Ace of Spades HQ

October 01, 2013

Hobbit 2 Trailer
— Ace

Okay whatever dudes.

This one's got lots of Legolas in it. Yeah, I haven't seen enough of Legolas. The LoTR movies didn't give me enough Legolas. Nor did Pirates of the Caribbean give me enough Seafaring Legolas. Nor did Troy give me enough Aeneid Legolas.

But I guess they've figured me out, and what they've figured out about me is that I crave Moar Legolas.

There seems to be a wide gap between how much they think I like Legolas (a great deal, apparently) versus how much I actually do like Legolas (he's either a taller Pippin or a shorter Treabeard).

Why is he always Sensing things? "I sense danger." "I sense orcs afoot." "I sense an evil presence." Is that like gaydar for orcs or something?

And why get coy with the verb "sense"? Why not be specific and say "I See orcs" or "I Hear orcs" or even "I Smell Orcs?" Who the hell says "Sense" in real life instead of naming the actual sense you're using?

No one yells "I Sense that you just ran that red light!" Right? Right.

Legolas is annoying and needs to be put down.

Meanwhile, Acculturated is all ga-ga for Fox's new show, Sleepy Hollow. I watched like the first 20 minutes of it, because I wanted to see the Revolutionary War scenes. (It was basically one scene and it lasted thirty seconds.)

It's... eh, kinda cute. It's basically Tim Burton's Sleepy Hollow + Tim Burton's Dark Shadows + Rip Van Winkle (hero sleeps for centuries) + Terminator (hero time travels to save future from evil creature) + Highlander minus sword plus Axe.

Meh. I've seen worse.

Posted by: Ace at 03:05 PM | Comments (166)
Post contains 281 words, total size 2 kb.

1 first

Posted by: mallfly at October 01, 2013 03:07 PM (bJm7W)

2 any of the characters look like Harry Reid, or would that frighten the children too much?

Posted by: mallfly at October 01, 2013 03:08 PM (bJm7W)

3 I can't watch this because....shutdown.

Posted by: Sean Bannion[/i][/s][/u][/b] at October 01, 2013 03:08 PM (yz6yg)

4 The Elf of Exposition

Posted by: berserker lurker at October 01, 2013 03:08 PM (8Sjgk)

5 I sense an epic movie review coming soon.

Posted by: Some Guy in Wisconsin at October 01, 2013 03:08 PM (KHqDV)

6 I sense some hostility, Ace

Posted by: berserker lurker at October 01, 2013 03:10 PM (8Sjgk)

7 How am I supposed to suspend disbelief for a show about Sleepy Hollow when the script isn't in Spanish?

Posted by: mugiwara at October 01, 2013 03:11 PM (hpYnL)

8 "I sense an evil presence."

Keep the sheets pulled tight around your neck and you'll never smell it. Much.

Posted by: Dang at October 01, 2013 03:11 PM (Hx2XA)

9 And now we know why we have 3 movies instead of the originally planned 2. Had to shoehorn in more Legolas because fangirls. Should've kept him to like a cameo type thing. Like standing next to the King of the Woodland Realm.

Still going to see it though, but for the rest of it, not Legolas.

Posted by: Ranba Ral at October 01, 2013 03:11 PM (G99e4)

10 Ace hates Orlando Bloom and every thing he stands for.

Posted by: Dr Spank (Twitter Can Blow Me) at October 01, 2013 03:11 PM (9jLim)

11 I know what Legos are, but what are Legolas?

Posted by: rickl at October 01, 2013 03:12 PM (sdi6R)

12 maybe we don't "sense" things because we're not hobbits:

"And if you will join me in this improbable quest, if you feel destiny calling, and see as I see, a future of endless possibility stretching before us; if you sense, as I sense, that the time is now to shake off our slumber, and slough off our fear, and make good on the debt we owe past and future generations, then I'm ready to take up the cause, and march with you, and work with you. Together, starting today, let us finish the work that needs to be done, and usher in a new birth of freedom on this Earth."

http://chicago.about.com/od/chicagopeople/a/ObamaRunSpeech_3.htm
"Barack Obama Speech on the Day He Announced his Run for President"

Posted by: mallfly at October 01, 2013 03:12 PM (bJm7W)

13 Kind of short for a trailer review. What the fuck? Ya know?

Posted by: Dang at October 01, 2013 03:12 PM (Hx2XA)

14 Wow. Best movie review ever!

Posted by: EC at October 01, 2013 03:12 PM (PjyaD)

15 Well, since Jackson's moved to an all-CG, all-the-time format, I think I'll move to an all-not seeing format.

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at October 01, 2013 03:12 PM (ligos)

16 Why is he always Sensing things? "I sense danger." "I sense orcs afoot." "I sense an evil presence." Is that like gaydar for orcs or something? What do your elf-eyes see? Is dinner ready? Does your elf-nose smell dinner? What about your elf-ears? Can you hear mom calling us home to dinner?

Posted by: bonhomme at October 01, 2013 03:13 PM (yETln)

17 Middle Earth feels more real than modern America at this point.

Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2013 03:13 PM (+cx5n)

18 Holy shit. Did I just ~~see~~ sense Bannion????

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at October 01, 2013 03:13 PM (GEICT)

19 Whine, moan, complain.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith [/i] [/b] [/s] [/u] at October 01, 2013 03:13 PM (qyfb5)

20 Also, why is Legolas all wrinkly in the prequel? Do elves age backwards? Isn't LoTR like decades after the Hobbit? Legolas is the new Data -- inappropriately aging.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at October 01, 2013 03:13 PM (ZPrif)

21 Oh, and the reason for the elf.... he's moar handsomer than the dwarf, hobbit, wizard or dragon. Gots ta get the wimminz to come see the movie too! $$$

Posted by: Some Guy in Wisconsin at October 01, 2013 03:14 PM (KHqDV)

22 Middle Earth feels more real than modern America at this point. Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2013 07:13 PM (+cx5n) Well, I'm starting to think I'd rather face a dragon, anyway...

