Ace of Spades HQ

January 07, 2013

Dear god - even the silverware can spy on you now [PA]
— Open Blogger

The Hapifork, microprocessor equipped, USB and Bluetooth enabled.

For only $100 you can have your eating utensils spy on you. Such a deal. The Brits will probably make it mandatory, they love surveillance cameras, the TV police, etc.

Posted by: Open Blogger at 04:49 PM | Comments (75)
Post contains 59 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Dropping the fork will last a lot longer when dining with a girl in a skirt than it used to now that I can record it.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at January 07, 2013 04:52 PM (qo244)

2 No wifi? psh

Posted by: Fezzik at January 07, 2013 04:52 PM (SfLv2)

3 There's an X-Files conspiracy in here somewhere ...

Posted by: Adriane ... at January 07, 2013 04:53 PM (TvO05)

4 Wait...Where did the other comments go?

Posted by: rickl at January 07, 2013 04:54 PM (sdi6R)

5 Add an "excessive calorie shut down " feature, and Nanny Bloomberg will mandate these in NYC.

Posted by: Wooga at January 07, 2013 04:56 PM (PN5rn)

6 I knew I wasn't first. But the prior comments disappeared for a bit.

Posted by: rickl at January 07, 2013 04:56 PM (sdi6R)

I can't stay up for the ONT, but just needed to put this out there as we had a big discussion about it a while back. Chatsworth Osborne Jr.'s site has an extensive list of all those who hate guns and support anti-gun causes. After you get through the national organizations, we move on to "celebrities" (ahem), some of whom are nasty surprises because they hold conservative views otherwise, and businesses. Yes, Hallmark gives to gun grabbers as does Sara Lee.

http://bit.ly/13eKNM7

Posted by: RushBabe at January 07, 2013 04:56 PM (tQHzJ)

8 >>4 Wait...Where did the other comments go?

People decided not to post them. To protect their privacy from their forks, you understand.

Posted by: Petrus at January 07, 2013 04:56 PM (OscGM)

9 Maybe in prisons...so you can figure out who shank'd who?

Posted by: @PurpAv at January 07, 2013 04:56 PM (iHs4Z)

10 Add an "excessive calorie shut down " feature, and Nanny Bloomberg will mandate these in NYC.>>

I bet they use it to tax calories before it makes you quit eating them.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at January 07, 2013 04:57 PM (qo244)

11 German forks only record porn; really bad German porn...

Posted by: Frank in Frankfurt at January 07, 2013 04:57 PM (Dll6b)

12 5 Add an "excessive calorie shut down " feature, and Nanny Bloomberg will mandate these in NYC. Posted by: Wooga at January 07, 2013 08:56 PM (PN5rn) They should be able to include a sensor that detects excessive levels of salt.

Posted by: rickl at January 07, 2013 04:57 PM (sdi6R)

13 The linguini has ears...

Posted by: @PurpAv at January 07, 2013 04:57 PM (iHs4Z)

14 I foresee the Hapidong, to monitor the "activities" of the lady folk.

Posted by: Wooga at January 07, 2013 04:58 PM (PN5rn)

15 I foresee the Hapidong, to monitor the "activities" of the lady folk.

No more yanky my wanky! The Donger need FOOD!!

Posted by: Long Duc Dong at January 07, 2013 05:03 PM (z9HTb)

16 Oh, fuckitall. We're doomed. BFG. Who even cares anymore?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 07, 2013 05:03 PM (UOM48)

17 AWWWW.... Man.... thats just all Forked up....

Posted by: Romeo13 at January 07, 2013 05:04 PM (lZBBB)

18 Me, that's who cares, Jane.

Posted by: Hapifork who sees you, Jane at January 07, 2013 05:05 PM (0PiQ4)

19 It always feels like, somebody's forking me! Was that an Eurythmics song?

Posted by: t=dubyah=d at January 07, 2013 05:06 PM (O+pNX)

20 In the camps, we'll be lucky to have sporks.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 07, 2013 05:06 PM (UOM48)

21 umm, do not want.

Posted by: chemjeff at January 07, 2013 05:07 PM (cnS/d)

22 68% of New Yorkers are eating salads. Excellent....

