Ace of Spades HQ

May 11, 2013

I Knew Ace Had It In For NBC ...
— andy

... but this might be a bridge too far.

A man from northwest suburban Roselle, in DuPage County, faces a charge of misdemeanor animal cruelty after police said he sexually abused his pet peacock.

Posted by: andy at 08:17 AM | Comments (106)
Post contains 52 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Everyone in the Chicago area is fucked up.

Posted by: waldo at May 11, 2013 08:19 AM (sXWmd)

2 Hey! What you talkin' about, Willis?

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at May 11, 2013 08:20 AM (UTq/I)

3 How in the world?

Posted by: Carney Barker at May 11, 2013 08:20 AM (AHwsB)

4 Roselle is only about 6 miles from me.. known as a den of beastiality...

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at May 11, 2013 08:21 AM (UTq/I)

5 OT: Cuz I'm not currently dorking some peacock in the squeakhole, However- NCAA Div I Lacrosse Championship First Round Games Today- Lehigh vs North Carolina On right now- Should be an excellent game.

Posted by: Staff at May 11, 2013 08:21 AM (G9qZk)

6 Name That Party.

Posted by: t-bird at May 11, 2013 08:22 AM (FcR7P)

7 Why didnt the peacock just pee on him?

Posted by: Jumbo Shrimp at May 11, 2013 08:23 AM (DGIjM)

8 A misdemeanor? It used to be that perverts like that were locked up in a psycho ward.

Posted by: Soona at May 11, 2013 08:23 AM (GcNvt)

9 Eh, sorry. Lehigh vs North Carolina on ESPN2 right now. Excellent so far 2-1 in the 1st quarter.

Posted by: Staff at May 11, 2013 08:24 AM (G9qZk)

10 If a peaCOCK is the male bird,
What is the name of the female?

PeaPelosi

Posted by: Bruce at May 11, 2013 08:24 AM (lWMBo)

11 College roommate used to work on a roofing crew with guys who would go down to market on Fridays and buy baby goats because of their sucking reflex.

Posted by: USS Diversity at May 11, 2013 08:24 AM (5wHPS)

12 Come on! Who wouldn't fuck a peacock if they had one?

Posted by: Up With People! at May 11, 2013 08:25 AM (krveP)

13 It's your turn now, pal.

Posted by: The Chicken at May 11, 2013 08:26 AM (G9qZk)

14 The poor peacock is just a figurehead and not responsible for the shit network that is NBC.Leave the peacocks alone!

Posted by: steevy at May 11, 2013 08:26 AM (9XBK2)

15 Keep your government out of my barn!

Posted by: Mike Hammer at May 11, 2013 08:26 AM (aDwsi)

16 Keep plucking that chicken, ACE

Posted by: Mac Gootbone at May 11, 2013 08:26 AM (9KBWp)

17 Twisted, cloaca-violating bastards. They knew peacocks don't carry guns.

Posted by: Slapweasel at May 11, 2013 08:27 AM (7gwGw)

Daily Legal Reminder:

If you do not work for the government, covering up al Qaeda involvement in a murder and lying to the FBI are still serious felonies.

Posted by: Beagle at May 11, 2013 08:27 AM (sOtz/)

19 11 What country were they from?

Posted by: steevy at May 11, 2013 08:27 AM (9XBK2)

20 Was it a male peacock or female? Because the males are really pretty, and that I could understand, but a female? Watta perv.

Posted by: BurtTC at May 11, 2013 08:27 AM (BeSEI)

21 NCAA Div I Lacrosse Championship First Round Games Hey, my team finally made it in! Looks like we're not going far, though.

Posted by: t-bird at May 11, 2013 08:28 AM (FcR7P)

22 Don't they mean peahen. Or was it homo bestiality.

Posted by: Captain Hate at May 11, 2013 08:28 AM (fNMW9)

23 18 Daily Legal Reminder: If you do not work for the government, covering up al Qaeda involvement in a murder and lying to the FBI are still serious felonies. Posted by: Beagle at May 11, 2013 12:27 PM (sOtz/) Wha-a-a-a-at? No way!

