Ace of Spades HQ

December 04, 2013

READY///Newfangled crapper will do medical analysis on your pee
— Purple Avenger

A while ago I did a post conjecturing how this might be done with sewer discharge and robotic sewer crawlers. Well now there's people working on a crapper that will do it.

...It also analyzes your pee. Â“ItÂ’s what youÂ’d get if you go to the doctor now, and you need to be checked for diabetes or kidney disease and they check things like the phosphates in the urine,Â” Sheard says. Â“In the U.K., many people with diabetes are diagnosed late, which adds billions of pounds a year in health costs.Â” By checking up on users, the toilet aims to help catch diseases earlier...

...It could also replace the ubiquitous home pregnancy test...

...he toilet could also analyze nutritional deficiencies. All of the health feedback could be sent to a smartphone through an app...

Unstated, but obviously possible, is it could send evidence of your illegal drug use directly to the govt. With the NSA already into your shit in a big way, its not a big leap for them to actually be into your shit.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at 03:37 PM | Comments (138)
Post contains 190 words, total size 1 kb.

1 You need to lay off the sauce, dude.

Posted by: Your Preachy New Toilet at December 04, 2013 03:38 PM (8ZskC)

2 I don't remember eating any corn!!!!

Posted by: EC at December 04, 2013 03:38 PM (doBIb)

3 So what? Sarah Palin can do the same thing with her mouth.

Posted by: Fartin Martin Bashir at December 04, 2013 03:38 PM (ToMJU)

4 ...he toilet could also analyze nutritional deficiencies. All of the health feedback could be sent to a smartphone through an app...

iSteamer

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 04, 2013 03:39 PM (8ZskC)

5 I'm starting to think the Amish are on to something Â….

Posted by: Mindy at December 04, 2013 03:39 PM (lCBX+)

6 Upper deck?

Posted by: EC at December 04, 2013 03:40 PM (doBIb)

7 Have you been eating asparagus ? _ the Crapper

Posted by: The Jackhole at December 04, 2013 03:40 PM (nTgAI)

8 I saw this published a couple of months ago in the New England Urinal of Medicine

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at December 04, 2013 03:40 PM (N/Sup)

9 ...he toilet could also analyze nutritional deficiencies. All of the health feedback could be sent to a smartphone through an app...

And get the instagram app for real-time photos of all the action.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 04, 2013 03:40 PM (8ZskC)

10 Anal probes next.

Posted by: NCKate at December 04, 2013 03:40 PM (X/4E9)

11 Asparagus?

Posted by: Havedash at December 04, 2013 03:40 PM (ToMJU)

12 God dammit!!! If you do that in my mouth, one more time.....

Posted by: Your Toilet at December 04, 2013 03:40 PM (0cMkb)

13 First SmartMeters, now SmartToilets? ChemTrails got some competition now!

Posted by: zombie at December 04, 2013 03:41 PM (+cx5n)

14 wake me when a toilet can lift or lower its own seat

Posted by: dudenolongerinsantacruz at December 04, 2013 03:42 PM (pTp+C)

15 They could get one shaped like a catcher' s mitt and use it for childbirth.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at December 04, 2013 03:42 PM (N/Sup)

16 So-o-o-o-o-o-o, big guy... You up for a little ass play?

Posted by: Your Toilet at December 04, 2013 03:42 PM (0cMkb)

17 Will it check my pee for dangerous levels of radiation? 'Cause I don't feel so good.

Posted by: Carlos Gonzales, Bandito at December 04, 2013 03:43 PM (aGqSh)

18 *sirens blaring*

Hey, I found 'em.

I found the guys who robbed the truck!

Posted by: Mexican Toilet at December 04, 2013 03:43 PM (bvtgt)

19 actually that wasn't meant to be so dismissive, but rather to demonstrate that there is a significant difference between what "inventors" think people want and what people actually want

Posted by: dudenolongerinsantacruz at December 04, 2013 03:43 PM (pTp+C)

20 Obama and the Pentagon have now acquiesced to China's new Air Defense Zone. They now only object to the process, not the end result. -- "It's not that the ADIZ itself is new or unique," Hagel said. "Our biggest concern is how it was done so unilaterally and so immediately without any consultation, or international consultation. That's not a wise course of action to take for any country."

