Ace of Spades HQ

April 02, 2013

NYT Reporting: Easter Celebrates Christ's "Resurrection Into Heaven"
— Ace

The report was datelined Vatican City so you'd think the reporter on that beat would at least know the basics of the subject matter.

It's now been corrected:

Correction: April 1, 2013
An earlier version of this article mischaracterized the Christian holiday of Easter. It is the celebration of JesusÂ’s resurrection from the dead, not his resurrection into heaven.

Assault Savior?

Posted by: Ace at 08:11 AM | Comments (242)
Post contains 77 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Wha... first?

Posted by: Dang at April 02, 2013 08:13 AM (R18D0)

Meanwhile.... UN adopts Small Arms Treaty.... US Votes YES...

Posted by: Romeo13..... at April 02, 2013 08:13 AM (lZBBB)

3 YES!

Posted by: Dang at April 02, 2013 08:13 AM (R18D0)

4 It is the celebration of JesusÂ’s resurrection from the dead, not his resurrection into heaven.

Can they correct their correction?

Uh....it's ASCENSION into heaven.

Posted by: Tami[/i] at April 02, 2013 08:13 AM (X6akg)

5 What's the prize today?

Posted by: Dang at April 02, 2013 08:13 AM (R18D0)

6 A logical person would figure if they were wrong about the basic facts regarding a religion over a billion people worldwide hold dear, what else are they wrong about. A low information voter spent Easter watching the Walking Dead season finale and thinks Republicans run both chambers of Congress.

Posted by: Mr. Pink aka a man without a political party at April 02, 2013 08:14 AM (++kZl)

7 This Christianity thing is all new to them. It doesn't even have electrolytes.

Posted by: Vizzini [/i] at April 02, 2013 08:14 AM (O7Q1u)

8
Another correction.
We just found out it's called the Ten Commandments not the Ten Suggestions.

Posted by: NYT at April 02, 2013 08:14 AM (mETGQ)

9 It is the celebration of JesusÂ’s resurrection from the dead, not his resurrection into heaven.

Can they correct their correction?

Uh....it's ASCENSION into heaven.
Posted by: Tami

Now you're just trying to get all complicatey.

Posted by: Dang at April 02, 2013 08:15 AM (R18D0)

10 Christ. The stupid sons of bitchs had 2000 years to check the facts and still fuck it up. They should hang their stupid assed selves.

Posted by: maddogg at April 02, 2013 08:15 AM (OlN4e)

11 Imagine an American paper feeling the need to clarify that Easter is a "Christian" holiday, like there on some anthropological expedition for National Geographic.

Posted by: t-bird at April 02, 2013 08:15 AM (oJQ+J)

12 Christ must be banned, he had more than seven Disciples.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 08:15 AM (ztdrb)

13 Meanwhile.... UN adopts Small Arms Treaty.... US Votes YES...

Posted by: Romeo13..... at April 02, 2013 12:13 PM (lZBBB)

Because it's totally OK to subsume our Constitutional rights to a world "government."

I hate these people. I hate them SO MUCH.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/s][/b][/u][/i] at April 02, 2013 08:16 AM (4df7R)

14 She was probably forced to cover it. Drew the short stick. And, didn't care what she wrote.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 02, 2013 08:16 AM (XYSwB)

15 Oh no! The Christian riots after this are going to be terrible (though totally justified).

Posted by: RC at April 02, 2013 08:16 AM (N8Ijm)

An earlier version of this article mischaracterized the Christian holiday of Easter. It is the celebration of JesusÂ’s resurrection from the dead, not his resurrection into heaven.

As I saw someone mention previously here at the HQ in regards to this story:

LAYERS. UPON LAYERS. OF FACT CHECKING.

Serious You Guys.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/s][/b][/u][/i] at April 02, 2013 08:17 AM (4df7R)

17 My three year old granddaughter knows more than the NYT.

Posted by: mama winger at April 02, 2013 08:17 AM (P6QsQ)

18 MWR, is it a bad thing that now have written over 3,200 words on Sluggor. Though I doubt there will be a resurrection for him unless it becomes a best seller.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 08:17 AM (ztdrb)

19 What, you expect them to read the wingnut hate book, that 'bye-bull' thing?

Posted by: zsasz at April 02, 2013 08:18 AM (MMC8r)

20 On the UN treaty. I vote that they can take the jug eared fuck and insert him up their asses like a winged supository.

Posted by: maddogg at April 02, 2013 08:18 AM (OlN4e)

21 I read that yesterday. Could it be possible that they deliberately did that in order to put their finger in the eye of Christians for Eastertide? I mean you really don't have to be a practicing Christian or close to it to know that Easter is about Christ's resurrection from the dead.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 02, 2013 08:18 AM (4nopz)

22 She was probably forced to cover it.

Drew the short stick.

And, didn't care what she wrote. Posted by: artisanal 'ette

Like one of us writing a Lady Gaga concert review.

Posted by: Dang at April 02, 2013 08:18 AM (R18D0)

23 Hell is beautiful. Happy children, free healthcare, equality and joy for all.

Posted by: Walter Duranty at April 02, 2013 08:19 AM (MMC8r)

24 MWR, is it a bad thing that now have written over 3,200 words on Sluggor.

There can never be too much Sluggor.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/s][/b][/u][/i] at April 02, 2013 08:19 AM (4df7R)

25 OT/

Not happy today. Learned I will be loosing my window seat at work and will be moved into a windowless room with three others.

IT workers deserve better.

Posted by: Gato Serio at April 02, 2013 08:19 AM (UypUQ)

26 There's some Christians rioting outside my window right now!

Wait....just some birds. Carry on.

Posted by: eleven at April 02, 2013 08:19 AM (KXm42)

27 Well its only slightly less insulting to Christians than the Qu'ran which denies the whole Resurrection thing. Slightly less insulting. So slight I need a micrometer to detect the difference.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 08:19 AM (ztdrb)

28 2 Meanwhile.... UN adopts Small Arms Treaty.... US Votes YES...

Posted by: Romeo13..... at April 02, 2013 12:13 PM (lZBBB)

Hmm. Hope it can be killed in the Senate because that treaty is full of evil.

Posted by: joncelli, self-denounced for your pleasure at April 02, 2013 08:19 AM (RD7QR)

29 Who? Has this Jesus been on the Google?

Posted by: Zombie Ceasar Chavez at April 02, 2013 08:20 AM (wIgpo)

30 Can they correct their correction?

Uh....it's ASCENSION into heaven.

Posted by: Tami at April 02, 2013 12:13 PM (X6akg)

No, the ascension is what happens after he's done with his second term.

Posted by: News Weak at April 02, 2013 08:20 AM (oATMN)

31 The. Paper. Of. Record.

Posted by: Wyatt Earp Hates The Gang Of 8 at April 02, 2013 08:20 AM (kFnmp)

What do you expect? Competence? We are talking about the press here, they don't have to be competent only follow the party line (what ever it is on any given day)

Posted by: georgeofthedesert at April 02, 2013 08:20 AM (Eq2MX)

33 Well MWR, thanks to Merovign, I now have juggler assassins in this world.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 08:21 AM (ztdrb)

Correction April 2nd, 2013:

An earlier version claimed Jesus Christ was crucified.

Not 'grounded'.

Posted by: NYT at April 02, 2013 08:21 AM (BrQrN)

35 But I bet they have on problem characterizing Eid, or Ramadan.

Just sayin'.

Posted by: Karusky at April 02, 2013 08:21 AM (bM5TF)

36 2 Meanwhile.... UN adopts Small Arms Treaty.... US Votes YES...

Posted by: Romeo13..... at April 02, 2013 12:13 PM (lZBBB)

Can we hand over Obama for international prosecution because of Fast and Furious now?

Posted by: zmdavid at April 02, 2013 08:21 AM (WFNiy)

37 12 I do think at a certain point you have enough disciples.

