December 10, 2013
— Ace Indeed! Not only is it permitted, it is encouraged.
This is actually an old story, dating from at least July of 2012. But I guess it's getting some new attention this slow-news week.
I don't know what exactly @benk84 was trying to find when this sexy little tidbit showed up in his search returns, and I'm not sure I want to. Let's just say it was a happy little accident.
This reminds me of a joke.
A hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear, armed with a rifle. He finds some bear tracks and follows them around a copse of trees. But he's suddenly alarmed to realize the bear has doubled-back, and is behind him. He spins around to shoot the bear but the bear pounces upon him.
The bear throws him to the ground, tears his pants off, and f***s him up the a**.
The hunter leaves the forest, humiliated, confused. He resolves that this bear who violated him shall not live. He buys not one but ten bear traps, and sets out into the woods again. He lays each trap carefully, baiting each with a full salmon.
As he's laying the last salmon on the last trap, he catches a scent he's smelled before -- the bear has silently stalked him, and is now directly behind him.
The man whirls about, but it is too late. The bear swats him to the ground, turns him over, tears his pants off, and f***s him up the ass.
Once again the man staggers out of the forest, ashamed and angry. The bear has not merely defeated him; the bear has stolen his masculine honor for him.
He goes to an Army-Navy store and purchases a dozen grenades. He special-orders a high-caliber rifle with a laser-targeting system. Thus armed, he sets out into the woods again.
Slowly he stalks the forest, his boots crunching lightly in the snow. In the distance, he hears a large bear howling. He rushes towards the sound.
Before him is an icy creek, cold and deep. Bear tracks lead up to the creek -- perhaps the bear crossed the water here. The hunter steps into the frigid water in his hip-wader boots and begins to ford the stream.
Suddenly the bear bursts out of the creek, slaps him three times in the face with his paws, heaves him to the shore like he was a toy, and strips the pants from his ass with his claws.
The hunter grits his teeth as the bear is about to assault him. Suddenly the bear stops, and whispers seductively in his ear, "How long must we play this little game of ours, darling?"
Posted by: Ace at
11:20 AM
| Comments (256)
Post contains 516 words, total size 3 kb.
Posted by: Flatbush Joe at December 10, 2013 11:23 AM (ZPrif)
Posted by: imp at December 10, 2013 11:24 AM (L9AnB)
I'm doing my year-end performance stuff. What should I put down?
The best response will be entered into my performance plan!
Posted by: EC at December 10, 2013 11:24 AM (GQ8sn)
Posted by: Vic[/i] at December 10, 2013 11:25 AM (T2V/1)
Posted by: Flatbush Joe at December 10, 2013 11:25 AM (ZPrif)
Posted by: imp at December 10, 2013 11:26 AM (L9AnB)
Posted by: Larsen E. Whipsnade at December 10, 2013 11:26 AM (rXcBX)
Posted by: Barney's wife at December 10, 2013 11:26 AM (0FSuD)
Posted by: Sean Bannion[/i][/s][/u][/b] at December 10, 2013 11:26 AM (yz6yg)
Posted by: HoboJerky, Hash Hunter at December 10, 2013 11:26 AM (E8IHS)
Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at December 10, 2013 11:26 AM (f9c2L)
Posted by: Daybrother at December 10, 2013 11:27 AM (p7KWB)
Posted by: toby928© insists on talking about robots at December 10, 2013 11:27 AM (QupBk)
Posted by: Nevergiveup at December 10, 2013 11:27 AM (t3UFN)
Posted by: ace at December 10, 2013 11:28 AM (/FnUH)
The best response will be entered into my performance plan!
Posted by: EC at December 10, 2013 03:24 PM (GQ8sn)
"Within the next year, I would like to invent an anal speculum that would allow Islamic jihadists to more comfortably insert explosive devices into their anus for subsequent detonation."
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/b][/i][/u] at December 10, 2013 11:28 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: Nip Sip at December 10, 2013 11:29 AM (0FSuD)
In 2013, I proactively navigated internal and external ambiguities and complexities, while realizing opportunities globally.
Posted by: Muad'dib at December 10, 2013 11:29 AM (KjlbF)
Posted by: ace
...........
Lol! I love how Val-U-Rite makes all things new again!
Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at December 10, 2013 11:29 AM (f9c2L)
Posted by: imp at December 10, 2013 11:29 AM (L9AnB)
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/b][/i][/u] at December 10, 2013 11:29 AM (4df7R)
2 things:
1. I am CERTAIN we talked about this here before, and not very recently, so instead of linking someone else's archives Ace, perhaps you could search your own?