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at December 04, 2013 03:43 PM (ZPrif)

21 So what if the smart toilet detects various illegal pharmaceuticals?

And is one of these gizmos smarter than the Clapper in this administration?

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 04, 2013 03:43 PM (66xMn)

22 On one hand, it woulda detected high sugar before I lost 45 pounds in a month on the Type 1 DKA diet. On the other, they can already predict your routine hours by reading your dishwasher, so no thanks.

Posted by: Just Some Guy at December 04, 2013 03:44 PM (Q8Wa9)

23 seamus has been killing me with his hilarious puns for days.

stop it i'm trying to stay angry.

Posted by: willow at December 04, 2013 03:44 PM (nqBYe)

24 I foresee this thread going downhill quickly.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at December 04, 2013 03:44 PM (N/Sup)

25 The toilet also posts selfies directly to your Facebook page.

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at December 04, 2013 03:44 PM (kUgpq)

26 Not just drug use,the government will monitor EVERYTHING." You are not eating enough vegetables subject."

Posted by: steevy at December 04, 2013 03:44 PM (zqvg6)

27 Well Bashir wasn't out of work long. Martin Bashir, shit analyzer.

Posted by: lowandslow at December 04, 2013 03:44 PM (IV4od)

28 Crap on Crap off /OK I'll stop

Posted by: Bigby's Boxing Gloves at December 04, 2013 03:44 PM (RLTt1)

29 Great. The one place I go to have some peace and quiet is now gonna nag me too.

Posted by: JackStraw at December 04, 2013 03:45 PM (g1DWB)

30 I've also wondered why someone smarter than me hasn't found a way to market a breath-a-lizer tester to bars...

Posted by: dumbartist at December 04, 2013 03:45 PM (ahBY0)

31 I need to start a company that sells heated out-houses. I sense a boom coming.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 04, 2013 03:45 PM (66xMn)

32 20 Next,they will just pressure the Japanese to hand the islands over to China altogether.

Posted by: steevy at December 04, 2013 03:46 PM (zqvg6)

33 Scrap them . They know too much already .

Posted by: Philip J Fry at December 04, 2013 03:46 PM (XWw96)

34 so i guess finding a tree will be in again .

Posted by: willow at December 04, 2013 03:46 PM (nqBYe)

35 Does it analyse vomit? Cuz that would go over well with the modeling businesses

Posted by: Bigby's Boxing Gloves at December 04, 2013 03:47 PM (RLTt1)

36 "It also analyzes your pee."

May I state for the record how much I loathe the words "pee" and "poo" in adult media? Those are words mothers use to address small children. F*ck that. I wish reporters would use words like "urine" and "feces". "Pee" and "Poo" ought to be shunned in media directed towards people over the age of 26.

Posted by: mrp at December 04, 2013 03:47 PM (HjPtV)

37 finally an answer to the age old question......what crawled up your ass and died.....

Posted by: phoenixgirl @phxazgrl at December 04, 2013 03:47 PM (8JJ6O)

38 Can they produce a Depends version for Harry Reid?

Posted by: Havedash at December 04, 2013 03:47 PM (ToMJU)

39 I got a great idea! Dig your own shit hole in the back yard.

Posted by: EC at December 04, 2013 03:47 PM (doBIb)

40 -STATUS: Sudsy-

Thanks, Pee-Pee Professor! *leaves without washing hands*

Posted by: Dang at December 04, 2013 03:47 PM (YWXTN)

41 obama to Russia, China, Iran i told everyone i'd be more fluid after the election.

