March 01, 2013
— Ace Iowahawk said something yesterday (which he's said before, but he reminded me of it yesterday) about The New Yorker's cartoons.
You know those drab, vague watercolor black-and-white cartoons skewered on Seinfeld for never making any sense?
Iowahawk proposed that every New Yorker cartoon -- every one -- could be made funnier by replacing its caption with:
Is it true? Well let's test this proposition under strict laboratory conditions. Let's do Science.
"I'm going to kill myself."
I'm going to mark that as a positive. But maybe we just got lucky the first time.
"I'm going to kill myself."
Pretty good! But two incidences does not define a trend.
"I'm going to kill myself."
Well, that works too.
For the last test in Phase One of our experiment, what about the fake New Yorker cartoon which was featured in Seinfeld? The one that made the point about these cartoons sucking and making no sense? The one with the pig at the complaints window that turned out to be stolen from a Ziggy?
"I'm going to kill myself."
Well that seals it then. Okay, Iowahawk was right: Every New Yorker cartoon is better with the caption "I think I'm going to kill myself."
But now we have to test against a Control Group. We have to make certain this rule is only applicable to The New Yorker. Perhaps it's an even more generally-applying rule.
What about Family Circus?
"I'm going to kill myself."
Interesting. Bloom County?
"I'm going to kill myself."
But what about Calvin and Hobbes?
"I'm going to kill myself."
Well this all seems very intriguing.
But one last test. Surely this trick could not possibly work with Peanuts.
Not Peanuts, surely.
" I'm going to kill myself."
Peanuts too.
Conclusions: Iowahawk was correct in his claim that the caption "I think I'm going to kill myself" makes all New Yorker cartoons funnier.
However, it seems the rule also applies to a large number of other cartoons. Iowahawk's rule might an even more powerful Principle of Science than he originally anticipated.
Corrected: Iowahawk points out his gag is "I'm going to kill myself," not "I think I'm going to kill myself," as I had it. I've changed all captions to conform to his actual joke.
Posted by: Ace at
09:47 AM
| Comments (330)
Post contains 391 words, total size 4 kb.
Posted by: Dr Spank at March 01, 2013 09:51 AM (w+Dvf)
Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 09:52 AM (LRFds)
"And yet, all I can catch is crabs."
Posted by: Edgy Onion Writer at March 01, 2013 09:52 AM (qxcKC)
Posted by: annoyed at March 01, 2013 09:52 AM (uEm7J)
Posted by: chique d'afrique (the artist formerly known as african chick) at March 01, 2013 09:53 AM (6zgse)
Posted by: L, elle at March 01, 2013 09:53 AM (0PiQ4)
Posted by: soothsayer at March 01, 2013 09:53 AM (NNTrd)
Posted by: WalrusRex at March 01, 2013 09:53 AM (Hx5uv)
Posted by: annoyed at March 01, 2013 09:53 AM (uEm7J)
But one last test. Surely this trick could not possibly work with Peanuts.
Not Peanuts, surely.
Given poor Charlie Brown's propensity for always getting shafted with the short end of life's stick, I'm surprised every Peanuts strip DOESN'T end with, "I think I'm going to kill myself."
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 09:53 AM (4df7R)
well with the Uncle duke portions of Doonesbury little changes...
God bless Uncle Duke
Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 09:54 AM (LRFds)
"I think I'm going to kill myself."Posted by: WalrusRex at March 01, 2013 01:53 PM (Hx5uv)
Wait wait wait. You're telling me that's NOT what every Doonesbury strip says? Crap, I've been hallucinating all these years.
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 09:55 AM (4df7R)
Or the grandma (whatshername) who's working for Lizzie Warren.
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 09:55 AM (UOM48)
And the irony is that he tries to catch fish.
But most people , when engaging in sexual contact, try to avoid catching crabs cause they little fuckers hurt like the dickens.
And know you know why I stopped masterbating.
Posted by: Edgy Onion Writer at March 01, 2013 09:55 AM (qxcKC)
Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at March 01, 2013 09:55 AM (szUf0)
Posted by: @PurpAv at March 01, 2013 09:55 AM (/gHaE)
Posted by: Dr Spank at March 01, 2013 09:56 AM (w+Dvf)
Posted by: toby928© for TB at March 01, 2013 09:56 AM (QupBk)
Yeah...it is sorta there unwritten ain't it...?
God bless you Charlie Brown keep
Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 09:56 AM (LRFds)
I propose dubbing videos of Chris Matthews and Ed Schultz and see if it works then.
Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at March 01, 2013 09:57 AM (szUf0)
Posted by: Adam Smith's Invisible Pimp Hand at March 01, 2013 09:57 AM (NzBQO)
Posted by: alexthechick - Bring the SMOD at March 01, 2013 09:57 AM (VtjlW)
Posted by: Beagle at March 01, 2013 09:57 AM (sOtz/)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 09:57 AM (UOM48)
Posted by: @PurpAv at March 01, 2013 09:57 AM (/gHaE)
We're unanimous on that.
Posted by: Allen's kid and Al Roker at March 01, 2013 09:58 AM (szUf0)
Dick Tracy - Works.
Nancy - Doesnt Work
Lil Abner - Works.
