January 22, 2013

Erotic Novel About Obama and Michelle, Now Available
— Ace

Some of you were just saying "This couldn't possibly get worse."

Like everyone else who's ever uttered those words, you were wrong.

Surely American literature has reached new heights with the publication of GuestHouse Games, in which Barack and Michelle Obama, “alone in their isolated beachfront guesthouse in the tropical paradise of Kailua, Hawaii,” are “drawn into the ancient Hawaiian spiritual world and into the exploration of their own deepest and most forbidden desires.”

Is Reggie Love in this?

I don't even know what that means.

(Yes I do.)

...

uStarNovels, the publisher of this pioneering work, describes itself as a purveyor of “specially crafted original erotica and erotic romance” featuring “characters that are relatable for everyone” and “experiences that are credible.” Chris Matthews, brace yourself for more thrills up your leg.

Here are some other characters who might get a turn on the President's Staff:


Kenji, the guesthouse's young Hawaiian gardener with whom the leading lady feels an intense erotic connection. He is involved in one of the sex scenes with the couple.

Leah and Stellan, an attractive and exotic couple who own the local store. Their ties to the islands are far deeper than just business and they will play a significant role in the leading couple's search for the truth about the mystery and about themselves. They are involved in sex scenes with the couple.

Marisol Ramirez, the woman who runs the guesthouse and has left the leading couple in charge during her vacation.

Stitch, the guesthouse cat.

In related news, Vera Baker.

The book is called "Fan fiction." Fan fiction often couples, or "ships," two characters who are not actually having sex.

So.

Thanks to gigg.

Posted by: Ace at 12:36 PM | Comments (410)
Post contains 297 words, total size 2 kb.

1 *rubs hands eagerly together*


Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 12:36 PM (UOM48)

2 Fifty Shades of Marxism

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 12:37 PM (UOM48)

3 ew

Posted by: MDH3 at January 22, 2013 12:37 PM (GKyUC)

4 Your welcome everyone. I got a shout out in the blog, my life is complete.

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 12:38 PM (41VCE)

5 4 gigg,

Yeah I've given you plenty of praise...

this...

"eh"

"okay"

Posted by: sven10077 at January 22, 2013 12:39 PM (LRFds)

6 Stitch, the guesthouse cat.

o_O

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 12:39 PM (UOM48)

7 Erotic Novel About Obama and Michelle, Now Available


Just that title makes me want to puke. Had to be a publisher with the MFM.

Posted by: Vic at January 22, 2013 12:39 PM (53z96)

8 This is definitely a pre-lunch post. On the other hand, I just lost 2 pounds.

Posted by: Dr Spank at January 22, 2013 12:40 PM (w+Dvf)

9 Now all I can think about is the wookie shoving a candle up TFG's ass and lighting it.

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 12:40 PM (41VCE)

10
Kenji, the guesthouse's young Hawaiian gardener with whom the leading lady feels an intense erotic connection. He is involved in one of the sex scenes with the couple.



In the movie (you know it's coming) Kenji will be played by a John Boehner lookalike.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 12:40 PM (UOM48)

11 There is nothing more erotic than the story of a twink, an baseball bat-sized strap-on, and the Klingon princess who loved them.

Posted by: M'Chelle Obama at January 22, 2013 12:40 PM (ggRof)

12 IOW it is a Penthouse Forum letter that a publisher agreed to publish.

Posted by: Vic at January 22, 2013 12:40 PM (53z96)

13 Where Can I Buy this book ???????????

Posted by: Mary Clogginstein from Brattleboro, Vt and Proud of it !!!!!!!!!! at January 22, 2013 12:40 PM (48wze)

14

Barry: "Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh. UH. uh. uh. UH."

*lights cigarette*

Posted by: Bigby's Itchy Trigger Finger at January 22, 2013 12:41 PM (3ZtZW)

15 I hope Stitch, the guesthouse cat is gettin' paid for this.

Posted by: DRH at January 22, 2013 12:41 PM (xFoDt)

16 I do not feel well.  I need to lie down.  But not in my bunk, IYKWIMAITYD.

Posted by: Emperor of Icecream at January 22, 2013 12:41 PM (ZMzpb)

17 Well shave my coconuts and call me-- Liliuokalani! I am in it like Spam in a sammich!!

Posted by: Reggie Love at January 22, 2013 12:41 PM (r2PLg)

18

I don't even want to know how the cat fits in. Maybe they use the cat to fetch the gerbil out?

 

 

 

Posted by: West at January 22, 2013 12:41 PM (1Rgee)

19 Dear Penthouse,

Last night I slipped into the guest house unexpectedly, and couldn't believe what Barack was doing....

M'chelle

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 12:41 PM (UOM48)

20 Armageddon!

Posted by: Barry Utters His Code Word at January 22, 2013 12:42 PM (tQHzJ)

21 "Baby, let me show you my Mandate."

"Ooh, yeah, give me your Mandate.  I want it all, and I want it good and hard!"

Posted by: filbert at January 22, 2013 12:42 PM (NaNKB)

22 Her breasts heaved as she poised her strap-on ship of pleasure at his quivering portal of joy.

"Say it!" she bellowed!

"Barack Obama is without honor!" he squealed, as she drove home her love rod.

Posted by: joncelli at January 22, 2013 12:42 PM (RD7QR)

23 Make the images stop.

Posted by: CAC at January 22, 2013 12:42 PM (SE7HH)

24 If ever a thread needed the creative talents of Empire of Jeff, this is it.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 12:42 PM (UOM48)

25 No. No no no no no no no no. NO.

Posted by: BCochran1981 at January 22, 2013 12:42 PM (GEICT)

26 Just picture the wookie in white silk teddy boys. She will not be gentle.

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 12:42 PM (41VCE)

27 Barry play me like a ukelele!!

Posted by: Reggie Love at January 22, 2013 12:42 PM (r2PLg)

28 "Thanks to Gigg?"

How about a permanent banning and maybe the Moron equivalent of a fatwa?

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at January 22, 2013 12:42 PM (GsoHv)

29 Must Find Stash

Posted by: CAC at January 22, 2013 12:43 PM (SE7HH)

30 Fifty Shades of Red

Posted by: Pyrocles at January 22, 2013 12:43 PM (cv5Iw)

31 If ever a thread needed the creative talents of Empire of Jeff, this is it. You aren't kidding. Someone flash the Canada Signal.

Posted by: Ian S. at January 22, 2013 12:43 PM (B/VB5)

32 Old And Busted: Assassination Fantasies about the President
The New Hotness: Erotic Fantasies about the President

Posted by: chemjeff at January 22, 2013 12:43 PM (bpQsl)

33 Is this a pre-emtive strike against another revelation upcoming about Barry and the Chicago gay man's club?

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at January 22, 2013 12:43 PM (+qMCO)

34 Stitch, the guesthouse cat.

Oof.

I thought I had it rough around Barky.

Posted by: Bo the Dog at January 22, 2013 12:43 PM (K8Oz6)

35 It might be worth the read if it ends with some volcano sacrifice.

Posted by: tasker at January 22, 2013 12:44 PM (r2PLg)

36 Odd that Bo the dog isn't in it. Or maybe he was cooked up in the introduction.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at January 22, 2013 12:44 PM (81UWZ)

37 That would be--hot.

Posted by: tasker at January 22, 2013 12:44 PM (r2PLg)

38 Send it to the guys at Hillbuzz. They'd get a laugh from it.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at January 22, 2013 12:44 PM (+qMCO)

39 Erotic Novel About Obama and Michelle, Now Available No doubt it will also be full of secret Klingon beauty tips.

Posted by: Sean Bannion at January 22, 2013 12:44 PM (Hm1zY)

40 I keep thinking it can't get worse, only to be proven wrong, again and again.

Posted by: jakeman at January 22, 2013 12:44 PM (96M6e)

41 Thanks for posting this, Ace ... said no one ever.

Posted by: Andy at January 22, 2013 12:44 PM (C/NnJ)

42 Cac I don't think even your stash will make the horrific pain of this post go away.

Posted by: Paranoidgirlinseattle at January 22, 2013 12:44 PM (RZ8pf)

43 12 Vic pretty much...

maybe we can write one with the statue of liberty taking anal from obama or cuomo?

Posted by: sven10077 at January 22, 2013 12:44 PM (LRFds)

44 Chrissy Matthews will buy the first copy.  Bet on it.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 12:45 PM (UOM48)

45 I thought ace only hated women, how wrong I was.

Posted by: Dr Spank at January 22, 2013 12:45 PM (w+Dvf)

46 I'm doing one about the two of them and America's squeakhole. I call it "Real F*cking Life".

Posted by: The Mega Independent[/i] at January 22, 2013 12:45 PM (46pA5)

47 . . .I honestly do not know what to say. o.o

Posted by: Kinley Ardal at January 22, 2013 12:46 PM (rkXvB)

48 Greg Gutfeld would be all over this.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 12:46 PM (UOM48)

49 "Get that cat over here" panted Barack, strapped and bound on the Artifice of Love.  "I need that pussy."

Posted by: filbert at January 22, 2013 12:46 PM (NaNKB)

50
But who's Guest House?
Barney Frank's?

Posted by: YIKES! at January 22, 2013 12:46 PM (mETGQ)

51

*Trots into bedroom after hearing curious noises*

 

I'm blind!  I'm blind!

Posted by: Bo at January 22, 2013 12:46 PM (tQHzJ)

52 Remember the SCENE in SHALLOW HAL when she throws the ENORMOUS set of panties at him?

Posted by: jakeman Plover at January 22, 2013 12:46 PM (96M6e)

53 "Holy shit!" thought Stitch as he saw the scene from below. "This makes me want to hurl hairballs!"

Posted by: joncelli at January 22, 2013 12:46 PM (RD7QR)

54 Oh god Chrissy-cakes mathews will be pleasuring himself to this at the bookstore! He could not wait to get home and devour this!

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 12:46 PM (41VCE)

55 Chrissy Matthews will buy the first copy. Bet on it.>>

Are you sure he didn't write it under a nom de guerre?

Posted by: Buzzsaw at January 22, 2013 12:46 PM (81UWZ)

56 I thought ace only hated women, how wrong I was.

Ace hates everyone.  I thought that was well-established.

Posted by: filbert at January 22, 2013 12:47 PM (NaNKB)

57

Here are some other characters who might get a turn on the President's Staff:

 

...

 

Stitch, the guesthouse cat.

 

My heart goes out to you, Stitch. :-'(

Posted by: The Chicken at January 22, 2013 12:47 PM (5iuEW)

58 Hawaii Five-O The Obamas' "scorecard".

Posted by: tasker at January 22, 2013 12:47 PM (r2PLg)

59

This gives me an idea...

"President Johnson called out to Ladybird..."

