Ace of Spades HQ

June 12, 2013

Kickstarter Project: Remote-Controlling a Roach, Via Your Smartphone
— Ace

It has so many applications I can't even name any!

Posted by: Ace at 12:43 PM | Comments (105)
Post contains 26 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Barack Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a malignant traitor.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at June 12, 2013 12:44 PM (/PCJa)

2 It has so many applications I can't even name any!

Really?

Pranking cow-orkers. If they have rotors on 'em, I'll take six.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ braucht ein Bier at June 12, 2013 12:44 PM (ZKzrr)

3 Kickstarting a roach via your phone--GOP business donors rejoice.

Posted by: T. at June 12, 2013 12:45 PM (/B/Nv)

4 With 10,000 of these I could rule the world.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at June 12, 2013 12:45 PM (8ZskC)

5 These people need to get a life. Although, it might be good for sharks with lasers and emu's.

Posted by: Infidel at June 12, 2013 12:45 PM (O/fK8)

6 Ah! They've finally discovered the way to domesticate the Houston Roaches for incorporation into my armored cavalry units. Now if we can just figure out how to attach the rocket-launchers and coaxial machine guns.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at June 12, 2013 12:45 PM (/PCJa)

7 Sorry, kickstarting *controlling* a roach. Blew it.

Posted by: T. at June 12, 2013 12:45 PM (/B/Nv)

8 Put me down for $10 billion.

Posted by: Henry Chu, A Nobel Laureate at June 12, 2013 12:45 PM (8ZskC)

9 If I only had a smart phone.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at June 12, 2013 12:45 PM (OgQih)

10 I alternate between disgust and fascination. Much like Barky's sex life.

Posted by: joncelli at June 12, 2013 12:46 PM (RD7QR)

11 We can already do that moron.

Posted by: NSA at June 12, 2013 12:46 PM (nsOJa)

12 Ace of Spades HQ: Come for the dick jokes, stay for the Kickstarter curation.

Posted by: Andy at June 12, 2013 12:46 PM (fVH2+)

13 I didn't think I needed to be the first one to say you could send it into someone's underwear, but I guess I do.

Posted by: frode at June 12, 2013 12:47 PM (lHAQ9)

14 So Kickstarter is Wall Street for dumb fucks?

Posted by: Dang at June 12, 2013 12:47 PM (Hx2XA)

15
Remember the BUG BOMB in the first LEXX movie?

Posted by: soothsayerwing plover at June 12, 2013 12:47 PM (UbXPv)

16 You've got to admit, they'll look cool climbing up the bioluminescent tree.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at June 12, 2013 12:47 PM (8ZskC)

17 Speaking of smart phones- anyone have any experience with the Nokia Lumia 925? I think they've just started being offered on T-Mobile, and I'm wondering if it's worth the upgrade. Speaking of roaches- do we know why that guy at the CIA resigned, yet?

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at June 12, 2013 12:47 PM (/PCJa)

18 Why is the video extra wide and spilling over into the sidebar?

Posted by: L, elle at June 12, 2013 12:48 PM (0PiQ4)

19 So Kickstarter is Wall Street for dumb fucks? No. Wall Street promises you the possibility of making your money back. Kickstarter is completely honest that you'll never see 1 dime of it.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at June 12, 2013 12:48 PM (/PCJa)

20 But wait, there's more!

After a few minutes the cockroach will stop responding to the RoboRaoch microstimulation.

So kind of like a non-rechargeable RC car.

Posted by: Waterhouse at June 12, 2013 12:49 PM (Kppp9)

21 Where's the lasers? Remote controlled roaches without lasers in kind of a letdown.

Posted by: Dr Spank at June 12, 2013 12:50 PM (qRasw)

22 Oh, wrong type of roach. /toke

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at June 12, 2013 12:50 PM (XYSwB)

23 Switching America's roach population to clean electric power will save 56 billion barrels of oil a year and create 200,000 jobs.

