Ace of Spades HQ

May 23, 2013

NRCC Jumps on "Arrested Development" Buzz with "IRS'ted Development"
— Ace

Also, The Onion actually wrote a funny piece. Moderate content warning, as you can gather from the excerpt.

Obama Fed Grapes While Urging Press Conference To Enjoy Orgy
WASHINGTONÂ—Standing before members of the White House Press Corps Wednesday afternoon as aides lowered a bunch of grapes into his mouth, President Obama encouraged everyone gathered in the West Wing briefing room to abandon their inhibitions and revel in a wild, drunken orgy.
Sources confirmed Obama, who had initially called the press conference to discuss the progress on an infrastructure development bill, suddenly requested everyone in the room strip off their clothing and strongly urged NBCÂ’s Chuck Todd and CNNÂ’s Jessica Yellin to kick the festivities off by engaging in oral sex in front of the podium.
Â“This afternoon I will discuss how the new water resource development bill could affect S. 601, but first, I think we should all give in to the basest of our primal urges and drink thirstily from the cup of lust,Â” said Obama, as the juice of the grapes he was eating ran down his chin and White House staffers placed a wreath of leaves onto his head. Â“This is a day of excess! So now, release yourselves from your attire and surrender your body and mind to the pleasures of the vita carnalis, and to the sheer majesty of the human flesh.Â”
...
Throughout the course of the lascivious ceremony, sources also reported seeing a fully nude White House press secretary Jay Carney prancing between the writhing, sweat-soaked nude bodies sprawled across the room while playing a pan flute and vigorously tugging his erect penis.
Â“Are we not but beasts, each and every one of us?Â” Obama roared, as a line of young White House interns frantically playing drums filed into the room followed by servants carrying large trays loaded with slow-roasted boars, cooked turkeys, salted fish, and one large goat on a spit. Â“Death may visit us all by nightfall, thus do not concern yourself with the petty, ephemeral nature of existence and instead embrace pure pleasure!Â”

Posted by: Ace at 10:11 AM | Comments (155)
Post contains 363 words, total size 3 kb.

1 Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether I broke a few rules, or sent a few dick pix to some our female party guests - I did.

Posted by: Anthony Wiener, Rush Chairman at May 23, 2013 10:13 AM (8ZskC)

2 fully nude White House press secretary Jay Carney

Oh my god. The brain bleach, it barely helps...

Posted by: Ian S. at May 23, 2013 10:13 AM (B/VB5)

3 first

Posted by: Mallfly at May 23, 2013 10:14 AM (bJm7W)

4 It may not be very nice of me to say, but as a woman, I find Anthony Weiner extremely physically unattractive.

Posted by: Lady in Black (I haven't read all the comments yet, but....) at May 23, 2013 10:14 AM (ovWeo)

5 Jay Carney has a penis?

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at May 23, 2013 10:14 AM (8ZskC)

6

The Republican Party actually being kinda smart? Wait a second...

Posted by: dan-O at May 23, 2013 10:15 AM (D0bIN)

7 I was eight before I was six!

Posted by: barako the magnificent at May 23, 2013 10:15 AM (jz0+s)

8 It occurs to me that we actually know very little about him.

Posted by: Tom Brokaw at May 23, 2013 10:15 AM (l3vZN)

9 I thought jay carney played the skin flute?

Posted by: Cicero Kid at May 23, 2013 10:16 AM (jz0+s)

Wasn't that a scene in "Caligula"?

Surely one of you degenerates has seen that flick - I am as pure as the driven snow.....

*waits for WaPo to award that statement with 4 Pinocchios*

Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, TX at May 23, 2013 10:16 AM (ADnWI)

11 Barack Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a malignant traitor.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at May 23, 2013 10:16 AM (/PCJa)

12 Speaking fluently? No, that must be a parody.

Posted by: t-bird at May 23, 2013 10:16 AM (FcR7P)

13 Caligula put his horse in the senate. Obama named one as Secretary of State.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at May 23, 2013 10:16 AM (8ZskC)

14 well, I woulda been first if I had a better compooter.

