Ace of Spades HQ

November 27, 2013

Evil Busybody Woman Chases Poor Man Out of Wal*Mart for "Crime" of Masturbating in Public Bathroom
— Ace

On video (the chasing part, not the wacking part), The New Inquisition.

Posted by: Ace at 11:35 AM | Comments (176)
Post contains 49 words, total size 1 kb.

1 *knock, knock*

Is this thing on?

Posted by: Retread at November 27, 2013 11:37 AM (IiAs3)

2 She's prolly a Tea Party hobbit terrorist. MRW???

Posted by: Orlandocon ette at November 27, 2013 11:38 AM (SldZ2)

3 C'mon, morons, there are jokes waiting to be made here.

Posted by: Retread at November 27, 2013 11:38 AM (IiAs3)

4 Ghost babies gotta suckle too

Posted by: You know Casper does it at November 27, 2013 11:38 AM (R6JT1)

5 Was he jacking it in the men's room? If so, what was she doing there? What happened to the expectation of privacy? If you're in a shitter stall, that's like an extension of your home. Taking the old man for a walk at the row of urinals is frowned upon, though. Unless it has those dividers between them.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at November 27, 2013 11:38 AM (CJjw5)

6 This is clearly a H8 crime! That "man" probably identified as a woman and thus had every right to be there and how dare you say that a womans sexuality is wrong and its at Walmart and most poeple who go there are redneck H8ers and stuff and it is all so oppressive!!1! NO JUSTIS NO PIECE!!1!`~eleventy!!1! NO JUSTIS NO PIECE!!1!`~eleventy!!1! NO JUSTIS NO PIECE!!1!`~eleventy!!1! NO JUSTIS NO PIECE!!1!`~eleventy!!1! NO JUSTIS NO PIECE!!1!`~eleventy!!1!

Posted by: Critical Gender Studies Graduate Student with a Concentration in Self-Sexuality at November 27, 2013 11:39 AM (Vk2pI)

7 >>Â“Who gets up at 8:30 in the morning and decides theyÂ’re going to go to Walmart, take off all their clothes and masturbate in the womenÂ’s bathroom?Â” 8:30? Not me. I'm an early riser.

Posted by: JackStraw at November 27, 2013 11:39 AM (g1DWB)

Poor fella probably just spilled some Tabasco sauce on it.

It happens.

Posted by: Rafael Escamilla at November 27, 2013 11:40 AM (ThG3L)

Hey Bevis, he's from Broken Arrow. Hmmm hmmm uhey hey...

Posted by: redenzo at November 27, 2013 11:41 AM (bMeMt)

10 Rollback on Foreskin in Aisle 12

Posted by: WalMart PA Announcement at November 27, 2013 11:43 AM (ThG3L)

11 I agree he needs to go to court and claim he 'identifies' as a woman, and that he was just trying to remove what he thought was a strap-on.

Posted by: JEM at November 27, 2013 11:43 AM (o+SC1)

12 Etc., etc., etc., then the terrorists have won.

Posted by: --- at November 27, 2013 11:43 AM (MMC8r)

13 Blue Light = Blue Balls.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at November 27, 2013 11:43 AM (olDqf)

14 The knuckle children wanted to go shopping

Posted by: Sandra Flukes massive black hole at November 27, 2013 11:43 AM (ygAxO)

15 Empire of Jeff He was in the ladies room, as Critical Gender points out, he probably identifies as female until the desire to masturbate kicks in, Or until he sees all the ladies in there. One or the other.

Posted by: Orlandocon ette at November 27, 2013 11:44 AM (SldZ2)

16 Walmart: we got more than just cheap stuff!

Posted by: Purp[/i][/b][/s] at November 27, 2013 11:44 AM (Xlbr8)

17 I wonder if Joan Walsh knows more about this than the average pederast?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at November 27, 2013 11:44 AM (olDqf)

18 Give him a break. He was obviously there to buy a toaster, got aroused, and did the responsible thing by retiring to the bathroom. Okay, the women's bathroom, but still.

Posted by: pep at November 27, 2013 11:45 AM (6TB1Z)

19 theriouthly a hate crime if there ever was one. it took me months to get him to agree to do that

Posted by: Lispy guy with hornrims peeking from the corner stall at November 27, 2013 11:45 AM (3ZtZW)

20 Posted by: Orlandocon ette at November 27, 2013 03:44 PM (SldZ2) Nah.... he just self identifies as a Male Lesbian... ie... a Woman trapped in a Man's body...

Posted by: Romeo13 at November 27, 2013 11:46 AM (lZBBB)

21 Great, now I've got Southpark "Jackin' It" stuck in my head.

Posted by: jakeman at November 27, 2013 11:46 AM (ZCe+/)

22 If he could afford a ticket to San Diego he wouldn't be in the WalMart.

Posted by: DaveA[/i][/b][/s] at November 27, 2013 11:46 AM (DL2i+)

23 He'll claim it was those hawt people of Walmart vids that caused all the trouble. What man could resist?

Posted by: Orlandocon ette at November 27, 2013 11:46 AM (SldZ2)

24 What's going on in here?

*looks inside restroom*

Oh my!