Posted by: Staff at May 11, 2013 08:28 AM (G9qZk)

Ewok Spatchcocks Peacock

Film at 11

Posted by: garrett at May 11, 2013 08:29 AM (raxRV)

25 AtC must be a fan of Richmond,not.

Posted by: steevy at May 11, 2013 08:29 AM (9XBK2)

26 If you do not work for the government, covering up al Qaeda involvement in a murder and lying to the FBI are still serious felonies. Posted by: Beagle
-------------------------

If Stevens et al had been murdered in the U.S., there would have been arrests for obstruction by now. Possibly other after-the-fact aiding/abetting charges.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at May 11, 2013 08:29 AM (aDwsi)

27 This story makes me want to herl.

Posted by: garrett at May 11, 2013 08:30 AM (raxRV)

28 25 Sorry,somehow I thought one of the Lacrosse teams was Richmond Spiders.Are they any good at lacrosse?

Posted by: steevy at May 11, 2013 08:30 AM (9XBK2)

29 Posted by: t-bird at May 11, 2013 12:28 PM (FcR7P) If your team's LeHigh, so far they look like the better team.

Posted by: Staff at May 11, 2013 08:30 AM (G9qZk)

30 Is there a LeLow?

Posted by: Mike Hammer at May 11, 2013 08:31 AM (aDwsi)

31 I refuse to believe that did not happen in Florida.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Take us away. at May 11, 2013 08:32 AM (Gk3SS)

32 A school that should be good at lacrosse is Wisconsin-Lacrosse

Posted by: steevy at May 11, 2013 08:32 AM (9XBK2)

33 Like a piece of meat laying out. Put a burqa on that thing!

Posted by: an Imam or something at May 11, 2013 08:32 AM (DtNNC)

34    Are we watching cable or t.v . so soon?

   covers ace's ears, and eyes.

   hope the cobs don't snitch on ya'll

Posted by: willow at May 11, 2013 08:32 AM (nqBYe)

35 Wasn't Lehigh where the bitch sued when she got a bad grade in a course?

Posted by: USS Diversity at May 11, 2013 08:32 AM (5wHPS)

36 30 Is there a LeLow? Posted by: Mike Hammer at May 11, 2013 12:31 PM (aDwsi) Yes! In "The Fifth Element". Yowza.

Posted by: Staff at May 11, 2013 08:33 AM (G9qZk)

37 (I have nothing really to add to the topic)

just ,yucky.

Posted by: willow at May 11, 2013 08:33 AM (nqBYe)

38 Police suspect it was rape because there was Peacock herl all over the perp.

Posted by: garrett at May 11, 2013 08:34 AM (raxRV)

39 31 I'm sure it has,if not this particular time.

Posted by: steevy at May 11, 2013 08:34 AM (9XBK2)

40 You know, the more i hear stories such as this The less i'm able to laugh at 'keep phucking that chicken', or the chicken begging for mercy.

Because I now realize someone probably really has!

Posted by: willow at May 11, 2013 08:35 AM (nqBYe)

41 This won't delay the start of the White Sox game, will it? ...with the violating of the peacock and all?

Posted by: Slapweasel at May 11, 2013 08:35 AM (7gwGw)

42 Number one rule of sexually abusing your pet peacock -- don't get caught.

Posted by: eleven at May 11, 2013 08:35 AM (fsLdt)

43 40 I think the ancient Romans used chickens for sexual gratification.

Posted by: steevy at May 11, 2013 08:36 AM (9XBK2)

44 now that i lied and said i had nothing to say.

but said something twice about the topic.
i'll go outside and enjoy coffee in peace.

Posted by: willow at May 11, 2013 08:36 AM (nqBYe)

45 We own Florida. Don't even think about dorking a peacock here.

Posted by: International Brotherhood of Alligator Fuckers, Local 43 at May 11, 2013 08:37 AM (G9qZk)

46 steevy, no way!

covers ears, lalalalaall..
bl.

Posted by: willow at May 11, 2013 08:37 AM (nqBYe)

47 Speaking of NBC, the last week should have made it clear that as long as a Republican Party exists, and Democratic rule is not an automatic given, that you will, under this current social system, never be told the true and complete truth; and in fact, under this current social system, this nexus of academia, entertainment, public education, and "news", you might never hear the complete raw and real truth on any subject ever again, regardless of whether Democratic rule is itself ever threatened again. This state of affairs is the most fundamental fact of our current times, and the most signal danger to the existence of the American Republic as it has been.