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith [/i] [/b] [/s] [/u] at October 01, 2013 03:14 PM (qyfb5)

23 Legolas was fancy boy Paris, not Aeneid, in Troy.

Posted by: tommylotto at October 01, 2013 03:14 PM (A3a8d)

24 I finally was able to access the calif exchange. It didn't work. It wouldn't recognize my zip code and wouldn't allow me to fill in required drop down boxes. That's more than just a glitch. Didn't these fuckers test them out???

Posted by: Jesse Pinkman, PhD Bitches! at October 01, 2013 03:14 PM (paOCA)

25 I sometimes sense my senses are sensing something and then find my senses were wrong and there was nothing to be sensed, in a sense.

Posted by: Dang at October 01, 2013 03:14 PM (Hx2XA)

26 Legolas is the perfect purse carrying man. Awash in emo.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2013 03:14 PM (IXrOn)

27 Idea: Let's hire Peter Jackson to make a CGI United States where everything is peachy keen. And then we move there. That's a more reasonable plan than anything else we've got on tap at the moment.

Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2013 03:15 PM (+cx5n)

28

Legolas and his "girlfriend".

Yeahhhh....right.

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at October 01, 2013 03:15 PM (kdS6q)

29 Fear is the path of the dark side. Fear leads to anger. anger leads to hate. hate leads to suffering... I sense much fear in you.

Posted by: JackStraw at October 01, 2013 03:15 PM (g1DWB)

30 I really like The X Hollow. That I call it that tells you why I like it.

Posted by: alexthechick - Really Universe Really? at October 01, 2013 03:15 PM (Gk3SS)

31 Oh, and the reason for the elf.... he's moar handsomer than the dwarf, hobbit, wizard or dragon. Gots ta get the wimminz to come see the movie too! $$$ You sure it's not all the "creative" types in Hollywood sighing and writing his name in their Trapper Keepers?

Posted by: bonhomme at October 01, 2013 03:15 PM (yETln)

32 That's more than just a glitch. Didn't these fuckers test them out??? Posted by: Jesse Pinkman, PhD Bitches! at October 01, 2013 07:14 PM (paOCA) Testing is for citizens, not subjects. Remember when we were citizens?

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith [/i] [/b] [/s] [/u] at October 01, 2013 03:15 PM (qyfb5)

33 Looking at some of the copays, I think a young person would be better off just using the co pay to see a doctor on their own.

Posted by: Jesse Pinkman, PhD Bitches! at October 01, 2013 03:16 PM (paOCA)

34 Counselor Legolas, are you sensing anything from the enemy?

Posted by: Captain Aragorn Picard at October 01, 2013 03:16 PM (FY+3+)

35 I sense Rich Lowry reads Ace. Quote from his NYPost piece: Resistance is not futile.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2013 03:16 PM (IXrOn)

36 Well, I'm starting to think I'd rather face a dragon, anyway... Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at October 01, 2013 07:14 PM (qyfb5) Brave man to choose to face Michelle...

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at October 01, 2013 03:17 PM (GEICT)

37 That's more than just a glitch. Didn't these fuckers test them out??? They released a pre-alpha and called it "done".

Posted by: bonhomme at October 01, 2013 03:17 PM (yETln)

38 If I lived nearer the border, I would just go to TJ for my health care. The doctors are good, and cheap. Prescriptions are also cheap.

Posted by: Jesse Pinkman, PhD Bitches! at October 01, 2013 03:17 PM (paOCA)

39 Brave man to choose to face Michelle... Death by Bunga Bunga!

Posted by: bonhomme at October 01, 2013 03:18 PM (yETln)

40 I sense disappointment. And I smell it, too.

Posted by: Lincolntf at October 01, 2013 03:18 PM (ZshNr)

41 That's more than just a glitch. Didn't these fuckers test them out??? Posted by: Jesse Pinkman, PhD Bitches! at October 01, 2013 07:14 PM (paOCA) Obamacare 0.7 alpha

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at October 01, 2013 03:18 PM (GEICT)

42 What about Mogadishu Legolas?

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at October 01, 2013 03:18 PM (sSHNB)

43 Sorry to spoil it for you guys, but this movie is going to suck and be full of shitty SGI and shittier dialogue.

Posted by: Spoily McSpoilerson at October 01, 2013 03:18 PM (8719b)

44 re 24: it's good practice for what will probably follow.

Posted by: mallfly at October 01, 2013 03:19 PM (bJm7W)

That hurts.

Posted by: Deanna Troi at October 01, 2013 03:19 PM (YH32Y)

46 I've heard that it is okay to date in Middle Earth, as long as you don't get in the hobbit.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at October 01, 2013 03:19 PM (N/Sup)

47 If I lived nearer the border, I would just go to TJ for my health care. The doctors are good, and cheap. Prescriptions are also cheap. Tijuana? Their doctors are good? Do they have technology yet? Or board certification?

Posted by: bonhomme at October 01, 2013 03:19 PM (yETln)

48 I've heard that it is okay to date in Middle Earth, as long as you don't get in the hobbit. Bilbo's Hobbit Hole got invaded by Dwarves.

Posted by: bonhomme at October 01, 2013 03:20 PM (yETln)

49 NERDS!!!!!

Posted by: Navin R Johnson at October 01, 2013 03:20 PM (RRbuy)

50 If I wrote a screenplay I would have everyone, or maybe just one guy, always saying, "I'm thinking, danger!" and then he'd shoot a bad guy who was hiding behind a door or a boat or something. That would be cool.