*steps into bathroom*
*locks door behind her*

Posted by: 87 year old greeting lady at Walmart at November 27, 2013 11:46 AM (xKK9v)

25 Free Jergens Samples was probably not the best idea.

Posted by: garrett at November 27, 2013 11:46 AM (ThG3L)

26 You simply cannot let sweaty palms go to waste, no matter where or when

Posted by: Master of Secretion Efficiency at November 27, 2013 11:46 AM (R6JT1)

27 But if you are against Breast Feeding in public, you are an evil person....

Posted by: Romeo13 at November 27, 2013 11:46 AM (lZBBB)

28 OT. I just got an iPad I'm using The Coast by Opera browser. It tells me this site has a poor trust rating

Posted by: Sandra Flukes massive black hole at November 27, 2013 11:47 AM (ygAxO)

29 Ace, the casual visitor (or even the repeat visitor) to AoSHQ will be scratching their heads and wondering whether or not your headline is sarcastic. Libertarians: Let him jack off in peace! Libertarians who can read: Oh, he was jacking off in the ladies' room. Social conservatives: Jacking off is gross! Shame him! Liberals: Public expression sexuality if a beautiful thing. Liberals who can read: War on Wimmins!!!!! So -- which is it?

Posted by: zombie at November 27, 2013 11:47 AM (+cx5n)

30 It's BLACK Friday, not JACK Friday....

Posted by: Tex Lovera at November 27, 2013 11:47 AM (wtvvX)

31 >>> 3 C'mon, morons, there are jokes waiting to be made here. My circuits overloaded. Let me get handle on the situation.

Posted by: fluffy at November 27, 2013 11:47 AM (Ua6T/)

32 Evil Thuggish Harpy of a Busybody Woman Chases Poor Innocent Man Out of Wal*Mart for "Crime" of Masturbating in Public Bathroom ----- That's *always* been a wet nightmare of mine...

Posted by: socalcon at November 27, 2013 11:48 AM (vHlQ5)

33 He was in the ladies room, as Critical Gender points out, he probably identifies as female until the desire to masturbate kicks in, Or until he sees all the ladies in there. One or the other. Posted by: Orlandocon ette at November 27, 2013 03:44 PM (SldZ2) "He" is really a she, and should we be using gender-neutral terms like "ze" and "zir" Anyway she was probably a lesbian and call it a clit not a penis because there is no real difference between men and women and anything else is opressiona nd stuff!!1!

Posted by: Critical Gender Studies Graduate Student and Intersex Advocate at November 27, 2013 11:48 AM (Vk2pI)

34 Â“Who gets up at 8:30 in the morning and decides theyÂ’re going to go to Walmart, take off all their clothes and masturbate in the womenÂ’s bathroom?Â”

Uh, well, um. Why do you ask?

Posted by: Moron #63836 at November 27, 2013 11:48 AM (3Yzit)

35 Plus, let's think about this. Of all the places to go and do this, he chooses Walmart. Now Walmart is a fine store with low prices, etc., but there's a reason there is a whole subgenre of video on "People of Walmart". Me, I'd head to Nordstrom's.

Posted by: pep at November 27, 2013 11:48 AM (6TB1Z)

36 I often take off my coat and jacket. In the children's apparel aisle.

Posted by: Harry Reid at November 27, 2013 11:48 AM (/1ATA)

37 Maybe he was trying to pass a kidney stone. But trying to pass it into someone else's uterus is another thing entirelyÂ…

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at November 27, 2013 11:49 AM (olDqf)

What's going on in here?

Just Bastin' the Turkey, Ma'am.

Posted by: Wal Mart Stroker at November 27, 2013 11:49 AM (ThG3L)

39 Anarchist: Jack off in your nearest well!

Posted by: Master of Secretion Efficiency at November 27, 2013 11:49 AM (R6JT1)

40 He should try Nordstrom's. Great customer service.

Posted by: --- at November 27, 2013 11:50 AM (MMC8r)

41 Ace, the casual visitor (or even the repeat visitor) to AoSHQ will be scratching their heads and wondering whether or not your headline is sarcastic. Libertarians: Let him jack off in peace! Libertarians who can read: Oh, he was jacking off in the ladies' room. Social conservatives: Jacking off is gross! Shame him! Liberals: Public expression sexuality if a beautiful thing. Liberals who can read: War on Wimmins!!!!! So -- which is it? Posted by: zombie at November 27, 2013 03:47 PM (+cx5n) ------------------------- Ace is a known misogynist. The correct answer is - Ace: Bitches just don't know how to take a compliment.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at November 27, 2013 11:50 AM (CJjw5)

42 So -- which is it? Posted by: zombie at November 27, 2013 03:47 PM (+cx5n) You are an oppressor for not knowing and instantly validating and affirming their life choice and they were also born that way and you are just a H8er and stuff!!1!