Beetle Bailey - Works
Ziggy - Works
Dennis the Menace - Doesnt Work.
Posted by: fixerupper at March 01, 2013 09:58 AM (nELVU)
I don't think it works in the Charlie Brown scene. It just seems sad in that one, because Charlie is always put upon.
but what does work as well as Iowahawk's is:
"That's a drone strike".
Try it.
Posted by: Guy Mohawk at March 01, 2013 09:58 AM (p/cQy)
"I canÂ’t do some kind of Jedi Mind Meld on congressional Republicans," Obama said.
"I think I'm going to kill myself."
Posted by: Commander Spock at March 01, 2013 09:58 AM (e8kgV)
Posted by: @PurpAv at March 01, 2013 09:58 AM (/gHaE)
Posted by: Pug Mahon at March 01, 2013 09:59 AM (K+mtQ)
Posted by: soothsayerwing plover at March 01, 2013 10:00 AM (+7i2c)
Posted by: Dr Spank at March 01, 2013 10:00 AM (w+Dvf)
Posted by: MadisonConservative at March 01, 2013 10:00 AM (Y/HG5)
Posted by: Pyrocles at March 01, 2013 10:00 AM (cv5Iw)
Posted by: chique d'afrique (the artist formerly known as african chick) at March 01, 2013 10:00 AM (6zgse)
Posted by: spongeworthy at March 01, 2013 10:00 AM (r5w1L)
"I canÂ’t do some kind of Jedi Mind Meld on congressional Republicans," Obama said.
"I think I'm going to kill myself."
Posted by: Obi-Wan Kenobi at March 01, 2013 10:00 AM (e8kgV)
Posted by: toby928© for TB at March 01, 2013 02:00 PM (QupBk)
----
yeah.... and I think they're disgusting...
Posted by: King Barrack Ozzymandius at March 01, 2013 10:01 AM (nELVU)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 10:01 AM (UOM48)
"It was this big"
"And now you will blow me"
"Just let me eat my waffle"
"Present"
Posted by: Others that work at March 01, 2013 10:01 AM (szUf0)
Posted by: soothsayerwing plover at March 01, 2013 10:02 AM (OZ9Xn)
OT
I love Texas. On the radio, just a few minutes ago I heard an ad for The Silencer Shop, in Austin that will help you with the license. Even Austin isn't as lame as CA or NY.
Posted by: Invictus at March 01, 2013 10:02 AM (OQpzc)
Posted by: NYC Parent at March 01, 2013 10:02 AM (8GA+4)
Posted by: Soona at March 01, 2013 10:02 AM (cJHn3)
Posted by: jwest at March 01, 2013 10:03 AM (u2a4R)
Posted by: Secretary of Defense Hagel--now with weapons!! at March 01, 2013 10:03 AM (r2PLg)
remember when you were liitle and you'd use WAX PAPER and a BUTTER KNIFE to transfer SUNDAY COMICS?
... or use "Silly Putty"
Posted by: Abe Lincoln at March 01, 2013 10:03 AM (e8kgV)
Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 01, 2013 10:03 AM (yCvxi)
Posted by: soothsayerwing plover at March 01, 2013 02:02 PM (OZ9Xn)
----
jeebus - you must be OLD.... ALL the kewl kids used Silly Putty....
Posted by: fixerupper at March 01, 2013 10:03 AM (nELVU)
Posted by: alexthechick - Bring the SMOD at March 01, 2013 10:04 AM (VtjlW)
51 Wait a minute...how the hell did it get to be Friday so soon? I coulda swore it was Wednesday...
Posted by: @PurpAv at March 01, 2013 01:58 PM (/gHaE)
Booze is a helluva thing.
Posted by: BCochran1981 at March 01, 2013 10:04 AM (da5Wo)
Did you know his dorm was called Doonesbury cause it was a messy? That is HILARIOUS.
Ok, that is the funny where you laugh.
Posted by: Edgy Onion Writer at March 01, 2013 10:04 AM (qxcKC)
Posted by: soothsayerwing plover at March 01, 2013 10:05 AM (NNTrd)
Posted by: Truman North at March 01, 2013 10:05 AM (I2LwF)
Posted by: dr. shatterhand at March 01, 2013 10:05 AM (n/ogz)
I tried, I couldn't find any Gary Larson cartoons which didn't already have a caption, and I don't know how to edit photos.
Posted by: ace at March 01, 2013 10:05 AM (LCRYB)
Posted by: Clemenza at March 01, 2013 10:05 AM (x59Gv)
Yeah "Seinfeld"....that said the Uncle Duke manages the redskins bit?
*looks around alone*
guys....guys?
Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 10:05 AM (LRFds)
Posted by: L, elle at March 01, 2013 10:05 AM (0PiQ4)
Hey, it's Friday afternoon, it's not like anyone was going to do anything anyway.
Posted by: alexthechick - Bring the SMOD at March 01, 2013 02:04 PM (VtjlW)
Damn you. It's bad enough that I keep having to minimize AoS and Schlock Mercenary. Now you drop Calvin and Hobbes on me????
