Ace of Spades HQ

April 01, 2013

April Fool: Obama Dedicates Month of April to Financial Responsibility
— Ace

But not for the government. For you.

You see, you need a more accurate budget, and the Government Is Here to Help.

What is National Financial Capability Month? It's the federal government helping individuals and families make more accurate budgets.

I don't even know a joke for this situation.

Posted by: Ace at 11:49 AM | Comments (293)
Post contains 69 words, total size 1 kb.

1 It's good to be king?

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at April 01, 2013 11:50 AM (mN8D3)

2 What is National Financial Capability Month? It's the federal government helping individuals and families make more accurate budgets.

I'm here to help.

Posted by: Jamie Gorelick at April 01, 2013 11:50 AM (8ZskC)

>>>>I don't even know a joke for this situation.

Posted by: Ace at 03:49 PM

I think they already told it in the previously quoted text.

Posted by: Duh! at April 01, 2013 11:50 AM (Zs83Q)

4 Thank God! I can now spend 100x more than I make!!

Posted by: kathysaysso at April 01, 2013 11:50 AM (6H6o8)

5 He's trolling us. It's the only logical explanation.

Posted by: Lance McCormick at April 01, 2013 11:51 AM (zgHLA)

6 This has got to be an intentional chain-jerking by Jugears.

Posted by: Cicero, Semiautomatic Assault Commenter at April 01, 2013 11:51 AM (8ZskC)

7 Beyond parody.If it wasn't so sad for our country it really would be funny.

Posted by: steevy at April 01, 2013 11:51 AM (9XBK2)

8 Budgets R Us

Posted by: Chuck Schumer at April 01, 2013 11:52 AM (8ZskC)

There is no friggin' way they could have such a tin ear. No way. These are intentional digs at us, to rile us up, to make us become H8ters.

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Assault CAD Monkey at April 01, 2013 11:52 AM (K+mtQ)

10 I fell for this April Fool's joke last year, when Obama declared "National Not In Your Mouth Month"

Posted by: Kal Penn at April 01, 2013 11:52 AM (6RVeS)

11 In America, joke is on you!

Posted by: Tex Lovera at April 01, 2013 11:52 AM (wtvvX)

12 "Neither a borrower nor a lender be" is sounding better every day.

Posted by: SpongeBob Saget at April 01, 2013 11:52 AM (epxV4)

13 First, you look to see how much money you have.

Next, you spend about five times as much.

Posted by: Joe Biden at April 01, 2013 11:52 AM (8ZskC)

14 I WON!!!!!!!

That's why. Suck it, bitches.

Posted by: Baroke Owebama at April 01, 2013 11:52 AM (xmcEQ)

15 Budgeting... does this mean I can still drink a 12-pack every night?

Posted by: fb at April 01, 2013 11:52 AM (JVEmw)

16 I don't even know a joke for this situation.

It's Opening Day, go with the elephant-with-3-balls one.

Posted by: Waterhouse at April 01, 2013 11:53 AM (rzNdC)

17 I am without speech......

Posted by: Tami[/i] at April 01, 2013 11:53 AM (X6akg)

He's the 'Stone Soup' president.

Ace,

Do you remember that old story...'Stone Soup'?

Posted by: wheatie at April 01, 2013 11:53 AM (5kUwW)

19 At these prices, you won't get many more.

Posted by: Disembodied Punchlines at April 01, 2013 11:53 AM (8ZskC)

20 That Barack has quite a sense of humor, eh? Now does he say "April Fools!" sometime later today? Wait, what?

Posted by: joncelli at April 01, 2013 11:54 AM (RD7QR)

21 Yes, and he's going to declare next month "Humility and self deprecation month"-for him. not for you.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 01, 2013 11:54 AM (4nopz)

22 Perhaps I can interest you in my new book, "Budgeting, The Freebagger Way"?

Posted by: Tex Lovera at April 01, 2013 11:54 AM (wtvvX)

Obama Financial handout to families -

Chapter One - How to plant and nurture your money tree.

Chapter Two - Debunking the myth that too many credit cards are bad

Chapter Three - How to skip two or even three mortgage payments without consequences.

Chapter Four - How to spend more when you have no money.

Posted by: polynikes at April 01, 2013 11:54 AM (m2CN7)

24 Tip the First: get a nation of 300 million to pay for your monthly vacations.

Posted by: Barack Obama, CPA at April 01, 2013 11:55 AM (rzNdC)

25 "Accurate budget" does not mean "balanced budget." Lloyd Christmas kept an accurate budget for the briefcase money he spent in Dumb and Dumber. Every dollar was replaced with IOUs.

Posted by: wooga at April 01, 2013 11:55 AM (6RVeS)

26 Meant-for you NOT for him

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 01, 2013 11:55 AM (4nopz)

27 @18: He's the 'Stoned Soup' President.

FIFY.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at April 01, 2013 11:55 AM (wtvvX)

28 I can just see Barry walking into houses all across the nation and demanding to see the family budget so he can get the finances whipped into shape. Sleeves rolled up, he dons the green eye shade and shows us profligates how to balance the ol' budget.

Posted by: joncelli at April 01, 2013 11:56 AM (RD7QR)

29 PRO TIP: Start with lots of checks. Printing presses are your friend.

Posted by: Tim Geithner at April 01, 2013 11:56 AM (8ZskC)

30 Families can't print their own money, bitchez!

Posted by: Barely Obama at April 01, 2013 11:56 AM (R18D0)

31 You know how the famous bandit said he robbed banks because 'that's where the money is'? Listen to the incessant commercials for 'Do you have years of un-filed tax returns, owe the ISR more then $15,000?' by lawyers. If the need was not there, the lawyers would not be spending mega-bucks to advertise 24/7. We're on the edge of a precipice and it's not 'personal' financial responsibility that has put us there.

Posted by: Regular Moron [/i] at April 01, 2013 11:56 AM (feFL6)

32 Budget? I called my wife for something and she said she was out with my older daughter returning stuff? I wonder how much that is costing me?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 01, 2013 11:57 AM (9Bj8R)

33 I don't even know a joke for this situation.

Fuck you America..........badumpbump tss....

I keed I keed...... but seriously fuck you. No No I keed.

Try the veal and tip your auditor!

Posted by: Barry O Heeeeeeeeyoooooohhh! at April 01, 2013 11:57 AM (KXm42)

34 Tomorrow's lesson: How to meet and marry a beautiful woman.

Posted by: Jugears O'Fuckstick at April 01, 2013 11:57 AM (8ZskC)

I'm confused. Is he being serious or is this a joke? Or is this an April 1 joke from a conservative site? I'm working on my taxes right now, so not really in a joking mood.

Posted by: Andrew at April 01, 2013 11:57 AM (HS3dy)

36 The present has become the joke and the future will be the punchline.

Posted by: Drew in MO at April 01, 2013 11:57 AM (cGlgB)

37 I think Barack should have a theme for every month-June can be "Don't pass the buck month"- for you, not for him.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 01, 2013 11:57 AM (4nopz)

38 Spring for the deluxe version of Turbo Tax

Posted by: Turbo Timmy at April 01, 2013 11:57 AM (6RVeS)

39 Q: How do you get a million dollars singing jazz?
A: Start with two million.

Posted by: fb at April 01, 2013 11:58 AM (JVEmw)

He hasn't signed a Budget in, what...4 years?

I can't believe that the Vacation King has the nerve to even mention "budget".

No wait...I *can* believe it.

He has no shame.

Posted by: wheatie at April 01, 2013 11:58 AM (5kUwW)

41 Remember when you budget to leave enough for all your fellow Americans. That's known as "spreading the wealth around."

Posted by: Jugears O'Fuckstick at April 01, 2013 11:58 AM (8ZskC)

This goes beyond parody into bizzaro-world.

They're pushing us. Pushing us to start something. They're doing a good job in that regard.

Posted by: Soona at April 01, 2013 11:58 AM (WfXFj)

43 Chapter Four - How to spend more when you have no money.

Posted by: polynikes

Ch. 5: The Federal Government, that rich uncle you have always wanted.

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at April 01, 2013 11:58 AM (mN8D3)

44 Step One: Find some promising investments.

Posted by: Henry Chu, A Nobel Laureate at April 01, 2013 11:59 AM (8ZskC)

45 A hobo lectures on the importance of sobriety, hard work, and personal hygeine.

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Pirate Scum of Umbar at April 01, 2013 11:59 AM (hLRSq)

46 Oh Ace, it's ripe with possibility: Lindsay Lohan announces "National Sobriety Month!" etc etc etc.

Posted by: Atlas Mugged at April 01, 2013 12:00 PM (uZE/5)

47 Back off, bitchez, it's Barry O'Bama the Budget Slama' here to put the hurtin' on your family's debts! Where the bills? Lemme at 'em!