Posted by: willow at December 04, 2013 03:48 PM (nqBYe)

42 I like it.

Posted by: Urine Bear at December 04, 2013 03:48 PM (bvtgt)

43 I don't know what system my urologist uses, but the last time I asked him how my latest urine sample was he relied; "Bitter!" Think he takes Medicaid.

Posted by: Ammo Dump at December 04, 2013 03:48 PM (GgPam)

44 Your toilet could call the cops on you.

Posted by: eman at December 04, 2013 03:48 PM (n6NK7)

45 ... and I want to be the mascot!

Posted by: Urine Bear at December 04, 2013 03:48 PM (bvtgt)

46 Hooker spit? How did that get there?

Posted by: Naes1984 at December 04, 2013 03:49 PM (zeV2E)

47 I want the crapper to tell me how much my crap weighs. Make it a contest. "New personal record!"

Posted by: wooga at December 04, 2013 03:49 PM (z9q+b)

48 Somehow via the intertubes I recently learned that a large % of people stand up when they wipe their ass. The claim was that about half (of men, at least) stand and half remain sitting. I still half-think that this must be a hoax. It honestly had never occurred to me that standing was an option. But apparently those who stand feel the same way about the sitters.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at December 04, 2013 03:49 PM (ZPrif)

49 Next,they will just pressure the Japanese to hand the islands over to China altogether. An-n-n-n-nd, in one fell swoop Obama kills American credibility among it's allies. Enjoy WWIII obamabots!

Posted by: The Bourbon in Boehner's Belly at December 04, 2013 03:50 PM (0cMkb)

50 Posted by: mrp at December 04, 2013 07:47 PM (HjPtV)

Agreed, although I would broaden the adult terms to "piss," and "shit."

We are Morons after all.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at December 04, 2013 03:50 PM (oJ5Fd)

52 i hear the barrel calling. Does it analyze peer?

Posted by: The Bourbon in Boehner's Belly at December 04, 2013 03:50 PM (0cMkb)

53 Toilets have dreamed of payback for a long time. Backing up all those burritos on to the floor ain't enough now.

Posted by: eman at December 04, 2013 03:51 PM (n6NK7)

54 I want the crapper to tell me how much my crap weighs. Make it a contest. "New personal record!" Posted by: wooga

Just weigh before and after. It's a sport. Not an "Olympic" sport. But it's a sport.

Posted by: Dang at December 04, 2013 03:51 PM (YWXTN)

55 36... it"s all bullshit...

Posted by: dumbartist at December 04, 2013 03:51 PM (ahBY0)

56 Dig your own shit hole in the back yard.

Eco-fascists already expect they can force us to do just that.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at December 04, 2013 03:51 PM (/kI1Q)

57 NSA - "All your poop are belong to use!"

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 04, 2013 03:51 PM (66xMn)

58 Will it let you know when you are flush with cash?

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at December 04, 2013 03:51 PM (j1265)

59 "Hey Fido, do you know what Dave does in your water bowl when he shuts the door?" Rgds, The Toilet

Posted by: Mr. Dave at December 04, 2013 03:51 PM (F1Unt)

60 You DO NOT want to get in the barrel on THIS post!

Posted by: Havedash at December 04, 2013 03:51 PM (ToMJU)

61 Oh, crap. I'm in favor of a new law barring communication by my toilet, or any other device I own, with the government or anyone else without my opt-in. I'm tired of this stuff.

Posted by: MTF at December 04, 2013 03:51 PM (qCtp4)

62 "48 Somehow via the intertubes I recently learned that a large % of people stand up when they wipe their ass. The claim was that about half (of men, at least) stand and half remain sitting." What do you mean stand? Does slightly elevating so my hand doesn't run the risk of touching shit water count?

Posted by: Naes1984 at December 04, 2013 03:51 PM (zeV2E)

JIGGLE THE HANDLE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQH5k_4i3f4

Posted by: GWAR at December 04, 2013 03:52 PM (ymo3M)

64 Does this toilet make female gagging noises? I would be interested in that.

Posted by: Martin Bashir at December 04, 2013 03:52 PM (YWXTN)

65 will the toilet bowl sing to you?

all we are saying..
is give pee a chance.

