Ace of Spades HQ

November 04, 2013

Double Dose of Daily Mail Troll-Fishing
— Ace

Woman: Hell Yeah, I Just Use Guys To Buy Me Expensive Dinners at Restaurants!!!

Wife: Hell Yeah, I'm Deliberately the Worst Wife Ever!!!

Yeah... I see the pattern with your put-up Female Outrage!!! articles, Daily Mail.

And, Open Thread.

Posted by: Ace at 05:30 PM | Comments (174)
Post contains 51 words, total size 1 kb.

1 I am confused. I thought heterosexuality was going out of style.

Posted by: Jinx the Cat at November 04, 2013 05:31 PM (l3vZN)

2 Really, so much for the toilet seat deal.

Posted by: Gmac - Pondering the coming implosion at November 04, 2013 05:33 PM (IanLz)

3 Heh "and the middle class"....

Dear UK I voted for Obama just for the free healthcare...

//the 20 somethings being taught bitter lessons

Posted by: sven10077 at November 04, 2013 05:35 PM (9jfyN)

4 Did I miss the meteor? Like last guy on earth and all? Dammit.

Posted by: Gmac - Pondering the coming implosion at November 04, 2013 05:36 PM (IanLz)

5 1 Jinx the Cat at November 04, 2013 09:31 PM (l3vZN)

You have to figure after the industrial age is murdered for Gaia it'll be trendy to have kids again

Posted by: sven10077 at November 04, 2013 05:36 PM (9jfyN)

6 Somali terror suspect gives the police the slip in London by wearing a burqa. Wonder if he was gender confused?
http://tinyurl.com/pfawoyp

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at November 04, 2013 05:36 PM (uz+9b)

7 Oh good. I was about to ask for a new thread in which politics would be forbidden. I'm sure this isn't it, but that last thread was getting a little gamy.

Posted by: rickl at November 04, 2013 05:36 PM (sdi6R)

8 As a young woman who just moved halfway across the country to live with her boyfriend... fuck these idiots. I originally called them 'women' but that seemed WAY too charitable. They're 90% of the reason even my man has told me he's leery of marriage. Hell, I almost didn't even GET my man because he was so leery of relationships in general. STOP RUINING ALL THE GOOD MEN YOU RAGING SLUTBAGS.

Posted by: Revvy at November 04, 2013 05:37 PM (HfZVy)

9 6 Anna Puma (+SmuD) at November 04, 2013 09:36 PM (uz+9b)

Heh savvy.

I think we have the cast for Keyston Kops 2000 finally...

Posted by: sven10077 at November 04, 2013 05:37 PM (9jfyN)

10 This seems like the perfect thread for SNL's "What Does My Girl Say?" video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foMQX9ZExsE

Posted by: no good deed at November 04, 2013 05:39 PM (k55Fc)

11 Chumps need to stop taking girls out on dinner dates in the early goings. Knock her off the pedestal.

Posted by: Titanium at November 04, 2013 05:39 PM (IgOQg)

12 At least those guys end up out of a single dinner as opposed to gaining a case of genital warts.

Posted by: Roy at November 04, 2013 05:39 PM (tiOTz)

13 Bitches, man. Bitches.

Posted by: garrett at November 04, 2013 05:40 PM (DFCJt)

14 Not a fan of women.

Posted by: NCKate at November 04, 2013 05:40 PM (2VHEL)

15 12 Roy at November 04, 2013 09:39 PM (tiOTz)

"I kissed a frog, and a Liked it..."

//Bubblegum Bint #246

Posted by: sven10077 at November 04, 2013 05:40 PM (9jfyN)

16 http://youtu.be/tooY9nLezL0

Terry Tate Office Linebacker

Posted by: sven10077 at November 04, 2013 05:41 PM (9jfyN)

17 Just break up with a girl, Ace? I don't think the 'ettes do that shit.

Posted by: Infidel at November 04, 2013 05:41 PM (9AgaZ)

18 Man... that "wife" in the seccond story is a ...... keeper. /s

Posted by: fixerupper at November 04, 2013 05:41 PM (IrLKP)

19 14 NCKate at November 04, 2013 09:40 PM (2VHEL)

I like Women...

Womyn on the other hand

Posted by: sven10077 at November 04, 2013 05:41 PM (9jfyN)

20 If you want to see if a woman is worthy of marriage, go fishing and bring the fish to her and ask her to scale, gut and cook the fish.

If she balks, move on.

Posted by: navybrat at November 04, 2013 05:41 PM (pUKr6)

21 I saw that worst wife one earlier. She has sex once a decade, but then talks about multiple kids, if I recall.

Posted by: Dave S. at November 04, 2013 05:41 PM (UvR6d)

22 Hell yeah, we just buy you expensive dinners so you'll fuck us!

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at November 04, 2013 05:41 PM (GEICT)

23 >>>Not a fan of women I'm a big fan of women. Especially the one that lets me play with her fun bits.