NO WAY Obama would know a word like "ephemeral"

Does it end with Michelle chasing everyone out and eating the goat alone? Not alone, with cheese fries. ha.

Posted by: Mallfly at May 23, 2013 10:17 AM (bJm7W)

15 Also: Ace, I think you owe the horde about 10,000 gallons of brain bleach.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at May 23, 2013 10:17 AM (/PCJa)

16 Obama named one as Secretary of State. Neigh.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at May 23, 2013 10:18 AM (/PCJa)

17 The main problem is A.W. happens to be a handsome fellow. What I'm saying is, his awkward personal charisma, uh, propels him forward if you will.

Has anyone been checking Drudge? Can he be any more ridiculous with the dick jokes?

Posted by: RiverC at May 23, 2013 10:18 AM (El+h4)

18 Kinda disturbing to refresh the page and see a giant Weiner.

Posted by: Waterhouse at May 23, 2013 10:18 AM (irlNU)

19 The White House has become Hell House?

Posted by: Ace Journalist Stephen Price Blair at May 23, 2013 10:18 AM (QF8uk)

20 Kirsten Powers, I wonder if Weiner hit that.

Posted by: tony redenzo at May 23, 2013 10:18 AM (DUfN3)

Throughout the course of the lascivious ceremony, sources also reported seeing a fully nude White House press secretary Jay Carney prancing between the writhing, sweat-soaked nude bodies sprawled across the room while playing a pan flute and vigorously tugging his erect penis.

Oh God...

You know what's sad? I can absolutely picture Carney as Pan. The "prancing" is what does it.

Mind you, the "fully nude" and "erect penis" parts I could have done without. Pardon me while I vomit noisily.

*HRUUK!*

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/b][/s][/u] at May 23, 2013 10:18 AM (4df7R)

22 fully nude White House press secretary Jay Carney

Aarrrrrg

Posted by: Vic at May 23, 2013 10:19 AM (53z96)

23 Can he be any more ridiculous with the dick jokes? That's not a challenge I wish to offer.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at May 23, 2013 10:19 AM (/PCJa)

24 Nope. Not funny.

Posted by: maddogg at May 23, 2013 10:19 AM (OlN4e)

25 Jay will now lead us all in an arousing game of ring toss.

Posted by: Barky O'Genius Maximus at May 23, 2013 10:20 AM (8ZskC)

Huma Abedin, is standing next to him with her own pitch: Â“We love this city. And no one would work harder to make it better than Anthony.Â”

Heh. "No one would work harder.

Posted by: Cicero Kid works hard twice a week at May 23, 2013 10:20 AM (jz0+s)

27 Posted by: maddogg at May 23, 2013 02:19 PM (OlN4e) The Horde are funnier on our off days. Also- ace still owes us about 10,000 gallons of brain bleach.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at May 23, 2013 10:20 AM (/PCJa)

28 Get the umbrella it's raining dick jokes in NYC.

Posted by: tony redenzo at May 23, 2013 10:20 AM (DUfN3)

29
NEKID TWISTERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

***cannonball***

Posted by: Madeline Albright at May 23, 2013 10:21 AM (nELVU)

30 Huma Abedin, is standing next to him with her own pitch: Â“We love this city. And no one would work harder to make it better than Anthony.Â”

Hmm. Most cities are already better than Anthony.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at May 23, 2013 10:21 AM (8ZskC)

12 Speaking fluently? No, that must be a parody.

Authentic Frontier Gibberish, maybe.

Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, TX at May 23, 2013 10:21 AM (ADnWI)

32 Jimmy Kimmel had a good piece on last night making fun of Weiner's announcement.

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at May 23, 2013 10:21 AM (f9c2L)

33 Jay Carney has a penis?

No.

