Ace of Spades HQ

February 28, 2013

Crime is never, ever, ever funny.
— CAC

Meet Kenneth Fulmer:

A man with a slight drinking problem and anger issues, who proved I posted this week's guess-the-crime too early. To celebrate his birthday, his father went out and bought a cake.

Mr. Fulmer didn't take kindly to the gesture, as The Smoking Gun reports:

...when Fulmer returned home drunk, he began arguing with his father and subsequently Â“batteredÂ” the pensioner Â“with a cookie cake,Â” according to a sheriffÂ’s report.
Specifically, investigators charge, Fulmer smashed the cake over the head of his father, who was Â“covered in the cookie cakeÂ” when Deputy Heath Balkom arrived at the home in response to a disorderly person call.

I wish I had something with more comedic potential, but hey. There you go.

Posted by: CAC at 02:42 PM | Comments (173)
Post contains 133 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Foist?

Posted by: Lurkasaurus at February 28, 2013 02:43 PM (zvgnJ)

2 Foist? Post vanished

Posted by: Lurkasaurus at February 28, 2013 02:44 PM (zvgnJ)

The only way this guy gets off is if the Three Stooges are part of the Jury....

Nyuck... Nyuck... Nyuck.... youse wise guys.....

Posted by: Romeo13 at February 28, 2013 02:44 PM (lZBBB)

4 Hey.... doe she need a good lawyer???

Posted by: Rufus T. Firefly at February 28, 2013 02:45 PM (lZBBB)

5 He's gotta be a gym teacher.

Posted by: tony redenzo at February 28, 2013 02:46 PM (0KgIG)

6 ...................................................

Posted by: Buster Keaton at February 28, 2013 02:46 PM (lZBBB)

7 Is the troll in to stand up for buttsecks yet?

Posted by: Sean Bannion at February 28, 2013 02:46 PM (XXE3J)

8 Cookie-battered?

Posted by: zsasz at February 28, 2013 02:46 PM (MMC8r)

9 Pops should have bought the oatmeal raisin cookie.

Posted by: Weird flunky at February 28, 2013 02:46 PM (tlhtD)

10 The face of an angel.

Posted by: The Heart of a DemocRat at February 28, 2013 02:46 PM (e5GZN)

11 Yeah..... but we got him... once we could get the truck past the Rail Road Tracks...

Posted by: Keystone City Police Dept. at February 28, 2013 02:47 PM (lZBBB)

12 he is a ginger and he abused an old man and a cookie. Diablo

Posted by: thunderb at February 28, 2013 02:47 PM (Dnbau)

13 Which is worse, this or burrito battery? http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/taco-bell-burrito-battery-678451#.USzzmkqnXkc.email

Posted by: Lurkasaurus at February 28, 2013 02:47 PM (zvgnJ)

14 This has all the makings of a hate crime against my people.

Posted by: Cookie Puss at February 28, 2013 02:48 PM (I88Jc)

15 You'll regret this.

Posted by: Kenneth Fulmer at February 28, 2013 02:48 PM (w+Dvf)

16 Who's my little birthday boy?

Posted by: Papa Jupiter at February 28, 2013 02:49 PM (BVkEs)

17 15 You'll regret this. Posted by: ~~Kenneth Fulmer~~ Gene Sperling at February 28, 2013 06:48 PM (w+Dvf) FIFY

Posted by: Sean Bannion at February 28, 2013 02:49 PM (XXE3J)

18 I wanted Chocolate Chip...DAMM-IT!

Posted by: Paladin at February 28, 2013 02:50 PM (cyCB9)

19 this is clearly ginger profiling. Gingerists. Gingerism must be eradicated. The gingerist attitudes of our anti-ginger world drove him to it. Ginger hate must abate. I blame the keebler elves

Posted by: thunderb at February 28, 2013 02:50 PM (Dnbau)

20 global warming caused this

Posted by: ghostofhallelujah at February 28, 2013 02:50 PM (XvrTA)

21 Gingerbread man shattered by break-up.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at February 28, 2013 02:50 PM (U5rMc)

22 Two words: marijuana cannon.

http://preview.tinyurl.com/d27v92r

Posted by: WalrusRex at February 28, 2013 02:50 PM (XUKZU)

23 It's a birthday cookie, you guys.

Posted by: Weird flunky at February 28, 2013 02:50 PM (tlhtD)

24 You don't want to know what he did to the birthday clown....

Posted by: model_1066 at February 28, 2013 02:51 PM (7xPCu)

25 Nah CAC that is a fine tale...

maybe I'll use an ice cream cake...