Posted by: DC in Towson at November 04, 2013 05:42 PM (eQJwb)

24 I smell lawyers being their usual loathsome selves in this. The author is 87 and living in a nursing home. The museum has existed for years and she never raised a peep. And now we have lawyers slapping the museum with papers over infringement. The book in question To Kill A Mockingbird.

http://tinyurl.com/ozgppj5

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at November 04, 2013 05:42 PM (uz+9b)

25 My first Valentine's Day with the SO, it snowed. I shoveled his driveway. Yeah, I'm Canadian so it's in my blood, but he was happy.

Posted by: Vendette at November 04, 2013 05:43 PM (YfL5v)

26 NCKate. Most of my friends are guys. Just a few close girlfriends. I have most women. Glad I don't work the the firm Hq.

Posted by: Infidel at November 04, 2013 05:44 PM (9AgaZ)

27 >>>Hell yeah, we just buy you expensive dinners so you'll fuck us! Money well spent.

Posted by: DC in Towson at November 04, 2013 05:44 PM (eQJwb)

28 Go Bears!

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at November 04, 2013 05:44 PM (b/lt+)

29 The Daily Mail always delivers with the wildest shit. Britain really is in another fucking world. Let them stay over there.

Posted by: Nip Sip at November 04, 2013 05:44 PM (0FSuD)

30 I'll cook for a woman because I'm gonna eat anyway, but dinner dates? Dutch or nothing, beyotches.

Posted by: Fritz at November 04, 2013 05:45 PM (TKFmG)

31 Money well spent. Posted by: DC in Towson at November 04, 2013 09:44 PM (eQJwb) Damn straight.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at November 04, 2013 05:45 PM (GEICT)

32 Not to worry, gentlemen. The girls in these articles are Canadian and British.

Posted by: Liberty Lover at November 04, 2013 05:45 PM (Vhwyk)

33 Let's all join in a rousing chorus of "Oh What The Hail, Peruvia!"

Posted by: Seamus at November 04, 2013 05:46 PM (mvenn)

34 I'll cook for a woman because I'm gonna eat anyway, but dinner dates? Dutch or nothing, beyotches.
Posted by: Fritz
............
Good luck with that, Fritz!

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at November 04, 2013 05:46 PM (b/lt+)

35 32 Not to worry, gentlemen. The girls in these articles are Canadian and British. They believe you are just going to put the tip in too!

Posted by: Nip Sip at November 04, 2013 05:46 PM (0FSuD)

36 31 If you close the deal it is well spent.Never heard a guy complain about buying an expensive dinner if he got laid afterwards.Or during if you are Rick Pitino.

Posted by: steevy at November 04, 2013 05:47 PM (zqvg6)

Should have been hate.

If she balks, move on.

That's not fair. I can't stand fish, but I will go fishing with you if there is beer and I can just hang out.

Posted by: Infidel at November 04, 2013 05:47 PM (9AgaZ)

38 33 Let's all join in a rousing chorus of "Oh What The Hail, Peruvia!" Posted by: Seamus at November 04, 2013 09:46 PM (mvenn) I'll start: *Starts screaming and gesticulating wildly*

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 04, 2013 05:47 PM (oFCZn)

39 Not to worry, gentlemen. The girls in these articles are Canadian and British. Posted by: Liberty Lover at November 04, 2013 09:45 PM (Vhwyk) *Grumbles*

Posted by: Vendette is half Canuck at November 04, 2013 05:48 PM (YfL5v)

40 Sven, I have tears rolling down my cheeks from laughing. It's the first I've seen of Terry Tate Office Linebacker.

Posted by: no good deed at November 04, 2013 05:48 PM (k55Fc)

41 >>>Damn straight. And that's about all there is to say about that. G'night weirdos in my iPad. Stupid adult responsibilities.

Posted by: DC in Towson at November 04, 2013 05:48 PM (eQJwb)

42 Almost as good as the Texas Tribune video "Hell Yeah we're circling 40, but want an abortion because we're too immature for a child"

Posted by: Lauren at November 04, 2013 05:48 PM (hFL/3)

43 How come the new commenters don't pay for drinks and las Vegas outings for the veteran commenters?

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at November 04, 2013 05:48 PM (oJ5Fd)

44 Not a fan of women ---- Me neither!

Posted by: Daily Mail at November 04, 2013 05:49 PM (GmTxn)

45 I'll start:

*Starts screaming and gesticulating wildly*

It's so nice to see it done in the traditional manner.

Posted by: Blanco Basura at November 04, 2013 05:49 PM (JawqV)

46 Brit Beta Male with the Bitch wife has to be Teh Ghey.

Posted by: Truck Monkey, Gruntled New Business Owner at November 04, 2013 05:49 PM (jucos)

47
Daily Mail trolls hard, but not as much as Jon Huntsman.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at November 04, 2013 05:49 PM (nKUHR)

48 I don't want to be the one to break it to the worst wife, but she's a beard.

Posted by: no good deed at November 04, 2013 05:49 PM (k55Fc)

49 Grandma always told me that nothing good comes from ginch.

Posted by: garrett at November 04, 2013 05:49 PM (DFCJt)

50 So. India is getting ready to launch their first attempt at a Mars orbiter. Launch time is 4:08 AM EST if I have my time conversion correct. That's pretty ambitious, considering that their last rocket of this type failed three years ago.

