Ace of Spades HQ

March 21, 2013

New Star Trek Into Darkness Trailer
— Gabriel Malor

Be warned, this one pretty much gives you the whole plot, though they still avoid mentioning the villain's name. I don't see why they have to do that, particularly with a film like this. I mean, does anyone think they're going to have trouble getting folks to see it in theaters?

I guess this film, and the rebooted franchise, is growing on me. A little. It's still not my Star Trek.

So... [ace]: @verumserum told me the villain was, for all practical purposes, Khan Noonian Singh.

Based on this trailer, I think he's right. The villain, Cumberbatch, seems to be playing a Starfleet agent and he boasts he's "better at everything" than Kirk. I imagine this agent is some kind of engineered human, maybe?

So while it's not Khan, he will be a genetically improved human, engineered for hardiness, intuitive improvisation, and a casual comfort with serious violence, and now he's come back to get vengeance over some or other atrocity he blames Star Fleet for. (Possibly an atrocity he himself committed, but under orders from Star Fleet.)

And now Kirk in turn wants vengeance on Khan.

It does seem like a reskinned take on Khan. Different name, different backstory, but same narrative and emotional logic of the Khan film.

Posted by: Gabriel Malor at 11:13 AM | Comments (270)
Post contains 222 words, total size 2 kb.

1 WTF?

Posted by: Fourth Virginia at March 21, 2013 11:16 AM (wbmaj)

2 Space undies!

Posted by: EC at March 21, 2013 11:17 AM (GQ8sn)

3 What happened to Major Tom?

Posted by: Fourth Virginia at March 21, 2013 11:18 AM (wbmaj)

4 Apparently, it doesn't actually show that much and most of the footage comes from the first 30 minutes.

Posted by: David at March 21, 2013 11:18 AM (iqtXM)

5 Alice Eve is packing some serious phasers.

Posted by: EC at March 21, 2013 11:19 AM (GQ8sn)

6 I saw red shirts. DOOM!

Posted by: Vic at March 21, 2013 11:19 AM (53z96)

7 Lens Flare!1!!!

Posted by: arminius at March 21, 2013 11:19 AM (cDnhR)

8 Use the force, Spock.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at March 21, 2013 11:19 AM (6Pghw)

9 I just hope Kirk, Spock and the rest of the main characters survive.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 21, 2013 11:20 AM (4cRnj)

10 What? Trek...the beginning? Love those snot ads, btw.

Posted by: BignJames at March 21, 2013 11:20 AM (Sg0G/)

11 Is every new trailer for this more shitty than the last, or is it the same one over and over again and I'm just getting more pissed at it?

("Nemesis III: Battleship II," etc.)

Posted by: oblig. didn't always hate things named "Star Trek" at March 21, 2013 11:20 AM (cePv8)

12 Battle stations, Mr. Dumbledoor!

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at March 21, 2013 11:20 AM (UCv7P)

13 Kaaaaaaahhhhhhnnnnnn!

Posted by: Guy who shouts "Kaaaahhhhnnn!" at March 21, 2013 11:20 AM (QM5S2)

14 A Captain Kirk in the movies with a natural full head of hair? What is this world coming to?

Posted by: The Q at March 21, 2013 11:21 AM (yVmMc)

15 Everybody thought the reboot would be bad but it turned out to be pretty good. It was also one of the first HD movies I got so that helped it a lot.

I will probably get this one too.

Posted by: Vic at March 21, 2013 11:21 AM (53z96)

16 nerds! nerds! nerds!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Ogre at March 21, 2013 11:22 AM (M2qTM)

17 I would watch the trailer, but I was mortally wounded by the lens flare in the first movie.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 11:22 AM (4df7R)

Posted by: Ungrateful Loaf at 03:13 PM

Posted by: garrett at March 21, 2013 11:22 AM (WbeAT)

19 Star Wars-y aesthetic if you ask me. I was waiting for Chewbacca to bellow in Spock's ear.

Posted by: Lincolntf at March 21, 2013 11:23 AM (ZshNr)

Oh look, a Star Trek merchandise truck crashed into an Abercrombie & Fitch shop!

Nope, definitely not my StarTrek.

Posted by: elize nayden at March 21, 2013 11:23 AM (wY5XW)

21 Something growing on me, all right, but it's not this movie.

I was talking about my dick, in case anyone didn't get that.

Posted by: William_Shatner's_Pants at March 21, 2013 11:23 AM (CXk+W)

22 Sherlock as the evil brit!

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at March 21, 2013 11:23 AM (XYSwB)

23 Wait.

Where's the 10,000 word movie review?

Posted by: Sean Bannion at March 21, 2013 11:23 AM (sbV1u)

24 I know who the villain is.

Posted by: Frank Goeshin Locked in Eternal Combat at March 21, 2013 11:23 AM (3ZtZW)

25 Was that Alcatraz getting pancaked?

Posted by: EC at March 21, 2013 11:24 AM (GQ8sn)

26 Wake me up when they get the franchise back up to 'Monster a Go-Go' quality.

Posted by: SpongeBob Saget at March 21, 2013 11:24 AM (epxV4)

27 Posted by: Guy who shouts "Kaaaahhhhnnn!" at March 21, 2013 03:20 PM (QM5S2)

-----

I dont think Khans coming down the . . . . pike.

Posted by: fixerupper at March 21, 2013 11:24 AM (nELVU)

28 I actually really liked the first movie. I thought it had nice, snappy dialogue and good acting. It helps that I'm a big Karl Urban fan, too. Some of it was too contrived for me, even for a Star Trek movie (Kirk just HAPPENS to end up abandoned on the same planet and in the same REGION on the planet as Time Traveling Spock? And the Sulu sword fight was a bit over the top), but I thoroughly enjoyed it. I'll probably see this one, too, but I might wait till DVD.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 11:24 AM (4df7R)

29 Why errrrbody be hatin on new Star Trek? It's got what every past version lacked: action. Shit blowing up. Hotter chicks. Bunch of comic book geek bastards.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at March 21, 2013 11:24 AM (JPrdt)

30 Every time we have dealings with Starfleet, I get nervous.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at March 21, 2013 11:25 AM (6Pghw)

31 I was talking about my dick, in case anyone didn't get that.

Posted by: William_Shatner's_Pants

Oh, we all got it.

Posted by: Nubile Green Alien Chicks at March 21, 2013 11:25 AM (BrQrN)

32 It looks like Skyfall a la Space. Alice Eve in underwear will look good in 3-D. Michael Kaplan made a good choice in outfits.

Posted by: perdogg at March 21, 2013 11:25 AM (oSdsj)

33 I know who the villain is.
Is it Obama/Satan?

Posted by: Roland THTG at March 21, 2013 11:25 AM (QM5S2)

34 It looks better than the original Star Trek movie where the giant turd from outer space demands whale meat and the crew has to time travel to get some.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 21, 2013 11:25 AM (4cRnj)

I dont think Khans coming down the . . . . pike

Nice.

Posted by: Lurking Canuck at March 21, 2013 11:26 AM (BrQrN)

Space undies? More like space FUNdies!

Wait, that might not work....

Posted by: Lurking Canuck at March 21, 2013 11:26 AM (BrQrN)

37 Do any Womp Rats get whacked?

Posted by: rickb223 at March 21, 2013 11:26 AM (GFM2b)

38 Barack Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a malignant traitor.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 21, 2013 11:27 AM (xN73L)

39 This won't be an actual Star Trek movies if we don't get some Obi Wan mind-melding action.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 11:27 AM (4df7R)

40 Do we get to see Spock in his Jedi Robes with his lightsaber?

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 21, 2013 11:27 AM (xN73L)

41
The Star Fleet shouldn't try to World Build.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at March 21, 2013 11:27 AM (IY7Ir)

42 I sort of go into these new Star Trek movies having loathed all the old TV Star Trek shows. So I liked the new one without having all that nerdy Trekkie baggage weighing me down.

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Assault CAD Monkey at March 21, 2013 11:28 AM (K+mtQ)

43 Tuvok will never find his home!

Posted by: Little Donnie at March 21, 2013 11:28 AM (14yYa)

I'm sensing nerds.

