October 17, 2013

Contract to Produce Nonfunctioning ObamaCare Website Tripled in Cost to $292 Million
— Ace

Old joke.

Penguin walks into a bar. Orders a highball. I know no one orders highballs anymore except for Elderly Hookers but this is an old joke so he orders a highball.

The bartender thinks, "Hey, this is Penguin, he probably doesn't know anything about how much things cost. So I'll charge him a lot for the highball."

Please stop questioning the highball part of the joke. You're ruining everything.

So the bartender says, "That'll be six dollars."

See, this is an old joke, so "six dollars" is an exorbitant price for the highball, in the timeframe we're talking about here. In inflation-adjusted dollars, in today's prices, the bartender would have asked for forty dollars. So when I say "six dollars," think forty.

And when I say "highball," think Red Bull & Vodka.

So anyway, the penguin hands over its six (forty) dollars and drinks its highball (Red Bull & Vodka).

Now this joke is getting cumbersome and that's because all you've done is ankle-bite me all through it. If I could have your support for once, instead of your unceasing criticism, I could get to the point briefly for once!

I blame you.

So, after the Penguin pays the exorbitant bill and drinks his drink the bartender says, "You know, we don't get many Penguins in here."

And the Penguin says, "Well, at these prices, I can see why!"

See, that undermines the original premise of the joke that Penguins don't know how much things should cost. Furthermore, it suggests that the reason Penguins don't show up at the bar is not due to the obvious fact that Penguins don't talk and don't drink alcohol, but rather that Penguins don't show up because they're price-conscious.

So it's funny.

Here's what's not funny:


You paid for this. And now you're paying bonuses and overtime to fix it at crunch time. And you'll also be paying off SpryMedia for copyright violations.

A third of a billion dollars. For a website that doesn't even work.


Posted by: Ace at 11:39 AM | Comments (317)
Post contains 382 words, total size 3 kb.

1 Shocking. I may faint.

Posted by: Insomniac at October 17, 2013 11:42 AM (NEIxp)

2 top. men.

Posted by: Roy at October 17, 2013 11:42 AM (VndSC)

3 I will not be FOISTED upon the community of morons.

Posted by: NewEnglandDevil at October 17, 2013 11:42 AM (73P68)

4 And first! Heh.

Posted by: Insomniac at October 17, 2013 11:42 AM (NEIxp)

5 Just spreadin' it around, Ace.

Posted by: Barackhenaten I at October 17, 2013 11:42 AM (fpZfN)

6 Isn't Amanda Carpenter on Ted Cruz' staff. How long before the tolerant and loving libs issue death threats or out where she lives?

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 17, 2013 11:42 AM (a4Omg)

7 I guess I spent too much time reading the blog. Never read the blog.

Posted by: NewEnglandDevil at October 17, 2013 11:42 AM (73P68)

8 Now this joke is getting cumbersome and that's because all you've done is ankle-bite me all through it. If I could have your support for once, instead of your unceasing criticism, I could get to the point briefly for once! It's like my mother is telling this joke to my father. In 1978.

Posted by: imp at October 17, 2013 11:43 AM (L9AnB)

9 Now this joke is getting cumbersome and that's because all you've done is ankle-bite me all through it. If I could have your support for once, instead of your unceasing criticism, I could get to the point briefly for once!

*smoochies*
Thank you, Ace.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at October 17, 2013 11:43 AM (/kI1Q)

10 So... you get what you pay for?

Posted by: Clownf*cker at October 17, 2013 11:43 AM (XiVKO)

11 The site would work if they ran the servers using solar power.

Posted by: Roy at October 17, 2013 11:43 AM (VndSC)

12 The jokes on us.

Posted by: huerfano at October 17, 2013 11:43 AM (bAGA/)

13 We got high balled after we got low balled. And the media is gargling balls.

Posted by: We got high balled at October 17, 2013 11:44 AM (rCS6C)

14 That joke is a lot funnier when the penguin orders a whiskey sour.

Posted by: Roy at October 17, 2013 11:44 AM (VndSC)

15 Larf!

Posted by: Bosk at October 17, 2013 11:44 AM (n2K+4)

16 Should have made it an even billion.  Then could malfunction at three times the speed.

Posted by: irright at October 17, 2013 11:44 AM (pMGkg)

17 Ace, Your 'almost vacation' must have been refreshing! Your writing quality has gone ballistic. Cracked me up on this one.

Posted by: Name at October 17, 2013 11:45 AM (4zLy9)

18 6 Isn't Amanda Carpenter on Ted Cruz' staff. How long before the tolerant and loving libs issue death threats or out where she lives? Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 17, 2013 03:42 PM (a4Omg) They already did, two or three weeks ago. Something about hoping her children died or equally repugnant.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars [/i] [/b] [/s] at October 17, 2013 11:45 AM (8V7tx)

19 See, to build one that actually works they should have spent a couple billion.
Cheapskates! Republicans! Buuuuush! *shakes fist*      /sarc

Posted by: Lizzy at October 17, 2013 11:45 AM (JRmiD)

20 They had one of those bars at every place i was stationed

Posted by: oc joe at October 17, 2013 11:45 AM (V+Pei)

21

It cost 3 times what it was supposed to cost and doesn't work like it should?

 

Are you talking about the F-35 or any one of thousands of government programs?

Posted by: jwest at October 17, 2013 11:45 AM (u2a4R)

22

You should take that joke-telling bit on the road, Ace.

You'd clean up.   Shit, I'll bet T-Shirt sales alone would double, nay triple the income you are seeing from the HQ.

Posted by: garrett at October 17, 2013 11:45 AM (fpZfN)

23 They could've gotten a few interns to do it for some Cheetos and ramen, if it wasn't for that damn Republican scrutiny.

Posted by: Waterhouse at October 17, 2013 11:45 AM (YVx8A)

24 Sorry about all the interruptions during the joke, ace. So, penguins don't drink alcohol?

Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at October 17, 2013 11:46 AM (A0sHn)

25 Isn't Amanda Carpenter on Ted Cruz' staff. How long before the tolerant and loving libs issue death threats or out where she lives? Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 17, 2013 03:42 PM


The communications head of the Sacramento county DCCC already death-wished her children.

Posted by: huerfano at October 17, 2013 11:46 AM (bAGA/)

26 The joke was on me. I had to look up what a highball is to find out I've been drinking them for decades.

Posted by: NewEnglandDevil at October 17, 2013 11:46 AM (73P68)

27 It's just ice cream.

Posted by: The penguin at October 17, 2013 11:46 AM (pMGkg)

28 hell for 300 million I could have build a digitizer, taken a shit and phased it to code....

//Kevin Flynn

Posted by: sven10077 at October 17, 2013 11:46 AM (9jfyN)

29 But when you think about what the website was supposed to do it's a bargain!

Posted by: typical liberal at October 17, 2013 11:47 AM (nyxv/)

30 I'm confused Republican scrutiny caused CGI to write crappy code?

Posted by: Buzzsaw at October 17, 2013 11:47 AM (wrS2o)

31 This is why we shouldn't be reading blogs!

Posted by: Yip at October 17, 2013 11:47 AM (/jHWN)

32 But wait, wait.... lemme guess, even though we're out three times the money, we'll make it up in volume, right? Amirite?

Posted by: NewEnglandDevil at October 17, 2013 11:47 AM (73P68)

33 that's a lot of fucking highballs.

Posted by: dillhole12 at October 17, 2013 11:48 AM (uURnG)

34 What happened to the report that it was 635 million? Not that 300 isn't bad enough.

Posted by: Andrew at October 17, 2013 11:48 AM (VjlMj)

35 A duck walks into a bar. Barkeep asks, "What'll ya have?" Duck says, "Whiskey sour." Barkeep says, "That'll be three bucks." Duck says, "Put it on my bill."

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars [/i] [/b] [/s] at October 17, 2013 11:48 AM (dfx5L)

36 Didn't even get a lousy t-shirt, either.

Posted by: RoyalOil at October 17, 2013 11:48 AM (VjL9S)

37 Eat it, proles.

Posted by: eastvalleyphx at October 17, 2013 11:48 AM (mMkoO)

38 or, thats a lot of fucking penguin highballs

Posted by: dillhole12 at October 17, 2013 11:49 AM (uURnG)

39 The highball should make a comeback. Some cheap whiskey and ginger ale and you'll be drunk before you know it.

Posted by: AmishDude at October 17, 2013 11:49 AM (T0NGe)

40 I did see that about her Kids. Disgusting. I meant actual death threats or posting her address She said something bad about Obama's pet project. Heresy!!!

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 17, 2013 11:49 AM (a4Omg)

41 ObamaCare Website Tripled in Cost to $292 Million That's the great thing about open-source: it's free!

Posted by: t-bird at October 17, 2013 11:49 AM (FcR7P)

42 Like I always say: You have to spend your way out of a deficit.

Who wants more muffins?

Posted by: Joey Choo-Choo Biden at October 17, 2013 11:49 AM (JRmiD)

43 Didn't they have enough lickspittles at Google and Amazon to help take care of this crap?

This is the Uwe Boll administration.

Posted by: Clownf*cker at October 17, 2013 11:49 AM (l2max)

44 It's like the website version of Waterworld...

Posted by: wooga at October 17, 2013 11:49 AM (xTbjc)

45 34 Andrew at October 17, 2013 03:48 PM (VjlMj)

This is the bells and whistles website...

I am thinking the software that it feeds too is another 300 mill....


WHHEEEEE WHEEEE congrats America all of you paid a dollar for this fucktardery

Posted by: sven10077 at October 17, 2013 11:49 AM (9jfyN)

46 Didn't I hear 650million somewhere? Was that the total cost of the rollout not just the website?

Posted by: tsrblke, PhD(c) (No Really!) at October 17, 2013 11:50 AM (GaqMa)

47 Wikipedia tells me the Louisiana purchase cost $234M in today's dollars.

Posted by: 2549 at October 17, 2013 11:50 AM (eM5Yv)

48 Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at October 17, 2013 03:48 PM (dfx5L) I liked it!