Posted by: Dr Peter Venkman at May 23, 2013 10:21 AM (z9HTb)

34 You cannot make the shit factory that is the Zero administration funny any more than you can make Communist work camps funny. We are too close to it.

Posted by: maddogg at May 23, 2013 10:22 AM (OlN4e)

35 28 Get the umbrella it's raining dick jokes in NYC. --- The JEF is chartering a flight up there so he can run around with his mouth open.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at May 23, 2013 10:22 AM (zA7Zp)

Huma Abedin, is standing next to him with her own pitch: Â“We love this city. And no one would work harder to make it better than Anthony.Â”

Come on, Huma. You don't have to work very hard to be better than Anthony.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/b][/s][/u] at May 23, 2013 10:22 AM (4df7R)

37 Is Weiner going to joienter the smallest weiner contest in NY?

Posted by: willow at May 23, 2013 10:23 AM (nqBYe)

38 Here it is:

Anthony Weiner's Political Ad - What He's Really Trying to Say

http://youtu.be/5y9mH3ouqmo

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at May 23, 2013 10:23 AM (f9c2L)

If Weiner can rise above his scandal-ridden past and win...then it probably gives Hillary hope that she can do the same thing.

Posted by: wheatie at May 23, 2013 10:24 AM (L35yH)

40 You know Barry on TV today sounds like some know it all at a college party, that can't get laid so he bores anyone in earshot with pseudo intellect.

Posted by: tony redenzo at May 23, 2013 10:24 AM (DUfN3)

41 perhaps she should have said "no one has a bigger hard-on for this city than Anthony" and stopped the jokes before they had a chance to start.

Posted by: Mallfly at May 23, 2013 10:24 AM (bJm7W)

Barackus Obamanus names a horse as his Secretary of State.

Posted by: polynikes at May 23, 2013 10:24 AM (m2CN7)

43 That's a good lookin' piece of man right there...

Posted by: Nobody in the history of ever at May 23, 2013 10:24 AM (V40IZ)

44 I don't know if the Onion piece is funny. It does make me want to down the entire gallon of brain bleach rather than apply it to the recommended area.

Posted by: chique d'afrique (the artist formerly known as african chick) at May 23, 2013 10:25 AM (6zgse)

45 by the way, it's not too often you see a well-known politician who has a head shaped like a banana.

Posted by: Mallfly at May 23, 2013 10:25 AM (bJm7W)

46 Has anyone been checking Drudge? Can he be any more ridiculous with the dick jokes? Posted by: RiverC at May 23, 2013 02:18 PM (El+h4) I will admit I kinda want Weiner to get elected just to see Drudge keep it up. So to speak.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Mmmm. Blondies. at May 23, 2013 10:25 AM (VtjlW)

47 4 It may not be very nice of me to say, but as a woman, I find Anthony Weiner extremely physically unattractive. Posted by: Lady in Black (I haven't read all the comments yet, but....) at May 23, 2013 02:14 PM (ovWeo) Seconded by a very mean and hateful chique.

Posted by: chique d'afrique (the artist formerly known as african chick) at May 23, 2013 10:25 AM (6zgse)

48 anthony 's shoulders are nice for a desk type.

that's the nicest thing i can think to say.

Posted by: willow at May 23, 2013 10:26 AM (nqBYe)

49 My administration is an illusion people, A trick is what the media whores do for money

Posted by: Obama Come On!! at May 23, 2013 10:26 AM (b9K4P)

Barackus Obamanus names a horse as his Secretary of State.

Not once, but twice.

Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, TX at May 23, 2013 10:26 AM (ADnWI)

51 I blue myself in public today. It's okay. I am the Democratic candidate, after all.

Posted by: tony weiner at May 23, 2013 10:26 AM (9+vDU)

52 by the way, it's not too often you see a well-known politician who has a head shaped like a banana.

And at these prices you won't see many more.