Posted by: Counselor Troi's Cameltoe at March 21, 2013 11:28 AM (WbeAT)

45 Chris Pine as Kirk? Really? No bulk. No charisma.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at March 21, 2013 11:28 AM (XYSwB)

46 Posted by: Dr Spank at March 21, 2013 03:25 PM (4cRnj) As a doctor, you of all people should be aware of the dangers of reopening old wounds.

Posted by: Fans of Star Trek IV at March 21, 2013 11:28 AM (6Pghw)

47 "Star Fleet is not about vendetta, Kirk."

Absolutely. It's about strutting braggadocio and alien poontang, but mostly, alien poontang.

Posted by: Fritz at March 21, 2013 11:28 AM (UzPAd)

48

BOOOORING.

Posted by: Rev dr E buzz at March 21, 2013 11:29 AM (raGXo)

49 :::34 It looks better than the original Star Trek movie where the giant turd from outer space demands whale meat and the crew has to time travel to get some. Posted by: Dr Spank at March 21, 2013 03:25 PM (4cRnj):::: And Kirks love interest was a frumpy PeTArd in a turtleneck. Fuck off with that. If I wanna watch the elderly smooch I'll rent Cocoon.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at March 21, 2013 11:29 AM (JPrdt)

50 This time the giant turd from space has a ship that runs on ugly. The Enterprise's mission is to get beyond the Oberlin Guard and convince Lena Dunham that only her Vegan queefs can stop the space turd.

Posted by: Lincolntf at March 21, 2013 11:29 AM (ZshNr)

51 Bunch of comic book geek bastards. Posted by: Empire of Jeff at March 21, 2013 03:24 PM (JPrdt)

As opposed to just the "regular" type of geek.

I eagerly await the EoJ Steampunk Fashion line this Fall.

Posted by: Sean Bannion at March 21, 2013 11:29 AM (sbV1u)

And I bet the movie ends after Captain K vanquishes the foe in a man to man physical fight with fists and feet. As opposed to cutting the psycho bastard in half with a phaser at about 30 minutes in, when he realizes what a sick, demented murderer he is.

Posted by: rd at March 21, 2013 11:30 AM (zLp5I)

53 Did I see that douchenozzle Harold....or Kumar.....whichever?

I'm out. I will not be seeing it if that fuckhole is in it.

Posted by: © Sponge at March 21, 2013 11:31 AM (xmcEQ)

54 It's got what every past version lacked: action. Shit blowing up. Hotter chicks. This. I'm sorry, Star Trek TOS was off the air before I was cognizant of TV. I liked TNG well enough, but by the time DS9 came on, I was getting a little tired of the "Soap Opera in Space- now with extra Communism!" The Star Trek "reboot" is fun, it involves lots of things going all 'splodey, and has hot chicks in tight clothing. What, exactly, is not to love?

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 21, 2013 11:31 AM (xN73L)

55 Or how about the Star Trek movie where Spock's brother is on a quest to find a giant head with all the answers? That one was....interesting.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 21, 2013 11:32 AM (4cRnj)

56
So Kirk and the Enterprise crew are going system to system to confiscate illegal cop-killer automatic assault lens flares?

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 21, 2013 11:32 AM (TIIx5)

57 Tuvok will never find his home!

Posted by: Little Donnie at March 21, 2013 03:28 PM (14yYa)

Good. Fuck that guy. The only boring Vulcan in the entire history of the franchise. You know what? The only solace I take from Whatshisname blowing up the planet Vulcan in the first reboot movie is that it hopefully means Tuvok will never be born.

...

Wow. I did NOT know I had so much of a hate on for that character. Huh. Learn something new everyday.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 11:32 AM (4df7R)

58 Every time I see that blonde, I think OMG Billie Piper! And then I realize it isn't. Then they show her again and I think OMG Billie Piper! This thing is like a disappointment that keeps on giving.

Posted by: arminius at March 21, 2013 11:32 AM (cDnhR)

59
Its Old.

Posted by: Reviving a Meme at March 21, 2013 11:32 AM (IY7Ir)

60 "Harold" is John Cho, who I think plays Sulu.

So the Korean guy is famous for playing Chinese and Japanese. It's yellow and has epicanthic folds so CAST IT!! /hollywood

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at March 21, 2013 11:33 AM (QTHTd)

61 Liked the first film and hopefully it follows the Trek movie status of the even numbered films being good.

also, fuck Psycho-Pass. Hoping for a great conclusion only to get blueballed into a coming second season

Posted by: The Dude at March 21, 2013 11:33 AM (vJdyz)

62 Hey, look -- the bad guy gets captured but it's really all part of his master plan! I have never seen that in a movie before! Also: Garth of Izar.

Posted by: Trimegistus at March 21, 2013 11:33 AM (xHZDb)

63 My God...it's full of dorks.

Posted by: jakeman channeling Bowman at March 21, 2013 11:34 AM (96M6e)

So Kirk and the Enterprise crew are going system to system to confiscate illegal cop-killer automatic assault lens flares?

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 21, 2013 03:32 PM (TIIx5)

Yes.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 11:34 AM (4df7R)

65 Or how about the Star Trek movie where Spock's brother is on a quest to find a giant head with all the answers? That one was....interesting. You mean: "Star Trek: Poverty Sucks." That was just before "Star Trek: We're too old for this shit."

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 21, 2013 11:34 AM (xN73L)

66 I generally detest the franchise, but the last film was fairly fun.

Posted by: doug at March 21, 2013 11:34 AM (+C5m6)

67 "Harold" is John Cho, who I think plays Sulu.

So the Korean guy is famous for playing Chinese and Japanese. It's yellow and has epicanthic folds so CAST IT!! /hollywood

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at March 21, 2013 03:33 PM (QTHTd)

So, yes. I'm out.

and RACIST!!@!

Posted by: © Sponge at March 21, 2013 11:35 AM (xmcEQ)

68 She's curvy.

Posted by: rdbrewer at March 21, 2013 11:35 AM (Iyg03)

So the Korean guy is famous for playing Chinese and Japanese. It's yellow and has epicanthic folds so CAST IT!! /hollywood

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at March 21, 2013 03:33 PM (QTHTd)

Don't get me started on my "Asians Exist, Too, Hollywood!" rant. It usually ends with me punching a newborn lamb, and that's not really how I want to round out the first full day of spring.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 11:35 AM (4df7R)

70 BRB feeding Vol

Posted by: Frank Goeshin Locked in Eternal Combat at March 21, 2013 11:36 AM (3ZtZW)

71 They could try to counteract the warp core reaction by replicating those conduits, except they'd have no way to get them through the temporal barriers.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at March 21, 2013 11:36 AM (6Pghw)

72 Oh I dunno. DS9 allowed its Ferengi to put in a couple good words for capitalism, maybe once a season.

Until "Moogie" took over, turned the place into a high-taxed socialist utopia, and buggered off to Risa, that is. Thus proving that one should never, ever ever give any political power to women. (Probably not the series' intended message, admittedly.)

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at March 21, 2013 11:36 AM (QTHTd)

73 This is not even sidebar-worthy.

Posted by: soothsayer, of the Righteous & Harmonious Fists at March 21, 2013 11:37 AM (Fely/)

74 In Other News:

Former porn star Harry Reams died yesterday after a year long battle with prostate cancer.

He got to bang Traci Lords. After she was legal, too.

Posted by: © Sponge at March 21, 2013 11:37 AM (xmcEQ)

75 Katie Cockrell -- Sexy Girl 1 Kellie Cockrell -- Sexy Girl 2 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1408101/fullcredits?ref_=tt_cl_sm#cast

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at March 21, 2013 11:37 AM (XYSwB)

76
"Star Fleet is not about vendetta, Kirk."

Absolutely. It's about strutting braggadocio and alien poontang, but mostly, alien poontang.

Posted by: Fritz at March 21, 2013 03:28 PM (UzPAd)

Arcturian, baby.

Posted by: PVT Frost at March 21, 2013 11:37 AM (TIIx5)

77 Oh I dunno. DS9 allowed its Ferengi to put in a couple good words for capitalism, maybe once a season. On accident, maybe. They were supposed to be caricatures of capitalists. Don't get me wrong, I think the Rules of Acquisition are hilarious. But the show was even more "Communism is the Awesomeist!" than TOS or TNG ever were.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 21, 2013 11:38 AM (xN73L)

78 Hey now, Star Trek IV: Whalin' in the 80's, was a fan-fucking-tastic movie, as are all even numbered Star Trek movies.