Posted by: rickl at November 04, 2013 05:50 PM (sdi6R)

51 If you close the deal it is well spent.Never heard a guy complain about buying an expensive dinner if he got laid afterwards.Or during if you are Rick Pitino. Posted by: steevy
.........
And to the poor saps who don't understand how it's done..

A courtship of you buying nice meals and doing what they used to call "wooing" CAN (and I emphasize the possibility rather than the surety) result in a lifetime of cooking for each other. And if you don't think that is a wonderful thing, you got some growin' up to do!

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at November 04, 2013 05:50 PM (b/lt+)

52 How come the new commenters don't pay for drinks and las Vegas outings for the veteran commenters?

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo

Who are you??? Ritchie Incognito Tempest?

Posted by: Liberty Lover at November 04, 2013 05:50 PM (Vhwyk)

53 If you close the deal it is well spent.Never heard a guy complain about buying an expensive dinner if he got laid afterwards.Or during if you are Rick Pitino.

Posted by: steevy at November 04, 2013 09:47 PM (zqvg6)

-----

Best 5 seconds of his life

Posted by: Dave S. at November 04, 2013 05:50 PM (UvR6d)

54 Dates always leave me cold.

Posted by: Jame Gumb at November 04, 2013 05:51 PM (ApGx8)

How come the new commenters don't pay for drinks and las Vegas outings for the veteran commenters?

They do, it's one of the best parts of the Platinum Membership.

Posted by: garrett at November 04, 2013 05:51 PM (DFCJt)

56 For all you knitters out there, Norway's version of PBS will broadcast 12 hours of programming devoted to knitting.

http://tinyurl.com/nyp3l5m

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at November 04, 2013 05:51 PM (uz+9b)

57 Well, yeah, I've been using Mr Y-not for three decades now. I'll toss him aside when I'm done having my fun with him! *wink*

Posted by: Y-not (@MoxieMom) at November 04, 2013 05:51 PM (5H6zj)

58 Starts screaming and gesticulating wildly* It's so nice to see it done in the traditional manner. Posted by: Blanco Basura at November 04, 2013 09:49 PM (JawqV) *** In Peruvia, the gesticulation period is only eight and a half months.

Posted by: Seamus at November 04, 2013 05:51 PM (mvenn)

59 Almost as good as the Texas Tribune video "Hell Yeah we're circling 40, but want an abortion because we're too immature for a child"

Link?

Posted by: Colorado Alex at November 04, 2013 05:52 PM (lr3d7)

60 Since this is an open thread, I need help with the washing machine. What would cause it to leak water in the tub when not running? Old Maytag. Has new hoses. If I turn off the water is doesn't leak in the tub. I replaced the water pump 2 years ago.

Posted by: Infidel at November 04, 2013 05:53 PM (9AgaZ)

61 I hate to break it to Ms. Serial Dater, but she ain't that good looking.

In a few years when those tits start to sag and the crow's feet start showing she'll be blowing dudes for a plate of pasta and a glass of pinot grigio.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at November 04, 2013 05:53 PM (oJ5Fd)

62 It's so nice to see it done in the traditional manner.

Kind of. He's not naked and covered in blood and body paint.

Posted by: Colorado Alex at November 04, 2013 05:54 PM (lr3d7)

63 didn't Lance Armstrong have gesticular cancer?

Posted by: soothsayer explains it all at November 04, 2013 05:54 PM (BVKnc)

64 Link to the we <3 abortion couple in Sig. Watch it for the man. Beta male champion of the world.

Posted by: Lauren at November 04, 2013 05:54 PM (hFL/3)

65 CBD, and a year after that she will be happy for a Happy Meal.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at November 04, 2013 05:54 PM (uz+9b)

66 Posted by: Infidel at November 04, 2013 09:53 PM (9AgaZ)

Son had a similar problem and replaced a solenoid actuator valve for less than $20.

Posted by: Hrothgar at November 04, 2013 05:55 PM (XdnQT)

67 My wife constantly uses me for sex and I'm damned sick and tired of it.

Posted by: Warden at November 04, 2013 05:55 PM (bmp0d)

68 Posted by: Infidel at November 04, 2013 09:53 PM (9AgaZ)

Bad valve.

The timer opens a valve during the appropriate times of the cycle. That valve has a bad seal.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at November 04, 2013 05:55 PM (oJ5Fd)

69 In a few years when those tits start to sag and the crow's feet start showing she'll be blowing dudes for a plate of pasta and a glass of pinot grigio. Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at November 04, 2013 09:53 PM (oJ5Fd) The wonders of modern plastic surgery.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at November 04, 2013 05:55 PM (GEICT)

70 I'll admit it folks. That last thread really took it out of me.

Posted by: Jeff B. at November 04, 2013 05:55 PM (n/+FT)

71 62 It's so nice to see it done in the traditional manner. Kind of. He's not naked and covered in blood and body paint. Posted by: Colorado Alex at November 04, 2013 09:54 PM (lr3d *** Dack Thrombosis, you need to cover your web camera.