Posted by: BCochran1981 at March 01, 2013 10:05 AM (da5Wo)
Posted by: Dr Spank at March 01, 2013 01:56 PM (w+Dvf)
----------------------------------------------
I went and looked again at the cartoons using your heading, and I think it's much funnier.
Posted by: Soona at March 01, 2013 10:06 AM (cJHn3)
Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at March 01, 2013 10:06 AM (Ipj15)
Posted by: Truman North at March 01, 2013 10:06 AM (I2LwF)
Posted by: Sensitive Artist at March 01, 2013 10:06 AM (Kxz3Y)
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 01, 2013 10:06 AM (4OvDk)
Posted by: @PurpAv at March 01, 2013 01:55 PM (/gHaE)
Plank's constant - That planking will always, ALWAYS make the planker look like a colossal douche.
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 10:06 AM (4df7R)
BOOM!
Posted by: Dr Spank at March 01, 2013 02:05 PM (w+Dvf)
----
Yeah.... That John Wilkes Booth. The first actor to get inside Lincolns head.
Posted by: fixerupper at March 01, 2013 10:06 AM (nELVU)
Posted by: Eaton Cox at March 01, 2013 10:06 AM (q177U)
part of my point in the In Memory thread was that Andrew's strength was taking disparate ideas from multiple sources using multiple media and background to make a case...
we have a diverse staff here...*maybe?*
Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 10:07 AM (LRFds)
Posted by: L, elle at March 01, 2013 02:05 PM (0PiQ4)
Oh God, you're so right.
I think I'm going to kill myself.
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 10:07 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: Soledad in the Boondocks at March 01, 2013 10:07 AM (I88Jc)
Posted by: joncelli at March 01, 2013 10:07 AM (RD7QR)
Posted by: HoboJerky, now with 74% more DOOM! at March 01, 2013 10:07 AM (FsUAO)
Posted by: Tom at March 01, 2013 10:07 AM (tMGxX)
Posted by: somebody else, not me at March 01, 2013 10:08 AM (nZvGM)
I suppose that is even true for these cartoon captions.
"I feel like i am going to kill myself ... in bed."
Posted by: Long Island at March 01, 2013 10:08 AM (hl8SI)
"On a more serious note, I think I just shit myself" is funnier.
Posted by: Dr Spank at March 01, 2013 10:08 AM (w+Dvf)
Posted by: HoboJerky, now with 74% more DOOM! at March 01, 2013 10:08 AM (FsUAO)
Posted by: Diogenes at March 01, 2013 10:08 AM (1/RiT)
His best was Little Orphan Annie, when he would dressup like Annie with silvered glasses. Next best was "Moon Maid" in the "Dick Tracy" comics ... "eny-moony-minnie-moony"
Posted by: 60's dude at March 01, 2013 10:08 AM (e8kgV)
Posted by: thunderb at March 01, 2013 10:09 AM (Dnbau)
Ouch, I think I hurt myself.
Posted by: pep at March 01, 2013 10:09 AM (YXmuI)
Posted by: red sweater at March 01, 2013 10:09 AM (oATMN)
RIP Andrew Breitbart. Funny I did not know much about him, but have only come into the fight midstream.
I worked so much and was not paying attention, but was shocked to see how much of this beautiful country had started to slip away from us.
No longer. Stand and fight.
Fuck you. WAR.
Great "scientific experiment" with the captions Ace.
Posted by: Prescient11 at March 01, 2013 10:10 AM (tVTLU)
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 01, 2013 10:10 AM (wtvvX)
Because I can't think of one...
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 01, 2013 10:11 AM (wtvvX)
Well I think the real issue here is it works for any confusing or otherwise unfunny cartoon. The issue being ALL New Yorker cartoons lack humor and are confusing.
Posted by: MikeTheMoose Now With More DOOM! at March 01, 2013 10:11 AM (0q2P7)
Posted by: Waterhouse at March 01, 2013 10:11 AM (vBSha)
Posted by: soothsayer at March 01, 2013 10:11 AM (OZ9Xn)
The phrase "I think I just shit myself" also works for all New Yorker cartoons.
Posted by: Dr Spank at March 01, 2013 01:56 PM (w+Dvf)
I just tried it against a few "Far Sides." Yep, totally works. And it's even more hilarious.
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 10:12 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 01, 2013 02:11 PM (wtvvX)
----
Nancy.
Posted by: fixerupper at March 01, 2013 10:12 AM (nELVU)
"I think I am going to kill myself" doesn't work with that Larson cartoon.
Posted by: Long Island at March 01, 2013 02:11 PM (hl8SI
I know. I just love the cartoon.
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 10:12 AM (UOM48)
Cathy was topical and witty when I was in short pants. That time has passed by decades.
Posted by: MikeTheMoose Now With More DOOM! at March 01, 2013 10:12 AM (0q2P7)
Because I can't think of one...
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 01, 2013 02:11 PM (wtvvX)
"Mary Worth."
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 10:12 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: wiserbud at March 01, 2013 10:13 AM (WCe8r)
Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at March 01, 2013 10:13 AM (f9c2L)
***
I find Frank and Ernest to sometimes be pretty funny.
Posted by: WalrusRex at March 01, 2013 10:13 AM (Hx5uv)
Posted by: thunderb at March 01, 2013 10:14 AM (Dnbau)
I think that might work, too. It's funny but not ha ha funny. More true and depressing than funny. Let's say universally morose. That makes it kinda New Yorker funny.
Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at March 01, 2013 10:14 AM (eHIJJ)
Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 01, 2013 10:14 AM (yCvxi)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 10:15 AM (UOM48)
Posted by: Buzzsaw90 at March 01, 2013 10:15 AM (SO2Q8)
Posted by: keena at March 01, 2013 10:15 AM (wNsNP)
Posted by: thunderb at March 01, 2013 10:16 AM (Dnbau)
Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Knows it's going to kill us all. at March 01, 2013 10:16 AM (VtjlW)
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 01, 2013 10:17 AM (wtvvX)
Because I can't think of one...
Posted by: Tex Lovera
Mamma.
Go check one out if you want to experience the white hot rage of knowing someone was paid money to draw that singularity of anti-humor.
Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at March 01, 2013 10:17 AM (Ipj15)
reporter Jessica Yellin asked him why he couldn't do anything to stop
the automatic spending cuts that start to take effect today.
"I canÂ’t do some kind of Jedi Mind Meld on congressional Republicans," Obama said.
"I think I just shit myself."
Posted by: keena at March 01, 2013 02:15 PM (wNsNP)
lol!
Also, WTF? "Surprise" press conference? Shouldn't that have been a given, that he'd have a presser?
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 10:17 AM (4df7R)
"I'm one of the few true conservatives left in the Republican Party."
"I think I just shit myself."
Mika: "Me too."
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 10:17 AM (UOM48)
Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 01, 2013 10:17 AM (yCvxi)
I know you miss the Wainwrights, Bobby, but they were weak and stupid people - and that's why we have wolves and other large predators.
Posted by: MikeTheMoose Now With More DOOM! at March 01, 2013 10:17 AM (0q2P7)
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/.a/6a00d8341c630a53ef013486a73dbf970c-500wi
Posted by: mallfly at March 01, 2013 10:18 AM (bJm7W)
I really should force myself to glean Morning Cho again....I need to know how his interns are doing in his new job...
Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 10:18 AM (LRFds)
Posted by: L, elle at March 01, 2013 10:19 AM (0PiQ4)
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 01, 2013 10:19 AM (Uhg6n)
a shade before my time...and wasn't the quote then..."I am going to kill YOU!"?
Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 10:19 AM (LRFds)
Posted by: esch at March 01, 2013 10:20 AM (bwXBm)
Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 01, 2013 10:20 AM (yCvxi)
93 You know where else this work? Here. As the last line to every comment.
Posted by: L, elle at March 01, 2013 02:05 PM (0PiQ4)
----------
Or...."Kill me now".
Which is sort along the same theme as the Sweet Meteor of Death meme.
Posted by: wheatie at March 01, 2013 10:20 AM (QPnFm)
Posted by: John Kerry, Secretriat of State at March 01, 2013 10:21 AM (A6EXC)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 10:21 AM (UOM48)
It's not an unknown quantity. Check out PETA kills animals and never let them anywhere near your pets. They kill close to 90% of the pet's they "rescue"
Posted by: MikeTheMoose Now With More DOOM! at March 01, 2013 10:21 AM (0q2P7)
Man, I miss me some bullet trajectories....
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 01, 2013 10:21 AM (wtvvX)
Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Knows it's going to kill us all. at March 01, 2013 10:21 AM (VtjlW)
Posted by: mallfly at March 01, 2013 10:21 AM (bJm7W)
Posted by: Clemenza at March 01, 2013 10:22 AM (x59Gv)
Posted by: Others that work at March 01, 2013 02:03 PM (szUf0)
He's a dick-taker, not a dictator.
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 01, 2013 10:22 AM (673KB)
Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Knows it's going to kill us all. at March 01, 2013 02:16 PM (VtjlW)
I got kisses?
......................................
Ha ha ha ha ah Bannion! I got kisses!
Posted by: BCochran1981 at March 01, 2013 10:23 AM (da5Wo)
Best cartoons ever. I can't think of a single one that wasn't laugh-out-loud funny.
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 10:23 AM (UOM48)
Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 01, 2013 10:24 AM (yCvxi)
Posted by: Truck Monkey at March 01, 2013 10:24 AM (jucos)
Posted by: WalrusRex at March 01, 2013 10:24 AM (Hx5uv)
Posted by: joncelli at March 01, 2013 10:25 AM (RD7QR)
Posted by: MikeTheMoose Now With More DOOM! at March 01, 2013 10:25 AM (0q2P7)
Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 01, 2013 10:25 AM (yCvxi)
"I think I'm going to kill myself."
Posted by: jwb7605 (Let It Burn) at March 01, 2013 10:26 AM (Qxe/p)
Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at March 01, 2013 10:27 AM (BDHOa)
"Midvale School for the Gifted" (click nic) would work wonderfully with either of the captions.
"I think I'm going to kill myself."
"I think I just shit myself."