Posted by: mugiwara at March 21, 2013 11:38 AM (W7ffl)

79 Villain needs jug-ears and an "sssssss" sound when he speaks.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 21, 2013 11:38 AM (UOM48)

80 I was traumatized by Leonard Nimoy's dentures in the last one.

Posted by: Bat Chain Puller at March 21, 2013 11:38 AM (SCcgT)

81 It's about strutting braggadocio and alien poontang, but mostly, alien poontang.

-----

I find ALL poontang alien..... captain.

Posted by: Lt Commander Sulu at March 21, 2013 11:39 AM (nELVU)

82 The good news? A whole slew of new porn movies based on the reboot.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 21, 2013 11:39 AM (4cRnj)

83 Slow news day, eh?

Posted by: © Sponge at March 21, 2013 11:39 AM (xmcEQ)

84 Yeah, I miss the Star Trek TV series. All of them. My favorites were the ones where they were talking on the bridge. Or talking in the corridors. Or talking in their quarters. Or talking in Engineering. Or talking in the elevators on the way to talk on the bridge. Or when they rerouted power to something.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at March 21, 2013 11:39 AM (JPrdt)

85 Garth of Izar, and he's learned shapeshifting. Star Trek Into Skyfall

Posted by: Trimegistus at March 21, 2013 11:39 AM (xHZDb)

86 Scotty should slip in and out of his his Shaun of the Dead character.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at March 21, 2013 11:40 AM (XYSwB)

Looks like a fun movie...lots of action and blowing shit up.

Compared to all the other bullshit movies that Hollywood is pumping out these days...this one looks good.

Posted by: wheatie at March 21, 2013 11:40 AM (UMBJ2)

Hey, where're the green wimmins at?

Posted by: Beefy Meatball at March 21, 2013 11:40 AM (i7B17)

89 Too many "ethnics" in it for me.

Posted by: Jeff Zucker, Grand Kleagle at March 21, 2013 11:40 AM (WCe8r)

90 Posted by: Empire of Jeff at March 21, 2013 03:39 PM (JPrdt) You forgot the ones where they were talking on the planet's surface. Or did you not like those? Yep, B5 > DS9.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 21, 2013 11:40 AM (xN73L)

91 Ok ok ok. I was wrong about "Harold Lee". Apparently the character was in fact Korean-American in Harold and Kumar. I hang my head in shame.

Still think John Cho is not Sulu though.

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at March 21, 2013 11:41 AM (QTHTd)

92 >>>Hey, look -- the bad guy gets captured but it's really all part of his master plan! I have never seen that in a movie before! Almost worked for me!

Posted by: Loki at March 21, 2013 11:41 AM (6Pghw)

93 Posted by: Empire of Jeff

And how many times can you you dump the warp core before, you know, the ship don't work good?

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 21, 2013 11:41 AM (4cRnj)

You know, if someone had asked me five years ago which character I'd be crushing on if they ever did a reboot of the Star Trek franchise, I can guarantee that "Bones McCoy" would have been second to last on my list, and that's only because I'm hetero and have no particular urge to get under Uhura's skirt.

Karl Urban, is there nothing you can't do?

That said, I wonder if they'll ever have a "Nurse Chapel" character. Yes I'm a girl, dammit, and I like smooshy romancey stuff occasionally, especially if its sandwiched between things going splodey and people hitting each other. I always liked her crush on Spock in TOS. Now that they've got him hooking up with Uhura I'm all depressed. Someone give me brownies.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 11:41 AM (4df7R)

95 Also, aren't Iron Man 3, Thor 2, and Captain America 2 all supposed to come out this year? I normally see maybe one movie a year. I think I may have a few extras this year.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 21, 2013 11:41 AM (xN73L)

Replicators can't make tea.

The whole franchise falls apart for me, right there.

Posted by: Arthur Dent at March 21, 2013 11:41 AM (YAwJk)

97 Still think John Cho is not Sulu though.

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at March 21, 2013 03:41 PM (QTHTd)

You mean like how they call him Sulu in the first film?

Posted by: The Dude at March 21, 2013 11:42 AM (vJdyz)

98 The blonde could make me forget about Yeoman Barrows.

The rest looks like generic forgettable Abrams Action Movie, exactly like the last one.

Posted by: Waterhouse at March 21, 2013 11:42 AM (/yS3m)

99 84

Or when they rerouted power to something.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at March 21, 2013 03:39 PM (JPrdt)

Or when they reconfigured the deflector dish.

Posted by: Big McLargeHuge at March 21, 2013 11:42 AM (XTy5s)

100

May the force be with you.

Nanoo Nanoo

Posted by: polynikes at March 21, 2013 11:42 AM (m2CN7)

101 Also, aren't Iron Man 3, Thor 2, and Captain America 2 all supposed to come out this year?

I normally see maybe one movie a year. I think I may have a few extras this year.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 21, 2013 03:41 PM (xN73L)

Captain America 2 is next year

Posted by: The Dude at March 21, 2013 11:43 AM (vJdyz)

102 Sulu is somehow... inscrutable.

Posted by: Lincolntf at March 21, 2013 11:43 AM (ZshNr)

103 Dump, steaming.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at March 21, 2013 11:43 AM (6Pghw)

104 There's a guy named "Gary 7" listed in the IMDB credits.

WTF?

Posted by: EC at March 21, 2013 11:43 AM (GQ8sn)

105 Does Zoe run around in her undies in this one?

Posted by: Roy at March 21, 2013 11:43 AM (VndSC)

106 Captain America 2 is next year Oh, good. That's $30 I get to save.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 21, 2013 11:43 AM (xN73L)

107 Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at March 21, 2013 03:41 PM (4df7R)

-----

Oooooooh Myyyyyyyyy

Posted by: Lt Commander Sulu at March 21, 2013 11:43 AM (nELVU)

108 Villain needs jug-ears and an "sssssss" sound when he speaks. The JEF is doing Star Trek?

Posted by: rickb223 at March 21, 2013 11:43 AM (GFM2b)

109
>>Or when they rerouted power to something.

or when someone got in trouble and was ordered to swab the halodeck after Commander Ryker was finished with it.

Posted by: Wesley Crusher at March 21, 2013 11:44 AM (YAwJk)

110 It usually ends with me punching a newborn lamb

You would punch a baby lamb?!?!?

Posted by: EC at March 21, 2013 11:44 AM (GQ8sn)

111 Sulu is somehow... inscrutable.

I beg to differ.

Posted by: Reggie Love at March 21, 2013 11:44 AM (kqqGm)

112

Wait..... so Kirk is now a COP? or is he cooler.... does he have a OO license to kill?

Kirk.... James Kirk.... and I'll take my Romulan Ale shaken, not stirred.

Posted by: Romeo13 at March 21, 2013 11:44 AM (lZBBB)

113 You would punch a baby lamb?!?!?

Posted by: EC at March 21, 2013 03:44 PM (GQ8sn)

...

<_<

>_>

I'm going to plead the fifth there, since I know where the pervy minds of the HQ will go if I said yes.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 11:45 AM (4df7R)

114 CBS-Amazing Race-Vietnam-Downed U.S. Bomber. I have to go throw up. What have we become?

Posted by: Fourth Virginia at March 21, 2013 11:45 AM (wbmaj)

115

>>You would punch a baby lamb?!?!?<<

Never. It bruises the meat.

Posted by: garrett at March 21, 2013 11:45 AM (YAwJk)

116 You know ace is just dying to comment on this but fears the ridicule.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 21, 2013 11:45 AM (4cRnj)

117 Oh, good. That's $30 I get to save.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 21, 2013 03:43 PM (xN73L)

Curious in how close they are going to stick to Winter Soldier

Posted by: The Dude at March 21, 2013 11:46 AM (vJdyz)

118 109 "when someone got in trouble and was ordered to swab the halodeck after Commander Ryker was finished with it."

I just saw one episode a few months ago where some random guy was using the Holodeck to try and fuck three or four hologrammic versions of Deanna Troi.

You could give me enough money to build my own starship and I'd still turn it down if I had to be the janitor of the holodeck

Posted by: The Q at March 21, 2013 11:46 AM (yVmMc)

119 and I think it's proper form to use 'delicious' in front of baby lamb.