Posted by: T. at May 11, 2013 08:37 AM (rSMx+)

48 What the fuck is wrong with you people in Illinois?

Posted by: Florida at May 11, 2013 08:38 AM (vAiDn)

49 We Fuck That Peacock Every Chance We Get.

Posted by: Fox News at May 11, 2013 08:38 AM (7gwGw)

50 College roommate used to work on a roofing crew with guys who would go down to market on Fridays and buy baby goats because of their sucking reflex. Reminds me of Johnny Carson and his 'Great Karnac' character. If my memory serves me it was when the Iranians had taken Americans hostage. One of the Iranian negotiators had a name that sounded like 'Goats-by-day' and was in the news a lot. So Karnac holds the envelope up to his forehead to give the answer to the question sealed inside. His answer was 'women by night'. He then opens the envelope and says, 'Goats-by-day'.

Posted by: Regular Moron [/i] at May 11, 2013 08:39 AM (U2UQk)

51 Even Univsion is fucking the peacock.

Posted by: eleven at May 11, 2013 08:39 AM (fsLdt)

52 NC really coming alive now.

Posted by: Staff at May 11, 2013 08:40 AM (G9qZk)

53 I should have added "government" to the "nexus of academia, entertainment, public education, and "news", for such it is, as the private press conference yesterday showed.

Posted by: T. at May 11, 2013 08:40 AM (rSMx+)

54 Are we sure that Chris Matthews wasn't visiting the Chicago area?

Posted by: Stu-22 at May 11, 2013 08:40 AM (k4bdL)

55 With my Affordable Pussy and Peacock Protection Act, now everyone will have access to comprehensive sexual wellness care.

Posted by: Oblahblah at May 11, 2013 08:40 AM (BAS5M)

56 So the baby would be a little perverted socialist propaganda tool. Uhm... Andrew Sullivan?

Posted by: irright at May 11, 2013 08:40 AM (DtNNC)

57 Yes, you're right. Sadegh Ghotzabadeh,

Posted by: cornelius, waiting for the Cobalt bomb at May 11, 2013 08:41 AM (Jsiw/)

58 Roselle sounds like the Rio Linda of Illinois

Posted by: the Butcher at May 11, 2013 08:42 AM (iyHrO)

59 Why? Why? There are plenty goat! They back to you when near cliff.

Posted by: Mohammed Goatfakir at May 11, 2013 08:43 AM (7gwGw)

60 The Good News: He solicited a child, but the child wasn't having any of it, so he molested a peacock.

The Bad News: The peacock died.

Posted by: Fritz at May 11, 2013 08:43 AM (UzPAd)

61 49 We Fuck That Peacock Every Chance We Get.
Posted by: Fox News
------------

Thread winner. Although those Florida gator guys are a strong runner-up.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at May 11, 2013 08:44 AM (aDwsi)

62 31 I refuse to believe that did not happen in Florida.
Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Take us away. at May 11, 2013 12:32 PM

Now you know where Florida, California, and Texas get their wacky criminals

Best Wacky Florida criminal was the woman who threw a knife at her boyfriend who farted too much watching TV

FLORIDA WOMAN ARRESTED AFTER THROWING A KNIFE AT HER BOYFRIEND AFTER HE FARTED WHILE WATCHING TV WITH HER. NAPLESNEWS

Posted by: kbdabear at May 11, 2013 08:44 AM (mCvL4)

My neighbor had some peacock a few years back.

God awful creatures. Loudest fucking things you ever heard.

Posted by: garrett at May 11, 2013 08:44 AM (raxRV)

64 The photo is a composite of the first 60 morons posting comments here.

Posted by: The littl shyning man at May 11, 2013 08:44 AM (ybkwK)

65 The peahen gave me that come hither look. She wanted it. Bad.

Posted by: Illinois peahen fancier at May 11, 2013 08:45 AM (BAS5M)

66 28 Sorry,somehow I thought one of the Lacrosse teams was Richmond Spiders.Are they any good at lacrosse? Posted by: steevy at May 11, 2013 12:30 PM (9XBK2) Dunno about that, but the Cleveland Spiders weren't very good at baseball. http://www.retrosheet.org/boxesetc/1899/TCL401899.htm

Posted by: rickl at May 11, 2013 08:46 AM (sdi6R)

67 Even Univsion is fucking the peacock.
------------
The Cartoon Network is fucking the peacock. Consider the irony.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at May 11, 2013 08:46 AM (aDwsi)

68 Shit, by 2020 you'll able to MARRY your peacock.

Posted by: USS Diversity at May 11, 2013 08:46 AM (5wHPS)

69 Sadegh Ghotzabadeh Yeah, that's it, I tried to Bing it but couldn't find the name. He unfortunately, came to an unfortunate end. Apparently 'plotting the assassination of Khomeini and the overthrow of the Islamic Republic'. You youngster are too young to remember a time when comedians picked fun on islamists, and bungling Democrat Presidents. I swear it's true. Now get off my lawn.

