Ace of Spades HQ

January 31, 2013

Phil Mickelson Flirts With Immortality... and Comes Up Inches Short
— Ace

On his last put, Mickelson was about 12-15 feet out. He putted perfect, dead center, straight for the hole. But he was a little too soft, and wound up three inches away. He knocked in for par.

Now, had he had that birdie, he'd have gone into the last hole needing a birdie for a 58, the first in PGA history.

As it stands, he a birdie gets him 59 -- nice, but a score others have reached. (He'd be the sixth to hit a PGA 59.) Only an eagle could get him his 58.

He did drive perfectly, though.

So: If he puts it in the cup from here, 150 yards out or whatever, he's got a 58. Otherwise, it's just a case of so. Damn. Close.

"Cruel:" He had a long put to make a 59, to make him the 6th PGA player in history to shoot a 59. His put was perfect, went into the hole... and rode the edge of the cup, and squirted back out!

So he knocks in for par, finishing 60, 11 under par. He ties the course record, for what it's worth, but he already had a piece of that course record.

So, so close. And yet so far.

Posted by: Ace at 11:25 AM | Comments (169)
Post contains 227 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Edit much?

Posted by: Jordan at January 31, 2013 11:26 AM (Hz1zc)

2 First

Posted by: ilovebacon at January 31, 2013 11:26 AM (YTM4T)

3 Dangit!

Posted by: ilovebacon at January 31, 2013 11:26 AM (YTM4T)

4 Homonyms how do they work?

Posted by: Regular Moron [/i] at January 31, 2013 11:27 AM (feFL6)

5 And for all his effort he'll take home 40%

Posted by: ilovebacon at January 31, 2013 11:27 AM (YTM4T)

6 I got a birdie...........................once. But he lost me when he apologized for condemning CA and said he was going to move.

Posted by: Vic at January 31, 2013 11:28 AM (53z96)

7 Go Lefty!

And leave Kalifornia in the rear view.

Posted by: Joe Mama at January 31, 2013 11:28 AM (P4cxa)

8 I hope he a birdie gets.

Posted by: Average Joe at January 31, 2013 11:28 AM (oYXGc)

9 Whenever I think about golf -- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Wha? Huh?

Posted by: joncelli at January 31, 2013 11:28 AM (RD7QR)

10 see you, Twatty! I've wanted to ban you for days now but I kept forgetting. Go twat it up elsewhere, you simpering little ponce.

Posted by: ace at January 31, 2013 11:29 AM (LCRYB)

11 To some extent these "perfect games" are like the the lotto and slot machines.

For every "wow" there are a thousand "so damn close"s.

Posted by: looking closely at January 31, 2013 11:29 AM (PwGfd)

12 Poor guy. Performing well at these tournaments is going to cost him a lot of money.

Posted by: © Sponge at January 31, 2013 11:29 AM (xmcEQ)

13 Bye Jordan! Banned much?

Posted by: Muad'dib at January 31, 2013 11:29 AM (KjlbF)

14 Mickelson came close to telling the truth about the SCOAMF too, and came up inches short.

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at January 31, 2013 11:30 AM (7ObY1)

15 A 59 is pretty damn awesome. I'm never going to do it, and a lot of other pro golfers won't reach that either.

Posted by: EC at January 31, 2013 11:30 AM (GQ8sn)

16 Ace you banned Jordan? Shit, where do I send the case of beer? (Is Mill's Best okay?)

Posted by: joncelli at January 31, 2013 11:30 AM (RD7QR)

17 So this post was a trap to ban wayward commenters? Like one of those lotteries?

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at January 31, 2013 11:31 AM (Ec6wH)

18 Bye Jordan! Banned much?

lol

Posted by: eleven at January 31, 2013 11:31 AM (KXm42)

19 But he lost me when he apologized for condemning CA and said he was going to move.

Posted by: Vic at January 31, 2013 03:28 PM (53z96)

He didn't apologize for saying it, he apologized for using a public forum.

I have a much bigger issue with his attitude and performance at the Ryder Cup.

Posted by: © Sponge at January 31, 2013 11:31 AM (xmcEQ)

20 Did Phil use the TFG body English on that putt? Probably would have made the difference. Maybe someone can p-shop Lefty's head onto that.

Posted by: Joe Mama at January 31, 2013 11:31 AM (P4cxa)

21 Skeet?

Posted by: toby928© for TB at January 31, 2013 11:31 AM (evdj2)

22 "Edit much?"