Posted by: Dang at October 01, 2013 03:20 PM (Hx2XA)

51 Turned on the MLB playoffs pre-game. Fucking Olbermann is hosting it. Fuck that shit. I'm sure they'll have Limbaugh do the NFL pre-game. Oh wait no. Fucking nazis.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at October 01, 2013 03:21 PM (ZPrif)

52 BTW why do elves get all the cool weapons, powers, and super senses while dwarves get shit on? I thought dwarves could build and smith shit? WTF shouldnt they have the best weapons, armor, and bows?

Posted by: Spoily McSpoilerson at October 01, 2013 03:21 PM (8719b)

53 I sense that an Ewok has been bound and kidnapped! There's no way this terse movie review was penned by our beloved Ace!

Posted by: runningrn at October 01, 2013 03:21 PM (PLOz8)

54 Crap, I was kinda hoping Bret from Flight of the Conchords would emerge from extraland, maybe get to sing an elvish version of "She's So Hot, Boom!"

Posted by: letitbeme at October 01, 2013 03:21 PM (4uDUj)

55 I am much less annoyed by Legolas than I am by the kick ass elf chick that must have JRR Tolkien rolling over in his grave. Nobody asked for her. Nobody wanted her. She's nowhere to be found in the story. The first trilogy was epic without an invented character shoehorned in to attract x demographic. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Posted by: Sentry at October 01, 2013 03:21 PM (VfWDH)

56 "I'm thinking, danger!" and then he'd shoot a bad guy who was hiding behind a door or a boat or something. That would be cool. HAX!

Posted by: Guy Hiding Behind Crate, Bleeding at October 01, 2013 03:21 PM (yETln)

57 Is this Miss Upton?
http://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/toc/contents-201310

Posted by: never enough caffiene at October 01, 2013 03:22 PM (GfBk2)

58 There wasn't anything WRONG with the 2nd episode of "The Blacklist". But wasn't anything special either. One cliche after another. It gets One More Week before it's on my blacklist.

Posted by: Comrade Arthur at October 01, 2013 03:22 PM (83xuc)

59 Tijuana? Their doctors are good? Do they have technology yet? Or board certification? Posted by: bonhomme

They have slacks. That's pretty good. Isn't it?

Posted by: Dang at October 01, 2013 03:22 PM (Hx2XA)

60 Someone needs to knock some sense into that guy.

Posted by: GnuBreed at October 01, 2013 03:23 PM (wNF3N)

61 The poor red-haired elven warrior maiden is warned not to love Legolas. Well gee I bet she gets eaten by Smaug,.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at October 01, 2013 03:23 PM (sSHNB)

62 To add insult to injury, Legolas is married to a Victoria's Secret Lingerie super model. No wonder Ace hates him...

Posted by: runningrn at October 01, 2013 03:23 PM (PLOz8)

Does you Mom know how much you like Legolas, Ace?

I sense some sweet Legolas T-Shirts in your future.

Posted by: garrett at October 01, 2013 03:23 PM (iZogV)

64 Tijuana? Their doctors are good? Do they have technology yet? Or board certification? Posted by: bonhomme at October 01, 2013 07:19 PM (yETln) Yes, racist, they do.

Posted by: Jesse Pinkman, PhD Bitches! at October 01, 2013 03:23 PM (paOCA)

65 And why get coy with the verb "sense"? Why not be specific and say "I See orcs" or "I Hear orcs" or even "I Smell Orcs?" Who the hell says "Sense" in real life instead of naming the actual sense you're using?

Because it's elf magic stuff and there isn't exactly a word for it.

Also my take on Sleepy Hollow is it's an X-Filesy version of Supernatural. I continue to think it's awesome that one of the main characters in a series about a headless horseman is haunted by the Kurgan.

Posted by: Methos at October 01, 2013 03:23 PM (hO9ad)

66 TBS has the liberal fascist bigot Olbermann hosting the MLB Wild Card pre-game show. Fucking maggots. Fuck MLB and Fuck TBS.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at October 01, 2013 03:23 PM (ZPrif)

67 I thought dwarves could build and smith shit? WTF shouldnt they have the best weapons, armor, and bows? Cobbler's children go shoeless, and Doctor's wives die young.

Posted by: Guy Hiding Behind Crate, Bleeding at October 01, 2013 03:23 PM (yETln)

68 And why get coy with the verb "sense"? Why not be specific and say "I See orcs" or "I Hear orcs" or even "I Smell Orcs?" Who the hell says "Sense" in real life instead of naming the actual sense you're using? ----------------------- Hmm. Well, I can sense hippie doofuses. It's a mixture of clues. The wafting of weed smoke, a hint of patchouli, the distant throbbing of a drum circle. It all adds up.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at October 01, 2013 03:24 PM (aDwsi)

69 Not as much legolas as ace made it sound to be. Certainly I it but ace and it sound like "and legolas joins the dwarves". This seems more like council in rivendell level like the last one.

Posted by: Buzzion at October 01, 2013 03:24 PM (XrwHD)

70 "I'm thinking, danger!" and then he'd shoot a bad guy who was hiding behind a door or a boat or something. That would be cool.

HAX! Posted by: Guy Hiding Behind Crate, Bleeding

See! You fucker!