Posted by: Sam In VA at January 22, 2013 12:47 PM (rFiOs)

60 I find it unlikely that this is really a unique fictional first.

As I'm sure an examination of the computer hard drives of Chrissy Matthews, the letter-a-day CNN guy, et al. would confirm...

Posted by: Stu-22 at January 22, 2013 12:47 PM (AiYlm)

61 "You look beautiful tonight," the throbbing president quipped. "Do me," Michelle breathed. "Do me in my shitlocker."

Posted by: Page 9 of Barack & Michelle: An Erotic Journey From Milan to Minsk at January 22, 2013 12:47 PM (LCRYB)

62 And that, my friends, is the sound of billions of billons of moronic sperm saying "yeah, we'll see you next week or so... maybe".

Posted by: The Mega Independent[/i] at January 22, 2013 12:47 PM (46pA5)

63 The horror. The horror

Posted by: Mr Kurtz at January 22, 2013 12:48 PM (ZD1wE)

64 Guest House.
Sorry, Dark Side Of The Moon is taken.

Posted by: Pink Floyd at January 22, 2013 12:48 PM (mETGQ)

65 Maybe then can convince Hildabeast to join in for a little flip-flop .... you know. Thats super hot for guys right? Two chicks?

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 12:48 PM (41VCE)

66 Or even better send it to Iowahawk. His twittering could have a field day with it.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at January 22, 2013 12:48 PM (+qMCO)

67 Surely American literature has reached new heights with the publication of GuestHouse Games, in which Barack and Michelle Obama, “alone in their isolated beachfront guesthouse in the tropical paradise of Kailua, Hawaii,” are “drawn into the ancient Hawaiian spiritual world and into the exploration of their own deepest and most forbidden desires.”



Destroying America. 

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 12:48 PM (UOM48)

68 "Leah and Stellan" Sounds suspiciously like Lenin and Stalin

Posted by: That guy at January 22, 2013 12:49 PM (vzxr8)

69 More from the book :

Alone in their isolated beachfront guesthouse in the tropical paradise of Kailua, Hawaii, our leading couple are enjoying a holiday of a lifetime. But an unexplained visit from a ghost needing help sees our couple drawn into the ancient Hawaiian spiritual world and into the exploration of their own deepest and most forbidden desires.

Whilst searching for clues to understand who this mysterious girl is that begs for the coupleÂ’s help, they uncover a number of rooms equipped to fulfill every type of erotic fantasy imaginable at the remote guesthouse they are staying at. But will our couple be able to resist the quest for sexual pleasure to help put the spirit to rest and bring about justice for a seventy year old tragedy? Or will they drown in the tides of history and their own passions?



Posted by: Dr Spank at January 22, 2013 12:49 PM (w+Dvf)

70 If there's erotic strangulation, I'm all in.

Posted by: David Carradine at January 22, 2013 12:49 PM (evdj2)

71 In other news, my Purity of Essence™ is back for the foreseeable future, baby!

Posted by: jakeman at January 22, 2013 12:49 PM (96M6e)

72 you're a Bad Man, ace; a very very bad man


are suicide pacts illegal??????

Posted by: John Smith at January 22, 2013 12:49 PM (Dll6b)

73 "Do me," Michelle breathed. "Do me in my shitlocker." --------------- I snorted and my boss came in and checked on me. TEEHEEE

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 12:49 PM (41VCE)

74 "You look beautiful tonight," the throbbing president quipped.

"Do me," Michelle breathed. "Do me in my shitlocker."


Pure poetry, that is.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at January 22, 2013 12:49 PM (QKKT0)

75 I came.

Posted by: Mary Cloggenstein of Brattleboro, VT at January 22, 2013 12:49 PM (5iuEW)

76 Can't we please talk about catastrophic financial collapses or potential WWIII scenarios?

....Please?


ooooohhhhghh

Posted by: ontherocks at January 22, 2013 12:50 PM (aZ6ew)

77 22Her breasts heaved as she poised her strap-on ship of pleasure at his quivering portal of joy.

"Say it!" she bellowed!

"Barack Obama is without honor!" he squealed, as she drove home her love rod.

Posted by: joncelli at January 22, 2013 04:42 PM (RD7QR)

 

Dammit.

 

You know what a mess it makes when I laugh and vomit at the same time?

 

Yes.  I laughmited.

 

 

 

 

Posted by: Jaws at January 22, 2013 12:50 PM (4I3Uo)

78 35 It might be worth the read if it ends with some volcano sacrifice.   ---------   Oddly enough, I've thought for some time that Harry Reid might have a brain cloud.  

Posted by: Citizen Anachronda at January 22, 2013 12:50 PM (xGZ+b)

79 Are you making this shit up, Ace? Gross! Just gross!

Posted by: L, elle at January 22, 2013 12:50 PM (0PiQ4)

80 It has ghosts? I'd much prefer "Topper" or "Blithe Spirit"

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at January 22, 2013 12:50 PM (+qMCO)

81 Maybe then can convince Hildabeast to join in for a little flip-flop .... you know. Thats super hot for guys right? Two chicks?


The bed would look like an ice floe just before the seal clubbing starts.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at January 22, 2013 12:50 PM (QKKT0)

82 Gigg is the worst. Ugh.

Posted by: HoboJerky, now with 74% more DOOM! at January 22, 2013 12:51 PM (FsUAO)

83 "Behind the Red Door."

Posted by: Commie Films Buys the Rights to... at January 22, 2013 12:51 PM (tQHzJ)

84 Is "fisting" involved?  Oh, or "reach-arounds"?

Posted by: Bawney Fwank at January 22, 2013 12:51 PM (uRumV)

85

Stitch, the guesthouse cat.

 

 

--------------------------------------------------

 

 

Comic relief.  Mistakes Baraka's  ball gag  for a cat toy.  Carries it into the kid's room.  Hilarity  ensues.

 

 

Posted by: Soona at January 22, 2013 12:51 PM (N2KVu)

86 "Do me," Michelle breathed. "Do me in my shitlocker." --------------- That is worse than a second civil war, or any ww3 come on. There is no god.

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 12:51 PM (41VCE)

87 Al Roker makes an unfortunate appearance in Chapter 3.  In the pool.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 12:51 PM (UOM48)

88 So--The Hurt Locker is a porno?

Posted by: Biden at January 22, 2013 12:52 PM (r2PLg)

89
Is Reggie Love in this?
Thar be blows

Posted by: Room 101 at January 22, 2013 12:52 PM (mETGQ)

90 Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer,
Had a very shiny nose,
And if you ever saw it,
You would even say it glows.

/not sure why this came to mind.  There may be something wrong with me.

Posted by: filbert at January 22, 2013 12:52 PM (NaNKB)

91 87 Al Roker makes an unfortunate appearance in Chapter 3. In the pool. I think you mean , the stool.

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 12:52 PM (41VCE)

92 The Morons are turning the stupidest post of the last 5 years into comedy gold. I cannot stop laughing.

Posted by: Sean Bannion at January 22, 2013 12:52 PM (Hm1zY)

93 Barry and Mooch doing the nasty....... Oh, God, must, must resist thoughts - of Wild Kingdom, Discovery Channel, interspecies "dating". I'm a bad, bad man.

Posted by: tubal at January 22, 2013 12:52 PM (BoE3Z)

94 Has anyone seen a small electronic device, maybe the size of my forearm, which may or may not be a device to wirelessly hack into what may or may not be the nuclear launch communications for what may or may not be the US nuclear arsenal? No, no reason.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, Meadow Party 2016 at January 22, 2013 12:52 PM (GBXon)

95 If there's erotic strangulation, I'm all in. Fapfap

Posted by: Gyp Rosetti at January 22, 2013 12:52 PM (evdj2)

96

 It has ghosts? I'd much prefer "Topper" or "Blithe Spirit"

 

The HQ only likes ghosts what fap.

Posted by: RushBabe at January 22, 2013 12:53 PM (tQHzJ)

97 If EoJ doesn't show up soon, I'll be devastated.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 12:53 PM (UOM48)

98

Beyonce faked it for Obama.

Chris Matthews didn't.

Posted by: Roy at January 22, 2013 12:53 PM (VndSC)

99
You would think Vera would be able to be released to tell her story now, then we can laugh at the contortions of the media about how modern a relationship Mooch and Scrobama have.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at January 22, 2013 12:53 PM (p/cQy)

100 Great.  Now I have to go see a doctor.  My dick retreated so violently that it bruised my liver.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at January 22, 2013 12:53 PM (SY2Kh)

101 I never understood teh pron. Why did the gardener go inside the house for a glass of water? The friggin' garden hose is right there!!

Posted by: Cicero Kid at January 22, 2013 12:53 PM (sHqf1)

102 This is almost as good as Presdent Clinton and Hillary Cliton dancing on the beach. Both beuatiful couples and great role models for children.

Posted by: Mary Clogginstein from Brattleboro, Vt and Proud of it !!!!!!!!!! at January 22, 2013 12:53 PM (48wze)

103 I enthusiastically vote for "drowning in the tides of history".

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at January 22, 2013 12:53 PM (+qMCO)

104 "There was this one time in Young Pioneer Camp......"

Posted by: The Young Barry Soetero at January 22, 2013 12:53 PM (jucos)

105 Barack and Michelle, First They Screw America Then They Screw Each Other in The Agony and the Ecstacy.

Posted by: WalrusRex at January 22, 2013 12:53 PM (Hx5uv)

106 The amazing thing is I can't readily tell you which side of the equation is worse.

Posted by: The Mega Independent[/i] at January 22, 2013 12:54 PM (46pA5)

107 -The Hurt Locker is a porno?

Posted by: Biden at January 22, 2013 04:52 PM (r2PLg)


No it's the Butt Locker.

Posted by: Reggie Love at January 22, 2013 12:54 PM (mETGQ)

108 I think a chapter a night on the ONT (or right before) would be awesome.

Posted by: Ktgreat at January 22, 2013 12:54 PM (VqbeO)

109 Barack and Michelle Obama in...

T H E
R U S T Y
U K E L E L E

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at January 22, 2013 12:54 PM (+lsX1)

110 I've come to fix your pipes.

Posted by: Michelle Obama at January 22, 2013 12:54 PM (evdj2)

111 Oh my.  The author has to be sick to pen this.  It required imagery.  Oh my.

Posted by: eureka! at January 22, 2013 12:54 PM (HPRku)

112 The president was spent, his manhood lying inert upon his belly like a dead carp made of licorice. "Well," he quipped. "That was good." Kal Penn's testicles struck an ironic pose. "I mean that was great!" the president corrected, quippishly. One of Kal's testicles quirked up suggestively.

Posted by: Page 42 of Barack & Michelle: An Erotic Journey From Milan to Minsk at January 22, 2013 12:54 PM (LCRYB)

113 The ghost of Stalin needs help and the 1st couple are going to fuck their way to the truth?

I'm waiting for the paperback edition.

