Ace of Spades HQ

April 03, 2013

North Korea Wants Money
— Ace

I don't write about North Korea because I assume this is all an aggression display in their never-ending game of Extort Money from the West.

But it does seem like it deserves a post. They're threatening a nuclear strike on the US.

North Korea dramatically escalated its warlike rhetoric on Thursday, warning that it had authorised plans for nuclear strikes on targets in the United States.
"The moment of explosion is approaching fast," the North Korean military said, warning that war could break out "today or tomorrow".
...
In a statement published by the state KCNA news agency, the Korean People's Army general staff warned Washington that US threats would be "smashed by... cutting-edge smaller, lighter and diversified nuclear strike means".

Do you guys ever dream of a satellite weapon that can target a single person with X-rays (or whatever) and boil his brain to give him the symptoms of a lethal (but natural-appearing) aneurysm, or is that just me?

Forget I asked, I know it's not just me. You might all have different versions of your Magic Gun but I know you've all got a Magic Gun in your head, somewhere.

Posted by: Ace at 12:56 PM | Comments (585)
Post contains 200 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Let them rot. No money.

Posted by: ALittleEnglish at April 03, 2013 12:58 PM (VDsQI)

2 We need to quit paying those SOBs.

Posted by: Vic at April 03, 2013 12:58 PM (53z96)

Do you guys ever dream of a satellite weapon that can target a single person with X-rays (or whatever) and boil his brain to give him the symptoms of a lethal (but natural) stroke, or is that just me?

I dream of it every goddamn day. Drones just aren't cutting it for me anymore. Besides, I have domestic opposition to take care of, and its important to be discrete. Sigh.

Posted by: Barry O at April 03, 2013 12:58 PM (t06LC)

4 the trouble with that is they'll next start advertising to sell nukes. eh, I don't know myself. I know we need a Magic Gun.

Posted by: ace at April 03, 2013 12:58 PM (LCRYB)

5 Forget I asked, I know it's not just me. You might all have different versions of your Magic Gun but I know you've all got a Magic Gun in your head, somewhere. ********** Paging Dr. Freud--pick up the white courtesy phone.

Posted by: tasker at April 03, 2013 12:59 PM (r2PLg)

6 If we're not going to Nuke them ( my first choice) then we at least should be taking out all their Senior Leadership

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 03, 2013 12:59 PM (jE38p)

I've got a Magic Gun.....IN MY PANTS!!!

Sorry morons, it had to be done.

Posted by: Timon at April 03, 2013 12:59 PM (hHlaS)

8 I've always wanted Jedii powers. If you start seeing politicians dropping during press conferences...better be nice to me.

Posted by: Paladin at April 03, 2013 12:59 PM (+Wvn3)

"The moment of explosion is approaching fast

===================

YEAH BABY

Posted by: Bigby's Fapping Hand at April 03, 2013 12:59 PM (3ZtZW)

10 The Joos had one they used on me.

Posted by: Manuel Zelaya (former Honduran dipshit dictator) at April 03, 2013 12:59 PM (voeac)

11 Mine's a marble-sized remote controlled exploding eye (how else could you see the target)?

Posted by: Average Joe at April 03, 2013 12:59 PM (5M5r7)

12 come on, don't leave a brother hanging. I know damn well I can't be the only guy who fantasizes about a Magic Gun.

Posted by: ace at April 03, 2013 01:00 PM (LCRYB)

13 the trouble with that is they'll next start advertising to sell nukes. They are already doing that

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 03, 2013 01:00 PM (jE38p)

Hey Lil Kim. I need fifty dollars to make you holla!

Posted by: Minnfidel at April 03, 2013 01:00 PM (wLY+G)

The Norks will get what they want. They always do.

Because we're gigantic pussoirs.

Jimmy Carter is on his way to to the airport with a suitcaase full of cash as we speak.

Posted by: Jaws at April 03, 2013 01:00 PM (4I3Uo)

16 you've all got a Magic Gun in your head, somewhere. I had a neat little device in my cabin that did just that. But Bearded Spock was part of the scene, so pffft.

Posted by: James Tiberius Kirk at April 03, 2013 01:00 PM (j3uk1)

17 I always wanted a huge magnet. I don't think it would work in this scenario.

Posted by: tasker at April 03, 2013 01:00 PM (r2PLg)

18 I would like to try my Illudium Q-36 explosive Space Modulator.

Posted by: Marvin at April 03, 2013 01:00 PM (4S7hN)

19 It's more Stompy Boots than Magic Gun, but yes. I don't know if this is a play for money or if it's a nutty mcnutbar little boy who really thinks he can do this. Who is going to tell him he can't? I mean, appealing on basic human decency doesn't work when your people are eating tree bark and the armed guards are around the orphanage to keep people from taking the children for food. Do you really think he or the generals give a shit if we nuke them back? Here's my blind terror: There's a nuclear strike on a US city. The Left loses its shit and starts screaming about how dare we strike back and we had it coming and TFG actually listens to that and agrees. My mind runs into a wall at that point because I do not want to consider what the reaction to the US losing a city and nothing happening in response will be.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Mmmm. Tea. at April 03, 2013 01:00 PM (VtjlW)

You might all have different versions of your Magic Gun but I know you've all got a Magic Gun in your head, somewhere.

Reggie carries my magic gun. He puts it in my head sometimes. At times in other places.

Posted by: Barry O at April 03, 2013 01:00 PM (t06LC)

21 They have 10,000 artillery pieces that can hit Seoul. Anything that lights the fire is going to get ugly.

Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at April 03, 2013 01:00 PM (A0sHn)

"The moment of explosion is approaching fast"

hehehe

Posted by: garrett at April 03, 2013 01:00 PM (VOi2K)

23 Everyone is taking this very lightly. They are calling it "saber rattling" and some are saying they should feed them and they'll shut up.

I don't know, the kid was US educated. He's got all these old guys around him who failed to get his dad to do this kind of stuff. How do we know he's saber rattling?

Posted by: Caustic at April 03, 2013 01:00 PM (/b8+5)

24 Do you guys ever dream of a satellite weapon that can target a single person with X-rays (or whatever) and boil his brain to give him the symptoms of a lethal (but natural-appearing) aneurysm, or is that just me? Star Trek. Tantalus field. ZZZZZZAP! You're gone!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:01 PM (tqLft)

25 Nuke the Norks. We can use the ones we didn't use on Mecca.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 03, 2013 01:01 PM (ZPrif)

26 Years ago I "invented" a Magic Sterilization Gun that could shoot beams at unsuspecting folk who had no business whatsoever reproducing.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 03, 2013 01:01 PM (lVPtV)

27 More serious than folks aretaking it potentially. Remember that they're in caahoots with Iran and Pockeeeston. Mull that over.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at April 03, 2013 01:01 PM (fsH2r)

28 Mine is an aircraft based laser that can be bounced off a mirror in space and target a single individual anywhere on earth. It also pops popcorn...

Posted by: Timon at April 03, 2013 01:01 PM (hHlaS)

29 What do they need money for? Did they run out of tree bark to eat?

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at April 03, 2013 01:01 PM (wzlt7)

30 Well Bambi gives money to our Bestest Enemies Forever - Hamas, Muslim Brotherhood... It's plain insulting to Kim Ill Who that Bambi doesn't give him the same Street Creed.

Posted by: Comrade J at April 03, 2013 01:01 PM (Cq/0w)

31 You'll get nothing and like it!

Posted by: Bosk at April 03, 2013 01:01 PM (n2K+4)

32 To paraphrase GWB, nothing wrong with having a magic ray gun... as long as I'm the magic ray gun operator.

Posted by: BurtTC at April 03, 2013 01:02 PM (TOk1P)

33 They have 10,000 artillery pieces that can hit Seoul. Anything that lights the fire is going to get ugly. Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at April 03, 2013 05:00 PM (A0sHn) Yeah it could, but letting these crazy bastards develop advanced Nukes will only make matters worse. It's kinda that old motto: Pay me now or pay me more later

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 03, 2013 01:02 PM (jE38p)

34 We should send the NORKS some gheys. It's our magic gun. It will derail all of their political discourse, and they will no longer need military power to distract the people from their massive internal problems.

Posted by: Hopeless at April 03, 2013 01:02 PM (j6Axb)

35 Would it be against U.S. law to send in an unauthorized, private drone into North Korea?

Posted by: Serious Cat at April 03, 2013 01:02 PM (UypUQ)

36 May I interest you in some free samples?

Posted by: Polonium Salesman at April 03, 2013 01:02 PM (jucos)

37 Forget about SCOAMF and Margaret Cho's ugly kid brother. All it takes is for one fanatic NORK version of General Jack D. Ripper to do something stupid like start an artillery barrage on Seoul and then all bets are off.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:02 PM (tqLft)

38 >>>I don't know, the kid was US educated. He's got all these old guys around him who failed to get his dad to do this kind of stuff. How do we know he's saber rattling? for the same reason you know that the punk who says to his buddies "hold me back, hold me back" doesn't really want to fight. if you want to fight, you fight. if you want to talk and bluster, you talk and bluster. What's his strategy? Warn us to death? If he was really serious what's with the two months of warnings? The Japs didn't give us no warning. They wanted to fight.

Posted by: ace at April 03, 2013 01:02 PM (LCRYB)

39 I always liked the Russian way of doing things with a magic umbrella and fissionable material. Excrutiating way to die and irreversable if not removed very quickly.

Posted by: Jollyroger at April 03, 2013 01:02 PM (t06LC)

40 Why? To give them more money so they can expand their nuclear program so they can demand more money, ad infinitum. Vaporize their naval ports then drop flyers over Pyongyang that say "You're next."

Posted by: ErikW on the damned phone at April 03, 2013 01:02 PM (W2gdS)

41 How many of the Nork artillery pieces still work? How much of their ammunition still works? How many hours after war breaks out before the Norks war machine breaks down completely?

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 03, 2013 01:03 PM (ZPrif)

42 If someone is threatening to wipe you off the map. It's probably something that one should not take lightly. Good thing King Barry has released them from the whole axis of evil thingy. King Putt is in charge. All is well bitches.

Posted by: Minnfidel at April 03, 2013 01:03 PM (wLY+G)

43 Kim Jong Un is losing his power, and needs a distraction.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at April 03, 2013 01:03 PM (wzlt7)

44 So let me guess; the row boat has been patched up so they're getting ready for a naval strike?

Posted by: NR Pax at April 03, 2013 01:03 PM (U+O64)

45 It might be more fun to have a magic gun that forces the victim to shart. I asked Bearded Spock to invent that, and he just stared back.

Posted by: James Tiberius Kirk at April 03, 2013 01:03 PM (j3uk1)

46 come on, don't leave a brother hanging. I know damn well I can't be the only guy who fantasizes about a Magic Gun. I did once. Until I saw how much trouble Johnny "The Wad" Holmes got into with his.

Posted by: rickb223 at April 03, 2013 01:03 PM (GFM2b)

47 23 Everyone is taking this very lightly. They are calling it "saber rattling" and some are saying they should feed them and they'll shut up. I don't know, the kid was US educated. He's got all these old guys around him who failed to get his dad to do this kind of stuff. How do we know he's saber rattling? Posted by: Caustic at April 03, 2013 05:00 PM (/b8+5) ________________ Correct. This is Junior. And, remember how they tried to sell Assad Junior as more moderate. Didn't work out that way.

Posted by: tasker at April 03, 2013 01:03 PM (r2PLg)

48 I don't know, the kid was US educated.

Not a bit. Switzerland.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at April 03, 2013 01:03 PM (/kI1Q)

49 Let's just offer to give the NORKS Dennis Rodman. Permanently. That, and a DVD of Barry's greatest basketball and golf shots.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 03, 2013 01:03 PM (lVPtV)

50
They can only shoot them once! Then they don't have anymore!

Posted by: Diana Degette - (Dumb) CO at April 03, 2013 01:03 PM (IY7Ir)

51 Multigigawatt laser from space or a very small tactical nuke aimed at Kim's house.

Posted by: Daybrother at April 03, 2013 01:03 PM (+paCV)

52 I don't want to discuss the magic gun in my head. It could probably constitute some sort of politicide.

Posted by: DangerGirl @deadlyestrogen at April 03, 2013 01:04 PM (GrtrJ)

23 -

I'm going to assume the term "saber rattling" was used around August of 1914, when everybody was cranky about the Archduke's assassination.

That didn't turn out so well either.

Posted by: BurtTC at April 03, 2013 01:04 PM (TOk1P)

54 Well off to get the kids car from Honda Service later

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 03, 2013 01:04 PM (jE38p)

55 No money he can DIAF, I say let him try. SK would take them out even if TFG didn't.

Posted by: Infidel at April 03, 2013 01:04 PM (O/fK8)

56 No, Ace, you do not need a Magic Gun. *I* need one though, and yesterday. And unlike you, I would promise not to cause worldwide upheaval with it. I would absolutely use it on nobodies who piss me off, such as tailgaters, and people who count pennies at the grocery store, or pay for lobster with EBT.

Posted by: lauraw at April 03, 2013 01:04 PM (tnIRc)

Nuclear war?

Who gives a shit. Do they allow gheys to marry?? That's what we need to know.

This liliputian tyrant is swiss educated, I do not believe was US educated. btw.

Posted by: Prescient11 at April 03, 2013 01:04 PM (tVTLU)

58

Oh no, North Korea! Whatever you do, please don't nuke Washington DC! All our trusted politicians are there!

Posted by: Br' er Conservative

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at April 03, 2013 01:04 PM (kdS6q)

59 19 Here's my blind terror: There's a nuclear strike on a US city. The Left loses its shit and starts screaming about how dare we strike back and we had it coming and TFG actually listens to that and agrees. My mind runs into a wall at that point because I do not want to consider what the reaction to the US losing a city and nothing happening in response will be. Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Mmmm. Tea. at April 03, 2013 05:00 PM (VtjlW) The next city that would go would be Washington D.C. and by a combination of citizens and the military. Forget impeachment; you are talking open revolt and justifiably so.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:04 PM (tqLft)

Also, re: money. They shut down their $2bn cash cow joint operation with the South, so they're starting by sacrificing money.

I think Switzerland, not the US, btw, but the little twerp is western-educated and should have a clue how this is going over.

Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at April 03, 2013 01:05 PM (A0sHn)

61 Hey -- moral preening on ESPN over Rutgers homo-gate. Moral outrage that the firing didn't come sooner. Moral outrage that AD not fired yet. Moral outrage the school President. Comparisons to Penn State. Outrageous outrage!!

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 03, 2013 01:05 PM (ZPrif)

62 North Korea wants to join the Free Shit Army

Posted by: TheQuietMan at April 03, 2013 01:05 PM (1Jaio)

Captain,

That would be the tantalus field. It makes the opponent just vanish.

Posted by: Bearded Spock at April 03, 2013 01:05 PM (L6r7J)

64 They've tested, what, 2 nukes underground? Any launches they've done shit the bed shortly after takeoff.

We're supposed to believe they have tactical nukes that are accurate and can travel more than a city block?

Bring it, bitches.

It'll actually be fun watching that little fat head explode.

Posted by: © Sponge at April 03, 2013 01:05 PM (xmcEQ)

65 Why would I need money? We print more dollars here than the US Treasury.

Posted by: Kim Jong Un at April 03, 2013 01:05 PM (ggRof)

@38

Yeah, like in high school. The people who talked shit for five minutes ended up not fighting.

The real fights started when someone just went up and socked another guy in the face.

Posted by: Jollyroger at April 03, 2013 01:05 PM (t06LC)

67
I have to agree with others, mine was the much more simple mind ray.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at April 03, 2013 01:05 PM (IY7Ir)

68 or pay for lobster with EBT. Obama pays for lobster with your money. Just sayin'.

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 03, 2013 01:05 PM (j3uk1)

69 I'm puzzled why you think its about money. Why not take the threat as one of war? Nations evaluate threats based upon what a nation can do. Not on what it says. In this case North Korea can launch a nuclear warhead and hit the US. They have the ability and they have committed atrocities including terror attacks against the President of South Korea with a bombing in Burma a couple decades ago. Lets say the Norks take out LA, Denver, DC. We hit back and take out their capitol and then there is absolutely nothing left to hit. I'm sure the Chinese will appreciate the radioactive clouds drifting over their country too.

Posted by: change at April 03, 2013 01:05 PM (3bo9E)

70
28 Mine is an aircraft based laser that can be bounced off a mirror in space and target a single individual anywhere on earth. It also pops popcorn...

Posted by: Timon at April 03, 2013 05:01 PM (hHlaS)

28 comments before the obvious Real Genius joke. Fuckin' slackers.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 03, 2013 01:05 PM (TIIx5)

71 42 If someone is threatening to wipe you off the map. It's probably something that one should not take lightly. Good thing King Barry has released them from the whole axis of evil thingy. King Putt is in charge. All is well bitches.

I've got some partyin' to do Tuesday night with my Hollywood bitchez. Chillax. I got this.

Posted by: Commander Barky, expert hoopster at April 03, 2013 01:06 PM (lVPtV)

72 Can we have the Joos take out the North Koreans after they bomb Iran?

Posted by: ALittleEnglish at April 03, 2013 01:06 PM (VDsQI)

Only "married" gheys want a Magic Gun.

And those who believe in the "science" of evolution.

Come on guys, "It's Science!!" Shut up. Idiot. I said so. CONSENSUS....

Posted by: Prescient11 at April 03, 2013 01:06 PM (tVTLU)

74 My defensive plan fot the ROK involves noodle kiosks every 200 meters along the DMZ

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at April 03, 2013 01:06 PM (fsH2r)

75 Those guys are probably having the time of their lives, drunk on the thrill of imminent war.

Posted by: Serious Cat at April 03, 2013 01:06 PM (UypUQ)

76 >>>I have to agree with others, mine was the much more simple mind ray. what just to hypnotize? If you're going to have a fantasy magic gun how can you leave out the best part, MURDER?

Posted by: ace at April 03, 2013 01:06 PM (LCRYB)

77 If he was really serious what's with the two months of warnings? The Japs didn't give us no warning. They wanted to fight. Posted by: ace at April 03, 2013 05:02 PM (LCRYB) ____________ The Japanese miscalculated.

Posted by: tasker at April 03, 2013 01:06 PM (r2PLg)

78 I know damn well I can't be the only guy who fantasizes about a Magic Gun. Your targeting is far too surgical. Now, the offender, his close family, his friends, their close family, his associates, and their close family...well. Now we may have some serious deterrent power. ...why no, I've never been good at that whole "proportional retribution" thing, why do you ask...

Posted by: Brother Cavil, Ampersand Shogun at April 03, 2013 01:07 PM (fMiHM)

79 And unlike you, I would promise not to cause worldwide upheaval with it. I would absolutely use it on nobodies who piss me off, such as tailgaters, and people who count pennies at the grocery store, or pay for lobster with EBT. Posted by: lauraw at April 03, 2013 05:04 PM (tnIRc) Remember what I always say, *my* good is still *a* good. Unlike lauraw, I can pretty much assure that I would cause worldwide upheaval with a Magic Gun.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Mmmm. Tea. at April 03, 2013 01:07 PM (VtjlW)

80 77 >>>I have to agree with others, mine was the much more simple mind ray. what just to hypnotize? If you're going to have a fantasy magic gun how can you leave out the best part, MURDER? Posted by: ace at April 03, 2013 05:06 PM (LCRYB) _______________ My Super Magnet takes away your gun and leaves out the murder. I was all into it.