Douchetool

Posted by: eleven at January 31, 2013 11:32 AM (KXm42)

23 Go twat it up elsewhere, you simpering little ponce. Poetry.

Posted by: toby928© for TB at January 31, 2013 11:32 AM (evdj2)

24 Posted by: joncelli at January 31, 2013 03:30 PM (RD7QR)

He banned Jordan, and he called him a "simpering little ponce," which is a lovely turn of a phrase.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at January 31, 2013 11:33 AM (GsoHv)

25 I've seen about ten minutes of golf on TV, ever. In those ten minutes, Phil Mickelson was fucking up at the end of a round where before I was watching he was kickin' all kinds of green ass.

That was years ago. I take it this is his thing.

Posted by: oblig. at January 31, 2013 11:33 AM (cePv8)

see you, Twatty! I've wanted to ban you for days now but I kept forgetting.

Go twat it up elsewhere, you simpering little ponce.

Posted by: ace at January 31, 2013 03:29 PM (LCRYB)

*hearts in eyes* Poetry.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at January 31, 2013 11:33 AM (4df7R)

27 So this post was a trap to ban wayward commenters? Like one of those lotteries?

Kind of like those police stings where they mail flyers to cons saying, "You've won a free 60" HDTV!!!" Everyone that shows up gets a nice pair of handcuffs.

Posted by: EC at January 31, 2013 11:33 AM (GQ8sn)

28 I prefer "mincing little ponce" myself, but simpering works too.

Posted by: Muad'dib at January 31, 2013 11:33 AM (KjlbF)

29 >>>But he lost me when he apologized for condemning CA and said he was going to move.

>>>He didn't apologize for saying it, he apologized for using a public forum.

Exactly. He regretted only having bitched in public, not the basis of the bitch.

Posted by: angler at January 31, 2013 11:33 AM (SwjAj)

30 So will they invite the kids from the middle school in Atlanta to Super Bowl? How about the kids in Alabama? Or do the get to daing at the oscars? Or Grammys?

Posted by: phoenixgirl waiting for spring training at January 31, 2013 11:34 AM (GVxQo)

31 I guess that "slap a dummy" thingie is contagious.

Posted by: Fritz at January 31, 2013 11:34 AM (WM+rJ)

32 Must not have been Jordan, since twerp is still here.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at January 31, 2013 11:34 AM (4df7R)

33 So a ban made ilovebacon nunc pro tunc the first commentator.

Posted by: wooga, first in your mom at January 31, 2013 11:35 AM (tNWB8)

34 Sing meant to say sing

Posted by: phoenixgirl waiting for spring training at January 31, 2013 11:35 AM (GVxQo)

35 That banning was pure poetry. *wipes tear*

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 31, 2013 11:35 AM (UOM48)

36 ..and he finishes with a 59.

Posted by: Joe Mama at January 31, 2013 11:35 AM (P4cxa)

37 We've got a couple of nasty trolls on the thread below.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 31, 2013 11:35 AM (UOM48)

38 Oooh, or maybe it DID work? Since his followup comment is now gone. YAY!

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at January 31, 2013 11:36 AM (4df7R)

39 Phil Mickelson, the man who benefitted most from Tiger getting married, and so forth...

Posted by: Truman North, overstimulated at January 31, 2013 11:36 AM (I2LwF)

40 See, I thought this was going to be a metaphor for his "drastic measures" comments. Give them hell, Phil (on and off the golf course).

Posted by: Dave S. at January 31, 2013 11:36 AM (erdCz)

41 The simpering little ponce

Twatting up elsewhere

Like April blossoms

Posted by: eleven at January 31, 2013 11:36 AM (KXm42)

42 Ring around the rosy putt, ends with a 60.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at January 31, 2013 11:36 AM (p/cQy)

43 So will they invite the kids from the middle school in Atlanta to Super Bowl?

If they invited every kid from a school that's had a gang incident, there'd be no room for paying customers.

Lone tiny-dick whackjobs only.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at January 31, 2013 11:36 AM (ZKzrr)

44 Still about 1/2 of what I shot in some rounds in 2011.

Posted by: Joe Mama at January 31, 2013 11:36 AM (P4cxa)

45 That was brutal...usually a putt going that slowly will ring around but fall in. Tough luck there.

Posted by: jjshaka at January 31, 2013 11:36 AM (9Gd3+)

46 Was it Jordan?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 31, 2013 11:36 AM (UOM48)

47 I've gotten a 58 in mini golf!

Posted by: Truman North, overstimulated at January 31, 2013 11:37 AM (I2LwF)

48 32 Must not have been Jordan, since twerp is still here.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit at January 31, 2013 03:34 PM (4df7R)

Eh, rebooted the server, or maybe used the smartphone. But the banning was pure poetry anyway.

Posted by: joncelli at January 31, 2013 11:37 AM (RD7QR)

49 I shoot a 59 every time I play....on my way to 90.

Posted by: Muad'dib at January 31, 2013 11:37 AM (KjlbF)

50 How I wish Phil would leave California, and tell his critics to STFU.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 31, 2013 11:37 AM (UOM48)

51 another thing that will be included in Obama's library: his NCAA basketball tournament bracket cards

Posted by: soothsayer at January 31, 2013 11:38 AM (Ba6aP)

52 Ditto on the 59 for me.

Then I start the back nine.