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 10:27 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: wooga at March 01, 2013 10:27 AM (HHa2C)
Posted by: Margarita DeVille at March 01, 2013 10:28 AM (C8mVl)
Posted by: Whatev at March 01, 2013 10:29 AM (A7Wh1)
Posted by: WalrusRex at March 01, 2013 10:29 AM (Hx5uv)
Posted by: Margarita DeVille at March 01, 2013 02:28 PM (C8mVl
Srsly. I can't find one mock-worthy thing about President Obama and his administration. But Booooosh will never get old.
Posted by: Gary Trudeau at March 01, 2013 10:29 AM (UOM48)
Posted by: Snarky the Bear at March 01, 2013 10:30 AM (/b8+5)
Try "Cleveland" -- imagine the bear in a dress that looks like the curtains
Posted by: mallfly at March 01, 2013 10:31 AM (bJm7W)
Posted by: BeckoningChasm at March 01, 2013 10:31 AM (xjpRj)
Posted by: Bill from Chappaqua at March 01, 2013 10:31 AM (0SXI6)
The picture at Drudge now, of Bammy with his hands up ala frigging Evita. "I am not a Dictator." Brilliant.
But it would be even funnier if the headline was, "I think I just shit myself."
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 10:31 AM (4df7R)
Gee, I haven't done that since my Precious became president.
Posted by: Gary Trudeau at March 01, 2013 10:32 AM (UOM48)
I also think Get Fuzzy is pretty funny (even if it does lean to the left).
It was very funny at one time, but lost its appeal a couple years back when the writer started getting political. Real pity - for awhile is was what Garfield would have been if Garfield was funny.
Posted by: Grey Fox at March 01, 2013 10:32 AM (B4jfv)
What about Marmaduke? does it work on Marmaduke? i love that rascally mutt.
Not so much. But with Garfield, yeah. You can even replace the line with "I think I'm going to kill you.", to make it even funnier.
Posted by: Sandra Fluke at March 01, 2013 10:32 AM (KESFj)
Posted by: The fly on Obama's face at March 01, 2013 10:32 AM (YmPwQ)
Posted by: Whatev at March 01, 2013 10:33 AM (A7Wh1)
Posted by: mallfly at March 01, 2013 10:33 AM (bJm7W)
Posted by: weft cut-loop at March 01, 2013 02:06 PM (Ipj15)
Funny you should say that. Read a copy of the Calgary Sun (supposedly a "conservative" paper, if it matters) yesterday at a fast-food joint. They used to have a decent comics page. No more. About half a tabloid page of lame cartoons that look like they were drawn by some 20-something hipster douchebag. And they all more or less looked alike.
Comics used to have distinctive artistic style, and you could recognize an artist's work by that alone. Nobody would ever mistake a panel from Dick Tracy for a panel from Prince Valiant.
Today's comics are so crappy, I'm surprised some enterprising newspaper owner hasn't tried to go with a "classic comics" format, and buy the rights to re-run some of the old classic strips on a daily basis. Dick Tracy, Terry and the Pirates, Steve Canyon, Lil' Abner, to name but a few.
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 01, 2013 10:33 AM (673KB)
He had a chance to do some good, to reach a lot of people, but I heard he's walking it all back.
J. Severin on the beck network is having Father Martin as a guest. Just tuned in, been inundated with stuff so I had no idea that they were trying to make the retirement from the Papacy into something more than it is in the MSM. But I'm not surprised. Severin is having Father Martin on after the break to discuss ths very subject, for those so inclined. You google beck radio and click the button and the pop up opens the audio.
Posted by: Snarky the Bear at March 01, 2013 02:30 PM (/b8+5
No, curious. We're talking about cartoons here.
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 10:34 AM (UOM48)
Posted by: Margarita DeVille at March 01, 2013 10:34 AM (C8mVl)
Posted by: beachreader at March 01, 2013 10:34 AM (XYSwB)
Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 01, 2013 10:35 AM (yCvxi)
I cant wait until the cartoon series comes out starring the Obamas.
----------------------------------------------
The name of the cartoon will be: "Say What, Bitches"? or "Yes Dear".
Posted by: Soona at March 01, 2013 10:35 AM (cJHn3)
Posted by: SH at March 01, 2013 10:35 AM (gmeXX)
Yeah it didn't work for the Calvin and Hobbes comic. It would have been funny if it was -
' I'm going to kill Suzie'
Posted by: polynikes at March 01, 2013 10:35 AM (m2CN7)
------------
For a while, the Herald Journal up in Logan, Utah carried a comic strip called Phipps. It was four little pictures that made no sense with no words.
A Phipps strip of the less mysterious variety went like this:
- Panel 1: UFO arrives and lands next to character presumed to be Phipps
- Panel 2: UFO drives holds out his wallet, showing Phipps his credit cards
- Panel 3: Phipps shows out his wallet, showing UFO driver his credit cards
- Panel 4: UFO flies away
Most of them didn't make even that much sense.
Heh. Just googled "Phipps comic strip" and found this letter to the editor of the Deseret News complaining about the thing:
http://tinyurl.com/acgb84u
Posted by: Assault Citizen Anachronda at March 01, 2013 10:36 AM (1c58W)
Posted by: rfichoke at March 01, 2013 10:36 AM (oc9MW)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 10:37 AM (UOM48)
Unfortunately, given the success rate of "print to video" comics, I do not hold out much hope...