Posted by: Dang at October 01, 2013 03:24 PM (Hx2XA)

71 " I sense dead people"

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon starring in The Sixth Sense. at October 01, 2013 03:24 PM (Apa0r)

72 Legolas is for the low information womenz.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2013 03:24 PM (IXrOn)

73 I understand not wanting political pundits to be part of sports. But it's only right-wingers who get excluded. Nobody is a bigger left-wing purposeful asshole than Olbermann, and he now works for ESPN, TBS, and MLB.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at October 01, 2013 03:24 PM (ZPrif)

74 Yes, racist, they do. HA! Ain't nothing about race. More to do with the fact that Mexico is third-world.

Posted by: bonhomme at October 01, 2013 03:25 PM (yETln)

75 Sleepy Hollow is so not like Highlander, see in SH the Kurgan is a good guy. Also Highlander won the Oscar for best movie ever.

Posted by: traye at October 01, 2013 03:25 PM (HK9R/)

76 What about Mogadishu Legolas? ------- He fell!

Posted by: Sgt Eversmann at October 01, 2013 03:25 PM (Aif/5)

77 Sometimes I'm Legolas and sometimes BF Barry is Legoslas. In the Lincoln bedroom. Thanks serfs!!

Posted by: Reggie Love at October 01, 2013 03:26 PM (/1ATA)

78 Agents of SHIELD set to Dvr. After 20 minutes I'll turn it on and skip through the commercials. I like my comic books without ads.

Posted by: Lincolntf at October 01, 2013 03:26 PM (ZshNr)

79 But is it worth $12 at the theatre in December? Probably. Is it worth $30 for the BluRay in March? Probably not.

Posted by: Foghorn Leghorn at October 01, 2013 03:26 PM (EGPJQ)

80 Does you Mom know how much you like Legolas, Ace?

I sense some sweet Legolas T-Shirts in your future. Posted by: garret

So you're saying ace is really in love with Legolas and wears Legolas brand jammies to bed? And uses Legolas brand hand lotion? Makes sense.

Posted by: Dr Spank (Twitter Can Blow Me) at October 01, 2013 03:26 PM (9jLim)

81 Why don't they just offer coverage for hospital and ER and everything else is cash? It would be a lot cheaper and practical.

Posted by: Jesse Pinkman, PhD Bitches! at October 01, 2013 03:27 PM (paOCA)

Also Highlander won the Oscar for best movie ever.

Well, if there can be only one...

Posted by: garrett at October 01, 2013 03:27 PM (iZogV)

83 Low Winter Sun is unwatchable, really,

Posted by: Jeffrey Pelt at October 01, 2013 03:27 PM (Jsiw/)

84 All the elves, in all the LOtR movies, could not "live up to" Tolkein's kick-ass unfallen creations. That said, Orlando Bloom is hot . I've tolerated enough Kate Upton and cheerleader pics around here: I've got wine and am ready to argue. Bring it on, Horde!

Posted by: LadyS at October 01, 2013 03:27 PM (oTXXN)

Worked for me....

"Danger, Danger.... Will Robinson..."

Now THAT is high tech fer ya.

Posted by: Robot at October 01, 2013 03:27 PM (kduZC)

86 I guess I better reread the Hobbit

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 01, 2013 03:27 PM (1RQeV)

87 I have never watched one LoTR movie, nor have I watched The Hobbit. It just doesn't interest me. Once more let the stoning begin.

Posted by: lowandslow at October 01, 2013 03:27 PM (APJIX)

88 Opening faceoff before 7:30! It's a season opener miracle!

Posted by: Waterhouse at October 01, 2013 03:28 PM (B9MDs)

89 "Fifteen birds in five fir trees, their feathers were fanned in a fiery breeze! But, funny little birds, they had no wings! O what shall we do with the funny little things? Roast 'em alive, or stew them in a pot; fry them, boil them and eat them hot? Burn, burn tree and fern! Shrivel and scorch! A fizzling torch To light the night for our delight, Bake and toast 'em, fry and roast Â’em! till beards blaze, and eyes glaze; till hair smells and skins crack, fat melts, and bones black in cinders lie beneath the sky! So dwarves shall die, and light the night for our delight." Â Â Â

Posted by: adams elven kingdom shutdown porn at October 01, 2013 03:28 PM (gQKHE)

90 It would be a lot cheaper and practical. Posted by: Jesse Pinkman, PhD Bitches! at October 01, 2013 07:27 PM (paOCA) Because neither of those is the point/purpose. Control is.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at October 01, 2013 03:28 PM (GEICT)

91 All these plans have one free preventative visit a year. I think that is where they herd you into a room and make you sign DNR forms.

Posted by: Jesse Pinkman, PhD Bitches! at October 01, 2013 03:28 PM (paOCA)

84. LadyS

Kate v. Orlando? Deal.

Posted by: Foghorn Leghorn at October 01, 2013 03:29 PM (EGPJQ)

93 I'm getting my emo maxed with Ricky Gervais' new Netflix show, Derek. So far, I love it. Love the fact that the show highlights the elderly, and the disrespect a lot now get. And, that they're human. Love it. Gervais is great it in as well. Good on Netflix to keep pouring out new content.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2013 03:29 PM (IXrOn)

94 Why don't they just offer coverage for hospital and ER and everything else is cash? It would be a lot cheaper and practical. Posted by: Jesse Pinkman, PhD Bitches!

That is the idea behind the healthcare savings accounts. And they've been outlawed because they made too much sense. Damn, I just used that word, sense. I sense the barrel.

Posted by: Dang at October 01, 2013 03:29 PM (Hx2XA)

95 I ate way too much cheese. I found the first Hobbit movie way too long, and obviously stretching for more money. No thanks.

Posted by: HoboJerky, Hash Hunter at October 01, 2013 03:30 PM (CgVEi)

96 Sleepy Hollow is so not like Highlander, see in SH the Kurgan is a good guy.

Who got decapitated before the opening credits rolled. I remain amused.

Posted by: Methos at October 01, 2013 03:30 PM (hO9ad)

97 Stuff your existing HSA with as much cash as you can right now... It may be the only thing left standing when the SPAM hits the fan.

