November 19, 2013


— Ace


Wuh?

This is Obama's and Sebelius' HHS firing on all cylinders. People would be happier, you see, if women just calmed the eff down during fights.

This isn’t about who wins the argument – but a study of hot marital fights indicates that when the wife calms down, the couples are more happy. Researcher Lian Bloch of the Pacific Graduate School of Psychology in Palo Alto found that in a study she did at the University of California, Berkeley. She looked at data that included recorded arguments by long-time husbands and wives.

“The marriages that were the happiest were the ones in which the wives were able to calm down quickly during marital conflict.”

Bloch says calm wives were able to look constructively for ways to deal with the emotions and talk about ways to solve the problems. Happiness didnÂ’t change if the husband calmed down quickly.

Okay... I think this is probably true, but:

1. Thank God the #Shutdown is over so we have government workers back to updating websites with crap that's already on Jezebel and PopSugar and all the Mommy Blogs.

2. I cannot think of a worse thing to say to an angry woman than "Calm down, you're being too emotional." Or a not-angry woman. Basically, only a virgin Pointdexter scientist would think this was something he should tell a woman.

3. If this were a Republican President's HHS linking this, what would the Left's and Media's (but I repeat myself) #WarOnWomen Threat Alert System be up to now? Red, right?

Picture of shaved alpacas courtesy of @rdbrewer4. I just think they're cuter when they're shaved.


Posted by: Ace at 10:15 AM | Comments (374)
Post contains 290 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Is that what those things look like with all the fur sheared off? Yeesh.

Posted by: Blacque Jacques Shellacque at November 19, 2013 10:16 AM (vd7A8)

2 GET BACK IN YOUR BINDER!!!

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 19, 2013 10:17 AM (oFCZn)

3

HOe- Lee- Fuk! We Too Lo!

 

Posted by: barky o'poindexter at November 19, 2013 10:17 AM (4mTwY)

4 Bitchez need to STFU!!!

Posted by: Tex Lovera at November 19, 2013 10:17 AM (wtvvX)

5 I'm looking for a pack of Alpaca.

Posted by: garrett at November 19, 2013 10:18 AM (+PcuL)

6 When I'm arguing with a women, I often remind her that she's probably just being irrational on account of her vagina.

Posted by: Man Who Knows Womenz at November 19, 2013 10:18 AM (ZPrif)

7 Why the fuck does HHS have a 30 second/day podcast?

Posted by: tsrblke PhD(c) (No really!) at November 19, 2013 10:18 AM (GaqMa)

8 So *this* is what HHS was busy with instead of building the d@mn website.

Is there anything of value they're actually working on?

Posted by: Lizzy at November 19, 2013 10:18 AM (JRmiD)

9
Never should have let them own land or vote either.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at November 19, 2013 10:18 AM (iGPSR)

10 Marriages would be happier is men and women weren't taught to believe they are pretty much the same...

Posted by: @ParisParamus at November 19, 2013 10:18 AM (CkjRf)

11 When I'm arguing with a women, I often remind her that she's probably just being irrational on account of her vagina This...actually sounds like something EoJ would say. If socking regulars were allowed, it would have worked here.

Posted by: tsrblke PhD(c) (No really!) at November 19, 2013 10:19 AM (GaqMa)

12 My wife always reacts well when I suggest she calm down or, my favorite, suggest she "relax". Ooh yeah, she loves that one.

Posted by: MTF at November 19, 2013 10:19 AM (aN78T)

13 Dear, I realize that you're upset about me maxing out your credit card to pay for hotel rooms in which I had trysts with your teenage sister but you really need to calm the hell down. Okay?

Posted by: joncelli at November 19, 2013 10:19 AM (RD7QR)

14 Those alpacas are wearing cute boots!

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at November 19, 2013 10:19 AM (RZ8pf)

15 Those alpacas are freaking me out. They're like aliens, or robots, or possibly, alien robots.

Posted by: toby928© insists on talking about robots at November 19, 2013 10:19 AM (QupBk)

16 I just think they're cuter when they're shaved. Thanks. Thanks a bunch ...

Posted by: Bikini Waxers Local 234 at November 19, 2013 10:19 AM (jdRXP)

17 Looks like a giraffe wearing a Wookie mask.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at November 19, 2013 10:19 AM (/Crba)

18 Thank God, our long national nightmare is over!

Posted by: RS at November 19, 2013 10:19 AM (YAGV/)

19 "If this were a Republican President's HHS linking this, what would the Left's and Media's (but I repeat myself) #WarOnWomen Threat Alert System be up to now? Red, right?"

Oh no.  Way past red.  We'd be at Blackwatch Plaid.  At least.


Posted by: JR at November 19, 2013 10:20 AM (bKxJO)

20   Obama's HHS: Marriages Will Be Happier If Women Just Learn to Calm Down and Stop Being So Emotional During Fights-Ace

 

1. Duh, a big fucking duh.

2. War on women, yeah that aint happening.

3. What the fuck are wrong with those alpaca heads?

Let the banter begin.

Posted by: Misanthropic Humantiarian at November 19, 2013 10:20 AM (HVff2)

21 Oh, they calm down when they spit out the first couple of teeth.

Posted by: Ike Turner at November 19, 2013 10:20 AM (8ZskC)

22 This study is right up there with the one that confirmed beer goggles.
Thanks for spending our money confirming the obvious.

Posted by: Lizzy at November 19, 2013 10:20 AM (JRmiD)

23 Anyone here wanna bet if Moochelle falls into that "calms down faster" category?

BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!

Posted by: Tex Lovera at November 19, 2013 10:20 AM (wtvvX)

24 I wonder how calm Mooch is while she's beating Barry's ass?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 19, 2013 10:20 AM (lVPtV)

25 Wow, is there anything Dear Leader does not know?

Oh wait.

Bengazi
NSA spying
Obamacare glitches

I'm sure there's more...


Posted by: shibumi at November 19, 2013 10:20 AM (25HWz)

26 Mary had a little lamb she kept in her front yard,
And everywhere that Mary went...

Posted by: Dr. Dice Obama at November 19, 2013 10:20 AM (UzPAd)

27 "...but a study of hot marital fights indicates that when the wife calms down, the couples are more happy." Having seen what went on with acquaintances and others with regard to marriage, I never got married and have no desire to, so I had that problem solved at the beginning.

Posted by: Blacque Jacques Shellacque at November 19, 2013 10:21 AM (vd7A8)

28 It's the lollipop look you're attracted to, ace. Skinny anorexic bodies with big heads. It was *the* look in Hollywood in the 90s.

Posted by: Comrade Jesse, not welcoming our socialist overlords at November 19, 2013 10:21 AM (kkbgQ)

29 24 I wonder how calm Mooch is while she's beating Barry's ass? --- I'm sure it looks like something out of Japan World Cup 3, where the yeti is beating the Trojan Horse with its own jockey in order to make it speed up.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at November 19, 2013 10:21 AM (/Crba)

30 Don't let him the light the fuse on your tampon, sweetie.

Posted by: Hotspur at November 19, 2013 10:21 AM (5cgIv)

31 Is this Official Federal Wife-Management Policy or just the personal thoughts of some federal cubicle-dweller?

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 19, 2013 10:21 AM (8ZskC)

32 Finally! Some common sense psychological research!

But, then, we all knew that, right guys?

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at November 19, 2013 10:21 AM (f9c2L)

33 Honey, we'll all be happier if you just calm down.

And fix me a sammich.

Then blow me.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at November 19, 2013 10:21 AM (wtvvX)

34 I really miss the days when this kind of bullshit was the worst the Feds were doing to us, back in the days before the Democrats decided to screw up the entire world.

Posted by: MTF at November 19, 2013 10:22 AM (aN78T)

35 31 Is this Official Federal Wife-Management Policy or just the personal thoughts of some federal cubicle-dweller? --- Probably the latter. No way the JEF tries that argument in a fight with a Wookie, as he'd probably get his arms ripped off.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at November 19, 2013 10:22 AM (/Crba)

36 Hey, that conclusion sound awfully....patriarchal and hereonormative, no?

Posted by: Lizzy at November 19, 2013 10:22 AM (JRmiD)

37
Breaking:  New Study confirms "When mama aint happy, no one is happy".

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at November 19, 2013 10:22 AM (iGPSR)

38 I think the FBI might be planning a visit, Ace... Alpaca porn?? How dare you!

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at November 19, 2013 10:23 AM (f9c2L)

39 Awesome photo.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 19, 2013 10:23 AM (IXrOn)

40 I cannot think of a worse thing to say to an angry woman than "Calm down, you're being too emotional." Pro tip: NEVER, ever say, "Your sister was better"

Posted by: rickb223 at November 19, 2013 10:23 AM (t+DWU)

41 i hope she doesn't bring up our emotions being tied to our period because i'll go BALLISTIC!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: phoenixgirl @phxazgrl at November 19, 2013 10:23 AM (8JJ6O)

42 See our new pamphlet on the subject: "When to Choke a Bitch: Keeping it Real During Martial Strife"

Posted by: HHS at November 19, 2013 10:23 AM (oFCZn)

43 So why is the HHS building still standing? Did the ladies who read this calm down first?

Posted by: NR Pax at November 19, 2013 10:23 AM (ODsL5)

44 Everyrhing is cuter shaved.

Posted by: CeeCee at November 19, 2013 10:23 AM (Uc5we)

45 Our studies indicate women would have far fewer double black eyes if they just listened the first time.

Posted by: Ike Turner, Obama HHS Scientist at November 19, 2013 10:23 AM (NE2or)

46 those alpaca's are bothering me....a lot

Posted by: phoenixgirl @phxazgrl at November 19, 2013 10:23 AM (8JJ6O)

47 >>Picture of shaved alpacas courtesy of @rdbrewer4. I just think they're cuter when they're shaved. I agree, if by cuter, you mean more freakish looking. The study rings true to me, by the way. But then again, I don't really trust any of these types of "studies."

Posted by: chique d'afrique (the artist formerly known as african chick) at November 19, 2013 10:23 AM (r+7wo)

48 And, while I only mention this out of love, I feel compelled to point out that you seem to have gained a few pounds recently.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at November 19, 2013 10:23 AM (DmNpO)

49 Why would you say something like that to an angry woman with access to a kitchen full of knives and knowing full well that you have to sleep at some time?

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Reprehension, Condemnation, and More at the Outrage Outlet! at November 19, 2013 10:23 AM (hLRSq)

50 Really? Alpaca fur boots? FUR IS MURDER!!

Posted by: Peta Rep at November 19, 2013 10:24 AM (LSJmV)

51 I predict that this article is going to cause a whole lot of not calming down when it gets shared. I, personally, am not touching it with a ten-foot status update.