Posted by: Barack "The Ledger Jockey" Obama at April 01, 2013 12:01 PM (RD7QR)

48 Next month, he'll teach all of us how to shoot the three with accuracy and determination.

Posted by: © Sponge at April 01, 2013 12:01 PM (xmcEQ)

It's the federal government helping individuals and families make more accurate budgets.

That's so damn funny I forgot to laugh.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/s][/b][/u][/i] at April 01, 2013 12:02 PM (4df7R)

50 Step One: Find some promising investments.

Posted by: Henry Chu

Step Two: Cut a hole in the investments.

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at April 01, 2013 12:02 PM (mN8D3)

51

Michael Moore, George Lucas, and Sally Struthers announce national diet month!

Posted by: imp at April 01, 2013 12:03 PM (UaxA0)

52 Step one: Make bold claims, then do the exact opposite.
Step two: Get your friends to claim your words are more important than your actions, and that your actions exactly match your words.
Step three: Demonize your !friends.
Step four: Demonize anyone who speaks for your !friends.
Step five: Encourage everyone to demonize your !friends by teaching them that they'll get rewarded for it both socially and financially.
Step six: Take what you want from your !friends.

Posted by: bonhomme at April 01, 2013 12:03 PM (+Y5qD)

53 Quoting fb: "Budgeting... does this mean I can still drink a 12-pack every night?"

Only if it is in your budget, my friend.

Posted by: Mr_Write at April 01, 2013 12:03 PM (Fn7Hb)

54 In May Barry will announce National Manliness Month and commemorate the occasion by throwing a baseball toward the general vicinity of home plate.

Posted by: joncelli at April 01, 2013 12:03 PM (RD7QR)

I'm guessing it's because it's April, and therefore tax season. So Obammy's regime is saying, "Hey, don't bitch at us about how much money you have to pay, or how small your refund is. It's not our fault you don't know how to save and spend your money properly. Here, let us show you."

Yes, they really are that patronizing.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/s][/b][/u][/i] at April 01, 2013 12:03 PM (4df7R)

56 He's as good at economics as he is at basketball,and bowling.

Posted by: steevy at April 01, 2013 12:04 PM (9XBK2)

57 Sandra Fluke announces..."it's Celibacy Month".

Posted by: wheatie at April 01, 2013 12:04 PM (5kUwW)

58 It's your typical leftist projection.

Posted by: Tilikum the Killer Assault Whale at April 01, 2013 12:04 PM (uhftQ)

59 Wait, debits are supposed to EQUAL credits? What Tea Party nonsense is this?

Posted by: AmishDude at April 01, 2013 12:04 PM (T0NGe)

And the month of May: Home Security by Joe Biden

Posted by: Lurking Canuck at April 01, 2013 12:05 PM (vN7SY)

61 I'm in a Bearded Spock universe, aren't I?

Posted by: toby928© sips the sweet tea of despair at April 01, 2013 12:05 PM (QupBk)

62 Eric Holder announces National Racial Dialogue Month!

Posted by: joncelli at April 01, 2013 12:05 PM (RD7QR)

63

They're pushing us. Pushing us to start something.

This Round's Challenge:

Figure out WHAT is realistic and effective to do collectively without getting sent to jail on charges of terrorism

Posted by: imp at April 01, 2013 12:05 PM (UaxA0)

64 Step Two: Cut a hole in the investments.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at April 01, 2013 04:02 PM (mN8D3)

----------------------------------------------

Step 3. Make the investments go bankrupt.

Step 4. Fuck the stockholders.

Wow. This is easy.

Posted by: Soona at April 01, 2013 12:05 PM (WfXFj)

65 Curse you, Large Hadron Collider!

Posted by: toby928© sips the sweet tea of despair at April 01, 2013 12:06 PM (QupBk)

66 And the month of May: Home Security by Joe Biden Posted by: Lurking Canuck at April 01, 2013 04:05 PM (vN7SY) Well I think Biden has "Mental Illness" Month reserved for him

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 01, 2013 12:06 PM (9Bj8R)

67 I don't even know a joke for this situation. Feral Gub'mint: That thing I just did in your mouth? I won't do it again. Today. Oops, I did. April Fools!

Posted by: rickb223 at April 01, 2013 12:06 PM (GFM2b)

68 Get yourself elected to office. Your wife's income will skyrocket!

Posted by: Barack Obama, king of the layup at April 01, 2013 12:07 PM (T0NGe)

69 I am the real Mary and I still hate Bush and loves Preserdent Obama more then anything in this world.....

Posted by: Mary Clogginstein from Brattleboro, Vt at April 01, 2013 12:07 PM (IkHXL)

70 He's my everyday fool.

Posted by: Whatev at April 01, 2013 12:07 PM (A7Wh1)

71 The most narcissistic un-self-reflective load of horses' backsides ever to gather on one place at one time.

And that's just the house pages.

Posted by: tcn at April 01, 2013 12:07 PM (VLG62)

72 nope, just remember, all we need to get us out of the mess we're in is to hire 100,000 teachers and to finally get the rich to pay just a little bit of taxes, their fair share really.

Posted by: joeindc44 says God bless Francis I at April 01, 2013 12:07 PM (QxSug)

73 He's as good at economics as he is at basketball,and bowling. Don't forget bike riding. umbrella holding & wearing mom jeans!

Posted by: rickb223 at April 01, 2013 12:08 PM (GFM2b)

74 the situation is the joke

Posted by: jd at April 01, 2013 12:08 PM (Tjv8J)

75 next thing you know, black jesus is going to raise UBL and have him lecture us on the virtues of tolerance.

Posted by: rick fryar at April 01, 2013 12:08 PM (LO5z3)

76 Well I think Biden has "Mental Illness" Month reserved for him

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 01, 2013 04:06 PM (9Bj8R)

I'm thinking that if you have a disease in one part of your body, you need to have that part to start with.

Posted by: tcn at April 01, 2013 12:08 PM (VLG62)

77 Uncle Barry showing us how to budget is like Satan showing us how to be a good person.

Posted by: Mr_Write at April 01, 2013 12:08 PM (Fn7Hb)

Beauty Tips by Debbie Wasserman Shultz

Posted by: Lurking Canuck at April 01, 2013 12:08 PM (vN7SY)

79 Rumor is that June will be Official "Preventing American Ambassadors from Getting Buttfucked by Local Savages Month."

Posted by: Cicero, Semiautomatic Assault Commenter at April 01, 2013 12:08 PM (8ZskC)

80 Figure out WHAT is realistic and effective to do collectively without getting sent to jail on charges of terrorism

Posted by: imp at April 01, 2013 04:05 PM (UaxA0)

-------------------------------------------

Well, then, there's absolutely nothing we can do. Fat-bitch Napolitano has made sure of the terrorism moniker. It's anyone who disagrees with anything this regime does.

Posted by: Soona at April 01, 2013 12:09 PM (WfXFj)

81 Yes.. budgeting.. Like for instance.. uhh.. We have a budget for the Secret Service. Now we can have White House tours, or we can send my daughters and wife on extended vacations with each one requiring dozens of Secret Service Agents. One has to budget their resources. I, uhh, hope that all Americans can follow my fine example.

Posted by: Barky McFuckstick - CPA at April 01, 2013 12:09 PM (f9c2L)

82 Maybe it is a joke. One can only hope so for the sake of our collective sanity.

Posted by: Vadermitch at April 01, 2013 12:09 PM (9xwle)

83 He's as good at economics as he is at basketball,and bowling. His mastery of the 50 foot curve ball is not disputed.

Posted by: toby928© sips the sweet tea of despair at April 01, 2013 12:09 PM (QupBk)

84 "Hi, kids! Today we're going to learn about smart budgeting from our spendthrift President, Barack Obama! President Obama's just gotten back from a jaunt to the golf course after picking up his daughters from their vacation to a ski resort in Idaho, but he'll be RIGHT along to teach us all how to pinch pennies, tighten our belts and put our noses to the grindstone to be good American citizens!"

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/s][/b][/u][/i] at April 01, 2013 12:09 PM (4df7R)

85 As long as the average voter is comfortable with a the idea of Daddy Government, we are on course to a world of hurt.

The GOP's reply?

"Us too, just, you know, slower!"

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at April 01, 2013 12:09 PM (mN8D3)

86 July Barry declares the month of-"How to have a great time cheaply on "stay"cations

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 01, 2013 12:09 PM (4nopz)

87 Regardless of whether it's Obama doing this or someone else. The federal govt should not be in the business of giving budget advice to people. It's small shit like this that adds up to the govt controlling every aspect of our life.