Posted by: Joe Mama at January 31, 2013 11:38 AM (P4cxa)

53 Wonder how much he had wagered on that one. Story of Phil's life really.

Posted by: beachie keen at January 31, 2013 11:39 AM (LpQbZ)

54 another thing that will be included in Obama's library:

his NCAA basketball tournament bracket cards

Posted by: soothsayer at January 31, 2013 03:38 PM (Ba6aP)

Fuck, why not? So far thats been his most major accomplishment.

Posted by: Jollyroger at January 31, 2013 11:39 AM (t06LC)

55 I once awakened an Alaskan brown bear while urinating in the woods looking for my tee shot. I didn't realize that you could run and urinate at the same time. Phil Mickelson for SecDef!

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at January 31, 2013 11:39 AM (Ec6wH)

56 Well, he earned this money in AZ, so no CA tax on that.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at January 31, 2013 11:39 AM (p/cQy)

57 Now how will we ever know if the Texas legislature is in session?

Posted by: Vizzini [/i] at January 31, 2013 11:39 AM (O7Q1u)

58 Watching golf on TV. . .
Watching grass grow. . .

Posted by: looking closely at January 31, 2013 11:39 AM (PwGfd)

59 Part of the course record? You didn't build that!

Posted by: Preznit BHO at January 31, 2013 11:39 AM (9TK8E)

60 The crushing blows of digital punishment.

Posted by: Soona at January 31, 2013 11:39 AM (eURro)

61 I got nothing.

Posted by: The Mega Independent[/i] at January 31, 2013 11:39 AM (Qwd4Y)

62 putt putt putt

Posted by: beachie keen at January 31, 2013 11:40 AM (LpQbZ)

63 Tea Party/Crazy Veteran/"Assault Weapon" meme out the window (for now): "One of the witnesses on scene told a reporter that he thinks some kids from a neighboring middle school came to Price Middle School, a dispute occurred and gunfire began."

Posted by: Country Singer at January 31, 2013 11:40 AM (L8r/r)

64 Sweet meteor of doom IS coming and will be closer to Earth than ever before.

http://is.gd/hHJTWt

Too bad, no team ready to blow it up and Michael Duncan is dead.

Posted by: Vic at January 31, 2013 11:40 AM (53z96)

65 I saw this was a sports thread.
Then I saw that it was about Golf.
Now I'm confused.

Posted by: trainer @ LIB at January 31, 2013 11:40 AM (1QEkm)

66 I'm just posting here, because I see the Ted Cruz post is two posts down now. Dems can keep dreaming about a purple Texas. But the reality is that Texas just elected arguably the most conservative GOP Senator. And in no time he has basically caused Cornyn to shift pretty significantly to the right in order to stave off a primary. Though rumors swirl that Abbot will primary him. In any event, our Senators are becoming increasingly more conservative yet we are told that Texas is on the verge of turning blue. I'm not quite so sold.

Posted by: SH at January 31, 2013 11:40 AM (gmeXX)

67 If only Tiger could come that close, again. /le sigh

Posted by: Nike Endorsement at January 31, 2013 11:40 AM (LpQbZ)

68 I once awakened an Alaskan brown bear while urinating in the woods looking for my tee shot. I didn't realize that you could run and urinate at the same time. When I come across a bear in the woods, urinating is the first thing I do.

Posted by: toby928© for TB at January 31, 2013 11:40 AM (evdj2)

69 Best . Thread. Ever.

And I know nothing about golf.

buh bye Jordan!

Posted by: T. Hunter - let it burn at January 31, 2013 11:41 AM (EZl54)

70 55 I once awakened an Alaskan brown bear while urinating in the woods looking for my tee shot. I didn't realize that you could run and urinate at the same time.

Phil Mickelson for SecDef!

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at January 31, 2013 03:39 PM (Ec6wH)

If the bear's big enough you can run while defecating too.

Posted by: joncelli at January 31, 2013 11:41 AM (RD7QR)

71 oh, and all his form letters

Posted by: soothsayer at January 31, 2013 11:41 AM (vyPsz)

9 see you, Twatty! I've wanted to ban you for days now but I kept forgetting.

Go twat it up elsewhere, you simpering little ponce.

Posted by: ace at January 31, 2013 03:29 PM (LCRYB)

---------

I love it when Daddy's home and he chases the evil clowns out of the corners.