Posted by: sven10077 at February 28, 2013 02:51 PM (LRFds)

26 is he a ....Cookie Monster?

Posted by: thunderb at February 28, 2013 02:51 PM (Dnbau)

27 Battered with cookie cake? What were the ingredients... sugar, water, flour, and cement?

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at February 28, 2013 02:51 PM (eHIJJ)

28 Crime in Brazil:

Burglar invades home and ends up using his family jewels.
(Yes, that was a very liberal translation of the headline)

A man was arrested after an attempted burglary in the county of CarambeÃ, in the state of ParanÃ¡. The odd circumstance is that the burglar got himself involved in sexual intercourse with the home owners.

39 years old JosÃ© Pedro Alves, cut the electric fence and went over the wall, and when he reached the living room he found two couples having sex, and nobody minded his presence. In fact, JosÃ© was readily invited to join the orgy. He didn't hesitate.

According to JosÃ©, he was engaged in sexual intercourse for 30 minutes. 34 years old A.P.L., and her partner 31 years old C.S.O, stated to the police that they thought JosÃ© was a friend they had invited over to participate. "We thought his black hood was part of some sort of sexy ninja costume."

Posted by: WalrusRex at February 28, 2013 02:51 PM (XUKZU)

29 Who HASN'T smashed a cookie pie over their fathers head?

Posted by: steevy at February 28, 2013 02:52 PM (9XBK2)

30 Walrus Rex that there is a moron dream come true

Posted by: thunderb at February 28, 2013 02:53 PM (Dnbau)

31 Our products were meant to foster global peace and goodwill among men, not this delicious madness raining down from the heavens!

Posted by: Fudgie T. Whale, Carvel Spokesmammal at February 28, 2013 02:54 PM (I88Jc)

32 I think he may be a cereal killer...have you seen the muffin man, that lives on Drury Lane? He is missing

Posted by: thunderb at February 28, 2013 02:54 PM (Dnbau)

33 Was Mylar involved?

Posted by: Real Joe at February 28, 2013 02:54 PM (PD2ad)

34 Sponge cake next year for sure.

Posted by: Weird flunky at February 28, 2013 02:55 PM (tlhtD)

35 ... his black hood was part of some sort of sexy ninja costume.

there is my Halloween costume for this year.

Posted by: Paladin at February 28, 2013 02:55 PM (cyCB9)

36 You got punked. That's the guy from Metallica.

Posted by: gp at February 28, 2013 02:55 PM (mk9aG)

37 Dad should have given him pudding

Posted by: thunderb at February 28, 2013 02:55 PM (Dnbau)

38 29 Steevy,

well dad once came home drunk during the divorce from his 9th marriage and in a rage threw a platter of cupcakes on the ceiling....

which made for an interesting breakfast 4 hours later...

Deadpan is sometimes a brutally effective comedic tool.

Posted by: sven10077 at February 28, 2013 02:55 PM (LRFds)

39 I was guessing another couch fucker. Being a mean drunk is a real downer.

Posted by: sTevo at February 28, 2013 02:56 PM (EdSbX)

40 when he breaks bread, he really breaks bread

Posted by: thunderb at February 28, 2013 02:56 PM (Dnbau)

41 Dad should have given him pudding Dad couldn't give him pudding because he didn't eat his meat.

Posted by: Sean Bannion at February 28, 2013 02:56 PM (XXE3J)

42 Coulda been worse ..... coulda been a sextoy .

Posted by: Eyegore at February 28, 2013 02:56 PM (TQOZk)

43 Why would anyone waste perfectly good cake like that? Why?

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Totes waiting until after March Madness. at February 28, 2013 02:57 PM (Gk3SS)

44 low carb diet blamed

Posted by: thunderb at February 28, 2013 02:57 PM (Dnbau)

45 Bedelia!! Where's my cake!!?!?

Posted by: Nathan Grantham at February 28, 2013 02:57 PM (PMGbu)

46 A cookie cake? A cookie cake?

I'd refuse to convict. It's either a cookie or a cake but not both.