And what do you want to be this program will grow to be a $100M+ line item in the budget eventually. And when someone says we should cut it, the MSM will have screaming headlines "REPUBLICANS WANT TO DENY AMERICANS THE EDUCATION THEY NEED TO BE FINANCIALLY LITERATE"

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at April 01, 2013 12:10 PM (HDgX3)

88 the thing is he's serious. We don't have a spending crisis, we have a revenue crisis, don't you know? The problem is that there are loop holes and shit. the rich need to pay more. we need 100,000 teachers. sure sure, most federal agencies are awash in cash and can't even spend the money they have now, but that's no excuse to cut their budgets.

Posted by: joeindc44 says God bless Francis I at April 01, 2013 12:10 PM (QxSug)

89 This is an April Fools joke............., right?

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 01, 2013 12:10 PM (aDwsi)

A How-to Guide for Cheap Vacationing. Brought to you by The First Family.

Posted by: Lurking Canuck at April 01, 2013 12:10 PM (vN7SY)

91 Jay Leno joke: this month Obama will be appearing on the cover of th economist. It's their April fools edition.

Posted by: Buzzion at April 01, 2013 12:10 PM (yBfK8)

92 Step One:Get a Job: Step Two:Spend on Stupid Shit Step Three: Get credit cards from Chinese bank Step Four: Max them Out on stupid shit Step Five: Start Printing $ 100 Bills Step Six: Spend on stupid shit until everyone realizes that your money is worthless Step Seven: Send out DHS to defend the establishment of the dictatorship of the Proletariat.

Posted by: Minuteman at April 01, 2013 12:10 PM (dSE0q)

93 When will he announce stay at home month?

Posted by: Navycopjoe at April 01, 2013 12:10 PM (b0/Zr)

94 And don't forget to buy your supplies for Recovery Summer - Part IV. Joe is gonna throw a Recovery party, so get your party supplies today!

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at April 01, 2013 12:11 PM (f9c2L)

95 Any joke he could think up would be indistinguishable from his normal job performance. How did people figure out that this in particular was an absurd joke.

Posted by: Whatev at April 01, 2013 12:11 PM (A7Wh1)

96 Obama announces May as Preserving The Bill of Rights month.

Posted by: polynikes at April 01, 2013 12:12 PM (m2CN7)

Figure out WHAT is realistic and effective to do collectively without getting sent to jail on charges of terrorism
Posted by: imp

***

Harrass NBC advertisers until they pull their advertising finally puting them under.

Posted by: Tilikum the Killer Assault Whale at April 01, 2013 12:12 PM (uhftQ)

98 Joe Biden announces National Shotgun Safety Month!

Posted by: joncelli at April 01, 2013 12:12 PM (RD7QR)

99 It's the federal government helping individuals and families make more accurate budgets.

It is easy to manage a personal budget when it is $0 since that is so many O voters strive for anyway.

Posted by: dogfish at April 01, 2013 12:12 PM (N2yhW)

100 When will he announce stay at home month? Posted by: Navycopjoe at April 01, 2013 04:10 PM (b0/Zr) he already did that for the Military. They are not approving Travel anywhere for anything.

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 01, 2013 12:12 PM (9Bj8R)

101 Michelle Obama announces National Chalupa-Free Month!

Posted by: joncelli at April 01, 2013 12:13 PM (RD7QR)

102 He's mocking us.

"Wait till you see what the rubes are buying this time!"

Hilarity in the WH cafeteria ensues.

Posted by: PJ at April 01, 2013 12:13 PM (ZWaLo)

103 Yes.. budgeting.. Like for instance.. uhh.. We have a budget for the Secret Service. What's their monthly hooker budget?

Posted by: rickb223 at April 01, 2013 12:13 PM (GFM2b)

104 Per FNC: Abe Vigoda is dead.

Posted by: Soona at April 01, 2013 12:13 PM (WfXFj)

105

Wasn't Romney excoriated during the campaign for telling the NAACP that he wanted to encourage people to have bank accounts and learn how to balance a checkbook? I remember the reaction was essentially, "RAAAAAAACISSSSSSS! Dumbass cracka can't be expecting blacks to use checkbooks!" I believe it was actually Maxipad Waters who said that.

How is this any different?

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/s][/b][/u][/i] at April 01, 2013 12:13 PM (4df7R)

106

A good part of the country is impervious and bullet proof to reality or even healthy skepticism of their own opinionated opnions.

Yesterday, Insty linked to an article about the viability of small nuclear reactors, siting them, etc.

After the article, there were a bunch of comments, and it devolved into, you guessed it, global warming. There were a couple of assertive sciency types that insisted it was a bad thing and getting worse.

Someone posted a rather thoughtful and lengthy refutation of the common arguments and (mis) conceptions about AGW. And the later comments were "tsk, tsk, young man".

So our economically imbecile Prezident and his goon squad of advisers, lackeys and boot lickers are serious as a heart attack in making these stupid non-sequiter pronouncements. I think the joke involves Cypriot bank bonds, or something like that.

Posted by: Reader C.J. Burch writes more nonsens.. at April 01, 2013 12:14 PM (RFeQD)

107 Bo is the mascot for National Alternative Meat Month!

(Wait, that's not funny. Poor Bo.)

Posted by: joncelli at April 01, 2013 12:14 PM (RD7QR)

108 Per FNC: Abe Vigoda is dead. The Sixth Seal is broken.

Posted by: toby928© sips the sweet tea of despair at April 01, 2013 12:14 PM (QupBk)

109 April is Tire Pressure Awareness month. Focus on what is within your capabilities peons.

Posted by: Obama at April 01, 2013 12:15 PM (N2yhW)

110 Quoting rickb223: "He's as good at economics as he is at basketball,and bowling.

Don't forget bike riding. umbrella holding & wearing mom jeans!"

...and foreign policy...and domestic policy...and Supreme Court picks...and Cabinet picks...and telling the truth...otherwise, he's doing a pretty good job as prez.

Posted by: Mr_Write at April 01, 2013 12:15 PM (Fn7Hb)

111 104 Per FNC: Abe Vigoda is dead.

Posted by: Soona at April 01, 2013 04:13 PM (WfXFj)

Bah. Abe will outlive us all.

Posted by: joncelli at April 01, 2013 12:15 PM (RD7QR)

112

Casey Anthony announces support for Take Your Daughter To Work Day.

Okay that may be too much.

Posted by: polynikes at April 01, 2013 12:15 PM (m2CN7)

113 Oh, great: now my doctor's going to be asking me about my family's budget.

Posted by: Brown Line at April 01, 2013 12:15 PM (VrNoa)

114 "A President walks into a bar...." Nah, let's go with...

"Knock, knock. Who's there? Obama. Obama who? I'm coming for you 401K."

Don't forget to tip your waitresses. I'll be here all week.

Posted by: Henny at April 01, 2013 12:16 PM (71LDo)

115 Why, that pig's a hero son. You can't eat him all at once.

Posted by: Punch lines R us at April 01, 2013 12:16 PM (pxDth)

116 Per FNC: Abe Vigoda is dead.

Posted by: Soona

***

Stop trying to kill Abe

Posted by: Tilikum the Killer Assault Whale at April 01, 2013 12:16 PM (uhftQ)

117 http://www.abevigoda.com/ April Fools then?

Posted by: toby928© sips the sweet tea of despair at April 01, 2013 12:16 PM (QupBk)

118 113 Oh, great: now my doctor's going to be asking me about my family's budget.

Posted by: Brown Line at April 01, 2013 04:15 PM (VrNoa)

Tell him he's not in it and see how he reacts.

Posted by: joncelli at April 01, 2013 12:16 PM (RD7QR)

119 Per FNC: Abe Vigoda is dead.

Good authority says otherwise. And by good authority I mean some guy with a website on the interwebz.

http://tinyurl.com/2qbdx

Posted by: Cicero, Semiautomatic Assault Commenter at April 01, 2013 12:16 PM (8ZskC)

120 105 Wasn't Romney excoriated during the campaign for telling the NAACP that he wanted to encourage people to have bank accounts and learn how to balance a checkbook? I remember the reaction was essentially, "RAAAAAAACISSSSSSS! Dumbass cracka can't be expecting blacks to use checkbooks!" I believe it was actually Maxipad Waters who said that.

How is this any different? Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit at April 01, 2013 04:13 PM
========

Yeah, that was the defense Maxine made for Franklin Delano(!) Raines. "Why should he know Fannie Mae was crashing..., you racist!"