Posted by: flmom at April 02, 2013 08:21 AM (nSjrf)

38 I believe resurrections are now taxed under Obamacare.

Posted by: Dr Spank at April 02, 2013 08:22 AM (3+QKS)

39 Well MWR, thanks to Merovign, I now have juggler assassins in this world.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 12:21 PM (ztdrb)

LOL! That. Is. AWESOME.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/s][/b][/u][/i] at April 02, 2013 08:22 AM (4df7R)

40 They're still pissy their GodKing was portrayed as the Devil in The Bible.

Posted by: Wyatt Earp Hates The Gang Of 8 at April 02, 2013 08:22 AM (kFnmp)

41 And you'd think somebody named Elisabetta Provoledo of Italy would know something what the resurrection was about. If I can find an address I'd write to her.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 02, 2013 08:22 AM (4nopz)

42 Could it be possible that they deliberately did that in order to put their finger in the eye of Christians for Eastertide? Posted by: FenelonSpoke

Yes. They (media) do that all the time. Time magazine just ran a story, "Can your child be too religious?" Religion apparently causes OCD and hallucinations in children or something.

Posted by: Dang at April 02, 2013 08:22 AM (R18D0)

43 Reporters, Actors & Lawyers. The three professionals who think they know everything about everything because they know a little bit about everything.

Posted by: rockhead at April 02, 2013 08:22 AM (jtTKf)

44 Halloween celebrates God's commandment to Jesus to slay the dinosaurs.

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at April 02, 2013 08:23 AM (+lsX1)

45 The date of Jesus's ascension into Heaven was Good Friday. Heretics.

Posted by: the Docetists at April 02, 2013 08:23 AM (QTHTd)

46 The three professionals who think they know everything about everything because they know a little bit about ~~everything~~ some things.

Posted by: rockhead at April 02, 2013 12:22 PM (jtTKf)

FIFY.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/s][/b][/u][/i] at April 02, 2013 08:23 AM (4df7R)

47 The NY Slime is owned by Joos, you would think they could figure this out.

They have had 2,000 years.

Posted by: Billy Bob, pseudo intellectual at April 02, 2013 08:24 AM (Cydud)

48 It's not like you wingnuts can read.

Posted by: P. Schulzburger at April 02, 2013 08:24 AM (MMC8r)

49 So the blue helmets are going to stop raping children long enough to confiscate my weapon? Good luck with that. They don't have a very good record of heroism.

Posted by: Ook? at April 02, 2013 08:24 AM (OQpzc)

50 Everyone at the NYT also still pronounces the name HAY-SOOS. They haven't corrected that one yet.

Posted by: Roy at April 02, 2013 08:24 AM (VndSC)

51 40 They're still pissy their GodKing air balls eight foot jumpers. Posted by: Wyatt Earp Hates The Gang Of 8 at April 02, 2013 12:22 PM (kFnmp) FIFY

Posted by: rockhead at April 02, 2013 08:25 AM (jtTKf)

52 IT workers deserve better.

In the 'Wool' series, not so much.

Posted by: SpongeBob Saget at April 02, 2013 08:25 AM (epxV4)

53 If you like your disciples you can keep your disciples.

Posted by: Dang at April 02, 2013 08:25 AM (R18D0)

54 Well its only slightly less insulting to Christians than the Qu[r']an which denies the whole Resurrection thing.

Plagiarists!

Posted by: the Docetists at April 02, 2013 08:25 AM (QTHTd)

55 Arbor Day was when Jesus threw a rock at Lazarus and knocked him out of an Acacia tree.

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at April 02, 2013 08:25 AM (+lsX1)

56 Some religions cause youth to become all 'splodey and stuff. But you won't read that in Time.

Posted by: real joe at April 02, 2013 08:25 AM (oL3rk)

57 Heh.

Actually, some of the earlier church creeds say he left a trail of wreckage in Hell before he was resurrected.

The Catholic Church decided later that this was merely a mistranslation of "realm of the dead" from Greek.

Posted by: Kristophr at April 02, 2013 08:25 AM (wYVte)

58 These things happen when you are covering fast breaking stories.

Posted by: MSM at April 02, 2013 08:26 AM (RIg+t)

59 The author of the NYT piece is Canadian. Working in Rome.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 02, 2013 08:26 AM (XYSwB)

60 I often find that these MSM religion editors very anti-religion.

Posted by: waldo at April 02, 2013 08:26 AM (TE8aX)

61 Stomped again....,

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 02, 2013 08:26 AM (aDwsi)

62 The good news is they get all the others stories right.

Posted by: nip at April 02, 2013 08:27 AM (lGVXf)

63 Just another reminder, they fucking hate us. If you didn't get the message from Google on sunday.

Posted by: joeindc44 says God bless Francis I at April 02, 2013 08:27 AM (QxSug)

64 Like one of us writing a Lady Gaga concert review. Posted by: Dang Well, since you volunteered...

Posted by: rickb223 at April 02, 2013 08:27 AM (GFM2b)

65 Biblical scholars believe that the origins of Memorial Day go back to when Jesus killed Hercules with the jawbone of a lion.

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at April 02, 2013 08:27 AM (+lsX1)

66 And yes, to them, Ceasar Chavez is a patron saint of THEIR church.

Posted by: joeindc44 says God bless Francis I at April 02, 2013 08:28 AM (QxSug)

67 Here is Mark Steyn's take on this...

"Not to know any of this stuff, to be as tone-deaf to it as that Times correction, is to be entirely unmoored from your cultural inheritance Â– regardless of oneÂ’s Â“faith traditionÂ” (as Al Gore would put it). I contributed a couple of arts pieces to the Times years ago, so I know a bit about the extraordinary layers of editors between the author and the page, and itÂ’s remarkable that not one person up the chain raised an eyebrow over Â“resurrection into heavenÂ” before it hit the streets. Judging from leftie reaction to the Â“correctionÂ”, to the hyper-secularists, ignorance of the peripheral tenets of a minor cult is a badge of honor. In reality, AmericaÂ’s supposed Â“newspaper of recordÂ” has just announced itself to the world as civilizationally illiterate."

Posted by: Gato Serio at April 02, 2013 08:28 AM (UypUQ)

68 MWR, a snippet for your enjoyment.

"Just like his love of jugglers had changed. With them though it was not a gradual waning of love but all at once it changed to an almost pathological fear. He was just shy of twelve summers old the time when he had the misfortune to witness a roving band of colorful juggler assassins."

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 08:28 AM (ztdrb)

69 some of the earlier church creeds say he left a trail of wreckage in Hell before he was resurrected.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harrowing_of_Hell

The premise of many an awesome DnD campaign

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at April 02, 2013 08:28 AM (QTHTd)

70 63Just another reminder, they fucking hate us. If you didn't get the message from Google on sunday.

Posted by: joeindc44 says God bless Francis I at April 02, 2013 12:27 PM (QxSug)

Thats OK. I hate them more. So much more I want the civil war to start while I can still tote a rifle. I want satisfaction.

Posted by: maddogg at April 02, 2013 08:28 AM (OlN4e)

71 Now that Obama has had his apotheosis, the next step is the ascension. Well, to be fair there is a painting about The "apotheosis" of Washington. from after his death However, Washington didn't seem to be as much of a total narcissist as Obama, Washington didn't even really want to be President.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 02, 2013 08:28 AM (4nopz)

72 It says it right here in my script for 'Jesus II.'

Posted by: Hollywood at April 02, 2013 08:28 AM (MMC8r)

73 Like one of us writing a Lady Gaga concert review. Posted by: Dang at April 02, 2013 12:18 PM (R18D0) Which might have happened, seeing the GOP offered her a cool $million to play at the convention. But, she declined.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 02, 2013 08:28 AM (XYSwB)

74 ...fast breaking stories. Ha!

Posted by: nip at April 02, 2013 08:28 AM (lGVXf)

75 Correction.. Earlier we said resurection into heaven.. we meant the resurection of the easter bunny. we apologize for any confusion.