Posted by: Critical Gender Studies Graduate Student and Gender justice Advocate at November 27, 2013 11:50 AM (Vk2pI)

43 Chakra status: unreleased

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at November 27, 2013 11:50 AM (3j4lJ)

44 30 It's BLACK Friday, not JACK Friday....

Posted by: Tex Lovera at November 27, 2013 03:47 PM (wtvvX)

I laughed so hard my penis slipped out of my hand.

Posted by: Ammo Dump at November 27, 2013 11:50 AM (GgPam)

45 Glen Greenwald will need to know his party affiliation to know if this is a crime or not.

Posted by: --- at November 27, 2013 11:51 AM (MMC8r)

46 It was in Florida, right? I mean, that kind of goes without saying.

Posted by: alexthechick - Really Universe Really? at November 27, 2013 11:51 AM (Gk3SS)

47 Poor planning on his part. Where was he going to take the after nap?

Posted by: Retread at November 27, 2013 11:51 AM (IiAs3)

48 38 What's going on in here? Just Bastin' the Turkey, Ma'am. Posted by: Wal Mart Stroker at November 27, 2013 03:49 PM (ThG3L) Was at a Thanksgiving dinner years ago when the host, in a clipped English accent asked his wife for the gravy, saying "pass the jism, darling."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at November 27, 2013 11:51 AM (olDqf)

49 They had a really good sale on sofas. He was just really excited.

Posted by: no good deed at November 27, 2013 11:51 AM (HsJeN)

50 hey when you gotta go, you gotta go I pee outside all the time. I'll pull over on the side of the road and pee. In parking lots? Almost daily.

Posted by: soothsayer is connectin the dots at November 27, 2013 11:51 AM (W1IQO)

Is this some white trash version of the 'Knockout Game'?

Posted by: garrett at November 27, 2013 11:52 AM (ThG3L)

52 Maybe he's transgendered but had a woody and was trying to get rid of the um disturbing uh whatever so he could feel all normalz again

Posted by: Lispy guy with hornrims peeking from the corner stall at November 27, 2013 11:52 AM (3ZtZW)

53 Was he jacking it in the men's room? If so, what was she doing there? He was in the ladies room.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at November 27, 2013 11:52 AM (sByIH)

54 "He" is really a she, and should we be using gender-neutral terms like "ze" and "zir" ---------------------------- He's a male who identifies as male in the women's restroom. Therefore, he was cis-jackin' which is protected free speech under the First Amendment.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at November 27, 2013 11:52 AM (CJjw5)

55 Oh yeah, let's not forget earlier WalMart hijinx... like the Kansas couple who lifted some KY so he could bump her in the rear, right there in the aisle

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at November 27, 2013 11:53 AM (3j4lJ)

56 where's our frikkin movie thread? I need some recommendations.

Posted by: soothsayer is connectin the dots at November 27, 2013 11:53 AM (W1IQO)

57 At least he left the turkey in the cart outside.

Posted by: Fritz at November 27, 2013 11:53 AM (UzPAd)

58 At least it wasn't one of those new fangled Fap Mobs.

Posted by: garrett at November 27, 2013 11:53 AM (ThG3L)

59 He was in the ladies room. This was on the news here in Tulsa and the anchor were having a tough time getting through the story without laughing.

Of course, my private theory is that he was overcome by the beauty of some of the Ladies of Walmart! Such as: http://tinyurl.com/mleeq2h

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes at November 27, 2013 11:53 AM (kXoT0)

60 Â“Who gets up at 8:30 in the morning and decides theyÂ’re going to go to Walmart, take off all their clothes and masturbate in the womenÂ’s bathroom?Â” That's CRAZY. 8:30????

Posted by: --- at November 27, 2013 11:53 AM (MMC8r)

61 Like he said...he didn't know it was the women's bathroom.

So he intended it to be the men's bathroom. Which means he's gay. Which means it's okay.

Stop judgin'!

Posted by: YourPoopyPants at November 27, 2013 11:53 AM (Y/HG5)

62 So this brings back bad memories. Years ago when I was young and hawt, I worked at a southern cookin' place here in Orlando, next store was a Goodwill store and the manager came to the restaurant and was not happy with me. She explained she was tired of cleaning up the mess from a guy who would sit and stare at me for a while and then wander over to the GW dressing rooms and....you know. Anyway, totally creeped me.

Posted by: Orlandocon ette at November 27, 2013 11:54 AM (SldZ2)

63 >>> I need some recommendations. I recommend that you consult your attorney before returning to Walmart.

Posted by: fluffy at November 27, 2013 11:54 AM (Ua6T/)

64 (At the trial) "Your honor, just because my client has an extremely large clitoris does not give that shopper the right harass her."

Posted by: zombie at November 27, 2013 11:54 AM (+cx5n)

65 where's our frikkin movie thread? I need some recommendations. People of Wal Mart?????

Posted by: rickb223 at November 27, 2013 11:55 AM (8D0/R)

66 where's our frikkin movie thread?