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 17, 2013 11:50 AM (a4Omg)

49

Doesn't like a fucking aircraft carrier cost like a billion dollars? So, we spent 1/3 of a murderboat on this?

 

Jack just called and said at least I got some fucking beans.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 17, 2013 11:50 AM (t06LC)

50 congrats America all of you paid a dollar for this fucktardery I've never won the Lotto, either, but I feel it offers more value.

Posted by: t-bird at October 17, 2013 11:50 AM (FcR7P)

51 Shut up an eat your shit sandwich like you captors told you


me make good Mr Boss Ho Chi Min???

Posted by: John McCain at October 17, 2013 11:51 AM (Pr6hk)

52 It's not their money they are spending it's ours. "Other People's Money". I saw that movie

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 17, 2013 11:51 AM (1RQeV)

53

>>It's just ice cream.

.

.blew a Seal eh?

Posted by: Registered Voter at October 17, 2013 11:51 AM (BGFPo)

54 The Alaska purchase cost $116M in today's dollars.

Posted by: 2549 at October 17, 2013 11:52 AM (eM5Yv)

55 49 Doesn't like a fucking aircraft carrier cost like a billion dollars? So, we spent 1/3 of a murderboat on this? I got nothin'.

Posted by: John Maynard Keynes at October 17, 2013 11:52 AM (T0NGe)

56 Man, I could have made a non-working website for like 20 million dollars. I don't know the first thing about websites, but it would be a hell of a weekend in Vegas and we'd still have about the same to show for it. And maybe the clap.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 17, 2013 11:52 AM (t06LC)

57 (BTW- you told the joke wrong. See, if it was my wife telling it and I asked any question I get "forget it, I'm not telling you.")

Posted by: RoyalOil at October 17, 2013 11:52 AM (VjL9S)

58 Oh, I forgot.  Your brother borrowed the truck.

Posted by: Just the punchline at October 17, 2013 11:52 AM (AskuI)

59 Via Taranto, we learn from Brooke Alvarez that Facebook could solve this whole fascist need to control the populace cheaper than HHS can, and maybe even turn a profit while doing so: http://onion.com/1bZZYkr

Posted by: MTF at October 17, 2013 11:52 AM (qf2kI)

60
It's just ice cream.

Posted by: The penguin at October 17, 2013 03:46 PM (pMGkg)






I got more where that came from



Posted by: Happy Harp Seal at October 17, 2013 11:52 AM (TIIx5)

61 Doesn't like a fucking aircraft carrier cost like a billion dollars? Looks like around 4.5 to 6.2 billion, from the ever-trustworthy[/sarc] Wikipedia.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at October 17, 2013 11:52 AM (QF8uk)

62 50 t-bird at October 17, 2013 03:50 PM (FcR7P)

Nice Metaphor....


404 Care America's Lottery Ticket for Health Care

Posted by: sven10077 at October 17, 2013 11:52 AM (9jfyN)

63 You paid for this. And now you're paying bonuses and overtime to fix it at crunch time. And you'll also be paying off SpryMedia for copyright violations.

A third of a billion dollars. For a website that doesn't even work.

 

---

 

The spiraling bill seems to jive with what I mentioned in the previous thread about these guys buying a Customizable Off The Shelf system.

 

When you buy that system, you're generally at the mercy of the vendor for new development, maintenance, troubleshooting, configuration, and everything else.  Those kinds of contracts will make your head spin and you have little choice but to pay it if your in-house tech guys are unable to run it or develop for it for whatever reason.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at October 17, 2013 11:52 AM (/Crba)

64

Senior VP of Civilian Agencies at CGI Federal in charge of their, ahem, "Business Development," was college classmate of Michelle Obama and fellow member of Association of Black Princeton Alumni.

 

Hmmmmm....

 

At least the stuff that Halliburton did generally worked.

Posted by: The Regular Guy at October 17, 2013 11:53 AM (qHCyt)

65 Rhinoceros walks into a bar.

Kills the bartender.

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at October 17, 2013 11:53 AM (08zV/)

66 54 The Alaska purchase cost $116M in today's dollars. Posted by: 2549 at October 17, 2013 03:52 PM (eM5Yv) I'll bet it was that snowbilly Palin's fault.

Posted by: AmishDude at October 17, 2013 11:53 AM (T0NGe)

67 Wow, they must have really gone 'off-menu'

Posted by: Client #9 at October 17, 2013 11:53 AM (Pr6hk)

68 Welcome to the knee pad party, fellow Republicans...

Posted by: Shane at October 17, 2013 11:53 AM (3GuQx)

69 That joke is stoopid. Why is the penguin speaking English? I mean, if it's a penguin, wouldn't this be happening in Tierra del Fuego or those parts? And wouldn't it be a pisco sour? And wouldn't it be pesos instead of dollars?

Posted by: Margarita, designated ankle-biter at October 17, 2013 11:53 AM (dfYL9)

70 Highballs are big in Japan. Especially with Suntory whiskey. You can order them as easily as you'd order beer. Not awesome cuz they're using the cheaper Suntory whiskey but tasty none the less.

Posted by: John Boehner, SuperGenius at October 17, 2013 11:53 AM (0cMkb)

71 Doesn't like a fucking aircraft carrier cost like a billion dollars? Looks like around 4.5 to 6.2 billion, from the ever-trustworthy[/sarc] Wikipedia. Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at October 17, 2013 03:52 PM (QF8uk) But Aircraft Carriers Float and work. obamacare...not so much

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 17, 2013 11:53 AM (1RQeV)

72 So, we spent 1/3 of a murderboat on this? Yeah, but murderboats don't display the resplendent O-Care logo... yet.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars [/i] [/b] [/s] at October 17, 2013 11:53 AM (dfx5L)

73

"a website that doesn't work"

They need to fix this AND fast !!!

Posted by: United Identity Thieves of America at October 17, 2013 11:53 AM (wAQA5)

74 Doesn't like a fucking aircraft carrier cost like a billion dollars? Looks like around 4.5 to 6.2 billion, from the ever-trustworthy[/sarc] Wikipedia. Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at October 17, 2013 03:52 PM (QF8uk) But Aircraft Carriers Float and work. obamacare...not so much Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 17, 2013 03:53 PM (1RQeV) Well I take that back. obamacare does float, like a turd in the toilet

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 17, 2013 11:54 AM (1RQeV)

75

rectum???? damn near killed em!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: dillhole12 at October 17, 2013 11:54 AM (uURnG)

76 Thank god they're not taking over the internet porn industry.  I don't want to wait 3 years to masturbate to 3 year old porn.

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at October 17, 2013 11:54 AM (fvV0D)

77 @ 67 there goes a saying if your not at the meeting your on the menu..

Posted by: Shane at October 17, 2013 11:54 AM (3GuQx)

78

From the dead thread:

 

"And all the defund/delay theater did was make the Democrats announce what they would do to protect ObamaCare. Fastening ObamaCare tightly to them.

Someone was walking around Washington with a bomb strapped to their chest, but it wasn't the Republicans."

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Outrage Outlet is the Home of the Hostile Takeover at October 17, 2013 11:54 AM (hLRSq)

79 ITS JUST ICE CREAM

Posted by: Penguin at October 17, 2013 11:54 AM (3ZtZW)

80

What did the giraffe say when he walked into the bar?

 

"The highballs are on me!"

Posted by: rockmom at October 17, 2013 11:54 AM (aBlZ1)

81 "Isn't Amanda Carpenter on Ted Cruz' staff. How long before the tolerant and loving libs issue death threats or out where she lives?"

They already did.  That's how we heard of her.

Posted by: Shoot Me at October 17, 2013 11:54 AM (qiXMt)

82

@61

 

Well, that makes me feel a little better. Wait, nope still doesn't.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 17, 2013 11:54 AM (t06LC)

83 While we're picking nits: Hey Amanda - the contract tripled in "cost"; it didn't increase at all in "value."

Posted by: unknown at October 17, 2013 11:54 AM (UpdGw)

84

A third of a billion dollars. For a website that doesn't even work.

 

Your government atwerk.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at October 17, 2013 11:54 AM (0HooB)

85 @35 That actually happened in Palm Desert, sitting at an outdoor bar at the golf resort. All of a sudden this mallard duck strolls right up to the table. I look at my buddies and say, "Soooo...a duck walks into a bar..." Pretty damn funny at the time.

Posted by: chuckinseattle at October 17, 2013 11:54 AM (EZU5/)

86 A lion, a hippo, and a giraffe walk into a bar together.

The lion buys a round, then the hippo treats.

Finally the giraffe says, "Fellas, the high balls are on me".

I've always loved that one.

Posted by: MGCC at October 17, 2013 11:54 AM (Dxb1S)

87 Damn, not first with the giraffe joke.

Posted by: MGCC at October 17, 2013 11:55 AM (Dxb1S)

88 How many complete amateurs have created better websites for virtually no cost?

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at October 17, 2013 11:55 AM (fvV0D)

89 You know, I saw the guy from Ehealth on some news network a while ago. And if I understood him right he was claiming they offered to partner with at least one state (California I believe) and help set up the exchanges for their standard commission from the insurers. (This is all my interpretation of what I remember, so take it with a grain of salt.) What he clearly did say is whatever partnership was offered was turned down by California. And then he lambasted their horribly broken website. I laughed. Then I wept for the taxpayers in CA. (And elsewhere.)

Posted by: tsrblke, PhD(c) (No Really!) at October 17, 2013 11:55 AM (GaqMa)

90 6 Isn't Amanda Carpenter on Ted Cruz' staff. How long before the tolerant and loving libs issue death threats or out where she lives? Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 17, 2013 03:42 PM

Or the GOP and their Blame Cruz bunch

Posted by: kbdabear at October 17, 2013 11:55 AM (aTXUx)

91

This is the Uwe Boll administration.

 

---

 

That's an insult to Boll.  He's a shit director but a canny businessman.

 

He knows exactly what he's doing by buying cheap licenses, taking advantage of production credits and rebates, and then releasing a shit product which actually ends up being profitable.