Posted by: Paid for by Citizens for Clyde the Orangutan at November 19, 2013 10:24 AM (QF8uk)

52 So -- "Shut up, bitch!!" is now official government policy?

Posted by: zombie at November 19, 2013 10:24 AM (+cx5n)

53 @45: I LOL'd

Posted by: Tex Lovera at November 19, 2013 10:24 AM (wtvvX)

54 shaved alpacas courtesy of @rdbrewer4. I just think they're cuter when they're shaved. Is that what we're calling them this week? Alpacas?

Posted by: rickb223 at November 19, 2013 10:24 AM (t+DWU)

55 Yes, that dress does make your ass look fat

Posted by: toby928© insists on talking about robots at November 19, 2013 10:24 AM (QupBk)

56 "I just think they're cuter when they're shaved." Admit it, you've been looking for an excuse to use that line for at least a week.

Posted by: JEM at November 19, 2013 10:24 AM (o+SC1)

57 52 So -- "Shut up, bitch!!" is now official government policy? --- Yeah, I don't think Barry is the one wearing the pimp hat in that relationship.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at November 19, 2013 10:24 AM (/Crba)

58 So what you are saying is that this is science, and you can't really argue with it, right?

Posted by: blaster at November 19, 2013 10:25 AM (W6bkf)

59 Does this work for ex-wives, too?

Posted by: Tex Lovera at November 19, 2013 10:25 AM (wtvvX)

60 Up next: There is no right answer to "Does this dress/sweater/pants make me look fat?"

Posted by: Lizzy at November 19, 2013 10:25 AM (JRmiD)

61

45 beat me to it...bitches sometimes don't get it the first time

 

Posted by: barky o'poindexter at November 19, 2013 10:25 AM (4mTwY)

62 Sometimes, during a heated argument, a women will forget she's on the rag. If you remind them, that provides a nice cooling off period while they check.

Posted by: Man Who Knows Womenz at November 19, 2013 10:25 AM (ZPrif)

63 Honey, I know it's the latest trend, but wouldn't you prefer I be honest with you? So, for the sake of honesty, I need to let you know that your new hairstyle makes you look older.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at November 19, 2013 10:25 AM (DmNpO)

64 Alt Headline: Study Proves that Women Should be Seen and Not Heard.

Posted by: Damiano the Economic Traitor at November 19, 2013 10:25 AM (j0wOO)

65 So who has to calm down first: TFG or Reggie?

Posted by: Tex Lovera at November 19, 2013 10:25 AM (wtvvX)

66 So can we conclude that this might be an analogy about the need for the wife (The hysterical, RW shrew) to just calm down?

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at November 19, 2013 10:25 AM (23Kgq)

67 44 Everyrhing is cuter shaved. Posted by: CeeCee NO! NO IT'S NOT!!!

Posted by: Countrysquire at November 19, 2013 10:26 AM (LSJmV)

68 Sometimes, during a heated argument, a women will forget she's on the rag. If you remind them, that provides a nice cooling off period while they check. *** So.... you have a death-wish, I see.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at November 19, 2013 10:26 AM (DmNpO)

69 When my kids were younger and I blew a fuse, they went Meh. Now when Mom blew a fuse, everyone was on their best behavior. # 37 is right on. And they spent how much for this?????

Posted by: Misanthropic Humantiarian at November 19, 2013 10:26 AM (HVff2)

70 If you like to keep yo pimp hand strong you can keep yo pimp hand strong?

Posted by: K,tnx,bye at November 19, 2013 10:26 AM (RPDkq)

71

Wow!  I'm going to have to try this out  the next time I see my ex-wife. 

 

Ya see, sweetcakes.......bitchez need to shut up.

Posted by: Soona - Navigator/wants to retire to the Grand Cayman Island at November 19, 2013 10:26 AM (66ULQ)

72

Yes. 

 

"Calm down, honey, you're just being emotional."

 

Works every time.  Yes sirree

Posted by: Prezzy Shamwow at November 19, 2013 10:26 AM (LA7Cm)

73 The study was subtitled "Bitch, You Got to Calm Down, Yo?"

Posted by: joncelli at November 19, 2013 10:26 AM (RD7QR)

74 "I just think they're cuter when they're shaved."


*Advice not necessarily applicable to all First Ladies.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 19, 2013 10:26 AM (8ZskC)

75 They're shaved and wearing stompy boots.  Must be Alpaca Boot Camp.

Posted by: LC LaWedgie at November 19, 2013 10:26 AM (KQp38)

76 Dems,keep your place silly temperamental women .

Posted by: willow at November 19, 2013 10:26 AM (nqBYe)

77 "I just think they're cuter when they're shaved." Admit it, you've been looking for an excuse to use that line for at least a week. *** Worse, on twitter he said they look "sexier"

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at November 19, 2013 10:27 AM (DmNpO)

78 I agree, if by cuter, you mean more freakish looking. Posted by: chique d'afrique (the artist formerly known as african chick) at November 19, 2013 02:23 PM (r+7wo) Should be: I agree if, by cuter, you mean more freakish looking. Stupid misplaced comma (I think). You may carry on.

Posted by: chique d'afrique (the artist formerly known as african chick) at November 19, 2013 10:27 AM (r+7wo)

79 I looked at three different bios of Lian Bloc.  None of them said anything about her being married.  But one things I have noticed over the years about all of these so called experts giving advice.  I would just about give odds that she has never been married.



Most of them have never been in the shoes of the people they are advising.  IOW, marriage counselors have never been married and child counselors have never had children.  I never believe a single word they say.

Posted by: Vic at November 19, 2013 10:27 AM (FTQyq)

80 It's not that you're dumb, you just don't understand these complicated matters.

Posted by: toby928© insists on talking about robots at November 19, 2013 10:27 AM (QupBk)

81 Sigh. It makes me so happy when Dear Leader and his Mandarins make it so easy for me to live my life.

And no, this is NOT a war on women! That only applies to evil Republithugs. Dear Leader wants to HELP us. We should always listen to him and do what he says. Always.

/walks away in a self righteous huff

Posted by: Liberal Voter at November 19, 2013 10:27 AM (25HWz)

82 I just think they're cuter when they're shaved. Aaaannnndddd let the "war over shaved or not shaved cooz" begin anew!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Shit Some Asian Dude Said at November 19, 2013 10:27 AM (da5Wo)

83 so this is why dem women really want abortion available.

Posted by: willow at November 19, 2013 10:27 AM (nqBYe)

84 Are you wearing that to the party?

Posted by: andycanuck at November 19, 2013 10:27 AM (fIgFc)

85
Official govt policy:  Calm down, your ass is fat in those jeans, just like all your other clothes.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at November 19, 2013 10:28 AM (iGPSR)

86 or marriage is for suckers!

Posted by: willow at November 19, 2013 10:28 AM (nqBYe)

87 Naked alpacas? I'm not a prude, but this is definitely going too far.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at November 19, 2013 10:28 AM (dfYL9)

88 My Little Alpacas?

Posted by: Tex Lovera at November 19, 2013 10:28 AM (wtvvX)

89 What difference does it make?

Posted by: Ha-ha-hillary at November 19, 2013 10:28 AM (RPDkq)

90 obviously Lorena Bobbitt didn't make the cut.

Posted by: Misanthropic Humantiarian at November 19, 2013 10:28 AM (HVff2)

91 if only women knew their place.

Posted by: willow at November 19, 2013 10:28 AM (nqBYe)

92 I saw the Shaved Alpacas open for Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention at the LA Bowl back in '73.

Posted by: irright at November 19, 2013 10:28 AM (8GKDa)

93 And if HHS has money to waste on this kind of shit then their budget needs to be cut..... a lot.

Posted by: Vic at November 19, 2013 10:28 AM (FTQyq)

94 I think I'd have to agree.

Posted by: John Bobbit at November 19, 2013 10:29 AM (Xlbr8)

95 Picture of shaved alpacas courtesy of @rdbrewer4. I just think they're cuter when they're shaved. Ahhh, baby alpaca. Baby Alpaca: rarer than cashmere, warmer than wool. From high in the Peruvian Andes comes one of the finest luxury fibers in the world. Baby alpaca—so silky soft and velvety smooth to the touch it was once reserved for Inca royalty. http://www.peruvianconnection.com/category/about+pc/fiber+-+product+info/alpaca+fiber.do

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 19, 2013 10:29 AM (IXrOn)

96 Studies have also proven that desserts are yummier when women remain calm and quiet in the kitchen and let the menfolk discuss adult matters.

Posted by: Dr. Barry Obama at November 19, 2013 10:29 AM (UzPAd)

97 Aaaannnndddd let the "war over shaved or not shaved cooz" begin anew!!!!!!!!! Posted by: Shit Some Asian Dude Said It's the mound that I choose to die on.

Posted by: Countrysquire at November 19, 2013 10:29 AM (LSJmV)

98 I just think they're cuter when they're shaved. Oh here we go. Yeah, it's always a positive life choice to pat me on my wee little head and tell me to calm down and stop being such an emotional girl when I'm pissed. That just ends well for everyone involved.

Posted by: alexthechick - Here SMOD SMOD SMOD at November 19, 2013 10:29 AM (VtjlW)

99 Most of them have never been in the shoes of the people they are advising. IOW, marriage counselors have never been married and child counselors have never had children. I never believe a single word they say.

Posted by: Vic at November 19, 2013 02:27 PM (FTQyq)

 

 

And Power Feminists have never been female?  That does explain a lot.

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Reprehension, Condemnation, and More at the Outrage Outlet! at November 19, 2013 10:29 AM (hLRSq)

100  dem men, if only women would use their mouths for other things than chatter!

Posted by: willow at November 19, 2013 10:29 AM (nqBYe)

101

OMFG I love it.  I LOVE IT.

 

Women are too emotional    and it's their fault when marriages fail.

 

I LOVE     that this is coming from DEMS!

 

 

And the truth is, yes, when one member of a relationship gets all emotional during an argument, it's a nightmare.  Women   are   probably more likely to do so than men.  But having been witness to a few arguments     between the sexes    in my day,        trust me when i say that there are plenty of men who    are  JUST as prone to PMS-like   rage as any    vagstank   "woman."    And in this day and age of    prancing     theta-males    it's even MORE common.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/s][/b] at November 19, 2013 10:29 AM (4df7R)

102 or, dem men.

all we are saying ..
is give Peace a chance!

Posted by: willow at November 19, 2013 10:30 AM (nqBYe)

103 If your wife is conservative, probably the worst possible thing you could say to her isn't "Dear, I think you're being too emotional" but "Dear, I think you're being too emotional and The Government Thinks So, Too!"

Posted by: Jenny Hates Her Phone at November 19, 2013 10:30 AM (GmTxn)

104 So angry feminists who never marry (example: Maureen Dowd) aren't overly emotional when they argue with their latest fling?

