August 30, 2012

What Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan Need To Do Now
— Ace

I think the election is over. I think it is so over we need a new Latin tense to describe how over it is, the Past Pluperfect Noncontinuing Historical Past Tense.

So, what the hell are we going to do for two months?

That's where Romney and Ryan are going to have to step the hell up. To make this entertaining, and not just a snoozer of a blowout, they're going to have to deliberately make some bad choices. They're going to have to fight to keep this close, to keep it interesting.

They're going to have to schedule some gaffes.

I was spitballing last night about some of the things they could do for us. You might have your own ideas.

* Mitt Romney should start wearing a top hat, spats, and a monocle.

* Paul Ryan should announce his marital status is now "Swingle."

* Mitt Romney can reveal he subscribes to Poop Magazine. And in fact doesn't just subscribe, but invested Bain Capital funds in it. Bain Capital funds that otherwise would have gone towards Not Murdering People With Cancer.

* When citizens present their babies for Paul Ryan to kiss, he should say, "Sorry, lady, but I don't kiss garbage."

* Both candidates should pick a swing state we absolutely need and then begin insulting residents of that state for no good reason. Mitt Romney can start things off by referring to residents of Florida as "Floritards." Paul Ryan can walk into Ohio rallies and say, "What the crap smells so bad? Oh, right: dirty filthy Ohio shit-mongrels."

* Mitt Romney should start using the word "choad" casually, in tv interviews. He should also say "sext" whenever he means "email," "text," "call," or "tell." As in: "I'll be sexting the public my plan for tax reform later."

* Mitt Romney should begin referring to Ann Romney as "My publicly-acknowledged sister-wife."

* Paul Ryan should arrange for himself to be photographed leaving an American Legion bathroom, with the American flag stuck to the bottom of his shoe.

* Whenever Ann and Mitt Romney appear in joint interviews, Ann should flinch at Mitt's slightest movement, and then whisper frantically to the interviewer: "Sometimes he gets so very angry with me."

* Paul Ryan should make frequent, cryptic references to "my side-piece in Madison."

* Mitt Romney should start saying things like "Joe Biden makes me so angry I want to punch him right in the wife."

* Whenever Paul Ryan doesn't like the premise of a reporter's question, he should sharply say "Zionist lies!!!," with sibilants a-crackin'.

* If asked about his Mormonism, and tensions with the evangelical community, Mitt Romney should get a cigar and start doing the Edward G. Robinson voice: "So where's your Messiah now, ay? See? Yeah. See? Yeaaahh."

* Mitt Romney should come out to the stage at the Convention riding Rafalca. On the stage will be a makeshift, poorly-ventilated smithy where poor children are forced to make golden horseshoes for Rafalca. When the children, singed and sooty, are finished with their difficult, dangerous task, Mitt Romney should pay them in chicken bones and old, misprinted issues of Poop Magazine.

Posted by: Ace at 10:32 AM | Comments (555)
Post contains 547 words, total size 4 kb.

1 You're too funny, Ace. That's why I love reading your blog.

Posted by: Sassy at August 30, 2012 10:34 AM (se4AB)

2 The song they need to play for Biden after the Ryan/Biden Debate: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgn1eHG_lr8

Posted by: Kevin at August 30, 2012 10:34 AM (cRkGP)

3 From now on all female reporters are to be referred to as 'sugar tits'.#MoarFairness

Posted by: mel gibson at August 30, 2012 10:34 AM (bvmS4)

4 Clint Eastwood will seal Obama's fate tonight.  "Get off my lawn"

Posted by: Pipe Holder at August 30, 2012 10:34 AM (VTeUD)

5 Ace has gotten a tainted Val-u-Rite bottle again!

Posted by: Oldcat at August 30, 2012 10:34 AM (z1N6a)

6 Romney could ask every reporter if they are wearing magical underwear.

Posted by: lorien1973 at August 30, 2012 10:34 AM (0tkqC)

7 Where did all of this come from???

Posted by: Vic at August 30, 2012 10:34 AM (YdQQY)

8 Barack Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable tyrant.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at August 30, 2012 10:35 AM (8y9MW)

9 Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: steevy at August 30, 2012 10:35 AM (6o4Fb)

10 Just a public service reminder: Reality Check is the former Nationalist, an avowed white supremacist Illinois Nazi troll who has always loved Henry Gibson.

Posted by: Queefy Meatboy at August 30, 2012 10:35 AM (pcnpf)

11 Romney: You're gay?! HAIRCUT!

Posted by: t-bird at August 30, 2012 10:35 AM (FcR7P)

12 So, what the hell are we going to do for two months?


Donate.  Donate $12.12. 
Get it done.
Finish it.
Finish it like no other election.


Friend,

In a few hours, IÂ’ll take the podium before a Republican Party that has been united and inspired by a common conviction:

We believe in America.

We believe in America, even though the last four years have been full of difficulties and disappointments, doubt and despair.

We believe in America, even though millions of American families are worried about their jobs, their mortgages, their children, and their future.

We believe in America, even though President ObamaÂ’s failed policies have left us with record high unemployment, lower take-home pay, and the weakest economy since the Great Depression.

But we also believe that America can do better, because decline is not our destiny.

I commit to you that I will be the president this moment demands.

I ask you to commit like never before -- donate $20.12 to support Paul and me and the entire Republican team.

It will be my privilege to stand at the podium to accept the nomination. And I will stand not just for every supporter, and not just for the Republican Party -- IÂ’ll stand for every American who believes our best days are ahead.

Thank you,

Mitt Romney




Posted by: got this a short time ago at August 30, 2012 10:35 AM (IPhbB)

13 Paul Ryan should start randomly firing arrows into the air at campaign stops, and then shrug whenever someone screams in the distance.

Posted by: El Kabong at August 30, 2012 10:35 AM (4c4Bg)

14 Romney needs a seal for the Office of the President Presumptive.

Posted by: toby928© at August 30, 2012 10:35 AM (QupBk)

15 They need to pick out three Supremes.

Posted by: Al at August 30, 2012 10:35 AM (MzQOZ)

16 When campaigning back home in Wisconsin, Ryan should wear a Michigan Wolverines sweatshirt. And a latex gimp mask.

Posted by: UGAdawg at August 30, 2012 10:35 AM (osx1V)

17 Ace you should feel well not honored 'cause that makes me seem dickish but "something".....I hate Twitter but was pleased enough at your mood and happy enough I rather enjoyed looking at your feed.

Glad you're around.

Posted by: sven10077 at August 30, 2012 10:35 AM (LRFds)

18 Where do Kate Upton and Cakegirl fit into all of this?

Posted by: Truck Monkey at August 30, 2012 10:35 AM (jucos)

19 Ryan should wink at Michelle and say "You know you want this," then give her the "Call Me" gesture.

Posted by: MaureenTheTemp at August 30, 2012 10:35 AM (8kq7+)

20 Mitt Romney should start wearing a top hat, spats, and a monocle People aren't wearing enough hats. Hat sales have increased but not pari passu, as our research...

Posted by: The Political Hat at August 30, 2012 10:36 AM (XvHmy)

21 So you're saying there's a chance...

Posted by: Lincolntf at August 30, 2012 10:36 AM (HethX)

22 I could see where Romney wearing a bunny suit and holding a diaper-wearing Ryan in his arms might look like a gaffe.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at August 30, 2012 10:36 AM (F0K0r)

23 Where did all of this come from??? Posted by: Vic It's ace's twitter riff from last night.

Posted by: t-bird at August 30, 2012 10:36 AM (FcR7P)

24 Mitt Romney could respond to all questions in ebonics.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at August 30, 2012 10:36 AM (8y9MW)

25 Soooooo...we can start soaping each others backs now?

Posted by: Navin R Johnson at August 30, 2012 10:36 AM (HpT9p)

26 Future classic.

Posted by: Flounder at August 30, 2012 10:36 AM (Kkt/i)

27 Romney to employ "pull my finger" gag at all rope lines.

Posted by: angler at August 30, 2012 10:36 AM (R+Rka)

28 >I think the election is over. I think it is so over we need a new Latin tense to describe how over it is, the Past Pluperfect Noncontinuing Historical Past Tense.


I would remind everyone that it is still too early to brandish those dicks. Return them to the storage rack at this time.

Posted by: Winston Wolf at August 30, 2012 10:36 AM (8sCoq)

29 Does anyone have any numbers re: who (demos)/how many watched the RNC last night?

Posted by: Time Travelling Flaneur at August 30, 2012 10:37 AM (ay6+/)

30 Or we could just go for a  mandate.  I  like that.  Let's get a mandate.

Posted by: SH at August 30, 2012 10:37 AM (gmeXX)

31 Paul Ryan could respond to every question with, "I'm sorry, I'll have to consult my Priest."

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at August 30, 2012 10:37 AM (8y9MW)

32 Clint Eastwood will seal Obama's fate tonight. "Get off my lawn"

Posted by: Pipe Holder at August 30, 2012 02:34 PM (VTeUD)


He will buy a bunch of these lawn ornaments and put them at all his houses:


http://is.gd/Id0ba3


Posted by: Vic at August 30, 2012 10:37 AM (YdQQY)

33 During the debates, Romney should answer every question with: "You know I know you're gay .... "

Posted by: lorien1973 at August 30, 2012 10:37 AM (0tkqC)

34 Obama is a stuttering  clusterf*ck  of CHICAGO!!!!!

Posted by: Roy at August 30, 2012 10:37 AM (VndSC)

35 Romney should start proudly and publicly declaring that he's the bitch and Ryan's the butch.

Posted by: El Kabong at August 30, 2012 10:38 AM (4c4Bg)

36 Mitt Romney should Sharpie a 666 on the side of his head, just visible but not too overt.

Paul Ryan should appear on the cover a gay magazine, oiled up and wearing nothing but a Speedo.  And hard.  I mean like gay-pron hard.

Posted by: EC at August 30, 2012 10:38 AM (GQ8sn)

37

Instead of answering reporters' questions, Romney should stare silently for 10 seconds, then crack his knuckles and say "Soon".

Posted by: UGAdawg at August 30, 2012 10:38 AM (osx1V)

38 7 Where did all of this come from???

Posted by: Vic at August 30, 2012 02:34 PM (YdQQY)


goto 14hours ago, or so

https://twitter.com/AceofSpadesHQ

Posted by: get 'er done at August 30, 2012 10:38 AM (IPhbB)

39 Ann Romney should politely excuse herself  during scheduled  interviews and justify the interruption with, 'Mitt lets me eat anything I want, but I'm not allowed to digest for more than 45 minutes.  Could you direct me to the nearest  Ladies Room?'.

Posted by: garrett at August 30, 2012 10:38 AM (bvmS4)

40 I'm kind of thinking we shouldn't be tootin' each others roots just yet.  The Obambi machine hasn't rolled out their Oct. surprise.

Posted by: Pipe Holder at August 30, 2012 10:38 AM (VTeUD)

41 Winston Wolf is not amused. At least that is his public position.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 10:38 AM (AZGON)

42 Clint Eastwood will seal Obama's fate tonight. "Get off my lawn" Lawn jockey?!

Posted by: Six Degrees of Racism at August 30, 2012 10:38 AM (FcR7P)

43 I think that during the first debate, Romney should casually scratch  his nose with his middle finger, deftly flipping off his opponent.  Nothing shows class like that one.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at August 30, 2012 10:38 AM (F0K0r)

44 Or we could just go for a mandate. I like that. Let's get a mandate. Posted by: SH at August 30, 2012 02:37 PM (gmeXX) ------------------------------------------------------ Mandate? I'm in. Just don't tell anyone ok?

Posted by: John Travolta at August 30, 2012 10:38 AM (jucos)

45 They're going to have to fight to keep this close, to keep it interesting.

Funny post, but I wouldn't even joke about this, to be honest.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at August 30, 2012 10:38 AM (X3lox)

46 Paul Ryan should denounce Vince Lombardi, and wear a Jay Cutler jersey to Mass at St. John Vianney.  That will lose Wisconsin fer sher.



Posted by: mama winger in Paul Ryan's district at August 30, 2012 10:39 AM (P6QsQ)

47 Romney should play 'McArthur Park' whenever he comes out for a speech, then demand the audience's silence as the entire song plays from start to finish.

Posted by: El Kabong at August 30, 2012 10:39 AM (4c4Bg)

48 Ryan should rename his budget plan "Murder, Inc."

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 10:39 AM (AZGON)

49 Romney should call Ryan a Racist at the start of each of their stumpy humpty speaches

Posted by: pressbox at August 30, 2012 10:39 AM (dvLAs)

50 Mitt Romney could answer every question in the presidential debates with, "That's pretty impressive for a black guy."

Paul Ryan could offer Joe Biden a blanket and a hot cup of tea.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at August 30, 2012 10:39 AM (8y9MW)

51 Romney should start prefacing all of his statements to reporters with, "As they say in <insert reporter's hometown here>..."

Eg: Reporteroid: "Mr. Romney, what is your response to my inane attempt to get you to say something stupid?"

Romney: "Well, as they say in Butternuts, NY, don't let the door hit you where the Good Lord split you."

Posted by: bonhomme at August 30, 2012 10:39 AM (yN8NS)

52 Someone needs to start a donation drive for George Obama.

If Obama won't Help his own brother, how is he going to help you?

Posted by: jeremiah Gosh Darn Amerikkka Wright at August 30, 2012 10:39 AM (ovpNn)

53 Ryan should let his pants slide down just a little, so we can all see the whale tail.

Posted by: El Kabong at August 30, 2012 10:40 AM (4c4Bg)

54 Two words:  Face tattoos.

Extra points for sporting the "murder tear" on the cheek.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™, Team MATH at August 30, 2012 10:40 AM (/kI1Q)

55 Mitt should start the presidential debate by stating that he's willing to do a "corporate wife" swap with Barry because it's an old tradition at Bain Capitol.

Posted by: Fritz at August 30, 2012 10:40 AM (RuVpG)

56 Romney should knot his necktie like a hangman's noose.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 10:40 AM (AZGON)

57

Make some comment as if the US has 57 states.

Posted by: AndrewsDad at August 30, 2012 10:40 AM (C2//T)

58 Romney should point out that a man ain't no man till he splits dark oak.

Posted by: Average Joe at August 30, 2012 10:40 AM (bN5ZU)

59 Hilarious!

I'm still going to pretend like we're down by five.

Posted by: laceyunderalls at August 30, 2012 10:40 AM (pLTLS)

60 Paul Ryan could offer Joe Biden a blanket and a hot cup of tea.


Or a sippy cup full of paste.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™, Team MATH at August 30, 2012 10:40 AM (/kI1Q)

61 Good stuff, but I think you cribbed it from JournoList. These are the stories they're "spit-balling" between now and the election.

Along with "Paul Ryan's choice for greatest living American? Gerry Sandusky."

Posted by: Nicholas Kronos at August 30, 2012 10:41 AM (EAk6R)

62 Romney should start quoting Tod Akin and referring to him as his political model.

Posted by: Vic at August 30, 2012 10:41 AM (YdQQY)

63 Ryan should do a round of interviews on MSNBC, then answer every question with 'I used to fuck guys like you in prison.'