Posted by: Foghorn Leghorn at October 01, 2013 03:31 PM (EGPJQ)

98 We did 'Bored of the Rings' back in the seventies. Now a Harvard alum is POTUS. Suck it fanboys!

Posted by: Harvard Lampoon at October 01, 2013 03:31 PM (/1ATA)

99 *hockey night up north

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2013 03:32 PM (IXrOn)

100 You'll take Kate, right? Gaia could not uphold the double bubbehs of Kate and me, together. Not beautiful here but I'm a DD and I'll see to it that the elves start re-populating the Earth.

Posted by: LadyS at October 01, 2013 03:32 PM (oTXXN)

101 We did 'Bored of the Rings' back in the seventies.
Posted by: Harvard Lampoon

Frito and Dildo!

Posted by: Dang at October 01, 2013 03:32 PM (Hx2XA)

102

@51Turned on the MLB playoffs pre-game.
Fucking Olbermann is hosting it.

Fuck that shit.
I'm sure they'll have Limbaugh do the NFL pre-game. Oh wait no.
Fucking nazis.

----------------

What I'd like to see is both Olbermann and Limbaugh doing a game together. That could be fun.

On an unrelated note, I saw the first episode of Sleepy Hollow, and thought it was okay. But I started the second episode and then turned it off after five minutes. Couldn't stand it. And I'm pretty sure that the whole "Let's undo all of the progress we made toward the end of the first episode with the police" bit didn't help either.

Posted by: junior at October 01, 2013 03:32 PM (UWFpX)

103 Stuff your existingHSA with as much cash as you can right now... It may be the only thing left standing when the SPAM hits the fan.

If you think money is safe in a bank, sure.

Posted by: Methos at October 01, 2013 03:32 PM (hO9ad)

104 >>>And why get coy with the verb "sense"? Why not be specific and say "I See orcs" or "I Hear orcs" or even "I Smell Orcs?" Who the hell says "Sense" in real life instead of naming the actual sense you're using?

Fuck off all of you!

Posted by: Spiderman at October 01, 2013 03:33 PM (FY+3+)

105 OT, wtf is oberman doing on the TBS baseball pre game show. I just about lost my supper.

Posted by: Mr. natural at October 01, 2013 03:33 PM (KArqF)

106 I thought dwarves could build and smith shit? WTF shouldnt they have the best weapons, armor, and bows? Posted by: Spoily McSpoilerson

=====

I was always under the impression that the dwarves made the best heavy conventinal armor and weapons, maybe with slight magical stuff imbued in them to strengthen them, where the elves made light armor and weapons and just imbued the hell out of them to boost sharpness, detect orcs, etc, to make up for the lack of momentum you get off mass.

Posted by: Ranba Ral at October 01, 2013 03:33 PM (G99e4)

107 All the elves, in all the LOtR movies, could not "live up to" Tolkein's kick-ass unfallen creations. That said, Orlando Bloom is hot . I've tolerated enough Kate Upton and cheerleader pics around here: I've got wine and am ready to argue. Bring it on, Horde! Posted by: LadyS

Elves, you need a real man

Posted by: Beorn at October 01, 2013 03:33 PM (CMlD4)

108 The Iliad, not the Aeneid.

Posted by: L, elle at October 01, 2013 03:34 PM (0PiQ4)

109 I finally calmed down enough to post about the WWII Memorial theatre. I say calmed down because some of those veterans came from Mississippi. So yeah still way miffed.

http://annapuna.blogspot.com/2013/10/despicable-thuggery.html

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at October 01, 2013 03:34 PM (sSHNB)

110 I'm confused. The Hobbit was a fun book. I'm not seeing a lot of fun here.
What's next? Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Rises?

Posted by: Rocks at October 01, 2013 03:34 PM (vR0sZ)

111 "I sense danger." "I sense orcs afoot." ***** Maybe he's just trying to put in his two cents worth.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at October 01, 2013 03:34 PM (Bd3Kc)

112 107. Give me Boromir or Aragorn, then.

Posted by: LadyS at October 01, 2013 03:35 PM (oTXXN)

113 Posted by: LadyS

Richard Armitage is hot, too, though they've got him all covered in a beard and rags. *frowny face*

Posted by: Lizzy at October 01, 2013 03:35 PM (vvueH)

114 Completely O/T, but I am going to take the advice another poster has given, and I'm calling my congressman tomorrow to give him some support. I thought I'd do the same for my senator, Richard Burr, as well.

Have NC readers noticed what their "Republican" senator has done with his website?

http://www.burr.senate.gov/public/

This guy is a pathetic wimp. I voted for him last time around, but he will not have my vote in 2016, when he runs again. In fact, I'm gonna do everything I can to get him primaried.

Posted by: WolfinNC at October 01, 2013 03:35 PM (Vvg+J)

115 Fuck Peter Jackson.

Posted by: Tom Bombadil at October 01, 2013 03:35 PM (iZogV)

116 So... Legolas = Jar Jar Binks?

Posted by: shibumi at October 01, 2013 03:35 PM (25HWz)

117 Heh. Just a Groupon offering for a discount Rolfing session. Is this the right thread to mention that?

Posted by: Mike Hammer at October 01, 2013 03:36 PM (aDwsi)

118 NORFOLK, VA. Â— Members of the armed forces will still be paid in the partial government shutdown, but their food bills could soar if WashingtonÂ’s political brinksmanship drags on. Commissaries in the U.S. where military families can buy inexpensive groceries tax-free are shutting doors Wednesday due to the shutdown. And that could create a financial hardship for those who depend on the storesÂ’ steeply discounted prices to make ends meet Â— particularly young service members with families to feed or retired veterans on fixed incomes. Bummer

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 01, 2013 03:36 PM (1RQeV)

119

Oh, and Go Blackhawks!