Posted by: Lizzy at November 19, 2013 10:30 AM (JRmiD)

105 You know. I think I preferred the couch on the other side of the room.

Posted by: andycanuck at November 19, 2013 10:30 AM (fIgFc)

106 No matter, we'll still vote for the Democrat every damn time.

Posted by: Vast Majority of Women at November 19, 2013 10:30 AM (j0wOO)

107
New HHS t-shirt:

Keep
 calm
 woman!
 and
 carry
 on.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at November 19, 2013 10:30 AM (iGPSR)

108 BTW, the second    alpaca in from the right?   Looks a lot like my 5th grade school photo.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/s][/b] at November 19, 2013 10:30 AM (4df7R)

109 Worse things to say to an angry woman:
1) You're acting just like your mother.
2) Whatsamatta? Gotcher monthlies?

Basically, anything Cotton Hill said to a woman ever is right out.

Posted by: Fart at November 19, 2013 10:30 AM (2aB+q)

110 So Sebelius makes the big bucks approving this stuff when she's not overseeing the wonder that is Obamacare?

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at November 19, 2013 10:30 AM (23Kgq)

111 I just think they're cuter when they're shaved.
---
I have had this right all along.

Posted by: Roman Polanski at November 19, 2013 10:30 AM (84pE9)

112 if only women would keep their mouths shut.
They have stupid thoughts anyway.

Posted by: willow at November 19, 2013 10:30 AM (nqBYe)

113 I wonder if any of the alpaca shearers are tempted to give the alpacas mutton chops.

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at November 19, 2013 10:30 AM (rSTkb)

114 Yeah, it's always a positive life choice to pat me on my wee little head and tell me to calm down and stop being such an emotional girl when I'm pissed. That just ends well for everyone involved.

Posted by: alexthechick - Here SMOD SMOD SMOD at November 19, 2013 02:29 PM (VtjlW) ----------Will a slice of cheese cake help?

Posted by: Misanthropic Humantiarian at November 19, 2013 10:30 AM (HVff2)

115 Yeah, it's always a positive life choice to pat me on my wee little head and tell me to calm down and stop being such an emotional girl when I'm pissed. That just ends well for everyone involved. Posted by: alexthechick - Here SMOD SMOD SMOD at November 19, 2013 02:29 PM (VtjlW) Well it is kinda cute at first, being so small and yet so angry, but the yelling really distracts from you making sammiches..... *calmly awaits his death*

Posted by: Shit Some Asian Dude Said at November 19, 2013 10:30 AM (da5Wo)

116

#2 of what not to say to a woman during a fight:

How about calm down and stop being so emotional and that dress,  pair of pants, etc. makes your ass look fat!

Posted by: Cathy at November 19, 2013 10:31 AM (RleED)

117 I think we ned to codify this HHS finding into law, because Big Government. Dubbed The CFDYSB ("Calm the Fuck Down, You Shrieking Bitch") Act, the newly passed law reads: "Whereas bitches are out of control, and are endangering the peace and security of many American homes, let it hereby be enacted that bitches must calm down and shut the fuck up, for their own good, and for the good of their little brats, who will otherwise be scarred by their mothers' irrational whining. Dudes don't need to shut up, because studies have shown that dudes shutting up won't do no good. So, bitch: Shut up!"

Posted by: zombie at November 19, 2013 10:31 AM (+cx5n)

118 Say What ?

Posted by: #WarOnWomyn at November 19, 2013 10:31 AM (e8kgV)

119 dem man,"What did you just say to me?! "

Posted by: willow at November 19, 2013 10:31 AM (nqBYe)

120 I just think they're cuter when they're shaved. Also not a good thing to say to a woman when you're arguing.

Posted by: brak at November 19, 2013 10:31 AM (iEoiA)

121 I just think they're cuter when they're shaved.


Go back and look up my informative post about women's grooming habits...  It works here. 

Google, in quotes, the following:  "Posted by: Washington Nearsider at April 29, 2013 09:56 AM (fwARV)"

Posted by: Washington Nearsider at November 19, 2013 10:31 AM (fwARV)

122 Obviously, no married men were involved in this study.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at November 19, 2013 10:31 AM (0HooB)

123 Yeah, nothing calms down a woman in the grips of an incandescent rage more than being told, "Just relax, sweetie, you always get too emotional."


Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes at November 19, 2013 10:31 AM (kXoT0)

124 From high in the Peruvian Andes comes one of the finest luxury fibers in the world. Baby alpaca—so silky soft and velvety smooth to the touch it was once reserved for Inca royalty. Hairy Reed agrees!

Posted by: rickb223 at November 19, 2013 10:31 AM (t+DWU)

125 The latest figures include 20% who Strongly Approve of the way Obama is performing as president and 43% who Strongly Disapprove. This gives him a Presidential Approval Index rating of -23.

Posted by: Raz at November 19, 2013 10:31 AM (e8kgV)

126 They shouldn't be allowed near sharp objects either.

Posted by: John Bobbit at November 19, 2013 10:31 AM (Xlbr8)

127 You had one job!


Posted by: EC at November 19, 2013 10:32 AM (GQ8sn)

128

I tried saying "Just calme down" to my girlfriend just the other night.

The results were suboptimal.

Posted by: rabidsquirrel at November 19, 2013 10:32 AM (QSvuk)

129 Are we doing alpaca porn nowadays?

Posted by: Chaos the other dark meat at November 19, 2013 10:32 AM (oDCMR)

130 Obviously, no married men were involved in this study.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at November 19, 2013 02:31 PM (0HooB)


Obviously, no married men who lived through it were involved in this study.


^^FIFY^^

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes at November 19, 2013 10:32 AM (kXoT0)

131 Hey MWR.  I missed you earlier.  Wanted to say thanks for the morale boosting bounce on the trampoline with you. 



I'm still having trouble concentrating but I do feel happier.

Posted by: Muad'dib at November 19, 2013 10:32 AM (KjlbF)

132 Apparently, shaved alpacas are quite a thing....

Posted by: Comrade Jesse, not welcoming our socialist overlords at November 19, 2013 10:32 AM (kkbgQ)

133 *calmly awaits his death*

Posted by: Shit Some Asian Dude Said at November 19, 2013 02:30 PM (da5Wo)

 

 

Don't harm his liver!  I got dibs on that part.

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Reprehension, Condemnation, and More at the Outrage Outlet! at November 19, 2013 10:32 AM (hLRSq)

134 Hardest Hit: Make up sex

Posted by: Damiano the Economic Traitor at November 19, 2013 10:32 AM (j0wOO)

135 man, i said shut up!
woman, pardon?
 man, shut up!

Posted by: willow at November 19, 2013 10:32 AM (nqBYe)

136

i'm willing to wager that “The marriages that were the happiest were the ones in which the wives woke the husbands up every day with a BJ and bacon”

Posted by: Buzzsaw90 at November 19, 2013 10:32 AM (SO2Q8)

137 I believe it's time to for them men to go to the drawing room for brandy and cigars. Much of import to discuss.

Posted by: toby928© insists on talking about robots at November 19, 2013 10:33 AM (QupBk)

138 Posted by: Washington Nearsider at November 19, 2013 02:31 PM (fwARV) I already dropped a portion of the "shaved cooz war" quote.

Posted by: Shit Some Asian Dude Said at November 19, 2013 10:33 AM (da5Wo)

139 Honey, you need to calm down.

I can't hear the game....

Posted by: Tex Lovera at November 19, 2013 10:33 AM (wtvvX)

140 Michelle, honey.  Calm down.  You're too emotional.

*picks teeth up out of carpet*

Posted by: Preezy Choom at November 19, 2013 10:33 AM (lVPtV)

141

127 The latest figures include 20% who Strongly Approve of the way Obama is performing as president and 43% who Strongly Disapprove. This gives him a Presidential Approval Index rating of -23.

 

Wonder what it will be once the Employer Mandates hit? Stalingrad or something worse?

Posted by: Chaos the other dark meat at November 19, 2013 10:33 AM (oDCMR)

142

"give Peace a chance!.."

 

 

Give piece a chance. 

 

 

 

 FIFY. 

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at November 19, 2013 10:33 AM (LA7Cm)

143 So obviously this advice works really well for married Alpacas? Groovy.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at November 19, 2013 10:33 AM (23Kgq)

144 Did they make a pamphlet? It would be helpful just to have something to hand out during those times when they get that way.

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at November 19, 2013 10:33 AM (+lsX1)

145 grabs, shit some asian dude says,  and waits for alex with her implements of torture.

Posted by: willow at November 19, 2013 10:33 AM (nqBYe)

146 Proof #49093: Why Government Is Not Better than common sense - Failures of Leftism Series, Obama Edition.

Posted by: Inspector Cussword at November 19, 2013 10:33 AM (eaIpn)

147 When I lived in N. VA had a neighbor who worked at HHS approving grants. She was exactly what you would expect: Lefty Boomer who bragged about her radical escapades while attending Harvard (hee hee, the cops never suspected a good lil' Irish catholic girl like me!), divorced, with adult children who carried on her legacy by getting jobs at the Aspen Institute.

Posted by: Lizzy at November 19, 2013 10:33 AM (JRmiD)

148 Needle,thread,sheet and a baseball bat. See: What Willie Nelson's wife did when her emotions kicked in.

Posted by: Fourth Horseman at November 19, 2013 10:33 AM (KuZ6A)

149

Apparently, shaved alpacas are quite a thing....

---

Furries hardest hit

Posted by: Buzzsaw90 at November 19, 2013 10:34 AM (SO2Q8)

150 Calm your ass down, and make me a samwich!

Posted by: NotCoach at November 19, 2013 10:34 AM (rsudF)

151 OH for fucks sake. The stupid fucking sock is on??????? FUCK YOU PIXY

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at November 19, 2013 10:34 AM (da5Wo)

152 Nope. I wept like a baby. Well, I started to tell her and then all of the sudden, for some reason, I just burst into tears. I bawled uncontrollably. I just poured my guts out. And I'll tell you, Jerry, it was incredible. I never realized how powerful these tears are. I could have postponed it another five years if I wanted to.

Posted by: george costanza at November 19, 2013 10:34 AM (fIgFc)

153 In fact, I'm pretty sure this study was conducted by the shaved alpacas.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at November 19, 2013 10:34 AM (0HooB)

154 All Republican women calm down sooner.

Posted by: Caliban at November 19, 2013 10:34 AM (DrC22)

155 I have never been married, but I think one of the reasons I tended to get along with bfs (the few that have been privileged to enjoy my fabtasticness) is that I've never been an emotional or hot-tempered person, so arguments rarely escalate, and arguments tend to get resolved calmly. Then again, I have never been married, and I can imagine that tends to add a whole other dimension to things, having to make life decisions together and all.