2. That's a bad version of the joke. I thought you must have been telling something else because your setup is wrong.
Posted by: BurtTC at December 10, 2013 11:29 AM (xCw24)
Posted by: Ayatollah of your Assahollah at December 10, 2013 11:29 AM (FcR7P)
Posted by: Countrysquire at December 10, 2013 11:29 AM (LSJmV)
Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 10, 2013 11:29 AM (sByIH)
Posted by: Sean Bannion, Editor of Government Performance Appraisals since 1985[/i][/s][/u][/b] at December 10, 2013 11:29 AM (yz6yg)
Posted by: Nevergiveup at December 10, 2013 11:29 AM (t3UFN)
Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at December 10, 2013 11:30 AM (ZKzrr)
Posted by: Soona at December 10, 2013 11:30 AM (Tx68O)
Posted by: Adriane... at December 10, 2013 11:30 AM (jdRXP)
Posted by: 7 Days in May at December 10, 2013 11:30 AM (j6DTo)
Posted by: Jinx the Cat at December 10, 2013 11:30 AM (l3vZN)
Posted by: ace at December 10, 2013 11:30 AM (/FnUH)
Posted by: rickb223 at December 10, 2013 11:30 AM (lUXJH)
Posted by: bad jokes at December 10, 2013 11:30 AM (d3clc)
Posted by: Foghorn Leghorn at December 10, 2013 11:31 AM (l0lja)
Posted by: Countrysquire at December 10, 2013 03:29 PM (LSJmV)
----
Yeah.... but the scecret is Cat and the Good Jahadi are the same fuckin dude!!!
Swearsies!!!
Posted by: fixerupper at December 10, 2013 11:31 AM (nELVU)
GOP PAC targets Tea Party with Union funding:
http://tinyurl.com/p9crwbx
Posted by: Daybrother at December 10, 2013 03:27 PM (p7KWB)
They are most likely a Democrat moby organization. I saw that story several days ago and refused to link it until we have more info.
Posted by: Vic[/i] at December 10, 2013 11:32 AM (T2V/1)
Posted by: Ein Biobauer Ein Biobauer mit einem engen, persönlichen Beziehung mit Wurzelgemüse at December 10, 2013 11:32 AM (1/4XQ)
Posted by: Chef Mojo at December 10, 2013 11:32 AM (zJoRO)
Posted by: BlueStateRebel at December 10, 2013 11:32 AM (7ObY1)
Part of Ben's search criteria: +jihadi +anus. The remainder is left as an exercise for the student.
Posted by: joncelli at December 10, 2013 11:32 AM (RD7QR)
Posted by: Nevergiveup at December 10, 2013 03:29 PM (t3UFN)
_______________________
A Christmas Wreath for all of the Shintoists doncha know. Those Kennedys are so smart.
Posted by: Marcel Marceau at December 10, 2013 11:32 AM (jucos)
Posted by: t-bird at December 10, 2013 11:32 AM (FcR7P)
Posted by: Nip Sip at December 10, 2013 11:32 AM (0FSuD)
Posted by: Muad'dib at December 10, 2013 03:29 PM (KjlbF)
NICE.
How about,
"In 2013, I was able to better synthesize my interpersonal and intranetwork communications to improve workflow and create a synergistic work environment that maximized my output potential."
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/b][/i][/u] at December 10, 2013 11:32 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: soothie at December 10, 2013 11:32 AM (mZGNr)
Posted by: toby928© insists on talking about robots at December 10, 2013 11:33 AM (QupBk)
Posted by: Truck Monkey, Gruntled New Business Owner at December 10, 2013 11:33 AM (jucos)
Posted by: Brother Cavil at December 10, 2013 11:33 AM (naUcP)
FAQ: If I'm A Jihadist, And I Want To Stick A Lot of Bomb Material In My Bung, But My Bung Isn't Big Enough, Is It Islamic To Get Sodomized Unti My Bung Is Large Enough To Accomodate a Larger Bomb?
http://minx.cc/?post=330935
Posted by: MikeTheMoose Laughing Maniacally While Throwing Matches. at December 10, 2013 11:33 AM (0q2P7)
Posted by: Soona at December 10, 2013 11:33 AM (Tx68O)
Posted by: Countrysquire at December 10, 2013 11:33 AM (LSJmV)
In Denmark, they call that wienerbrød, which means "Vienna bread."
Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at December 10, 2013 11:33 AM (ZKzrr)
Posted by: Sean Bannion[/i][/s][/u][/b] at December 10, 2013 11:33 AM (yz6yg)
Posted by: toby928© insists on talking about robots at December 10, 2013 11:33 AM (QupBk)
Or writers block.
Posted by: Marcus at December 10, 2013 11:33 AM (GGCsk)
Posted by: The Goat at December 10, 2013 03:30 PM (W6iIX)
me too !!