Posted by: Dr Spank at January 22, 2013 12:55 PM (w+Dvf)

114 God when she opens her legs it's gotta smell like low tide at the coast right? Butt, locker..... NICE

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 12:55 PM (41VCE)

115 Leah and Stellan, an attractive and exotic couple

Aren't all attractive people exotic?  just ask'en.

Posted by: Paladin at January 22, 2013 12:55 PM (Ks5+T)

116 Ace- I think this calls for a "supply your own line" line story post.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at January 22, 2013 12:55 PM (+qMCO)

117 Stitch, the guesthouse cat.

Runs into the street in a suicide attempt after being forced to watch?

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at January 22, 2013 12:55 PM (ZKzrr)

118

95If there's erotic strangulation, I'm all in.

 

 

It's not all it's cracked up to be.

Posted by: Zombie David Carradine at January 22, 2013 12:55 PM (sHqf1)

119 Look, we're all for watching people fap, but to be involved in this...

... OH HELLLLLLL NO!

Posted by: ghosts everywhere at January 22, 2013 12:55 PM (K8Oz6)

120 This sounds like the most elaborate "Aristocrats" joke ever written.

Posted by: Armando at January 22, 2013 12:55 PM (5iuEW)

121 Twitchy: "‘He low key grabbed that booty’: Obama’s hands roam during dance with FLOTUS; Swooning ensues"- http://bit.ly/10DfsnS

Posted by: 80sBaby at January 22, 2013 12:55 PM (YjDyJ)

122 And Van Jones slithers in as a seed spitting brother. Brother.

Posted by: CraigPoe at January 22, 2013 12:55 PM (BVkEs)

123 Barky you pretend to be the pizza delivery boy this time.  No, you hold the pizza box sort of horizontally, like this.

Posted by: FLOTUS at January 22, 2013 12:56 PM (QKKT0)

124 "Hold me like you held me down by the lake on Naboo. WAAAARRRRRGG!"

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at January 22, 2013 12:56 PM (xz0nG)

125 I've come to fix your pipes.

OMG>.... this is the hardest I have laughed in a very long time.

Posted by: The Mega Independent[/i] at January 22, 2013 12:56 PM (46pA5)

126 112 - Bwahahaha nice!

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 12:56 PM (41VCE)

127 "And there, on the handle, WAS A HOOK!"

Posted by: filbert at January 22, 2013 12:56 PM (NaNKB)

128 18 Maybe they use the cat to fetch the gerbil out?
Posted by: West at January 22, 2013 04:41 PM (1Rgee)
---
That would be a ridiculous plot line. Now a dachshund would make sense for that. The breeding and all.

Posted by: RioBravo at January 22, 2013 12:56 PM (eEfYn)

129  
The tide may be receding but Michelle's ass is rising.

Posted by: King Reverse Midas at January 22, 2013 12:56 PM (mETGQ)

130 Is Reggie the Pool Boy?

Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 22, 2013 12:56 PM (YgF3N)

131 120 This sounds like the most elaborate "Aristocrats" joke ever written.


That's funny.

Posted by: Dr Spank at January 22, 2013 12:56 PM (w+Dvf)

132 The president was spent, his manhood lying inert upon his belly like a dead carp made of licorice. ___________ You should probably put some poi on that.

Posted by: Biden at January 22, 2013 12:57 PM (r2PLg)

133 Barack and Michelle Obama in...

T W O  I N  T H E  P I N K
O N E  I N  D A  K I N E  P O I P U

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at January 22, 2013 12:57 PM (+lsX1)

134 Truly an example of first-rate literature. I love the exotic descriptions of exotic people in their exotic locations with their exotic names and secret exotic desires. This is as good as it gets.

Posted by: ELKomandante at January 22, 2013 12:57 PM (HkEZz)

135 I thought Kal Penn was his man date?

Posted by: Oswald at January 22, 2013 12:57 PM (5pi9n)

136 Now a dachshund would make sense for that. The breeding and all.

And fits in a bun for a post-coital snack.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at January 22, 2013 12:57 PM (ZKzrr)

137 Hoping Stitch, the guesthouse cat, makes a surprise appearance while mistaking Toonces' bouncing scrotum for a koto-janga, a tasty rodent native to Kailua's isolated beachfront guesthouses.

Posted by: spongeworthy at January 22, 2013 12:57 PM (r5w1L)

138 110 I've come to fix your pipes.

Posted by: Michelle Obama at January 22, 2013 04:54 PM (evdj2)


"Oooh," purred Barack as he touched himself through the diaphanous bathrobe, "They definitely need a good reaming out. DO come in."

Posted by: joncelli at January 22, 2013 12:57 PM (RD7QR)

139 The Story of O - The Hawaiian Years

Posted by: Count de Monet at January 22, 2013 12:58 PM (BAS5M)

140 And when Mooch provocatively pulled her wig off, I's like dayuuummm Wanda.

Posted by: CraigPoe at January 22, 2013 12:58 PM (BVkEs)

141 Next up, by day president and first lady, by night the man and wife crime fighting team that solves crimes when the police act stupidly.

Posted by: WalrusRex at January 22, 2013 12:58 PM (Hx5uv)

142 121 Twitchy: "‘He low key grabbed that booty’: Obama’s hands roam during dance with FLOTUS; Well who could resist, that perky little ass. And that seductive slip cover she tossed over her massive frame. She was asking for it.

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 12:58 PM (41VCE)

143 I understand Peter Jackson has the film rights.

Posted by: filbert at January 22, 2013 12:58 PM (NaNKB)

144 121 Twitchy: "‘He low key grabbed that booty’: Obama’s hands roam during dance with FLOTUS; Swooning ensues"- http://bit.ly/10DfsnS

Posted by: 80sBaby at January 22, 2013 04:55 PM (YjDyJ)

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 12:58 PM (UOM48)

145 130 Is Reggie the Pool Boy? Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 22, 2013 04:56 PM (YgF3N) _________________ Did someone say--boy!?

Posted by: Harry Reid at January 22, 2013 12:58 PM (r2PLg)

146 ...on second thought, forget it. I want no part of you whackjobs. Being you is punishment enough.

Posted by: SMOD 2016 at January 22, 2013 12:58 PM (GBXon)

147 I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Posted by: Marie at January 22, 2013 12:58 PM (H50jQ)

148 The Punahou Steamer.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 22, 2013 12:58 PM (YgF3N)

149
Looks like I'll be taking some time off.

Posted by: Fapping Busting Ghost at January 22, 2013 12:58 PM (mETGQ)

150 Foreplay of nit-picking, afterplay of back-hair braiding.

Posted by: tubal at January 22, 2013 12:58 PM (BoE3Z)

151

Why did the gardener go inside the house for a glass of water? The friggin' garden hose is right there!!

 

Logic.  How does it frickin' work?

Posted by: Pron Writers Local #69 at January 22, 2013 12:58 PM (tQHzJ)

152 Barack and Michelle Obama in...

T H E

K A I L U A

S T E A M E R

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at January 22, 2013 12:59 PM (+lsX1)

153 "Oooh," purred Barack as he touched himself through the diaphanous bathrobe, "They definitely need a good reaming out. DO come in." >>>>>>>> God you people are sick.

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 12:59 PM (41VCE)

154 Why have you summoned m- Oh.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at January 22, 2013 12:59 PM (mOyDx)

155 “drawn into the ancient Hawaiian spiritual world" dafuq? what? the erotic uses of poi?

Posted by: joeindc44 wonders if anyone has any advice for the GOP at January 22, 2013 12:59 PM (QxSug)

156 An erotic tale of lustful desires for Barry otherwise know as the nightly news

Posted by: TheQuietMan at January 22, 2013 12:59 PM (1Jaio)

157 now, obama is a blank canvas for liberals to jerk off upon.

Posted by: joeindc44 wonders if anyone has any advice for the GOP at January 22, 2013 12:59 PM (QxSug)

158 Tiny Bubbles Obama's new code name.

Posted by: The Secret Sevice at January 22, 2013 12:59 PM (r2PLg)

159 lolz, he a kleenex.

Posted by: joeindc44 wonders if anyone has any advice for the GOP at January 22, 2013 12:59 PM (QxSug)

160 T H E K A I L U A S T E A M E R That is when michelle nails him real hard, then pulls out quick and punches him in the ribs. Also known as a cajun chili dog.

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 12:59 PM (41VCE)

161 After I swallowed what seemed like gallons of kool-aid.

Posted by: F. Chuck Todd at January 22, 2013 01:00 PM (4136b)

162 This is disgusting and I am going to send an E-Mail to Presdent Obama about this people. Makes me sick that people would talk about our black presdent like that.

Posted by: Mary Clogginstein from Brattleboro, Vt and Proud of it !!!!!!!!!! at January 22, 2013 01:00 PM (48wze)

163 Barack and Michelle Obama in...

THE POOLBOY BANGS TWICE

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at January 22, 2013 01:00 PM (xz0nG)

164 EoJ.  Thank gawd.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 01:00 PM (UOM48)

165 in which Barack and Michelle Obama, alone in their isolated beachfront guesthouse in the tropical paradise of Kailua, Hawaii, Massive projectile vomiting ensued. Stopped right there.

Posted by: rickb223 at January 22, 2013 01:00 PM (jZpAK)

166 Help me!!!

Posted by: Stitch, the guesthouse cat at January 22, 2013 01:00 PM (XvHmy)

167 Bow to King Kamunnawannalaya

Posted by: Roy at January 22, 2013 01:00 PM (VndSC)

168 "Do these bangs make my ass look big".

Posted by: tubal at January 22, 2013 01:00 PM (BoE3Z)

169 It should have been Stitch the shithouse rat.

Posted by: Dr Spank at January 22, 2013 01:00 PM (w+Dvf)

170 Barack and Michelle Obama in...

A L O H A

S T A T E

A N A L I N G U S

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at January 22, 2013 01:00 PM (+lsX1)

171 161 After I swallowed what seemed like gallons of kool-aid. ------------- Why is the kool aid salty?

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 01:00 PM (41VCE)

172 Twitchy: "‘He low key grabbed that booty’: Obama’s hands roam during dance with FLOTUS; Swooning ensues"- http://bit.ly/10DfsnS

Posted by: 80sBaby at January 22, 2013 04:55 PM (YjDyJ)



I'm assuming his hand needed a GPS to find it's way back.