Posted by: Algore at June 12, 2013 12:50 PM (8ZskC)

24 Kickstarter is completely honest that you'll never see 1 dime of it. Yeah. I've seen a lot of Kickstarter projects where IÂ’m thinking, yeah, youÂ’re going to get all that done in your lifetime? But I have donated to several Kickstarter projects for role-playing games, and gotten nice books that probably wouldnÂ’t have been made otherwise. IÂ’m happy it exists.

Posted by: Ace Runner Stephen Price Blair at June 12, 2013 12:51 PM (QF8uk)

All of this and no kickstarter campaign to make a vaccine for women who are allergic to semen?

Think of the women, who sit at night, unable to swallow in shame. Science needs to fix this problem.

Posted by: Jollyroger at June 12, 2013 12:51 PM (t06LC)

26
Kickstarting a roach?

Or you could just use a Bic lighter, like most people.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at June 12, 2013 12:52 PM (TIIx5)

27 Wait, was that the Imperial Ravage and a load of boxed emus that just passed by?

Posted by: Hodorburton at June 12, 2013 12:52 PM (zUi7I)

28 After a few minutes the cockroach will stop responding to the RoboRaoch microstimulation.

Drat. Back to superglueing their mice to their desks.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ braucht ein Bier at June 12, 2013 12:52 PM (ZKzrr)

29 Er, Hodorsock!

Posted by: Brother Cavil, CEO, Hodorburton at June 12, 2013 12:52 PM (zUi7I)

30 Actually, btw, if you're interested in something like Kickstarter, but with a return on your investment, there's a micro-loans site (I'll have to find it again). You can help fund micro-loans for people (often overseas). You typically make a fair percentage back on your money once the loan is repaid. I haven't done it yet, because lack of funds, but it seems like a good gamble (they apparently have a mid-to-high ninetys % repayment rate).

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at June 12, 2013 12:52 PM (/PCJa)

31 This has been known since the 1930s but Big Roach has kept it secret. Raid (TM) bought the patents. Google it!

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at June 12, 2013 12:52 PM (ZPrif)

32 Oh, sure, the remote-controlled cockroach is icky but pretty tame. Just wait 'til the upgrade and the app works for remote-controlled spiders. The hilarity will ensue.

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at June 12, 2013 12:53 PM (eHIJJ)

33
Let's face it, the first uses for RoboRoach will be teenage boys arming them with little cameras to spy on Wendy Peffercorn in the swim locker room.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at June 12, 2013 12:53 PM (g5YAm)

34
Think of the women, who sit at night, unable to swallow in shame. Science needs to fix this problem.

Posted by: Jollyroger at June 12, 2013 04:51 PM (t06LC)

>
>
>
>
Can you say "chocolate flavor"?

Posted by: Misanthropic humanitarian at June 12, 2013 12:53 PM (HVff2)

35 We are all cockroaches in need of controlling in the eyes of our government overlords.

Posted by: kathysaysso at June 12, 2013 12:53 PM (6H6o8)

36 >> Why is the video extra wide and spilling over into the sidebar? Other than 2003 blog technology, you mean?

Posted by: Andy at June 12, 2013 12:53 PM (fVH2+)

37 Pranking cow-orkers. If they have rotors on 'em, I'll take six.

I like how Heather thinks.

Posted by: Ian S. at June 12, 2013 12:53 PM (B/VB5)

38 Waiting on the Remote Controlled Goracle, or Wookie.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at June 12, 2013 12:54 PM (XYSwB)

39
Think of the women, who sit at night, unable to swallow in shame. Science needs to fix this problem. Posted by: Jollyroger at June 12, 2013 04:51 PM (t06LC)>
>
>
>
Can you say "chocolate flavor"?

Posted by: Misanthropic humanitarian at June 12, 2013 04:53 PM (HVff2)

Used to know a chick who swore by butterscotch hard candies.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at June 12, 2013 12:54 PM (TIIx5)

40 Ok. But can we put tiny cameras on them?

Posted by: NSA at June 12, 2013 12:55 PM (t06LC)

41 It has so many applications. I can't even name any!

upskirt photos. I wouldn't do it - but plenty of people would.