Posted by: the chicken at December 10, 2013 11:34 AM (W6iIX)
Posted by: Flatbush Joe at December 10, 2013 11:34 AM (ZPrif)
Posted by: Truck Monkey, Gruntled New Business Owner at December 10, 2013 11:34 AM (jucos)
Posted by: tubal at December 10, 2013 11:34 AM (YEQ2h)
Posted by: RWC at December 10, 2013 11:34 AM (fWAjv)
Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 10, 2013 11:35 AM (sByIH)
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 10, 2013 11:35 AM (DmNpO)
Posted by: Muad'dib at December 10, 2013 03:29 PM (KjlbF)
Oh yeah, that's a good one!
Posted by: EC at December 10, 2013 11:35 AM (GQ8sn)
Posted by: rickb223 at December 10, 2013 11:35 AM (lUXJH)
[Caroline Kennedy visits Nagasaki to lay a wreath? She does know the bomb was NOT dropped in December right?
[/i]
Oh God. Tell me she didn't do it on December 7th.
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/b][/i][/u] at December 10, 2013 11:35 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: GnuBreed at December 10, 2013 11:35 AM (wNF3N)
Posted by: Lizzy at December 10, 2013 11:35 AM (JRmiD)
Posted by: Countrysquire at December 10, 2013 11:36 AM (LSJmV)
@FranklinCenter
RT @FreeBeacon: Federal Judge Says California ‘Waiting Period’ Gun Laws Are Likely Unconstitutional http://wfb.tc/18A8QJT
Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at December 10, 2013 11:36 AM (B0gqn)
Posted by: Lincolntf at December 10, 2013 11:36 AM (ZshNr)
Posted by: Truck Monkey, Gruntled New Business Owner at December 10, 2013 11:36 AM (jucos)
That's my only contribution to an anus focused thread.
Posted by: Marcus at December 10, 2013 11:36 AM (GGCsk)
I thought Sydney Leathers was a Weiner broad.
Posted by: Waterhouse at December 10, 2013 11:36 AM (8b2sh)
Posted by: Flatbush Joe at December 10, 2013 11:36 AM (ZPrif)
Posted by: Mikey NTH - Death Capades - ObamaCare on Ice! Sponsored by the Outrage Outlet at December 10, 2013 11:37 AM (hLRSq)
Posted by: Barney at December 10, 2013 11:37 AM (0FSuD)
Posted by: zombie jihadi khardashian at December 10, 2013 11:37 AM (cqkc/)
Posted by: ghostofhallelujah at December 10, 2013 11:37 AM (XvrTA)
A bear and a dishoveled hunter walk into a bar after a day in the woods.
The bartender looks at the hunter and says " man , you look like you just got shit on"
The bear throws his paws up and says " hey , don't look at me"
Posted by: polynikes at December 10, 2013 11:37 AM (m2CN7)
Posted by: Sean Bannion at December 10, 2013 03:33 PM (yz6yg)
No, of course not. My hair CLEARLY makes me Alice.
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/b][/i][/u] at December 10, 2013 11:37 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: dantesed at December 10, 2013 11:37 AM (PWf1E)
Posted by: soothie at December 10, 2013 11:38 AM (mZGNr)
Posted by: tubal at December 10, 2013 11:38 AM (YEQ2h)
In 2013, I proactively navigated internal and external ambiguities and complexities, while realizing opportunities globally.
Posted by: Muad'dib at December 10, 2013 03:29 PM (KjlbF)
NICE.
How about,
"In 2013, I was able to better synthesize my interpersonal and intranetwork communications to improve workflow and create a synergistic work environment that maximized my output potential."
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at December 10, 2013 03:32 PM (4df7R)
---------------------------------------------------
Y'all have been reading my boss' emails, haven't you?
Posted by: Soona at December 10, 2013 11:39 AM (Tx68O)
Posted by: Ein Biobauer Ein Biobauer mit einem engen, persönlichen Beziehung mit Wurzelgemüse at December 10, 2013 11:39 AM (1/4XQ)
Posted by: BlueStateRebel at December 10, 2013 11:39 AM (7ObY1)
Posted by: EC at December 10, 2013 03:35 PM (GQ8sn)<
Thanks. I actually didn't make that up. That was an actual "leadership attribute" that appeared on all reviews at a large company I used to work for. You were graded 1-5 on each attribute. This one was the most hysterical of the list but there were plenty of other laughs in there.
