August 17, 2013

Open Thread: The Things We Believed When We Were Kids
— rdbrewer

The draft: The war in Vietnam was raging, and my friend and I learned about the draft. Getting drafted and going away to fight was a scary thought for a five year old. Later, we compared notes and realized every time we went to the Buster Brown shoe store, the clerk would ask our mothers for our birth dates and Social Security numbers. We reasoned this was how the Army found out who you were, and we determined never to give out our Social Security numbers ever again. And that meant sometimes asking mom if we could go to a different store.

Catching birds: Someone told us if you could sprinkle salt on a bird's tail, you could catch it. We tried a lot, but it never worked. Thing is, that one is probably true.

Macaroni and cheese: I couldn't eat macaroni and cheese for about five years. I couldn't figure out where the macaroni came from, and then it dawned on me one day: chicken throats. It was diced chicken throats. Just thinking about it made me nauseous. And it bothered me they called it "macaroni."

You guys got any good ones?

Open thread.

Posted by: rdbrewer at 03:49 PM | Comments (333)
Post contains 215 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Obama is president, and I still can't believe it.

Posted by: model_1066 at August 17, 2013 03:52 PM (QMWjL)

2 This is going to be depressing.

Posted by: forest at August 17, 2013 03:52 PM (stMuz)

3
      Meh.  Never worried about the draft.Dodged it by enlisting.

Posted by: irongrampa at August 17, 2013 03:53 PM (SAMxH)

4 My dad said that flipping his thumbs up and down on the steering wheel kept the elephants from attacking the truck.


I grew up in Alaska.


When I called him on it, he said, "Well, you don't see any elephants, do you?"


I just chalk it up to that long list of crap my dad told me.

Posted by: tcn at August 17, 2013 03:53 PM (RnmNY)

5 3
Meh. Never worried about the draft.Dodged it by enlisting.

Posted by: irongrampa at August 17, 2013 07:53 PM (SAMxH)


And that's why we love you.

Posted by: tcn at August 17, 2013 03:54 PM (RnmNY)

6 There was a department store in Newark called 'S. Kleins'.  I translated it as 'Seal Skins'.  Never saw a seal in there, tho.

Posted by: Trainer's looking to join a Militia. at August 17, 2013 03:54 PM (7EbAY)

7 Dodged the draft also by enlisting.

Posted by: Trainer's looking to join a Militia. at August 17, 2013 03:54 PM (7EbAY)

8 When I was a kid, I used to think that MTV was worth watching, and the NYT was worth reading.

Posted by: model_1066 at August 17, 2013 03:55 PM (QMWjL)

9 My 5 yr old called the "Statue of Liberty" the "Statue of Livery". Not sure whether to laugh or cry, but I'm leaning toward cry.

Posted by: forest at August 17, 2013 03:55 PM (stMuz)

10 I believed that for every drop of rain that fell, a flower grew.

Posted by: nothinglefttolose at August 17, 2013 03:55 PM (RYVE/)

11 The world used to be black and white. Then at some point during the 1930's or early 1940's we started to get color.

Posted by: digitalbrownshirt at August 17, 2013 03:55 PM (Yx4EH)

12 I remember if a kid said or did something that upset another kid, the rest of the kids would say, "Hey, it's a free country." And it was the final word and we all believed it because it was true. Yeah, remember that.

Posted by: Diana at August 17, 2013 03:56 PM (A1958)

13 We thought you should stand up while you eat so that the food would fill you up from the feet first.

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 17, 2013 03:56 PM (Iyg03)

14 My five year old thought that St. "Jophus" is the protector of the family. To this day, I fear saying it that way to my students.

Posted by: tcn at August 17, 2013 03:57 PM (RnmNY)

15 Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings!

Posted by: Zuzu Bailey at August 17, 2013 03:57 PM (gqgiP)

16 Use to think that cracking my knuckles would give me arthritis, guess that one was true

Posted by: lindafell at August 17, 2013 03:57 PM (PGO8C)

17 Got drafted (Tricky Dicks Lottery), wound up spending 22 years in!

Posted by: Old Dog at August 17, 2013 03:57 PM (tQYJH)

18 >>>I remember if a kid said or did something that upset another kid, the rest of the kids would say, "Hey, it's a free country." And it was the final word and we all believed it because it was true. Yeah, remember that.

We did that too.  And it did end the argument.

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 17, 2013 03:57 PM (Iyg03)

19 Pretended that iron ore, when ground to a powder, was the same as gunpowder...they look the same.

Posted by: model_1066 at August 17, 2013 03:57 PM (QMWjL)

20 Monsters under your bed couldn't get you if everything but your head was under your blanket.

Porn was a type of chicken... so like a porn sandwich would be a chicken sandwich.

Posted by: Josef at August 17, 2013 03:58 PM (Kd2Tr)

21 Didn't have to Dodge the draft, barely. Enlisted in 72 anyhow.

Posted by: nothinglefttolose at August 17, 2013 03:58 PM (RYVE/)

22 Apparently masturbating makes you go blind .... or age ...... or both .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at August 17, 2013 03:58 PM (0iJzo)

23 If you swallowed bubble gum, it stayed in your stomach forever. Over time, if you swallowed enough of it, you would die.

Posted by: exhelodrvr at August 17, 2013 03:58 PM (edmTQ)

24 "You guys got any good ones?"

When we would go for drives or visits to relatives that didn't live in the general area, we'd hit the freeway and back then, there were a lot of signs in various places that pointed to "Frontage Road". As a kid not knowing the meaning of that name, my thought upon seeing those signs every time was, "Damn, that's one long road that goes EVERYWHERE!".

Posted by: Blacque Jacques Shellacque at August 17, 2013 03:59 PM (Cn4aq)

25 it's a free country And this one breaks my heart.

Posted by: real joe at August 17, 2013 03:59 PM (5wsCu)

26 Finishing everything on my plate was necessary because of starving in China....

Posted by: model_1066 at August 17, 2013 03:59 PM (QMWjL)

27 I remember going to sleep as a little guy to the sound of my mom and dad watching the black and white TV down the hall in the den in the early 60's. That sound made me feel safe, because i knew they were both there, just down the hall.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at August 17, 2013 04:00 PM (4Mv1T)

28 Washing your hair with lemon juice would make it turn blonde over time.


Man, we were just full of crap back then.

Posted by: tcn at August 17, 2013 04:00 PM (RnmNY)

29 We had balsa gliders, and I learned from that you could make an airplane just by nailing together a couple of pieces of wood.  It didn't work.  I couldn't figure that one out.  After all, it was wood, just like the gliders.

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 17, 2013 04:00 PM (Iyg03)

30
One summer we were eating watermelon and I swallowed a couple of seeds and I asked my sister if it was bad -- she said yeah now a watermelon will grow in my stomach.


Posted by: soothsayer at August 17, 2013 04:00 PM (ZgBZU)

31 My father said if I could kiss my elbow, I would turn into a boy.

Always thought the Beatles' "Paperback Writer" was "take the back right turn"

and that "Bad Moon on the Rise" (Credence Clearwater) was  "bathroom on the right".

And Jingle Bells "one horse open sleigh" was "one whore, soap and sleigh".

Posted by: Johnnie S at August 17, 2013 04:01 PM (Bf6IS)

32 Eating too many carrots would make your nose twitch and your ears grow.


More crap from my dad....

Posted by: tcn at August 17, 2013 04:01 PM (RnmNY)

33 I remember going with my dad, back in '61, to buy a used car. He bought a '55 Mercury for $100. I thought at the time, "If cars only cost $100, why did he buy this POS."

Posted by: bocephus at August 17, 2013 04:01 PM (3Crtn)

34
And Jingle Bells "one horse open sleigh" was "one whore, soap and sleigh".

Posted by: Johnnie S at August 17, 2013 08:01 PM (Bf6IS)


You mean it isn't?

Posted by: tcn at August 17, 2013 04:02 PM (RnmNY)

35 Another one: swallow a watermelon seed and it would grow inside you.

Posted by: Johnnie S at August 17, 2013 04:03 PM (Bf6IS)

36 The sun never sets on the British Empire.

Posted by: model_1066 at August 17, 2013 04:03 PM (QMWjL)

37 26 Finishing everything on my plate was necessary because of starving in China....Posted by: model_1066 at August 17, 2013 07:59 PM (QMWjL)

...and I only responded once with 'then send it to them'.

My Mom could flick a fly off a kids ear with a thrown high-heel...and it would return to her like a boomerang. 

Posted by: Trainer's looking to join a Militia. at August 17, 2013 04:03 PM (7EbAY)

38 I had a lot of misunderstandings based on lyrics or phrases. I thought that lyric in home on the range meant that 'seldom is a discouraging word to us so no one ever says it' Shut up! Yeah I know.

Posted by: Jade Sea at August 17, 2013 04:03 PM (Fbe/X)

39 If you cross your eyes too much in order to look silly, some day they will stay like that.

Posted by: model_1066 at August 17, 2013 04:04 PM (QMWjL)

40 There was a utility right-of-way for those big steel towers with high tension power lines behind our house. My dad took his lawnmower and cut the grass behind our house under the power lines which doubled the size of "our" back yard. As far as I was concerned this was new claimed territory, and it was OURS. Neighbor kids disagreed. Big argument.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at August 17, 2013 04:04 PM (4Mv1T)

41 I was pretty sure that if you dug a hole deep enough, it didn't matter where you were, you would eventually find buried treasure.

Posted by: Lincolntf at August 17, 2013 04:04 PM (ZshNr)

42 >>>"Frontage Road". As a kid not knowing the meaning of that name, my thought upon seeing those signs every time was, "Damn, that's one long road that goes EVERYWHERE!".

Back in the day people would paint the word "chaos" on, like, every overpass and bridge abutment.  And on buildings.  I studied this for years.  One day on a vacation, there it was under an overpass, "CHAOS."  I yelled "WHO IS THIS CHAOS?"  He'd been everywhere.

I thought Chaos with a soft "ch" was some kind of Hispanic name.

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 17, 2013 04:05 PM (Iyg03)

43 My Mom could flick a fly off a kids ear with a thrown high-heel...and it would return to her like a boomerang. Posted by: Trainer's looking to join a Militia. at August 17, 2013 08:03 PM (7EbAY) My mom had wooden spoon-fu.