*big grin*

Posted by: wheatie at January 31, 2013 11:42 AM (BZMZX)

73 Par for course.

Posted by: Phil's Motto at January 31, 2013 11:42 AM (LpQbZ)

74 I have totally broken a 59. On my first hole. Seriously, my swing makes Charles Barkley's look like Phil's. You know why it's called golf, right? Because fuck was already taken.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Team Stompy. at January 31, 2013 11:42 AM (VtjlW)

75 Jordan, would you classify yourself as a simpering ponce or more of a mincing ponce?

Posted by: Muad'dib at January 31, 2013 11:42 AM (KjlbF)

76 I love golf, the whole idea of being out on perfectly landscaped couple hundred acres for a couple hours on a beautiful day. But I find actually golfing incredibly boring -- and when I'm done I wish I had spent those couple hours on something more productive. But I've got a couple of putting greens on my property, because that's were the real challenge is... growing 8-10k sq feet of thick grass, the ultimate 'barefoot' grass at 2/10 of an inch in height. You want a hobby that will make you pull your hair out, that's it. I give a lot of credit to the guys that keep those greens so perfect, it's a ton of work. To golfers who bend down and try to see the minute imperfections, figure out when the green was last watered, factor in the time of day since the last cutting, figure out the 'grain' of the grass, and sink one from 30 or 40 feet out, they're pretty amazing too.

Posted by: Regular Moron [/i] at January 31, 2013 11:43 AM (feFL6)

77 Everyone's entitled to 18 mulligans, right? Right?

Posted by: toby928© for TB at January 31, 2013 11:43 AM (evdj2)

78
Heh, didn't figure Ace for a golf watcher.

Posted by: dan-O at January 31, 2013 11:43 AM (ZPFdA)

79 Flirts With Immortality... and Comes Up Inches Short Same thing my ex said.

Posted by: rickb223 at January 31, 2013 11:43 AM (GFM2b)

80 Barack Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a malignant traitor.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at January 31, 2013 11:44 AM (/eBe8)

81 66 I'm just posting here, because I see the Ted Cruz post is two posts down now. Dems can keep dreaming about a purple Texas. But the reality is that Texas just elected arguably the most conservative GOP Senator. And in no time he has basically caused Cornyn to shift pretty significantly to the right in order to stave off a primary. Though rumors swirl that Abbot will primary him. In any event, our Senators are becoming increasingly more conservative yet we are told that Texas is on the verge of turning blue. I'm not quite so sold.

Posted by: SH at January 31, 2013 03:40 PM (gmeXX)

_____________________

When the McCain-Rubio amnesty takes place you will instantly have 1-2 million new life long Democrat voters in TX.

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at January 31, 2013 11:44 AM (HDgX3)

82 If Phil would have banged a couple waitresses before the round he would have shot that 58.

Posted by: Dr Spank at January 31, 2013 11:44 AM (w+Dvf)

83 Flirts With Immortality... and Comes Up Inches Short

This hasn't been beaten to death by now? The Horde is slipping.

Posted by: fluffy at January 31, 2013 11:45 AM (z9HTb)

84 But the reality is that Texas just elected arguably the most conservative GOP Senator. Posted by: SH at January 31, 2013 03:40 PM (gmeXX)

Welcome to the party. We here in Oklahoma have been electing good Conservative Senators for quite a fur piece now. This past election, we got rid of our last just barely a Dem Congress Critter when Dan Boren retired and we picked up that seat.

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Wily Wrepublican Wench at January 31, 2013 11:45 AM (kXoT0)

85 too bad tiger ain't coming to Scottsdale, I'd throw an orange at him myself.

Posted by: Killerdog at January 31, 2013 11:45 AM (avZ1F)

86 Now that Tiger is not the top dog anymore, can we go back to calling golf a racist, rich, old guy's sport?

Posted by: RoyalOil at January 31, 2013 11:46 AM (imtbm)

I feel for Phil.

I just hate it when I shoot 60 instead of 59.

Posted by: jwest at January 31, 2013 11:46 AM (ZDsRL)

88 I thought the headline referred to when he backed down about California taxes.

Posted by: Jinx the Cat at January 31, 2013 11:46 AM (l3vZN)

89 fur piece? in my neck of the woods, we call 'em merkins

Posted by: soothsayer at January 31, 2013 11:47 AM (GcwH1)

90 Kim Jung Il would shot a 57.

Posted by: dantesed at January 31, 2013 11:47 AM (xc6Ak)

91 Fuck, why not? So far thats been his most major accomplishment.

And about the only papers he'll have to keep at a presidential library.

OT. We are getting some light snow flurries, and every "man" my office simultaneously stopped what they were doing to look out the window and start bitching. The word "blizzard" was used. Snowfall has lasted ten minutes and is tapering off, winds are ~15mph, visibility is six miles.