Posted by: Muad'dib at December 10, 2013 11:39 AM (KjlbF)
Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 10, 2013 11:39 AM (sByIH)
Posted by: rickb223 at December 10, 2013 11:40 AM (lUXJH)
Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at December 10, 2013 11:40 AM (0LHZx)
Posted by: soothie at December 10, 2013 11:40 AM (mZGNr)
Posted by: Barney at December 10, 2013 11:40 AM (0FSuD)
Posted by: Lauren at December 10, 2013 11:40 AM (hFL/3)
Posted by: Lincolntf at December 10, 2013 11:40 AM (ZshNr)
Posted by: RWC at December 10, 2013 11:40 AM (fWAjv)
No, not "encouraged". He says it's your "duty." Every bit as mandatory as jihad.
(Heh, "doooty.")
Posted by: red sweater at December 10, 2013 11:40 AM (oATMN)
Since we're on the topic:
Prospector in the old west goes up into the hills to prospect for gold. Comes down after a few months with a few nuggets, walks into the saloon in the one-horse town, orders a whiskey, gulps it down and asks, "say, you got any women in this town?"
Bartender says "no, but we got old Joe out back."
Man says, "Old Joe? I don't go for that," and heads back up into the hills to prospect.
Comes down several months later, with a few more nuggets, walks into the same saloon (it's now a two-horse) town, swigs his whiskey and asks, "you got any women in this town yet?"
Bartender says again "no, but we still got old Joe out back."
Man says "I told you last time I don't go for that!" And he heads back up into the hills.
Comes back a year or so later (it's a three-horse town by now), plops his little bag with a few more nuggets on the bar, drinks his whiskey, and once more asks "any women in this town yet?"
Bartender: "No, but we got..."
"Yeah I know, you got old Joe out back. Lemme ask you, if I was to git with old Joe... who would know about it? I mean... could we keep this a secret?"
Bartender says, "well, you would know, and so would I... and old Joe of course, and the two other guys."
"What two other guys???"
"Well, the two other guys it would take to hold down old Joe, he don't go for that either!"
Posted by: BurtTC at December 10, 2013 11:41 AM (xCw24)
Posted by: Tex Lovera at December 10, 2013 11:41 AM (wtvvX)
I ban myself.
Posted by: scottst at December 10, 2013 11:42 AM (cqkc/)
This post from Ace is closely related to the previous posting on "Paul Krugman and the Wonk Gap". In fact, it's two sides of the same coin and I'd like to ask the horde for an analysis of a sticky, messy legal question.
Krugman would likely not be willing to be repeatedly sodomized, at least normally. He might especially object to being repeatedly sodomized for the purpose of inserting explosives into his anus. He is, after all, a very prominent lefty wonk and not a front-line political jihadist. But if the opportunity came, shall we say, to speak to CPAC or some similar righty organization where large numbers of the enemy might be present, wouldn't it be permissable (and even obligatory) for a lefty wonk to join the front line troops? And be repeatedly sodomized? All, of course, for the honorable purpose of inserting explosives into his anus.
Posted by: MTF at December 10, 2013 11:42 AM (B5y+v)
Posted by: Muad'dib at December 10, 2013 03:39 PM (KjlbF)
___________________
I am so happy I started my own business. All of that corporate BS just wore me down. All of the HR people and corporate paper pushers made my job a living hell. I spent upwards of 50% of my time being completely unproductive.
Posted by: Truck Monkey, Gruntled New Business Owner at December 10, 2013 11:42 AM (jucos)
Posted by: Nip Sip at December 10, 2013 11:42 AM (0FSuD)
Lots of them get sodomized WITHOUT having to put bombs up there.
By the way, in case you didn't get to the end of the Memri video, the Sheikh depicted therein opines that not only is sodomy permissible in this circumstance, but that since it leads to Jihad, which is (as he puts it) the "pinnacle" of Islam, the questioner is OBLIGATED to be sodomized here.
Now, I must admit, I'm no scholar of Islamic jurisprudence like this Imam, but it seems like he's onto something here.
Posted by: looking closely at December 10, 2013 11:43 AM (TZsWx)
No truth to the rumor that clitorises grow back after death, like foreskins in Fr'isco.
Posted by: Ein Biobauer Ein Biobauer mit einem engen, persönlichen Beziehung mit Wurzelgemüse at December 10, 2013 11:43 AM (1/4XQ)
Posted by: tubal at December 10, 2013 11:43 AM (YEQ2h)
Whoever is in charge of our performance system is straight out of Ivy League HR school. You should see the guidance to writing our performance plan. It is nothing but that kind of stuff times 11ty7. And the system keeps changing every year! This is the last year we use an online entry system. For 2014, we're going back to good old Microsoft Word.