Posted by: Disembodied Punchlines at May 23, 2013 10:26 AM (8ZskC)

53 "vigorously tugging his flaccid penis" would have been considerably funnier.

Posted by: Clownf*cker at May 23, 2013 10:26 AM (V40IZ)

54 award-winning content Compelling, and rich.

Posted by: Jones in CO at May 23, 2013 10:26 AM (8sCoq)

Jay Leno also had a great monologue about TFG. It's on teh Intarwebz, out there, somewhere.

It only took 'em five years to finally start. Let the mocking commence!

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at May 23, 2013 10:27 AM (0HooB)

56 Isn't that Piers Morgan in the corner copulating with one of the male interns?

Posted by: Marcus at May 23, 2013 10:27 AM (GGCsk)

We can debate policy until we're blue in the face.

But mockery is the best weapon against these clowns. Mocking laughter. With catchy social references.

Works. Every. Time.

Posted by: Prescient11 at May 23, 2013 10:27 AM (tVTLU)

58 Really, that's the Onion at their funniest?

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at May 23, 2013 10:27 AM (7ObY1)

59
The Onion are THIEVES.

They steal from us. Last week I quipped, "What's next, we'll see Obama order the Marines to fan him during a July press conference?"

And mama winger quipped in reply: yeah, and pop grapes in his mouth, too.

Posted by: soothsayer, now with 20% less ruth at May 23, 2013 10:28 AM (052zE)

60 the imagery is... umm... fairly horrifying, actually

at least Moochelle wasn't included in the visuals

Posted by: chemjeff at May 23, 2013 10:28 AM (BBWjt)

61 Not sure I got the Onion article.

Posted by: zsasz at May 23, 2013 10:28 AM (MMC8r)

62 As if I allow women to be present at my orgies. And there was no mention of the golf!

Posted by: Barack Hussein Obama at May 23, 2013 10:28 AM (ggRof)

63 Goggles do nothin' this demands the full 'clockwork orange.

Posted by: Admiral Marcus at May 23, 2013 10:28 AM (Jsiw/)

64 Always suspected the real reason Carney couldn't answer questions was because he was tugging his pug.

Posted by: Waldo at May 23, 2013 10:29 AM (dHIHO)

65 The Onion hired a moron?

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at May 23, 2013 10:29 AM (V1ZIU)

66 perhaps the Onion doesn't seem as funny as years past Because This progressives are stranger then we could have ever believed?

Posted by: willow at May 23, 2013 10:29 AM (nqBYe)

67 The Onion are THIEVES.

They steal from us. Last week I quipped, "What's next, we'll see Obama order the Marines to fan him during a July press conference?"

And mama winger quipped in reply: yeah, and pop grapes in his mouth, too.

Posted by: soothsayer, now with 20% less ruth at May 23, 2013 02:28 PM (052zE)

The Onion reads the comments

Posted by: Washington Nearsider, The Colossus of Independence at May 23, 2013 10:29 AM (fwARV)

68 This change of pace is refreshing. For the first time in as long as I can remember it can be said non ironically "Good job Republicans".

Posted by: SpongeBob Saget at May 23, 2013 10:30 AM (epxV4)

Somebody mentioned pansexuals earlier.

I didn't know you could do it with a flute.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at May 23, 2013 10:30 AM (0HooB)

70 Somewhere Caligula is ticked that he's being compared to Obama. I initially read that as "tickled."

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at May 23, 2013 10:30 AM (/PCJa)

71 Weiner; my cup hath runneth over. Who shall empty it?

Posted by: Marcus at May 23, 2013 10:30 AM (GGCsk)

My alternate ending is Joe Biden holding a bloody knife and Obama looking back at him saying:

Et Tu Retard.

Posted by: polynikes at May 23, 2013 10:31 AM (m2CN7)

73 Ew.

Posted by: Optimizer at May 23, 2013 10:31 AM (Mxt9o)

74 As the Democratic candidate I'm also looking forward to doing the donkey punch!

Posted by: tony weiner at May 23, 2013 10:31 AM (9+vDU)

75 The Onion trying to make up for the fact that they posted about the murderous thug being appointed the head of the NRA.