Posted by: Nanny Bloomberg uploading NYC Haipfork data at January 07, 2013 05:08 PM (cnS/d)

23 Will my fork inform on me to.........Mooch?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 07, 2013 05:08 PM (UOM48)

24 Total Surveillance Society. The toilet will monitor you and tell the fork if you've been eating out.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 07, 2013 05:09 PM (bxiXv)

25 I'm working on a spoon that say's "Yeah, shovel more ice cream you big fat pig". (patent pending)

Posted by: CraigPoe at January 07, 2013 05:09 PM (BVkEs)

26 I really, really am not liking this Brave New World.

Envying my late parents and grandparents for not having to deal with this shit.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 07, 2013 05:10 PM (UOM48)

27 Sporks are for closers!

Posted by: Reader C.J. Burch writes...... at January 07, 2013 05:10 PM (Md8Uo)

28 You eat em, I'll digest em.

Along with those forks, send me down a few toothpicks too.

Posted by: Michael Moore's colon at January 07, 2013 05:10 PM (ccXZP)

29 If used with the diet plate do you starve to death due to incompatible software?

http://www.thedietplate.com/

Posted by: Buzzsaw at January 07, 2013 05:10 PM (qo244)

30 Yes, Jane, stop buying donuts and beef.

Posted by: Hapifork who sees you, Jane at January 07, 2013 05:10 PM (0PiQ4)

31 The toilet will monitor you and tell the fork if you've been eating out.

Oh, shit! I mean, crap! I mean, wtf?

Posted by: Al Roker, who sharted in the White House at January 07, 2013 05:11 PM (UOM48)

32 Hit that link I put in about the Brit TV police...

...1,000 people/day being busted for "unregistered" TV's.

Posted by: @PurpAv at January 07, 2013 05:11 PM (iHs4Z)

33 I command you to stop buying donuts and beef, Jane.

Posted by: Mooch at January 07, 2013 05:12 PM (0PiQ4)

34 ...1,000 people/day being busted for "unregistered" TV's.>>

Well High capacity TV's are dangerous.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at January 07, 2013 05:13 PM (qo244)

35 Dont say I didn't warn you, Jane

Posted by: Hapifork who sees you, Jane at January 07, 2013 05:13 PM (0PiQ4)

36 WTF is an "unregistered" TV??

Obamaland, here we come.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 07, 2013 05:13 PM (UOM48)

37 Ever eat peas with a butter knife?

Posted by: CraigPoe at January 07, 2013 05:14 PM (BVkEs)

38 36 WTF is an "unregistered" TV?? Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 07, 2013 09:13 PM (UOM4 In England you need to buy an annual license to watch TV, and it's been like that for many years.

Posted by: rickl at January 07, 2013 05:15 PM (sdi6R)

39 WTF is an "unregistered" TV??

Brits have to pay a BBC tax on their televisions. They have to register them. Don't give the tyrant any ideas.

Posted by: Palandine[/i] at January 07, 2013 05:16 PM (g7D8V)

40 Eating peas with a knife is easy...just gotta smash them flat first.

Posted by: @PurpAv at January 07, 2013 05:16 PM (iHs4Z)

41 Just looked at the sidebar vid of Henri. Is Ace learning french from a black cat?

Posted by: t=dubyah=d at January 07, 2013 05:17 PM (O+pNX)

42 Shit. Haven't been in Great Britain in 30 yrs.

Barry is probably working this idea in his evil, Marxist mind right now.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 07, 2013 05:18 PM (UOM48)

43 They have to register them.

AND they got surveillance trucks that drive around neighborhoods looking for the trace RF a TV emits. If your flat is emitting two sources and you've only paid for one, you get busted.

Posted by: @PurpAv at January 07, 2013 05:19 PM (iHs4Z)

44 after mashing peas with butter knife, lift plate, then suck um up

Posted by: L, elle at January 07, 2013 05:19 PM (0PiQ4)

45 Eating peas with a knife is easy...just gotta smash them flat first.

---

Or dip the knife in butter first.