Posted by: Monkeytoe at June 12, 2013 12:55 PM (sOx93)

42 Ace, post the cartoon on Twitchy to go along with this where the Obama Hope posters have eyes following the guy walking down the street. It's epic.

Posted by: © Sponge at June 12, 2013 12:55 PM (xmcEQ)

43 Okay. I'm going to make a prediction. Here in a few minutes, I'm going to go home. About 2 minutes after I leave, Ace is going to post whatever Big Essay he's been working on. By the time I get home, it will have already evolved to dick and boob jokes.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at June 12, 2013 12:55 PM (/PCJa)

44 Barrel.

Posted by: joncelli at June 12, 2013 12:55 PM (RD7QR)

45 I have no idea why my comment came out like that.

Posted by: Monkeytoe at June 12, 2013 12:55 PM (sOx93)

Don't know what kickstarter is. Never heard about it until yesterday. Don't feel the need to hear anything more.

Posted by: BurtTC at June 12, 2013 12:55 PM (TOk1P)

47 Monkeytoe.......in the barrel

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at June 12, 2013 12:55 PM (TIIx5)

48 It's amazing we've progressed so far that we have to now make our own pests. Pretty soon we'll have to make our own bacteria and viruses.

Oh, wait...

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at June 12, 2013 12:55 PM (eHIJJ)

49 Posted by: Monkeytoe at June 12, 2013 04:55 PM (sOx93) Barrel.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at June 12, 2013 12:56 PM (/PCJa)

50 A barrel of monkeys.

Posted by: Dr Spank at June 12, 2013 12:56 PM (qRasw)

51 What were those characters that rode on the backs of snails? They were like snail chariots. I can't remember if they were giant snails or the people who rode them were tiny. I think there were even war snails.

Posted by: A Broken Hearted Ewok at June 12, 2013 12:56 PM (iF+ba)

52 Posted by: Monkeytoe at June 12, 2013 04:55 PM (sOx93)

Barrel. And watch out for that gloryhole.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at June 12, 2013 12:56 PM (8ZskC)

53 I like kickstarter. Us peons are prevented from doing "high risk" investments, but at least we can invest in random crap like this.

Posted by: HoboJerky, Hash Hunter at June 12, 2013 12:56 PM (X4HxX)

54
Why is the video extra wide and spilling over into the sidebar?

Other than 2003 blog technology, you mean?

Posted by: Andy at June 12, 2013 04:53 PM (fVH2+)

When did it get updated from circa 1997?

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at June 12, 2013 12:56 PM (TIIx5)

55 Pretty soon we'll have to make our own bacteria and viruses. Way ahead of you.

Posted by: Umbrella Corp. at June 12, 2013 12:56 PM (/PCJa)

56 But I have donated to several Kickstarter projects for role-playing games, and gotten nice books that probably wouldnÂ’t have been made otherwise. IÂ’m happy it exists.

Yup. If you aren't stupid, you'll generally do fine on KS (as opposed to Wall Street, where it probably helps). I've backed around 2 dozen projects and gotten a couple nice books, several new games to play, a great iPod dock, and an awesome poster of every Acme Corporation item ever deployed against the Road Runner. (A total copyright massacre, but nobody snitched and the single print run is over now).

Posted by: Ian S. at June 12, 2013 12:57 PM (B/VB5)

57 I understand Ace has a big Dick And Boob Essay in queue.

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at June 12, 2013 12:57 PM (eHIJJ)

58 -------------------------------> Teh Barrel

Posted by: Jane D'oh at June 12, 2013 12:57 PM (lVPtV)

59 I have no idea why my comment came out like that.

Don't paste anything copied from a Microsoft product (including Internet Explorer) into the comment box without first pasting it into Notepad to get rid of all the crap and then re-copying.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ braucht ein Bier at June 12, 2013 12:57 PM (ZKzrr)

@51

Cocaine is a hell of a drug

Posted by: Rick James at June 12, 2013 12:57 PM (t06LC)

61 What were those characters that rode on the backs of snails? They were like snail chariots. I can't remember if they were giant snails or the people who rode them were tiny. I think there were even war snails. There was the dude in Neverending Story who rode a Racing Snail.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at June 12, 2013 12:57 PM (/PCJa)

62
So according to ABC, human brains, eyes, and skulls will get bigger over the next several millennial, but hair on the head doesn't change.