Posted by: model_1066 at August 17, 2013 04:06 PM (QMWjL)

44 26 Finishing everything on my plate was necessary because of starving in China....

Posted by: model_1066 at August 17, 2013 07:59 PM (QMWjL

 

 

 

 

 

That one is not a myth. There are a lot of sober people in China, too, by the way.

Posted by: Cicero Kid at August 17, 2013 04:06 PM (B0tGl)

45 I had a lot of misunderstandings based on lyrics ...... Blinded By The Light ( Manfred Mann ) still hasn't been decoded .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at August 17, 2013 04:06 PM (0iJzo)

46 When I was four, my dad bought a balsa wood airplane. He told me it was a fragile as corn flakes. I asked if it was made of corn flakes. He said yes. I was disabused of that in kindergarten, right after learning the truth about Santa.

Posted by: RS at August 17, 2013 04:06 PM (YAGV/)

47 Posted by: model_1066 at August 17, 2013 08:04 PM (QMWjL)

That one is true.

My mom told me!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at August 17, 2013 04:07 PM (gqgiP)

48 >>>And Jingle Bells "one horse open sleigh" was "one whore, soap and sleigh".

"Oh what fun it is to ride in grandma's Chevrolet"  All of us sang it that way, and grandma did have a Chevrolet.

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 17, 2013 04:07 PM (Iyg03)

49 My brother and sister used to tell me I was adopted just to watch me cry.

Posted by: zsasz at August 17, 2013 04:07 PM (MMC8r)

50 Getting a bad sunburn is just a normal part of summer.

Posted by: model_1066 at August 17, 2013 04:08 PM (QMWjL)

51 My mom had wooden spoon-fu.

Posted by: model_1066 at August 17, 2013 08:06 PM (QMWjL)


I'm surprised I didn't grow up with shape of a wooden spoon indented upon the side of my head.


Also, with five kids, didn't matter which one caused the issue, whichever one was closest took the smack. We got very good at duck and run.


And then there would be the yell: You kids, all of you, outside, NOW.

Posted by: tcn at August 17, 2013 04:08 PM (RnmNY)

52 Blinded By The Light ( Manfred Mann ) still hasn't been decoded . Posted by: Bill D. Cat ----------------------------------------- Sven wrote the words to that song. Didn't you Sven.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at August 17, 2013 04:08 PM (4Mv1T)

53 27 I remember going to sleep as a little guy to the sound of my mom and dad watching the black and white TV down the hall in the den in the early 60's.

That sound made me feel safe, because i knew they were both there, just down the hall.
Posted by: Tobacco Road at August 17, 2013 08:00 PM (4Mv1T)
I watch a lot of older shows and the music at the very end of the show sometimes gives me chills because it brings back the same thoughts and feelings.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at August 17, 2013 04:09 PM (YgTB4)

54
   After the first couple spankings, we got The Look.

    Worked like a charm.

Posted by: irongrampa at August 17, 2013 04:09 PM (SAMxH)

55 If you eat watermelon seeds, they'll grow watermelons IN YOUR STOMACH!

Also, sitting on cement will give you "piles."

And walking around barefoot will cause you to catch a cold.

Posted by: Shibumi at August 17, 2013 04:09 PM (25HWz)

56 I was 35 before I realized that porkin wasn't a type of bean.

Posted by: Javems at August 17, 2013 04:10 PM (c8xU9)

57 No wooden spoon for my mom. It was that thin, about inch and a half wide metal spatula she used to ice a cake. Sting. City.

Posted by: nothinglefttolose at August 17, 2013 04:10 PM (BfZ1r)

58 For some unexplained reason,  when I was barely able to read, I thought  the word 'between' was a dirty word.

Posted by: Ronster at August 17, 2013 04:10 PM (nnbZs)

59 "Wrapped up like a douchbag in the boner of the night " ?

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at August 17, 2013 04:10 PM (0iJzo)

60 After the first couple spankings, we got The Look.

Worked like a charm.

Posted by: irongrampa at August 17, 2013 08:09 PM (SAMxH)


For us, The Look was reserved to the nuns, who sat behind us at Mass and gave us The Look over the top of their glasses. If it didn't take, the next move was the smack. To this day, my head moves to the left every time I say the Pater Noster. I've been avoiding the Latin Mass because of that very thing.

Posted by: tcn at August 17, 2013 04:10 PM (RnmNY)

61

That babies are found under cabbage leaves.

I'm almost sure that one is incorrect.

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at August 17, 2013 04:11 PM (kdS6q)

62 59 "Wrapped up like a douchbag in the boner of the night " ? Posted by: Bill D. Cat at August 17, 2013 08:10 PM (0iJzo) More understandable than "thirty thieves and their thunder chief"

Posted by: model_1066 at August 17, 2013 04:11 PM (QMWjL)

63 If she floats, she's a witch.

Posted by: Craig Poe at August 17, 2013 04:12 PM (BVkEs)

64 My mom had wooden spoon-fu.

Posted by: model_1066 at August 17, 2013 08:06 PM (QMWjL)

heh, we used our wood-burning kit to make a "spanking stick" for my mom, decorated as you would expect, glowing butts and shaking fists.  it was not among her effects when she passed a couple of years ago, can't believe she didn't keep it, it was pretty funny.

Posted by: Peaches at August 17, 2013 04:12 PM (8lmkt)

65 I'm pretty sure that I deserved most of the smackings. I'm fairly certain that without them I may have become a Democrat or Hippie or both.

Posted by: tcn at August 17, 2013 04:12 PM (RnmNY)

66 Blinded By The Light ( Manfred Mann ) still hasn't been decoded .
It's perfectly understandable.

Posted by: Louie Louie at August 17, 2013 04:12 PM (YgTB4)

67 If she floats, she's a witch. Posted by: Craig Poe ------------------------------ How OLD are you??

Posted by: Tobacco Road at August 17, 2013 04:12 PM (4Mv1T)

68 This is embarrassing, but I can vividly remember thinking that if I closed MY eyes, YOU couldn't see me. If I remember it this clearly, I must have been pretty damned old - at least 6 or 7.

Posted by: Y-not at August 17, 2013 04:12 PM (5H6zj)

69 @59 I still don't know the real words to that line.

Posted by: RS at August 17, 2013 04:13 PM (YAGV/)

70 When I was a kid, visiting my grandmother in the summertime up in PA, there was an ice cream truck that used to go around playing some really messed up tune over its loudspeaker. The first time I heard it, I asked my grandmother what it was, and she said it was gypsy's riding around looking for children. After that, every time we heard it, my brothers and I would run and hide.

Posted by: DaveinNC at August 17, 2013 04:13 PM (/NgNT)

71 I thought there were two types of people, Catholics and Publics, and Catholics went to Catholic school and Publics went to Public school. And also to hell, of course.

Posted by: arminius at August 17, 2013 04:13 PM (cDnhR)

72 l believed Presidents had to follow the law b/c they swore oaths...

Posted by: Miguel Ambivalence at August 17, 2013 04:14 PM (A4hKL)

73 "49 My brother and sister used to tell me I was adopted just to watch me cry.

Posted by: zsasz at August 17, 2013 08:07 PM (MMC8r) "

 

I used to tell my first born son (who's about to turn 25) that he actually had an older brother, but "It didn't work out, so we started over". His name was "Charlie".  Don't be like your brother Charlie.

Posted by: digitalbrownshirt at August 17, 2013 04:14 PM (Yx4EH)

74 We kids lifted our feet when Dad drove across a bridge. That assured a safe trip. And gripping your toes helped the car from sliding on slippery roads. Apparently it worked!

Posted by: WarmMountain at August 17, 2013 04:14 PM (PZiS7)

75 If I remember it this clearly, I must have been pretty damned old - at least 6 or 7. Posted by: Y-not --------------------------------------------- I specifically remember thinking that 6 was a great age to be. It was not too old, and not too young.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at August 17, 2013 04:14 PM (4Mv1T)

76 4 My dad said that flipping his thumbs up and down on the steering wheel kept the elephants from attacking the truck. -- My dad said something similar. Another one was that my dad and uncle had us convinced that my uncle had a steel plate in his head. Oh, and this was a good one, my dad claimed he had been a matador. (It was his explanation for a scar he had that he'd gotten while playing ice hockey.)

Posted by: Y-not at August 17, 2013 04:14 PM (5H6zj)

77 My Dad had my sister and I both convinced if we ate all the breadcrust from our sandwiches, it would make our hair curly.

Also that "Merge" (pronounced Mer-Gee) was the name of a rare, almost extinct bird whose habitat was marked by signs on every major highway. If we looked closely enough on road trips we might see one.

Posted by: Banglabou at August 17, 2013 04:14 PM (L4wqR)

78 Posted by: Y-not at August 17, 2013 08:12 PM

Oh, I can beat you. I was in my very late teens when I realized that Japanese monster movies were subtitled. Until then, I always thought "hmm.. it's so nice of those Japanese to do their movies in English."

/I feel shamed.

Posted by: Shibumi at August 17, 2013 04:14 PM (25HWz)

79 >>> My brother and sister used to tell me I was adopted just to watch me cry. Sigh. I used to do the same thing to my little sister.

Posted by: L, elle at August 17, 2013 04:14 PM (0PiQ4)

80 >>>This is embarrassing, but I can vividly remember thinking that if I closed MY eyes, YOU couldn't see me.

I thought if I couldn't see my sister in a mirror because of the angle, she couldn't see me. 

Turned out it was distance that mattered.

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 17, 2013 04:15 PM (Iyg03)

81 For he's a jolly good fellow. For he's a jolly good fellow. For he's a jolly good fehhh ehhh looooow!
 
That nobody candy night!

Posted by: Warden at August 17, 2013 04:15 PM (bmp0d)

82 Saw my dad writing a check, and asked what it was worth. He said anything you make it out to be. Thought that people that used bills were pretty stupid.

Posted by: Tutu at August 17, 2013 04:15 PM (CpWI4)

83 Mersey dotes and doesy dotes and little lamse divey

Posted by: Javems at August 17, 2013 04:15 PM (c8xU9)

84 l believed Presidents had to follow the law b/c they swore oaths...