Posted by: YIKES! at January 22, 2013 01:00 PM (mETGQ)

173 Aloha oy.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 22, 2013 01:01 PM (YgF3N)

174 That's it, I'm out. What kind of sick, sick human being thought of that?!?!

Posted by: Big T Party at January 22, 2013 01:01 PM (WiQr+)

175 154: Admit it. You adapted kibo's old tech to determine when you have been invoked.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, scrounging extra strength brain bleach at January 22, 2013 01:01 PM (GBXon)

176 "Kiss me where I smell," Sonja Sotomayor said. "You'll have to be more specific," Joe Biden said, quippishly adjusting his bronze novelty badge which read "Sheriff of Cock." "Kiss me," Sonja said, and pushed his balding head down to her dirty nethers. "Tell me," Sonja thrilled, "Tell me how you like it." "Boy I'll tell ya," Joe said, lifting his head. "I mean that literally smells like death, and I mean, literally." "Is it so bad?" Sonja quipped. "It's like," Joe said, "the entire ocean farted."

Posted by: Page 23 of Barack & Michlle: An Erotic Journey From Milan to Minsk at January 22, 2013 01:01 PM (LCRYB)

177 I'll have the poo-poo platter.

Posted by: Michelle Obama to Al Roker at January 22, 2013 01:01 PM (r2PLg)

178 139-LOL.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at January 22, 2013 01:01 PM (+qMCO)

179

Don Ho and the bitchez

Posted by: Roy at January 22, 2013 01:01 PM (VndSC)

180 My face and ribs hurt from so much laughter.  You folks are patently insane.  XD Keep it coming!

Posted by: Kinley Ardal at January 22, 2013 01:01 PM (rkXvB)

181 Stitch the shithouse rat... BWAHAHAH you people have to stop this, im crying with laughter. Please please god make it stop.

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 01:01 PM (41VCE)

182 You just know I'm making an appearance in the book.  *sigh*

Posted by: That Chicken at January 22, 2013 01:02 PM (bpQsl)

183 Barack and Michelle Obama in...

THE PUNAHOU DOWNLOW

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at January 22, 2013 01:02 PM (xz0nG)

184

With lust filling every corner of his heart, Baraka reached for her boob belt, only to have his fingers trapped under  Mooie's  ponderous mass.

Posted by: Soona at January 22, 2013 01:02 PM (N2KVu)

185 Aloha boy!111!!!

Posted by: Harry the Pederast Reid at January 22, 2013 01:02 PM (81UWZ)

186 Gently caressing her bottom in the moonlight almost immediately took him back to polishing the enormous ass end of his grandmother's old Buick. Lightly dimpled in hail and smelling of diesel. The two mammoth structures were nearly indistinguishable.

Posted by: Joe Biden's Teeth at January 22, 2013 01:02 PM (GrtrJ)

187 Maybe this is like that Brady Bunch episode, involving tiki idols and Vincent Price.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 22, 2013 01:02 PM (YgF3N)

188 "As the moment moment of ecstasy approached, Barry quietly motioned to the cabana boy to deliver the donkey punch to the back of Michelle's enormous head."

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at January 22, 2013 01:02 PM (QKKT0)

189 Barack and Michelle in

REALLY

REALLY

BLUE HAWAII

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 01:02 PM (UOM48)

190 I feel filthy for writing these things. But it won't stop me, of course.

Posted by: joncelli at January 22, 2013 01:03 PM (RD7QR)

191 After he finished on her face, he pulled back his fist for the Chocolate Strawberry Shortcake.

Posted by: Bruce at January 22, 2013 01:03 PM (oZrAv)

192 176, 177 OMG!!!! I swear my cheeks are hurting.

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 01:03 PM (41VCE)

193 "You said you want my coconuts?", he asked. "But I don't have coconuts..."

Posted by: The Mega Independent[/i] at January 22, 2013 01:03 PM (46pA5)

194 I'm trying to join in here and come up with something suitably disturbing, but my brain just keeps shutting down.

Posted by: BCochran1981 at January 22, 2013 01:03 PM (GEICT)

195 176 "Kiss me where I smell," Sonja Sotomayor said. "You'll have to be more specific," Joe Biden said, quippishly adjusting his bronze novelty badge which read "Sheriff of Cock." "Kiss me," Sonja said, and pushed his balding head down to her dirty nethers. "Tell me," Sonja thrilled, "Tell me how you like it." "Boy I'll tell ya," Joe said, lifting his head. "I mean that literally smells like death, and I mean, literally." "Is it so bad?" Sonja quipped. "It's like," Joe said, "the entire ocean farted." Posted by: Page 23 of Barack & Michlle: An Erotic Journey From Milan to Minsk at January 22, 2013 05:01 PM (LCRYB) __________________ Working Chapter Titles-- Red Tide Sheriff Joe at High Noon Red Sonia

Posted by: Michelle Obama to Al Roker at January 22, 2013 01:03 PM (r2PLg)

196 As stomach-churning as this whole idea is, I think it should be noted that unlike Larry Flynt's porn video with a Sarah Palin lookalike (not really -- she is just a implanted brunette actress with the Palin 'do and specs), this thing was written out of affection for the Obamas, not a desire to objectify and demean them.

Posted by: L.N. Smithee at January 22, 2013 01:04 PM (D7q+Y)

197 n which Barack and Michelle Obama, alone in their isolated beachfront guesthouse in the tropical paradise of Kailua, Hawaii, are drawn into the ancient Hawaiian spiritual world and into the exploration of their own deepest and most forbidden desires. For the love of God and all that is Holy, please, never let that be types again. Can we get an excorcism in here?

Posted by: rickb223 at January 22, 2013 01:04 PM (jZpAK)

198 Why did the gardener go inside the house for a glass of water? The friggin' garden hose is right there!! Logic. How does it frickin' work? Posted by: Pron Writers Local #69 at January 22, 2013 04:58 PM (tQHzJ) -------------------------------------------------------- Did someone mention garden hose?

Posted by: Peter North at January 22, 2013 01:04 PM (jucos)

199 Uh oh... Chongo!

Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 22, 2013 01:04 PM (YgF3N)

200 this reminds me of the Kroll Show's spoof on Canada and Degrassi High. "but mom, our national health service provides free abortions, not like the yanks" in response to the character's story that she got pregnant with him by accident to be cool in school. I can imagine the obama sex life being a combination of that and Occidental college's (that's the one, right) escalating sexual encounter rape prevention guidelines..."I'm now circling your breasts, do you concur that this is a consensual touch?" in otherwords, beta sex ville

Posted by: joeindc44 wonders if anyone has any advice for the GOP at January 22, 2013 01:04 PM (QxSug)

201
I guess the girls were off being babysitted by Cass Sunstein.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at January 22, 2013 01:05 PM (p/cQy)

202
I'm gonna pound the poi outta dat az.

Posted by: Long Dong Obama at January 22, 2013 01:05 PM (mETGQ)

203 GUEST-house, Michelle?

Oh, i thought you said BATH-house.

Eh, count me out.

Posted by: Barry O. at January 22, 2013 01:05 PM (K8Oz6)

204
In related news, V**a B***r.







Oh, I see how it is. NOW that name is off the ban list.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at January 22, 2013 01:05 PM (TIIx5)

205 Then Barack said, "If you can help me find my keys, my truck's over there and we can drive out."

Posted by: jakeman at January 22, 2013 01:05 PM (96M6e)

206 We know who has the whip, Valerie Jarret

Posted by: Jean at January 22, 2013 01:05 PM (QDOGk)

207 “alone in their isolated beachfront guesthouse in the tropical paradise of Kailua, Hawaii,” are “drawn into the ancient Hawaiian spiritual world and into the exploration of their own deepest and most forbidden desires.”







Barry "deepest and most forbidden" desires don't involve Aunt Esther. Spending the weekend at the local bathhouse is where Barry can show just how deep his desires can go

Posted by: TheQuietMan at January 22, 2013 01:05 PM (1Jaio)

208 Barry and Moochelle bumping uglies?
.....that could take a while


As for me I'd rather watch a documentary on "Great Septic Tank Mishaps of the 20th Century", or Animal Husbandry: Artiodactyl Category.
 

Posted by: ontherocks at January 22, 2013 01:05 PM (aZ6ew)

209

As Michelle languidly swirled greasy fried chicken fingers all over her bloated torso, the doorbell rang and Reggie's voice called out,  "Anybody order some roast pig?  I brought extra poi."

 

*chairs and vases hit the floor as Mooch makes a tear for the door* 

Posted by: Chrissy Matthews, feverishly typing at January 22, 2013 01:05 PM (tQHzJ)

210 I'll ruin the ending - she faked it all along.

Posted by: teh Wind at January 22, 2013 01:05 PM (HBU8E)

211 This needs a line by line make your own story post.

Posted by: Big T Party at January 22, 2013 01:05 PM (WiQr+)

212

Chuck Schumer makes a visit to the Obamas.  I have a mental image  of him  oiled up,  glasses perched  low on the bridge of his nose, wearing over-the-calf black socks, drilling between Michelle's legs like Lumberg  in Office Space.

 

"Can you move a little to the left? Oooooh. Yeah, that's it, greeeeeeat!"

Posted by: Count de Monet at January 22, 2013 01:05 PM (BAS5M)

213 As Michelle gently carried Barry across the threshold, she whispered softly in his ear, "I'm gonna tear you a new asshole, son".

Posted by: CraigPoe at January 22, 2013 01:06 PM (BVkEs)

214

OMG!!!! I swear my cheeks are hurting.

 

Mine are too after Michelle, Kal, and Reggie get done with me.

Posted by: Barack Obama at January 22, 2013 01:06 PM (5iuEW)

215 Umm-Affection for a president has never, ever prompted me to do a porn novel about him.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at January 22, 2013 01:06 PM (+qMCO)

216 I want to get this for my moonbat sister.

Posted by: Margarita who wishes she drank more at January 22, 2013 01:06 PM (C8mVl)

217 Fucking royalists. Fuck our plebs. LIB. See Sven for details.

Posted by: Not Ready to Unsock at January 22, 2013 01:06 PM (1FLBb)

218 Barack and Michelle Obama in...

P U N A H O U

P E G

P A R T Y

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at January 22, 2013 01:06 PM (+lsX1)

219 194 I'm trying to join in here and come up with something suitably disturbing, but my brain just keeps shutting down.

Posted by: BCochran1981 at January 22, 2013 05:03 PM (GEICT)

I know, it's hard isn't it? Whenever I try to come up with something suitable to post on this, I keep thinking of my first dog, a little rat terrier, trying to hump the neighbor's big black lab.

Posted by: tubal at January 22, 2013 01:07 PM (BoE3Z)

220 They have a R and X rated erotic literature website called literotica.com.   I'm sure they already wrote a number of these stories.

Posted by: polynikes at January 22, 2013 01:07 PM (m2CN7)

221 Barry felt a twinge of guilt leaving Michelle alone that night. But, he sighed, those glory holes are going to take care of themselves.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at January 22, 2013 01:07 PM (1Jaio)

222

>>>I keep thinking of my first dog, a little rat terrier, trying to hump the neighbor's big black lab.

 

Barack looks like a terrier a bit. It's the ear thing.