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 01, 2013 10:37 AM (wtvvX)
Do a search for Far Real Sides and go to the worth.com site where they make real far side cartoons . T
hey are excellent.
Posted by: Big Swingin Al at March 01, 2013 10:37 AM (iWo0u)
Posted by: Snarky the Bear at March 01, 2013 10:38 AM (/b8+5)
Everybody I knew tuned in to see Valerie Bertinelli
Posted by: Reginald FitzUrse, Hugh de Moreville, William de Tracy, and Richard le Breton at March 01, 2013 10:38 AM (e8kgV)
The left hates cats and dogs in a lot of cases...in New Zealand they want the felines extinct
Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 10:39 AM (LRFds)
Two related headlines from Drudge:
Soaring Property Tax Assessments Startle Homeowners...
Philly house goes from $12,000 to $116,700...
If I were the poor man who owned that Philadelphia home, the caption under my picture would read, "MWR: Thinks she just shit herself."
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 10:39 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: SH at March 01, 2013 10:40 AM (gmeXX)
thank you but remember the whole joke is Iowahawk's.
Posted by: ace at March 01, 2013 10:40 AM (LCRYB)
How about "I'm a dick" and use it at Drudge under Barky's pic?
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 10:41 AM (UOM48)
"Massive Ice Balls Wash Up On Shores of Lake Michigan"
GIANT ICE BALL 1 to GIANT ICE BALL 2:
"I think I just shit myself."
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 10:41 AM (4df7R)
The caption ' Obama Sucks' works better.
Posted by: polynikes at March 01, 2013 10:41 AM (m2CN7)
Yeah... I think I would, too.
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 01, 2013 10:41 AM (4OvDk)
I just tried it against a few "Far Sides." Yep, totally works. And it's even more hilarious.
---------
It'd be perfect for "Cow Tools"
Posted by: Assault Citizen Anachronda at March 01, 2013 10:41 AM (1c58W)
I look forward to the arsons.....
I know if they try that stunt with me I will dismantle the house
Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 10:42 AM (LRFds)
... what a dick.
Posted by: Alexander Hamilton at March 01, 2013 10:42 AM (e8kgV)
Posted by: Portrait of George Washington at March 01, 2013 10:42 AM (ku7mz)
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 01, 2013 02:19 PM (Uhg6n)
Ingrid Newkirk is a lying scrunt. PETA's own "shelters" have been killing animals, adoptable animals, at a rate that would have brought a smile to Eichmann's face.
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 01, 2013 10:43 AM (673KB)
"Chicagoland: New Tax Puts Cigarettes at $11/pack"
OBAMA: *reading headline* I think I just shit myself.
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 10:43 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: Dr. Varno at March 01, 2013 10:43 AM (nIvhx)
You're a lot better idea guy and straight man for Iowahawk than i was back when we ran together at LGF boss...
and when your dancing shoes are on you're with him in quality.
Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 10:44 AM (LRFds)
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 01, 2013 10:44 AM (4OvDk)
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 01, 2013 02:41 PM (4OvDk)
Apparently the guy has lived there for 35 years, with a fairly steady property value of $12K.
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 10:44 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 01, 2013 10:45 AM (yCvxi)
Furthermore, while saying the federal deficit does indeed need to be curtailed, Mr. Bloomberg argued the United States could owe “an infinite amount of money” and there is no specific amount that would cause the country to default
---
No amount of reason and logic is going to overcome this simple, but faulty, monetary understanding of the LIV.
Posted by: SH at March 01, 2013 10:45 AM (gmeXX)
Posted by: Bigby's Other Hand at March 01, 2013 10:46 AM (3ZtZW)
Reminds me of Frank J's observation that every news story can be ended with the phrase:
"Muslims are outraged"
Posted by: News From 1951 at March 01, 2013 10:46 AM (ze9yk)
Posted by: Regular Moron [/i] at March 01, 2013 10:46 AM (feFL6)
http://tinyurl.com/cvs34yc
Barry Soetoro: "I just shit myself."
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 10:46 AM (UOM48)
Louisiana has as a matter of law safeguards against bungee jumping...
they're pissed he has a nice house and no mortgage...
bring it on Donks....
drive the middle to me.
Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 10:46 AM (LRFds)
From ArthurK's Bloomberg link in the sidebar:
BLOOMBERG: "Our debt is so big and so many people own it that itÂ’s preposterous to think that they would stop selling us more."
I think I'm going to kill myself.
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 10:46 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: Arbalest at March 01, 2013 10:46 AM (cd0jq)
In order to prove that he cartoons are funnier, there has to be a comparison between the unaltered cartoon and the ITIGTKM version. In every case, the ITIGTKM is funnier for the New Yorker. Of the others, only Family Circus passes the test.
The altered ones are always funny, though.
So ..... (spinning wheel) ... 2 pinocchios.
Posted by: DRH at March 01, 2013 10:47 AM (xFoDt)
or you know...some of the other quotes here...
point is I called out Midget Mayor this morning on his economic patent medical advice...
Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 10:47 AM (LRFds)
"I think "You're a dick" works better than anything else. "
I'm sorry, but that's not right.
"I think I just shit myself" has universal applications and fits not only comics but most everyday situations.