Posted by: tasker at April 03, 2013 01:08 PM (r2PLg)

81 The louder the rhetoric, the stronger the desperation.

Things must be going pretty lousy for little Kim for him to be pulling this crap.

Let him rot. If he's stupid enough to re-open a war, that will be the end of his country, and probably him personally.

Posted by: looking closely at April 03, 2013 01:08 PM (04kJj)

82 >>>m puzzled why you think its about money. Why not take the threat as one of war? Nations evaluate threats based upon what a nation can do. Not on what it says. In this case North Korea can launch a nuclear warhead and hit the US. They have the ability and they have committed atrocities including terror attacks against the President of South Korea with a bombing in Burma a couple decades ago. if they really want to attack us, why give us the warnings?

Posted by: ace at April 03, 2013 01:08 PM (LCRYB)

83 73 Can we have the Joos take out the North Koreans aftertheybomb Iran? Posted by: ALittleEnglish at April 03, 2013 05:06 PM (VDsQI) North Korea has a lot of fingerprints with the Red Army Brigade in terrorist attacks on Israel in the late 70's. And the Syrian reactor the IDF destroyed a few years ago was made in the DPRK. All SCOAMF can do is throw bricks at them,.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:08 PM (tqLft)

84 28 comments before the obvious Real Genius joke.

Yeah, but then the Longbow Project side gets going and we're over 2000 comments again.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at April 03, 2013 01:08 PM (/kI1Q)

85 >>>My Super Magnet takes away your gun and leaves out the murder. gay

Posted by: ace at April 03, 2013 01:08 PM (LCRYB)

86 You know all those awesome Democrats in DC? My magic weapon in my head would wipe them all out, along with a choice few Republicans, OJ Simpson and an ex-boyfriend or two.

Posted by: DangerGirl @deadlyestrogen at April 03, 2013 01:09 PM (GrtrJ)

87 80 Offer extra if they take out Chicago and Nueva York. Posted by: Slim Pickens at April 03, 2013 05:07 PM (yn6XZ) Easy there. We still have a Moron Meet-up next week.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:09 PM (tqLft)

88 Here's my blind terror: There's a nuclear strike on a US city. The Left loses its shit and starts screaming about how dare we strike back and we had it coming and TFG actually listens to that and agrees. My mind runs into a wall at that point because I do not want to consider what the reaction to the US losing a city and nothing happening in response will be.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Mmmm. Tea. at April 03, 2013 05:00 PM (VtjlW)

------------------------------------------

What if it's San Francisco? DC? When I thought of that I paused.

Posted by: Soona at April 03, 2013 01:09 PM (aALMI)

89 Can you reload the magazines for your magic fun ace? Cause, if so, that shit really is magic.

Posted by: Jollyroger at April 03, 2013 01:09 PM (t06LC)

90 Would it be against U.S. law to send in an unauthorized, private drone into North Korea?
Mr Kim Jong-un is simply an undocumented citizen resident so such an action would be ~~illegal~~ unauthorized.

Posted by: AP style book at April 03, 2013 01:09 PM (VwC86)

91 Space ray that can target familial DNA. Take out a whole lineage. Boomshakalaka!

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 03, 2013 01:09 PM (ZPrif)

92 oh shit was that the Whatzit in Real Genius? Was that an assassination weapon?

Posted by: ace at April 03, 2013 01:09 PM (LCRYB)

93 Sounds like Damien in The Omen Part 2.

Posted by: RM at April 03, 2013 01:09 PM (/Frlf)

94 Someone should introduce a resolution to Declare War on North Korea

Posted by: tmitsss at April 03, 2013 01:09 PM (rdav6)

95 Your rove gimme such a frill,,,but your rove won't pay my bir I wan money......

Posted by: Kim Un at April 03, 2013 01:09 PM (wLY+G)

>>>If you're going to have a fantasy magic gun how can you leave out the best part, MURDER?

Nobody ever died from that unfortunate thing that occured in their mouth.

We are talking about love guns, right?

Posted by: garrett at April 03, 2013 01:10 PM (VOi2K)

97 Pyongyang turns to glass, the world becomes a better place.

Posted by: Lincolntf at April 03, 2013 01:10 PM (ZshNr)

98 ...why no, I've never been good at that whole "proportional retribution" thing, why do you ask... Posted by: Brother Cavil, Ampersand Shogun at April 03, 2013 05:07 PM (fMiHM) Increasing by a factor is proportional. I mean, no one ever said the proportions had to be equivalent.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Mmmm. Tea. at April 03, 2013 01:10 PM (VtjlW)

87 -

I think you meant to say marriage.

Posted by: BurtTC at April 03, 2013 01:10 PM (TOk1P)

100 I'd settle for a direct kinetic energy weapon.

Posted by: Jollyroger at April 03, 2013 01:10 PM (t06LC)

101 Lil Kim is not "US educated"....he went to school in Switzerland. Guess he doesn't like big titty blondes.

Posted by: Icedog at April 03, 2013 01:10 PM (9ScGj)

102 I think we should pay... AFTER the Norks obliterate Honolulu, Los Angeles, Washington, D.C., and Austin.

Offer extra if they take out Chicago and Nueva York.

Posted by: Slim Pickens at April 03, 2013 05:07 PM (yn6XZ)

Berkley, San Fran, Seattle, Portland, Brattleboro VT, Madison WI.......

Posted by: TheQuietMan at April 03, 2013 01:10 PM (1Jaio)

103 The only true "magic gun" is a penis only able to be fired by James Woods

Posted by: The Dude at April 03, 2013 01:10 PM (vJdyz)

104

"All SCOAMF can do is throw bricks at them"

2 for 22 from the field ain't gonna get the job done, chief.

Posted by: Jaws at April 03, 2013 01:11 PM (4I3Uo)

105 Someone should introduce a resolution to Declare War on North Korea

Posted by: tmitsss ..................................Oh ooh ohh over here. we'll do it!!!!! Pick us!

Posted by: McCain-Grahm at April 03, 2013 01:11 PM (wLY+G)

106 A Magic Gun that fires... arrows? This could put an end to the Crossbow vs. Longbow War.

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 03, 2013 01:11 PM (j3uk1)

107 and the Admin is letting this go on (if not encouraging it) because it makes their Arab Spring look better by comparison.

Posted by: garrett at April 03, 2013 01:11 PM (VOi2K)

108 87 >>>My Super Magnet takes away your gun and leaves out the murder. gay Posted by: ace at April 03, 2013 05:08 PM (LCRYB) _______________ LOL! Ya--I could have been in Canada at the time.

Posted by: tasker at April 03, 2013 01:11 PM (r2PLg)

109 Two of them.

One is a satelite that is extremely heat resistant and orbits stars. It can, on command, move into position focus light from that star into a deadly laser that could hit any planet orbiting its system.

The second is an artillery weapon that lands on moons. It uses advanced trajectory calculations to remain hidden while pelting targets on the primary with munitions; using the gravitational forces of the moon(s) and planet as slingshots.

But the x-ray thing is cool too.

Posted by: RiverC at April 03, 2013 01:11 PM (El+h4)

110

39 I always liked the Russian way of doing things with a magic umbrella and fissionable material.

----------

The magic umbrella was ricin. The fissionable material was your average, everyday ~~Chernobyl~~ Fukushima sushi.

Posted by: Assault Citizen Anachronda at April 03, 2013 01:11 PM (IrbU4)

111

Pew! Pew! Pew!

Got him!

Posted by: Bernadette at April 03, 2013 01:11 PM (vN7SY)

112

@93

Kinda like the Foxdie virus from Metal Gear Solid? But with space involved somehow?

Why not just create some nanobots that will target a certain DNA sequence and let them go?

Posted by: Jollyroger at April 03, 2013 01:12 PM (t06LC)

113

Unlike lauraw, I can pretty much assure that I would cause worldwide upheaval with a Magic Gun.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Mmmm. Tea. at April 03, 2013 05:07 PM (VtjlW)

This.

Many times over.

Posted by: Kinley Ardal, LiB at April 03, 2013 01:12 PM (5SJfP)

114 Real Genius because Lil Kim Ding-Dong lacks even the luck of Wyatt from Weird Science .

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 03, 2013 01:12 PM (44H6Y)

115 Do you guys ever dream of a satellite weapon that can target a single person with X-rays

Dream no,
I figured it'd be a gimme from SDI.
Didn't some comedy fry Saddam that way?
I know they fried MTV in Spies Like Us.

With timing and recon we might be able to get "close enough for government work" with a Small Diameter Bomb.

Posted by: DaveA at April 03, 2013 01:12 PM (NHGkx)

116 Remember, in recent years the Norks have 1) Sunk an South Korean Navy ship. 2) Artillery shelled a South Korean town. All with zero consequences.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 03, 2013 01:12 PM (ZPrif)

117 I think this is about diverting assets and attention away from Syria. The Russians are extremely unhappy about the possibility of Assad falling, and China and Russia appear to be getting closer diplomatically. Nor would either want a Sunni caliphate spreading to their Muslim-heavy regions. IMHO, we are at war with Russia in Syria, and I'll bet Benghazi was a Russian-driven operation to expose the gun and jihadi running to Syria.

Posted by: Tanguera at April 03, 2013 01:12 PM (QjqVJ)

118 If San Francisco or DC get nuked, the Left will go Total War. Anyplace else, eh, we deserved it.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at April 03, 2013 01:12 PM (xjpRj)

119 The news is hyping Austin as a target (presumably b/c Samsung is there). I don't like this whole "targets around San Diego" deal. Even Tijuana isn't safe from the Norks!

Posted by: wooga at April 03, 2013 01:13 PM (mi68K)

120 We nuke Winona!

Posted by: kim jong-un at April 03, 2013 01:13 PM (VwC86)

121 How about we drop that annoying little Gnanham style rapper over Pyong Yang from about 40,000 feet. Granted it would probably only break a few windows. But it would still be cool to do.

Posted by: Minnfidel at April 03, 2013 01:13 PM (wLY+G)

122 Let him rot. If he's stupid enough to re-open a war, that will be the end of his country, and probably him personally.

Posted by: looking closely at April 03, 2013 05:08 PM (04kJj)

---------------------------------------------

The behaviour of most tyrants losing their power is to take (kill) as many people as he can with him.

Posted by: Soona at April 03, 2013 01:14 PM (aALMI)

123
No, no.....my mind ray was for Total Annihilation by Aneurysm.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at April 03, 2013 01:14 PM (IY7Ir)

124

@121

Would that mean the Norks don't support ghey marriage?

Posted by: Jollyroger at April 03, 2013 01:14 PM (t06LC)

125 The Japanese miscalculated. Posted by: tasker at April 03, 2013 05:06 PM (r2PLg) --------------------------------------------------------- It was our fault. We backed Japan into the corner with our war mongering ways. They had to strike us, they had no choice. FDR should have gone on television and apologized. That's what should have happened. War never solves anything. Imagine world peace.....

Posted by: The American Left at April 03, 2013 01:14 PM (jucos)

126 My Magic Satellite Weapon daydream involves replicas of SCOAMF's Nobel Peace Prize dropped from low orbit onto the heads of the deserving.

Posted by: Stu-22 at April 03, 2013 01:14 PM (AiYlm)

127 incidentally if anyone needs someone to man their Magic Gun trigger, I swear I am very stable and trustworthy.

Posted by: ace at April 03, 2013 01:14 PM (LCRYB)

128 McCain said we need boots on the ground in Pyongyang yet?

Posted by: Beagle at April 03, 2013 01:14 PM (sOtz/)

129 My Magic Gun is some sort of dimensional transporter where you can beam an agent over to whack a bad guy and beam him back.

Posted by: rdbrewer at April 03, 2013 01:14 PM (Iyg03)

130 Maybe the Nork muppet would settle for a blowjob from Sheriff Joe.

Posted by: maddogg at April 03, 2013 01:14 PM (OlN4e)

131 Would it be against U.S. law to send in an unauthorized, private drone into North Korea?
Mr Kim Jong-un is simply an undocumented citizen resident so such an action would be illegal unauthorized.

Posted by: AP style book at April 03, 2013 05:09 PM (VwC86)

Well, in seriousness I have fantasized about a media outlet sending in there own drone with satellite linked video cameras to document the despair and cruelty of the NK regime. I suspect they'd have a tricky time shooting it down.

Posted by: Serious Cat at April 03, 2013 01:14 PM (UypUQ)

132 56 And unlike you, I would promise not to cause worldwide upheaval with it.

I would absolutely use it on nobodies who piss me off, such as tailgaters, and people who count pennies at the grocery store, or pay for lobster with EBT. --------- What's the point in having a magic gun if you use it such a way that no one knows you have it?

Posted by: Dr. Strangelove at April 03, 2013 01:14 PM (IrbU4)

133 If San Francisco or DC get nuked and a Democrat is in the WH, the Left will go Total War. Anyplace else, eh, we deserved it.

Posted by: RM at April 03, 2013 01:14 PM (/Frlf)

134 Wanna bet Obama blames sequestration if something does happen?

Posted by: Tami[/i] at April 03, 2013 01:14 PM (X6akg)

135 When we find 40 watt outlet, running dog imperialists shall learn full power of glorious Korean peoples' phased plasma technology.

Posted by: The Fat Boy at April 03, 2013 01:15 PM (8ZskC)

136 Let's send them Dennis Rodman and another has been to be named later

Posted by: TheQuietMan at April 03, 2013 01:15 PM (1Jaio)

137

Let's face it, there are no grownups in Washington making decisions.

If you can sort out which of our enemies are out to kill us or extort money from us, and can even sort out who our friends and enemies are, you're a better man than I.

Posted by: BurtTC at April 03, 2013 01:15 PM (TOk1P)

138 Why not just create some nanobots that will target a certain DNA sequence and let them go?

Posted by: Jollyroger at April 03, 2013 05:12 PM (t06LC)

because of La-Li-Lu-Le-Lo, that's why

Posted by: The Dude at April 03, 2013 01:15 PM (vJdyz)

139 No worries here. They pull this shit every four, five years. Lots of dick measuring, posturing, threats of bodily harm, gay slurs, sexual harassment and innuendo, boasting, and bullshit. In other words, just like an ONT.

Posted by: EC at April 03, 2013 01:15 PM (doBIb)

140 Oh, yeah. Paying them Danegeld will only invite more extortion.

Posted by: rdbrewer at April 03, 2013 01:15 PM (Iyg03)

141 The news is hyping Austin as a target (presumably b/c Samsung is there). I don't like this whole "targets around San Diego" deal. Even Tijuana isn't safe from the Norks!

Posted by: wooga ............Don't worry. There's nobody left in Tijuana. They all are here in line for their "path" paperwork.

Posted by: Minnfidel at April 03, 2013 01:15 PM (wLY+G)

142 I think you meant to say ~~marriage~~ mawwage . Posted by: BurtTC at April 03, 2013 05:10 PM (TOk1P) FIFY

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Mmmm. Tea. at April 03, 2013 01:15 PM (VtjlW)

143 >>>Well, in seriousness I have fantasized about a media outlet sending in there own drone with satellite linked video camera not a bad fantasy except of the Act of War part and the Psycho Regime Goes Crazy part. My magic gun is so much better.

Posted by: ace at April 03, 2013 01:15 PM (LCRYB)

144 Minnfidel, drop PSY with or without a working parachute?

Well scratch that, if he dropped either way on Pyongyang the average North Korean citizen would look at his fat self and think lunch !!!

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 03, 2013 01:15 PM (44H6Y)

145 84 >>>m puzzled why you think its about money. Why not take the threat as one of war? Nations evaluate threats based upon what a nation can do. Not on what it says. In this case North Korea can launch a nuclear warhead and hit the US. They have the ability and they have committed atrocities including terror attacks against the President of South Korea with a bombing in Burma a couple decades ago. if they really want to attack us, why give us the warnings? Posted by: ace at April 03, 2013 05:08 PM (LCRYB) _____________ That is all predicated on the hope that he is sane. Hopefully you are working with a rational actor. The shit could go down so bad in NORKville that if he fears he is going out he decides to go out in style. Flaming. So -prepare for the worst case scenario, always.

Posted by: tasker at April 03, 2013 01:15 PM (r2PLg)

146 Hoping they just hushed up about the 'Rods from God' project and we actually have it.

Posted by: RWC at April 03, 2013 01:16 PM (fWAjv)

147 Do you guys ever dream of a satellite weapon that can target a single person with X-rays (or whatever) and boil his brain to give him the symptoms of a lethal (but natural-appearing) aneurysm, or is that just me?

Isn't that the plot from Real Genius (1985) starring Val kilmer ?

Posted by: Fox Mulder at April 03, 2013 01:16 PM (e8kgV)

148 NorkJong2 is one of the few dictators where if we whacked him there's a real chance of an improvement. All the muzzie dictators just get replaced with ever more jihadical scum. I say whack away. Just be sure to take out his generals, too.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 03, 2013 01:16 PM (ZPrif)

149 I have my little app that allows me to enter the kt of the nuke, the longitude/latitude, and gives me an overpressure/distance calculation. Because that's how I rock. Science. The Norks with the scant kt they have achieved to date can't take out a major city without advanced telemetry, which involves a bit of trial and error. Testing, in other words. Which they haven't done. So they could blow up somebodies cornfield in Buttf**ry, USA but it's doubtful they could hit Austin, Texas in the next decade. But if they wanna trade a cornfield for a couple million bark-eating savages, I'm in.

Posted by: Regular Moron [/i] at April 03, 2013 01:16 PM (feFL6)

150 I'd rather they not nuke DC but only because my family isn't far away. Selfish. Also I'm pretty sure we wouldn't hit back.

Posted by: DangerGirl @deadlyestrogen at April 03, 2013 01:16 PM (GrtrJ)

151 Fire up the Halliburton Ray Beam. Stat!

Posted by: Attila at April 03, 2013 01:16 PM (Cs2tJ)

152 ""You might all have different versions of your Magic Gun but I know you've all got a Magic Gun in your head, somewhere.""

Yeah I got one, but its an order of evil best kept to myself. Then again, a rail gun using leftists as ammo for asteroid mining isn't that evil, is it?

Posted by: Berserker at April 03, 2013 01:16 PM (FMbng)

153 Anyone else got my favorite Nork cookbook "99 ways to prepare tree bark"?

Posted by: maddogg at April 03, 2013 01:16 PM (OlN4e)

154 143 ... innuendo, boasting, and bullshit. In other words, just like an ONT. Posted by: EC at April 03, 2013 05:15 PM (doBIb) Innuendo = an Italian suppository.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:16 PM (tqLft)

155 CBS: Austin officials to take Â‘whatever precautionsÂ’ needed after Nork threat Rick Perry has now loaded his .380.

Posted by: Blacksheep at April 03, 2013 01:16 PM (8/DeP)

156 I've often dreamed of targeting a single person with ultraviolet rays and horse tranks. That person is Kathy Griffin.

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 03, 2013 01:17 PM (j3uk1)

157 Yep, Magic Gun is the whole Nork ruling class wakes up tomorrow with a fast acting brain tumor.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 03, 2013 01:17 PM (ZPrif)

158 The Norks are just butthurt from that whole "sexiest man alive" fiasco.
Berry emberrysin.

Posted by: Craig Poe at April 03, 2013 01:17 PM (BVkEs)

159 I'm the Rod from god, honky.

Posted by: dennis rodman at April 03, 2013 01:17 PM (VwC86)

160

56 And unlike you, I would promise not to cause worldwide upheaval with it.

81 Remember what I always say, *my* good is still *a* good.

------------

Two -topias enter, one -topia leaves.