Posted by: andycanuck at February 28, 2013 02:58 PM (ORGYc)

47 I would've fought him off with assault cupcakes but they've been banned.

Posted by: 77-yr-old Father at February 28, 2013 02:58 PM (eHIJJ)

48 That has to be one disappoint father. Bet it's not the first time.

Posted by: sTevo at February 28, 2013 02:58 PM (EdSbX)

49 Do you know the muffin man?

Posted by: Weird flunky at February 28, 2013 02:59 PM (tlhtD)

50 Ban cookie cakes (too lazy to see if it's already been mentioned).

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 28, 2013 03:00 PM (UOM48)

51 he lived on Drury Lane

Posted by: thunderb at February 28, 2013 03:00 PM (Dnbau)

52 A dozen donuts will now be limited to seven in the state of New York.

Posted by: zsasz at February 28, 2013 03:01 PM (MMC8r)

53 he got upset when he couldn't dunk it in his glass of milk

Posted by: phoenixgirl member of WAVAWA at February 28, 2013 03:01 PM (GVxQo)

54 Mooch approves. NO MORE CARBS AND SUGARY SWEETS!!

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 28, 2013 03:01 PM (UOM48)

55 he felt his father was undermining FLOTUS's "Just Move" campaign for diet and exercise. He's really a political prisoner

Posted by: thunderb at February 28, 2013 03:02 PM (Dnbau)

56 Clearly, this is a case of transfered hostility due to pent-up edible desire for his mother's snack cakes.

Posted by: Little Debbie, Psych. at February 28, 2013 03:02 PM (I88Jc)

57 Cookie gets no respect. Tell me about it.

Posted by: Bozo the Clown at February 28, 2013 03:02 PM (L2I78)

58 FYI, Mooch is back on her "Let's Move!" high horse again.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 28, 2013 03:02 PM (UOM48)

59 Happy Birthday Motherf%cker

Posted by: The Jackhole at February 28, 2013 03:02 PM (nTgAI)

60 zsasz: "A dozen donuts will now be limited to seven in the state of New York."

So, a Bloomberg's Dozen then?

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at February 28, 2013 03:02 PM (eHIJJ)

61 I love these uplifting stories. You got any heartwarming ones about a boy and his dog?

Posted by: Jinx the Cat at February 28, 2013 03:02 PM (l3vZN)

62 Dear Penthouse Forum Brazil,
You will never believe what happened to me...

Posted by: glenno greenwaldo at February 28, 2013 03:03 PM (ORGYc)

63 There's comedy potential here. I guess I should read the link to see if this is Florida, or West Virginia.

Posted by: toby928© from the future at February 28, 2013 03:03 PM (QupBk)

I wish she would "Just Move" right on out of the White House

Posted by: thunderb at February 28, 2013 03:03 PM (Dnbau)

65 You got any heartwarming ones about a boy and his dog?

Well, there's lil' Barry in Indonesia...

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 28, 2013 03:03 PM (UOM48)

66 The Vneck Tshirt is a nice touch for a cake batterer

Posted by: The Jackhole at February 28, 2013 03:03 PM (nTgAI)

67 According to JosÃ©, he was
engaged in sexual intercourse for 30 minutes. 34 years old A.P.L., and
her partner 31 years old C.S.O, stated to the police that they thought
JosÃ© was a friend they had invited over to participate. "We thought his
black hood was part of some sort of sexy ninja costume."

Posted by: WalrusRex at February 28, 2013 06:51 PM (XUKZU)

Any dudes involved, kind of a deal breaker. If it's all chicks I'm down.

Posted by: Adam Smith's Invisible Pimp Hand at February 28, 2013 03:03 PM (NzBQO)

68 Louisiana?

Posted by: toby928© from the future at February 28, 2013 03:04 PM (QupBk)

69 Do douchebags still think mafiosis are cool guys? Or did all that blow over after dumbass Gotti died?

Posted by: Flores para los muertos at February 28, 2013 03:04 PM (wQXBk)

70 Time has been hard on Mark McGuire since he retired and stopped juicing.

Posted by: Max Entropy at February 28, 2013 03:04 PM (mIiUC)

71 Around here we call V-neck sweaters "cookie beaters". Usually Italian guys wear them.

Posted by: andycanuck at February 28, 2013 03:05 PM (ORGYc)

72 next on VH1, The Real Hollywood Story of Archie

Posted by: thunderb at February 28, 2013 03:06 PM (Dnbau)

73 man, Lindsey Lohan looks like shit!