Posted by: EC at December 10, 2013 11:43 AM (GQ8sn)
Posted by: Allah be praised! at December 10, 2013 11:44 AM (BDQcr)
Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 10, 2013 11:44 AM (sByIH)
Posted by: Vashta Nerada at December 10, 2013 11:44 AM (eoeps)
Posted by: Hadji - The young jihadist too smart for his own good. at December 10, 2013 11:44 AM (nELVU)
I love the Muslims-abhhor butt f*cking meme (which they propigate). Check out Lawrence of Arabia's "Seven Pillars of Wisdom". The very first page of the introduction (page 9) begins a long and lurid explanation of how he and his Arab warriors slaked each other's lusts in the sand for basically the whole war.
Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at December 10, 2013 11:44 AM (A0sHn)
Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes C'est Magnifique at December 10, 2013 11:44 AM (3oDvn)
Ace did it better with Cheney, the cougar, and the 16 dead Mexican whores...
Good times... good times....
Posted by: fred zeppelin at December 10, 2013 11:45 AM (zL/eJ)
Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 10, 2013 11:45 AM (8ZskC)
Posted by: OG Celtic-American at December 10, 2013 11:45 AM (vHRtU)
During 2013, in my continual quest to internalize and bring personal meaning and focus to my life by driving every fiber of my being towards our corporate diversity and inclusion goals. One of the most meaningful things in 2013 for me was realizing that I could become a better human being by living our corporate purpose every day in every way.
Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes C'est Magnifique at December 10, 2013 03:44 PM (3oDvn)
*copies and pastes*
Another couple of paragraphs of that please!
Posted by: EC at December 10, 2013 11:46 AM (GQ8sn)
"Imam, in the course of being repeatedly sodomized to prepare my anal fissure for the explosive device, is it also allowable for the sodomizer to perhaps buy me a drink and take me out to dinner?"
-Questioning Jihadi
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/b][/i][/u] at December 10, 2013 11:47 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: tsrblke, PhD(c) No Really! at December 10, 2013 11:47 AM (GaqMa)
Posted by: BearF*ckers: an AceCorp production at December 10, 2013 11:47 AM (5ikDv)
Posted by: WalrusRex at December 10, 2013 11:47 AM (XUKZU)
Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at December 10, 2013 11:48 AM (/Crba)
Posted by: Not Exactly akula51[/b][/i][/s] at December 10, 2013 11:48 AM (5yM4T)
Posted by: Teh Most Interesting Man at December 10, 2013 11:48 AM (6RwsK)
Posted by: Noted Pederast Hairy Reid at December 10, 2013 11:48 AM (7ObY1)
Thanks. I actually didn't make that up. That was an actual "leadership attribute" that appeared on all reviews at a large company I used to work for. You were graded 1-5 on each attribute. This one was the most hysterical of the list but there were plenty of other laughs in there.
Posted by: Muad'dib at December 10, 2013 03:39 PM (KjlbF)
That is just... just SAD.
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/b][/i][/u] at December 10, 2013 11:49 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 10, 2013 11:49 AM (8ZskC)
Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at December 10, 2013 11:50 AM (/Crba)
During 2013, in my continual quest to internalize and bring personal
meaning and focus to my life by driving every fiber of my being towards
our corporate diversity and inclusion goals. One of the most
meaningful things in 2013 for me was realizing that I could become a
better human being by living our corporate purpose every day in every
way.
Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes C'est Magnifique at December 10, 2013 03:44 PM (3oDvn)
*copies and pastes*
Another couple of paragraphs of that please!
Posted by: EC at December 10, 2013 03:46 PM (GQ8sn)
----------------------------------------------------
Damn! I'm copying that too. My dept manager will love that shit.
Posted by: Soona at December 10, 2013 11:51 AM (Tx68O)
Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 10, 2013 11:51 AM (sByIH)
OT, but did everyone see the picture of TFG photo-bombing the Danish PM (who is sort of hawt in a middle-aged political sort of way)? It's pretty funny, if for no other reason than Michelle doesn't look happy to see the President gawking at said hawt Danish PM, and in fact she finally decides he needs to sit somewhere else, where said hawt Danish PM is not.
I mention all this for good reason. Really. It's because Helle Thorning-Schmidt (the Danish PM) is married to Neil Kinnock's son. You remember Neil Kinnock, of course, as he is famous for writing speeches for Joey Biden back in the day. Funny how these connections get made among the political stars on the international stage. If Joey Biden were there he would have absolutely moved right in on Thorning-Schmidt too, so to discuss their "almost family" relationship.