Posted by: garrett at October 01, 2013 03:37 PM (iZogV)

120 113. Durn it, new post. But yep,Lizzie, Richard Armitage in bearded mode looks remarkably like my husband. Quite fine.

Posted by: LadyS at October 01, 2013 03:37 PM (oTXXN)

121 So, if Legolas and Deanna Troi had a love child, how long would the creature survive before being beaten to death?

Posted by: Colorado Alex at October 01, 2013 03:38 PM (lr3d7)

122 WolfinNC - By all means, call all of them, including Kay Hagan, perhaps especially Kay Hagan. Her approval ratings are low. I had a conversation with Burr's office, and then fired off an angry letter asking why I should not vote for a Democrat if he was going to abandon the will of the people, and vote with the Democrats.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at October 01, 2013 03:39 PM (aDwsi)

123 "Bummer

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 01, 2013 07:36 PM (1RQeV)"

Be a good time for the Virginia moron horde to start a food drive. Maybe make a few calls to the putz's running for Governor and get them to help out.

Posted by: lowandslow at October 01, 2013 03:39 PM (APJIX)

124 Lizzy. Dead thread anyway but sorry for misspelling .

Posted by: LadyS at October 01, 2013 03:39 PM (oTXXN)

125 I always thought 'elves' was the plural of 'elvis'

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at October 01, 2013 03:40 PM (Nh6C2)

126 Lucky you, LadyS!
OK, gotta follow Willow to the new thread....

Posted by: Lizzy at October 01, 2013 03:41 PM (vvueH)

127 Ace is trolling for Hobbit: DoS flack today. Just go buy your new Legolas action figure & get over it, you damn fanboy.

Hell yes I'm going to go see the movie. Any, and I do mean ANY Tolkien-based movie is better than 90% of what was in the theaters this year. And Orlando Bloom is a bishie, yeah, but he can act, and he knows which end of the sword goes in the orc, which is more than I can say for Ben Affleck.

Posted by: exdem13 at October 01, 2013 03:41 PM (kfSXj)

128 I thought dwarves could build and smith shit? WTF shouldnt they have the best weapons, armor, and bows?

Posted by: Spoily McSpoilerson

=====

I was always under the impression that the dwarves made the best heavy conventinal armor and weapons, maybe with slight magical stuff imbued in them to strengthen them, where the elves made light armor and weapons and just imbued the hell out of them to boost sharpness, detect orcs, etc, to make up for the lack of momentum you get off mass.

Posted by: Ranba Ral at October 01, 2013 07:33 PM (G99e4)

---

Pretty much all dwarves did was mine, smelt, and smith (or at least LotRO's craft system suggests so), so they had the best melee weapons and armor. I don't think they were much into bows since, living underground, fighting tended to occur at short ranges.

Elves could afford lighter armor because among other things they don't precisely risk death in combat. They're kind of supermen because, well they are. They're basically creations of the angels to finish making the world who didn't fall (the corrupted ones became orcs).

Posted by: Methos at October 01, 2013 03:41 PM (hO9ad)

129 Commissaries in the U.S. where military families can buy inexpensive groceries tax-free are shutting doors Wednesday due to the shutdown.

Who does the deciding? The guy that decided to shut the commissaries needs his butt kicked. Have they stopped Reid's cowboy poetry? Have they stopped foreign aid? Have they stopped the chauffeured rides for the Congress critters?

Posted by: Retread at October 01, 2013 03:44 PM (Oz+LZ)

130 Mike -

I will do that. That's a good question for Burr's office. I'll use that when I speak to someone.

I know I've been hammering Burr lately, but this is still a pretty conservative state, transplants nonwithstanding, and to behave like this is just unconscionable.

Posted by: WolfinNC at October 01, 2013 03:44 PM (Vvg+J)

131 Sleepy Hollow has been pretty good so far. The cast works well together, the story is interesting, and the episodes have an intensity that is not easy to find these days. Orlando Jones has come a long way from fleeing mutant bugs & hawking Sprite.

Posted by: exdem13 at October 01, 2013 03:45 PM (kfSXj)

132 "The Blacklist" - episode template Blacklist Guy: Bad stuff is going to happen at Legoland at 3:00. Give me a pardon and some Dom Perignon. Person in Charge: Oh, fuck you. Blacklist Guy: Fine. But bad stuffs gonna happens, oh, yes, it will. And you must let me out of prison to talk with some chick I'm obsessing over. *bad stuff happens* Blacklist Guy: See? Person in Charge: Oh, fuck you anyway. Chick BG is Obsessing Over: No, he's the real deal! He can stop the bad guys. Person In Charge: F-i-i-i-i-i-ine. *BG stops the bad guys but something hinky happens indicating that BG may be playing the gov't as a sucker in his master plan* Chick BG is Obsessing Over: Something hinky happened. Blacklist Guy: It su-u-u-ure did. Waddya gonna do about it? Nothing, right? Let's go have cocktails. FIN

Posted by: naturalfake at October 01, 2013 03:46 PM (8nunQ)

133 The Jedi sense too. Which makes sense because acrobat/bowmaster/lover of many women could like totally have been a Jedi in the prequels. Not a main Jedi mind you. More like Red Letter Media's favorite CGI Jedi extra Captain Fisto.

Posted by: Wonkish Rogue at October 01, 2013 03:46 PM (dvRYt)

134 How come there are no Chaotic Neutral Jedi in Lucas' universe? The fun a carefree, telekinetic mind-controller could have.