*bangs head into cube wall*
Dammit, they pad these things.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at January 31, 2013 11:47 AM (ZKzrr)

I would've preferred 'mewling quim'...but "simpering little ponce" is good too.

Posted by: wheatie at January 31, 2013 11:47 AM (BZMZX)

93 90 Kim Jung Il would shot a 57.

Posted by: dantesed at January 31, 2013 03:47 PM (xc6Ak)

_______

57? Try 18.

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at January 31, 2013 11:47 AM (HDgX3)

94 I would take up golf again if they built a copy of Augusta National in my neighborhood and let me play on it any time I wanted.

And gave me all the azaleas that they dug up to make it look right in the Spring.

Posted by: Vic at January 31, 2013 11:48 AM (53z96)

95 Send them up here to northern WI Heather. We'll season them for you.

Posted by: Muad'dib at January 31, 2013 11:48 AM (KjlbF)

96
Haha, Jordy goes down again. Ace is going for the eagle.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at January 31, 2013 11:48 AM (p/cQy)

97 Dang. Ace banned a "gun-collecting Eagle Scout." And libtard.

Nice work!

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 31, 2013 11:48 AM (UOM48)

98 @84

Chambliss had an (R) after his name...and voted against the McCain Comprehensive POS bill...

we tried.

Posted by: Georgia - hangs head in shame at January 31, 2013 11:48 AM (EZl54)

To continue my Senate discussion and to take a break from golf, this is from Ramesh' latest post about a potential conservative revolt in the Senate relating to the budget.

"Among the Republicans who are considering no votes, I hear, are John Cornyn of Texas (the second-ranking Senate Republican) and even Mitch McConnell (the first-)."

What do both of those Senators have in common? Primaries can be a wonderful thing even if you don't necessarily win.

Mr. Moo Moo - this gives me more hope that the Rubio McCain immigration bill will not make it out of the Senate.

Posted by: SH at January 31, 2013 11:48 AM (gmeXX)

100 58? Piker. I shoot 48's in my sleep.

Posted by: The Prezzydent at January 31, 2013 11:48 AM (w+Dvf)

101

Flirts With Immortality... and Comes Up Inches Short

Where the hell is EoJ when you need him?

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at January 31, 2013 11:48 AM (4df7R)

102 "91 Fuck, why not? So far thats been his most major accomplishment." Killing Bin Laden is an accomplishment. Too bad it didn't happen in 1999.

Posted by: Jordan at January 31, 2013 11:48 AM (Hz1zc)

103 Shhhh. It's a golf thread.

Posted by: Andy at January 31, 2013 11:49 AM (C/NnJ)

104 Now that Tiger is not the top dog anymore, can we go back to calling golf a racist, rich, old guy's sport? Posted by: RoyalOil at January 31, 2013 03:46 PM (imtbm)

For goodness sake, do not mention fried chicken or watermelon, Tiger just won his 75th tournament, so he is not gone yet. I do think his days of ruling the golf writers and announcers with an iron held in his clenched fist are done though, too many NICE young players and of course, nice guy Phil.

Thanks, Ace, for banning the troll so poetically. Sweet.

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Wily Wrepublican Wench at January 31, 2013 11:49 AM (kXoT0)

105 If I shoot under 90 I'm in golf heaven. 60? Mind blowing.

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at January 31, 2013 11:49 AM (HDgX3)

106 Kim Jung Il would shot a 57. More like "would have had 57 shot".

Posted by: rickb223 at January 31, 2013 11:49 AM (GFM2b)

107 And now the snow has stopped.

I'm surrounded by pussies, and I get no snow. Time for the jello salad.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at January 31, 2013 11:49 AM (ZKzrr)

108 >>>When the McCain-Rubio amnesty takes place you will instantly have 1-2 million new life long Democrat voters in TX. But you also get 400k new Republican voters. So it's good for the GOP, apparently. Math!

Posted by: wooga, am nasty at January 31, 2013 11:49 AM (tNWB8)

109 Simpering ponce is a nice descriptor, but I've grown rather fond of mewling quim myself.

Posted by: GnuBreed at January 31, 2013 11:50 AM (ccXZP)

110 How do you get banned in a thread about golf?

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at January 31, 2013 11:50 AM (/eBe8)

111 Killing Bin Laden is an accomplishment. Too bad it didn't happen in 1999.

Posted by: Jordan at January 31, 2013 03:48 PM (Hz1zc)

___________________

Dems killing brown people: accomplishment

Bush killing brown people: racist, imperialist, racism

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at January 31, 2013 11:50 AM (HDgX3)

112 Though rumors swirl that Abbot will primary him.
==========
Rumors hell, you think he's headlining Lincoln Day dinners at $100 a pop for nothing?

Posted by: RoyalOil at January 31, 2013 11:50 AM (imtbm)

113 Mewling quim comes back again

to take another dose.