Posted by: Seamus at November 04, 2013 05:55 PM (mvenn)

72 In the movie Ran the schemers finally realized they'd been had by the devious lady whatzername and had the good sense to lop her head. Didn't stop them from being shot full of arrows & the odd lead shot but they got to whack her head before the final curtain.

Posted by: Jose Wales at November 04, 2013 05:56 PM (lPbS1)

73 Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at November 04, 2013 09:54 PM (uz+9b)

From a virtual man....

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at November 04, 2013 05:56 PM (oJ5Fd)

74 70 the Monday Night Football thread?

Posted by: steevy at November 04, 2013 05:56 PM (zqvg6)

75 46 >> Brit Beta Male with the Bitch wife has to be Teh Ghey.

More like an Omega male. You can't be pussy whipped if you never get any pussy.

I'm just sayin'...

Posted by: GnuBreed at November 04, 2013 05:57 PM (wNF3N)

76 I need help with the washing machine. What would cause it to leak water in the tub when not running?

Solenoid valve.

Posted by: Jame Gumb at November 04, 2013 05:57 PM (ApGx8)

77 I really need to listen to that little voice in my head that says don't click on that video of Obama.. you will be sorry. I am seriously afraid to take my BP right now. Fuck me running.. I cannot STAND THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!

Posted by: jewells45 trying to keep from going crazy at November 04, 2013 05:57 PM (u25eL)

78 Revvy!
So nice to see you! How do you find OK?
Yeah, I know. Go to Texas and turn North...

Posted by: ChrisP at November 04, 2013 05:57 PM (BpTC0)

That last thread really took it out of me.

I can put it back in if you want.

Posted by: Anderson Cooper at November 04, 2013 05:57 PM (DFCJt)

80 Anyway back to writing. Saving a video from Japan for the ONT. Want to see if I can break TPH and The Dude. I lasted 5 minutes before hitting stop and using a full 50ft of mental floss.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at November 04, 2013 05:58 PM (uz+9b)

81 Hrothgar, CBD, thanks. The parts store is open til 5:30. I can make it there by 5:20. Gonna be a real fun week.

Posted by: Infidel at November 04, 2013 05:58 PM (9AgaZ)

82 67 My wife constantly uses me for sex and I'm damned sick and tired of it. --- Lay back and think of England, Warden! Or baseball, if that's your thing.

Posted by: Y-not (@MoxieMom) at November 04, 2013 05:58 PM (5H6zj)

I once got knee'd in the gesticulars. OUCH!

Posted by: Truck Monkey, Gruntled New Business Owner at November 04, 2013 05:58 PM (jucos)

84 Jeff B. I appreciated your calm response to the oddly venomous response you got in the other thread.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at November 04, 2013 05:59 PM (mvenn)

85 @mpoppel 4m WNYW-TV: Gunman at New Jersey mall may be armed with a rifle and wearing body armor, per scanner reports @mpoppel 1m WPIX-TV: Gunman opened fire on the second floor of NJ mall, near Nordstrom's department store, according to a police source

Posted by: [/i][/b][/u][/s] Tami at November 04, 2013 05:59 PM (bCEmE)

86 Lauren, I couldn't take more than thirty seconds of the video. It's so great to hear they considered all of those things AFTER she discovered she was pregnant.

Posted by: no good deed at November 04, 2013 05:59 PM (k55Fc)

87 What'd you call a pair of funny balls?

Posted by: soothsayer explains it all at November 04, 2013 05:59 PM (BVKnc)

88
All of these daily mail troll articles are fake, ICYDK.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at November 04, 2013 05:59 PM (nKUHR)

89 >> That valve has a bad seal.

Why does it always have to be blown seals?!??!?

Posted by: GnuBreed at November 04, 2013 05:59 PM (wNF3N)

90 Listen, there's a lot more to me than my ability to give a woman a screaming orgasm every. single. time.

But my wife ... she just acts like I'm made to be a sex animal, you know?

It's quite demeaning.

Posted by: Warden at November 04, 2013 06:00 PM (bmp0d)

91 85 Oh no,another Tea Partier!

Posted by: steevy at November 04, 2013 06:00 PM (zqvg6)

92 For all you knitters out there, Norway's version of PBS will broadcast 12 hours of programming devoted to knitting.
http://tinyurl.com/nyp3l5m
Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at November 04, 2013 09:51 PM (uz+9b)
Their tax money at work.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at November 04, 2013 06:00 PM (H0R/1)

93 " It's so great to hear they considered all of those things AFTER she discovered she was pregnant. Posted by: no good deed at November 04, 2013 09:59 PM (k55Fc" But, like, they have variable income, you know? Like, where is their engagement *going*? Vomit

Posted by: Lauren at November 04, 2013 06:01 PM (hFL/3)

94 Solenoid valve. Posted by: Jame Gumb *** Only on AOSHQ would you see home appliance advice from a serial killer.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at November 04, 2013 06:01 PM (mvenn)

95 A lot of people are snapping in Obama's America. Just the way he likes it. The prick.

Posted by: Y-not (@MoxieMom) at November 04, 2013 06:01 PM (5H6zj)

Why does it always have to be blown seals?!??!?