Posted by: MTF at December 10, 2013 11:51 AM (B5y+v)
Posted by: Andi Sullivan at December 10, 2013 11:51 AM (7ObY1)
Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes C'est Magnifique at December 10, 2013 11:52 AM (3oDvn)
Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at December 10, 2013 11:52 AM (/Crba)
Posted by: Lemmenkainen, Freelance Warlord at December 10, 2013 11:52 AM (ZWvOb)
Posted by: Ein Biobauer Ein Biobauer mit einem engen, persönlichen Beziehung mit Wurzelgemüse at December 10, 2013 11:52 AM (1/4XQ)
Posted by: tsrblke, PhD(c) No Really! at December 10, 2013 11:52 AM (GaqMa)
Posted by: xanderphife at December 10, 2013 11:52 AM (3ePq6)
http://tinyurl.com/6qkv6x8
If the linked article above is to believed, the video translation is accurate, but its a deliberate spoof designed to make fun of Wahabis.
Posted by: looking closely at December 10, 2013 11:53 AM (TZsWx)
Posted by: Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus at December 10, 2013 11:53 AM (YYJjz)
Posted by: BEN ROETHELESSBURGER NFL QB at December 10, 2013 11:53 AM (vH4YP)
Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes C'est Magnifique at December 10, 2013 11:53 AM (3oDvn)
The drive, dynamics, and discipline demonstrated to me by our corporate leadership made me a better corporate and world citizen.
I would be looking at my boss as she read that, expecting her to burst out laughing any second. That is some primo BS.
Do people actually read these things and say, "YES, this is a quality employee!"
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/b][/i][/u] at December 10, 2013 11:54 AM (4df7R)
=======
I think many of us are getting "sodomized" every day under the current administration.
Posted by: looking closely at December 10, 2013 11:54 AM (TZsWx)
Posted by: Nevergiveup at December 10, 2013 11:54 AM (t3UFN)
Posted by: BEN ROETHELESSBURGER NFL QB at December 10, 2013 03:53 PM (vH4YP)
Now THAT'S how you write a review.
Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 10, 2013 11:54 AM (8ZskC)
Posted by: Lincolntf at December 10, 2013 11:54 AM (ZshNr)
Posted by: rickb223 at December 10, 2013 11:55 AM (lUXJH)
Posted by: toby928 at December 10, 2013 11:55 AM (evdj2)
It's called "Pikuach Nefesh."
The concept that no Jewish law is intended to harm.
For example: one is bound to eat non-Kosher food to stave off starvation.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at December 10, 2013 11:55 AM (oJ5Fd)
Posted by: toby928 at December 10, 2013 11:55 AM (evdj2)
BTW, I'm still trying to figure out where the hell "wonk" originated from. Oxford English Dictionary is silent on its origin, except to say it started in the 1920s.
It's just such a damned ugly word.
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/b][/i][/u] at December 10, 2013 11:56 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: Meremortal, scarred up at December 10, 2013 11:56 AM (1Y+hH)
Golf Clap!Posted by: BlueStateRebel at December 10, 2013 11:56 AM (7ObY1)
That's how hereditary aristocracy works.
Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at December 10, 2013 11:57 AM (ZKzrr)
Posted by: Michael Scott at December 10, 2013 11:57 AM (+H/11)
Posted by: RWC at December 10, 2013 11:57 AM (fWAjv)
Posted by: Muad'dib at December 10, 2013 03:39 PM (KjlbF)
That is just... just SAD.
--
We are living in times that are stranger than fiction. You can't make up anything that is more unbelievable than the truth. Reading this blog in the Obama era is proof.
Posted by: Mayday at December 10, 2013 11:57 AM (eHc+1)
Posted by: Flatbush Joe at December 10, 2013 11:58 AM (ZPrif)
Posted by: BEN ROETHELESSBURGER NFL QB at December 10, 2013 11:58 AM (vH4YP)
A horse walks into a bar.
"Why the long face?" the bartender asks.
The horse says nothing, because it is a horse.
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/b][/i][/u] at December 10, 2013 11:58 AM (4df7R)
Posted by: tsrblke, PhD(c) No Really! at December 10, 2013 11:58 AM (GaqMa)
Posted by: Meremortal, scarred up at December 10, 2013 11:58 AM (1Y+hH)
Posted by: Vashta Nerada at December 10, 2013 11:58 AM (eoeps)
Posted by: Lincolntf at December 10, 2013 03:54 PM (ZshNr)
=============================
I find this speculation very disturbing. Have some respect!
Posted by: Reggie Love at December 10, 2013 11:58 AM (B5y+v)
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea
I have a feeling the corpo-speak exercises are only meant to reinforce the concept of the group. It's like doing stupid, embarrassing shit in a frat. Essentially meaningless except for showing deference to the group.
Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at December 10, 2013 11:59 AM (B0gqn)
It is time for you to do your profound thing and write a great piece on cascade preference as only you can explain it.
I'm serious Man.
