at July 24, 2012 08:23 AM (Hx5uv)

85 Why are you Hasseling us with Hoff pics?

Posted by: USS Diversity at July 24, 2012 08:24 AM (2d71t)

Don't knock The Hoff's contributions to our culture.

http://tinyurl.com/fr37u

Posted by: Burn the Witch at July 24, 2012 08:25 AM (rX1N2)

87 Those aren't puppehs, btw. This is a puppeh: http://tinyurl.com/c9ygyec (SFW, btw)

Posted by: Y-not at July 24, 2012 08:25 AM (5H6zj)

88 "Vampire" is such an ugly word. I prefer "alternately sanguinated."

Posted by: WalrusRex at July 24, 2012 08:26 AM (Hx5uv)

89 82 Speaking of news of the weird, did you see Bloomberg's latest psychotic break from reality? ---- Yeah. That seems treasonous or something somehow. The man's the mayor of the largest US city and he's talking like an OWSer.

Posted by: Y-not at July 24, 2012 08:26 AM (5H6zj)

90 You know what they say -- small feet, small shoes.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at July 24, 2012 08:27 AM (HOI3B)

91 I know Chick-Fil-A is in the news for other reasons, but have any of you tried their Peach milkshakes? A seasonal thing, they just came out around here. Delicious.

Posted by: Lincolntf at July 24, 2012 08:29 AM (HethX)

36 Let's see....Ace is on vacay and the Gotham Princess is absent. Coincidink?

She/it still hasn't showed up?

Hmmm.

Posted by: wheatie at July 24, 2012 08:29 AM (MbB0O)

OK, so the Hoff makes your hump-hairs stand at attention, LauraW.

We get it.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at July 24, 2012 08:31 AM (d0Tfm)

94 could have been a large photo of helen thomas.....just sayin

Posted by: Red Shirt at July 24, 2012 08:31 AM (FIDMq)

95 Posted by: wheatie at July 24, 2012 12:29 PM (MbB0O)

There was a big roundup of streetwalkers a few nights ago near the Javits Center in NYC.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo (NJConservative) at July 24, 2012 08:32 AM (nEUpB)

In keeping with the "Weird News Links" theme.....that video of Silverman humping a dog, should be included in this post.

http:/ /www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=N3wYU3jprTI

Posted by: wheatie at July 24, 2012 08:37 AM (MbB0O)

97 What is he doing with that dog? Never mind I don't want to know

Posted by: phoenixgirl, team dagny at July 24, 2012 08:37 AM (iDLGO)

15 Today is Pioneer Day so we Utahns have the day off. Envy me!

---------

And, more importantly, MOAR FIREWORKS!!!

Consider yourself envied.

Posted by: Anachronda at July 24, 2012 08:37 AM (xGZ+b)

99 >>Consider yourself envied.

Double.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ at July 24, 2012 08:38 AM (ZKzrr)

100 98 What is he doing with that dog? Never mind I don't want to know Posted by: phoenixgirl, team dagny at July 24, 2012 12:37 PM (iDLGO) http://tinyurl.com/365wcne Donny Osmond - Puppy Love - Video

Posted by: The Huggable Robot Devil at July 24, 2012 08:40 AM (136wp)

101 Jez-zus! What are these ads for again? Circumcision?

Posted by: Fritz at July 24, 2012 08:44 AM (/ZZCn)

102 The cheerleader contortionists during football season are bad enough, but acceptable on a certain level. This, wierd pose and all, is just wrong, wrong, wrong!

Posted by: and irresolute at July 24, 2012 08:44 AM (Q492A)

103 Sonofabitch!!! I just ate!!!!

Posted by: BCochran1981 at July 24, 2012 08:46 AM (da5Wo)

104 "I leased my flat to a fat American family"

Oprah, couch-confession thyself.
http://is.gd/rtZAiW

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ at July 24, 2012 08:52 AM (ZKzrr)

105 Et tu Shih Tzu Herr Hasselhoff?

Posted by: jakee308 at July 24, 2012 08:58 AM (pASI9)

106 Shit! You people found what I was cribbin' from!

Posted by: Sarah Silverman at July 24, 2012 09:04 AM (sPO/s)

107 I posted this in the thread below. Brits selling bags "I leased my flat to a fat American family" at the Olympics.
http://tinyurl.com/bwokesw
Posted by: Jane D'oh at July 24, 2012 11:57 AM (UOM4

Counter-punch with Americans toting bags that read "I rented a flat from a dentally-challenged Brit"

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at July 24, 2012 12:47 PM

"Now I can pay to have my tooth cleaned"

As for fat, have you seen the Brits from the council estates lately? Worse than what you see at a Little Rock Walmart

Posted by: kbdabear at July 24, 2012 09:16 AM (Y7XKa)

108 Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: steevy at July 24, 2012 04:27 PM (6o4Fb)

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