Posted by: El Kabong at August 30, 2012 10:41 AM (4c4Bg)

64 Romney should motion to Malia and Sasha, and in their best John Belushi: "How much for the little girls?"

Posted by: Flounder at August 30, 2012 10:41 AM (Kkt/i)

65 Dammit ace, you're getting cocky again. The Irony and Hubris Gods really come down on people who get cocky. The floritard choads.

Posted by: joncelli, heartless Con and all around unpleasant guy at August 30, 2012 10:41 AM (RD7QR)

66 Romney and Ryan to take 3 day break from campaign for seal-clubbing trip.

Posted by: angler at August 30, 2012 10:41 AM (R+Rka)

67 At all campaign stops, glutes of steel contests for reporters and webzine contributors. 

Posted by: Andi S. at August 30, 2012 10:41 AM (BeSEI)

68 Romney should declare he is leaving Mormonism for Muslimism and giving up his 70 wives here on earth for the 70 new virgins in heaven.

Posted by: jeremiah Gosh Darn Amerikkka Wright at August 30, 2012 10:41 AM (ovpNn)

69 Romney should arrive at the debate wearing a big ass clock around his neck and yell yeah boyeeee.

Posted by: Bosk at August 30, 2012 10:42 AM (n2K+4)

70 Is Poop Magazine online or dead-tree?

Posted by: Dr. Varno at August 30, 2012 10:42 AM (BIwwP)

71 Romney should admit his underwear is magic... black magic!

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 10:42 AM (AZGON)

72 How about Palin, Bush (43), and Rush all show up tonight holding their birth  certificates and wearing Chicago White Sox hats.

Posted by: SH at August 30, 2012 10:42 AM (gmeXX)

73 Where did all of this come from???


Posted by: Vic at August 30, 2012 02:34 PM (YdQQY)

Ace's twitter feed. He tests out his material there, then uses it here. We are like sloppy seconds.

Posted by: lorien1973 at August 30, 2012 10:42 AM (0tkqC)

74 Gee, if we can do so well as to wrap up the election in August, maybe we should have looked better at the primaries an nominated someone more right wing.

Posted by: Paul at August 30, 2012 10:42 AM (W/qXB)

75

Respond to all gay marriage questions with "no I will not support gay marriage till bestiality and Harry Reedism are legalized"!!

Posted by: BidenloidTheHappy at August 30, 2012 10:42 AM (0udxW)

76 Though occasionally funny, I must note that Average Joe sucks cock by choice. Also, Romney should be cleaning a shotgun at the debate while muttering The time of purification is at hand.

Posted by: toby928© at August 30, 2012 10:42 AM (QupBk)

77 Ryan could interrupt an interview to ask Candy Crowley, "when's the baby due?" while rubbing her belly.

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at August 30, 2012 10:42 AM (+lsX1)

78 All female reporters should be addressed as 'Sweetie.'

Posted by: nickless at August 30, 2012 10:42 AM (MMC8r)

79 Two words: Helicopter moose hunts. 

Posted by: Sarah P. at August 30, 2012 10:42 AM (BeSEI)

80 Where do Kate Upton and Cakegirl fit into all of this?Posted by: Truck Monkey at August 30, 2012 02:35 PM (jucos)



Preferably on a California King mattress covered with oil.

Posted by: Sean Bannion at August 30, 2012 10:43 AM (sbV1u)

81 You want to step up?

Go after California, Go after NY, Go after Washington State! Go after Vermont!

Try to paint the entire map RED!!!

Posted by: General Woundwort at August 30, 2012 10:43 AM (06lNq)

82 At the risk of being the sycophantiest sycophant that ever sycophanted (and also racist), that was absolutely worthy of reposting. I'm glad I read it this morning and lol'ed a bunch of times. Truly brilliant stuff. Take your bow and enjoy it.

Posted by: The Mega Independent at August 30, 2012 10:43 AM (EMfce)

83 @63:  beat me to it...

Posted by: Tex Lovera at August 30, 2012 10:43 AM (wtvvX)

84 At the presidential debates, whenever Obama finishes speaking, Romney should shout 'That's what she said!'

Posted by: El Kabong at August 30, 2012 10:43 AM (4c4Bg)

85 Ann  Romney should show  up at all campaign events riding a Harley and wearing an Indian headdress.

Posted by: mama winger in Paul Ryan's district at August 30, 2012 10:43 AM (P6QsQ)

86 Next time they are at some small town diner, order dalmation with a side of boxer.

Posted by: AndrewsDad at August 30, 2012 10:43 AM (C2//T)

87 Long diatribes about semen.

Posted by: Flounder at August 30, 2012 10:43 AM (Kkt/i)

88 Romney should debate Obama with no pants on and step out from behind the podium during commercial breaks and yell into the microphone...HOT MIC THAT BITCHES!

Posted by: jeremiah Gosh Darn Amerikkka Wright at August 30, 2012 10:43 AM (ovpNn)

89 Hello, Cleveland!

Posted by: Paul Ryan, live from Pittsburgh at August 30, 2012 10:43 AM (T0NGe)

90 The GOP should have someone come out on stage tonight and actually say something racist.

Posted by: Roy at August 30, 2012 10:43 AM (VndSC)

91 Been saying it for awhile, the election has been over since "You didn't build that." Now we just have to wait for Obama and the media to realize it. Ryan pretty much brought it home and nailed the political coffin shut. The media is so scared shitless of Ryan that they just publish DNC talking points as news and Tingles/Bashar have official reached Daily Show parody of the news status. If we wanna turn up the campaign awesomeness Ryan needs to start getting into shouting matches with hecklers at rallies and then picking up the podium and throwing it in their direction will screaming, "Who wants a piece of the Fucking Ryan!!"

Posted by: Drew in MO at August 30, 2012 10:43 AM (MkgGw)

92 Romney and Ryan to take 3 day break from campaign for seal-clubbing trip. Posted by: angler at August 30, 2012 02:41 PM (R+Rka) ------------------------------------------------------- Teh AWESOME! Better yet they should offer out spots to go along as a fund raising device.

Posted by: John Travolta at August 30, 2012 10:43 AM (jucos)

93 We need some footage of Mitt in full Cossack regalia laughing maniacally on the dancing horse. In Williamsburg on a Friday afternoon.

Posted by: spongeworthy at August 30, 2012 10:44 AM (r5w1L)

94 Mitt Romney should hold up a manila envelope that he says contains the completed formula for a serum that can cure cancer, then burn it.

Posted by: nickless at August 30, 2012 10:44 AM (MMC8r)

95

Romney should be overheard that the problem is people clinging bitterly to guns, religion, and or antipathy towards others.

 

Seems like being caught on tape saying something like that should almost sink a person's election chances. I mean, you just referred to a bunch of people (especially Pennsylvanians) as dumb yokels, its not like thier really stupid enough to vote for you after that, right?

Posted by: Jollyroger at August 30, 2012 10:44 AM (t06LC)

96 AAAAIIIIEEEEE! I'M DOOOMED!

Must. Find. Way. To. Stop. Romney.
I know, Ace is the place!

Posted by: UnReal Dreck at August 30, 2012 10:44 AM (1Y+hH)

97 Romney will unveil a new economic/religious appeal to swing voters and Evangelicals: "A chicken in every pot, and a personal planet for every newly-made God."

Posted by: Jeff B. at August 30, 2012 10:44 AM (Z2wcK)

98 It's way too early to be giving each other BJs, "gentlemen."


Posted by: Bart at August 30, 2012 10:44 AM (he2LC)

99 Ryan should hold a pancake breakfast for the press. Instead of pancakes and bacon, he should serve waffles and fried California condor.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 10:44 AM (AZGON)

100 GodDAMN IT! I warned you people about letting the Ewok near the Catnip! Someone secure the jar and move it to a top shelf...

Posted by: Wicked Fenrir at August 30, 2012 10:44 AM (AKlwH)

101

To make sure its not a blow out,  Romney should state that Obama would make a fine President and suspend his campaign in order to evaluate the financial crisis. Its sure to work.

Posted by: polynikes at August 30, 2012 10:44 AM (m2CN7)

102 "I'm Neil Kinnock and I approved this message."

Posted by: Paul Ryan, at the VP debate at August 30, 2012 10:44 AM (T0NGe)

103 Id like to announce that I cut my penis off and it in a wine sauce with shallots, onions and mushrooms. Dinner will be served in Rambo room located in building 4.

Posted by: PaulRyansHair at August 30, 2012 10:45 AM (Z8H5G)

104 I love it when you start goofing on stuff. Your schtick is unique and hilarious.

Posted by: truth fairy at August 30, 2012 10:45 AM (ue2Nm)

105 Ryan should go on Rachel Maddow's show and have a smirk-off with the headliner.

Posted by: bonhomme at August 30, 2012 10:45 AM (yN8NS)

106

Does anyone have any numbers re: who (demos)/how many watched the RNC last night?

 

Tuesday had 20.57 million viewers during the 10-11 hour. 

Posted by: Colonel Pooteh at August 30, 2012 10:45 AM (z1pR+)

107 SUCK IT!!!
http://www.publicpolicypolling.com/pdf/2011/PPP_Release_MO_830925.pdf

Posted by: ColWalterKurtz at August 30, 2012 10:45 AM (Pm3Mo)

108 Romney should publicly marry another three women as sister-wives, preferably the Kardashians.

Posted by: EC at August 30, 2012 10:45 AM (GQ8sn)

109 107 Id like to announce that I cut my penis off and sauteed it in a wine sauce with shallots, onions and mushrooms. Dinner will be served in Rambo room located in building 4.

Posted by: PaulRyansHair at August 30, 2012 10:45 AM (Z8H5G)

110 At the next state fair, Romney should take a bite of barbeque and exclaim, "MMMM, that's almost as good as orphan!"

Posted by: nickless at August 30, 2012 10:45 AM (MMC8r)

111 Three words vital to American security: Purity of Essence

Posted by: Mitt Romney at August 30, 2012 10:45 AM (QupBk)

112 My favorite movie is actually "It's a Wonderful Life."

I like how the hero, Mr. Potter, screws George Bailey over and no one's the wiser.

They could have improved it, though, by having Zuzu die from a pre-existing condition that Potter Health Insurance was able to weasel out of covering.

Posted by: "Biff" Romney at August 30, 2012 10:45 AM (EAk6R)

113 Romney should propose that Arlington National Cemetery will make a fine golf course when he's President.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at August 30, 2012 10:46 AM (SY2Kh)

114 Shout out quotes from Blazing Saddles, especially from Gabby Johnson

Posted by: The Robot Devil at August 30, 2012 10:46 AM (136wp)

115 At the debates, Romney should show up in a black hooded robe and challenge Obama to a game of chess.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 10:46 AM (AZGON)

116 Mitt and Ann need to be filmed walking out of an adult toy store with a see through bag filled with goodies.

Posted by: Bosk at August 30, 2012 10:46 AM (n2K+4)

117 Refer to their Southern strategy as Sherman's March II.

Posted by: BurtTC at August 30, 2012 10:46 AM (BeSEI)

118

Have a press conference where Mitt is in a ring and punches a figure of Obama...and says 'When I think of Chicago, I think of all those blacks...'

Posted by: Creepy Co-Worker Guy at August 30, 2012 10:46 AM (F6KtL)

119 Have they lit their cigars with 100-dollar bills yet?

Posted by: HeatherRadish™, Team MATH at August 30, 2012 10:46 AM (/kI1Q)

120 Paul Ryan should gut a deer onstage at the Veep debate and then offer Joe Biden the first bite.

Posted by: mama winger in Paul Ryan's district at August 30, 2012 10:46 AM (P6QsQ)

121 Mitt should tender an offer to buy the Williams sisters.

Posted by: Truck Monkey at August 30, 2012 10:47 AM (jucos)

122 Romney should let the secret service now that patronizing the clientele is alright in his admin.

Posted by: sTevo at August 30, 2012 10:47 AM (hiMsy)

123 Anyone suggest a tank and a helmet yet? How about a boat with a cute name and cute girl?

Posted by: polynikes at August 30, 2012 10:47 AM (m2CN7)

124 Romeny should Ace Ventura Butt Puppet his answers at the Debate.

Posted by: jeremiah Gosh Darn Amerikkka Wright at August 30, 2012 10:47 AM (ovpNn)

125

Paul Ryan.  AC/DC.  Bigfoot.  Vagina Protesters. 

Posted by: garrett at August 30, 2012 10:47 AM (bvmS4)

126 Have Mitt play some White Power Movement music at a rally

Posted by: Creepy Co-Worker Guy at August 30, 2012 10:47 AM (F6KtL)

127 Grab a random dog from someone at the next outdoor rally and strap him to the front of the bus and invite the owner to an "exotic" barbecue at the next stop ... 500 miles away.

Posted by: JackStraw at August 30, 2012 10:47 AM (TMB3S)

128 Paul Ryan sex tape

Posted by: thunderb at August 30, 2012 10:47 AM (Dnbau)

129

 

It's over?

Romney's going to win?

 

Oh good. ...I didn't want to have to drag my ass over to the polls and vote anyway.

Posted by: lazy voter at August 30, 2012 10:47 AM (5BAYg)

130 By the way, I will point out that I think Ace is WAAAAY off on this.  I'd love for him to be right, but he's overestimating the effect that one single speech can have on the trajectory of the race.

No, it'll really be over when the Romney ads start rolling off the shelf on Friday.  Just you wait, people!  Witness the power of this fully-operational campaign blitz.

Posted by: Jeff B. at August 30, 2012 10:47 AM (Z2wcK)

131 ace,

There was a good arc in your twitter and then the 'blackface' comment sent me over the top.  I couldn't get the absurd visual out of my head and laughed quite loudly, from the pit of my belly, for over a minute.

Thank you.

Btw, I denounce myself.

Posted by: Tonic Dog at August 30, 2012 10:47 AM (X/+QT)

132 Romney should ask Moochelle to go make him a sammich.

Posted by: Roy at August 30, 2012 10:48 AM (VndSC)

133 Two words: Helicopter moose hunts. in Detroit

Posted by: t-bird at August 30, 2012 10:48 AM (FcR7P)

134 Romney can compliment Obama at a debate by saying what a clean, articulate black man he is.

Posted by: Jollyroger at August 30, 2012 10:48 AM (t06LC)

135 The Romney campaign should serve cat food at all the Senior Citizen rallies.

Posted by: mama winger in Paul Ryan's district at August 30, 2012 10:48 AM (P6QsQ)

136 Hummmm.....I get the feeling Ace is feeling pretty cocky about this election.

Posted by: maddogg at August 30, 2012 10:48 AM (OlN4e)

137 Mitt should preemptively announce his choice for Secretary of Defense: Gary Busey.

Posted by: El Kabong at August 30, 2012 10:48 AM (4c4Bg)

138 Its not over.  The media is pulling out all the stops now.

ex. the black CNN camerawoman/peanut incident at the convention which curiously happened as a most fortuitous time for Obama.  The whole thing was probably fake with the peanuts being tossed by Dem 5th columnists who managed to sneak in with press credentials, maintenance staff credentials, etc, etc. But the left is running HARD with it now.