Posted by: thunderb at February 28, 2013 03:08 PM (Dnbau)

74 NOTE TO SELF: Next year Angel food cake on paper plate

Posted by: Village Idiot at February 28, 2013 03:08 PM (utXSy)

75 If I had a psychotic white son.....

Posted by: Barky McFucknut at February 28, 2013 03:09 PM (BVkEs)

76 man, Lindsey Lohan looks like shit! Posted by: thunderb at February 28, 2013 07:08 PM (Dnbau) Drugs, booze, and no bras will do that to ya i guess

Posted by: Nevergiveup at February 28, 2013 03:10 PM (9Bj8R)

77 So has the GOP caved on sequestramagedon yet? It's amazing that the one time they may not fold is to slashing the military. Well, at least it'll mean the military is off the table next time. Pfffft, lol.

Posted by: mugiwara at February 28, 2013 03:10 PM (hpYnL)

78 assault cookies must be banned

Posted by: phoenixgirl member of WAVAWA at February 28, 2013 03:10 PM (GVxQo)

79 Hey, Nevergiveup, I saw a weird sight this afternoon. A truck with a Marine Corps emblem on one side of the rear window, and a Coexist sticker on the other.

o_O

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 28, 2013 03:11 PM (UOM48)

80 That's a hard Twinkie.

And just because, here's the much more eyeball friendly Cake Girl --

http://tinyurl.com/d3ruhfz

(I still think she is a lie)

Posted by: GnuBreed at February 28, 2013 03:11 PM (ccXZP)

81 "Happy Receding Hairline To You, Happy Receding Hairline To You..." might have set him off.

Posted by: Craig Poe at February 28, 2013 03:13 PM (BVkEs)

82 Fulmer looks like a Teabagger.

Not conclusive though.

Posted by: Herbert Hymenhopper at February 28, 2013 03:13 PM (mopd5)

83 Sadly, if I lost hair and added pounds, that guy could be my twin brother.

Posted by: toby928© waxes mundane at February 28, 2013 03:13 PM (QupBk)

84 Hey, Nevergiveup, I saw a weird sight this afternoon. A truck with a Marine Corps emblem on one side of the rear window, and a Coexist sticker on the other. o_O Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 28, 2013 07:11 PM (UOM4

???? Probably not a Marine or he bought the truck second hand or drugs, could be drugs

Posted by: Nevergiveup at February 28, 2013 03:13 PM (9Bj8R)

85 Report: Obama will cancel Israel visit if no coalition in place U.S. president's visit was expected to take place after the new Israeli government was formed, with the assumption that this would happen by mid-March. Netanyahu is still struggling to form a government, however. Figures

Posted by: Nevergiveup at February 28, 2013 03:14 PM (9Bj8R)

86 At least he's kept his looks.

Posted by: zsasz at February 28, 2013 03:14 PM (MMC8r)

87 lies are good

Posted by: ghostofhallelujah at February 28, 2013 03:14 PM (XvrTA)

88 Nothing brings out the hate
Like a birthday cookie cake

Posted by: Lemon Outta Lemonade Jingles, Inc. at February 28, 2013 03:14 PM (eHIJJ)

89 After cutting back on carbs all week, I couldn't get past the visual of me rolling around naked in that freaky, cookie cake-type thing. I'll be out back roughing up the suspect.

Posted by: sluggo at February 28, 2013 03:15 PM (vVv3V)

90 82 Fulmer looks like a Teabagger[/] Herbert Hymenhopper.

Fixed for accuracy.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 28, 2013 03:15 PM (UOM48)

91 Shit.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 28, 2013 03:15 PM (UOM48)

92 *whew*

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 28, 2013 03:16 PM (UOM48)

93 90 - your turn in the barrel.

Posted by: sluggo at February 28, 2013 03:16 PM (vVv3V)

94 I don't take no crap from a band manager who kept me in that stupid, old bus all those years all while making the moves on my mom, Sandy Duncan-Hines.

Posted by: Danny Bonaduce at February 28, 2013 03:16 PM (I88Jc)

95 Back under the stairs, Clarence.

Posted by: toby928© stands in for soothie at February 28, 2013 03:16 PM (QupBk)

96 Wow. That beard like totally detracts from the receding hairline. Totally.

Posted by: zsasz at February 28, 2013 03:17 PM (MMC8r)

97 36 You got punked. That's the guy from Metallica. Posted by: gp at February 28, 2013 06:55 PM (mk9aG) He doesn't look anything like Cliff Burton.