Posted by: garrett at March 21, 2013 11:46 AM (YAwJk)

120 You know ace is just dying to comment on this but fears the ridicule.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 21, 2013 03:45 PM (4cRnj)

PFFT. Fear of ridicule will never keep a true Trekker down.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 11:46 AM (4df7R)

121 Have they introduced a Muslim character as part of Starfleet's outreach to the Muslim community?

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 21, 2013 11:47 AM (1Jaio)

122 So when did Disney buy Star Trek?

oh and O/T but worth reading http://tinyurl.com/d3v5ovs

Posted by: Iblis at March 21, 2013 11:47 AM (9221z)

123 Watch Twilight of the Porn Star http://goo.gl/z8E3i It shows you have hard it is to be a male porn performer. Most are "gay for pay" and end up with AIDS.

Posted by: waldo at March 21, 2013 11:47 AM (PP8La)

124 This is not even sidebar-worthy.

Wurd.

And if you don't like Star Trek that's fine. But why make a movie called Star Trek?

Posted by: eleven at March 21, 2013 11:47 AM (KXm42)

125 Alice Eve is the hot blonde in her bra and panties at 1:36.

I'll be in my bunk.

Posted by: Kensington at March 21, 2013 11:47 AM (/AHDz)

126 I just saw one episode a few months ago where some random guy was using the Holodeck to try and fuck three or four hologrammic versions of Deanna Troi.

That was Dwight Schultz, guest moron contributor over at Breitbart, who played Howlin' Mad Murdock from The A-Team.

Posted by: EC at March 21, 2013 11:48 AM (GQ8sn)

127 You know ace is just dying to comment on this but fears the ridicule. Posted by: Dr Spank at March 21, 2013 03:45 PM (4cRnj) I assumed he was taking a bubble bath, right about now.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at March 21, 2013 11:48 AM (XYSwB)

128 Ah, the holodeck.

It was funny when LaForge, in the unfortunately-named episode "Booby Trap", fell in love with the holodeck version of Dr Brahms. It was even funnier when the real Dr Brahms found out ("Galaxy's Child").

I bet there was a lot of that shit going on. I'm surprised there weren't weekly riots in 10-forward.

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at March 21, 2013 11:48 AM (QTHTd)

129 Where's the trailer? No see.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 21, 2013 11:48 AM (tqLft)

130 Okay, I'll bite. Who the hell is Alice Eve? Am I supposed to know this person's name? Does she have pointy elbows?

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 11:49 AM (4df7R)

131 LYSOL is the villain!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 21, 2013 11:49 AM (tqLft)

132 Where's the trailer? No see.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 21, 2013 03:48 PM (tqLft)

The sequester got it

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 21, 2013 11:49 AM (1Jaio)

133 "I just saw one episode a few months ago where some random guy was using the Holodeck to try and fuck three or four hologrammic versions of Deanna Troi."
==============

That wasn't some random guy! That was TV's Dwight Schulz, aka TV's Madman Murdock from TV's The A-Team.

And Marina Sirtis was smoking hot in that episode.

Posted by: Kensington at March 21, 2013 11:49 AM (/AHDz)

134 I assumed he was taking a bubble bath, right about now. Posted by: artisanal 'ette

I assumed he was masturbating to his Star Trek collectibles.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 21, 2013 11:49 AM (4cRnj)

135 121 Have they introduced a Muslim character as part of Starfleet's outreach to the Muslim community? Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 21, 2013 03:47 PM (1Jaio) Dr. Bashir in DS9--though it was never said that he was Muslim. The actor is though.

Posted by: baldilocks on iPad at March 21, 2013 11:49 AM (Su0W2)

136

112 Wait..... so Kirk is now a COP?

Dr. McCoy is Judge Dredd, so...

Hey, it's a 'reboot', so everything is different now.

In this new timeline thingy, Kirk grew up as a bad boy without a father, so they're going to get to totally change his character.

Kirk, with baditude.

Posted by: wheatie at March 21, 2013 11:50 AM (UMBJ2)

137 That was Dwight Schultz, guest moron contributor over at Breitbart, who played Howlin' Mad Murdock from The A-Team.

Posted by: EC at March 21, 2013 03:48 PM (GQ8sn)

Murdock was one of my first crushes as a kid. Forget Face, I was all about the Murdock.

Mind you, I was three or four at the time. But I still love him to this day. *hearts*

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 11:50 AM (4df7R)

138 I bet there was a lot of that shit going on. I'm surprised there weren't weekly riots in 10-forward.

In Voyager, one Vulcun crewman was going through Pon Farr and had no way to.....release. So the holo-doc made a Pon Farr program in the holodeck and let him "self-medicate".

Posted by: EC at March 21, 2013 11:50 AM (GQ8sn)

139 I guess I'm alittle off on Star Trek crap unless that is the guy who puts worms in Kirk's crews ear. But he looks a little like obama's kinda white brother?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 21, 2013 11:50 AM (9Bj8R)

140 It's still not my Star Trek.

Posted by: Gabriel Malor at 03:13 PM

What the hell are you talking about? You're 12!

What other Star Trek is there in your world?

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo (will screw for ampersands) at March 21, 2013 11:50 AM (3Mkrp)

141 And I bet the movie ends after Captain K vanquishes the foe in a man to man physical fight with fists and feet. As opposed to cutting the psycho bastard in half with a phaser at about 30 minutes in, when he realizes what a sick, demented murderer he is.

Posted by: rd at March 21, 2013 03:30 PM (zLp5I)

I was in martial arts for many years (until I started hitting middle age and started taking increasingly serious injuries that took forever to heal). We called William Shatner's particular (and somewhat peculiar) fighting style 'Kirk Fu'. Especially exaggerated or overwrought kata and waza were rewarded with, 'Ah, you have good Kirk Fu.'

Posted by: troyriser at March 21, 2013 11:51 AM (vtiE6)

142 I assumed he was masturbating to his Star Trek collectibles.

----
The old trekkie trick..... Holdmywand Kenobi.

Posted by: Brack O'Bama at March 21, 2013 11:51 AM (nELVU)

143 And I hate hate hate hate hate (5 hates) fight scenes where you can't see any goddam fighting because art fart camera guy is doing some art fart camera guy shit.

You know it's because the actors suck at choreographed fighting so the director just says....ehh don't worry about will just shake the fucking cameras.

I'm mad bros.

Posted by: eleven at March 21, 2013 11:51 AM (KXm42)

144

OK, I admit it. I'm the villain.

Posted by: Transporter Malfunction at March 21, 2013 11:51 AM (3ZtZW)

145

>>I assumed he was masturbating to his Star Trek collectibles.

Having to go to the ER to get a Leggo Enterprise fished out of your ass would be quite embarassing for the BOTY.

Posted by: garrett at March 21, 2013 11:51 AM (YAwJk)

146

You know it's because the actors suck at choreographed fighting so the director just says....ehh don't worry about will just shake the fucking cameras.

You mad, br-

I'm mad bros.

Never mind.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 11:52 AM (4df7R)

147 I assumed he was masturbating to his Star Trek collectibles. Posted by: Dr Spank at March 21, 2013 03:49 PM (4cRnj) hehe glad nothing in my mouth atm

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at March 21, 2013 11:53 AM (XYSwB)

148 Murdock was one of my first crushes as a kid. Forget Face, I was all about the Murdock.

Mind you, I wasthree or four at the time. But I still love him to this day. *hearts*

I'm glad to say that Dwight is a true moron. When Breitbart first started up, he related a story where he recently "came out" as a conservative in Hollywood and he tried to introduce himself to some libtard actor, and getting the blacklist treatment in return. He stopped working in front of the camera a while ago, and did the Chowder voice-over stuff as Professor Mung Dal.

Posted by: EC at March 21, 2013 11:53 AM (GQ8sn)

149 Julian Bashir was named after the most obnoxious pagan in Roman history, so likely he wasn't raised Muslim. Also he never did anything religious on the show. Anyway he was smart (*spoiler* on exactly how smart) so he'd not even consider a religion as absurd as Islam.

Plus: Anglophile. Had a thing for James Bond.