Posted by: soothsayer, now with 20% less ruth at June 12, 2013 12:58 PM (UbXPv)

Oh, and these idiots watched The Fifth Element.

That's all we need to know.

Posted by: BurtTC at June 12, 2013 12:58 PM (TOk1P)

64
upskirt photos. I wouldn't do it - but plenty of people would.

Posted by: Monkeytoe at June 12, 2013 04:55 PM (sOx93)

Ctrl+Shift+V is your friend. Also, the barrel.

Posted by: Serious Cat at June 12, 2013 12:58 PM (UypUQ)

65 Get back to me when you can control spiders.

*looks nervously around for AtC*

Posted by: Jane D'oh at June 12, 2013 12:58 PM (lVPtV)

66 BREAKING: CIA DIRECTOR MICHAEL MORRELL "ABRUPTLY" RESIGNS.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at June 12, 2013 12:58 PM (+98Gb)

Can they program it to...wash windows?

How come we don't have robots to wash windows on tall buildings?

Posted by: wheatie at June 12, 2013 12:58 PM (Zzz8F)

68
I understand Ace has a big Dick And Boob Essay in queue.

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at June 12, 2013 04:57 PM (eHIJJ)

But we hear about JugEars and Joey Plugs all day long...

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at June 12, 2013 12:58 PM (TIIx5)

69 maybe one of these devices can prevent Joe Biden from putting his foot in his mouth.

Posted by: mallfly, nonexpert at June 12, 2013 12:58 PM (bJm7W)

70 Hmm, I can think of a good use for 535 of them.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at June 12, 2013 12:59 PM (0HooB)

71 Will it work on Democrats?

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at June 12, 2013 12:59 PM (WW8xK)

72 Oh, and these idiots watched The Fifth Element. What's wrong with The Fifth Element? Remeber- Mila Jovovich in nothing more than surgical wraps can make up for a great deal.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at June 12, 2013 12:59 PM (/PCJa)

@69

Tazer and a ball gag should do the trick.

Posted by: Jollyroger at June 12, 2013 12:59 PM (t06LC)

74 69 maybe one of these devices can prevent Joe Biden from putting his foot in his mouth. Posted by: mallfly, nonexpert at June 12, 2013 04:58 PM (bJm7W) Maybe one of them could LITERALLY put his foot in his mouth... and ram it down his throat.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at June 12, 2013 12:59 PM (+98Gb)

75 Kickstarter is being abused by people who have money but don't want to invest their own. Why should people give money to Hollywood actors? http://goo.gl/LnsM2

Posted by: A Broken Hearted Ewok at June 12, 2013 12:59 PM (iF+ba)

76 66

BREAKING:

CIA DIRECTOR MICHAEL MORRELL "ABRUPTLY" RESIGNS.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at June 12, 2013 04:58 PM (+98Gb)

Did you see a reason given? We were scratching our heads over that.

Posted by: joncelli at June 12, 2013 12:59 PM (RD7QR)

77 ot hmmm WASHINGTON (AP) Â— CIA deputy director Michael Morell resigns.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at June 12, 2013 01:00 PM (XYSwB)

78 does this video remind anyone else of that idiot congressman explaining how the keystone pipeline will every day carry 800,000 gallons of rocks?