NOW is when the major dirty tricks and illegal black bag shit starts to ramp up. 

Posted by: @PurpAv at August 30, 2012 10:48 AM (Pbwe7)

139 Also, Romney should be cleaning a shotgun at the debate while muttering The time of purification is at hand.

Posted by: toby928© at August 30, 2012 02:42 PM (QupBk)


I loled.

Posted by: joncelli, heartless Con and all around unpleasant guy at August 30, 2012 10:48 AM (RD7QR)

140 How did Ace get a hold of Biden's daily planner?

Posted by: Crom at August 30, 2012 10:48 AM (1WKq7)

141 Mitt should point out the ladies in the crowd, saying 'Yep, Nope, Yep, Yep, Did it, Twice, Nope, Yep...'

Posted by: nickless at August 30, 2012 10:48 AM (MMC8r)

142 Mitt should question the timing.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at August 30, 2012 10:48 AM (BIwwP)

143

76- "Ace's twitter feed. He tests out his material there, then uses it here. We are like sloppy seconds."

We're getting leftovers here now?

Posted by: Rocko at August 30, 2012 10:48 AM (d4ZzM)

144 Swingle!  Gives a whole new meaning to "swing states".

Posted by: dogfish at August 30, 2012 10:48 AM (N2yhW)

145

I vote with others here advocating the Winston Wolf approach for the time being.

After all, life has infinite capacity to make us excrement sammiches like the SCOTUS ObamaCare decision...

Posted by: RamonAllones at August 30, 2012 10:48 AM (3lLli)

146 Romney should offer to personally retire Obama's campaign debt if he will turn over his US passport and leave the country before he has him deported as an illegal Indonesian.

Posted by: jeremiah Gosh Darn Amerikkka Wright at August 30, 2012 10:48 AM (ovpNn)

147 Romney & Ryan should star in Clint Eastwood's new film "Paint the Map Red"

Posted by: newhollywood at August 30, 2012 10:48 AM (dvLAs)

148 so the Fickle Needle points to victory today, does it?

Posted by: soothsayer at August 30, 2012 10:49 AM (9Q7Nu)

149 They should walk naked Diehard with a Vengence style in South Chicago with Sandwich Boards that say Hope and Change.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at August 30, 2012 10:49 AM (94R7S)

150 Maybe he could wind up his speech tonight with a powerful "Goddam antiquated sex laws of the state MUST be repealed!"

Posted by: Jinx the Cat at August 30, 2012 10:49 AM (l3vZN)

151 Ryan could amend his Medicare plan by announcing "enough with paying for those disgusting old man boner pills, fucking gross man."

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at August 30, 2012 10:49 AM (+lsX1)

152 Start calling Biden a box of fruity pebbles, and whenever he speaks, chant fruit pebbles nonstop.

Posted by: Kevin at August 30, 2012 10:49 AM (cRkGP)

153 Did the gimp escape from his box and post as Ace?

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at August 30, 2012 10:50 AM (f9c2L)

154

 

In combat....being too cocky gets you killed.

Posted by: Stay Frosty at August 30, 2012 10:50 AM (5BAYg)

155 62 Paul Ryan could offer Joe Biden a blanket and a hot cup of tea.

Or a sippy cup full of paste.
  It's one thing to put peanuts in your coke. It's another thing to blow them out of your nose. Thanks.

Posted by: rickb223 at August 30, 2012 10:50 AM (zji3t)

156 143 PA,

We'll try to win this one clean and if they want plumbers and black bags...well we'll go there next

Posted by: sven10077 at August 30, 2012 10:50 AM (LRFds)

157 Romney should announce he has electrolytes.

Posted by: nickless at August 30, 2012 10:50 AM (MMC8r)

158 Ace said: Past Pluperfect Noncontinuing Historical Past Tense.

Haha.

ut Obama cadit, sic omnis Liberalism

Posted by: Uriah Heep at August 30, 2012 10:50 AM (Wa+Fw)

159 Ryan should say " Hey girl. No, not you. If I meant you I would offer some alfalfa and say "hay, girl?"

Posted by: truth fairy at August 30, 2012 10:50 AM (ue2Nm)

160 Mitt should show up at the debate dressed like, and with the same accent as, Thurston Howell III.

With Ann Romney dressed like Lovey.

And Mary Ann and Ginger as his other wives.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at August 30, 2012 10:50 AM (wtvvX)

161 Ryan should hold a presser at a miniature golf course and declare "We won't let Obama in here because he always strokes over par... Okay, just kidding. It's because he's half-black."

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 10:50 AM (AZGON)

162 Paul Ryan. AC/DC. Bigfoot. Vagina Protesters.

Posted by: garrett at August 30, 2012 02:47 PM (bvmS4)

 

I would love to be in tampa right now just for that. I would go buy some white hefty bags, wear them covered in KY, and chase the vaginas around until I tackled one using only my head. You would know if I ever get my chance, because it would go strait to youtube.

Posted by: Jollyroger at August 30, 2012 10:50 AM (t06LC)

163 but he's overestimating the effect that one single speech can have on the trajectory of the race. As a great man once said, this is the first time that network tv viewers will have seen any sustained criticism of Obama.

Posted by: t-bird at August 30, 2012 10:50 AM (FcR7P)

164 At the veep debate, Paul Ryan should spend the entire time staring blankly at Joe Biden.

Posted by: soothsayer at August 30, 2012 10:51 AM (9Q7Nu)

165 Buy Utah for cash and announce that he is moving the seat of power to the Mormon Temple in Salt Lake.

Posted by: JackStraw at August 30, 2012 10:51 AM (TMB3S)

166 Winston Wolf is fine most days, but sometimes you just wanna have a little fun on the good days.  There will be some bad days to come, lets snark on baby barack and little joey.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at August 30, 2012 10:51 AM (94R7S)

167 133 Paul Ryan sex tape

Posted by: thunderb at August 30, 2012 02:47 PM (Dnbau)


I'ld buy that!


Just think of all the chicks you could get to come home with you if you asked them, "Hey Girl!  Do you like porn?  Paul Ryan Porn?"

Posted by: jeremiah Gosh Darn Amerikkka Wright at August 30, 2012 10:51 AM (ovpNn)

168 Open their next speeches with "Hey, anybody know how to hide a body?"

Posted by: nickless at August 30, 2012 10:51 AM (MMC8r)

169 What's most important to Americans? No fatties.

Posted by: Mitt Romney at August 30, 2012 10:51 AM (QupBk)

170 Romney  announces he's sorry he had all sons because he's not gay, and he didn't really enjoy  his alone time with them.

Posted by: BurtTC at August 30, 2012 10:51 AM (BeSEI)

171 Romney should go on with Chris Matthews and during the interview silently hold up a card with numbers on it. 

Scenario 1:  The number on the card is in the low hundreds.  When Matthews asks what the card is for, ignore him.  Continue as if nothing is happening until Matthews refuses to continue without an explanation.  Then in deadpan say it's your guesstimate of the number of viewers currently watching.

Scenario 2:  The number on the card is .20 - .30.  When Matthews asks what the card is for, ignore him.  Continue as if nothing is happening until Matthews refuses to continue without an explanation.  Then in deadpan say it's your guesstimate of his BAC.

Posted by: bonhomme at August 30, 2012 10:51 AM (yN8NS)

172 111 SUCK IT!!! http://www.publicpolicypolling.com/pdf/2011/PPP_Release_MO_830925.pdf Posted by: ColWalterKurtz at August 30, 2012 02:45 PM (Pm3Mo) Headline: Missouri Senate Still Looks Like a Toss Up Q3 If the candidates for President this year were Democrat Barack Obama and Republican Mitt Romney, who would you vote for? Barack Obama 41% ................................................ Mitt Romney 53% .................................................... Undecided 6% Headline: LOLWUT?

Posted by: cajun carrot at August 30, 2012 10:52 AM (UZQM8)

173 ryan uses puppets during the veep debates to communicate with biden

Posted by: thunderb at August 30, 2012 10:52 AM (Dnbau)

174 Announce a new "chastity as contraceptive" program will consist of all male adults under the age of 18 MUST stare at a picture of Helen Thomas naked for two hours a day

Posted by: The Robot Devil at August 30, 2012 10:52 AM (136wp)

175 Paul Ryan sex tape

Even I would watch that.

Posted by: EC at August 30, 2012 10:52 AM (GQ8sn)

176 At the veep debate, Paul Ryan should bring along a FAIL HORN sound effect and play it everytime Joke Biden stops talking.

Posted by: soothsayer at August 30, 2012 10:52 AM (9Q7Nu)

177 No matter the question, at the first debate Romney's answer should be "Fuck you, next question" just to set the tone.

Posted by: JackStraw at August 30, 2012 10:52 AM (TMB3S)

178 Announce socialized medicine, but only to over breast implants for hot chicks.

Posted by: nickless at August 30, 2012 10:52 AM (MMC8r)

179 Romney should flowers to Michelle Obama with a note reading "Sorry, bananas don't travel well."

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 10:52 AM (AZGON)

180 Paul Ryan should clarify that when we was talking about 'Obama cutting Medicare' what he really meant was 'the total genocide of all non-Aryan peoples'.

Posted by: El Kabong at August 30, 2012 10:52 AM (4c4Bg)

181 as Romney walks out on stage tonight he should pick his undies out of his crack....

Posted by: SoCalMe at August 30, 2012 10:52 AM (s72/N)

182 I'll send Rush a note that "moron" is a term of endearment.

Posted by: jwest at August 30, 2012 10:52 AM (ZDsRL)

183 Mitt Romney should come out to the stage at the Convention riding Rafalca. On the stage will be a makeshift, poorly-ventilated smithy where poor children are forced to make golden horseshoes for Rafalca. When the children, singed and sooty, are finished with their difficult task, Mitt Romney should pay them in chicken bones and old, misprinted issues of Poop Magazine.



Sounds a bit like the British' Olympics Opening Ceremony.

Posted by: stole it at August 30, 2012 10:52 AM (IPhbB)

184 Romney should come out on stage for all rallies like Johnny Carson from behind the curtain, grabbing his tie, shrugging, and saying things like, "This crowd is great but yesterday's in Cincinnati ... what a bunch of shitheads."

Posted by: MaxMBJ at August 30, 2012 10:52 AM (lOlyY)

185

During the debates with Obama, demand he be searched for a weapon since 'you know how they are...always packin heat...'

Posted by: Creepy Co-Worker Guy at August 30, 2012 10:53 AM (F6KtL)

186 I thought the mystery guest would be Seamus

Posted by: Steven W. at August 30, 2012 10:53 AM (wyIqo)

187 Crossroads Generation has a new Romney/Ryan YouTube ad out:  "The poster in my bedroom"



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yD43OrcjDI&feature=youtu.be

Posted by: mama winger in Paul Ryan's district at August 30, 2012 10:53 AM (P6QsQ)

188 173 Open their next speeches with "Hey, anybody know how to hide a body?" Posted by: nickless at August 30, 2012 02:51 PM (MMC8r) "How do you get bloodstains out of the trunk after you dumped the dead hooker?"

Posted by: The Robot Devil at August 30, 2012 10:53 AM (136wp)

189
 81 All female reporters should be addressed as 'Sweetie.'

All male reporters should be addressed as "Sugartits."

Posted by: VKI at August 30, 2012 10:53 AM (TKoA3)

190 Romney should publicly offer Obama the ambassadorship to Kenya

Posted by: Drumwaster at August 30, 2012 10:53 AM (Nxs01)

191 Romney should march down the street chanting:

This is my rifle (point at Paul Ryan); this is my gun (grab his cock); this one's for fighting, this one's for fun.

Posted by: lorien1973 at August 30, 2012 10:53 AM (0tkqC)

192 Ryan should invite Dateline NBC into his bedroom to blacklight the most UNUSUAL stains that anyone in forensics has ever seen.

Posted by: Truck Monkey at August 30, 2012 10:53 AM (jucos)

193 Romney should start wearing dirty wife beaters, a foam cowboy hat and blasting an air horn during every speech applause line.

Posted by: El Kabong at August 30, 2012 10:53 AM (4c4Bg)

194 Ryan should debate Biden while pretending one side of his face is paralyzed.

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at August 30, 2012 10:53 AM (+lsX1)

195 Romney should open with a quote from Andrew Dice Clay

Posted by: SoCalMe at August 30, 2012 10:54 AM (s72/N)

196 11 Just a public service reminder: Reality Check is the former Nationalist, an avowed white supremacist Illinois Nazi troll who has always loved Henry Gibson. Posted by: Queefy Meatboy at August 30, 2012 02:35 PM (pcnpf) ...and drives a Pinto!

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC in Johnson County laughing at Cook County at August 30, 2012 10:54 AM (Kusfp)

197 * Paul Ryan should announce his marital status is now "Swingle."


That is funny as hell.

Posted by: Craig Poe at August 30, 2012 10:54 AM (BVkEs)

198 Announce that under a Romney/Ryan administration, Hipster Rape would no loneger be considered a crime.

Posted by: garrett at August 30, 2012 10:54 AM (oejS5)

199 End every answer to every question with "but first, you're going to blow me."

Posted by: Zorachus at August 30, 2012 10:54 AM (PqDoz)

200 all questions would get the answer "Thats a clown question bro!"

Posted by: thunderb at August 30, 2012 10:54 AM (Dnbau)

201 Mitt Romney should recite his speech tonight accompanied by Ravel's Bolero.

Posted by: soothsayer at August 30, 2012 10:54 AM (9Q7Nu)

202 Romney should announce secession of Illinois and tell Barry he can be their king.

Posted by: sTevo at August 30, 2012 10:54 AM (hiMsy)

203 More from the suck-it poll Q4 Do you approve or disapprove of Senator Claire McCaskillÂ’s job performance? Approve 40% .......................................................... Disapprove 55% ...................................................... Not sure 5% .......................................................... Q5 Do you have a favorable or unfavorable opinion of Todd Akin? Favorable 33% ........................................................ Unfavorable 56% .................................................... Not sure 11% .......................................................... Q6 The candidates for Senate this fall are Democrat Claire McCaskill and Republican Todd Akin. If the election was today, who would you vote for? Claire McCaskill 45% .............................................. Todd Akin 44% ........................................................ Undecided 11% My take on this is McCaskill sucks so bad that it makes Akin's stupid comment wash away.

Posted by: cajun carrot at August 30, 2012 10:54 AM (UZQM8)

204 Ryan & Romney should have "Pimp My Ride" trick out their campaign motorcade vehicles and aircraft

Posted by: foose at August 30, 2012 10:54 AM (dvLAs)

205 Paul Ryan should campaign with a diesel-powered woodchipper, labeled "Von Ryan's Granny Express."

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 10:55 AM (AZGON)

206 Romney should shave his head while Ryan starts wearing kilts with no underwear.  You're welcome 'ettes.

Posted by: Adam at August 30, 2012 10:55 AM (/YJYi)

207 Romney should do a ten minute portion of all speeches in mime, walking the dog, trying to escape a glass house, then ending with a giant tear.