Well, it's a '90's washer. Haven't replaced that yet. Still works like a champ otherwise.

Posted by: Infidel at November 04, 2013 06:02 PM (9AgaZ)

97 Sometimes I just want to talk about things. There's more to life than having a woman claw your back while begging you not to stop.

Posted by: Warden at November 04, 2013 06:02 PM (bmp0d)

Only on AOSHQ would you see home appliance advice from a serial killer.

Pretty sure I've seen the Zombie Jeffrey Dahmer post on a recipe thread or two.

Posted by: garrett at November 04, 2013 06:03 PM (DFCJt)

99 89 Why does it always have to be blown seals why the hate bro?

Posted by: seals with viagra at November 04, 2013 06:03 PM (jiXse)

100 Sometimes I just want to talk about things. There's more to life than having a woman claw your back while begging you not to stop. Posted by: Warden at November 04, 2013 10:02 PM (bmp0d) Then shut up, carry on, and listen.

Posted by: Vendette at November 04, 2013 06:04 PM (YfL5v)

101 98 LOL.

Posted by: Infidel at November 04, 2013 06:04 PM (9AgaZ)

102 89 Why does it always have to be blown seals you go get Bin Laden next time buddy

Posted by: Navy SEALs at November 04, 2013 06:04 PM (jiXse)

103 She has sex every year years. But they have 2 kids and have been married for only 6 years. In other words, the story is full of shit and just click bait by the Daily Mail.

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at November 04, 2013 06:04 PM (8Mwgu)

104 Listen there's a lot more to me than my ability to give a woman a screaming orgasm ---- Of course there is! You also make the sammiches.

Posted by: Mrs. Warden at November 04, 2013 06:05 PM (GmTxn)

105 In other words, the story is full of shit and just click bait by the Daily Mail.

I believe that this hypothesis was mooted by the original poster, yes.

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at November 04, 2013 06:05 PM (d7tB2)

106 97 Sometimes I just want to talk about things. There's more to life than having a woman claw your back while begging you not to stop. Posted by: Warden at November 04, 2013 10:02 PM (bmp0d) you a homo? that is only 10 minuts of your day. you can do 'other things' 23.83 hours of the day

Posted by: ink blot guy at November 04, 2013 06:05 PM (t9Vdf)

107 Every 10 years that is.

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at November 04, 2013 06:05 PM (8Mwgu)

108 Is having sex once every ten years not normal?

Posted by: garrett at November 04, 2013 06:06 PM (DFCJt)

109

Why does it always have to be blown seals?!??!?

___________

Why not?

Posted by: Pappa Seal at November 04, 2013 06:06 PM (jucos)

110 At least Vulcans have sex every seven years.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at November 04, 2013 06:06 PM (uz+9b)

111 108 Every seven is logical. Spock

Posted by: steevy at November 04, 2013 06:06 PM (zqvg6)

112 Why didn't someone tell me?

Posted by: garrett at November 04, 2013 06:07 PM (DFCJt)

113 Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job." The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!" To which the first replies, "Whoa I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"

Posted by: toby928© has a dirty joke at November 04, 2013 06:08 PM (QupBk)

114 There's a shooter at a Garden State Mall in Paramus, NJ

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at November 04, 2013 06:08 PM (DmNpO)

115 Jets up 3 : 2 over Detwat.

Posted by: garrett at November 04, 2013 06:08 PM (DFCJt)

116 You were confusing Poontang with Pon Farr Garret?

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at November 04, 2013 06:08 PM (uz+9b)

117 On behalf of the Daily Mail, keep these threads coming!

Posted by: David Martosko at November 04, 2013 06:09 PM (YLLfk)

118 WPIX-TV: Gunman opened fire on the second floor of NJ mall, near Nordstrom's department store, according to a police source

Posted by: Tami at November 04, 2013 09:59 PM (bCEmE)

Anybody willing to bet the perp is not a Democrat or other leftard?

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at November 04, 2013 06:09 PM (8Fl6F)

119 114 There's a shooter at a Garden State Mall in Paramus, NJ Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at November 04, 2013 10:08 PM (DmNpO) well shoot back, it's afree country you know

Posted by: ink blot guy at November 04, 2013 06:09 PM (t9Vdf)

120 I love the Daily Femail.

Posted by: Jorge at November 04, 2013 06:09 PM (ZRPb2)

121 110 At least Vulcans have sex every seven years. Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at November 04, 2013 10:06 PM (uz+9b) Pon farr ftw.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at November 04, 2013 06:09 PM (GEICT)

122 NJ malls are open late.

Posted by: NCKate at November 04, 2013 06:10 PM (2VHEL)

123 I need to look into Vulcanizing.

Posted by: garrett at November 04, 2013 06:10 PM (DFCJt)

124 Dangit Tami! I did an F5 search for "Paramus" before commenting about the sho0ting. I should have known you'd beat me to it.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at November 04, 2013 06:10 PM (DmNpO)

125 A man is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realizes she has gone without underwear. The blonde realizes he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?" "Yes, I'm sorry," replies the man and promises to avert his eyes. "It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you." Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss. The man, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do. "I can also make it wink," says the woman. The man stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him. "Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. The man moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?" Stunned, the man replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle too?!"