Posted by: Assault Citizen Anachronda at April 03, 2013 01:17 PM (IrbU4)

161 131 McCain said we need boots on the ground in Pyongyang yet? Posted by: Beagle at April 03, 2013 05:14 PM (sOtz/) Nancy Sinatra is unavailable...

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:17 PM (tqLft)

162 >>>94 oh shit was that the Whatzit in Real Genius? Was that an assassination weapon? I'm your Huckleberry.

Posted by: Val Kilmer, now with extra lard at April 03, 2013 01:18 PM (mi68K)

163 If they launch a nuke missile God please let it land in British Columbia. Vancouver precisely.

Posted by: Attila at April 03, 2013 01:18 PM (Cs2tJ)

164 incidentally if anyone needs someone to man their Magic Gun trigger, I swear I am very stable and trustworthy.

Posted by: ace at April 03, 2013 05:14 PM (LCRYB)

It's true.

Little fucker won't even let us take the Time Machine out for ice cream.

Posted by: garrett at April 03, 2013 01:18 PM (VOi2K)

165
They have 10,000 artillery pieces that can hit Seoul. Anything that lights the fire is going to get ugly.
Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch

Damned if I can find my bookmark and the copy I saved to read later, but an analyst gamed out that scenario and, while no day at the beach, it's not as horrific as you might think.

Counter battery fire and airstrikes take out the NK guns in a day or two, while the shelters in Seoul limit the casualties. Thousands of deaths, rather than tens of thousands or more.

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at April 03, 2013 01:18 PM (kdS6q)

166

This is my rifle

This is my gun

One is for killin'

The other is magic

Posted by: Pipboy 3000 at April 03, 2013 01:18 PM (ggRof)

167 My magic gun disrobes hot chicks at 50 paces.

Posted by: garrett at April 03, 2013 01:19 PM (VOi2K)

168 Kim looks like he could bust it Gangnam style.

Posted by: steevy at April 03, 2013 01:19 PM (9XBK2)

169 >>>Damned if I can find my bookmark and the copy I saved to read later, but an analyst gamed out that scenario and, while no day at the beach, it's not as horrific as you might think. I'm not sayin' we won't get our hair mussed a little bit.

Posted by: General Buck Turgidson at April 03, 2013 01:19 PM (LCRYB)

170 My imaginary superweapon is a targeter/teleporter that delivers a payload of a marble-sized high explosive wherever you want it. Like between the hemispheres of someone's brain.

Posted by: Cato at April 03, 2013 01:19 PM (qEYyR)

171

146 -

No, I think we're already more than two standard deviations away from the origin of the joke, so it's probably best to let it die.

Posted by: BurtTC at April 03, 2013 01:19 PM (TOk1P)

172 36 May I interest you in some free samples? Posted by: Polonium Salesman at April 03, 2013 05:02 PM

Thread winner right there.

/also, we have HAARP. Can't we just throw a hurricane at them and put Little Kim out of his misery?

Posted by: shibumi at April 03, 2013 01:19 PM (z63Tr)

173

@142

Ah yes of course. And this time I didn't have to sit through 8 hours of cutscenes to figure that out. THanks.

Posted by: Jollyroger at April 03, 2013 01:19 PM (t06LC)

174 If they bombed the US the MFM would blame it on conservatives, talk radio, the NRA, the Koch Brothers, racism, sexism and homophobia.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at April 03, 2013 01:20 PM (1Jaio)

175 Yeah, I think an NK-SK war would be less than 50k deaths in SK. Take the band-aid off quick. Worst would be over after a week.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 03, 2013 01:20 PM (ZPrif)

176 Vancouver precisely.

Posted by: Attila at April 03, 2013 05:18 PM (Cs2tJ)

Why Vancouver? Why not Seattle

Posted by: Velvet Ambition at April 03, 2013 01:20 PM (R8hU8)

177

Winston Churchill gave many speeches stating that England and Germany would never be at war with each as they were so tied together economically.

Then WWI happened. Then WWII happened.

You will find that economics and a trading relationship means a lot, but it has never prevented war. Those who are ignorant of history are doomed to repeat it.

Where does that leave us, when we don't even understand the origin, purpose and definition of marriage, for fuck's sake.

Posted by: Prescient11 at April 03, 2013 01:20 PM (tVTLU)

178 The real question is what the Chinese response is.

Posted by: zsasz at April 03, 2013 01:20 PM (MMC8r)

179 My magic gun disrobes hot chicks at 50 paces. Don't fire until you see the whites of their panties.

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 03, 2013 01:20 PM (j3uk1)

180 Innuendo = an Italian suppository.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 05:16 PM

Coming from an italian family, I have to say thats frigging funny. I can just hear granny say "eh you stikem upa you ass"

Posted by: Berserker at April 03, 2013 01:20 PM (FMbng)

181 We should leave Mr Un alone. All of you Reich Wing Nuts pick on him like I'm sure you picked on the fat kid on the playground. One too many bloody noses make even the most rational among us a little goofy. Stop picking on the yellow people You Guys.

Posted by: The American Left at April 03, 2013 01:20 PM (jucos)

182 It sure is a good thing that Obama has been slow-walking the US ballistic missile defense effort ever since he got into office, huh?

And that's only because Congress would have thrown a fit if he had tried to shut it down entirely, as was his original intention.

(There's a video of Obama from during the 2008 primaries pledging to various lefty peacenik disarmament groups that, if elected, he would do away with ballistic missile defense.)

Posted by: torquewrench at April 03, 2013 01:20 PM (gqT4g)

183

"Rick Perry has now loaded his .380."

Good 'nuff for 'yotes, good 'nuff for terminal inbound RV's, y'all.

Posted by: Jaws at April 03, 2013 01:20 PM (4I3Uo)

184 Do you guys ever dream of a satellite weapon that can target a single person with X-rays (or whatever) and boil his brain to give him the symptoms of a lethal (but natural-appearing) aneurysm, or is that just me? I thought that was Dennis Rodman's job. Or, his entourage. But, hey, maybe he really just likes the guy.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 03, 2013 01:20 PM (XYSwB)

185 166 >>>94 oh shit was that the Whatzit in Real Genius? Was that an assassination weapon? I'm your Huckleberry. Posted by: Val Kilmer, now with extra lard at April 03, 2013 05:18 PM (mi68K) The chick had nice ta-ta's but looked like teenage Anna Wintour.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:20 PM (tqLft)

186 Bush failed to deal with it...obama inherited this mess...he's trying hard to fix it...really hard

Posted by: Loinfo voter at April 03, 2013 01:20 PM (MbeEN)

187 but seriously I bet if we sneak-attacked* the North Korean artillery sites we'd knock it all out before 30 shots were fired. * wouldnt' even have to be a sneak attack, just a build up in advance of war and then a blitz.

Posted by: ace at April 03, 2013 01:20 PM (LCRYB)

188 Would that mean the Norks don't support ghey marriage?

We should make that a precondition for "humanitarian aid."

And for any other aid or equipment we send to Islamic nations.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at April 03, 2013 01:21 PM (/kI1Q)

189 Someone should introduce a resolution to Declare War on North Korea

Posted by: tmitsss at April 03, 2013 05:09 PM (rdav6)

-----------------------------------------

Why? We've basically been at war with them since the 50's. There's been no peace treaty signed. Just an agreement for a cease-fire.

Come to think of it, the same thing could be said of China.

Posted by: Soona at April 03, 2013 01:21 PM (aALMI)

190 One more thing: if they were Muslim, we'd give them money. We'd even apologize for being "provocative."

New strategy for Kim the Littler? Declare North Korea a Muslim nation. Then he won't need to nuke us. Barry will fly over and bow to him.

/you know, I wish I was joking...

Posted by: shibumi at April 03, 2013 01:21 PM (z63Tr)

191 @142

Ah yes of course. And this time I didn't have to sit through 8 hours of cutscenes to figure that out. THanks.

Posted by: Jollyroger at April 03, 2013 05:19 PM (t06LC)

at least they are removing the second biggest problem with the game by not having Hayter back (while he whines on twitter)

Posted by: The Dude at April 03, 2013 01:21 PM (vJdyz)

192 180 Vancouver precisely.
Posted by: Attila at April 03, 2013 05:18 PM (Cs2tJ)Why Vancouver? Why not Seattle

Posted by: Velvet Ambition at April 03, 2013 05:20 PM (R8hU

I live in Seattle.LOL

Vancouver is also a fever swamp of socialism.

Posted by: Attila at April 03, 2013 01:21 PM (Cs2tJ)

193
come to think of it, my gun may have come from "Scanners". Is that what that movie was about or did I get that from the trailer?

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at April 03, 2013 01:21 PM (IY7Ir)

194 ot goilshot http://dailycaller.com/2013/04/03/hermione-granger-gets-racy-on-the-cover-of-british-gq-photos/ Hermione Granger gets racy on the cover of British GQ [PHOTOS] dailycaller

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 03, 2013 01:21 PM (XYSwB)

195 184 Coming from an italian family, I have to say thats frigging funny. I can just hear granny say "eh you stikem upa you ass" Posted by: Berserker at April 03, 2013 05:20 PM (FMbng) There's a Halloween costume store somewhere in northern New Jersey called "Fun Ghouls."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:21 PM (tqLft)

196 There's a thermonuclear Magic Flute in my pants.

Boom.

Posted by: Zombie Mozart at April 03, 2013 01:22 PM (yDWX4)

197 Kim Jong Un and Barack Obama Fat Boy and Little Man.

Posted by: wooga at April 03, 2013 01:22 PM (mi68K)

198 184 Coming from an italian family, I have to say thats frigging funny. I can just hear granny say "eh you stikem upa you ass" Posted by: Berserker at April 03, 2013 05:20 PM (FMbng) Also... Onomatopoeia = an Italian urinary disease.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:22 PM (tqLft)

199 182 The real question is what the Chinese response is.

It depends. Will a war with the Norks make our debts worth more yuan?

End game question: What is MOST beneficial to our Chinese Overlords?

Posted by: shibumi at April 03, 2013 01:22 PM (z63Tr)

200 I'm not sayin' we won't get our hair mussed a little bit.

Posted by: General Buck Turgidson at April 03, 2013 05:19 PM (LCRYB)

I was going to reply to Laurie's cervix, but this is better than mine.

Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at April 03, 2013 01:22 PM (A0sHn)

201 45 It might be more fun to have a magic gun that forces the victim to shart. The Al Roker Beam.

Posted by: zsasz at April 03, 2013 01:22 PM (MMC8r)

202 The Norks are pissed about the latest sanctions. No danegeld on the table (publicly). Throw in an inexperienced leader trying to make a name for himself.

Posted by: Beagle at April 03, 2013 01:22 PM (sOtz/)

203 McCain demands we put boots on the ground in Mali, Syria, North Korea, Papua New Guinea, Ikea, and that Applebee's off the highway with the fucking gook waitress.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 03, 2013 01:22 PM (ZPrif)

204 They say they will strike LA. I live in LA -- go ahead. I don't care. It would mean I don't have to file my taxes and it would be a good excuse to obliterate them.

Posted by: Waldo at April 03, 2013 01:23 PM (TE8aX)

205 201 Kim Jong Un and Barack Obama Fat Boy and Little Man. Posted by: wooga at April 03, 2013 05:22 PM (mi68K) Potential thread winner.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:23 PM (tqLft)

206 come to think of it, my gun may have come from "Scanners". Is that what that movie was about or did I get that from the trailer?

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at April 03, 2013 05:21 PM (IY7Ir)

Scanners was telekinesis

Posted by: The Dude at April 03, 2013 01:23 PM (vJdyz)

207 157

They've got any bark left?

Posted by: RiverC at April 03, 2013 01:23 PM (El+h4)

208 I seriously feel so sorry for the North Korean population. They are completely closed off from life.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 03, 2013 01:23 PM (XYSwB)

209 And thanks to Lil Kim Ding-Dong I now know why Sluggor gets resurrected. Seems the Wise Man has a little dictator problem that needs resolving.

"I'm a little dictator,
Short and stout."

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 03, 2013 01:23 PM (44H6Y)

210 I think you could have a satellite that makes a woman's clothes fall off. She would try to put them back on, but not before you've seen everything.

Posted by: Patrick Stewart at April 03, 2013 01:23 PM (Iyg03)

211

"The moment of explosion is approaching fast," the North Korean military said, warning that war could break out "today or tomorrow".

Can we make it tomorrow? Please? I have to do the dishes and have laundry to fold today. And I have a headache.

Posted by: LGoPs at April 03, 2013 01:23 PM (BJVEF)

212 Jimmy Carter is on his way to to the airport with a suitcaase full of cash as we speak. That's exactly what's going to happen. Intense 'back channel' diplomatic negotiations are already under way...and it's only a matter of time before we pay the demanded tribute. Just like always. Only this time it will be a race between Jimmy Carter, and John F'n Kerry to see who gets there first.

Posted by: Sticky Wicket at April 03, 2013 01:23 PM (eyJh9)

213 Bush failed to deal with it...obama inherited this mess...he's trying hard to fix it...really hard

Posted by: Loinfo voter .................................. This talking point will be appearing on MSNBC, CBS, ABC, CNN, WAPO, NYT. etc. etc. ad nauseum in 5,4,3,2............

Posted by: Minnfidel at April 03, 2013 01:24 PM (wLY+G)

214

@195

No joke? I kinda thought he was ok, its Raiden I didn't care for.

He's now an effiminate cyborg ninja. There are few ways he could be any more japanese.

Posted by: Jollyroger at April 03, 2013 01:24 PM (t06LC)

215 Would there be affordable, available ammo for the magic gun? That would be cool. Right now, I'm happy that I could find .308 brass-cased ammo for 78 cents/round...

Posted by: Sandra Fluke's award-winning solid gold diaphragm at April 03, 2013 01:24 PM (7xeJQ)

216

North Korea Wants Money

Why don't they just print it? Works for us!

Posted by: Teh Bernank at April 03, 2013 01:24 PM (iT7+e)

217 I think you could have a satellite that makes a woman's clothes fall off. She would try to put them back on, but not before you've seen everything.

You could just ask, you know!

Posted by: Helen Thomas at April 03, 2013 01:24 PM (/kI1Q)

218 Nork War 2: The Buggering

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 03, 2013 01:24 PM (ZPrif)

219 If they nuke DC would it be a faux pas for me to send a thank you note?

Posted by: maddogg at April 03, 2013 01:24 PM (OlN4e)

220 181 Where does that leave us, when we don't even understand the origin, purpose and definition of marriage, for fuck's sake. Posted by: Prescient11 at April 03, 2013 05:20 PM (tVTLU) We have already lathered and rinsed. And now...

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:24 PM (tqLft)

221

Remember in 2007 when a Chinese "satellite" got into a bad orbit and all the media were freaking out about where in the U.S. it was going to hit?

Remember Secretary Gates saying, "Yeah, we got this" and then the Navy shot it down before it got to Hawaii. Then the Russians and the Chinese were like, "Whaaat?"

Yeah, well, some of the news outlets briefly, like hardly at all, announced that we were moving one of those cruisers in theatre.

None of those missiles are leaving North Korea except as debris.

United States Navy: Dealing with uppity jerks for 200 years.

Posted by: Chinese Satellite at April 03, 2013 01:24 PM (3WSn4)

222

Posted by: Jollyroger at April 03, 2013 05:24 PM (t06LC)

He's a real badass in Metal Gear Rising though thats mainly because it's a game from Platinum

Posted by: The Dude at April 03, 2013 01:25 PM (vJdyz)

223 come on, don't leave a brother hanging. I know damn well I can't be the only guy who fantasizes about a Magic Gun. Posted by: ace at April 03, 2013 05:00 PM (LCRYB) I prefer a Magic Staff. Really.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 03, 2013 01:25 PM (XYSwB)

224 214 I think you could have a satellite that makes a woman's clothes fall off. She would try to put them back on, but not before you've seen everything. Posted by: Patrick Stewart at April 03, 2013 05:23 PM (Iyg03) The 20 megaton X-Ray Spex, please...

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:25 PM (tqLft)

225

what just to hypnotize?

If you're going to have a fantasy magic gun how can you leave out the best part, MURDER?

Oh, no, Oh Furry One. You're not thinking this thing through.

Hypnotize. Kate. Upton.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at April 03, 2013 01:25 PM (+z4pE)

226 @191 A lot of that shit is hardened and on rails inside mountains surrounded by AA. Not saying we could not get it, but North Korea would fire the first thirty rounds inside a second.

Posted by: Beagle at April 03, 2013 01:25 PM (sOtz/)

227 Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt!

Posted by: Bosk at April 03, 2013 01:26 PM (n2K+4)

228 I'd suggest we just start dropping crates of food to destabilize the regime with the people, but they're undoubtedly so brainwashed they'd believe it was all poisoned and it would get confiscated to feed the military.

Posted by: zsasz at April 03, 2013 01:26 PM (MMC8r)

229 I for one am glad - and sleep peacefully at night - knowing that our President's vast experience as a FUCKING COMMUNITY ORGANIZER will be leveraged to shepherd us through this crisis.

Posted by: LGoPs at April 03, 2013 01:26 PM (BJVEF)

230 Scanners was telekinesis

xxx

Don't we have some sort of CIA contingent that uses said telekinesis to make peoples heads explode? If not, why not?

Or was that program eliminated to pay for "muslim outreach?"

Also.... Scanners was an awesome movie.

Posted by: shibumi at April 03, 2013 01:26 PM (z63Tr)

231 123: Hey. I have kin in Winona. ...hit Bellville instead. They have it coming. The second is an artillery weapon that lands on moons. It uses advanced trajectory calculations to remain hidden while ~~pelting targets on the primary with~~ imparting momentum to the moon with munitions; using ~~the gravitational forces of the moon(s) and planet as slingshots.~~ Newtonian physics to deorbit the moon onto the planet. ...a few adjustments to your vision...

Posted by: Brother Cavil, Ampersand Shogun at April 03, 2013 01:26 PM (fMiHM)

232 McCain demands we put boots on the ground in Mali, Syria, North Korea, Papua New Guinea, Ikea, and that Applebee's off the highway with the fucking gook waitress. Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 03, 2013 05:22 PM (ZPrif) heh.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 03, 2013 01:27 PM (XYSwB)

233

225 -

Alternate slogan: U.S. Navy, a global force for goo.

Posted by: BurtTC at April 03, 2013 01:27 PM (TOk1P)

234 Sure glad we de-funded all that missile defense (aka Star Wars) we had in the works. Wouldn't want to provoke the NoKo's. No sireeee.

Posted by: LGoPs at April 03, 2013 01:27 PM (BJVEF)

235

"Alpha Velveeta Knuckle Underwear, you are cleared for take-off. When you hit that nuclear weapons plant... drop a bomb for me!"

"Uh, Sphincter Mucus Niner Ringworm, roger!"

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at April 03, 2013 01:27 PM (kdS6q)

236 This is a good old Chicago style shakedown. Barry McFuckinstick ought to be able to handle this, no problem man. "If the bring a nuke to a gunfight..."

Posted by: Brave Sir Robin at April 03, 2013 01:27 PM (3h5Y+)

237

Awesome! Pull all our mech, cav and tanks back to about Daejeon and tell that little fat fuck, "Pull it! Skin that smokewagon and see what happens."

I have no problem with the Norks attacking. Because then they cease to exist. But every US troop north of Uijongbu dies. Those poor Garry Owen bastards and whoever is up at Warrior Base on the north side of the Imjin River? Gone in a couple of hours, tops.