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 01, 2013 12:17 PM (aDwsi)

121 I read about this on a translated version of The Chinese Onion.

Posted by: Roy at April 01, 2013 12:17 PM (VndSC)

122 I can manage to not run up 17 trillion in debt, thanks anyway government.

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at April 01, 2013 12:17 PM (7ObY1)

123 Should we tell the rabbi about the cypress knees?

Posted by: Punch lines R us at April 01, 2013 12:17 PM (pxDth)

124

Per FNC: Abe Vigoda is dead.
Posted by: Soona

Someone better tell Abe.

Posted by: Roy at April 01, 2013 12:18 PM (VndSC)

125 104 Per FNC: Abe Vigoda is dead. Posted by: Soona at April 01, 2013 04:13 PM (WfXFj) Nice try.

Posted by: AmishDude at April 01, 2013 12:18 PM (T0NGe)

126

Per FNC: Abe Vigoda is dead.

Posted by: Soona

April Fools!

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/s][/b][/u][/i] at April 01, 2013 12:18 PM (4df7R)

127 "Look, he's moving!"

Posted by: Disembodied Punchlines at April 01, 2013 12:18 PM (8ZskC)

128 I think we're okay. The smartest man in the world just jumped out of the plane wearing your backpack.

Posted by: Punch lines R us at April 01, 2013 12:19 PM (pxDth)

129 Okay, the fact that we all went for the Abe Vigoda thing is a sure sign that everything about this post is ludicrous, yes?

Yes?

Posted by: tcn at April 01, 2013 12:19 PM (VLG62)

130 Navy proposes 9 wind turbines at Newport The Associated Press Posted : Sunday Mar 31, 2013 13:29:01 EDT NEWPORT, R.I. Â— The U.S. Navy is proposing to install nine megawatts of wind power at the Naval Station Newport. The Providence Journal reports that the plan would put up several large wind turbines, though the number will depend on the size of the turbines, which has yet to be determined. It's also not known where the turbines would go. The turbines would make up the largest onshore wind-power installation in Rhode Island. They would provide a quarter of the station's electricity and could reduce its energy bill by as much as $3 million a year. The Navy is looking at ways to reduce its fossil fuel use and increase renewable energy. A 2005 federal law directs federal agencies to increase renewable energy use and cut energy use by 3 percent annually. Hum? Wanna bet they are NOT put in front of an Admiral's House?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 01, 2013 12:19 PM (9Bj8R)

131

Watching Ogabe shooting bassaball today demonstrates exactly why there are never any cameras on the golf courses allowed.

Is the spazz scheduled to toss out the first pitch anywhere?

Posted by: Albie Damned at April 01, 2013 12:19 PM (Yhu4q)

132

Abe Vigoda dead?

And I always thought Clemenza would do it.

Posted by: Reader C.J. Burch writes more nonsens.. at April 01, 2013 12:19 PM (RFeQD)

133 Go be a diva! Abe Vigoda's anagram.

Posted by: Lincolntf at April 01, 2013 12:20 PM (ZshNr)

134

I will also be designating April as White History Month. During this month, I will instruct public schools to recognize the innovations, industrialization, and education system created by white American's throughout history.

LOL, I had you there for a second, didn't I crackas!

Posted by: King Barry the Drone Whisperer at April 01, 2013 12:20 PM (/Mla1)

135 April is Frugal Living Awareness Month.

Posted by: Moochelle at April 01, 2013 12:20 PM (N2yhW)

136 And I always thought Clemenza would do it.

Tessio was always the smart one.

Posted by: Michael Corleone at April 01, 2013 12:20 PM (8ZskC)

137 I've got a better idea. Let's walk down there and have our way with all of them.

Posted by: Punch lines R us at April 01, 2013 12:21 PM (pxDth)

138 108 Per FNC: Abe Vigoda is dead.

The Sixth Seal is broken.

Posted by: toby928Â© sips the sweet tea of despair at April 01, 2013 04:14 PM (QupBk)

I don't believe it....no one has changed wiki.

Posted by: Tami[/i] at April 01, 2013 12:21 PM (X6akg)

139 http://www.abevigoda.com/

Posted by: Nutter Butter at April 01, 2013 12:21 PM (cvrr4)

140 Will he be using the Senate's budget as a blueprint? Oh, wait.

Posted by: L, elle at April 01, 2013 12:22 PM (0PiQ4)

141 He keeps dying, but it never takes.

Posted by: Lincolntf at April 01, 2013 12:22 PM (ZshNr)

142 Abe might not be dead, but I have it on good authority that Jeff Goldblum? Totally dead. Has been for five years. True fact.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/s][/b][/u][/i] at April 01, 2013 12:22 PM (4df7R)

143 What is National Financial Culpability Month? Just add torches, tar, feathers and pitchforks. Hilarity ensues.

Posted by: Cicero Kid at April 01, 2013 12:22 PM (UrENZ)

144 Next, Obama is going to show us how to shoot hoops. After going 2 - 22.

Posted by: Hepcat at April 01, 2013 12:22 PM (nPbm2)

145 Figure out WHAT is realistic and effective to do collectively without getting sent to jail on charges of terrorism
Posted by: imp at April 01, 2013 04:05 PM (UaxA0)

Starve the beast. Declare maximum dependents on your W4 for two quarters. Put the difference in savings. During third quarter, go back to normal withholding, and also pay what the amount that would have been confiscated during the first two quarters. Rinse and repeat.

Posted by: kathysaysso at April 01, 2013 12:23 PM (6H6o8)

146 He keeps dying, but it never takes.

Posted by: Lincolntf at April 01, 2013 04:22 PM (ZshNr)

He's a Neo-Rasputin.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/s][/b][/u][/i] at April 01, 2013 12:23 PM (4df7R)

147 I'm getting better!

Posted by: Abe Vigoda at April 01, 2013 12:23 PM (8ZskC)

148 146 Next, Obama is going to show us how to shoot hoops. After going 2 - 22.

Posted by: Hepcat at April 01, 2013 04:22 PM (nPbm2)

To be fair, he IS half white.

Aaaaand, I denounce myself.

Posted by: tcn at April 01, 2013 12:23 PM (VLG62)

149 The turbines would make up the largest onshore wind-power installation in Rhode Island. They would provide a quarter of the station's electricity and could reduce its energy bill by as much as $3 million a year.

The Navy is looking at ways to reduce its fossil fuel use and increase renewable energy. A 2005 federal law directs federal agencies to increase renewable energy use and cut energy use by 3 percent annually.

Hum? Wanna bet they are NOT put in front of an Admiral's House?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 01, 2013 04:19 PM (9Bj8R)

--------------------------------------------

My guess is that they've already got the bid in to China for 1billion wind turbines of the sort that's sold at various state fairs.

Posted by: Soona at April 01, 2013 12:24 PM (WfXFj)

150

I actually watched The Cycle on AMessNBC today.

There was a segment on food, oysters inparticular, and the guest hilariously got Neblett! to admit he was a "swallower". The lady was goofing on him and he was completely obtuse about it.

Do any of the cobs have the super powers to get a clip of this?

Posted by: Albie Damned at April 01, 2013 12:24 PM (Yhu4q)

151 Lot of empty seats on opening day. Supposedly these games are all sell-outs. Guess whoever bought the ticket didn't bother to show up. Yankees-Red Sox opening day -- and tons of empty seats. Upper section is half empty. But a reported sell-out. And half the behind home plate seats have been empty the whole game.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 01, 2013 12:24 PM (ZPrif)

152 May, national take your daughters skeet shooting in Aruba month.

Posted by: angel with a sword at April 01, 2013 12:24 PM (IcPGc)

153 I thought this was My President Is A Doofus Month.

Posted by: Hepcat at April 01, 2013 12:24 PM (nPbm2)

154 I think I'll go for a walk.

Posted by: Abe Vigoda at April 01, 2013 12:24 PM (8ZskC)

155 Just FYI, me? Still dead.

Posted by: Whitney Houston at April 01, 2013 12:24 PM (4df7R)

156 112 Casey Anthony announces support for Take Your Daughter To Work Day. Okay that may be too much. Naaaah, that's "just enough" Rick Santorum and wife doing the same? Yeah...

Posted by: [/i]akula51 at April 01, 2013 12:25 PM (Vgn84)

157 I feel happy... I feel happy.

Posted by: Abe Vigoda at April 01, 2013 12:25 PM (8ZskC)

158 I could go 2 for 22 sitting cross.legged at the free throw line facing away from the basket and granny-chucking it over my head. And I suck.