Posted by: toby928© has a dirty joke at November 04, 2013 06:11 PM (QupBk)

126 watching Hannity. What the hell is the Mary Landrieu bill?

Posted by: mallfly at November 04, 2013 06:11 PM (LIEbV)

127 Here's an article about the Indian Mars launch: http://www.nasaspaceflight.com/2013/11/india-mars-debut-pslv-mom/ My mistake. The rocket that failed three years ago was a different design.

Posted by: rickl at November 04, 2013 06:11 PM (sdi6R)

128 113 toby928,

You know, for that joke to work you have to assume a certain level of perverted knowledge in the Moron database.

Which you have correctly assumed applies.

Posted by: GnuBreed at November 04, 2013 06:11 PM (wNF3N)

129 Live video of shooting at mall: http://www.myfoxny.com/category/237002/skyfoxhd

Posted by: [/i][/b][/u][/s] Tami at November 04, 2013 06:13 PM (bCEmE)

130 #97 Speechless. You have made me speechless.

Posted by: SAT Rose at November 04, 2013 06:13 PM (igM4U)

131 Other countries are starting to do now in space,what the US did fifty years ago.

Posted by: steevy at November 04, 2013 06:13 PM (zqvg6)

132 I should have known you'd beat me to it. Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at November 04, 2013 10:10 PM (DmNpO)

Posted by: [/i][/b][/u][/s] Tami at November 04, 2013 06:13 PM (bCEmE)

133 shots fired inside NJ Mall, live video

http://is.gd/Posmcz

Posted by: Jose at November 04, 2013 06:13 PM (zc/sw)

134 A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter. "My love," he wrote, "we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that, we're constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. Do you think if I had a hobby of some kind I would not be tempted?" So his wife sent him back a harmonica saying, "why don't you learn to play this?" Eventually his tour of duty came to an end and he rushed back to his wife. "Darling" he said, "I can't wait to get you into bed so that we make passionate love!" She kissed him and said, "First let's see you play that harmonica."

Posted by: toby928© has a dirty joke at November 04, 2013 06:14 PM (QupBk)

135 Someday Miss Marple and toby are going to run into each other at a moron meetup

And the world will collapse into a singularity

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at November 04, 2013 06:15 PM (d7tB2)

136 How many of these active shooter scenarios will it take for the distraction from obamacare to be a success?

Posted by: Paranoidgirlinseattle at November 04, 2013 06:15 PM (RZ8pf)

137 A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen."

Posted by: toby928© has a dirty joke at November 04, 2013 06:16 PM (QupBk)

138 Obama launches diversion with "Obama Pleads For Congress to Pass Law on LGBT Workplace Rights" Which means that anytime someone in that, uh, 'class' is fired, there will follow a lawsuit.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at November 04, 2013 06:16 PM (aDwsi)

139 toby928 is on a roll tonight.

Posted by: SAT Rose at November 04, 2013 06:16 PM (igM4U)

140 Time for Laughably Awful QOTD! Asked somebody how her daughter is doing, and she replied "Really good! She just got a job as a bartender and server at a restaurant in El Sobrante. And it's all under the table so she can still collect unemployment, which is really nice with Christmas coming up."

Time to suppress the hate with some cornbread & chili.

Posted by: Kelly in Berkeley - yes that berkeley at November 04, 2013 06:17 PM (xLzX1)

141 32 Not to worry, gentlemen. The girls in these articles are Canadian and British. Posted by: Liberty Lover at November 04, 2013 09:45 PM (Vhwyk) --- I do believe the lovely Vendette and I both will vehemently state that they are not at all indicative of all Canadian women.

Posted by: Gingy @GingyNorth at November 04, 2013 06:17 PM (N/cFh)

142 138 Isn't there already?

Posted by: NCKate at November 04, 2013 06:17 PM (2VHEL)

143 Shooter on the run...outside mall now.

Posted by: [/i][/b][/u][/s] Tami at November 04, 2013 06:18 PM (bCEmE)

144 A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck. When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he replied. "That would be fine with me." Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Posted by: toby928© has a dirty joke at November 04, 2013 06:18 PM (QupBk)

145 Posted by: Kelly in Berkeley - yes that berkeley at November 04, 2013 10:17 PM (xLzX1) Rat out the freeloader!

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at November 04, 2013 06:19 PM (HsTG8)

146 140 Time for Laughably Awful QOTD! Asked somebody how her daughter is doing, and she replied "Really good! She just got a job as a bartender and server at a restaurant in El Sobrante. And it's all under the table so she can still collect unemployment, which is really nice with Christmas coming up." Time to suppress the hate with some cornbread chili. Posted by: Kelly in Berkeley - yes that berkeley at November 04, 2013 10:17 PM (xLzX1) ______________ Good for her, the daughter. Everyone else is mooching, she might as well. I have a couple of years left of working myself. I've saved up enough that in 2 years I plan on "retiring". That is, get a $10/hr job so I don't go crazy with boredom, and collect all the welfare I can. In addition to what I have saved, I'll be able to live a pretty solid middle to upper middle class lifestyle for the next 20 years until real retirement kicks in.