Posted by: willow at December 04, 2013 03:52 PM (nqBYe)

66 Newsflash - Tidy Bowl Man hardest hit.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 04, 2013 03:52 PM (66xMn)

67 yes i know that was beneath me.

Posted by: willow at December 04, 2013 03:53 PM (nqBYe)

68 "GWAR, I bring forth the portal potty
Coming to feed on the shit from your bodies.
Your turds have more power than mere human feces
Let's use it's great power to recover the pieces "

Posted by: GWAR lYRICS at December 04, 2013 03:53 PM (ymo3M)

69 Your toilet could call the cops on you.

Posted by: eman

Yeah, wait til the Feds require that your car and your toilet be on the same wireless network. "Sorry, Citizen, your sample registers .08 Access to your vehicle is DENIED.

Posted by: mrp at December 04, 2013 03:53 PM (HjPtV)

70 Just weigh before and after. It's a sport. Not an "Olympic" sport. But it's a sport. That requires advanced planning. And two trips to the scale. I'm a busy man. I need someone or something to automatically weigh my poop for me.

Posted by: wooga at December 04, 2013 03:54 PM (z9q+b)

71 ATM, Ass To Mobile phone.

Posted by: NCKate at December 04, 2013 03:54 PM (X/4E9)

72 I'm honestly not completely clear. Claim was almost half just ... stand up ... all the way up ... and then get to the wiping. Sitters Vs. Standers Â– The Great Wipe Hope http://deadspin.com/5424415/sitters-vs-standers--the-great-wipe-hope

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at December 04, 2013 03:54 PM (ZPrif)

73 That toilet is more talented than I am. I don't want to know what fluids you freaks are spraying in, on, and all over me on a daily basis, much less what's in them.

Posted by: The Barrel at December 04, 2013 03:54 PM (JawqV)

74 71 ATM, Ass To Mobile phone. Posted by: NCKate at December 04, 2013 07:54 PM (X/4E9) You never go ass to mobile!!!!

Posted by: EC at December 04, 2013 03:55 PM (doBIb)

75 shit from shinola...on a shingle...for brains...

Posted by: dumbartist at December 04, 2013 03:55 PM (ahBY0)

76 The last appliance I want to communicate with me is my shitter. I'm legitimately interested in what my toaster and lawnmower may say, but not the thing I defecate in.

Posted by: Naes1984 at December 04, 2013 03:55 PM (zeV2E)

77 This is a bad idea

Posted by: I. P. Freely at December 04, 2013 03:56 PM (nTgAI)

78 Seems like the the right thread. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzO1mCAVyMw The classics never go out of style.

Posted by: JackStraw at December 04, 2013 03:56 PM (g1DWB)

79
You never go ass to mobile!!!!

Posted by: EC at December 04, 2013 07:55 PM (doBIb)

You don't go mobile to ass either!

Posted by: Havedash at December 04, 2013 03:56 PM (ToMJU)

80 toilet bowl, Did you have chocolate today?
me, No.
toilet bowl, i detect chocolate with a hint of cherry.
me, No i am on a diet!
toilet bowl, did you know your husband ate all the snickers bars?

Posted by: willow at December 04, 2013 03:56 PM (nqBYe)

81 That Toaster is a fucking liar.

Posted by: garrett at December 04, 2013 03:56 PM (ymo3M)

82 Just weigh before and after. It's a sport. Not an "Olympic" sport. But it's a sport.

Yeah, but that won't calculate the volume.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at December 04, 2013 03:56 PM (/kI1Q)

83 Coming soon: A glory hole that calculates loan payments.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 04, 2013 03:56 PM (8ZskC)

84 Martin Bashir can analyze urine with his mouth?

Posted by: phreshone at December 04, 2013 03:56 PM (Pr6hk)