 

It's like the SyFy channel if they raped a bunch of video game licenses instead of doing Sharknado 2 - The Quickening.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at October 17, 2013 11:55 AM (/Crba)

92 Fifty cents.

Posted by: Man in a hospital gown downing shots at October 17, 2013 11:55 AM (3ZtZW)

93 A little OT but still O-Care craziness...

Ok, so American Indians will have no co-pays.  Did we know this?  AND.. this article says there is no proof requirement to say you are indian.. like the Cherokee Senator.  So why wouldn't everyone claim indian anestry ?  Make the Gov't prove you're not. ( fr the Daily Caller )

http://bit.ly/16iOQHt

Posted by: Yip at October 17, 2013 11:55 AM (/jHWN)

94

@76

 

What's this about porn with 3yr olds in it?

Posted by: Hairy Reed at October 17, 2013 11:55 AM (t06LC)

95 So, after failing at stand-up comedy, you went right into blogging, Ace?  Or, were there other failed careers in between.

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at October 17, 2013 11:55 AM (f9c2L)

96 It is ok to over compensate a Minority controled firm, That's Law

Posted by: Shane at October 17, 2013 11:55 AM (3GuQx)

97 But Aircraft Carriers Float and work. obamacare...not so much>>

Not always

Posted by: The French at October 17, 2013 11:56 AM (wrS2o)

98 But they were using free open source code so...where'd the money go? Audit. Stat.

Posted by: Lauren at October 17, 2013 11:56 AM (ELdpj)

99

Explaining it sorta ruins it.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at October 17, 2013 11:56 AM (0HooB)

100 #87 I like your version too!  I once completely killed a well known corporate CEO with that joke.

Posted by: rockmom at October 17, 2013 11:56 AM (aBlZ1)

101 Well, that makes me feel a little better. Wait, nope still doesn't. Yes, be interesting to see an itemized list of where that money went.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at October 17, 2013 11:56 AM (QF8uk)

102 Man walks into a bar. Says ow.

Posted by: The penguin at October 17, 2013 11:56 AM (8GKDa)

103 But wait a frickin minute here.. $292 MILLION dollars for a frickin website??

Holy shit!

Wix.com will build you one for free!

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at October 17, 2013 11:56 AM (f9c2L)

104 A third of a billion dollars. For a website that doesn't even work.

There is no problem so great that government can't fuck it up worse.

Posted by: Shit Jefferson Said, vol. 83 at October 17, 2013 11:56 AM (hO9ad)

105

What!?    You    didn't     say    you    wanted    the   nickelfuckin'   thing    to    work.

 

Geez.      Bitch,     bitch,    bitch.  

Posted by: 1bulwetweft at October 17, 2013 11:57 AM (g+Cz1)

106 Senior VP of Civilian Agencies at CGI Federal in charge of their, ahem, "Business Development," was college classmate of Michelle Obama and fellow member of Association of Black Princeton Alumni. Posted by: The Regular Guy at October 17, 2013 03:53 PM (qHCyt) They seem to have a pretty lame Old Boys Network going on there. Seriously, no one noticed CGI's screw-ups until now? No Faithful Media Watchdogs were keeping an eye on this? I think our assumption (correct) that this was going to be a fustercluck prevented *some* people from watching as closely as they should have. And by "some people" I of course mean me.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith's Other Mobile[/i][/b][/s][/u] at October 17, 2013 11:57 AM (qyfb5)

107

>>>Explaining it sorta ruins it.

 

You hadda be there

Posted by: Man in a hospital gown downing shots at October 17, 2013 11:57 AM (3ZtZW)

108 A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey, we don't serve your kind in here." The mushroom says, "But I'm a fungi."

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at October 17, 2013 11:57 AM (7ObY1)

109 For a website that doesn't even work. From what I have heard from an associate of my wife, there is one part of the website that works --- after you log in, give them personal info and your email address, create an account, then leave without purchasing anything, you'll get an email the same day detailing the penalties if you don't purchase. There doesn't seem any good reason to ever go there.

Posted by: Schrödinger's cat [/i] at October 17, 2013 11:57 AM (U2UQk)

110 While we're picking nits: Hey Amanda - the contract tripled in "cost"; it didn't increase at all in "value." Posted by: unknown
.........
Well, it did to the contractor!

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at October 17, 2013 11:58 AM (f9c2L)

111 Obamacare... death by bunga-bunga

Posted by: Yip at October 17, 2013 11:58 AM (/jHWN)

112 Tripled in Cost, predictably... 175 "So they went on the cheap with campaign social media techs??" "went on the cheap" translates into paying multiple times for one project: spent the "highest bid" amount of tax funds first padding friends' pockets to do the work instead of hiring impeccable professionals in the first place, only in the second place, costing the same amount AGAIN hiring the professionals who might even charge more since the first screwballs messed up the works making repairs more complicated that initial installation. Posted by: panzernashorn at October 17, 2013 03:36 PM (MhA4j)

Posted by: panzernashorn at October 17, 2013 11:58 AM (MhA4j)

113 How many complete amateurs have created better websites for virtually no cost? Most amateurs only have to listen to the specifications of one idiot (themselves) rather than an administration full of them. Somewhere in that code, I know thereÂ’s a choo-choo.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at October 17, 2013 11:58 AM (QF8uk)

114

>>That joke is stoopid.
Why is the penguin speaking English?
I mean, if it's a penguin, wouldn't this be happening in Tierra del Fuego or those parts?
And wouldn't it be a pisco sour?
And wouldn't it be pesos instead of dollars?

.

.Actually most Penguin species live in equatorial waters and not near the
Antarctic.

Posted by: Registered Voter at October 17, 2013 11:58 AM (BGFPo)

115 If the penguin  listened to MR stomppy foot's advise and not listen or read those nasty right wingers he would never know that he was being screwed seven ways to Sunday.

Posted by: Bufalobob at October 17, 2013 11:58 AM (r8ENS)

116 /sock

Posted by: Bigby's Sock-Removing Hands at October 17, 2013 11:58 AM (3ZtZW)

117 Number 14!

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at October 17, 2013 11:58 AM (0HooB)

118

@21 Are you talking about the F-35 or any one of thousands of government programs?

------------

 

I have been informed that any complaints about the ever increasing cost of the F-35, and questions about how much the plane will ultimately cost, are merely deceitful distractive tactics by pro-F-22 individuals, and should be disregarded as the baseless accusations that they are!

 

On a more serious note...  (and yes, I have seen serious comments along the lines of what I just wrote in the preceeding paragraph)

 

Add the California high speed rail program to your list of ever more expensive government boondoggles.

 

Posted by: junior at October 17, 2013 11:59 AM (UWFpX)

119 Rockstar only spent $265 million making Grand Theft Auto 5. The whole damned thing. And it made $800 million on its opening day.

Posted by: Phelps at October 17, 2013 11:59 AM (1nFun)

120 I came to this blog because I heard it was full of insights, smart and funny

But what do I see? It's a Hate Blog that thinks Penguin jokes are funny

NO H8!!

Posted by: The Penguin at October 17, 2013 11:59 AM (aTXUx)

121 We put the "bam" in ObamaCare! -- CGI Motivational Slogan

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars [/i] [/b] [/s] at October 17, 2013 11:59 AM (L5yyj)

122 This is what happens when you have a fixed price contract run by incompetents who continually change the specs.

Posted by: Jinx the Cat at October 17, 2013 11:59 AM (l3vZN)

123 But what do I see? It's a Hate Blog that thinks Penguin jokes are funny Posted by: The Penguin at October 17, 2013 03:59 PM (aTXUx) Be glade youÂ’re not the chicken.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at October 17, 2013 12:00 PM (QF8uk)

124 A third of a billion dollars. For a website that doesn't even work.

Don't give pixy any ideas.

Posted by: Kevin in ABQ at October 17, 2013 12:00 PM (XrGnJ)

125 The SCOAMF isn't as bright as the penguin!

Posted by: CarolT at October 17, 2013 12:00 PM (TAP/5)

126 What's the ground speed of an intoxicated penguin?

Posted by: Waterhouse at October 17, 2013 12:00 PM (YVx8A)

127

-- CGI Motivational Slogan

 

Oh hey maybe p-shops of those stoopit motivational posters?

Posted by: Bigby's Sock-Removing Hands at October 17, 2013 12:01 PM (3ZtZW)

128 A democrat walks into a bar
motions to the bartender, I'll have what he's having ( pointing to a man at the bar )....  and put it on his tab..

Posted by: Yip at October 17, 2013 12:01 PM (/jHWN)

129 120 I came to this blog because I heard it was full of insights, smart and funny But what do I see? It's a Hate Blog that thinks Penguin jokes are funny See, thinking this blog was smart and funny was your first mistake. Just be glad you're not a toaster. Then you'd really be fucked.

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at October 17, 2013 12:01 PM (7ObY1)

130

I still want to know how they legally bypassed all the laws about Government contracts...

 

There was apparently no bidding process on this LARGE contract... it was single sourced from the outset... to a FOREIGN company.

Posted by: Romeo13 at October 17, 2013 12:01 PM (lZBBB)

131 Cumbersome... both 404-care, and Ace's attempt at clever soliloquy.

Get your ass to vacay-land, Ace... stat.

Posted by: CPT. Charles at October 17, 2013 12:01 PM (kfSXj)

132 I want to assure everyone that Ace's joke did not breach the debasement protocols of Penguin's for America.

Posted by: Penguin Local #319 at October 17, 2013 12:01 PM (3Mz5/)

133 I don't get it.

Posted by: Chris Matthews at October 17, 2013 12:01 PM (A1UEK)

134 113How many complete amateurs have created better websites for virtually no cost?

Most amateurs only have to listen to the specifications of one idiot (themselves) rather than an administration full of them.

--- And this would be a huge part of the problem.  Apparently they didn't get the final specs until maybe 2-3 months before rollout. Incredibly ill-defined projects with a lot of scope creep tend to be financial black holes.  And these idiots just fed about 1/5 of the US economy into one.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at October 17, 2013 12:01 PM (/Crba)

135 So, after failing at stand-up comedy, you went right into blogging, Ace? Or, were there other failed careers in between. Didn't he have a job investigating who sent threatening letters to his employers law firm?