I need some recommendations. Posted by: soothsayer is connectin the dots at November 27, 2013 03:53 PM (W1IQO)

Where The Heart Is

Posted by: alexthechick - Really Universe Really? at November 27, 2013 11:55 AM (Gk3SS)

67 8:30 in the morning? We'll at least we know it wasn't Ace.

Posted by: shredded chi at November 27, 2013 11:55 AM (QHG6t)

68 Did she tell him "Don't come around here no more!"?

Posted by: Lucky Pierre at November 27, 2013 11:55 AM (5fSr7)

69 Years ago when I was young and hawt, I worked at a southern cookin' place here in Orlando, next store was a Goodwill store and the manager came to the restaurant and was not happy with me. She explained she was tired of cleaning up the mess from a guy who would sit and stare at me for a while and then wander over to the GW dressing rooms and....you know. ----------------------------- Guess what most of the Morons are doing right now.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at November 27, 2013 11:55 AM (CJjw5)

70 Â“Who gets up at 8:30 in the morning and decides theyÂ’re going to go to
Walmart, take off all their clothes and masturbate in the womenÂ’s
bathroom?Â”

Well me, maybe... Does it still count if you were up all night drinking and were blacked out by 8:30am?

Posted by: mugiwara at November 27, 2013 11:55 AM (D5hxK)

71 So this guy spends some time ogling "The Women of Walmart" and feels the need to jack off? He really is a pervert. I didn't realize that the sight of flab hanging out from under shirts was a turn on to men.

Posted by: nerdygirl at November 27, 2013 11:55 AM (6da/j)

72 orlandocon ette, eww.

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at November 27, 2013 11:55 AM (3j4lJ)

73 I Brake For GUNT

Posted by: Bumper Sticker on Walmart Fapper's Car at November 27, 2013 11:55 AM (ThG3L)

74 If they don't want you wanking in the bathroom, why are there mirrors in there?

Posted by: Dr Spank at November 27, 2013 11:55 AM (P1WNR)

And Wally Mart's employees ignored the whole situation. -- They were following the Corporate policy

They mustn't interfere, or Wally mart might get sued.

Posted by: rd at November 27, 2013 11:56 AM (D+lxs)

76 And by the way, I don't have a problem with overweight people. Just cover up the belly flab.

Posted by: nerdygirl at November 27, 2013 11:56 AM (6da/j)

77 Posted by: Orlandocon ette at November 27, 2013 03:54 PM (SldZ2) Pics?

Posted by: --- at November 27, 2013 11:56 AM (MMC8r)

78 62 Posted by: Orlandocon ette at November 27, 2013 03:54 PM (SldZ2) (Barry White radio voice) What're you wearing, baby?Â…

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at November 27, 2013 11:56 AM (olDqf)

79 axel, you were most excellent on your recommendation of FRAILTY, thank you for that, but you also really liked Pacific Rim so...

Posted by: soothsayer is connectin the dots at November 27, 2013 11:57 AM (PvyyQ)

80 I pee outside all the time. I'll pull over on the side of the road and pee. In parking lots? Almost daily. I was headed to a sporting event once and my stomach screamed, "This far and no further." I ran into the bushes and flushed my system. About ten minutes later I found out my wallet had fallen out during the deed. I had to go back and sweep the bushes while avoiding the mess. Yeah, that sucked.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at November 27, 2013 11:57 AM (sByIH)

81 I'm in the "you don't spank the monkey in public" camp.

You can't make it back to mom's basement and surf porn, and you have to rub one out in a public restroom?

Aside from creepy, that's just lazy, right there.

Posted by: tangonine at November 27, 2013 11:57 AM (x3YFz)

82 >74 If they don't want you wanking in the bathroom, why are there mirrors in there?

Posted by: Dr Spank at November 27, 2013 03:55 PM (P1WNR)<

Dude's nick is Dr. Spank. Expert witness.

Posted by: Muad'dib at November 27, 2013 11:57 AM (KjlbF)

83 They told me if I voted for Mitt Romney, I wouldn't be able to masturbate in the ladies room at Walmart, and they were right.

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at November 27, 2013 11:57 AM (z+4T3)

84 Srlsy...the hot babes are all at Target.

Posted by: Purp[/i][/b][/s] at November 27, 2013 11:57 AM (Xlbr8)

85 Where The Heart Is

Isn't that the one where Natalie Portman gives birth in Wal-Mart?

Posted by: no good deed at November 27, 2013 11:57 AM (HsJeN)

86 70 Guess what most of the Morons are doing right now. Posted by: Empire of Jeff at November 27, 2013 03:55 PM (CJjw5) I can't be witty, type and think about transsexual midget lactating grandmas at the same timeÂ…

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at November 27, 2013 11:58 AM (olDqf)

87 He was just restroom-curious.

Posted by: OG Celtic-American at November 27, 2013 11:58 AM (vHRtU)

88 She explained she was tired of cleaning up the mess from a guy who would sit and stare at me for a while and then wander over to the GW dressing rooms and....you know. Anyway, totally creeped me. Sorry about creepin' you out.....