Fuck that. Pull them back somewhere defensible. Hell, even put em in the eastern mountains. This tripwire shit is ridiculous. We should be incentivizing this fucker to attack so we can settle his fuckin hash.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at April 03, 2013 01:27 PM (CJjw5)

238 205 45 It might be more fun to have a magic gun that forces the victim to shart. The Al Roker Beam. Posted by: zsasz at April 03, 2013 05:22 PM (MMC8r) Brown 25. From Uranus Corporation.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:27 PM (tqLft)

239 Send that Jung-Un a hot Japanese hooker with a concealed stiletto.

Posted by: Sphynx at April 03, 2013 01:27 PM (OZmbA)

240 Wasn't there a stupid movie in the 70's called The Nude Bomb?

Posted by: steevy at April 03, 2013 01:27 PM (9XBK2)

241 You don't fuck nuclear with someone who's 2-for-22...

Posted by: Barky Il Obama at April 03, 2013 01:28 PM (oJQ+J)

242 They say they will strike LA. I live in LA -- go ahead. I don't care. It would mean I don't have to file my taxes and it would be a good excuse to obliterate them. Posted by: Waldo at April 03, 2013 05:23 PM (TE8aX) Pretty sure it would miss its actual target.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 03, 2013 01:28 PM (XYSwB)

243 My Magic Gun is actually a boombox that we give to Kim as an olive branch on his birthday except OH SHIT IT'S SOUNDWAVE LASERBEAK ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK.

Posted by: Croaker at April 03, 2013 01:28 PM (leNBy)

244 I prefer a Magic Staff. Really. Posted by: artisanal 'ette I imagine so... /hums "A Wizzard's Staff Has A Knob On The End"

Posted by: Brother Cavil, Ampersand Shogun at April 03, 2013 01:28 PM (fMiHM)

245 The mountain hardening is a bitch. But how well maintained are the artillery there? Kinda hard to reach and expensive to maintain I bet being stored in hard to reach mountain hideouts. And how does the artillery operate after we explode the dirt mountain around and above it?

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 03, 2013 01:28 PM (ZPrif)

246

Posted by: ace at April 03, 2013 05:02 PM (LCRYB)

Problem is Ace, you're applying rationality to what is effectively a cult.

I'm torn as to if this is sabre rattling or not. On the one hand it could be a set up for more aid negotiations ("We'll stop but feed us.")

On the other hand this could be the propaganda lead up that gets the populace psyched up for the war.

How do we (on the outside of this cult) tell the difference until they actually strike?

Problem is of course that Barky thinks he can just apply the power dynamic and scare him with some planes and shit. That sort of weird nietzschean stuff may not fly if the man is actually batshit crazy (which stands a possibility.)

Posted by: tsrblke at April 03, 2013 01:30 PM (GaqMa)

247 We never declared war on the Norks but they have done much to deserve it. Look up the USS Peublo. They still have it and have turned it into a propaganda piece. They held the crew captive and mistreated them. Also, I would give Emma Thompson the best 4 seconds of my life.

Posted by: Truck Monkey at April 03, 2013 01:30 PM (jucos)

248

Almost 250 comments, and no one has mentioned "deadly hair-rays".

Posted by: Soona at April 03, 2013 01:30 PM (aALMI)

249
Sharks with fricken lasers, people.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at April 03, 2013 01:30 PM (IY7Ir)

250

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! At the Rungnado May Day Stadium!

The Twerp

vs.

The Twink

in a no-holds-barred rasslin' match for the ages!

Posted by: Obnoxiously Loud Late-Night TV Commercial at April 03, 2013 01:30 PM (ggRof)

251

>>>They say they will strike LA.

No. No. Hit San Francisco and Berkeley. Please.

Posted by: LGoPs at April 03, 2013 01:30 PM (BJVEF)

252 Ah, so that's what that 5% was for. The Big Payoff.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 03, 2013 01:30 PM (XYSwB)

253 You might all have different versions of your Magic Gun but I know you've all got a Magic Gun in your head, somewhere.

Posted by Ace at 04:56 PM Comments

Yes, I have a Magic Gun in my head. It looks like a souped-up version of an old-style 1850's pepperbox but it's really a hand-held, gatling-like vulcan that can fire all five (very large bore) chambers in about a second. The caliber is 45-70 Government. I'm pretty sure it could work. China's behind the latest Korean crisis, of course. They're using this latest iteration of the Krazy Kims of Korea to measure Obama's responses, see how he reacts to various, escalating provocations. If the Norks actually start a war and spark a nuclear exchange of some sort, so much the better, since the likeliest successful target would be Seoul, given the near-impossibility of intercepting a nuclear missile or artillery round traveling such a short distance. Nuking Seoul and laying waste the rest of the South Korean countryside via conventional invasion would essentially take one of China's economic competitors off the board for the next decade, at least.

Posted by: troyriser at April 03, 2013 01:30 PM (vtiE6)

254 244 Wasn't there a stupid movie in the 70's called The Nude Bomb? Posted by: steevy at April 03, 2013 05:27 PM (9XBK2) Yes. It was the "Get Smart" movie, and it was indeed a bomb. Actually, a "stealth turd" which is industry lingo meaning that it was in and out of the theaters so fast it didn't have time to stink.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:30 PM (tqLft)

255 Problem is of course that Barky thinks he can just apply the power dynamic and scare him with some planes and shit. So, cult vs. cult, with us in the middle. Just. Frakking. Loverly.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, Ampersand Shogun at April 03, 2013 01:31 PM (fMiHM)

256 Simple solution. You get every barbeque grill you can find. Wheel them right up to the border. Fire those bad boys up and make some nice ribs, some chicken, pork chops. maybe a nice juicy burger. some roasted veggies and camp potatoes get those sweet grill smells going. Don't forget the coolers full of beer. Then you tell their troops that they can have all they want. All they have to do is drop their weapons and leave their posts and have some sweet sweet barbeque. Or they can keep fucking with us an their last meal on earth will be Tree Bark soufflÃ©.

Posted by: Minnfidel at April 03, 2013 01:31 PM (wLY+G)

257

and yet muslim crazies in Iran march closer to a nuclear weapon.

After 9/11.

and nothing is done. Nothing. sanction this sanction that.

Guess how this story ends.

Posted by: Prescient11 at April 03, 2013 01:31 PM (tVTLU)

258 258 Right,now I remember.Wouldn't mind seeing Agent 99 naked.

Posted by: steevy at April 03, 2013 01:31 PM (9XBK2)

259 ESPN jihad good for ratings. Coach is fired. How to continue? Go after the AD and President of Rutgers.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 03, 2013 01:32 PM (ZPrif)

260 243 Send that Jung-Un a hot Japanese hooker with a concealed stiletto. Posted by: Sphynx at April 03, 2013 05:27 PM (OZmbA) "...will Rosa Klebb please pick up the white courtesy phone..."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:32 PM (tqLft)

261 I've got a Magic Gun in the box of Pop Tarts in my cupboard.

Posted by: mugiwara at April 03, 2013 01:32 PM (hpYnL)

262 263 99 wasn't in 'The Nude Bomb,' actually.

Posted by: zsasz at April 03, 2013 01:33 PM (MMC8r)

263 263 258 Right,now I remember.Wouldn't mind seeing Agent 99 naked. Posted by: steevy at April 03, 2013 05:31 PM (9XBK2) Barbara Feldon is 81. Forget it.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:33 PM (tqLft)

264

Posted by: Minnfidel at April 03, 2013 05:31 PM (wLY+G)

Ever see the Frontline special "Inside North Korea?"

The South Koreans at the DMZ watch north for a potential invasion (or possible defector I guess) The Norks have 3 guards. One facing North (defectors again) and the other two watching each other (to ensure neither skedaddles).

Seriously.

That's how fucked up that place is.

Posted by: tsrblke at April 03, 2013 01:33 PM (GaqMa)

265 Alexthechick @ 19-
My mind hit that wall too, and then I realized that the Washington City regime wants the norks to nuke us. That way sheik ubama can declare martial law. How's that for a theory? Sure saves a lot of money from being spent on 2014 elections, eh what?

Posted by: EROWMER at April 03, 2013 01:33 PM (kxlCQ)

266

<<<The mountain hardening is a bitch.
But how well maintained are the artillery there? Kinda hard to reach and expensive to maintain I bet being stored in hard to reach mountain hideouts.
And how does the artillery operate after we explode the dirt mountain around and above it?>>>>

Artillery pieces are relatively easy to maintain. They aren't firing them enough to wear out the tubes, and most of them are not self-propelled pieces, so there's not a lot in the way of moving parts to break. But it's really hard to hit a tube that's firing from a reverse slope with counterbattery. It's going to require airstrikes, and lots of 'em.

Now their tanks are a different story. No fuel to run them for long, and half their stock are old Soviet T-55s or copies. I would seriously doubt that as much as half of them are mission capable. As recently as 1997, there wasn't an armored vehicle in their inventory that we couldn't unzip with a 25mm Bushmaster.

They don't have the balls. Not the ones at the top, who are in the know about our capabilities.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at April 03, 2013 01:33 PM (CJjw5)

267 Fuck that. Pull them back somewhere defensible. Hell, even put em in the eastern mountains. This tripwire shit is ridiculous. We should be incentivizing this fucker to attack so we can settle his fuckin hash I thought the Pusan Perimeter worked well. Ya think?

Posted by: Zombie Walton Walker at April 03, 2013 01:33 PM (sZ7js)

268 One of my most favorite memories not being able to sleep and waking up very early. I turned on the computer and saw a hot rod Lincoln with a coffin tied to the roof speeding down a snowy highway.

Posted by: Waldo at April 03, 2013 01:34 PM (TE8aX)

269

Telekinesis - and I pop a few blood vessels in the brain.

I'm in the bluster camp. If North Korea had the ability to nuke a city, they would have sold it to Iran already who would have used it immediately on Israel.

Posted by: Stateless Infidel at April 03, 2013 01:34 PM (AC0lD)

270 Norks want money? Promise them the Magic Brick $1T coin.

Posted by: rickb223 at April 03, 2013 01:34 PM (ICdE3)

271 Forget I asked, I know it's not just me. You might all have different versions of your Magic Gun but I know you've all got a Magic Gun in your head, somewhere. Obligatory gun in my pants joke

Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 01:34 PM (I2LwF)

272 Someone call Mitt Romney. His cancer-ray is operational and proven.

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 03, 2013 01:34 PM (j3uk1)

273 267 If they launch a nuke missile God please let it land in British Columbia. Vancouver precisely. *********************** PLUS ONE Posted by: Christina Hendricks's Mighty Jugs are Really SMOD in Disguise at April 03, 2013 05:33 PM (16UJh) Where is Ad-Busters headquartered?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:34 PM (tqLft)

274

If this deranged little midget is going to nuke San Francisco could he please get it over before Wednesday so I don't have to fly there for a meeting?

Thanks in advance little kim.

Posted by: Timon at April 03, 2013 01:34 PM (hHlaS)

275 How many of their artillery shells still work?

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 03, 2013 01:35 PM (ZPrif)

276 You don't want to rest too much of your strategy on a hunch. I think this guy doesn't mean it. It's a little like gambling--what is the downside if you are wrong? Usually the price is too high for being wrong.

Posted by: tasker at April 03, 2013 01:35 PM (r2PLg)

277 45 It might be more fun to have a magic gun that forces the victim to shart.

The Al Roker Beam.

Posted by: zsasz

***

More like the Taco Bell gun.

Posted by: Tilikum the Killer Assault Whale at April 03, 2013 01:35 PM (uhftQ)

278 Q. Why do North Koreans wander around in threes?

A. In case two go 'Chu hoi!' and bolt for the DMZ.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 03, 2013 01:35 PM (44H6Y)

279 @244 Yup, Get Smart. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081249/

Posted by: Smaulz at April 03, 2013 01:35 PM (4Kqnp)

280
99 wasn't in 'The Nude Bomb,' actually.
Posted by: zsasz

Oh. Would you believe Hymie the Robot?

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at April 03, 2013 01:36 PM (kdS6q)

281 On the one hand it could be a set up for more aid negotiations ("We'll stop but feed us.")
Posted by: tsrblke

What have they done every 5 years? Exactly that.

This is another shakedown exercise.

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at April 03, 2013 01:36 PM (mN8D3)

282 271

Organizing For Action is the proto Party.

Posted by: RiverC at April 03, 2013 01:36 PM (El+h4)

283

>>>Yes, I have a Magic Gun in my head. It looks like a souped-up version of anold-style 1850's pepperbox but it's really a hand-held, gatling-like vulcan that can fire all five (very large bore) chambers in about a second. The caliber is 45-70 Government. I'm pretty sure it could work. >>>>

So, like a MetalStorm Rifle in .45-70 Gummint? I'm picking up what you're laying down. Order me one. I'm not too good to live another man's dream.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at April 03, 2013 01:36 PM (CJjw5)

284 243 Send that Jung-Un a hot Japanese hooker with a concealed stiletto.

Posted by: Sphynx at April 03, 2013 05:27 PM (OZmbA)

Agent 47 could be sent in dressed in a kimono.

Posted by: Sandra Fluke's award-winning solid gold diaphragm at April 03, 2013 01:36 PM (7xeJQ)

285 Is it wrong that when I hear the NORKs threaten to nuke Washington DC that I get hopeful and my mood improves?

Posted by: scofflawx at April 03, 2013 01:36 PM (hcgfJ)

286 It would be incredibly sad for a nuclear weapon to be used the third time in anger, but it also would be a testament to US-Russo restraint.

Posted by: Yoshi, Aggrieved Victim of the White Man at April 03, 2013 01:36 PM (csi6Y)

287 Send Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson to North Korea for hunger negotiations. And Sally Struthers and Meghan McCain.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 03, 2013 01:37 PM (44H6Y)

288 They had plans for a satellite that could vaporize a target from space but Iceman changed the coordinates of the target during test firing and filled the professor's house with popcorn, almost burying Kent (who touches himself).

Uncle Rico won 42% of the prizes in the Frito Lay contest.

Posted by: Sgt. York at April 03, 2013 01:37 PM (gw1Wl)

289

The Norks should enlist the head of the World Canadian Bureau, Stephen Abootman in negotiations.

That is of course, if the Norks would be satisfied with bubblegum and a coupon entitling every Nork to a free meal at Bennigan's (with the purchase of a meal of equal of greater value).

Posted by: Concern Troll at April 03, 2013 01:38 PM (4KOF2)

290 ::: Agent 47 could be sent in dressed in a kimono. ::: Apply hairy-eyebrow disguise NOW!

Posted by: Yoshi, Aggrieved Victim of the White Man at April 03, 2013 01:38 PM (csi6Y)

291

Posted by: weft cut-loop at April 03, 2013 05:36 PM (mN8D3)

So when does the asking for aid part start?

Once they fire up that nuclear reactor I'm pretty sure we're past that (provided it doesn't explode in the first place I guess.)

Posted by: tsrblke at April 03, 2013 01:38 PM (GaqMa)

292 293 Send Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson to North Korea for hunger negotiations. And Sally Struthers and Meghan McCain. Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 03, 2013 05:37 PM (44H6Y) Al Sharpton with a case of Skittles, Arizona Iced Tea, Robitussin and Phillies Blunts.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:38 PM (tqLft)

293

>>>It would be incredibly sad for a nuclear weapon to be used the third time in anger

Is there any other way to use a nuke? Just asking.

Posted by: LGoPs at April 03, 2013 01:38 PM (BJVEF)

294 We could always send Buzz Bissinger to North Korea to give him AIDS.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at April 03, 2013 01:38 PM (CJjw5)

295 Don't worry. Bile O'Reilly will tell us what to think.

Posted by: USA at April 03, 2013 01:38 PM (RIg+t)

296 It's clear this is all an orchestrated stunt. But, somehow, I think the US is "never letting a faux crisis go to waste." I just don't see the angle yet. Probably never will.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 03, 2013 01:39 PM (XYSwB)

297 ::: Is there any other way to use a nuke? Just asking. ::: Um, testing. But we probably had it out for Godzilla so...

Posted by: Yoshi, Aggrieved Victim of the White Man at April 03, 2013 01:39 PM (csi6Y)

298

Posted by: LGoPs at April 03, 2013 01:40 PM (BJVEF)

299

From the Chosun Ilbo last week...

North Koreans are being forced to make fertilizer for the regime. A source in Beijing on Sunday said, "Fertilizer is essential for the spring sowing season, but North Korea has almost no chemical fertilizer, so the government ordered every person to produce hundreds of kilograms."

In North Korea, fertilizer is usually made by mixing human feces with straw, but the excrement is harder to come by than one might expect. The source said, "There are cases of theft of squat toilets because of this, and people are putting locks on their lavatories to prevent this."

Posted by: Stateless Infidel at April 03, 2013 01:40 PM (AC0lD)

300 >>>It would be incredibly sad for a nuclear weapon to be used the third time in anger Is there any other way to use a nuke? Just asking. Posted by: LGoPs at April 03, 2013 05:38 PM (BJVEF) ---------------------------------------------------------- Remember the dude who used to post here as the Loving Atom Bomb of Kindness?

Posted by: Truck Monkey at April 03, 2013 01:40 PM (jucos)

301 You know, the thought just occurred to me, why don't we threaten the world with nuclear destruction if they don't pay us? South Africa and Switzerland. Shrink that deficit, baby!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:40 PM (tqLft)

302

293Send Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson to North Korea for hunger negotiations. And Sally Struthers and Meghan McCain

Sarah McLachlan can do the soundtrack.

Posted by: Cicero Kid at April 03, 2013 01:40 PM (iT7+e)

303 I missed the opening of this thread. My gun has him turned into a newt or into a small white cube of dust.

Posted by: Foghorn Leghorn at April 03, 2013 01:40 PM (gWdNj)

304 Do you guys ever dream of a satellite weapon that can target a single person with X-rays (or whatever) and boil his brain to give him the symptoms of a lethal (but natural-appearing) aneurysm, or is that just me? "Butcher Bird" - a novel by Dean Ing featuring a drone aircraft with an X-Ray assassination weapon. Published... Twenty Years ago.

Posted by: Comrade Arthur at April 03, 2013 01:40 PM (vHxiM)

305 Is there any other way to use a nuke? Just asking. Yeah. In sorrow. Contrary to what the left would like you to believe, no one in the Pentagon has the jones for nuclear war.

Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 03, 2013 01:40 PM (sZ7js)

306 Is there any other way to use a nuke? Just asking.

Posted by: LGoPs at April 03, 2013 05:38 PM (BJVEF)

I prefer to use nukes in quiet reflection.

Posted by: Pipboy 3000 at April 03, 2013 01:40 PM (ggRof)

307 Gee ace I hope you're right, that they don't want to really start this but my gut tells me differently and I'm not an alarmist. Things have been escalating quickly this past week they are doing things they don't normally do i.e. shut down the industrial complex shared by North and South. That's a huge deal. With small town boy stationed over there I've been monitoring the situation for a year. I don't have a good feeling about this.

Posted by: small town girl at April 03, 2013 01:41 PM (43C0x)

308 Well, MY magic gun would be busy elsewhere.

This bloated pimple in N. Korea is the least of our worries.

And most of MY targets are American Citizens so

a) they're easier to find
b) easier to target
c) they're more dangerous to MY personal safety and freedom
d) guns free!!!!

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at April 03, 2013 01:41 PM (Kpn/z)

309 305 From the Chosun Ilbo last week...