We need a plurality something fierce, but event more important, folks got to understand what it is, understand they are not alone.
This fucking statist divide and conquer bullshit is getting really old.
If we is going to win against the motherfuckers we got to create a crisis of legitimacy they can never recover from. I'm talking grass roots preference. A plurality Man. The catastrophy of cascade preference. That is the root of winning. It is the moral high ground, it is culture upstream of politics Brother. People got to know they are not alone.
It only takes a plurality to win!
Posted by: Mt Top Patriot at December 10, 2013 11:59 AM (mEMHM)
Posted by: Countrysquire at December 10, 2013 12:00 PM (LSJmV)
Given Larson's sense of humor, I'd imagine he had a lot of ideas like this that never got published.
---
His idea of bear humor was along the lines of two bears coming across campers in sleeping bags, saying "Sandwiches!"
-
My favorite was two polar bears digging into an igloo and one bear says, "I love these things. Crunchy on the outside, chewy on the inside."
Posted by: WalrusRex at December 10, 2013 12:00 PM (XUKZU)
Posted by: BlueStateRebel at December 10, 2013 12:00 PM (7ObY1)
Posted by: toby928 at December 10, 2013 12:00 PM (evdj2)
Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes C'est Magnifique at December 10, 2013 03:52 PM (3oDvn)
LOL! I don't think I could get away with writing that one if you knew our corporate leadership.
I work for Umbrella Corporation pretty much.
Posted by: EC at December 10, 2013 12:00 PM (GQ8sn)
Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 10, 2013 12:01 PM (sByIH)
181 In one of the Twitchy pics, it looks like Hottie Dane and President Man Country are making knee-to-knee contact. We all know what that means...
Posted by: Lincolntf at December 10, 2013 03:54 PM (ZshNr)
That as soon as Hottie Dane was back at the hotel, she took a scalding hot shower and contemplated having her leg surgically amputated above the knee?
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/b][/i][/u] at December 10, 2013 12:01 PM (4df7R)
The KY shipments arrive only on Wednesdays.
Posted by: 13times at December 10, 2013 12:01 PM (fGPLK)
Do people actually read these things and say, "YES, this is a quality employee!"
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at December 10, 2013 03:54 PM (4df7R)
-------------------------------------------------------
Unfortunately, yes. Like minded people hire like-minded people.
Posted by: Soona at December 10, 2013 12:01 PM (Tx68O)
Posted by: Nip Sip at December 10, 2013 12:02 PM (0FSuD)
Posted by: Ein Biobauer Ein Biobauer mit einem engen, persönlichen Beziehung mit Wurzelgemüse at December 10, 2013 03:52 PM (1/4XQ)
_________
...mit *einer* engen, persönlichen Beziehung. Die Beziehung.
I am such a dick.
Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at December 10, 2013 12:02 PM (A0sHn)
Posted by: Meremortal, scarred by Obama at December 10, 2013 12:02 PM (1Y+hH)
I work for Umbrella Corporation pretty much.
-
Can you get me a deal on one of those big beach umbrellas?
Posted by: Vashta Nerada at December 10, 2013 12:03 PM (eoeps)
A: "What would you say if when you woke up in the morning your pajamas were around your ankles and your butt was sore?"
B: "I don't know. Nothing?"
A: "Want to go camping this weekend?"
Posted by: Ein Biobauer mit einem engen, persönlichen Beziehung mit Wurzelgemüse at December 10, 2013 12:03 PM (1/4XQ)
Posted by: Flatbush Joe at December 10, 2013 12:03 PM (ZPrif)
Posted by: toby928 at December 10, 2013 12:04 PM (evdj2)
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at December 10, 2013 03:58 PM (4df7R)
A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "why the long face?"
The horse not understanding English , panics and knocks several tables over, breaking glasses as it runs out the door.
Posted by: polynikes at December 10, 2013 12:04 PM (m2CN7)
Like all great jokes, it's way funnier after being explained!
Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at December 10, 2013 12:05 PM (+lsX1)
Posted by: weft cut-loop at December 10, 2013 03:59 PM (B0gqn)
______________________
Team building excersizes always pissed me off. I didn't want to hang out with over half of those kiss ass, brown nose manager types anyway and now you want me to sing KEREOKE for them! Ummmmm, fuck to the no. They didn't appreciate my view on such things and I eventually wore out my welcome.