Posted by: NY Times at April 02, 2013 08:28 AM (DGIjM)

76 So...we're at the halfway point to Idiocracy then, where they worshipped St. God?

Posted by: joeindc44 says God bless Francis I at April 02, 2013 08:28 AM (QxSug)

77 NYT Correction : Yesterday when we stated that "Jesus had it coming" and that "Judas was a hero", what we meant to say was who knows what really happened that day when justice was done.

Posted by: Dr Spank at April 02, 2013 08:29 AM (3+QKS)

78 65 Biblical scholars believe that the origins of Memorial Day go back to when Jesus killed Hercules with the jawbone of a lion.
Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at April 02, 2013 12:27 PM
===========

Which reminds me, I'm still pissed that The Bible didn't show Samson slaying the full 1000 Philistines. Would have been awesome.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 02, 2013 08:29 AM (aDwsi)

79 They're still pissy their GodKing was portrayed as the Devil in The Bible. Portrayal? I would have sworn that was a cameo!

Posted by: rickb223 at April 02, 2013 08:29 AM (GFM2b)

80 civilizationally illiterate.

------------

That about sums it up. And I bet they view it as a badge of honor.

Posted by: mama winger at April 02, 2013 08:29 AM (P6QsQ)

81 18 MWR, is it a bad thing that now have written over 3,200 words on Sluggor. Though I doubt there will be a resurrection for him unless it becomes a best seller.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 12:17 PM (ztdrb)

Got rather bored on a 6 hour car drive, and the muse went crazy.   I blame you and your shameless promotion of the Seventh Courtesan for this. >= P

"Nickels and Fireballs"

In the post-magic Industrial Age, magic is obsolete and its users do odd jobs to make ends meet.

When a mundane cat-in-tree rescue job results in a shower of flaming feline pieces, Richard Dusky, Wizard-for-Hire, must find someone, or something to blame.   Otherwise, he may find himself sent to the Asylum for the one and only crime against humanity:   Reckless Use of Magic.

Posted by: ConservativeMonster at April 02, 2013 08:30 AM (sGtp+)

82 "civilizationally illiterate." like saying Islam is a religion of peace.

Posted by: joeindc44 says God bless Francis I at April 02, 2013 08:30 AM (QxSug)

83 Financial reporters who know nothing of the economy "Conservative: reporters who are not conservative Religion reporters who know nothing of religion. Political "reporters" swooning like schoolgirls over their Dear Leader The history books will have a field day with our betters in the MSM.

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at April 02, 2013 08:30 AM (7ObY1)

84 **That about sums it up. And I bet they view it as a badge of honor.** ignorant, hate filled leftists gonna hate, be ignorant.

Posted by: joeindc44 says God bless Francis I at April 02, 2013 08:31 AM (QxSug)

85 Good going, Steyn. Well said.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 02, 2013 08:31 AM (4nopz)

86 This story is just sick!

Posted by: president clinton carrying a 37-pound Bible across his chest at April 02, 2013 08:32 AM (VwC86)

87 I like the part in the Bible where God drives Adam and Eric from the Food Court of Eden because they ate of the French fries of Sin.

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 02, 2013 08:32 AM (j3uk1)

88 What does NYT care? They don't believe any of it anyway.

Posted by: Foghorn Leghorn at April 02, 2013 08:32 AM (Y/zJG)

89 Correction correction: An earlier version of this correction mischaracterized the Christian holiday of Easter as the celebration of JesusÂ’s resurrection from the dead. We regret the error. Easter is actually when Xianists believe Jesus turned into an Easter bunny and started laying chocolate Cadbury eggs and stuff.

Posted by: The Newspaper Of Record, you stupid proles at April 02, 2013 08:32 AM (DFGPG)

90 Correction: The 72 virgins are horny male pigs

Posted by: Usama Bin Laden at April 02, 2013 08:32 AM (xAtAj)

91 Hey Conservative Monster!! Not too late to join in the Camp NaNoWriMo fun.

You really need to write that whole story out. Sounds like a fun romp. Though since I own four cats I am a bit miffed at the whole BBQ Fluffy scene just a tad. Unless it was Grumpy Cat's more anti-social sociopath cousin, then of course flame on!

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 08:32 AM (ztdrb)

92 Saudi Arabia is buying an armed drone from South Africa after the Obama administration declined to sell the oil-rich kingdom U.S. Predator or Reaper missile-firing unmanned aircraft. freebeacon

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 02, 2013 08:32 AM (XYSwB)

93 Assault Savior? It's the muzzle shroud of Turin, right?

Posted by: The Assault Hat at April 02, 2013 08:33 AM (Vk2pI)

94 The first biblical notation of Thanksgiving was the Last Supper, when Jesus made Judas wash the feet of an Indian as a punishment for stealing his tribes only turkey.

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at April 02, 2013 08:33 AM (+lsX1)

95 Yes. They (media) do that all the time. Time magazine just ran a story, "Can your child be too religious?" Religion apparently causes OCD and hallucinations in children or something.

Posted by: Dang at April 02, 2013 12:22 PM (R18D0)

That story pissed me off so much, because it had NOTHING to do with religion. They were talking about unhealthy behaviors a child may exhibit, one of which may be "incessant prayer or other ritual." Which, again, has jack shit to do with actual BELIEF. It was about repetitive activity. I could read the Book of Genesis over and over and over and over again, but that doesn't mean it has any significant impact on my belief system. If my brain tells me that I have to read the Book of Genesis over and over and over and over again or else bad things will happen, then that's what I'm going to do. I'd do the same if my brain was telling me to read "Alice in Wonderland" or "Animal Farm" or "A Child's Garden of Verses." The material doesn't matter; the behavior is the indicator.

They could just as easily have made the article about any compulsive, incessant behaviors that could indicate a psychological problem: brushing your hair; brushing your teeth; washing your hands; polishing your shoes; picking at loose threads; biting your fingernails... Does "All work and no play make Jack a dull boy" ring a bell for anybody?

But no. They decided to use r behaviors associated with religious practices because they wanted to make religion sound scary and cultish.

ARRRRGH, I HATE these people!

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/s][/b][/u][/i] at April 02, 2013 08:33 AM (4df7R)

96 Next year they'll write about Passover, and will describe it as when Abraham received the Ten Commandments.

Posted by: mama winger at April 02, 2013 08:33 AM (P6QsQ)

97 90 Correction: The 72 virgins are horny male pigs I thought it was "figs."

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 02, 2013 08:33 AM (j3uk1)

98 ...and then he became the Easter Bunny. Every Feb 2 thereafter, if he sees his shadow, he hides Easter eggs six weeks later. This is what makes abortion a woman's right.

Posted by: NYT at April 02, 2013 08:34 AM (oJQ+J)

99 What about the part where Cesar Chavez dyed all those eggs?

Posted by: The Wise Latino at April 02, 2013 08:34 AM (cvrr4)

100 96 Next year they'll write about Passover, and will describe it as when Abraham received the Ten Commandments. You mean Lincoln, yes?

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 02, 2013 08:34 AM (j3uk1)

101 Layers, all the way down.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Take us away. at April 02, 2013 08:34 AM (Gk3SS)

102 ot (again) but, this is interesting Israel Strikes It Rich Natural gas field will benefit IsraelÂ’s economy JERUSALEM Â— Natural gas began to flow into Israel over the weekend from a large offshore field, ending IsraelÂ’s status as a dry patch in an oil-rich region. freebeacon

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 02, 2013 08:34 AM (XYSwB)

103 Well 72 fig-ments. allah has gone hi-tech, you get virtual virgins. 72 digital clones of Helen Thomas....

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 08:35 AM (ztdrb)

104 You mean Lincoln, yes?

----------

Might have been Grant.

Posted by: mama winger at April 02, 2013 08:35 AM (P6QsQ)

105 Which might have happened, seeing the GOP offered her a cool $million to play at the convention. But, she declined.

Silly me- I saw the headline yesterday and assumed it was just an April Fools Day joke.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at April 02, 2013 08:36 AM (SY2Kh)

106 correction: Easter is the Christian redneck flyover state holiday where Jesus hides racist eggs for monetary gain.