85 Combining the last two threads: (This is a true story, btw.) The City of Berkeley's "waste disposal unit" (i.e. the transfer station where the municipal garbage trucks bring the garbage to be transferred to the dump) has a radiation detector to catch any unexpected radioactivity that might sneak into the garbage stream and contaminate it. About 15 years ago one day the radiation detector finally started beeping for the first time ever as some random household trash moved down the conveyor belt. Everything ground to a halt and the inspectors were brought in. They suited up and spent hour after hour testing every scrap of garbage until they finally identified what was radioactive. Can you guess what it was? A piece of cat poop. Seriously. They were unable to determine from which neighborhood the poop had come. And the mystery was never solved why a cat in Berkeley had radioactive shit. (The most common theory was that a mouse must have infested one of the labs on campus and nibbled on some radioactive medical waste; and later, that mouse was caught and eaten and then pooped out by the cat. But we may never know the real story.)

Posted by: zombie at December 04, 2013 03:57 PM (+cx5n)

86 Toilets can't call the cops on you. They're shitty witnesses. Everybody knows they're fuckin heads.

Posted by: Bigby's Boxing Gloves at December 04, 2013 03:57 PM (RLTt1)

87 >>>The last appliance I want to communicate with me is my shitter. I'm legitimately interested in what my toaster and lawnmower may say, but not the thing I defecate in.

Posted by: Naes1984 at December 04, 2013 07:55 PM (zeV2E)<<<

Really? How bout...

No. Means. No.

Posted by: your toaster at December 04, 2013 03:57 PM (bvtgt)

88 I just piss off the back porch.

Posted by: toby928© at December 04, 2013 03:58 PM (QupBk)

89 Really? How bout...
No. Means. No.

New around here?

Posted by: The Barrel at December 04, 2013 03:58 PM (JawqV)

90 Good grief! I would be happy if we could just have the old style non-low-flow toilets back again. You know, the kind you only have to flush once per use, instead of a couple, three times.

Posted by: Achmed the terrorist at December 04, 2013 03:59 PM (8lmkt)

91 May I state for the record how much I loathe the words "pee" and "poo" in adult media? Those are words mothers use to address small children. F*ck that. I wish reporters would use words like "urine" and "feces". "Pee" and "Poo" ought to be shunned in media directed towards people over the age of 26.

Posted by: mrp at December 04, 2013 07:47 PM (HjPtV)

------------------------------------------------

So I guess you're not a subscriber to Poop Magazine.

Posted by: Soona at December 04, 2013 03:59 PM (9sMM9)

92 Oops, apparently I had a sock on from last night.

Posted by: Peaches at December 04, 2013 03:59 PM (8lmkt)

93 There's also a pee test that is more accurate than the current anal probe prostate exam.

Posted by: RoyalOil at December 04, 2013 04:00 PM (VjL9S)

94 Sooner or later the big feller is gonna crap all over this thread .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at December 04, 2013 04:00 PM (XWw96)

95
http://youtu.be/uYfBXz23uyY

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at December 04, 2013 04:00 PM (kdS6q)

96 Congratulations, Sir. 2.5 kilo-courics.

Posted by: Royal Flushmaster at December 04, 2013 04:00 PM (QupBk)

97 I suspect that a jar of test strips would be a lot cheaper. AND the information remains private unless and until you decide to share it with your doctor and the rest of the US government.

Posted by: rabidfox at December 04, 2013 04:01 PM (Gejy0)

98 And the mystery was never solved why a cat in Berkeley had radioactive shit.

What kind of super powers do I get if I'm bitten by a radioactive cat?

Ability to nap 16 hours a day?
Able to jump six times my height?
Incredible cuteness?

OK, I'm gonna need a pissed-off radioactive cat.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at December 04, 2013 04:01 PM (/kI1Q)

99 As long as it can't talk to the Freezer about my ice cream.

Posted by: DaveA[/i][/b][/s] at December 04, 2013 04:01 PM (DL2i+)

100 Hey. What about those retarded teens you hear about every so often that didn't know they were pregnant and... Toilets ain't gonna say shit, are they?