Posted by: Beorn at October 01, 2013 03:56 PM (CMlD4)

135 I'm picking up Solomon Kane at RedBox tonight. I don't have high hopes for my childhood hero to be portrayed well.

Posted by: Beorn at October 01, 2013 03:57 PM (CMlD4)

136 Legolas is pretty.
I will not have you all talking poorly about her just because she's pretty.

Posted by: Bobby K. at October 01, 2013 04:00 PM (c5vWC)

137 Kate Austen looks pretty good with elven ears. So, shoot me.

Posted by: Pecan Scandi at October 01, 2013 04:02 PM (wYShC)

138 The Solomon Kane movie is essentially- "Solomon Kane Begins" It's actually pretty good but it's about Kane's journey to badass Kanehood. CGi in some scenes kinda iffy. Nice that it takes religion (i.e. Christianity) somewhat seriously, though they go against Kane's character when they brings in good witchcraft cuz Kane ain't no H8ter. The guy who plays Kane is great. I wish it had done better so's we could have a bigger, badder real deal Kane movie.

Posted by: naturalfake at October 01, 2013 04:03 PM (8nunQ)

139 lions and tigers and bears oh my what?

Posted by: Lone Gerbil McCain at October 01, 2013 04:24 PM (yL0v8)

140 Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 01, 2013 07:36 PM (1RQeV)

The commissary isn't all that. It's tax free, sure; but they charge you a 5% surcharge (VA sales tax is 5.3%).

Posted by: Buck Farack at October 01, 2013 04:25 PM (ylG8S)

141 Commissaries in the U.S. where military families can buy inexpensive groceries tax-free are shutting doors Wednesday due to the shutdown. And that could create a financial hardship for those who depend on the storesÂ’ steeply discounted prices to make ends meet Â— particularly young service members with families to feed or retired veterans on fixed incomes. Farm Fresh is cheaper. Easier to park. And, the stores were cleaner.

Posted by: Lone Gerbil McCain at October 01, 2013 04:26 PM (yL0v8)

142 was cheaper was cheaper haven't been back in 20+ years.

Posted by: Lone Gerbil McCain at October 01, 2013 04:26 PM (yL0v8)

143 It's extremely depressing that it took 113 comments for someone to correct Aeneid to Iliad. God help us all.

Posted by: Karen at October 01, 2013 04:33 PM (NxlOi)

144 I liked the Hobbitt movie, but they shot themselves in the foot by dragging in the LotR stuff. Watching it was like, "Okay, you see Bilbo get the ring? You've seen the important part, you can stop watching now. The rest is dwarves and goblins and maybe a dragon...you know, the crap."

Posted by: Null at October 01, 2013 04:40 PM (xjpRj)

145 The first Hobbit movie was HORRIBLE. I mean, all the stuff they changed from the book... - Dwarfs singing while they do the dishes... what is this the muppets? Further, dwarfs singing NOT in the book! - 12 dwarfs? DID PETER JACKSON NEED TO ADD MORE? We all know, in the books, there were only seven dwarfs... - Yeah, thanks Peter Jackson. In the book, Dori has GREEN eyes. In the so called "movie" he had Dori with brown eyes. Total disaster. - "Orc head goes into rabbit hole... that's how the game of golf was invented" ...umm, stupid joke Peter Jackson. Not funny. And not Tolkien either, not in the book! - Yeah, Bilbo just "happens" to find Frodo's sword in a troll cave. Only problem: NOT IN THE BOOK. -

Posted by: Nerd at October 01, 2013 04:45 PM (S8FwZ)

146 SO EXCITED. Hush, I am, don't ruin my happiness. Piemaker as the elf king! Gah I missed Lee Pace. BBC Sherlock/Holmes reunited via CGI. I love this whole cast, I don't even care that they are ruining the perfect pacing of the Hobbit. Jackson has built a wonderful universe.

According to The One Ring group...

*SPOILERS DON'T READ ON BEWARE*

...Legolas is the son of the elf king of the forest area, but he was not written or invented until Tolkien wrote the Hobbit. Thus they beef up his role here to include him after the fact...and for the tweeners. The lady elf (who will always be Kate from Lost to me) supposedly has a little star-crossed romance with the "cute" young dwarf of Bilbo's group; I didn't know they set up Legolas to like her until seeing the trailer, but they did because Of Course. Sigh. But One Ring pointed out there are no women in hobbit, so they are adding them where they can. They are also fleshing out Laketown ppl an giving them full families and lives.

*END SPOILERS*

Anyway, still excited! Obama is burning everything down, afford me this one pleasure.

Posted by: LizLem at October 01, 2013 04:47 PM (8wqqE)

147

Grow up.

Posted by: jacke at October 01, 2013 04:52 PM (bm9zf)

148 Legolas is annoying and needs to be put down.

You take the first crack at him, dude. Have you seen what that guy can do with a bow and arrow?

Posted by: Phinn at October 01, 2013 05:05 PM (oFH2D)

149 The dwarves are far too frilly and small-bearded to be correct is my main problem with the Hobbit movie - that and the approximately 78% of the film being extraneous "action" sequences better boiled down to five seconds instead of the current 6 minute yelling and bullshit extravaganzas.

Posted by: Inspector Asshole at October 01, 2013 05:10 PM (/gG0i)

150 LizLem, I think you meant to say Legolas did not appear until LOTR, right? He was added retroactively to the Hobbit movies for fun continuity, and because Orlando Bloom's fangirls buy tickets. Title IX elf chick Tauriel is there to remind a number of those fangirls that Legolas is NOT REALLY GAY FOR DWARVES and might have a sweetheart he left at home. Of course if it is a Dwarf-Elf thing I will snicker and let it roll on so I can see the mightiness that is Smaug.