North Koreans are being forced to make fertilizer for the regime. A source in Beijing on Sunday said, "Fertilizer is essential for the spring sowing season, but North Korea has almost no chemical fertilizer, so the government ordered every person to produce hundreds of kilograms."

In North Korea, fertilizer is usually made by mixing human feces with straw, but the excrement is harder to come by than one might expect. The source said, "There are cases of theft of squat toilets because of this, and people are putting locks on their lavatories to prevent this."

Posted by: Stateless Infidel at April 03, 2013 05:40 PM (AC0lD)

---

No shit?

Posted by: Craig Poe at April 03, 2013 01:41 PM (BVkEs)

310 Is there any other way to use a nuke?

Megalomaniacal glee.

Y'all hold my beer.

Posted by: Helen Thomas at April 03, 2013 01:41 PM (/kI1Q)

311 299 Is there any other way to use a nuke? Just asking. Posted by: LGoPs at April 03, 2013 05:38 PM (BJVEF) As a goof. Didn't you ever toss M-80's into public toilets?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:41 PM (tqLft)

312 I don't know how we can give North Korea any foreign aid until we know if they have evolved their position on gay marriage.

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 03, 2013 01:41 PM (j3uk1)

313 Send Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson to North Korea for hunger negotiations. And Sally Struthers and Meghan McCain. Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 03, 2013 05:37 PM (44H6Y) those are one way trips , right?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 03, 2013 01:41 PM (jE38p)

314 Off crusty pooter sock.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at April 03, 2013 01:41 PM (/kI1Q)

315
We should send Diana Degette over to stupid them to death.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at April 03, 2013 01:41 PM (IY7Ir)

316 Is there any other way to use a nuke? Just asking.

Posted by: LGoPs

***

Painting Hello Kitty stuff on it doesn't take away the anger.

Posted by: Tilikum the Killer Assault Whale at April 03, 2013 01:42 PM (uhftQ)

317 I prefer to use nukes in arrogant, chest-thumping swagger.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 03, 2013 01:42 PM (ZPrif)

318

Are these nukes assault nukes? Or just plain nukes?

'Cause if they're assault nukes, they should be banned.

Posted by: LGoPs at April 03, 2013 01:42 PM (BJVEF)

319 @305.. OMG.

Posted by: Jumbo Shrimp at April 03, 2013 01:42 PM (DGIjM)

320 Stuxnet the bastards.

Posted by: zsasz at April 03, 2013 01:42 PM (MMC8r)

321 Technologically, developing a leader killer ought to be a cake walk these days. But ever since that pesky little Castro/Kennedy situation back in the 60s, US presidents have been curiously reluctant to target other heads of state for assassination.

Wouldn't want to give other countries the idea that such a move is a good idea, now would they? Goose and the gander.

But I am surprised that Israel hasn't taken out that monkey faced DinnerJacket clown after one his frequent mentions of wiping Israel off the map.

Posted by: GnuBreed at April 03, 2013 01:42 PM (ccXZP)

322 This shit is valuable!

Posted by: NK Locked Squat Box at April 03, 2013 01:42 PM (BAS5M)

323 233 I for one am glad - and sleep peacefully at night - knowing that our President's vast experience as a FUCKING COMMUNITY ORGANIZER will be leveraged to shepherd us through this crisis. Posted by: LGoPs at April 03, 2013 05:26 PM (BJVEF) He'll staple so many fliers to telephone poles, Kim won't know what hit him

Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 01:42 PM (I2LwF)

324 Do you guys ever dream of a satellite weapon that can target a single person with X-rays (or whatever) and boil his brain to give him the symptoms of a lethal (but natural-appearing) aneurysm, or is that just me?

The was a concept in the early days of Star Wars planning with laser equipped satelites for just that purpose. The concept was called 'Direct Accountability'. I call it The Gorean Flame Death.

Posted by: toby928© Red Partisan at April 03, 2013 01:42 PM (QupBk)

325

One more complication no one ever mentions, Seoul is in artillery range of these crazy short fucks.

South Korea's capital could be devastated before we could really step in. And then it would be on.

A country that threatens nuclear war, and that has nukes and is proliferating rocket technology throughout the world, needs to be dealt with. In short order.

Posted by: Prescient11 at April 03, 2013 01:42 PM (tVTLU)

326 As a goof. Didn't you ever toss M-80's into public toilets? No. Is this some ancient Hebrew ritual?

Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 03, 2013 01:42 PM (sZ7js)

327 310 "Butcher Bird" - a novel by Dean Ing featuring a drone aircraft with an X-Ray assassination weapon. Published... Twenty Years ago. Posted by: Comrade Arthur at April 03, 2013 05:40 PM (vHxiM) I may have to steal, er, pay homage to this for my next script!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:42 PM (tqLft)

328 They don't have the balls. Not the ones at the top, who are in the know about our capabilities.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at April 03, 2013 05:33 PM (CJjw5)

-----------------------------------------------

The thing is, is how much of that capability is actually in S. Korea? I also haven't seen any reports of equipment being loaded on ships in CA. We also can't disregard the millions of infantry the Norks have.

I'm sure they learned their lesson from the 50's too. Once Seol is taken or destroyed, they'll stop and dig in. S. Korea's economy goes into the shitter.

Posted by: Soona at April 03, 2013 01:42 PM (aALMI)

329 My Magic Gun is a Bass-Seeking Missile.

When it detects a car stereo going THUMP THUMP THUMP at excessive volume, it automatically locks onto the source and launches.

I'm thinking that with the right jury selection I would avoid conviction.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at April 03, 2013 01:43 PM (SY2Kh)

330 You know, the thought just occurred to me, why don't we threaten the world with nuclear destruction if they don't pay us?

One Million American Dollars?

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at April 03, 2013 01:43 PM (/kI1Q)

331 Is there any other way to use a nuke? They could be incredibly useful in divorce negotiations.

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 03, 2013 01:43 PM (j3uk1)

332 ::: Contrary to what the left would like you to believe, no one in the Pentagon has the jones for nuclear war. ::: Ah, vintage talking points...smell even worse 50 years later.

Posted by: Yoshi, Aggrieved Victim of the White Man at April 03, 2013 01:43 PM (csi6Y)

333 Send Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson to North Korea for hunger negotiations. And Sally Struthers and Meghan McCain. Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 03, 2013 05:37 PM (44H6Y) those are one way trips , right? Don't forget to send barbecue sauce!

Posted by: North Korea at April 03, 2013 01:43 PM (oJQ+J)

334 332 As a goof. Didn't you ever toss M-80's into public toilets? No. Is this some ancient Hebrew ritual? Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 03, 2013 05:42 PM (sZ7js) Yes. In the event a moile doesn't have the knife, you hold the Yidlet over the crapper and voila!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:43 PM (tqLft)

335 191 but seriously I bet if we sneak-attacked* the North Korean artillery sites we'd knock it all out before 30 shots were fired. * wouldnt' even have to be a sneak attack, just a build up in advance of war and then a blitz. Posted by: ace at April 03, 2013 05:20 PM (LCRYB) South Korea has reserved the right to act preemptively to any threat.

Posted by: Harrison Bergeron at April 03, 2013 01:43 PM (JQuNB)

336

>>>"There are cases of theft of squat toilets
because of this, and people are putting locks on their lavatories to
prevent this."

"Hey. Somebody stole my shit"

Literally.

Posted by: LGoPs at April 03, 2013 01:44 PM (BJVEF)

337 But I am surprised that Israel hasn't taken out that monkey faced DinnerJacket clown after one his frequent mentions of wiping Israel off the map. Posted by: GnuBreed at April 03, 2013 05:42 PM (ccXZP) They were about to take out Saddam when the Unit Training to do it had a fatal accident in the Negev during a dry run

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 03, 2013 01:44 PM (jE38p)

338 34 We should send the NORKS some gheys. It's our magic gun. It will derail all of their political discourse, and they will no longer need military power to distract the people from their massive internal problems. Posted by: Hopeless at April 03, 2013 05:02 PM (j6Axb) By golly, I think it will work...

Posted by: Waldo at April 03, 2013 01:44 PM (TE8aX)

339 And Sally Struthers and Meghan McCain. I wouldn't do that. They would discover their latent lesbian desires, and spend the entire trip tribbing in some cinder block "hotel" room, taking breaks only to scarf down their smuggled in Double Stuff Oreo's...

Posted by: Brave Sir Robin at April 03, 2013 01:44 PM (3h5Y+)

340 So when does the asking for aid part start?
Once they fire up that nuclear reactor I'm pretty sure we're past that (provided it doesn't explode in the first place I guess.)

Posted by: tsrblke

They already have some hostages from the cross-border factory, and they'll probably have to shell or blow up something for effect.

Next, a "3rd party" calls for talks. Talks go on for a few weeks, then the "3rd party" suggests sending aid. The MSM reports a deal, peeps go home, and aid gets handed to the NoKo military.

Fucking Repeat Fucking Every Fucking FIVE FUCKING YEARS!

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at April 03, 2013 01:44 PM (mN8D3)

341 Don't worry about NORK nukes. They aren't semi-automatic nukes. Just black powder ones.

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 03, 2013 01:44 PM (j3uk1)

342 I just thank God every day we've got a man like President Obama standing on that wall.

Posted by: Fart at April 03, 2013 01:44 PM (erQJO)

343 ::: Technologically, developing a leader killer ought to be a cake walk these days. ::: Ah think it's called a drone. If you're looking for anything more advanced it's probably too cool for the real world just yet.

Posted by: Yoshi, Aggrieved Victim of the White Man at April 03, 2013 01:44 PM (csi6Y)

344 So,The Nude Bomb had Sylvia Kristel in it but she doesn't take any clothes off.No wonder it flopped.

Posted by: steevy at April 03, 2013 01:45 PM (9XBK2)

345 Isn't using human feces as fertilizer a grand way to spread e coli and the like?

Posted by: zsasz at April 03, 2013 01:45 PM (MMC8r)

346 Perhaps if just distract the Norks with incessant Ghey Marriage debates. It's just crazy enough it might work!

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 03, 2013 01:45 PM (ZPrif)

347 Yes. In the event a moile doesn't have the knife, you hold the Yidlet over the crapper and voila! Thank God I am Catholic We just have that whole transubstantiation thingy to

Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 03, 2013 01:45 PM (sZ7js)

348 I'm thinking that with the right jury selection I would avoid conviction.

Either way, if you executed the operation at an hour when most taxpayers are trying to sleep, you'd be a national hero.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at April 03, 2013 01:45 PM (/kI1Q)

349 Stuxnet the bastards. How do you Stuxnet an abacus?

Posted by: rickb223 at April 03, 2013 01:45 PM (8lKZj)

350 Yep. Send them over on Nancy Pelosi's personal 757. Let Nancy be the gravitas of the mission and to head it.

757 lands in Pyongyang and disgorges its VIPs and their luggage. Along with a crate of Skittles, Arizona Ice Tea, and a 55 gallon drum of BBQ sauce. To help wash it all down, four cases of Johnny Walker Black Label.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 03, 2013 01:46 PM (44H6Y)

351 One bead at a time.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at April 03, 2013 01:46 PM (ZPrif)

352 Magic guns are nice and sometimes an assassination can be useful but most often a dict and his society coevolve--the dict makes the society more favourable to him and his flunkies (it's often said that high level Nazis and supporters had personalities that would have left them jobless in a free-market economy) so that when the nut at the top is cracked the system raises another nut to prominence. Sometimes you really need to clear things out on a larger scale. An assassination in wartime can sometimes be counter productive. If the Hitler assassination had been successful he probably would have been replaced with someone just as nasty but with fewer neuroses clouding his military judgement. If he had been killed before coming to power it might have been worthwhile but would have required incredible foresight.

Posted by: Snake Oil Baron at April 03, 2013 01:46 PM (RKeHi)

353 North Korea aka Puppet Motel http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gn_kr_l7oIg

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 03, 2013 01:47 PM (XYSwB)

354 One bead at a time. Must. Not. Comment.

Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 03, 2013 01:47 PM (sZ7js)

355 The pentagon doesn't have a jones for WINNING. A war Afghanistan has taken three times as long as WWII? Talk about paying off your defense contractor constituents!

Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 01:47 PM (I2LwF)

356 One bead at a time. Well played sir. Well played.

Posted by: rickb223 at April 03, 2013 01:48 PM (mxmMT)

357 In North Korea, fertilizer is usually made by mixing human feces with straw

OMG! So all their food is Organic! So much better than the U.S.!

Posted by: Typical Obama Voter at April 03, 2013 01:48 PM (/kI1Q)

358 Every time an armed service member takes a tray in the mess hall, that's like $28 or something

Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 01:48 PM (I2LwF)

359 ::: Magic guns are nice and sometimes an assassination can be useful but most often a dict and his society coevolve--the dict makes the society more favourable to him and his flunkies ::: Nork civilians are required to undertake personal reflection times in support of their Dear Leader. Not sure if that counts, though.

Posted by: Yoshi, Aggrieved Victim of the White Man at April 03, 2013 01:48 PM (csi6Y)

360 Afghanistan has taken three times as long as WWII? Talk about paying off your defense contractor constituents! You forgot the sarc tag there.

Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 03, 2013 01:49 PM (sZ7js)

361 359 If he had been killed before coming to power it might have been worthwhile but would have required incredible foresight. Posted by: Snake Oil Baron at April 03, 2013 05:46 PM (RKeHi) There actually were a number of plans to off Shicklegruber before the war but none panned out. Actually, the general staff was going to orchestrate a coup in the event that the British and French reacted to the reoccupation of the Rhineland in '37. They didn't respond, the general staff did nothing and Hitler was cheered on by the public. Thank you Neville and Daladier.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:49 PM (tqLft)

362 Do you guys ever dream of a satellite weapon that can target a single person with X-rays (or whatever) and boil his brain to give him the symptoms of a lethal (but natural-appearing) aneurysm, or is that just me? I dream of a federal government that has the nads to deal with f*cksticks like NK is a quick and harsh manner. This has been going on for 60 years. End it now, and screw collateral damage. The way those people live, death should seem like Disneyworld.

Posted by: Joejm65 at April 03, 2013 01:49 PM (UZuc4)

363 All I know is that if the Nork symphony goes down, we would be losing an international treasure. That rendition of the Knight Rider theme or whatever show they chose to do was nothing to scoff at.

Posted by: Yoshi, Aggrieved Victim of the White Man at April 03, 2013 01:49 PM (csi6Y)

364

China has a mutual defense pact with Pyongyang. Truthfully we could probably make mincemeat of this fucking idiot.

China, however, is another matter.

For you Battlestar Galactica nerds, and yes I know you're here, reports several years back indicated that the Chinese satellites were directly interfering with, and potentially landing on, our satellites as part of their space warfare program.

Now what happens if we get it on and suddently our satellites are blind.

Don't worry, Chuck fucking Hagel is on the case and we have addressed the ever pressing issue of gheys and broads in the fucking military.

Indeed.

Posted by: Prescient11 at April 03, 2013 01:49 PM (tVTLU)

365 Didn't pretty much all Asian countries use human feces as fertilizer?

Posted by: steevy at April 03, 2013 01:49 PM (9XBK2)

366 I just thank God every day we've got a man like President Obama standing on that wall.

Posted by: Fart at April 03, 2013 05:44 PM

Did you mean leaning on it, or did you really mean cowering behind it?

Posted by: Berserker at April 03, 2013 01:50 PM (FMbng)

367 @249 Not just hardening but the sheer numbers of pieces aimed at Seoul is staggering. SRBMs like frogs, even katyushas can range Seoul I think. Yes the quality is suspect, but the numbers have a quality of their own. It is artillery, not high tech seeker heads which go bad quickly or need batteries. So a lot of it works. And oh yeah, NK has a Syrian level of chemical artillery.

Posted by: Beagle at April 03, 2013 01:50 PM (sOtz/)

368 Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 03, 2013 05:49 PM (sZ7js) Truman's been on about that stuff before...

Posted by: Yoshi, Aggrieved Victim of the White Man at April 03, 2013 01:51 PM (csi6Y)

369 368 It was the British,the French were willing but not to do it alone.

Posted by: steevy at April 03, 2013 01:51 PM (9XBK2)

370 What do you mean Sean?

Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 01:51 PM (I2LwF)

371 Oh, and we're sending missile defense to Guam. Fucking Guam? Don't they realize how heavy missile defense is? They are DETERMINED to tip that fucker over. -Hank

Posted by: Brave Sir Robin at April 03, 2013 01:52 PM (3h5Y+)

372 326 Stuxnet the bastards. Posted by: zsasz

They don't have computers, or electricity. As far as a "magic gun", what's wrong with just using a real one? What are the Norks going to do, Red Dawn us?

Posted by: Dr Spank at April 03, 2013 01:52 PM (3+QKS)

373 Well, this is all well and good but the kittehs are growling and yowling for dinner. In the words of the Korean generals, "papa-oo-mao-mao..."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:52 PM (tqLft)

374

The reason the Norks are threatening now is because they know that shortly, US infantry units will be composed primarily of women. And then it'll be all over for them.....might as well pack it in after that.

///

Posted by: LGoPs at April 03, 2013 01:52 PM (BJVEF)

375 In North Korea, fertilizer is usually made by mixing human feces with straw So are luxury condos.

Posted by: t-bird at April 03, 2013 01:52 PM (oJQ+J)

376 >>>"There are cases of theft of squat toilets because of this, and people are putting locks on their lavatories to prevent this."

"Hey. Somebody stole my shit"

Literally.

Posted by: LGoPs at April 03, 2013 05:44 PM (BJVEF)

----------------------------------------------

Goes to show ya'. There's no "free shit" in communist N. Korea.

Posted by: Soona at April 03, 2013 01:52 PM (aALMI)

377 They don't have computers, or electricity. They have a steam-powered nuke plant?

Posted by: zsasz at April 03, 2013 01:52 PM (MMC8r)

378 Send our anti missle laser airplane over there and make his head explode like a watermelon.

Posted by: harleycowboy at April 03, 2013 01:53 PM (yfeAd)

379 374 Posted by: Beagle at April 03, 2013 05:50 PM (sOtz/) Wonder if the Israelis would fly in some Iron Dome equipment to Seoul.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:53 PM (tqLft)

380 Didn't pretty much all Asian countries use human feces as fertilizer? Most use water buffalo. Helps if you don't eat them first!

Posted by: rickb223 at April 03, 2013 01:53 PM (w3tan)

381 "Do you guys ever dream of a satellite weapon that can target a single person with X-rays (or whatever) and boil his brain to give him the symptoms of a lethal (but natural-appearing) aneurysm, or is that just me?"

Ah, like a Death Note, so it looks like the person died of a heart attack? Man I need to reread that series, it is excllent.

Kim Jong Un is just so ronery, you guys. Sheesh even when the South Park guys seem crazy, picking odd object with which to direct their ire, they end up being right after all. Jerks.

Posted by: LizLem at April 03, 2013 01:53 PM (8wqqE)

382

I thought everyone's fantasy magic gun was a MONKEY gun. It shoots rabid monkees out that chews the target's face off.

Posted by: polynikes at April 03, 2013 01:53 PM (m2CN7)

383 Every North Korean father hopes to leave to his son his padlocked box of poo.

Posted by: zsasz at April 03, 2013 01:53 PM (MMC8r)

384 @Soona Like tanks, grunts require fuel and maintenance. That faggoty "training" video they put out was probably their year's ammo budget.

Posted by: Pedantry J. Fuckwhistle at April 03, 2013 01:54 PM (EXxJU)

385 Stuxnet the bastards.

Posted by: zsasz

Won't work on an abacus, running dog.