Posted by: eleven at January 31, 2013 11:50 AM (KXm42)

114 109 How do you get banned in a thread about golf? By correcting Ace's diction.

Posted by: Jordan at January 31, 2013 11:50 AM (Hz1zc)

115 Vic, I was at Augusta once during a practice round. They had guys with leafblowers everywhere on each hole.

Posted by: dantesed at January 31, 2013 11:51 AM (xc6Ak)

116
Greatness courts failure.

Posted by: Tin Cup Roy McAvoy at January 31, 2013 11:51 AM (p/cQy)

117 "Stupida fucking game."

Posted by: Marcus at January 31, 2013 11:51 AM (GGCsk)

118

If he would have used some Deer Antler Spray he could have shot a 55.

Posted by: polynikes at January 31, 2013 11:51 AM (m2CN7)

119 92 wheatie,

Damn you for beating me to it. You mewling quim.

Posted by: GnuBreed at January 31, 2013 11:51 AM (ccXZP)

120 And the mewling quim goes down again, like Lena Dunham at a frat party.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at January 31, 2013 11:52 AM (4df7R)

121 * golf whisper *

commentator 1 - oh and Ace got every bit of that drive

commentator 2 - yes he did , Matt! Jordan's head took a nasty bounce of that slight rise on the par four and rolled back leaving a slight blood trail.

* crowd golf claps *

Posted by: ESPN at January 31, 2013 11:52 AM (EZl54)

122 What does golf have to do with the H.L. Mencken quote at the top of the page?

Posted by: AOSHQ not Ace of Golf at January 31, 2013 11:53 AM (9fcCr)

123 Lefty loves this tournament, and the crowd loves him.

Posted by: Otto Zilch at January 31, 2013 11:53 AM (tMGTN)

124 YOU THE MAN!

Posted by: that guy that shouts YOU THE MAN! at January 31, 2013 11:53 AM (evdj2)

125 Flirting with immorality is lots of fun in the Dominican Republic!

Posted by: Sen. Bob Menendez at January 31, 2013 11:53 AM (/izg2)

126

Rumors hell, you think he's headlining Lincoln Day dinners at $100 a pop for nothing?

Well he's been building his war chest for some kind of run. I'd really hope that Perry would move on. 13 years is a long time, and it would allow people to move up. Doesn't seem like Perry will, and I can't necessarily blame him.

I'm not sure Cornyn will be able to get to right quick enough. Could be another interesting primary.

Posted by: SH at January 31, 2013 11:54 AM (gmeXX)

127 Mewling quim is happy again

whenever someone quotes him.

Posted by: eleven at January 31, 2013 11:54 AM (KXm42)

128 Vic, I was at Augusta once during a practice round. They had guys with leafblowers everywhere on each hole.

Posted by: dantesed at January 31, 2013 03:51 PM (xc6Ak)

I used to have a buddy who went to those practice rounds every time. My understanding is that the practice round tickets have now become impossible to get too.

Posted by: Vic at January 31, 2013 11:54 AM (53z96)

129 Goddamn! Mickelson you glorious sonofabitch! Holy shit, the suspense almost gave me a heart attazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at January 31, 2013 11:54 AM (+lsX1)

130 I never came up 3 inches short.

Posted by: Zombie Wilt Chamberlain at January 31, 2013 11:54 AM (9fcCr)

131 All this golf talk makes me want to go out and snag some white meat.

Posted by: Tiger at January 31, 2013 11:54 AM (NQEKo)

132 Wait- Jordan banned?

Golf clap.

Posted by: Marcus at January 31, 2013 11:54 AM (GGCsk)

133 I would take up golf again if they built a copy of Augusta National in my neighborhood and let me play on it any time I wanted.

And gave me all the azaleas that they dug up to make it look right in the Spring.

Posted by: Vic at January 31, 2013 03:48 PM (53z96)

We have a replica of Amen Corner at our Tour 18 course. I have to admit that they did a good job on the replication. Especially since its flat below see level Houston (Humble).

Posted by: polynikes at January 31, 2013 11:55 AM (m2CN7)

134 Trolling a golf thread is kinda like starting a food fight at a bean supper.

A pointless mess with no chance to score.

Posted by: ontherocks at January 31, 2013 11:55 AM (aZ6ew)

135

Mr.MooMoo,I hear that.Actually for me anything NEAR a 90 is a good day on the course.(beats working)

I don't know about the other morons but some of the funniest shit I"ve ever seen has happened on a golf course.

Posted by: Vae Victus at January 31, 2013 11:55 AM (cpMdE)

136 I'm not sure Cornyn will be able to get to right quick enough. Could be another interesting primary.

I don't think Cornyn will be able to get right enough at all. Long memories in Texas, sometimes.