Posted by: NY Times at April 02, 2013 08:36 AM (DGIjM)

107 I thought it was "figs."

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 02, 2013 12:33 PM (j3uk1)

Only the crunchy kind.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/s][/b][/u][/i] at April 02, 2013 08:36 AM (4df7R)

108 Meanwhile.... UN adopts Small Arms Treaty.... US Votes YES...

Posted by: Romeo13..... at April 02, 2013 12:13 PM (lZBBB)

but I don't like having dinosaur arms! Can't reach the top shelf of the fridge!

The hell?

Posted by: tangonine at April 02, 2013 08:36 AM (x3YFz)

109 NYT Correction : In a story yesterday we stated that the Hamburgler would creep into children's rooms at night to take their Easter eggs, what we should have said is that he wouldn't be sneaking.

Posted by: Dr Spank at April 02, 2013 08:36 AM (3+QKS)

110 Great. Mark Kirk just endorsed gay marriage.

Posted by: Ook? at April 02, 2013 08:36 AM (OQpzc)

111 See we are better creative insulting copy-editors than are employed at the New York Slimes.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 08:36 AM (ztdrb)

112 In England they celebrate Boxing Day which marks the date Jesus first visited the British Isles.

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at April 02, 2013 08:37 AM (+lsX1)

113 Ha! Perhaps NYT can write the motivational frat house speech for Animal House 2.

Posted by: MSM at April 02, 2013 08:38 AM (RIg+t)

114 Layers, all the way down.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Take us away. at April 02, 2013 12:34 PM (Gk3SS)

Alex said "down." I'll be in my bunk.

Posted by: tangonine at April 02, 2013 08:38 AM (x3YFz)

115 I used to endorse gay marriage, but now it's so popular, everyone's doing it. I think I'll oppose it. I have the same depth of conviction as Rob Portman.

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 02, 2013 08:38 AM (j3uk1)

116 ARRRRGH, I HATE these people! Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit at April 02, 2013 12:33 PM (4df7R) Aye. Meanwhile, they use the most atrocious brainwashing techniques...

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 02, 2013 08:38 AM (XYSwB)

117

Is anyone else finding it harder and harder to comment on blogs, including AoSHQ, and not write something that will get them banned?

Been perusing the news sites today. The limit of what people can take anymore is now on the horizen.

Posted by: Soona at April 02, 2013 08:39 AM (Oa0Hi)

118 103 Well 72 fig-ments. allah has gone hi-tech, you get virtual virgins. 72 digital clones of Helen Thomas....
Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 12:35 PM
===========

When they made Helen Thomas, they threw the mold away, because..., well...., because there was something *really* wrong there.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 02, 2013 08:39 AM (aDwsi)

119 The only surprising thing about the NYT being as factually incorrect as they are (in both the original article and correction) is that they somehow didn't twist Easter into a reson why we should all support gay marriage.

Posted by: DangerGirl at April 02, 2013 08:39 AM (mTLQP)

120 Great. Mark Kirk just endorsed gay marriage.

His deeply held personal convictions were in no way influenced by a shift in polling. Nope. Not at all.

How dare you even think such a thing.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at April 02, 2013 08:40 AM (SY2Kh)

121 People still read Newspapers? That's so 1996.

Posted by: The Wise Latino at April 02, 2013 08:40 AM (cvrr4)

122 113 In England they celebrate Boxing Day which marks the date Jesus first visited the British Isles. What is the name of that church holiday, where Jesus rode on a donkey's back into the Club Med?

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 02, 2013 08:40 AM (j3uk1)

123 Is anyone else finding it harder and harder to comment on blogs, including AoSHQ, and not write something that will get them banned?
Posted by: Soona at April 02, 2013 12:39 PM (Oa0Hi)

Look, if "I" haven't been banned here yet (been, what? 7, 8 years?) You're good.

Posted by: tangonine at April 02, 2013 08:41 AM (x3YFz)

124 Mark Kirk is from Illinois. Enough said.

Posted by: mama winger at April 02, 2013 08:41 AM (P6QsQ)

125 The author of the NYT piece is Canadian.
Working in Rome.

Jim Carrey?

Posted by: pep at April 02, 2013 08:41 AM (YXmuI)

126 118 Is anyone else finding it harder and harder to comment on blogs, including AoSHQ, and not write something that will get them banned?
=======

As far as I can tell, I'm on perma-ban at Huff Po.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 02, 2013 08:41 AM (aDwsi)

127 but I don't like having dinosaur arms! Can't reach the top shelf of the fridge!

The hell?
Posted by: tangonine at April 02, 2013 12:36 PM (x3YFz)

You get used to it.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Take us away. at April 02, 2013 08:41 AM (Gk3SS)

128

Hasn't anyone at the NYT read the Nicean Creed? Anyone on the religion beat, for instance?

They're more careful with a restaurant review.

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Pirate Scum of Umbar at April 02, 2013 08:41 AM (hLRSq)

129 AOS has breached the walls of NRO: Jonah Goldberg ‏@JonahNRO 11m And by the way, where is that sweet meteor of death we were promised?

Posted by: Jones in CO at April 02, 2013 08:41 AM (8sCoq)

130 That UN Arms Treaty won't even make it to the floor in the Senate. Dead, dead, dead. Obama pandering to socialists.

Posted by: Usama Bin Laden at April 02, 2013 08:42 AM (xAtAj)

131 What is the name of that church holiday, where Jesus rode on a donkey's back into the Club Med?

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 02, 2013 12:40 PM (j3uk1)

Candlemas.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/s][/b][/u][/i] at April 02, 2013 08:42 AM (4df7R)

132 Kirk is well know to be gay himself. His stroke was brought about by some clot traveling from his ass to his brain.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at April 02, 2013 08:42 AM (Ec6wH)

133 Give in to your anger and your hate.

Posted by: The Wise Latino at April 02, 2013 08:42 AM (cvrr4)

134 Jonah Goldberg ‏@JonahNRO 11m And by the way, where is that sweet meteor of death we were promised? Posted by: Jones in CO at April 02, 2013 12:41 PM (8sCoq) Jonah mentioned SCOAMF before, to explain SCOAMF's SCOAMFery

Posted by: HoboJerky, now with 45% more DOOM! at April 02, 2013 08:42 AM (xAtAj)

135 Well so much for incrementalism. The leftards feel secure enough to pull off the mask and admit they want to ban private ownership of firearms. Go for it Bitches. I'll get me some satisfaction before you get mine. I promise.

Posted by: maddogg at April 02, 2013 08:42 AM (OlN4e)

136 You get used to it.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Take us away. at April 02, 2013 12:41 PM (Gk3SS)

Motorized step stool, m'lady?

Posted by: BCochran1981 at April 02, 2013 08:42 AM (da5Wo)

137 UN Small Arms Treaty is ratified. Tyrannosaurus Rex hardest hit.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 08:43 AM (ztdrb)

138 Very well said, MWR.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 02, 2013 08:43 AM (4nopz)

139 I know for a fact Jonah reads this blog... or at least the comments.

Posted by: HoboJerky, now with 45% more DOOM! at April 02, 2013 08:43 AM (xAtAj)

140 I like the part in the Bible where God drives Adam and Eric from the Food Court of Eden because they ate of the French fries of Sin. Chik-fil-A Curly Fries?

Posted by: rickb223 at April 02, 2013 08:43 AM (GFM2b)

141

Candlemas.

Palmdale Sunday.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at April 02, 2013 08:43 AM (+z4pE)

142 When they made Helen Thomas, they threw the mold away, because..., well...., because there was something *really* wrong there.

OK, she started out moldy. Explains a lot.

Posted by: Blanco Basura at April 02, 2013 08:43 AM (4WhSY)

143 Gonna have to switch to big ass arms then.

Posted by: The Wise Latino at April 02, 2013 08:43 AM (cvrr4)

144 His deeply held personal convictions were in no way influenced by a shift in polling. Nope. Not at all.

They aren't heroes. He's a pol. This is what pols do. We need to stop seeing them as anything else.