Posted by: rickb223 at November 27, 2013 11:58 AM (8D0/R)

89 I don't want to know what the 'family' restroom is for...

Posted by: --- at November 27, 2013 11:58 AM (MMC8r)

90 Isn't that the one where Natalie Portman gives birth in Wal-Mart?
Posted by: no good deed at November 27, 2013 03:57 PM (HsJeN)

Yup.

Posted by: alexthechick - Really Universe Really? at November 27, 2013 11:59 AM (Gk3SS)

91 Posted by: Orlandocon ette at November 27, 2013 How you doin'?

Posted by: shredded chi at November 27, 2013 11:59 AM (QHG6t)

92 If they don't want you wanking in the bathroom, why are there mirrors in there? You just blew my mind.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at November 27, 2013 11:59 AM (sByIH)

93 >>> Dude's nick is Dr. Spank. Expert witness. Masturbatin' Pete should be weighing in shortly.

Posted by: fluffy at November 27, 2013 11:59 AM (Ua6T/)

94 89 I don't want to know what the 'family' restroom is for... Posted by: --- at November 27, 2013 03:58 PM (MMC8r) It involves diapers. And senators from Nevada and apparently New Jersey.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at November 27, 2013 11:59 AM (olDqf)

95 Isn't that the one where Natalie Portman gives birth in Wal-Mart?

Posted by: no good deed at November 27, 2013 03:57 PM (HsJeN)

Yep, also starring Ashley Judd, supposedly Sequoyah, Oklahoma.

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes at November 27, 2013 11:59 AM (kXoT0)

Srlsy...the hot babes are all at Target.

Sunday afternoons. Count on it.

Posted by: garrett at November 27, 2013 11:59 AM (ThG3L)

I got you charcoal, I got your bbq;

I think i'm turning chinese, I really think so

Posted by: The Jackhole somewhere on Ventura Highway at November 27, 2013 11:59 AM (/7Xis)

98 On a more serious note: I once caught a guy masturbating in the library stacks, way up on the third floor. He was a gross street bum. I quickly went downstaris and told the librarian that smelly street bum was jacking off in the stacks on the third floor. Her response? "Where else would you have him masturbate? The poor man is homeless and has no privacy. It is library policy not to interfere." And then she gave me a look like I was a h8ter. And yes, this was in SF.

Posted by: zombie at November 27, 2013 11:59 AM (+cx5n)

99 Don't be uptight. Some need service animals in public, others need animal-like services.

Posted by: Unisex unity at November 27, 2013 11:59 AM (R6JT1)

100

Posted by: AmericanBTGoG at November 27, 2013 12:00 PM (tQVAz)

101 Plus, let's think about this. Of all the places to go and do this, he chooses Walmart. Now Walmart is a fine store with low prices, etc., but there's a reason there is a whole subgenre of video on "People of Walmart". Me, I'd head to Nordstrom's.

Posted by: pep at November 27, 2013 03:48 PM (6TB1Z)

-------------------------------------------

Victoria's Secret. Back behind the see-through blouses. That's what a friend told me.

Posted by: Soona at November 27, 2013 12:00 PM (FtgP2)

102 He was just restroom-curious.

Posted by: OG Celtic-American at November 27, 2013 03:58 PM (vHRtU)

Oh, jeebuzz, so now it LBGTQRC ?

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes at November 27, 2013 12:00 PM (kXoT0)

103 Srlsy...the hot babes are all at Target. The frozen yogurt place.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at November 27, 2013 12:00 PM (sByIH)

104

She explained she was tired of cleaning up the mess from a guy who would sit and stare at me for a while and then wander over to the GW dressing rooms and....you know.

Anyway, totally creeped me.

That guy would have lost it if he'd seen you in that production of 'Hair'.

Posted by: garrett at November 27, 2013 12:01 PM (ThG3L)

105 Wal-Mart bathroom? Try to keep it classy, my friend.

Posted by: Humpty Hump at November 27, 2013 12:01 PM (7pOq5)

106 *Cleanup in aisle 5*

Posted by: DAve at November 27, 2013 12:01 PM (b7yum)

107 every guy goes through the "hey world! penis!" stage.

But hopefully realizes within minutes there's like 3.5 billion other penis' peni? Don't tell me the plural, I do *not* want to know, out there.

yer just a dude with a dick. don't touch it where others can take pictures. Or report on it. Or blog about it. Ever.

Posted by: tangonine at November 27, 2013 12:01 PM (x3YFz)

108 47 Poor planning on his part. Where was he going to take the after nap?

Posted by: Retread at November 27, 2013 03:51 PM (IiAs3)

Dude, have you seen some ladies' rooms? Some of them have sofas!

Posted by: Virginia Socon at November 27, 2013 12:02 PM (+/C3g)

109 The Penis, while mightier indeed than the Pen, is no match for Outraged Womanhood.

Or, Sydney Leathers' leathers.