Not a fan.

Posted by: © Sponge at May 23, 2013 10:31 AM (xmcEQ)

76 It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

Posted by: REM at May 23, 2013 10:31 AM (e8kgV)

77 Ezra Klein in assless chaps being rode like a bull.

Posted by: Marcus at May 23, 2013 10:31 AM (GGCsk)

78 Any randomly selected Weiner headline on Drudge is funnier than that amateurish bit of freshman-Lit class parody.

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at May 23, 2013 10:32 AM (7ObY1)

79 We get content warnings at AoSHQ now?

That's a new feature!

Posted by: Phinn at May 23, 2013 10:32 AM (oFH2D)

48...I think my sense of humor just broke. My funny synapses are firing but there is no laughter...

I know what you mean, Owl.

My funny bone needs some Viagra.

Posted by: wheatie at May 23, 2013 10:32 AM (L35yH)

81 ...arrrgggg

I clicked over. The Photoshop is disturbing.

But the rest of the article..... dark, very very dark.

NPR microphones indeed.

Posted by: fixerupper at May 23, 2013 10:32 AM (nELVU)

82 My funny bone needs some Viagra. Wouldn't that be a "funny boner?"

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at May 23, 2013 10:32 AM (/PCJa)

83 Actually Pope Alexander, a Borgia, is very annoyed in Hell as being compared to Gaylord.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 23, 2013 10:33 AM (pyjZt)

84 Damn! How long is he going to drone on?

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 23, 2013 10:33 AM (piMMO)

85 Geez. What a fucking blowhard. This country is so fucking boned.

Posted by: Soona at May 23, 2013 10:33 AM (kn+t+)

86 I think my sense of humor just broke. My funny synapses are firing but there is no laughter... --- Guys, I think I blew a funny fuse!

Posted by: Eric Cartman at May 23, 2013 10:34 AM (zA7Zp)

87 *In Sept. 2014 Obama will end the Bush policy of drones targeting American civilians.*

Posted by: guest at May 23, 2013 10:34 AM (Y2b9n)

88 Ezra Klein in assless chaps being rode like a bull. Just another Thursday?

Posted by: zsasz at May 23, 2013 10:34 AM (MMC8r)

89 Actually Pope Alexander, a Borgia, is very annoyed in Hell as being compared to Gaylord.

Harrumph. Say what you will, but at the Banquet of the Chestnuts we had actual chicks.

Posted by: Alexander VI at May 23, 2013 10:35 AM (8ZskC)

90 Anthony Weiner. Fighting for this middle class one sword fight at a time.

Posted by: © Sponge at May 23, 2013 10:35 AM (xmcEQ)

91
Is he still on?, I turned the channel like 45 minutes ago.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at May 23, 2013 10:35 AM (jKWYf)

92 Actually Pope Alexander, a Borgia, is very annoyed in Hell as being compared to Gaylord.

What about me? Does he like my portrayal better than Jeremy Irons'?

Posted by: John Doman at May 23, 2013 10:35 AM (z9HTb)

We get content warnings at AoSHQ now?

That's a new feature!

Well, it's always implied.

I shudder to think what a noob must think, wading in here for the first time. It'd be like a Sunday school teacher's first time in a biker bar during Bike Week.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at May 23, 2013 10:35 AM (0HooB)

94 I thought Weiner was going to lay low. But it appears he's attempting to go full bore.

Posted by: Marcus at May 23, 2013 10:35 AM (GGCsk)

95 Is he still on?, I turned the channel like 45 minutes ago. *** He's been talking for more than 30 minutes.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 23, 2013 10:36 AM (piMMO)

96 Well that Onion piece could have been far worse. Michelle with a Sybian and a naked Jay Carney as a pony girl.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 23, 2013 10:36 AM (pyjZt)

97 Gawd! His head looks like a penis.

Posted by: Waldo at May 23, 2013 10:36 AM (dHIHO)

98 you know that whoever wrote the Onion piece thinks it's several time funnier than any one of the readers think

Posted by: Mallfly at May 23, 2013 10:36 AM (bJm7W)

99 Rumor is that their are more Weiner dic pics, which will be drip, drip, dripped out as necessary until he's cowering in the corner begging for it to stop. Also, I think he's an ugly mofo.