Next time you're in a restaurant and don't want to pay the bill, just call the manager over and whisper that in his ear. If a cop is about to write you a speeding ticket, tell him "I think I just shit myself". Need the day off of work, tell the boss.
The world needs more phrases like this.
Posted by: jwest at March 01, 2013 10:48 AM (u2a4R)
Posted by: Soona at March 01, 2013 10:49 AM (cJHn3)
yeah I would actually...I agree the blue model allows the games you invoke but the "justified reappraisal" renders us defacto renters on our property...
these games if anything will will drive the middle class back to sanity of "government generosity"
"we'll see"
Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 10:49 AM (LRFds)
The assessment went from 20K to 116K not the taxes. Under the typical 1% scheme that means his taxes went from $20 to $1,160 a big jump for a fixed income but not what would be suggested by the headline.
Posted by: MikeTheMoose Now With More DOOM! at March 01, 2013 10:49 AM (0q2P7)
Tell me this -- if you knew that he *used* to pay $200 in yearly property taxes and now has to pay $2,000 would you have as much sympathy?
I would, actually. It has nothing to do with the man himself, or any of the others who are facing similar issues. Anybody who goes from $12K to over $100K in property value in one year has my sympathy. The city is trying to fix its assessment system, and in so doing it's going to really screw a lot of people. They're foisting their mismanagement problems onto the people and saying, "Deal with it."
Spread it out over a few years, give people time to acclimate or sell. But this is ridiculous.
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 10:50 AM (4df7R)
Celebrate 15 years of the World Socialist Web Site
The World Socialist Web Site has served as the indispensable political and intellectual guide for workers, students and youth who are seeking to make sense of events in a time of great crisis and human suffering, and to find a genuinely progressive-and, therefore, revolutionary-alternative to a dysfunctional capitalist world that is collapsing into barbarism.
The WSWS will review the political and theoretical basis for the site and its roots in the struggle for revolutionary socialism. Hosted by (2 local student groups without socialism in their titles).
I guess the 20th century lesson that socialism cannot exist without capitalism must be some kind of flat earth theory or hate speech now.
Since those wild-eyed capitalists have kept us in barbarism for 200+ years, I wonder what they plan to do now that they are firmly entrenched in the political/regulatory bureaucracy.
Stalking horses must be fun to ride. Giddy up!
Posted by: derit at March 01, 2013 10:50 AM (I88Jc)
"If I were the Pope, and retired as a virgin at age 85, guess what I would be working on changing?"
Teenagers....gotta love 'em.
Valerie Bertinelli looks exceedingly fine in the tv series "Hot in Cleveland"
Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 01, 2013 10:51 AM (S3fdp)
"Next time you want to get that hot babe home faster from the bar so you can get your monkey sex on, just lean over and tell her "Honey, lets go...I think i just shit myself.""
I hate to say it, but I did know a few girls who that would work on.
Posted by: jwest at March 01, 2013 10:53 AM (u2a4R)
Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 01, 2013 10:53 AM (yCvxi)
Posted by: Occam's Safety Razor at March 01, 2013 10:53 AM (qk1L5)
Posted by: Soft-minded liberal cartoon artist at March 01, 2013 10:53 AM (8/DeP)
I think I'm going to kill myself --
Not a valid study at all. There is no way today to separate the sequestration from the cartoons. You would need a group of viewers who are not aware of the impending apocalypse for valid results.
Posted by: RioBravo at March 01, 2013 10:54 AM (eEfYn)
The only defense I have of property taxes is that they are very localized (at least in Texas). Other than that, they are just like income taxes, a very poor and burdensome way to fund the government. They also allow the same kind of rent seeking found in our federal income tax code. Old people get their rates capped at the expense of the young people who have to use the crappy public schools. Big companies get tax abatements that small companies don't. Values that do nothing but go up every year with no rhyme or reason. They just suck.
Posted by: SH at March 01, 2013 10:54 AM (gmeXX)
Because I can't think of one...
Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 01, 2013 02:11 PM (wtvvX)
******************
Zippy the Clown.
Posted by: News From 1951 at March 01, 2013 10:54 AM (ze9yk)
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 01, 2013 10:55 AM (TIIx5)
Posted by: I can't believe it happened to me. at March 01, 2013 10:55 AM (i7B17)
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 10:56 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: Snarky the Bear at March 01, 2013 10:57 AM (/b8+5)
"I think I just shit myself, but I haven't been able to reach my own ass in years."
-Michael Moore
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 10:57 AM (4df7R)
RECOVERY SUMMER IS JUST A FEW MONTHS AWAY PEOPLE!!!!
---
Of course, if the recovery isn't up to bar, its all the GOP's fault for their 2% cut in government.
Posted by: SH at March 01, 2013 10:57 AM (gmeXX)
Holy crap, cigarettes are $11/pack in tax happy chicago. I don't smoke but I assume most people buy theirs outside of city limits or via blackmarket.
If I was there I would say "I think I just crapped myself".
*crap being a funnier word then shit.
Posted by: Guy Mohawk at March 01, 2013 10:57 AM (p/cQy)
Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Knows it's going to kill us all. at March 01, 2013 10:59 AM (VtjlW)
Posted by: Snarky the Bear at March 01, 2013 10:59 AM (/b8+5)
Of course, it's alway humorous and somewhat poignant to end reading any Chinese fortune from a fortune cookie with...."in bed".