Posted by: FYNQ at November 27, 2013 12:02 PM (TM1p8)

110 "Where else would you have him masturbate? The poor man is homeless and has no privacy. It is library policy not to interfere." That's also their policy on DIY surgery. Non-interference.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at November 27, 2013 12:02 PM (sByIH)

111 Who was pissed off at the reporter, making her go and report this in person? Although she is kinda hot. I'm betting they were seeing if they could get her talking dirty-like. I'm gonna factcheck this again.

Posted by: AmericanBTGoG at November 27, 2013 12:02 PM (tQVAz)

112 Don't tell me the plural, I do *not* want to know, out there. In Latin, the plural is "penes". Don't ask me how I know.

Posted by: zombie at November 27, 2013 12:03 PM (+cx5n)

113 107 yer just a dude with a dick. don't touch it where others can take pictures. Or report on it. Or blog about it. Ever. Posted by: tangonine at November 27, 2013 04:01 PM (x3YFz) Ron Jeremy begs to differ. Then again, have you seen his gut lately? It's so big he can't even see HIS schvantz!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at November 27, 2013 12:03 PM (olDqf)

114 Puritanism run amok!!#!##@$

Posted by: fb at November 27, 2013 12:03 PM (JVEmw)

115 yer just a dude with a dick. don't touch it where others can take pictures. Or report on it. Or blog about it. Ever.

Posted by: tangonine at November 27, 2013 04:01 PM (x3YFz)

Yes, makes you wonder why a guy "smart" or connected enough to get elected Congress Critter did not know that dick pictures sent to strangers was a faux pas?

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes at November 27, 2013 12:03 PM (kXoT0)

116 >>I was headed to a sporting event once and my stomach screamed, "This far and no further." If that was your stomach speaking you my friend have a problem.

Posted by: JackStraw at November 27, 2013 12:03 PM (g1DWB)

117 every guy goes through the "hey world! penis!" stage. True. Ever see a kid do the "I'm naked dance"? Funniest thing in the world.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at November 27, 2013 12:03 PM (sByIH)

118 I have twice had men expose themselves to me while they were driving on the interstate at 70 mph. Talk about creepy.

Posted by: no good deed at November 27, 2013 12:03 PM (HsJeN)

119 108 Dude, have you seen some ladies' rooms? Some of them have sofas! Posted by: Virginia Socon at November 27, 2013 04:02 PM (+/C3g) That's where they swoon, right?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at November 27, 2013 12:03 PM (olDqf)

120 I was only cleaning out my locker.

Posted by: Michael T Duke at November 27, 2013 12:04 PM (bMeMt)

121 111 Who was pissed off at the reporter, making her go and report this in person? Although she is kinda hot. I'm betting they were seeing if they could get her talking dirty-like. I'm gonna factcheck this again.

Posted by: AmericanBTGoG at November 27, 2013 04:02 PM (tQVAz)

I feel sorry for the reporter.

Editor: "we got some dude in walmart choking the chicken. Yer on it"
Reporter: "FML"

Posted by: tangonine at November 27, 2013 12:04 PM (x3YFz)

122 >>> "Where else would you have him masturbate? The poor man is homeless and has no privacy. It is library policy not to interfere." You should have told the librarian that it was a Republican.

Posted by: fluffy at November 27, 2013 12:04 PM (Ua6T/)

123 "Your honor, just because my client has an extremely large clitoris does not give that shopper the right harass her." So it was Hillary?

Posted by: John P. Squibob at November 27, 2013 12:04 PM (jKE+l)

124

I have twice had men expose themselves to me while they were driving on
the interstate at 70 mph.

Damn, you must be cute. Because that's a compliment AND a stunt.

Posted by: garrett at November 27, 2013 12:04 PM (ThG3L)

125 117 every guy goes through the "hey world! penis!" stage. True. Ever see a kid do the "I'm naked dance"? Funniest thing in the world. Posted by: bonhomme at November 27, 2013 04:03 PM (sByIH) Yes. When I was a camp counselor back in the late 70's. Today, even being within 100 feet of kid doing that could get you arrested as a pedo.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at November 27, 2013 12:04 PM (olDqf)

126 "Where else would you have him masturbate? The poor man is homeless and has no privacy. It is library policy not to interfere."

Correct response: How about on your desk? While you're sitting at it.

Posted by: pep at November 27, 2013 12:05 PM (6TB1Z)

127 If that was your stomach speaking you my friend have a problem. Yep, but only until I was done.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at November 27, 2013 12:05 PM (sByIH)

128 Dude, have you seen some ladies' rooms? Some of them have sofas! Posted by: Virginia Socon at November 27, 2013 04:02 PM (+/C3g) That's where they swoon, right? Faint.