Posted by: Regular Moron [/i] at May 23, 2013 10:36 AM (U2UQk)

100 Throughout the course of the lascivious ceremony, sources also reported seeing a fully nude White House press secretary Jay Carney prancing between the writhing, sweat-soaked nude bodies sprawled across the room while playing a pan flute...
=========

Or as they call it in the White House: "Thursday"

Posted by: Nighthawk at May 23, 2013 10:36 AM (OtQXp)

101

86 Damn! How long is he going to drone on?

I live in hope that someone will figure out a way to Hack his teleprompter.

Posted by: wheatie at May 23, 2013 10:36 AM (L35yH)

102 Hey Pope Alexander my point exactly!

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 23, 2013 10:36 AM (pyjZt)

103 69 The Onion are THIEVES. They steal from us. Last week I quipped, "What's next, we'll see Obama order the Marines to fan him during a July press conference?" And mama winger quipped in reply: yeah, and pop grapes in his mouth, too. Posted by: soothsayer, now with 20% less ruth at May 23, 2013 02:28 PM (052zE) The Onion reads the comments So did Andrew, but you didn't see him use something without attribution.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at May 23, 2013 10:37 AM (2tljF)

104 "Do you know Biggus Dickus?

What's so funny?

Biggus Dickus is a friend of mine you know..."

This administration needs Micheal Palin

Posted by: Browndog at May 23, 2013 10:37 AM (ccfl2)

105 And to raise campaign funds, Weiner will be autographing copies of his famous picture for one cent each.

Posted by: Marcus at May 23, 2013 10:37 AM (GGCsk)

106 *squirt*

Posted by: Anthony Weiner at May 23, 2013 10:37 AM (DrWcr)

107 Every time I think I might have figured out the point of this speech, he changes the subject. What the hell is he talking about?

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 23, 2013 10:38 AM (piMMO)

108 I'm old enough I remember when all the people sending naked women self pics to others on the Internet were actually dudes. IRC forever!

Posted by: Lemmenkainen, Freelance Warlord at May 23, 2013 10:38 AM (ZWvOb)

109

Gawd! His head looks like a penis.

That's why he always wears a tie to keep his foreskin from covering up his face. And so people can hear him.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at May 23, 2013 10:38 AM (0HooB)

110 My favorite 80's song????

Why Im glad you asked..... "Come on Eileen"

Posted by: Anthony Weiner at May 23, 2013 10:38 AM (nELVU)

111 5 Jay Carney has a penis?

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at May 23, 2013 02:14 PM (8ZskC)

If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times; do not fan the girls when they're wet! But you'll never learn, you'll be a eunuch all your life.

Posted by: Hysterium at May 23, 2013 10:38 AM (lZBBB)

112 Never, ever got the 'Huma is hot' spiel.

Posted by: zsasz at May 23, 2013 10:38 AM (MMC8r)

113 No matter who ends up trying, beating Weiner is going to be hard.

Posted by: Roy at May 23, 2013 10:39 AM (VndSC)

114 Hedonists vs Puritans

count the votes, let every vote count.