Posted by: exdem13 at October 01, 2013 05:12 PM (kfSXj)

151 Who could imagine a guy named Dick Burr could be such a prick?

Posted by: [/i]andycanuck[/b] at October 01, 2013 05:17 PM (qnPg9)

152 I want to like Sleepy Hollow. The setting, the tone, the themes . . . it seems like the sort of thing I like. The writing is just terrible. The development of the story, and Abby's character, was rushed at break-neck speed during the pilot. Then everything was practically reversed. Abby can't be playing the skeptic at every turn when the first episode was about her coming to terms with her new lot in life. That's lazy exposition, and it's going to get old very quickly if Crane constantly claims to be ignorant of everything but has special knowledge of the weekly monster because Reasons. And for crying out loud, that dead cop walked back into the world without so much as a proper lamp-shading. Couldn't they at least mention that?

Posted by: Hal at October 01, 2013 05:19 PM (2wZs/)

153 WTF does Legolas have to do with The Hobbit.

I have read The Hobbit something like 10 times over the years.. almost as many times as I read the LOTR trilogy.. yes, I am a fucking LOTR geek.. or, I was until the movies ruined it for me. I haven't read it since.

Anyway.. again WTF is Legolas doing in The Hobbit? He doesn't belong there! The next thing you know, they will be cutting Bilbo's "Thag you berry much" speech!! This has to stop somewhere!

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at October 01, 2013 05:22 PM (AYOav)

154 And who the frickin hell is the ginger elf? Well.. I think she can stay.. might be alright..

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at October 01, 2013 05:25 PM (AYOav)

155 You haters forget... Legolas was THE HERO of LOTR and the Hobbit. Read the Similarian, get an education. Christopher Tolkien will confirm this.

Posted by: Andrew Sullivan at October 01, 2013 05:58 PM (S8FwZ)

156 It's extremely depressing that it took 113 comments for someone to correct Aeneid to Iliad. God help us all.

Posted by: Karen at October 01, 2013 08:33 PM (NxlOi)

Completely agree. I was ready to make this comment myself, but then I thought I should scan the comments and found yours.

I am also, depressingly, impressed that you used the correct form of its/it's.

Possibly, however it's just that the people who know the difference between the Aeneid and the Iliad (although, technically and in an extremely abstruse sense the two are related) are too old to monitor and comment on blogs 24/7/365.

Posted by: HTL at October 01, 2013 06:09 PM (xOOs/)

157 More Legolas is a girl thing, Ace. You wouldn't understand.

Posted by: Aslan's Girl at October 01, 2013 06:10 PM (KL49F)

158 I would've loved to see a Tarkovsky version of The Hobbit. Talk about slow timing.

Posted by: Corona at October 01, 2013 06:14 PM (fh2Y7)

159 Posted by: exdem13 at October 01, 2013 09:12 PM (kfSXj) Exactamundo, books not movies. And yes they probably did beef up his lady attraction to squash the hoyay. Bless their hearts for trying.

Posted by: Lizlem at October 01, 2013 06:51 PM (PDkNw)

160 Yeah and I meant legolas was in LOTR not hobbit; sigh its been a long day. His dad is the elf king in hobbit that imprisons the dwarves, till bilbo rescues them with the barrels.

Posted by: Lizlem at October 01, 2013 06:57 PM (izCt9)

161 Legolas is Teh Totally Ghey, that's why it bugs you. Legolas: "I sense the bulge in Aragorn's codpiece, and it calls me!" Legolas: "i sense the musk of Gimli, and I am deeply stirred!!" Legolas: "the halflings remind me of our young, and I have trouble keeping my pants on!"

Posted by: Tom Servo at October 01, 2013 07:19 PM (hTDbY)

162 Meh. I was hopping Legolas were like Elbows.

Posted by: Socalcon at October 01, 2013 08:54 PM (K6CHr)

163

"But I guess they've figured me out, and what they've figured out about me is that I crave Moar Legolas."

Tell me more (no, don't). Me, I recall the reaction of the chicks when the LotR movies came out. The chicks craved Legolas, and their dollars buy just as much as your dollars, so the chicks are given Legolas to get them to go to the movie.

Doesn't meet up with the actual storyline and other blah-blah of the fanboys? Tough. Give the chicks their dreamy elf-guy and no one needs to get hurt.

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Outrage Outlet - Get Your supplies for Opening Day of RINO Season here! at October 02, 2013 05:28 AM (hLRSq)

164 I gave up on episode 1 of "Sleepy Hollow" after about 30 minutes. Not only did I not like the heroine; not only did they kill off the only interesting guy, the older sheriff, right at the beginning; but they have the historical sense of my cats.

Crane bends down and inspects the headstone of his late wife. Said headstone announces that she was burned in 1787 (I think) as a witch.

Hold the phone, fellas. First, executing witches pretty much ended by the early 1700s. Second, witches weren't burned in the colonies, like Crane's New York, but hanged or pressed to death. And third, if she had been executed as a witch, do you think the local parson would have let her unclean witchly body be buried in the churchyard?

Three howlers in one minute. I turned it off.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at October 02, 2013 07:33 AM (BDU/a)

165 It's... eh, kinda cute. It's basically Tim Burton's Sleepy Hollow + Tim Burton's Dark Shadows + Rip Van Winkle (hero sleeps for centuries) + Terminator (hero time travels to save future from evil creature) + Highlander minus sword plus Axe. == LOL. Ace, have you been emancipated?

Posted by: panzernashorn at October 04, 2013 10:54 AM (MhA4j)

166 Sleepy Hollow converses some trivial pursuit IF the show's lines are accurate: our Founders revolted against the heinous burden of a 2% tax to Britain.

Posted by: panzernashorn at October 04, 2013 10:56 AM (MhA4j)

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