Posted by: pep at April 02, 2013 08:43 AM (YXmuI)

145 91 Hey Conservative Monster!! Not too late to join in the Camp NaNoWriMo fun.

You really need to write that whole story out. Sounds like a fun romp. Though since I own four cats I am a bit miffed at the whole BBQ Fluffy scene just a tad. Unless it was Grumpy Cat's more anti-social sociopath cousin, then of course flame on!

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 12:32 PM (ztdrb)

Glad you're amused by it. Not much of a writer - last time I actually wrote out a fictional story was for a high school assignment with a "colonialism" theme. (Yay leftist indoctrination)

I did not realize you owned many cats. Now I feel bad about the crazy cat lady involved with Fluffy fireworks. Dick, Wizard, is truly, truly sorry.

Posted by: ConservativeMonster at April 02, 2013 08:44 AM (oY6Yp)

146 131 That UN Arms Treaty won't even make it to the floor in the Senate.

Dead, dead, dead.

Obama pandering to socialists. Yeah, much as I'd like to agree 100%, with this asshole in the Oval Office and Hairy "I Fuck Children" Reed in the Senate, I nonetheless have doubts.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/s][/b][/u][/i] at April 02, 2013 08:44 AM (4df7R)

147

Whatever. The people who care don't read the Times and the people who read the Times don't care.

I'll bet they know everything about Ramadan, though. Or the principles of Kwanzaa.

Real religions? Not so much.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at April 02, 2013 08:44 AM (zF6Iw)

148 We can't trust Harry around small boys but he gets elected to the Senate.

Right there tells you where the problem lies. The cheap shoddy quality of these Nudnicks who run for office.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 08:44 AM (ztdrb)

149 Vast hordes of Christians rioting.

...

No, that's just the lunch crush drive-thru at McDonald's.

Sorry, we now return you to "How Can They Possibly Top This?"

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at April 02, 2013 08:45 AM (IsF93)

150

I remember when I was in elementary school, a bunch of my classmates didn't know what Easter was about (other than candy and the Easter bunny). But they weren't Christian, and they were only 9 years old.

Posted by: meh at April 02, 2013 08:45 AM (70dl7)

151 Chicago Jesus was a humble brick layer.

Easter is a celebration of Chigaco Jesus's ascension into the zone of high percentage three-pointers.

Posted by: Fritz at April 02, 2013 08:45 AM (UzPAd)

152 My stroke made me gay!

Posted by: marky kirk at April 02, 2013 08:46 AM (VwC86)

153 Correction: Earlier we stated Jesus ascended into heaven. He did that so his carbon foot print would be small.

Posted by: NY Times at April 02, 2013 08:46 AM (DGIjM)

154 It's interesting to read these threads. To LDS people, the Easter celebration is a joyful remembrance of Christ's resurrection, a celebration of His triumph over death. He enabled all of His people to live again by virtue of his sacrifice.
That Jesus ascended unto Heaven to join His God is certainly part of the glorious event but not the aggregate (again, to LDS people). I am always curious to learn more about other faiths, and these threads always are learning experiences for me.

Posted by: bonhomme at April 02, 2013 08:46 AM (+U0Iu)

155 118 Is anyone else finding it harder and harder to comment on blogs, including AoSHQ, and not write something that will get them banned? Never been banned. Except by the little green bicycle seat guy.

Posted by: USA at April 02, 2013 08:46 AM (RIg+t)

156 151 They went on to be News anchors and to write Newspapers.

Posted by: The Wise Latino at April 02, 2013 08:46 AM (cvrr4)

157 I always have fond memories of the advent calendar we kept at Christmas. Every morning you would open one little window each day on the calendar, and see a picture of a famous basketball player or a healthy food choice. And at the end of the calendar, President's Day.

Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 02, 2013 08:46 AM (j3uk1)

158 Chik-fil-A Curly Fries? Posted by: rickb223 at April 02, 2013 12:43 PM (GFM2b) Is this a banning offense? Curly Fries? WTF rick?!?!?!

Posted by: RWC Time Travellin' at April 02, 2013 08:46 AM (fWAjv)

159

UN Gun Control? That is not the hill to die on.

/Fucking nutless, gutless, Rinos.

Posted by: maddogg at April 02, 2013 08:46 AM (OlN4e)

160 Mark Kirk is not gay. http://tinyurl.com/ctwxbx3

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at April 02, 2013 08:46 AM (QTHTd)

161 Hey Conservative Monster just let your inner muse babble. Let Dick and his story run. Even if not published, just writing it will probably help you in other things.

Just avoid those electric monks. They tend to just hang around and be annoying while believing in you.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 08:47 AM (ztdrb)

162 Yeah, much as I'd like to agree 100%, with this asshole in the Oval Office and Hairy "I Fuck Children" Reed in the Senate, I nonetheless have doubts.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit at April 02, 2013 12:44 PM (4df7R)

I really don't give a shit who signs what. Molon Labe.

Posted by: tangonine at April 02, 2013 08:47 AM (x3YFz)

163 But what they were actually thinking: An earlier version of this article mischaracterized the stupid Christian holiday of Easter. It is the celebration of JesusÂ’s resurrection from the dead (Like who in their correct mind, believes THAT??), not his resurrection into heaven-because there isn't any such place except in the minds of dimwitted religious nutcases. The closest we can come to that is a type of heaven on earth under the leadership of Obama and full implementation of all the policies he has in mind.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 02, 2013 08:47 AM (4nopz)

164 What is the name of that church holiday, where Jesus rode on a donkey's back into the Club Med? Posted by: the bearded UNIX god at April 02, 2013 12:40 PM (j3uk1) Candlemas. Festivus

Posted by: rickb223 at April 02, 2013 08:47 AM (GFM2b)

165 Someone should ask the reporter what the definition of resurrection is. Based on 'resurrected into heaven' I'm gonna bet that question may lead to a rather awkward answer.

Posted by: mugiwara at April 02, 2013 08:47 AM (gmNjv)

166 And on the third day, he got a triple-double and was -10.

Posted by: no good deed at April 02, 2013 08:47 AM (mjR67)

167 >I'll bet they know everything about Ramadan, though. Or the principles of Kwanzaa. or gay bathhouse sex etiquette

Posted by: Jones in CO at April 02, 2013 08:47 AM (8sCoq)

168 147

Yeah, much as I'd like to agree 100%, with this asshole in the Oval Office and Hairy "I Fuck Children" Reed in the Senate, I nonetheless have doubts.

============

It is an age in which the laughingly absurd is accepted as real, the unlikely becomes the likely, the abnormal becomes the normal....

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 02, 2013 08:47 AM (aDwsi)

169 Never been banned. Except by the little green bicycle seat guy.

Posted by: USA at April 02, 2013 12:46 PM (RIg+t)

We have a medal for that.

Posted by: tangonine at April 02, 2013 08:48 AM (x3YFz)

170 I thought Chick-Filet served those Lamb Weston Wafto thingies?

Posted by: The Wise Latino at April 02, 2013 08:48 AM (cvrr4)

171 USA being banned Chukkles IS a badge of honor. Insidious Bad Apple here and proud of it.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 08:48 AM (ztdrb)

172 Gonna have to switch to big ass arms then.

Posted by: The Wise Latino at April 02, 2013 12:43 PM (cvrr4)

I'd be happy with a Carl Gustav and a few hundred thermobaric rounds.

If blue states can nullify fed drug laws, why can't red states nullify fed gun laws?