Posted by: The Fat Boy at April 03, 2013 01:54 PM (8ZskC)

386 382 So are luxury condos. Posted by: t-bird at April 03, 2013 05:52 PM (oJQ+J) The Poo-poo Palace in Shitesbridge comes to mind...

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 01:54 PM (tqLft)

387 They have a steam-powered nuke plant? Posted by: zsasz

They split atoms the olde fashioned way, with hammers.

Posted by: Dr Spank at April 03, 2013 01:54 PM (3+QKS)

388 I just thank God every day we've got a man like President Obama standing on that wall. "Glorious", isn't it?

Posted by: t-bird at April 03, 2013 01:55 PM (oJQ+J)

389 I just thank God every day we've got a man like President Obama standing on that wall. Our Humpty Dumpty President.

Posted by: zsasz at April 03, 2013 01:55 PM (MMC8r)

390 What do you mean Sean? So....you were serious??? You think we're in Afghanistan to payoff defense contractors? Does the Soviet or Brit experience in Afghanistan provide no perspective, none at all, from which to judge the size, scope, complexity, and level of required effort to current task? For the record, I think it's long past the time we should have left. But I don't for a minute think we're still there to pay off defense contractors. If anything, the reason we are still there today is to create the illusion that somehow, Obama has mystically grown a pair of testicles and is the second coming of Abraham Lincoln.

Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 03, 2013 01:55 PM (sZ7js)

391 Wonder if the Israelis would fly in some Iron Dome equipment to Seoul. Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 03, 2013 05:53 PM (tqLft) The Iron Dome system would see the massive number of missiles coming across the DMZ and turn around to it's handlers and say " Your shitting me right?"

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 03, 2013 01:56 PM (jE38p)

392 Ha! Imperialist running dogs. We kill you long time. Send EBT card with 1 trillion and half a dozen ATM machine and we not nuke you. Regards, Kim Jong-un p.s. Send Carmen Electra next time not Dennis Rodman

Posted by: Kim Jong-un [/i] at April 03, 2013 01:56 PM (feFL6)

393 J.J. Sefton one of the best examples of Adolph having the Devil's own luck out of the 40 {?} attempts was the one where the guy built into the podium of a beer hall a time bomb. He set the timer based on der Fuhrer being long winded. That night the mad-man gave a short speech. So the bomb went off on an almost empty beer hall.

As for the General Staff, remember when they took out Poland. The newly militarized Rhine areas had been denuded of all Whermacht forces to support the Polish operations. The French actually rolled tanks into the Rhine, the Fuhrer was unconcerned, and then the French pulled back behind the Maginot and waited out the Phony War until Germany got around to conquering them.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 03, 2013 01:56 PM (44H6Y)

394 Most notable was this comment: Â‘Our global paleotemperature reconstruction includes a so-called Â“uptickÂ” in temperatures during the twentieth century. However, in the paper we make the point that this particular feature is of shorter duration than the inherent smoothing in our statistical averaging procedure, and that it is based on only a few available paleo-reconstructions of the type we used. Thus, the twentieth-century portion of our paleotemperature stack is not statistically robust, cannot be considered representative of global temperature changes, and therefore is not the basis of any of our conclusions.Â’

Wow.

In other words, all that stuff about having the highest temperatures for millennia and about eye-popping warming over the past 100 years appears to have no basis in the paperÂ’s actual temperature reconstruction.

Posted by: Neil Armstrong at April 03, 2013 01:57 PM (e8kgV)

395 Every North Korean father hopes to leave to his son his padlocked box of poo. That's about all most Americans in the next generation will be able to leave their sons, with our current fiscal situation.

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 03, 2013 01:57 PM (j3uk1)

396 p.s. Send Carmen Electra next time not Dennis Rodman Brilliant idea--They'll all die from the clap.

Posted by: zsasz at April 03, 2013 01:57 PM (MMC8r)

397 I wonder how much fertilizer a nork can make on a diet of rocks and ladybugs. We should send them White Castles .

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at April 03, 2013 01:57 PM (fsH2r)

398 They split atoms the olde fashioned way, with hammers. No, silly. That's stone axes.

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 03, 2013 01:57 PM (j3uk1)

399 I just thank God every day we've got a man like President Obama standing on that wall.

Sure is dark over there.

http://tinyurl.com/d6wuptg

Posted by: Barky O'Genius at April 03, 2013 01:57 PM (8ZskC)

400 For the record, I think it's long past the time we should have left. But I don't for a minute think we're still there to pay off defense contractors. If anything, the reason we are still there today is to create the illusion that somehow, Obama has mystically grown a pair of testicles and is the second coming of Abraham Lincoln. Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 03, 2013 05:55 PM (sZ7js) I would go further. He doesn't know how to pull out.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 03, 2013 01:58 PM (XYSwB)

401 Send them some Monkey Bone Dolls with the magic fart gas.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at April 03, 2013 01:58 PM (Kpn/z)

402 For the record, I think it's long past the time we should have left This. There is no sane way to spend more than six months bombing the fuck out the place. And we have been there for twelve years. Twelve. Years. Follow the money.

Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 01:58 PM (I2LwF)

403 SCoaMF: Just to hold you like a dog, is all I want.

Posted by: cure-animals at April 03, 2013 01:59 PM (XYSwB)

404 That's the French. Obedient to their Masters.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at April 03, 2013 01:59 PM (Kpn/z)

405 I would go further. He doesn't know how to pull out. Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 03, 2013 05:58 PM (XYSwB) Same thing. He doesn't know how to get out without looking like the pussy he already is.

Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 03, 2013 02:00 PM (sZ7js)

406 We should send them White Castles .

Haven't they suffered enough?

Posted by: HeatherRadishâ„¢ needs a beer at April 03, 2013 02:00 PM (/kI1Q)

407

Couldn't they deploy a nuclear weapon another way besides launching it from North Korea?

I guess what worries me is that we never take them seriously, we never assume they are smart enough, or have enough money, or whatever, to be able to succeed at war. But, what if all this time they were developing alternative scenarios with the help of other countries? Other countries who would like to have a match set to the global powder keg.

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at April 03, 2013 02:00 PM (RZ8pf)

408 Sean remember one of the British occupations of Kabul. They had given up taming the savages and were moving soldiers and camp followers back to Jalalabad. Alas the British suffered the fate of Varius on that deployment. Save one survivor who made it to Jalalabad and a few who were liberated from being slaves later, every British soldier and civilian was killed. The death toll was in the tens of thousands IIRC.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 03, 2013 02:01 PM (44H6Y)

409 And we have been there for twelve years. Twelve. Years. Follow the money. Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 05:58 PM (I2LwF) We're there for 12 years because we never understood what we were doing there. we should have gone in with a light footstep ( which we did originally) and kill as many terrorist cock suckers and Talibans as we could and then got our and said if you don't behave, we'll be back to kill more. And then after we stayed we never had any intention of actually winning so we fought with 2 hands and out dicks tied behind our backs. No way to fight a war

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 03, 2013 02:01 PM (jE38p)

410 Follow the money. Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 05:58 PM (I2LwF) Wow How about follow the incompetence instead? Never ascribe to malice what is more easily explained by abject stupidity.

Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 03, 2013 02:02 PM (sZ7js)

411 Anybody remember the old roleplaying game Traveller? There was a weapon in that called the "Meson Gun" which fired twin beams of virtual particles. Where the beams intersect the particles interact and become real, so basically you can cause an energy release anywhere, ignoring the thickest armor. In the game world key planets were defended by giant underground meson guns which could just make shit explode anywhere the operators wanted to.

Posted by: Trimegistus at April 03, 2013 02:02 PM (MZeHC)

412 I would go further. He doesn't know how to pull out. Shame his daddy didn't either.

Posted by: rickb223 at April 03, 2013 02:02 PM (w3tan)

413 I prefer a Magic Staff. Really. Posted by: artisanal 'ette I imagine so... /hums "A Wizzard's Staff Has A Knob On The End" Posted by: Brother Cavil, Ampersand Shogun at April 03, 2013 05:28 PM (fMiHM) My first EQ character was a wizard.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 03, 2013 02:02 PM (XYSwB)

414 Remember around 2001-2003 we sung the praises of Hamid Karzai? That tells you all you need to know.

Posted by: Yoshi, Aggrieved Victim of the White Man at April 03, 2013 02:02 PM (csi6Y)

415 So why didn't Bush get us out when it was clear our mission shifted from getting obl to ... um ... What the fuck are we doing over there? The military-industrial complex is a real thing, just like every welfare lobby. The only difference is that the military actually has a legitimate function.

Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 02:03 PM (I2LwF)

416 The important thing to keep in mind, at all times, is that Communism/Leftism is an Ideology of Peace. The science is settled. (Well, "the science has been settled" would probably be more grammatically correct, but grammar is stupid. And "racist.")

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at April 03, 2013 02:03 PM (FMeeD)

417 Remember around 2001-2003 we sung the praises of Hamid Karzai? That tells you all you need to know. Posted by: Yoshi, Aggrieved Victim of the White Man at April 03, 2013 06:02 PM (csi6Y) Well even then we knew he was an idiot, but back then he was out idiot.

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 03, 2013 02:03 PM (jE38p)

418 >>>Never ascribe to malice what is more easily explained by abject stupidity

I used this quote earlier today. Explains much of what one encounters on a daily basis. Does it not?

Posted by: Tobacco Road at April 03, 2013 02:03 PM (4Mv1T)

419 @386 In the doomsday Nork artillery scenario Iron Dome would be pretty much overwhelmed instantly I think. Only thousands of air strikes could shut them down from what I know. Mainly lists at places like Global Security or Wiki. But on paper North Korea is formidable. The Norks are deployed right on the border. That means our plan is to get slaughtered at first and strike back. I agree with the pull back to defensible lines plan Jeff mentioned. Suicide duty is for samurai and jihadis.

Posted by: Beagle at April 03, 2013 02:03 PM (sOtz/)

420 Sean. I disagree with you. But I have to evidence that I'm right. So I defer to you on this.

Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 02:04 PM (I2LwF)

421 Karzai was all that was left after the Taliban slipped an assassin team into Northern Alliance territory disguised as a French news team. The Northern Alliance commander was subject to an explosive gotcha interview that as a result that proved lethal.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 03, 2013 02:04 PM (44H6Y)

422 Never ascribe to malice what is more easily explained by abject stupidity. Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 03, 2013 06:02 PM (sZ7js) What makes you think they're mutually exclusive?

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith's Other Mobile[/i][/b][/s] at April 03, 2013 02:05 PM (bxiXv)

423 I guess what worries me is that we never take them seriously, we never assume they are smart enough, or have enough money, or whatever, to be able to succeed at war. But, what if all this time they were developing alternative scenarios with the help of other countries? Other countries who would like to have a match set to the global powder keg.

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at April 03, 2013 06:00 PM (RZ8pf)

----------------------------------------

Looks like you're thinking somewhat like I am. Who in N. Korea is saying they'll be launching their missiles from there? And who's saying they're even going to use missles? Lot's of scenarios for delivering nukes.

Posted by: Soona at April 03, 2013 02:05 PM (aALMI)

424 The death toll was in the tens of thousands IIRC. 16,500. William Brydon was the only survivor. The Flashman series of novels had a great fictional account of that

Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 03, 2013 02:05 PM (sZ7js)

425 Where the fuck is Cochran? I want to sleaze some work out of him

Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 02:05 PM (I2LwF)

426 "Bill O'Reilly: Gay Marriage Opponents Need to Do More Than "Thump the Bible"" Gay Marriage Proponents Need to Do More Than "Thump the word 'Equality.'" The Bible, might, or might not, be just a bunch of words, but if it is, at least it's a bunch of words, and not one single word repeated a billion times.

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at April 03, 2013 02:06 PM (FMeeD)

427 China's yapping dog North Korea Wants Money And Obama is willing to borrow from China to give it to them in your name

Posted by: DANEgerus at April 03, 2013 02:06 PM (e3/KR)

428 @414 Good points, and a perfect nick for it. The Norks can hit Seattle probably.

Posted by: Beagle at April 03, 2013 02:06 PM (sOtz/)

429 276 Norks want money?
Promise them the Magic Brick $1T coin. -------- They'd just start counterfeiting them.

Posted by: Assault Citizen Anachronda at April 03, 2013 02:06 PM (IrbU4)

430 What's this about NASA building some sort of space net to deflect asteroids? Pres Reagan's Missile Shield will never work, they say, but a space net will work on asteroids??

Posted by: Soothsayer at April 03, 2013 02:06 PM (uff2W)

431 If NK actually were to attack us, they could no longer extort us. It's like killing your sugar daddy.

Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 02:06 PM (I2LwF)

432 There is .0000001% chance that NoKo will attack. The little guy is crazy, but he's not crazy crazy. He knows any attack means the end of his rule. 3rd World dictators are all like that.

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at April 03, 2013 02:07 PM (HDgX3)

433 3rd World dictators are all like that. Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at April 03, 2013 06:07 PM (HDgX3) And they can miscalculate, just like Saddam did

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 03, 2013 02:08 PM (jE38p)

434 Sean. I disagree with you. But I have to evidence that I'm right. So I defer to you on this. Your government is grotesquely incompetent. It is also capable of moments of staggering brilliance. The problem for the average citizen lacking any inside info, is that it's impossible to tell which is which....and when. I would beg your indulgence here and say that....that's not what's going on in this case. I know "trust me" is an unsatisfying come back, but that's what I am saying.

Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 03, 2013 02:08 PM (sZ7js)

435 "435 @414 Good points, and a perfect nick for it. The Norks can hit Seattle probably. Posted by: Beagle at April 03, 2013 06:06 PM (sOtz/) " I doubt it. All their technology is extremely Sovok. Then again, who knows. Building rockets was pretty much the only thing the Soviet Union was good at. (Aside from spreading Communism/Leftism. And murdering its own people.)

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at April 03, 2013 02:08 PM (FMeeD)

436 We could buy off the Norks with Bitcoins, but I don't think their dial-up connection is faster than 900 baud.

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 03, 2013 02:08 PM (j3uk1)

437 There is .0000001% chance that NoKo will attack. The little guy is crazy, but he's not crazy crazy. He knows any attack means the end of his rule. 3rd World dictators are all like that. Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at April 03, 2013 06:07 PM (HDgX3) But, does he like Elvis?

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 03, 2013 02:08 PM (XYSwB)

438 Oh shit, Cow Poop just agreed with me. I'm goin to go kill myself

Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 02:08 PM (I2LwF)

439 Norks want money? Promise them the Magic Brick $1T coin. -------- They'd just start counterfeiting them. So? So are we.

Posted by: rickb223 at April 03, 2013 02:08 PM (d0Dmj)

440 "439 There is .0000001% chance that NoKo will attack. The little guy is crazy, but he's not crazy crazy. He knows any attack means the end of his rule. 3rd World dictators are all like that. Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at April 03, 2013 06:07 PM (HDgX3) " He's 2nd world.

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at April 03, 2013 02:09 PM (FMeeD)

441 The Norks can hit Seattle probably. Posted by: Beagle at April 03, 2013 06:06 PM (sOtz/) I doubt it. Not to mention it takes them days to get one of their shitty ICBMs in position and fueled

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 03, 2013 02:09 PM (jE38p)

442 Okay I trust you Sean.

Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 02:09 PM (I2LwF)

443 He's 2nd world. More like "It's A Small World."

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 03, 2013 02:09 PM (j3uk1)

444 OT No idea who this guy is but he should have O'Reilly's job. http://tinyurl.com/b8kak4q

Posted by: USA at April 03, 2013 02:10 PM (RIg+t)

445 I really,really want the Chinese and Russians to pay for all the shit they cause in the world too.I know they will but I'm impatient.

Posted by: steevy at April 03, 2013 02:10 PM (9XBK2)

446 Never read the Flashman series. Real history inspires another series. What a shocker.

Oh well back to writing the life of Sluggor.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 03, 2013 02:10 PM (44H6Y)

447 Hey, look at that. My cock didn't shrink because I agreed with someone on the other side of an Internet argument. Do people know about this?

Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 02:10 PM (I2LwF)

448 [i[it takes them days to get one of their shitty ICBMs in position and fueled[/i] I've heard there are a lot of combustion instability issues with propellants like LOX and kim chee.

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 03, 2013 02:11 PM (j3uk1)

449

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at April 03, 2013 06:07 PM (HDgX3)

Please show your work to arrive at the .0000001% figure. Else please go away, the grownups are talking now.

The Mouse That Roared was just a movie, son.

Posted by: Count de Monet at April 03, 2013 02:11 PM (BAS5M)

450 Was just reading how N Korea has nothing that can reach the US. Guam is even a big maybe....if the wind is blowing really hard. Japan.. S Korea. yes.

Posted by: Jumbo Shrimp at April 03, 2013 02:11 PM (DGIjM)

451 "450 He's 2nd world. More like "It's A Small World." Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 03, 2013 06:09 PM (j3uk1) " Since all of history has been more or less scrubbed, people use terms like "3rd world" without any real idea about what they mean.

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at April 03, 2013 02:11 PM (FMeeD)

452

433 - MUMR.

Fucking. Priceless. ELEVENTY!!!

Posted by: Prescient11 at April 03, 2013 02:12 PM (tVTLU)

453 My cock didn't shrink because I agreed with someone on the other side of an Internet argument. Do people know about this? No, but if we could find a magic gun to do the shrinking, win!

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 03, 2013 02:12 PM (j3uk1)

454 Bill O has thumped one Bible too far.

He showed his TRUE colors.

Pompous, overweening dick that he is.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at April 03, 2013 02:12 PM (Kpn/z)

455 Hey, look at that. My cock didn't shrink because I agreed with someone on the other side of an Internet argument. What caused it, then?

Posted by: zsasz at April 03, 2013 02:12 PM (MMC8r)

456 "459 433 - MUMR. Fucking. Priceless. ELEVENTY!!! Posted by: Prescient11 at April 03, 2013 06:12 PM (tVTLU) " You know who isn't priceless? Your mom. $5.

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at April 03, 2013 02:13 PM (FMeeD)

457 This thread is officially too long for my thumbs to scroll through. See you on the next thread, fellow retards

Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 02:13 PM (I2LwF)

458

It's situations like N. Korea where I distrust the regime in DC more than I distrust the foreign power. Does "never let a crisis go to waste" ring a bell. Perhaps this country isn't being destroyed quickly enough for Baraka and his minions.

A nuked city would be just the ticket for marital law, shutting down of the internet, suspending any remaining remnents of the Constitution, etc.

Posted by: Soona at April 03, 2013 02:13 PM (aALMI)

459 439 There is .0000001% chance that NoKo will attack. The little guy is crazy, but he's not crazy crazy. He knows any attack means the end of his rule. 3rd World dictators are all like that.
Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at April 03, 2013 06:07 PM (HDgX3)

Um yeah Peter...we're going to need you to come in and uh show your work on this number.

Posted by: Mætenlumberg at April 03, 2013 02:13 PM (pAlYe)

460

After 9/11, Sadaam should have let every UN inspector in the country and feasted them and given the UN a bunch of free oil.

The fact that he didn't bend over and accept it all shows how stupid he was.

Posted by: Prescient11 at April 03, 2013 02:13 PM (tVTLU)

461 With the way people talk about Bible-thumping, you would think sometimes we would see them used in marching bands.

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 03, 2013 02:14 PM (j3uk1)

462
Do you guys ever dream of a satellite weapon that can target a single person with X-rays (or whatever) and boil his brain to give him the symptoms of a lethal (but natural-appearing) aneurysm, or is that just me?