Rick Perry (who is far more popular than Cornyn) had the worst primary of his career 3 years ago, over a plan he'd dumped and apologized for (Trans-Texas Corridor). Cornyn is far from safe.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at January 31, 2013 11:56 AM (/eBe8)

137 Tiger just won his 75th tournament

My German friend is disappointed he missed his chance at Lindsay Vonn between her divorce and when she started fucking Tiger.

She's fluent in Austro-Bavarian.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at January 31, 2013 11:56 AM (ZKzrr)

138 "Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole! "

Posted by: Marcus at January 31, 2013 11:57 AM (GGCsk)

139 What does golf have to do with the H.L. Mencken quote at the top of the page? If you lived near a golf course like me, you'd understand. Apparently golfers are pretty close to wanting to slit throats when they muff a putt, but instead bend their 300 dollar putter into a half circle and toss it into the woods. Stuff you discover in recovering a couple hundred shanked balls -- on a bad day.

Posted by: Regular Moron [/i] at January 31, 2013 11:57 AM (feFL6)

140 Trolling a golf thread is kinda like starting a food fight at a bean supper. A pointless mess with no chance to score. Aaaaand another monitor gets soaked.

Posted by: rickb223 at January 31, 2013 11:58 AM (GFM2b)

141 Far more people have died playing golf than boxing and football combined. It just seems to be a relaxing, peaceful game.

Posted by: polynikes at January 31, 2013 11:58 AM (m2CN7)

142 We have a replica of Amen Corner at our Tour 18 course. I have to admit that they did a good job on the replication. Especially since its flat below see level Houston (Humble).
Posted by: polynikes at January 31, 2013 03:55 PM (m2CN7)

I've got one close to me as well. I can go to my grave knowing that I have a net birdie on Amen Corner.

Posted by: © Sponge at January 31, 2013 11:58 AM (xmcEQ)

143

I think if Abbot primaries him, he is big trouble. But if Abbot passes for some reason, he may be safe. Dewhurst likely would have won if not for the fact that Cruz is one of those once-in-a-life candidates . Its not that he was a very good conservative, but he was knowledgable as hell and worked tiresly. Does Cruz immediately endorse Abbot? Tough to endorse against the senior senator from your party, but Abbot used to be Cruz' boss.

Posted by: SH at January 31, 2013 11:59 AM (gmeXX)

144 Golf is simultaneously the easiest and most difficult game in the world.

Hit a little ball with an expensive club until it goes into the hole? Seriously? The ball isn't even fucking moving. How hard could it possibly be?.

Then you try to play, and spend hours upon hours being unable to hit a little ball that isn't even fucking moving with an expensive club anywhere near the general direction you want it to go.

I'm amazed that golf courses don't have multiple suicides and/or homicides daily.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at January 31, 2013 12:00 PM (SY2Kh)

145 Phil coming close but not getting it is such a Phil thing to do. Make no doubt about it; he's an awesome golfer but damn he is frustrating most of the time.

Posted by: Captain Hate at January 31, 2013 12:01 PM (CFx7P)

146 Since I've been here Jordan's been vaporized again.

Posted by: Captain Hate at January 31, 2013 12:02 PM (CFx7P)

147

Posted by: Â© Sponge at January 31, 2013 03:58 PM (xmcEQ)

Dallas?

Posted by: polynikes at January 31, 2013 12:02 PM (m2CN7)

148 Forget the golf, Phil had a chance to publicly kick the tax-meisters at state and federal levels, and showed how his type backs down when faced with a little commie-lib disapproval. American patriot he is NOT.

Posted by: JDavid at January 31, 2013 12:03 PM (xZCgA)

149 So crose!

Posted by: Kim Jung Il, Current Record Holder with a 23 at January 31, 2013 12:03 PM (FcR7P)

150 I have shot a 58 at Augusta National before. On the computer.

Posted by: Vic at January 31, 2013 12:04 PM (53z96)

151 Golf is boring? Ever watched football? Five fucking minutes of action. The rest of the time is spent by players walking to the line, walking on and off the field and walking to huddles. Huddles, they have fucking meetings while the clock is running. They spend more time in meetings than advancing the ball. It sounds like they're all middle managers.

Posted by: Max Entropy at January 31, 2013 12:04 PM (II30d)

152 * golf whisper *

commentator 1 - again Ace with that amazing swing ! whacks the troll with...I believe that's a 9 iron?

commentator 2 - No question , Matt! what power ! Jordan has got to be asking himself , "don't I have something better to do?" but the answer...

commentator 1 - the answer is a firm "No" , Jim. No life at all beyond random internet pompousness and failure...