Posted by: Lincolntf at April 01, 2013 12:25 PM (ZshNr)

159 I thought this was My President Is A Doofus Month.

Posted by: Hepcat at April 01, 2013 04:24 PM (nPbm2)

That's EVERY month.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/s][/b][/u][/i] at April 01, 2013 12:25 PM (4df7R)

160 abe vigoda is dead? damn........

Posted by: phoenixgirl at April 01, 2013 12:25 PM (GVxQo)

161 164 He got better.

Posted by: Nutter Butter at April 01, 2013 12:25 PM (cvrr4)

162 I've been watching Vikings. I think it has planted a subliminal desire to buy a battle axe..., perhaps even to invade England and run amok...

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 01, 2013 12:25 PM (aDwsi)

163 Obama's total lack of speed and hops does lend credence to his Kenyan birth. Not a lot of east africans in the NBA. LeBron James can out-jump the entire nation of Kenya cumulatively.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 01, 2013 12:26 PM (ZPrif)

164 I don't want to go in the cart!

Posted by: Abe Vigoda at April 01, 2013 12:26 PM (8ZskC)

165

We can rest easy now. Senator Michael Bennet is on the job. He replied to my recent e-mail. Well, actually, his staff replied to my recent e-mail. Well to be perfectly accurate his automatic e-mail software responded to my recent e-mail. Okay- he robo-mailed me to reassure me that he is trying to control our 16 trillion dollar budget by expanding mental health benefits.

And he informed me that we spend a quarter of all Medicaid spending on substance abuse.

Huh????

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at April 01, 2013 12:26 PM (pxDth)

166 The question is.... How much did this cost us?

Posted by: Romeo13 at April 01, 2013 12:26 PM (lZBBB)

167 perhaps even to invade England and run amok...

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 01, 2013 04:25 PM (aDwsi)

Shouldn't be too hard to do. They mostly don't have guns. But you might want to avoid the soccer hooligans.

Posted by: tcn at April 01, 2013 12:26 PM (VLG62)

168

I don't even know a joke for this situation.

Posted by: Ace at 03:49 PM

FUX NEWS!!1!!!1!!!1

Posted by: That idiot comedian what says Fux News at April 01, 2013 12:26 PM (8wqqE)

169 In July, to commemorate the first landing of man on the moon, it will Free Gubmint Cheeze and Shit Month.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at April 01, 2013 12:27 PM (8V4jN)

170 Worse yet, May is Rugged Individualism Month. The federal government will be helping people become rugged individualists (just like Julia)

Posted by: George orwell at April 01, 2013 12:27 PM (Vv4Go)

171 167 Obama's total lack of speed and hops does lend credence to his Kenyan birth.
Not a lot of east africans in the NBA.
LeBron James can out-jump the entire nation of Kenya cumulatively. Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 01, 2013 04:26 PM
=======
50% Caucasian...., there's yer problem

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 01, 2013 12:27 PM (aDwsi)

172 In Amerika, every day is April 1st.

Posted by: @PurpAv at April 01, 2013 12:28 PM (/gHaE)

173 45 A hobo lectures on the importance of sobriety, hard work, and personal hygeine. Thread could have stopped there. Hannity should quote this one!

Posted by: Ray Van Dune at April 01, 2013 12:28 PM (fb100)

174 170 The question is.... How much did this cost us?

Posted by: Romeo13 at April 01, 2013 04:26 PM (lZBBB)

Don't know but it will almost certainly go over budget.

Posted by: joncelli at April 01, 2013 12:28 PM (RD7QR)

175
Abe Vigoda dead?

Obviously a victim of poor budgeting.

Posted by: irongrampa at April 01, 2013 12:28 PM (SAMxH)

176 He's only mostly-dead.

Posted by: Miracle Max at April 01, 2013 12:28 PM (rzNdC)

177 The jokes on us, we are paying for it.

Posted by: G Gordon at April 01, 2013 12:28 PM (7jGoF)

178 Stunned by so many empty seats in Yankees game. It's opening day. It's Yankees vs Red Sox. 9th inning. Yankees only down by 3. Did they all leave early? Did they not show up in the first place?

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 01, 2013 12:29 PM (ZPrif)

179 I don't even know a joke for this situation.

#ObamasBudgetTipsForKids

First, tell your parents they aren't paying their fair share of your allowance

Shoplift stuff, tell the store they have already made enough money

Make a toy airplane with rubber band propellor, apply for a billion dollar "green energy" grant

when you run out of money, blame the kid who used to live in the house

Beat up other kids for their lunch money, tell them it's part of Michelle's campaign to fight obesity

Blow your savings and allowance, tell your parents that you're "too big to fail"

Take the dollars out of dad's wallet while he sleeps. No one needs all that money

In May, it will be Joe Biden's "teach kids to handle guns safely month

In June, Sen McCain will proclaim "How to Teach Your Kids to Write Intelligently Month"

Tell mom the $500 sneakers are vital to national security

Tell mom you can't draft a budget because the Republican kids are mean, then hit golf balls in the back yard

Tell your teacher you can't kick in for class trip costs due to The Sequester

Refuse to clean your room "until mom pays a living wage"

Ask Warren Buffett to adopt you

Promise lots of favors to friends in exchange for extra cash

Don't call it an allowance, call it "Investments in My Future"

Grab the money out of dad's change jar and call it a tax

Posted by: kbdabear at April 01, 2013 12:29 PM (mCvL4)

180 Nobody is paying for it. It is a tab that will never be paid.

Posted by: Nutter Butter at April 01, 2013 12:29 PM (cvrr4)

181 Andhe informed me that we spend a quarter of all Medicaid spending on substance abuse.

Scientifically speaking, money is a substance.

Posted by: @PurpAv at April 01, 2013 12:29 PM (/gHaE)

182

If you're having trouble making ends meet...it's your own damn fault, not mine.

It's not Me. ...It's You.

You should be paying me a lot more in taxes every month.

You need to learn to budget better.

*scratches face with middle finger*

Posted by: President "It's Not Me" at April 01, 2013 12:30 PM (5kUwW)

183 I remember wathing a "Three Stooges" marathon on Spike TV and they had satirical bio interviews about the Stooges in between episodes. Abe Vigoda was one of the interviewees. They were doing a piece on Curly and Vigoda said something along the lines of "You can't have the Three Stooges without Curly. It doesn't work. You know what the Three Stooges is without Curly? ... The Two Stooges, that's what you end up with."

Posted by: Serious Cat at April 01, 2013 12:30 PM (UypUQ)

184 And forget about any of your peasantish ideas for March, beeyotches... it is now, and has been for five years running, How To Fill In A Kickass NCAA Hoops Brackets' Sheet Month

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at April 01, 2013 12:30 PM (66zNN)

185 I don't want to go in the cart! 'e'll be dead soon.

Posted by: rickb223 at April 01, 2013 12:30 PM (GFM2b)

186 Avg white guy can out jump a Kenyan. Don't challenge a Kenyan to a long distance run, but a sprinting a jumping contest? They are some of the least explosive people on the planet.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 01, 2013 12:30 PM (ZPrif)

187
168 I don't want to go in the cart! Posted by: Abe Vigoda at April 01, 2013 04:26 PM

Monty Python

http://tinyurl.com/33zmt4

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 01, 2013 12:31 PM (aDwsi)

188 In July, to commemorate the first landing of man on the moon, it will Free Gubmint Cheeze and Shit Month.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars

***

I'll take the cheese, but you can keep the brown stuff.

Posted by: Tilikum the Killer Assault Whale at April 01, 2013 12:31 PM (uhftQ)

189 El SCOAMF really is enough a complete asshole to be doing this to amuse himself, because he can.

Posted by: Stu-22 at April 01, 2013 12:31 PM (k4bdL)

190 Charles Manson lectures on Family Values.

Posted by: Craig Poe at April 01, 2013 12:31 PM (BVkEs)

191 185 Nobody is paying for it. It is a tab that will never be paid. Posted by: Nutter Butter at April 01, 2013 04:29 PM (cvrr4) Oh it will be paid all right, just in pain, misery, and despair. See Gods, Copybook Headings.

Posted by: G Gordon at April 01, 2013 12:32 PM (7jGoF)

192 Stunned by so many empty seats in Yankees game. It's opening day. It's Yankees vs Red Sox. 9th inning. Yankees only down by 3. Did they all leave early? Did they not show up in the first place? Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 01, 2013 04:29 PM (ZPrif) Expectations are so low for the Yanks this season that those expensive seats are going begging. It's so expensive to go to Yankee Stadium now a days. And I don't mean the tickets. To park and to buy food and drink is super expensive. I can get in Free any day Monday to Thursday ( military ) but it will still cost me over 50$ to park and eat.