Posted by: chique d'afrique (the artist formerly known as african chick) at November 19, 2013 10:34 AM (r+7wo)

156 Pau Gasol in his natural habitat.

Posted by: Adam Smith's Invisible Pimp Hand at November 19, 2013 10:34 AM (udJ+U)

157 “The marriages that were the happiest were the ones in which the wives were able to calm down quickly during marital conflict.” This is an odd thing to say. And, could be true in some instances, but leaves out half of the equation. Women could easily calm down if "the other half" handles himself in a way that calms her down or allows her to calm down. Don't feed the fire. Allowing some women to vent is a way to calm her down. I do not think it's prudent to allow steam to build up in a pressure cooker for all eternity. Just because a man is quiet, does not mean he has calm or calmed down. This entire thing is so bogus... Trying to push everyone in the same shaped peg.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 19, 2013 10:35 AM (IXrOn)

158 Ruffies -- not just for date rape.  You can calm the crazy bitches down with them too.

Posted by: Purp[/i][/b][/s] at November 19, 2013 10:35 AM (Xlbr8)

159 grabs, shit some asian dude says, and waits for alex with her implements of torture.

Posted by: willow at November 19, 2013 02:33 PM (nqBYe)

 

 

Don't harm his liver!  I'm going to need that in a few more years!

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Reprehension, Condemnation, and More at the Outrage Outlet! at November 19, 2013 10:35 AM (hLRSq)

160 Yeppers, you just know on many, many an occasion, Barky hath turned to Mooch and said, "Shut it, bitch, or Ima shut it for you."


Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes at November 19, 2013 10:35 AM (kXoT0)

161 I stopped saying "calm down", I just played like a sunning lizard until she realized she was the only one yelling, or gently point it out to her. The embarrassment factor kicks in and they stifle themselves a bit. With crazy chicks, there's no winning, just flee.

Posted by: Lincolntf at November 19, 2013 10:35 AM (ZshNr)

162 Sebelius :   Does this website make my  butt look big? 

Posted by: polynikes at November 19, 2013 10:35 AM (m2CN7)

163 Sweetie, it's going to be really difficult for you to blow me if you keep yelling like that.

Posted by: Damiano the Economic Traitor at November 19, 2013 10:35 AM (j0wOO)

164

 

Someone tweet this to Amanda Marcotte

Posted by: The Jackhole at November 19, 2013 10:35 AM (nTgAI)

165 I guess the next step we'll see is having them integrate these new federal relationship management rules into the Common Core curriculum.

http://tinyurl.com/kgodawh

Posted by: torquewrench at November 19, 2013 10:35 AM (gqT4g)

166 Wonder what it will be once the Employer Mandates hit? Stalingrad or something worse? This is Stalingrad, the overreach. Next comes Kursk.

Posted by: toby928© insists on talking about robots at November 19, 2013 10:35 AM (QupBk)

167  All Republican women calm down sooner.

Posted by: Caliban at November 19, 2013 02:34 PM (DrC22)

"Calm down" and "get knocked unconscious" are not the same, wingnutz.

Posted by: Liberals, the media, the Preezy and Joey Choo-Choo at November 19, 2013 10:35 AM (fwARV)

168 165 Sweetie, it's going to be really difficult for you to blow me if you keep yelling like that. --- Enjoy the teeth marks she'll give you.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at November 19, 2013 10:36 AM (/Crba)

169

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 19, 2013 02:35 PM (IXrOn)

 

I understand.  

Posted by: polynikes at November 19, 2013 10:36 AM (m2CN7)

170 Wonder what it will be once the Employer Mandates hit?
---
Too late by then.

1) Dropped doctors from plans narrowing will be discovered.
2) Dropped hospitals will be discovered.
3) Much, much higher co-pays.
4) Much, much higher out-of-pocket expenses.

It is the gift that keeps on giving.  IF the website had worked, hardly anyone would have noticed.

Posted by: CUS at November 19, 2013 10:36 AM (84pE9)

171 "Stifle!" I was ahead of my time.

Posted by: Archie Bunker at November 19, 2013 10:36 AM (j0wOO)

172 if she won't calm down , and get's IT .

it's her fault!

Posted by: willow at November 19, 2013 10:36 AM (nqBYe)

173 I believe it's time to for them men to go to the drawing room for brandy and cigars. Much of import to discuss. More like the fallout shelter...

Posted by: rickb223 at November 19, 2013 10:36 AM (t+DWU)

174 Yeppers, you just know on many, many an occasion, Barky hath turned to Mooch and said, "Shut it, bitch, or Ima shut it for you."


Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes at November 19, 2013 02:35 PM (kXo

 

Other way around

Posted by: The Jackhole at November 19, 2013 10:36 AM (nTgAI)

175
The problem here really is that the woman even argued with the man in the first place.  A good wife should just obey her husband.

Posted by: The New and Improved HHS at November 19, 2013 10:37 AM (iGPSR)

176  Of course you should calm down....and then you shall blow me.

Posted by: Mel Gibson at November 19, 2013 02:36 PM (OWjjx) 

You must be new here.  The blowing is always first.  Always.

Posted by: Washington Nearsider at November 19, 2013 10:37 AM (fwARV)

177 Also great to say during an argument: "Can this wait, I'm watching the game?" "Have you put on weight?" "Yes, that does make you look fat." "Just relax, no need to get emotional"

Posted by: Department of Health and Human Services at November 19, 2013 10:37 AM (YVWNt)

178 Makes sense to me

Posted by: Mel Gibson at November 19, 2013 10:37 AM (nSsQV)

179 Since I'm apparently too stupid to realize a sock is still on, and Minx 0.7 sucks so much alpaca cock that the sock was still on after over 24 hours and shutting down the computer....let me paste this from the previous thread. Begging the indulgence of Ace.....OT. Horde, I'm trying to set up a little act of charity for a beloved Ron. Those of you at the Yahoo Group know what I'm talking about. I'd like to keep it off the site, so please, if you're interested in helping out, email me directly. bcochran1981 at gmail dot com ....and now back to the idiocy and incompetency that is the TFG Administration.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at November 19, 2013 10:37 AM (da5Wo)

180 No matter, we'll still vote for the Democrat every damn time.

Posted by: Vast Majority of Women at November 19, 2013 02:30 PM (j0wOO)

 

 

Point of order!    These are not "women."    They are more accurately referred to as "vaginas," since they have chosen to make their     sex slot their     single defining feature.   

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/s][/b] at November 19, 2013 10:37 AM (4df7R)

181 "Pacific Graduate School of Psychology in Palo Alto" A hotbed of critical thinking and objective scientific inquiry if there ever was one.

Posted by: Call me Ishmael at November 19, 2013 10:37 AM (O7OxF)

182 Wonder what it will be once the Employer Mandates hit? Stalingrad or something worse?

This is Stalingrad, the overreach.

Next comes Kursk.

Posted by: toby928© insists on talking about robots at November 19, 2013 02:35 PM (QupBk)

 

Little Big Horn

Posted by: The Jackhole at November 19, 2013 10:37 AM (nTgAI)

183 Just because a man is quiet, does not mean he has calm or calmed down.
This entire thing is so bogus...
Trying to push everyone in the same shaped peg.

Oh jeez, here we go.

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at November 19, 2013 10:38 AM (+lsX1)

184 Maybe if there were a law requiring tampons to be infused with Valium?

Posted by: Purp[/i][/b][/s] at November 19, 2013 10:38 AM (Xlbr8)

185

My non-funded research showed an interesting thing about this. This summer my ex-husband and I were having a very contentious fight about my son's middle school. In the entire course of my relationship with my ex, from dating to marriage to divorce, I always got super emotional during fights and he would decimate me. Well, this summer I tried something I never had before, I remained calm, factual, and completely unemotional in my dealings with him.

 

 

And you know what happened? He got more and more emotional until he was hurling crazy wild comments at me trying to provoke a response. I doubled down on calm and he ratcheted it up another notch. In the end, I stayed calm, he went batshit crazy, and I won the fight.

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at November 19, 2013 10:38 AM (RZ8pf)

186 “I’ve run my last political campaign, but I’ve got one more campaign in me, and that’s making sure that this law works,” Obama said on a conference call organized by OFA. “And we’re not backing off one bit.”

Got that?

Campaigning => law works.

Not meticulous planning, programming, or the shit people usually call 'work.'

Campaigning.

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at November 19, 2013 10:38 AM (rSTkb)

187

Hey MWR. I missed you earlier. Wanted to say thanks for the morale boosting bounce on the trampoline with you.



I'm still having trouble concentrating but I do feel happier.


 

Posted by: Muad'dib at November 19, 2013 02:32 PM (KjlbF) /i]

 

 

 

I do what I can, FSS.  

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/s][/b] at November 19, 2013 10:38 AM (4df7R)

188 I don't mind when women enthusiastically voice their opinions.  It's cute, like those talking dogs.  It sounds just like they're making people noises!






trollololololololol

Posted by: shillelagh at November 19, 2013 10:38 AM (hRzu2)

189 "Calm down." Now that is some funny shit, right there. Imma post that link to my Facebook page to see if I can taunt a lib into freaking out. Mrs. Jakeman, as a good conservative lady, will think it's great.

Posted by: jakeman at November 19, 2013 10:38 AM (vH4YP)

190 I don't know what those are, but I want to shoot one for Thanksgiving dinner.

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at November 19, 2013 10:39 AM (7ObY1)

191 Is it that time of the month again? Should I get your "medicine"?

Posted by: president o'bumbles at November 19, 2013 10:39 AM (fIgFc)

192 >>Did they make a pamphlet? It would be helpful just to have something to hand out during those times when they get that way. I'll take "Famous Last Words Before Dying of Paper Cuts" for $500, Alex.

Posted by: Mama AJ at November 19, 2013 10:39 AM (SUKHu)

193 Don't harm his liver! I'm going to need that in a few more years! Posted by: Mikey NTH - Reprehension, Condemnation, and More at the Outrage Outlet! at November 19, 2013 02:35 PM (hLRSq) Interesting...You want one worse than yours?

Posted by: [/i][/b][/u][/s] Tami at November 19, 2013 10:39 AM (bCEmE)

194 Yeppers, you just know on many, many an occasion, Barky hath turned to Mooch and said, "Shut it, bitch, or Ima shut it for you." Barky is no Ike Turner....

Posted by: rickb223 at November 19, 2013 10:39 AM (t+DWU)

195 you wanna put your little Mel in the mouth of an angry woman?

Posted by: Mel Gibson at November 19, 2013 02:38 PM (OWjjx)

Oh fuck no.  I was just trying to follow the HQ Style Guide.

Posted by: Washington Nearsider at November 19, 2013 10:39 AM (fwARV)

196 Eh...WTF are these people talking about?


Posted by: dananjcon at November 19, 2013 10:39 AM (wmU4G)

197 When I argue with a woman, I helpfully remind her that she should make an effort to be more rational.  Like her sister.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at November 19, 2013 10:40 AM (SY2Kh)

198 aside from the comedic potential here (which is vast):

At what point did the govt decide it was a good idea to tell me or my wife how to behave in a marriage?

Reading this post makes me want to punch something.  Not my wife.  But something liberal. 

I punch it!

Posted by: tangonine at November 19, 2013 10:40 AM (x3YFz)

199 I should send this link to my wife.


Cute animal pics tend to lighten the daily beatings I endure.