For example: You are on the road to a better future......in bed.
or
Prosperity comes to he who is thrify.....in bed.
Posted by: Reader C.J. Burch writes.... at March 01, 2013 10:59 AM (Md8Uo)
Posted by: Regular Moron [/i] at March 01, 2013 11:01 AM (feFL6)
Are you sure you wouldn't rather have one powered by a Pratt and Whitney F-100 turbofan?
Jus' sayin'
Posted by: Sean Bannion at March 01, 2013 11:02 AM (sbV1u)
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 01, 2013 02:33 PM (673KB)
***************************
There Oughtta Be a Law (Jimmy Hatlo), Li'l Abner (Al Capp). Although to be honest, you had to kinda sorta be educated to understand their jokes. And most folks were.
Posted by: Stuck in Calgary for the Duration at March 01, 2013 11:04 AM (ze9yk)
Posted by: mugiwara at March 01, 2013 11:04 AM (quyjo)
Ah yes barbarism, perpetually decending on capitalism and landing in socialism.
Posted by: MikeTheMoose Now With More DOOM! at March 01, 2013 11:05 AM (0q2P7)
Posted by: Snarky the Bear at March 01, 2013 11:05 AM (/b8+5)
Posted by: Dr. Varno at March 01, 2013 11:07 AM (nIvhx)
Holy crap, cigarettes are $11/pack in tax happy chicago. I don't smoke but I assume most people buy theirs outside of city limits or via blackmarket.
This is what I love about government ("love" being sarcastic). They tax tobacco and alcohol (but especially tobacco) for two reasons:
1) To raise money, and
2) To encourage cessation
The problem is that these two goals are at cross purposes. Once you raise the cigarette tax too high, no one's going to buy cigs anymore. So then you're faced with either lowering the cost of cigarettes by lowering the taxes (thus reigniting revenue but also subverting cessation efforts) or going without that sweet, sweet revenue stream. And we all know how much polis love cutting taxes (*SNORT*).
I must admit, I love watching them squirm.
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 11:08 AM (4df7R)
He didn't denounce his holy orders to the priesthood. Just his ministry as the Bishop of Rome.
Posted by: MikeTheMoose Now With More DOOM! at March 01, 2013 11:09 AM (0q2P7)
Posted by: Snarky the Bear at March 01, 2013 11:09 AM (/b8+5)
Shit seems like "steamy" is inferred. And sticky. And fucking raunchy.
I'm going to write a story about this. Here goes:
Crap tired of being called shit
At a press conference in Detroit yesterday, crap issued a formal statement claiming "I don't want to be called no shit anymore, no hows," and further pressed national leaders to stop avoiding action. "This is a national emergency. A God-damned national emergency."
Representing Crap, is preacher and MSNBC new analyst, Reverend Al Shapton. Sharpton was animated "you think shit could just walk its ass in hear and everything [is] going to be fine? Fuck that shit."
After addressing he 40 or so reporters, Crap handed out complimentary T-shirts, each of them customized with the words, "don't treat your Crap like shit."
The t-shirt's smelled like shit.
Posted by: Edgy Onion Writer at March 01, 2013 11:11 AM (qxcKC)
Posted by: Typical Comedian Jokes [/i] at March 01, 2013 11:13 AM (feFL6)
Another article about how Americans love to eat.
Holy moly am I on fire.
Posted by: The Onion at March 01, 2013 11:14 AM (JVEmw)
Which causes me to remember: Is there actually a comic strip worse than Cathy?
Cathy was the pioneer of modern cartooning. Now they're all that bad.
Posted by: eleven at March 01, 2013 11:19 AM (GXZgZ)
Posted by: wooga at March 01, 2013 11:22 AM (HHa2C)
Posted by: Vizinni [/i] at March 01, 2013 11:23 AM (O7Q1u)
Posted by: sandman at March 01, 2013 11:24 AM (fOvMn)
possibly or it could be he's hanging in the garage because of te winter working on his cars...
Twitter is more his thing and speaks more to his mastery of brevity and rapier slices...
I miss him a bunch, along with Baldi, Treach and the old gang...
Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 11:26 AM (LRFds)
Posted by: Snarky the Bear at March 01, 2013 11:29 AM (/b8+5)
It's more disturbing than funny.
Posted by: Vercingetorix at March 01, 2013 11:34 AM (cxumr)
Posted by: Ross at March 01, 2013 12:29 PM (DU9hE)
Posted by: © Sponge at March 01, 2013 12:48 PM (xmcEQ)
Posted by: Esau's Message at March 01, 2013 03:31 PM (6c62F)
I was thinking that. It comes down to which actually sounds more like a suicide threat. "I'm going to kill myself" sounds direct, but it also sounds like just an expression. I like that "I think I'm going to kill myself" sounds like he's really contemplating it, not just using an expression like "Kill me now."
Posted by: ace at March 01, 2013 05:16 PM (LCRYB)
Posted by: BillyBob at March 02, 2013 05:06 PM (UBAd2)
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Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 09:49 AM (UOM48)