Posted by: MaxMBJ at August 30, 2012 10:55 AM (lOlyY)

208 Crossroads Generation has a new Romney/Ryan YouTube ad out: "The poster in my bedroom"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yD43OrcjDIfeature=youtu.be

Awesome.

Posted by: lorien1973 at August 30, 2012 10:55 AM (0tkqC)

209 Paul Ryan should begin every press conference by saying, "Listen to my Hellen Keller impression. It's HILARIOUS!!!"

Posted by: ace at August 30, 2012 10:55 AM (fxHyG)

210 They should show up on the campaign trail wearing the costumes from "300" talking about our modern day Xerxes.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at August 30, 2012 10:55 AM (94R7S)

211 Hold up 'Mein Kampf' and say it's a must read every night.

Posted by: Creepy Co-Worker Guy at August 30, 2012 10:55 AM (F6KtL)

212 Ryan Romney should have "Pimp My Ride" trick out their campaign motorcade vehicles and aircraft

That's not a gaffe!  People would actually vote for them based on that.

Posted by: EC at August 30, 2012 10:55 AM (GQ8sn)

213 Paul Ryan should allow a memo to be leaked to the press wherein he    is quoted as requesting, "Damn dirty hos that know how to blow," at every campaign event.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter [/i][/u][/b] at August 30, 2012 10:55 AM (4df7R)

214 Romney should announce Todd Akin as his future Attorney General.

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at August 30, 2012 10:55 AM (+lsX1)

215 Hunting baby seals from a helicopter by dropping polar bears on them, while engaging in mad gay sex dressed as ewocks (ewocki?).

Posted by: BidenloidTheHappy at August 30, 2012 10:56 AM (0udxW)

216 Announce plan to replace the dollar with MittBucks.

Posted by: garrett at August 30, 2012 10:56 AM (oejS5)

217 I do so love it when Ace is in a good fucking mood!

Posted by: catmman at August 30, 2012 10:56 AM (C8XlI)

218 Romney should walk onto the debate stage doing John cleese's "silly walk".

Or perhaps in a Nazi uniform, goosstepping with a Hitler salute.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at August 30, 2012 10:56 AM (wtvvX)

219 Mitt should answer all debate question by whipping out a sealed envelope, Carnac the Magnificent style.

Posted by: toby928© at August 30, 2012 10:56 AM (QupBk)

220 Romney should answer all debate questions by saying "I drink your milkshake! I drink it up!"

Posted by: joncelli, heartless Con and all around unpleasant guy at August 30, 2012 10:56 AM (RD7QR)

221 Paul Ryan should open any speech with twenty minutes of tuning up and practicing his banjo

Posted by: The Robot Devil at August 30, 2012 10:56 AM (136wp)

222 Romney should pretend to be the 'mayhem' evil White guy  in those insurance commercials

Posted by: Bill in Billings at August 30, 2012 10:56 AM (Dll6b)

223

The apolitical Mrs. Entropy saw a photo of Paul Ryan in a tank top. She immediately volunteered for the whats-his-name/Ryan campaign.

She didn't seem to be interested in Slow-Joe's campaign.

Posted by: Max Entropy at August 30, 2012 10:56 AM (JSwUZ)

224 Romney should have a press release stating that from now on he will be campaigning as Urban Mitt Romney in an attempt to reach out to minorities in the inner cities.

Posted by: Adam at August 30, 2012 10:57 AM (/YJYi)

225 Romney should announce Todd Akin as his future Attorney Surgeon General. FTFY

Posted by: toby928© at August 30, 2012 10:57 AM (QupBk)

226 Mitt should give a shoutout to Zuul, the Gatekeeper of Gozer.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at August 30, 2012 10:57 AM (BIwwP)

227 Romney will unveil his plan to right the wrongs of past abortions by importing Chinese aborted girls, and installing them in abortion recipients's hoo hoos, except, compassionately of course, for those of legitimate rape.

Posted by: Col. Angus at August 30, 2012 10:57 AM (Kkt/i)

228 Start telling every reporter "You should see the shit in my tax returns, but you won't".

Posted by: JackStraw at August 30, 2012 10:57 AM (TMB3S)

229 Convert campaign bus to bus-sized General Lee from Dukes of Hazard. With horn.

Posted by: angler at August 30, 2012 10:57 AM (R+Rka)

230 Paul Ryan should answer every female reporter's question with "but first, you will blow me!" tacked on to the end.

Posted by: EC at August 30, 2012 10:57 AM (GQ8sn)

231 Romney and Ryan randomly belt out "needs more spirit fingers!!!1!11"

Posted by: stating the obvious at August 30, 2012 10:57 AM (c7Pp2)

232

Posted by: foose at August 30, 2012 02:54 PM (dvLAs)

 

Heh.

Except....Foose's show is called 'Overhaulin'.

Posted by: wheatie at August 30, 2012 10:57 AM (5BAYg)

233 The reason my black girlfriend and I broke up was I forced her to strip naked and service me in public at a swinging nightspot called the Mandingo Club.

I went dressed as Thomas Jefferson and climaxed whilst screaming "refresh my tree of liberty, bitch!"

Posted by: Paul Ryan at August 30, 2012 10:57 AM (EAk6R)

234 Ryan should carry around a folding chair for the next few weeks, then crack Biden in the head with it in the first 10 seconds of the debate.

Posted by: El Kabong at August 30, 2012 10:57 AM (4c4Bg)

235

I'll close Gitmo the day I take office!

 

The prettiest sound in the world!

 

*Bows*

 

Electric rates will necessarily skyrocket.

 

What pipeline?

 

Doing just fine.

 

Fast and Furious.

 

You didn't build that!

 

8.3%

 

Gay marriage no, wait...gay marriage yes, just in time for the election.

 

109 rounds of golf and counting.

 

I just don't see the problem here.

Posted by: UnReal Dreck at August 30, 2012 10:57 AM (1Y+hH)

236 Ave, You don't think the endless variations of "Romney and Ryan are liars , evil, stupid, out of touch racists" will be entertaining enough?

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 30, 2012 10:58 AM (hKrVC)

237 Announce a $100 billion dollar program to beat Japan in the Weirdest Country in the World competition.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we cannot allow a tentacle gap!"

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at August 30, 2012 10:58 AM (xrX4n)

238 Mitt's pro-life statement should be, "We shouldn't abort babies because we need them for sacrifice at the Temple"

Posted by: The Robot Devil at August 30, 2012 10:58 AM (136wp)

239 In answer to how he'll reduce the deficit: Two in the pink, One in the stink.

Posted by: lorien1973 at August 30, 2012 10:58 AM (0tkqC)

240 Mitt and Ann... FISTBUMP 2012

Posted by: Dr. Varno at August 30, 2012 10:58 AM (BIwwP)

241 Mitt  should end every speech with, "FOR THE HORDE!"

Posted by: Bosk at August 30, 2012 10:58 AM (n2K+4)

242 We'll try to win this one clean and if they want plumbers and black bags...well we'll go there next

I think Obama is willing to go much much further than Nixon was.  F/F showed us that killing people is a perfectly acceptable way of doing business for him.

What I'm saying is EVERYTHING is on the table with this guy.  Fake terrorist attacks, phony evidence planted to implicate R/R in some faux drug setup, attacks/arson on R/R campaign offices.  Extortion, murder, kidnapping --- is all on the table with this lawless Obama junta.  All of it.

If Fast and furious didn't exist, I wouldn't have said this, but it did exist and it made crystal clear that Obama the sociopath, has no limts.

Posted by: @PurpAv at August 30, 2012 10:59 AM (Pbwe7)

243 pintoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

Posted by: Giacomo the Honey Badger at August 30, 2012 10:59 AM (GvYeG)

244 Romney/Ryan should announce their new campaign theme song is "My Neck, My Back".  If you don't know what that is I strongly suggest to youtube it but a big NSFW warning goes with it.

Posted by: Adam at August 30, 2012 10:59 AM (/YJYi)

245 Ryan should declare his fool-proof abortion policy; all anal, all the time.

Posted by: El Kabong at August 30, 2012 10:59 AM (4c4Bg)

246 Romney should publicly offer Obama the ambassadorship to Kenya Mmm, should publicly receive Obama as the ambassador of Kenya.

Posted by: t-bird at August 30, 2012 10:59 AM (FcR7P)

247 >>>Romney should announce Todd Akin as his future Attorney General.

No, Secretary of HHS.

Posted by: Jeff B. at August 30, 2012 10:59 AM (Z2wcK)

248 Okay, seriously.  I'm trying to work here, and I can't stop laughing!   Funniest thread we've had here in a while!

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter [/i][/u][/b] at August 30, 2012 10:59 AM (4df7R)

249 Palomino! PALOMINO!!

Posted by: not Nancy Pelosi at August 30, 2012 10:59 AM (Nxs01)

250 These were killing me last night! Best time I've ever had on Twitter.

Posted by: Hobbitopoly at August 30, 2012 10:59 AM (bDPuF)

251 Paul Ryan should begin every press conference by saying, "Listen to my Hellen Keller impression. It's HILARIOUS!!!" Daff nod fuhnnee.

Posted by: Marlee Matlin at August 30, 2012 10:59 AM (QupBk)

252 Mitt and Ann should release a home sex tape and use the proceeds to finance their campaign.

Posted by: The Robot Devil at August 30, 2012 10:59 AM (136wp)

253

Ryan should try to take his wife to a sex club.

No  -   the other Ryan.

Posted by: Roy at August 30, 2012 10:59 AM (VndSC)

254 At the end of each sentence in his acceptance speech, Romney should spend a full minute dancing the Robot.

Posted by: naturalfake at August 30, 2012 10:59 AM (54vf8)

255 Romney should do the walking down the stairs trick as he walks on stage, then pop up from behind the podium and shout, "Who let the dogs out?"

Posted by: MaxMBJ at August 30, 2012 11:00 AM (lOlyY)

256 Paul Ryan should put on an ewok suit and start humping Harry Reid's garbage.

Posted by: Midaz at August 30, 2012 11:00 AM (vM9JT)

257 Have  Chuck  Norris  parachute  in  to  a  rally  with  Biden's  head  in  a  paper  sack  and  lay  it  at  Ryan's  feet.

Posted by: Larsen E. Whipsnade at August 30, 2012 11:00 AM (6BgmB)

258 Mitt Romney should announce his Attorney General: "My cock."

Posted by: ace at August 30, 2012 11:00 AM (fxHyG)

259 Mitt should start every stump speech with "It's good to be here in Jonestown".

Posted by: Craig Poe at August 30, 2012 11:00 AM (BVkEs)

260 Love the folding chair concept, El Kabong! jakeman needs moar WWF!

Posted by: jakeman at August 30, 2012 11:00 AM (96M6e)

261 Megyn Kelly looks exceptionally chipper and fuckable today.

Posted by: Soona at August 30, 2012 11:00 AM (60KM1)

262 The obvious?  Tonight the delegates pull a fake car through the convention with a dog on the roof.

And then Mitt walks out with the dog on to the stage.

How do we say FUCK YOU?

Well we say FUCK YOU!

Posted by: Billy Bob, the 1% at August 30, 2012 11:01 AM (3ZjAP)

263 Mitt should start every debate by saying, "First you will blow me."

Posted by: Midaz at August 30, 2012 11:01 AM (vM9JT)

264 At the first debate, walk over to Obama's podium, drop his pants and take a shit and say "Occupy this, bitch".

Posted by: JackStraw at August 30, 2012 11:01 AM (TMB3S)

265 Declare it's not legimate rape if it takes place in the anal

Posted by: Creepy Co-Worker Guy at August 30, 2012 11:01 AM (F6KtL)

266 249 PA,

I agree....his overt coming out party at Time Magazine made my blod run cold, but we have to be NICE REPUBLICANS mode right now or we will get reverse body blocked into being the bad guy with a "worse than Nixon" narrative...

I think DoJ is going to coordinate the riots, and I suspect the relationship between Federal Civil Servant and the lower echelon will never be the same again because of his antics.

Posted by: sven10077 at August 30, 2012 11:01 AM (LRFds)

267 At the debate, after everything Obama says, Mitt should always start with "Word to your momma, homie"

Posted by: model_1066 at August 30, 2012 11:01 AM (yYKoR)

268 It's rout unless you aced the spelling and I missed a joke.
Also,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vu0IGTvDwfE

@:40

Posted by: DaveA at August 30, 2012 11:01 AM (Ve9V9)

269 >>>268 Love the folding chair concept, El Kabong! jakeman needs moar WWF! Ryan should end every campaign speech by giving the security guards stunners, then climbing onto the podium with both middle-fingers raised.

Posted by: El Kabong at August 30, 2012 11:01 AM (4c4Bg)

270 Mitt should jump on a white charger and the end of every speech and shout, "THUNDER, THUNDER, THUNDER CATS AWAY!"

Posted by: The Robot Devil at August 30, 2012 11:01 AM (136wp)

271 Mitt reveals to People Magazine.  His temple underwear is PINK!

Posted by: Billy Bob, the 1% at August 30, 2012 11:01 AM (3ZjAP)

272 It could be that I'm culturally backward, but I didn't even know there was a "Poop" magazine. Seems like a limited subject.

Posted by: maddogg at August 30, 2012 11:01 AM (OlN4e)

273 Ann Romney should share her favorite dog recipes.

Posted by: Craig Poe at August 30, 2012 11:02 AM (BVkEs)

274 Romney should spend a full minute dancing the Robot. Remember the NAKED GUN when FRANK dressed up as the UMPIRE and did the MOONWALK after a STRIKEOUT?

Posted by: soothsayerwing plover at August 30, 2012 11:02 AM (9Q7Nu)

275 Ryan should go on Univision wearing a hairnet, wifebeater, and two hawt latino chicks with bubblebutts tucked on each arm.  He should answer every question using the word "Holmes".

Posted by: EC at August 30, 2012 11:02 AM (GQ8sn)

276 Ryan should release a sextape of him and Paris Hilton, filmed six hours after he killed her.

Posted by: El Kabong at August 30, 2012 11:02 AM (4c4Bg)

277

OUT:   "USA!  USA!  USA!" 

 

IN:       "ATTICA!  ATTICA!  ATTICA!"

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter [/i][/u][/b] at August 30, 2012 11:03 AM (4df7R)

278 Paint D9 Caterpillars with their campaign logo and auction off seats in them as they bulldoze crack houses in Chicago.

Other fun things to do with D9's:

Organize a parade of D9s and salute them as they go past, while standing on a parade dais.

Park one outside the Corrie residence, rev the engine when they come or go.

Posted by: bonhomme at August 30, 2012 11:03 AM (yN8NS)

279 Hold a contest to determine which prison Obama should spend the rest of his life in.

Posted by: model_1066 at August 30, 2012 11:03 AM (yYKoR)

280 Fundraiser dinners feature $5000 plates that  each contain one of Paul Ryan's pubes as a garnish. 

Posted by: BurtTC at August 30, 2012 11:03 AM (BeSEI)

281 Would it be copyright infringement for Romney to use the Obama Middle Finger Scratch™ during the debate?

Posted by: jakeman at August 30, 2012 11:03 AM (96M6e)

282 Romney should send Queen Elizabeth an ipod filled with his karaoke performances of Steel Panther songs.

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at August 30, 2012 11:03 AM (+lsX1)

283 Mitt could borrow dick cheney's condom and blork Obama up the squeakhole at the first debate. Hell, come to think of that I would pay money to see that. PPV here I come!