Posted by: Roy at January 22, 2013 01:07 PM (VndSC)

223 212 Chuck Schumer makes a visit to the Obamas. I have a mental image of him oiled up, glasses perched low on the bridge of his nose, wearing over-the-calf black socks, drilling between Michelle's legs like Lumberg in Office Space.

"Can you move a little to the left? Oooooh. Yeah, that's it, greeeeeeat!"



Well, I'll never look at Chuckie Schumer the same again.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 01:08 PM (UOM48)

224 Chocolate rain.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 22, 2013 01:08 PM (YgF3N)

225 I cant fucking take this anymore You people are insane.

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 01:08 PM (41VCE)

226 As she bent over, everything went dark. It was the first full solar eclipse visible from North America in over a decade. In one pulsatingly erotic second, Global Warming was over and a new Ice Age had begun.

Posted by: The Mega Independent[/i] at January 22, 2013 01:08 PM (46pA5)

227 Barry and Michelle in "What the Secret Service Agent Could Never Unsee"

Posted by: joncelli at January 22, 2013 01:08 PM (RD7QR)

228

I'm trying to join in here and come up with something suitably disturbing, but my brain just keeps shutting down.

 

Tell me about it.

Posted by: The Goatse Guy at January 22, 2013 01:08 PM (5iuEW)

229 Ok....this false god thing the left has going on is just getting REALLY uncomfortable.


Posted by: © Sponge at January 22, 2013 01:08 PM (xmcEQ)

230 I keep thinking of my first dog, a little rat terrier, trying to hump the neighbor's big black lab. ISWYDT, and I retched.

Posted by: toby928© for TB at January 22, 2013 01:09 PM (evdj2)

231 ...crying out as they came together. Barack, shaking in ecstacy as Reggie filled his throat while Michelle continued to savagely pound his ass.

Posted by: BCochran1981 at January 22, 2013 01:09 PM (GEICT)

232 I'm pretty sure Stitches the Cat kills himself in the end.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 01:09 PM (UOM48)

233 It's like watching a blimp explode. Or watching the wookie de-bone a chicken at a state dinner function.

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 01:09 PM (41VCE)

234 I haven't been this aroused since I buttchugged President Obama's finest man-mead from Reggie Love's stash.

Posted by: Chrissy Matthews at January 22, 2013 01:09 PM (w3+gB)

235
“drawn into the ancient Hawaiian spiritual world"

dafuq?

what? the erotic uses of poi?

Posted by: joeindc44 wonders if anyone has any advice for the GOP at January 22, 2013 04:59 PM (QxSug)









Poi just happens to be.......finger food.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at January 22, 2013 01:10 PM (TIIx5)

236 They left some of the characters out--there's the CBS anchor critter busy sucking Obama's schlong; and the Washington Post writer kissing Moochelle's ass.

Posted by: Comanche Voter at January 22, 2013 01:10 PM (oe1aw)

237 Crap. This is 4 minutes of my life I'll never get back...

Posted by: locomotivebreath1901 at January 22, 2013 01:10 PM (tUT9B)

238 Will Helen Thomas be a character? 

Posted by: Aaron at January 22, 2013 01:10 PM (Tlix5)

239 At some point, Every Single "journalist" at MSDNC makes an appearance.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 01:10 PM (UOM48)

240 Liquor in the front Poker in the rear

Posted by: Sign on Door of Isolated Beach House at January 22, 2013 01:10 PM (jucos)

241 Barack and Michelle Obama in...

CALIGULA II: ELECTRIC HONOLULU

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at January 22, 2013 01:10 PM (xz0nG)

242 I assume they'll get LiLo for the movie version.

Posted by: Roy at January 22, 2013 01:11 PM (VndSC)

243 238 Will Helen Thomas be a character?

Posted by: Aaron at January 22, 2013 05:10 PM (Tlix5)

Fluffer.

Posted by: tubal at January 22, 2013 01:11 PM (BoE3Z)

244 Ace, there are some lines even you should not cross

Posted by: Nevergiveup at January 22, 2013 01:11 PM (9Bj8R)

245 "Go on, boy!!", she cooed. "Shake your moneytaker!!!!!"

Posted by: The Mega Independent[/i] at January 22, 2013 01:11 PM (46pA5)

246 Michele whispered softly to Barack that she wanted to make another baby. Barack gently stroked her hair and told her not to move as he rushed to the kitchen for the turkey baster.

Posted by: polynikes at January 22, 2013 01:11 PM (m2CN7)

247 Sasquatch does Maui

Posted by: grease monkey at January 22, 2013 01:11 PM (VSWPU)

248 You people are insane.

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 05:08 PM (41VCE)

Oh no! This is your handiwork. You stay right here until everyone has blown their wad and nothing more comes of this thread.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at January 22, 2013 01:11 PM (GsoHv)

249 Michelle cooed,  "Barry please, take of your ring. It hurts me."

Barry, "Ring hell baby. That's my wristwatch."

Posted by: Bruce at January 22, 2013 01:12 PM (oZrAv)

250
this thing was written out of affection for the Obamas, not a desire to objectify and demean them.










Well shit, that isn't any fun.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at January 22, 2013 01:12 PM (TIIx5)

251 The former ballerina strode haughtily toward the President, who lay quivering in anticipation, his thin, expressive wrists tighty lashed to the bed frame with the ribbons on Rahm's ballet slippers. "I'll do it, Barry," Rahm purred into Obama's ear. "But first, you have to tell me what you want me to do. And it better be what I want to hear." A tear trickled down Obama's cheek. Was it fear? Was t happiness? Possibly it was both as he whispered, "Fuck me, Tiny Dancer. Fuck me like I fucked America." "Incorrect, Barry!" Rahm shouted, leaping to a bound steamer trunk, bending deep with a plié and throwing open the lid. Out crawled Jim Messina wearing nothing but a creepy smile, a throbbing erection, and a heavy coating of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at January 22, 2013 01:12 PM (mOyDx)

252 Scoby Doo II: Withers Strikes Back

Posted by: toby928© for TB at January 22, 2013 01:12 PM (evdj2)

253 I assume they'll get LiLo for the movie version. Disney will insist on no scenes with Stitch. So, presumably, will Stitch.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, scrounging extra strength brain bleach at January 22, 2013 01:13 PM (GBXon)

254 What? No targ? http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Targ

Posted by: Inspector Asshole at January 22, 2013 01:13 PM (LfAFA)

255 You had your shot, Barry.

Now it's time for mama to plug a hole.

Posted by: M'chelle O. at January 22, 2013 01:13 PM (K8Oz6)

256 Oh no! This is your handiwork. You stay right here until everyone has blown their wad and nothing more comes of this thread. Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at January 22, 2013 05:11 PM (GsoHv) Oh that's gross. You've gone too far.

Posted by: BCochran1981 at January 22, 2013 01:13 PM (GEICT)

257 Michelle had never seen these secret service men before. What was concerning to her was that they were dressed like Chippendales dancers. Barry assured her that this was his special Hawaiian detail. He then told her that she need to leave for a while as he and the men were going to work a some special security "drills"

Posted by: TheQuietMan at January 22, 2013 01:13 PM (1Jaio)

258 After the 1st couple were finished, they noticed a fat-fuck peering through the open window. "Hello Mr President", Chris Christie mumbled through his donut, whilst beating his 'cannoli' like it was sugar-free, "I want to thank you for all your lip service on hurricane Sandy and hooking me up with super-sexy Bruce Springsteen. You're the best!" He then waddled away into the sunset, his self respect long since gone.

~ FIN ~

Posted by: Dr Spank at January 22, 2013 01:13 PM (w+Dvf)

259 this thing was written out of affection for the Obamas, not a desire to objectify and demean them.

We can fix that.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at January 22, 2013 01:13 PM (ZKzrr)

260 Fluffer.

Posted by: tubal at January 22, 2013 05:11 PM (BoE3Z)

Just imagine that red lipstick smeared all over.....

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at January 22, 2013 01:13 PM (GsoHv)

261 EoJ for the damned win.

You actually write pron on the side, don't you?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 01:13 PM (UOM48)

262 Instead of the Boob Belt, will she wear a Boob Lei?

Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 22, 2013 01:13 PM (YgF3N)

263 Seriously-Why would anyone with "affection" for the Obama's write an erotic novel about them?

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at January 22, 2013 01:14 PM (+qMCO)

264 You people are insane.

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 05:08 PM (41VCE)

Oh no! This is your handiwork. You stay right here until everyone has blown their wad and nothing more comes of this thread.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at January 22, 2013 05:11 PM (GsoHv)








Someone remind me, what's the AoS record for the number of comments on a thread?

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at January 22, 2013 01:14 PM (TIIx5)

265 instead of a funky base for the soundtrack it will be klingon opera.

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 01:14 PM (41VCE)

266 Posted by: TheQuietMan at January 22, 2013 05:13 PM (1Jaio)

Lovely. I have tears in my eyes.

Posted by: The Mega Independent[/i] at January 22, 2013 01:14 PM (46pA5)

267 "Michelle struggled with the straps, growling bearishly while trying to pull them around the girth of her enormous thighs.  Already exhausted, Barry could only watch in horror as he realized that the bobbing rubber appliance had nearly the same diameter as his forearm."

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at January 22, 2013 01:15 PM (QKKT0)

268 Someone remind me, what's the AoS record for the number of comments on a thread? We're not even close to the high for today...

Posted by: Brother Cavil, scrounging extra strength brain bleach at January 22, 2013 01:15 PM (GBXon)

269 Posted by: BCochran1981 at January 22, 2013 05:13 PM (GEICT)

Me?

Not a chance. This was vile from the beginning. I blame gigg.

Burn her (or him...I don't know)!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at January 22, 2013 01:15 PM (GsoHv)

270 I'll have that Man Butter Shake now.

Posted by: Barry Soetero at January 22, 2013 01:15 PM (jucos)

271 260 Fluffer.

Posted by: tubal at January 22, 2013 05:11 PM (BoE3Z)

Just imagine that red lipstick smeared all over.....

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at January 22, 2013 05:13 PM (GsoHv)

I'm imagine you are too young but - Miss Y-vonne in Pee Wee's Playhouse.......

Posted by: tubal at January 22, 2013 01:15 PM (BoE3Z)

272 "Is is ready?" "Oh, it's ready." Get it out and put it right here in front of me." "As you wish, m'lady." "Oh, it's so huge! God that's so hot!" "I'm glad you approve, lady love." "Now give me the taco sauce and get the fuck out."

Posted by: Opus An Arcus at January 22, 2013 01:15 PM (b+F9k)

273 So, you like to read erotic fan fiction involving the president, his wife and others. Can you tell me why you find this appealing?

/all doctors stare intently at their note pads, while mentally figuring out the cost per square foot of their new mansion made of solid gold, financed by the psychosis of liberal America.