The test was a partial success.
Side effects on the subject was saying stupid things, laughing like a retard and a fondness for paste.

Posted by: Tippity Toppity Secret Scientist at April 03, 2013 02:14 PM (mETGQ)

463 469 You tested it on Joe Biden than?

Posted by: steevy at April 03, 2013 02:15 PM (9XBK2)

464 Lil Kim wants Obarky to surrender so he can unify Korea ala Vietnam. He's hedging a bet, and who here is going to say he doesn't have a 50/50 of being correct?

Posted by: small town girl at April 03, 2013 02:15 PM (Rb9kQ)

465 After 9/11, Sadaam should have let every UN inspector in the country and feasted them and given the UN a bunch of free oil. The fact that he didn't bend over and accept it all shows how stupid he was. Posted by: Prescient11 at April 03, 2013 06:13 PM (tVTLU) Which is pretty much what Qaddafi did, and then obama decided it was better that a Al Quada took over Libya than Qaddafi the toothless Arab

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 03, 2013 02:16 PM (jE38p)

466 When testing an object to destruction, one applies various stresses incrementally so that the exact degree required to finally cause catastrophic collapse can accurately be measured.

I hear something creaking. Do you hear something creaking?

Sounded like the moan of ancient souls being stretched over hot coals.

Or the ribs of an old schooner in a high wind and rough seas.

Or it could be this chair I'm sitting in.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at April 03, 2013 02:17 PM (Kpn/z)

467

The Mouse That Roared was just a movie, son.

Actually it was a book as well.

Posted by: Grey Fox at April 03, 2013 02:17 PM (BsxM8)

468 @439 .0000001%? You do realize shooting happens all the time on that border in "normal" times right? Bing Korea tree chopping border incident. Hell, North Korea sank one of the SK ships maybe a year ago. That is an attack. This time SK has orders to shoot back.

Posted by: Beagle at April 03, 2013 02:17 PM (sOtz/)

469 Or a Broadway show: THUMP!!

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at April 03, 2013 02:18 PM (Kpn/z)

470 Hell, North Korea sank one of the SK ships maybe a year ago. That is an attack. This time SK has orders to shoot back. Posted by: Beagle at April 03, 2013 06:17 PM (sOtz/) I fear, and I did then, that the fact that neither the US or South Korea retaliated for that, IN ANY WAY, would come back to bite us

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 03, 2013 02:19 PM (jE38p)

471 The test was a partial success. Side effects on the subject was saying stupid things, laughing like a retard and a fondness for paste. Posted by: Tippity Toppity Secret Scientist at April 03, 2013 06:14 PM (mETGQ) The subject: Joe Biden!?

Posted by: Confucid Say at April 03, 2013 02:19 PM (r2PLg)

472 I doubt it. Not to mention it takes them days to get one of their shitty ICBMs in position and fueled

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 03, 2013 06:09 PM (jE38p)

-----------------------------------------

We make 'nother misser test. No bic deaer. Shut up!

Posted by: Chubbs Un at April 03, 2013 02:19 PM (aALMI)

473 Are the Obama's in Washington? If not, I would suggest they are "concerned" this little shit could take a shot at us.

Posted by: DailyDish at April 03, 2013 02:19 PM (+b3dK)

474 ::: Which is pretty much what Qaddafi did, and then obama decided it was better that a Al Quada took over Libya than Qaddafi the toothless Arab ::: Yeah I thought about this a while when Qaddafi was going down...same thing would have happened to Saddam at the hands of Iran if he really went transparent. That Shiite majority don't stay repressed by itself

Posted by: Yoshi, Aggrieved Victim of the White Man at April 03, 2013 02:20 PM (csi6Y)

475 462 Hey, look at that. My cock didn't shrink because I agreed with someone on the other side of an Internet argument. Pixs or it never happened!

Posted by: Waldo at April 03, 2013 02:20 PM (TE8aX)

476 Given the amount of starvation and economic activity in NoKo, 3rd world status is accurate.

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at April 03, 2013 02:20 PM (HDgX3)

477 Nuke California but first aim north towards San Fransisco.. I have a conference in San Diego at the end of the month and a piggyback visit to Carlsbad Legoland. After May 3rd, go ahead and wipe out the rest....

Posted by: Astronaut Achmed at April 03, 2013 02:20 PM (Kiz9M)

478 Was just reading how N Korea has nothing that can reach the US. Guam is even a big maybe How about Attu Island?

Posted by: t-bird at April 03, 2013 02:21 PM (oJQ+J)

479 I wonder if U.S. citizens could announce they are boycotting all Chinese goods until China gets little Kim Jong Un under control and actually did this to some extent how long it would be before North Korea became the newest Chinese province?

Posted by: palerider at April 03, 2013 02:21 PM (dkExz)

480 Seriously, some of you are actually worried about this? Come on. This is a child crying desperately for attention. As anyone who has ever dealt with kids knows, the more attention you give them, the more tantrums they throw. Best thing Obama could do right now is ignore the little guy completely.

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at April 03, 2013 02:22 PM (HDgX3)

481 "483 Given the amount of starvation and economic activity in NoKo, 3rd world status is accurate. Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at April 03, 2013 06:20 PM (HDgX3) " Well, aside from the fact that "3rd world" is not a meaningless pejorative, sure, why not. (After all, life in North Korea isn't orgasmic. Not like life in the Soviet Union. All orgasms, all the time.)

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at April 03, 2013 02:22 PM (FMeeD)

482 Actually US military bases in South Korea could technically be hitting the US.

Posted by: Confucid Say at April 03, 2013 02:23 PM (r2PLg)

483 I'm feeling particularly guilty right now. I like fresh air, so I have my hotel room door open. But it's also chilly, so I have the heater cranked up. I feel like I should sacrifice a few snowy owls to Gaia in penance...or maybe just have another beer. These moral quandaries! Man...seriously, you guys.

Posted by: Sticky Wicket at April 03, 2013 02:23 PM (eyJh9)

484 The North Korean ICBMs are exceedingly accurate. They use a post-flight targeting system-- they launch them, and wherever it lands is where they decide to fire it.

Posted by: zsasz at April 03, 2013 02:24 PM (MMC8r)

485 Soona you're ringing my bell today. I agree with most all you've said ( except farting in the bathtub). Although not sure lil Kim will hit an American city, not sure he has the capability. However if lil bama backs down in South Korea and we get a big drag on the global economy plus he reinstalls the commies in s Korea then...that's all right up lil bammy's alley. He can exploit the hell out of all that and still come out smelling like a rose. Our troops over there will be fighting with their hands tied behind their backs, he'll make sure.

Posted by: small town girl at April 03, 2013 02:24 PM (dezPb)

486 Are you imperialist dogs making fun of my no dong? I will destroy your Austin with my no dong!

Posted by: Kim Jong Un at April 03, 2013 02:25 PM (sOtz/)

487 How much does he want to destroy LA, DC, and Austin? Because I'm willing to chip in.

Posted by: zsasz at April 03, 2013 02:26 PM (MMC8r)

488 484 Nuke California but first aim north towards San Fransisco.. I have a conference in San Diego at the end of the month and a piggyback visit to Carlsbad Legoland. After May 3rd, go ahead and wipe out the rest.... Posted by: Astronaut Achmed at April 03, 2013 06:20 PM (Kiz9M) You do know that Travis AFB is about 45 minutes NE of San Fran. What have those Airmen ever done to you?

Posted by: Ma Bell at April 03, 2013 02:26 PM (RLdcX)

489 "493 Are you imperialist dogs making fun of my no dong? I will destroy your Austin with my no dong! Posted by: Kim Jong Un at April 03, 2013 06:25 PM (sOtz/) " There are no more imperialist dogs. Obama ate them all.

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at April 03, 2013 02:26 PM (FMeeD)

490 Pyongyang has been stockpiling large quantities of fissile kim chee for years now.

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 03, 2013 02:26 PM (j3uk1)

491 Taepo dong, nothing funny about that one imperialist lackeys. Juche forever!

Posted by: Kim Jong Un at April 03, 2013 02:26 PM (sOtz/)

492 I'm sorry, but lets see if I understand the situation correctly.

1. They have openly declared war on us.
2. They are now publicly declaring that they are going to Nuke US cities.

Look...I know they don't have the physical abilities to ACTUALLY pull this off, but...I think it's time to lay the hammer down. Level Pyongyang to the ground and make an example of every crazy eyed dictator out there that the US doesn't fuck around with this shit. You even breath a word of nuclear aggression against us and you will become a glass bowl. PERIOD. FUCKER.

Posted by: Dr. Mr. Badman at April 03, 2013 02:26 PM (D8pR3)

493 Somebody organize an airdrop, of food. Ensuing riots then occupy the Gov. People eat, Gov scrambles. Win, win.

Posted by: nip at April 03, 2013 02:27 PM (lGVXf)

494 don't we have drones for this?

Posted by: pointsnfigures at April 03, 2013 02:27 PM (MOSsR)

495 487 Seriously, some of you are actually worried about this? Come on. This is a child crying desperately for attention. As anyone who has ever dealt with kids knows, the more attention you give them, the more tantrums they throw. Best thing Obama could do right now is ignore the little guy completely. Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at April 03, 2013 06:22 PM (HDgX3) SELF-AWARENESS, DO YOU SPEAK IT MOTHERFUCKER

Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 02:29 PM (I2LwF)

496 "501 don't we have drones for this? Posted by: pointsnfigures at April 03, 2013 06:27 PM (MOSsR) " Queen/r Bee Obama works in mysterious ways.

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at April 03, 2013 02:29 PM (FMeeD)

497 I'll trade you one magic x-ray gun for one new thread.

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 03, 2013 02:29 PM (j3uk1)

498 Later, all. God bless. :-)

Posted by: Mirror-Universe Mitt Romney at April 03, 2013 02:31 PM (FMeeD)

499 @487 What part of most militarized and hostile border in the world don't you get? I already spell slowly on this phone.

Posted by: Kim Jong Un at April 03, 2013 02:32 PM (sOtz/)

500 I wonder if U.S. citizens could announce they are boycotting all Chinese goods until China gets little Kim Jong Un under control and actually did this to some extent how long it would be before North Korea became the newest Chinese province?
Posted by: palerider at April 03, 2013 06:21 PM

We should be doing that anyway, because FUCK CHINA..

Posted by: Berserker at April 03, 2013 02:32 PM (FMbng)

501 SELF-AWARENESS, DO YOU SPEAK IT MOTHERFUCKER Game. Set. Match. And...Thread winner. Irony, she is a cruel mistress.

Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 03, 2013 02:32 PM (sZ7js)

502 Doh. Sock.

Posted by: Beagle at April 03, 2013 02:32 PM (sOtz/)

503 I wonder if U.S. citizens could announce they are boycotting all Chinese goods until China gets little Kim Jong Un under control and actually did this to some extent how long it would be before North Korea became the newest Chinese province? About as long as it took all Walmarts to close.

Posted by: zsasz at April 03, 2013 02:33 PM (MMC8r)

504 Look...I know they don't have the physical abilities to ACTUALLY pull this off, but...I think it's time to lay the hammer down. Level Pyongyang to the ground and make an example of every crazy eyed dictator out there that the US doesn't fuck around with this shit. You even breath a word of nuclear aggression against us and you will become a glass bowl. PERIOD. FUCKER.

Posted by: Dr. Mr. Badman at April 03, 2013 06:26 PM (D8pR3)

-----------------------------------------------

Uh.....er.....mmmm.....let me check with Janet on this. No, wait. Get me Kerry.

Posted by: Baraka O'Preezy at April 03, 2013 02:33 PM (aALMI)

505 "Thats the way you do it,
Money for NORKS,
And you kimchee free"

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 03, 2013 02:33 PM (44H6Y)

506 SELF-AWARENESS, DO YOU SPEAK IT MOTHERFUCKER

Heh.

Posted by: HeatherRadishâ„¢ needs a beer at April 03, 2013 02:33 PM (/kI1Q)

507 Thanks Bannion, that makes my day

Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 02:34 PM (I2LwF)

508 Truman North, Moo Moo Gai Pan does not speak it.

Get the chopsticks instead.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 03, 2013 02:34 PM (44H6Y)

509
Taepo dong, nothing funny about that one imperialist lackeys. Juche forever!

Posted by: Kim Jong Un at April 03, 2013 06:26 PM (sOtz/)

Pretty flaccid joke eh?

Posted by: Tippity Toppity Secret Scientist at April 03, 2013 02:34 PM (mETGQ)

510 As with all situations, foreign and domestic, I have to engage in the mental jack-off game of what if there was a Republican, OR conservative, in power? I do know this much, Romney wouldn't have to pull R.Loves cock out of his mouth to strategize Kim's demise.

Posted by: Brave Sir Robin at April 03, 2013 02:35 PM (3h5Y+)

511 I'm not worried at all. I live in a nuclear-free zone, so I know I'm safe.

Posted by: Marmo at April 03, 2013 02:35 PM (pcgW1)

512 SELF-AWARENESS, DO YOU SPEAK IT MOTHERFUCKER Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 06:29 PM (I2LwF) Heh......no shit.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at April 03, 2013 02:36 PM (zxP8G)

513 Uhm Marmo, you and your Japanese sexaroids will have to flee Japan since its a nuclear free zone and a target.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 03, 2013 02:36 PM (44H6Y)

514
We are living in interesting times.

Posted by: Old Chinese Saying Just Saying at April 03, 2013 02:36 PM (mETGQ)

515 I'm hoping the norks make the epic miscalculation of attacking.

Posted by: Whatev at April 03, 2013 02:37 PM (A7Wh1)

516 I need ten minutes of a lawyer's time to look over a 2 1/2 page contract. But I'm so cheap, I don't want to pay for it. Conundrum.

Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 02:37 PM (I2LwF)

517 Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 06:37 PM (I2LwF) Cochran is on Twitter too

Posted by: Sean Bannion at April 03, 2013 02:39 PM (sZ7js)

518 #520

So Japanese sexaroids aren't nuclear powered?

Damn, I might need to Bing just what the hell a sexaroid is.

Posted by: Marmo at April 03, 2013 02:39 PM (pcgW1)

519 I'm ready: one .45 caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing: antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair a nylon stockings.

Posted by: Maj. T.J. "King" Kong [/i] at April 03, 2013 02:41 PM (feFL6)

520 Damn, I might need to Bing just what the hell a sexaroid is. You might check on 'sojapanese', too.

Posted by: zsasz at April 03, 2013 02:41 PM (MMC8r)

521 The U.S. government is working to murder 2 to 3 billion people worldwide using genetically altered food and depleted uranium bombs, Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan told students at a school-hosted speech at Tuskegee University late last month. Â“o cull, meaning to get rid of, two to three billion people is policy,Â” said Farrakhan. Â“Now here are the methods they are using to effect global depopulation: Depleted uranium bombsÂ… genetically modified food.Â” Farrakhan, who was speaking as a guest of the Muslim Student Association in a Tuskegee University auditorium, explained the U.S. government is worried about a lack of worldwide resources and is pursuing a policy of mass worldwide genocide. [...] Swell guy

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 03, 2013 02:41 PM (jE38p)

522 So this North Korea thing is making think that the weapon system from Real Genius wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Posted by: jacqui at April 03, 2013 02:41 PM (sSoDO)

523 526 Vegas?

Posted by: zsasz at April 03, 2013 02:41 PM (MMC8r)

524

Magic Gun?

Space based rail gun firing projectiles at relativistic speeds. All the energy of a nuclear explosion, none of the radiation.

Posted by: Steve #2 at April 03, 2013 02:41 PM (HKgwa)

525 Put Madison, WI in the crosshairs! What a surprise that the norms need money, have no fear big ears will fuck it up

Posted by: Irishacres at April 03, 2013 02:42 PM (HVff2)

526 Vegas? Actually Dallas in the original version.

Posted by: Maj. T.J. 'King' Kong at April 03, 2013 02:43 PM (feFL6)

527

Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 03, 2013 06:41 PM (jE38p)

Must've been the space ship he was on.

Posted by: Infidel at April 03, 2013 02:44 PM (O/fK8)

528 Mines just a simple magical button. Press. Bam, vaporization.

Posted by: Lauren at April 03, 2013 02:44 PM (wsGWu)

529 #527
I don't have the premium membership that gives me spaces between all my words.

Posted by: Marmo at April 03, 2013 02:45 PM (pcgW1)

530 I have Cochran on my twitter...

Posted by: Truman North at April 03, 2013 02:46 PM (I2LwF)

531 I like the guided rods from the gods idea. Foompf. Just a hole and the red mist. No explosion.

Posted by: Beagle at April 03, 2013 02:46 PM (sOtz/)

532 I was reading their english version website earlier. They don't seem to like imperialist spawn of Satan.

Posted by: Whatev at April 03, 2013 02:48 PM (A7Wh1)

533 I need ten minutes of a lawyer's time to look over a 2 1/2 page contract. But I'm so cheap, I don't want to pay for it.

Just sign the fucker.

That'll be $150.

Posted by: Cicero, Semiautomatic Assault Commenter at April 03, 2013 02:50 PM (8ZskC)

534 208 They say they will strike LA. I live in LA -- go ahead. I don't care. It would mean I don't have to file my taxes and it would be a good excuse to obliterate them. Posted by: Waldo at April 03, 2013 05:23 PM (TE8aX) This.

Posted by: baldilocks at April 03, 2013 02:50 PM (Su0W2)

535 I'm hoping the norks make the epic miscalculation of attacking.

Posted by: Whatev at April 03, 2013 06:37 PM (A7Wh1)

----------------------------------------

One other thing I've just thought of. There's a real probability that Un and his generals have looked at the rather bleak big picture of N. Korea's situation and have figured they have nothing left to lose. Might as well go for broke.

Posted by: Soona at April 03, 2013 02:51 PM (aALMI)

536 So has anyone shoved a microphone into Dennis Rodman's face? Might be entertaining to see what he thinks of his new BFF's threats.

I think we should send our own very Nobel Peace Prize winner over there to talk to the little nut (no preconditions needed, remember). The Norks can even keep him, as a gesture of the generosity of the American people. Chances are, Air Zero couldn't come back into the US anyway, seeing as he's an undocumented Democrat.

Posted by: Mayday at April 03, 2013 02:52 PM (F3s39)

537 Upton thread up.

Posted by: andycanuck at April 03, 2013 02:52 PM (VwC86)

538 528 The U.S. government is working to murder 2 to 3 billion people worldwide using genetically altered food and depleted uranium bombs, Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan told students at a school-hosted speech at Tuskegee University late last month. Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 03, 2013 06:41 PM (jE38p) Can we start with him?

Posted by: rickl at April 03, 2013 02:53 PM (sdi6R)

539 Start with the source of discord - Louis and his Fruit of Islam.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 03, 2013 02:54 PM (44H6Y)

540 so what happens to the left if preznit peace prize has a limited nuclear exchange with the norks?

Posted by: vote Lord Humungus 2016 at April 03, 2013 02:55 PM (BjJOB)

541

Seriously, you guys. Please don't bomb Austin. I know there's a lot of dirty hippies a commies, but think of the children. Well, not THE children...just my children.

Posted by: Lauren at April 03, 2013 02:56 PM (wsGWu)

542 Oops. I made the air force polytheistic. Rods from God is the usual concept idea.

Posted by: Beagle at April 03, 2013 02:56 PM (sOtz/)

543 have figured they have nothing left to lose. Might as well go for broke.