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at March 21, 2013 11:53 AM (QTHTd)

150 I like the villain....he's the Cummerbund guy who plays Sherlock Holmes!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo (will screw for ampersands) at March 21, 2013 11:53 AM (3Mkrp)

151 And what is it with destroying the Enterprise in so many of these movies. I can kind of see it in the original movie series, but how do you do it in the prequels.

We KNOW the Enterprise never got blown up because it WASN'T blown up.

Posted by: Kensington at March 21, 2013 11:53 AM (/AHDz)

152 Is this the one where Mal & Wash finally tame the Ewoks?

Posted by: rickb223 at March 21, 2013 11:53 AM (GFM2b)

153 OK, so he was awesome on the A-Team, but on the Enterprise, as far as chain of command, he was just some random guy.

Posted by: The Q at March 21, 2013 11:54 AM (yVmMc)

154 Watch Twilight of the Porn Star http://goo.gl/z8E3i

It shows you have hard it is to be a male porn performer. Most are "gay for pay" and end up with AIDS.
Posted by: waldo at March 21, 2013 03:47 PM (PP8La)

Since it has Twilight in it, my wife may even watch.

Posted by: © Sponge at March 21, 2013 11:54 AM (xmcEQ)

155

Is it too soon to admit that Julian Bashir was one of my OTHER childhood crushes? I had many of them. I made a list.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 11:54 AM (4df7R)

156 Sex in zero gravity could be harmful if you're Angela Merkel. Angela baby are you out there?

Posted by: angel with a sword at March 21, 2013 11:54 AM (mDVDU)

157 Who the hell is Alice Eve?

The only other thing I know her from is a few episodes of Entourage, playing a reporter whatsisname wanted to bang.

Posted by: Waterhouse at March 21, 2013 11:55 AM (/yS3m)

158 157 Who the hell is Alice Eve?

She was in Men in Black III.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 21, 2013 11:55 AM (4cRnj)

159 As if there was something noteworthy about some guy on the Enterprise lusting after Troi.

I'm trying to remember, though -- was this the same episode where Troi and Crusher did stretching exercises together wearing basically nothing but tights? Nothing like space camel toe.

Posted by: Kensington at March 21, 2013 11:55 AM (/AHDz)

160 I like the villain....he's the Cummerbund guy who plays Sherlock Holmes!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo (will screw for ampersands) at March 21, 2013 03:53 PM (3Mkrp)

Curious in seeing who he does as the Necromancer in the next Hobbit films

Posted by: The Dude at March 21, 2013 11:56 AM (vJdyz)

161 > Almost worked for me! Posted by: Loki Puny god.

Posted by: Lemmenkainen, Freelance Warlord at March 21, 2013 11:56 AM (ZWvOb)

162

I'm glad to say that Dwight is a true moron.

That makes me so happy. I love it when I find out that my Conservadar was right and some actor or actress admits to being conservative. Same with Kevin Sorbo.

Who, btw, was... another ... of my...

You know what? Never mind.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 11:56 AM (4df7R)

163 The episode where Jordie re-configured the Deflector Dish to shoot cabbages was awesome.

Posted by: garrett at March 21, 2013 11:56 AM (wvnxS)

164 I assumed he was taking a bubble bath, right about now. Posted by: artisanal 'ette I assumed he was masturbating to his Star Trek collectibles. Posted by: Dr Spank at March 21, 2013 03:49 PM (4cRnj) but, then again... BORG, STAR TREK NG, BUBBLE BATH, SOAKIE FIGURE @ amazon.com

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at March 21, 2013 11:56 AM (XYSwB)

165 Having to go to the ER to get a Leggo Enterprise fished out of your ass would be quite embarassing for the BOTY. Just drink this gallon of Golightly & Warp Drive will commence shortly.

Posted by: rickb223 at March 21, 2013 11:56 AM (GFM2b)

166 glad nothing in my mouth atm
Posted by: artisanal 'ette at March 21, 2013 03:53 PM (XYSwB)

That's hot.

Posted by: © Sponge at March 21, 2013 11:57 AM (xmcEQ)

167 Entourage was a parade of babes. Miss that show....

Posted by: Lincolntf at March 21, 2013 11:57 AM (ZshNr)

168 Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at March 21, 2013 03:53 PM (QTHTd) Yeah probably not. Bashir was a great character on a show full of great characters. Related: hey, Sean Bannion! I'm at the beginning of Farscapes 4th season and I want to thank you again! Still not sure if it's as good as DS9, but, as for Ben Browder...screen door, hurricane.

Posted by: baldilocks on iPad at March 21, 2013 11:57 AM (Su0W2)

169

glad nothing in my mouth atm

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at March 21, 2013 03:53 PM (XYSwB)

That's hot.

Posted by: Â© Sponge at March 21, 2013 03:57 PM (xmcEQ)

I love this place.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 11:58 AM (4df7R)

170 Is Reince Preibus in this one ?

Posted by: The Jackhole at March 21, 2013 11:58 AM (nTgAI)

171 but, as for Ben Browder...screen door, hurricane.

Posted by: baldilocks on iPad at March 21, 2013 03:57 PM (Su0W2)

*fist bump of John Crichton solidarity* Hell yes.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 11:59 AM (4df7R)

172 Is Reince Preibus in this one ?

Posted by: The Jackhole at March 21, 2013 03:58 PM (nTgAI)

He has a walk-on part as Tribble #3.

Posted by: troyriser at March 21, 2013 11:59 AM (vtiE6)

173 Meh. Trailer goes on a bit, sez little. Frankly, the 'bad guy gunning for revenge' is pretty much the same loop as the first one, no? You want Trek molestation, how about the fact that I can't find the original series anywhere that doesn't have the crappy CGI 'remastering?' It's like the original Star Wars movies-- they're just going to push the original, better versions right down the memory hole.

Posted by: zsasz at March 21, 2013 11:59 AM (MMC8r)

174 I love this place.
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at March 21, 2013 03:58 PM (4df7R)

And it loves you.....in the bad place. Cuz DAT how it roll.....

Posted by: © Sponge at March 21, 2013 11:59 AM (xmcEQ)

175 Big crashes and splodies. Hot babes. Me want see.

Posted by: Soona at March 21, 2013 11:59 AM (CgFut)

176 167 "Entourage was a parade of babes. Miss that show...."

So many notable women guesting there: Carla Gugino, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Tom Brady . . .

Posted by: The Q at March 21, 2013 11:59 AM (yVmMc)

177

I'm glad to say that Dwight is a true moron.
That makes me so happy. I love it when I find out that my Conservadar was right and some actor or actress admits to being conservative. Same with Kevin Sorbo.
Who, btw, was... another ... of my...
You know what? Never mind.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at March 21, 2013 03:56 PM (4df7R)

Kevin Sorbo is most certainly allowed. The Hercules tv show had a cast that appealed to horny teenagers of all genders.

Posted by: mugiwara at March 21, 2013 12:00 PM (W7ffl)

178

And it loves you.....in the bad place. Cuz DAT how it roll.....

Posted by: Â© Sponge at March 21, 2013 03:59 PM (xmcEQ)

*saucy wink*

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 12:01 PM (4df7R)

179

151 And what is it with destroying the Enterprise in so many of these movies. I can kind of see it in the original movie series, but how do you do it in the prequels.

We KNOW the Enterprise never got blown up because it WASN'T blown up.

----------

You didn't see the last Star Trek movie?

It's a whole new 'timeline' now.

Some Romulans went back in time and killed Kirk's father, changing everything.

They can totally rewrite everything in this 'new timeline' thingy.

Posted by: wheatie at March 21, 2013 12:01 PM (UMBJ2)

180 I'm trying to remember, though -- was this the same episode where Troi and Crusher did stretching exercises together wearing basically nothing but tights? Nothing like space camel toe.

That was the one where Crusher met some diplomat guy who was that race that Jadzia Dax (highly hitable back then, where is she now?) was, whose host body was injured at they had to implant the worm into someone else: another woman. Crusher was not ready to go ghey, even though she fell in love with the worm person and not the host person.