Posted by: mallfly, nonexpert at June 12, 2013 01:00 PM (bJm7W)

79 Morrell's statement: "As Director Brennan said in his very kind statement, I have decided to retire from the Agency after 33 years of service, including more than three as Deputy Director. I will leave my current position on Friday, 9 August. I am passionate about two things in this worldÂ—the Agency and my family. And while I have given everything I have to the Central Intelligence Agency and its vital mission for a third of a century, it is now time for me to give everything I have to my family. I will miss many things about this Agency and about the job that I have been blessed with for the last three years. But most of all, I will miss the peopleÂ—the talented and dedicated officers on the senior leadership team, my colleagues on the Deputies Committee with whom I have spent countless hours in the Situation Room, and, most of all, the CIA workforceÂ—the heroes of this place, the people at the pointy end of the spear, the patriots who do the work of keeping the country safe every day. The presence of John Brennan in the office next to mine has made this decision both tougher and easier. It has made it tougher because John has been a friend and a mentor for years and because the Agency is going to accomplish great things under his leadership, and I am sorry that I will not be at his side as that unfolds. At the same time, it is easier because I will leave knowing that the Agency is in the best possible hands. Given my love for this place, that is a very reassuring thing. Whenever someone involved in the rough and tumble of Washington decides to move on, there is speculation in various quarters about the Â“real reason.Â” But when I say that it is time for my family, nothing could be more real than that. From being the PDB briefer at the side of President Bush on that horrific day in September 2001 to being at President ObamaÂ’s side as the United States brought Bin Ladin to justice in May 2011Â—and all the ups and downs in betweenÂ—few Americans have been as privileged as I have been to work at, and to represent, such an extraordinary organization. The talents of the women and men at this Agency are second to none. To have worked with these officers in the pursuit of the security of our country is a gift that I will cherish for the rest of my life. Finally, let me be among the first to welcome Avril Haines to the CIA. I have worked very closely with Avril over the past couple of years, and she will be an outstanding Deputy Director. She is extremely bright without being intimidating; she is tough while being compassionate; and she has the deepest of integrity. Like John, she regularly asks, Â“What is the right thing to do?Â” And, like John and me, Avril cares deeply about our Agency and our workforce. I have seen that time and time again in my interactions with her. We are very lucky to have Avril join our Agency family."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at June 12, 2013 01:00 PM (+98Gb)

80 maybe one of these devices can prevent Joe Biden from putting his foot in his mouth. Posted by: mallfly, nonexpert at June 12, 2013 04:58 PM (bJm7W) It's likely that this device would require some sort of brain to control via electrical impulses.

Posted by: © Sponge at June 12, 2013 01:00 PM (xmcEQ)

81 When the government outlaws remote control stink bugs only terrorists will control stink bug IEDs.

Posted by: Fritz at June 12, 2013 01:01 PM (G9Mmf)

82 Family reasons, my ass.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at June 12, 2013 01:01 PM (+98Gb)

72 -

Nothing! I love the movie, it's one of those I can't pass up any time it comes on tv. I'm just saying this is where they got the idea.

Now, get back to me when they invent a build-your-own Mila.

Posted by: BurtTC at June 12, 2013 01:02 PM (TOk1P)

Deputy Director Morrell is a 33 year veteran of the CIA.

33 years...and he suddenly resigns.

Maybe he didn't want to convert to Islam, like his boss Brenner did.

Posted by: wheatie at June 12, 2013 01:03 PM (Zzz8F)

85 Family reasons, my ass. Posted by: J.J. Sefton at June 12, 2013 05:01 PM (+98Gb) My only thought is, Issa? Get off your ASS and prosecute this bastard for whatever it is he did BEFORE AUGUST. The ship is sinking and the rats are bailing. This guy is D.I.R.T.Y.

Posted by: © Sponge at June 12, 2013 01:03 PM (xmcEQ)

86 Back in 10. Time to feed the kittehs...

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at June 12, 2013 01:04 PM (+98Gb)

87 Outgoing ddCIA seems like a straight shooter, possibly competent. Replacement looks like an apparatchik.

Posted by: Tea Party Reaver at June 12, 2013 01:04 PM (epxV4)

While you're on your way home, Allen, Ace will be premiering his super-secret "Nekkid 'Ette Calender". Just sayin'.

Those roaches haven't been idle.

Posted by: Soona at June 12, 2013 01:05 PM (MhjjL)

89 This actually works. I had an earlier prototype in Chicago a few years back and was able to get it into the White House.