Posted by: Drs. Freud, Jung and Adler at January 22, 2013 01:15 PM (z63Tr)

274 It wasn't consensual. As God is my witness, it was NOT consensual.

Posted by: The Chicken at January 22, 2013 01:15 PM (RD7QR)

275 And snuff film cannot be legal.

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 01:15 PM (41VCE)

276 Posted by: IllTemperedCur at January 22, 2013 05:14 PM (TIIx5)

I've seen several over 1,000, and I'll bet there are a few floating around with close to double that.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at January 22, 2013 01:16 PM (GsoHv)

277 Seriously-Why would anyone with "affection" for the Obama's write an erotic novel about them?

Probably started as a Kos spank diary, then they realized they could monetize it.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at January 22, 2013 01:16 PM (ZKzrr)

278

When I first read the post I was gonna hurl. Then I started reading the comments and I'm crying....shitlocker...lord help me I laughed so hard.

Posted by: Bosk at January 22, 2013 01:17 PM (n2K+4)

279 Someone remind me, what's the AoS record for the number of comments on a thread?

We're not even close to the high for today...

Posted by: Brother Cavil, scrounging extra strength brain bleach at January 22, 2013 05:15 PM (GBXon)






Oh, I know. Some of the old banhammer threads got up into the thousands, like 4-5 thousand comments if I remember correctly.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at January 22, 2013 01:17 PM (TIIx5)

280
Hey, no spoilers.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at January 22, 2013 01:17 PM (p/cQy)

281 277 Seriously-Why would anyone with "affection" for the Obama's write an erotic novel about them?

Probably started as a Kos spank diary, then they realized they could monetize it.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at January 22, 2013 05:16 PM (ZKzrr)

Yes, and we weaponized it.

Posted by: tubal at January 22, 2013 01:17 PM (BoE3Z)

282 After reading all the comments....finishing with EoJ, my abs feel like I just finished a PX90 workout. You guys are killing me.

Posted by: Sean Bannion at January 22, 2013 01:17 PM (Hm1zY)

283 Oh no! This is your handiwork. You stay right here until everyone has blown their wad and nothing more comes of on this thread. FIFY.

Posted by: rickb223 at January 22, 2013 01:17 PM (jZpAK)

284 Well I have to make the long drive home and enjoy some BBQ. Ill check back in later. But oh god thanks for the laughs!!!!!

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 01:17 PM (41VCE)

285 Barry told Michelle that he wanted to make love to the person he loved the most. Excitedly they both removed their clothes and Michelle advanced towards him. He scolded her that she was getting in his way of the mirror as he proceeded to pleasure himself

Posted by: TheQuietMan at January 22, 2013 01:18 PM (1Jaio)

286 The Goddess Pele makes an appearance.  She becomes so aroused watching the erotic antics on Kailua, she spews lava and completely destroys the Big Island.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 01:18 PM (UOM48)

287 Yes, and we weaponized it. Posted by: tubal at January 22, 2013 05:17 PM (BoE3Z) LOL I could do this all day.

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 01:18 PM (41VCE)

288 Barry and Michelle stared longingly at the cabana boys across the bedroom. "It's time to settle this. Who can take more. Are we going ass or mouth?" "Why choose?"

Posted by: BCochran1981 at January 22, 2013 01:18 PM (GEICT)

289

 

Related: Kim Kardashian said, "I'd die if I had kids."

___   ____    ___   ___  ____   __

 

My first thought was, "You think that's bad, what about the kids?"

Posted by: Meremortal, time to slutdrop the GOPe at January 22, 2013 01:19 PM (1Y+hH)

290 Is it racist to say "video straight to National Geographic?"

Posted by: © Sponge at January 22, 2013 01:19 PM (xmcEQ)

291 Anyone else want a shot at scraping the barnacles off of Whorf's shanks?

Posted by: Barry Soetero at January 22, 2013 01:19 PM (jucos)

292

The Obamas in Blue Hawaii.

 

. . . she came so  hard that the volcanists monitoring the seismic readouts thought Kilauea was letting go with a massive eruption. ...

Posted by: Count de Monet at January 22, 2013 01:19 PM (BAS5M)

293 Hey, no spoilers. The only thing spoiled here is my appetite. And my ability to not come off as an utter lunatic to my coworkers.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, scrounging extra strength brain bleach at January 22, 2013 01:19 PM (GBXon)

294 Just the rumor of these grotesque infidels fornicating could raise al Mahdi from the motherfucking well I tell you.

Posted by: achtungdinnerjackoff at January 22, 2013 01:20 PM (aZ6ew)

295

Here's the movie poster for The Punahou Downlow:  http://bit.ly/141UY89

 

Posted by: Chrissy Matthews, feverishly typing at January 22, 2013 01:20 PM (tQHzJ)

296 How about a permanent banning and maybe the Moron equivalent of a fatwa?

How about a weekend in the barrel?

Posted by: OregonMuse at January 22, 2013 01:20 PM (9GaPd)

297 Related: Kim Kardashian said, "I'd die if I had kids."

And she reneged.  They always renege.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at January 22, 2013 01:20 PM (ZKzrr)

298

251 The former ballerina strode haughtily toward the President...

 

----------

 

Hmm. There's a character in the 10th Lemony Snickets book that would fit right in here. She's a tap-dancing fairy princess ballerina veterinarian.

 

Posted by: Citizen Anachronda at January 22, 2013 01:20 PM (NmR1a)

299 295 Here's the movie poster for The Punahou Downlow: http://bit.ly/141UY89




Gaaaaahhh!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 01:21 PM (UOM48)

300

This is disturbing on so many levels, but I just have to remind myself it's going to be a loooooonnng four years.

 

We will all have this to chuckle about in the camps,  there's that........

Posted by: Redaer C.J. Burch writes..... at January 22, 2013 01:22 PM (RFeQD)

301

Stitch, the guesthouse cat.

 

...was quite disappointed after trying unsuccessfully to find Barry's balls to knead upon.

Posted by: wth at January 22, 2013 01:22 PM (wAQA5)

302

At last!  Al Roker - approved toilet reading material.

Posted by: Jaws at January 22, 2013 01:22 PM (4I3Uo)

303 That look was unmistakable. Barry knew what he had to do.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow," Barry cried. "My tee time is at 6."

Posted by: Fritz at January 22, 2013 01:22 PM (w3+gB)

304 gigg, fifty years in the barrel for this.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at January 22, 2013 01:22 PM (PuTIo)

305 I hope that Machines for Sale doesn't show up on this thread.

Posted by: Jinx the Cat at January 22, 2013 01:23 PM (l3vZN)

306 Baracks flaccid member was a reminder to Michele that dressing up as Mandingo no longer excited her husband as in the past.  His tastes ran more toward Islamic Imans and small boys these days.  Michele knew how difficult it was to convince Rahm to dress as a young boy but it had to be done.  For the sake of the Country.

Posted by: polynikes at January 22, 2013 01:23 PM (m2CN7)

307 "You didn't f%@# that. Someone else did."

Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 22, 2013 01:23 PM (YgF3N)

308 Valerie Jarrett joins the couple in the final chapter, along with everyone at CNN.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 01:23 PM (UOM48)

309 And she reneged. They always renege.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at January 22, 2013 05:20 PM (ZKzrr)

 

__ ___  __  ___  ___   ___  ___   ___   __

 

Hey, watch how  you pronounce that.

Posted by: Meremortal, time to slutdrop the GOPe at January 22, 2013 01:23 PM (1Y+hH)

310 Fifty Shades of Gagging

Posted by: redc1c4 at January 22, 2013 01:23 PM (8MasJ)

311 Foolishly I followed the link at 295, not having a damn clue what it meant.


I am going to sue for mental anguish.

Posted by: Kinley Ardal at January 22, 2013 01:23 PM (rkXvB)

312 Coming soon, "The President and His Wife" series of uber erotic and exotic videos that explore the sensuous adventures of an "African American" president and his first lady.....played by the body doubles of "Barack" and "Michelle."

You'll have to see it to believe it. Better than the real thing! Pre-order now on our website, and receive a free inauguration 2013 commemorative cum towel!

Posted by: Vivid Video at January 22, 2013 01:23 PM (z63Tr)

313 Here's the movie poster for The Punahou Downlow What is once seen, can never be unseen. Beware.

Posted by: toby928© for TB at January 22, 2013 01:23 PM (evdj2)

314 307 "You didn't f%@# that. Someone else did."

Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 22, 2013 05:23 PM (YgF3N)


WINNER!

Posted by: Kinley Ardal at January 22, 2013 01:24 PM (rkXvB)

315 299 295
Here's the movie poster for The Punahou Downlow: http://bit.ly/141UY89




Gaaaaahhh!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 05:21 PM (UOM4

Holy shit. Who made that poor little kid do that to the hippo?

Posted by: tubal at January 22, 2013 01:24 PM (BoE3Z)

316 Seen the pro-abortion "Happy 40th Anniversary, Baby" TV spot, with the Barry White back-beat, the roses and the mack daddy sweet talk? I though it was only creepy until the sonofabitch laughed liked Baron Samedi. That reminded me, who was that actor, dancer? You, know, "Un-Cola nuts, they grow here too"?

I went and looked it up, not trusting memory. His name was Geoffrey Holder.

Posted by: comatus at January 22, 2013 01:24 PM (qaVK+)

317 302 At last! Al Roker - approved toilet reading material. Depends™.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 22, 2013 01:24 PM (YgF3N)

318

"deepest and most forbidden desires.”

 

I thought it was a poli-sci novel.

Posted by: Zombie David Carradine at January 22, 2013 01:24 PM (sHqf1)

319 How about a permanent banning and maybe the Moron equivalent of a fatwa? How about a weekend in the barrel? How about a weekend with teh JEF & Worf in the cabana?

Posted by: rickb223 at January 22, 2013 01:25 PM (jZpAK)

320 Michelle & Barack's Anal Play
This is a really big fucking deal, ya know!

Posted by: Joe Biden's Dead Flacid Unit at January 22, 2013 01:25 PM (GrtrJ)

321 Isn't that just like a progressive, there's no consideration of the daughters.

Posted by: blech at January 22, 2013 01:25 PM (I88Jc)

322 Hey Chris what color lipstick are you wearing to Barry's Rainbow party tonight? I would hate to wear the same shade and not get credit.

Posted by: Chuck Todd at January 22, 2013 01:25 PM (81UWZ)

323 316 Seen the pro-abortion "Happy 40th Anniversary, Baby" TV spot, with the
Barry White back-beat, the roses and the mack daddy sweet talk?



I just saw that on The Five.  No fucking words.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 01:26 PM (UOM48)

324 Barry remarked to Michelle that looking into her eyes was like looking at those giant Easter Island heads.  He then took out a copy of Blue Boy and took care of business.