Posted by: EC at March 21, 2013 12:01 PM (GQ8sn)

181 Barry Spock: Is this the episode of Star Trek where Han Solo gets the TARDIS fixed?

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 21, 2013 12:02 PM (1Jaio)

182 Curious in how close they are going to stick to Winter Soldier Well... there's not a ton they can change and have the story make any sense. They had Buckey fall from the train- who else would get him but the Russians. If they're going to change anything, it'll be along the lines of some of the changes they made (in the comics) to keep Crimson Dynamo as a villian- make him part of someone's private army (maybe even a resurgent Hydra). Otherwise they have to keep it pretty close or it just won't make sense.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 21, 2013 12:02 PM (xN73L)

183 Kevin Sorbo is most certainly allowed. The Hercules tv show had a cast that appealed to horny teenagers of all genders.

Posted by: mugiwara at March 21, 2013 04:00 PM (W7ffl)

The fact that he frequently had his shirt off was certainly part of the appeal. *fanning self*

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 12:02 PM (4df7R)

184 *saucy wink*
Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at March 21, 2013 04:01 PM (4df7R)

rrrrrrOWWWWWWlllll!!!

Posted by: © Sponge at March 21, 2013 12:02 PM (xmcEQ)

185 I walking over cold corpses doesn't give me a tingle up my leg. Stomping on warm corpses is tingle all the up to my nether parts.

Posted by: angel with a sword at March 21, 2013 12:03 PM (mDVDU)

186 I liked TNG well enough, but by the time DS9 came on, I was getting a little tired of the "Soap Opera in Space- now with extra Communism!" Ironically, that was exactly where DS9 excelled. As the first series with Roddenberry safely dead, they promptly blew holes in most of his hippie dreams, outing Starfleet-run Earth as something akin to Bloomberg's NYC on meth and showing realistic bartering and other likely space economic elements.

Posted by: Ian S. at March 21, 2013 12:03 PM (B/VB5)

187

Posted by: zsasz at March 21, 2013 03:59 PM (MMC8r)

you know the blu-rays have the option of watching the episodes without the tweaked special effects, right?

Posted by: The Dude at March 21, 2013 12:03 PM (vJdyz)

188 I assume ace's life to be similar to Steve Carell's character in the Forty Year Old Virgin.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 21, 2013 12:03 PM (4cRnj)

189 Is Sulu a ponce in this universe as well?

Posted by: Chicago Voter at March 21, 2013 12:03 PM (qZb8X)

190 Some Romulans went back in time and killed Kirk's father, changing everything. They can totally rewrite everything in this 'new timeline' thingy. So it's like Loopers?

Posted by: rickb223 at March 21, 2013 12:03 PM (GFM2b)

191 177 "The Hercules tv show had a cast that appealed to horny teenagers of all genders."

On the one hand, Xena, the chick who played Aphrodite, the chick who played Xena's enemy, and so on.

On the other hand, Sorbo, Bruce Campbell, the dude who played Ares, etc.

Tons of top level talent in Kiwi Land

Posted by: The Q at March 21, 2013 12:03 PM (yVmMc)

192 And what is it with destroying the Enterprise in so many of these movies. I can kind of see it in the original movie series, but how do you do it in the prequels. We KNOW the Enterprise never got blown up because it WASN'T blown up. If you're dumb enough to obsess over Star Trek causality, I don't think anyone here can help you.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 21, 2013 12:03 PM (xN73L)

193 We KNOW the Enterprise never got blown up because it WASN'T blown up.

----

Well.... how do you think we get to NCC-1701-D.

D isnt for Duhhhh

Posted by: Aces Nerdy Inner Trekki at March 21, 2013 12:03 PM (nELVU)

194 Alice Eve was in a movie where she played an Irish woman who had to sleep with Ray Liotta in order to get a green card. Plenty of nudity.

Posted by: perdogg at March 21, 2013 12:04 PM (oSdsj)

195 I assume ace's life to be similar to Steve Carell's character in the Forty Year Old Virgin.

Do you KNOW how much an original Kirk action figure, unopened, is worth?!?!?!?

Posted by: EC at March 21, 2013 12:04 PM (GQ8sn)

196 DepressiveBlogger69 ‏@AceofSpadesHQ Now that Obama's president no US personnel are under any threat of attack by Al Qaeda... they might be attacked by a video, but that's all.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at March 21, 2013 12:05 PM (XYSwB)

197

"I was traumatized by Leonard Nimoy's dentures in the last one."

While I wish Nimoy no particular ill will, I cannot wait for the day it becomes completely impossible for him ever to be in another movie again. Sitting through a performance by him is like watching a particularly nasty episode of The Walking Dead.

Posted by: doug at March 21, 2013 12:05 PM (Mx+Wi)

198 180 "Jadzia Dax (highly hitable back then, where is she now?)"

If the Dax girl is who I'm thinking of (the chick in Old School and Becker), she's probably spending the day at Ted Danson's funeral.

Posted by: The Q at March 21, 2013 12:05 PM (yVmMc)

199 I assume ace's life to be similar to Steve Carell's character in the Forty Year Old Virgin.

Steve Carell's character always got to work on time.

Posted by: Waterhouse at March 21, 2013 12:05 PM (/yS3m)

200 I assume ace's life to be similar to Steve Carell's character in the Forty Year Old Virgin.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 21, 2013 04:03 PM (4cRnj)

That's not true. I mean, just earlier he admitted trading cheesesteak for sex.

Posted by: © Sponge at March 21, 2013 12:05 PM (xmcEQ)

201

On the other hand, Sorbo, Bruce Campbell, the dude who played Ares, etc.

That's right! I'd completely forgotten Bruce Campbell's recurring role! How can you not love The Chin?

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 12:05 PM (4df7R)

202 "Ben Browder...screen door, hurricane."

Hell, yeah!

Posted by: Lizzy at March 21, 2013 12:05 PM (OlKkB)

203 http://tinyurl.com/c63ds8y (chron.com)

Has absolutely nothing to do with Star Trek and everything to do with Obam's culture of friends.

"In a text message to the girl in January, Davis-Williams "asked her why she told on him and that he was going to kill himself," according to the complaint.

Houston police tried to interview the defendant several times without success, and his mother set up an appointment for him to speak to police, but he didn't show up, the complaint states. Court records indicate he was arrested on Tuesday."

(spittin' rage)

Posted by: LC LaWedgie at March 21, 2013 12:06 PM (bGlsD)

204 I mean, just earlier he admitted trading cheesesteak for sex. Although, with his recent emphasis on Teh Ghey, that might just have been with Allah.

Posted by: Ian S. at March 21, 2013 12:06 PM (B/VB5)

205 Leonard Nimoy's career never recovered from his fateful decision to have his pointy ears surgically corrected.

Posted by: Lincolntf at March 21, 2013 12:07 PM (ZshNr)

206 On the one hand, Xena, the chick who played Aphrodite, the chick who played Xena's enemy, and so on. Lucy Lawless in Spartacus. We finally get to see what she was teasing us with under her Xena outfit.

Posted by: rickb223 at March 21, 2013 12:07 PM (GFM2b)

207 Not Old School, BACK TO SCHOOL

Posted by: The Q at March 21, 2013 12:07 PM (yVmMc)

208 "You didn't see the last Star Trek movie?
It's a whole new 'timeline' now."
==============

I saw it, but I hardly remember it. It was essentially disposable.

Posted by: Kensington at March 21, 2013 12:07 PM (/AHDz)

209 If the Dax girl is who I'm thinking of (the chick in Old School and Becker), she's probably spending the day at Ted Danson's funeral.

Posted by: The Q at March 21, 2013 04:05 PM (yVmMc)

Yep, that's her. Terry Farrell.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 12:07 PM (4df7R)

210 I assume ace's life to be similar to Steve Carell's character in the Forty Year Old Virgin. Posted by: Dr Spank at March 21, 2013 04:03 PM (4cRnj) Cal: You're gay, now? David: No, I'm not gay. I'm just celibate. Cal: I think... I mean, that sounds gay. I just want you to know this is, like, the first conversation of, like, three conversations that leads to you being gay. Like, there's this and then in a year it's like, "Oh, you know, I'm kinda gonna want to get back out there, but I think I like guys," and then there's the big, "Oh, I'm... I'm... I'm a gay guy now." David: You're gay for saying that. Cal: I'm gay for saying that? David: You know how I know you're gay? Cal: How? How do you know I'm gay? David: Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts. Cal: You know how I know *you're* gay? You just told me you're not sleeping with women any more. David: You know how I know you're gay? Cal: How? Cause you're gay? And you can tell who other gay people are? David: You know how I know you're gay? Cal: How? David: You like Coldplay.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at March 21, 2013 12:07 PM (XYSwB)

211 Kevin Sorbo is most certainly allowed. The Hercules tv show had a cast that appealed to horny teenagers of all genders.
Posted by: mugiwara at March 21, 2013 04:00 PM (W7ffl)
The fact that he frequently had his shirt off was certainly part of the appeal. *fanning self*

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at March 21, 2013 04:02 PM (4df7R)

Yep, and if the lady characters exposed any more boobie, the show would have been shown only on late night skinemax.