Posted by: Miguel Ambivalence at August 17, 2013 08:14 PM (A4hKL)


that is so outmoded . . . much like that icky old constitution.  srsly, nobody needs that shit now, we have barky and fatass.

Posted by: Peaches at August 17, 2013 04:15 PM (8lmkt)

85 Drinking a six-pack of Narragansett & 8 or 9 gin & tonics every night makes you an alcoholic.

Posted by: Stark Dickflüssig at August 17, 2013 04:15 PM (0XbWx)

86
That snakes lay their eggs in garden-hoses, and if you drink from one the snake eggs get into your stomach and hatch.

One of those things you're told as a kid by adults, that you're innocent/stupid enough to believe.

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at August 17, 2013 04:16 PM (kdS6q)

87 When I was 4, I thought the Mickey Mouse kids could see me through the TV.

So I always hid my blankie when I was watching. Didn't want 'em to think I was a baby.

Posted by: Warden at August 17, 2013 04:16 PM (bmp0d)

88 we'd hit the freeway and back then, there were a lot of signs in various places that pointed to "Frontage Road" --- Heh. I never saw Frontage Roads until I moved west. Seen them in Texas and Utah. Don't recall seeing them in the Midwest or East.

Posted by: Y-not at August 17, 2013 04:16 PM (5H6zj)

89

If you lie you get a black spot on your tongue. As told to me by my mother...

Look into the water of the eye wash there is a little fish in there lol

If you swallow guy it will stick to your heart and kill you

thunder was the Angels moving furniture

Posted by: sonnyspats at August 17, 2013 04:16 PM (N3Al8)

90 We kids lifted our feet when Dad drove across a bridge. That assured a safe trip.

I held my breath over every bridge, lest we plummet into the river.  Try that on the fuckin' Tappan Zee (did it many times, lived to tell about it!!)

Posted by: Peaches at August 17, 2013 04:17 PM (8lmkt)

91 gum not guy but prolly that too lol

Posted by: sonnyspats at August 17, 2013 04:17 PM (N3Al8)

92 Wrapped up like a deuce, another runner in the night is I believe the line. Always took deuce to be a two bit whore. I think Bruce Springsteen wrote the song.

Posted by: nothinglefttolose at August 17, 2013 04:17 PM (r60DJ)

93 When I was about 8 or so, I thought you could get on top of a mountain or something with a telescope before dawn and see the land change from dark to light as the sun rose.

Posted by: model_1066 at August 17, 2013 04:17 PM (QMWjL)

94 >>swallow a watermelon seed and it would grow inside you Yep, I remember that one, too.

Posted by: Y-not at August 17, 2013 04:17 PM (5H6zj)

95

Drinking a six-pack of Narragansett & 8 or 9 gin & tonics every night makes you an alcoholic.

 

Good one. I laughed out loud.

Posted by: Ronster at August 17, 2013 04:18 PM (nnbZs)

96 the Verrazano was a challenge . . . but, I lived!!!

Posted by: Peaches at August 17, 2013 04:18 PM (8lmkt)

97 When I was 4 or 5, my cruel brother would come to me with a solemn look in his eyes, and tell me that our mom was dead.

Posted by: weew at August 17, 2013 04:18 PM (2yhel)

98
   Hearing your dad say spanking you would hurt him more than you was a large lie.


    Least that was MY experience.

Posted by: irongrampa at August 17, 2013 04:18 PM (SAMxH)

99 oh, and fapping will make you blind . . . heh, suckahs!!

Posted by: Peaches at August 17, 2013 04:19 PM (8lmkt)

100 My sister told me I was an alien. Well, some 30 years on, it became true.

Posted by: Gingy at August 17, 2013 04:19 PM (aH+zP)

101 When we were in the PI some of the street vendors would sell chicken intestines on a skewer. I never got that brave, even though I'd eat other street food there without blinking. Still... chop those little (very clean) intestines into bits and it would likely make very tasty paleo-macaroni. I would try it. After all, I eat natural casing wieners without a second thought. (I'm not actually joking.)

Posted by: Synova at August 17, 2013 04:19 PM (7/PU+)

102 "Revved up like a deuce". Deuce, the car

Posted by: Cicero Kid at August 17, 2013 04:20 PM (B0tGl)

103 oh, and fapping will make you blind . . . heh, suckahs!! Posted by: Peaches -------------------------- Judging from the current state of my eyesight, that one might be, well, er, uh... you know.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at August 17, 2013 04:20 PM (4Mv1T)

104 During kindergarten, when spontaneous er...pop-tents began to occur, I thought it was a built in girl-detector. This idea was confirmed for me when one day when I was playing at home and it happened. I looked out the window and a female classmate happened to be walking by. It turns out in retrospect that I was basically right.

Posted by: coondawg68 at August 17, 2013 04:20 PM (VhcOZ)

105 If you yawn too big your jaw could become locked open.

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 17, 2013 04:21 PM (Iyg03)

106 After hearing my father say "Jesus Christ, what's taking her so long" I said the same thing to Dad while waiting on Mom to get ready for church. Based on the reaction, I thought Jesus, when paired with Christ, constituted a dirty word. For months I was shocked to hear the pastor say it.

Posted by: WTP at August 17, 2013 04:21 PM (xVT49)

107 When I was young, someone told me that "Garfield" cartoons were funny...I of course told them that they were full of it.

Posted by: model_1066 at August 17, 2013 04:21 PM (QMWjL)

108 My brother and I convinced our little sister that snow came up from the ground and the wind blew it around. I realize that's not quite the same thing as something you believed as a kid that wasn't purposefully messing with you.

Posted by: Synova at August 17, 2013 04:21 PM (7/PU+)

109 Your face will stay like that.

Posted by: Gingy at August 17, 2013 04:21 PM (aH+zP)

110 Santa didn't come because he checked his list . /kidding

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at August 17, 2013 04:21 PM (0iJzo)

111 OK, here's another weird one. At some point in my childhood I convinced myself that I had been born with webbing between my fingers and toes. I mean, I was utterly convinced of this. I asked my mom about it on more than one occasion.

Posted by: Y-not at August 17, 2013 04:21 PM (5H6zj)

112 Somehow I got the idea that your eyes only had so much "juice" in them and that if you keep them open too much, you would run out of the "juice" and then, of course, be blind.  Spent many hours bouncing off walls. 

Posted by: IrishEi at August 17, 2013 04:21 PM (vbnHZ)

113 Senator Reid told me that if I ever told anyone what we did in the Cloak Room weasels would come and eat my parents.

Posted by: 12 Year Old Boy at August 17, 2013 04:22 PM (Qk1I/)

114 I believed that Mr. Whipple was getting sexually aroused from squeezing the Charmin but he assured me it was just tarter sauce on his pants.

Posted by: Dang at August 17, 2013 04:22 PM (Hx2XA)

115 If you pout, a little bird will come and poop on your lip.

Posted by: Gingy at August 17, 2013 04:22 PM (aH+zP)

116 I thought that listening to 8-tracks of Alice Cooper and Cheech and Chong were acceptable entertainment for a first grader.

Posted by: model_1066 at August 17, 2013 04:22 PM (QMWjL)

117

Blinded by the light,
revved up like a deuce,
another runner in the night

 

The "deuce" is a reference to the '32 Ford Deuce Coupe.

Posted by: digitalbrownshirt at August 17, 2013 04:22 PM (Yx4EH)

118 I asked my mom about it on more than one occasion.

Posted by: Y-not at August 17, 2013 08:21 PM (5H6zj)


so, what, you thought there had been some kind of surgical intervention or did you have actual *proof*?

Posted by: Peaches at August 17, 2013 04:23 PM (8lmkt)

119 "My country 'tis of thee/ Sweet land of liberty/ Of  B. I. C./ Land where my father died/ Land where the children cried/ From every mountainside/ Let freedom be"

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 17, 2013 04:23 PM (Iyg03)

120
Onea trip Back East, some of my cousins did the "Red Mary" on me in a darkened kitchen using the glass oven door instead of the more traditional mirror. Like in the movie "Candyman".

Creeped me out.

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at August 17, 2013 04:23 PM (kdS6q)

121 Via Insty, I just learned Phoebe Cates turned 50. I'm going to go kill myself. But first, I'll be in my bunk. http://tinyurl.com/mkedmzr

Posted by: RS at August 17, 2013 04:24 PM (YAGV/)

122 I had red hair because I was in the 'oven' too long.

Posted by: Gingy at August 17, 2013 04:24 PM (aH+zP)

123
Dad returned from serving as a pilot in the Pacific during WWII and was discharged at NAS Memphis.  He constructed a mock-up airplane of wood and military surplus electronics in the backyard.  He also purchased the high altitude flight suits for peanuts.

My brother and neighborhood friends flew many a mission with my dog Bullet bombing Tokyo.  We bombed those bastards into hell, but loved their tin toys and robots.  All is forgiven, and we promise never to use the word gook again.  Love the sushi, and also Kimiko's blowjobs.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at August 17, 2013 04:24 PM (pJF+c)

124 In grade school I thought reading TIME magazine made me smart. Because my family lived in military communities, I was never afraid of a Soviet invasion. I knew my dad and his friends could whip them.

Posted by: another joe at August 17, 2013 04:24 PM (2C9J9)

125 Pick up a toad and you will get warts!

Posted by: t-dubyah-d at August 17, 2013 04:24 PM (u6lBN)

126 Thought that "Grizzly Adams" was a real story about a real dude...

Posted by: model_1066 at August 17, 2013 04:24 PM (QMWjL)

127 >>> My brother and sister used to tell me I was adopted just to watch me cry.

Sigh. I used to do the same thing to my little sister.
Posted by: L, elle


I used to think I was adopted.  Now I just wish I was.

Posted by: Dang at August 17, 2013 04:25 PM (Hx2XA)

128 so, what, you thought there had been some kind of surgical intervention ---- Yes. I made up this memory that they'd had the webbing cut when I was a baby. I was a weird weird kid. In my defense, I had a really stressful childhood (I won't bore you with details), so I think this was sort of a reaction to that. Sort of cry for attention.

Posted by: Y-not at August 17, 2013 04:25 PM (5H6zj)

129 I thought that "getting fired" meant getting shot out of a cannon or gun. My dad would joke about getting fired and I had nightmares for *years* that I never told my parents about. I also had similar thoughts about "dead end" signs. Which I also never mentioned so that no adults could have told me what it actually meant. Stoic at a young age, as only a Scandi could be!