Posted by: Skandia Recluse at May 23, 2013 10:39 AM (1RGeU)

115 And remember on election day to vote with your weiner, err, FOR your favorite Weiner.

Posted by: Marcus at May 23, 2013 10:39 AM (GGCsk)

116 And Ace, with compliments, you picked out the funniest one!

Posted by: Prescient11 at May 23, 2013 10:39 AM (tVTLU)

117 And a sit down orgy for 14...

Posted by: THE Gloriosus at May 23, 2013 10:39 AM (lZBBB)

118 Anthony Weiner. Sword fighting for YOU, New York City.

Posted by: © Sponge at May 23, 2013 10:39 AM (xmcEQ)

119 >>What the hell is he talking about? Everything Bush did was wrong. Everything he's doing is right. He needs to spend more money.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 23, 2013 10:40 AM (g1DWB)

120 I, I think Barry thinks he can take IRS, AP and Benghazi off the front burner with this rambling banter. Talk about delusion of grandeur.

Posted by: tony redenzo at May 23, 2013 10:40 AM (DUfN3)

121 I thought Weiner was going to lay low. But it appears he's attempting to go full bore.

Posted by: Marcus

***

He's willing to pound away at his opponent.

Posted by: Tilikum The Killer Assault Whale at May 23, 2013 10:40 AM (uhftQ)

122 What is this "banana stance" you're going on about? I'll bet I can break it with an bunch of loganberries.

Posted by: John Cleese at May 23, 2013 10:40 AM (9L7sS)

123

OMG! He's not going there. Ah, shit. He did.

He just gave another green light to the muzzie brotherhood.

Posted by: Soona at May 23, 2013 10:40 AM (kn+t+)

124 Try the mulled wine, it's terrific!

Posted by: Comicus at May 23, 2013 10:40 AM (MMC8r)

125 It's like we're living in a Revenge of the Nerds movie, and Dude using his homemade dick cam to try to get a date for the prom.

Posted by: Fritz at May 23, 2013 10:40 AM (G9Mmf)

126 Wow. Onion. Wow. hehe

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at May 23, 2013 10:41 AM (XYSwB)

127 74 My alternate ending is Joe Biden holding a bloody knife and Obama looking back at him saying:

Et Tu Retard.

Posted by: polynikes at May 23, 2013 02:31 PM (m2CN7)

Guffawed. Loudly. Well done!

Posted by: kathysaysso at May 23, 2013 10:41 AM (6H6o8)

128 He just gave another green light to the muzzie brotherhood. Wait. What?

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at May 23, 2013 10:41 AM (/PCJa)

129 "2 fully nude White House press secretary Jay Carney Oh my god. The brain bleach, it barely helps.." Why? Probably not much to see anyway.

Posted by: nerdygirl at May 23, 2013 10:42 AM (p+6Go)

130 Totally NSFW. Could you link that sort of stuff next time instead of quoting it?

Posted by: T at May 23, 2013 10:42 AM (CSsK2)

131 Wait until Mayor Weiner starts announcing who will be on his staff.

Posted by: zsasz at May 23, 2013 10:42 AM (MMC8r)

132 Whoa, Anthony, slow down there...have a little self control...

Posted by: Monkeys at the Zoo at May 23, 2013 10:42 AM (uhftQ)

133 114 Never, ever got the 'Huma is hot' spiel.
Posted by: zsasz at May 23, 2013 02:38 PM (MMC8r)

Only in the company in which she is usually photographed.

Posted by: Phinn at May 23, 2013 10:42 AM (oFH2D)

134 Fuck! This is a mid-year SOTU speech. This speech is scaring me. It's very Hitleresque.

Posted by: Soona at May 23, 2013 10:42 AM (kn+t+)

135 106 "Do you know Biggus Dickus? What's so funny? Biggus Dickus is a friend of mine you know..." This administration needs Micheal Palin --- He has a wife you know... Her name is Incontinentia. Incontinentia Buttocks...

Posted by: Eric Cartman at May 23, 2013 10:42 AM (zA7Zp)

136 Seconded by a very mean and hateful chique. ---- *Fist bump*

Posted by: Lady in Black at May 23, 2013 10:43 AM (r3vnd)

137 I'm picturing David Ferrie's party from JFK.

Posted by: toby928 unfrozen caveman codger at May 23, 2013 10:44 AM (evdj2)

138 The Horde are funnier on our off days.

Yeah it's pretty meh. It's just amazing that some outside of this place would write something like that.