Posted by: polynikes at January 22, 2013 01:26 PM (m2CN7)

325 How about a weekend with teh JEF & Worf in the cabana? HEY!

Posted by: The Eighth Amendment at January 22, 2013 01:26 PM (evdj2)

326

As Baraka entered Mooie's bedroom, he turned on the light and a chill colder than Nancy Pelosi's stare ran down his spine.

 

"Wha....wha....what's that"? 

 

Mooie,  smug in her knowing that she just put the ultimate fear into the heart of the most powerful man on earth, cooed gently, "Don't worry.  No one will hear you scream".

Posted by: Soona at January 22, 2013 01:26 PM (N2KVu)

327 Someone remind me, what's the AoS record for the number of comments on a thread? We're not even close to the high for today... Posted by: Brother Cavil, scrounging extra strength brain bleach at January 22, 2013 05:15 PM (GBXon) Do you like albums?

Posted by: CAC at January 22, 2013 01:26 PM (SE7HH)

328 Fifty Shades of Gagging Crimson, purple, blue, green...

Posted by: rickb223 at January 22, 2013 01:26 PM (jZpAK)

329 Michelle Barack's Anal Play

Let's Move!™

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at January 22, 2013 01:26 PM (ZKzrr)

330 "It's like -- it was like Special Olympics, or something."

Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 22, 2013 01:27 PM (YgF3N)

331 God I love you lunatics.

I only wish I ever read/watched porn so I could contribute; nonetheless, this is the best I've laughed since the "re-election."

Posted by: angienc at January 22, 2013 01:27 PM (w3JGl)

332 Isn't that just like a progressive, there's no consideration of the daughters.

If it sells, there will be a sequel.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at January 22, 2013 01:27 PM (ZKzrr)

333 Do you like albums?

Posted by: CAC at January 22, 2013 05:26 PM (SE7HH)

 

___  ___  ___   ___  ___    ___  ___   __

 

AIEEEEEEE!!!

 

 

*runs*

Posted by: Meremortal, time to slutdrop the GOPe at January 22, 2013 01:27 PM (1Y+hH)

334 EoJ do you need an agent? because you need to quit whatever it is you do during the day and write porn.

These erotic novels are selling for $35 paperback. ebook  $17.95

Posted by: Long Island at January 22, 2013 01:28 PM (hl8SI)

335 :::261 EoJ for the damned win. You actually write pron on the side, don't you? Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 05:13 PM (UOM4 ::: Shh... we're getting to my favorite part. Harry Reid pounded himself into the First Lady from behind. Her cries of passion excited him. He knew he was hurting her, but he didn't care. The louder they screamed, the more they liked it, he knew. And the more they liked it, the more he gave them what they deserved. And they deserved it. They ALL deserved it and there were any number of ladies in Searchlight, Nevada, who could testify to that fact, if dead hookers in shallow desert graves could talk. "Aahhhh! I'm getting ready to come! Take it, you bitch! Take it A-!" At the very moment of his climax, Michelle Obama twisted her torso around, unhinging her jaw, and clamped her teeth over Harry's skull. She closed her jaws with a snap, severing his head from just above the jawline, feeling a loud crunch as his skull burst inside her mouth, his body still pumping into her fetid squatch as his infertile old man balls spat a last dusty "IOU" into the cavern of her alien womb.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at January 22, 2013 01:29 PM (mOyDx)

336 35 It might be worth the read if it ends with some volcano sacrifice.

I'd settle for Mooch going full praying mantis on him.

Posted by: pep at January 22, 2013 01:29 PM (6TB1Z)

337 Barry moved mincingly toward Michelle, showing off his manhood.  Suddenly, from the patio door, the cabana boy brought her order of tamales. 

All thoughts of Barry were forgotten, as she devoured them.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 01:29 PM (UOM48)

338
To bad it wasn't in ancient Rome.
Glad-He-Ate-Her would have been a great title.
*ducks*

Posted by: YIKES! at January 22, 2013 01:29 PM (mETGQ)

339 Fifty Shades of Gagging

Posted by: redc1c4 at January 22, 2013 05:23 PM (8MasJ)

 

I couldn't gag a mouse with my...oh, you mean when Michelle makes me deepthroat her small, 14" dildo?

Posted by: tetelestai's gloryhole supervisor at January 22, 2013 01:29 PM (ggRof)

340 He wants to spread the wealth around. And by "wealth" I mean Crisco.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 22, 2013 01:29 PM (YgF3N)

341 Man, talk about bad timing.

Posted by: pep at January 22, 2013 01:29 PM (6TB1Z)

342 I hate you right now Mr. Ace.

Posted by: dogfish at January 22, 2013 01:30 PM (lwKmZ)

343 Posted by: Empire of Jeff at January 22, 2013 05:29 PM (mOyDx) You are one very disturbed individual. Funny as all hell, but very disturbed.

Posted by: BCochran1981 at January 22, 2013 01:31 PM (GEICT)

344 ..his body still pumping into her fetid squatch as his infertile old man balls spat a last dusty "IOU" into the cavern of her alien womb. I am without speech.

Posted by: toby928© for TB at January 22, 2013 01:31 PM (evdj2)

345 As they settled in for the night atop the luxury hotel in their penthouse suite, Barack cooed in his most seductive voice "I want to make tonight special.  But it's kinda kinky.", he said with a sly wink.

"I don't know Barry, we have a reputation to keep".

"Honey, I'm the President.  We can do anything we want, and nobody- not the law, not the media- nobody will touch me.  It'll make me the happiest man alive if you'll fulfill my deepest, darkest fantasy.  Just this once."

"Well, OK, but just this once.  Are the kids asleep?"

"Soundly.  Now come with me out here on the balcony.  Isn't the view spectacular?", his speech noticeably stumbling as with the incident resulting in his teleprompter guy being terminated.

"Why yes, Barry.  Now tell me.  How I can make you the happiest man on Earth.  You deserve it."

Leaning in slow and close, Barack pulled her tight, firmly grasping her by the Vera Wang belt she still wore to dinner.  Summoning all his manhood, he heaved her over the edge, not waiting for her to complete the twenty story fall before closing the sliding door behind him.

"Is it done?  I'm sorry it had to come to this, Barry.  You know it's the only way we could finally live the lives we always dreamed of, but it must have been difficult."

"Not at all, Reggie.  Now give it to me hard.  Make it hurt.  I've been a very bad boy..."

THE END


Posted by: Hollowpoint at January 22, 2013 01:31 PM (SY2Kh)

346 "You're f%$#able enough, Hillary."

Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 22, 2013 01:31 PM (YgF3N)

347 "Come here, Michelle," Barack demanded.  "I'm going to fuck you as hard as I fuck John Boehner."

Posted by: WalrusRex at January 22, 2013 01:31 PM (Hx5uv)

348 $64,000 question: is Obama secretly a fan of Bush?

Posted by: Aaron at January 22, 2013 01:31 PM (Tlix5)

349 Posted by: Empire of Jeff at January 22, 2013 05:29 PM (mOyDx



You made me scare the cat.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 22, 2013 01:31 PM (UOM48)

350 Man, talk about bad timing.

Posted by: pep at January 22, 2013 05:29 PM (6TB1Z)

 

I actually thought it was good timing.

Posted by: polynikes at January 22, 2013 01:31 PM (m2CN7)

351

Michelle, what you have between your legs is the only thing big enough to get me off.

Posted by: Sandra Fluke at January 22, 2013 01:32 PM (5iuEW)

352 Fifty Shades of Gagging
Posted by: redc1c4 at January 22, 2013 05:23 PM (8MasJ)

I couldn't gag a mouse with my...oh, you mean when Michelle makes me deepthroat her smallest, 14" dildo?

Posted by: Barack Hussein Obama at January 22, 2013 01:32 PM (ggRof)

353 Why can't I just eat my twatwaffle?

Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 22, 2013 01:32 PM (YgF3N)

354 Come on, ace! If you had thought of this first, you could have made a couple of millions on the ebook alone. I'm not joking, either.

Posted by: Waldo Truth at January 22, 2013 01:33 PM (6RELs)

355 Michelle, Barry, Rosanne, Oprah... The couplings are limitless...

Posted by: Waldo Truth at January 22, 2013 01:34 PM (6RELs)

356 You made me scare the cat. Stellan says that in Chapter 2

Posted by: Sean Bannion at January 22, 2013 01:34 PM (Hm1zY)

357 It looks like this publisher sells personalized novels.  When you click for a preview, they ask you to pick names for the protagonists, specify their hometowns, etc.  This novel could be made to feature the Obamas, the Palins, or anybody else up to Barbara Walters and Chris Matthews.  I think whatsisname at NRO has been had.

Posted by: Scott at January 22, 2013 01:35 PM (S4p94)

358

353Why can't I just eat my twatwaffle?

 

Now that's funny.

Posted by: Armando at January 22, 2013 01:35 PM (5iuEW)

359

$64,000 question: is Obama secretly a fan of Bush?

 

_______    _____  ____  ____ 

___  ___  ___  ___

 

Gitmo: Kept it open.

Afghanistan: Escalated, more casualties than Bush

Oil prices: Higher than Bush

Drone attacks: More than Bush

Obamacare: Much bigger than Bush's prescription benefit.

---  ----  ----    ----  ----

 

Hell, in some ways he's the super-duper-Bush 2.0.

Posted by: Meremortal, time to slutdrop the GOPe at January 22, 2013 01:35 PM (1Y+hH)

360 Obama to the Gardener: You didn't hit that

Posted by: Ed Jones at January 22, 2013 01:35 PM (fnZ5z)

361 I am without speech.

Posted by: toby928© for TB at January 22, 2013 05:31 PM (evdj2)

 

__  ___ _ ___     ____ 

 

 

I am without lunch.

Posted by: Meremortal, time to slutdrop the GOPe at January 22, 2013 01:36 PM (1Y+hH)

362
So all these free shit governments are hot-to-trot to fork over even more of others people's money.

Posted by: YIKES! at January 22, 2013 01:36 PM (mETGQ)

363 Gaggggg me with a spoon!

Posted by: LaughingOutLoud! at January 22, 2013 01:36 PM (jfpNK)

364 The publisher acted stupidly.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 22, 2013 01:36 PM (YgF3N)

365 From paperback to the big screen:

The Obamas in:

Z E R O ' S
D A R K
D I R T Y

Posted by: angler at January 22, 2013 01:37 PM (SwjAj)

366 360 Obama to the Gardener: You didn't hit that Posted by: Ed Jones at January 22, 2013 05:35 PM (fnZ5z) Gardener to Obama: No, I didn't. But I'm about to hit you. Bend over boy.

Posted by: BCochran1981 at January 22, 2013 01:37 PM (GEICT)

367 Wrong thread.

Posted by: YIKES! at January 22, 2013 01:37 PM (mETGQ)

368 This novel could be made to feature the Obamas, the Palins, or anybody else up to Barbara Walters and Chris Matthews. I think whatsisname at NRO has been had. 1st Amendment FTW!