Posted by: Synova at August 17, 2013 04:25 PM (7/PU+)

130 I had red hair because I was in the 'oven' too long.

Posted by: Gingy at August 17, 2013 08:24 PM (aH+zP)


no way, that's terrible, Gingy!!!  you were special . . . you still are!! 

Posted by: Peaches at August 17, 2013 04:25 PM (8lmkt)

131 Some of the older kids had a fort in the woods by my house. They warned us if that if they ever caught us in there we'd regret it.

So one day one of the older guys caught us in the fort checking out the porn stash. He gave us a sex ed talk and we discovered that women had teeth in the vajayjays and if we didn't do sex right, she could possibly bite our dick off. And, women didn't urinate.

Then he told his friends and they kicked our asses so we burned the fort. Ah, childhood.

Posted by: CozMark at August 17, 2013 04:25 PM (BjOkm)

132 @12 I have been thinking the same thing. Time to retire "This is a free country." This is a bankrupt surveillance and welfare state. Hiding the decline is not just for climate 'scientists.'

Posted by: Beagle at August 17, 2013 04:26 PM (sOtz/)

133 >>>Pick up a toad and you will get warts!

That's not true?

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 17, 2013 04:26 PM (Iyg03)

134 ribbit, ribbit

Posted by: Y-not, former frog at August 17, 2013 04:26 PM (5H6zj)

135 @123 My dad's squadron was in the Aleutions 1944-45. PB-1 Venturas. Were was yours.

Posted by: RS at August 17, 2013 04:26 PM (YAGV/)

136
Touching frogs gives you warts, which I still believe today.

Posted by: soothsayer at August 17, 2013 04:26 PM (052zE)

137 If you went swimming before waiting a half hour after eating you'd get cramps and drown.

Posted by: Barbara at August 17, 2013 04:27 PM (Tj0L4)

138
Those noises you heard coming from the grown-up's room at night?  They were just "moving furniture".

Hook, line, sinker.


Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at August 17, 2013 04:27 PM (kdS6q)

139 Doesn't anybody knock around here?

Posted by: exhelodrvr at August 17 at August 17, 2013 04:27 PM (edmTQ)

140 I read some stupid and awesome book and became convinced that I was the true princess of England and they had pressed my parents into service to raise me for safekeeping . . . the details were fuzzy, but I was quite sure I would ascend to the throne one fine day. 

Posted by: Peaches at August 17, 2013 04:27 PM (8lmkt)

141 We were told if the sun shines while it is raining, the devil is beating his wife. 

Posted by: no good deed at August 17, 2013 04:27 PM (WmLrU)

142 I thought Kermit the Frog was gay because he had a guy's fist up his ass.

Posted by: Dang at August 17, 2013 04:27 PM (Hx2XA)

143 Y-not I had the same type of thing, except I was sure I was born with a tail. A flap that they cut off and didn't tell me.

Posted by: coondawg68 at August 17, 2013 04:27 PM (VhcOZ)

144 If I came home drunk after guzzling blackberry brandy at a friend's house, my parents wouldn't notice.

Posted by: model_1066 at August 17, 2013 04:27 PM (QMWjL)

145 I once thought that I could make a parachute out of a sheet, some binder twine and a belt. I got on a roof about 8 feet off the ground and tried it out. Didn't work. I still think the problem was not enough distance for my 'cute  to open.

Posted by: Ronster at August 17, 2013 04:28 PM (nnbZs)

146 132 @12 

I have been thinking the same thing. Time to retire "This is a free country." This is a bankrupt surveillance and welfare state. Hiding the decline is not just for climate 'scientists.'Brilliant!

Posted by: Tutu at August 17, 2013 04:28 PM (CpWI4)

147 As a young child I was afraid when we would cross the St Pete bridge visiting my aunt. It looked so rickety from a distance. My Dad would torment/ tease me about it collapsing, the assure me it wouldn't because he had been a bridge engineer and he knew these things. 12 years later, that bridge collapsed when a ship hit it and several vehicles crashed into the bay. No one listens to me.

Posted by: WTP at August 17, 2013 04:28 PM (xVT49)

148 So one day one of the older guys caught us in the fort checking out the porn stash. He gave us a sex ed talk and we discovered that women had teeth in the vajayjays and if we didn't do sex right, she could possibly bite our dick off. And, women didn't urinate. So ...... you grew up with Dave in Texas .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at August 17, 2013 04:28 PM (0iJzo)

149 the details were fuzzy, but I was quite sure I would ascend to the throne one fine day ---- *curtsies at Queen Peaches*

Posted by: Y-not, former frog at August 17, 2013 04:28 PM (5H6zj)

150

We were told that thunder was " The  angels bowling"

 

If you dug a hole deep enough, you'd enter China.

Posted by: seamrog at August 17, 2013 04:28 PM (erLNg)

151 143 Y-not I had the same type of thing, except I was sure I was born with a tail. A flap that they cut off and didn't tell me. ---- You were probably born a tadpole!

Posted by: Y-not, former frog at August 17, 2013 04:29 PM (5H6zj)

152 I thought I was finding bits of tar in the sand box.

Posted by: Dang at August 17, 2013 04:29 PM (Hx2XA)

153 >>>If you went swimming before waiting a half hour after eating you'd get cramps and drown.

That's not true?

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 17, 2013 04:29 PM (Iyg03)

154 I did grow up in Texas but probably not with Dave.

Posted by: CozMark at August 17, 2013 04:30 PM (6QN3y)

155 Someone, I think it might have been my mom or grandmother, told me that when the sun's rays shine down through a cloud that means souls are going up to Heaven.

Posted by: Y-not at August 17, 2013 04:30 PM (5H6zj)

156 141 We were told if the sun shines while it is raining, the devil is beating his wife. Posted by: no good deed at August 17, 2013 08:27 PM (WmLrU) --- I just heard this earlier this year. Foreign, yadda yadda.

Posted by: Gingy at August 17, 2013 04:30 PM (aH+zP)

157 "If you went swimming before waiting a half hour after eating you'd get cramps and drown." I think that this one was so Moms didn't have to run off to supervise while they finally got to sit down and eat after feeding all the kids.

Posted by: Synova at August 17, 2013 04:31 PM (7/PU+)

158
Some of the older kids had a fort in the woods by my house. They warned us if that if they ever caught us in there we'd regret it. So one day one of the older guys caught us in the fort checking out the porn stash....
Posted by: CozMark




"Dear Gay Penthouse Letters:

I never thought something like this could really happen to me..."


Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at August 17, 2013 04:31 PM (kdS6q)

159 If you look  at  someone  cross  eyed your eyes will stay that way.

Posted by: t-dubyah-d at August 17, 2013 04:31 PM (u6lBN)

160 Free speech was what made our country different

The cream always rises to the top

The Frankfurt School was where they learned hot doggin'

Posted by: ontherocks at August 17, 2013 04:31 PM (5MTsB)

161
   I still believe in Santa Claus.

Posted by: irongrampa at August 17, 2013 04:32 PM (SAMxH)

162 If i wouldn't eat my dinner, children in China would starve.  My dad would tell my mom, well, then put it in a box and send it to 'em.  He had a lot to do with me turning out the way I did.

Posted by: Peaches at August 17, 2013 04:32 PM (8lmkt)

163 Can't post links but yoot tube probably has it if you search Manfred Mann Midnight Special. Very clearly singing "wrapped" up like a deuce. Could very well be referring to a car. Rest of the lyrics make it seem to be referring to a woman though.

Posted by: nothinglefttolose at August 17, 2013 04:32 PM (SFZtG)

164 I'm not sure if eating so you're stuffed might give you cramps but I never questioned that it was *possible*, after all, people seemed to believe it and they must have reason, right? But I can't think of a single physiological reason that it would be true.

Posted by: Synova at August 17, 2013 04:32 PM (7/PU+)

165 Some of the kids at school thought they could hide their smoking by chewing gum or keeping a bar of soap under the seat of the car. Yeah, your parents totally didn't know you smoked, guy. That's the ticket.

Posted by: Stark Dickflüssig at August 17, 2013 04:33 PM (0XbWx)

166 My Cajun grandmothers would tell my aunts not to raise their arms above their heads when they were pregnant because the umbilical cord would strangle the baby. 

Posted by: no good deed at August 17, 2013 04:34 PM (WmLrU)

167

Thunder was just angels bowling....

If you're making a face and get slapped its gonna be that way forever....

You can't be an astronaut if you don't take a bath before bed....

You must be an Einstein son, no one scores that well on the ASVAB!

Just relax, breathe and move; were only gonna go two minutes.

Posted by: CrotchetyOldJarhead at August 17, 2013 04:34 PM (L2I78)

168
123 My dad's squadron was in the Aleutions 1944-45. PB-1 Venturas. Were was yours.

Posted by: RS at August 17, 2013 08:26 PM (YAGV/) 

He was originally cleared in the PBY and initially stationed at Pearl.  He ended up aboard the Lexington flying F4F's.



Posted by: Doctor Fish at August 17, 2013 04:34 PM (pJF+c)

169 I thought there was a new thread up.




Hey!  I was right!

Posted by: Dang at August 17, 2013 04:34 PM (Hx2XA)

170  RS : She's still hotter at 50 than most of the current crop of actresses today.

Posted by: digitalbrownshirt at August 17, 2013 04:34 PM (Yx4EH)

171 Thunder was G-d bowling with the Angels.

Posted by: t-dubyah-d at August 17, 2013 04:34 PM (u6lBN)

172 An aspirin in her Coke was like spanish fly.

Posted by: jwpaine @PirateBallerina at August 17, 2013 04:35 PM (/lWM8)

173 Here's one I'll bet you've never heard.

Potty-training and related issues for myself and my sister was handled by my mom. As a result, no "big deal" was ever made about my dad's pooping habits or lack thereof. So, for the longest time, I believed that my dad simply did not poop at all. I remember wondering about it from time to time, but I think I accepted it as true for lack of evidence to the contrary.

Posted by: JT at August 17, 2013 04:36 PM (VQj4T)

174 But I can't think of a single physiological reason that it would be true. ----- Is there any chance that your diaphragm isn't as effective at drawing in air if your stomach is very full?