Posted by: model_1066 at February 28, 2013 03:17 PM (7xPCu)

98 Into the barrel once more, brave Ms. D'oh.

Posted by: GnuBreed at February 28, 2013 03:17 PM (ccXZP)

99 "Our products were meant to foster global peace and goodwill among men, not this delicious madness raining down from the heavens!

Posted by: Fudgie T. Whale, Carvel Spokesmammal at February 28, 2013 06:54 PM (I88Jc)"

As a kid, my brother and I would buy a Fudgie T. Whale and ask for 2 forks to eat it in the store. No need for birthday wishes in icing.

Posted by: dfbaskwill at February 28, 2013 03:17 PM (ndlFj)

100 "Cookie cake" just makes it silly. The only thing sillier would be if it were a Cookiepuss cake from Carvel.

Posted by: Lizzy at February 28, 2013 03:18 PM (is6Me)

101 The only thing sillier would be if it were a Cookiepuss cake from Carvel.

--------

You have my attention.

Posted by: sluggo at February 28, 2013 03:18 PM (vVv3V)

102 The father's mistake was not getting an icecream cake.

Posted by: toby928© stands in for soothie at February 28, 2013 03:18 PM (QupBk)

103 "I learned it from watching you Dad!" - Birthday Boy

Posted by: Craig Poe at February 28, 2013 03:19 PM (BVkEs)

104 Probably not a Marine or he bought the truck second hand or drugs, could be drugs Posted by: Nevergiveup at February 28, 2013 07:13 PM (9Bj8R)

I'm thinking the chick he's banging is hot enough to justify it.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Totes waiting until after March Madness. at February 28, 2013 03:20 PM (Gk3SS)

105 Potential candidate for a position at the BHO DOJ.

Posted by: angel with a sword at February 28, 2013 03:21 PM (LCb5K)

106 Replace the two dudes with a couple of decent looking chicks and, hot. Totally hot.

Posted by: Dang at February 28, 2013 03:22 PM (R18D0)

107 Amazing audio by Democrat Lanny Davis detailing the threats made by the White House... http://commoncts.blogspot.com/2013/02/former-white-house-aide-lanny-davis.html

Posted by: Steve at February 28, 2013 03:23 PM (/wJa/)

108 It's a piece of cake to smash a pretty cake
If the dad is hazy.

Posted by: Stephanie at February 28, 2013 03:24 PM (ku7mz)

109 assault cookies must be banned Posted by: phoenixgirl member of WAVAWA

We need to count how many chocolate ships it will hold before calling it an assault cookie.

Posted by: Dang at February 28, 2013 03:24 PM (R18D0)

110 After the sofa lover and the dude who anally pleased himself in the lingerie store, this is pretty tame stuff. This guy wouldn't even come close to taking silver in the Imbecile Olypmics.

Posted by: Donna V. at February 28, 2013 03:25 PM (7FqJH)

111 No birfday cookie next year junior because of the damn sequester!

Posted by: Weird flunky at February 28, 2013 03:25 PM (tlhtD)

112 Good thing it won't hot grits. Nothing worse than being scalded with a pot of hot birfday grits.

Posted by: EROWMER at February 28, 2013 03:25 PM (kxlCQ)

113 I'm thinking the chick he's banging is hot enough to justify it.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Totes waiting until after March Madness. at February 28, 2013 07:20 PM (Gk3SS)

I am disgusted by your heteronormative assumptions.

Posted by: Andrea Dworkin at February 28, 2013 03:25 PM (GsoHv)

114 109 assault cookies must be banned Posted by: phoenixgirl member of WAVAWA We need to count how many chocolate ships it will hold before calling it an assault cookie. Posted by: Dang at February 28, 2013 07:24 PM (R18D0) If it's organic gluten-free chocolate, it doesn't count.