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at November 04, 2013 06:20 PM (8Mwgu)

147 I do believe the lovely Vendette and I both will vehemently state that they are not at all indicative of all Canadian women. Posted by: Gingy @GingyNorth at November 04, 2013 10:17 PM (N/cFh) And we will beat the daylights out of you if you think otherwise. Goal, Winnipeg Jets!

Posted by: Vendette at November 04, 2013 06:20 PM (YfL5v)

148 131 Other countries are starting to do now in space,what the US did fifty years ago. Posted by: steevy at November 04, 2013 10:13 PM (zqvg6) Of course, I'm rooting for them. The more the merrier, I say.

Posted by: rickl at November 04, 2013 06:21 PM (sdi6R)

149 Old guy goes in to see his doctor. "Doc, I'm having trouble hearing with my right ear." Doctor looks in his ear. "Hmm, says the Doc, "there seems to be something in there.." Doc takes a pair of forceps and extracts *something*. "Geeze", says the Doc, "it looks like a suppository." "Oh...", says the guy. "Say Doc can I use your phone?" Old guy dials..., then says "Harriet! I think I know where my hearing aid is."

Posted by: Mike Hammer at November 04, 2013 06:21 PM (aDwsi)

150 Ha! A tease on the local news: "Coming when we get back...A Fake Fix? How a supposed fix for the federal healthcare website isn't a fix at all."

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at November 04, 2013 06:23 PM (GEICT)

151 Moar jokes please

Posted by: Dave S. at November 04, 2013 06:23 PM (UvR6d)

152 Oh you really want to start the war between the states?

Guard Bureau in DC is trying to order state National Guards to issue military ID cards to same sex partners. SecDef Hagel says the refusals reflect 'prejudice.'

http://tinyurl.com/prmh4ar

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at November 04, 2013 06:23 PM (uz+9b)

153 Love your jokes, toby!

Posted by: Y-not (@MoxieMom) at November 04, 2013 06:23 PM (5H6zj)

154 Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at November 04, 2013 10:20 PM (8Mwgu)

What you call "mooching", I call stealing. But then, I have a moral compass.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at November 04, 2013 06:24 PM (8Fl6F)

155 The lengthy ONT is here!

Posted by: Vendette at November 04, 2013 06:24 PM (YfL5v)

156 The only thing worse than 404Care is the free economy.

Hahaha assholes, the joke's on you.

Posted by: GnuBreed at November 04, 2013 06:26 PM (wNF3N)

157 These three lads are drinking in a pub when this bloke comes in and starts drinking at the bar. After a while the bloke goes up to the group of lads, points at the one in the middle and says, in a drunken slur, "I've shagged your Mum." The three lads look bewildered and the bloke goes back to drinking at the bar. Ten minutes later he comes back and announces, "Your Mum has sucked my penis." The three lads try and ignore him and he goes back to the bar. After another ten minutes he comes back and shouts, "I've had your Mum up the arse." By now the lads have had enough and the one in the middle stands up and says, "Look, Dad, you're pissed. Now fuck off home."

Posted by: toby928© has a dirty joke at November 04, 2013 06:26 PM (QupBk)

158 147 I do believe the lovely Vendette and I both will vehemently state that they are not at all indicative of all Canadian women. Posted by: Gingy @GingyNorth at November 04, 2013 10:17 PM (N/cFh) And we will beat the daylights out of you if you think otherwise. Goal, Winnipeg Jets! Posted by: Vendette at November 04, 2013 10:20 PM (YfL5v) --- Well, I don't know about that. I could, but I'm lovely and demure and not prone to beating the crap out of people for disagreeing with me. Just this week I refused to rise to the bait of a person claiming that Affirmative Action 'only levels the playing field'. A black attorney, by the way. Also, meh. I'll miss the Flames game tomorrow, it's our trivia night.

Posted by: Gingy @GingyNorth at November 04, 2013 06:26 PM (N/cFh)

159 ...she can still collect unemployment, which is really nice with Christmas coming up. ---- This year, celebrate the season of giving by taking money from your more productive and conscientious neighbors.

Posted by: Jenny Hates Her Phone at November 04, 2013 06:26 PM (GmTxn)

160 >>What the hell is the Mary Landrieu bill? Posted by: mallfly $20 on the nightstand.

Posted by: Aviator at November 04, 2013 06:27 PM (DI+ja)

161 Two brothers have a lifelong dream to immigrate to America. They work hard and save their money. After many years, they have saved enough money and finally emigrate into New York. Before they begin building their new lives in America, they decide to see some of the famous places they dreamed of for so long; the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, the Rockettes, and others. Eventually, they make their way to Coney Island. As they stroll down the beach, taking in all the newness of America, they see a very large billboard that reads: "HOT DOGS," with a big arrow pointing down to a little hot dog stand. Being hungry and seeing that having an American hot dog would be something new, they decide to try one. So they order two hot dogs and sit on a nearby bench to enjoy another piece of Americana. The first brother sets his hot dog in his lap, unfolds the paper wrapper, looks at his hot dog for a moment, and suddenly wraps it back up. He then turns to his brother and says, "What part of the dog did you get?"