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 01, 2013 12:33 PM (9Bj8R)

193 Ben Bernanke lectures on fiscal responsibility.

Posted by: Nutter Butter at April 01, 2013 12:33 PM (cvrr4)

194

Actually, I heard TFG did throw out the first pitch at one of the baseball games earlier today.

He shanked it off the mound, laid up on his second, chipped to the batter's box and then three putted to reach the catcher.

I think he put a '4' on his scorecard though.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at April 01, 2013 12:33 PM (pxDth)

195 Ace, this is akin to John Dillinger critiquing the accounting practices of his bank victims.

*seriously you guy*

Posted by: Harlekwin15-Emergency back Up Angst ID at April 01, 2013 12:34 PM (LRFds)

196
151To be fair, he IS half white.

Aaaaand, I denounce myself.

Posted by: tcn at April 01, 2013 04:23 PM (VLG62)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Kim Jong-un and Dennis Rodman are laughing on the phone right now.

Posted by: Hepcat at April 01, 2013 12:34 PM (nPbm2)

197 Talking about financial responsibility; Reverse mortgages present opportunities for seniors to stay in their homes and enjoy a month of retirement. I look forward to informing AmericaÂ’s seniors of the benefits of this often misunderstood financial product.

Posted by: Fred ThompSon [/i] at April 01, 2013 12:34 PM (feFL6)

198 Obama lectures on the significance of Nobel Prizes..., or possibly Al Gore

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 01, 2013 12:34 PM (aDwsi)

199 Attila the Hun announces National Hug Your Neighbor Month!

Posted by: joncelli at April 01, 2013 12:35 PM (RD7QR)

200 Free any day M-T, ngu? That's pretty cool. Have you ever taken advantage of it (more importantly can you bring random guests if they end up stuck in NYC for a few days this summer?).

Posted by: Lincolntf at April 01, 2013 12:35 PM (ZshNr)

201 Ralph Peters Islamist terrorists and fanatics are methodically exterminating the 2,000-year-old Christian civilization of the Middle East through oppression, threats, appropriations and deadly violence. Our media ignore the intensifying savagery against Christians in Muslim Brotherhood-controlled Egypt. Unconfirmed reports assert that, last month, Muslim Brothers dragged Christian protesters to a mosque and tortured them Â— but our reporters wonÂ’t look into an Islamist Abu Ghraib. For a century and a half, the varied strands of Middle East Christianity have faced increasingly fierce pogroms and, for the Armenians, outright genocide. But with the rise of Wahhabi and Salafist terror, the long, slow-motion Holocaust accelerated If Islam is a Â“religion of peace,Â” itÂ’s time to show the evidence to the endangered Christians of the Middle East. Of course, not all Christians are angels, nor are all Muslims demons. Most humans of any faith just want to get through the day. And some Christians have collaborated with odious Baathist regimes (usually, to ensure their communityÂ’s survival). Nor are most Muslims active supporters of the religious cleansing of Christians from their shared homelands. But disappointingly few Muslims actively defend religious minorities. ItÂ’s not unlike Nazi Germany, where most Germans didnÂ’t want to murder Jews, but were complicit through their silence. If a Michigan mosque is defaced with graffiti, it makes national news and the Justice Department views it as a hate crime. ItÂ’s time for our government and media to apply the same standard abroad on behalf of Christians. As usual Ralph Peters is right.

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 01, 2013 12:35 PM (9Bj8R)

202 #ObamasBudgetTipsForKids

This list made me want to kick puppies.

Posted by: no good deed at April 01, 2013 12:35 PM (mjR67)

203 Michael Moore lecturing about anything.

Posted by: Hepcat at April 01, 2013 12:35 PM (nPbm2)

204 Kim Jong-un and Dennis Rodman are laughing on the phone right now. Little Dong doesn't have a lot of room to laugh.

Posted by: rickb223 at April 01, 2013 12:36 PM (GFM2b)

205 8-2 Red Soxs. George Steinbrenner must be turning over in his grave

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 01, 2013 12:36 PM (9Bj8R)

206 English explain the nuances of immigration to the Normans..., you know amnesty..., that sort of thing

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 01, 2013 12:37 PM (aDwsi)

207 Had two power outages since Saturday night here Califuckitup and fried my modem. Just want to see me new hash

Posted by: Ma Bell at April 01, 2013 12:37 PM (RLdcX)

208 Barky can kiss my ass!

Posted by: Killerdog at April 01, 2013 12:37 PM (YcxAL)

209
I propose a new kitchen table for every household in America for the express purpose of managing family budgets.

Posted by: Preznit Bronco Bama at April 01, 2013 12:37 PM (ndqJC)

210 Busier then a Cypriot barber.

Posted by: Nutter Butter at April 01, 2013 12:38 PM (cvrr4)

211 hey, speaking of April Fools and all that, I saw an ad on youtube for Bacon flavored Scope mouthwash... wonder if...

Posted by: mallfly at April 01, 2013 12:38 PM (bJm7W)

212 213 Had two power outages since Saturday night here Califuckitup and fried my modem. Just want to see me new hash

Posted by: Ma Bell at April 01, 2013 04:37 PM (RLdcX)

Your summer is going to be running hot and cold, I see.

Posted by: joncelli at April 01, 2013 12:38 PM (RD7QR)

213 Can they sell 32 oz beveages at Yankee Stadium or were they exempt?

Posted by: polynikes at April 01, 2013 12:38 PM (m2CN7)

214 Just how are we supposed to pay 'our fair share' if we don't get a grip on our spending. The government needs us to be accountable so we will have more to give them when they take it all away.

Posted by: TimothyJ at April 01, 2013 12:39 PM (2YQKc)

215 Can they sell 32 oz beveages at Yankee Stadium or were they exempt? Posted by: polynikes at April 01, 2013 04:38 PM (m2CN7) If they do it probably cost 75$

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 01, 2013 12:39 PM (9Bj8R)

216 it's funny when people say they aren't coming back and then keep coming back.....

Posted by: phoenixgirl at April 01, 2013 12:39 PM (GVxQo)

217 Perhaps Obonger can arrange beer summit with Un, that should do it...

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 01, 2013 12:39 PM (aDwsi)

218 This is like Harry Reid lecturing us on the evils of pederasty.

Posted by: Soona at April 01, 2013 12:39 PM (WfXFj)

219 219 Can they sell 32 oz beveages at Yankee Stadium or were they exempt?

Posted by: polynikes at April 01, 2013 04:38 PM (m2CN7)

*****

Nope, they are limited to 16 oz. But I hear you can use 3D printers to make a cup extender pretty easily.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at April 01, 2013 12:39 PM (pxDth)

220 Obma's plan for financial responsibility:

1. Avoid doing a budget.

2. Spend like there's no tomorrow.

3. Blame other people.

4. Repeat.

Posted by: Hepcat at April 01, 2013 12:39 PM (nPbm2)

221 219 Polynikes,

the law is flexible like that...

I'm pretty sure the Yankers are exempted from the 7oz clip limit because of Horrywood or something...

Posted by: Harlekwin15-Emergency back Up Angst ID at April 01, 2013 12:39 PM (LRFds)

222 213 Had two power outages since Saturday night here Califuckitup and fried my modem. Just want to see me new hash

Posted by: Ma Bell at April 01, 2013 04:37 PM (RLdcX)

You in Stockton?

Posted by: Tami[/i] at April 01, 2013 12:40 PM (X6akg)

223 Isn't Stockton in receivership?

Posted by: Nutter Butter at April 01, 2013 12:40 PM (cvrr4)

224 I'm sure there's something about the Federal Government providing Financial Planning Spreadsheets to the plebes in the Constitution, somewhere toward the back.

Posted by: Barry Layup, Constitutional Law Talker Guy at April 01, 2013 12:40 PM (rzNdC)

225 How To Be Millionaire. First step, get a million dollars.......

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 01, 2013 12:41 PM (TIIx5)

226 222 it's funny when people say they aren't coming back and then keep coming back..... Posted by: phoenixgirl at April 01, 2013 04:39 PM
==========

It depends on what the meaning of 'say' is...

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 01, 2013 12:41 PM (aDwsi)

227 Bill Clinton is starting a new career as a marriage counselor, I hear.

Posted by: Stu-22 at April 01, 2013 12:41 PM (k4bdL)

228 Our government IS the joke. Unfortunately, the joke's on us.

Posted by: Horrified Observer at April 01, 2013 12:41 PM (/sohm)

229 The joke is on our creditors.

Posted by: Nutter Butter at April 01, 2013 12:42 PM (cvrr4)

230 233 Bill Clinton is starting a new career as a marriage counselor, I hear.
Posted by: Stu-22 at April 01, 2013 04:41 PM
===========

Well, after being named Father of the Year, he is obviously the guy to do it.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 01, 2013 12:43 PM (aDwsi)

231

222 it's funny when people say they aren't coming back and then keep coming back.....