Posted by: eleven at May 23, 2013 10:44 AM (KXm42)

139 This is a mid-year SOTU speech. This speech is scaring me. It's very Hitleresque.

Posted by: Soona at May 23, 2013 02:42 PM (kn+t+)

----

Fuck fuck fuck.... cut it cut it.... shut the damn thing off!!!!! Thats for the THIRD term!!!

Posted by: Telepromter Technician. at May 23, 2013 10:44 AM (nELVU)

140 "It may not be very nice of me to say, but as a woman, I find Anthony Weiner extremely physically unattractive. " That picture of him posing in front of a mirror naked and photographing himself? Very abnormal. I don't think any woman would find that the list bit attractive. I don't think normal men are that obsessed with their toned bodies.

Posted by: nerdygirl at May 23, 2013 10:45 AM (p+6Go)

141 142 I'm picturing David Ferrie's party from JFK. --- Would Barry be the one who was doing poppers and painted up like a statue of Mercury?

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at May 23, 2013 10:45 AM (zA7Zp)

142 I would think sharing your weiner pic with young girls who are not your wife somehow undermines any attempt to stand on the moral high ground. But then, I am thinking logically and with lucid remembrance of the past.

I expected that around the third time Weiner made an ethos appeal the crowd would break out in guffaws.

Posted by: Marcus at May 23, 2013 10:46 AM (GGCsk)

143

He's diverting. He needs the MFM to start talking about something else. Like US troops in Syria.

He's sending cruise missiles to bomb aspirin factories.

Posted by: Soona at May 23, 2013 10:46 AM (kn+t+)

144 "Caligula put his horse in the senate. Obama named one as Secretary of State." Are we going to start referring to Kerry as Incitatus?

Posted by: nerdygirl at May 23, 2013 10:47 AM (p+6Go)

145 Eyewitness accounts confirmed that as the reporters continued ravenously copulating on top of one another, Obama ripped off his shirt, leaned back in a large golden chair, and was attended to by a bevy of 23-year-old political bloggers who eagerly satisfied his every sensual whim. ezra... heh.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at May 23, 2013 10:47 AM (XYSwB)

146 This speech is scaring me. It's very Hitleresque. I think I'm going to need more specifics.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at May 23, 2013 10:51 AM (/PCJa)

147 ezra... heh. They couldn't do better than that?

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) at May 23, 2013 10:52 AM (/PCJa)

148 Ezra is 29 so over the hill ....

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 23, 2013 10:52 AM (pyjZt)

149 "17 The main problem is A.W. happens to be a handsome fellow" Really? What is handsome? The Edward G. Robinson lips, the long nose, or the over large forehead? Or maybe the wiry little body?

Posted by: nerdygirl at May 23, 2013 10:53 AM (p+6Go)

150 "Wait until Mayor Weiner starts announcing who will be on his staff." Heh.

Posted by: nerdygirl at May 23, 2013 10:54 AM (p+6Go)

151 As a vermin I find Anthony Wiener, Jay Carney and Moochelle Obama's dicks to be quite ugly

Posted by: pond scum bottom feeding weasel at May 23, 2013 10:55 AM (HVff2)

152 The jokes really write themselves don't they?

Posted by: Marie at May 23, 2013 11:04 AM (H50jQ)

153 I think the Onion trolls the comments hereÂ….. I suggested that MSNBC would start showing hard core porn to distract the massesÂ…..

Posted by: redguy at May 23, 2013 11:52 AM (oqvI4)

154 I am sorry, but he is just repulsive.

Posted by: Victoria at May 23, 2013 03:22 PM (FVDaC)

155 If only they had added figs to the food trays, and set the piece in a grotto! That would have been too perfect.