Posted by: Truck Monkey, Gruntled New Business Owner at December 10, 2013 12:06 PM (jucos)
http://preview.tinyurl.com/pfovxh4
Posted by: Ein Biobauer mit einem engen, persönlichen Beziehung mit Wurzelgemüse at December 10, 2013 12:06 PM (1/4XQ)
Posted by: troyriser at December 10, 2013 12:06 PM (V9ol4)
Posted by: Meremortal, scared by Obama at December 10, 2013 12:06 PM (1Y+hH)
Some friends were stationed in SW Asia, this is their story
Aparently allah can't see on thursdays, and since there are no women anywhere some of the locals (men) would get together and dew alot of 'Andrew Sullivan-ing' to each other on thursdays
like 20 Iraquis in a room
eye bleach don't work for this
Posted by: the chicken at December 10, 2013 12:06 PM (W6iIX)
Posted by: Lincolntf at December 10, 2013 12:07 PM (ZshNr)
Dallas is already full of Leftists.
And the ones who live in Austin are just a few hours away straight up I-35. Houston's just a few hours away up I-45.
They'll make the trip.
They always do....
Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, TX (@Teresa_Koch) at December 10, 2013 12:07 PM (PZ6/M)
Posted by: Nip Sip at December 10, 2013 12:07 PM (0FSuD)
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at December 10, 2013 03:58 PM (4df7R)
actually my first original walk in a bar joke was a few years ago when ace had a post on evolution and the horde as expected got into heated discussions so I felt it was needed. You had to be there.
Horse walks into bar. The bartender says "why the long face?"
Horse replies " I guess you never heard of natural selection have you? douche"
Posted by: polynikes at December 10, 2013 12:08 PM (m2CN7)
Posted by: Flatbush Joe at December 10, 2013 12:08 PM (ZPrif)
Posted by: weft cut-loop at December 10, 2013 03:59 PM (B0gqn)
----------------------------------------------
Sometimes I think it's management's jealousy over a group that has it's own language that spurs them to try to create terms and expressions that they pretend to understand. I sometimes catch this sometimes at work. I'm in the medical profession, and we definitely have our own language sometimes, not out of arrogance, but of neccessity.
Posted by: Soona at December 10, 2013 12:08 PM (Tx68O)
Posted by: toby928 at December 10, 2013 12:09 PM (evdj2)
Posted by: Meremortal, knowing how to shut people up at December 10, 2013 12:09 PM (1Y+hH)
Posted by: Ein Biobauer mit einem engen, persönlichen Beziehung mit Wurzelgemüse at December 10, 2013 12:10 PM (1/4XQ)
-
In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear
confrontations, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising
hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and be alert
for bears while in the field. ...We advise that outdoorsmen wear small
bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting
them, and to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter....
It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings. Black bear droppings are smaller and contain lots of berries and fur. Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in it and smell like pepper.
Posted by: irright at December 10, 2013 12:16 PM (8GKDa)
Posted by: Javems at December 10, 2013 12:21 PM (nTgAI)
Posted by: Steve in Greensboro at December 10, 2013 12:21 PM (icBMk)
Posted by: Achmed at December 10, 2013 12:31 PM (qfNFY)
Posted by: Fritz at December 10, 2013 12:34 PM (TKFmG)
Posted by: gekkobear at December 10, 2013 12:48 PM (cbh4N)
Posted by: ace at December 10, 2013 12:49 PM (/FnUH)
Posted by: The drizzle at December 10, 2013 12:52 PM (ysCLj)
Posted by: The drizzle at December 10, 2013 12:58 PM (ysCLj)
Posted by: Lucky Pierre at December 10, 2013 03:01 PM (5fSr7)
What else could he do? So he agreed. He asked, "What are the tests ?"
The chief goes, First, you have to drink a fifth of whiskey straight in two minutes, Second, you have to make love to an Eskimo women for four hours without stopping , Third, you have to kill a polar bear with nothing but a hunting knife." So the man goes, " OK, Lets get this over with ," and takes the offered whiskey and chugs it down within two minutes.
The tribes leader then tells him , " Go down that trail for a couple miles through the wilderness to complete your last two tests , you will see what you have to do." So the man goes out and he's gone for four hours. He gets back to where the tribe is and they see he is scratched up all over his body and bloody and exhausted.
He limps up to them and they wait for him to speak.
He's weak and spent but they give him a minute to compose himself. He looks around for a minute than with his last ounce of strength he resolutely says, " OK where's that Eskimo woman you want me to kill?"
Posted by: Lucky Pierre at December 10, 2013 03:04 PM (5fSr7)
Posted by: Rich Fader at December 10, 2013 03:23 PM (0zQ7U)
Posted by: adolfo_velasquez at December 10, 2013 07:03 PM (T1Jm0)
Posted by: Suzie Park at December 10, 2013 07:11 PM (Xa0/1)
Posted by: meade101 at December 11, 2013 08:03 AM (rzgt/)
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Posted by: BlueStateRebel at December 10, 2013 11:22 AM (7ObY1)