Posted by: bonhomme at October 17, 2013 12:01 PM (sByIH)

136 120. A mobster-type criminal, he fancies himself a "gentleman of crime". http://tinyurl.com/779d833

Posted by: panzernashorn at October 17, 2013 12:02 PM (MhA4j)

137 Well, you could have just told the new version of the joke without having to explain everything in "new" terms, then made the point that the penguin was pretty fucking stupid to pay the forty bucks, since he knew the price was off the chart.

Then segued into the fact that the US Government was pretty fucking stupid to pay a third of a billion dollars for a website that doesn't work.

But that would have ruined the joke.

Posted by: Sharkman at October 17, 2013 12:02 PM (rCcgA)

138 I bet the bartender put roofies in that highball.  Watch out.

Posted by: The Chciken at October 17, 2013 12:02 PM (zgHLA)

139 @jpodhoretz

In perhaps the most quixotic effort since the defund strategy, @AceofSpadesHQ is trying to shame @mattyglesias into admitting error.

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at October 17, 2013 12:02 PM (08zV/)

140 What's the ground speed of an intoxicated penguin? Penguin or Humboldt?

Posted by: Sean Bannion[/i][/s][/u][/b] at October 17, 2013 12:02 PM (yz6yg)

141 106 Senior VP of Civilian Agencies at CGI Federal in charge of their, ahem, "Business Development," was college classmate of Michelle Obama and fellow member of Association of Black Princeton Alumni.

Posted by: The Regular Guy at October 17, 2013 03:53 PM

ChicagoCare?

Posted by: kbdabear at October 17, 2013 12:02 PM (aTXUx)

142 I want my money back.  *stomps foot*

Posted by: Jane D'oh at October 17, 2013 12:03 PM (lVPtV)

143 How many complete amateurs have created better websites for virtually no cost?
...........
Well..  this isn't exactly "Martha's Homemade Jams" website with a shopping cart..

Building a scalable website for potentially millions of accounts does have some challenges.. but not $292 Million dollars worth!

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at October 17, 2013 12:03 PM (f9c2L)

144 Posted by: Romeo13 at October 17, 2013 04:01 PM (lZBBB) political favors for campaign contributions

Posted by: panzernashorn at October 17, 2013 12:03 PM (MhA4j)

145 A penguin walks into a robata-yakiya. "Irasshaimase" yells the owner. The penguin takes a seat at the robata bar and says, "I'd like a highball." "Hai", says the owner. He pours a delicious Suntory whiskey highball then places before the penguin. "Kampai" says the penguin and he drinks highball. Ahhh, supai!" says the penguin "I kura deska?" "40,000 yen" says the bartender. The penguin pays and turns to leave. "You know," says the owner "We don't get many penguins in here." "So desu?" says the penguin and leaves.

Posted by: Number One Japanese Comic at October 17, 2013 12:03 PM (0cMkb)

146 I came to this blog because I heard it was full of insights, smart and funny

But what do I see? It's a Hate Blog that thinks Penguin jokes are funny

NO H8!!

Posted by: The Penguin at October 17, 2013 03:59 PM (aTXUx)


Oh, they are going to just love you around here.  Love you to the point death would be preferable.

Posted by: The Chicken at October 17, 2013 12:03 PM (YEelc)

147 Doesn't like a fucking aircraft carrier cost like a billion dollars?

Looks like around 4.5 to 6.2 billion, from the ever-trustworthy[/sarc] Wikipedia.
---
So, like a frigate, then?

Funny story about that. I was playing Star Fleet Battles in college this one time and one of the guys asked why they call it a frigate?

The response: Because that's what you say when you realize that's all you have left to fight with.

Posted by: Methos at October 17, 2013 12:03 PM (hO9ad)

148

Someone put something in my drink.  I can barely see straight or spell my own name.

Posted by: The Chicken at October 17, 2013 12:04 PM (zgHLA)

149 This is why we love you, Ace.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at October 17, 2013 12:04 PM (DmNpO)

150 And it's only the beginning.

There is an old engineer joke that goes as follows:

The first 90 % of the effort on a project takes 90 % of the time and money.  The remaining 10 % takes the other 90 % of the time and money.

Unfortunately, as massive experience with complex projects shows, this is the bitter truth more often than not.


Posted by: GaryS at October 17, 2013 12:04 PM (B+OH+)

151 I write code all day. Perhaps if I increase my bug count I can get a raise too!

Posted by: RedskinsDammit at October 17, 2013 12:04 PM (yVuTC)

152 114 ---Actually most Penguin specieslive in equatorial waters and not near the Antarctic. Posted by: Registered Voter at October 17, 2013 03:58 PM (BGFPo) ------------------ Interesting. I had no idea.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at October 17, 2013 12:04 PM (dfYL9)

153

>>>So, after failing at stand-up comedy, you went right into blogging, Ace? Or, were there other failed careers in between.

 

**walrus clap**

 

ORK ORK ORK

Posted by: Bigby's Sock-Removing Hands at October 17, 2013 12:04 PM (3ZtZW)

154 Posted by: Romeo13 at October 17, 2013 04:01 PM (lZBBB) NAFTA at work, our tax dollars screwing us. Borders? Outmoded.

Posted by: panzernashorn at October 17, 2013 12:04 PM (MhA4j)

155 Actually most Penguin species live in equatorial waters and not near the Antarctic. They're part of a flotilla of illegals lurking just offshore and ready to hit the beaches once Shamnesty becomes law.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars [/i] [/b] [/s] at October 17, 2013 12:04 PM (fo5ao)

156 I saw Intoxicated Penguin open for Joy Division at The Roundhouse in '78. Good times, good times.

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at October 17, 2013 12:05 PM (7ObY1)

157 And apparently there's two of me? 

Posted by: The Chicken at October 17, 2013 12:05 PM (zgHLA)

158 I know 1 rude penguin joke, 1 Boys Life penguin joke and 1 rude penguin gag.  I don't have brain room for another but appreciate the ironical.

Posted by: DaveA at October 17, 2013 12:05 PM (DL2i+)

159 $292 Million buys you a lot of intrewebs.  Or in this instance, zero intrewebs.

Posted by: Bill Gates at October 17, 2013 12:05 PM (YcXTT)

160 157 The Chicken at October 17, 2013 04:05 PM (zgHLA)


I call that the bonus plan....

//Larry Flynt

Posted by: sven10077 at October 17, 2013 12:06 PM (9jfyN)

161 Penguin take his car into the shop. Is told it'll take a couple of hours. Peguin decides to wait at the ice cream store. Comes back later. Walrus says, "looks like you blew a seal". Penguin wipes his mouth & replies, "no, that's just ice cream".

Posted by: rickb223 at October 17, 2013 12:06 PM (t+DWU)

162

>>What's the ground speed of an intoxicated penguin?

.

.Laden or unladen?

Posted by: Registered Voter at October 17, 2013 12:06 PM (BGFPo)

163 Shoot. If the point was to steal folks' personal information, give them nothing useful, and make a third of a billion disappear, I could have knocked that SOB out in a week and even made it enjoyable! Well, for myself anyway. Just disregard your webcam activating partway through...

Posted by: Brother Cavil at October 17, 2013 12:06 PM (naUcP)

164

Ace, don't kill yourself there.

 

Penguins are always funny!!  Look for a video of a Japanese guy who has a pet penguin that wears a backpack to go get mail.

 

If you don't smile at that you are dead inside.  LOL

Posted by: prescient11 at October 17, 2013 12:06 PM (tVTLU)

165 A man was walking down the street with a penguin when a policeman saw them. "Take that penguin to the zoo, " said the cop. "Do I have to?" said the man. "Take that penguin to the zoo right now or I will arrest you! You can't just walk around with a penguin." "OK, OK, whatever you say." So the man took the penguin to the zoo. The next day the policeman sees the man and the penguin walking down the same street again! The cop gets very angry. "I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!" "I did." said the man. "But that was yesterday. Today, I think he'd enjoy a movie instead."

Posted by: zombie at October 17, 2013 12:06 PM (+cx5n)

166 I bet that other The Chicken is me from the future.  It's the only logical explanation.

Posted by: The Chicken at October 17, 2013 12:06 PM (zgHLA)

167

The Flaming Skull Warms the SMOD flavored pudding at midnight. (Flicks nose like the movie The Sting)

Posted by: Minnfidel at October 17, 2013 12:06 PM (S1X4V)

168 And apparently there's two of me?

Naahh, you're just so wasted you're seeing double.

Posted by: Blanco Basura at October 17, 2013 12:07 PM (YEelc)

169 Obama's reflex move will be to nationalize the company that built this POS.

But he can't . . . cause it's Canadian!

 

Posted by: Z as in Jersey at October 17, 2013 12:07 PM (A1UEK)

170 I was told I would be saving $2 ($26.66) and I would get to keep my bartender under obamabar.

Posted by: a confused penguin at October 17, 2013 12:07 PM (EMtVt)

171 Penguin take his car into the shop. Is told it'll take a couple of hours. Peguin decides to wait at the ice cream store. Comes back later. Walrus says, "looks like you blew a seal". Penguin wipes his mouth & replies, "no, that's just ice cream Now THAT was funny. See, ace? That's how Antarctic humor is done.

Posted by: Sean Bannion[/i][/s][/u][/b] at October 17, 2013 12:08 PM (yz6yg)

172 This whole website debacle would be hilarious, if only the joke wasn't literally at our expense.

Posted by: yinzer at October 17, 2013 12:08 PM (/Mla1)

173 Ace, someday you need to tell/write "The Aristocrats" joke. I'm dead serious.

Posted by: jakeman at October 17, 2013 12:08 PM (vH4YP)

174 The decree has come down that we'll be going to Outback Steakhouse for dinner tonight. Apparently there's a gift card we've had sitting around since Christmas and neither of us wants to cook or shop tonight. I like the decree, as I haven't been to Outback since I discovered all the BBQ joints down here. Now scanning the online menu and feeling very, very hungry.

Posted by: Lincolntf at October 17, 2013 12:08 PM (ZshNr)

175 Video of Japanese penguin going shopping:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDN3L621ASI

Posted by: Jane D'oh at October 17, 2013 12:08 PM (lVPtV)

176

>>>But he can't . . . cause it's Canadian!