Posted by: model_1066 at February 28, 2013 03:26 PM (7xPCu)

115 Feinstein introduces a bill next week to ban cookie cakes larger than 7 inches diameter. Cuomo demands a bill from his Republican-led legislature that all cookie-cake purchases be subject to background checks, and that ownership of any unregistered cookie cakes be a felony. Repubs say, yessir, sir, if you say so. Here's yer bill. No, we did not read it. NY legislature gets called back after a week to rewrite bill already passed, 'cause cops and firefighters and teachers want cookie-cakes at their parties, and the bill must be rewritten to exempt them.

Posted by: I can't take it anymore at February 28, 2013 03:26 PM (PH+2B)

116 Now, if he had been caught trying to bang the cookie cake...

Posted by: Donna V. at February 28, 2013 03:27 PM (7FqJH)

117 Can you blame the birthday boy? The message on the cookie cake was, "You're adopted, Happy Birthday, I think. No one really knows when your fucking birthday is!"

Posted by: Dang at February 28, 2013 03:27 PM (R18D0)

118 110 After the sofa lover and the dude who anally pleased himself in the lingerie store, this is pretty tame stuff. This guy wouldn't even come close to taking silver in the Imbecile Olypmics. Posted by: Donna V. at February 28, 2013 07:25 PM (7FqJH) I call it the Trailer Park Olympics. You don't get gold, silver and bronze...you get Thunderbird, Schlitz and Valu-Rite.

Posted by: model_1066 at February 28, 2013 03:27 PM (7xPCu)

119 Posted by: GnuBreed at February 28, 2013 07:17 PM (ccXZP)

Point of information.

What is the rule if the formatting error is caught before it affects anyone else?

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 28, 2013 03:28 PM (GsoHv)

120 Fudgie the Whale is a way better weapon than Cookie-Puss.

Posted by: garrett at February 28, 2013 03:29 PM (9UnaR)

121 Birthday cookie message: "Happy Birthday - I see someone already got you a gay boy ballet blouse."

Posted by: Dang at February 28, 2013 03:29 PM (R18D0)

122 This post is uselesss without Cake Girl.

Posted by: garrett at February 28, 2013 03:30 PM (9UnaR)

123

I call it the Trailer Park Olympics. Posted by: model_1066 at February 28, 2013 07:27 PM (7xPCu)

A better name for it, I agree. The Imbecile Olympics more properly describes the Obama Administration.

Posted by: Donna V. at February 28, 2013 03:31 PM (7FqJH)

124 Birthday cookie message: "This cookie cake would look better one me than on that fat ass of yours - Happy Birthday."

Posted by: Dang at February 28, 2013 03:32 PM (R18D0)

125 He looks pretty hot to me.

Posted by: Sandra Fluke at February 28, 2013 03:32 PM (l3vZN)

126 Fox panel agrees that there was no threat in email to Woodward and no conceivable way it could have been interpreted as such.

Then gives laundry list of intimidation by this regime of journalists, including themselves.

Fails to connect the two.

Includes one (!) tweet talking down to Woodward for being old, and considers it 'odd'

Fuck you, FNC.

Posted by: Methos at February 28, 2013 03:34 PM (hO9ad)

127

Message on cake: You talk like a fag and your shit's all retarded.

(Surprised nobody beat me to the punch there.)

Posted by: Donna V. at February 28, 2013 03:35 PM (7FqJH)

128 This is still funnier than anything Russell Brand ever did...

Posted by: Joejm65 at February 28, 2013 03:35 PM (UZuc4)

129 >> What is the rule if the formatting error is caught before it affects anyone else?

CBD, yeah she should get a pass. She fixed her own error quickly. btw, I had the strike fix in my post, assuming it would still be running.

>> This post is uselesss without Cake Girl.

garrett, I posted a link to her pic a few posts back.

Posted by: GnuBreed at February 28, 2013 03:35 PM (ccXZP)

130 Looks like he could be Gary Busey cousin.

Posted by: tony redenzo at February 28, 2013 03:35 PM (0KgIG)

131 Obama voter?

Posted by: Truck Monkey at February 28, 2013 03:37 PM (jucos)

132 Happy Birthday Son, I Should Have Used A Condom

Posted by: zsasz at February 28, 2013 03:38 PM (MMC8r)

133 I dunno, Katy Perry's kinda funny...oh, funny, as in ha-ha. Nevermind.

Posted by: Carrot Cake Top at February 28, 2013 03:38 PM (I88Jc)

134 Happy Birthday son, you know you look more and more like the milkman every year.

Posted by: Weird flunky at February 28, 2013 03:39 PM (tlhtD)

135 Birthday cookie message: "Your mom couldn't bake you a cake because I just buried her in the basement - Happy Birthday. You owe me $17.95."