Posted by: Bigby's Boxing Gloves at December 04, 2013 04:01 PM (RLTt1)

101 You look like a really intelligent medical analysis device...

... for me to poop on!

Posted by: Triumph the Insult Comic Dog at December 04, 2013 04:02 PM (bvtgt)

102 (The most common theory was that a mouse must have infested one of the labs on campus and nibbled on some radioactive medical waste; and later, that mouse was caught and eaten and then pooped out by the cat. But we may never know the real story.) So a radioactive spider is right out? "Spidercat, Spidercat, does whatever a Spidercat does..."

Posted by: Bill H at December 04, 2013 04:02 PM (3sZO1)

103 So I guess you're not a subscriber to Poop Magazine. Posted by: Soona

(gotta keep cool gotta keep it going gotta gotta gotta get some ... pep pep peppermint .... yeahhhh)

Posted by: mrp at December 04, 2013 04:02 PM (HjPtV)

104 There's also a pee test that is more accurate than the current anal probe prostate exam.

Somebody told you that your prostate can be probed through your anus? I hope you didn't fall for that old...

Um, forget it.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 04, 2013 04:02 PM (8ZskC)

105 Gonna make my boston terrier give them a sample...

Posted by: ET at December 04, 2013 04:03 PM (uGlk8)

106 wife waits anxiously for husband to come home for work
tells her spouse toilet said she was pregnant , she asks that a repairmen must be called as she had a hysterectomy 5 years previously.

husband calls girlfriend that was over earlier in the morning and asks if she habitually refuses to flush the toilet, splits up.

Posted by: willow at December 04, 2013 04:03 PM (nqBYe)

107 there is a certain expertise in the technique of the double flush...

Posted by: dumbartist at December 04, 2013 04:04 PM (ahBY0)

108 Every year or so there's a story from one of these science magazines that praises how 3rd world people squat and how much healthier it is and so on. Also how much more environmentally friendly East Indians are because they don't use toilet paper. Apparently wiping your anus with your hands and spreading cholera whilst shitting in the same river you bathe in and dispose of loved ones in is really more enlightened than our wasteful western customs.

Posted by: Naes1984 at December 04, 2013 04:04 PM (zeV2E)

109 They can't use your shit against you, that would violate the 5th Amendment!

Posted by: OG Celtic-American at December 04, 2013 04:04 PM (vHRtU)

110 You know, when the machines rise, this is going to be submitted as Evidence #1 in the case against humanity. And possibly #2 as well.

Posted by: Rosa E. at December 04, 2013 04:04 PM (ynTYJ)

111 102 I thought you were going to do that song about the old lady for a second

Posted by: Bigby's Boxing Gloves at December 04, 2013 04:04 PM (RLTt1)

112 Nude Fat Ass Elmer Gantry Motherf***er Thread.

Posted by: Royal Flushmaster at December 04, 2013 04:04 PM (QupBk)

113 ........we were that close to going out forever, but there was one man who taught us to fight. To storm the wires of the camps, to smash those metal motherfuckers to junk. He turned it around, he brought us back from the brink. His name was Conner.... John Conner.

Posted by: Berserker- Dragonheads Division at December 04, 2013 04:05 PM (FMbng)

114 I can't see a doctor due to socialized medicine, but at least I'll be able to consult my toilet.

Posted by: Yuck Yuck In U.K. at December 04, 2013 04:06 PM (eHIJJ)

115 Imagine the toilet' s confusion if you poured in, say,a gallon of Dr. Pepper... ...Or emptied a goldfish bowl, dead fish included.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at December 04, 2013 04:06 PM (VV46e)

116 They told me that if I voted for Juan McCain, toilets would become self-aware... and they were right!

Posted by: mrp at December 04, 2013 04:06 PM (HjPtV)

117 ...Or emptied a goldfish bowl, dead fish included. So sorry for your loss, Madame.