Posted by: Midaz at August 30, 2012 11:03 AM (vM9JT)

284 Ryan should tour Michigan in a Honda Civic hybrid, telling everyone he meets that "Those Japs sure know how to build 'em right, don't they?"

Posted by: Hollowpoint at August 30, 2012 11:03 AM (SY2Kh)

285 280 It could be that I'm culturally backward, but I didn't even know there was a "Poop" magazine. Seems like a limited subject. Posted by: maddogg at August 30, 2012 03:01 PM (OlN4e) Be happy in your naivete, be happy

Posted by: The Robot Devil at August 30, 2012 11:03 AM (136wp)

286 Mitt should show up late for his speech  tonight and open  with the line, 'Sorry I am late.  I had a big lunch at Chick-fil-A, and I had to drop Sacha and Malia off at the pool.'.

Posted by: garrett at August 30, 2012 11:03 AM (oejS5)

287 Ryan should get a Star of Satan tattooed on his forehead

Posted by: Tex Lovera at August 30, 2012 11:03 AM (wtvvX)

288

Chris Matthews

2008: Tingle runs up his leg.

 

2012:  Tinkle runs down his leg. 

Posted by: WalrusRex at August 30, 2012 11:03 AM (XUKZU)

289 Megyn Kelly looks exceptionally chipper and fuckable today.


Water seems to be wet today.

Posted by: EC at August 30, 2012 11:03 AM (GQ8sn)

290 mochelle confesses she was Ryan's black girlfriend

Posted by: thunderb at August 30, 2012 11:03 AM (Dnbau)

291 During the questioning period of a debate, Romney should fart loudly then point to Obama.

Posted by: MaxMBJ at August 30, 2012 11:03 AM (lOlyY)

292 Mitt Romney should suspend his campaign for all of October in order to follow Creed on tour.

Posted by: runninrebel at August 30, 2012 11:03 AM (zLsg3)

293 Is there really a Poop magazine?

Posted by: Saluki at August 30, 2012 11:03 AM (i3OIF)

294 Mitt should answer every question in the voice of Spurwing Plover.

Posted by: JackStraw at August 30, 2012 11:03 AM (TMB3S)

295 Romney should deliver his acceptance speech not at the convention but the Adult Entertainment Award show.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:04 AM (AZGON)

296 "I'll be sexting the public my plan for tax reform later."

I... would not be opposed to this.

Posted by: Book at August 30, 2012 11:04 AM (oxqtW)

297 Mitt should come out on stage painted green and wearing torn pants and yell, "MITT SMASH!!"

Posted by: soothsayerwing plover at August 30, 2012 11:04 AM (9Q7Nu)

298 Ryan should release a sextape of him and Paris Hilton, filmed six hours after he killed her.

Posted by: El Kabong

 

Then, declare he is now a Muslim, so it's cool...

Posted by: Roy at August 30, 2012 11:04 AM (VndSC)

299 At the debate, after everything Obama says, Mitt should always start with "Word to your momma, homie"

Posted by: model_1066 at August 30, 2012 03:01 PM (yYKoR)

 

Oh... my god... can't... breathe....!

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter [/i][/u][/b] at August 30, 2012 11:04 AM (4df7R)

300 out: VP debate
in: VP wet t-shirt contest

Posted by: not the mama at August 30, 2012 11:04 AM (96Kco)

301

Challenge Obama to a game of basketball to see who becomes President

Posted by: Creepy Co-Worker Guy at August 30, 2012 11:04 AM (F6KtL)

302 Sentient Vaginas.

Posted by: Time Travelling Flaneur at August 30, 2012 11:04 AM (ay6+/)

303 284 -

Admit it, you aren't trying to suppress their vote totals as much as you just want to see her dead. 

Posted by: BurtTC at August 30, 2012 11:04 AM (BeSEI)

304

Romney to Obama at 1st debate:  "I heard Michelle's favorite movie is "Saving Ryan's Privates."

 

Posted by: Scott at August 30, 2012 11:04 AM (sd6+C)

305 282
Romney should spend a full minute dancing the Robot.

Remember the NAKED GUN when FRANK dressed up as the UMPIRE and did the

MOONWALK after a STRIKEOUT?

'HEY! IT'S ENRICO POLAZZO!!!'

Posted by: Navin R Johnson at August 30, 2012 11:05 AM (HpT9p)

306 Romney should stop in the middle of a speech and perform Mormon communion.

Posted by: MaxMBJ at August 30, 2012 11:05 AM (lOlyY)

307 Romney should answer questions about unpopular (to libs) positions ala Walter White - stare them straight in the eye and say "You're godamned right."

Posted by: Countrysquire at August 30, 2012 11:05 AM (TLokJ)

308 301 Is there really a Poop magazine?

Posted by: Saluki at August 30, 2012 03:03 PM (i3OIF)


I dare you to google image it with no safe search.  I dare you.

Posted by: Adam at August 30, 2012 11:05 AM (/YJYi)

309 Campaign in CA driving a Chevy Volt. Play many rounds of golf at very exclusive clubs. Nix the debates.

Posted by: The littl shyning man at August 30, 2012 11:05 AM (PH+2B)

310 At every opportunity, mention that Air Force One smells like "spleef and malt liquor".

Posted by: model_1066 at August 30, 2012 11:05 AM (yYKoR)

311 I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Posted by: UnReal Dreck Check at August 30, 2012 11:05 AM (1Y+hH)

312 My opening statement at the debates:

"Barry, you un-American socialist Mama's boy, I'm going to let you see all the tax returns you want. But first you will blow me."

Posted by: "Biff" Romney at August 30, 2012 11:05 AM (EAk6R)

313 282 Romney should spend a full minute dancing the Robot. Remember the NAKED GUN when FRANK dressed up as the UMPIRE and did the MOONWALK after a STRIKEOUT? Posted by: soothsayerwing plover at August 30, 2012 03:02 PM (9Q7Nu) Yep, my fav scene was when Reggie Jackson got flattened by a fat chick. BTW, Ryan should stand by the door of the convention center tonight and shout "NO FAT CHICKS"

Posted by: The Robot Devil at August 30, 2012 11:05 AM (136wp)

314

>>Megyn Kelly looks exceptionally chipper and fuckable today.

 

This is usually a sign of estrus...are her buttocks swollen?

Posted by: garrett at August 30, 2012 11:05 AM (oejS5)

315 Hold a contest to determine which prison Obama should spend the rest of his life in. $3 for the chance to choose his cellmate.

Posted by: t-bird at August 30, 2012 11:05 AM (FcR7P)

316 Romney should answer questions about unpopular (to libs) positions ala Walter White - stare them straight in the eye and say "You're godamned right."


SAY MY NAME!

Posted by: EC at August 30, 2012 11:05 AM (GQ8sn)

317 298 mochelle confesses she was Ryan's black girlfriend


WTF?  I've never gone in for the big butt.



http://tinyurl.com/yzyekdh

Posted by: Paul Ryan at August 30, 2012 11:06 AM (3ZjAP)

318 Paul Ryan should repeatedly grope elderly women on camera.

Posted by: runninrebel at August 30, 2012 11:06 AM (zLsg3)

319 The funny thing is that Obama did comparable things during his 2008 campaign.

Posted by: taylork at August 30, 2012 11:06 AM (ppNDn)

320 Ryan should attend every press conference brandishing a loaded black powder blunderbuss. When asked why, he should answer "I'm just holding it."

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:06 AM (AZGON)

321 Oh my God, I love this thread.

Posted by: Book at August 30, 2012 11:06 AM (oxqtW)

322 At the next press gaggle, the answer to the first question no matter what is "You're Goddamn right I ordered the Code Red!"

Posted by: JackStraw at August 30, 2012 11:07 AM (TMB3S)

323 Romney should go to every debate dressed as a vagina to express his solidarity that we're all Americans, even the bat shit crazy ones who we'd like to throw in front of bulldozers.

Posted by: Adam at August 30, 2012 11:07 AM (/YJYi)

324 'HEY! IT'S ENRICO POLAZZO!!!' One of the best scenes in cinematic history.

Posted by: Soothsayer, and things of that nature at August 30, 2012 11:07 AM (9Q7Nu)

325 Ann Romney should sue the author of 'Fifty Shades of Grey' for 'plagiarizing her high school diary'.

Posted by: El Kabong at August 30, 2012 11:07 AM (4c4Bg)

326 One word: Assless chaps.

Posted by: jakeman at August 30, 2012 11:07 AM (96M6e)

327 Romney's standard debate response should be, "I know you are but what am I?"

Posted by: MaxMBJ at August 30, 2012 11:07 AM (lOlyY)

328 Mitt and Paul have a "what you shoot, you eat" bar-b-que at the Minniapolis zoo.

Posted by: Bosk at August 30, 2012 11:07 AM (n2K+4)

329 Finally.  This is the AoSHQ we know and love.

Posted by: jwest at August 30, 2012 11:07 AM (ZDsRL)

330 Crash special Olympics and absolutely cream field in 100 meter dash. Make giant flexing pose in face of winded losers.

Posted by: angler at August 30, 2012 11:07 AM (R+Rka)

331 Ryan should show up for the first debate wearing nothing but a speedo and Dick Cheney's condom. Hell that make him more votes.

Posted by: Midaz at August 30, 2012 11:07 AM (vM9JT)

332 Three words:

Mitt Hussein Romney

Posted by: The Mega Independent at August 30, 2012 11:07 AM (EMfce)

333 >>Megyn Kelly looks exceptionally chipper and fuckable today.

This is usually a sign of estrus...are her buttocks swollen?

Posted by: garrett

 

That did it. I need to go breathe  again.

Posted by: Roy at August 30, 2012 11:07 AM (VndSC)

334 Debate Prep:
A can of chili, a head of cabbage, and a gallon of beer.

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at August 30, 2012 11:07 AM (xrX4n)

335

Begin and end every sentence from here 'til November with "My Friends."  Trust me, this works.

Posted by: John McCain at August 30, 2012 11:08 AM (rFiOs)

336 Start up a twitter feed called "The President's shits". It will be photos of Mitt Romney's poops.

Posted by: taylork at August 30, 2012 11:08 AM (ppNDn)

337 Romney should say Obama is just three-fifths of a person in over his head.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:08 AM (AZGON)

338 Before the first 'moderator' of the Presidential debates gets their question out, have Mitt interrupt them and loudly scream 'WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SUCK MY DICK LIKE YOU DO WITH OBAMAS??' Then whip it out and shake it for the cameras.

Posted by: Creepy Co-Worker Guy at August 30, 2012 11:08 AM (F6KtL)

339 Romney and Ryan need to "raise the roof".

Posted by: Dr. Varno at August 30, 2012 11:08 AM (BIwwP)

340 Ryan should just repeat whatever Biden says during their debate, then contrast.

Moderator:  Tell me what you think the definition of "legitimate rape" is, and if abortion should be legal in cases of rape.

Biden:  Well, there is no such thing as legitimate rape! All rapes are illegitimate.  And all babies resulting from from rape are illegitimate, and should be aborted.  Illegitimate babies are a blight on our society, so women should get to choose whether they have illegitimate babies or legitimate ones.

Ryan:  Joe Biden says he thinks babies are a blight on our society.  I think babies are cute and nice.  Even yours, girl (winks).

Posted by: starboardhelm at August 30, 2012 11:08 AM (hHgxI)

341 Mitt should give out free bacon before his speech and eat some during it.

I support Iowa pork farmers.  Towel's heads?  Fuck you.

Posted by: Billy Bob, psuedo intellectual at August 30, 2012 11:08 AM (3ZjAP)

342 Obviously, they should wear the tuxes from Dumb And Dumber to all future campaign rallies.

Posted by: mrscorpio at August 30, 2012 11:08 AM (GKgjv)

343 Romney should campaign in New Hampshire and accuse Curt Schilling of being "just another Yankees fan."

Posted by: Wait, what you mean it's been done before? at August 30, 2012 11:08 AM (Z2wcK)

344 Mitt and Ryan should show up at the convention with Susana Martinez and each  wearing matching large nickel plated cap guns. 

Posted by: nra at August 30, 2012 11:08 AM (dvLAs)

345

Romney's answers/rebuttals during the debates should be the lyrics from Woody Guthrie's Alice's Restaurant.  Each debate should require going thru the song twice.  Paul Ryan can either use a Henry Rollins' spoken word album, or random Black Flag lyrics.

Posted by: Joe at August 30, 2012 11:09 AM (TQaK3)

346 >>>Is there really a Poop magazine? 1. I don't know, I made it up. 2. But probably. 3. Why are you asking, exactly?

Posted by: ace at August 30, 2012 11:09 AM (fxHyG)

347 @334:  That's TWO words.  But only one ass.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at August 30, 2012 11:09 AM (wtvvX)

348 Robot, and... Mitt should open his speech with: "Bros before Ho's."

Posted by: Soothsayer, and things of that nature at August 30, 2012 11:09 AM (9Q7Nu)

349 Mitt should debate while huffing helium.

Posted by: toby928© at August 30, 2012 11:09 AM (QupBk)

350 Drop to one knee tonight before the speech and Tebow. Then stand up and say "Nah, just fucking with ya."

Posted by: JackStraw at August 30, 2012 11:09 AM (TMB3S)

351 On the campaign trail, Ryan refers to all members of the media as "Hey Girl."

Posted by: filbert at August 30, 2012 11:09 AM (smvTK)

352 Romney/Ryan should dress like every Village People character at every campaign stop.

Posted by: Mo at August 30, 2012 11:10 AM (6rSAW)

353 Before every rally hand out free condoms and tell the attendants they're gifts for their liberal friends and family.

Posted by: Adam at August 30, 2012 11:10 AM (/YJYi)

354 >>>Is there really a Poop magazine? Depends™.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at August 30, 2012 11:10 AM (BIwwP)

355 and then Mitt should cup his junk, like so ----> \ / and say, "I got yo war on women, right here!!"

Posted by: Soothsayer, and things of that nature at August 30, 2012 11:10 AM (9Q7Nu)

356 Have Mitt in his white guy's voice say during the debates...'The roof is on fire. I say the roof is on fire. Yo.'

Posted by: Creepy Co-Worker Guy at August 30, 2012 11:10 AM (F6KtL)

357 Romney should speak at the podium by just moving his mouth, no words coming. Then he should tap the mike and say, "Is this thing on?" then go back to more mouthing of words.

Posted by: MaxMBJ at August 30, 2012 11:10 AM (lOlyY)

358 Team Romney should be drafting and releasing the bills overturning Obamacare and releasing them on the internet, so citizens and legislators can have time to review, amend where necessary and start whipping the votes for passage on Day One of the new Congress. Dag, the Dems had dreamed of Health Care for more than 75 years, but when they finally had both houses and the White House, they had no frakkin' idea of what bill to propose.

Indictments for Holder, Napolitano, Geithner, Panetta and Sibelius.