Posted by: Y-not at August 17, 2013 04:36 PM (5H6zj)

175 "You must be an Einstein son, no one scores that well on the ASVAB!" Heh! Except for the counting O's and C's part (which I'm told hasn't been part of it forever) I got 96% or 98% in all the other categories.

Posted by: Synova at August 17, 2013 04:37 PM (7/PU+)

176 If you swore around a dragonfly it would sow your lips shut

Posted by: NativeNH at August 17, 2013 04:37 PM (ICS/J)

177 @168 Awesome!

Posted by: RS at August 17, 2013 04:38 PM (YAGV/)

178 Keep an aspirin between your knees and you won't get pregnant!  TRUE!!!

Posted by: t-dubyah-d at August 17, 2013 04:39 PM (u6lBN)

179
Did you know  the reason tincture merthiolate burned so bad was because it was healing the wound?



Posted by: Doctor Fish at August 17, 2013 04:39 PM (pJF+c)

180
   If you step on a crack it will break your mother's back.

Posted by: irongrampa at August 17, 2013 04:39 PM (SAMxH)

181 135 That's PV-1 Venturas.  I know 'cuz that's where my dad was originally headed before they transitioned into 4-engine PB4Y-2's.  He was in VP-138 and VPB-124.  Where was your dad???

Posted by: DAve at August 17, 2013 04:40 PM (OksBo)

182 I thought it was a little strange in "Silent Night" to refer to Mary as a "round young virgin."

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at August 17, 2013 04:40 PM (C8mVl)

183 In hill country, the legs on one side of a cow were shorter than those on the other side so they wouldn't fall over.

Posted by: Lou at August 17, 2013 04:40 PM (OoOLp)

184 if I did everything (mostly) right, I would not have to be working myself to death at a ridiculous age . . . total horseshit, as it turns out.

Posted by: Peaches at August 17, 2013 04:40 PM (8lmkt)

185
Hang a garlic clove around your neck and it will cure a cold.  Thanks auntie Eunice, you crazy old woman. 

Posted by: Doctor Fish at August 17, 2013 04:40 PM (pJF+c)

186

Santa's minion were the wild birds, that reported your behavior back to Santa. This would determine your Christmas gifts.

 

Kinda like bho and nsa.

 

We still use the answer to questions " A little bird told me"

 

Posted by: seamrog at August 17, 2013 04:41 PM (erLNg)

187 You can cure a cold with a mustard plaster.

Posted by: Northernlurker at August 17, 2013 04:42 PM (HZZcC)

188
If a frog pees on your hand, you will grow warts.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at August 17, 2013 04:42 PM (pJF+c)

189 I thought that if I blew my nose hard and long enough, I'd never have to blow it ever again... couldn't believe that no one else had ever thought of it before.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at August 17, 2013 04:42 PM (HsTG8)

190

In hill country, the legs on one side of a cow were shorter than those on the other side so they wouldn't fall over.

 

Also true for Side Hill Wompass.

Posted by: Ronster at August 17, 2013 04:42 PM (nnbZs)

191 Me and a buddy solemnly theorized that girls have 3 holes. One for peeing, one for pooping, and one for babies. Made my first time a couple of years later, with a little redhead from down the road, even more confusing then you would expect.

Posted by: jwpaine @PirateBallerina at August 17, 2013 04:42 PM (/lWM8)

192 If you drink coffee as a child it will stunt your growth.

Posted by: t-dubyah-d at August 17, 2013 04:43 PM (u6lBN)

193 Dill pickles.  My aunt told me they called them "dill pickles" because of "that little deal on the end," that little piece of vine you sometimes see.  I believed that for years.

At the time, "dill" and "deal" were the same word.

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 17, 2013 04:44 PM (Iyg03)

194 When I was young, my sister could walk up to wild birds and pick them up. She did this all the time. When she got older (age 6 or so) , she lost the power. Weird....

Posted by: Kasper in Barcelona at August 17, 2013 04:44 PM (7x9pP)

195

I used to believe that when I got from eating, that food filled up my legs first.

 

Posted by: Mobiwon Canobere at August 17, 2013 04:45 PM (JlAWJ)

196 You have to be careful what you say, because there is nothing to stop the sound vibrations, and someday someone will invent a machine that can hear everything you say.

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 17, 2013 04:45 PM (Iyg03)

197 Mikey the kid from the Life commercials died because he drank Coke while eating Pop Rocks.

And Phil Collins knew a guy who witnessed someone drown but didn't help, so he sang a song to him at a concert and afterward the guy turned himself in.

Posted by: Average Jen at August 17, 2013 04:45 PM (1WdJ6)

198 For some time thought that line from Lord's Prayer...who art in heaven...was talking about my deceased neighbor Arthur.

Posted by: fran at August 17, 2013 04:46 PM (OQkvt)

199 It's called the internet.

Posted by: jwpaine @PirateBallerina at August 17, 2013 04:46 PM (/lWM8)

200 113 Senator Reid told me that if I ever told anyone what we did in the Cloak Room weasels would come and eat my parents. Posted by: 12 Year Old Boy at August 17, 2013 08:22 PM (Qk1I/) ROFLMAO! (Sorry, kid)

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at August 17, 2013 04:46 PM (HsTG8)

201 Flying cars by 1999! (from mags in 1969)

Posted by: another joe at August 17, 2013 04:47 PM (2C9J9)

202 Asian women have horizontal hoo hoos.  Hey, I was young.

Posted by: Ronster at August 17, 2013 04:47 PM (nnbZs)

203 Me and a buddy solemnly theorized that girls have 3 holes.

you know this is actually true, right?

Posted by: Peaches at August 17, 2013 04:48 PM (8lmkt)

204 198 For some time thought that line from Lord's Prayer...who art in heaven...was talking about my deceasedneighbor Arthur. Posted by: fran at August 17, 2013 08:46 PM (OQkvt) I thought "Give us this day, our daily bread" was "Give us to stay, our daily bread".

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at August 17, 2013 04:48 PM (HsTG8)

205
Flying cars by 1999! (from mags in 1969)

Posted by: another joe at August 17, 2013 08:47 PM (2C9J9)


Ugh....Mechanics Illustrated 'bout 1947!


Posted by: Doctor Fish at August 17, 2013 04:48 PM (pJF+c)

206

If you step on a black ant , it will cause rain.

 

Yeah I know, Racist.

Posted by: seamrog at August 17, 2013 04:49 PM (erLNg)

207 Oh, yeah.  Global cooling and a new ice age before the turn of the century.  But that was from the Weekly Reader or something and teachers.  Well, all the proto-greens thought that then.

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 17, 2013 04:49 PM (Iyg03)

208 Let's ask Wesley Clark.

Posted by: CMU VET at August 17, 2013 04:49 PM (ejB0r)

209 When I was 5, I asked my Mom if I could grow a mustache and she told me to ask my Dad, thinking he would put me some knowledge. I asked Dad, and he said, "Sure, go ahead!" I love my Dad.

Posted by: Dacotti at August 17, 2013 04:49 PM (aQgj3)

210 191 Me and a buddy solemnly theorized that girls have 3 holes. One for peeing, one for pooping, and one for babies. Made my first time a couple of years later, with a little redhead from down the road, even more confusing then you would expect. Posted by: jwpaine @PirateBallerina at August 17, 2013 08:42 PM (/lWM --- Um. We do.

Posted by: Gingy at August 17, 2013 04:49 PM (aH+zP)

211 "revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night"

It's a simile, references deuce coupe street racers.

Posted by: lauraw at August 17, 2013 04:51 PM (yGblt)

212 Following the mosquito sprayer  on your  bike is safe.  (I think my parents were trying to thin out the herd).  heh.

Posted by: t-dubyah-d at August 17, 2013 04:51 PM (u6lBN)

213
From my dearly departed Aunt Julia, I learned the medicine in her night stand made her sleep.  My dad solved the mystery years later when he called her medicine....gin.  

Posted by: Doctor Fish at August 17, 2013 04:51 PM (pJF+c)

214 As a kid my mother's understanding of the pledge: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands; one nation, indivisible, with liberty and just this for all.


And another: a neighbor's kid thought it was called the Washington Ornament.

Posted by: Retread at August 17, 2013 04:53 PM (Oz+LZ)

215 That the guy at the local tavern had a hollow leg.

Posted by: seamrog at August 17, 2013 04:54 PM (erLNg)

216 Well lauraw, it's like I told the other two above. I have a dvd of Midnight Special that has Manfred Mann doing the song. He is very clearly singing "wrapped" up like a deuce. It's probably on u tube. On the other hand, not the most important issue of our time.

Posted by: nothinglefttolose at August 17, 2013 04:56 PM (H0qOD)

217 No, it's "Wake up, take a deuce, another movement in the night."

Posted by: Boone at August 17, 2013 04:57 PM (2/9+I)

218 It's about being blinded when you turn on the lights to the bathroom at night because you had to poop.

Posted by: Boone at August 17, 2013 04:58 PM (2/9+I)

219

I wonder where the old superstitions were started.

 

Break a mirror = 7 years bad luck

 

walk under a ladder, black cat cross your path, etc.

 

Probably back in the " Old Country".

Posted by: seamrog at August 17, 2013 04:59 PM (erLNg)

220 I thought the signs "slow children at play" were put in neighborhoods where retarded children lived.

Posted by: Weirddave at August 17, 2013 04:59 PM (aH+zP)

221  Sidehill gougers

Ginger ale fixes upset stomach or flu. It was years before I was able to like the stuff.

Posted by: bill sometimes bill from Canada at August 17, 2013 04:59 PM (BPPe3)

222 You'll shoot your eye out

Posted by: Red Shirt at August 17, 2013 05:00 PM (FIDMq)

223 The ladder thing - you're breaking the triangle, which was representative of the Holy Trinity. Black cats are witches' familiars.

Posted by: Gingy at August 17, 2013 05:00 PM (aH+zP)

224 My grandfather use to drink his coffee black and I would beg him for some coffee. So to discourage me, he told me that if I ever drank coffee, it would make me black like him. My grandfather was considerably darker than me, so he would try to scare me. LOL! My father use to tell me that eating onions made hair grow on your chest. I avoided onions until I was an adult. Also, whenever we were driving cross-country, every time we saw cows and horses, he would call the horses cows and cows horses. Needless to say I was screwed up when I went to kindergarten.