Posted by: Regular Moron [/i] at May 11, 2013 08:46 AM (U2UQk)

70 This just shows America's bias. We get dorked by mooselimbs everday, and do we get a post? No, we do not. Friggin Iceback centric ignorers of all the daily sins against goatkind. Bastards.

Posted by: Goats in the ME at May 11, 2013 08:47 AM (OQpzc)

71 A duck's ass is tighter.

So I hear.

Posted by: Lucky Pierre at May 11, 2013 08:47 AM (5fSr7)

72 How do you hold a peacock still while.....oh never mind.

Posted by: Cheri at May 11, 2013 08:49 AM (EAgmr)

73 66 Worse than the 62 Mets!

Posted by: steevy at May 11, 2013 08:49 AM (9XBK2)

74 FLORIDA WOMAN ARRESTED AFTER THROWING A KNIFE AT HER BOYFRIEND AFTER HE FARTED WHILE WATCHING TV WITH HER. NAPLESNEWS Posted by: kbdabear
-------- Tobacco Road road mentioned that this week in NC, a 61 year-old woman strangled her 77 year-old husband to death. They were fighting over the remote control for the TV.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at May 11, 2013 08:50 AM (aDwsi)

75 Peacock love.

Posted by: The Captain and Tennille at May 11, 2013 08:51 AM (BAS5M)

76 .40SW 180g RNFP is available at Freedom Munitions for $.36/round

http://tinyurl.com/clmadcl

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 11, 2013 08:51 AM (O6Tmi)

77 How do you hold a peacock still while.....oh never mind.

Posted by: Cheri at May 11, 2013 12:49 PM (EAgmr)

Reminds me of the time I asked an Australian how anyone could screw a sheep. He said, "It's easy, mate. just put their feet in your boots." I changed my view of Aussies after that.

Posted by: Ook? at May 11, 2013 08:51 AM (OQpzc)

78 Sec State John Kerry says today that he has not learned anything new... ...since he learned treason pays.

Posted by: Islamic Rage Boy at May 11, 2013 08:51 AM (e8kgV)

79 >>"Loudest fucking things you ever heard."

If somebody was porking my bunghole I'd squeal too.

Posted by: Lucky Pierre at May 11, 2013 08:52 AM (5fSr7)

80 Tobacco Road road mentioned that this week in NC, a 61 year-old woman strangled her 77 year-old husband to death. They were fighting over the remote control for the TV. The honeymoon is over.

Posted by: eleven at May 11, 2013 08:52 AM (fsLdt)

81 How do you hold a peacock still while.....oh never mind.
Posted by: Cheri
______________________________________________________

I use bungie cord and sometimes jute.

There's no telling.

Posted by: David Sirota at May 11, 2013 08:53 AM (7gwGw)

Not trying to hijack a perfectly good peacock sexual abuse thread.

But this Benghazi cover up has extended into doing nothing about the militias and foreign fighters who killed our people and a whitewashing in the ARB. At any point is lying about murder a serious thing when the government does it?

Remember the guy having the mango smoothie the NYT interviewed? The various news outlets sifting the compound for weeks while people like Shep Smith said we needed to wait for a thorough investigation before exonerating the Egyptian Coptic scapegoat?

To me, YMMV, having a political prisoner for making a Mohammed movie should be the topic of every news channel, paper, and especially Robert Redford, the traitorous fuck.

Posted by: Beagle at May 11, 2013 08:54 AM (sOtz/)

83 Wahoo! Wahoo!

Posted by: Indian (dot) peacock at May 11, 2013 08:56 AM (BAS5M)

84 There's been 50 Benghazi posts here if there's been one. Whattaya want?

Posted by: eleven at May 11, 2013 08:57 AM (fsLdt)

85 Patience, people... the left is still working on normalizing teh gheys. It'll be a few more decades before they can get around to supporting you beastiality types.