 

TOO! LATE!

/nyahnyah

Posted by: Bigby's Sock-Removing Hands at October 17, 2013 12:08 PM (3ZtZW)

177   Obama Administration -You didn't build that!

Posted by: willow at October 17, 2013 12:09 PM (nqBYe)

178

Building a scalable website for potentially millions of accounts does have some challenges.. but not $292 Million dollars worth!

 

---

 

Christ, they could have talked to state agencies which have online portals for people to come in and pay their taxes.

 

These kinds of sites have the financial information of hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of taxpayers, are set up for secure logins, and are ready for massive amounts of traffic to come in at 2-3 points in the year (January / February for refund returns, April / May for payment returns).

 

They could have bought the entire thing outright from a state, if not copied the entire thing from the IRS, and used a form of that. 

 

 

Of course, that wouldn't have given a lot of money to Moochelle's Princeton buddy.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at October 17, 2013 12:09 PM (/Crba)

179 John Boner orders twenty highballs. And then comes up with this plan:

http://tinyurl.com/nqxwm8l

Actually, I hope this plan is executed properly. And I hope the House piecemeals the shit out of the fucking Senate.

The House better get their strategery straight for the next showdown, goddammit.


Posted by: Ian Galt at October 17, 2013 12:09 PM (QdOC1)

180 Penguin take his car into the shop. Is told it'll take a couple of hours. Peguin decides to wait at the ice cream store. Comes back later. Walrus says, "looks like you blew a seal". Penguin wipes his mouth & replies, "no, that's just ice cream" That's what she said...!

Posted by: Randy McSeamammal at October 17, 2013 12:09 PM (naUcP)

181 I started a joke....that started the whole world crying...

Posted by: Barky Gibb at October 17, 2013 12:09 PM (wmU4G)

182

>>>Ace, someday you need to tell/write "The Aristocrats" joke. I'm dead serious.

 

look at the sex-for-money skankathon

Posted by: Bigby's Sock-Removing Hands at October 17, 2013 12:09 PM (3ZtZW)

183 Not to worry guys, high speed trains will soon be on line. See?

Posted by: Chaos, it the other dark meat at October 17, 2013 12:10 PM (oDCMR)

184 174 Lincolntf at October 17, 2013 04:08 PM (ZshNr)

If they are serving Tilapia or Orange Roughy both are good.

Posted by: sven10077 at October 17, 2013 12:10 PM (9jfyN)

185 This is my favorite penguin joke: What did Morgan Freeman say when the penguins told him they really liked the documentary film March of the Penguins? "Why the hell did I have to narrate the damn movie if penguins can talk?"

Posted by: zombie at October 17, 2013 12:10 PM (+cx5n)

186 In you tea bagged GOP losers are wondering. Yes we Dems are laughing at you.

Posted by: John at October 17, 2013 12:10 PM (eZILx)

187 A duck walks into a bar.........

Posted by: Schecky Minnfidel at October 17, 2013 12:10 PM (S1X4V)

188 Ace, someday you need to tell/write "The Aristocrats" joke. I'm dead serious. That would be one hell of a movie review.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at October 17, 2013 12:10 PM (QF8uk)

189
Ace-
Actually, we paid 29.2% of a billion dollars for a website that doesn't work, not a third or 33.33%.

Posted by: CozMark at October 17, 2013 12:10 PM (AogGt)

190 They told that same penguin joke on Sabado Gigante this past weekend.

Posted by: FRONT TOWARD LEFT at October 17, 2013 12:11 PM (V3kRK)

191 In you tea bagged GOP losers are wondering. Yes we Dems are laughing at you.

Posted by: John at October 17, 2013 04:10 PM (eZILx)

That's only because you don't realize the joke is on all of us...yet.

Posted by: yinzer at October 17, 2013 12:11 PM (/Mla1)

192 -
"The House better get their
strategery straight for the next showdown, goddammit."
------------------------------


Now THAT is funny.

Posted by: irright at October 17, 2013 12:11 PM (8GKDa)

193 Ace, someday you need to tell/write "The Aristocrats" joke. I'm dead serious. *** NOOOOO! Now you've made me think of Bob Saget.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at October 17, 2013 12:11 PM (DmNpO)

194 Oh looky, a troll. Can we play with it?

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at October 17, 2013 12:11 PM (7ObY1)

195 186 Yawn,

Hey Yawn I am laughing at you and the GOP...

fuck off

Posted by: sven10077 at October 17, 2013 12:11 PM (9jfyN)

196

Actually most Penguin specieslive in equatorial waters and not near the Antarctic.
Posted by: Registered Voter at October 17, 2013 03:58 PM (BGFPo)

 

------------------

 

Interesting. I had no idea.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at October 17, 2013 04:04 PM (dfYL9)

 

 

------------------------------------------

 

 

Shit.  I didn't either. 

 

Pack yer bags, Ma.  We leavin'. 

 

 

--------------------------------------

 

 

 

Posted by: Shivering Antarctic Penguin at October 17, 2013 12:12 PM (3Mz5/)

197 The website wasn't meant to function because they don't want people know how much insurance would cost . By the time it is fixed, cost will be 1.3 billion

Posted by: CarolT at October 17, 2013 12:12 PM (WCaqs)

198 150And it's only the beginning.

There is an old engineer joke that goes as follows:

The first 90 % of the effort on a project takes 90 % of the time and money. The remaining 10 % takes the other 90 % of the time and money.

Unfortunately, as massive experience with complex projects shows, this is the bitter truth more often than not. --- There's also another engineering joke in which a retired engineer is hired to fix an old machine that no one can figure out.  He walks in, takes a good look at the machine, puts a chalk X on a spot, and says "hit it with a hammer there."  They do so, it starts working. The engineer sends them an invoice for $30K and he is asked to itemize it.  He sends back an itemized invoice reading "Chalk - $1   Knowing where to put it - $29,999". The company pays the invoice.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at October 17, 2013 12:12 PM (/Crba)

199
Ace-
We also paid 100% of $292 MILLION for a WEBSITE that does not work.

Posted by: CozMark at October 17, 2013 12:12 PM (6QN3y)

200 Corniest penguin joke ever: Q: What do penguins sing to each on their birthdays? A: Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.

Posted by: zombie at October 17, 2013 12:12 PM (+cx5n)

201

Hey - when they finally get the architecture working, these guys have some really nifty ideas to make "Adorable Care" even more adorable:

 

From Huge, 3 Rules For Making Obamacare Exchange Sites Suck Less

 

 

http://is.gd/nFbWZC

 

Of course, since they're not part of the "inner circle", they aren't going to be given a chance to put their brand of lipstick on this pig.....

Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, TX at October 17, 2013 12:12 PM (PZ6/M)

202 Barack Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a malignant traitor.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) on his phone at October 17, 2013 12:12 PM (PYAXX)

203 In you tea bagged GOP losers are wondering. Yes we Dems are laughing at you.

Posted by: John at October 17, 2013 04:10 PM ................It feels good doesn't it? We've been laughing at your brain dead sheeple brethren for years. It's cathartic! Oh and wait until you all start getting your 0care bills. It will be  a regular laugh-a-thon.

Posted by: Minnfidel at October 17, 2013 12:13 PM (S1X4V)

204

Hey John, enjoy the work of the IAPB, or as a certain Alaskan woman called them, the Death Panels.......

 

Posted by: Gunny Hartmann at October 17, 2013 12:13 PM (61BD9)

205 NOOOOO! Now you've made me think of Bob Saget. Here, NDH, have some nood photos of Brian Dennehey.

Posted by: jakeman at October 17, 2013 12:13 PM (vH4YP)

206 I write code all day.

Perhaps if I increase my bug count I can get a raise too! Posted by: RedskinsDammit
.......
I love the old Dilbert cartoon :

http://tinyurl.com/pqsjd5g

The boss announces he's gonna pay a $10 bonus for every bug you find and fix..

Dilbert says "I'm gonna write me a new mini-van this afternoon!"

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at October 17, 2013 12:14 PM (f9c2L)

207

>>>In you tea bagged GOP losers are wondering. Yes we Dems are laughing at you.

 

Go ahead and laugh. That's what we're doing. Oh, and Tea "baggers" =/= GOP, but yes GOP == losers. We agree here, and will give you much more to laugh about come midterms. You're welcome.

Posted by: Bigby's Sock-Removing Hands at October 17, 2013 12:14 PM (3ZtZW)

208 Pretty sure I could make a non-functioning website for double that because  racism and the middle class and stuff. I'll even vote for Barky in '16. Deal?

Posted by: Suppressed Flasher at October 17, 2013 12:14 PM (X+nFp)

209 By the time it is fixed, cost will be 1.3 billion

Posted by: CarolT at October 17, 2013 04:12 PM (WCaqs)


But at least 300 mil will be recycled through as Obama campaign contributions or skimmed by cronies, so it's all good!

Posted by: Hrothgar at October 17, 2013 12:14 PM (XdnQT)

210 $292 million for what should have cost maybe a couple-hundred-thousand. Tops. Who has the razor blades? I want off the world...

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) on his phone at October 17, 2013 12:14 PM (PYAXX)

211 #186 John, that was a pretty casual homophobic slur you dropped there. Making homophobic slurs seems to come easily and naturally to you. Please tell us why you hate gays. Be specific. Must be some deep-seated reason for your hatred of gays. So tell us, why do you hate gays, and why do you think it's OK to drop casual homophobic slurs? Does making fun of gays and dropping homophobic slurs agree with the tolerance of your party? We're waiting...

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at October 17, 2013 12:15 PM (7ObY1)

212 210 AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) on his phone at October 17, 2013 04:14 PM (PYAXX)

Save the razor blades for the apothecary Allen....


Indianola

Posted by: sven10077 at October 17, 2013 12:15 PM (9jfyN)

213 Who has the razor blades? I want off the world...

You're not getting out that easy.

Posted by: Blanco Basura at October 17, 2013 12:15 PM (YEelc)

214 Wow, the troll contingent has increased by about 300% since 404Care. All those little darlings got a case of 'sticker shock' that their bestest bestest friend made them Ben Dover.