Whatever Ohio class is stationed in that area currently could make sure their effort only lasts about 20min.

Posted by: @PurpAv at April 03, 2013 02:58 PM (/gHaE)

544 He seems to confident. I smell a rat - what if Kim has preposition ed a container ship/car nuke on US soil (via liaisons with NK's former nuke customers) and can set that bom off, and then CLAIM that it was delivered into the American Continent via their "new" ICBM, and then black-mail US about another nuke for more money?

Posted by: MoJoTee at April 03, 2013 02:58 PM (e1kfW)

545 and then CLAIM that it was delivered into the American Continent via their "new" ICBM

The US, Russia, and China got sats that can detect launches. That kinda ploy won't fly.

Posted by: @PurpAv at April 03, 2013 03:00 PM (/gHaE)

546

I wonder if there's any "U.S. Troops Out! " protests in Seoul today? I bet they're feeling a little different right about now.

Posted by: Minnfidel at April 03, 2013 03:00 PM (wLY+G)

547 I was reading their english version website earlier. They don't seem to like imperialist spawn of Satan. Most of their bs is designed for domestic audiences, but they do helpfully provide translations so the rest of the world can laugh at them. Kim Jong Un, the current head Runt of the Litter, has to make a name for himself. His grandpa, and his dad both coerced some very generous 'deals' from us...and hell, according to Nork history, his grandpa wasn't born...he walked out of his mother's vag. Bowled a perfect three hundred, cured cancer, and forced the rest of the world to bow to him before he was five. Pretty hard to upstage that. Mini Kim is trying to toddle along in their diminutive little foot steps, and he's fucking up. We haven't blinked, and he knows if shit goes hot, he loses his throne, and his life. But he can't back down. He has to keep pushing this....lest he look less capable in the eyes of his country, and it's very powerful military. If they decide he just doesn't cut the fermented fish sauce, he has an 'accident'. Bad mix. One little tiny fuck up, on either side of the DMZ, it's game over for lil' Kimmy, and NK. This makes me wonder if the stairs in his palatial abode are a little more slippery than usual.

Posted by: Sticky Wicket at April 03, 2013 03:04 PM (eyJh9)

548 If this child-dictator successfully nukes a US city, it was only because of O's weak foreign policy which invites such attacks. IOW, the child-potus should get the blame just as much.

Posted by: Aslan's Girl at April 03, 2013 03:05 PM (KL49F)

549 We would be doing the world, and a great multitude of starving North Koreans, a big favor by turning their latest nutjob ruler-for-life and 99.9% of their military assets to glass at the push of a button.

I'm sure King Putt could manage to brick a button-push, though - so I suppose it's time for Fed Chair Benron to fire-up the presses and run-off a fresh $1T in funny money to keep the Norks "happy".

Posted by: DocJ at April 03, 2013 03:06 PM (LbqeS)

550 The Chinese military are massing on the border which could mean they plan to go in and put a stop to this insanity, or they may honor their old relationship and fight with them. Yet, onsidering that they have given two serious punch downs to Kim-Jong-un during the last two weeks(shut off the PRK's migrant jobs= money, shut off their access to bank), China may make the sane decision and help put this rapid dog down. Meanwhile, we have our missile defense moved to Guam,and my close friends' son is preparing aboard that destroyer parked off the coast of the Koreas. Remember that Kim-Jong-un can't back down or his own generals will kill him. They already attempted to do so last November, but failed. btw. Ace, The Russian press just posted the same story, and they have better sources over there than our own media(not saying much anymore) but yeah.

Posted by: I'd rather be surfin at April 03, 2013 03:07 PM (g5wi5)

551 I downplay whatever O says about this threat because he never lets a crisis go to waste; he'll milk it for all it's worth to wag the dog and improve his poll #s (b/c Americans usually support a potus during crisis).

Posted by: Aslan's Girl at April 03, 2013 03:08 PM (KL49F)

552 The only goal I hope China and the USA keep in mind is to prevent the PRK military and government from harming those poor 200,000 plus political prisoners locked up in their prison camp hellholes. I would not put it past Kim Jong-un to have put part of tha massive military underground complex and weapons underneath the prison camps to use them as human shields.

Posted by: I'd rather be surfin at April 03, 2013 03:12 PM (g5wi5)

553 Kim Jong-Un is the Mouse That Roared. But he could do some serious harm to South Korea. He just closed down the joint PRK and SKorea industrial plant, and kicked out the SKoreans. That action was the danger signal people were waiting for - and the SKorean president released her generals to conduct war yesterday. This is serious, not a fake. Kim Jong-un or as I like to call him, The Hindenburg (as in the exploding blimp) has painted himself into a corner. If he doesn't win his bluff, his own military will tear his throat out and pick a new king. This is his political test to take his daddy's place as a heriditary dictator. If he fails, he's dead. So, he may very well decide to take his country with him.

Posted by: I'd rather be surfin at April 03, 2013 03:20 PM (g5wi5)

554 The Chinese military are massing on the border which could mean they plan to go in...

My guess would be the Chinese are looking to turn back a wave of refugees and defectors. They already got big problems in that area with refugees who managed to sneak out. They're not equipped to deal with a tidal wave of them.

Posted by: @PurpAv at April 03, 2013 03:20 PM (/gHaE)

555 I'd like some Rods from God, please.

http://www.popsci.com/scitech/article/2004-06/rods-god

Posted by: CozMark at April 03, 2013 03:39 PM (JeBIy)

556 It seems to me that Li'l Kimmie has been shooting off his mouth with nothing to back it up. His standard NORK nutcase rhetoric has gone waaaaayy beyond the norm. If he does not do something, then he loses face, and I wonder if the NORK generals will take him out. Kimmie shut down the industrial zone, which is one of the few sources of revenue that is legitimate.

If the NORKs do something stupid and make a war move, then Pyongyang becomes a Roentgen soupbowl. End of story.

This whole thing is getting bizarre and worrisome because the NORKs are capable of some crazy sh*t.

Posted by: Alaska Paul at April 03, 2013 03:46 PM (Hc+rA)

557 http://www.popsci.com/scitech/article/2004-06/rods-god

This one would be the hands down winner for spookiest name if the award weren't just a consolation prizeÂ—the Rods from God will do just fine competing for the spookiest weapon, regardless of name, thank you very much.

They are a kinetic energy device like the railgun, but instead of using electricity to achieve destructive velocities, they use gravity. The still-hypothetical system would be comprised of two satellites in orbit around the Earth. One would house the communications and targeting hardware, while the other would house the rods themselves, each up to a foot in diameter and twenty feet long.

To fire, they would simply be released and allowed to fall back to Earth (with a bit of remote guidance). By the time they reached the surface, they'd be traveling at a speed of 36,000 feet per second and carry the destructive force of a nuclear warhead, only with none of the radioactive fallout.

Posted by: CozMark at April 03, 2013 03:50 PM (BjOkm)

558 "...you guys ever dream of a satellite weapon that can target a single person with X-rays (or whatever) and boil his brain to give him the symptoms of a lethal (but natural-appearing) aneurysm" Did I ever.

Posted by: There and Back Again at April 03, 2013 03:50 PM (59o2S)

559 Prince Hindenberg the explosive has to pull off his Daddy's extortion routine successfully, or his general military staff will assassinate him. If he fails, he dies. So the question is whether he will let his country survive without him. We don't know if he will accept his end with rational actions or decide to throw them into the fire with himself. Or, maybe theres an ops going on somewhere. We can hope.

Posted by: I'd rather be surfin at April 03, 2013 04:08 PM (g5wi5)

560 Ace, the technology would be Advanced Phased Array (APA) focused microwave heat. It only has to heat tissue to 108 degress to ablate (destroy) it. Yes, I've fantasized about it.

Posted by: Lloyd at April 03, 2013 04:10 PM (cYdUK)

561 There was rumored attempt by some of his top brass to assassinate him last November. Afterwards, lots of executions of military leaders. They waiting like hungry jackels for him to fall and it couldn't happen to a nicer guy. I hope they throw him unarmed into one of the prison camps and hand each of his former prisoners a knife.

Posted by: I'd rather be surfin at April 03, 2013 04:15 PM (g5wi5)

562 Another scenario: right now the Chinese are massing troops on the DPRK/China border -- mechanized units and jet sortie flights are included in this (which is a bit much for the containment of refugees I would think). It's worth remembering that one of the reasons for this latest round of threats from the Norks is due to a serious curtailment of grain exports from China, plus greater security inspection of cargo going into the DPRK -- China's not happy with their little dog. Un's brother, Jong-chul (I think that's his name), the older one passed over, is considered more adaptable to the idea of reform as well as being much more amenable to China. Chinese may be thinking that their little dog needs a brain transplant (one that doesn't endanger keeping the little dog around as well as Chinese interests -- lotta kids of high Chicom officials living and doing business in SK right now, certainly wouldn't be good if they got needlessly killed by some stray arty or a nuke dirty bomb). Also doesn't do that US now has more excuse to be butting in over there -- what with the kerfluffle in the E. China Sea -- or having the Japanese thinking about beefing up their own military (who just had a train up here in the States). Something happens, US/ROK forces have enough to do with DPRK arty, China gets a chance to step in and put somebody in power whose a bit more copasetic to everyone (while keeping the Nork buffer state) while at the same time maybe getting a little something something, like rights to a Chinese run hydroelectric project -- plus they get US/ROK/Japan off their backs, get to checkmate the Russians with their own Nork co-prosperity projects, and all while looking like the not-so-bad guys. Just a thought.

Posted by: citizen of the LoL at April 03, 2013 04:18 PM (DBkD3)

563

I don't want no steenkin gun, I want an honest to God Death Ray in the form of a 500 KW LASER in orbit and with fast reaction manuverabilty to be able to get to an area and vaporize the joint.

Nukes are just to messy and hey, you never know when a LASER is going to reach out and vaporize you. (and probably everything in a 15 to 20 foot radius around you. All that free enegy from the sun to power it, no real defense other than to become a cave cricket. Yeah, I'll take tha laser.

Posted by: Gmac - Waiting for the revolution at April 03, 2013 04:24 PM (IanLz)

564 Posted by: citizen of the LoL at April 03, 2013 08:18 PM (DBkD3) I'm in agreement with China's possible motives for mobilization. They have not been hostile with the US during this escalation, and have been quietly using the paddle on Kim-Jong-un in the background. They have made it clear they don't approve of his grandstanding and neither do they appear to want a military engagement with the US. Japan perhaps, but not with us at the present.

Posted by: I'd rather be surfin at April 03, 2013 04:26 PM (g5wi5)

565 My magic gun just convinces women to have sex with me, so I'm not sure it's really gonna work out here.

Posted by: Ace's liver at April 03, 2013 04:27 PM (8T0N0)

566 I think Ogabe is blinking so fast right now, it looks like he was a nervous condition. Secretary of State, John F'ing Kerry supports the "We Surrender!" approach to dealing with the raging runt, unsurprisingly. Now it's just a matter of deciding who in the U.S. govt goes over there to publicly suck little Kimmy's shriveled wang. In that case, it may be up to the United States to cool the rhetoric, which Secretary of State John Kerry and others have been endeavoring to do. Â“This is a game of chicken. YouÂ’ve got a car coming head-on at you, and you see the driver of the oncoming car throw the steering wheel out the window,Â” says Patrick Cronin, director of the Asia-Pacific Security Program at the Center for a New American Security in Washington. Â“ItÂ’s up to you to move.Â” http://tinyurl.com/d7bwwow

Posted by: Sticky Wicket at April 03, 2013 04:27 PM (eyJh9)

567 Posted by: @PurpAv at April 03, 2013 07:20 PM (/gHaE) My thoughts as well. It could turn into an massive hysterical stampede

Posted by: I'd rather be surfin at April 03, 2013 04:35 PM (g5wi5)

568 Well, if the Norks fire their arty on Seoul the decision to return fire is pretty much in the US commander's jurisdiction -- and that person has the right to return fire last time I checked. That's probably the reason Kerry and Obama are turning a bit pale around the gills by this...and why the Chinese are likely to want Un out (along with the Russians; he's been a royal pain for them concerning that railroad deal thanks to his nuke program -- along with getting the US/SK/Japan antsy). The Chinese aren't going to be happy with nuclear fallout, and neither will Vladovoystok. (and that could happen from a NK nuke for all their technology may not be up to snuff).

Posted by: citizen of the LoL at April 03, 2013 04:47 PM (DBkD3)

569 Posted by: citizen of the LoL at April 03, 2013 08:47 PM (DBkD3) "the Chinese are likely to want Un out (along with the Russians; he's been a royal pain for them concerning that railroad deal thanks to his nuke program -- along with getting the US/SK/Japan antsy). The Chinese aren't going to be happy with nuclear fallout, and neither will Vladovoystok. (and that could happen from a NK nuke for all their technology may not be up to snuff)." Words cannot express how deeply I hope that your assessment is correct. Major wars often begin over accidental matches to the existing kindling.

Posted by: I'd rather be surfin at April 03, 2013 04:52 PM (g5wi5)

570 Well, it probably would be the best possible scenario. Certainly works in China's best interests -- and the Chinese are all about their interests. I'm not keen on the idea of having any Americans nuked, shelled, or otherwise harmed by these creeps. And turning NK to glass probably does nothing but ramp up tensions in an already tense spot, while killing about bunch of starving peasants (Kim probably has a fully accoutered fallout bunker). If this does happen, America should probably take the opportunity to wring some concessions from China in return for that hydro-electric project that I'm sure the Chinese would just love to have (that would give them access to a lot of water too...an added plus for them; that's why I mention it as a possible goal the Chinese would like).

Posted by: citizen of the LoL at April 03, 2013 05:02 PM (DBkD3)

571 Oh, and the war by accident scenario is the one that likely has everyone but Kim and his newly purged and perfected officers wetting themselves. And that's where the trouble lies: everyone's worried about the war by accident except possibly Fattymcbutterpants and his newly purged and perfected officers (which by the way, means his general staff isn't up to full operational, even by their standards, at this point -- something that tinpot dictators have a tendency of doing, and which makes the situation all the more dangerous -- probably the ones that could be bribed or persuaded are out by now, leaving the loyal to the final bunker types).

Posted by: citizen of the LoL at April 03, 2013 05:08 PM (DBkD3)

572 "If this does happen, America should probably take the opportunity to wring some concessions from China in return for that hydro-electric project that I'm sure the Chinese would just love to have" Now there is a win-win proposition. It is so logical- does anything happen in the geopolitical world recently which is based on logic? My concern still remains that Un will try to burn the house down before the Chinese or our people can get to him.

Posted by: I'd rather be surfin at April 03, 2013 05:11 PM (g5wi5)

573 He does have the habit of cleaning out his officers doesn't he? That assassination attempt must have made a major gap. FattymcButterpants is good. I also like Prince Hindenburg after the exploding blimp

Posted by: I'd rather be surfin at April 03, 2013 05:19 PM (g5wi5)

574 No, because the world doesn't "do" reality anymore (never really did, but at least some were hip to the notion). It appears as though this may be what's going down, what with the border factory situation and that defector just defecting back -- in which case we have to take into consideration whether China decides to keep its treaty with the Norks (primarily to scare the US out of using nukes or going in with troops -- I still think they want to keep their little dog at all costs, and while the US will not use nukes if at all possible they may not be so sure of that). Which leaves us with hoping somebody with a smidgen of sanity has a magic gun.

Posted by: citizen of the LoL at April 03, 2013 05:21 PM (DBkD3)

575 Didn't the North Koreans promise to hit DC AND Austin? No money till they do. After all a promise is a promise!

Posted by: Christmasghost at April 03, 2013 05:21 PM (lr8AM)

576

Happiest people in America today? Hilary Clinton and Leon Panetta, because this isn't happening on their watch.

I sleep very securely knowing the brilliant and charismatic Chuck Hagel is SecDef, and John F'in Kerry is SecState. The country is in the very best of hands.

Posted by: Jim in Virginia at April 03, 2013 05:27 PM (efGCK)

577 China does not want a military confrontation with us, or at least not for another 10 years. They haven't built up themselves up to that level - yet. The PRK is trying to push China to a timetable not suited to its goals and strategies. Surely China knows we don't intend to nuke anyone, unless they actually attempt to strike us. The idea of replacing him with his brother still sounds like the best prediction- unless Un finds a way to light the fuse before he is replaced. Here's hoping for sanity to prevail.

Posted by: I'd rather be surfin at April 03, 2013 05:33 PM (g5wi5)

578 ((Here's my blind terror: There's a nuclear strike on a US city. The Left loses its shit and starts screaming about how dare we strike back and we had it coming and TFG actually listens to that and agrees. My mind runs into a wall at that point because I do not want to consider what the reaction to the US losing a city and nothing happening in response will be.))

What can the left say ? Any city hit except Dallas will be full of lefties. Have they really considered that.

Posted by: Bill sometimes Bill from Canada at April 03, 2013 05:58 PM (oAsWA)

579 It is a damn shame that we can't respond to these threats in a Roman Empire-ish way. Hang these fuckers with their own guts.

Posted by: elliot at April 03, 2013 06:40 PM (8zGOf)

580 499 Posted by: Dr. Mr. Badman at April 03, 2013 06:26 PM (D8pR3) ------- A Chinese General threatened us with nukes a few years back and we did nothing.

Posted by: Baldy at April 03, 2013 07:27 PM (opS9C)

581 584 This may be what got Un's little marbles rolling on this -- there have been some indications that their Chinese masters weren't too pleased with him getting Daddy's seat (and then there were the hard liners to appease, plus I don't think think Fatty is a very bright one). Pretty sure that Chinese general's comments were for the home town fans and the neighbors -- China really isn't in a position to go for broke, not just yet (maybe never)...and they haven't been doing a good job of making friends in their own backyard lately (foreign diplomacy doesn't appear to be a Chinese strong suit); add to that they have some troubles at home which heretofore they have kept well hidden, so that we're seeing the slip peek out means things have likely reached an interesting level.

Posted by: citizen of the LoL at April 03, 2013 07:36 PM (DBkD3)

582 I also don't think leftists (if they are wise) would say anything of the sort if an American city went up in a mushroom cloud. Not all liberals/Democrat voters are the same as urban coast dwelling lefties (in fact, many of them living in flyoverville appear to be more conservative on many issues than some urban, coast dwelling conservatives) -- to beat that tin drum after what would be a catastrophic loss of life would be a foolish thing to do. (let alone disgusting to wish or gloat over the deaths of people, especially American citizens).

Posted by: citizen of the LoL at April 03, 2013 07:43 PM (DBkD3)

583 Yes, satellite weapons. That's what keeps this blog in the top tier.

Posted by: Born Free at April 03, 2013 11:21 PM (htomV)

584 "foreign diplomacy doesn't appear to be a Chinese strong suit" -- Often their own worst enemy. "we're seeing the slip peek out" -- I'm stealing that one and that old saying/curse "May you live in interesting times" ; events may be approaching that status.

Posted by: I'd rather be surfin at April 04, 2013 04:49 AM (g5wi5)

585 "South Korean and American intelligence officials spotted the North moving an object that appears to be an intermediate-range missile to its east coast," an unnamed military source told Yonhap, the South Korean news agency."According to intelligence analysis, it is thought to be a 'Musudan' missile," the source added. The Musudan missile has not yet been test fired but the US base in Guam is thought to be within its 2,500-mile strike range.-- Hence why the Navy moved their missile defense to Guam earlier. Article published today at the Telegraph. Sorry the tech impaired can't post the link.