Posted by: Jaws at November 19, 2013 10:40 AM (4I3Uo)

200

"you wanna put your little Mel in the mouth of an angry woman?"

 

 

That is basically a meat chopper, so, poke carefully. 

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at November 19, 2013 10:40 AM (LA7Cm)

201 Why would it matter one way or the other?  I thought that when women are talking (or ranting) all men hear is, "Wah wah wah wah wah" a la Charlie Brown cartoons.  Is it the volume of the "wah wah wah" that's destructive?

Posted by: kathysaysso at November 19, 2013 10:40 AM (6H6o8)

202 >>Then again, I have never been married, and I can imagine that tends to add a whole other dimension to things, having to make life decisions together and all.

Nah, if you don't get emotionally charged before marriage it's pretty much the same after (assuming it's not a bombshell like "Honey, I'm in love with another woman and I'm leaving/kicking you out type stuff).
Also, there's actually a benefit with marriage in that given the commitment there's not that fear of break-up hanging over you with disagreements.

Posted by: Lizzy at November 19, 2013 10:40 AM (JRmiD)

203 Yeah, guys, you can't let your pimp hand get weak.

Posted by: butters stotch at November 19, 2013 10:40 AM (fIgFc)

204 Michelle, honey.  That outfit makes your ass look huge.  Now calm the fuck down.

*head crashes into wall*

Posted by: Preezy Choom at November 19, 2013 10:40 AM (lVPtV)

205 Know what else doesn't work? Sighing and hitting the pause button on the remote. Also can't recommend pointing the remote at her and hitting the mute button.

Posted by: Countrysquire at November 19, 2013 10:40 AM (LSJmV)

206

OH for fucks sake. The stupid fucking sock is on???????



FUCK YOU PIXY

 

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at November 19, 2013 02:34 PM (da5Wo)

 

 

Calm down, BC.  You're too emotional.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/s][/b] at November 19, 2013 10:41 AM (4df7R)

207 BTW, the second alpaca in from the right? Looks a lot like my 5th grade school photo. Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at November 19, 2013 02:30 PM (4df7R) Hmmm. If the alpaca on the right standing next to 5th grade school photo you were to represent me, then the photo does capture the height difference between us. Not to mention being a fairly accurate representation of my skin tone. Well it is kinda cute at first, being so small and yet so angry, but the yelling really distracts from you making sammiches..... *calmly awaits his death* Posted by: Shit Some Asian Dude Said at November 19, 2013 02:30 PM (da5Wo) Awww, BC, sweetie, darling, it's so cute that you think I'm going to let you die. So. Cute. Actually, I've been told it's adorably hilarious when I'm in full bore rantastic rage because the arms are waving and the foot is stomping and then sometimes you get the combined arm wave foot stomp. Picture that. I'll wait. Yes, I can hear you laughing. The Bastard Ex was the one who used to pull out the crying card. Drove me nuts. I'm the girl! Not him! If anyone gets to cry it's me! Of course, it took him far longer than it should to realize that if we were fighting and I was crying it was because I cry when I get really angry.

Posted by: alexthechick - Here SMOD SMOD SMOD at November 19, 2013 10:41 AM (VtjlW)

208

Posted by: kathysaysso at November 19, 2013 02:40 PM (6H6o

 

I understand. 

Posted by: polynikes at November 19, 2013 10:41 AM (m2CN7)

209 Of course you should calm down....and then you shall blow me. Posted by: Mel Gibson at November 19, 2013 02:36 PM (OWjjx) You must be new here. The blowing is always first. Always. Honestly? You might want her calm before she chews it off. Just a suggestion.

Posted by: rickb223 at November 19, 2013 10:41 AM (t+DWU)

210

Is berserker lurking around here anywhere?

 

Posted by: madamemayhem at November 19, 2013 10:41 AM (S2RnE)

211
They look like living Q-tips.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at November 19, 2013 10:41 AM (iGPSR)

212 Calm down, BC. You're too emotional.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at November 19, 2013 02:41 PM (4df7R)


BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

Winner.  Of the interwebs.  Fucking all of them. 

Posted by: Washington Nearsider at November 19, 2013 10:42 AM (fwARV)

213 I doubled down on calm and he ratcheted it up another notch. In the end, I stayed calm, he went batshit crazy, and I won the fight.

It's hilarious that you remember it that way!

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at November 19, 2013 10:42 AM (+lsX1)

214 Calm down, BC. You're too emotional. Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at November 19, 2013 02:41 PM (4df7R) *puts fist through wall* Happy now? I'm quieter.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at November 19, 2013 10:42 AM (da5Wo)

215

189

 

I have a job where quite a bit of it is contentious and argumentive at times. If you just remain calm it drives most people crazy.

Posted by: Misanthropic Humantiarian at November 19, 2013 10:42 AM (HVff2)

216 Posted by: Lizzy at November 19, 2013 02:40 PM (JRmiD) That's good to know. Thanks for sharing. Who knows, that might turn out useful one day. If someone finds fit to propose. Although the older I get, I enjoy being single more and more.

Posted by: chique d'afrique (the artist formerly known as african chick) at November 19, 2013 10:42 AM (r+7wo)

217 Jeez-Louise, honey! You're starting to act like your mother!

Posted by: Tough Internet Husband at November 19, 2013 10:42 AM (ay6+/)

218 Waiting for the wails of, "I don't want the government in my relationship!!!1!!"  from the feminazis...

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at November 19, 2013 10:42 AM (0HooB)

219

181 Also great to say during an argument:
"Can this wait, I'm watching the game?"
"Have you put on weight?"
"Yes, that does make you look fat."
"Just relax, no need to get emotional"

---------

How about this classic:

"Now I see where you get it from, your mother"

Posted by: fastfreefall at November 19, 2013 10:42 AM (5Vw04)

220 Honey, is it that time of the month...again?

Posted by: dananjcon at November 19, 2013 10:43 AM (wmU4G)

221 > Also can't recommend pointing the remote at her and hitting the mute button.

Posted by: Countrysquire at November 19, 2013 02:40 PM (LSJmV)<



Oh boy.  I did that once.  I thought it was hilarious.  I was soon shown the error of my ways.

Posted by: Muad'dib at November 19, 2013 10:43 AM (KjlbF)

222
*puts fist through wall*

Happy now? I'm quieter.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at November 19, 2013 02:42 PM (da5Wo)



hee

Posted by: Preezy Choom at November 19, 2013 10:43 AM (lVPtV)

223 Reminds me of the Dave Attel bit about meeting the woman with a black eye. "Oh great, she doesn't know how to listen".

Posted by: Countrysquire at November 19, 2013 10:43 AM (LSJmV)

224 stupid stoner sock

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 19, 2013 10:43 AM (lVPtV)

225 Sebelius : Does this website make my butt look big?
-
I was gonna say makes your ass look stupid but whatever.

Posted by: WalrusRex at November 19, 2013 10:43 AM (XUKZU)

226 Oy...

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars [/i] [/b] [/s] at November 19, 2013 10:44 AM (ic+2p)

227

OT:  Dan Pfeifer, Senior advisor to Toonces declares that Obama can't attend the anniversary of Lincoln's Gettysburg addresss because he is too busy with this whole healthcare website problem.

What do you want to bet that you could find him hanging out in a closet with Reggie smoking Kools.  They can't even lie well. 

Posted by: Cheri at November 19, 2013 10:44 AM (G+Wff)

228 Posted by: alexthechick - Here SMOD SMOD SMOD at November 19, 2013 02:41 PM (VtjlW) You know what the second best part of a MoMee is? I can now accurately picture all of that.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at November 19, 2013 10:44 AM (da5Wo)

229 "BTW, the second alpaca in from the right? Looks a lot like my 5th grade school photo. Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at November 19, 2013 02:30 PM"

O_o

I can only assume it had been taken immediately post-trampoline....

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at November 19, 2013 10:44 AM (knoK7)

230

I'm a man.

But I can change.

If I have to. I guess.

 

The Man's Prayer

Posted by: Misanthropic Humantiarian at November 19, 2013 10:44 AM (HVff2)

231

*puts fist through wall*



Happy now? I'm quieter.

 

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at November 19, 2013 02:42 PM (da5Wo)

 

 

So when are you going to fix the wall?

 

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/s][/b] at November 19, 2013 10:44 AM (4df7R)

232 The only time I've ever seen someone turn literally purple with rage---my clueless dad said to his second wife "This really isn't something to get all worked up about. It never even phased Valerie". Yeah. Valerie was his first wife.

Posted by: Jenny Hates Her Phone at November 19, 2013 10:44 AM (GmTxn)

233 Interesting...You want one worse than yours?

Posted by: Tami at November 19, 2013 02:39 PM (bCEmE)

 

 

If it's worse I'll hold onto it and sell on e-bay to some Chinese or Indian dude.

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Reprehension, Condemnation, and More at the Outrage Outlet! at November 19, 2013 10:44 AM (hLRSq)

234 Protip: If you find yourself starting to become too emotional, try taking a break from the argument and doing something else, like maybe retreating to the kitchen and making your husband a nice sandwich.

Posted by: Bloch of the HHS at November 19, 2013 10:44 AM (2jQGY)

235 Sorry, but that picture is just creepiness on steroids.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars [/i] [/b] [/s] at November 19, 2013 10:45 AM (ic+2p)

236 Barky is no Ike Turner.... Posted by: rickb223 +++++++++++++++++++++++++ And Medusa Mae is no Tina.

Posted by: Countrysquire at November 19, 2013 10:45 AM (LSJmV)

237 I still say the words that made me want  to immediately catch a plane and leave for Antarctica is when a woman says, very calmly........"we need to talk", and then looks at you with those eyes --  cold and icy.  Like dolls  eyes.

Posted by: Soona - Navigator/wants to retire to the Grand Cayman Island at November 19, 2013 10:45 AM (66ULQ)

238 At least HHS dude didn't say "BINDERS."  Now that would have been mucho inappropriate.

Posted by: Hipster Douche LIV at November 19, 2013 10:46 AM (W2qJe)

239 Oh I more than remember it that way. I have a nice chain of email exchanges to for once prove my point. Usually he won't commit himself to any sort of trackable interaction, but this time he was so crazy mad about it he did.

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at November 19, 2013 10:46 AM (RZ8pf)

240 Those alpaca look underfed.  They're staring at my sammich.

Posted by: Purp[/i][/b][/s] at November 19, 2013 10:46 AM (Xlbr8)

241

[iBWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!


Winner. Of the interwebs. Fucking all of them.

 

Posted by: Washington Nearsider at November 19, 2013 02:42 PM (fwARV) [/i]

 

*deep bow*   Thank you.

 

But     no, I will not be fucking all of the interwebs.   I'm a delicate flower of innocent virtue, not a whore!

 

 

I can only assume it had been taken immediately post-trampoline....