Posted by: Dang at February 28, 2013 03:40 PM (R18D0)

136 Leif Garrett is in trouble again?

Posted by: Truck Monkey at February 28, 2013 03:40 PM (jucos)

137 I show up and everybody leaves?

Posted by: Truck Monkey at February 28, 2013 03:42 PM (jucos)

138 Burma Shave

Posted by: Truck Monkey at February 28, 2013 03:43 PM (jucos)

139 Time Warner says there is no demand for residential gigabit Internet During a speech at the Morgan Stanley Technology Conference earlier today, Time Warner Cable chief financial officer Irene Esteves downplayed the impact that Google Fiber is having on consumers. The executive said Time Warner was in the business of delivering what consumers want as well as staying a little ahead of what they think they will want. As of now, she said the company simply doesnÂ’t see the need of delivering similar speeds to the average consumer. Residential customers reportedly have shown little interest in their top tier Internet package. She pointed out, however, that they are already delivering speeds of 1 gigabit to business customers Â– demonstrating at least that they have the capability to do so.

Posted by: Islamic Rage Boy at February 28, 2013 03:43 PM (e8kgV)

140 What do you think would've happened if Dad had soaked the cake with rum?

Posted by: Ed Anger at February 28, 2013 03:43 PM (tOkJB)

141 What is the rule if the formatting error is caught before it affects anyone else?

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 28, 2013 07:28 PM (GsoHv

Srsly. I corrected before anyone was affected.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 28, 2013 03:46 PM (UOM48)

142 A better name for it, I agree. The Imbecile Olympics more properly describes the Obama Administration. Posted by: Donna V. at February 28, 2013 07:31 PM (7FqJH) That's not even close...the Zero's Admin is much too deliberately evil. It does, however describe the vast majority of semi-literate dipshits that voted for that waste of oxygen.

Posted by: model_1066 at February 28, 2013 03:46 PM (7xPCu)

143 What is the rule if the formatting error is caught before it affects anyone else? Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 28, 2013 07:28 PM (GsoHv Srsly. I corrected before anyone was affected. Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 28, 2013 07:46 PM (UOM4

------------------------------------------------------ It hurt my eye.

Posted by: Truck Monkey at February 28, 2013 03:47 PM (jucos)

144 Another violent gluten free dieter.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at February 28, 2013 03:47 PM (MuHYc)

145 Message written on the box under the first piece of birthday cookie Kenneth picked up: "Guess which piece of cookie I rubbed my dick on."

Posted by: Dang at February 28, 2013 03:48 PM (R18D0)

146 He probably posts here.

Posted by: Whatev at February 28, 2013 03:49 PM (A7Wh1)

147 Re Woodward Gate, Andi Sullivan sez:

This is what Woodward was claiming was a chilling threat to press freedom! I mean, seriously. What exactly is the threat?... Does this read like a man writing to someone threatening him with anything? He even says: Â“I for one welcome a little heat.Â” He describes SperlingÂ’s Â“threatÂ” as Â“personal adviceÂ” as a friend, which it plainly was. Then he goes whining to CNN and Politico that he is victim of government threats for his reporting. ThatÂ’s a lie, and Woodward has now been exposed as a liar.

Calm down, Andi. Go back to focusing on Sarah's vagina.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 28, 2013 03:49 PM (UOM48)

148 146 He probably posts here.

Posted by: Whatev at February 28, 2013 07:49 PM (A7Wh1

It's erg!

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 28, 2013 03:50 PM (UOM48)

149 Go back to focusing on Sarah's vagina. Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 28, 2013 07:49 PM (UOM4

------------------------------------------------------ I'll be in my bunk

Posted by: Truck Monkey at February 28, 2013 03:50 PM (jucos)

150 Calm down, Andi. Go back to focusing on Sarah's vagina. Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 28, 2013 07:49 PM (UOM4

I think the intrigue with him is more about her uterus.

Posted by: model_1066 at February 28, 2013 03:51 PM (7xPCu)

151 Whoops. Uterus is correct. Although I'm sure Andi worries about who's been in Sarah's vagina.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 28, 2013 03:53 PM (UOM48)

152 Remind me again why this Sullivan douche is worth paying attention to? Is he one of those 'journalists' that take the term "deep throat" literally?