Posted by: rickb223 at November 27, 2013 12:05 PM (8D0/R)

129 66 where's our frikkin movie thread? Rent "New Jack City"

Posted by: Sandra Flukes massive black hole at November 27, 2013 12:05 PM (ygAxO)

130 He didn't know it was the women's restroom? Do they not have photos on the bathroom doors? I wouldn't want to walk in the men's bathroom and see someone masturbating either. If you can wait to spill it until you get home go in the stall, weirdo.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at November 27, 2013 12:05 PM (23Kgq)

131 I have twice had men expose themselves to me while they were driving on
the interstate at 70 mph. Talk about creepy.
Posted by: no good deed at November 27, 2013 04:03 PM (HsJeN)

Sorry. I promise I'll trim the hedges for next time.

Posted by: mugiwara at November 27, 2013 12:05 PM (D5hxK)

132 Sounds like a pretty classy guy. In Colorado all our pervs peek through outhouses. Sickos.

Posted by: Cheri at November 27, 2013 12:05 PM (G+Wff)

133 114 Puritanism run amok!!#!##@$ Posted by: fb at November 27, 2013 04:03 PM (JVEmw) Before the internet, Puritan was one helluva publication.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at November 27, 2013 12:05 PM (olDqf)

134 You miss the point, it's OK, because the guy's not a hypocrite.

Posted by: Glenn Greenwald at November 27, 2013 12:06 PM (aDwsi)

135 Meant If you "can't" wait.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at November 27, 2013 12:06 PM (23Kgq)

136 I have twice had men expose themselves to me while they were driving on
the interstate at 70 mph. Talk about creepy.

Posted by: no good deed at November 27, 2013 04:03 PM (HsJeN)

First flasher I ever saw was the classic guy in a raincoat with no pants...although he did have socks on with garters. Which begs the question--how come women look good in garters and guys do not? He was so committed to his audience, he climbed onto the top of a Yellow Cab in Downtown Chicago during rush hour to remove his raincoat.

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes at November 27, 2013 12:06 PM (kXoT0)

137 In Latin, the plural is "penes". Don't ask me how I know. An I-stem with albumen in the singular

Posted by: Unisex unity at November 27, 2013 12:06 PM (R6JT1)

138 I feel sorry for the reporter.

Editor: "we got some dude in walmart choking the chicken. Yer on it"
Reporter: "FML"

When they first cut to the reporter, she's grinning hard and working not to crack up. The news anchors have their best "this is a very serious matter" faces on, but you know as soon as they were off camera, they were wetting themselves laughing.

Posted by: pep at November 27, 2013 12:07 PM (6TB1Z)

139 I have twice had men expose themselves to me while they were driving on the interstate at 70 mph. That was YOU?

Posted by: --- at November 27, 2013 12:07 PM (MMC8r)

140 Hey, where's Boulder Toilet Hobo?

Posted by: Cheri at November 27, 2013 12:07 PM (G+Wff)

141 Do they not have photos on the bathroom doors? Photos of what?

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at November 27, 2013 12:07 PM (sByIH)

142 Which begs the question--how come women look good in garters and guys do not? It's where they are attached and why. Around the calf holding up socks can't be sexy. Next to the hoo haa? Yeah.

Posted by: rickb223 at November 27, 2013 12:09 PM (8D0/R)

143 I have twice had men expose themselves to me while they were driving on the interstate at 70 mph. Driving in Auburn this happened to me: Girl asks me out of car window: Do you have a girlfriend? Me: Yes. Girl: Do you want another one? Me: Blushes, stops talking.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at November 27, 2013 12:10 PM (sByIH)

144 If they don't want you wanking in the bathroom, why are there mirrors in there? Posted by: Dr Spank at November 27, 2013 03:55 PM (P1WNR) ------------------- So you can tuck your junk back into the mangina position, dance around and pull your nipples, like Jame Gumb in Silence of the Lambs.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at November 27, 2013 12:10 PM (CJjw5)

145 Some people are really really really excited about Black Friday.

Posted by: Hamilton at November 27, 2013 12:10 PM (2dYnc)

146 LOL. Now you knew what I meant.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at November 27, 2013 12:10 PM (23Kgq)

147

The two words no man wants to here from the guy peeing in the next urinal:

Nice dick.

Posted by: Soona at November 27, 2013 12:11 PM (FtgP2)

148 Girl asks me out of car window: Do you have a girlfriend? Me: Yes. Girl: Do you want another one? "I really don't think my wife would go for a third one"

Posted by: rickb223 at November 27, 2013 12:12 PM (8D0/R)

149 I'm picking up on this right now, just having parked in the WalMart lot. Got my phone cam ready, it's time to open the door. . . . NOW!

Posted by: the littl shyning man at November 27, 2013 12:12 PM (oL0ul)

150 The Horde is saucy today.

Posted by: Muad'dib at November 27, 2013 12:12 PM (KjlbF)

151 >>I have twice had men expose themselves to me while they were driving on the interstate at 70 mph. Talk about creepy. Twice is creepy. Three times will do the trick. Where are you by the by?