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at November 19, 2013 02:44 PM (knoK7)

 

lol!      It's more that I had this dandelion     puff of hair and a long neck.     I was     once    described as looking like a goose with an afro.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/s][/b] at November 19, 2013 10:46 AM (4df7R)

242 Protip: If you find yourself starting to become too emotional, try taking a break from the argument and doing something else, like maybe retreating to the kitchen and making your husband a nice sandwich.


I LOL'ed! 

Posted by: EC at November 19, 2013 10:47 AM (GQ8sn)

243 @243: Amen, mofo.  Amen.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at November 19, 2013 10:47 AM (wtvvX)

244 I've shaved my alpaca

Posted by: Sandra Fluke at November 19, 2013 10:47 AM (VndSC)

245 I understand. Posted by: polynikes at November 19, 2013 02:41 PM (m2CN7) I see you've played this game before. The only time I've ever seen someone turn literally purple with rage---my clueless dad said to his second wife "This really isn't something to get all worked up about. It never even phased Valerie". Yeah. Valerie was his first wife. Posted by: Jenny Hates Her Phone at November 19, 2013 02:44 PM (GmTxn) Holy. Shit. Yeah, that's a suboptimal response right there.

Posted by: alexthechick - Here SMOD SMOD SMOD at November 19, 2013 10:47 AM (VtjlW)

246 Did they make a pamphlet? It would be helpful just to have something to hand out during those times when they get that way.
They're on the Homeland Security web site.

Posted by: andycanuck at November 19, 2013 10:47 AM (fIgFc)

247

Sorry, but that picture is just creepiness on steroids.

 

I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I can't look at that pic without laughing.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at November 19, 2013 10:47 AM (0HooB)

248 My wife's motto is , "Don't get mad, get even".


Careful, one learns to be around her--very careful.

Posted by: stuff Sun Tzu said but didn't write down at November 19, 2013 10:47 AM (omBWL)

249 I still say the words that made me want to immediately catch a plane and leave for Antarctica is when a woman says, very calmly........"we need to talk", and then looks at you with those eyes -- cold and icy. Like dolls eyes.
-
The correct response at that time is, "How about dem Broncos?"

Posted by: WalrusRex at November 19, 2013 10:47 AM (XUKZU)

250

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at November 19, 2013 02:46 PM (4df7R)

 

Were you wearing glasses? If so, HAWT

Posted by: Misanthropic Humantiarian at November 19, 2013 10:47 AM (HVff2)

251 I guess the Muslims with their submissive women have it right.  Clitoridectomies for all the bitches!

Posted by: kathysaysso at November 19, 2013 10:48 AM (6H6o8)

252


Hmmm. If the alpaca on the right standing next to 5th grade school photo you were to represent me, then the photo does capture the height difference between us. Not to mention being a fairly accurate representation of my skin tone.

 

 

...This is going to sound so odd, but I will never    be able to look at an alpaca again without    thinking of    you.    lol!

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/s][/b] at November 19, 2013 10:48 AM (4df7R)

253 I'm a delicate flower of innocent virtue...

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at November 19, 2013 02:46 PM (4df7R)

Um... Right. 

Posted by: Washington Nearsider at November 19, 2013 10:48 AM (fwARV)

254 Imperial Walkers. Fuzzy Imperial Walkers.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at November 19, 2013 10:48 AM (Ec6wH)

255

Calm down, ladies, you're cuter  when you are shaved.

 

That's what I got out  of it... and 254 comments in, probably not the first to say so. 

Posted by: BurtTC at November 19, 2013 10:48 AM (TOk1P)

256 >>OT: Dan Pfeifer, Senior advisor to Toonces declares that Obama can't attend the anniversary of Lincoln's Gettysburg addresss because he is too busy with this whole healthcare website problem.

*NOW* he's too busy? Maybe if he had put in the time up front?....Oh, who am I kidding, having Obama involved has zero value, pre- or post-rollout debacle.

Posted by: Lizzy at November 19, 2013 10:49 AM (JRmiD)

257

I'm sorry but you should never tell a woman (especially your wife) to calm down. Just let her scream at you for whatever home improvement project you f'd up this time and then go buy flowers or a spa gift certificate.

/works for me

Posted by: Jay in CDA at November 19, 2013 10:49 AM (xGt2P)

258 So when are you going to fix the wall? Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at November 19, 2013 02:44 PM (4df7R) Bout the same time you calm down and stop being so emotionally compromised.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at November 19, 2013 10:49 AM (da5Wo)

259

For gay marriage fights, does it make a difference depending on which person pretends to be the wife?

Posted by: Roy at November 19, 2013 10:49 AM (VndSC)

260

Just go running for the shelter of your mutha's little helper.  Bitches!
Or go running to the Dove shelter for your free stuffed animal and blanket.

Posted by: Ike Turner at November 19, 2013 10:49 AM (HWgnC)

261 Imperial Walkers.

Fuzzy Imperial Walkers.



Yup!  Cute, fuzzy imperial walkers all over the shield generator!!!

Posted by: EC at November 19, 2013 10:49 AM (GQ8sn)

262 Speaking of women, the hashtag #WomenTogether is trending. It is in support of a conference by Gloria Steinam to convince women that amnesty for illegal aliens is a womyn's issue because of "kyriarchy" and "intersectional oppression" and stuff...

Posted by: The Political Hat at November 19, 2013 10:49 AM (XvHmy)

263

Fuzzy Imperial Walkers.  

 

Not any more.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at November 19, 2013 10:49 AM (0HooB)

264 >>Sorry, but that picture is just creepiness on steroids. >>I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I can't look at that pic without laughing. I had both reactions at the same time. I think I pulled something...

Posted by: Mama AJ at November 19, 2013 10:50 AM (SUKHu)

265 ...This is going to sound so odd, but I will never be able to look at an alpaca again without thinking of you. lol! Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at November 19, 2013 02:48 PM (4df7R) Ha! My work here is done! *bounds off* *bounds back* Here. http://bit.ly/IeSNXO *bounds away*

Posted by: alexthechick - Here SMOD SMOD SMOD at November 19, 2013 10:50 AM (VtjlW)

266 I think I'm going to open a club called The Alpaca Landing Strip. Maybe put it out by the airport.

Posted by: andycanuck at November 19, 2013 10:50 AM (fIgFc)

267 Sweetie, I know you're upset, but it's almost the second quarter.  I'm happy to discuss it with you at halftime.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at November 19, 2013 10:50 AM (SY2Kh)

268

....crap that's already on Jezebel and PopSugar and all the Mommy Blogs.

 

There's a whole world out there I have no clue about.

Posted by: eleven at November 19, 2013 10:50 AM (fsLdt)

269 You know what else might keep women calm?  Lobotomies. 

Posted by: kathysaysso at November 19, 2013 10:50 AM (6H6o8)

270

Last night was trash night and I accidentally  threw out the chopped onions  my wife was saving for chili.

 

"Can't  you chop more?" I said in defense.  It's her emotional time of the month. It was a long, quiet night.

 

 

Posted by: CJ at November 19, 2013 10:50 AM (9KqcB)

271 Sorry, but that picture is just creepiness on steroids. What? They're just willing you to get them food. And judging you, don't forget that part.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at November 19, 2013 10:50 AM (sByIH)

272 I just think they're cuter when they're shaved.

That joke will never get old.

Posted by: dfbaskwill at November 19, 2013 10:51 AM (71LDo)

273 Those goats look pretty stupid now hah.

Posted by: eleven at November 19, 2013 10:51 AM (fsLdt)

274
My wife doesn't argue.  She just goes out and buys a bunch of shit to show me later.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at November 19, 2013 10:51 AM (iGPSR)

275 Shaved Alpaca= Manscaping Definitely a more 'twig and berries' look there.

Posted by: Damiano the Economic Traitor at November 19, 2013 10:51 AM (j0wOO)

276 I'm sorry but you should never tell a woman (especially your wife) to calm down. Just let her scream at you for whatever home improvement project you f'd up this time and then go buy flowers or a spa gift certificate.
/works for me

Posted by: Jay in CDA at November 19, 2013 02:49 PM (xGt2P)

 

I've never understood the whole "buy her flowers" thing.   I   get that it's a nice gesture now and then, but    are they   that great?   

 

Meh, I guess I'll have to wait until someone actually buys me flowers to judge.  lol!

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/s][/b] at November 19, 2013 10:51 AM (4df7R)

277 All of those alpacas are named Shawn.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at November 19, 2013 10:52 AM (0HooB)

278 http://bit.ly/IeSNXO


222? 


How do you find yours ever again?

Posted by: EC at November 19, 2013 10:52 AM (GQ8sn)

279 Sweetie, I know you're upset, but it's almost the second quarter. I'm happy to discuss it with you at halftime. Posted by: Hollowpoint at November 19, 2013 02:50 PM (SY2Kh) I'm not saying that I've said that to anyone. I'm not saying that I haven't either.

Posted by: alexthechick - Here SMOD SMOD SMOD at November 19, 2013 10:52 AM (VtjlW)

280 275 You know what else might keep women calm? Lobotomies.

Only sick and twisted people would think of that!  Oh, and Kennedy's I guess.

Posted by: dfbaskwill at November 19, 2013 10:52 AM (71LDo)

281 If your woman just won't calm down, we suggest the following steps --

-reach for a bottle of baby powder
-generously apply a coating to palm of your dominant hand
-raise it back as if to strike
-ask firmly "Bitch, you want a fresh one?"
-take note of response
(if your woman calms down -- Success -- enjoy the peace)
(if your woman does not calm down proceed to next step)
-apply powdered had firmly to side of your woman's face
(enjoy the peace)

Posted by: Baby Powder, Pimp, HHS Spokesman at November 19, 2013 10:52 AM (NE2or)

282 The trick is to get them to the silent treatment stage. I've had entire weeks of peace from that.
 
But damn it gets chilly in the house. I have to wear a sweater in the shower.

Posted by: GnuBreed at November 19, 2013 10:52 AM (wNF3N)

283 I'm not saying that I haven't either. Posted by: alexthechick - Here SMOD SMOD SMOD at November 19, 2013 02:52 PM (VtjlW) I don't know whether to laugh, cringe or shake my head.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at November 19, 2013 10:53 AM (da5Wo)

284

>>>Here.

http://bit.ly/IeSNXO <<<

 

 

 

That was cute. Until someone yelled "SQUIRREL".

Posted by: Roy at November 19, 2013 10:53 AM (VndSC)

285

Bout the same time you calm down and stop being so emotionally compromised.



 

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at November 19, 2013 02:49 PM (da5Wo)

 

 

*kicks hole in wall*

 

I feel much better now.     ^_^   

 

You might want to fix that wall, though.  Two holes    already!

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/s][/b] at November 19, 2013 10:53 AM (4df7R)

286

Do these jeans make my butt look too  big?

 

No your butt makes the jeans look  too small.    