Posted by: Ook? at April 02, 2013 08:48 AM (OQpzc)

173 The bible was written like 100 years ago. Who gives a shit what it say.

Posted by: Up and cummers #14 at April 02, 2013 08:49 AM (9sjmH)

174 This is violating some AoS rule somewhere, but why the name Sluggor?

Seems significant, but I don't get it. = P

Posted by: ConservativeMonster at April 02, 2013 08:49 AM (oY6Yp)

175 Chicago Jesus was a humble brick ~~layer~~ shooter. FIFY.

Posted by: rickb223 at April 02, 2013 08:49 AM (GFM2b)

176 Easter is a celebration of Chigaco Jesus's ascension into the zone of high percentage three-pointers.

Posted by: Fritz at April 02, 2013 12:45 PM (UzPAd)

--------------------------------------------

But was condemned to hell for a millineum for missing the end-of-the-game 3-point foul shots.

Posted by: Soona at April 02, 2013 08:49 AM (Oa0Hi)

177 Fuck, I invented the term "insidious bad apple" and *I* got the boot

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at April 02, 2013 08:49 AM (QTHTd)

178 ARRGH, speaking of arms, I got an email notification last night that Impact Arms had Ruger 10/22's in stock, AND I JUST HAD TO SPEND MONEY ON TIRES, G-DDAMMIT!

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/s][/b][/u][/i] at April 02, 2013 08:50 AM (4df7R)

179 Just checked- This account is suspended. YAY!

Posted by: RWC at April 02, 2013 08:50 AM (fWAjv)

180 I don't think any other Christians would have a problem with this theology, bonhomme: To LDS people, the Easter celebration is a joyful remembrance of Christ's resurrection, a celebration of His triumph over death. He enabled all of His people to live again by virtue of his sacrifice.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 02, 2013 08:50 AM (4nopz)

181 Conservative Monster there is no significance. It was just a made up name that popped to mind when I wrote the first two paragraphs of the Saga of Sluggor aka The Seventh Courtesan. The title came first.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 08:50 AM (ztdrb)

182 72USA being banned Chukkles IS a badge of honor. Insidious Bad Apple here and proud of it.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 12:48 PM (ztdrb)

Gotcha beat Anna. Chucky Poo called me an asshole before banning me. I wish my parents could have seen it......I was so proud.

Posted by: maddogg at April 02, 2013 08:50 AM (OlN4e)

183 173 Gonna have to switch to big ass arms then.
Posted by: The Wise Latino at April 02, 2013 12:43 PM (cvrr4)

I'd be happy with a Carl Gustav and a few hundred thermobaric rounds.

If blue states can nullify fed drug laws, why can't red states nullify fed gun laws? Posted by: Ook? at April 02, 2013 12:48 PM
=======

Selective enforcement.., like DOMA, voter intimidation, etc.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 02, 2013 08:50 AM (aDwsi)

184

I feel lonely and bereft. I have never been banned by Chuckles the Clown, b/c I have never been to Small Jade Ovals.

I never went to the Prom either.

I'm a sad, lonely soul.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/s][/b][/u][/i] at April 02, 2013 08:51 AM (4df7R)

185 Is this a banning offense? Curly Fries? WTF rick?!?!?! Not a fan of their waffle fries. Maybe mine just doesn't cook theirs properly. They always taste raw.

Posted by: rickb223 at April 02, 2013 08:51 AM (GFM2b)

186 If blue states can nullify fed drug laws, why can't red states nullify fed gun laws?

Posted by: Ook? at April 02, 2013 12:48 PM (OQpzc)

------------------------------------------------

Be patient. It's going to happen.

Posted by: Soona at April 02, 2013 08:52 AM (Oa0Hi)

187 Bunch of us retired military critters got together and formed a Val-U-Rite milita. Our motto is "stay drunk until it goes away."

Our patch: http://tinyurl.com/cofq5qb

Posted by: tangonine at April 02, 2013 08:52 AM (x3YFz)

188 "Never been banned. Except by the little green bicycle seat guy." So yes, you have been banned.

Posted by: nip at April 02, 2013 08:52 AM (lGVXf)

189 Boulder Toilet Hobo. *fist bump* One apple to another. Actually I could claim two bannings since my alt also got nuked but for a worthy cause, I dropped the dime on one of Chukkkles groupies when they wandered off his idiotlogical plantation.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 08:52 AM (ztdrb)

190 Maybe mine just doesn't cook theirs properly. They always taste raw.

Yes, I've noticed that a couple of times during the lunch rush. I usually skip the fries. So long as the chicken is cooked, I'm good.

Posted by: no good deed at April 02, 2013 08:53 AM (mjR67)

191 182 Conservative Monster there is no significance. It was just a made up name that popped to mind when I wrote the first two paragraphs of the Saga of Sluggor aka The Seventh Courtesan. The title came first.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 12:50 PM (ztdrb)

Ahhh, the magic of using unfamiliar words to invoke an unstated yet weighty history. Word wizardry!

Posted by: ConservativeMonster at April 02, 2013 08:54 AM (v3pYe)

192 MWR you can have my other banning from LGF then.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 08:54 AM (ztdrb)

193 FPS Russia got raided by ATF/FBI. Found nothing illegal but still - "No illegal explosives were found and no arrests were made, but considering the unprecedented arsenal stocked at one of the locations, the agents considered confiscating MyersÂ’ weapons. Â“The idea at one of the locations was to take firearms, but they did not do that,Â” an ATF spokesperson said, according to Onlineathens.com."

Posted by: RWC at April 02, 2013 08:54 AM (fWAjv)

194 Don't feel so lonely; I never went to the prom either. In fact, I never went on a date until my first year of college. I hope that makes you feel better. ;^)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 02, 2013 08:55 AM (4nopz)

195

Thank you, Anna. It's an honor.

*takes honorary banning*

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/s][/b][/u][/i] at April 02, 2013 08:55 AM (4df7R)

196 Not a fan of their waffle fries. Maybe mine just doesn't cook theirs properly. They always taste raw. Posted by: rickb223 at April 02, 2013 12:51 PM (GFM2b) Do they have curly fries there? Why doesn't mine? *kicks sand* *pouts*

Posted by: RWC at April 02, 2013 08:56 AM (fWAjv)

197 MWR you can have my other banning from LGF then. I have one you can have. And one from Free Republic also.

Posted by: rickb223 at April 02, 2013 08:56 AM (GFM2b)

198 Chucky Poo called me an asshole and Ace called me a gun dick stroker. Whats wrong with those guys? Heh.

Posted by: maddogg at April 02, 2013 08:56 AM (OlN4e)

199 Posted by: RWC at April 02, 2013 12:54 PM (fWAjv)

So basically, the Feds raided a place, found absolutely nothing illegal happening, but thought about grabbing the guns at hand because..........bqhatevwr.

Posted by: BCochran1981 at April 02, 2013 08:56 AM (da5Wo)

200 I got banned from here a couple months ago. I racked my brain thinking of what I could have said to offend.. of all places.. here. Turns out.. was just a mistake.

Posted by: Jumbo Shrimp at April 02, 2013 08:57 AM (DGIjM)

201 I got banned from here a couple months ago. I racked my brain thinking of what I could have said to offend.. of all places.. here.
Turns out.. was just a mistake.

Posted by: Jumbo Shrimp at April 02, 2013 12:57 PM (DGIjM)

Ace has pretty thick skin. I've been all up in his shit once or twice and he was either passed out himself and didn't notice or he figured I was at the sauce (which I was) and let it go.

Posted by: tangonine at April 02, 2013 08:59 AM (x3YFz)

202 MWR you can have my other banning from LGF then.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 12:54 PM (ztdrb)

-----------------------------------------

I wasn't banned, I, what did they call it.........."flounced"? Anyway, I couldn't take it anymore and since chucky had mentioned AoS a couple of times, I came over here and lurked for about a week. Fell in love with this fucking wacko-bird hangout.

Posted by: Soona at April 02, 2013 08:59 AM (Oa0Hi)

203

Can I break in with an OT? Anna, MWR and anyone else who wants to chime in, can you do a brother a solid? My handy-dandy Insta-Plot Generator (as endorsed by Stephen King and Dan Brown) is busted, so I'm utterly stumped at the midpoint of my new book.

Let me give you the bullet points:

Setting: Hollywood, 1917. Protagonist: Theda Bara, movie star.