* crowd golf claps *

Posted by: ESPN at January 31, 2013 12:04 PM (EZl54)

153 Hit a little ball with an expensive club until it goes into the hole? Seriously? The ball isn't even fucking moving. How hard could it possibly be?.

obligatory: Robin Williams on Golf

language warning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcnFbCCgTo4

Posted by: wiserbud at January 31, 2013 12:05 PM (gCa4h)

154 Another thing about golf... it's kinda a conservative vs. liberal thing, believe it or not. I live on a street chock full of conservatives, with one liberal. Local golf course wanted to expand and create a private course in our backyards and wanted our input. Conservatives were all in agreement, the drool nearly visible as we salivated at the thought of a couple hundred acres of perfectly landscaped greens and fairways and lakes in our backyards, increasing our property values by a ton, while the lib fucker wanted to stop the progress because he was worried about the environmental damage. He won. I hate that fucker with a passion.

Posted by: Regular Moron [/i] at January 31, 2013 12:07 PM (feFL6)

155 I hate that fucker with a passion. Gaia wants you to burn his house down.

Posted by: toby928© for TB at January 31, 2013 12:08 PM (evdj2)

156
So he knocks in for par, finishing 60, 11 under par.

White people problems......

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at January 31, 2013 12:12 PM (kdS6q)

157 Dallas?
Posted by: polynikes at January 31, 2013 04:02 PM (m2CN7)

That area, yes.

Posted by: © Sponge at January 31, 2013 12:12 PM (xmcEQ)

158 I love Lefty. Such an awesomely fun golfer to watch.

Posted by: Y-not at January 31, 2013 12:13 PM (5H6zj)

159

Hollowpoint,

So, so true.

When Chris Evert was having a fling with Greg Norman a few years back, she commented on TV about how Greg was helping her with golf, but that it was still an incredibly frustrating game.

My wife's paraphrased comment to me: "Chris Evert is one of the best athletes on the planet, with Greg Norman helping her out, and she says golf is frustrating? Do you understand why I might be concerned about taking up golf ?"

Posted by: RM at January 31, 2013 12:16 PM (TRsME)

160 Gaia wants you to burn his house down. I'd love to. Shakespeare had the right idea about his 'type' as in the famous 'first thing we do' comment. Me? Crap, I've never trusted my groundwater to drink and always bought bottled. I don't trust any system of filtration or charcoal, or chlorination, or UV, or whatever the latest/greatest thing is. As far as the golf course, I'm friendly with the owners. They *want* to keep their chemical usage to a minimum because it costs them money, they all have taken extensive education and certification classes, and they're not out to rape Gaia, just make a few bucks and live in nice homes and continue making money. Which they really are not doing so great at. Because dumb fuck libs are dumb fuck libs.

Posted by: Regular Moron [/i] at January 31, 2013 12:20 PM (feFL6)

161

"...while the lib fucker wanted to stop the progress because he was worried about the environmental damage. He won."

Wow. This type of stuff happens all the time, but your anecdote seems particularly egregious. Surprised he hasn't had some type of payback, somehow, someway.

Posted by: RM at January 31, 2013 12:23 PM (TRsME)

162 I am glad he missed because of what he is doing to the state of California not paying his fair share.

Posted by: Mary Clogginstein from Brattleboro, Vt and Proud of it !!!!!!!!!! at January 31, 2013 12:29 PM (90aTA)

163 Phil Mickelson is Greg Norman for the 21st century. "Missed it by *that* much" (in my best Agent 86 nasally voice) describes them more often than not, and "Inches short" will be emblazoned on both their tombstones.

Posted by: Miles short at January 31, 2013 12:36 PM (WYR8b)

164 Someone has probably already mentioned this, but the term is PUTT - not PUT.

Posted by: Jerry Curl at January 31, 2013 12:37 PM (oT23X)

165 Michelle flirted with orgasm, came up inches short.

Posted by: i like anchors at January 31, 2013 02:40 PM (LCZ3l)

166 7300 yards = 262,000 inches times four rounds. Consider the field, how few inches short or left or right and you'll begin to see how competitive it is. A matter of inches separates the winner from a guy that didn't make the cut from time to time. Thank god for super cougars...

Posted by: i like anchors at January 31, 2013 02:43 PM (LCZ3l)

167 What Difference Does It Make!!! Phil won't spread his wealth - so he don't count.

Posted by: redguy at January 31, 2013 03:09 PM (oKH8p)

168 I mees , I mees, I mees, I make.

Posted by: Seve Ballesteros at January 31, 2013 04:25 PM (QtNcN)

169 Was a good putt, not a perfect putt. Also, keep in mind Phil made a good/not perfect putt at the 72nd hole at the Masters in 2004, with a little too much speed, and the sucker spun in from the left side. Golf gods are fickle.

Posted by: rex the wonder god at January 31, 2013 06:18 PM (21TJo)

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