Posted by: rickb223 at January 22, 2013 01:38 PM (jZpAK)

369 Barry felt mesmerized by the stare Michelle was giving him from the bed.  It felt like his whole soul and manhood was being drawn by that enticing and titillating gaze. Her eyes promised so much and he willingly floated towards her.

Then the door to the boudoir was carelessly flung open to clatter against the pale white wall by the cabana boy.  Barry felt his connection with Michelle shatter in an instant.  Michelle's come hither gaze was now fixed rapaciously upon the cart being pushed by the cabana boy.

With a sibilant hiss Michelle speaks in a commanding voice, "Both of you go!"  And without another glance to Barry or the cabana boy, Michelle lifts the gleaming silver dome to reveal three freshly steamed lobsters.  With a low growl in the back of her throat, she starts to tear into one lobster without cracking the shell, the bowl of melted butter is forgotten.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at January 22, 2013 01:38 PM (PuTIo)

370 The Obamas in: Z E R O ' S D A R K D I R T Y Nice, oh yes.

Posted by: toby928© for TB at January 22, 2013 01:38 PM (evdj2)

371 Barry:  "Michelle, I'm going to hit that so hard they'll feel it in all 57 states."

Posted by: angler at January 22, 2013 01:38 PM (SwjAj)

372 Golden showers.  I predict lots of golden showers.

Posted by: kathysaysso at January 22, 2013 01:38 PM (6H6o8)

373 "Michelle loved the trips to the islands.  The image of sex and surf excited her as her mind replayed an endless loop out of From Here To Eternity, but without all the white people.  And the tropical locale allowed her to drop her usual insecurities.  Along the shoreline, she knew, everything smells like rotting fish."

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at January 22, 2013 01:40 PM (QKKT0)

374 Serious question, do you think the Secret Service posts a man at the foot of the Obama bed every night, to rescue Barry in the event Mooch accidentally rolls over and suffocates him?  I mean, their job is to protect POTUS from ALL threats, foreign and domestic.

Posted by: Mayday at January 22, 2013 01:40 PM (F3s39)

375 Barack Obama in:

Y O U 'D
T H I N K
S H E ' D
B E
S P A N K I N G
M E

Posted by: angler at January 22, 2013 01:40 PM (SwjAj)

376

Gitmo: Kept it open.

Barry likes keeping a lot of things open...

Posted by: Reggie Love at January 22, 2013 01:41 PM (5iuEW)

377 >>>Maybe then can convince Hildabeast to join in for a little flip-flop .... you know. Thats super hot for guys right? Two chicks? 2 Girls, 1 Cup, Part 2: The Squeakuel

Posted by: Dr. Varno at January 22, 2013 01:42 PM (YgF3N)

378 ...she slowly approached him, firmly grasping the pineapple sideways...

Posted by: Eurw at January 22, 2013 01:43 PM (PTsoq)

379 316 Seen the pro-abortion "Happy 40th Anniversary, Baby" TV spot, with the
Barry White back-beat, the roses and the mack daddy sweet talk? I though
it was only creepy until the sonofabitch laughed liked Baron Samedi.
That reminded me, who was that actor, dancer? You, know, "Un-Cola nuts,
they grow here too"?

I went and looked it up, not trusting memory. His name was Geoffrey Holder.

Posted by: comatus at January 22, 2013 05:24 PM (qaVK+)


My father called me up a little while ago, practically screaming about that commercial or whatever it is.  I feel that I should see it - just to bear witness to the depravity of this culture laid bare - but I fear the anger.


Dad said it was beyond gloating, couldn't make out everything he was saying, really.  My heart is filled with dread. -_-

Posted by: Kinley Ardal at January 22, 2013 01:44 PM (rkXvB)

380 I know far too many liberal geeks who are into political fanfiction, I have no clue why. They know better that to share it with me, but the ships they enjoy reading, OMG. . . For example: Mitt Romney + Rick Santorum, and the love that dare not speak its name. Fic of this exists. Liberals read it. You're welcome.

Posted by: LizLem at January 22, 2013 01:46 PM (8wqqE)

381 Why can't I just eat my twat blue waffle? Not the correction you need, but the correction you deserve.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, scrounging extra strength brain bleach at January 22, 2013 01:49 PM (GBXon)

382

This just in:

 

 

Sarkosky has agreed to be Phil Mickelson's caddy on the island they have just purchased along with a French actor with an unpronounceable name, who will do puppet shows for their amusement.

 

That is all.

Posted by: Meremortal, time to slutdrop the GOPe at January 22, 2013 01:50 PM (1Y+hH)

383 Jesus Christ. More sickening idol worship, this time porno-style.

Posted by: SFC MAC at January 22, 2013 01:50 PM (TLbgU)

384 Obama  Does Oahu

Posted by: Count de Monet at January 22, 2013 01:51 PM (BAS5M)

385

 

Behind the Blue Door.

 

 

Showing at an art theater near you.

Posted by: Meremortal, time to slutdrop the GOPe at January 22, 2013 01:51 PM (1Y+hH)

386 Anathema sit!

Posted by: philosoph0123 at January 22, 2013 01:52 PM (dZ8B2)

387 Michelle was accustomed to the 'first time' being disappointing. But her first time with the native son of an African statesman was gut-wrenching in his indifference. As if he realized her anatomy, where the source of her excitement lie, but still insisted upon venturing south of those borders. She wondered if he wished to pleasure her where he himself had been the recipient of so many bottomless hours of pleasure. Seemingly buried within her confines, she gave him token encouragement, born of a primordial need to pass her life spirit to another generation of life-long dependents. She felt a shadow pass across her womanhood. 'Is it in yet?' she moaned. 'Cause if it is, it feels so good.'

Posted by: Pron Righter [/i] at January 22, 2013 01:56 PM (feFL6)

388 Hey! Where are all the white women at?

Posted by: Unsuspecting African American Male at January 22, 2013 01:58 PM (fR83M)

389 These same people will be swooning when the life size statues and billboards go up in major cities. Idol worship: Here's an example of a Liberals's reaction to the inauguration: "What a great day, the tradition just gets me everytime ... that beautiful family, Obama getting out and walking during the parade .. he's made of tough stuff, IMHO ... laying the wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldiers .. classy, classy." I was a Democrat voter for 30 years; I never had the same over the top reaction when ANY Democrat did all the same stuff. You can bet that person didn't do that when Bush did his inaugural. stuff .

Posted by: AgainAustennovels at January 22, 2013 01:59 PM (+qMCO)

390 Just then, Helen Thomas broke the door to Barry and Michelle's bedroom. She leapt pnto the bed and pished Michelle off. Helen barked "Get off him, bitch! Momma needs a mustache ride!"

Posted by: Armando on the Armandophone at January 22, 2013 02:00 PM (gMxj6)

391 "Combing through Mooch's back hair, Barky picked and ate nearly three dozen lice before the hulking silverback awakened. Such stolen pleasures as these sustained him in his accustomed position of omega male in the band."

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at January 22, 2013 02:04 PM (Jcd0S)

392 What happens to the Stitch the cat?

Does Lolo teach Barry about that delicacy too?

Posted by: Long Island at January 22, 2013 02:05 PM (hl8SI)

393 they will play a significant role in the leading couple's search for the truth about the mystery and about themselves. --Heaven knows the fucking media won't investigate the mysteries about the Zeroes.

Posted by: logprof at January 22, 2013 02:09 PM (StDOM)

394 Holy moly this thread... I'm dying!

Posted by: fb at January 22, 2013 02:10 PM (JVEmw)

395 380 I know far too many liberal geeks who are into political fanfiction, I have no clue why. They know better that to share it with me, but the ships they enjoy reading, OMG. . .

For example: Mitt Romney + Rick Santorum, and the love that dare not speak its name. Fic of this exists. Liberals read it. You're welcome.

Posted by: LizLem at January 22, 2013 05:46 PM (8wqqE)

Seriously? Really? We are fucked but sadly there will not be any erotic fanfic about this boning.

Posted by: Long Island at January 22, 2013 02:16 PM (hl8SI)

396 My God, what is wrong with some people?

Yes - I know what's wrong with the people here, I mean...other people.

Posted by: Mikey NTH at January 22, 2013 02:56 PM (gmoEG)

397 The camps are going to be worth the laughter. The laughter kept us from going insane on the long journey to get there. Thanks, morons.

Posted by: JDR-Taq at January 22, 2013 03:17 PM (e7KZr)

398 So, who's going to read this thing so the rest of us won't have to? There's got to be tons of unintentional comedy gold in there? Anyone?

Posted by: Max Entropy at January 22, 2013 03:18 PM (jSwNt)

399 I am just glad this ugly thread is behind us. I had to sit eating BBQ briscuit and all I could think of was how the thin strips of meat must look like wookie meat curtains.

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 03:35 PM (dDD3H)

400 So that's the smell wafting over Great Britain now...

Posted by: Joe Biden's Dead Flacid Unit at January 22, 2013 03:52 PM (GrtrJ)

401 Call it payback for Pussy face Morgan.

Posted by: gigg at January 22, 2013 03:54 PM (dDD3H)

402 "He could see her clitoris pulse through her jeans, swollen in its tumescence. His own smaller organ began stirring as well as he marveled at the breadth of her shoulders, this ...woman who had made him hers. His breath caught as he caught hers..."

Posted by: Sam in VA at January 22, 2013 04:32 PM (YCvRs)

403 I need this. And some fresh batteries.

Oh, goodness.....

Posted by: Mary Cloggenstein from Brattleboro, Vermont at January 22, 2013 04:49 PM (604CD)

404 I just creamed my dirty sweatpants in a way I've never creamed them before!

Posted by: Gerg at January 22, 2013 05:22 PM (IDypm)

405 I just threw up in my mouth. Ugh

Posted by: Oldcrow at January 22, 2013 05:35 PM (7LL7t)

406 Rio Bravo @ 128-
No respectable dachshund would go down that nasty hole. Even for a meatball, much less a gerbil.

Posted by: EROWMER at January 22, 2013 07:18 PM (kxlCQ)

407 I saw some Obama/Rahm slash on the web about a year ago. I think Biden was in it too. I just googled for obama slash and that turned up. Lots of stuff you only have to search for.

Posted by: 5ftflirt at January 22, 2013 08:08 PM (4084w)

408 Mein Gott. I laughed, I cried, I puked my guts up.

Posted by: LC Lobo at January 22, 2013 08:52 PM (BqjXz)

409 Giggity!

Posted by: furious_a at January 23, 2013 08:23 PM (8lw4l)

410 *runs puking violently* [also my Injun Name]

Posted by: Wimpy Boner at January 24, 2013 06:55 PM (l1oyw)

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