Stand-in dies during publicity stunt. Investigation of death leads to discovery of prostitution / abortion ring.

Combined efforts of star and gossip reporter break ring.

While congratulating themselves, a mummy box containing a doll with the face of the movie star and a hatpin through its heart arrives.

No, the hooker ring isn't out for revenge (even for me, that's too cliche). So who sent the doll and why? Hook powerful enough to sustain rest of book.

Hell, I'll even give one of you a cameo if you can get this mental logjam of mine busted. Want to sleep with Gary Cooper or do the nasty with Gloria Swanson? I'll make it happen. . .

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at April 02, 2013 09:00 AM (zF6Iw)

204 188 Bunch of us retired military critters got together and formed a Val-U-Rite milita. Our motto is "stay drunk until it goes away."

Our patch: http://tinyurl.com/cofq5qb Posted by: tangonine at April 02, 2013 12:52 PM
======

Haven't gotten into Val-U-Rite.., but I do visit the Bum Wines site ( http://tinyurl.com/7m5rv ) from time-to-time just to stay abreast of trends.

Nice review there for Cisco :
"In 1991, Cisco's tendency to cause a temporary form of inebriated insanity led the Federal Trade Commission to require its bottlers to print a warning on the label (above right). The FTC also forced them to drop their marketing slogan, "Takes You by Surprise," even though it was entirely accurate."

And TBird.
Thunderbird: "if you like to smell your hand after pumping gas, look no further than Thunderbird."

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 02, 2013 09:00 AM (aDwsi)

205 Not happy today. Learned I will be loosing my window seat at work and will be moved into a windowless room with three others. IT workers deserve better. What? you don't burst into flames upon exposure to sunlight???

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie ® at April 02, 2013 09:01 AM (1hM1d)

206 Christ is just so old fashion and sexist and homophobic to know about it. But I'll bet they can tell you about Che Guevara's every bowel movement

Posted by: TheQuietMan at April 02, 2013 09:01 AM (1Jaio)

207 Nice review there for Cisco :
"In
1991, Cisco's tendency to cause a temporary form of inebriated insanity
led the Federal Trade Commission to require its bottlers to print a
warning on the label (above right).The FTC also forced them to drop
their marketing slogan, "Takes You by Surprise," even though it was
entirely accurate."

I'd like to order 3 cases.

Posted by: tangonine at April 02, 2013 09:01 AM (x3YFz)

208 That man should have used wikipedia. It's what I do when I think someone is going to question me about capitalism or Christianity. You know, things that I'm not too well versed in.

Posted by: barack obama as Augustus at April 02, 2013 09:02 AM (4eNxd)

209 206 Not happy today. Learned I will be loosing my window seat at work and will be moved into a windowless room with three others.

IT workers deserve better.
=====

Um..., are there bars on the windows?

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 02, 2013 09:03 AM (aDwsi)

210 Oh yeah. I got my home account banned off of here once too. Because I went back to an old dead thread and PixyWare dubbed me a spammer.

That doesn't really count though.

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at April 02, 2013 09:03 AM (QTHTd)

211 Posted by: BCochran1981 at April 02, 2013 12:56 PM (da5Wo) Exactly. I think some of the local law had a talk with ATF. You know, explain their job to them.

Posted by: RWC at April 02, 2013 09:03 AM (fWAjv)

212 MPPPP. Right off the top of my head. I would say someone like Sam Goldwyn has had his way with starlets in the past. Some have gotten preggers. This place is where he had those 'issues' handled. But one them has not stayed handled by going away, their guilt money bought new life has crashed, and are back to seek revenge for a thwarted movie career and to strike back at the one who ruined her in the first place.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 09:04 AM (ztdrb)

213 ARRGH, speaking of arms, I got an email notification last night that Impact Arms had Ruger 10/22's in stock, AND I JUST HAD TO SPEND MONEY ON TIRES, G-DDAMMIT!

I need to pick one up myself. Not that it'll be of much use without ammo.

Instead I ordered a .22 Gamo air rifle last night. Seemed like a good idea after a few drinks. Given how cheap pellets are, I figure if it ever comes down to hunting urban squirrels and rabbits I'll be set.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at April 02, 2013 09:04 AM (SY2Kh)

214 Re: Juggler Assassins I have a wonderful pullover hoodie in black with red lining in the hood. It is far and away the most soft and comfortable piece of clothing I own. On the front, in red thread is a picture of a man on a horse with a mallet, and the legend "US POLO ASSN" surrounds the picture. I have been strongly tempted for some time to write a book about polo assassins.

Posted by: Outlaw Gunsmith at April 02, 2013 09:05 AM (jvdNh)

215 208 Nice review there for Cisco :
"In

1991, Cisco's tendency to cause a temporary form of inebriated insanity

led the Federal Trade Commission to require its bottlers to print a

warning on the label (above right).The FTC also forced them to drop

their marketing slogan, "Takes You by Surprise," even though it was

entirely accurate."

I'd like to order 3 cases.
Posted by: tangonine at April 02, 2013 01:01 PM
========

Don't impulse buy...., also consider Night Train Express:
"Night Train is all business when it pulls into the station. All aboard to nowhere - woo wooo! The night train runs only one route: sober to stupid with no roundtrip tickets available, and a strong liklihood of a train wreck along the way. "

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 02, 2013 09:06 AM (aDwsi)

216 Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at April 02, 2013 01:00 PM (zF6Iw)

How about a doctor/doctors who were profitting off the abortions?

Posted by: BCochran1981 at April 02, 2013 09:06 AM (da5Wo)

217 Outlaw Gunsmith, it could happen since Polo is based off an Afghani game. Men on horses trying to get a small cow or a goat, whole or largest piece, across the other team's goal line.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 09:07 AM (ztdrb)

218 Jumbo Shrimp- You only got banned because Ace was banning all the oxymorons that day. Prettyugly got the ban hammer too. ;^)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 02, 2013 09:09 AM (4nopz)

219 Don't impulse buy...., also consider Night Train Express:
"Night
Train is all business when it pulls into the station.All aboard to
nowhere - woo wooo!The night train runs only one route: sober to
stupid with no roundtrip tickets available, and a strong liklihood of a
train wreck along the way. "

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 02, 2013 01:06 PM (aDwsi)

-------------------------------------------

Hangover the next morning? No problem. Just unscrew the lid and re-join your thrilling downward spiral.

Posted by: Soona at April 02, 2013 09:11 AM (Oa0Hi)

220 ... On the front, in red thread is a picture of a man on a horse with a mallet, and the legend "US POLO ASSN" surrounds the picture. I have been strongly tempted for some time to write a book about polo assassins.

Posted by: Outlaw Gunsmith at April 02, 2013 01:05 PM (jvdNh)

And they do it with mallets. Ouch.

Posted by: ConservativeMonster at April 02, 2013 09:11 AM (sGtp+)

221 I commented one time over there (lgf) during the Spencer Wars about the fact that Chuckles was contradicting himself and got banned pretty quickly. It was during the Great Banning Times, and I was laughing as I wrote the comment, wondering just how quickly he might get around to banning me. It took less than five minutes.

Posted by: IntheBellyoftheBeast at April 02, 2013 09:13 AM (A5iH4)

222
Hangover the next morning? No problem. Just unscrew the lid and re-join your thrilling downward spiral. Posted by: Soona at April 02, 2013 01:11 PM
=========================

A parting comment on Cisco:
"Cisco will make a new man out of you. And he wants some too."

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 02, 2013 09:14 AM (aDwsi)

223 MPPPP -

While congratulating themselves, a mummy box containing a doll with the face of the movie star and a hatpin through its heart arrives.

No, the hooker ring isn't out for revenge (even for me, that's too cliche). So who sent the doll and why? Hook powerful enough to sustain rest of book.

You answered your question twice in the synopsis. First time was "publicity stunt." Second was "congratulating themselves." She was a second-tier actress thriving on the attention. She sent it to herself.