Posted by: model_1066 at February 28, 2013 03:53 PM (7xPCu)

153 Kenny was pissed because they spelled his name Kimmy on the cake.

Happens all the time.

That and his Dad didn't get him the chocolate liqueur cake. Kimmy takes her booze seriously.

Posted by: bonhomme at February 28, 2013 03:55 PM (teWsf)

154 "He probably posts here." Tell Benny Blanco from da Bronx that I don't do dose pastries no more.

Posted by: Carlito's Bakery at February 28, 2013 03:55 PM (I88Jc)

155 Nude Ace Evening Off Post

Posted by: toby928© stands in for soothie at February 28, 2013 03:56 PM (QupBk)

156 Kenny was pissed because they spelled his name Kimmy on the cake. The bakery once gave Mrs928 a cake for me that said Happy Birthday Toddy. So there you go.

Posted by: toby928© stands in for soothie at February 28, 2013 03:57 PM (QupBk)

157 Perhaps dad should have gone with a nice card and Wal Mart gift certificate instead. It really is a sad story though.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at February 28, 2013 03:58 PM (MuHYc)

158 Well at least you didn't batter the Mrs. over the head with it, I'm presuming,

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at February 28, 2013 04:00 PM (MuHYc)

159 It's a piece of cake to smash a pretty cake
If the dad is hazy.

HA! The bakery used a metric recipe.

Posted by: bonhomme at February 28, 2013 04:02 PM (teWsf)

160 Is he from Florida by any chance?

Posted by: RayJ at February 28, 2013 04:03 PM (pI/IV)

161

The bakery once gave Mrs928 a cake for me that said Happy Birthday Toddy. So there you go. Posted by: toby928Â© stands in for soothie at February 28, 2013 07:57 PM (QupBk)

Spelling is hard for bakeries, it seems. My sister-in-law got a cake for her son once that said "Happy birthday, Bean." You wouldn't think someone could screw up "Ben" but there you go.

Posted by: Donna V. at February 28, 2013 04:06 PM (7FqJH)

162 I'm not sure how that relates, toddy.

Posted by: bonhomme at February 28, 2013 04:07 PM (teWsf)

163 Alternate hypothesis, Kenny found out he'd been spelling his name wrong this whole time.

"Who's Kenny?!?" He screamed.

Posted by: bonhomme at February 28, 2013 04:09 PM (IgCV5)

164 Mulva?

Posted by: toby928© at February 28, 2013 04:10 PM (QupBk)

165 Someone that smashes their birthday cake over their father's head after coming home drunk does not have a "slight" drinking problem.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at February 28, 2013 04:11 PM (MuHYc)

166 I dunno. This story makes me really sad for the father. Seems like he was trying to do something for a thankless son. Generally don't expect to get depressed by the crime of the week.

Posted by: Boone at February 28, 2013 04:16 PM (g1l6M)

167 I felt the same way, Boone.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at February 28, 2013 04:18 PM (MuHYc)

168 Yeah, its sad. Just think of the future laughs though. Not Kenny of course, he's dying soon. Everyone else though will laugh and laugh.

Posted by: bonhomme at February 28, 2013 04:22 PM (HRmlz)

169 126 methos,

Faux does *not* want the chickens to come home to roost so they inch up and retreat...

sven president of the Old Yeller Shempf club

Posted by: sven10077 at February 28, 2013 04:25 PM (LRFds)

170 Fighting. The. Urge. To. Punch. This. Puke.

Posted by: Foghorn Leghorn at February 28, 2013 04:29 PM (n8LUb)

171 165 Someone that smashes their birthday cake over their father's head after coming home drunk does not have a "slight" drinking problem. Posted by: FenelonSpoke at February 28, 2013 08:11 PM (MuHYc) It's performance art for rednecks...let's give him some grant money.

Posted by: model_1066 at February 28, 2013 04:47 PM (7xPCu)

172 Has anyone guessed what birthday this douche was celebrating? Judging from the picture, I'd say it was his 44th or thereabouts.

Posted by: model_1066 at February 28, 2013 04:49 PM (7xPCu)

173 Pretty excited to reveal this is a local. I'm whipping some ass with a bananna bread tomorrow.

Posted by: MetricButtload at March 01, 2013 01:55 PM (S5gc7)

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