A nationwide audit for felons, illegals, false identities and multiply registered voters, so even with lawsuits, bureaucratic incompetence and sabotage, grandstanding, and media lies, the 45-month lead time before the next election will assure fair appeals and a clean accounting.

Authorize extended unemployment benefits for the former NYT/WaPo/CNN/MSNBC "journalists" who lose their jobs in the rush of bankruptcies.

Allocate the funds for Obama's post-preezy shine box and presidential library/golf course.

Outlaw the Ground Zero Mosque and nuke the site.

Recruit handsome male volunteers to plug the pieholes of Maureen Dodd, Arianna Huffington, Frank Rich, Thomas Friedman and Paul Krugman.

Auction off spots on the squad to beat Chris Matthews and Toure Niblet to death, proceeds to restore the sequestered Defense budget funds.


Posted by: Little Miss Spellcheck at August 30, 2012 11:11 AM (a5ljo)

359 Intro music for Mitt tonight? Camptown Ladies.

Posted by: jakeman at August 30, 2012 11:11 AM (96M6e)

360 Romney should start asking audiences; "Anyone got some blow? FIVE hookers really takes it out of you."

Posted by: El Kabong at August 30, 2012 11:11 AM (4c4Bg)

361 Romney could make it more interesting if he declares a War on Pop Music and closes every speech screaming, "we are Devo!"

Posted by: runninrebel at August 30, 2012 11:11 AM (wSncD)

362 Pantomime snorting a line of coke every time Obama is mentioned.

Posted by: model_1066 at August 30, 2012 11:11 AM (yYKoR)

363 Ryan should start wearing a doo-rag and coming out to the song 'California Love'.

Posted by: El Kabong at August 30, 2012 11:11 AM (4c4Bg)

364 Mitt needs to do the Dirty Bird at the next debate. That, or the Funky Chicken.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at August 30, 2012 11:11 AM (BIwwP)

365 @345

LOL, but no he is only 3/10 of a vote.  he's half white.

Posted by: Billy Bob, psuedo intellectual at August 30, 2012 11:11 AM (3ZjAP)

366 I can agree with everything except the confidence that the election is in the bag. There will never have been as nasty a campaign and as strong a get-out-the-vote effort as by our community organizer in chief aka the SCOAMT. To say nothing of fraud. We need to personally encourage and escort neighbors and friends to vote. Have a big party on election night. Donate our time and treasure. I'd rather have a landslide (dare I say mandate?) than a squeaker. Plus, I am a born and cultivated believer in O'Shea's Law.

Posted by: Justamom in Achin' Akin's district at August 30, 2012 11:11 AM (Sptt8)

367 Paul Ryan should wear a 18 carat gold grill cast from the fillings of senior citizens.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:11 AM (AZGON)

368 Romney should go to every debate dressed as a vagina

--------------



You people are killing me!!

Posted by: mama winger in Paul Ryan's district at August 30, 2012 11:12 AM (P6QsQ)

369 368 Intro music for Mitt tonight? Camptown Ladies.

Posted by: jakeman at August 30, 2012 03:11 PM (96M6e)


Band playing at the inauguration party?  Butthole Surfers.

Posted by: model_1066 at August 30, 2012 11:12 AM (yYKoR)

370 Romney should campaign on his abiding respect for American immigrants of all races and ethnicities, and then add, "Except for the Hmong.  Those shifty little ratfuckers can swim back to Hanoi, for all I care."

Posted by: Jeff B. at August 30, 2012 11:12 AM (Z2wcK)

371 At the VP debate, Ryan's first response is to pull out a 12 gauge, loads both barrels, chambers, and then says to the moderator "You know the old Skynnerd song "Gimme Three Steps?""

Posted by: filbert at August 30, 2012 11:12 AM (smvTK)

372 Mitt's acceptance speech: "I have the powerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Posted by: joncelli, heartless Con and all around unpleasant guy at August 30, 2012 11:12 AM (RD7QR)

373 I LOVE this place!  LOL everybody!!!  (except for the trolls)

Posted by: Mr_Write at August 30, 2012 11:12 AM (CLkAH)

374

>>Is there really a Poop magazine?

 

I don't know about 'Poop' but there is a 'Shaved Snizz' magazine. 

 

Posted by: garrett at August 30, 2012 11:12 AM (oejS5)

375 While Biden's answering a debate question, Ryan should softly croon, "Old Black Joe."

Posted by: MaxMBJ at August 30, 2012 11:13 AM (lOlyY)

376 As his reply to each question during the Presidential Debates, Romney should bite the head off a live chicken then spit the head at Obama.

Posted by: naturalfake at August 30, 2012 11:13 AM (54vf8)

377 At the end of the convention when all the families are up on stage, Ryan should slap his son and yell at him to stop crying like a goddamned pussy.

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at August 30, 2012 11:13 AM (+lsX1)

378 376 Paul Ryan should wear a 18 carat gold grill cast from the fillings of senior citizens.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 03:11 PM (AZGON)


And always have an old lady within reach, preferably using a wheelchair or walker, to shove down a flight of stairs.

Posted by: model_1066 at August 30, 2012 11:13 AM (yYKoR)

379 At the start of the debates, Romney should ask Obama 'what's the capital of Thailand?' Then punch him in the dick before he can answer.

Posted by: El Kabong at August 30, 2012 11:14 AM (4c4Bg)

380 360 Romney/Ryan should dress like every Village People character at every campaign stop.

Posted by: Mo at August 30, 2012 03:10 PM (6rSAW)


And come out singing "YMCA."

Posted by: joncelli, heartless Con and all around unpleasant guy at August 30, 2012 11:14 AM (RD7QR)

381 Mitt should walk out onto the stage tonight without a smile, get to the podium and smile wide revealing a gold grill with diamonds spelling out R MONEY$.

Posted by: JackStraw at August 30, 2012 11:14 AM (TMB3S)

Posted by: Soothsayer, and things of that nature at August 30, 2012 11:14 AM (9Q7Nu)

383 Romney should show up at the debates reeking of Jim Beam and Phillies blunts and declare "It's true about the dog. My opponent has never eaten pussy."

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:14 AM (AZGON)

384 Romney loudly, and off-key, sings "Camptown Races" when Obama gets asked questions at the debates.

Posted by: filbert at August 30, 2012 11:14 AM (smvTK)

385 Have a chick pop out from behind the podium, wipe her mouth off and run off. Mitt just shrugs and says 'Can you repeat the question? Kinda hard to focus when a chick is sucking your dick as good as she just did.'

Posted by: Creepy Co-Worker Guy at August 30, 2012 11:14 AM (F6KtL)

386 At every campaign rally Mitt should wear a blonde wig and  head scarf while standing fifteen feet in front of a bulldozer while screaming "Nooo!!!" for 30 seconds.

Posted by: Adam at August 30, 2012 11:15 AM (/YJYi)

387 Mitt should give a speech to an elementary school in which he tells the kids that their pet cats and dogs have candy inside.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at August 30, 2012 11:15 AM (SY2Kh)

388 Mitt should announce that his first order of business will be to re-name 'Ohio' 'Oiho' in honor of  our first black President.

Posted by: garrett at August 30, 2012 11:15 AM (oejS5)

389 0bama is "da bomb"... IN DA BAFFROOM

Posted by: Dr. Varno at August 30, 2012 11:15 AM (BIwwP)

390 Mitt & Ryan show up dressed like the blues brothers at a campaign rally and then whip them off like they were chippendale dancers and then..... Well shit, that would probably get him even more women voters.

Posted by: Midaz at August 30, 2012 11:15 AM (vM9JT)

391 I can't even read anymore

my eyes are full of laughing water

Posted by: mama winger in Paul Ryan's district at August 30, 2012 11:15 AM (P6QsQ)

392 Oh, and start recruiting the mob to surround the Naval Observatory and chant "Get out of Ryan's house!"

Posted by: Little Miss Spellcheck at August 30, 2012 11:15 AM (a5ljo)

393 Romney should announce as his Attorney General: David Duke!

Posted by: Mr_Write at August 30, 2012 11:15 AM (CLkAH)

394 Romney should end every speech with, "I don't know about you, but I'm voting for Obama."

Posted by: MaxMBJ at August 30, 2012 11:16 AM (lOlyY)

395 They should start doing Town Hall meetings as Beavis and Butthead:

Beavis: Ngghh ngghhh, we need to, like, reform entitlements and stuff.
Butthead: Entitlements are gay. Huh huh, huh huh.
Beavis: Ngghh ngghhh, you said "tit".
Butthead: No I didn't, dumbass. It's pronounced tite. Huh, huh.
Beavis: Nggh nggh, tite... tite... TIGHT... my bunghole is TIGHT.

Posted by: The Mega Independent at August 30, 2012 11:16 AM (EMfce)

396 I think DoJ is going to coordinate the riots

Non-stop Reichstag fires from now until the election.

Posted by: @PurpAv at August 30, 2012 11:16 AM (Pbwe7)

397 ah, it makes me happy to see Ace feeling this overconfident. I think Romney should study some lefty films in which a conservative has an on air conversion to liberalism, and do that speech during the debates. for each answer. Like, what? Bulworth? Or what about the speech from the cold war film with Travolta where they train USSR agents to act american?

Posted by: joeindc44 says choom on fuckers at August 30, 2012 11:16 AM (QxSug)

398 At the debates, Mitt and Ryan should only reply in Arabic.

Posted by: model_1066 at August 30, 2012 11:16 AM (yYKoR)

399 Work the words "choom gang" into every speech. 

"Barack Obama has seventy Czars!  A Golf Czar, a Car Czar, a Vayjay Czar!  It's like he got into office and said, "Hey!  I can get my old Choom Gang back together!"  Choom.  Gang."

Posted by: starboardhelm at August 30, 2012 11:16 AM (hHgxI)

400 Paul Ryan announces his big new GOP policy idea: solve both the entitlement crisis and the energy crisis at the same time by employing a patented new scientific process for converting senior citizens into light, sweet crude.

Posted by: Jeff B. at August 30, 2012 11:16 AM (Z2wcK)

401 Why didn't you come to me like a man and tell me there was a new post?

Posted by: toby928© at August 30, 2012 11:16 AM (QupBk)

402 Opening line of every speech from here on out: "My magic underwear is ready."

Posted by: joncelli, heartless Con and all around unpleasant guy at August 30, 2012 11:16 AM (RD7QR)

403 Ryan insists he'll name his next son Joffrey.

Posted by: apotheosis at August 30, 2012 11:16 AM (xWk3U)

404 @374

No he's more than 3/5 he's, since he is half white, help me here Paul.

Oh, wait never mind that half shit doesn't count.

You know this 3/5 compromise was the NY compromise to screw VA out of representatives.  VA wanted everyone counted as a person, more representatives in the house.

The racist Yankees fucked those poor Black people.

Posted by: Billy Bob, psuedo intellectual at August 30, 2012 11:16 AM (3ZjAP)

405 Two words:  Open Carry.

Posted by: model_1066 at August 30, 2012 11:17 AM (yYKoR)

406 Mitt should preface every answer he gives at the debates with "So. It has come to THIS."


Posted by: Book at August 30, 2012 11:17 AM (oxqtW)

407 Whenever a reporter asks me a question, I will then challenge them to a game of Rock Paper Scissors.  Regardless of who wins I will then slap the shit out of the reporter while screaming "Get up out ma face, Bitch!".

Posted by: Urban Mitt Romney at August 30, 2012 11:17 AM (/YJYi)

408 From here on out Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan should do all of their waving with The Shocker.

Posted by: runninrebel at August 30, 2012 11:17 AM (n9F1h)

409 Every question of the debates, Mitt interrupts Obama's answer using   the phrase, 'Now wait just a cotton pickin' minute!'.

Posted by: garrett at August 30, 2012 11:17 AM (oejS5)

410 During Obama's closing statement, Mitt should stand up and sing... Ring ring ring, banana phone! Ring ring ring, banana phone!

Posted by: Soothsayer, and things of that nature at August 30, 2012 11:17 AM (9Q7Nu)

411 Romney should whip out a pack of Kools and light one with a $100 bill.

Posted by: JackStraw at August 30, 2012 11:17 AM (TMB3S)

412

How about R/R coming out on stage and tossing pies at the media? Pie is good.

Posted by: Mo at August 30, 2012 11:17 AM (6EuF3)

413 At the start of the night's events Romney and Ryan should promise everyone in the audience a free chevy volt as a gift !!

Posted by: naionalcarsalesaveragenumberssponseredbyGM at August 30, 2012 11:18 AM (dvLAs)

414 During the debates have Mitt say 'Yo boy, go get me some water' to Obama.

Posted by: Creepy Co-Worker Guy at August 30, 2012 11:18 AM (F6KtL)

415 At the climatic moment in his acceptance speech, Romney should methodically find and extract a booger then flick it at the audience.

Posted by: MaxMBJ at August 30, 2012 11:18 AM (lOlyY)

416 418 Every question of the debates, Mitt interrupts Obama's answer using the phrase, 'Now wait just a cotton pickin' minute!'.

Posted by: garrett at August 30, 2012 03:17 PM (oejS5)


how 'bout "sleazy little faggot"?

Posted by: model_1066 at August 30, 2012 11:18 AM (yYKoR)

417 my eyes are full of laughing water Posted by: mama winger in Paul Ryan's district at August 30, 2012 03:15 PM (P6QsQ) --------------------------------------------------- Me um not know um laughing water paleface. Fire water I do know.

Posted by: Elizabeth Warren at August 30, 2012 11:18 AM (jucos)

418 He should strap a giant dog to the roof of his campaign bus.

Posted by: starboardhelm at August 30, 2012 11:18 AM (hHgxI)

419 The correct term for people from Florida is "Floridiots"

Posted by: nitpicker at August 30, 2012 11:18 AM (mJ950)

420 393 Romney loudly, and off-key, sings "Camp town Races" when Obama gets asked questions at the debates.


Like this......


http://tinyurl.com/5ttjw5

Posted by: Billy Bob, psuedo intellectual at August 30, 2012 11:19 AM (3ZjAP)

421 two words: dog meat summit

Posted by: joeindc44 says choom on fuckers at August 30, 2012 11:19 AM (QxSug)

422 If Obama asks him a question at the debate he should answer "Loser says what?"

Posted by: JackStraw at August 30, 2012 11:19 AM (TMB3S)

423 During the debates, pull out a signal mirror and use it to flash light in Obama's eyes.  When asked to stop, use the Eddie Haskell voice to defend your actions.  "I thought he might be blind.  Why else would he claim the economy is improving?"

Posted by: bonhomme at August 30, 2012 11:20 AM (yN8NS)

424 Mitt should ask all the campaign monitors 'What's next, faggot?' after each answered question.

Posted by: garrett at August 30, 2012 11:20 AM (oejS5)

425 I wish I shared your optimism...awesome list.

Posted by: Crispian at August 30, 2012 11:20 AM (uBMtY)

426 Posted by: Billy Bob, psuedo intellectual at August 30, 2012 03:19 PM (3ZjAP)

Exactly.

Posted by: filbert at August 30, 2012 11:20 AM (smvTK)

427 To any reporter male or female:

"Aw, bitch, you just crazy".