Posted by: Schrödinger's cat [/i] at October 17, 2013 12:15 PM (U2UQk)

215
Real penguins prefer Mai Tai's.

Posted by: Sticky Wicket at October 17, 2013 12:16 PM (sCynV)

216


The boss announces he's gonna pay a $10 bonus for every bug you find and fix..

Dilbert says "I'm gonna write me a new mini-van this afternoon!"

 

---

 

I liked the follow-up comic better in which he tries to create some of the bugs by having Ratbert jump around the keyboard.

 

It fails because Ratbert accidentally created a web browser.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at October 17, 2013 12:16 PM (/Crba)

217

292 million here, 292 million there  and it starts to add up.

Good thing we raised the national debt limit on the old Visa. Our debt is up 55% under Barky alone. 123,000 for every working American.

Posted by: Minnfidel at October 17, 2013 12:16 PM (S1X4V)

218 "In you tea bagged losers"? If you're going to insult people, John-John, do try to do it in correct English.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 17, 2013 12:16 PM (a4Omg)

219 The GC is good for Bonefish Grill, too, but I'm in a steak mood. Maybe just a simple prime rib.

Posted by: Lincolntf at October 17, 2013 12:16 PM (ZshNr)

220

(Walks in late AGAIN, thinks up funny reply)

 

So... $292 mil, huh?  No wonder Pixy hasn't fixed  THIS  place yet.

 

Tell  me  no one has said that yet. 

Posted by: BurtTC at October 17, 2013 12:16 PM (TOk1P)

221 I liked the follow-up comic better in which he tries to create some of the bugs by having Ratbert jump around the keyboard.

It fails because Ratbert accidentally created a web browser.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at October 17, 2013 04:16 PM ...............And Windows 8.

Posted by: Minnfidel at October 17, 2013 12:17 PM (S1X4V)

222 Little John is butt-hurt that his boyfriend Barry is screwing him over with Obamacare.

He's going to love the death panels.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at October 17, 2013 12:17 PM (lVPtV)

223 AoSHQ: Come for the insightful political   posts, stay for the penguin jokes.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at October 17, 2013 12:18 PM (0HooB)

224

221I liked the follow-up comic better in which he tries to create some of the bugs by having Ratbert jump around the keyboard.

It fails because Ratbert accidentally created a web browser.Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at October 17, 2013 04:16 PM ...............And Windows 8.

 

---

 

I've yet to deal with the rancid leavings of a rat's asshole they call Windows 8 yet.

 

I hope to continue that streak until the next time I'm forced to buy a new PC.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at October 17, 2013 12:18 PM (/Crba)

225

64 Senior VP of Civilian Agencies at CGI Federal in charge of their,
ahem, "Business Development," was college classmate of Michelle Obama
and fellow member of Association of Black Princeton Alumni.

 

More:  she was hired in May 2010, a month after Obamacare was signed into law.

 

 

Hmmmm... wonder what "business" she was hired to develop?

 

 

 

Posted by: The Regular Guy at October 17, 2013 12:18 PM (qHCyt)

226 I think I heard that penguin joke on The Big Bang Theory.

Posted by: Dr Spank at October 17, 2013 12:18 PM (9jLim)

227 There was apparently no bidding process on this LARGE contract... it was single sourced from the outset... to a FOREIGN company.

Posted by: Romeo13 at October 17, 2013 04:01 PM (lZBBB)


No one ever says no to this crew.

Posted by: [/i][/b]KG at October 17, 2013 12:18 PM (p7BzH)

228 NOOOOO! Now you've made me think of Bob Saget. Here, NDH, have some nood photos of Brian Dennehey. *** Now I want those thoughts of Saget to return! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1B_n9YaAMmg

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at October 17, 2013 12:18 PM (DmNpO)

229 Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 17, 2013 03:42 PM (a4Omg) Already done. Some jerk who worked for the Democrat party in CA (regional wing, not state) verbally attacked her and threatened her kids. He (in theory) lost his job. Twitchy had it.

Posted by: Ragamuffin at October 17, 2013 12:18 PM (fzFF6)

230

210 -

 

Pretty cool hash tag you got there, Allen.  Too bad  you won't get to keep it. 

Posted by: BurtTC at October 17, 2013 12:19 PM (TOk1P)

231 How's everyone feeling today.. just going to drop this right here.. “Let’s work together to make government work better, instead of treating it like an enemy or purposely making it work worse,” Obama said. “That’s not what the founders of this nation envisioned when they gave us the gift of self-government. “You don’t like a particular policy or a particular president? Then argue for your position. Go out there and win an election. Push to change it. But don’t break it. Don’t break what our That’s not being faithful to what this country’s about.” Any better?

Posted by: RWC at October 17, 2013 12:19 PM (fWAjv)

232

225
64 Senior VP of Civilian Agencies at CGI Federal in charge of their,
ahem, "Business Development," was college classmate of Michelle Obama
and fellow member of Association of Black Princeton Alumni.

More: she was hired in May 2010, a month after Obamacare was signed into law.


Hmmmm... wonder what "business" she was hired to develop?

 

---

 

Sounds like shades of Moochelle's job with the hospital system in Chicago.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at October 17, 2013 12:19 PM (/Crba)

233 I've yet to deal with the rancid leavings of a rat's asshole they call Windows 8 yet.

I hope to continue that streak until the next time I'm forced to buy a new PC.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at October 17, 2013 04:18 PM ..........Avoid it until they come out with Window's 9  trust me.

Posted by: Minnfidel at October 17, 2013 12:19 PM (S1X4V)

234 But the Postal Service, Social Security, and Amtrak worked so well! The only logical explanation for all of this is Republican Obstructionism (TM). Oh... and racism.

Posted by: Damiano the Economic Traitor at October 17, 2013 12:19 PM (j0wOO)

235 Posted by: RWC at October 17, 2013 04:19 PM (fWAjv) Obama wagging his finger at Repubs after weeks of his saying, "I'm not going to negotiate". LOL.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 17, 2013 12:20 PM (a4Omg)

236 225 --- Heh. That explains it. Crony socialism.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at October 17, 2013 12:21 PM (dfYL9)

237 Hey, hey. I don't get no fish. No fish at all. Like the other day, President Obama comes down here to play golf with me. Yeah, we're playing golf. You know, hitting golf balls. Knockin'em into the hole in the ice. But, that Obama. He cheats at golf. Can you believe it? An' Obama's cheating and cheating and finally I get angry and I waddle over to him and say, "Hey, fuck face. Stop cheating!" And I kick him in the icehole. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Posted by: "Shecky" Penguin at October 17, 2013 12:21 PM (0cMkb)

238 Penguin? When I heard it, it was a kangaroo.

If bloggers are going to maintain their critical function in the dispersal of facts to the Tea Party community, getting the details right is important.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 17, 2013 12:21 PM (8ZskC)

239 Obama never loses? Yeah Right. Even with Guilty White Liberal Media cover, he lost 63 House seats in 2010. What a Stud!

Posted by: jackj at October 17, 2013 12:22 PM (4WesI)

240 Giraffe wants into a bar and announces; "The high balls are on me!"

Posted by: Ammo Dump at October 17, 2013 12:22 PM (GgPam)

241 How's everyone feeling today.. A tiny bit better after punching that unicorn (not Stabby! I would never punch Stabby!) and staring at Karl Urban's tongue for, um, some undefined amount of time that is not a lot. Thank you Merovign. Crap. Now I have to watch that tonight.

Posted by: alexthechick - Commence drinking now. at October 17, 2013 12:22 PM (VtjlW)

242 was John asking to be tea bagged by an Elephant?

Posted by: willow at October 17, 2013 12:23 PM (nqBYe)

243 The REALLY depressing thing about the trolls? We're paying their salaries. (Actually, most are paid a certain amount per troll-comment or Tweet; but make no mistake, many are on the government payroll, just like Chad Henderson [who was also a paid professional progressive troll].)

Posted by: zombie at October 17, 2013 12:23 PM (+cx5n)

244 “Let’s work together to make government work better, instead of treating it like an enemy or purposely making it work worse,” Obama said.
----

Burn. Baby. Burn.

Posted by: Methos at October 17, 2013 12:23 PM (hO9ad)

245 I've yet to deal with the rancid leavings of a rat's asshole they call Windows 8 yet.

I hope to continue that streak until the next time I'm forced to buy a new PC. Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge
...........
It's not really bad.  There's a free add-on you can install that gives you back the full start button will "All Programs", etc. in XP/Vista/Win7 format (you pick).

It also boots you on to the desktop rather than the stupid "Start" screen with all those tiles.

The add-on is called "Classic Shell" at http://www.classicshell.net/

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at October 17, 2013 12:23 PM (f9c2L)

246
Where the hell is that serving wench with my Harvey Wallbanger?

Posted by: The Penguin whats doing the Chicken at October 17, 2013 12:23 PM (sCynV)

247 Over the summer, The Atlantic wrote a long puff piece on the wonders of the Healthcare.gov website. It's hilarious to read now: http://bit.ly/16FtKnK The companies mentioned in the article were all working on the Website. It's not the website design that is the problem, it all the stuff on the backend and all the different connections to state and insurer data system that is hosing the website right now. Building that behemoth is what cost so much. But still, that article from the summer is hilarious.

Posted by: Stirner at October 17, 2013 12:24 PM (iUcXw)

248 Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 17, 2013 04:20 PM (a4Omg) Amazingly the rage-stroke hasn't come. Sick of getting pissed off at this immature a-hole.

Posted by: RWC at October 17, 2013 12:24 PM (fWAjv)

249 Giraffe wants into a bar and announces; "The high balls are on me!"

Posted by: Ammo Dump at October 17, 2013 04:22 PM ......................Reggie love and Barky  walk into a bar and say......Oh, it's just too easy.

Posted by: Minnfidel at October 17, 2013 12:24 PM (S1X4V)

250 or purposely making it work worse,” Obama said, as the NPS collected barricades from around open-air monuments and released prisoners detained for the crime of recreating.

Fixed.