Posted by: JackStraw at November 27, 2013 12:12 PM (g1DWB)

152 "I really don't think my wife would go for a third one" *wishes really hard for a time machine*

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at November 27, 2013 12:12 PM (sByIH)

153 Twice is creepy. Three times will do the trick. Where are you by the by? I've heard ladies really love confidence. Do you know what just exudes confidence? Persistence.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at November 27, 2013 12:13 PM (sByIH)

154 Where are you by the by?

Ha, Jackstraw! I-10 is a long stretch of road.

Posted by: no good deed at November 27, 2013 12:14 PM (HsJeN)

155 I've heard ladies really love confidence. Do you know what just exudes confidence? Stalking??

Posted by: rickb223 at November 27, 2013 12:14 PM (8D0/R)

156 >>Ha, Jackstraw! I-10 is a long stretch of road. Yes, well long is what we're talking about.

Posted by: JackStraw at November 27, 2013 12:15 PM (g1DWB)

157 "Where else would you have him masturbate? The poor man is homeless and has no privacy. It is library policy not to interfere."

Correct response: How about on your desk? While you're sitting at it.
-
Or in Jerry Brown's office.

Posted by: WalrusRex at November 27, 2013 12:16 PM (Hx5uv)

158 Someone is going to write a song about this.

Posted by: Soona at November 27, 2013 12:16 PM (FtgP2)

159 It's getting to be that you can't even perform a functions check on your pecker in public anymore.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at November 27, 2013 12:17 PM (CJjw5)

160 so the question that's been unasked is:

Which one of you was it?

Posted by: tangonine at November 27, 2013 12:18 PM (x3YFz)

161 @137 - is he in Obama's cabinet? Just wondering, seems like half of Chicago's idiots are, so the odds are no worse than 50/50.

Posted by: JEM at November 27, 2013 12:18 PM (o+SC1)

162 @148 - "Do you mind if I ask the others first?"

Posted by: JEM at November 27, 2013 12:18 PM (o+SC1)

163 Someone is going to write a song about this. Posted by: Soona --------------- "Working on some front page Walmart News.."

Posted by: Bob Seger at November 27, 2013 12:18 PM (aDwsi)

164 After washing your junk in the sink, you gotta rub it under the hot air dryer. It's just good hygiene.

Posted by: balm for the chapped ass at November 27, 2013 12:20 PM (R6JT1)

165 "Working on some front page Walmart News.."

Posted by: Bob Seger at November 27, 2013 04:18 PM (aDwsi)

-----------------------------------------------

Swingin' in the Walmart

Humpin' 'gainst my shopping cart,

Ain't Black Friday's grrrrraaaaannnnd.

Posted by: Soona at November 27, 2013 12:21 PM (FtgP2)

166 46 It was in Florida, right? I mean, that kind of goes without saying. It was OK, but having lived in both states and visited Walmarts in each, not a lot of difference. Meth seems to be the drug of choice for both states. (I'm hoping the guy was on something, because selecting Walmart as the location to rid yourself of clothes and inhibitions seems more tragic than illegal, for me.)

Posted by: NeverEvermore at November 27, 2013 12:23 PM (hRV3r)

167 Was it Barney Frank? If so, cut him a little slack. Barney's having a difficult time adjusting to private life.

Posted by: Angel with a sword at November 27, 2013 12:24 PM (hpgw1)

168 Dude would be easier to catch if she let him finish, - not because of the napping, but the goo is like DNA, and shit.

Posted by: Fritz at November 27, 2013 12:30 PM (TKFmG)

169

I ALWAYS beat off when @ Wally World. Hi traffic, people changing shitty diapers, some screaming in agony when they pee, most talking to themselves, junkies shooting up and usually OD'ing.

What's not to like? Great atmosphere to get it up!

Posted by: hutch1200 at November 27, 2013 12:48 PM (NCMlA)

170

LOL, they spelled my name wrong.

Posted by: Max Entropy at November 27, 2013 12:59 PM (QKYRm)

171 I'm not quite sure what to say about Ace's headline -- the guy was in the women's bathroom doing something indecent. What if a child walked in?

I agree she probably shouldn't have chased him out the door with her video camera (the busy-body part), but not sure what else she could have done given that he could have been a pedophile.

Posted by: Cory C at November 27, 2013 01:02 PM (DEWip)

172 171 Cory C You're new around here, right?

Posted by: speedster1 on the iPad at November 27, 2013 01:11 PM (noB3y)

173 man, if I had a dollar...

Posted by: jwpaine @PirateBallerina at November 27, 2013 01:40 PM (9hVHZ)

174 172 171 Cory C

You're new around here, right?

Yes, I guess I am. What am I missing?

Posted by: Cory C at November 27, 2013 02:52 PM (DEWip)

175 174 Cory C Um, maybe the clear and unambiguous sarcasm?

Posted by: speedster1 on the iPad at November 27, 2013 04:20 PM (noB3y)

176 Had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard after reading "(the chasing part, not the wacking part)".

Posted by: Styro at November 27, 2013 06:09 PM (MheaI)

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