Posted by: mugiwara at March 21, 2013 12:07 PM (W7ffl)

212 still wait for a big budget B5 movie, Londo Mollari's hair would look glorious in 3D

Posted by: The Dude at March 21, 2013 12:07 PM (vJdyz)

213 Sherlock as the evil brit! Yeah, was just thinking that it's good that Mr. Holmes is letting his Inner Moriarty out!

Posted by: NukemHill at March 21, 2013 12:07 PM (7WLzC)

214 If the Dax girl is who I'm thinking of (the chick in Old School and Becker), she's probably spending the day at Ted Danson's funeral.

She was on Becker, but not Old School.

Posted by: EC at March 21, 2013 12:07 PM (GQ8sn)

215

190...So it's like Loopers?

Oh gawd, please...no. That was a horrible movie.

Posted by: wheatie at March 21, 2013 12:08 PM (UMBJ2)

216 The "Spanish Fly Cheesesteak" is going into AoSHQ legend. I mean, that was just perfect.

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at March 21, 2013 12:08 PM (QTHTd)

217 Do you KNOW how much an original Kirk action figure, unopened, is worth?!?!?!? $10.00 in Vegas at the pawn shop.

Posted by: rickb223 at March 21, 2013 12:08 PM (GFM2b)

218 Although, with his recent emphasis on Teh Ghey, that might just have been with Allah.
Posted by: Ian S. at March 21, 2013 04:06 PM (B/VB5)

Good point.

I just don't get that. What part of hairy man ass makes a man wanna say 'gimme some of THAT!'

ugh.....

Posted by: © Sponge at March 21, 2013 12:08 PM (xmcEQ)

219

"In a text message to the girl in January, Davis-Williams "asked her
why she told on him and that he was going to kill himself," according to
the complaint.

If I'd been taht girl's mother, I'd have texted back. " Good, I'll watch."

What a sick fuck. That poor girl.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 12:09 PM (4df7R)

220 Posted by: LC LaWedgie at March 21, 2013 04:06 PM (bGlsD) I'm not sure how you pull TFG into that (he's worthy of all kinds of scorn, I'm just not sure this one is appropriate to lay at his feet). That said: I really hope we can give that sicko the death penalty.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 21, 2013 12:10 PM (xN73L)

221 Alice Eve was in a movie where she played an Irish woman who had to sleep with Ray Liotta in order to get a green card. Plenty of nudity.

/note to self ...

Posted by: Waterhouse at March 21, 2013 12:10 PM (/yS3m)

222 Not Old School, BACK TO SCHOOL

Posted by: The Q at March 21, 2013 04:07 PM (yVmMc)

Call me when you have no class.

Posted by: © Sponge at March 21, 2013 12:10 PM (xmcEQ)

223

Canada's Finance Minister is now delivering "The Budget Speech" which is pretty much the highlight of Canada's political year.

A government budget is where the government sets spending priorities and determines how and where all of the money collected gets spent.

Posted by: Stateless Infidel at March 21, 2013 12:10 PM (AC0lD)

224 Aaaaand here comes the outer edge of this weekend's global-warming front.

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at March 21, 2013 12:10 PM (QTHTd)

225 If I'd been taht girl's mother, I'd have texted back. " Good, I'll watch."

What a sick fuck. That poor girl. Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at March 21, 2013 04:09 PM

Whaddya need, matches? knife? razor blades?

Posted by: LC LaWedgie at March 21, 2013 12:11 PM (bGlsD)

226 Is there a hot bald chick? The only bald chick to ever turn me on was V___ger.

Posted by: Schwalbe: The Me-262© at March 21, 2013 12:11 PM (UU0OF)

227 Sponge, I have it on good authority that homosexuals are triggered into uncontrollable reproductive urges at the sight of hairy man ass. It's like genes and stuff....

Posted by: Lincolntf at March 21, 2013 12:11 PM (ZshNr)

228 A government budget is where the government sets spending priorities and determines how and where all of the money collected gets spent.

Posted by: Stateless Infidel at March 21, 2013 04:10 PM (AC0lD)

Thank you, Stateless. It's been so long since we've had a budget that it's easy for Americans to forget what one is and what it's for.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 12:12 PM (4df7R)

229 Canada's Finance Minister is now delivering "The Budget Speech" which is pretty much the highlight of Canada's political year. A government budget is where the government sets spending priorities and determines how and where all of the money collected gets spent. Posted by: Stateless Infidel at March 21, 2013 04:10 PM (AC0lD) gov jobs will be cut

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at March 21, 2013 12:12 PM (XYSwB)

230 MALOOOOOOR!

Posted by: NFJ at March 21, 2013 12:12 PM (KHo8t)

231 Whaddya need, matches? knife? razor blades?

Posted by: LC LaWedgie at March 21, 2013 04:11 PM (bGlsD)

"Tell you what. I'll tie the noose and get you a chair."

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 12:12 PM (4df7R)

232 Get back to me when Chris Pine learns how to sell hotel rooms with a karate chop.

Posted by: James Tiberius Kirk at March 21, 2013 12:12 PM (j3uk1)

233 I'm not sure how you pull TFG into that (he's worthy of all kinds of scorn, I'm just not sure this one is appropriate to lay at his feet).

That said: I really hope we can give that sicko the death penalty. Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 21, 2013 04:10 PM

Sorry Allen, but it's part of the whole gansta rap/ panthers mentality that he celebrates.

Posted by: LC LaWedgie at March 21, 2013 12:13 PM (bGlsD)

234 /note to self ...

Posted by: Waterhouse at March 21, 2013 04:10 PM (/yS3m)

And joy of joys, it has Ashley Judd in it as well.

Posted by: © Sponge at March 21, 2013 12:13 PM (xmcEQ)

235 222

I might post this, with one or two words changed, in the Iraq thread:

"Is she right? 'Cause I know that's the *popular* version of what went on there. And a lot of people like to believe that. I wish I could, but I was *there*. I wasn't here in a class room, hoping I was right, thinking about it. I was up to my knees in rice paddies, with guns that didn't work! Going in there, looking for Charlie, slugging it out with him; While pussies like you were back here partying, putting headbands on, doing drugs, and listening to the goddamn Beatle albums! Oh! Oh! Oh!"

Posted by: The Q at March 21, 2013 12:14 PM (yVmMc)

236 And joy of joys, it has Ashley Judd in it as well.

Posted by: Â© Sponge at March 21, 2013 04:13 PM (xmcEQ)

Why would you subject poor Waterhouse to that? Promise him hot blond nudity, and then stomp on his liver with Puffy Face.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/s][/i][/u][/b] at March 21, 2013 12:14 PM (4df7R)

237 Why would you subject poor Waterhouse to that? Promise him hot blond nudity, and then stomp on his liver with Puffy Face. If it's old enough, she didn't have puffy face.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 21, 2013 12:15 PM (xN73L)

238 If it's old enough, she didn't have puffy face.
Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 21, 2013 04:15 PM (xN73L)

2009. Puff Daddy.

Posted by: © Sponge at March 21, 2013 12:16 PM (xmcEQ)

239 171 but, as for Ben Browder...screen door, hurricane. Posted by: baldilocks on iPad at March 21, 2013 03:57 PM (Su0W2) *fist bump of John Crichton solidarity* Hell yes. Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at March 21, 2013 03:59 PM (4df7R) Hell, yeah! Posted by: Lizzy at March 21, 2013 04:05 PM (OlKkB) I bet panties get thrown on the stage at Farscape conventions when he's there. :::checks for one in LA ::::

Posted by: baldilocks on iPad at March 21, 2013 12:17 PM (Su0W2)

240 Fucking time travel back in time. Don't get me started.

Posted by: Al at March 21, 2013 12:19 PM (V70Uh)

241 Baldilocks, Browder was on an episode of Arrow a few weeks ago. Sadly, he's gotten a bit puffy. Didn't even recognize him until I heard his voice.