Posted by: toby928© has a dirty joke at November 04, 2013 06:28 PM (QupBk)

162 Well, I don't know about that. I could, but I'm lovely and demure and not prone to beating the crap out of people for disagreeing with me. Just this week I refused to rise to the bait of a person claiming that Affirmative Action 'only levels the playing field'. A black attorney, by the way. Also, meh. I'll miss the Flames game tomorrow, it's our trivia night. Posted by: Gingy @GingyNorth at November 04, 2013 10:26 PM (N/cFh) Yes, you're lovely and demure but I wouldn't want to mess with you.

Posted by: Vendette at November 04, 2013 06:28 PM (YfL5v)

163 Good for her, the daughter. Everyone else is mooching, she might as well. I have a couple of years left of working myself. I've saved up enough that in 2 years I plan on "retiring". That is, get a $10/hr job so I don't go crazy with boredom, and collect all the welfare I can. In addition to what I have saved, I'll be able to live a pretty solid middle to upper middle class lifestyle for the next 20 years until real retirement kicks in.

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at November 04, 2013 10:20 PM (8Mwgu)

This girl is 23 so she better have a plan to last her until real retirement. But as for you, being a Walmart greeter seems like the best "sorta retired" job!

Posted by: Kelly in Berkeley - yes that berkeley at November 04, 2013 06:29 PM (xLzX1)

164 Are you of The Body?

Posted by: Sean Penn runs a fever at November 04, 2013 06:31 PM (ApGx8)

165 60 Since this is an open thread, I need help with the washing machine. What would cause it to leak water in the tub when not running? Old Maytag. Has new hoses. If I turn off the water is doesn't leak in the tub. I replaced the water pump 2 years ago

*****

You are probably leaking water past your piloted solenoid valve. It needs to be replaced. It will require plumbing skillz and electrical skillz.

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at November 04, 2013 06:32 PM (z+4T3)

166 This year, celebrate the season of giving by taking money from your more productive and conscientious neighbors.

Posted by: Jenny Hates Her Phone at November 04, 2013 10:26 PM (GmTxn)

Nothing warms the heart more than a nice cashmere sweater, paid for by everyone else.

Posted by: Kelly in Berkeley - yes that berkeley at November 04, 2013 06:34 PM (xLzX1)

167 There's a few guys who always get together on Fridays after work for a drink... One Friday, Jeff showed up late, sat down at the bar, and kicked back his entire first beer in one gulp... Then he turned to Bob and said, "Times are getting tough my friend, I mean, just today my wife told me that she's going to cut me back to only two times a week... I can't believe it"... At which point Bob put his hand on Jeff's shoulder and said reassuringly, "You think you've got it bad, she's cut some guys out all together"

Posted by: toby928© has a dirty joke at November 04, 2013 06:35 PM (QupBk)

168 I may have to write these down

Posted by: Dave S. at November 04, 2013 06:38 PM (UvR6d)

169 A man wanted to determine if both his wife and mistress were faithful to him. So he decided to send them on the same cruise, then later question each one on the other's behavior. When his wife returned, he asked her about the people on the trip in general, then casually asked her about the specific behavior of the passenger he knew to be his mistress. "She slept with nearly every man on the ship," his wife reported. The disheartened man then rendezvoused with his cheating mistress to ask her the same questions about his wife. "She was a real lady," his mistress said. "How so?" the encouraged man asked. "She came on board with her husband and never left his side."

Posted by: toby928© has a dirty joke at November 04, 2013 06:38 PM (QupBk)

170 Thanks Lemmiwinks. I got the plumbing down, the electrical scares the shit outta me.

Posted by: Infidel at November 04, 2013 06:40 PM (9AgaZ)

171 @th3j35t3r 12s GARDEN STATE MALL: A Black backpack and Leather Jacket has been found in the building by SWAT.

Posted by: [/i][/b][/u][/s] Tami at November 04, 2013 07:16 PM (bCEmE)

172 160 >>What the hell is the Mary Landrieu bill? Posted by: mallfly $20 on the nightstand. --- I'd pay good money to see Vitter try to slip her a $20.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at November 04, 2013 07:19 PM (4eDvT)

173 165 60
Since this is an open thread, I need help with the washing machine. What
would cause it to leak water in the tub when not running? Old Maytag.
Has new hoses. If I turn off the water is doesn't leak in the tub. I
replaced the water pump 2 years ago

*****

You are probably leaking water past your piloted solenoid valve. It needs to be replaced. It will require plumbing skillz and electrical skillz.

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at November 04, 2013 10:32 PM (z+4T3)

Some of the neptunes have been recalled. If notm Sears will fix it and then give you a contract on it. There must be something wrong with those valves, just had to replace one on a fairly new machine.

Posted by: just a citizen at November 04, 2013 09:36 PM (Nx76m)

174 Once again, the all-time tribute to Uncle Ace's favorite rag -- The Daily Mail song: http://tinyurl.com/3t9bvy3

Posted by: Rex the Wonder God at November 05, 2013 04:10 AM (w45V0)

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