Posted by: Time Travelling Flaneur at August 30, 2012 11:20 AM (ay6+/)

428 During the debates, Mitt should constantly refer to Obama as 'President Benson'.

Posted by: El Kabong at August 30, 2012 11:20 AM (4c4Bg)

429 Opening for Mitt tonight should be Ted Nugent playing Great White Buffalo while Ryan dressed in loincloth with a bow and arrow actually hunt and slaughter one onstage in the background.

Posted by: Bosk at August 30, 2012 11:20 AM (n2K+4)

430 Like Al Gore's sighs, Romney should murmur, "What a retard" after every thing Obama says.

Posted by: MaxMBJ at August 30, 2012 11:21 AM (lOlyY)

431 Have Mitt try and start 'The Wave' during the debates

Posted by: Creepy Co-Worker Guy at August 30, 2012 11:21 AM (F6KtL)

432

Wow.  What a difference a few months makes!  Used to be we had people in hear that were full of discontent towards Romney, hanging bitterly onto the notion that some "real conservative" would somehow be able to pull it out - long after the primary was clearly over.  Those folks were acting in much the same way as the present-day Akin supporters, willing to lose the war for the sake of fighting one hopeless skirmish.  (I'm glad to see that everybody seems to have gotten their heads straight on this.)

 

There was even some commentary about how Romney didn't have a very good campaign. This was apparently based on the idea that he had not emerged in an exciting and charismatic way.  In fact, most of the other campaigns had shown themselves to be incompetent, not even managing to get on the ballot in several middle-sized states. There are no real gaffes or missteps that come to mind in the Romney campaign - to date it has been a game of not providing the opposition with the rope to hang you with, and he has been flawless.

 

Every time the Obama campaign (including their media allies, of course) threw something at Romney to see if it stuck, it ricocheted off, and hit the in the face.  The best they could come up with was an alleged case of Romney allegedly picking on somebody when he was a teenager, and trying to make it sound like it resulted in the guy's death - decades later. It's actually kind of hilarious.

 

So here we are!  Our gracious host is inspired to suggest that Romney make some actual MISTAKES, just to "make things interesting", or perhaps so that the rest of us will not cringe in fear of his awesomeness!

 

Well, I love it, but am mildly concerned that it is premature. The guy who we need to save the US from Obama still has to hit it out of the park tonight.  It seems like giving a rousing speech is not really in his nature, and that is undoubtedly true.  But what is REALLY not in Romneys DNA is to FAIL.  The question is only whether he succeeds, or whether he succeeds BIG.

 

Posted by: Optimizer at August 30, 2012 11:21 AM (As94z)

433 "I know you are but what am I?".

The classics are always good.

Posted by: Time Travelling Flaneur at August 30, 2012 11:21 AM (ay6+/)

434 What's funny about this thread is that everything suggested  would bring out the dem vote for  Romney and  Ryan.

Posted by: Soona at August 30, 2012 11:21 AM (60KM1)

435 Ryan should ask why Biden didn't have the guts to shove Chuck Graham's wheelchair off a cliff.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:21 AM (AZGON)

436 I'm sorry, but I'm one of those pathetic people who get scared when things go their way.  So here's the downer thought of the day to get some of these balloons down from the ceiling: I hope to hell that Romney has some private security watching his and Ryan's asses. I don't trust SS, or anyone else whose checks are cut by Obama. A food taster wouldn't hurt either. Double check the brakes on his car.  If something happens to him, the dems get to go, "How horrible! National day of Mourning!  Respected enemy - honor in death! [Thank god!!!]"

Ok, now back to the elation. I'll just be in the corner biting my nails.

Posted by: Pentangle at August 30, 2012 11:21 AM (qWncH)

437

Paul Ryan should answer every question of the VP debate with, 'Do you want a chunk, or do you want  a sliver?'. 

Then he should shoot the moderator with a longbow.

Posted by: garrett at August 30, 2012 11:22 AM (oejS5)

438 oh my, where have you been all my life....hysterical and vulgar and fun and disrespectful..you da man!

Posted by: FendiOnThePorch at August 30, 2012 11:22 AM (x7K+Q)

439 Let me eeyore for a minute and direct the horde to the comments to the "Ryan lied about the GM plant" on yahoo. Remember that the super-uninterested, like Mr. Coyote, get their news from yahoo.  The commenters buy the story as true, lock stock and barrel, and the comments thread has headed in the "he seemed so nice, but I guess all politicians lie" direction. If the super uninterested buy what they are reading, we're a long way from winning.  A very few commenters (including me) are trying to repost "this STORY is a lie" comments, but I'm getting winded.

Posted by: the other coyote at August 30, 2012 11:22 AM (yK44T)

440 At every campaign stop, Ryan and Romney both sacrifice a virgin, and then proceed to personally ensure that nobody else attending the event can ever suffer the same fate.

Posted by: filbert at August 30, 2012 11:22 AM (smvTK)

441

"Opening for Mitt tonight should be Ted Nugent playing Great White Buffalo while Ryan dressed in loincloth with a bow and arrow actually hunt and slaughter one onstage in the background."

 

Oh, the imagery!!

Posted by: Mo at August 30, 2012 11:22 AM (6EuF3)

442 "Well, I love it, but am mildly concerned that it is premature." Premature electulation?

Posted by: MaxMBJ at August 30, 2012 11:23 AM (lOlyY)

443 Take a phone call during the debates, when Obama is stuttering out a non-answer....talk loudly while glaring at Obama. Hang up and say 'is that dumbass done YET??'

Posted by: model_1066 at August 30, 2012 11:23 AM (yYKoR)

444 Ann Romney should dress in Sailor Moon cosplay and Mitt should go weeaboo.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:23 AM (AZGON)

445

Ryan should announce he's leaving his wife to marry one of his backup dancers.

Posted by: Alex at August 30, 2012 11:23 AM (3x3F6)

446 Waiting for Ryan's "black girl" to be interviewed an mention his small penis.

Entertainment Tonight is on the case.

Posted by: Billy Bob, psuedo intellectual at August 30, 2012 11:24 AM (3ZjAP)

447 Romeny/Ryan official campaign song - 'First I Look at the Purse' by Nashville Pussy.

Posted by: garrett at August 30, 2012 11:24 AM (oejS5)

448 Romney comes out dressed as the Gorn from Star Trek, screaming "Where's Captain Kirk now?!  Where's Captain Kirk now?!"

Posted by: filbert at August 30, 2012 11:24 AM (smvTK)

449 Invite Obama to a beer AND dog summit

Posted by: Creepy Co-Worker Guy at August 30, 2012 11:24 AM (F6KtL)

450 Romney should declare his favorite band "The Mentors."

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:24 AM (AZGON)

451

Mitt should shave his head and wear an obnoxiously obvious toupee instead.  The color should change at each campaign stop. 

Posted by: Alex at August 30, 2012 11:24 AM (3x3F6)

452 For Ryan's debate, Romney should wheel him out in a wheelchair then dump him into the crowd, shouting, "Right wing social engineer!"

Posted by: MaxMBJ at August 30, 2012 11:24 AM (lOlyY)

453 I was thinking maybe I'd video myself being purposeful with some drive-through girl at Chick Fil-A.


Posted by: "Biff" Romney at August 30, 2012 11:25 AM (EAk6R)

454 @446.. I know.  Has crossed my mind more than once.

Posted by: jewells45 at August 30, 2012 11:25 AM (l/N7H)

455 Ryan should answer every question at the VP debate with: "Do you want pie in the sky by and by? Or do you want it RIGHT NOW with ice cream on top?"

Posted by: naturalfake at August 30, 2012 11:25 AM (54vf8)

456 Romney attends the debate wearing blackface and addresses the moderator as "Mistuh Benny."

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:26 AM (AZGON)

457 They should arrive at all campaign stops in a chariot pulled by a ginger ponygirl.  Romney should be dressed as a Roman Praetorian. 

Posted by: Alex at August 30, 2012 11:26 AM (3x3F6)

458 That fuckers was white? He's a LIAR.

 White boys don't have dicks that big. 

Posted by: Ryan's Black Girl friend at August 30, 2012 11:26 AM (3ZjAP)

459 Romney should offer Obama a joint during each debate. "That's cool, yo. More for me..."

Posted by: t-bird at August 30, 2012 11:26 AM (FcR7P)

460 Mitt Romney should get a cigar and start doing the Edward G. Robinson voice: "So where's your Messiah now, ay? See? Yeah. See? Yeaaahh."

I lol'd.  Ace is in fine form.

Posted by: wooga at August 30, 2012 11:26 AM (vjyZP)

461 Four words:  Less talk, more rock.

Posted by: Alex at August 30, 2012 11:27 AM (3x3F6)

462 How about R/R coming out on stage and tossing pies at the media? Pie is good.

The press likes strudel.

Posted by: Dwayne "Rock" Johnson at August 30, 2012 11:27 AM (0tkqC)

463 Have Mitt yell during the debates 'Fuck this policy shit!' And then break dance in the middle of the stage.

Posted by: Creepy Co-Worker Guy at August 30, 2012 11:27 AM (F6KtL)

464 They should arrive at all campaign stops in a chariot pulled by a ginger ponygirl. The ginger from the topless protest.

Posted by: t-bird at August 30, 2012 11:27 AM (FcR7P)

465 Point to Moochelle and yell "git dat crack ho da fuck outta heah!"

Posted by: model_1066 at August 30, 2012 11:27 AM (yYKoR)

466 Ryan addresses a gathering of the AARP. His opening comment is "How much if I eat you last?"

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:28 AM (AZGON)

467 Mitt and Paul dress up as Ruffled Feathers and Running Board for every campaign stop. "Whoopee doopey! We have fun!"

Posted by: jakeman at August 30, 2012 11:28 AM (96M6e)

468 Romney names his Secretary of State will be Dramatic Squirrel.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:28 AM (AZGON)

469
Romney should mention he's never had a drink or coffee.

So Mr President, what does that cocaine feel like?

Posted by: Billy Bob, psuedo intellectual at August 30, 2012 11:28 AM (3ZjAP)

470 "Sorry, lady, but I don't kiss garbage."

XD

Wow, I almost irrigated my sinuses over that one.


Posted by: JR at August 30, 2012 11:29 AM (bKxJO)

471 At the beginning of the next debate, Mitt should bring Obama a pie and place it on his podium saying softly, but loud enough for mic to pick up, "Evening sheriff. Sorry about that up yours n****"

Posted by: Uncledave at August 30, 2012 11:29 AM (nJ32z)

472 I can't even read anymore

my eyes are full of laughing water

Posted by: mama winger in Paul Ryan's district at August 30, 2012 03:15 PM (P6QsQ)

 

Me too, mama!   My co-workers are going to think I'm    dying from all the wheezing laughter coming from     my office!

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter [/i][/u][/b] at August 30, 2012 11:30 AM (4df7R)

473 Mitt should sing in a loud baritone, "Michelle.... you is my woman now.  You is.  You is."

Posted by: Uncledave at August 30, 2012 11:30 AM (nJ32z)

474

Re: "Mitt Romney should come out to the stage at the Convention riding Rafalca. On the stage will be a makeshift, poorly-ventilated smithy where poor children are forced to make golden horseshoes for Rafalca. When the children, singed and sooty, are finished with their difficult, dangerous task, Mitt Romney should pay them in chicken bones and old, misprinted issues of Poop Magazine."

Wasn't this part of the London Olympics opening ceremony?

Posted by: Walsingham at August 30, 2012 11:30 AM (d8B+I)

475 The Romneys invite the Obamas to one of their mansions for dinner. They serve Cheetos and grape Nehi.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:30 AM (AZGON)

476 413 Billy Bob,

in order to disincentivize slavery....we wanted "0"

Posted by: sven10077 at August 30, 2012 11:30 AM (LRFds)

477 *starts taking notes*

Posted by: David Axelrod at August 30, 2012 11:31 AM (Nxs01)

478 Romney/Ryan should start burning lower-case Ts at rallys. It's for 'Time to Leave...and it's lowercase so they'll know we mean business."

Posted by: El Kabong at August 30, 2012 11:31 AM (4c4Bg)

479 "367  Team Romney should be drafting and releasing the bills overturning Obamacare and releasing them on the internet, so citizens and legislators can have time to review, amend where necessary and start whipping the votes for passage on Day One of the new Congress. Dag, the Dems had dreamed of Health Care for more than 75 years, but when they finally had both houses and the White House, they had no frakkin' idea of what bill to propose."  That's actually kind of a good idea.  In fact, Bachman was on the tube outlining a scenario where Congress would pass a bill, and Romney could sign it, on Day One.  Even f-ing Massachusetts elected a guy - in Kennedy's old seat, no less - just to try to stop that real-life zombie called ObamaCare.  You can tell people don't want it, because the Dems won't campaign on it.  The kind of strategy you outline would bring that back into focus, while also playing into Ryan's theme of "that lousy bastard stole from my mother's Medicare money to nationalize medicine for everybody else." Ryan had a lot of great lines, but one of the best was how Obamacare "has no place in a free society".  That boy is going to succeed Romney someday.  R and R are the Democratic party's worst nightmanre, and you can smell the fear.  

Posted by: Optimizer at August 30, 2012 11:31 AM (As94z)

480

I do not want to think about why this is the only suggestion here that made me shudder:

 

>>Romney should play 'McArthur Park' whenever he comes out for a speech, then demand the audience's silence as the entire song plays from start to finish.

Posted by: Mama AJ at August 30, 2012 11:32 AM (SUKHu)

481 Ryan should do an interview with Andrea Mitchell at his house and show off his collection of trophy Hobo Heads.

Posted by: some prick at August 30, 2012 11:32 AM (D9ELu)

482 Romney should announce he plans to outfit the military with cancer death rays and iron maidens for family dogs.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:33 AM (AZGON)

483 Eric Holder described his big secret with the code words "Fast and Furious"?

Isn't that funny? My black girlfriend gave the same nickname to my cock.

Posted by: Paul "Mad Dog" Ryan at August 30, 2012 11:33 AM (EAk6R)

484 493 Ryan should do an interview with Andrea Mitchell at his house and show off his collection of trophy Hobo Heads.

Posted by: some prick at August 30, 2012 03:32 PM (D9ELu)


Slowly crack his knuckles and say "say, aren't you about a size 14?"

Posted by: model_1066 at August 30, 2012 11:34 AM (yYKoR)

485 During a campaign stop, Ryan should declare he has a plan to end world hunger, and then stare balefully at an old person.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:35 AM (AZGON)

486 JackStraw and ace "Romney should pull out Kool pack /Cigar and ..."

pfft

Posted by: panzernashorn at August 30, 2012 11:35 AM (BAnPT)

487 494 Romney should announce he plans to outfit the military with cancer death rays and iron maidens for family dogs.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 03:33 PM (AZGON)

Iron Maiden!  EXCELLENT!

Posted by: Bill S. Preston, Esq. at August 30, 2012 11:35 AM (bKxJO)

488 Debate Moderator: Mr. Romney, your closing remarks? Mitt (turning to Obama): You leave town tonight, right now. And when you're gone, you stay gone, or you be gone. You lost all your D.C. privileges. Deal?