Posted by: Lizzy at March 21, 2013 12:20 PM (OlKkB)

242 Chris Pine needs to star in a T.J. Hooker reboot.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at March 21, 2013 12:20 PM (6Pghw)

243 I'll take the new version. Abrams knows how to create suspense and keep things moving. Plus the visuals are superior to the "Next Generation" crap. I could never get over the gayness of that.

Posted by: Ken Royall at March 21, 2013 12:26 PM (x0g8a)

244 I added some speculations to the post. I was told the geeks are hearing rumors that the film is just Wrath of Khan, reskinned, and the trailer does seem congruent with that.

Posted by: ace at March 21, 2013 12:26 PM (LCRYB)

245 Chris Pine needs to star in a T.J. Hooker reboot.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at March 21, 2013 04:20 PM (6Pghw)

While singing Mr. Tambourine Man

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 21, 2013 12:27 PM (1Jaio)

246 241 Baldilocks, Browder was on an episode of Arrow a few weeks ago. Sadly, he's gotten a bit puffy. Didn't even recognize him until I heard his voice. Posted by: Lizzy at March 21, 2013 04:20 PM (OlKkB) Yeah (he can join the club!) Just saw a video of him from last year. Long hair and a porn stache; he looked a bit like a prettier Sam Elliot...whom I would hit, too, however. So there ya go.

Posted by: baldilocks on iPad at March 21, 2013 12:28 PM (Su0W2)

247 Posted by: artisanal 'ette

Hilarious.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 21, 2013 12:29 PM (4cRnj)

248 I knew He couldn't resist.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 21, 2013 12:30 PM (4cRnj)

249 JJ is a mystery whore (see his TED talk, or any film of his ever), so I think the hide-a-villain decision is coming from the top. But it's a fine line between building a mystery and just flat out trolling your fans, and he's beginning to veer into the latter category, at least for me.

Posted by: LizLem at March 21, 2013 12:35 PM (8wqqE)

250 Spank called it.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at March 21, 2013 12:38 PM (XYSwB)

251 Waish tilsh you shee my new shuper actshing denshures. Dyna-Brisesh teesh with Turbo-Slur Shaliva Ejectorsh!

Posted by: Leonard Nimoy at March 21, 2013 12:38 PM (j2lYi)

252 The new Spock's a bit too metrosexual for my taste, and Chris Pine is a moonbat. But I like Karl Urban and the new Chekhov.

Posted by: packsoldier at March 21, 2013 12:39 PM (yvirV)

253

"It does seem like a reskinned take on Khan. Different name, different backstory, but same narrative and emotional logic of the Khan film." ~ Ace

Ah. Okay, that makes sense of him saying..."I'm better than you, better at everything".

So this new villain is a 'villain-of-our-own-making' type of thing.

Posted by: wheatie at March 21, 2013 12:40 PM (UMBJ2)

254 So this new villain is a 'villain-of-our-own-making' type of thing.
Posted by: wheatie

Of course. The enemy is us.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 21, 2013 12:41 PM (4cRnj)

255 KHAAAAAAAAA-wait... What was your name again?

Posted by: Distraught Kirk at March 21, 2013 12:42 PM (j2lYi)

256 Does Spock use his Jedi Mind Meld in this one???

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at March 21, 2013 12:42 PM (f9c2L)

257 now he's come back to get vengeance over some or other atrocity he blames Star Fleet for

So it's the same story as the 2009 film?

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at March 21, 2013 12:44 PM (xjpRj)

258 By the way, it's not Khan. He clearly says "None of you are safe."

The villain is Popsicle Pete.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at March 21, 2013 12:47 PM (xjpRj)

259 It's not Khan, that's just what they are building up expectations for. It's very obviously Gary Mitchell (from the second pilot of TOS). Admittedly, Kirk screaming "GARY MITCHELLLLLL!!!!!!" doesn't have quite the same effect. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Where_No_Man_Has_Gone_Before if you don't know who I am talking about.

Posted by: some guy from ohio at March 21, 2013 01:01 PM (/C+JG)

260 244 I added some speculations to the post. I was told the geeks are hearing rumors that the film is just Wrath of Khan, reskinned, and the trailer does seem congruent with that. Posted by: ace at March 21, 2013 04:26 PM (LCRYB) The pathetic thing is you could introduce khan and easily get two movies out of him. I've even mentioned how to do it. Have another ship find the Botany Bay in space. Have Khan take over that ship and task Kirk with bringing him in. Then do a sequel which would be 'Wrath of Khan' Two movies right there with the basic plot line fleshed out.

Posted by: Buzzion at March 21, 2013 01:05 PM (IWhhS)

261 It's not Gary Mitchell or Khan.

But the only similarity I see with Wrath of Khan is the mano a mano conflict. What you're saying is "Khan was a smart bad guy. This guy is a smart bad guy. Therefore this is the same." But this is a totally different story based on a terrorist attacking the center of civilization. I don't see much in common with the Khan storyline itself at all, even though we can argue that both bad guys are 1. bad and 2. smart. This seems to have more in common with The Dark Knight than with Wrath of Khan.

The villain is Garth.

Posted by: JohnJ at March 21, 2013 01:24 PM (Tt6ky)

262 Okay, for one JJ Abrams is the king of misdirection. Haven't you thought that maybe he WANTS us to think it is Khan so it shocks us when it isn't? Or maybe he wants people to think he is misdirecting them, so they are SURE it's not Khan, just like they are SURE Spock won't die (Not gonna lie, I am terrified for my Vulcan), and then it IS Khan after all. Maybe the misdirection is misdirection. It is like Inception trying to figure out the trailers, what is real and what is being edited to mess with our minds. And I love it! I personally think Benedict Cumberbatch is playing Johnny from the side of the road from ST09; not sure how he will fit in and what the story would be, but it's just a gut. My second instinct is that he is playing a long lost Sybok, but his eyes are blue, so I'm not sure how that would work out. Yes, boys, I cannot get a boyfriend....I chat Trek, I watch March Madness, I bake.....can't get a bf to save my life.

Posted by: Tickled Pink at March 21, 2013 01:53 PM (MdVGz)

263 I *loathe* the reboot with the fire of a thousand suns.

Posted by: Klawnet at March 21, 2013 01:54 PM (ePxxX)

264 It's Garth of Izar, dammit!

Posted by: Trimegistus at March 21, 2013 01:58 PM (hdsaA)

265 Oh I love the reboot. Love it. I could watch it once a week, and for a while, I did. Don't get me wrong, I like TOS too. But I think Abrams did a genius job with the reboot and he did it in a smart way, by making it an alternate timeline rather than trying to remake the prime timeline with new actors. That would have been a disaster. I much prefer Chris Pine's Kirk to Shatner's. I know it is sacrilege to say, I actually don't mind early Shatner Kirk, but by the time the movies came around, I just couldn't stand ShatnerKirk. I feel pretty equal about Spock Prime and NuSpock. I love them both with my whole heart. I can't choose.

Posted by: Tickled Pink at March 21, 2013 02:04 PM (MdVGz)

266

When does Kirk take on the Queen of Blades?

Posted by: Walknot at March 21, 2013 02:29 PM (cey9b)

267 Meh, they've turned Star Trek into a vengeance film franchise. Nothing about exploring, or extending human knowledge, or discovering new questions they didn't even know were unknown, or working out difference with aliens. Just kill 'em and use up as much CGI as you can in the process. That's not a bad thing, but it's not Star Trek.

Posted by: Socratease at March 21, 2013 02:35 PM (3V4IJ)

268

"A Hero Will Rise"? Really? Why not just add, "In a world where . . . one man . . ."

Right now the only new movie I want to see is Joss Whedon's Much Ado About Nothing.

Posted by: Pete in TX at March 21, 2013 03:32 PM (x4rK2)

269 Dunno about Khan... I'm getting a Kodos/Anton Karidian vibe here. Maybe a composite villain?

Posted by: The OG mr obvious at March 21, 2013 04:27 PM (KD3BC)

270 c7dbc64e221ed29a40bf1fc80254f722

Posted by: mesablue at March 23, 2013 01:08 PM (3ZdkQ)

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