Posted by: CraigPoe at January 07, 2013 05:19 PM (BVkEs)

46 I meant suck um down.

Posted by: L, elle at January 07, 2013 05:20 PM (0PiQ4)

47 Possession of unregistered butter is gonna get you 5-10 in the big house though.

Posted by: @PurpAv at January 07, 2013 05:20 PM (iHs4Z)

48 because of gravity

Posted by: L, elle at January 07, 2013 05:21 PM (0PiQ4)

49 Early OT - just saw a report that the Journal's "gun owner map" was inaccurate, and the County Clerk warned them that as many as 25% of the addresses were incorrect. So basically they totally didn't give a shit. Typical MFM.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 07, 2013 05:21 PM (bxiXv)

50 47 Possession of unregistered butter is gonna get you 5-10 in the big house though. Posted by: @PurpAv at January 07, 2013 09:20 PM (iHs4Z) Black Market Butter Smugglers arrested today...

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 07, 2013 05:22 PM (bxiXv)

51 5-10, only if you own a gun New world order

Posted by: L, elle at January 07, 2013 05:22 PM (0PiQ4)

52 The talking straw says suck me.

Posted by: CraigPoe at January 07, 2013 05:22 PM (BVkEs)

53 O/T Just saw "Top Gear" where the communist cars are 'tested'. I feel much better now.

"You have windshield wipers! That's aspirational!"

Posted by: Pentangle at January 07, 2013 05:23 PM (u5q8R)

54 unless you're black and eating unregistered butter, then larger EBT limits and no jail time.

Posted by: L, elle at January 07, 2013 05:25 PM (0PiQ4)

55 52 The talking straw says suck me. Posted by: CraigPoe at January 07, 2013 09:22 PM (BVkEs) Perfect alternative to Nanny Silverware - "Seductive Silverware." A range of voices available. You can eat your Sugar Pops to the sounds of moaning celebrities. Or, in my case, Megyn Kelly and Katie Pavlich.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 07, 2013 05:26 PM (bxiXv)

56 or Hi-spanic or ghey or a sex crazed womynn. bc Libs are generous

Posted by: L, elle at January 07, 2013 05:26 PM (0PiQ4)

57 "Black Market Butter Smugglers"

AWESOME name for a band, dude! Either that or a disgusting gay sex act.

Posted by: Steve Skubinna at January 07, 2013 05:26 PM (HoGA+)

58 Hi all. Moved up here cause bama/nd game boring!!

Posted by: lou's a girl at January 07, 2013 05:26 PM (adaoe)

59 43 They have to register them. AND they got surveillance trucks that drive around neighborhoods looking for the trace RF a TV emits. If your flat is emitting two sources and you've only paid for one, you get busted. Posted by: @PurpAv at January 07, 2013 09:19 PM (iHs4Z) Here's a Monty Python sketch which parodies that. Listen for the part about the "cat detector van" in the middle. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmyHup4TpkU

Posted by: rickl at January 07, 2013 05:27 PM (sdi6R)

60 I'm off to watch the season finale of Real Whores of Atlanta.

Don't judge me.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 07, 2013 05:28 PM (UOM48)

61 OT sidebar correction:

A tanker scraped the Bay Bridge today, it did not hit the Golden Gate Bridge. The author of the story is trying to dry-hump it into another Potential Environmental Disaster, but it's... nothing.

Posted by: anopensecret at January 07, 2013 05:28 PM (parjc)

62 ugh....the game is embarrassing

Posted by: phoenixgirl at January 07, 2013 05:28 PM (GVxQo)

63 "Black Market Butt Smugglers" aka drug mules

Posted by: L, elle at January 07, 2013 05:29 PM (0PiQ4)

64 A tanker scraped the Bay Bridge today, it did not hit the Golden Gate Bridge. The author of the story is trying to dry-hump it into another Potential Environmental Disaster, but it's... nothing. Posted by: anopensecret at January 07, 2013 09:28 PM (parjc) Layers And Layers of Professional Fact-Checking!

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 07, 2013 05:29 PM (bxiXv)

65 60 I'm off to watch the season finale of Real Whores of Atlanta.

Don't judge me.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 07, 2013 09:28 PM (UOM4

No way, we all need to watch junk sometimes just to get the other depressing shit out of our heads for a bit. I like the housewives, project runway and top chef.