Posted by: Waterhouse at October 17, 2013 12:24 PM (YVx8A)

251 fuckin penguin.

Posted by: eleven at October 17, 2013 12:24 PM (KXm42)

252 I don't get the joke.

It doesn't make sense that the funny part is that penguins are price sensitive.

It seems as if they are afraid of confrontation. Sort of like the Republican party!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at October 17, 2013 12:25 PM (oJ5Fd)

253 Speaking of bar jokes...

May I push your stool in for you?

Posted by: Tex Lovera at October 17, 2013 12:25 PM (wtvvX)

254 Bartender.. I'll have another Sloe Gin Fizz...

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at October 17, 2013 12:25 PM (f9c2L)

255 The add-on is called "Classic Shell" at http://www.classicshell.net/ Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at October 17, 2013 04:23 PM (f9c2L) THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!

Posted by: RWC at October 17, 2013 12:25 PM (fWAjv)

256 Number   21!

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at October 17, 2013 12:26 PM (0HooB)

257 I can build that unusable interweb site for 100 million!

Posted by: hutch1200 at October 17, 2013 12:26 PM (HsENn)

258 Hyenas are price sensitive.  Penguins spend money like the feds.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 17, 2013 12:26 PM (8ZskC)

259 255 RWC at October 17, 2013 04:25 PM (fWAjv

or you know...update to Windows 8.1 and have it built in....

Posted by: sven10077 at October 17, 2013 12:26 PM (9jfyN)

260 I'll have some of them there pork rinds, a pickled egg and a Tom Collins.

Posted by: Minnfidel at October 17, 2013 12:26 PM (S1X4V)

261 I don't get the joke. It doesn't make sense that the funny part is that penguins are price sensitive. It seems as if they are afraid of confrontation. Sort of like the Republican party! Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at October 17, 2013 04:25 PM (oJ5Fd) That's because you're so hard-hearted.

Posted by: alexthechick - Commence drinking now. at October 17, 2013 12:26 PM (VtjlW)

262 "Old joke. Penguin walks into a bar. Orders a highball." Sounds like someone is looking for a reason to wear polyester a paisley disco shirt, top 4 buttons unbuttoned, bell bottoms, platform shoes and a large 10 karat gold Mercedes Benz medallion.

Posted by: Arbalest at October 17, 2013 12:27 PM (FlRtG)

263 Your welcome RWC.. It's so nice I might actually donate to them!

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at October 17, 2013 12:27 PM (f9c2L)

264
It doesn't make sense that the funny part is that penguins are price sensitive.

It's one of their most endearing qualities, along with their fondness for 70's era cocktails.

Posted by: Sticky Wicket at October 17, 2013 12:27 PM (sCynV)

265 "Let's make government work better..."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Posted by: Tex Lovera at October 17, 2013 12:27 PM (wtvvX)

266 I wanna see Hajji the Muslim Stand Up Comic do "The Aristrocrats"

Posted by: Bigby's Sock-Removing Hands at October 17, 2013 12:28 PM (3ZtZW)

267 261 alexthechick - Commence drinking now. at October 17, 2013 04:26 PM (VtjlW)


I see 2 Americas, 2 wives, and 2 sets of kids....


//John Edwards

Posted by: sven10077 at October 17, 2013 12:28 PM (9jfyN)

268 It doesn't make sense that the funny part is that penguins are price sensitive.


"Penguin" is a code word for Joooo.

Posted by: Jesse Jackson at October 17, 2013 12:28 PM (8ZskC)

269
Barky and a penguin walk into a leather bar......

Posted by: The Chicken at October 17, 2013 12:28 PM (pJF+c)

270 A Muslim, a Kenyan and a Marxist walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll it be, Mr. President?"

Posted by: Shecky Sockpuppet at October 17, 2013 12:28 PM (YmPwQ)

271

yay!   joke thread!

 

ask me if i have a pretty girlfriend.

"hey, barack, do you have a pretty girlfriend?"

 

no, but "she's" got a butthole!

Posted by: Barack at October 17, 2013 12:29 PM (MRpbd)

272 186 In you tea bagged GOP losers are wondering. Yes we Dems are laughing at you.

Posted by: John at October 17, 2013 04:10 PM (eZILx)

You obviously don't come around much. Not many GOP here

But the rest of us will have a good laugh when you finally manage to buy your 404Care and find out you're paying out the ass so I can get an ACL operation on your dime



Posted by: He Who Laughs Last Gives Wedgies Too at October 17, 2013 12:29 PM (aTXUx)

273 Look. It's time to face the terrible truth. Weasels can't budget.

Posted by: alexthechick - Commence drinking now. at October 17, 2013 12:29 PM (VtjlW)

274 Hey bartender, I'm tired of drinking highballs, just give me a Schlitz.

Posted by: J-Bone at October 17, 2013 12:29 PM (QdOC1)

275 It seems as if they are afraid of confrontation. Sort of like the Republican party! Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at October 17, 2013 04:25 PM (oJ5Fd) That's because you're so hard-hearted. At this point, what does it matter??

Posted by: rickb223 at October 17, 2013 12:30 PM (t+DWU)

276
I dated a penguin one night in Philadelphia.  Cute arms but small cock. 

Posted by: Sandra Fluke at October 17, 2013 12:30 PM (pJF+c)

277 Looks like the slumpbuster did the trick...

Posted by: Countrysquire at October 17, 2013 12:30 PM (LSJmV)

278 275 rickb223 at October 17, 2013 04:30 PM (t+DWU)

It's just the way things are done...

Posted by: sven10077 at October 17, 2013 12:30 PM (9jfyN)

279 I shot a penguin in Reno once.

Posted by: Johnny Cash at October 17, 2013 12:31 PM (8ZskC)

280 262

"Old joke.
Penguin walks into a bar. Orders a highball."


Sounds like someone is looking for a reason to wear polyester a paisley disco shirt, top 4 buttons unbuttoned, bell bottoms, platform shoes and a large 10 karat gold Mercedes Benz medallion.

Posted by: Arbalest at October 17, 2013 04:27 PM (FlRtG)  Why do I need a reason to wear this? OBarkycare strikes again I guess. I just got this shirt back from the cleaners, dang!

Posted by: Suppressed Flasher at October 17, 2013 12:31 PM (X+nFp)

281 or you know...update to Windows 8.1 and have it built in....
Posted by: sven10077
.........
But it doesn't really bring back the full start button..

from gizmodo..

http://tinyurl.com/n3ttqrr

"Hey, you want a start button? Fine, here's a start button. But if you're pining for start-menu-days-gone-by this is only half of what you're looking for. Windows 8.1's new desktop start button launches you right to your Metro screen, and really, it's just another way to accomplish something you could already do with the Charms bar and the Windows key. But if your muscle memory still has you gravitating towards that lower lefthand corner, it's a nice addition. "

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at October 17, 2013 12:31 PM (f9c2L)

282 That's because you're so hard-hearted.

Posted by: alexthechick - Commence drinking now. at October 17, 2013 04:26 PM (VtjlW)

That cut me to the quick.

I need a hug Manhattan.

Come to the next Moron Meet-up and I will explain my unified theory of liberal altruism -- that it's all a clever subterfuge to gain and keep power.

Give me hard-hearted robber barons any day.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at October 17, 2013 12:31 PM (oJ5Fd)

283 Bartender, I'll take a half-white Russian.

Posted by: Moochelle at October 17, 2013 12:31 PM (QdOC1)

284 Oh, you wanted a NON-functioning website... That'll cost extra!

Posted by: CGI at October 17, 2013 12:32 PM (FcR7P)

285 I think everyone appreciates the drink they associate with their partying happy years. I someone who ordered them every time in the bar. He grew up during the depression. Highball as such (a drink you could order by that name) was big up through the 50's at which point there evolved to be so many of them you had to be specific. If you took $6 at the end of the "Highball" as such era say 1959, you would indeed get about $46* dollars in modern money. So good job, very precise estimate. Who's on that unlisted flight?


*Just remember back in 1959 a single only cost ¢75

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Laughing Maniacally While Throwing Matches. at October 17, 2013 12:32 PM (0q2P7)

286 281 Chi-Town Jerry at October 17, 2013 04:31 PM (f9c2L)

Man....all this for one keystroke...

okay dude...

I concede the battlefield....

and enjoy the greater use of my FX-8350's scheduling

Posted by: sven10077 at October 17, 2013 12:33 PM (9jfyN)

287

Kerry walks into a bar.

 

Bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Posted by: Invictus at October 17, 2013 12:33 PM (FBkKA)

288

186In you tea bagged GOP losers are wondering. Yes we Dems are laughing at you.

Posted by: John at October 17, 2013 04:10 PM (eZILx)

 

spoken  like a bona-fide voting  member of the party of  "punish our enemies"

congrats!

Posted by: Barack at October 17, 2013 12:33 PM (MRpbd)

289 Sounds like someone is looking for a reason to wear polyester a paisley disco shirt, top 4 buttons unbuttoned, bell bottoms, platform shoes and a large 10 karat gold Mercedes Benz medallion.

Posted by: Arbalest at October 17, 2013 04:27 PM (FlRtG)

 

 

----------------------------------------------------

 

 

What's yer point?  *softly strokes  giant peace medallion*

Posted by: Soona at October 17, 2013 12:33 PM (3Mz5/)

290 "Penguin" is a code word for Joooo.

Posted by: Jesse Jackson at October 17, 2013 04:28 PM (8ZskC)

I love this place....

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at October 17, 2013 12:33 PM (oJ5Fd)

291 Two muffins in an oven - one muffin says to the other: "Gettin kinda warm in here don't ya think?" The other muffin, startled, exclaims: "Holy shit! A talking muffin!!" (Don't know why, but I like the absurd ones...)

Posted by: (T)expat - West Africa Time at October 17, 2013 12:33 PM (dLyLH)

292 I'm willing to bet that after the contract was awarded, the government started to slap on a whole bunch of requirements that weren't initially stipulated, and change things already taken care of that were thought to be settled on. Thus the price increase(s).