Posted by: I Be That Chick On Her iPad at August 17, 2013 05:00 PM (kVw0W)

225 If you ate one bite of food, and then dipped your big toe in the swimming pool within 30 minutes afterwards, you'd get a cramp and drown. My wife still tells our children their crossed eyes will damage their vision and that they can catch cold from going outside in the winter with wet heads. I say, um I think the cold symptoms come from germs and that thing with the crossed eyes, well kids, your mother's full of sh*t.

Posted by: Jack Squat Bupkis at August 17, 2013 05:01 PM (F3nFt)

226 Hoping Karen Valentine would still be teaching high school in eight years...

Posted by: another joe at August 17, 2013 05:02 PM (2C9J9)

227 Dad explained the birds & bees a little too early. I had this mental image of sperm walking across the bed from the man to the woman.

Posted by: Motionviewer at August 17, 2013 05:02 PM (6Tbb5)

228 224 My grandfather use to drink his coffee black and I would beg him for some coffee. So to discourage me, he told me that if I ever drank coffee, it would make me black like him. My grandfather was considerably darker than me, so he would try to scare me. LOL! My father use to tell me that eating onions made hair grow on your chest. I avoided onions until I was an adult. Also, whenever we were driving cross-country, every time we saw cows and horses, he would call the horses cows and cows horses. Needless to say I was screwed up when I went to kindergarten. Posted by: I Be That Chick On Her iPad at August 17, 2013 09:00 PM (kVw0W) My little cousin is white-blonde, pale-skinned white girl. She had a large freckle on her hand. Our friend Gibby, who is a dark-skinned Bermudan, told her once that a black spot like that was how he started. Poor kid believed it for years. My dad always used to say that too, "puts hair on your chest". I never wanted hair on my chest, so I didn't eat onions til I was older.

Posted by: Gingy at August 17, 2013 05:04 PM (aH+zP)

229 My wife works for WIC in S. Texas. You wouldn't believe the stuff the grandmothers tell pregnant girls here.

Posted by: bill sometimes bill from Canada at August 17, 2013 05:05 PM (BPPe3)

230 My dad told me the hamburger patties he was putting on the grill were so nicely round because he'd squish the ground beef in his armpit to make them.

I checked for hairs in my burger the next couple of times we had them, before I realized he was pulling my leg. Those were GROSS burgers.

Posted by: Squatch at August 17, 2013 05:05 PM (/CXkC)

231

223 gingy

 

Never heard the Trinity angle about ladders.

S'pose a lot of these are religion based.

Posted by: seamrog at August 17, 2013 05:06 PM (erLNg)

232 I knew a woman who bragged that she'd convinced her kids that if they went down the stairs an alligator would get them. I've heard of a mother (perhaps from the other lady, I don't remember) who convinced her children to have an unreasoning, profound fear of feathers so that a feather on the steps on in a doorway would keep them from ever going through it. Also, another (maybe the same lady?) who convinced her kid that everyone in the supermarket was a murdering kidnapper. I was appalled. No doubt this worked, but how is that sort of emotional and psychological abuse better than just letting them know they're going to get their hiney tanned if they don't stay where you've told them to stay? (Not walking under a ladder is just common sense... you could "unluckily" get something dropped on you or jostle the ladder with someone on it.)

Posted by: Synova at August 17, 2013 05:06 PM (7/PU+)

233 We thought birthmarks were caused when your mother burned herself on the corresponding spot while she was pregnant.

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 17, 2013 05:07 PM (Iyg03)

234 >>>>#187  You can cure a cold with a mustard plaster.

Heh.  Spent my first Christmas in the hospital (6 mos old) after a week of unsuccessful treatment with mustard plaster. 

The same people who used to treat boils with "brown soap and sugar".  Does anyone even get boils anymore?  Haven't seen one in years.

Posted by: IrishEi at August 17, 2013 05:07 PM (vbnHZ)

235

About the 'no swimming for 30 min.'

 

I thought the lifegaurds kept track of when you ate and would enforce the rule.

Posted by: PMRich at August 17, 2013 05:08 PM (KDUNf)

236 Breaking a mirror... when mirrors were rare and very expensive? Yeah, don't play rough around mirrors. Also... salt... probably expensive. Don't spill it.

Posted by: Synova at August 17, 2013 05:08 PM (7/PU+)

237 I thought the Treasure House (Captain Kangaroo) was a real house where the Captain, Mr Greenjeans , Bunny Rabbit and Mr Moose lived. For lunch they always had grilled cheese sandwiches - just like me!

Posted by: Al at August 17, 2013 05:09 PM (3MNCs)

238 Heck, I didn't even get a Social Security card until I was 13 or 14. In the 60s SSNs weren't used for anything but jobs. I was a pampering but that's not a real job.

Posted by: Bill R. at August 17, 2013 05:10 PM (QnRSM)

239 My dad always used to say that too, "puts hair on your chest". I never wanted hair on my chest, so I didn't eat onions til I was older. ---- My dad used to tell us (his two daughters) that drinking orange juice put hair on your chest.

Posted by: Y-not at August 17, 2013 05:10 PM (5H6zj)

240 Pampering= paperboy. Damn autocorrect.

Posted by: Bill R. at August 17, 2013 05:12 PM (QnRSM)

241 From the Catechism we had to study:

Who is God? 
God is the string bean who made all things.

(for non-Catholics, string bean shoulda been "supreme being")

Posted by: IrishEi at August 17, 2013 05:12 PM (vbnHZ)

242 Oh, yeah, "the Booger Man."  "Boogie man" became "booger man" for us somehow and all of us (sisters, cousins) thought there was a man made out of boogers who wore a hat and a black coat.  My aunt told us he would hide in the shadows just beyond my grandma's porch light waiting to get us, and that kept us on the porch at night.

That was pretty clever.

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 17, 2013 05:13 PM (Iyg03)

243 You know how plastic bags all have warnings on them along the lines of "don't let children put plastic bags over their heads, they can suffocate and die"? Those freaked me out, because I didn't realize that suffocation was kind of a slow drawn-out process. I thought putting a plastic bag over your head meant instant death. So one day I was playing with the neighborhood kids, play-fighting with plastic swords or whatever, and some came up behind me and put a plastic bag over my head. Of course I completely fucking lost it, tore it off as fast as I could, then jumped on the kid and started beating him because he had just tried to kill me.

Posted by: Brendan at August 17, 2013 05:13 PM (2jQGY)

244 Posted by: Brendan at August 17, 2013 09:13 PM (2jQGY)

i laughed so hard at that, I actually cried, Brendan.  omg.

Posted by: Peaches at August 17, 2013 05:18 PM (8lmkt)

245 Don't lay utensils across each other. For example, a fork over a knife mean, at some point, a woman and a man will fight.

Posted by: adams superstitious porn at August 17, 2013 05:19 PM (L039j)

246 The concept to "knock on wood" for good luck, goes back to the Celts revering the spirits of the oak, yew (etc) trees.

Posted by: seamrog at August 17, 2013 05:20 PM (erLNg)

247 I used to think there were monsters in the closet out to get me.  Now I know they're actually in D.C.

Posted by: Purp[/i][/b][/u][/s] at August 17, 2013 05:20 PM (yLe+f)

248 Don't lay utensils across each other. For example, a fork over a knife mean, at some point, a woman and a man will fight.

yeah, cause, otherwise, that just doesn't happen. 

Posted by: Peaches at August 17, 2013 05:22 PM (8lmkt)

249 Memorized from Mad Magazine,  circa 1962:

It's a grand old bag,  it's a nice plastic bag
And you find them on all of your clothes.

Oh a kid can play,  the live-long day,
With them anywhere that he goes!

They are lots more fun than a doll or a gun,
You can wave them around like flags!

But should auld acquaintance be forgot,
Keep your head out of plastic bags!

Posted by: Miss Marple at August 17, 2013 05:22 PM (GoIUi)

250 And Phil Collins knew a guy who witnessed someone drown but didn't help, so he sang a song to him at a concert and afterward the guy turned himself in. Someone told me this and I asked " to whom for what? ". They couldn't answer. Is it illegal to watch someone drown?

Posted by: Weirddave at August 17, 2013 05:24 PM (aH+zP)

251 Hey Peaches, ONT where you brought up Levon I saw it early morning when I woke up. Prompted me to put in my "The Last Waltz" dvd. If you don't have it, you should consider getting it. He's great in the interview parts too. Also in the movie "The Fire Down Below" with Steven Segal.

Posted by: nothinglefttolose at August 17, 2013 05:24 PM (6Zy+s)

252 We pledge allegiance to the Republic for Richard Stands. Always wonder who that guy was.

Posted by: toby928© at August 17, 2013 05:26 PM (QupBk)

253 When we visited our cousins at grandma's, we were just like the kids in "To Kill a Mockingbird."  Same kind of little neighborhood.  Scary house down the street we avoided. Same kind of kid adventure.

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 17, 2013 05:26 PM (Iyg03)

254 Crossed bats leaning against the dugout fence is a no no.

Posted by: nothinglefttolose at August 17, 2013 05:26 PM (6Zy+s)

255 Prompted me to put in my "The Last Waltz" dvd. If you don't have it, you should consider getting it. --- Awesome movie.

Posted by: Y-not at August 17, 2013 05:27 PM (5H6zj)

256 At some point that night, I suppose.

Posted by: adams superstitious porn at August 17, 2013 05:27 PM (L039j)

257 I used to think President Eisenhower lived at the top of the Washington Monument and watched us with his super  (pre-NSA) telescope.

I still have a sneaky suspicion that the squirrels, chipmunks and rabbits have little homes underground with furniture and little dishes.

Posted by: Miss Marple at August 17, 2013 05:29 PM (GoIUi)

258 Posted by: nothinglefttolose at August 17, 2013 09:24 PM (6Zy+s)

I'm not much for movies (can't sit still that long), but I mourn Levon to this day and I don't think that will go away anytime soon.  Little bits of Youtube from the movie and he is so happy and joyous and just so damn good at what he does.  Lifts the spirit.  Always did, way back to the 60s when I first loved them.