Posted by: grognard at April 02, 2013 09:16 AM (oA4wp)

224 221 ... On the front, in red thread is a picture of a man on a horse with a mallet, and the legend "US POLO ASSN" surrounds the picture. I have been strongly tempted for some time to write a book about polo assassins.

Posted by: Outlaw Gunsmith at April 02, 2013 01:05 PM (jvdNh)

And they do it with mallets. Ouch.
Posted by: ConservativeMonster at April 02, 2013 01:11 PM
================

Father of a friend of mine shot and killed two home invaders armed with knives. When asked by the press to what he attributed his reaction, he credited the skills he had acquired as a young Army officer, playing polo. It's actually a great story.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at April 02, 2013 09:17 AM (aDwsi)

225 210 206 Not happy today. Learned I will be loosing my window seat at work and will be moved into a windowless room with three others. Join the club. In my dank, airless, windowless work environment, we have 98% of the employees (known as "the people who get the job done") crammed into one small, windowless room, while the other 2%, the managers (also known as "incompetents desperately hoping they can get to retirement before anyone figures it out") clattering around a huge area with lots of windows. Before the Obameconomy, we were in a much nicer office. Downsizing is fun!

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at April 02, 2013 09:17 AM (7ObY1)

226 Charles Fuckface Johnson ridiculing Rand Paul's hair on Twitter...priceless. Note to Jazzy McPonytail: you have NO standing to discuss ANYone's tonsorial choices, period.

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at April 02, 2013 09:21 AM (7ObY1)

227 MPPP, maybe a little too obvious, but how about a spurned alternate stand-in who wanted to get rid of some competition? Or maybe the PR guy 'cause any press is good press... Kind of like trolling for hits on the interwebs. Make it shocking to get more attention.

Posted by: IntheBellyoftheBeast at April 02, 2013 09:24 AM (A5iH4)

228

Grognard, BCochran, Anna - I like those ideas, though I did use a variant of Grognard's before I realized it caused too much trouble. Let me just clarify a bit and then shut up before imposing on your minds for too much: the hooker / abortion ring is a red herring and not the central piece of the book, even though the plot is designed to make you think it is. And the little mummy has Theda Bara's face on it, so it is, they think, a threat.

I've toyed with the occult (since Aleister Crowley was in the area during that time), but frankly, I don't know whether that's too outre for a book of this type.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at April 02, 2013 09:28 AM (zF6Iw)

229 This is a good example of "Gell Mann" amnesia which Michael Crichton spoke of. A journalist so completely mangles a subject you are well versed on, yet when that same idiot journalist writes about a subject we are not knowledgeable, we go back to assuming that the journalist is intelligent, not the preening ignoramus that he truly is.

Posted by: Flying Manatee at April 02, 2013 09:33 AM (cK3Ih)

230 Alistair was all about shocking a staid Victorian world. He was a hedonist first and foremost, hence his little creed which in itself is a rebuke of the Wiccan creed. While Alistair and his followers were all about getting their jollies off, that trick with the mummy and Theda's face seems too out of character for them since it was in relation to Egypt that Alistair got his first epiphany for his path. Supposedly he received a message from Toth. And screwing with a mummy would be too close to infringing upon the domain of Anubis and Osiris.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 09:36 AM (ztdrb)

231 #204 How about a secret Egyptian cult that resents her using the Egyptian name, bringing dishonor to Egyptian women?

You could use the Assassins (Hashasheem) from Lebanon, which would be even cooler. Look them up. They were an actual death cult during Medieval times.

Posted by: Miss Marple at April 02, 2013 09:37 AM (GoIUi)

232 MPPPP,

I guess it's a matter of deciding if Theda is a true protagonist or a very tragically flawed individual.

Maybe the mummy is a threat, but after some investigation, nothing comes of it. Some time passes. Her higher exposure starts to get her more work, better roles, even awards. When asked, she says it's karma - when she did something about the criminal ring, the cosmos paid it back.

But she was actually involved in the ring, and sold them out. It's not a member of the ring taking revenge, it's a victim who saw her get away with it. So at the height of her success, the victim who sent the doll makes a reappearance and methodically takes her down, Monte Cristo style.

Posted by: grognard at April 02, 2013 09:38 AM (oA4wp)

233 The Old Man of the Mountain, Saladin and Richard both feared that madman and his drug crazed assassins.

Secret Egyptian cult. The later black and white Mummy movies pop to mind. Ardeth Bey has been destroyed by Isis. But then we have Klaris and his princess fixation. And a secret sect wearing the fez who guard his tomb and control him.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 09:40 AM (ztdrb)

234 #234 Honest to God, I never ran into anyone but my sisters who knew about The Old Man of the Mountain.

His minions were so fanatical that he would point to one of his guards up on a cliff and the guy would immediately dive off it to his death.

He scared the crap out of the Crusaders.

I REALLY like using the Assassins.

Posted by: Miss Marple at April 02, 2013 09:42 AM (GoIUi)

235

Thank you for all the wonderful ideas, fellow Morons. I'll copy these down in my notebook and give them a little test ride.

You're the best. Seriously, you guys!

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at April 02, 2013 09:44 AM (zF6Iw)

236 Miss Marple I one did some research on the Third and Fourth Crusades. As a result I keep rooting for Venice to sink.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 09:44 AM (ztdrb)

237

My niece had a baby last Saturday, a beautiful 8 lb. boy, so of course many of my relatives went over to see the new baby just as soon as they came home from the hospital. We didn't stay long. The new mommy was tired and sore from her ordeal, and the baby needed sleep. Me, I love holding brand-new human beings. When my kids were little, I used to smell their hair and their breath when I checked on them as they slept. Inhaled them.

Have you ever been around people that don't know (or sometimes don't even particularly like) kids? They awkwardly fumble around with babies and toddlers, talk to older children as if they were especially slow-witted foreigners whose customs and language are unfathomably strange and mysterious, and generally show their aversion in all ways imaginable. Children might as well be scary space aliens.

That's the NYT (and all true believing liberals everywhere) when it comes to dealing with religion. They don't like religion. They don't want to be around religion. They don't want to know religion. They're awkward with it, don't understand why so many people like it, and would clearly rather be somewhere else whenever it shows up.

Posted by: troyriser at April 02, 2013 09:48 AM (vtiE6)

238 Well MPPPP hopefully out of this creative jam session something good comes of it.

Oh FYI, Larry Correia does something called a Book Bomb. Where he highlights an author whom he thinks needs more exposure. So on his blog he calls on people to go buy the book to raise its Amazon ranking. Figuring higher the ranking the more exposure and hence more sales.

Today he is pushing a book by Chuck Gannon for the Book Bomb.
http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at April 02, 2013 09:55 AM (ztdrb)

239 Journalists ought to have a grasp of basic facts regarding subjects about which they write? Simply preposterous!

Posted by: Stu-22 at April 02, 2013 10:04 AM (AiYlm)

240 76 So...we're at the halfway point to Idiocracy then, where they worshipped St. God? When we start eating at Buttfukkers instead of Fudruckers, we're in real trouble.

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at April 02, 2013 10:07 AM (7ObY1)

241 It's very important to keep this in mind: JOURNALISTS DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. They are genuinely some of the most ignorant people you'll meet. They don't know anything and most of what they do know is blatantly wrong. Every single news story is riddled with massive errors. If you read it in the paper or see it on television, it's almost certainly wrong.

Posted by: Trimegistus at April 02, 2013 10:46 AM (lrvnD)

242 I'm flabbergasted at how both the original story and the "correction" are so clueless about the most central beliefs of Christianity. This from a newspaper avidly retailing the most minute gossipy details about the Vatican's process to find a new Pope, for instance. It's not just Jesus's Resurrection on Sunday, it's the following forty days where He appeared ("allegedly" if that makes the Times feel better) to many followers, then the Assumption into Heaven. Major, major events for Catholics and most other Christian denominations. But the Grey Lady can't be bothered to get Easter even halfway right.

Posted by: leftcoast at April 02, 2013 11:35 AM (sCV8j)

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