Heh.

Especially when there was a sanctimonious lecture involved.

Posted by: wheatie at April 01, 2013 12:43 PM (5kUwW)

232 and another thing.

Posted by: Nutter Butter at April 01, 2013 12:44 PM (cvrr4)

233

This is like the Hulk lecturing about Anger Management.

Posted by: wheatie at April 01, 2013 12:45 PM (5kUwW)

234 You in Stockton? Posted by: Tami at April 01, 2013 04:40 PM (X6akg) Nope, Travis AFB

Posted by: Ma Bell at April 01, 2013 12:45 PM (RLdcX)

235

A lot of door to door people today. I imagine it'll get worse as the economy gets worse. For some, I hate to tell them, no, because they do have a hint of desparation in their eyes.

Every evening I check the front curb for markings.

Posted by: Soona at April 01, 2013 12:46 PM (WfXFj)

236 Baseball is, literally, the only sport that "looks like America" as the liberals love to say. Baseball talent appears to be about uniformly spread among human ethnic and racial groups. MLB's demographics roughly mirror US demographics. As opposed to the nearly all-black NBA, nearly all-white NHL, and black-white-samoan NFL. Yet baseball doesn't get much credit for actually being "diverse".

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 01, 2013 12:46 PM (ZPrif)

237 Bill Clinton lecturing on virtue.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 01, 2013 12:46 PM (aDwsi)

238 Ugh I gonna have to hear it from Met's Fans for at least 2 days now

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 01, 2013 12:47 PM (9Bj8R)

239 Every evening I check the front curb for markings. Sorry. I'll get right on that.

Posted by: rickb223 at April 01, 2013 12:49 PM (GFM2b)

240 Yet baseball doesn't get much credit for actually being "diverse".

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 01, 2013 04:46 PM (ZPrif)

You're about to be lectured about 'diversity' again for the umpteenth time with the new Jackie Robinson movie coming out. I lost count on how many of these have been made.

Posted by: polynikes at April 01, 2013 12:50 PM (m2CN7)

241 black-white-samoan NFL.

Man, those Samoans are a surly bunch.

http://photos1.blogger.com/img/19/2627/640/bloom11.jpg

Posted by: not Margaret Mead at April 01, 2013 12:50 PM (rzNdC)

242 Every evening I check the front curb for markings. Posted by: Soona at April 01, 2013 04:46 PM (WfXFj) There's something I haven't even thought about in ages, the various markings for sales people, grifters, vagrants and the like. Someone had a post about 30's era slang. It's interesting how what was common knowledge comes and goes. I was reading some Dorothy Sayers over the weekend and there's a casual mention of the morning and evening posts. Yes, once upon a time, there was post twice a day. Hell, I was reading some PJ O'Rourke and there was a mention of sending telegrams to Congress and I wonder how many people even remember when that was A Thing.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Mmmm. Tea. at April 01, 2013 12:51 PM (VtjlW)

243

Holy Shit!

This was great! Starts out smelling funny, but blooms into full-on awesome.

http://tinyurl.com/bpzfy6b

Posted by: Gunslinger at April 01, 2013 12:51 PM (4S7hN)

244 re 242: I will occasionally tell people I'm with when we go into a place like Applebee's that for a lot of people, that is the future.

Posted by: mallfly at April 01, 2013 12:51 PM (bJm7W)

245 Woohoo. Got 100 rounds of 7.62x39 and 20 of 7.62x54.

Posted by: Tilikum the Killer Assault Whale at April 01, 2013 12:52 PM (uhftQ)

246 What does a killer whale need ammo for?

Posted by: Waterhouse at April 01, 2013 12:53 PM (rzNdC)

247 Yet baseball doesn't get much credit for actually being "diverse". Hell, the race-hustlers are blaming baseball for not having enough blacks. Well, not having enough US-born blacks. Apparently, it's a real discrimination problem but not against Caribbean blacks. Or something.

Posted by: AmishDude at April 01, 2013 12:53 PM (T0NGe)

248 Baseball is fucking weird, and I say that as a fan of the game. The skills required are unique and don't often come in the combination necessary, even among world class athletes. Hitting a pitched ball fucking sucks, and that's the truth. Well, hitting it is cool, it's the 70 -80 % miss rate that blows. My only redeeming quality in baseball\Sunday softball was speed, and it was the only part of the game I enjoyed. Running, testing arms, making catches, calculating on the fly, that was fun, the rest of the game was a grind.

Posted by: Lincolntf at April 01, 2013 12:53 PM (ZshNr)

249 I was reading some Dorothy Sayers over the weekend and there's a casual mention of the morning and evening posts. Yes, once upon a time, there was post twice a day. Even AoSHq doesn't manage that on a Saturday!

Posted by: AmishDude at April 01, 2013 12:54 PM (T0NGe)

250 Jane? Jane D'oh??

Posted by: Truman North at April 01, 2013 12:54 PM (I2LwF)

251 Well, not having enough US-born blacks. Apparently, it's a real discrimination problem but not against Caribbean blacks. Or something. Posted by: AmishDude at April 01, 2013 04:53 PM (T0NGe) Yeah that is the craziest argument I ever heard.

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 01, 2013 12:54 PM (9Bj8R)

252 England has two posts a day but only one on Saturdays.

Posted by: Truman North at April 01, 2013 12:55 PM (I2LwF)

253 The irony is lost on them. Jeez.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at April 01, 2013 12:55 PM (piMMO)

254 The skills required are unique and don't often come in the combination necessary, even among world class athletes. Ain't it great?!?

Posted by: John Kruk at April 01, 2013 12:55 PM (T0NGe)

255 249 Every evening I check the front curb for markings.
Posted by: Soona at April 01, 2013 04:46 PM (WfXFj)

There's something I haven't even thought about in ages, the various markings for sales people, grifters, vagrants and the like. Someone had a post about 30's era slang. It's interesting how what was common knowledge comes and goes. I was reading some Dorothy Sayers over the weekend and there's a casual mention of the morning and evening posts. Yes, once upon a time, there was post twice a day. Hell, I was reading some PJ O'Rourke and there was a mention of sending telegrams to Congress and I wonder how many people even remember when that was A Thing. Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Mmmm. Tea. at April 01, 2013 04:51 PM
=====

Last time sent one, it was to the French Embassy in D.C. when they refused passage of the planes bound to stick a finger in Gaddafi's eye. I was somewhat mollified that the French Embassy in Tripoli 'accidentally' suffered some damage. Good days, good days....

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 01, 2013 12:55 PM (aDwsi)

256 I don't even know a joke for this situation.

Posted by: Ace at 03:49 PM The joke is the low-info voters who hear about this and go 'wow, he cares. I'm glad I voted for him!'

Posted by: joejm65 at April 01, 2013 12:55 PM (UZuc4)

257 Woohoo. Got 100 rounds of 7.62x39 and 20 of 7.62x54. Ammoman dot com has 7.62x54 for $269/per 500. Delivered.

Posted by: rickb223 at April 01, 2013 12:56 PM (GFM2b)

258 Hitting a pitched ball fucking sucks, and that's the truth. Well, hitting it is cool, it's the 70 -80 % miss rate that blows. It's astounding how baseball humbled great athletes like Michael Jordan. Even Bo Jackson, probably the best athlete since the invention of television, was a .250 hitter.

Posted by: AmishDude at April 01, 2013 12:57 PM (T0NGe)

259 Yet baseball doesn't get much credit for actually being "diverse".

Actual real diversity is racist.

Posted by: @PurpAv at April 01, 2013 12:57 PM (/gHaE)

260 245 Ugh I gonna have to hear it from Met's Fans for at least 2 days now Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 01, 2013 04:47 PM

Nah, we know we're going to suck this year. The Yankees on the other hand still think they have a chance and I'll revel in your agonies as your hopes are crushed. Ditto for the Red Sox fans

Posted by: kbdabear at April 01, 2013 12:58 PM (mCvL4)

261 I was reading some Dorothy Sayers over the weekend and there's a casual mention of the morning and evening posts.

I was listening to a history podcast recently which made mention in passing that Victorian London had six or seven deliveries a day.