Posted by: Peaches at August 17, 2013 05:29 PM (8lmkt)

259 My grandma told me that if I didn't stop I would go blind.  She was wrong.

She didn't warn me about the hairy palms though.

Posted by: Lucky Pierre at August 17, 2013 05:31 PM (5fSr7)

260 191 Me and a buddy solemnly theorized that girls have 3 holes. One for peeing, one for pooping, and one for babies. Made my first time a couple of years later, with a little redhead from down the road, even more confusing then you would expect. Well, if she didn't have 3 holes like all the other girls, was the confusing thing her penis?

Posted by: Weirddave at August 17, 2013 05:32 PM (aH+zP)

261 When I was about seven I often played basketball with older boys. They used colorful language. But one word in particular sounded sort of OK, because...wellÂ… what could be bad about a sucker. So, while talking to mom one afternoon I said something or someone was a "cock sucker." I still remember seeing the lights flash in my skull as she slapped the piss out of me. It must have been some really nasty kind of lollipop. Another one: each year my small town had a "French Fry." It wasn't until I was about 12 that someone informed me that it was actually a "Fish Fry." After all, they did have fish sandwiches and french fries. My brother always like the song, "Hello mudda, fadda, here I am at Â… Western Auto."

Posted by: Andy in FL at August 17, 2013 05:32 PM (nf/Xx)

262 Vagina dentata.

Posted by: Anthony's Weiner at August 17, 2013 05:32 PM (5fSr7)

263 31 Johnnie S wrote:

... and that "Bad Moon on the Rise" (Credence Clearwater) was "bathroom on the right".

For the past couple of decades John Fogerty has made a point of substituting "there's a bathroom on the right" in at least one refrain when he does this song! It isn't on the original, but listen closely to one of the later live concert recordings of "Bad Moon Rising" and you'll hear it. He gets a big kick out of it.

Posted by: Herp McDerp at August 17, 2013 05:33 PM (pqdDB)

264 "Awesome movie." Yup. Great band. Great line up of folks that joined them. I mean come on, Robbie Robertson and Eric Clapton trading solos on "Further On Up the Road". Joni doing Coyote. The Staples joint them on The Weight. Just to name a few.

Posted by: nothinglefttolose at August 17, 2013 05:34 PM (Nsomq)

265 Keep cats away from babies.

Posted by: adams superstitious porn at August 17, 2013 05:37 PM (L039j)

266 That a two by four And a twenty penny nail Can hold anything.

Posted by: Haiku Guy at August 17, 2013 05:38 PM (XPfkb)

267 After watching ET, I couldn't eat ham.

Posted by: Tattoo De Plane at August 17, 2013 05:40 PM (Y92Nd)

268 Taught my kids using this method: if you got the hiccups, you were either telling a lie, or, had told one before it and you were trying to hold in the truth. I got a LOT of truth out of them that way. Until they figured out I was full of it lolol. Now its a great running joke with us.

Posted by: Mr. Wolf at August 17, 2013 05:43 PM (UIAT6)

269 An earache means someone not present is talking about you.

Posted by: adams superstitious porn at August 17, 2013 05:43 PM (L039j)

270

Girls have "Kooties"! Now some 50 years later a woman at work

said her son came home and asked if girls have kooties.

Posted by: ctc at August 17, 2013 05:45 PM (Pznt6)

271 If I missed Mass on Sunday, unless really really sick, and something happened to me before I went to confession I would go to hell.  All my non Catholic friends could never go to heaven. Yep, Catholic. Still am -- older but wiser.

Posted by: gracepmc at August 17, 2013 05:47 PM (rznx3)

272 Another one: each year my small town had a "French Fry." It wasn't until I was about 12 that someone informed me that it was actually a "Fish Fry." After all, they did have fish sandwiches and french fries. --- Mr Y-not and I were confused as heck the first time we were invited to a dinner at the Stake (not steak) Center.

Posted by: Y-not at August 17, 2013 05:48 PM (5H6zj)

273 #271  Well,  it still is a mortal sin. 

Posted by: Miss Marple at August 17, 2013 05:50 PM (GoIUi)

274 "I thought there were two types of people, Catholics and Publics, and Catholics went to Catholic school and Publics went to Public school.

And also to hell, of course.
Posted by: arminius"

So funny! Me too. I knew a public girl, and she took a cookie from our pantry one day. Proof! They're evil. Never played with her again.

And we thought the lingerie section of the Montgomery Wards catalog was a dirty book and probably a sin to look at.

Posted by: PJ at August 17, 2013 05:51 PM (ZWaLo)

275 When we were kids, we decided to dig a pool in the back yard, which was on a hill. We were convinced if we dug the hole to the same depth for the length of the pool, the water would be the same depth, and the surface would follow the contour of the hillside. After we finished digging up about half the back yard, Dad explained that we were wrong about this. I didn't believe him, but he told us to knock it off, so we knocked it off. The funny thing is, there was so much rock in our backyard, we tossed all the rock back in the hole, and it was full. That was some tough digging.

Posted by: Haiku Guy at August 17, 2013 05:52 PM (XPfkb)

276 My Dad had my sister and I both convinced if we ate all the breadcrust from our sandwiches, it would make our hair curly.

Yeah, heard that, and I have outrageously curly hair, LOL. Guess I ate my crusts.

Posted by: Johnnie S at August 17, 2013 05:54 PM (Bf6IS)

277 If you find an eyelash on your hand, treat it like a birthday candle. Close your eyes, make a wish, and blow it off.

Posted by: adams superstitious porn at August 17, 2013 05:54 PM (L039j)

278 "For he's a jolly good fellow. For he's a jolly good fellow. For he's a jolly good fehhh ehhh looooow!

That nobody candy night!"

That's funny.

Posted by: Johnnie S at August 17, 2013 05:57 PM (Bf6IS)

279 I thought if I ate potato chips in the rain I'd get tapeworms. I wasn't big on science.

Posted by: Vivi at August 17, 2013 05:57 PM (+/8mE)

280 My brother thought we were growing pork 'n beans in our garden.

Posted by: WarmMountain at August 17, 2013 05:59 PM (PZiS7)

281 "We were convinced if we dug the hole to the same depth for the length of the pool, the water would be the same depth, and the surface would follow the contour of the hillside." The water-line below ground actually does sort of roughly follow surface contours. Granted, if you remove the *surface* that's not going to help you.

Posted by: Synova at August 17, 2013 06:00 PM (7/PU+)

282 273 #271 Well, it still is a mortal sin.

Posted by: Miss Marple at August 17, 2013 09:50 PM (GoIUi

***********

Yes, it is.  But I do feel better now about my non Catholic friends.


Posted by: gracepmc at August 17, 2013 06:00 PM (rznx3)

283 My sister, again - Dirty jeans and the thunder chief!

Posted by: Synova at August 17, 2013 06:01 PM (7/PU+)

284 I was convinced that there really was evil in the world... Hey, wait a minute!

Posted by: Ray Van Dune at August 17, 2013 06:02 PM (qIFL7)

285 I wasn't particularly afraid of the dark until my cousin told me that the Devil was everywhere and lurked in the shadowy corners. She also told me that rats lived in the outhouse and would jump up and bite your butt. At the time all we had was an outhouse. My mother could have strangled her.

Posted by: Synova at August 17, 2013 06:04 PM (7/PU+)

286 Sit too close to the TV and you'll go blind.

CRTs do emit x-rays, so that's probably its origin.

Posted by: adams superstitious porn at August 17, 2013 06:05 PM (L039j)

287 Mom said that the pollution/steam from factories was how we got clouds.  & That the keebler elves lived in the water tower and they were her good friends and they sent her with these cookies.

My brother told me my mom was really THE devil, and that ants go in your nose and ears when you are asleep and eat half your brain and you become half ant. That porcupines fall asleep on your pillow and you roll over and they stab your brain.


Posted by: Broflovski at August 17, 2013 06:08 PM (4ZKcy)

288 >>>My brother thought we were growing pork 'n beans in our garden.

Because of the move "Robinson Crusoe on Mars" my friend and I thought sausages came from plants, and when we saw cattails, well, there they were.

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 17, 2013 06:09 PM (Iyg03)

289 Boy were you dumb.

Posted by: Radar at August 17, 2013 06:11 PM (KzmOC)

290 227 Dad explained the birds & bees a little too early. I had this mental image of sperm walking across the bed from the man to the woman.

that's funny

Posted by: Johnnie S at August 17, 2013 06:14 PM (Bf6IS)

291 I was young and green and fell for it when LBJ and his boys claimed Barry Goldwater was a warmonger and showed that TV ad with the little girl picking flowers and a nuclear bomb going off in the background.  So I voted for LBJ, the "peace candidate."  Two years later, LBJ sent me to Vietnam and seven months later on medevac to a military hospital for eight months.  Then he himself chickened out and ran back to Texas. Jeez!

Posted by: Wolverine at August 17, 2013 06:14 PM (PZOJY)

292 I thought the "How Do I Love Thee?" episode of Married ... With Children was a real game show.

Posted by: Shoot Me at August 17, 2013 06:16 PM (qiXMt)

293 Chocolate milk comes from brown cows.

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 17, 2013 06:19 PM (Iyg03)

294 I believed until recently that a president would enforce the law even if he didn't agree with it. Dumb.

Posted by: frankly at August 17, 2013 06:21 PM (30oBw)

295 Dad told me that "forgot" wasn't a word - this was in the course of lecture where I had tried to excuse myself for having ... er, forgotten something. I knew he was wrong because "begot" was in the Bible - and I heard it at Lutheran services every Sunday. I didn't argue, though.  I knew I was right and that Dad was just hideously misinformed.

Posted by: Sgt. Mom at August 17, 2013 06:21 PM (Asjr7)

296 When I was a kid, I thought the singers on the radio were actually in the radio studio and everyone was waiting in the lobby to sing next.

Posted by: Ag80 at August 17, 2013 06:25 PM (CGITp)

297 Heh, Ag80, I thought movies were filmed exactly as you see them, like a play--i.e., that the scenes were filmed in the same order they appear.

One more:  I couldn't figure out how horses knew where to to go.  So I reasoned they could understand what the cowboys were saying.  Every time a cowboy would say "let's go back to the ranch," for example, the horses would turn around and go.