Posted by: lou's a girl at January 07, 2013 05:31 PM (adaoe)

66 Butter, anyone have a link to the famous butter smuggling story

Posted by: Jean at January 07, 2013 05:32 PM (DRG6e)

67 jane d'oh love that show....well don't love that show...love to watch that show...and miami and beverly hills and orange county

Posted by: phoenixgirl at January 07, 2013 05:33 PM (GVxQo)

68 AWESOME name for a band, dude! Either that or a disgusting gay sex act. Posted by: Steve Skubinna at January 07, 2013 09:26 PM (HoGA+) Even if it's Megyn Kelly and Katie Pavlich? Because while I ain't saying it's right, it might be one of those things that's wrong in the right way.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 07, 2013 05:35 PM (bxiXv)

69 Wow, how Orwellian.

The only part of this Brave New World that I can tolerate is the fact that I, as a Conservative, am now part of the Resistance.

gun, cold, dead hands, etc.

Posted by: shibumi at January 07, 2013 05:45 PM (z63Tr)

Evening All. Disturbing article in CNS news regarding Bank of America freezing the account of American Spirit Arms, gun manufacturer. Sorry, I don't know how to link! BofA claims "They do not believe you should be selling guns and parts on the Internet." Now, BofA received a Govt bailout, as you might recall, and I'm wondering if the man behind the curtain might be dictating here. Also, severe ammo shortage and the DHS orders 450 million more rounds? Let's see how many more curious things happen that might appear as though the Govt could be interferring in legal commerce in an underhanded way. This is getting crazy.

Posted by: Daily Dish at January 07, 2013 05:50 PM (+b3dK)

71 Was reading an article about Wendy's cutting jobs on Gateway Pundit and thinking about the president telling Boehner that we don't have a spending problem cause of obamacare. It dawned on me that this is not a bill to make sure all Americans have health insurance, this is a bill to collect penalties from companies who decide that it is more cost effective to stop giving insurance and pay the fine. I guess they believe that the spending and the trillions of dollars in debt will be offset by the government collected fines. That means that more people than ever will end up going without insurance. Larger companies are spinning off divisions in order to meet the 50 person cap. They divide themselves into a bunch of 50 person divisions and they don't have to provide insurance or pay a fine. They will probably continue providing insurance as a perk to attract the finest employees. But small business people don't have the luxury of lawyers, tax lawyers, tax accountants and forensic accountants that midsize companies have. They are in a different position, every dime counts. Their solution seems to be to cut jobs and cut hours and avoid the fines. No wonder star bucks is getting thousands of applications for their jobs, they provide health insurance and other benefits to everyone. I wonder what the answer is. If more and more people become jobless and are without health insurance won't there be a taxing of the hospital systems ability to provide care? Also, aren't all hospitals required to provide care to anyone who walks through their doors, no questions asked, by law? So many hospitals have closed and having them jammed with non paying patients won't have a good effect. The more I think about this the more concerned I become for all Americans at risk of losing their jobs and thus their health insurance. Who will treat them?

Posted by: Caustic at January 07, 2013 07:28 PM (/b8+5)

72 This surveillance fork, surely it isn't non-interactive? When it sees you're eating too much or the wrong things its fork talons should immediately jut out stabbing your face and eyeballs in accordance with His Dear Leaders' mercy.

Posted by: Corona at January 07, 2013 08:06 PM (fh2Y7)

73 So can the ass.... Unless ....

Posted by: bb at January 07, 2013 08:15 PM (LV/wd)

74 71 Also, aren't all hospitals required to provide care to anyone who walks through their doors, no questions asked, by law? Yes, that's called EMTALA and it was passed in the 1980s. It needs to be repealed. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ Emergency_Medical_Treatment_and_Active_Labor_Act

Posted by: rickl at January 07, 2013 08:37 PM (sdi6R)

75 Jack Lew to replace Timaaaay? http://tinyurl.com/by2m8x7 The folks in the WH must be tripping all over themselves vying for position.

Posted by: Caustic at January 07, 2013 09:35 PM (/b8+5)

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