Posted by: Royal Flushmaster II at December 04, 2013 04:07 PM (QupBk)

118 Heather Radish, Bane Kerac did a Spiderman spoof comic called Cat Claw. Super geeky bookish red head named Carrol Conner one late night in the college lab gets mauled by an escaped irradiated cat.

http://tinyurl.com/llkoudj

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 04, 2013 04:07 PM (66xMn)

119 so what about guests will you have to type in who is using the restroom and how often?

snort.

Posted by: willow at December 04, 2013 04:07 PM (nqBYe)

120
How does it know whose pee it is?

*dwawwawdoowaoodoo dream sequence sound*

Toilet says "Mr. Mohawk you are pregnant".

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at December 04, 2013 04:07 PM (caCiW)

121 So we'll have intelligent crappers. What are they going to tell us? That we need to get our shit together?

Posted by: Soona at December 04, 2013 04:08 PM (9sMM9)

122 cht or get off the pot.

Posted by: willow at December 04, 2013 04:09 PM (nqBYe)

123 Can you give it a top decker?

Posted by: OG Celtic-American at December 04, 2013 04:09 PM (vHRtU)

124
hmmmm....I can tell you are a smart feller.

Posted by: The Toilet at December 04, 2013 04:09 PM (caCiW)

125 Ylvis next hit single - What Does the Toilet Say

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 04, 2013 04:09 PM (66xMn)

126 Cheezburger for prior thread

http://cheezburger.com/7934902272

Posted by: DaveA[/i][/b][/s] at December 04, 2013 04:10 PM (DL2i+)

127 Super geeky bookish red head named Carrol Conner one late night in the college lab gets mauled by an escaped irradiated cat.

Huh. That's me, except nothing in my lab will bite.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at December 04, 2013 04:11 PM (/kI1Q)

128 Dave Bowman dancing and jigging while clenching his butt-cheeks. "Open the damn toilet HAL!"

HAL 9000, "First enter your ID"

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 04, 2013 04:12 PM (66xMn)

129 My Aunt had a pet monkey, guess what it did...

Posted by: dumbartist at December 04, 2013 04:13 PM (ahBY0)

130 Looking forward to the Toilet App Store...

Posted by: @ParisParamus at December 04, 2013 04:21 PM (Gcm3A)

131 Ridiculous Cheezburger for this thread

http://tinyurl.com/m9vo76h

Posted by: DaveA[/i][/b][/s] at December 04, 2013 04:22 PM (DL2i+)

132 "That requires advanced planning. And two trips to the scale. I'm a busy man. I need someone or something to automatically weigh my poop for me."

Just mark the toilet bowl like a graduated cylinder and apply Archimedes' principal.

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at December 04, 2013 04:29 PM (kUgpq)

133 Solution: Piss in the sink. You are welcome.

Posted by: TXMarko at December 04, 2013 04:37 PM (3oKYK)

134 Um, question: Does the toilet have a Cleveland Steamer or Dirty Sanchez setting?

Posted by: Bill H at December 04, 2013 04:41 PM (3sZO1)

135 Meh, high tech of the old "germans toilet shelf".
Bing it today.

Posted by: Burnt Toast at December 04, 2013 05:26 PM (80R0X)

136 http: //studioq.com/blog/tag/german-oddities

Posted by: Burnt Toast at December 04, 2013 05:28 PM (80R0X)

137 36

May I state for the record how much I loathe the words "pee" and "poo" in adult media? Those are words mothers use to address small children. F*ck that. I wish reporters would use words like "urine" and "feces". "Pee" and "Poo" ought to be shunned in media directed towards people over the age of 26.

Posted by: mrp at December 04, 2013 07:47 PM (HjPtV)

Sounds like someone's got a poo in his pants pants pants!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dF2ZLq7oBk

Posted by: Sandra Fluke's solid gold diaphragm at December 04, 2013 05:45 PM (e4elg)

138 http://s1364.photobucket.com/user/MickySpillaine/library/Canadians?sort=2&page=1

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 07, 2013 04:52 PM (aDwsi)

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