Posted by: rdbrewer at August 17, 2013 06:31 PM (Iyg03)

298 Once I knew what sex was I thought that married people sleeping in the same bed had sex every night. So when Ma and Pa went to bed on Little House on the Prairie I rolled my eyes because it had them just going to sleep. (Never actually applied this to my folks, though... for some reason your own parents are asexual... I think it's mental self-defense.)

Posted by: Synova at August 17, 2013 06:34 PM (7/PU+)

299 My great aunt kept my brother and I quiet in the evening during visits to her home by telling us the termites would "eat the house down" if we didn't shut up. So I became the enforcer and would police everyone's noise level in addition to my own. All in the pursuit of keeping her house standing.

Posted by: majimen at August 17, 2013 06:35 PM (9rxey)

300 If the wait gets long in a restaurant, put your napkin in your lap and the food will come.

Posted by: CausticConservative at August 17, 2013 06:39 PM (gT3jF)

301 My brothers told me I got my freckles when I was standing by a screen door and someone threw a pile of dog crap at me. 

I couldn't understand why they wouldn't wash off, but they told me that it was a permanent stain because it wasn't cleaned off quick enough when it happened.  They told me to try bleach, which of course I did.  Ruined my clothes and a couple of towels.  That was good for more than a few whacks on the backside with my mom's shoe, and the hairy eyeball from dad. 

Oh yeah, we lived in an apartment in NYC and didn't have a screen door. 

Posted by: IrishEi at August 17, 2013 06:45 PM (vbnHZ)

302 I told my dad (once) "you're not the boss of me!"  Found out he was.

Posted by: AmericanBTGoG at August 17, 2013 06:56 PM (tQVAz)

303 "I told my dad (once) "you're not the boss of me!" Found out he was." LOL!

Posted by: Synova at August 17, 2013 06:58 PM (7/PU+)

304 My late husband told me when he was really little his mom took him to the movies, and he thought that was the only movie that existed or ever would exist.

Posted by: Vivi at August 17, 2013 07:03 PM (+/8mE)

305 I couldn't have been older than 4 at the time but my Dad confided in me that if you turned around fast enough you could SEE your farts. Being the smarty pants older sister that I was, I told my 3 year old brother this with all the authority and gravitas of a prophet from on high. Must have amused him greatly to watch a couple of pre-schoolers waiting with anticipation and then hopping around in circles, quick as you can! Never occured to me that we'd never seen anyone elses farts, ever until I was about, I don't know, 6 maybe?

Posted by: Deety at August 17, 2013 07:06 PM (UaCt0)

306 Its OK to be Happy and Gay. All the songs say so. (listen to the songs of the 1930s-50s)

Posted by: 2SoonOLd2LateSmart at August 17, 2013 07:27 PM (E7HkV)

307 While we were on a super-long road trip, my dad told me that Indians were on the warpath and that I needed to keep an eye out for braves on horseback attacking our car.  Kept me busy for HOURS!

Posted by: Mr_Write at August 17, 2013 07:28 PM (Fn7Hb)

308 When we first drove to our summer cottage on the Delaware River in rural PA, my dad pointed to a "No Outlet" sign on the dirt road leading to it, and explained there were no electrical outlets in our cottage to hook a TV up to, just a little light to help guide us to bed as soon as it started getting dark.

And, of course, no lights to the outhouse, "where the spiders are."

We totally bought it.

Heh.

Posted by: Shohola Lola at August 17, 2013 08:11 PM (ZyC3z)

309 179
Did you know the reason tincture merthiolate burned so bad was because it was healing the wound?

We said baloney to that one, and always inspected the bottle to make sure it said mercurochrome, which had the same wine-dark color, but didn't sting.

Posted by: Shohola Lola at August 17, 2013 08:22 PM (ZyC3z)

310 When I was a kid (teenager) one of my einstein buddies said you could drink all the vodka you wanted and your parents would never know. Because they couldn't smell it. Well, that was bullshit.

Posted by: EROWMER at August 17, 2013 08:30 PM (OONaw)

311 Another five-year-old and I had a big argument: I thought it was six-thirty; she said it was half past six. We took it to my mother, where I was certain to be vindicated. I took it as a personal betrayal when she said we were both right.

Posted by: Alana at August 17, 2013 08:57 PM (8OGaG)

312

If you cut the web between your thumb and index finger, you'll bleed to death.

 

Wrapped up like douche, another rubber in the night.

 

Because I said so!

Posted by: MSO at August 17, 2013 08:58 PM (L35xh)

313 Watch for Falling Rock sign Dad told me he (Falling Rock)was an escaped prisoner and I need to keep a look out.

Posted by: Patrick at August 17, 2013 09:06 PM (b6koZ)

314 Around age 12, I thought I read in Good Housekeeping magazine that if you didn't 'climax' (whatever the hell that was) you couldn't get pregnant. Bwahahaha

Posted by: Helen at August 17, 2013 09:42 PM (93bH6)

315 When I was a kid I was white. I was white in fact, right up until the moment I boarded an airplane in Rancho Boyeros (just outside of Havana) and headed for the US. Obviously something happened in the airplane ride over, and by the time I got here I was no longer white. Shortly after my arrival, Nixon invented Hispanics, and suddenly I was something that I pre-existed! Now, since the whole Trayvon Martin thing, I'm back to being at least partly white. I am incredibly confused. I no longer know which ethnic slurs to be offended by. Other than that, when I was a kid (pre-Hispanic, post-white), some kid convinced me that SPAM was an acronym for SPoiled hAM, and I won't eat the stuff to this day.

Posted by: Darkdrake at August 17, 2013 09:44 PM (ShXPn)

316 If wishes were horses, Begger's would ride. It's an old grandmom saying. When We came home from school to ask Nan "whats for dinner" She would say "Bee's Knees and Sparrow's Ankles" It was really mac and cheese

Posted by: Dave in PB at August 17, 2013 10:53 PM (uf98g)

317 I have always liked mac & cheese

Posted by: Vic at August 18, 2013 01:07 AM (lZvxr)

318 This week's postsecret actually addresses this topic at the bottom of the page. http://www.postsecret.com/

Posted by: Bobby at August 18, 2013 02:38 AM (H5nbb)

319 I once believed that, in America, I can disagree with what you say but will defend to the death your right to say it. Now I know you have to be careful what you say.

Posted by: Former Rodeo Clown at August 18, 2013 02:56 AM (oKJU9)

320 I thought the Cuban song "Guantanamera" (about a beautiful woman from Guantanamo) was "Juan Tanamera" (about some guy named Juan).

Posted by: Caesar North of the Rubicon at August 18, 2013 03:12 AM (QVC7W)

321 251 255 264 I'm pretty sure that it was a Moron who proposed the idea of an annual drunken singalong on these here pages.

Posted by: Caesar North of the Rubicon at August 18, 2013 03:16 AM (QVC7W)

322 296 297 Someone mentioned the Midnight Special. I thought it was live. Didn't realize that it was videotaped segments (and even the Wolfman was on tape).

Posted by: Caesar North of the Rubicon at August 18, 2013 03:20 AM (QVC7W)

323 I believed I had a guardian angel who looked out for me but was also a traitorous informer; reporting to God all my sins. The nun in first grade announced one day that we were exhausting our guardian angels and so we should make room in our seats for them to sit down. Forty good Catholic kids obediently slid over. Years later it occurred to me she was probably just having a dull day and did that to amuse herself.

Posted by: AMDG at August 18, 2013 03:27 AM (oKJU9)

324 I know I'm late to this one, but I can't resist. My dad was brought up in Buffalo and he convinced me that in the winter, they could only leave the house by the second story windows.

Posted by: Jaclyn at August 18, 2013 04:01 AM (ocU5X)

325 None of the good guys ever died.  If one got shot, he was only wounded.  He'd be OK in a week.

Posted by: MarkD at August 18, 2013 04:05 AM (06gsL)

326 When we we're kids, every time we went near water we were careful to cover our mouths any time we saw dragon flies.  My mother, in all her loving wisdom, told us that dragon flies would sew our lips shut.  And if you opened your mouth(to avoid this horrific event) they would sew your tonsils together.

Ahhh moms, they loved us so..

Posted by: Ron USA at August 18, 2013 04:27 AM (zW8PW)

327

My sister was pretty sure her kids thought you couldn't start the car if you didn't put on lipstick first.

She also claims they thought houses came with Nintendo or not, and there was nothing you could do about it if your house didn't have it.

My other sister was such an expert brainwasher that one day, her little guy came in the house and she asked him if he wanted some grapes and he said he had eaten some yoghurt beore and wasn't that too much sweets?

Posted by: Jaclyn at August 18, 2013 04:35 AM (ocU5X)

328

227
Dad explained the birds bees a little too early. I had this
mental image of sperm walking across the bed from the man to the woman.

 

Me too.   It wasn't until sometime after I had started jerking off that I discovered that conception required..... insertion.

 

Ah the days when pornography wasn't everywhere.

Posted by: JPS at August 18, 2013 04:59 AM (llFuU)

329 When I first was learning the alphabet with the "ABC" jingle, for the longest time I thought that "LMNO" was one letter.

Posted by: Campesino at August 18, 2013 07:55 AM (jRdq2)

330 Greetings: If you wore a Negro's hat, your hair would turn kinky and /or fall out.

Posted by: 11B40 at August 18, 2013 08:52 AM (IwfGA)

331 My mother told me when a woman wanted a baby, she went to the doctor and he gave her a pill, which would grow a baby in her stomach. I believed this for a long time, but I was always perplexed why no other children had ever heard this. My mother later denied ever saying it.

Posted by: Debbie Sam at August 18, 2013 12:30 PM (okSd0)

332 We had a gardener who always had a burlap bag with him, as he invented recycling of bottles. To keep us out of a shed he told us the "Bag Man" lived there and not to go near it (my brother and I were pretty sure he was the Bag Man but we did not go near the dark and scary shed). I now think he made moonshine in there or ran a house of ill repute from my grandmother's back yard.

Posted by: ChristyBlinky at August 18, 2013 06:02 PM (baL2B)

333 Love this site-never done this before, but seriously-my brothers used to make me bury my packs of juicy fruit so we could grow the juicy fruit tree (,late 70's,early 80's?). I think they just dug them up

Posted by: Elizabeth at August 18, 2013 07:27 PM (JgIkz)

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