Posted by: jakeman at August 30, 2012 11:36 AM (96M6e)

489 Romney appears on stage for the presidential debates with his hair done up in corn rows, and with T-Pain's "Buy You a Drank", blaring through the auditorium.

Posted by: Sticky Wicket at August 30, 2012 11:36 AM (L7hol)

490 Answer every question with Homie don't play that.

Posted by: toby928© at August 30, 2012 11:36 AM (QupBk)

491 Note: From now on, throwing peanuts at the media--regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, or whatever--and yelling "This is how we feed animals" is now not only tolerated but encouraged.

Posted by: "Biff" Romney at August 30, 2012 11:36 AM (EAk6R)

492 Romney could say "Unlike Harry Reid, I promise not to rape and murder anyone who still has primary teeth."

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:37 AM (AZGON)

493 500 Debate Moderator: Mr. Romney, your closing remarks?

Mitt (turning to Obama): You leave town tonight, right now. And when you're gone, you stay gone, or you be gone. You lost all your D.C. privileges. Deal?

Posted by: jakeman at August 30, 2012 03:36 PM (96M6e)


Mitt:  "Fuck all y'all!!"

Posted by: model_1066 at August 30, 2012 11:37 AM (yYKoR)

494 "I don' know nuthin bout birthin no babies."

Posted by: Mitt Romney at the debates at August 30, 2012 11:38 AM (9Q7Nu)

495 Romney should tour the coastal states in a 200 foot yacht, telling crowds "I didn't build that.  I bought that.  Thanks, little people."

Posted by: Hollowpoint at August 30, 2012 11:38 AM (SY2Kh)

496 During a campaign stop, Ryan should declare he has a plan to end world hunger, and then stare balefully at an old person.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 03:35 PM (AZGON)

 

LOL!  I'd declare this the threadwinner, but it's like trying to pick a favorite child.   And besides, the image of Paul Ryan in a loincloth      from the earlier comment has me all aflutter.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter [/i][/u][/b] at August 30, 2012 11:38 AM (4df7R)

497 Would it help if they both posed as 39 year old divorced lobbyists on Craig's List?

Posted by: Mo at August 30, 2012 11:38 AM (6rSAW)

498 Romney could replace the Marine Corps Marching Band with Rammstein.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:38 AM (AZGON)

499 Romney should come out in a giant papier mache black face singing "mammie" every time he is asked a question. and tap dancing

Posted by: thunderb at August 30, 2012 11:39 AM (Dnbau)

500
Mitt should say, "See my iPod here? Nothin' but Nickelback."

Posted by: Taro Tsujimoto at August 30, 2012 11:39 AM (celt+)

501 Romney could promise to appoint an Aztec priest as Surgeon General.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:41 AM (AZGON)

502 Fully serious, maybe Ryan and Romney can abandon the "who farted in the GOP strategy" and defend W and explain what happened in 2008. to listen to JEF, recession was caused by W's tax cuts or something, and not by government created bubble in real estate.

Posted by: joeindc44 says choom on fuckers at August 30, 2012 11:42 AM (QxSug)

503 "The rover blasting Black Eyed Peas was my idea. They had to borrow my Zune".

Posted by: HoboJerky, now with 45% more DOOM! at August 30, 2012 11:42 AM (xAtAj)

504 Ryan should pass out memorial Monika Lewinski cigars to the moderators

Posted by: blogRot at August 30, 2012 11:43 AM (A6JXc)

505 Romney comes to the stage tonight with a keyboard in one hand, a screwdriver in another, and a big smile across his face. The camera comes in for a tight shot, as Mitt carefully pries the "O" key from the keyboard, and it skitters across the floor. Without saying a word, Mitt leaves the stage.

Posted by: jakeman at August 30, 2012 11:43 AM (96M6e)

506 Announce intentions to give Air Force One a "bitchin' flame job"

Posted by: model_1066 at August 30, 2012 11:44 AM (yYKoR)

507 Ryan could declare that senior citizens must be culled not only to preserve solvency, but to help replenish our Strategic Glue Reserves.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:44 AM (AZGON)

508 "I don' know nuthin bout birthin no babies."
Posted by: Mitt Romney at the debates at August 30, 2012 03:38 PM
-------------
...and now I'm thinking of Carol Burnett.

He needs to show up sat the first debate with the curtain dress she used in the Went with the Wind skit.


Posted by: Time Travelling Sentient Vagina at August 30, 2012 11:45 AM (ay6+/)

509 Eh...ok, where can  I get my copy of poop magazine? 

Posted by: dananjcon at August 30, 2012 11:45 AM (eavT+)

510 I'd settle for P.R. drawing and aiming a huntin' bow at any reporter who dares ask him a question...while snarling, "Question, bitch?"

Posted by: Stu-22 at August 30, 2012 11:45 AM (k4bdL)

511 At the debates they should each whip out a bowl of pudding and dip their balls!

Posted by: some prick at August 30, 2012 11:46 AM (D9ELu)

512 Ryan gives all of his stump speeches from a specially built blind; randomly picks off protesters/media with his .30-06.

Posted by: filbert at August 30, 2012 11:46 AM (smvTK)

513 have a heavy gold chain around his neck, showing off a gold-plated kitten, encrusted with diamonds.

Posted by: model_1066 at August 30, 2012 11:46 AM (yYKoR)

514 Ryan should show up at all campaign stops - and the VP debate - wearing a wifebeater and spandex shorts

Posted by: the Butcher at August 30, 2012 11:46 AM (8g9qq)

515 #385: unexpected! 385 As his reply to each question during the Presidential Debates, Romney should bite the head off a live chicken

Posted by: m at August 30, 2012 11:46 AM (UQ/GN)

516 Romney answers every question with "Oh, you'd like to see the inside of my temple, eh?"  and then whips it out.

Posted by: filbert at August 30, 2012 11:47 AM (smvTK)

517 Obama is a blister that will be popped November 6th, 2012.

Posted by: O-bah-muhh is an oozing pus-filled blister on America's ass at August 30, 2012 11:47 AM (JIdwW)

518 At the debate, every     time Obama starts to answer a question, Romney should break in with, "Obama man, I'm happy for you an' I'm'a let you finish,    but Paul Ryan's got the hottest fiscal policy ever.  EVER."

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter [/i][/u][/b] at August 30, 2012 11:47 AM (4df7R)

519 Romney should give a speech wherein he says "I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the planet Mormon and returning him safely with a dozen wives. Really hot wives. With aprons."

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:48 AM (AZGON)

520

487 413 Billy Bob,

in order to disincentivize slavery....we wanted "0"


If by "we"you mean the Yankees that is correct. Funds and Representatives were by population.  VA's position was it was unfair to make them pay taxes on all it's population, but not to get representation for all of them.

I actually think it was a pretty damn good compromise. 

It has nothing to do with what liberals make it out to be.  As you mention, Yankees wanted Blacks to be worth nothing.  

Posted by: St. Sandra Fluke at August 30, 2012 11:48 AM (3ZjAP)

521 249 We'll try to win this one clean and if they want plumbers and black bags...well we'll go there next

I think Obama is willing to go much much further than Nixon was. F/F showed us that killing people is a perfectly acceptable way of doing business for him.

What I'm saying is EVERYTHING is on the table with this guy. Fake terrorist attacks, phony evidence planted to implicate R/R in some faux drug setup, attacks/arson on R/R campaign offices. Extortion, murder, kidnapping --- is all on the table with this lawless Obama junta. All of it.

If Fast and furious didn't exist, I wouldn't have said this, but it did exist and it made crystal clear that Obama the sociopath, has no limts.

Posted by: @PurpAv at August 30, 2012 02:59 PM (Pbwe7)


Sadly, I think you're spot on.

Posted by: Flounder at August 30, 2012 11:49 AM (Kkt/i)

522 Ryan should show up at all campaign stops - and the VP debate - wearing a wifebeater and spandex shorts

Posted by: the Butcher at August 30, 2012 03:46 PM (8g9qq)

 

In all seriousness, I wholeheartedly endorse this plan.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter [/i][/u][/b] at August 30, 2012 11:49 AM (4df7R)

523 off sock

Posted by: Billy Bob, psuedo intellectual at August 30, 2012 11:49 AM (3ZjAP)

524 Start each press conference by having Romney, and Ryan giving all the reporters Noogies, and Wedgies. Then flash victory signs, and walk the fuck out.

Posted by: Sticky Wicket at August 30, 2012 11:49 AM (L7hol)

525 Romney pretends he cannot hear the questions by the debate moderator.  Keeps saying; "Huh?" until  the moderator is yelling their question.  Then tell the moderator to quit yelling.

Posted by: Ammo Dump at August 30, 2012 11:50 AM (YYyqq)

526 Declare Obama to be "The Whiniest Little Bitch In The Whole Wide World", with a plaque and gift basket. Tiara optional.

Posted by: model_1066 at August 30, 2012 11:50 AM (yYKoR)

527 Poop Magazine? Hey! That's my idea!! They stole it!! It's not fair!!

Posted by: Joe Biden at August 30, 2012 11:50 AM (k4bdL)

528 Mitt to Barry. 


Barry, did you read smoking dope when you are young reduces your IQ?

Oh, you already know that, sorry.


Posted by: Billy Bob, psuedo intellectual at August 30, 2012 11:51 AM (3ZjAP)

529 Romney should make a casual reference to Jehovah's Witnesses as "nerds without the Amway."

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:51 AM (AZGON)

530 At the VP debate, when the moderator asks him     to respond to an answer Joe Biden gave, Ryan should make a face and sniff the air, then say, "I    think   old Joe just shit himself again."

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit and ABO Supporter [/i][/u][/b] at August 30, 2012 11:51 AM (4df7R)

531 Mitt could speak a little French and axe Barry to speak a little Indonesian.

Subtle. 

Posted by: Billy Bob, psuedo intellectual at August 30, 2012 11:53 AM (3ZjAP)

532 Romney could say he will replace Air Force One with a B-2 bomber, and add that he wants to "spread the word of liberty, one ALCM at a time."

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:54 AM (AZGON)

533 Mitt Romney: The Kitten Juggler

Posted by: Dr. Varno at August 30, 2012 11:55 AM (BIwwP)

534 At the first presidential debate, Ryan should run onto the stage.  R&R gang-tackle the Prez and forcibly shave off what remains of his hair.

Oh, wait, you wanted stuff that would make Romney-Ryan *less* popular.

Posted by: Emperor of Icecream at August 30, 2012 11:56 AM (ZMzpb)

535 Lead a sing-along.

Choombaya

Posted by: DaveA at August 30, 2012 11:57 AM (Ve9V9)

536 Romney declares his plans for the White House include an underground nuclear reactor, a shark tank with a collapsible bridge, and an oval office redecorated in black leather and polished stainless steel.

Posted by: George Orwell what knows Harry Reid is a pederast and a strangler at August 30, 2012 11:57 AM (AZGON)

537 At the debate, Romney should insist on talking to Obama in jive.  Afterwards he could explain that he was reaching out the Negroes.

Posted by: Emperor of Icecream at August 30, 2012 11:57 AM (ZMzpb)

538 That redheaded babe from the topless day protest? Dead ringer for porn star Domino Presley. A friend of mine sent me "separated at birth" pix.

But trust me guys, do NOT do a Google Image search.

It's a trap.

Posted by: Little Miss Spellcheck at August 30, 2012 11:58 AM (a5ljo)

539 Mitt Romney should start wearing a top hat, spats, and a monocle

Paul Ryan should start wearing a top hat, spats, and a monocle -- and nothing else.

Posted by: OregonMuse at August 30, 2012 12:09 PM (xm1A1)

540 Romney invites all the female reporters at his press conferences back to the campaign bus for some Mormon hospitality....Punch and cookies, and a chance to try out for his next wife.

Posted by: Sticky Wicket at August 30, 2012 12:12 PM (L7hol)

541 Just wanted to post in an instaclassic thread. Hi, future me!

Posted by: Mike Jonze at August 30, 2012 12:18 PM (epWQP)

542 FACT:  I laughed so hard I shit my pants

Posted by: Sally Kohn at August 30, 2012 12:28 PM (BYSrJ)

543 Damn, late to the party.  My suggestion is for Romney to demand that all his followers give him the two-armed Hydra salute from the Captain America movie.  HAIL ROMNEY!

Posted by: Reactionary at August 30, 2012 12:28 PM (xUM1Q)

544

Geez, I had to look up what the Poland gaffe was.  I sort of remembered something.

 

Yeah, that was the thing that I didn't consider to be a gaffe, or even worth talking about.  Complaining about that would be like if a foreigner came to the US and said, "Everything's great here, but I'm concerned about that massive debt that you guys are accumulating."  I suppose some people would get all insulted, but I'd say "Tell me about it!", or "You ain't  kidding!"

 

The joke of it is the presumption that the far-left press in Britain is non-partisan, and speaks for Britain.  If anything, the episode exposed British anti-Americanism.

 

Romney didn't say anything incorrect, or even insulting.  Not a gaffe.

 

Posted by: Optimizer at August 30, 2012 12:30 PM (As94z)

545 Ryan should always refer to Mitt as "My boyee R-Money!"

Posted by: Farmer Joe at August 30, 2012 12:30 PM (CyP2Z)

546 Ha ha ha ha!  I know!  Explain with a straight face how women have magic hoohaws that can prevent...  Wait... WHAT???!!!! 

Posted by: WaitingForMArtel at August 30, 2012 12:33 PM (BYSrJ)

547 "Paul Ryan should gut a deer onstage at the Veep debate [snip]...

Posted by: mama winger in Paul Ryan's district at August 30, 2012 02:46 PM (P6QsQ) "


He, um, will gut a deer onstage.     

Oh will he. 

Posted by: can't wait at August 30, 2012 12:47 PM (whMsz)

548 When confronted with the birther issue, Mitt's response should be, "I have always believed that President Obama's mother was not raped, and that he was not aborted in Kenya."

Posted by: Milesdei at August 30, 2012 12:49 PM (NnGzp)

549 @216

"Where's my hat?" - Helen Keller

Posted by: Crispian at August 30, 2012 01:08 PM (uBMtY)

550 I LOL'd!

Posted by: Millswaith at August 30, 2012 01:44 PM (dAYcJ)

551 OK, that was all funny, but I really cracked up at this one:

"* Mitt Romney should begin referring to Ann Romney as "My publicly-acknowledged sister-wife."

Posted by: Alana at August 30, 2012 02:02 PM (tlVhX)

552 best post evar!

Posted by: Underdown at August 30, 2012 02:32 PM (Mxkwf)

553 The lady skin costume worked for me.

Posted by: Buffalo Bill at August 30, 2012 02:57 PM (Kkt/i)

554 It is "Floridiots" as everybody knows.

Posted by: Nom de Blog at August 30, 2012 03:46 PM (rNekI)

555 Paul Ryan can walk into Ohio rallies and say, "What the crap smells so bad? Oh, right: dirty filthy Ohio shit-mongrels." Problem: that wins Michigan right there. Signed, A Michigander

Posted by: DJ at August 30, 2012 04:21 PM (0bQPJ)

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