Posted by: jay carney spinning at home at November 19, 2013 10:53 AM (m2CN7)

287 Does it have llamas? 'Cause I like llamas.

Posted by: Carl Weezer at November 19, 2013 10:53 AM (XUKZU)

288 260 Imperial Walkers. Fuzzy Imperial Walkers. Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at November 19, 2013 02:48 PM (Ec6wH) That's it! Exactly!

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars [/i] [/b] [/s] at November 19, 2013 10:53 AM (ic+2p)

289 "described as looking like a goose with an afro. Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at November 19, 2013 02:46 PM"


I have yet to meet you, so I can't comment, but now I am so not going to be able to get that image out of my mind.  Ever.  LOL!

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at November 19, 2013 10:53 AM (knoK7)

290

131: "Are we doing alpaca porn nowadays?"

 

Alpacas aren't required to wear the goggles. 

Posted by: Azenogoth at November 19, 2013 10:53 AM (/qzu7)

291 You know what else might keep women calm? Lobotomies. Zombie Joe Kennedy?

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at November 19, 2013 10:53 AM (sByIH)

292 Call me Old Fashioned, but I still like my alpacas with full on 70s bush.

Posted by: Old Fashioned Geezer at November 19, 2013 10:53 AM (3p7iG)

293 Honey, I'm sorry you're upset.  Please don't take it out on me that your diet isn't going well.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at November 19, 2013 10:53 AM (SY2Kh)

294 Have any of y'all seen the episode of Dirty Jobs where Mike tends to / shaves alpaca? Then the part about "Alpaca Style"?

One of the funniest things on TV, ever.

Posted by: Beckster at November 19, 2013 10:53 AM (kj0P/)

295 Oh, the times I pick to come by for a visit. (shudder)

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith[/i] [/b] [/s] [/u] at November 19, 2013 10:54 AM (qyfb5)

296

Posted by: GnuBreed at November 19, 2013 02:52 PM (wNF3N

 

Cold shoulder is so much preferable than hot tongue for dinner any day of the week.

Posted by: Misanthropic Humantiarian at November 19, 2013 10:54 AM (HVff2)

297 You know what else might keep women calm? Lobotomies.
That's what I said!

Posted by: joe kennedy sr. at November 19, 2013 10:54 AM (fIgFc)

298 But it's the Republicans with the War on Women?

Seriously?

How effing stupid are the sheeple who follow the Left, anyway?  Oh, wait, Filner, Weiner, Kennedy, Spitzer, Clinton ... whatever was I thinking?


Posted by: acethepug at November 19, 2013 10:54 AM (suRZS)

299 Shaved alpacas look a lot like shavedlong necked baby lambs gamboling about....

Posted by: rickb223 at November 19, 2013 10:54 AM (t+DWU)

300 Now, at your local salon:  Heritage pube  styling!

Posted by: BurtTC at November 19, 2013 10:54 AM (TOk1P)

301 Here.

http://bit.ly/IeSNXO

*bounds away*

Posted by: alexthechick - Here SMOD SMOD SMOD at November 19, 2013 02:50 PM (VtjlW)

 

 

KAWAII.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/s][/b] at November 19, 2013 10:54 AM (4df7R)

302 You might want to fix that wall, though. Two holes already! Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at November 19, 2013 02:53 PM (4df7R) Why? That's the wall that looks into your shower. Always thinking dear, always thinking.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at November 19, 2013 10:54 AM (da5Wo)

303 This is just another bullshit theory floated by Obama. I tried this with Hillary! before......

Posted by: Bill Clinton at November 19, 2013 10:55 AM (Tb01R)

304

Um... Right.

 

Posted by: Washington Nearsider at November 19, 2013 02:48 PM (fwARV)

 

*squint*

 

>-<

 

I did not come here to be made sport of, sir.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/s][/b] at November 19, 2013 10:55 AM (4df7R)

305 I think it was Will Rodgers that said " There are two theories as how to win an argument with a woman.  Neither of them work."

Posted by: jrg at November 19, 2013 10:56 AM (61B4w)

306 HHS:  How To Keep Your Pimp-hand Strong


Posted by: EC at November 19, 2013 10:56 AM (GQ8sn)

307 Always thinking dear, always thinking.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at November 19, 2013 02:54 PM (da5Wo)

 

 

Tricksy boy.   Tricksy.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/s][/b] at November 19, 2013 10:56 AM (4df7R)

308 Wow, people are more calm when they get off regularly. Whodathunkit.

Posted by: akula51[/b][/i][/s] at November 19, 2013 10:56 AM (sCO74)

309 They never said the gun-control crowd took the "high road" ...

A new pro-gun-control game allows players to reenact last yearÂ’s Sandy Hook elementary school massacre.

The game, The Slaying of Sandy Hook, has players to carry out a bleak, stylized version of the shooting, which took the lives of 20 children and six adults. Players take on the role of Adam Lanza, the perpetrator, and text boxes prompt them to pick up a Glock pistol, move into the bedroom of LanzaÂ’s mother, Nancy, and shoot her four times, just as Lanza did in real life. They are then directed to pick up an AR-15, ammunition, and Nancy LanzaÂ’s car keys.

Posted by: Jared Loughner at November 19, 2013 10:56 AM (e8kgV)

310 I did not come here to be made sport of, sir. Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at November 19, 2013 02:55 PM (4df7R) o_O O_o You new?

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at November 19, 2013 10:56 AM (da5Wo)

311
Would that Bill had tried that on Hillary after the blue dress was unveiled! The mind boggles ...

Posted by: Brown Line at November 19, 2013 10:57 AM (VrNoa)

312

Actually there's about eight different ways to argue with a woman.

 

They don't work either.

Posted by: eleven at November 19, 2013 10:57 AM (fsLdt)

313 Talk to the hand.

Posted by: president schwarzenegger at November 19, 2013 10:57 AM (fIgFc)

314 "I did not come here to be made sport of, sir.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at November 19, 2013 02:55 PM"

To finish the quote,  'but when the game's that easy, everyone's playing.'

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at November 19, 2013 10:57 AM (knoK7)

315 KAWAII me a river, honey.

Posted by: andycanuck at November 19, 2013 10:58 AM (fIgFc)

316 268 Speaking of women, the hashtag #WomenTogether is trending. It is in support of a conference by Gloria Steinam to convince women that amnesty for illegal aliens is a womyn's issue because of "kyriarchy" and "intersectional oppression" and stuff... --- This is begging for a bunch of TinyURL links to lesbian pr0n using that hashtag.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at November 19, 2013 10:58 AM (/Crba)

317 Shaved alpacas look a lot like shavedlong necked baby lambs gamboling about....

Posted by: rickb223 at November 19, 2013 02:54 PM (t+DWU)

 

AtC, we need a ruling here.   As the resident expert on gamboling, would you   rate   rickb223's statement as mostly true, somewhat true, somewhat false, or mostly false?

 

 

HHS: How To Keep Your Pimp-hand Strong


Posted by: EC at November 19, 2013 02:56 PM (GQ8sn)

 

 

I laughed.  A LOT.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/s][/b] at November 19, 2013 10:58 AM (4df7R)

318

I have lost 2 days that were slated for productivity by following links/recommendations from here. After the link on the ONT to Sippican Cottage I have spent hours reading his posts and watching his kids' videos. I may have to disable my Internet to get anything done.

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at November 19, 2013 10:58 AM (RZ8pf)

319 The game, The Slaying of Sandy Hook, has players to carry out a bleak, stylized version of the shooting, which took the lives of 20 children and six adults. Players take on the role of Adam Lanza, the perpetrator, and text boxes prompt them to pick up a Glock pistol, move into the bedroom of LanzaÂ’s mother, Nancy, and shoot her four times, just as Lanza did in real life. They are then directed to pick up an AR-15, ammunition, and Nancy LanzaÂ’s car keys.


Fuck this shit.


*pops in GTA-V into Xbox*


Posted by: Teenage boys everywhere at November 19, 2013 10:58 AM (GQ8sn)

320 The trick is to get them to the silent treatment stage. I've had entire weeks of peace from that. But damn it gets chilly in the house. I have to wear a sweater in the shower. And body armor everwhere else.

Posted by: rickb223 at November 19, 2013 10:58 AM (t+DWU)

321 The game, The Slaying of Sandy Hook, has players to carry out a bleak, stylized version of the shooting, which took the lives of 20 children and six adults. Players take on the role of Adam Lanza, the perpetrator, and text boxes prompt them to pick up a Glock pistol, move into the bedroom of LanzaÂ’s mother, Nancy, and shoot her four times, just as Lanza did in real life. They are then directed to pick up an AR-15, ammunition, and Nancy LanzaÂ’s car keys. RPGs are getting weird. Do you have a D20?

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at November 19, 2013 10:58 AM (sByIH)

322 A new pro-gun-control game allows players to reenact last year’s Sandy Hook elementary school massacre. Be really funny if it got hacked, and the first person they run into at the school shoots them. Cue Dirk the Daring death sequence. “Oh, sorry. This is Texas.”

Posted by: Paid for by Citizens for Clyde the Orangutan at November 19, 2013 10:58 AM (QF8uk)

323 Inexplicable sudden longing for an Alpaca sweater

Posted by: Mike Hammer at November 19, 2013 10:58 AM (aDwsi)

324 There was the time young ,just married,awkward told the old ball and chain , not to get her bowels in an uproar . That turned out to be a poor choice of words . I think that's when I first noticed my tinnitus . Weird huh ?

Posted by: awkward davies at November 19, 2013 10:59 AM (WK8VM)

325 "Shaved Alpaca" is a much nicer way of referring to a "vajayjay" than saying "vajayjay".

IMHO

Posted by: FYNQ at November 19, 2013 11:00 AM (TM1p8)

326 I think that's when I first noticed my tinnitus . Weird huh ? --- WHAT WAS THAT?!? I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING!

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at November 19, 2013 11:00 AM (/Crba)

327 Really big nood

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at November 19, 2013 11:00 AM (da5Wo)

328 I just forwarded the article to my wife. WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!?!?1

Posted by: taxed2death at November 19, 2013 11:00 AM (TqseJ)

329 I don't know whether to laugh, cringe or shake my head. Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at November 19, 2013 02:53 PM (da5Wo) Actual conversation that occurs during every month of March: Boy BFF calls me up and starts blathering about, something, whatever, since it does not involve anything about a family member or the dogs being dead I'm not listening. Boy BFF finally realizes I'm not listening, generally due to such subtle clues as me screaming WTF STOP TURNING THE BALL OVER WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU.
Boy BFF then all indignant "You're not listening to me" Me "It's March, why the fuck are you calling me!"

Posted by: alexthechick - Here SMOD SMOD SMOD at November 19, 2013 11:01 AM (VtjlW)

330 A friend of mine said as soon as his last kid clears college, he will leave his wife and build a mountain side redoubt somewhere up in Appalachia and live out his remaining days in peace.