Posted by: Petrus at May 11, 2013 08:57 AM (ngOuh)

86 To me, YMMV, having a political prisoner for making a Mohammed movie should be the topic of every news channel, paper, and especially Robert Redford, the traitorous fuck.
----------------------

Next, you will suggest that use of the IRS as a tool of political intimidation should be widely reported.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at May 11, 2013 08:57 AM (aDwsi)

87 ʇɥıs bnʎ ʍɐs ɹǝɐןןʎ ʇɹıddıub qɐןןs˙

Posted by: ɔɐɔ at May 11, 2013 08:58 AM (bZXyr)

88 cac get down off that thing.

Posted by: eleven at May 11, 2013 09:00 AM (fsLdt)

89 New thread up

Posted by: Mike Hammer at May 11, 2013 09:01 AM (aDwsi)

90 A duck's ass is tighter. So I hear. Posted by: Lucky Pierre at May 11, 2013 12:47 PM (5fSr7) They have to be watertight, don't you know?

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 11, 2013 09:06 AM (fNpC1)

91 He killed the poor animal. What a painful way to die. I hope the same thing happens to him.

Posted by: waldo at May 11, 2013 09:09 AM (sXWmd)

92 Roselle: You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Posted by: SurferDoc at May 11, 2013 09:24 AM (6H6FZ)

93 "...after police said he sexually abused his pet peacock."

The peacock probably went, "Aahaaaa! Aahaaa!! Aaah...EEEK!!!!"

Posted by: Blacque Jacques Shellacque at May 11, 2013 09:28 AM (9+PGS)

94 How'd they find this guy? Anonymous call from someone with a Chicago accent?

Y'know, with even the WaPo drifting off the reservation on the IRS thing, and Hillary desperately needing cover on Benghazi, OfA and Media Matters are going to have to work extra hard at dribbling out their 'Look, a pony!' stories dredged from the last four years of NSA surveillance.

But, hey, I'm not into conspiracies...

Posted by: JEM at May 11, 2013 09:36 AM (o+SC1)

Posted by: Nanny Bloomers at May 11, 2013 10:06 AM (yDWX4)

96 Ooopsie. Barrel relief reporting for doody.

Posted by: Nanny Bloomers at May 11, 2013 10:12 AM (yDWX4)

97 "63
My neighbor had some peacock a few years back.
God awful creatures. Loudest fucking things you ever heard.

Posted by: garrett at May 11, 2013 12:44 PM (raxRV)"

So this may not be a case of sexual perversion as first thought. Perhaps it was a misguided attempt to discipline his pet. "If you make that sound one more time you know what's going to happen to you?"

Posted by: Obnoxious A-hole at May 11, 2013 10:14 AM (31Nrp)

98 A dude in court for violating The Chicken was rubbing one out in front of the judge.

The Court: Mr. Public Defender, can you explain the behavior of your client?

PD: No Your Honor. But he does have a turkey prior.

Posted by: Nanny Bloomers at May 11, 2013 10:19 AM (yDWX4)

99 Come on, the bird was asking for it. The way it kept shaking it's tail feathers at him.

Posted by: Chicago Voter at May 11, 2013 10:36 AM (qZb8X)

100 Maybe he was having a Peacock party. Drank a little too much tequila, maybe had some music playing, and then somebody burped up an idea that clearly went too far: play "screw NBC".

Posted by: MTF at May 11, 2013 11:20 AM (XPZpj)

101 +1 on the racket the peacock must have raised. My girlfriend raises birds, and has half a dozen of the things. (Also six doves, four ducks, and three hens, nine cats, and a big goofy dog.)

Posted by: Cybrludite at May 11, 2013 11:23 AM (+JbzV)

102 Well played Andy, well played!

Posted by: sdavis at May 11, 2013 12:04 PM (njVMI)

103 Kudos, Andy! *golf clap*

Posted by: Y-not at May 11, 2013 12:42 PM (5H6zj)

104 I've heard that ostrichs are better.

Posted by: jbarntt at May 11, 2013 03:33 PM (UNFot)

105 Have you guys ever seen the toenails on a peacock? Not to mention the beak. Seriously, you guys.

Posted by: EROWMER at May 11, 2013 04:46 PM (kxlCQ)

106 This takes the concept of "Lean Forward" a bit too far, don't you think?

Posted by: isophorone at May 12, 2013 03:36 AM (m/Ana)

Hide Comments | Add Comment | Refresh | Top