Posted by: Blacque Jacques Shellacque at October 17, 2013 12:34 PM (vd7A8)

293 new

Posted by: Suppressed Flasher at October 17, 2013 12:35 PM (X+nFp)

294 So a guy walks into a bar and says "Bartender, give me 12 shots of whiskey!" Bartender gives him the whiskey and he drinks done the whole dozen, one after another. Bartender says "What's the occasion?" Guy says "I'm celebrating my first blow job". Bartender replies "Here, let me pour you one more, on the house". Guy says "No, if 12 didn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will".

Posted by: Countrysquire at October 17, 2013 12:37 PM (LSJmV)

295 >>>In you tea bagged GOP losers are wondering


As all the whaling from libtards who just got the bill for this program has been rolling in. I'm just sittin' back enjoying the fire.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Laughing Maniacally While Throwing Matches. at October 17, 2013 12:37 PM (0q2P7)

296 Tanqueray and tonic, squeeze of lime.

And I'll be running a tab.

Posted by: Adjoran at October 17, 2013 12:37 PM (473jB)

297 No, the joke goes more like this. Bartender is out of whatever goes into highballs, and is in a rush and doesn't dare let the penguin see what he's doing, so he figures "what's a penguin know about highballs anyway?" and pours the penguin a glass of camel urine. Penguin spits it back in the bartender's face and leaves. Bartender's still got the money. Then Eric Schmidt sidles up next to the bartender and says "Hey, you're a pretty lousy bartender, aren't you? Let me do it..." Fear Obamacare and healthcare.gov, but REALLY fear the politically-connected private entity that takes over the thing and all its data when HHS realizes they can't make it work.

Posted by: JEM at October 17, 2013 12:38 PM (o+SC1)

298 I'm not sure I can agree that HealthCare.gov doesn't work. It will help to destroy those private insurers who were depending on the forced flood of young idiots to make up for the other mandates, and it allowed Obama to steer a couple of hundred million dollars to his cronies. It just depends upon your pov.

Posted by: toby928© at October 17, 2013 12:40 PM (QupBk)

299 As all the whaling from libtards who just got the bill for this program has been rolling in. I'm just sittin' back enjoying the fire.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Laughing Maniacally While Throwing Matches. at October 17, 2013 04:37 PM (0q2P7)

 

Poor whales.

Posted by: Invictus at October 17, 2013 12:40 PM (FBkKA)

300 Double Dalwhinnie
...
If I wanted ice I would have asked for it.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Laughing Maniacally While Throwing Matches. at October 17, 2013 12:40 PM (0q2P7)

301 Hey now! Nobody gets to make Penguin jokes but me, you know! We go way back!

Posted by: The Joker at October 17, 2013 12:40 PM (naUcP)

302 >>>Poor whales.

DYAC

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Laughing Maniacally While Throwing Matches. at October 17, 2013 12:41 PM (0q2P7)

303

This was very funny (I mean Ace telling of the Penguin joke, not the cost of the website). 

I'm off for a highball.

Posted by: Elderly Hooker at October 17, 2013 12:44 PM (hFAET)

304 Speaking of classic cocktails.... I'll put in a good word for "The Gimlet" 1 1/2 oz London style gin (I like Plymouth) 1oz Rose's Lime juice Shake with ice, strain into cocktail glass. Stupidly simple to make and delicious. Classic cocktails are classic for a reason.

Posted by: John Boehner, SuperGenius at October 17, 2013 12:44 PM (0cMkb)

305 92Fifty cents.

Posted by: Man in a hospital gown downing shots at October 17, 2013 03:55 PM (3ZtZW)

I knew that rang a bell. Found it:

A man in a hospital gown runs into a bar and says to the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!" The bartender pours out the shots, and the desperate man drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast." The man replies, "Well, you'd drink that fast too if you had what I have." The bartender says, "Oh my God! What is it? What do you have?" "Fifty cents!"

 

nice

Posted by: i like anchors at October 17, 2013 12:48 PM (MRpbd)

306

Two guys are in a bar discussing their sex lives. One guy says to the other, "How's your sex life, buddy?" The other guy answers, "Not too good. Every time the missus and me have sex, she loses interest halfway through. It's very frustrating. " The first guy says, "Yeah, I know what you mean. I used to have the same problem, but I found a cure. I hid a starter pistol under the bed. When she started to run out of steam, I simply fired the starter pistol. It gave her such a fright that she got all excited, and couldn't get enough. I wish I'd done it years ago!" The other guy says, "Hmmmm... I think I'll try that." The next day they are back in the bar again. The first guy says, "How did you get on with the starter pistol?" The other guy says, "Don't talk to me about starter pistols! Last night we were having a little 69. As usual, she lost interest half way through, so I fired the bloody starter pistol, just like you said." The first guy says, " SoÂ…Â…Â… What happened?" The other guy says, "She bit my cock, pooped on my face, and a naked man came out of the closet with his hands up! "

Posted by: i like anchors at October 17, 2013 12:50 PM (MRpbd)

307

Two guys are in a bar discussing their sex lives. One guy says to the other, "How's your sex life, buddy?" The other guy answers, "Not too good. Every time the missus and me have sex, she loses interest halfway through. It's very frustrating. " The first guy says, "Yeah, I know what you mean. I used to have the same problem, but I found a cure. I hid a starter pistol under the bed. When she started to run out of steam, I simply fired the starter pistol. It gave her such a fright that she got all excited, and couldn't get enough. I wish I'd done it years ago!" The other guy says, "Hmmmm... I think I'll try that." The next day they are back in the bar again. The first guy says, "How did you get on with the starter pistol?" The other guy says, "Don't talk to me about starter pistols! Last night we were having a little 69. As usual, she lost interest half way through, so I fired the bloody starter pistol, just like you said." The first guy says, " SoÂ…Â…Â… What happened?" The other guy says, "She bit my cock, pooped on my face, and a naked man came out of the closet with his hands up! "

Posted by: i like anchors at October 17, 2013 12:50 PM (MRpbd)

308 A man is at the bar, really drunk. Some guys decide to be good Samaritans and get him home. So they pick him up off the floor, and drag him out the door. On the way to the car, he falls down three times. When they get to his house, they help him out of the car and, he falls down four more times. They ring the bell, and one says, "Here's your husband!" The man's wife says, "Where the hell is his wheelchair?"

Posted by: i like anchors at October 17, 2013 12:51 PM (MRpbd)

309 This is a perfect parody of how ace usually over-talks a joke and wrings every bit of humor and wit out of it when he's not even trying to (over-blown cereal post, I'm looking at you). Maybe he's getting some self-awareness.

Posted by: docweasel at October 17, 2013 12:54 PM (hlFA8)

310 Here's the rule - Take any estimated cost for a Government Program, and triple it.

Posted by: Flatland at October 17, 2013 01:02 PM (aDwsi)

311 Maybe he's getting some self-awareness. I suspect you'll never have to worry about that happening to you.

Posted by: toby928© at October 17, 2013 01:04 PM (QupBk)

312 his recovering alcoholic is down town to pick up his income tax return. He passes by a bar and turns to go inside. He stops and thinks to himself "If I go in here and get drunk, my wife will leave me". He makes a promise to himself to only have a couple beers and then leave. Well he goes in and gets wasted. As he sits at the bar, he pukes down the front of his shirt. Immediately he breaks out into tears sobbing "My wife is going to leave me. I'm just a miserable old drunk and now I'm going to die alone". The guy sitting next to him turns and says to the drunk guy "It's not that bad. You can get out of this." The drunk looks at him and asks how in the world is he going to get out of this? The guy says "Take a $5 bill and put it in your shirt pocket. When you get home, tell her you had a couple beers and a guy puked on you. Tell her that the $5 was given to you to pay for the shirt." The drunk guy looks disbelievingly at him and says "That just might work. You are a saint. Thank you." The drunk guys goes straight home. When he walks through the front door, his wife is waiting for him and she is irate. She takes one look at him and screams "I can't believe it. You're drunk. I warned you but you just don't care. I'm moving out." The drunk says "Stop honey. Let me explain. True I did have a couple beers but I'm not drunk." She says " Look at you... you puked down the front of your shirt." He says "I didn't do this. A drunk guy next to me puked on me. He put a $5 bill in my shirt pocket to pay for the shirt. You can see for yourself" She reaches into his pocket and pulls out some money. She looks at it, then to him and says "This is a $10 bill" He looks at her and says "Oh I forgot. He shit my pants too".

Posted by: toby928© at October 17, 2013 01:08 PM (QupBk)

313

Avoid it until they come out with Window's 9

 

At which point we'll all wish we had the W8 back again.

Posted by: PMRich at October 17, 2013 01:18 PM (KDUNf)

314

Failure is their goal. There is no institution that has strengthened America since O has been in office. They want us divided, weak and disorganized. It is a systematic destructuring of the American way of life. Disaster Relief reorganized? check Financial way of life reorganized? check Intelligence Organizations reorganized? check Media reorganized? check. Health care reorganized? check. Marriage reorganized? check. Military? Armed Bureaucracies? Foreign Policy? checks across the board. Demonizing the opposition?


The goal is not to successfully implement anything. The goal is to discredit government as it stands so that people (reads the Media) will clamor for Dictatorship (has already started) so that whenamajor crisis comes (notice theyhave been rehearsing for some time now)The "people" (as represented by themedia)will clamor for Ceasar, and he will not let them down. For he shall be the saviour of the rightous and the vanquisher of the wicked. May we all fear his wrath.

Posted by: xanderphife at October 17, 2013 01:19 PM (3ePq6)

315 IT'S ICECREAM! I SWEAR!

Posted by: Just the Punchline at October 17, 2013 01:37 PM (QupBk)

316 Yeah, I know I'm late to the thread.

I can laugh at the Penguin joke because the Penguin could choose not to drink, or go to another bar where they don't rip off Penguins. I can't laugh at the Obamacare website rip off...and no, I won't explain it. You're morons, you can figure it out, I'm sure.

Posted by: Retread at October 17, 2013 02:17 PM (IiAs3)

317 @310 typical internet trope: snark replaces true wit.

Posted by: docweasel at October 18, 2013 12:32 AM (hlFA8)

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