Posted by: EC at November 19, 2013 11:01 AM (GQ8sn)

331 If you like your fur, you can keep your fur.

Posted by: Minnfidel at November 19, 2013 11:01 AM (1cD5X)

332 Monty's bringing the DOOM and puppy picture.

Posted by: Carl Weezer at November 19, 2013 11:01 AM (XUKZU)

333 Sometimes I'll tell my wife, "I realize that your ovaries just dumped a fresh quart of crazyjuice into your bitchstream, so why don't I come back later when you calm down." Because I love her, and when emotions run high, sometimes you throw around hurtful words that you don't mean

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at November 19, 2013 11:02 AM (hmRNA)

334 HHS: How To Keep Your Pimp-hand Strong
Gee willickers, fellers, I already said that.

Posted by: butters stotch at November 19, 2013 11:02 AM (fIgFc)

335
What did you hear Clarice?  Just stay calm.

Posted by: Dr. Lector at November 19, 2013 11:02 AM (iGPSR)

336 You know who doesn't have to deal with this  relationship drama? 

Them ghey doods, that's who.

They got it all figgered out.


Posted by: Jaws at November 19, 2013 11:03 AM (4I3Uo)

337 342 What did you hear Clarice? Just stay calm. --- Silence Of The Baby Lambs?

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at November 19, 2013 11:03 AM (/Crba)

338 AtC, we need a ruling here. As the resident expert on gamboling, would you rate rickb223's statement as mostly true, somewhat true, somewhat false, or mostly false? *taps chin* I would say somewhat true, though for certain values of baby lambs that mean, you know, baby lambs, not baaaby lambs. IYKWIMAITTYD.

Posted by: alexthechick - Here SMOD SMOD SMOD at November 19, 2013 11:04 AM (VtjlW)

339 >>Speaking of women, the hashtag #WomenTogether is trending. It is in support of a conference by Gloria Steinam to convince women that amnesty for illegal aliens is a womyn's issue...

(Tim) Blair's Law in action: "The ongoing process by which the world's multiple idiocies are becoming one giant, useless force."

Posted by: Lizzy at November 19, 2013 11:04 AM (JRmiD)

340 Speaking of women, the hashtag #WomenTogether is trending. It is in support of a conference by Gloria Steinam to convince women that amnesty for illegal aliens is a womyn's issue because of "kyriarchy" and "intersectional oppression" and stuff...

Posted by: The Political Hat at November 19, 2013 02:49 PM (XvHmy)

OMG!  Words fail!  Yes, I wish to completely devalue my citizenship in the name sisterhood.  The idea that all of us having a vagina automatically makes every woman on the planet my sister is offensive.  My goodness, that little flake, Bradley Chelsea Manning will eventually have an ersatz vag and he ain't no sistah of mine...

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes at November 19, 2013 11:04 AM (kXoT0)

341 You know who doesn't have to deal with this relationship drama? Them ghey doods, that's who. They got it all figgered out. Said by someone who has never met ghey dudes.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at November 19, 2013 11:04 AM (sByIH)

342 There's a puppy upper on the home page now.

Posted by: andycanuck at November 19, 2013 11:05 AM (fIgFc)

343 Sometimes I'll tell my wife, "I realize that your ovaries just dumped a fresh quart of crazyjuice into your bitchstream, so why don't I come back later when you calm down." Posted by: Empire of Jeff at November 19, 2013 03:02 PM (hmRNA) Beautiful. I stand in awe, O great one.

Posted by: chique d'afrique (the artist formerly known as african chick) at November 19, 2013 11:05 AM (r+7wo)

344 Filner, Weiner, Kennedy(s), Spitzer, Clinton, Edwards, Condit, Kilpatrick, Jackson, MLK ... whatever was I thinking? ------------- There are some additions.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at November 19, 2013 11:05 AM (aDwsi)

345 I cannot think of a worse thing to say to an angry woman than "Calm down, you're being too emotional."

How about:

1. My mom was right about you.
2. Call your wife by the name of your previous girlfriend

I deny that I may have at any time called my wife by the name of a previous girlfriend. Though my Dad did call my wife by the name of my prior girlfriend.  Let us say that it was not cool.

Posted by: Penfold at November 19, 2013 11:06 AM (Fbt5B)

346 My wife used to yell at me for wasting money when I would get her flowers.

Then she would complain that I'm not romantic.

Posted by: UpperDecker at November 19, 2013 11:06 AM (YmPwQ)

347 You know who doesn't have to deal with this relationship drama?

Them ghey doods, that's who.

They got it all figgered out.

Said by someone who has never met ghey dudes.

Posted by: bonhomme at November 19, 2013 03:04 PM (sByIH)

 

If you want DRAMA, ghey dudes are the way to go.   My God...   it's full of drama!

 

*taps chin* I would say somewhat true, though for certain values of baby lambs that mean, you know, baby lambs, not baaaby lambs. IYKWIMAITTYD.

Posted by: alexthechick - Here SMOD SMOD SMOD at November 19, 2013 03:04 PM (VtjlW)

 

I do know what you mean, and I agree. 

 

 

*buys MWR flowers*

Posted by: Mega at November 19, 2013 02:57 PM (uvaJ1)

 

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.   Thank you!   *hug*

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/s][/b] at November 19, 2013 11:08 AM (4df7R)

348 "Sometimes I'll tell my wife, "I realize that your ovaries just dumped a fresh quart of crazyjuice into your bitchstream, so why don't I come back later when you calm down.""

Assuming I don't end up  parted out  in a shallow grave behind the shed, that'd look nice on my tombstone.

Posted by: Jaws at November 19, 2013 11:09 AM (4I3Uo)

349 Lizzy - having him involved only decreases any value.  The good news is that none of this interuppted his 151 rounds of golf, WH parties, fundraisers, or vacations with the family.

Posted by: Cheri at November 19, 2013 11:12 AM (G+Wff)

350 Dennis Cropper, the executive Director of the Rockbridge County Community Services Board, told the Richmond Times-Dispatch that Gus Deeds on Monday had undergone a mental health evaluation performed under an emergency custody order. Cropper told the paper that the younger Deeds was released from Bath County Community Hospital because no psychiatric beds were available across a wide area of western Virginia. http://goo.gl/jdy0Ec If it was an emergency order, I would assume it was because he was a threat to himself or others. However, since he was evaluated and it was deemed okay for him to be released until they got him a bed.... Anyway, I'm surprised they didn't dope him up or something before sending him home. But, I'm not a psychiatrist. I just play one on AoShq.

Posted by: Comrade Jesse, not welcoming our socialist overlords at November 19, 2013 11:12 AM (kkbgQ)

351

We have nothing to fear with Barack Obama in the White House.

Posted by: John McCain at November 19, 2013 11:13 AM (Pr6hk)

352 I used to live in an apartment by a gay club.  You want drama? Late on a Saturday night the caterwauling, hair pulling, tears and mournful accusations were epic.

Posted by: Cheri at November 19, 2013 11:15 AM (G+Wff)

353 2. I cannot think of a worse thing to say to an angry woman than "Calm down, you're being too emotional." Or a not-angry woman. Basically, only a virgin Pointdexter scientist would think this was something he should tell a woman. ---- Yup.

Posted by: Y-not at November 19, 2013 11:17 AM (zDsvJ)

354 If you're ever in need of some unbearable cuteness, just google 'Shetland ponies wearing sweaters'.

Posted by: biancaneve at November 19, 2013 11:21 AM (CU8P6)

355 Where are these calm wives? Are they off riding unicorns somewhere?

Posted by: Puzzled Man at November 19, 2013 11:23 AM (659DL)

356 So what you are saying is that this is science, and you can't really argue with it, right?

Posted by: blaster at November 19, 2013 02:25 PM (W6bkf)

 

But is it a consensus?

Posted by: Michael Mann at November 19, 2013 11:29 AM (hrIP5)

357 Posted by: Jaws at November 19, 2013 03:09 PM (4I3Uo) Of course we don't have a report of what EOJ's wife says back to him. I bet it's awesome;^)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at November 19, 2013 11:33 AM (23Kgq)

358 I think this study doesn't say what you think it says. I think it says: Always let your wife win the argument, you are a guy just go blow off steam afterwards out of her presence. While this is not bad advice in general, it does suggest a few things.

Posted by: Roy at November 19, 2013 11:44 AM (75fUy)

359 Women who calm down quickly are good for relationships like men who love shopping for shoes with you are. That is to say, they're good in theory.

Posted by: Original Roy at November 19, 2013 11:45 AM (Dg1cR)

360 No, that dress doesn't make you look fat.  The fact you're fat makes you look fat.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at November 19, 2013 11:47 AM (BDU/a)

361 Thanks Ace and Morons,

My wife and I have been busting our guts laughing while reading the comments.

Posted by: Jimbo at November 19, 2013 11:47 AM (V70Uh)

362 Caption for the shaved alpacas picture: That ewok? yeah, that's the SOB that shaved us. Get him!

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie © at November 19, 2013 11:52 AM (1hM1d)

363 Did anyone else catch the fact that the fool used his name TWICE?

Posted by: FCF at November 19, 2013 11:53 AM (Khja4)

364 Listen here, baby and stop acting so crazy

Finally, HHS catches up to what I been saying all along!

Posted by: Jimi Hendrix at November 19, 2013 11:53 AM (IN7k+)

365 I saw those Shetland ponies in sweaters ponies . That's not the only reason that I would like to move to the Shetland islands: http://visit.shetland.org/

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at November 19, 2013 11:56 AM (23Kgq)

366 My wife's cuter when her alpaca is shaved, too. ;-)

Posted by: Trubador at November 19, 2013 12:01 PM (MlrAE)

367 Nicely shaved "alpacas" make for a happy marriage because the sex is awesome... I'm really lucky my escort mistress has one since my wife is like the African bush down there...

Posted by: DVS1 at November 19, 2013 12:02 PM (QIE/u)

368 Husbands don't need to calm down during fights. They are the button-pushers. Wives will calm down during fights when the husbands stop pushing their &%$@! buttons!!!!!

Posted by: Katya, the designated driver at November 19, 2013 12:19 PM (sFXF/)

369 368 Same!!

Posted by: fu52 at November 19, 2013 12:48 PM (NYXC6)

370 Can't post until the bruises heal over.

Posted by: NCwoof at November 19, 2013 03:57 PM (aUQgu)

371

they're absolutely correct

 

Posted by: ashen at November 19, 2013 05:52 PM (thmv6)

372

My adult daughter told me a couple of months back, "Mom you are always right, but Dad always wins the arguments! I said, that's because when you are right people figure it out... why fight it out when the truth is just a little reality away?  Besides you can only say "I told you so" so many times, it gets old after awhile.

 

How is that for calm?  Married 33 years.

Posted by: petunia at November 19, 2013 09:50 PM (DAcBA)

373 Those alpacas traumatize me.

Posted by: WannabeAnglican at November 20, 2013 04:24 AM (vFmT2)

374 When they're right, they're right.

Posted by: Bob at November 20, 2013 07:14 AM (DOtxt)

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