Posted by: Waterhouse at April 01, 2013 12:58 PM (rzNdC)

262 Hell, I was reading some PJ O'Rourke and there was a mention of sending telegrams to Congress and I wonder how many people even remember when that was A Thing.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Mmmm. Tea. at April 01, 2013 04:51 PM (VtjlW)

---------------------------------------

I'm going to sound old, but I remember those days. In truth, it was the well-to-do people who sent telegrams. The rest of the people sent letters. Then the next big thing was telephoning DC. But, again, the only people who could afford a long-distance call like that were the people with money.

Posted by: Soona at April 01, 2013 12:59 PM (WfXFj)

263 Even Bo Jackson, probably the best athlete since the invention of television, was a .250 hitter. Posted by: AmishDude at April 01, 2013 04:57 PM

When he made contact though, it went a looooonnnnng way

Posted by: kbdabear at April 01, 2013 12:59 PM (mCvL4)

264

I don't know a joke for this situation, either, but I do know the natural reaction of a sane person:

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

FUCK OFF AND DIE, YOU COMMIE GOAT-FELCHING, BUTT-FUCKING, BRICK-LAYING, SHIT-EATING, WORF-LICKING, REGGIE-LOVE-SUCKING, IN-BRED FUCK-TARD!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Sharkman at April 01, 2013 12:59 PM (03IDC)

265 I'm feeling much better... I don't want to go on the cart...

Posted by: Abe Vigodah in the Middle Ages at April 01, 2013 01:00 PM (aYeLo)

266 Amnesty. Embracing Obamacare. The all-knowing government. And that's just today. A day of retreat in a season of never-endng retreat. But did we give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? When Custer lost at Tippecanoe? When Daniel Boone was blown up at the Alamo? Heck no. So if the GOP can't straighten up and fly right, find something that can, because the script says "we win,they lose". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ek6PwrcaYKw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Posted by: I. at April 01, 2013 01:01 PM (+EsLU)

267 Man, I'm so bored today with not much to do at work... so bored I've put on Hannity's radio program in order to pass the time.

Posted by: Serious Cat at April 01, 2013 01:01 PM (UypUQ)

268 273 Amnesty. Embracing Obamacare. The all-knowing government. And that's just today. A day of retreat in a season of never-endng retreat.

But did we give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? When Custer lost at Tippecanoe? When Daniel Boone was blown up at the Alamo? Heck no. So if the GOP can't straighten up and fly right, find something that can, because the script says "we win,they lose".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ek6PwrcaYKw&feature=youtube_gdata_player Posted by: I. at April 01, 2013 05:01 PM
=============

When Sherman marched through Vermont...

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 01, 2013 01:02 PM (aDwsi)

269 Related, but from the last thread. Work just so interferes with my fucking off... I'd say this is pre-tty well worded for a drunken Ewok: I think they begin to realize it when they move out of the category of People Living On Someone Else's Dime to the category of The Guy With the Dimes. And I think it's true.

Posted by: Boomer Redneque, work-shirquer at April 01, 2013 01:02 PM (FU7O4)

270 The average man in his 20's can throw a baseball at about 70 mph

If you throw a fastball at 85 mph in the majors, you're considered a finesse or "junk" pitcher

Even 90 mph is considered "pedestrian" in the majors

Posted by: kbdabear at April 01, 2013 01:02 PM (mCvL4)

271 269 afford a long-distance call like that I spent most of my formative years in Prince William County - back then it cost us $0.07 a minute to call frigging Fairfax County, our immediate intrastate neighbor to the North. Today's generation expects ubiquitous free wi-fi. I was just happy when it became "extended area calling" instead of "local long distance" - that was like $0.03 a minute which was huge back then.

Posted by: [/i]akula51 at April 01, 2013 01:03 PM (Vgn84)

272 I miss the days of making 7-digit phone calls.

Posted by: Serious Cat at April 01, 2013 01:03 PM (UypUQ)

273 I think they begin to realize it when they move out of the category of People Living On Someone Else's Dime to the category of The Guy With the Dimes. ""

The problem is that 'moving out' part..

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 01, 2013 01:04 PM (aDwsi)

274 279 I miss the days of making 7-digit phone calls.
Posted by: Serious Cat at April 01, 2013 05:03 PM
======

In the small town where I grew up, there was only one exchange, so people only gave the necessary 4 numbers.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 01, 2013 01:06 PM (aDwsi)

275 I know I can't hit 70, I've tried. I did hit a 3-pointer at the Spencer Fair and won a Celtics-logoed basketball, so I've got that going for me.... I haven't been to a batting cage since I moved to NC, might have to pencil a trip in.

Posted by: Lincolntf at April 01, 2013 01:06 PM (ZshNr)

276 akula51...... You were in Prince Willy County during the Contel System days?

Posted by: Jinx the Cat at April 01, 2013 01:07 PM (l3vZN)

277 I spent most of my formative years in Prince William County - back then it cost us $0.07 a minute to call frigging Fairfax County, our immediate intrastate neighbor to the North.

Today's generation expects ubiquitous free wi-fi. I was just happy when it became "extended area calling" instead of "local long distance" - that was like $0.03 a minute which was huge back then.

Posted by: akula51 at April 01, 2013 05:03 PM (Vgn84)

---------------------------------------

Yup. When I could call my mom and dad without long-distance charges because they were in the same area code, THAT was a big deal.

Posted by: Soona at April 01, 2013 01:07 PM (WfXFj)

278 any good pranks today

Posted by: jimmytheclaw at April 01, 2013 01:07 PM (Sex4z)

279 Ya'll need a budget, and an an, uh, uh, uh, and ya'll need to pay ya taxes.* Unlike certain politicians, in Congress, and other administration folks.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 01, 2013 01:08 PM (XYSwB)

280 In the small town where I grew up, there was only one exchange, so people only gave the necessary 4 numbers.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 01, 2013 05:06 PM (aDwsi)

---------------------------------------

Same here when I was growing up. I remember my dad getting angry because he had to start looking up prefixes to dial a number.

Posted by: Soona at April 01, 2013 01:10 PM (WfXFj)

281 I see through your facade, good king... when you say the federal government will "help" me form a budget, you mean you're looking to take examples of people's budgets to help make one for the government! very smart, you!

Posted by: a sick duck at April 01, 2013 01:12 PM (m6rmP)

282 Contel System Ahhh yes. Contel. Those were the days. Yeah, I did middle/high school there while we were living in Lake Ridge.

Posted by: [/i]akula51 at April 01, 2013 01:19 PM (Vgn84)

283 ...so bored I've put on Hannity's radio program in order to pass the time.

That's some pretty desperate shit there.

Posted by: @PurpAv at April 01, 2013 01:27 PM (/gHaE)

284 Operator, connect me to Southgate 927!

Posted by: Truman North at April 01, 2013 01:31 PM (I2LwF)

285 Then...., there were the party lines. Great days, huh?

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 01, 2013 01:33 PM (aDwsi)

286 Half of Obama's shtick is "look what I can get away with." The other side of it is "if you save a little more money every year, when we start taking savings there will be more to take!" The left wanted for decades to prove that America was a sick joke. They failed to prove it, so they got elected and made it happen. *Every* time they point at you and call you names, they describe themselves.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith[/i][/b][/s][/u] at April 01, 2013 01:37 PM (bxiXv)

287 285 any good pranks today

Posted by: jimmytheclaw at April 01, 2013 05:07 PM (Sex4z)

Abe Vigoda said that Fox News was dead.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at April 01, 2013 01:52 PM (C36wA)

288 Um, didn't Debbie Wasserman-Schultz just admit the DNC is broke, too? So ... the Dems spend privately just as freely and stupidly as they do for the country.

And I want financial tips from the JEF why? So I know to do the opposite?

Posted by: acethepug at April 01, 2013 02:27 PM (L49Y2)

289 I don't even know a joke for this situation.
Two assholes walk into a bar and the bartender says, "Hello, Mr President; hello, Mr Vice President."

Posted by: andycanuck at April 01, 2013 02:52 PM (VwC86)

290 So did Peggy give him a nooner to tell us credit cards need to be used responsibly? What a fuckstick.

Posted by: torabora at April 01, 2013 03:44 PM (eB4mJ)

291 Oh jeeze... I just spewed my coffee all over my monitor. Spendthrift in Chief wants to teach fiscal responsibility? Yeah...

Posted by: ProfShadow at April 01, 2013 03:52 PM (PIbwI)

292 on a more serious note, try smarteys.com nice way to plan to live the life you want.

Posted by: pointsnfigures at April 01, 2013 04:16 PM (MOSsR)

293 I don't even know a joke for this situation. Budgets are for little people. -- stuff Harry Reid said, vol XXIII

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie ® at April 02, 2013 05:15 AM (1hM1d)

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