Posted by: David Axlerod at June 12, 2013 01:05 PM (3T0tP)

90 Back in 10. Time to feed the kittehs... Posted by: J.J. Sefton at June 12, 2013 05:04 PM (+98Gb) To a snake?

Posted by: © Sponge at June 12, 2013 01:06 PM (xmcEQ)

82

Family reasons, my ass.

"Nice family you've got there. Be a shame if something happened."

Posted by: wheatie at June 12, 2013 01:08 PM (Zzz8F)

92
"I heard Mr. Gomez talk about math and the budget...well, it's really not math...it's arithmetic."

-- Ed Markey at the debate

Posted by: soothsayer, now with 20% less ruth at June 12, 2013 01:08 PM (UbXPv)

93 For a campaign slogan, Gomez could use "Isn't one idiot in the Senate enough for this state?

Posted by: mallfly, nonexpert at June 12, 2013 01:09 PM (bJm7W)

94 90 Back in 10. Time to feed the kittehs... Posted by: J.J. Sefton at June 12, 2013 05:04 PM (+98Gb) To a snake? Posted by: Â© Sponge at June 12, 2013 05:06 PM (xmcEQ) Thinks Addams Family-sized kittehs... And... I'm back!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at June 12, 2013 01:13 PM (+98Gb)

95 "Remote-Controlling a Roach, Via Your Smartphone"

Really? So does this mean that utilizing smartphones we can potentially make the entire Congress vote against amnesty?

I'm all for that.

Posted by: Blacque Jacques Shellacque at June 12, 2013 01:14 PM (vd7A8)

96 95 "Remote-Controlling a Roach, Via Your Smartphone" Really? So does this mean that utilizing smartphones we can potentially make the entire Congress vote against amnesty? I'm all for that. Posted by: Blacque Jacques Shellacque at June 12, 2013 05:14 PM (vd7A

I prefer the old fashioned way - mobs with tire irons, etc.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at June 12, 2013 01:15 PM (+98Gb)

97 I bugged an ex-girlfriend once. She needed antibiotics to get over it.

Posted by: Roach Maher at June 12, 2013 01:18 PM (G9Mmf)

98 You can think of any? Anyone who can even imagine getting within half a mile of one of this administration's press conferences could think of several. Now, when they come up with the remote-controlled dragonfly to provide airlift, then we can expand the radius of operation a fair bit.

Posted by: JEM at June 12, 2013 01:22 PM (o+SC1)

99 Kickstarter is being abused by people who have money but don't want to invest their own. Why should people give money to Hollywood actors? http://goo.gl/LnsM2 Posted by: A Broken Hearted Ewok at June 12, 2013 04:59 PM (iF+ba) Looks exactly like the Portlandia sketch about kickstarter, to me.

Posted by: HoboJerky, Hash Hunter at June 12, 2013 01:24 PM (X4HxX)

100 And as far as "rich" people using kickstarter are concerned, I think if they're going to do that they should release the product for free, if it's digital. Think of it as modern day patronage.

Posted by: HoboJerky, Hash Hunter at June 12, 2013 01:26 PM (X4HxX)

101 hasn't this already been done under the the experiment name "media matters for america"?

Posted by: Nino at June 12, 2013 01:32 PM (eyuLr)

102 @101 - they've got the remote-controlled-Democrat down, and there isn't much biological difference between an elected Democrat and a cockroach, so yeah, you're probably right.

Posted by: JEM at June 12, 2013 01:35 PM (o+SC1)

103 Oh! THAT kind of roach.

Ace, you tease!

Posted by: creeper at June 12, 2013 03:36 PM (vbzvs)

104

First step: Build roach-based surveillance technology for when Tom "Tiny" Lister becomes President.

Second step: ******

Conclusion: See Mila Jovavich mostly nude! Brilliant! This plan cannot fail!

Posted by: Mila FanBoy at June 12, 2013 08:16 PM (oybD6)

105 Someone needs to put me some knowledge. What is "barrel"?

Posted by: Monkeytoe at June 13, 2013 03:53 AM (sOx93)

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